#but instead its just. endless frustration and exhaustion as every place rejects me for either being disabled or for having cats

[loyalhorror]

i want a break from flat hunting and flat viewings but its not the kind of thing i can just take a break from because. i need to move. aughghgh

[prettywordsyouleft]

Different Kisses with Yugyeom

Thank you so much for your patience for me to get to this request for you! Jungkook’s piece will hopefully be sometime over the weekend! As an Ahgase, I’ll admit I love on-stage Yugyeom a lot, but I’ve never paid as much attention to him personally as other members. So if my viewpoint on him in this is a little off, just know it’s because I see him as a child and a squishy one at that!

Kissing Yugyeom is soft and sweet, leaving you giddily in love with him every time.

First kiss:

You had hoped that now that you were dating Yugyeom he would settle from his clumsy, shy way of approaching you to date him. Of course, you found it adorable how he’d clam up at times when it comes to you, or how he would simply gaze endlessly at you trying to figure how he got you to say yes to him. He wasn’t always this way though, and you were thankful that your relationship had progressed into something special over the past three months. But you were done with just holding his hand or hugging him. You wanted to know whether those lips tasted as sweet as they looked and you were certain he was now staring directly at your mouth instead of just gazing these days. You decided you would take the plunge and kiss him first.

But there was one small problem – every time you went to, he’d move or change the topic so briskly that you were certain he didn’t want you to kiss him after some time of failed attempts. You were frustrated and started to decline spending your time with him, just because you didn’t want to face rejection again.

And that’s when he turned up on your doorstep with your favourite flowers in hand, thrusting them at you and smiling widely.

“What are these for?”

“I’m sorry I’ve not kissed you yet flowers,” he announced and you couldn’t help but giggle at his honestly. You took them out of his hands and he rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, his eyes on anything but you. It made you smile warmly and reach out to touch his cheek. You were at an advantage of being a step higher than him which levelled your heights out and you were able to edge closer without him backing away of being too tall for you to reach for.

“You know you didn’t need to give me flowers, you could just kiss me instead.”

Finally, your lips were meeting his, and you gripped at your bouquet as the emotions of your first kiss overwhelmed you. The floral scent mixed in with how sweet the kiss was, it wasn’t rushed and his lips lingered around yours when you parted, his breath hitting your face softly.

“Why did it take us so long to do that?” he murmured and you smiled, shaking your head as you wrapped your arms around his neck and moved in for more. You didn’t mind now how long it had taken because it was worth the wait.

Public kisses:

Yugyeom wants to behave in public. He’ll grin down at you endlessly and because you’re so happy in his company, without even realising it, he’s wrapped himself around you and isn’t letting go. It went from holding hands to being fully encased in your giant boyfriend, not that you’re complaining. He also kisses you on the cheek when he cannot handle how adorable you are and then will get shy maybe five minutes later when he realises just how affectionate he had been with you in public. The flipside to this is if Yugyeom feels threatened when out and about, perhaps someone looked at you longer than he found acceptable, he’ll pull you in for a kiss that displays just how in love he is with you. It always throws you off when he does this because you like whenever his lips are on yours, but you know it’s only because he felt the need to. You slap him and pout when he pulls away, wishing he’d take you in his arms for more mind-blowing kisses just because.

Dates out in the public are well thought out. Yugyeom is a natural romantic and loves planning detailed outings with you whenever he can. He’s extra affectionate on these dates because he loves seeing how much you swoon over his efforts and cannot help but fall for you harder, kissing the top of your head or burying into you as you wait in line for coffee or to get into a movie.

Private kisses:

Being alone with Yugyeom is comfortable. You’re able to be friends in some aspects when you play together, but there’s also the ability to make mundane domestic life feel like something magical. Yugyeom is extremely attentive to you, he will do anything you ask of him, even when he’s only come over to visit you after being on tour and is exhausted, he’ll somehow find the energy to pick up on things you haven’t been able to get to and does them on your behalf – much to your protest. He loves being at your side through every little task; washing dishes or folding laundry is suddenly more bearable with his company. And throughout these moments, he’s always littering you in little kisses, pecking your cheek or lips often and then smiling at you. As if you need rewards for putting away your bowls in the right place each time.

