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figofswords · 2 months

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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 1 month

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YKNOW I SHOULDVE EXPECTED BUG POWERS IN A STORY CALLED WORM BUT THIS IS GREAT

#ALSO I THINK ROS HAS MENTIONED BUG POWERS BEFORE #BUT I HAVENT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WORMPOSTING LATELY BC I KNEW I WAS GONNA START READING IT SOON. AND ALSO I HAVE DOGSHIT MEMORY #reaction time #i dont care what she does after this actually. shes justified for it #<< i know im going to regret this statement but for now i want her to stick centipedes in that girls ears tokyo ghoul style

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orcelito · 3 months

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I'm on ep5 of LOK and remembering why I have never gotten past the first season of this show. The love triangle shit is driving me INSANE in the worst of ways. It feels like fucking high school drama.

I will stick it out... because I have heard the show gets better... and also the promise of endgame Korra and Asami.... I will stick it out this time....!!!!

But God. It's so annoying 😭😭😭😭

#speculation nation #i will stay strong. i WILL... i will....#the thing is like. atla always had the romance subplots & some jealousy plots. but it was like #they had bigger fish to fry. at the end of the day the romance was never the prime focus #bc they were fighting a War! and they were younger than the LOK team too #it never felt so heavy-handed in atla. in LOK it just feels so Forced....#doesnt help that im like. man Bolin really would be better for Korra than Mako.#stop paying attention to a wishy washy guy who wont even pay 100% attention to his own girlfriend (who's not you!!!!!)#i rly do like Bolin and Korra's interactions. but also the way the writing is pushing Bolin's crush on her kinda sucks #bc i think theyd be best as bros. genuinely.#and i Know we get the f/f ending but god DAMN im still. ugh ugh ugh. what a time.#also barely relevant but who was the lady Tenzin was seeing before his wife. im so curious #this man is so stiff howd he get TWO women falling for him like that??!#ALSO... the fact that ep 4 is so heavy on the fear and seriousness. then ep 5 is just like. oh no! love triangles!#hfkshfksd ive been enjoying some of the show but rn i am so annoyed by it hfkshfkd #i will stay strong... i will... it will be worth it to stick it out....... I Will...!!!!#fanny watches lok

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sillybouquetoflillies · 4 months

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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk #i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting #but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it #so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life #wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around #so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length #how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg #ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most #i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway #i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well #i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately #I DUNNO #i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out #i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems #n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me #i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want #while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts #i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there #i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl #i just dont know what yet #concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent #ok i think this ramble is ovr #im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!

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lemongogo · 5 months

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i need 2 get back into painting fish

#said in the ‘gary i need’ voice #or painting in general . i want 2 get into plein air #and go to like . arizona or smth and paint the landforms . soo red and orange and rocky and dusty and ❤️🫶#the round brushstrokes on tht 1 would be so much fun~_~#its such a tiresome medium though.like all the set up and cleanup and stuff #i refuse to learn abt oil precautions so i just stick to acrylic but even then it dries so fast and its like.mindgame trying to decide what #to focus on in the little time u have . and god forbid u paint on a layer too soon and u lift it off the canvas #HELLLLLLL. but the end result is always so worth it . like holding a physical piece.its 3d .its REALL #fish r so much fun to paint bc 1 u get to pay attn to their morphology but 2 they jave the best textures #im not averse to painting fur but i lovee . the interplay btwn light and fish skin. its so epic and awesome #the only other artist ik of in my family is my uncle & he METALWORKS!!! FISH !!! ITS SOOO FREAKIG COOL #i want to learn from him so bad . guh.GUAHHHHH. anyways i just think its funny that the two of us r fixated on recreating fish #crosses my arms .#okhh.. i also wnt to get into mosaics . god.GOAODDD #did i talk abt this 1 alr.. reread the b1p arc w the mosaic and fresco work and it makes me so sick why couldnt i go to art college and make #frescoes and mosaics .woe is me or whagever . no but its so tempting 2 just buy some tesserae and get 2 it ..#i saw a pigeon mesh mosaic n it like lit that fire under me . what we need js like one giant art collective #that magically provides all the supplies in the world for free and we hold hands and make art in 20 different disciplines 2000 different wys

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hella1975 · 1 year

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im genuinely the dumbest person alive

