#but maybe I personally wanna fuss around with that concept and make it a fucked up little time loop of suffering

[sunnydayjackass]

So, I’ve been thinking about this for a while. (You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.) But how would Jack react to us not wanting to celebrate our birthdays? Again you don’t have to do this, it’s just out of curiosity if anything.

Initially, Jack is really confused why you don't celebrate your birthday. Absolutely baffled, he views your birthday as a monumentous occasion- you were born into this world, beautiful, beautiful you. You're his entire world, you're the most important person to him, you're what matters most. While you should be celebrated regularly, Jack would want to pull out all the stops he possibly could to make your birthday a special occasion. Sacred even.

But to you, it's just another day on the calendar. Just another fucking Tuesday. You don't take the day off, you don't make plans or treat yourself to anything in particular. Honestly - you'd forget it all together if you could if not for getting a handful of texts from Shaun and other friends. The former knows you- keeps it simple with a "Happy Bday from me and Moonpie". Ian is probably a little bit more despite knowing but you opt not to even validate his message with a read receipt.

Would like to think that the conversation comes up somewhat organically. Jack figures out your birthday one way or another, and simply asks what you want to do, what you would like, he's got ideas- sure but he wants this absolutely, perfectly, tailor made to you.

"Your birthday is next week, Sunshine!"

"Hm? Oh, yeah...I guess so."

Your unenthusiastic reply has Jack's brow furrowing, smile unwavering, but it's clear that wasn't the response he had been anticipated.

"Well, what would you like to do? We've gotta celebrate!"

"...Nah, never really been my thing. I'd rather not."

The ever bright smile falters, there's apparent confusion, concern, Jack's brain is working into overdrive trying to figure out if this is a joke, hell if it's even a test for him to do something for you on his own but...that isn't like you at all.

"But...birthdays are special. You're special, Sunshine...I wanna celebrate you." Jack worries that something is the matter, he won't outright pry and you can tell looking up from your book that he's far more concerned about this than you've ever been.

"To some people, sure. I've just never been into celebrating my birthday honestly. For a couple of reasons. But like... I'm fine, it's fine. I'd just rather not." You reply gently, and you can see clear as day it's a little difficult for Jack to wrap his head around what should be a simple concept. Ultimately what it boils down to is that you don't want to and that should be enough for him. All Jack wants is for you to be content and happy, if that means not celebrating, he'll earnestly try.

Maybe you don't tell him, eager as he is to know, he won't press but it's something that'll stick with him.

Maybe you do. Be it you've never had a good birthday, family issues, trauma, ect. Or maybe it's just that you don't see the significance of it the way others do. It's just a day, it isn't worth the fuss. Jack will listen intently and approach it from a place of empathy and sincerity.

However, Jack still can't help himself, but he knows you. You don't wake up to streamers all over the place or balloons, there's none of that obnoxious birthday song playing, you wake up like another day on your birthday. But there's the smell of coffee/tea/your favorite morning drink being made from the kitchen and something sweet. Jack makes you either a solitary little cupcake or a stack of pancakes with a candle stuck up top the middle with a sheepish little look on his face and pink marring his cheeks.

"I cant...not celebrate you, Sunshine." He replies. He's not so overt as he'd like to be but it's just something small and simple with a little handmade card on the table. Just something to show you how much he absolutely adores you. While he would love to shower you with attention and affection to make the day special, he does his best to try and reel it in though he still offers a massage in the evening, offering to make your favorite dinner or meal, ect. Things he still does regularly that he thinks he can do all the same just today especially.

All Jack does, he does for you, Sunshine.

[ye-local-simp]

Heyy i would like a BSD matchup if you still do those. I'm a bi dude so you can match me with any gender.

Basic stats: i'm 21, entp 7w8, a uni student (i study finance but thats against my will lol i acc have no idea what i wanna do in life).

My hobbies are honestly kinda ever-changing and my love for them fluctuates. Nth really been stuck with me but i like the finer things in life. I love art in all of its forms tho. I paint sometimes (either on canvas or lil statues i buy that are usually sold for kids to paint) and i love going to museums, exhibitions and sometimes dabble in photography when im particularly excited about a concept. I am a board game type person (never dabbled in video games). Anything from cards to chess to Clue and whatnot. Love it all. Also like to walk for a fuck ton of hours. I am the perfect travel buddy bc i will walk around for 10 hours non-stop and still have a grin on my face when looking at exciting new stuff. Weird obsession with airport atmosphere. Love being awake and outside at ungodly hours even tho it is against my will.

Things i dislike: small talk. Pls i cant stand it. I feel awkward and i wanna talk more. I hate closeminded ppl. Never understood how one can be so content with staying the same and never craving change or broadening their horizons. Routine, strict social norms and roles. Fuck all that :) also hate ppl who make a fuss about how others dress. The world would be a better place if we could dress like anime characters lol

Appearance (idk if it matters but maybe it helps you visualize me better and see what character would look good next to me): 6 ft, pitch black hair (overgrown 2-block hairstyle) and i got p pale skin with thick brows. Always look angry lol everyone thinks i am mad at them (even strangers ask if i am having a bad day lmao). My wardrobe is just black clothes of diff silhouettes but i keep it baggy and comfy :) feel super inspired by yohji yamamoto and rick owens but i legit cant afford that lol

Have a good day and sorry in case you dont do matchups just delete this :)

You are matched with...

Dazai!!!

-He likes to play board games with you instead of work, at work.

-He likes your paintings and photography projects.

-He doesn't care about anything, he just wants life to be fun and enjoyable.

-He also hates social norms so he wants to not follow norms at all.

[emile-hides]

I said this as like a joke a ha ha funny goof like two weeks ago in the tags of a post on my side-blog and as the Autistic brain do when presented with a ha ha funny goof in a fandom I started thinking on it too much and now here I am with absolutely zero actual evidence for this but like

I think Magnificus is Leshy from the Beta version of Inscryption; Sacrifices Must Be Made.

They’re both trees which really isn’t that weird but in a game with like 4 central main characters it’s weird two of them are straight up plants

Leshy is a Leshy like that makes sense as a being that lives in the woods is the Scrybe of beasts like it makes sense we been knew

But why is a wizard a tree?? As Drawfee says wizards can be anything but Magnificus really has no wizard energy to him. I would not guess that his roll if I’d just seen him on his own

He doesn't even have the wizard hat like his pupils or his cards bro at least try to look the part

According to game files the green shit covering Magnificus is his beard which is both hysterical to learn and also maybe helps my case because Leshy also has a beard of green brush but whatever it’s not the biggest deal just hold on

His entire thing is his eye that tells him the future a future he cannot change

The future of his game and the world outside it and possibly even the world past Luke Carder to you, you the player

Which is interesting and very vaguely hinted at but like

During the ARG you the player, not Luke Carter, discover one of the secret codes by going back to Sacrifices must be made and adding a file into the game

What this file actually is is blank of course but it does something Leshy at the end of the beta

It gives him awareness

Awareness he did not have before. Awarness he is in a game, an unfinished game, a game that is literally about to end you are at the end of the Beta, his world is about to end but more importantly

“What have you done to me?”

“This new knowledge flooding into my head...”

“I cannot... I cannot unlearn....”

“WHTL!ESAHEAD”

“what lies ahead” implies more than just the beta’s end

This was obviously added after the full Inscryption came out, implying you just have him information that not only is his game incomplete but there is a full version and this is what will happen there as well

A future he cannot change

Leshy’s entire presence is just his eyes in Sacrifices Must Be Made we never see what he looks like

It’s not really like. Unheard of for Daniel Mullens characters to jump games. Like not at all.

So the idea that Leshy in Beta would make the jump to the completed game to save himself from the ending of an incomplete game isn’t super unheard of

Not that it matters as even the completed game will be deleted

And he knows that. He cannot unsee what lies ahead

Side tangent but Magnificus’ system feels super incomplete and in need of a rework

I know in game/out game world building Inscryption was a real card game first and the video game is based on that so it’s not really his fault magic decks suck

And his final battle’s incomplete feeling can be blamed on the game being more than half deleted at that point but at the same time

His little. Mind place. Where he unsubtly tells you to use the knife or get the damn film roll from the clock if you’re like me and choose to ignore it is super barren already. Like it just looks like that

A tile floor, collapsed columns, and a single easel. Not much else really to it.

Supposedly the version Luke is playing is incomplete in terms of like. The actual original game is concerned so like. Actually maybe???

And I mean Magnificus’ Uber-Bot stand in is the Unfinished boss, implying he isn’t a fully finished part of the game?? Right??

Okay so like obviously the game had to have a Scrybe of Magicks when it was being coded because Magic cards existed in the real card game so it’s not like he could just put himself in there

But also the entire ACTUAL game’s story is about over throwing one of the Scrybes and taking their place so like. Maybe.

Maybe not quiet like that maybe he just like. Put his own files in place of theirs. Like King Candy from Wreck it Ralph.

Because he speaks like he knows how many dialogue boxes he has before his boss battle has to start as if he doesn’t really have a choice in how much he can say before you MUST progress

He even gets kind of deleted mid-sentence while trying to warn you AFTER his fight which idk imagine a more eccentric wizard doing one of those poof gone kind of animations after giving you a cryptic clue

The only bit of actually in character, as in as the Scrybe of Magicks a boss in the video game Inscryption, dialogue Magnificus gives us is during his boss battle in which he explains how his battle mechanic actually works and talks about how your cards need more color

But in his end end fight the painting he makes for Luke to try and make him feel guilt for letting the world get deleted is black and white

And he whited out Goobert’s painting??? Like at least when he bleached are cards it was to add more color to them this he just whited out which feels like these are two different character motives

It’s a lot of maybe’s and taking leaps but this is a game with Hitler’s Satan card game as it’s central plot point so I feel like I’m allowed a little leeway here.

The irony of Leshy tearing out Magnificus’ eye with his knife and keeping it so the player can progress onward and eventually return to Beta to give Leshy that same eye all over again is not lost on me

A loop is a loop and I’m kind of obsessed with it

[rezzyromance]

can i request a heisenburg x reader where they take a shower together and it starts getting freaky B) idk if im aloud to add kinks but maybe praise :D

This one was written from the heart.

(CW: Sex +18)

Once again, I've written this story with a gender neutral reader until it gets to the sexual part. I am not experienced in writing any sexual scenarios for gender neutral people or people with penises. I'm very sorry for this and hope you enjoy the story anyway. "I'm not going to ask again, Karl. Will you please take a shower?" You've been pushing Karl for the last 30 minutes to take a shower. It had been so long since he took a break from his work to actually take care of himself. It worried you, so you'd often try to take care of him here and there without getting on his nerves. But now, he's being relentless and stubborn. "For the last time, (Y/N) I don't have time to shower." His tone was aggressive as he refused to look away from his work to face you. "When's the last time you change your clothes? You sweat so much during some of the shit you do to these robots, or whatever they are." "It'll all just get dirty again, so what's the point of cleaning anything?" His gross words made you shiver. You loved him, but the man had nearly no concept of personal hygiene sometimes. A small part of him did care a little bit. He didn't want you to see him as gross. He's never had someone who he's felt the need to impress or look good for until you came along. But still, his work mattered so much to him that he casted hygiene to the side more often than you'd both like to admit. "What if I joined you?" You ask. He froze in his place, nearly choking on his own tongue. But he was quick to regain his composure. He looked over at you from the chair he was sitting in. You couldn't tell due to him wearing his sunglasses, but his eyes were scanning every little detail of your face. "Well?" You cross your arms and stare at him waiting for a response. He inhaled through his nose and tried to cover his excitement with a false sense of aggravation. "Fine. As long as it gets you to shut up." He rises from his chair and you can't help but smile knowing you won the argument. "Leave your coat, hat, and gloves here. We'll clean those later." "Yeah yeah whatever." You excitedly make your way to the bathroom. You set the shower temperature to a comfortable level of heat. The room began to fill with steam. Karl stood against the wall with his arms crossed, still wanting to seem reluctant even though he already agreed to the shower. "Alright. Water's ready. Now strip." You demand with a cheeky smile. "You first." "Sorry, can't do that. I wanna make sure you actually get in the shower before I do so you can't run." This makes him roll his eyes. But, once he's done pouting he begins to remove his shirt. You do the same, hoping it will coax him into continuing. Once his shirt is off he throws it to the side and smiles once he notices you stripping as well. It doesn't take long for you both to be completely unclothed.

He pulls back the shower curtain and steps inside. "Ah! Son of a bitch! Why's the water so hot?!" he yells out and begins to twist the metal shower knobs with his powers. "I didn't make it THAT hot." You step inside and feel a shiver crawl up your skin. "Now it's too cold." You complain. "You are not making this easy, are you?" He turns the knob to warmer. As uncomfortable as it was for him before, he didn't want to hear you fuss more than you already were. "That's better." You smile and relax as the water covers your body.

You stood there for a while, just enjoying the feeling of the heat around you. For a second, you zoned out. The whole time he stood there staring at you. Seeing you so happy and at peace made his insides start to feel as hot as the water that bounced and ran down his skin. All of his own discomfort fled as he watching, lovingly, at the smile growing on your face. Your eyes began to flutter open and he quickly looked away, not wanting it to be obvious that he was staring. But, you could tell from his flushed face and wandering eyes that he had been watching you.

You had placed 2 wash clothes on the side of the tub. You bent over to grab them and again he can't help but stare. This time, his feelings are a little less innocent as he gazes upon your body in a position that drives his mind wild. "Here's a wash cloth." You rise up and turn to hand him one. His body was closer to yours than it was just a few seconds ago, but you didn't mind. "Thanks." His voice was rough and low, almost as if he spoke in a growl. You supply both rags with soap and begin to rub down your body as he does the same.

You sit back for a moment, not really putting in much effort into cleansing yourself as you were too distracted by the sight in front of you. The way his silver hair stretched and clung to his face as the water weighed it down drove you mad. The way the water trickles off his muscular arms and powerful body absolutely hypnotized you. "Having fun there, (Y/N)?" You look up from his chest to his eyes. "Sure am. And you?" You use the cloth that you were previously bathing yourself with and begin to rub across his chest. "I'm fine, but I can bathe myself." He jokes. "Are you sure about that? It looks like you missed a spot." You point to a random area on his chest. "What? Where?" He looks down to where you were pointing and you take the opportunity to place an unexpected kiss on his lips. The initial shock causes him to almost pull away at first, but he soon pushes into the kiss, making it more passionate.

Your back was now pushed against the wall as you both continued your heated kiss. He was first to slip in tongue and you followed, ignoring any drool that leaked from your mouth as it only blended in with the shower water. His hands were gripped tightly to your hips. He begins to bring his body closer to yours. You can feel something poking you before the rest of his body makes contact which causes you to smile against his lips.

You place a hand on his wet chest and slowly make your way lower and lower until you can feel the light scratchiness of his pubes. he nibbles lightly on your bottom lip, signaling for you to go even further. You follow through and reach down you grasp his hardened penis. He inhales sharply and you begin to rub it back and forth, teasing him with your soft touches. He grunted quietly and tightened his grip on your hips, digging his fingers in slightly. You whimper and wrap your fingers around his cock as you begin to jerk him off. "Fuck yeah. Just like that." He groans in your ear before placing scattered kisses on your neck. You use your free hand to reach up and tangle your fingers in his wet locks. He begins to bite down on the more tender spots on your soft neck, leaving marks all over.

After more and more stroking, he grabs your wrist and pulls it away from his crotch. "Do you want me?" He says in a husky voice directly into your ear. "Mhm." You try to not moan as you feel his hand rub down your stomach and making its way in between your legs. "Say it. Say you want me." He demands. "I want you." You gasp lightly as his fingers begin to play with you between your legs. Your knees come together and he uses one of his hands to move them apart. You wrap your arms around his neck, using him as support as your legs shake beneath you. His rough and calloused fingers toy with your clit, causing you to dig your nails into his back. This causes him to inhale through his gritted teeth, but he didn't mind.

