#but man... i miss him i love him so so dearly

[mschievousx]

now and then | b.b.

pairing: benedict bridgerton x ofc, anthony bridgerton x ofc (platonic)

summary: loraine silva always knew she was not normal. she loves unusual things. she love her father's guns, horses, boxing, climbing a tree, falling from a tree, engineering, astronomy... oh, and a man eleven years older.

series masterlist

iii. three: you could die

viscountess silva is insane for the many things she love. this includes music. she once spent a whole month without leaving their home to finish two piano sonatas of her own when she was ten. lance had to trick his sister that benedict has mentioned missing her dearly for her to run out from the four corners of her room.

which brings us to the current view of two debutantes by the piano at the bridgerton's house. raine has provided a piano arrangement to francesca, which shall act as an accompaniment to her violin. francesca is a great musician all on her own, so the only thing left to do for the young silva is specify particular things in the flow, such as the heaviness of a chord or the softness of the adagio.

both turned when footsteps from two people graced the room.

"welcome back," raine greeted, "how was the promenade? it must have been great seeing as you spent the whole morning."

"you weren't there?" eloise asked as she plopped down on their couch, picking up the book she left under the table.

"i would have been if i knew ben was present." she replied, listening to francesca's playing at the same time. with the mention, an idea came to her and she immediately went to their hall.

she peered back at the drawing room for a warning before continuing to the hall, "oh, and i suggest do not go into anthony's study."

seeing the man upstairs, she called with excitement, "ben, let's spend the day together!"

"i am attending an art exhibit." he answered in a muffled sound as he pick a new coat from a room.

"great! we are attending an art exhibit." she declared with glee and the man immediately peered at her from above, leaning on their balustrade.

"you do not like art."

"i am a passionate enjoyer of music, literature, and sculptures."

he raised a brow with a smirk as if to challenge, "it's a painting exhibit."

"i—"

"you once told me my painting is rubbish and full of messy lines." benedict insisted, descending the stairs as he fix his cuffs.

raine groaned at him seemingly holding a grudge, "i was a child."

he narrowed his eyes at her as he reach the floor, and his next words made the young girl close her eyes with a hand on her forehead, "you are a child."

"for heaven's sake, do not say that again. i have been asking to marry you. it sounds weird.

benedict laughed at her realisation, "it is."

"just say no as you normally do instead of whatever... mortification this is." she said the last part with utter disgust.

"you can come," he stated, nearing her as he offered his arm for her to take, "but promise to keep your mouth shut."

"you know i can never keep—"

with the bridgerton boy looking pointedly at her, the young silva stopped her words right away, putting a cheeky smile on her features and slinging her arm on his.

━━━ ✦ ❘ ☽ 【❖】 ☾ ❘ ✦ ━━━

"geniuses," raine whispered in awe, looking at the painting intricately, "i do not understand it at all, like where to put the shadow or the color grading as a whole."

"you have not tried your hand at it."

she turned to him, feigning offense, "ben, do i look like i don't try to do random activities? you have seen me fail miserably in soap carving."

he chuckled at that as they continue to walk and gaze on the other painting, arms still linked, "you were so bad at that."

they stopped in front when benedict recognized a familiar painting, "this one is by a mentor from the academy."

she scrunched her nose and squinted her eyes in an attempt to understand the importance of the painting, "it's just a naked woman."

"it's just a—" he turned to her with an irk, "it presents the divinity of women's bodies!"

she nodded with nonchalance, "if you say so."

"i'm starting to regret bringing you with me." he stated monotonously, as if a sudden realisation.

raine laughed at that, slapping his arm lightly, "i'm just annoying you."

"oh, it's working very well." he replied with jest as they continue onwards.

the viscountess might not have been a great follower of paintings, but she does appreciate all artworks. it is beautiful enough to know that a person created something, despite being created himself. and so, she was naturally curious to see all works in the exhibit, looking around as they walk.

"you know, they say paintings make people feel something."

the man beside her nodded at that, "joy, grief, shock, sadness, empathy..."

"these don't make me feel anything." she revealed with a pout on her voice.

benedict rolled his eyes at that, "you hate paintings."

"i do not hate it," she defended, followed by a curious tone, "why is yours not here? you made a wonderful one when you were at the academy."

"these painters are experts and have been painting for more than my life. my art fails in comparison with these, raine."

they stopped in front of a painting that features a lady in the forest. benedict was taken by it, while the girl in his arm was taken by him.

"i like yours."

he warmly smiled at that, keeping his sight on the painting across them, "because you like me."

"i do," she admitted with no diffidence, "and maybe it's because of that, but does it really matter?"

she stated with normalcy, as if it was expected, completely clueless of what her words are doing to him.

"i like yours anyway, artsy."

"bridgerton," a man called out, making the pair turn to him.

"lord granville," benedict began in recognition, turning to the silva to introduce them.

"this is lady silva. raine, lord granville. he—"

"owns an art studio, right?" she interjected with a chuckle, "we've met."

"under very awkward circumstances, might i add." henry said in a suggestive, yet secretive tone.

the said awkward circumstance is most certainly not when the young silva took it upon herself to disguise and go about the city, dressed as a poor lady and a cloak hiding her features. she accidentally ran to a man. they talked for a really small bit before he proposed she join him in his art studio as a model because her proportions are perfect according to the tiniest snippet of her shape he could manage.

seeing as they seem to be friends, she took a step back with a reassuring smile to allow them their privacy, "excuse me, gentlemen. i shall take a turn around the exhibit."

putting her attention back to the paintings, she walked considerably slower now. just as she loves sciences, her curiosity for arts is of quite near the same level. it still annoys her to no end that she cannot paint, even with a gun pointed to her head. out of all the arts, it really has to be painting she fails—the art that the man she's interested with excels so much.

so, she would like to take this time to study the works of others. even if she cannot do it herself, at the very least she can resonate with it more.

hence, she walked, and walked, and walked, staring at each painting and not simply shrugging them in passing. each one has a person who was keen on feeling with it.

reaching deep inside the exhibit, raine somehow happened to be in front of quite a huge framed painting with no one admiring it.

the death of general wolfe

benjamin west, 1770

it was a painting of a battle. a victorious one, yet it did not carry an air of success. it was grieving. she knew she must have seen this in passing before. she recognized the man illustrated. if not, then this must be déjà vu.

as the artwork draw her in and in, she did not fail to acknowledge the presence beside her, now looking at the same frame in front.

"i feel something," she started with a small voice, "i'm scared."

benedict slinged an arm on her shoulder with a gentle rub—an attempt to offer comfort, "don't be."

he pulled her to him, a gesture that suggested for raine to lean her head on his shoulder, and she did.

wanting to ease the girl from any of her worries that he could guess by the paintaing, he jested, "no discredit to general wolfe, but your father is a lot better and skilled than him."

it was a very risky shot. he could have consoled and cheered her up by those words, or he could have just ruined a very intimate and emotional moment for her, appearing arrogant. good thing it's the former.

"you are slandering a celeberated general." she muttered as she blinked away her tears, standing straight again as benedict exhaled a breath in relief.

"look, it's so sad! it was the exact moment of their victory when he died."

he chuckled at her, "who was it that said she doesn't feel anything in these paintings?"

she slapped his arm as she turned away and proceeded to walk to another artwork with the last one still in her mind, the bridgerton following her in tow. they stopped for more paintings, laughing and arguing as they always do.

noticing that the sun is now coming down, they have agreed to call it a day, both entirely exhausted, yet satisfied of how the day went.

arriving in front of the silva's home, benedict walked with her to the door.