It’s not always this soft and endearing though, I mentioned he has a playful side with you, and this is most obvious over the height difference. He loves teasing you by placing things up higher or holding things above his head, laughing at your endeavours to get to them by scrambling onto furniture or basically scaling him. This is all part of his tactic though, because he loves being nurtured by you and since he’s so tall, being able to look up into your eyes for a change melts his heart and he has to kiss you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he stretches up for your lips and kisses you deeply. He’ll even pick you up at times and just place you up on something before burying into your embrace, simply breathing you in and feeling your comfort as you kiss him on the crown of his head for a change.

A lot of your time spent together is lazing around entangled in each other, hugging until you feel a burst of energy to tease and play with each other before it’s time to wind down again and softly whisper about how you feel for each other, kissing the whole way through. Goodness, this is blissful.

Making out:

The soft kisses change when things get heated between you and Yugyeom. In fact, his whole demeanour is different. Making out normally always starts on the sofa when you’re curled up in each other and in some way you’ve suddenly ended up in his lap and kissing is much more demanding than usual. His hands grip at your hips as you link your arms around his neck, kissing him fervently. And whilst it might seem like you’re in control, especially if you put yourself in his lap, you know that Yugyeom will always take charge when things head down this path. Without being too wrapped up in gender differences, leading making out (or further) gives him a sense of satisfaction that he is the man in your life that can make you feel this way. And as for feels, you’re certainly feeling everything. Yugyeom knows exactly how to turn you on, to make you purr his name in delight and beg for more. His lips explore a lot of your upper body when making out and he’s not afraid to use his tongue or teeth in his travels. You often have to dab into your make up kit in summer whenever he’s been over to conceal some very obvious love marks that he’s littered your upper chest and neck in, but it’s worth it during the actual session. Yugyeom is also a butt and boob guy, so if his hands are anywhere, they’re on either of these parts of your body, groping at you whilst his tongue is down your throat. Nice.

Making out can last for some time before it moves into something more, and whilst sometimes you can isolate it to just a good making out session, due to his time away with work, it generally leads to something more passionate to make up for lost time when apart.

I have one sub-header today too:

Dancing kisses: This one is an obvious pick, right? Yugyeom is so good at dancing that you could watch him for hours on end do the same move over and over and still be entertained. But there’s something he loves more than dancing and that’s dancing with you. He enjoys pulling you into his arms even if you protest about your lack of dancing skills, with him behind you so he can place his hands firmly over your hips and guide the movement, things getting a little steamy the more he presses his hips into yours with the movements. Soon you’re just simply swaying around mindlessly as his lips fall to your neck, your moans soft as you reach back for him, urging him to let you spin around and face him. He’ll finally let you and you’ll make out for a little bit longer before he’s giggling, whispering about how much trouble you’ll be in if you’re both caught doing this. Suddenly, someone’s grown a conscience, since it hadn’t stopped him all this while whilst he’s been avidly wrapped up in you, and it certainly won’t stop him from grabbing you again in the future. Yugyeom mixing his passion for dancing and you is one of his favourite pastimes.  

Morning kisses:

When Yugyeom gets the chance to wake up with you in his arms, he’s happy, but when he wakes up in yours, he’s grinning so much that you’re certain the sun has risen within your room. He loves waking up nestled into your embrace, burying himself into your chest and sighing in content before he finally is alert enough to reach up for your lips, kissing you softly. There is endless snuggles and soft kisses in the mornings, mostly because these wake-up calls are few and far between with him still living at the GOT7 dorm. There isn’t a lot of talking until its time to get up and then Yugyeom is whining, begging for more time together in this bed and to reset the alarm so you can sleep in and cuddle the day away. If only it worked that way, you’d have him to yourself forever in this bed if you could!