After almost rubbing you to completion, he pulls away to torment you some more. You let out a dissatisfied groan as his hand pulls away. His smirk was as egotistical as ever. "What's wrong? You want a little more?" He places his hands on the wall with your body in-between them. He slowly began to bring his body closer to yours, trapping you against the wall. His hard dick was between your legs and resting eagerly against your pussy. He slowly rocked his body, moving his dick across your needy region. He stared into your eyes and watched the agitation grow stronger. "Having any regrets about this yet?" He holds in a chuckle. "No. But if you don't fuck me stupid then I might." "Is that an invitation?" He leans in more and places a hand on the side of your face, cupping it while his thumb played with your bottom lip. You open your mouth and lead the tip of his thumb in before slowly biting now. You didn't bite hard at all, just enough to make him pull his dick away from you and begin to position it for entry. "I'll take that as a yes, Buttercup."

With his thumb still in your mouth, he pushes the first few inches of his dick in. Your breath hitches and you accidentally bite down harder. "Bite any harder and I'll leave right now." He threatens. You immediately loosen your jaw and begin to suck lightly as he pushes more of himself into you. You moan and he pulls his thumb out but continues to hold your face in his hand as he slowly rocks his hips, giving you a little time to adjust. But, it was only a little bit of time. Once your body loosened a little bit he began to thrust. in and out, holding into your waist to keep you from slipping. The sound of wet skin slapping filled the room along with overwhelmed moans that you couldn't keep quiet.

A few grunts left his gritted teeth as he pounded into you relentlessly. "C'mere" He grabbed you by the arm and pulled you away from the wall and turned you so your back is facing him. He bends you over and places one of his hands underneath your stomach to provide you for support. You felt as his tip wandered around in between your legs before finding your vagina again. Once he filled you up with his dick again, he began to pound into you even harder. Both of his hands gripped tightly on each side of your waist as he pulled your entire body into him with each pound.

You felt like you could feel it in your stomach. His dick was harder than ever and you swore you could feel it throbbing and twitching inside of you. Your vision was blurred from the sheer amount of overwhelming pleasure so you closed your eyes. Your moans had become quiet little whimpers that were pushed out of you with each thrust. You feel his hand make its way through your hair as he grips a handful of it and pulls your head back slightly. "Fuck yes (Y/N).." He moans as your body limply swings against his pounding. You could feel a burning feeling growing between your legs. Your climax was near and you wanted so badly to finish. He could tell by the way your legs were trembling that you were close.

He reaches one of his hands between your legs and feels for the clit as he continued to slam into you. A loud moan escaping from your lips helped him navigate to eventually finding your sweet spot. So now he was drilling into you while also destroying your clit. You shut your eyes tight and let loose all of the swears, grunts, and moans you were holding back. His climax was approaching as well. You could hear him grunting and swearing louder and louder, occasionally saying your name. "Karl! Karl I'm gonna cum!" You cry out. He doesn't change his pace until he feels you release onto him. Your body goes completely limp as your vagina floods with your orgasm. You couldn't feel your body and your brain felt foggy.

He still had an orgasm to reach, though. So, he pulled out and made sure to keep a tight grip on you to make sure you don't collapse. You followed the motion of his movements as he turned you around and put his lips to yours as he stroked his cock. The kiss was messy, but loving. He stopped jerking himself off and grabbed you by the waist again. "Wrap your legs around me." He says. You nod, too dazed to give a verbal response. He lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. You also wrap your arms around his neck and rest your head against him as he sticks his dick in you again. You give no protest and close your eyes as he pounds in and out into your comfortable body that engulfed him. While you were quiet, he could still hear you moaning under your breath. He bounced your body up and down, kissing you over and over again. Once he knew his orgasm was rising, he pulled you off and came, letting it drip down his shaft and onto the wet shower floor. You were both breathless but gained a sense of comfort from feeling each others chests rise and fall.

"So," He spoke in between small gasps. "I might need to shower with you more often." You laughed softly into his shoulder, too tired to give any real reaction. He twisted the knob to the shower off with his powers. His hands never left your body as he held you against him. "Here. Sit." He sits you down on the side of the tub and grabs a towel. He softly began to rub your wet hair, attempting to dry it while you rested. You stared into his eyes as he did so. They had their usual sharpness to them, but something about him in this moment was so much more tender than his usual self. You didn't complain though. When he was done, you took the towel from him and returned the favor by drying his hair. He closed his eyes and relaxed against your gentle touch. Once you finished, you placed a kiss on his nose that immediately created a smile on his face.

"How about we go relax a little more before I get back to work." He offers. "I'd like that." You respond quietly. He wraps a towel around his waist and then wraps a towel around you before picking you up bridal style and carrying you back to the bedroom. There, you both curled up against each other and fell asleep.

[seas1mping]

I feel like Gang Orca would be the SWEETEST if he dated someone with a baby. Especially if the baby likes him 🥺

Deadass you've made my day making the first one Orca thank you so much.

BROOOO imagine if the baby liked him like yeah he loves you and all but "(n), please just let me hold them for a few more minutes? We have a bond and they called me dad"

There is not enough Dad Kugo fics and I plan on correcting that.

I tried to keep this as gn as possible so you could decide yours and the kids gender, please lmk if I fucked it up.

———

"So, where are we going again?" He looked uneasy, you'd kept a surprise from him and just told him to get in the car. You felt bad about it, sure, but it would be good for him, otherwise he'd just chicken out.

"Well, you've never met the other person who lives with me so we're heading to where they are right now." He looked to tense up some more, but you patted him gently "I swear, they will love you."

He slightly nodded and relaxed, getting a water bottle to hydrate his skin, he saw the sign from the other side of the parking lot. It was a Daycare facility. He looked at you, but you didnt look at him.

"(n), is this what I think it is?"

"....yes. It's a daycare. But I promise, it's not gonna be as bad as it seems. Just maybe come up to the door and wait outside if you dont feel comfortable coming in with me?"

He nodded and the two of you got out. You walked with him and gave him a kiss on the cheek and promised you'll be back, walking inside. He stood out there for a little while, looking at some of the kids in the windows of the place who stared at him.

Some kids came out of the facility and cried, others were fascinated, trying to ask questions until their parents took them away, but the questions were always answers he got a lot so he didn't mind.

You came back out soon after and in your arms was a little baby, probably no older than maybe a year and a half, wiggling and chewing on a finger.

"Kugo, this is Riley. Riley, this is Kugo. He's my new friend. You wave at him?" You bounced Riley gently, holding your hand out and waving at Kugo, cooing when the baby did it too.

Kugo.exe has stopped.

Kugo got all like excited. Yeah, the baby has no concept of fear right now, but it WAVED AT HIM.

You called his name, and it snapped him out of his head. He followed you back to the car and watched you put the baby in their seat. When you drove back to your house, Kugo got nervous.

You were giving him the baby to hold. What if he hurt them? What if he dropped them? What if the baby didn't like him and started fussing?

'You know what? YOLO, I'm holding this baby.'

He held the baby to his chest, letting Riley lift their head up to look at him while their feet rested on his stomach.

He tried to smile at them, and he made a click noise.

They smiled back, and tried to click as well.

"...Hello, Riley...."

No response, of course. Kugo knew they probably couldn't speak yet, and that was okay. They'd develope at their own pace. Just had to give them ti-

"...h.....hl...hlo..."

Kugo trembled. His heart skipped a beat, and then two, he felt like he'd just been punched. He stared at Riley, who stared back as if nothing was wrong.

"Can you say...daddy...?"

He didnt know why he wanted them to say Daddy, he just wanted to hear it. He wanted to feel like he belonged with this child like he did. Riley opened their mouth again.

"D....daa..daaa..b...da...dee..."

AAAAAAA

They said it. Kugo does a happy dance and smiles at Riley. He played with them gently, talking to them and trying to give you some time to make dinner. He helped Riley sit up on his chest and they clapped.

"Boop~"

It was sudden, very quick, but he felt it. Riley's hand had touched his snout. It wrinkled in response, but it made him feel happy. They liked him!!

"Kugo, I need my child, dinner is ready." You said, coming out of the kitchen a few minutes later. Only to find Kugo was dancing with Riley in his arms.

He stared at you, and you looked between him and Riley, who was giggling and hugging onto his neck.

"....Hold on let me get my camera this is going on my blog-"

"(n), plEaSE-"

And that's how it started. 5 years later, Riley is starting kindergarten and their new dad is right alongside of them. Riley sobbed, holding onto his hand.

"Seashell, you have to go to school. I'll be back to pick you up and if you had a good day, then I'll take you out for ice cream."

"But I wanna stay out here with you! I don't want you to leave!!"

Riley cried harder in his arms, and he couldn't say his heart didn't break and melt at the same time. He gave them a little nuzzle on the head.

"If you do one day at school and you dont like it, I'll find a private teacher so you can stay home with me. But you have to do one day and see how you like it. Okay?"

Riley considered. They stopped their tears and nodded "Okay, Daddy."

He nuzzled their cheek in response. "I love you. Have fun for me, okay?"

"Okay. I love you too."

Riley turned around and walked into the building, waving to Gang Orca as the door closed behind them. He turned back around to the car and looked at you.

You were having the time of your life, recording the whole thing and keeping it for safe keeping (really so you can show all his workers what a big softie their boss is) and eating your breakfast.

"Hi, having fun?" He teased, sitting next to you and giving you a kiss and a nuzzle.

"Oh tons, your minions are going to have loads of fun with this one." You respond casually.

Oh shit.

[thechangeling]

The Box

Tiberius Blackthorn had gotten quite good at compartmentalizing. Pretending that things weren't happening, that they didn't effect him. Pretending that he didn't feel. It was almost like flicking a switch. If things got too painful or too real he just turned it off. Closed his eyes and told himself over and over.

This isn't real. This isn't really happening. This doesn't matter. I don't care.

She isn't really dead. I don't miss him. I don't love him. Over and over until the pain stopped. Ty could usually make it last for awhile. Until something brought up an unpleasant memory or feeling and then he had to start all over again.

Being around Kit again was certainly making this worse.

Kit, in true Herondale fashion was in deep trouble with multiple people. As it turned out, he was the first heir and now a bunch of people were trying to either kill or kidnap him. So now a bunch of shadowhunters and downworlders had banded together to help him defeat his enemies and keep him safe. Ty had made a huge fuss to Drusilla about being forced to help. But secretly they both knew that he would rather die then let anything happen to Kit.

So now Kit was here, back in the Los angeles institute and currently sitting at the breakfast table with that vampire friend of his and Dru. She seemed to be very adamantly telling a story and Kit was laughing hysterically. Ty felt his heart turning over in his chest at the sound. He had to fight the urge to smile.

It isn't real. I don't love him. This isn't real.

Having him this close was torture. Hearing him laugh, watching him train, watching him flirt, watching him try not to cry in front of the others. There were so many times that Ty wanted to just reach out and touch him. Run his fingers through Kit's hair, trace the curve of his cupid's bow, hold him in his arms. It was a burning, suffocating ache.

Ty leaned back against his perch up on the windowsill. He had asked Livvy to give him some space to be alone. He was doing a decent job of blending into the background with his black clothing and dark hair. Or maybe they were just ignoring him. Ty pushed away that thought.

Suddenly he felt the weight of someone hopping up beside him. They made no noise or attempts to get his attention. Ty could hear the faint sound of Under Pressure coming out of headphones.

Alyssa.

Alyssa Reyes was the werewolf from Maia's pack who had been assigned to essentially be the scholomance's liaison to the downworld and help educate future centurions about downworlder affairs. She hadn't exactly been happy about this situation and had been pretty hostile towards most of them for awhile. But she and Ty had bonded over both being autistic, and also being queer. He could honestly say that meeting Alyssa had changed his life.

He turned to face her. She was staring up at the sky, mouthing along to the words of the song. Her black wireless headphones were slud over her ears and her dark waves were tied up into a low bun. She was excitedly fiddling with the straps of her white crop top which contrasted nicely against her golden brown skin. He stared at her for awhile, just basking in her presence.

He was sad that she was going back to New York in a week. He was really going to miss her.

Eventually she turned her gaze on him, sliding her headphones down. "You have all the best hiding spots" she confessed with a smile. 'Also I figured it was time to come interrupt your lurking because it was just getting a little sad." Ty rolled his eyes at her.

"I wasn't lurking! I'm literally just sitting here!" He protested worrying instantly that they were speaking too loudly. But everyone else was deeply preoccupied with their conversations and also they were several feet away. He stole a quick glance at Kit again and practically felt Alyssa disapproval radiating off of her. Ty turned back to face her displeased expression.

When Ty had first met Alyssa she was scared and standoffish but had quickly warmed up to him. He often described her as having pure magic in her warm brown eyes, so much excitement and life practicing buzzing out of her. But now her eyes were cold and dark. She seemed angry.

"I have just about had enough of this Ty" she announced. It's clear to me how much you want him, how much you love him, so why don't you just go talk to him already?"

Ty sighed, avoiding her gaze. "I can't."

She flailed her hands haphazardly. "What do you mean you can't Ty? You can. You just won't! I'm so sick of this!" She shouted.

Ty spared a panicked glance back at the kitchen table, but they hadn't looked their way. Still Ty hopped down from the ledge.

"Here, follow me" he said to Alyssa, pulling her off the ledge. She didn't protest. She allowed him to lead her out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

"Look" he began, "I don't want to talk to Kit alright? I'm still mad at him. I'm not just going to let that go." He explained. Alyssa just stared back at him.

There was a long drawn out pause where neither of them spoke. Ty wasn't that concerned. Long drawn out pauses were kind of their thing.

"Ok" she said slowly. "I need to tell you something that you might not be ready to hear. In fact it's probably going to make you really angry. But I need you to listen."

Ty had no idea what to say to that. But Aylssa kept on talking.

"Ty you need to get over yourself" she stated simply.

Ty bristled instantly. Rage flooded through his entire being. Who the fuck did she think she was? And to hear this from Alyssa of all people. Didnt she understand why he was so hurt? Why he was so angry?

Alyssa kept going before he could yell at her, stepping towards him slightly. "Listen to me Tiberius Blackthorn. I understand your pain, better than anyone else most likely. I understand your anger. I feel it to. I feel it everyday. The way the world treats us it's like little jagged cuts everyday, slowly whittling us down into nothing." Her voice broke. Her eyes were brimmed with tears.

"But I need you to ask yourself something" she continued shakely. "I need you to ask yourself, did Kit Herondale really do this? All of this? Is all of this really his fault? Something that we talk about a lot in therapy is putting the blame where it belongs. Recognize what was caused by which person and how much fault really lies with the person you're mad at. I know you don't want to forgive him because you're hurting and your also so fucking stubborn love" she laughed despite the fact that her eyes were filled with tears.

"You refuse to move. And I know why you do that because you think if you move, you will be admitting defeat. Admitting weakness. But you aren't Ty. You are saving yourself" She reached for him but shot backwards, shaking his head. He couldn't believe her. Maybe somewhere deep down he knew that she was probably right but he didn't care. He didnt care about what he knew anymore. All he could think about was the pain he felt.

"Please" she whispered "It isn't healthy to hold a grudge for this long. It isn't good for you. It isn't good for your soul." Alyssa wiped her eyes and stood up straighter, hardening her voice. "I know you're fed up with everything, and the same things keep happening over and over again. But here's the thing. Kit isn't responsible for what Paige did to you or what your father did, or your uncle or anyone else." Ty instantly began to shake at the mention of Paige Ashdown. He could feel all if those instances coming back to him. All of those kid memories he had tried to repress.

Whenever Ty had something horrible and traumatic happen to him. Everytime someone laughed in his face, everytime someone whispered behind his back or called him a slur. Every time someone made him doubt if he was really loved. Every autistic hate crime, every murder, every debate over the concept of his soul and whether it really existed. Livvy's death. Everything that happened that day on the beach. What Kit had said to him. Kit leaving him. He took all of it, all the bad memories, all of the pain and heartbreak. He took it and shoved it into some deep place inside of him. He usually envisioned a box of some sort. He shoved it all inside of that box, shut the lid and buried it.

This isn't real. This didn't happen. This isn't happening.

Ty's entire body was vibrating now. Alyssa put her hand on his shoulder. "Listen to me. Kit Herondale is not your enemy. He isn't trying to drown you or ship you off to an institution or shove you into ABA. And I know what you're thinking, that's a pretty fucking low bar and I know!" She exclaimed. "I know! But we have to start somewhere Ty. We have to start somewhere or else we will never get anywhere. That kid is so fucking in love with you and yes he does not deserve a gold medal for doing so, but he is fighting like hell to win you back."

