#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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GC n Pink Peppercorn!Y/N give much rival vibes in how they go about their greed
Lol what if they kiss-/j
Pink peppercorn the kinda person to pretend to like gc for her spear then actually fall in love later tbh.
#all jokes aside they have insane chemistry#they both are strong. very greedy. care deeply about those they value. and are a little empty headed at times♡#pink peppercorn y/n#golden cheese x reader#golden cheese cookie x reader#cookie run kingdom x reader#cookie run x reader#dreamydraws#im almost done all my requests‼��� and can reopen them soon‼️‼️‼️‼️#i have alot of dragon content coming your way ^^ bc thats the bulk of it#you guys loved dragon y/n and frankly i dont blame you i also love them#ill be expanding on a little bit of lore i have for them but you guys dont have to follow it#frankly any of my y/n's cannon is whatever you want it to be i dont care#anyway done rambling i need to go to bed
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* shows up late to ISAT function * how do you do, fellow saviors
#riverin art#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#isat siffrin#siffrin isat#mirabelle#isat mirabelle#mirabelle isat#NO ONE SPOIL ACT 6 FOR ME I'M NOT FULLY DONE WITH IT AND HAD TO BE VERY DELIBERATE ABOUT MY BACKTRACKING FOR SOME LOOSE ENDS#STILL SOBBED OVER THE CONVERSATIONS WITH EVERYONE THOUGH FOR THE SECOND TIME#NEED SIFFRIN TO HAND OVER THEIR GENDER#NEED TO GIVE MIRABELLE A HUG#NEED TO LEARN HOW TO COOK FROM BONNIE#NEED ONE CHANCE WITH ODILE /LH#NEED TO HAVE EVEN A FRACTION OF ISABEAU'S CONFIDENCE AND VIBES#WHAT THE FUCK#will forever be manifesting a siffrin plush rerun because god. i need to have a little guy like him to throw around and also squeeze and hu#no one warned me about act 3's ending btw#saw that in real time and had a brick lodged in my chest cavity the whole time#fuck that#anyway. going through act 5-6 twice was Not good for me emotionally#well. 6 ongoing#anyway#SIFFRIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#media brainrot so bad i might just export it to one of my ocs for whatever ic equivalent of it is#god . god . god#WWAAAAAHHH#going to rot in bed about this now wahoo
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charlies turn for the reference sheet beam
#xmen#xmen comics#xmen tas#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#i feel weird posting a charles ref cause ive done so many 'ref sheets' for headshots.. i need to stop making doodle pages for him apparentl#this started out because i wanted to practice charles' body type and then i figured id just. ref sheet vjaelkjvae#if i were bold id just post him in just briefs and paper doll it if you catch my cold. he got a lot of outfits i like...#i wanted to make refs for the og5 actually so maybe i will just do these ref sheets throughout the week before bed#the funny thing about this ref sheet is this is prob the only time ever actually going to draw charles' whole back... lmao...#i mean never say never so Very Rarely will i draw his whole back. and standing ajerlkvjalkj#idk ref sheets are just fun and easy and relaxing for me to do .... and brother i wanna relax gjERLKJAEL#i have my mandatory sketches lined up to finish this week so i earned a lil doodlin i think !!!!!!#i usually dont work on weekends but.. its a lot so jvLRKVJARLKJV BUT ANYWAY#observe. god its so illegal having him stand i promise ill never do it again unless i like have to for some rare reason vjEALVJAE#i had a savage lands arc idea but who knows if ill go through with it#i debated adding that lil ring from that scrapped tas design but i dont think ima make that a consistent thing#prob use it for like. one or two jokes or whatever other temporary purposes...#was i going to say anything else. OH YEAH i wanted to see what charles looked like wtih brown eyes...#i was stalking my tags and i was reminded he had brown eyes sometimes and as your resident brown eyed bestie i wanted To See..#i fear i do like giving him contacts...... but his blue eyes arent bad either so now im in a predicament !!!!!#we'll see what happens ill probably stick with blue just for popularity sake but who knows#anyway !!! i am very weary and i am very busy this week so good night !!!!!!