Making up:

Fighting with Yugyeom wouldn’t happen often. Sure, there is a lot of bickering between you as you tease one another, and maybe that fulfils the need all relationships have for arguments. Generally, whenever things get heated it’s not down to anything either of you have done that is the main issue. Yugyeom is easily stressed or afflicted by pressures from his job and if he’s particularly having a hard time this could lead to him snapping at the most minute situations. These usually don’t lead to big arguments, just him letting off steam whilst you calmly wait for him to ease out of his mood and explain what really is the problem. You hold his hand and gently rub circles over it which is a great way to calm him down and by the time he’s done explaining, he’s buried himself into the crook of your neck, pressing his lips against your skin and anchoring himself there until he’s uttering apologies for getting worked up. And it crushes Yugyeom every time he fights with you as he loves caring for you so much that raising his voice or letting out his crazy emotions and temper at the time upsets him for days and he’ll be definitely one to shower you in affection for several days after a fight just to make sure you realise how much he needs you in his life. Kisses will be varied, some hard to ensure you feel him and others soft and endearing, like your love is fragile and he’ll break it if he’s too much. //Someone comfort this baby, please.//

Flustered kisses:

Even after all this time of dating Yugyeom, he still gets flustered over one aspect when you’re together – his members. As the maknae of GOT7, he has an important title to uphold, but his hyungs are also the type to drag him down with incessant teasing about you if you give them even an inch of ammunition. It frustrates you when he pushes you away if he thinks a member is nearby, even when you know some of them are dating too and wouldn’t stop loving on their s/o just because he’s around. In fact, you believe you and Yugyeom shouldn’t either, and sometimes you’ll seek out some dirty tactics just to make a point. He’s a grown man now, and if he can kiss you in public to thwart off unwanted attention, then you can kiss him in front of Jinyoung and he can deal! Whenever you push it, he gets all red in the face and stumbles over his words, trying to avoid any eye contact with anyone. And even if it’s just Mark who doesn’t say anything but shoots you both a small smile, Yugyeom is quick to drag you off somewhere and scold you with a whine about how he doesn’t like showing you off in front of his members. “Don’t you like kissing me?” you ask him and he’ll groan, bobbing his head up and down and confirming just how much he likes it. You’ll stretch up to kiss him softly again, smiling against his lips before you pull away, enjoying how shy and conflicted he looks. Sure, it’s not the nicest thing you could do to your boyfriend, especially when you know how adamant he is about keeping PDA to a minimum (aka nothing at times) in front of his members, but you can’t help yourself sometimes. You want to show Yugyeom that he can take charge of his relationship with those who tease their “baby” and hopefully, one day he will. Until then though, you’ll just have to wait until you’re behind closed doors for any attention from Yugyeom, making sure he apologises for keeping you waiting for so long, too.

Whiny kisses:

Following from above, Yugyeom quite often can be rather whiny. He exudes a lot of child-like antics to get things to his advantage, and even with you he’ll resort to such tactics if he knows it’ll get him what he wants. And whilst sometimes you wonder if you’re raising a man-child or actually dating Yugyeom, you have to secretly admit that you kind of like when he whines at you. It brings out your nurturing side and gives you a sense of satisfaction when you can placate his whining. Though it can be irksome too, when he chooses to whine at you at the most impractical times and you end up scolding him. He’ll just continue to whine though, pouting at you and repeating himself until he has your full attention and gets whatever he’s seeking out of you. Which is usually just you, making you forgo whatever has you occupied so he can hold you and kiss the top of your head, mumbling how much he loves when you hug him. And if you throw banter back at him in feigned annoyance, he’ll shower you in little kisses on your lips, chuckling in between them about how needy you can be too. Let’s face it, you’re both needy for each other and love moments where you can bask in your physical affection for one another.