That much was true. Kit had been trying to talk to him all week, but Ty kept brushing him off. It wasn't enough, he always told himself. It wasnt enough. He wasnt actually sure if Kit really loved him. He just refused to believe it.

Ty shook his head at Alyssa, his fingers fluttering at his sides. He began to hit his hands against his thighs to ease some of the tention he was feeling. Alyssa squeezed his arm, taking a deep breath.

"I know you are sick and tired of explaining the same things over and over and answering stupid questions and always having to make adjustments and put in the effort when everyone else doesn't try. I am too! Believe me! But I think at a certain point you need to ask yourself if you can forgive him for not knowing?" She asked. "Can you forgive him for being ignorant and making a mistake and breaking your heart because you've hurt him too? Can you accept that he is not perfect?" She dropped her arm down and stared him directly in his eyes. "Because neither are you. Ty I know you dont wanna hear this, but you live in a very privileged bubble where most people let you get away with murder because you're a man and you're white, while those same people condemn me for being rude and intolerable." She said pointedly.

Ty bit his lip. He felt like he should argue with her but he knew she had a point. "You're a shadowhunter!" She glared at him. "You're a shadowhunter and your people have committed so many atrocities against mine. You and your family spent most of your time ignoring all of this and only focusing on helping your brother and sister. You joined an organization that has a history of doing terrible things to downworlders!" She shouted.

"Well so did you!" He shot back even though he knew it wasnt really the same thing. "And by the angel Ali if you really hate me that much then why are you even here?" Alyssa just shook her head at him and rolled her eyes. "Because I don't hate you genius. I could hold these things against you, but I don't. I forgave you for not knowing. As long as you acknowledge it and try to work on making things better, which you are, then I can let it go. Because like I said Ty, we have to start somewhere" she pleaded. "

"You have to be brave and let it go."

Instantly Ty sucked in a breath. He recognized the words she had used perfectly. They were from a song.

Their song.

Tears instantly gathered in his eyes. He let out a shakey exhale and she smiled sadly at him.

"Because right now all you're doing is hurting is yourself." Alyssa said with a shrug.

Ty squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "I know" he whispered. He opened his eyes again, she was staring at him sympathetically with those warm eyes. "I just dont know how to do this" he admitted. "I don't know how to deal with all if it. I don't think I can."

Alyssa looked confused "Deal with what exactly?"

Ty took a deep breath. "The box" he exhaled. Alyssa looked even more confused. It was a little funny.

So he decided to tell her. He told her about the coping mechanisms he had been using since he was a child. He told her about the box and how many things he had buried in it, and what they were. She cried and held him tightly to her chest. He let himself cry along with her.

He cried for that kid who had the door slammed in his face, that kid who had his interests mocked and spat on. That kid who had his heart broken over and over again long before Kit Herondale. That kid who never felt accepted or like he belonged, not even with his own twin. He cried for Livvy. He cried for that kid on the beach who lost everything. Who wanted to apologize to Kit and make everything right because he was so fucking naive and stupid, and Magnus Bane told him to go away.

So he did. But it hadn't solved anything.

He also cried for Kit. His Kit.

Ty pulled away from Alyssa, wiping at his eyes. "The worst part is it's not just my pain that's in there. I put all of the stuff with Kit in the box too" he confessed. "Like I mean the stuff that's happening right now. He's in a world of danger and I can't feel that because if I feel it then I'm afraid it'll break me."

Alyssa contemplated this for a while. "I know Ty, but you have to face it. All of it. You have to open the box or else you'll never get through it." She said sternly.

Ty leaned up against the wall if the institute. When he spoke, it sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away. "Every bad thing that happens to him feels like it's happening to me. Everything from when he was younger. When he was alone." Ty was making an effort not to cry again.

"I want him to know that he'll never be alone again. Not as long as I'm alive."

Alyssa looked at him incredulously. "Well then don't you think you should tell him that?"

Ty didn't answer her, just stared ahead. He still needed to think. Alyssa seemed to understand that because she spared him one final glance and then walked towards the kitchen.

"I'm gonna go eat" she announced. "Come join us when you're ready."

And then she left Ty alone in the hallway with his thoughts.

You have to open the box.

This is real. All of this is real.

You have to open the box.

@older-brother-kit @zafirafoxx @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @ti-bae-rius @anxiousbookenthusiast @emiikas @eutony-in-whisper

[b-rainlet]

📓📓📓📓

- the-scarecrxw

(Since you sent 4 of those emojis I'm gonna go off but I'll stick to one in this answer and make seperate posts for the others aksnsns)

I can't give you anything Jonathan centric (that isn't Tommy/Jonathan, one of my fave rarepairs) but Jerome features in lots of my AUs.

This one is one of my faves that's entirely self-indulgent and if it ever gets written it's probably gonna be the longest fic I ever published (Again: If it ever gets written):

I gotta apologize in advance, it's just a fun little AU I haven't put too much thoughts into in terms of plotting so this is gonna be A. Long, B. Messy and C. A little chaotic

- First off, you gotta understand that @nsfwitchy2 Me had some fun with a pretty nonsensical and definitely not canon-compliant AU where Jerome and Jeremiah have three Mums (Tabby, Lee and Barbara, who all date) and live with them and Barbara Lee as their little sister.

- Ecco also lives with them, she sees herself as both the twins' gf more than a genuine part of the family tho (for now)

- (Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Alfred and Jim date and are very tired parents of Bruce and his clone 514A, in this AU - and pretty much every AU - nicknamed Brook)

- (Selina kinda goes back and forth between living at Wayne Manor or at Lee's place)

- Also, everyone dates. The twins. The clones. Eccomiah, Jecco, Batcat, Valeyne, Wayleska, they're all fucking

- Which isn't THAT important for this particular AU but I figured I'd give a warning xD

- This is mostly my attempt to give Tabitha some more backstory? Just...how I personally see her character and how I could see her end up if things would've went differently after S2

- The google docs file is called 'How Tabitha started being a Mum while disregarding canon completely' lmao

- Like her current life involves having 4 kids (if you count Selina) and two wives and that's a hell of an AU and I just like to overthink things and play with the way things would have needed to have gone in canon to have her 'end up' like this

- Also I can see her struggling with having a family all if a sudden (that isn't a manipulative brother or a weird cult)

-Especially if that involves Motherhood

- So on one hand it's a 'S2 until now' fic, explaining what happened to her in my canon

- But also - mostly because I find that easier to organize in my brain - it's interwoven with a 5+1-esque fic of all her children calling her 'Mum' (and her getting emotional over that)

- So it switches back and forth between the past and the present but for rambling's sake, I'll start with the past

- She still leaves Theo behind and flees with Silver but she keeps Silver close instead of immediately sending her away

- And her and Silver get taken in by Fish after they leave Theo because they have nowhere to go and Fish loves taking care of strays

- (Fish, who probably didn't end up in Indian Hill but rather lives in hiding until she is ready to strike against Penguin)

- She refers to herself as Liza's Mother in canon, you can't tell me she wouldn't instantly adopt Tabby and call her 'Honey' and give her motherly advice while Tabby tries to be all bite but actually enjoys somebody taking care of her for once

- Selina🤝Tabby

'Trying so very hard all the time to not show how soft and insecure they are'

- Actually, I'd start diverting from Canon even sooner aksnsjd

- Well not full on changing canon, but I'd...pepper in some stuff

- Like some scenes of her back with Theo and the Maniax

- Mostly her talking to Theo about Jerome's planned murder, which, yeah, she knows it's been set in stone from the beginning but that doesn't mean that she isn't talking about alternatives where he doesn't get killed off

- And Theo's like "Don't tell me you're going soft. No one will miss him. He was just a boy. Not worthy enough to be remembered."

- And later on she betrays him and goes 'I remember him'

- Anyway, they stay with Fish for a while but Tabby doesn't wanna keep Silver in Gotham

- So she sends her back to the school she went to before coming to Gotham with Theo (but makes sure their weird cult can't get their hands on her there)

- And Silver wants her to come with but Tabby says she has some unfinished business

- Aka she just doesn't wanna leave Barbara (who is in a coma atm, if Memory serves right)

- And Tabby's reasoning is that it's not safe in Gotham but really, she thinks she can't be responsible for another person

- "She needs a mother. A Family. I can't give her that." - "You are her family."

- So Silver's out of the picture and Tabby hangs with Fish until Barbara wakes up and they get together again (and never ever seperate)

- Also there's no Butch/Tabby because that was unnecessary as fuck

- And I gotta be honest, I haven't thought more about canon because Butch/Tabby alone makes my head hurt already but somehow they start dating Lee

- Who brings Jerome into the relationship because I sure am fond of Lee being Jerome's Mother (like as in, I have several wips with that concept alone not counting this one)

- Jerome probably came back to life after S3 and Lee fought to have him not be treated like a violent criminal but rather a child who was taken advantage of and after his release from Arkham (where she visited him and made sure he got some proper treatment) it seemed natural to have him live with her

- (But also he's still a criminal aksnsjs, you can see how much I thought about this)

- (Sue me for sticking to the heartfelt scenes and avoiding the mess that is plotting)

- Tabby and Barbara already had Selina and through Jerome, Jeremiah and Ecco were added et voila! Their Family is complete

- (Why exactly Barbara Lee exists if Tabby and Barbara have been non-stop dating since S2 I can't tell you, I simply think she is neat and I like the idea of big brother Jerome)

- (This AU? Self-indulgent? Why would you ever think that?)

- In the present however she is dealing with what is mostly referred to as 'feelings'

- Mostly panic at realizing that the bunch of weird children she's been living with are seeing her as some kind of parental figure

- Because suddenly they all call her 'Mum'

- Unsurprisingly the first one to call her Mum is Jerome at breakfast

- She's reading the newspaper and there's an article about a hostage situation the twins planned and he goes 'Mum, are you done with that? Can we see?'

- And they snatch it from her and argue about how they didn't even make the front page while Tabby nearly chokes on her coffee

- And of course she breaks down talks to her wives about it later while they get ready for bed because no one ever called her 'Mum' before

- Barbara's braiding her hair, while Lee's off to the side, getting ready for bed and it's very domestic and I am very gay

- But neither see it as a big deal because both of them have been called Mum before (by Jerome at least. Like. Immediately upon meeting them)

- So she's trying to be nonchalant about it because it's only a big deal if she makes it one

- While also not being able to deny the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body when Jerome keeps calling her 'Mum'

- Miah and Selina on the other hand are both hesitant to call anyone Mum

- Miah cause of Pride, Selina cause of her Mummy Issues

- But they both do at some point

- I think I have more notes on this SOMEWHERE but I kinda wanna have Miah call her Mum while he's ill (because we all know he'd be super fussy and want attention 24/7)

- So she humours him and while he's close to falling asleep - and she's totally not carding her fingers through his hair because she isn't soft or anything - he mumbles: "Thank you Mum" and she melts

- Selina would be more angsty

- Like, maybe it's her birthday and she disappears for a while (as she tends to do) but Tabby (who's closest to her) knows how hard this day is for her (since again her Mum isn't there with here and looks for her and brings her back home but doesn't make a big fuss out of her birthday

- Just...lets her be, gives her space but also lets her curl up close to her and maybe Selina doesn't call her Mum on that exact day

- But it's the day she realizes she wouldn't mind calling Tabitha her Mother, so she hesitantly tries it out a while later (maybe days, maybe weeks, however long it takes for her to feel comfortable with it) and they share a smile

- Then there's Barbara Lee, but she barely counts because she's a toddler and calls everyone 'Mummy'

- Even her father ajsnsnsn

- The last one would be Ecco because I have a very soft spot for Tabby and Ecco being close

- Ecco's rather formal with them for the longest time (she calls Barbara, Lee and Tabby 'Ma'am' for the most part because she may like them, but she doesn't think they see her as family. She's just the token girlfriend).

- So there's a scene where they connect, possibly over Tabby's hand and Ecco's head since I hc that Ecco gets headaches and migraines a lot (considering that she still gets shot in the head by Miah, like I said, this AU isn't necessarily the most bullet proof in terms of linear timelines)

- But so is Gotham so-

- So there's possibly a scene where Ecco's headache is getting super bad and no one's around (especially not Miah to dote on her) and Tabby awkwardly tries to bond by telling her about her hand and how she can't feel much (is a little clumsy with it) and Ecco immediately imprints on her like a duckling

- Maybe it's even the first time anyone reached out to Ecco in a way that feels genuine, especially without the twins or any of her (various) other partners being present so now she's willing to die for Tabby

- Which ends in her also calling her 'Mum' (while she keeps calling Lee and Barbara 'Ma'am' and Lee's so mad ajsnsjdj she was trying so hard to bond with this kid but couldn't quite get it right and you're telling her her socially pretty clumsy - but still wonderful of course - wife managed with just one conversation?? Slander

- And of course because I can't stop myself, there would be even more tidbits here and there of Tabby overcoming her previous way of living (as in, thinking caring or showing emotions is weakness) by having her reminisce a LOT about Theo

- For example by having Jerome climb into bed with her while Barbara's sleeping and Tabby is waiting for Lee to come home

- Lee works as a doc in the narrows which may be a little illegal, but the people didn't just stop needing help after her Queen of the Narrows arc was over, so I vote she keeps at it (and is held in very high regard for it by pretty much everyone)

- Tabby always stays up until everyone is home because she likes knowing where everyone is and that they're safe while Jerome has frequent nightmares and wanders around the house, so this isn't a rare occurrence

- And sometimes, they talk Theo

- "You miss him?" - "Don't know."

- "I wish he was still alive so I could kill him." - "....Me too." - "Which one?" - "...Both."

- (ajajsbssj this is all just copy pasted and cleaned up a lil', leave me and my pretentious way of writing dialogue alone)

- Tabby also has a lot of interludes where she thinks about what growing up with Theo was like/her childhood in general

- How she always protected him from other children bullying him and how they swore to have each other's back but how in hindsight, she was the one doing all the dirty work for him, helping him fulfill his dream and enact his revenge

- Realizing that he probably never cared for her, not like she cared for him

- There's also allusions to them having sex because you cannot tell me they did NOT have sex

- And it ends with Tabby realizing that she is quite happy with how she ended up, even if it's neither how she thought she would ever live nor what her old self would've even wanted, possibly seeing too many attachments as 'weak' judging by the way she canonly used Butch for convenience sake at first

- And yeah, maybe now she can provide the family - the Mother - somebody else desperately needs

- So she brings Silver home

[beerecordings]

hey!!! i'd love to see more with the favored puppet au, that's always been one of my favorite concepts. maybe at a point where chase feels apathy in the face of anti, his caretaker, being a bad person? or something from before, when anti decided chase was worrying him and he didn't want to play the games anymore? :'D ty ty

Favored Puppet AU (Chase): After stalking, haunting, and toying with Chase for years, Anti eventually realized it was no longer fun to play with him while his suffering was so high. Instead, Anti kidnapped Chase and keeps him away from the world as its companion. Chase has learned to be alright with that. The human world, after all, was never very kind to him.

Triggers for heavy discussions of Chase’s past suicide attempts and depression and Chase trying to cut himself again, though he doesn’t succeed. Also might be considered soft!Anti, though Chase is the only one it’s soft for.

Florence I decided to combine that first prompt (Chase feeling apathy when Anti’s being awful) with another prompt so you will see that later! for this one I decided to do that moment where Anti decided he didn’t want to play games anymore. thank you for sending them my dude!! also this is my first time writing for this au so the mythology is really experimental but I just tried to do something new with Anti :) it’s very inhuman and doesn’t really understand Chase, but it decides it wants him, so...

.

It sits on top of his refrigerator and watches him have his first meal of the day, a depression snack at nine at night compromised almost entirely of the last crumbs in an old bag of Cheetos. The skinny little human creature – though Anti’s seen him staring at his shirtless torso in the mirror enough times to know he’s only growing more dissatisfied with his softening stomach and arms – throws his head back and dumps the rest of the crisps into his mouth, getting orange dust all over his unkempt beard. Anti giggles at the sight of him. Clown boy with his Cheeto dust and the bags under his eyes. Little human thing. Too small and silly even to be able to die. Goofy, stupid human. Slouching, miserable child.

