everycolourisbliss-blog

[nataliawoods]

i've spent so much time and trial & error learning to cut my own hair because every time i go to a hair stylist i end up with beach waves. i bring photos of the 60s haircut i want, say i do not want a modern twist on it plz, and instead of pattie boyd i come out with 2010 vanessa hugdens every time. i just don't get it :(

[samanthamulder]

THE X-FILES (1993-2018)

SEASON ELEVEN — It’s time to face the facts, guys. This is the end of the X-Files. But maybe the point wasn’t to find the truth, but to find each other. For no matter where we go in our lives, we will always have the memories of our time together, and no one can take those away.

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[spooky-unserious-fellow]

Im making references for all of my Z-O-M-B-I-E-S headcannons/slight redesigns. Not because I have nothing better to do with my time, but because the brainrot has gotten to a point where literally Any content is good content. And that includes ref sheets for my own goofy ass headcannons.

[b-blushes]

i was feeling a bit bleak earlier but then i went outside just for a change of scenery and saw the three frogs and hung out with my dad for a bit while he chopped wood and then played imagination with my friend via the internet and then a different friend said they'd come and visit from their country and now it's like WOW!!!! the cup overflows!!!!! :')

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[stackslip]

my singular talent is fandom posting so hard i manage to get people into stuff they wouldn't have tried otherwise and i will lean into that any way i can

[khaotunq]

hey hi i meant to do this ages ago, but if y'all wouldn't mind, go show some love to Shash, who podficced two of my Boston-centric stories? (their voice is so measured and soothing to listen to btw)

[Podfic] there's an end to my horizon by shash_reads (sunkitten_shash)

[Podfic] two parallel lines by shash_reads (sunkitten_shash)

[unheavenlybody]

also on a related note when i got home from work today my mood did a complete 180 and i burst into tears twice and i have no idea whyyy. today wasn't even a particularly bad day im still so confused

[byanyan]

asjgksg the way both times i've sat down to start writing today, someone has invited me to game

[piplupod]

are you the most annoying person in the world or do you just need to eat something: a memoir by me

[ilikeyoshi]

so this isn't an emergency or life or death or anything but i have literally $0 in my checking account right now. i'm unable to work due to a disability that's been worsening for the past three years, but my doctors have yet to find a specific diagnosis, and in my state i can't get disability aid without it. my living expenses are handled with money from my mom that would normally be going toward my inheritance, and i get about $50 a month from her as well so i have spending money; $15 of this goes to subscriptions.

baldur's gate 3 just came out this month and everything about it looks so so so fun, but due to my situation i wouldn't be able to afford it until october. obviously this isn't an emergency, but i've been really sad about it; i LOVE dungeons and dragons but due to my fluctuating health i'm not sure i could handle more than one campaign right now, especially because i've been trying to start dming a second one for years.

i'd love a game where i could scratch that dnd itch as needed without dragging a whole group of people into it, since i'm just not sure i could commit to that; but something that only needs me to play means i could do so whenever i was having a good fatigue/pain day.

if i posted a ko-fi or venmo link, would you guys consider sparing a little money towards a $10 goal? if i can scrounge up $10 this month, i'll be able to afford the game next month if i cancel my subscriptions for september. if i could get to $25, i wouldn't even have to cancel the subscriptions. and if i miraculously hit $60, i could get the game immediately.

it'd be a huge boost after what has been an especially bad month for my disability; i've spent more time stuck in bed than not. but it's NOT an emergency and i want to make that clear. i'd be overjoyed if i can play this sooner than later, so if that's worth it to you, it'd be amazing. ;_; but please don't feel pressured!

please let me know? <3

[kuromi-hoemie]

re:self perception, I feel like that one drawing where the person is Very lesbian from head to toe but like she lost her pin or her bracelet broke or something and she’s like “oh no how will people be able to tell now ):” except me with being trans.

except my analog for the pin is I’m just not in makeup or making slightly more of an effort to dress fem. like idk, shaved face alone I already feel really pretty and own so few masculine looking outfits so idk? (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) I would hope I don’t come across as cis esp interacting with other trans ppl lol.

anyways, at least on here I feel like we’re afraid to talk to other trans ppl on the street bc we don’t want to out/clock them but we also desperately want to be Seen and interacted with by other trans folk when we’re out. idk... is getting clocked by another trans person rly even that bad? would we not be rly happy to have another trans person pick us out from the crowd and be excited to talk to us? Personally I don’t rly care about “passing” and all the implicit standards around it and just kinda see clocking as a neutral “i can tell”.

street etiquette is confusing. idk what the answer is or even what my question is exactly, I just know there’s a lot of trans ppl out there who wish they knew More trans ppl and that we’re also kind of afraid to interact with each other when we’re out. what’s up with that?

these r just some silly passing thoughts so don’t read too much into it, but ykwim though?

[recovering-vamp]

dating sim (VN or CYOA... hmmm) with a mostly/exclusively fat character cast... with lots of cool gender + poly inclusive... this would be nice. mayhaps time to put my RenPy or Twine love to use... idk what sort of thing. just. might be nice to stretch the coding muscles again.

[yume-fanfare]

btw today on super crazy news im actually almost done with the trks filming comic

[gothamcityneedsme]

finished my soul hackers 2 replay yyayyy. i bought the story dlc and i liked the sidequests, the superboss was kinda disappointing though, not for gameplay, they were incredibly difficult, but like. i expected at least a little lore or nana involvement in the end and there was neither which was sort of odd.