Insecure kisses:

Yugyeom easily feels stressed and worried that he’s not doing enough as a person, partner or professional. He always strives for the best, and being an emotional person naturally, sometimes he’s overwhelmed by situations he’s placed within and how to survive them. You are essentially his adult version of a security blanket, and it doesn’t matter where he is in the world, if he’s struggling he turns to you to hear your comforting words. You have this innate ability to make whatever concerns he has seem less of a barrier, and sometimes he’ll even feel a little foolish for getting so worked up from what had been bothering him. If in person, he will seek your lips often, kissing you hesitantly each time, and you generally take charge of how the kiss progresses, Yugyeom feeling rather weak despite his constant need for your lips. It’s as if each kiss calms him that little bit more, and when you feel him kiss you with a bit more pressure, you know he’s starting to realise his worth again and is now thanking you, both verbally and with his caresses for everything you do for him.

I Love You kisses:

Final kiss! You both have no issues telling each other how you feel, though Yugyeom isn’t as forthcoming as you are. This isn’t a problem though, you know through his caring actions that he loves you and whenever he utters those three words it makes your heart soar. Similarly, hearing you tell him you love him is like the first time all over again. He loves being smothered in your affection, verbally or intimately and whenever you tell him how much you love him, he gets giddy, wondering how he got this lucky to have such a beautiful person in his world that only has eyes for him. It makes him reach for you and kiss you passionately, needing to express how explosive his feelings are within him through the joining of your lips. These kisses last for some time until you’re both breathlessly gazing at each other completely love-drunk. And you’re certain you will look at each other like this forever.

 Dating Yugyeom has really made you aware of how instinctively protective you are of him. He is someone you would do anything for and you know that will never change no matter how old you get, you’ll always smother him in your love and care. The great thing is, he’s exactly the same with you and being engulfed in his hugs is one of the best feelings you know you’ll never get used to.

_______________

Other GOT7 members: Mark // Jaebum // Jackson // Jinyoung // Youngjae // Yugyeom

[Different Kisses Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[anthropologicalhands]

r/n 26. as an apology

One of the most unpleasant revelations of working at aserious relationship is how ugly thefights can get. Not every fight is simply a match of wits, an intellectualstimulation in building tension and finding enjoyable ways to expel it once theinitial conundrum has been resolved.

The roof of his apartment building is surprisinglybeautiful, though Nathaniel isn’t really in the mindspace to enjoy it, and the areafeels a lot smaller than it looks –he paces the perimeter three times straightbefore his restless energy abates enough to allow himself to sit at the edge ofone of the walls. He interlocks his hands behind his head and leans back,breathing slowly, trying to keep his mind blank, to not stew over what was justsaid. It works, somewhat, but he still feels taut and shaky, alternatingbetween being a selfish, righteous anger and exhaustion.

He loses track of time, just trying to calm down, trying notto wallow in everything he said that he regretted when he said them and howit’s even more magnified now.

At eleven fifty-three, Nathaniel’s phone vibrates.

come back to theapartment

It isn’t the message he expected from her. Nathanielcontemplates it, his thumb hovering over the unlock button. Truthfully, he thoughtshe would have gone home—or the part of his brain that was still paranoid aboutlosing her anticipated that she would declare that it had been too soon, that allof this was on hold until they sorted themselves out a bit more.

Logically, he knows that she won’t call the whole thing offfrom one bad fight—they’ve evolved past those kinds of gestures. But still,their history, coupled with a more recent self-awareness of his own failings,insists on imagining otherwise.

In the stretch of his hesitation, a new text bubble appears.

it’s late. i’m notready to talk about it, but i don’t want you to stay on the roof all night.

come to bed.

He hesitates before replying.

heading down

He moves to stand, working out the stiffness in his backbefore he heads to the stairwell.

~

The inside of the apartment is dark when he opens the door,the light from the hallway only briefly highlighting the first few feet inside,but his eyes are still immediately drawn to an ill-defined lump under thebedsheets, facing away from him.

He locks the door and feels his way through the apartment,eyes adjusting to the dark with the aid of the scant moonlight from thewindows, going through his nightly routine, moving quietly to keep fromdisturbing her.

When he pulls back the sheets to get in the bed, she stillhasn’t moved, and that’s how he knows that she isn’t sleeping—angry or not, sheusually shifts automatically towards a new source of warmth. But now she keepswell on the other side of the bed, her breaths slightly too even, a little tooslow and controlled.