But if there is one thing Anti enjoys about the human, it is his fierce, hateful courage. At first, the laughter in the edges of his hearing sent chills up the boy’s spine and made him turn around with wild eyes, spitting and gnashing his blunt mortal teeth, but now, after months of being haunted, he does nothing except turn around and glare.

Anti is invisible on his refrigerator, but the human – what is his name? Charles, Casey, something – he still tries to find it. He has eyes made to burn, blue as flame, though, to be perfectly fair, fire can be as much a source of life as the bitter weapon Casey makes with his gaze now.

He used to be warm. Anti remembers. He would stutter when the girl came to see him and he carried those little chips with him, rubbing them in his pocket when he passed the liquor store, and his children were all he thought about. But he’s changed. Anti watched it happen. For whatever reason, the girl stopped bringing the children by at all, and at some point the pain of it must have overwhelmed the man, and Anti watched him embrace old habits with a ferocity only describable as self-harm. After his second suicide attempt – that was the only time Anti let Casey see it, standing over him and staring at the crimson of his blood in the bathtub while the man screamed for it to kill him already, shrieking in despair as Anti picked up his phone from the bathroom counter and dialed 911, giggling at the thought of just how powerful his despair would be when he woke up in the hospital – he removed his children from the background of that phone and replaced it with a stock image of the ocean provided to him by Apple’s recommendation.

The light slid out of his eyes at some point. Anti was there. It watched the whole thing.

It enjoyed the whole thing. Mostly.

“Fucking kill me, then, bitch,” hisses Casey, slinking through his own kitchen like he’s being hunted. He is. “Playing games with me, always, well, I’m tired of playing, you know that, I’m tired… fucking kill me then, not afraid of you, not afraid…”

This is also true. Anti’s pretty sure the only reason he moved back to America was to make sure none of his friends would be in the way of the creature who haunts him finally finishing the job. And to stop them from telling him “you need to get help, you’re talking to the voices in your head and seeing things, it’s not real, you need to see a specialist” in an endless carousel of concern and – as Casey always perceived it – condescension.

“Fucking kill me!” he screams, slamming his hand down on his counter. He shatters a pile of unwashed dishes on accident and blood comes pooling up hot and coppery in the lines of his palm, but Casey doesn’t even look down, doesn’t even flinch, just keeps staring straight forward with fire eyes as wild as a horse’s.

But Anti’s bored with him. It hops down from the fridge and wanders through the apartment, whistling. In the kitchen, it hears the man howling as the whistling returns to torment him, the monster’s singing following him for hours and hours every day, never letting him sleep.

Anti used to think it was really funny, that something as simple as a whistled lullaby could make the man shatter in half and sob like his heart was broken open in his hands.

But honestly?

It’s less fun these days.

“Music, music, music,” rants the human in the kitchen, slamming his palm down again and again, cutting open his palm again, again. There’s banging on the walls and muffled yelling. The neighbors are sick of his screaming. He’ll be evicted soon, Anti reckons. Humans used to travel in packs, making it harder to pick them off, but these days ones like Casey often find themselves alone, and no one is around to stand up for him. “I’ll make you stop, I’ll make you shut up, shut up, shut up….”

Anti lets the human sprint past it and retreat to his bedroom, crawling under the bed and taking his laptop with him. He puts on big earphones and presses them hard against his ears, and he rocks himself as his music plays, turned up to one hundred on his computer, mumbling to himself, laughing sometimes, if Anti listens closely enough.

Anti crouches down to look at him. It hums to itself and touches Casey’s face, and he shrivels in on himself and whimpers, but he does not fight or push it away. Not anymore.

He used to be so much more fun before he started to crumble instead of break.

And yet, Anti has not killed him.

It does not know why.

---------------------

When bored – these days, it often is – Anti likes to wander through the other apartments that surround its own. Watching the human sleep can only be entertaining for so long, even if it does like to hear his sleepy, thick breathing and see his peaceful, dopey face, and it’s nice to just roam sometimes. Anyway, the people nearby can be interesting, though Anti doesn’t mess with them the way it does Casey. No one else has ever been that entertaining.

A young couple lives to their right, newly-married with a little rat of a dog they call Barkley. Anti’s human likes most dogs, but he grew tired a long time ago of the shrieking yips through the walls. Anti itself doesn’t mind it so much. One more thing to annoy the human on his slow road to madness.

“Who’s the best boy in the world?”

It passes by their door and hears them cooing and praising the yelping thing. “Are you a good boy, Barkley? Who’s my good little boy? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

Barkley has been sick for a few days and their fussing over him has been endless as they clean the nasty little animal up after every time it vomits, carefully feeding it vet-recommended dog food and plenty of healthy human snacks whenever Barkley shows an interest. How anyone could care to look after a creature so pathetic and useless is well beyond Anti, but it thinks it’s funny, really. Humans will bow down to pet the lowest of creatures.

I am not like that, it thinks to itself, drifting through the door, invisible. It is important for me to not be like that.

Anti had never had an interest in pets before this year, but, increasingly, it likes to come over and watch them look after Barkley. Constantly it reminds itself – I am not like that. It is important for me to not be like that.

But it doesn’t understand why this is important or why it should not be like that. Truthfully, it has never been skilled with its own emotions. It does as it pleases and what makes it happy makes it happy. If there is depth to that, it isn’t interested.

“Okay, Barkley baby, mommy and daddy are going to go for a walk and be right back in a few.”

“Aww, poor baby, we know. You wanna come on our walk and see all the other puppies along the way, but you can’t go while your belly’s all grumpy!”

“Yeah, little Barkley can’t come today, but mommy and daddy will be right back.”

“Mommy and daddy will be right back, we promise.”

They shower the dog in pets and belly rubs as they baby-talk their way towards the door, blowing it kisses as they head out and lock the door behind them.

“Do you think we should check on this guy here who’s so loud sometime?”

“What, that Chase guy? Are you kidding me? What a creep. He’s so fucking loud. We’re going to have to complain to the landlord again. Guy’s out of his mind.”

Ah, yes, Chase, that’s his name. Slipping into their apartment like a ghost, Anti laughs at the human fickleness and leans down to tweak the little dog’s tail, making it yelp in alarm and start running in circles around the apartment. It giggles and spends some time chasing it and leading it around with its chew toys and such. It likes the way it can make the dog do anything. It likes the cute little dog even if it is such a disgusting, purposeless, stupid little animal. It coos and picks the puppy up, tickling its skinny little ribs and rubbing between its ears.

“Stupid puppy,” it manages to say, in its painful, broken voice. Human language has always been difficult for it, but it prides itself on understanding it well. One day maybe it will speak it clearly too, though for now it knows it would sound like a struggling, glitching machine to a real human. “Stupid baby doggy.”

Faint laughter reaches its sharp ears and it quiets, setting the dog back down. For a moment, only silence, and it crouches in the living room with its black eyes boring into the universe, motionless.

Then it hears raucous laughter as the window in the back of the apartment is pried open and a pair of much, much more pathetic creatures than itself or even this little dog crash their way into the couple’s home. It straightens up, shaking its head, and heads back towards the back room, where a baby’s nursery is beginning to develop. Above the cradle, a pair of imps stop short, staring at Anti as they hover, startled, in mid-air.

Wearing its human’s form, it puts its hands on its hips and waits for them to speak.

They begin to laugh again, loud and boisterous, spit flying out of the one’s mouth while the second’s eyes bulge with hilarity.

“A fairy in California?” The imp rolls in circles in the air, shrieking with laughter. “Who would have thought?”

“Little far from home, Mr. Potatohead,” quips the second, floating up to the ceiling, sneering and sticking out its little purple tongue. Anti’s mouth curls distastefully. “Why don’t you go back to your hunts and your parades, your highness?”

“How’d it get here without getting stuck behind all that running water?”

“Careful, pure-blood, this spoon looks like it might be made out of iron!”

They dissolve into maniacal impling laughter, rocking through the air, shape-shifting in the limited ways they can to make themselves look uglier. If it were the sort of fairy who gave a fuck, Anti supposes it would feel disrespected, but it doesn’t much care. They’re little annoyances who have clearly mistaken it for a much less powerful creature than it really is. They break the monotony for a moment. It’ll kill them in a second. Anti supposes they just came here to make trouble. Imps love break into human homes and stealing their food or making their milk go rotten. They may well have been the ones who made Barkley sick, just to watch the humans take care of the dumb little thing for their entertainment. They’re common in this part of the city because the mountains are close, and imps are snuffling, stupid little creatures of the earth.

“Ew, what’s that?” squawks the first imp, floating closer to it. “Do you smell it?”

“Yuck. His majesty stinks like a human.”

“Just like a fairy to keep a pet.”

“Aw, do you have a widdle human to look after?”

“Maybe we should pay a visit to your stinky little human.”

“Yeah, maybe it needs some company.”

“Some friends.”

“Someone to play a couple fun games with.”

“And then we can find out what it is that made Tinkerbell here go all soft in the middle, like a rotten – ”

But they never get to find out exactly what rotted thing Anti resembles. It snatches the imp out of the air in one snapping motion like the bite of a snake and crushes its body between its fingers, its eyes turning black as the juices run down its wrist.

In its fear, the other imp does not even scream. Its eyes bulge in alarm and it scrambles for the window, but it never makes it. Barkley yelps in victory, chasing his own tail around as Anti’s teeth come down around the meaty little imp and tear it to pieces, silencing the both of the little monsters, leaving nothing behind.

It’ll be picking that out of its teeth for a week, it muses, wandering back out of the apartment and towards its own. But that’s what they get for talking about Chase like that.

It’s odd, though, how it makes it pause and think. That is something other spirits do sometimes, isn’t it? Take a human and keep it as a pet.

The couple with the dog are returning from their walk, holding slushies and each other’s hands.

“Barkley!” they coo, greeting their excited dog at the door. “Are you a good boy? Oh, why are you shaking, baby boy? What a silly little puppy you are. Who’s a cutie? Are you a good boy? You just want a big hug, huh, you just want to be looked after. Mwah, mwah.”

It’s kind of a cute dog, in the end.

--------------------

It liked the way Chase looked up at it, that one day it allowed him to see it.

It liked the way his eyes changed. He was not afraid – Chase is a creature of courage and despair, and these, in Anti’s experience, are both flowers from the same root – but he was distressed. Anti would say that this was because the form he takes is such a disturbingly odd impression of a human that it scared the human, but, truthfully, he thinks he saw a sort of awe in Chase’s eyes that day as well.

He loves fiction. This is one thing it learned about Chase early on. He does not have a reputation for intelligence but he does love his fantasy escapism, or he did back when he still had the energy for things like interests and hobbies. He liked Gravity Falls and Doctor Who and anything with sci-fi or dragons and he would get stuck at bookstores every now and then just walking through the YA section and wishing he was still young enough to enjoy them as much as he used to. In the old days, human storytellers were vital parts of their social structure. Anti thinks Chase would have been a storyteller, in his own way, if this were a few hundred years ago. Maybe he would be happier then.

It does not know when it began wondering about Chase’s happiness. Do not ask it.

The point is that Anti liked the way Chase looked up at it, that one day it allowed him to see it, that day he tried to kill himself.

“No,”  he shook his head as Anti took his phone and called for an ambulance. “No.”

But his eyes were looking at something beyond life and death, something he had only read about in books, and Anti did not understand it.

It thinks, now, that Chase was looking at something he had longed for when he was younger. But Anti does not know what. There are fairytales about prophetic heroes and novels about chosen ones and tv shows where fantastical creatures whisk people away on great adventures, but Anti is not a fantasy. Anti is a nightmare. This is something Chase has always known, and Anti has always known, and there should be no misunderstanding between them.

But it liked the way Chase looked at him, that one time it allowed him to see it. That’s all. That’s all it’s saying. It doesn’t mean anything. It is not like that. It’s important that it’s not like that.

Anti touches the human’s face. He has fallen asleep beneath his bed, and his breathing is clear and deep, rhythmic as the song of a bird.

----------------------

Chase sleeps for fourteen hours and then gets up to make a Cup-o’-Noodles. Beef flavored. It’s the only thing left in the pantry except half a jar of strawberry jam and some milk he was too drunk to put in the fridge a couple days ago, spoiled completely by now. Even the cheap rum he’s been buying is out on the table beside the stove. He hasn’t bothered to get dressed and he cuts a pathetically small figure standing over the stove in nothing but some gym shorts and rolled-up Christmas socks because everything else needs to be washed.

Anti roams the apartment, humming distantly and checking up on things. It deletes an unread message on Chase’s phone from contact name “Marv” and waters the succulent Chase picked up on an impulse last week. It’s so funny to it how attached the human can get to things, and so quick too. He once found a bee on the windowsill, brought it sugar water, and looked after it for several hours before letting it outside. The human put on his loudest comedy show afterwards to try and keep himself cheerful, but he’d ended up crying about halfway through, and Anti couldn’t tell if it was related to the bee or not. He’s always crying. He didn’t always used to be crying. He used to be less deep in his despair and much more fun to play with.

Anti shakes the thoughts off and decides to prove that Chase is still fun to play games with. There’s nothing deep about their relationship, Chase just happens to be entertaining. That’s the only reason it followed him all the way from Ireland. It floats towards the kitchen, silent and invisible. It’ll give him a quick scare, not enough to put him off his dinner, just enough to remind him he should still be fighting. Anti shape-shifts cleanly into a small boy with black hair and deep onyx eyes and goes to stand behind Chase, silent and still, staring up at the child’s father as he stirs the noodles in silence.

“I know you’re behind me,” he says after a moment. “Looking like Hunter.”

Anti startles and shivers back into invisibility, drawing away. Chase turns blearily to see that it’s gone and he laughs, deep and hollow.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, stumbling a little as he tilts back his rum. Anti knows he’s already drunk from the calmness in his tired voice. “Used to your tricks by now. You been getting to know me, I know. I been getting to know you too.”

He snorts to himself and leans back against the stove, seeming to forget his noodles. He squints blearily around the room, rubbing at his eyes. He hasn’t put his contacts in since the last time he tried to kill himself. Wanted to make sure he cut the veins, but after he survived that night, it didn’t much matter if he could see or not.

“I think I can sort of tell when you’re close, most of the time,” he adds. Anti sits at the dining table across the room, frowning. “Like… I can feel you. Or something. See you, maybe. I think you make things… a different color. Does that make sense?”

He points sluggishly towards the dining table and then shrugs, letting his hand drop again.

“Doesn’t matter, I guess.”

His pot is boiling over. The water will burn his hands in a moment, resting as they are against the edge of the stove. Chase laughs to himself again, shaking his head, and throws back the rum for so long that he’s panting when he’s done with the drink.

“Funny,” he says. “Would have almost liked for you to be there. As Hunter, I mean. See my baby one more time. My baby. Hunter, my son…”

His eyes trail far away. Anti doesn’t think he’s looking at anything at all. There’s nothing left for him to look at.

Water cascades across the stove, boiling. Chase whimpers as it hits his hands, but he doesn’t pull away.

Something yanks him back.

He stumbles away from the stovetop. Drunk, he can’t keep his balance, and he goes crashing to the ground, falling on his back and dropping his bottle, which shatters into pieces of glass and a small flood of rum across the kitchen floor. Chase gasps, grabbing at his bruised elbow, staring around for a sight of the monster that has haunted him for so long.

The pot of noodles goes spinning off its stovetop onto the other side of the stove and stops boiling after a moment, quieting the kitchen. The knob on the oven flicks to ‘off’ and the red light disappears from the stovetop, leaving it dark and silent.

Chase closes his eyes.

Anti stares at him and it knows, in the moment, that the human was not lying.

He can sense it.

He can tell it’s there.

“Why,” croaks Chase. “Did you call 911 that night?”

Anti steps back from him. His movement shifts glass on the floor with a faint clinking noise.

“Was this what you wanted?” Chase whispers. “Just to see me live like this a little while longer? Just to make sure I couldn’t get away that easy? Was killing myself too good for you? Are you ever going to actually finish me off?”

He is crying. He is always crying.

This isn’t fun anymore, Anti realizes. It isn’t funny.

And honestly –

Honestly…

Honestly, it doesn’t know why it called 911.

“I think that’s what I’ve actually been waiting for,” laughs Chase, sobbing as tears run down his reddened cheeks. “Fuck. Not even staying alive waiting for it, that’s not what I mean, I mean… like I haven’t killed myself because I’ve been waiting for you to do it.”