#im so fucking angry with myself im SO stupid #like yes im only 20 ive never really handled my finances alone before #this is only my second year of paying rent EVER there was bound to be mistakes #and im lucky to have a family that can support me when those mistakes inevitably occur. but my fucking goddddd #basically i didnt plan ahead and turns out my TOTAL student loan for this year covers my TOTAL rent this year #but ofc the installments dont cooperate and the sums are different per semester etc #so instead of looking ahead and going 'oh shit my last loan won't be enough to cover my last rent installment'#and using that very easy to make observation to figure out that i need to be saving the leftover money from my loan throughout the year #i instead went 'omg i have leftover loan this term!' and fucking spent it #im short £600. im going to owe my parents £600 #and yes in the grand scheme it's not a huge amount of money like it could have been #but not only will i not be able to pay my parents back until july bc i CANT take out of my america savings #and i definitely cant start saving up £600 ON THE SIDE OF TRYING TO SAVE A GRAND FOR AMERICA #but on top of that being in debt to my mum is the worst thing in the entire world and now i have no choice but to be in debt for 3 months #before i can even start paying it back. like that's 3 entire months that she's going to use it as a stick to beat me with #like not only does she sometimes REFUSE to take money that i earn waitressing bc she insists on having the debt paid through actual labour #but she's also just a complete bitch about it and i know it's very spoilt to expect not only to be covered when i get into debt #but to also expect her to be nice about it but like. im not asking her to CODDLE me i get initially it makes sense for her to be angry #but she could at least acknowledge that i ALWAYS beat myself up over shit like this way more than anyone else will #like im so mad rn im trying not to cry just bc im so FRUSTRATED and the entire time she's fucking shouting in my face #about how she moved out at seventeen and had three jobs at uni and no one to support her etc etc #and just name-callling shit im already calling myself like it was an HONEST MISTAKE #she's acting like i purposely went behind her back and took £600 when i was very visibly horrified when i figured it out #and i immediately came clean to her regardless of how scared i was to admit it. im just so mad like i know i sound spoilt #and like im huffing and puffing over something that could have been SO MUCH WORSE if i didnt have my parents to cover me #but like. i can pay her back within 2 WEEKS of waitressing. ive never handled my rent before. i didn't do it on purpose #and im more annoyed with myself than she can ever be and she KNOWS that about me. so like. please dont shout at me lol #it's just i was SO proud of myself for saving for america and how hard ive worked and i should have known i was gonna fuck it up somehow #& now the £1500+ i'll total have saved for america that i worked so hard for is gonna be tainted bc i owe £600 all bc of my own stupidity #hella goes home

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medium-guy · 2 months

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I'm only on my 3rd day at the new sales job so I'm gnna stick it out for a while but . sales is so fucking immoral. if you get a phone call from a company and you dont want the product/service: tell them to take you off their call list and hang up. don't listen to them at all. I'm being trained to be pushy and talk over people.

#mine #rb if you want #im sticking the job out for a while bc 1: theres a couple weeks where your pay is irregular when switching jobs #and 2: jobhopping is fine but u have to do it slowly or companies wont hire you

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sga-owns-my-soul · 5 months

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lmao if one more person gives me attitude bc i don't immediately know what they want when all they say is "you're holding food for me"

WE HOLD FOOD FOR SO MANY PEOPLE JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT

"oh well i don't remember" okay well maybe it's time to put on your grown up pants and make a note on your phone. take a picture. keep the receipt in your wallet. i'm not your fucking mother it's not my fucking job to KNOW WHAT DOG FOOD YOU BUY DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKING CUSTOMERS I HAVE I DONT KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW JUST FUCKING

STOP SHOPPING AT STORES AND EXPECTING THE EMPLOYEES TO KNOW WHAT YOU NEED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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ideasarestuckinmyhead · 14 days

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new masterlist jusr dropped bc I just noticed how much I was putting on it....ther is so much Auron holy shit

#im that yv blog that is a Auron stan sorry other yv boys #tried to be other stans but they didn't stick as hard as Auron did #mf lives in my brain rent free which is dumb bc he can pay for that space #red rants

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months

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...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

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guinevereslancelot · 2 months

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i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice #and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me #and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also #and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then #and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬#but now i really wish i'd taken that interview #i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday #so i wont literally have to take time off for it #and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early #either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something #but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol #but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no #compared to a few months later #they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good #idkkk #my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break #the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate #but i literally dont care its such a better working environment #and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months #and the work will be so much easier #and the commute #and i Definitely know i can work with my friend #vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly #anyway!!#im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now #but i really hope they give me another chance #also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol #this has been a shitpost

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skunkes · 9 months

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#ive identified my current issue and its that im incapable of Choosing to do something bc of the Punishment of Choice #right now im sitting doing nothing with no prospects and i can just hollowly blame myself and my environment for it #if i chose to pay to get certs for a job or went back to school for another degree and i hated the outcome (job)#then its all my fault and i wasted money.#but my issue is like. i dont care enough about anything either...! all jobs will suck bc they are a job. shouldnt i just throw a dart #and go for one? ill always hate it. but what if i REALLY hate it and suck at it. idk. jealous of ppl who have and stick #to a calling that makes money. and have the brain for it.#torn rn bc someone suggested going into IT since u can just get a cert(s) vs a degree...#looking into it and its like well what if i hate it. ill hate any job but what if i really hate it and i wasted time and dollars.#what if im too stupid to do it. what if i dont even get a jawb. ill end up as i am rn but now its Worse and My Fault. ykwim #but like what else am i doing and what else would i even do? 0 direction rn. idk. im so lost #talkys

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orcelito · 10 months

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Oh yeah. Before the Everything with my shift today, I had an idea for a Wolfwood centered one-shot

Mostly an inkling of an idea. A character study more than anything else. But the idea is there. Maybe eventually I'll pursue it.