The resentful sting hasn’t faded, but it is softened when helooks at her, curled in tightly into herself. Despite his initial instinct tocling to the feeling, he welcomes it, something of the tension loosening withinhim.

A new impulse compels him to shift a little closer. Hehesitates, because he’s about ninety percent certain that she will keep playingpossum no matter what he does. But he should say something, and even if theystill need the night to cool off, maybe it’ll make it easier to say in themorning, too.

Slowly and deliberately, telegraphing his movements so thatshe doesn’t sit up and smack him in the face –he can’t afford to crack anotherone of his teeth—Nathaniel leans over, carefully planting his hand on thenightstand so he can bend over her without putting any weight on her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, pressing a dry kiss against herhair, not quite having the courage to go for her skin.

He’s settling back into his side of the bed when her sullenreply cuts through the dark.

“That’s not how this is supposed to work.”

He opens his eyes to the click of the bedside lamp and thesound of shifting sheets to see that she’s sitting up against the headboard.Her eyes are still red-rimmed and she’s not looking towards him but staringdeterminedly at the foot of the bed, picking at the loose threads on thesheets. She still looks a little angry, like the tension from their fight hasyet to bleed out, but there’s something new in there as well.

He sits up as well.

“I thought you didn’t want to talk until tomorrow,” he says,as neutrally as possible.

“I didn’t,” she says stonily. “What was supposed to happenwas that I was going to get up early tomorrow, make some tea, we would both sitdown at your awful table and talk things out like adults. After I apologized first.”

He frowns, confused. “Why would you apologize first?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, you definitely owe me a couple too,”she sniffs, slouching down a little, crossing her arms and glaring at herdrawn-up knees. “But I thought we’d start with the last blow and work our waybackwards. So.”

“Rebecca, we don’t need to do this now—”

“I shouldn’t have brought up Mona.”

…and there they were.

“You didn’t though,” he says, though it’s harder to sound conciliatory.That was what had sent him to the roof in the first place. “Not really. Atleast, nothing that wasn’t true.”

But Rebecca is shaking her head, her arms tightening overher chest. “Still. It had nothing to do with our argument. It had nothing to dowith anything at all. I don’t like, actually, logically think you’ll decide I’mtoo much and just walk out. I really don’t. I don’t know; I was spiraling and Ijust needed to win something todayand that was the cheapest shot.”

There’s nothing really that he can say to that, because heknows that feeling very intimately, knows how intense it can be for him, thedesire to turn any perceived failure back to his advantage. He’s seen itseffects on Rebecca more than once, either directed towards him or not, how it overtakesher body so completely that at times it seems like she will burst into flameswith the force of it.

And it’s frustrating, because knowing, logically, what to dowith his feelings and the best ways to react to them does not always translateover into actual actions. Because the second she had thrown it in his face hehad seen her suck her lip between her teeth and squeeze her eyes closed andhe’d known she regretted it. But it hadn’t been enough to keep him in theapartment, not when walls seemed to contract so tightly around him and her thatthey didn’t have any space and he had to get out, go up to the roof for air.Part of him had wanted to leave the apartment building entirely, but the restof him couldn’t stand the idea of leaving her, of having her thinking that hewould leave her, and the roof had been his internal compromise.

“Well, I could have handled things better. You told me youhad a bad day—”

She laughs harshly, the sound sharp and strained.

“First rule in therapy,” she says, with a bitter twist ofthe lips. She twists to look at him properly. “A bad day is not an excuse totreat people like shit. And screaming at my boyfriend that I must be too muchto handle probably counts.”

He hesitates, both agreeing but not wanting to, not when he isin the wrong. Not when she already feels like she spends so much timemonitoring herself in every other aspect of her life.

“Well,” he says, picking his words carefully. “My responsesweren’t exactly great, either, what with the defensiveness and snapping at you.And, to be honest, I probably could have picked a better time to mention that I’vebeen looking for support groups,” he says with a self-deprecating twist of themouth. “Especially when I hadn’t brought it up before.”