"do not go to your father with that gloomy face."

she rolled her eyes at him, pointing out the absurdity of his comment, "am i supposed to be happy after seeing such painting?"

he deadpanned at her, "that was already more than two hours ago."

"well, it stuck with me." she replied, feigning annoyance in her tone.

"lord silva will have my head, thinking i am the source of your grief." he joked to make her feel lighter.

"stop being so afraid of my father." she said mockingly as she turned to get in her home, it serving as a farewell cue.

she, however, stopped in the middle of their stoop when benedict inhaled before speaking once again, "anyways, i think gratitude is in order."

"what do you mean?" she turned to him with a confused brow.

"you—uhm... you were being supportive of my art—by insulting other paintings but we can ignore that part."

raine laughed at that. the man rarely thanked her for things. he must be dying as he said those words.

the young silva then smirked, "you owe me then."

"you are the worst person to owe to." benedict grumbled with a groan at the mention of owings. on the other hand, the girl was already busy in thinking of things to ask from him.

"i would ask you to marry me but the answer is quite apparent." the bridgerton nodded, still saying a reply of his own, "no, thank you."

suddenly, raine clapped her hands at once, fully turning to him again with the widest mischievous grin that's making him scared.

"surprise me. how about a kiss?"

he stared at her dumbfounded. su—surely not, right? now, for a good twenty seconds of utter silence, loraine's grin never faded. benedict racked his mind on what to do, his lips forming a thin line. he clicked his tongue at the thought that entered his mind. and so, when his feet walked forward without his conscious control...

...he did not know what he was doing.

and, he'll continue to say the same thing again and again, even when he's now only a step below her, raine conveniently just above his chin... as he placed his palm on the back of her head, prompting it forwards, pressing his tender lips on her forehead for a good number of seconds.

and, he pulled away, immediately turning around to make his way back to the carriage, leaving the girl in an utter state of malfunction.

regaining herself back, she descended the stoop as quickly as she could, "ben, that was cheating!"

benedict laughed as he turned around before getting in the carriage, "go in, your father is waiting."

she was not able to say another word as he left, internally screaming now as she turned back to their home in a dance. her steps now has a lively bounce on it as she entered, certainly unmissable.

"why are you smiling widely like a fool? get dressed quickly. we're going to be late for the ball." armand directed, noting the jubilance of his daughter.

"i don't want to go to the ball." she stated in a singsong voice, hopping to her father and burying her face on him, "i want to spend time with you tonight."

he rubbed her back lovingly, "well, you could have informed me much earlier before i have spent time to look this good."

she pulled away from him, fingers still interlocked around her father's figure, "if i win in chess, i'll have your silver flintlock pepperbox."

"deal."

━━━ ✦ ❘ ☽ 【❖】 ☾ ❘ ✦ ━━━

at the arrival of another day, she did not spend any time staring at the ceiling at all. she jumped off her bed quickly. after all the morning rituals were done, which includes informing lord silva she'll spend the day at the bridgertons, the latter now find themselves in the presence of the young girl in their drawing room—herself spilling with exuberance.

"good day, my beloved bridgertons!"

raine greeted, eloise turning to her mother as she spoke, "she's read it, hasn't she?"

"look at the state of her." lady bridgerton added with a smile on her face.

"match of the season!" she exclaimed, moving to sit with the mother and daughter.

eloise put her book down as she deadpanned at the younger lady, "she also said you have been chasing benedict for years. chasing. raine, we do not chase men."

the newest lady whistledown issue has mentioned catching a sight of the pair enjoying the day at the art exhibit quite intimately.

violet shushed her daughter as the other completely ignored them both, "oh, i couldn't care less. i'll gladly do so if it's ben."

lady bridgerton was really happy at the sight of the young silva. beyond that, she feels so relieved that someone loves her son as purely as raine.

"men moving first are overrated anyways." raine added with a childish smile.

"they're at the garden, dear." violet informed, causing the girl to leave them with thanks.

nearing the table where four bridgertons busied themselves with a round of cards, she leaned on little hyacinth's chair.

"hello, darlings." she greeted for the two kids, "i hope you have the upper-hand against these two."

"of course!" the younger girl cheered at the appearance of the woman.

benedict looked at her strangely, "are you the one teaching hyacinth?"

raine grabbed a chair in between greg and colin, "don't be a sore loser. she's just that good."

"you lost to me." the second-eldest reminded.

"i did." she replied after she's settled on her seat, clasping her hands on top of the table and propping her head on it lovingly.

colin laughed at the total look of besottedness that the young lady is sending his brother, "i see, no one can ruin your mood now. i wonder why?"

"is it lady whistledown?" gregory frankly asked, eyes still on his set of cards.

she smiled and tapped his nose, "a point for you, young man."

benedict groaned as he put his own set down and looked at the girl across him, "oh, please stop your grinning in front of me. i can feel it."

"what? i'm just happy."

"you are always ecstatic."

"she called us the match of the season!" she exclaimed for the second time around—the ninth, actually, if we include the ones in her own home.

the man on her right interjected as he put a card down, "your ability to selectively read is astonishing."

"thank you, colin." she replied with a smile, completely not caring on their words.

"she said we could be the match of the season if i ever finally accept your incessant proposals."

"you are going to, right?" hyacinth asked, turning to her brother as she placed a winning card down, ending the round with her as the victor again.

"i—"

"excuse me, i must attend to something."

colin stood up, seeing a footman across the garden and knowing what it meant. on raine's other side, gregory grumbled as he put his cards on the table.

"hyacinth's cheating."

"i'm not!"

"show your hand." the young boy challenged. the youngest could do nothing but run with her cards on her hand. gregory followed right after.

"don't chase your sis—" benedict gave up as both kids are now far from earshot, "why does no one let me finish what i'm saying today?" he whined, taking a sip of water from his glass.

"we look like a family."

he sat up straight at once as he choked on his drink, leaving a bit of his garments lightly wet from the water.

raine turned to him, uncaring of what happened due to her words, "i'm asking this in genuine curiosity. how many children would you have?"

he let out a vexed chuckle as he wipe the droplets from himself, "that is not relevant."

she continued nonetheless, watching the two youngest bridgertons tumble and toss on the grass, "i would love five."

he closed his eyes, allowing himself to inhale and exhale, before turning to her with a sarcastic tone, "good to know."

he continued to dry himself, wiping here and there. he arranged the cards back on the deck and separated those that got wet as well. wondering with the sudden silence, he looked back up as he finish, only to find her staring at him with a poker face—quite fitting, with the cards and all.

he sighed, leaning back in surrender, "fine. three, i guess."

upon hearing that, raine beamed him an eager smile, "i can work with that."

benedict squinted his eyes at her, voice dripping with mockery, "i'm not having them with you."

she incredulously replied, "why ever not?!"

and so, the attempts of both children to snitch one another to the adults fell on deaf ears.

"why are we even calling for them?" hyacinth grumbled, looking at them as she and gregory stopped their tossing.

"he look so in love he doesn't even realise it." the boy sighed as he added. she turned to him with his quip.

"and how would you know what love looks like?"

gregory turned to his sister before gesturing to the pair far from them, "because raine looks like that at him, and she's in love with him."