#speculation nation #it would be. a study on his trauma.#bc fandom pays a lot of attention to vash & his trauma but Comparatively not that much attention to Wolfwood's #which to be fair he likes to pretend he doesnt have any. if he doesnt acknowledge it then it doesnt exist #.... but it does actually. it does exist.#and i just wanna... dig my fingers into his brain for a bit. explore the things that make him tick.#aka me extrapolating Effects from what we know about how he grew up. both pre-orphanage and during the EOM shit.#he has trauma. he Doubtlessly has trauma. and i want to explore that so badly actually.#later. im currently trying to rev the ITNL edits engine.#but later. if the idea sticks. i'll at least think about it.

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skitskatdacat63 · 10 months

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I feel so fucking feral over any podium with ticker tape, THE PICTURES ARE SOOOOOO GOOD!!! And like...they shoot the ticker tape during the champagne...so it sticks to everything and everyone 🫠😵‍💫

#i turn into such a carfucker over any pictures where the ticker tape is sticking to the cars #brazil.....best podium ever...#its so funny bcs all my phone backgrounds are Seb rn but then theres one thats just the tire marbles covered in ticker tape 😭#but idk i was looking at pics from germany 2012 where they have golden tape #WHICH LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD #but the way its sticking to their skin and racesuits i feel so unwell #yeah sorry this is so weird i just think its so incredibly visually appealing #itd be fun to make one of those 'details' post and its just tape sticking to different things #theres these pics from some ROC where Seb has golden tape stuck on his cheek ITS JUST SO PRETTYYYYYYY #i wonder why they do it at certain gps #and god im so sad im thinking like oh i wonder if they still do it at the german gp BUT THERE IS NO GERMAN GP ANYMORE 😭#bur i think they do it at hmmmm #Australia/Brazil/Hungary/Miami etc I'm not sure which else since i dont pay as much attention to podiuks atm LMAO #but yeah idk i just feel sooooo deranged and feral about it #i think the race i have the most pics downloaded from is brazil 2010 for obvious reasons 🤭#that is probably one of my fav podiums ever top 3 probably #ALSO ALSO #theres these fucking magnificent pictures from RBR in milton keynes after their 2011 championship #and there's red white and blue ticker tape AND SEB IS WEARING MY FAV HELMET OF HIS!!! THOSE PICS ARE PERFECT!!!!!#if i wasn't committed to having a shippy pic as my of those would def be up there #anyways seriously going thru it(being obsessed over a minute thing)#catie.rambling.txt

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discountalien-pancake · 2 years

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Fucking darts the placement is so inconvenient but look at this side-by-side and tell me this pattern isn’t exactly the perfect shape for Galadriel’s chestplate:

Obviously the bottom hem needs a bit more spring and a different curve but I’m making a fucking waistcoat so it’s not like i’m that concerned about being screen-accurate. The buttons will be replaced with hooks and eyes so that i can make the edges meet exactly in the center without overlap. And obviously the collar will need to be altered, both for accuracy and comfort.

I essentially want this bodice to be functional as a cosplay and potentially as an evening gown bodice as well.

These are the colors I’m contemplating right now for the final version:

I’m leaning towards lower left but I need to get swatches to make sure.

#trop #galadriel #pancake makes the galadriel armor #but it’s an 1890s waistcoat #i don’t currently have any silver fabric on hand #so im going to prototype with the lavender silk i have #and try to sell that to pay for the silver fabric #maybe i’ll make the chainmail that goes under it as well but that is not even in the vicinity of my priorities rn #really the first thing i need to make is the corset that will serve as the base for the vest to sit over #but my busks are. in transit. somewhere.#so im still working on my little cropped bodice while i wait for those to arrive #also im kinda torn bc i just preordered a pair of aqua+copper heels that would coordinate so well aesthetically but the colors are SO OFF #do i make it in pale blue or peach to try and get a coorded outfit??#or stick to silver for maximum cosplay accuracy #im on the fence

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hibiscussoupbowl · 4 months

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I feel like i dont have any headcanons for thiam that much or any ideas for like what they do or anything but thats simply bc i cant think of anything usually aside from things that are canon lol. That being said i do love the hc that theo is good at biology bc of the dread doctors.

I also have maybe one hc that i thought of but its more abt isaac and its that he wears scarves after the icebath bc he is constantly cold after that and thats why he wears scarves lmao.

#teen wolf #isaac lahey #tbh i just dont have many ideas bc i usually stick to canon #if something i read in fic i really like as a hc i will take it and spread that agenda bc i think that hc is so cool #like the car scene? that one is so good but i dont pay enough attention to make excuses and see the outside of what wasnt shown lmao #im more focused on the fact that they have an interactions at ALL #and then i base my art off of poses i think would suit them or tropes yk?#hibiscus soup rants

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