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songs to sink ships to (who gave them an ipod, anyway)
i mentioned the very silly "what if you gave twitch modern music" playlist, here it is (so far), it's a mess<3
#i needed a pick me up real bad today so i had to draw and make something silly#thank you all for suggestions sorry it is almost 60 songs long now. but it IS very fun to draw to#i love hearing music opinions so if you listen i Always love to hear whatever songs you like or whatever#but obviously if you don't want to listen to 60 songs just have the art instead 😌#anyway. i need to go to bed#hopefully i can shake the brain funk tomorrow#for the record this is a good playlist For shaking brain funk it is too upbeat not to be#fred draws#twitchery
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if cake scene had survived into the tatinof recording people wouldn’t be saying they can’t imagine tatinof era dnp fucking #flyhighcakescene </3
#i do actually not get it tho like tatinof era is so dear to me and so strongly They Were In Love The Whole Time!!#god i should rewatch story of tatinof. i love you story of tatinof. I NEED TO FINISH MY MOVIN RIGHT ALONG AMV‼️#but like AAAGHFJFJ dan wrote the urge back then like. idk i guess i can’t get the sentiment of not seeing it#they shared that bed man… GOD CAN WE GO BACK TO THE INSANITY OF THE SECOND THEY CONFIRMED IT#can we go back to that moment of dead silence. what an unspeakable high#sorry wait for those tags uhhh ->#titspoilers#anyway. idk. i don’t get it really cause it was definitely clear to me at. How old was i. 13 & 14. clear to me then#like yeah they were awkward loser nerds but they were also looking at each other like ive never seen anyone look at another person before…#making of tabinof you were HUGE for that. unspeakable fondness in there#im also just so deeply deeply fond of course bc like. that was my childhood. so so dear to me#tatinof era… undertale playthrough… intrinsic to me like formatively or whatever…#AND LIKE. BONCAS COUNTS IT WAS THE TATINOF VICTORY LAP REALLY#BONCAS GREATEST ACT OF LOVE OUR GENERATION HAS EVER SEEN‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#sorry im just rambling here now. there’s no moral to this story. just They Were In Love The Whole Time#and ummm i love u daniphiw ^_^ good morning everyone#perhaps my goal for today IS finishing that amv. stay tuned!!!!!
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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Subspace Debonair Disguise (bottom left character ofc)!! Silly oc of mine ^_^
A crossroads-originating, self-pronounced 'detective' who uses his gear to impersonate others to get into places he otherwise wouldn't be able to properly investigate on his own!
#barely associated with Subspace actually lol. I just thought they'd look cool together. also its like “ooo he's disguising as Subspace oooh”#I rendered this for no reason i was just feeling silly. I couldnt stop thinking of her for some reason??#heeelp plaguing my brain aaahhh#original concept for Debonair was instead him posing as some sorts of a false deity. Maybe i'll make a duplicate gear that's like that....#like; another debonair. or maybe a different gear altogteher...... I just got an idea but I need to go to bed#anyways Yeah im SLEEPING!!!!! i just wanted to post this bcs i forgot earlier lol#goodnight chat#art#my art#phighting#phighting!#subspace phighting#phighting oc#[OC: Debonair]#?i think thats how i styled my oc tags.#WHATEVER#GOODBNIGHT AGAIN#BYE .
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[prev]
Looks like Idia found the courage to come COMPLAIN at Jade for taking over last poll.
Jade is following protocol, of course 😌
I think Idia forgot about the mistletoe part, and got a little caught off guard 🫢
[next]
#cereal tries to draw#twst#uhh i have no idea what to tag this one lol#idiajade#whatever close enough lmk if there's a better tag jkfdshklgj#shipping#anyway yayyy we are getting more third years on the scene now 😎#rip to the first years theyre almost completely isolated in my mind palace JKFHDSLKJGH we'll see if we make it to them...#silver/idia gets another chance at life...#but can they overtake... well tbh i have no idea what to expect anymore LOL#also i put riddle here just bc i think it would be Extremely Funny considering how they never get along ever jkflshkljdsklfj#riddle and cater keep ending up on every poll can you tell i Love Them jksfjklshfjk#i might get to the next part a little later bc#well im setting this poll at midnight ajdflskh and ill be visiting family the next few days#ill have my tablet w/me but this one may come a day later#ill probably keep it going past christmas too bc im having fun with it lol#I LIKE DRAWING. SILLIES...#i do need to go to bed tho oops i kinda neglected other things for this TEEHEEEEE anyway#surprise me with your votes.