"they look at each other the same way."

taglist: @aadu2173 @imgondeletedis

[1980ssunflower]

feeling very soft abt my ryan rn

[nowshesdoingitallthetime]

This being the first thing I saw on twitter when I woke up today… oh it’s going to be a good day

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

EXTREMELY tempted to watch frieren just for the corrupt priest

[paperzombiie]

I'd love to hear about nohrehs brother please !!

this answer was so long overdue, i apologise! i wanted to have a few drawings ready for it but i'll make do with what i have

let me introduce this mf to you... this is Rufino Meza aka "Rulsias" (his artistic name)

Nohreh's older brother by four years and former leader of the band they formed together, called Abysscerate

he's weird... and a bit crazy. but there's a certain charm in his weirdness that makes him an engaging and entertaining frontman and performer

Rulsias started off as a protective and caring older brother. he and Nohreh were really close to the point where he took Nohreh to live with him when they were done with their family bullshit as soon as he could afford to pay rent on his own, and supported him through his transition as much as he could both financially and emotionally

they both swore to get to the bottom of their grandpa's disappearance and started saving to move together to Rhodo Island.

so... what happened to end in such bad terms with Nohreh, forcing him to travel completely alone to the island?

his problem was being easy to seduce by fame. and drugs. mostly drugs.

during the time they were saving money to travel they also started having gigs with the band. between their artistic prowess and the natural charm of their mostly supressed mermaid selves they gained a lot of popularity in a short time, starting to make a living from their music.

long story short, he got hooked on drugs and started to forget the real reason behind their hard work... he grew more and more frustrated at Nohreh's insistence on not forgetting about grandpa, getting too attached to the fame and the life they had now with the band's success

they had a couple of arguments about it but never anything too serious... until he touched the savings destined to Rhodo Island to buy more drugs and secure some venues for their band to play since they were now having some trouble scoring gigs bc of his declining behavior

when Nohreh found out he was livid. his own brother lied and betrayed his trust...

betrayal is the worst thing someone can do to Nohreh.

after confronting him and almost beating him into a pulp when Rulsias answered with "grow up, forget about grandpa, he's gone", Nohreh took what was left of the savings and travelled alone to the island leaving behind the band and all he knew as a home until then

Rulsias tried to play it off as something trivial but the rest of the band soon followed up being fed up with his nasty attitude (they also cared about Nohreh a lot). Abysscerate disbanded...

Rulsias started to question himself and what he had done but didn't have his wake up call until he almost drowned at the sea after getting piss drunk... and coming out of it with a fish tail instead

at that same moment, the events of this comic had just happened a few days prior to that

he didn't have a damn clue on why he was turning into a fish- a mermaid?? every time he had contact with sea water and it took him several days of insisting his former friends and bandmates to agree to talk to him and help him

the funny thing is, he discovers his bandmates were also mythical creatures in disguise. Morvyd the drummer (real name: Renato Villalba) is a bat person and Grivoin the guitarist (real name: Giordano Rivas) is a naga. they confess they approached the brothers first bc they sensed they were just like them in some way but later discovered Rulsias and Nohreh weren't aware of this fact so they stayed silent

he's been since staying clean and trying to contact Nohreh in any way to tell him grandpa's stories were true, that he was correct about the existence of mermaids but Nohreh refuses to answer

he will soon realize the best way to make him listen is to tell him in person...

[jerseymuppet]

Food… water… ray toro images…

[halliewriteshockey]

The worst part about junior hockey, the part no one warned me about, is that you’ll get attached to a player, form a relationship with a player, the player will follow you on Instagram and find you at events to hug you and include you in his celly after a big win and incorporate things into his pre-game warmups specifically because you said you liked it when he did them and then he’ll age out and have to leave

I’m not okay with the fact that I’ve watched him play here for the last time

[phoenix-flamed]

@valiisthea brought to my attention a fun little detail I missed about the feast scene at Phoenix Gate --

Elwin fucking. playfully ballroom dancing with Tyler while they're all singing Rosaria's anthem adfgl;jkgkl;f

[azurajay]

i havent finished any episodes yet nor have i poked the tags (but ik everyone else will have already said this) but 10000% thats the watcher symbol hidden in the cobblestone. losing my MIND

[loadsofcats]

Have a feeling that, if more of you read Riders of the purple sage by Zane Grey, you’d be going mad over Lassiter

[roamingzombiz]

im still so pissed that capcoms only poc characters in resident evil have just disappeared out of existence

[sageispunk]

im writing/reading for like 5 different characters rn my brain feels like 3&&:$;$;&:&::&&;$;$

[sttoru]

‘your lover may not be the best in showing his affection for you, but when he does try, it’s always in the ways you least expect.’

☀︎｜tags. toji fushiguro x female reader. fluff, slight angst, suggestive. subtly implied age gap (reader early 20’s, toji early 30’s). size difference. mentions of hickeys. reader gets called ‘princess / little girl.’ based on an anon request.

“am home.” toji announces under his breath after locking the front door. he kicks his shoes off and makes a beeline towards your shared bedroom. as expected, you were there, body wrapped in a thick blanket to protect it from the recently cold temperatures.

you smile and toji’s fatigue becomes nonexistent. it was like he hadn’t just fought for his life for almost two hours straight — making money to quite literally survive. and to provide for you in the best way he could.

“ah, hi, babe! welcome hom—” your sentence was cut short by a heavy weight settling down atop your chest. toji’s body presses you back into the mattress, big hands instantly searching for their desired destination; that being your waist.

his warm breath - the heavy sigh that carried his worries - instantly softens the look in your eyes. it was this vulnerable side of your lover that you adored most. it wasn’t a sight you got to see often after all.

toji wordlessly attaches his lips to your exposed neck as he withdraws the blanket from your body. even though he has yet to utter a single word to you, his actions told you all, “missed you, toji.”

he mumbles something incoherent in response which you could guess were words of acknowledgement. you were ticklish, your skin tingling with every peck left by the dark-haired man whom you loved dearly.

“were ya waitin’ for me?” toji’s voice was muffled, his mouth busy kissing and sucking your skin. his rough fingers move under your clothes and run up to your shoulders—freeing them from the straps of your top.

you tilt your head to the right so he could gain more access to your skin. you didn’t protest nor said anything about toji’s sudden display of affection. you rub his back and allow a hum of satisfaction to escape your throat, “mhm. was waiting for you all night.”

your voice sounds like a soothing lullaby to the older man. a heavy breath leaves his lips and his sloppy kisses on your neck and shoulder blades abruptly come to a halt.

toji rests his head in the crook of your neck. the pad of his thumb travels up and down the marks he had left—his saliva subtly glistening under the light from the bedside lamp.

“tsk. i told ya not to stay up f’me, princess.” your lover grumbles with his tired eyes half-closed, fingers not stopping their rubbing motion, “but i guess there’s no point in tellin’ you that right now.”

toji still can’t understand why you go to great lengths to show your love for him. he’s a cold hearted assassin, a man whom is feared by many including his own clan and yet you love him unconditionally.

despite it all — he still appreciates the fact that you stay up to welcome him home. even if he may not directly show that said appreciation.

“‘i told ya not to stay up for me,’” you teasingly mimic toji’s deep voice and can only laugh at your own antics afterwards. however, a sudden pinch to your side makes you squirm and yelp. it didn’t stop there; toji took the opportunity whilst you were caged underneath him to remind you of who’s boss.

soon enough your high pitched squealing and broken giggles is all the noise that fills the room.