He throws his head back and cries and laughs and hugs himself with his burned hands and scarred wrists, his whole body shuddering with the tears.

“But you won’t,” he sobs into the darkness, as Anti’s presence draws away from him and the sun fades. “You won’t. Will you? No one will give me any mercy. No one wants me to have any fucking peace. So tired… You won’t…”

Anti retreats to his room.

It doesn’t want to face him right now.

He doesn’t want to face him right now.

Chase cries in the kitchen for a long time, until his whole body feels tired and numb and drained. He doesn’t clean up the glass. He doesn’t clean up the rum. He doesn’t clean up the water. He would probably have slept right there on the wooden floor of his kitchen, but the doorbell rings.

Too drunk to put himself together, he staggers to the door and throws it open to the cold, red-eyed and stumbling like a zombie.

“Uh,” says the delivery kid, fixing her alarmed expression after a moment. “Here’s your food, sir.”

Chase is too confused even to question. Almost dazed by it, he takes the bag of take-out carefully from her hands, thanks her in a mumble, and shuts the door behind him.

KFC.

Did he order this?

No, he was making ramen before he made a mess of it. But it’s what he always gets. Chicken tenders and mashed potatoes and a couple extra biscuits for the next morning.

In his bedroom, Anti closes out of the delivery app and drops his phone onto the bed, deleting one more message from Marv before it drifts past Chase and goes wandering, thinking, roaming, lost.

It’s not like that… it’s important that it’s not. It’s not like that.

Zayn and Mary are walking Barkley. Anti watches the happy little dog go yipping and dancing in the space between them, happy and safe and recovering, cared for by his masters.

-------------------

The apartment fills with soft light in the evenings. White and gold from the weary sun. When it hits the horizon, the gold pirouettes and falls apart into a dozen different watercolors across the long shoulders of the sky. Pouring patiently through the windows, like syrup from the bark of a great dark tree.

Anti sits beside Chase’s bed and watches him sleep, playing slowly with his hair.

It likes Chase’s hair. It always has. Soft and dark but sometimes golden in the sunlight, and ever-so-slightly curly, so you can wrap it around your finger if you’re gentle, and make it spring back again afterwards.

Anti wants to kill something. It doesn’t know what. A human, probably, but not Chase. Chase, Chase, Chase. It had forgotten how much it likes that name.

You like a lot of things about him, it lets itself realize. When did that happen? When the fuck did that happen? One day you’re making him having a repeated dream where he’s carefully cut into pieces and eaten alive by a sentient crocodile because he always got scared of the one in Peter Pan when he was a child and the next you’re thinking about how soft his hair is. It makes Anti laugh, for a moment, but it thinks it feels… sad. It doesn’t know why.

Chase wakes up and it drifts back into invisibility, leaving him to sit up and look around. Check his phone for the time and stare at the floor for a while. Today he is groggy, but not sad, which strikes Anti as odd. Most days he is groggy and sad. Sad groggy stupid human. Anti’s sad groggy stupid hurting human. It sighs and spins lazily in the air, watching Chase push himself up on his feet, his eyes dead and weary.

Someone slams on their door and Chase groans, rubbing at his forehead. He’s hungover again.

“Brody!” The slamming insists. Chase stutters out a breath, slightly frightened, and totters to the door, pulling it open.

It’s his landlord. Anti’s lips curl up in a snarl. A mean, stupid man, stupider than Chase, even, and he looks angry.

And he starts to shout at Chase, and Anti does not like it. It doesn’t interfere, but it doesn’t like it either, and it knows Chase will do nothing. He stands there shirtless in his Christmas socks and stares at his landlord like he can’t believe any of this is real – not because it’s rare for him to be in trouble, just because his life is an alley puddle full of cigarettes and bathing rats and he’s most likely dissociating – and just nods when he’s told to get his act together and pipe the fuck down before he gets kicked out.

“Yes,” says Chase. “Okay.”

The landlord leaves.

Chase shuts the door behind him and looks directly at Anti, invisible on the ceiling above him.

“Jokes on him,” he says dully. “He’ll have to be the one to clean my blood out of the bathtub.”

Anti blinks. Chase pauses, letting his head rest against the cool wall for a moment before he pushes himself back up and wanders back towards his bedroom.

“What you will do?” asks Anti.

Chase startles so hard he slams into the wall of the hallway, whirling around to look at him. Unnerved by his response, Anti scowls and backs away again.

“Sorry, did you just talk to me?” asks Chase. “It’s a dream, then? Or did you talk to me in real life? Or am I really losing it finally? I mean, worse than I have already.”

Anti grumbles to itself and gets up in the fan, making the blades spin slowly, sulking. Can’t even talk to the human without him freaking out.

“Must still be drunk,” mumbles Chase, retreating back to his room.

Anti gets up and follows him.

“What, are you worried?” snaps Chase, digging under the bed, and Anti grins at the heat he’s showing again. That’s more like it. “Haunt me for, what, eight months and now you’re worried? I know you’re there, asshole.”

Anti lets him hear it giggling. Chase rolls his eyes and then he gives a short laugh, shaking his head.

Anti feels pleased, it thinks. Chase turns to look at him. He can’t see him, but he knows it’s there. Anti likes that.

“You really are a monster,” says Chase softly, smiling at it.

And then Anti sees, in his hand, the little tin where he keeps his razor blades.

Anti’s mouth falls in a frown.

Chase looks up into the sunset. Orange and gold, tonight. Flowing over his hair and into his eyes, making them alight. Fire eyes. Fire Chase.

“I hated you for a long time,” says Chase. “But you’re either a monster or the part of my brain that really wants to hurt me, so I guess either way I shouldn’t blame you for being what you are.”

He stands up, straighter than he has in a long time, still fixated on that sunset.

“I… I’ll miss…”

Anti stares at him, waiting, but Chase never finishes his sentence. After a long moment, he turns and takes his phone off of his bed. A slow, shaky breath escapes him.

He always takes his calls between the hallway and the living room so he can pace. Anti knows. Anti knows everything about him. Anti knows things about him he doesn’t know about himself. Anti likes things about him he doesn’t like about himself.

The human steps into the hallway and opens his contacts, carefully picking a name he hasn’t picked in long months, and he closes his eyes, and he waits.

But no one answers. Chase lets out a soft, miserable laugh, gripping the phone in both hands.

“Ah, damn… ha. Sorry, Schneep, I was really hoping you’d pick up.”

He circles quietly in the hallway, running his hands through his hair, his eyes closed and that phone held up to his ear, trying to breathe even instead of weeping.

“Look, man, um. I know we fell apart. Honestly, I really needed you, and you were just too busy for me, and that stung, it did. Maybe it was selfish, but I just… I needed you, Schneep. And I felt like all you cared about was the research, and…”

He rubs his face, brushing away tears. Anti stands at the end of the hall, staring.

“Well, I didn’t call you to accuse you of anything. I just wanted you to know that, um, even though we both hurt each other… I always loved you, man. And I don’t got the courage to call Jacks or Marv, okay, but I love them too. I love them too. And I’m sorry. Cause I was a coward for running away from them, and… maybe you needed me even more than I needed you, and I couldn’t even see it. So I just want you to know: you were my best friend. And I’m really sorry I couldn’t pull you out of your head and that I couldn’t help, or didn’t try hard enough, or just that I wasn’t what you needed. And I…”

Anti sees Chase close his eyes and breathe.

“And I hope I’m not one more person you spend the rest of your life wishing you could have saved,” he whispers. “It’s not your fault, Henrik. I love you. Good night, buddy. Maybe someday – ”

The voicemail beeps. End of recording.

Chase lets out a hurting breath and sets his phone down. His eyes are fixed on the rising sunlit moon, past his window.

“Maybe someday I’ll see you again,” he says.

He goes into the bathroom and crawls into the tub.

And Anti – Anti is paralyzed in the hallway, staring at him, invisible.

But Chase can sense it. Chase can sense him. He looks back at him, his face – fuck, so familiar now, like Anti knows every line of it, every shadow – and says nothing.

Something in Anti cries out against it.

Don’t let him do this. Don’t let him do this.

But another part – oh, another part recognizes what has happened. It has grown attached to this human despite all odds, despite everything. And attachments are dangerous and stupid and useless, just like this little mortal curled up in his white bathtub, holding a razor, staring at it. This is Anti’s chance to let Chase break the attachment. This is its chance to stop this before it goes too far. Before it actually does decide that it likes Chase, that it wants him, that it should keep him, that he loves him in his own fucked-up way.

So it steps back.

It won’t stop Chase.

Let him go. Let him go. It’s better this way. He was just supposed to be entertainment. There was never supposed to be an attachment. So now Chase can die and Anti can leave and they can go their separate ways, and everything in Anti’s life will return to normal. It will go back to Ireland and find something new to do, someone new to torment. And everything will be okay.

It doesn’t stop Chase.

But Chase –

Chase –

“No,” he whispers to himself, gripping the blade. “Please.”

Chase can’t bring himself to do it.

“No!” he screams, lashing himself once, but it hurts and he hates it and he wants it to stop and it’s not like the other times he’s tried to kill himself, not at all. There’s no numbness. There’s no comfort.

He doesn’t want to die.

“Please!” he howls, gripping his own wrists. “Please!”

He’s begging himself. End it. Finish it. Stop it, let me go.

He’s begging the universe. No more. No more, please.

He’s begging Anti.

He’s begging Anti with everything he has.

He turns his eyes to it and he’s screaming, and there’s blood on his wrists, and the glowing moon is like the eye of a god staring down at them, and Anti is illuminated in its light, visible in the shape of a man, visible in a shape like Chase’s, and Chase is begging him –

“Don’t make me live like this any longer!”

Anti turns and flees.

Chase is howling like a shot dog, holding his own shoulders, unable to kill himself, because he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want Henrik to get that voicemail, he doesn’t want to never see the sun again, he doesn’t want to go, he isn’t ready, but he can’t live like this any longer, and he’s never felt more hopeless in his life, and he still doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want to die.

Don’t make me live like this any longer.

Why can’t he end it?

He’s so drunk and so tired and he thought he wanted to die, he really thought he did. No, no, not… oh, he needs somebody, he needs something, he needs something to change. Henrik. He wants Henrik, wants Jackie, wants Marv. He’s staggering to his feet, trying to get up, trying to get back to his phone –

He slips in his Christmas socks and in his own blood, and he crashes down hard in his bathtub, and lies still.

------------------

“Oh, no, oh, fuck,” Anti hears him whimpering as he comes awake. “How much did I fucking have? Stupid, stupid…”

It stands in the hallway, pacing, its eyes set on the ground. It is determined now. It has decided.

“Oh, shit! Oh.” There’s a nervous laugh from Chase as he notices the shallow cut on his arm. “Oh, wow, I… I must have tried to… but I didn’t! I didn’t, wow…”

There’s an awe in his voice that hasn’t been there for a long time.

Is it… pride?

“I didn’t kill myself,” Anti hears him whispering. “I didn’t… didn’t kill myself. Or I just passed out before I could, but either way, pretty impressive for a fucking idiot like me.”

Anti retreats back to his room and begins to pack the human’s things up, taking only what’s immediately necessary. It doesn’t care about the personal effects, but there are some things they will need – some clothes, his hygiene products, shoes, medicine. He places the succulent gently on top and zips it into place as an added present.

It can hear Chase wandering around the house, apparently dazed by his own survival, or maybe just still drunk from the night before. Anti shuts his phone down remotely and doesn’t let it turn back on when Chase scrabbles at the power button, mumbling about his friends back in England. Anti doesn’t know where the sudden interest in them after months of deleting pictures and ignoring calls has come from, but it doesn’t care.

Here are the facts, in its mind:

Chase survived last night.

It has grown attached to him.

Because he did not kill himself, it can’t escape the fact that it’s grown… fond of the human.

The human survived one night, but Anti has watched him through a great deal of ups and downs, and it knows that Chase will be suicidal again soon enough, and then he might not survive.

Anti does not want to watch him die.

And so the conclusion it came to last night, watching over the boy as he lay in that tub, gently curling his hair between its fingers, was this –

Chase will be its, and Chase will not die.

It has a great satisfaction with this plan now, more than it thought possible. After months of boredom, finally, finally! Something that makes it excited again, something that makes it feel – well – happy!

Chase is still playing with his phone. Anti steps back into the hallway and sees him frowning down at it, pressing on the power button a few times in a row, looking unhappy.

“Did I call him, or…? Need to tell him I’m okay or he’ll – ahh!”

Chase screams aloud at the sight of Anti standing in the hallway with his backpack on. Anti frowns as he goes tumbling to the floor in his alarm, groaning from the whiplash in an already concussed head.

“You’re – you’re showing yourself to me?” gasps Chase, scrambling away. “What’s – are you going to kill me? What’s going on? Hey, stay away!”

But Anti is moving forward, a smile already on its face. This is perfect! This is perfect! It could howl! It could shout! The man is looking at it again, just like he did that night he tried to kill himself, the night that Anti saved his life, and there is the change in his eyes, the recognition, and Anti feels seen and known and in control all over again, and everything is good, everything is perfect.

“What are you doing?” demands Chase, his hands reaching out to protect himself. A fighter, yes, just like Anti always saw. Small and weak and mortal and foolish, yes, but also courageous, courageous, always something special about him. Anti always knew. It grabs Chase’s wrist and pulls him to his feet, humming to itself, singing the old lullaby it always used to haunt him with.

“No, stop, I hate that!” screams Chase, trying to cover his ears, trying to yank away from him. “Stop it, let me go!”

He’s such a pretty little human, even if he is built so scrawny. Anti likes his dark hair and his fire eyes and his soft stomach and even his stupid tattoos, just because they’re his and he’s so goofy, silly human creature. It’s all familiar to him now. The boredom that it thought it was feeling all this time it now sees was a secret fear of the truth that it was becoming attached to him. But last night woke it up to the realization that it did not want to see the boy die and it’s so pleased that he decided to live. In a way, the human was deciding to stay with it! Everything is good. It wrangles Chase’s other wrist and begins to drag him towards the door, unbothered by the sound of his shouting, which is little more than white noise to Anti after so long spent following Chase.

“No, no! Help me, someone help!” he cries.

Someone pounds on the walls of the apartment. A muffled “can you shut the fuck up for once in your life?” makes its way through the plaster. Chase sobs, tearing at Anti’s hands, his eyes wild and desperate. Anti keeps humming.

It will set him up somewhere just as good as this stupid little apartment. Better even. Bigger and less worn. And it will teach Chase to take better care of it too, so he doesn’t make such a mess like he always does. It will give him things he hasn’t even realized he wants yet. It will give him his little succulent back and he will take care of it. Humans need things to take care of or they get very sad and they die sometimes – that’s the thing about humans, they can get so sad they can die, and it’s no longer fun for Anti to watch, so it will get Chase things to take care of instead. What do humans like to take care of? Cows? Hamsters? Potatoes? Whatever he wants.

It takes Chase’s keys and drags him out to his car, opening the door and letting all of Chase’s trash litter onto the street. Its foot crunches on garbage as it pushes its human inside, chirping politely at him when he struggles and gently blocking him from escaping, keeping him pressed inside the car. When Chase tries to lunge forward past it, Anti shoves him against the glass and makes him yelp, clutching at its aching head. Whoops! It pulls back quickly and pats his cheek, checking the bruise and patting Chase’s head. It will take some time to learn the boundaries for touching the human, but it will learn. It keeps him carefully inside until the human has gone breathless and shaky and realizes he can’t get out right now. Satisfied, Anti gets into the car beside him and starts the engine.

Oh, no, wait. One more thing it wants to do.

Anti sets Chase’s apartment on fire, whistling its song to itself as it disables the alarms and leaves a few rags beginning to spread the fire from the oven to the counters. Fuck that landlord who yelled at him. Now the other humans will probably think he died in the fire or something and not come looking for him. Not that they could find him if they tried. Anti leaves the apartment smoking and gets back into the car, chirping and purring to itself, too excited to care that it’s acting like a youngling on its first Samhain.

The human stares at the road as they begin to move, shell-shocked and trembling. Eventually his eyes flicker over to Anti, and it can see that he isn’t sure if he should be angry or terrified or just numb to all of this, numb to everything.