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Historia Augusta, Geta
Cassius Dio, 78.1
Cassius Dio, 78.4
Mutiliation and Transformation: Damnatio Memoriae and the Roman Imperial Portraiture, Eric R. Varner
this is. well! it's probably fine.
#ANYWAY. bringing back my old comparatives tag so that i can bookmark this for myself bc i know im going to forget abt the sources#i need. like. a cork board i can pin stuff to for this comic lmao#ngl. in many ways. whatever happened here is worse than some of the other fratricide-sacrifices that happened in rome. tbqh#truly i think that when something like this happens (bc caracalla had symbolically killed his brother in their youth) you should like#dismantle the whole house. literally. you need to board up the windows and doors and cover all the mirrors otherwise something#is going to follow you back across the threshold and lurk under your bed or something#do you hear the tapping in the wall caracalla? that's your brother!!!! also twenty thousand other people#comparatives tag#shdhshsh im going through dio and assembling another post using screen caps from the trailer we really are in our brother emperors era
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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i think it's unfair that anxiety can cause an upset stomach. why are you doing all that.
#i woke up anxious and it's progressed to me being straight up scared but i have boxing today so it'll probably b fine#i might say i hate working out but i do like the fitness boxing classes ive been going to and working out always makes me feel better#and it's just insanely effective against anxiety#sometimes i think i'm normal and then get hit with the reminder that i do in fact have kinda bad social anxiety#and it's soo dumb#i'm literally laying on my bed scrolling tumblr but my body thinks it's being hunted for sport#sometimes when i get scared i get this weird like dizzy/shaky/nauseous and other stuff feeling and it's only progressed a few times#to like. being bad? idk how to explain it but it's annoyingg. it's probably a blood pressure thing or something bc i think mine is kinda low#but it always reads as ideal if i go to a doctor bc i'm so scared of doctors it spikes up gvfhxbdkdnd#anyways just some light silly fact so i can stop shaking for no reason#cant even do anything about it rn bc i have like 20 minutes before i need to leave so that's no time to do stuff#anyways i needed to rant a bit#i will b fine when i go outside to take a walk to the gym to do the boxing thing and walk back with a friend#but rn it's soo annoying so i need to distract myself#bc like i know im in no danger rn but my body seems to think otherwise#ahh whatever#leevi talks
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A-Z Drabble Practice #17
"Quadrant D clear."
Omega's ocular receptors dim, finishing their nightly perimeter scan. Team Dark's quarters return to darkness.
Voice modulator: off. Proceed with final step.
Moving as quietly as his metallic body will allow, Omega trudges towards the two closed doors on the other side of the apartment. He lingers by each in turn, allowing his sensors to delve and scan past them. Two sets of vitals. Stable. Within normal sleep parameters.
Satisfied, Omega enters his room and slumps against the wall amidst his few possessions: spare ammunition, polish, crane game plushes, a singed photograph…
Mission complete. Initiating scheduled stasis.