“whadd’ya say there, little girl?” toji grunts as he blocks your futile attempts to escape. he could see the tears gathering at the corners of your eyes, your body writhing around the best it could and your little hands trying desperately to push him away.

you shake your head and continuously apologise between loud giggles, vision blurry from the tears of joy. there’s a triumphant smirk on toji’s face once he notices how quickly you gave up your act of confidence, “heh, that’s what i thought.”

one of his hands gathers both of your wrists and effortlessly pins them above your head. with a grin, your lover kisses his way down to your neck again — this time being more passionate.

you take the chance to calm yourself down, chest still heaving with each breath. a pout forms on your lips, but was swiftly replaced by a content smile due to the giddy feeling in your chest.

it’s playful moments like these that remind you of the many reasons why you’ve fallen in love with a man like toji. to others, he might be nothing but a monster—a ruthless and cruel individual—but to you, he’s everything you need and vice versa.

toji’s lips were soft, yet lightly rough to the touch. they’re chapped from the cold temperature he had to withstand when he was outside. you felt bad; you had been laying in bed all night, wrapped up in multiple blankets whilst your lover was quietly suffering.

you know that if you tell toji your current worries, he’ll brush it off with a simple ‘tha’s just how it is’ or a ‘don’t worry ‘bout stuff like that’. still, you cannot help but be concerned about the way he easily disregards his own health.

“toji,” you call out his name as his kisses reach the curve of your breasts. the older man lifts his head in response, eyebrows slightly raised at the sound of his name leaving your lips.

you push down the lump in your throat. your warm hands cup his face and you could feel his stubble prickling your palms. you lower your gaze to the rest of his body — finally getting a good look at his worn out physique.

there were faint droplets of blood hidden right under the collar of his shirt. ones toji probably forgot to wipe away after his mission. his black shirt clings to his torso, the dark spots of sweat subtly evident and the small tears in the fabric proof of his hard work.

you could care less about the fact that toji hadn’t taken a shower before cuddling with you. the first thing he did when stepping into the apartment, was to search for you. that alone told you enough: he needed the comfort your presence brings him — he just didn’t know how to convey that message.

“kiss me.” you whisper and your lover immediately complies with zero hesitation; that’s exactly what he had waited for you to say. his lips crash down onto yours, his large hands hold you by your waist and his tongue brushes against yours like it was the first and last time you’d kiss.

toji’s breath hitches the moment he feels you tenderly scratch his arms with your nails. you always do that to calm his nerves after a stressful day—grazing the tips of your nails back and forth against his bare skin. and it works wonders each time.

“fuck,” the dark-haired man curses in a low tone. his grip tightens on your body and his lips detach from yours. you notice the look in his eyes once he opens them; the look of pure love for you, “i missed you so much — so fuckin’ much.”

you softly giggle at his passionate words and steal another kiss from him before settling back against the pillows. your hands travel upwards to play with his damp hair whilst your legs wrap around his waist.

toji gladly accepts your affection and settles down on top of your body again, careful not to completely crush you with his weight. his face was buried between your breasts, taking in the familiar scent of you which calms him down even more.

“i’m glad you’re back home.” you whisper lovingly whilst continuing to massage his scalp. your tired lover answers with a curt nod and a sigh — this time one of content instead of exhaustion.

“yeah, home.” toji wasn’t referring to your shared apartment. he was referring to you; his forever home. there was an overwhelming amount of love in his heart for you and only you.

if only he could properly express those feelings to you. if only he could express himself.

[kissitbttr]

nobody understands how you did it.

how you managed to swept him off his feet, breaking the walls he had built pieces by pieces, how the fuck did you get him to be comfortable with you? to be open with you? and only with you.

‘never seen him this happy or loose in a long time, lass. what’s your trick, eh?’ the captain pulls a joke, making the rest of the team laugh. ‘i think I speak for everyone when i say, he never brings a girl out. let alone introducing her to us.’

that one is true. years of being friends with ghost, the captain nor his closest friend ‘soap’ has ever seen him out on a date. they encouraged him though, since there have been so many women tried their ways to get close with the big guy, yet none of them succeed.

the masked men would often just shrug them off and give one hard cold answer. they would back away immediately

“guess i just have my ways” is what you always say. even soap couldn’t register how it happened. he couldn’t figure it out himself, he knows the lad way longer than you do.

they don’t believe you. because there is no way in hell that all you did was to bat your lashes, show him your adorable giggle and he was in. there’s gotta be more to it.

so what is it about you that draws him close? what is it about you that makes ghost’s eyes light up each time you step into the room? what is it about you that makes ghost’s heart skip a beat every time he talks to you?

certainly not because how you’re so patient in getting to know with him, right? not because how you trace his scars ever so lightly and call them pretty every single time he’s doubtful about himself. not because how you console him with ‘I’ve got you, baby’ each night a nightmare comes back to haunt him while rubbing his back soothingly. not because how you shower him with soft, gentle kisses to remind him that your love for him is bigger than anyone could have offered. not because how you understand why he can’t say the three letter words to you, just yet. still, you stick around.

definitely not, right? there’s no way. he’s simon ghost riley. no one or nothing could ever be good enough to make this man come out of his shell. it’s impossible, right? you’ll need a miracle for that.

“love?” you hear a voice calls, along with the sound of keys being tossed into a ceramic bowl. heavy boots thumping against the marble floor,

you step out of the kitchen. long hair tied up into a messy updo, clear frame glasses perched on the bridge of your nose. dressed in one of his favorite sleeping gown as your eyes locked with his brown ones. the balaclava still attached to mask his handsome face.

scarred lips stretch into a smile the moment his beautiful fiancé emerges from the kitchen.

he drops his bag onto the floor, pulling the mask off of him slowly. revealing his disheveled blond hair as he takes slow steps towards you.

“hi, baby” your voice brings him home. no soul could ever take away from him. he longs for that angelic tone each time he gets deployed. three or six months without listening to you speak to him is just insanity.

he’d rather lose his hearing entirely than not having to hear you at all.

he’s quick to embrace you in his arms. your face hiding in the crook of his neck, inhaling that signature scent of his that you had missed, dearly.

“what are you making?” he mumbles into the crown of your hair, giving it a peck before pulling away slightly to take a good look at you. “it smells good”

“your favorite” you kiss his chin, causing his cheeks to redden at the affection. “i even bought those lumpias down the 112th street. i know how much you love them. pretzels bites from the deli for snacks aaand, black pepper beef with rice for your dinner. sounds good?”

simon leans against the doorway as he watches you plate everything. rambling about everything. his smile widens even more at your domestic antics. the way you talk with your hands as you mention another annoying co-worker that keeps bugging you and the way you roll your eyes when a splash of gravy spill from the plate.

truly is a sight.

“why are you looking at me like that?” your lips raise into a curious smile, finger moving a dark lock that sticks into your forehead,

he gives you a small shrug. gaze not leaving you neither does his smile.

“you’re just so beautiful”

something so simple yet it makes your stomach fills with butterflies.

you chew on your lower lip to prevent you from smiling too much, but a hint of blush is dusting your cheeks betrays you.

“come, papi… don’t want the food to get cold now, do we?” you change the subject while you nod your head towards the empty seat across. “eat with me”

the two of you sit there while making a small talk. stealing glances every second. feeding each other’s food. soft laughs fall upon both of your mouths when one make a terrible joke.

something you’d see when two people are in love. c

so yes, the answer to that question. it is possible. because you made it possible. you made it possible for him to love again. even if he had to start all over. you made it possible for him to be vulnerable. you gave him a purpose the moment he thought things were looking bad for him.

he found a solace within your existence.

only you made it possible to bring the simon in him.

vbecause you. are his home

[nxuvillette]

“COME AND STRIP IT DOWN, BABY.”

GENSHIN MEN SEEING YOU IN LINGERIE

synopsis: you got the opportunity to get some lingerie, what will your boyfriend think?