Numb is what he settles on. Numb and a little weepy, anyway. Anti coos and reaches out to touch the human’s neck, rubbing warmly at his soft skin.

Chase curls in on himself, shirtless and shivering in the seat of his own car, kidnapped and alone, and he begins to cry very softly.

There’s blood on his arm. He’s tired. He’s hungover. He’s still struggling with the desire to die despite surviving the night before. He thinks he left Henrik a weird voicemail. The monster that’s been haunting him for years has just appeared in the flesh and thrown him out of his apartment. He doesn’t know what’s happening. He just wants everything to stop.

He just wants this to stop.

The monster repeats its cooing noise at his side, still petting at his neck and throat. Chase shudders and cries, rocking himself gently in the seat, wishing for his headphones. Anti turns on both the heat and the radio. A top-twenties station comes on and plays music familiar to Chase’s ears, and they drive, and they drive, and he begins to go quiet and still, sniffling to himself, hugging his shoulders. Feeling the monster petting him like an animal.

“Okay,” whispers a warbled voice when Chase has finally begun to calm down, and he looks up in shock to see the monster speaking, or trying to. He’d never known it to speak at all – only to watch him, and laugh, and whistle or hum, playing tricks on him or mimicking him in the corner of his vision. They’d never spoken.

“Okay,” it repeats, touching his hair. “Okay.”

Chase swallows and says nothing.

Anti pulls over after a couple hours of driving and hands Chase the backpack, helping him pull out the clothes and put shoes and a shirt on. It leads him inside a gas station and lets him use his bathroom and wash his face, staying beside him the whole time. Chase doesn’t try to protest or call for help. He does not know why.

Anti leads him carefully through the aisles of the gas station, a big truck stop station with rows and rows of snacks and toys and clothes and knick-knacks like phone charges for cars and California-themed snow-globes. It seems interested in everything, but in an amused way, like it’s laughing at everything, and Chase is supposed to be laughing with it.

He doesn’t know what to do. Anti’s arm is around his shoulder.

The monster buys something with Chase’s credit card while Chase shakes beneath his arm and tries to figure out what’s happening, though his brain seems to be shutting down from being so overwhelmed and he really just wants a drink. Anti pulls him back towards the car and this time, he clambers in without protest, sitting down in the passenger seat and buckling in.

Anti sits down beside him and offers him the bag from the gas station. Chase blinks and looks over, taking the bag numbly from its hands.

There are nuts for protein and three bottles of water. Chips and a breakfast sandwich and jerky and chocolate and a small, stuffed lion with the name “Lionel” in its ear.

Anti starts the car again. They drive.

“What are you?” asks Chase in a whisper.

The monster glances over at him and touches his face, stroking a finger down his cheek, down his beard, and, in that struggling, glitching, inhuman voice, it tells him:

“Anti. And you are mine. No more scares. No more slow dying. I look after you. Human. Chase. Mine.”

The monster who’s been haunting him for months wants to keep him as a pet.

The desert is rolling past Chase’s window. Lionel sits patiently on his lap. The radio plays something inane and catchy. Anti is touching his hand.

“Mine,” it says again. “Okay, Chase. It’s okay.”

Chase closes his eyes, and, leaning back against the headrest of the car, he lets himself drift into sleep.

[simptasia]

lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”.  just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot.  (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

[yamithediaperdork]

Dragon’s roar (YGO)

Joey had a sinking feeling in his gut as he was on his way home from work. normally on a Friday night, and a payday at that, he'd of been happy to make his way back to his new home he shared with his loving boyfriend and his semi new little brother, the Kaiba boys, but he'd caught a glimpse of Mokuba and Yugi in a car heading for the turtle game shop. which meant if Mokuba was having a sleepover and it was date night.. "Aw fuck. I'm gonna be in huggies t'night." Joey groaned, getting a look of confusion from a nearby corporate type who was on his cell phone. "Mind yer own business." Joey huffed and sulked. Seto was a loving boyfriend, and spoiled Joey rotten in so many ways. Joey didn't need to walk to and from his security job at a mall, or even needed the job itself truth be told. But Joey liked to be able to be independent which sadly was a concept his loving boyfriend had some problems with. 'Ya would think someone who was taking collage classes and running a billion dollar company would get it.' Joey thought, slowing his walk down now that he knew what was waiting for him. Despite being seen as a cold and distant person by 90 percent of the world, Joey knew that under that layer of ice was..well more ice. but under THAT layer..well OK more ice. But if you dug down deep enough, there was this giant teddy bear that just wanted to hug you and pamper you. literally. and when Seto got in daddy mode, only one thing would get in his way of whining and begging Joey to let him pad him up. Mokuba. There was a reason Joey had been trying to start a Friday night tradition of pizza and movies but apparently Seto had been able to bribe his brother out of the house. 'And now I'm gonna get home and he's gonna have a pack of those freaking pampers out..and how the hell did he manage to get pampers to make diapers in my size anyways?! ...No you know what? I'm putting my foot down this time. I'm gonna go, have a beer, enjoy a few slices and maybe then I'll think about it!' Joey thought to himself, picking up the pace and walking though the front gate of the mansions yard, then slumped again. "...Oh who am i fucking kidding. it's gonna be milk and baby food and crapping myself tonight. He's taking me clubbing tomorrow night now though!" Joey muttered to himself. walking in he didn't even get a chance to call out that he was home before Seto was standing in front of him, holding up one of the thick massive pamper brand diapers. "Pleassssse?" Seto said and gave joey puppy eyes. "..I'm gonna draw up a list of demands and you're gonna cave into everyone of them. but yes. just let me get a shower first." Joey said, wondering again if the sweet and loving and rational boyfriend Seto was 90 percent of the time was worth the other 10 percent. "Deal!" Seto squealed and went to go and finish getting things ready.

Seto hummed and was grinning ear to ear as he laid out the diaper, some boosters, and a cute little outfit for the cutest big baby in the world, thinking about just how easy it had been to get Mokuba out of the house. One little fake rant about how he'd destroy the pharaoh and the like and Mokuba had asked to stay out for the night, tired of the crazy. The servants were given the night off so him and his adorable little big toddler could just cuddle and play and Seto was so lost in his thoughts he missed it as Joey tried to get his attention, till the wet towel hit him in the back of his head. "...really?" "hey, you want a big toddler, better learn ta pay attention." Joey said and shrugged and held up his hands. "...Your lucky your cute you know that?" "excuse me, but out of the two of us here, who's pushing their luck more?" Joey asked and winked, strolling over and then jumping up and turning mid jump to land on his back on the bed. "heh. Ok I'll give you that. Now did you go poo poo or pee pee at daycare today little guy?" Seto asked, getting into character and lightly tickling Joey's tummy. Joey rolled his eyes,he still wasn't on board with referring to his job as daycare, but taking a deep breath he switched on that baby tone that made Seto melt. "I went pee pee in the potty dis many times t'day daddy." He said and held up three fingers as a blush came to his face. "and I went all by myself!" "Oh my! Such a big boy!" Seto praised. "Daddies still gonna diaper you though since you have a stinky present in your tummy tum just waiting to come out." Seto coo'ed and then leaned down and tickled Joeys tummy more. "Who's got a big stinky present in his tummy tum? you do! yes you do!" knowing full well just how ticklish Joey's sides were Seto targeted them next, making the blond 20 year old yelp and burst into a fit of giggles. "ah! No fair! Cheating!" Joey cried out, trying to get free. "Noooo tickles!" "Sorry little guy, But i"m channeling the tickle monster, and you're monster food!" Seto chuckled. "Ahahahaha n-no stop ahahahaha W-wait I'm gonna!" Joey tried to wheeze out a warning between his laughs and Seto realized seconds to late maybe he should of stopped. Of course by then Joey was peeing on the front of his shirt and Seto stopped. "..I uh..had a big gulp on the way home." Joey said sheepishly, poking two fingers together as the flow finally stopped. "...I'm gonna choice to believe that was done to give me the full experience." Seto said and then lifted Joey off the bed, and onto a back up changing mat on the floor.

Joey was mortified as Seto powered him and got him tapped in the bulky white diaper, and found himself sucking on his thumb and blushing while Seto got out a different outfit for him. while his little accident had managed to avoid the diaper, the light blue short-alls and white diaper shirt hadn't of been so lucky.   'Now der's irony fer ya.' Joey thought, slurping away at his thumb. it was a bad habit he was picking up for all the date nights that turned into baby nights and it was starting to spill over to his big boy time. just the other day at work he'd had to claim he'd banged his thumb when busted by a co-worker. it was also a case of irony that even Seto wasn't a fan of the thumb sucking, which was shown as he turned around with a dark purple t-shirt and a pair of dark green shorts and scowled. "What do you think o- Little man! what have I told you about sucking your thumb?" Seto scolded Joey, coming over and setting the clothes down and pulling the thumb out with a pop. "Uhhh dat's good eating?" the diapered 20 year old tried, really feeling like he WAS just a 2 year old. "strike one." Seto said, trying not to smirk, as he reached into the diaper bag. "Thumbs like boyfriends are made for sucking?"  Joey said and gave his best 'I'm so cute you can't be mad' smile. "Maybe tomorrow if your good tonight. Last chance." Seto said and his mouth was twitching badly as he tried to stay stern. "...Little boys thumbs has germs on it and they should be sucking on paci's." Joey huffed and pouted. He just couldn't explain it, but Joey was of the view that hands down, his thumb tasted and felt better in his mouth then any of the many different pacifiers that they had tried. It was a semi holy quest of Seto's to find one that Joey wouldn't have a fuss about. Opening his mouth for the large nipple of the new paci, and noting it was at least black like his red eyes, Joey gave it a few experimental suckles. "well?" Seto asked. 'shit..dis one actually feels pretty good.' Joey thought, though he made a show of it and shrugged but kept nursing as Seto helped him sit up. with the paci in his mouth Joey instinctively became a lot more willing to play along, raising his arms for daddy and letting him tug the shirt on. then letting daddy help him stand and putting his hands on daddies shoulders while he stepped into his shorts, which were then tugged up. Then he sat on a bed of the bed he hadn't of soaked and raised his feet up as Daddy tugged up some white socks with the red eyes black dragon on them and grinned around his paci. "heh, I'm sorry we haven't gotten your red eyes shirt back from the dry cleaners left after last time. I still wanna know how you managed to turn your pasta into a paste and got it all over yourself though." Seto chuckled. Normally a statement like that would of had Joey all blushy, but again, this time.. He just smirked and flexed his arms. "oh i see. and here i am without tickets to the gun show." Seto teased and tapped a finger on Joey nose. Seto held out a hand for Joey to take, since normally Joey insisted on walking (or crawling if Seto triple diapered him) rather then be carried but he just felt all small and little and held out his arms for uppies. "...You..You sure?" Seto asked, grinning ear to ear, and Joey nodded. "...I'm buying the company that made that pacifier." Seto chuckled and lifted joey up and sat him on his hip, a arm under Joeys well padded tush. Joey leaned in and snuggled into daddy as he wrapped his legs around him and gurgled softly behind his paci as daddy carried them downstairs.

Seto couldn't get over the change in behavior from Joey's normal big baby time to this time.  there was no eye rolling, no smart ass remarks.when he'd sat Joey on a blanket on the floor with some toys, he'd gone and grabbed a stuffie of the red eyes and then scooted on his diaper butt, not even crawling, scooted, over to the couch and crawled up and snuggled into him. "you sure you don't wanna play with your toys little guy?" Seto asked. Joey shook his head no and snuggled in more and Seto for a second was worried about melting into good and getting sucked up but the couch's cushions. Seto put on a episode of Lil duelers for Joey and just kept looking at the little guy who was watching the show sure, but also seemed to be getting a little sleepy. about half way though Joey started to squirm a little bit and started to look up at Seto and then at the screen then back up at Seto and whined softly behind his paci. "whats wrong buddy?" Seto asked. if Joey was gonna keep the paci in his mouth this was going to get a little bit vexing to drag out what he wanted all the time, but Seto figured a few minutes of back and forth with the big baby was well worth the price of this cuteness. Joey whined again and then with one hand hugging his stuffie to his chest, he reached up and grabbed left hand and put it on back of his shorts, so his hand was on Joey's butt. "heh, I thought someone hated bum pats?" Seto asked, and Joey whined and gave him a pleading look. "ok ok, patting! don't give me that look again! You made me feel like a monster for not patting right away!" Seto said, half joking. the little guy giggled behind his paci and as Seto started patting and rubbing his butt Joey closed his eyes in bliss and snuggled in as much as he could. "So I guess this means anytime I wanna stop argument with you all i need to do is pop a paci in your mo-" Seto was saying when a muffled fart came out of Joey's behind, and Seto swore he could feel the heat from it. "heh, did you just wanna fart on daddies hand?" Seto asked, and Joey shook his head no, but his eyes were shut tight. it didn't look like his 'I'm so ashamed' face and Seto went to say something else when a second, louder and more forceful fart came out, followed but a rapid fire series of smaller ones. "Ohhh I see. Somebody wants bum pats while he makes daddy a present." Seto chuckled, and Joey nodded. His eyes were still closed but as Seto realized now, it was because he was bearing down and trying to speed up a bowel movement, or in baby term: make daddy a present as soon as possible. More farts now and Seto was thankful for the oder guard in the diapers, though he was still thinking he should of doubled diapered Joey as his hand was getting a little toasty. Joey was staining and pushing, and starting to work up a little bit of a sweat and Seto frowned. "Joey buddy, I know you wanna be a good boy and make me a present, but you can't just force it like this. you're gonna hurt yourself an-" Seto was saying in a gentle voice when with one mighty effort, the back of Joey's diaper started to expand. Normally Joey would of tried to hide, or pouted to use the potty before taking a dump in a diaper, but this time he was being such a good little boy even as the living room filled with the funk of his gift to daddy. The diaper and shorts by extension took on a interesting shape as Joey grunted and pushed. instead of just puffing out like it would normally do, it was making a semi triangle shape as it pushed out, causing the shorts to slide down. '...what the hell did he eat?' Seto thought but kept that to himself even as the smell had him taking shallow breath. 'Ok, no more food court lunches for him. I'm packing his lunch from now on.' As the bowel movement finished up, Seto rubbed Joey's back (he had switched from the boys butt when the lump had started to form and coo'ed softly at him. "All done now champ?" Seto asked. Joey looked more tired then before, his eyelids struggling to open up but he nodded his head. "Ready for a diapie change then?" Seto chuckled, and to his shock, Joey shook his head no. Normally Joey hated staying in a poopie diaper, and it was Seto who had to beg him to sit in it just for a few extra minutes. 'Go figure, the one time he's actually stinking the place up..' Seto thought. "Ok buddy. we'll let you take a little power nap, then change you, ok?" Seto asked. Joey gave a sleepy nod and then shut his eyes, gurgling and coo'ing as he drifted off to dream land. "...Your a toxic little mud butt. but your worth it." Seto said, stroking Joey's hair and smiling till anther loud fart came out into the back of the blond waste filled diaper. "But don't push it." Seto chuckled.

The end

[nightmare-circus]

Serica | Reaction 4/4 | Ode to…

When: Second motive, when their surroundings were not these ephemeral islands but a quiet village. In the midst of suffocating fear, after she had committed to holing up in her room, before he had come to stay with her.

Where: On their mirrors. Due to aforementioned self-isolation.

Who: One conspiracy theorist, one nurse. Just friends, for now.

What:

( > seriously though i dont want to find you dead )

> then don’t go looking

( > how could i not? )

Why:

IX. Yamamoto, Deacon

Was it her fault, for trying to make concrete plans for the future?

( “Deacon Yamamoto, I will do everything in my power to make sure you and I can leave here, that I will find you and bring you home and we’ll spend days just sitting on the couch watching terrible sitcoms, riding on the subway gossiping about tourists, walking through the park hand in hand…“ )

No, that was stupid. 

Serica may have been a woman who believed in more than the average person, trusted in platitudes and jinxes where others would scoff, but even in the midst of the unthinkable she was dimly aware this wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault. It was…. someone else. Someone else’s fault.

A someone else who she needed to find. But, she found herself once again incapable of meaningfully investigating. Not this time for exaggerated pain and weakness, but of a pure inability to move forward both physically and psychologically.