(Previous)
#a-z drabble practice#sonic the hedgehog#e-123 omega#team dark#hi hello sega can pry team dark as friends and (potential) roommates from my cold dead hands ☺️✌️#🤖 rambling incoming:#this is not necessarily a strong hc of mine but i like to think omega scans his immediate surroundings for threats before he shuts down#(whenever he has to/chooses to shut down anyway)#and that over time he gets into the habit of checking on both shadow and rouge every night after they go to bed#especially after missions when at least one of them is injured#or when shadow's been having nightmares/struggling with insomnia. or when rouge stumbles home late after a heist.#as for his room/possessions: obviously he doesn't have a bed because he doesn't need it... nor do i think he cares for furniture much#but i imagine the others insisted on him having his own room for him to keep his spare parts. oil. polish. tools and such#plus whatever rouge put in there to make the place more lively#at first it was probably just that but after the first time team dark went to an arcade together for shits and giggles#they discovered that omega not only has a (predictable) knack for shooter games... but also for crane games#it becomes a competition between the three of them but omega has them beat and he's quite proud of it#hence the little mountain of trophies#the singed photograph is also from the arcade. from one of those photo booths with the cheesy effects#rouge roped him and shadow into it for them to have a little souvenir <3 they all have a copy#(omega barely managed to fit his head in there but they made it work)#okay i'm done now lol#my writing#next up: 🐦
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this might be wanky or whatever so i guess read at your own risk
i just honestly don't know like if they're not doing something specific with buddie i guess i just do not know where they're going here what's the point of all of [hand gestures wildly] that if it's just look at these besties being besties who are just besties and there's nothing to see here because it all feels so deliberate and specific there's tension and there's awkwardness and there's glances and looks and specific tropes and i cannot see it being unintentional at this point, so i get it if, like, you don't personally ship buddie or want to see it happen, but i am not a dumb person.
i have studied creative writing and film (albeit years ago, i can admit - but none the less, i am someone who has studied these things) and spent 25+ years honing a craft which some of you may find silly since i don't get paid for it but there are specific themes and genre standards of romance and slow build relationships and buddie hits *so* many of them. yeah there is always something to be said for platonic friends who share deep deep bonds but at the same time, there are also beats that most shows and movies explicitly and standardly use to show that two people are romantically interested in each other.
and again, if you don't see it that way, i am not here to say anything negative about you. i think that's fine. people are interested in different dynamics. people find different types of stories interesting. not everyone here is looking for the same thing or wants to see the same story. you don't have to ship it.
but idk. i think i just get tired of having to read things that essentially boil down to:
'you like buddie? you interpret these things in a way that at at least could be intentional? you ship buddie? aw that's so cute bless ur heart ur just kind of dumb and don't understand different types of love or anything about media at all do you?'
anyway.
#and hey#no one ever has to agree with me#i just don't think i'm stupid#i think i have a pretty good grasp of literary themes and cinematic tropes#even post studying them in school i have worked to continue to learn about writing#the written word is probably the one thing im pretty confident in my abilities with#one good thing about media is that there IS room for different interpretations#i just think it's a bit disingenuous to say that if you see something in the way buddie is written#and you think it's intentionally written and acted that way#you are just delusional and blinded by the need for your two favorite pretty men to kiss or whatever#anyway#discourse#i'm tired#i'm going to bed#buddie#i know i'm opening myself up to criticism here and it sounds like i'm tooting my own horn or whatever#but i actually do think i'm stupid about a LOT of things#i just think this one particular thing is something i've spent a lot of time with and that i at least understand on SOME level
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okay. just got triggered by a pitt fanfic in a way i didn't know was still possible. fuck
#& the first thing i do is post abt it on tumblr. whatever distract divert deflect#it was a good one too :( just totally side swiped me on a one sentence detail and suddenly i am remembering things from an angle i never#- have before#it's okay. it's fine. i've been referred for edmr therapy anyway i have a name and hopefully that will help#and i've been in a. really heightened state this past month i've already been one bad day away from being triggered but. fuck#and i need to go get my fucking laundry. can't express how much i don't want to leave my room rn but i want to go to bed more#ig i could get it in the morning but only if i felt confident i could fall asleep rn and i . don't#ted talks
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i hate packing soooooo so much
#i need to lay in bed and have someone hold up my clothes saying ‘yes or no’#and then they pack whatever i say yes to#and when i say someone i mean kuroo tetsuro#or jean#i feel like he’d be good at that#‘this top would go well with this skirt’ like okay jean i see you#now i’m picturing all my blorbos trying to pack my suitcase#zoro gave up and is just sitting with me#prob napping now#anyway this is def not me procrastinating rn#ummm#sprints#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
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