❥- including : neuvillette, alhaitham, arataki itto, zhongli

❥- note : came up with this on a whim. i honestly wanna go wear some lingerie for neuvillette now ! hope you guys enjoy 🩶 reblogs are appreciated !

content warnings : nsfw [17+], fem!reader, ageless blogs dni, lingerie wearing, established relationships, mentions of food (alhaitham), praising, horny men in public (zhongli + alhaitham), use of pet names (baby , darling), reader is a bit shy.

♡ NEUVILLETTE

neuvillette was actually the one who purchased the lingerie for you. it was a gift for your anniversary. he remembered you eyeing the piece of clothing when walking by the store, so he noted that and later bought it for you. 

he had yet to see it on you. he was dealing with a lot of responsibilities at work and sometimes he would come home pretty late. it was something he really disliked because he would much rather spend time with you instead, but his job as the iudex was taxing and he couldn’t do much about the workload. you two didn’t have as much intimacy as you would have liked, but regardless you both loved each other dearly.

it had been an exhausting day for neuvillette. he spent a majority of his time filling out paperwork and handling trials. all he wanted was to go home and feel your embrace. he even considered leaving work and coming home early just to spend a little more time with you. 

when he arrived home, he noticed it was kind of quiet. neuvillette was used to you coming towards the front door as soon as he entered, but you were nowhere to be seen. he wondered if you were out with your friends possibly, or maybe you were in bed taking a nap. regardless, he went upstairs to your shared bedroom to investigate. he figured he could take a shower if you weren’t home and he would wait for you until you came back, but that wasn’t the case at all.

his eyes landed on you sitting on the bed with the white lingerie he had bought you previously. a slight blush dusted over his cheeks at the sight of you wearing it. the swell of your breasts were enough to distract him, and the curvatures of your body being exposed through the tight fabric made all of the blood rush to his cock. 

“w-welcome home! i missed you..” you said, feeling a bit shy now that his eyes were fully on you. it was like he was undressing you with them. 

neuvillette stepped towards you, loosening his tie and removing his jacket. his hands were immediately exploring your body. it was almost like the first time he had sex with you. he couldn’t stop himself where he touched. your skin was soft like silk and the aroma of your perfume was intoxicating to him. “so beautiful.. i missed you even more, darling.” he pecked your lips, nibbling on your bottom lip. 

your arms went around his neck. he was so handsome. you didn’t know how a man like him fell for you. “like it?” you asked, raising your eyebrows. 

he chuckled, taking one of the straps and slapping it against your skin. a surprised yelp escaped your mouth when it made contact and the sudden stinging sensation spread around your flesh. “i love it..” he whispered against your lips. “i’ll love it even more when i tear it off of you..”

♡ ALHAITHAM

you and your boyfriend decided to go out for a little shopping trip. alhaitham finally had gotten a day free from his responsibilities, so you decided to take full advantage of his time to go out with him. he didn’t mind it much. he never says it out loud but spending time with you always made his days a lot better.

you both went around the different shops in sumeru. there were some fruits you decided to pick up and buy and you even browsed some clothing in a store that had just opened up. alhaitham didn’t mind spoiling you whatsoever. he loved seeing your smiling face whenever he brought a gift for you, or paid for something you wanted. even if you tried to tell him no, he insisted on making sure to fulfill that payment. it didn’t matter how much mora it was. 

it didn’t take long for you to end up at the lingerie store. you had gone in there a few times on your own, but you never really bought anything. you didn’t really know if your boyfriend liked lingerie or would want to see you in it. alhaitham quickly took notice of the clothing items on the mannequins inside. he was a little surprised to see that you had a pretty bra and panty set in your hand. it was a forest green color and it made lewd thoughts rush into his brain at the idea of you wearing it in front of him.

he trailed behind you as you entered a dressing room. some women emerged and entered the hall he was standing in, but he didn’t mind that at all. alhaitham wanted to see you. if he was feeling bold, he would have stepped right into the space with you so he could watch you undress. you just drove him crazy. 

the door opened suddenly, and alhaitham’s throat went dry when his eyes landed on you. he was right, the green looked amazing on your body. you seemed a little shy, judging by the fact that you hesitated to open the door fully. “like it..?” you asked, avoiding eye contact with him. 

he stepped towards the door to get a better view of your body in the lingerie. alhaitham couldn’t help but touch your waist and run his fingers along the hem of the bottoms. “i love it..” he couldn’t remove his eyes from you. there was just so much to look at. “i’ll buy it for you.”

you weren’t exactly shocked that he offered to pay for it, but you did like how it looked on you. “alright!” you replied, going to shut the door so you could change out of it.

he stopped you from closing it, causing curiosity to creep upon you. you were somewhat confused by his sudden action. “better wear it when we get home.. because i don’t think i’m going to stop myself.” he whispered, making your face burn with embarrassment.

♡ ARATAKI ITTO

itto was quite a spontaneous boyfriend. he often did things at random and he was very explosive about it. he had a very big personality, but none of that bothered you. he was a sweet boyfriend and you loved him more than you loved life itself. 

he spent a lot of his time with his gang, so sometimes you wouldn’t see him until he arrived home in the evening. an idea had crossed your mind when you were out and about in inazuma. you wanted to surprise your boyfriend with a little something, so you decided to buy some lingerie to wear for him. you two hadn’t ever done something like that before and you thought he would like it. itto was always up for a new challenge or to try out something he’s never done before.

it was kind of late, but you were expecting itto to walk in at any moment. 

you were wearing a pretty one piece that was maroon. the girl inside the store said it was new and a lot of people loved it, so you decided to take her up on the offer. it was a bit tight, but it wasn’t too harsh to where you were struggling to move in it. to be fair, you have never tried out lingerie before. 

your bedroom door suddenly opened and itto appeared in front of you. he was about to speak, but when he saw you sitting on the bed with the clothing on, he completely forgot what he wanted to say. itto couldn’t stop staring. his mouth fell agape and he could feel his cock harden inside of his pants. he thought you looked so fucking gorgeous. his day was already pretty good, but this made it even better than it was. his favorite girl in bed with pretty lingerie? what could get better than that?

“hehe! oh, fuck! baby, you look fucking fantastic!” he grinned, crouching to your level so he could get a closer look at your body. 

you shivered when itto’s fingers made contact with your skin. they felt a little cold from him being outside, but it felt so nice to feel. “really..? i’m glad!” you looked at him with bright eyes. you were relieved that he actually liked it. you weren’t exactly sure if he was into it or not. 

itto then pushed you backwards onto the bed so he could crawl over you. he could hardly contain himself and his body was growing feverishly hot. “fuck.. i love this so much.. i’m gonna make sure you feel good all night.” he said, then unbuckled his belt.

♡ ZHONGLI

it was actually zhongli’s idea to go and take you shopping. he often liked going out with you and walking around the different shops in liyue. another plus was that he got to spend his time with you. he didn’t always have the free time he desired, so being able to experience it with you felt really nice.

he paused when he saw a shop that was unfamiliar to him, because he hadn’t seen it around before. he vaguely recalled the space being vacant for many months, so he assumed that it was a new store that just opened up. it didn’t seem that busy, but zhongli quickly realized what kinds of things they were selling for women. he could see the mannequins in the window that were dressed with different kinds of lingerie. zhongli had an idea, so he motioned for you to follow him inside.

seeing the inside made you feel a little flustered. you didn’t know zhongli would have the idea to come inside this kind of shop, but nonetheless the lingerie was quite great quality. there were ones with special designs or really pretty bras with matching panties to go with them. 

zhongli had picked one out for you to try. it was a one piece that was black and there were specks of gold stitched into the fabric. it was beautiful, so you decided to try it on. 

he patiently waited outside of the changing room. it took you several minutes to get it on, but once you stepped out for your boyfriend to see, all of that shyness inside of you faded. zhongli was absolutely enthralled with how perfect you looked in the lingerie. “my.. you look gorgeous, darling.” he stood up to lift your chin with his finger. “so beautiful.. look at yourself.

you were taken by surprise when zhongli turned you around so you were both facing the mirror inside of the room. goosebumps littered your skin when you felt his bulge pressing against your ass. “it looks.. nice! i like the colors.” you smiled, looking at him through the glass. 

zhongli nodded his head, squeezing one of your tits. a gasp escaped your mouth from how unexpected it was, but it felt really good. “i’ll love it more when i fuck you in it..” he chuckled.