She’s done this before. She had just forced herself to shallowly rationalize and pack away the deaths of Miles, Juniper, Tatsuya, Elise. One more couldn’t be bad. She was great at compartmentalization wasn’t she? She was able to laugh and have drinks hours after poisoning a man, she was able to pretend to be a victim when only half an hour before she had killed one Danny Ostergard with her two hands. If she approached this from a distance, with the veneer of a woman who had nothing to do with the dead man before her, with the objectivity of a woman who simply was trying to figure out what was going on… she could do this, right?

Let’s begin.

How does she even begin to explain Deacon Yamamoto?

(Ah… he’d probably like that reference, wouldn’t he?)

u/BoysBBUGS ||  u/aviary23

Head mod of Fanatical Ravings of the Disappeared, he(?) had a lot of theories that she didn’t necessarily subscribe to, but saw his contributions interesting to pick at. Ships passing through the night on the world wide web ocean.

IX. The Hermit || XI. Justice

A neighbor of a neighbor, though she hadn’t seen him around much. Does he keep to himself? Why the mask?

Cockroach & Serica

A riot of a man, able to make her laugh to hysterics at their first meeting. Supposedly 32 years old, supposedly unable to bath for fear of chemicals, supposedly with child with a man he had just met. Willing to have himself come off as incredibly unreasonable in public. Despite all this, clearly intelligent, clearly possessed a mind that had a voracious appetite for information and was wonderful to bounce theories on. An asset, despite it all.

( “I’m Serica by the way!” )

[…]

“They gave me the name Cockroach. Fucking COCKROACH Ser. What kinda joke is this shit?”

“I have a dumb fucking gift and Cockroach might as well be my real name since I doubt I’ll ever hear my original one ever again.”

Roach & Riccy

Slippery in every way, but not so unreasonable as he seemed. Logic was a great way to combat him, and any answer often had to be weaseled with either heavy theorizing (her specialty) or with a tango with some off the cuff roleplaying (decidedly not her specialty). She wouldn’t be so cocky to say that he changed his habits for her but… she thinks she had a hand in convincing him. He really wasn’t so bad, if you gave him a chance, and he’d surprised her more than once with acts of care and thoughtfulness.

Dee & ██

A friend for sure, and one who seemed to have a genuine loyalty. No qualms at seeing her drop a stun gun in front of him, no reservations when she admitted tentatively that she slept with a knife, no judgements when she casually brought up murder once more. Morals in the traditional sense didn’t seem to shackle him, which was very convenient to incorporating him into her tentative plans. 26, not 32. A New Yorker, as well though rather than any borough, his car was his home. Given his life he had become a stranger to hugs, to positive affection, but once he had a taste he was hungry for more. For all his mock lovers and public swooning, he was dense to actual subtle flirting.

( “My middle name. Aka, no risk of harming me if a faelien hears it. ██.” )

“I don’t have a middle name. I’d tell you if I did, swear. You can call me Dee though. It’s a part of my first name and you already know the first letter of it when I fucked up that one time. So Dee is a pretty good substitute then, yeah?”

Deacon & ███

Incredibly cute. A true newcomer to being hit on, to being told he’s handsome, to being kissed, to being in a relationship. A strong backbone even as she herself wavered in the days leading up to the decisive moment. Determined, stating possibilities as if they were facts and refusing to acknowledge her agonizing over the worst case scenario. Through everything, an unwavering support, a hand on her back, a shoulder to lean on. A good singer of lullabies, in her opinion.

( “███. My name is ███.” )

“Deacon.”

Deacon Yamamoto & ███ ██ █

Did not hold himself in the same concern he showed her. Makes a fuss in the public chat about the wrongs done to him but brushes off the severity when questioned by his own girlfriend. Still a liar, still a master of faking a smile. 

( “I won’t remember much but i’ll know your name, your, that you helped me so much in escaping that, that you mean the World to me–” she’s just babbling “I probably will believe myself if, if I actually try to find your information or maybe your drivers license– maybe if I put you in as a missing person or– But oh no will you believe me? What if I just show up at your car and you just think I’m a scam artist or–” )

“My license plate is HGO789. Deacon Yamamoto. I’ll believe you. I’ll always believe you.”

( “…█. My last name is… █.” )

███ ██ █

There once was a man upon whom was foisted a change. Upon his rise to a breathing dream, he was stripped of his taste and stripped of subsequent limits. Immune not only to the aches of poison but the salve of saccharin, the burn of capsaicin. To match with his steel stomach was his mercurial tongue, not gifted but cultivated carefully. Silvery and poisonous with every other word, it was at the command of a mind that paralleled in fluidity. It was as if he was a maestro, and his instrument of choice was a dictionary, phrases and scenarios slung with such rapidity that all who listened were on guard for constant whiplash.

So, it meant something when words became actions.

Anyone can say anything. He especially was able to say anything, a master class perjurer of the highest degree. The sun was about to peek through the sky at any moment, he was a Staten Island woman in an unhappy marriage trying to hook up her hair dresser with her son, he was fine, he was going to be okay, he was going to get out of here–

…

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will take consideration for the situation, and spending precious currency to fit yourself with a weapon.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will help them, protect them, and taking the extra mile to pull down the mattress of a woman who’s waking hell of a gift would not let her climb up the steps otherwise.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want them to live and helping them plan and execute the death of another person.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want to live and…

…

(She was failing miserably in this task).

…

No one who looked at his body, at the stagnant ichor dripping out of his head, could understand the potential for warmth like she would. His fingers combing through her hair, pulling out loose tangles and tucking locks behind her ear so she could look at him unfettered. A grin, not sharp and pulled taught, but gently reassuring, murmuring soothing phrases to ease her anxious hands. Irises, bright not with the promise of information to unravel but with unbridled emotion that made his eyes crinkle, a devoted gaze meant for one.

One person, who stood here alone.

“And it’s not like I need it, yanno? I kinda wasted my life away before all of this. Not sure if I want it back.”

"I won’t die. Not yet at least. I have some things that need getting done." 

“I mean I’m not gonna let myself die after I break a leg like some racehorse. I wanna be useful, not a damn trigger happy martyr. ” He had snorted. “I’ll still make a valiant effort to get out of here Rics. But if it comes down to me and you? Well.” He had shrugged. “As a consolation prize I will say, you do make me wanna become someone worth living again.”

"I was impliiiied my dear, of course I’m making it out of here with you. What would the point be otherwise. I was trying to make it seem all badass and broody, adding a technicality to it all would’ve been underwhelming.”

“You’re going to be stuck with me until the end of times.”

“You’re getting out of- we’re getting out of here. You were wonderful.”

“Yes I know. I will. I’m going to get out. With you.”

“Of course, █. We can live a life worth living together out there.”

“It’s going to be alright █.”

“I love you █, please. Trust me, things are gonna be fine.”

“One day at a time.”

One day at a time, she had repeated.

One day at a time, she repeats, staring at his face, flesh frozen in the way that only a cadaver could. She’d never forget the first time she had touched a dead body, and was forced to confront the jarring dissonance, the coldness, the stiffness, the pallor of the skin that had been warm, soft, pliable, just hours before. Only a child, forced to confront the concept of lives ending for the first time. Since then she had seen more than her fair share, from work, from this place, before her very eyes.

Joints creak and echo through her body as she moves, finally. To fold her knees under herself, sit at his side, hand hovering indefinitely, torn between not having to face that final moment of confirmation and wanting to just hold him once more. Before she would have to be torn from him for hours, before they returned from a useless trial and his body would be gone, before she’d have to trudge to their caravan, who’s emptiness would threaten to collapse on her.

“There is nothing worse than not knowing.”

( “No, there’s nothing worse than not living.” )

[advernia]

the world in her heart, her heart in his hands

assorted sidenotes for the fic i made in response to an anon-sent aesthetic prompt! oooh boy, i sure took long on this one lmao...... _(:3 」∠)_

prompt #7: steady notes coming from a guitar nearby, fireflies dancing around the clearing, two sleeping bags close together, and a bright full moon briefly covered by a cloud.

so the core idea i had when i saw that prompt got requested was based on jonah’s say i do! route: he says that one day, he wanted to go to the land of reason + see the place alice was born and raised. tbh idk how the prompt even led me to that, but the imagery vibes i got from the prompt hinted of something like freedom. or something like lovers secretly meeting in the woods, which i sort of went by.

OKAY SO I SWEAR I FINISHED WRITING THE PROMPT (day zero!!!) EARLY (by my standards) LMAO.............. like, maybe a week after i got the ask or so? but then when i went about proofreading it i felt that it was... lacking??? i can’t explain it myself, but i didn’t wanna post it yet until i got that feeling cleared out - i tried revising + adding, but it didn’t help so i just started thinking about expanding the fic instead...

thinking about the scenes really took longer than i thought?!?!?! i wanted this request up early but i was stumped on what kind of scenes i wanted to see + how their lengths were gonna be.... plus i was thinking if i should go solely on narration + description........ or maybe more of dialogue...... then i jumped to holy shit what’s my timeline gonna be what cultural whatnot am i gonna emphasize and i think i fussed over those aspects rather than picturing the actual scenes LMAOOO.......................

great disclaimer: i have NEVER stepped into the uk..... or england + london for that matter ahahaha GET REKT tho i want to someday huehuehue....... i heavily relied my research on maps + history websites + train timetables to help me get through the touring parts so do forgive me if i messed up somewhere + butchered history haha..... i was thinking to make things vague, but since i’m always in for emphasizing the differences between cradle + land of reason, i decided to get a little technical with it......

i have to admit that i wrote most of the fic during breaks in work hELLA RAD........... i’m doing my job properly, i swear........ it’s just that when i already have a stable idea of what i want to happen, the scene becomes clearer in my mind. i wanted so! badly! to add scenes of jonah pronouncing words and looking at various things funny!!! jonah and his attempts to communicate with londoners!!! fussy jonah poking around a boutique, him being fascinated + studying displays of gun shops, or him accidentally offending the royal guard + constables LMAOOOOO but i couldn’t seem to write anything satisfactory involving those ideas........... ಥ_ಥ

back to the issue of timeline, i was picturing the london in this fic to be around the 1860s or smth.... but then i remembered that in edgar’s dramatic end letter, he mentions his fascination with electricity aka lightbulbs......... which were, like...... discovered early 1800s but only became common in 1882 ahahaha....... when i realized this i was already writing day 18 oOOPS so i just decided to go on and wing it I’M SORRY _(:3 」∠)_

on timeframe, i know that it’s very highly unlikely that jonah would take a vacation for two months. i bet the mere concept of a one-month vacation is enough to give him a heart attack LMAOOOO but let’s just say that red army told him to take his time in the land of reason, especially when they learn that jonah plans to formally meet alice’s parents. when he hears about this, lancelot tosses in the suggestion of proposing to alice while they’re in the land of reason, so that jonah can tell her parents about that too. jonah thinks it’s a fantastic idea..... so he decides to accept hot damn, a two month vacation!

whole route & lengths of stay (points streaked with red are mentioned within the fic minus nottingham whoops sorry):

london [16 days bc IT’S A BIG CITY LMAO (day 30 - 14). rides a morning train going to bristol on the 14th, arrives there midday.]

bristol [5 days (day 14 - 9). leaves bristol on the morning of the 9th to walk all the way to glastonbury, arrives there come late afternoon / evening.]

glastonbury [4 days (day 9 - 5). leaves midday of the 5th to walk their way to alice’s village, arrives there around sunset.]

alice’s village / ‘actual wonderland’ lmao [5 days (day 5 - 0). located somewhere in between bridgwater, taunton, and glastonbury. month 1 of vacation has ended.]

day log commentary!

thirty. arrival in the land of reason through falling - routes where alice does go back don’t feature her falling down london’s sky, so maybe she’s just... spit out from the hole????? idk haha so i altered it anyway!!!!! the landing scene was initially like this: jonah lands first, he catches alice in his arms, they banter a bit....... and then they suddenly remember the suitcase only for said object to fall right on jonah’s head LMAOOO....... it’s a cradle magical object that looks like a regular suitcase but will always be as light as a feather despite it’s contents + it has GREAT CAPACITY so jonah is actually okay!!!!!! i decided to scrap that scene concept though haha!

twenty-nine. does the hole to the land of reason only open around midnight or smth???? i’m sure it doesn’t, but i went with jonah + alice leaving cradle minutes before twelve o’clock, so when they arrive in london jonah gets to see the big ben signal midnight. is that planned on alice’s part? maybe. on another note, i’m assuming that a high-ranking officer + noble like jonah is definitely used to traveling to other countries so he’s definitely not one for homesickness, but i like the thought of him always feeling all sorts of uncomfortable on his first nights away from home - he doesn’t make a big deal about it bc he gets better three days in or so. idk, it just seems fitting for someone very particular like him.

twenty-seven. if luka’s hair is fucking dyed, my god (no wonder i found those light ends of his hair sorta funny), then here’s jonah excuse to adapt another hair color with the help of magic crystals LMAO - i always stick with a reality ensues standpoint, so his ikeman looks aside, i’m sure londoners would find jonah’s hair color (heck, maybe even his eye color) very unique. alice can’t deal with all that sudden attention lol but she somewhat proud that the man who has effortlessly captured the attention of the people of her world too is the man she proudly calls her lover ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

twenty-three. now that i think of it, what exactly does cradle mean when they say the land of reason? are they simply referring to the city of london, or earth as a whole??? most likely the latter, but i’m pretty sure no one except blanc (and possibly ray bc that globe in his room lol) know exactly how large the land of reason is. anyway, not gonna lie, i wanted jonah + alice talking about novels by maybe the likes of charles dickens, thomas hardy, george eliot or h.g. wells. heck, maybe jane austen and charlotte bronte too!!!! but i had to scrap that bc gaps in understanding cultural & historical references + use of language, figurative and non-figurative.... it’s a shame about the last two though - i’m sure jonah can somehow probably relate to the society depicted in their books since the red territory sounds like your typical breeding place of victorian era nobles lmao!!!!

eighteen. sometimes when people learn / gain a deeper understanding about new things, they have the urge to brag about said knowledge to others - of course jonah wants to show alice what he knows about her world so far haha! calling a train a mechanical beast tho lmao..... he refers to it that way, but i think it’s his target of fascination in london!!! noise and possibly environmental issues aside, it’s very convenient + efficient and can cater to all, but what he finds most impressive that it’s a man-made locomotive!!! that’s something worth incredible praise!!! ( ᐛ )و

fourteen. actual train ride!!! hmmm.... i think jonah only panics maybe a good thirty minutes in when the train starts moving??? alice tries to calm him down by pointing at the passing scenery out the window + idle chatter until jonah finally relaxes himself.... but then he starts to panic slightly again when alice suggests that they look around the train and he’s like: is that even remotely safe??? what about our baggages, can we leave them unattended??? hey, i saw you snicker - how dare you laugh at me!!!

nine. according to google, an estimate of a walk starting from bristol going to glastonbury is 8h 25min. that’s for the present time though - would’ve it been shorter or longer in the past??? idk, but definitely one’s pace during the walk affects the total time, lol. since railroads only started out around 1830s + i made alice a village girl, walking really is her way to go. pedestrianism was still a thing around the 19th century!!! her stamina in other routes tho lol (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

six. here’s my self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 1 LMAOOOO -   the steps in the scene aren’t really from a certain folk dance in england, much less from glastonbury itself... i did look up on england folk dances, but i couldn’t pick one that i wanted to incorporate into the scene so i went with describing some random steps on the top of my head _(:3 」∠)_ ..... maybe someday, i’ll write a proper one..... on another note though, i suppose jonah can adapt quickly to folk dances, but he may come off a bit stiff at first in line / column dances where there’s the switch of partners??? i mean, there are formal 19th century dances that have that same concept, but.... the finesse + personal boundaries are all there lmao -  he’s not against the casual intimacy + show of obvious joy in folk + common dances though, it’s just more of that he’s not used to the informality of it all, i think.