She exhales at that, though it’s not quite a laugh.

“Well, yeah, probably. It still shouldn’t have escalatedlike that. There’s no excuse for fighting dirty.”

Her eyes are filling with tears again and Nathaniel wouldlike nothing better than to shift closer and gather her up, tuck her head underhis chin and hold her until she stops shaking. But he’s gotten more used tothings he didn’t let himself think about before he came to West Covina, likehow emotions don’t always manifest the way you want them to, and how sometimescomfort comes in different forms that the obvious. It’s not just sadness, itcould be shame or fear or some other unholy combination.

Instead, he slides his hand across the space between them,turns over and opens his hand, palm up, there for her to accept if she wants.

She reaches out sothat her fingertips brush and gently curl over his—not fully accepting the contactbut not rejecting it, either.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “For the things I said, and making youfeel like you’re too much. I want to help, but I still don’t really know how totalk about this stuff, and there’s more to it than, well…”

It’s embarrassing already that he has trouble processing hisown emotions in a reasonable manner, let alone understanding hers. He had justwanted to do the right thing for once, to know how to help Rebecca with herstuff and not be a failure at it. But then he worried that it meant he wasinadequate, not knowing how to help on his own, and put off talking to her, andlook where it led them.

Rebecca’s fingers flex and then slide over to rest fully inhis palm.

“Yeah. I know.”

The silence is thick and syrupy and still heavy betweenthem, but there’s just white noise in his head—nothing he can say withoutsounding utterly inane or without fearing that he’ll make a wrong turn.

“Man, remember when we could just fuck our way through ourproblems?” She tries to joke, but her delivery falls flat. “That was so mucheasier.”

He cracks a smile anyways. “It was definitely a good distractionat the time.”

“Yeah, we’re kind of past that.” She worries at her lip. “Wehave to be more careful, with all of this history, huh?”

And if that’s not true, nothing is.

“We do,” he agrees. He feels the weight of it sometimes,reminding him that this cannot be like the first time or the second—that they won’thave endless chances. Failure was drilled into him as something catastrophic,something to be avoided at all cost. Every incident was a source of shame, nota way to grow. He’s not used to approaching failures like this –in increments, withthe intent to salvage and mold into something than can become part of a greaterwhole, a mosaic that is the stronger for the bad parts weathered.

“We still need to talk this over in the morning,” she says, stilllooking down at their conjoined hands, but not at him. “But I can set up anappointment for us with Dr Akopian, see if she has any specific recommendations. Think that will help?”

“Okay,” he says, squeezing her fingers. “That sounds like aplan.”

“Yeah, it is.”

The air in the apartment is no longer so heavy, moreelastic, more room for reactions beyond defensive caution.

“Would you excuse me,” she says suddenly, letting go of hishand and scooting out of the bed. “I need—I need to clean up my face.” Shegestures vaguely at herself, not meeting his eyes. “I’m a mess. I’m oozing. Ilook like a blob.”

He lets her go, sliding down on his back again and dragginghis hands over his face. His stomach is still squirming, still a little uneasy,but it’s better than the heavy knot that was there before.

When she emerges from the bathroom, her eyes are a littleless red and her face and arms still spattered with droplets. Instead of goingaround the bed to her side, Rebecca surprises him by climbing over him, so thatshe’s straddling his stomach. She bends down and hides her face in the crook ofhis neck, her nose against his collarbone. Carefully, he wraps his arms aroundher, sealing her tight against his chest, one hand slipping under her shirt topress flat against her back, the other curling up to rest against the nape ofher neck. They stay like that, just breathing together, and he can feel how herheartbeat slows and steadies against his chest.

“Thank you for not leaving the building,” she says, hervoice muffled. “And for the record, I do know that you’re trying your best.”

That really shouldn’t make his heart lift the way it does.Nathaniel smiles into her hair.

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m just trying to make my best suck alittle less.”

She laughs, for real this time.

“Well, that makes two of us.”