© NXUVILLETTE ┆ all rights reserved, do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

[mirohlayo]

THE ONLY ONE | LN4

( lando and you are on a break because of an argument. but he needs you back. )

warning : angst, fluff, some jealousy, happy ending ofc

word count : 5.1k

note : the longest thing i have ever written with 5k words 😭 pretty proud of it, hope it's not too long lol

!! english not my first language !!

lando sighs as he watches for around the 30th time your instagram story. it was a picture of your outfit of the day, but the little detail - or big detail for him - was the unknown man standing next to you and his clothes matching with yours. lando can't help but rewatch again and again your story throughout all the day. of course, he loves your outfit. he thinks everything suits you, either an elegant dress or just a big hoodie. it was not the problem. but why the fuck your outfit matched with the one of an other man than him ? he just don't understand. usually, he would be and was the only one to match with your outfit. it was kind of your love language, and lando loves it. every time you asked him to wear the same clothes as you, he never refused the offer and even lend you one of his hoodie. it is something very special for him, so when he saw you doing this with an other man than him, he really didn't like it. actually, he hated it.

and the worse ? he is once again looking at your story, laying in your shared bed in his monaco apartment, clinging to your pillow. oh poor him. there is still the scent of you and your shampoo filled in the pillow you used to sleep on when you passed the nights with your loved one. he's holding onto it anytime he's missing you, which is basically every minutes. he smells your fragrance, finding so much comfort in it. and he would also imagines you next to him, cuddling his body and playing with his hair. but these are just memories now. it seems long time ago for him, when the last time you saw each other was actually around 3 weeks now. but it was not a good last time. completely the opposite. and he curses himself when he remembers what happened that day.

"fuck, who is this... thing ? guy ?" he says, throwing his phone over the blankets. for real, who was this man next to you ? have you already forget him and moved on ? but no, you guys are still together. theoretically. yes, the last time you talked to each other was during an argument, but when you left him all alone in his apartment, you didn't say you broke up with him. you just left, furious and mostly hurt. you were on a break. you didn't talk together since the argument, didn't send any text messages that you both would always send every hours because of how much you missed each other. 3 weeks without any contacts. but the thing you don't know is lando still looking at your social medias accounts everyday, missing you dearly. sometimes he hesitates, if he should like or not your stories.

every days, every hours, every minutes, every seconds are hurtful without you. he's still playing again and again in his head the last smile he captured of you. he is missing you so fucking bad. and the only person he can blame is himself. yes, he is the one to blame at. he was the one who started the argument and the one to say the most rude and hurtful words. and he feels so much guilty about it. he can't stand the fact he was the one who hurt and upset the most precious person to his eyes. everything is his fault. and now he thinks he's just a fool who don't deserve you. it pains so much his heart, and he's getting sick of it. he needs you again. he needs to see you again. he needs to kiss and hug you again.

he let a scream out, overthinking about the situation. he grabs his phone and opens the text app. he clicks on your name, and starts typing something. but what ? hello ? hi ? can we talk together ? no. he just can't send you some stupid messages and thinks everything will be perfect again like 3 weeks ago. what was he thinking ? he sighs longly and decides to take a shower to stop thinking about you. but he damn knows that's impossible because every single thing reminds him of you.

like taking showers. you would often showered with him because he loves showering together. washing your hair and hugging you to warm your freezing body meanwhile the cold water was turning hot. and then after you doing his haircare routine, styling his damp curls while he was just looking at you with adoration. or when you guys would spend your evenings together, cuddling close under a woolen plaid on the couch, watching a movie until one of you two would fall asleep. or when you cooked some recipes and it ended up in a food battle. god he's craving of those moments again. he really needs to do something...

-

race day. it is sunday today and of course lando have to race. he don't know it, but you are in the paddock club. yes, even if you're on a break in your relationship, you couldn't miss a race and decided to attend it. those last 3 weeks, you didn't miss a single one races. you didn't attend them, because you were still hurt by lando's words and you didn't want his fans to see you present there, so you just watched the races and your papaya driver on the tv. but you missed so much seeing him in reality, so you attend today's race. of course, you are wearing glasses and a cap to not be recognizable. and you're also sitting in a hidden corner.

lando has no clue that you are here, watching his car moving around. and you have no clue that he is thinking about you and the way he's going to apologize to you. so as the race passes, you keep an eye on his car. your heart and your being feels weird. the amount of love you have for him is still here, and it never shaded away for the past 3 weeks. not a single bit. but of course you are still upset and hurt. the words he said to you broke you into tears. you love him so much, never you loved someone like that. so when he told you those mean things, you felt weak. and very very sad.

in a blink, the race is already finished. fans wave at the drivers who are celebrating the podium with their race team. you smile, admiring the place. you would be lying if you said you didn't missed races. you were always happy to attend one. maybe for the race, or maybe just to spend more time with lando. by the way, he didn't finish on the podium but still get p4. and despite the fact you are still gloomy, you are proud of him, like usually. because he's just the best after all.

now you have to leave the track. of course, you would have love to stay and join your favorite driver, but he don't know you are here and you don't want him to see you. because nobody has already apologize. and it's been 3 weeks since you haven't seen and spoken to him. it would be awkwardly embarrassing. so you have to take precautions and be prudent to not be seen by any mclaren team member. you go down the balcony's stairs, lowering your head and hiding your face with the cap. of course it has to be an orange cap, because it is the only hat you have. an other way to be even more discreet, huh. but it works well. you are now in the paddock area, just in front of the mclaren one. you recognize a lot of engineers and people who work with your boyfriend and you hope deep inside you they don't see and recognize you. but it seems like you failed it.

"y/n ?" oh. oh... it's not just anyone. it's not just a random maclaren team member. no. it is him. it's his voice. his voice that you missed hearing. it's lando norris. you stop, and don't know what to do. and don't know how to react. so you stay like this, turning your back on him. "y/n ? is it you ?" you close your eyes and exhale, you're not really in the mood to talk to him. the only person you shouldn't meet is now facing you. you turn around and keep your head low, you don't have the force to look at him.

you just remove your glasses and put them in your pocket. "why are you here ?" he asks confused, but you can tell he's concerned about it. "to... support you, i guess ?". you finally give up and cross his gaze. and it aches your heart. he looks tired, i mean of course he just finished a 2 hours race but still he looks even tired than usually. his face is pale, doesn't have much color. and his eyes are so tiny, so many emotions in them. "oh ok. huhh thank you...". he answers awkwardly. you bite your lower lip, the atmosphere is, well, very awkward yes. "so, how are you?" you ask to get rid of this tension.

how he is ? fuck this question. he doesn't even want to answer. does he really need to say that he blames himself every day, that he can't sleep because of how much he cries thinking about you, that he skips dinners because of how bad he's feeling ? he never felt like that with any person. it is the first time his whole being aches that much. but he can't tell you that, he knows you will not forgive him that easily. "good. and you ?" he says, avoiding your gaze. "good too" you hum sotfly. he knows damn well that's a lie, because even your tone betrayed you. he tries to take a look at you. his heart squeezes in pain, the view in front of him is heartbreaking. you look as tired as him. and as pale as him too. where is the smile he loves so much gone ? the shining sparkles in your pretty eyes ?

he fights the urge to pull you in his arms. but he's the one at fault, he can only blame himself. "hum, i'll go now" "no." he answers back to back and you look at him confused and surprised. "i-i mean you're going back to monaco ?" he stutters. "no, i'll join a friend of mine" you says coldly. "oh... ok..." god he sounds so sad, it pains you. you struggles to not hug him. because yes, you're hurt, but you still love him like crazy. "well... oh and good job today" you quickly say and starts to leave, not wanting to stay more here. you don't turn back, but lando is now smiling softly, watching you fade away in the crowd. "thank you, love" he whisper to himself.

he sighs, blinking slowly. now memories are coming back, and he remembers what happened that night, when everything went wrong in only one second.

- -

you were very tired. a hard day of work. so when you came home, in your lover's apartment in monaco, all you wanted was to follow him around like a puppy and cuddle him. you were so clingy and so needy. it was rare, very very rare for you to be like that, all clingy and needy, so when that night you doubled it, it was kind of surprising and shocking. usually, lando loves when you get clingy, when you want him all for yourself. because it not happens often, so of course he cherishes these moments. but that night, it was different. he didn't like the way you acted with him. you kept following him around the apartment, touching him gently and innocently. like grabbing his hand, placing soft kisses on his cheeks, back hugs. you just wanted his attention. you just wanted your lover. but he didn't seems he felt the same about you. first, he didn't care much. he just didn't returned back your affection. but the more you were getting clingy, the more he was getting angry. he started to hate it.

you tried to kiss him on the lips and instead of kissing you back roughly, he turned his head and your lips pressed against his cheek. you paused for a second, confused. you frowned and tried to understand why he did that. why your lover didn't return back your hugs ? your kisses ? why he acted like you didn't even exist ? you placed your hand on his forearm but he shifted. your heart squeezed, why was he like this ? usually, he was the neediest one and the one getting even clingier. you were lost.

"baby, why you don't kiss me back ?" you asked softly. lando sighed and he seemed annoyed. he didn't even dare to reply. which hurt you. you moved and stopped before him. "something is wrong ? something bothers you ?" you tried to understand why he was in this mood, you wanted to help him talk about whatever bothered his thoughts. but you didn't expect to hear that. "yes, you." he hissed. your face deformed. did you hear well ? "w-what ?" you stuttered. "you. it's you. you fucking annoy me". you blinked and took some few steps back. your being hurt, your heart was broken. "what do you mean ?"

"you're so clingy and needy and i fucking hate it. stop being like that and stop touching me. you're so annoying" he threw these words at you, giving you a death look as his furrowed his brows. oh pain was real. you felt weak, you thought it was all a dream. but no, your lover was here, saying harsh words to you and kept hurting your poor little heart. and while you tried to understand his behavior - because he would never talk bad to you like that - a bulb lighted in your head.

it was qualifying. you remembered lando's week went bad and hard for him. bad practices, no luck, his slow car, his poor performance... nothing went right. and you knew how much f1 had an important impact on him and his mental health. he was so hard on himself and sometimes he would overthink about why he sucks at racing. this explains why he was acting like a shit with you. you knew it was that. he didn't want to do a bad race tomorrow. so instead of calm down and talk about it with you, he let out all his anger on you. it was like he took you as a punching ball and kept punching you, until you broke in pieces. you understand how he felt, racing is his job, he has to be the best. but let out his anger on your poor person even though you did nothing wrong, you couldn't take that. yes, he had the right to be angry and annoyed and whatever, but being harsh towards you won't make his performance better. so you tried to talk with him. or maybe argue with him.

"lando, please. i know you don't mean what you say." he stared at you and then walk closer to you. his gaze get through yours, and a storm appeared in it. "yes, i mean it y/n. you're getting on my nerves and i don't like that. maybe i don't like you too". wow. it was harsh. it was like getting stabbed again and again. he don't like you ? he really meant it ? now you were about to cry. tears filled your eyes, and you breathed harder to not let them run. and of course lando noticed it. "what, really ? are you going to cry ? you're the one who started it all and you think you can cry ? gosh you're so pathetic y/n". you shook your head and looked away because you knew soon your tears will drop. was he saying bullshit now ? "oh, you're really crying" he made fun of you and your statement. but you couldn't stand here and just cry. you had to speak up, to explain how you felt and explain that letting out his anger on you was not the solution. "please lando stop. i know it's because of racing that you're acting like that. you can be upset and annoyed but it can't justify the fact you burst your emotions on me. i did nothing wrong, i just want to help yo-" "it's not about racing !!!!" he yelled at you.

you almost jumped because of how much he scared you. he never yelled at you. never ever. he was so different from the lando you knew. lando was the perfect, caring, kindness boyfriend. who was so in love with you. not someone who yell and hurt you. "you can't even see it's you the problem. i don't need your shitty cuddles and hugs and everything. i never wanted you and i don't even need you. you sucks". "lando pleas-" "i wish i had never met you". and then he passed you to crawl on the couch, turning on the tv. he looked like he didn't even care about you anymore. your heart cried as your being hurt. the best thing that have ever came into your life just said he wish he had never met you. how hurtful it is. and you thought it was the race who made him angry like that, but it seemed like it's not the reason anymore. just him speaking maybe the truth and what he thinks about you. and you wished you were dreaming. but no, it was not.

you never had an argument with him. or when something was wrong, you would always talk about it. but it was so different. the person you loved the most broke you. pain, yeah, pain filled your body. it ached badly. you just wanted to leave. run far far away. so he couldn't hurt you anymore. "i'm leaving. i can't stay with you anymore so i'll go" "then go. get out of my apartment. i would be better off without you". it was one sentence too many. your tears ran down your cheeks, your face. you couldn't stop them. so you just leave, shutting the door behind you, as the one who broke you started to realize little by little what happened. and it was when guilt started to kick him.

-

"so fucking dumb you are" max says again, cursing at his friend's behavior towards you. "i know. don't remind me. i'm such an idiot" lando says again, cursing at himself. he is laying on his bed, re-watching your new instagram stories while max is sitting on the other side of the bed. "and for the fucking 40th time please stop looking at her stories. you've been doing this since this morning." max states, and try to grab his friend's phone who dodge it effortlessly. f1 driver reflexes yes. "then you stop sitting on this side of the bed. y/n's perfume will disappear because of you and your stinky scent". max rolls his eyes and finally stand up. "you're miserable".

lando sighs, and throws his phone over the blankets. "max help me... i'm so fucking lost without her." "but it's your own fault. you're the one to blame at". he shrugs and shake his head. "i know it's my fault max. don't you know i'm literally dying every single day because of how much i miss her ? that i'm crying because i will never find someone like her ? i'm in a shitty situation and i don't feel well because she's not with me. look, i'm in a pitiful state even though we did not even broken. what will i be like if we break up for real ? i don't even want to imagine it because i already know it will be awful." he passes his hand in his hair, ruffling them. "i've never felt like that about any exes, anyone. it's the first time i suffer like this, i don't know what to do...". max looks at his friend and his gaze softens. he hates seeing his best friend suffer, he can't stand it. "lando i can help you. and i will help you. but you have to promise me that you-" "SHE TEXTED ME !!!" lando suddenly screams.

"what ??" max jumps on the bed and sit next to him. "MAX !! SHE SENT ME A MESSAGE" lando is going crazy, he is just shocked. he don't even realizes what happens, he thinks he's dreaming. his heart is beating faster now. but max sighs as he reads the text you just sent, a simple "i'm coming to pick up some things in the evening". it is more a negative message because it means you're not staying in your boyfriend's apartment, but still lando is relieved by this one text. "lando, she's not staying. she's coming to pick up things because she don't want to live with you" "but it's her first text since 3 weeks ago ! she thinks about me too!"

max shakes his head and closes his eyes because he's getting a headache. "mate you don't get it" he says. but his friend don't listen, he is too focused on his phone. because he knows he's going to see her girlfriend soon, and he knows it will be the moment to apologize, to show her how much he cares about her. "max, help me. give me advices please. i'm listening". and then the two would spend the whole afternoon together, the streamer giving advices to the driver. lando is prepared, he don't want to loose his chance.

and then someone knocks on the door. he knows it is you because it's now around 6pm. max left 30 minutes ago. so it means you two will be alone together. lando almost tumbles because he ran towards the door at the speed of his mclaren livery. he takes a breath and opens the door.

oh.

your pretty face. the first thing he saw. his heart squeezes at the sight of you. your eyes, scanning his face and his body while he does the same for you. he can't believes you're standing in from of him, even though he saw you last week on sunday. but he's feeling worried now. you look super tired. dark circles under your tired eyes, your cheekbones more visible. you are as terrible as him. nobody dare to talk, and you start to feel awkward. "can i enter or maybe i just stay here until tomorrow ?" you say. "o-oh yes, come..." he shifts and you walk inside the apartment. and a weird feeling seizes you. every rooms of the apartment holds a memory from you and your boyfriend. the kitchen where he would cooks your breakfast, the living room where you would play karaokes. you feel nostalgic. and remember these memories makes you want to stay, to forgive lando, to be back together like before. but you put yourself together and fight this urge. you came for your things, not for him. or maybe it was also your intention. "how are you ?" he asks cautiously. "good. what about you ?" you reply. "good too". no, lies. from both of you.

you make your way to the bedroom. the first thing you see is your pillow above lando's one, as is he was sleeping on it. and the fact is that he was truly sleeping on it, your scent lulled him every nights. you put your suitcase on the bed and open it, you don't want to waste time. but there is a problem. and it's a big one. you have to sleep with lando tonight. not maybe in the same bed, but still you have to pass the night in his, well your shared apartment. those past 3 weeks, you were hosting at one of your friend's house. when lando asked you to moved in with him, you sold your old apartment. that's why you had nowhere to go, and lando was so worried about it but you weren't aware of it of course.

but your friend's parents were passing through and decided to pay a visit to your friend's house. you didn't want to intrude, so instead of worrying your friend you said you will buy an hotel room. what a coincidence you are now in your boyfriend apartment, sweating because you are scared to ask him to stay. so waiting for the fateful moment, you keep packing up things. you can also feel lando staring at you and his intense look burns your cheeks. "do you need anything ? you want something to eat ?" he asks sudenly, and you can hear he's caring about you by his tone. "no i'm okay, thank you" you simply answer.

your heart start pounding faster, and you sweat even more. god why were you so shy and scared ? he is your boyfriend after all, why would he refuse ? you play nervously with your necklace, the one lando gave you for your first date. you never took it off since now. "are you... okay ?" your boyfriend gives you a concerned look, he noticed you stopped packing your clothes. you take a deep breath and move to face him. "hum... can i..." your words don't want to leave your mouth. "can i stay here ? does it bothers you if i sleep here tonight ? if so then it's okay i will fin-" "no stay please." he rushes back. you look at him surprised. "i-i mean it doesn't bother me at all. you can sleep here". you give him a small smile and a little thank you. he smiles back, but unlike you it is a big, happy smile. the exact smile you love seeing from him. "huh, you can sleep on the bed, i'll go with the couch". he adds and you just nod.

lando just keep staring at you. of course, it disturbs you because sometimes you are putting useless things in your suitcase. he takes advantage of it to admire you. your body's silhouette he loved hugging, your shiny and soft hair he loved styling, your presence and its hold on him. you truly are precious to him. he knows he can't live without you in his life, it's just impossible. he needs you. not tomorrow, not in the next few hours. no. he needs you now. right now. he just can't stand the fact you're right here and can't kiss him or push him on the bed to cuddle him. he approaches you, and gently grabs your hand. surprisingly, you don't remove it and he melts down in the touch. "y/n... please listen to me". you sigh longly and turn your face to cross his eyes. you are also tired of it. even if he hurts you so bad, you can't stay far away from him because you need him as he needs you. "i'm listening". he strokes the back of your hand and takes your chin in his fingers to lift up your head, forcing you to look at him.

"i'm so fucking sorry y/n. so so sorry. you have no idea how much i blame myself and i feel so guilty every day. i'm the worst boyfriend ever, i don't even deserve you. every single minutes i keep thinking about what i said that day and if i could i would go back in time. because i regret so much those hurtful and cruel words i said to you. and you have to believe me, i didn't meant not a single word. i can't stand the fact that i'm the one who hurt you when i said i would punch the person who would did it". you try to reply back but he's so into it now. "please let me finish. i love you. i'm so madly and deeply in love with you. if you ever ask me to bring down the stars and the moon for you i'll do it. i would do anything for you. i love you. i have never loved someone like that. even with my exes, i never felt like that before, i never wanted someone so bad than you. you're the only one for me. nobody can replace you y/n. you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and i'll never let anything and anyone taking you from me. i need you in my life and i want you in my life because i can't imagine it without you. when i said i would be better without you, i so fucking lay. it's completely the opposite, i'm nothing without you. i would do anything for you to forgive me. because you're the only one, and you'll always be the only one."

tears are now running down his cheeks. and yours too. gosh he just let everything out, he has never been so desperate over someone. you can't stand it anymore and hug him tightly. he melts down in your hug and squeezes you. oh he missed you so much. he hides his wet face in the crook of your neck and keeps crying like a baby. you rub his back slowly and place a soft kiss on his hair. "i love you too lando. i'm so in love with you and i also need you." you simply say, because you know he already knows you're infatuated with him. and you guys stayed like that for fifteen minutes, lando keeping his arms around you. he don't want to let you go. he's so afraid of it now. "let's go cuddle in the bed. or maybe you still hate it" you tease him gently. "no. please. cuddle me. be clingy and needy, i'm only asking for it. don't go away from me." you two crumble into the bed and put the blankets over your bodies. lando curls up against you, his grip tight on you that you can barely breathe. he hides once again his head in the crook of your neck and one of his hand slips under your shirt, stroking your back. you start playing with his curls, something he loves and craves very much.

"i love you so much my baby" he suddenly says. you smile and peck his side profile. "me too lan". he lift up his head and your looks cross. he can't help it and a silly smile takes place on his lips. and he leans in, kissing you softly, your warm lips against his. he missed kissing you, so he really struggles to pull back. "besides i was such a liar. i'm the most needy and clingy one." you laugh hard and kiss him once again. he returns back the kiss and traces his way to your neck, planting soft kisses on it. "no for real, i would literally die without your cuddles. and just without you actually". you giggle and, you spend the rest of the night together. showering together again, cooking together again, playing karaokes together again. and of course, he didn't slept on the couch. but in your warm embrace which he's sure he'll never leave.