five. plot twist: alice does lead jonah to her home, the cottage on a hill like she always described, but what he doesn’t expect is when she solemnly says that she’d introduce him to her parents she leads him to the back of the hill and in the foot of the hill he finds himself staring at her parents’ gravestones as she’s smiling sadly with a bouquet of flowers in her hand OH WAIT WRONG GENRE WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FLUFF LMAO - kidding aside, i do hope cybird catches onto the idea of a story event of chosen suitor going to the land of reason with alice to meet her parents or smth!!! they did do a travel event in the jp ver, after all.... but i’m not keeping my hopes up haha....... _(:3 」∠)_

zero. self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 2 - tho it’s in the latter part along with the prompt lmao!!! hmmm, i’m pretty satisfied with how this one turned out tho i had a little problem arranging the first half - the rest i relatively left untouched even after i added the rest of the days to the fic. hopefully, does well as a nice end to the fic itself..... tbh, the thought of summer dress alice + casual shirt & pants jonah both barefoot & running around like children in moonlit woods (don’t do this in real life folks) made me smile a lot. give me more soft-and-not-so-tooth-rotting-fluff scenes, cybird

also!!! since the prompt involved a guitar, i had a certain track on repeat lmao - you can listen to it here, and it’s the second to the last track titled umibe ni yurete (swaying in the beach)! (ノ^∇^)

and that’s all that i’ve got today!!! thank you very much for reading + hope you’re staying safe & well wherever you are!!!!（｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

[xivu-arath]

do you have any cool oc ideas that youre developing or thinking of developing?? like for destiny or star wars or like anything i guess. if NOT then uh fuck you. no but actually if not then what are some of your favorite ideas/concepts you like to put in your characters?? actually answer both if you can

ohhh these are both very good questions

I have a few ideas I’m slowly working on!! with destiny I’m thinking that during d2 oni would have gone to ground and, if anything, not be around until its expansions if she’d go back to the city at all, so I’ve been brainstorming some ideas for a replacement hunter (though just making a second titan or warlock would. make my life a lot less stressful... we’ll see)

but I was thinking of a courier or messenger kind of character? given the state of civilization (in general: bad) there’s lots of situations in which technology can’t carry messages to where they need to go, and there’s lots of unsent letters or recorded but unseen logs in destiny lore and just. a character trying to work to get that to the people it needs to reach seems fun! and works well with hunters, which are frail but mobile and go out into the wilderness or ruins regularly to Hunt, only in this case they will be hunting information or destinations for it! they’re going to have a whole big setup so they can take down or save info - weatherproofed writing implements and parchment, portable drives, carrier birds or drones to send stuff beyond their own reach if they’re currently stuck...

idk maybe they’ll even run into oni one day just to develop a contrast between them

I also want ocs from all the general enemy factions of destiny? probably some krill, who either are part of some heretic branch who want to go back to the fundament or were raised in secret away from the hive, hive ocs from... every part of their ranks because fuck do I love the hive, some eliksni and vex and cabal... but those are all just “I want one of these” with no specifics yet

star wars wise I still wanna develop my oc from zakuul who fled it when valkorion was killed, mostly because I want to use him to flesh out zakuul and look at the alliance plot from an external and terrified perspective, as well as like. interact with the republic and the empire from someone who has never encountered anything like either of them. I know he’s some kind of noble who did Something Bad necessitating his exile and edgy name change but I still don’t know what it concerns so like. shrug emoji

also!! the imperial guard in swtor’s time were... a highly isolated elite force influenced/brainwashed by vitiate and I’m really interested in a few ocs from that general background. one maybe having been left for dead after a disastrous mission and who ends up surviving but. cut off from their unit and outside of vitiate’s influence and in the middle of nowhere so they end up scrambling to survive in a wholly different space... and then end up encountering the empire again after ziost and get whiplash from how things have changed, or how much they have changed

and maybe another training for the guard who gets stuck very much elsewhere, or defects or... something, idk yet! but it’s cool to have ideas. I also need another set of bh ideas at some point but... that’s just hanging out until I have any kind of concept to tie into that

(one day you and princet will hit me with enough wod lore for it to stick and I’ll make 200 new ocs.... I can feel it)

as for favourite ideas... a big one is purpose. living weapons, people trained or shaped or born for a purpose, and then... subverting that, or following it only for it to go badly and end up lost and having to make their own out of what they’ve experienced it. or maybe embracing it and making it personal in a way that’s a quiet defiance... there’s just so much that appeals to me there

also curses, or the idea of curses. I have several ocs that play on that - one is convinced she’s cursed, which leaves a really distinct mark on her and who she grows to become even once she no longer believes it, while there’s another cursed into animal form but... it’s a long-running curse affecting the firstborn of her family so they’ve specialized it and now raise their first kid to be able to take it in stride with minimal fuss

something I want to do more of is what I ended up doing with chirraek, who is inextricably part of a species that is all bloody, sharp extremes but which focuses on... very small, practical concerns. it probably comes from following a bunch of writers who specialize in the practical even in darkly fantastical settings, and it’s really a fun exercise

[catty-bojangles]

Ok so I do really like McHanzo as a couple and I would love something to happen with that, cos I think they complement each other well, and I’d love to see some more of the heroes be confirmed as LGBTQ, but here’s my reasons why I don’t think Hanzo would jump on McCree’s dick at the first given opportunity like a lot of people in the fandom do….

So basically I get the impression Hanzo’s lived a mostly, if not completely celibate lifestyle up to this point. I say this cos, when he and Genji were younger, Genji was the rebellious one who is described as a “playboy,” whereas Hanzo stuck close to their family’s/clans traditions and rules. Somehow with all his vigorous training and strict upbringing I don’t think he had much time for, or interest in romantic or sexual relationships. Hell, I’d be surprised if he even had any friends. The PTR Valentine’s Day voice lines kinda back me up here - when Genji asks Hanzo if he got any chocolates and Hanzo replies “those were your amusements, not mine” that to me says “romantic relationships were what you were into, not me” (based on the Japanese custom of giving chocolates to a partner on Valentine’s/white day)

Then, after “killing” Genji and all the trauma and guilt and self-loathing that came with it, I don’t think that relationships even crossed his mind. He would never allow himself the kindness of loving or being loved. It’s an alien concept to him. In his travels around the world he probably spent most of it alone and didn’t form any bonds with anyone.

As a result, I think Hanzo has probably never really been intimate with anyone or has never really had that interest before. Now he’s realised Genji is alive and is starting to heal and actually treat himself kindly, MAYBE he would start to explore the part of himself that desires physical/emotional intimacy, but I don’t think it would be at all easy for him. If you’re pushing 40 and you’ve no experience with sex or love then you’d probably find it hard to even fucking consider letting someone get close to you like that, let alone do it. You’d be super awkward, super uncomfortable, really closed off and not really knowing what to do.

I’d even suggest that he may be asexual. So that’s not to say that he might not develop some kinda relationship with someone, but he ain’t gonna be some super thirsty sex maniac like I see in a lot of fanart.

This portrayal of McHanzo also makes me kinda uncomfortable cos, same sex pairings are always MASSIVELY oversexualised in fandom and usually treated as fodder for people to get off to. Words like “slash” and “sin” and all that bullshit get chucked around and it just doesn’t sit right with me. I love the idea of McCree and Hanzo forming s friendship, and maybe even something more, but I just see it as really OOC for them to be fucking every which way and it makes me think that people just wanna get off to two hot guys banging so they’ve projected their own OCs onto two popular characters with no thought about how those characters would actually be in that situation. Which, yeah, you're totally entitled to do (but I'm entitled to be confused by it lol)

Anyway these are my headcanons and opinions and I want to emphasise that you’re welcome to yours and you can draw/write whatever the fuck you want. Me having these ideas doesn’t negate you having your ideas. It doesn’t threaten them in any way. But I just wanted to throw out some things that bug me in fandom. I mean, it happens with every fandom I’m in - people take characters I like and completely change their personalities to somehow fit them into sexual situations that they’d never be in, usually cos they get turned on by it. And I’m just here like “this character would never do that!!!” I guess I’m a total stickler for staying true to my fave characters and I feel bad for them being taken out of character, even tho they aren’t real lol. It’s like in the walking dead, I actually see Daryl as having a similar relationship with intimacy as I see Hanzo, but everyone’s obsessed with this idea of him getting laid. I guess I’m just like - is it so far-fetched that someone just ISNT into that?? I mean Im not really into sex, I’ll have it if its there (haha) but I’m not fussed either way.

But yeah you’re welcome to disagree but like I ain’t gonna argue with no one.

[fouramour]

DUMPS THIS HERE

CLOVER IS A MILDLY RESPONSIBLE PARTNER NO I’M KIDDING HE JUST LIKES DIE A LOT

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 9:51 PM

[txt] hey sixer?

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 9:51 PM

[txt] what

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 9:52 PM

[txt] you busy?

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 9:53 PM

[txt] yes

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 9:53 PM

[txt] how busy?

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 9:53 PM

[txt] extremtl [txt] extrmely [txt] damnit

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 9:54 PM

[txt] are you high and or drunk.

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 9:54 PM

[txt] i hate tcting [txt] this is stupid talk to me on the computer sists easier

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 9:54 PM

[>Just] [>Calls him instead]

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 9:55 PM

"What." Die's voice is as grumpy as ever, and he is not drunk, nor high. He just... really hates texting.

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 9:58 PM

"What's up? Like, are you actually busy or just moody? 'Cause I can fuck off an' wait 'til you're feelin' better but I wanted t' talk about somethin' important with y'." Clover sounds as calm as he ever does with the lower energy folks, he's not going to be a miniature sun around Die.

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 10:03 PM

"Fine. I'm good now, come and say what you need to say, then go away."

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 10:03 PM

"In person? Or is th' call fine."

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 10:04 PM

"Whatever you prefer, make it quick Clover I have only oh so much patience."

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 10:04 PM

Surprise he's already knocking on Die's door.

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 10:06 PM

Die hangs up and goes to answer the door, looking OH SO PLEASED, just like his voice. So... not pleased in the slightest. "What." He says for the third time.

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 10:09 PM

"Okay so, makin' it quick," Clover pockets his phone and fusses with his hands a bit, looking down and then up (very up, Jesus) at Die. "I'd hope he'd've mentioned it by now, but uh, I wanted t' know what you think a' me in a casual sorta pale thing with Chase. I don't really get what's goin' with y' two but in case I'm gettin' it wrong y'know I don't wanna be that guy?"

Cloneclone-Yesterday at 10:23 PM

"Yes. I've been made aware of that for some time now. About a week? Maybe more? I don't know, I don't keep the time. I'm just fully aware you two are in cahoots. I'm not happy about it." Die's eyes narrowed, jaw tensing as he kept his lips from curling.

butterfliesDance-Yesterday at 10:27 PM

"...Didn't mean to do nothin' against you, Die." You raise your hands a bit, your posture shrinking you even further than your height. "If you wanna talk why you ain't, I'm here, I ain't know there was a problem."January 17, 2017

Cloneclone-Today at 5:34 PM

"You didn't mean to, yet you clearly did. I didn't MEAN to stab someone in the back, I just intentionally inserted this blade between the levels of their spine. Clear difference. But anyway, now you're aware there is a problem. Congratulations, the fog has been lifted. What more do you want from that." Die crossed his arms over his chest, keeping that leer.

butterfliesDance-Today at 5:38 PM

Clover pauses for a short few moments, running considerations through his head. Well, better sooner than later. It's not like anything had to really change, and...god why did he have to actually value Die's opinion this is bull. "...Look, if you're not comfortable, I'll drop it if you want us to. Is it really that big of an unheard concept that I actually give a fuck about that?"

Cloneclone-Today at 9:51 PM

Trying to figure out how to realistically have Die say 'no it's okay', because I feel bad OOCly having Die try and break it off so quick xD))

butterfliesDance-Today at 9:57 PM

(( I MEAN I DONT CARE I WANT DIE AS DIe......BUT I FEEL YOU... (( if you want you could just let him do as he do and retcon it if you're not comfortable

Cloneclone-Today at 9:59 PM

Could have Die pull the same shit he did with Crowbar and say he doesnt care whe nhe very much does))

butterfliesDance-Today at 10:00 PM

(( personally i think its interesting any way it goes! you just tell me what youre comfortable with (( cloves probably going t okeep pushing the matter though (( i did enter this fully prepared for a 'nope' from die

Cloneclone-Today at 10:14 PM

"Will you?" Die arched a brow, though the rest of his expression didn't change. His voice sounded terribly... dubious.

butterfliesDance-Today at 10:17 PM

"I said I'll drop it if you ask." Clover doesn't sound particularly irritated, nothing along the lines of anger, but certainly some form of hurt. He sighs. "I wouldn'ta done it in th' first place if I didn't figure it was th' same as Crow, he had another pale before, I figured you were more open. I want to fix it, okay?"

Cloneclone-Today at 10:23 PM

"I want it over then, yes." Short and sweet and that was about all he was going for. A not so discreet side eye was sent in the direction of a nearby block as if he was counting down the time.

butterfliesDance-Today at 10:27 PM

"Okay," he says. He crosses his arms and glances off where Die did, then at the floor. "...We okay? 'Cause I wanna be okay with you, 'n all."

Cloneclone-Today at 10:33 PM

"No. I'm pissed. And maybe I'll get over it with time, but I'm not flipping a leaf immediately over this."

butterfliesDance-Today at 10:35 PM

"...'Kay. Best o' luck to ya." Clover just kind of wiggles his fingers a little and-- just about bolts before he can say or do anything else.

[bwicblog]

AA: spoilern alernt, flarnping in the rnain fucking S U C K S.

AA: got mud all the way up to my goddamn flaps.

AA: n, p surne I've got mud I N them, ugh.

ID: clearly you need me to show you how it's done. =:P

AA: lmao, y, mb when yrn off bedrnest, dude. >:}

AA: I'm playing forn bodies, but that doesn't mean I want Y R N S.

ID: psh not wanting my hot bod, i'm crushed. =:'(

ID: tho i get what you mean, the mud is the fucking worst.

AA: lmaoooo. soz, soz. am I supposed to say yrn hella hot now to soothe yrn poorn ego?

ID: obvs. =:P

ID: my ego has been brushed enough at this fair! =>:(

ID: ...bruised.

AA: too late.

ID: =>:I i'm working with one hand here, i demand a break.

AA: it's been brnushed and now you gotta polish it, orn shit'll just look fucking tacky.

AA: lmaoooo.

AA: I offerned you a wornm, dude.

AA: you C Ö U L D be, wtf did prni say AA: 8/10 hot A N D w two frnonds, but n, you gotta go and get squicked on me. >:P

ID: i think i lost enough blood without feeding it to a worm too.

AA: blood comes back, suck it uppp.

AA HAS ATTACHED lolheded.jpeg! It is a troll trying to wrench his leg out of a bog. AA: lmaoooo, evernyone sucks at this sO harnd. AA: wtf you up to?

AA: feeling bettern yet?

ID: i mean. define better. i'm not feeling like i'm about to die.

ID: i'm on my way to pheres' cart for some bandaging and a shirt. and pay.

AA: k, good. >:} AA: make him buy you food too!!

AA: when's the last time you ate??

ID: uhhh.

ID: the pizza night?

AA: soz forn ditching, btw, totes was like.. not thinking abt

AA:

AA: lmfao, what the fuuuuuck.

AA: congrnats, yrn a trnashcan firne, brnah.

AA: y, make him feed you.

ID: at least i'm not a fucking mud monster. =:P

ID: i mean i'm preparing myself for a whole lot of fussing, don't worry. he's already trying to talk me in to getting a room.

AA HAS ATTACHED godkingmudmonstertoyou.jpeg!

ID: did you fucking roll in the mud?

ID: you oinkbeast.

AA: he is a fussy fangs. >:P AA: and y! well, n. Ï HID in the mud and then jumped out.

AA: tactics, mothernfuckern.

ID: okay godking oinkbeast. =:P

SS: (Wtf, Hads, I thought you were food acquisition extraordinaire. (\ene/) You tellin me a temp -3 to CHA courtesy a lookin like you already been culled's enough to stop you??) SS: (Ain't you supposed to, like, work that ish for pity?)

ID: uh actually i think looking like i do makes peeps want to help me more.

AA: y, y, that's the joke, gj.

AA: >:P

ID: i was just feeling like garbage too much to take advantage.

ID: =>:P

ID: let a one-handed guy finish sips.

ID: you're just all too fast for me. =:P

AA: lmaoo. well, I can manage arnd stabbing folks, so I think you oughta manage just fine. >:P

ID: well if you finish up soonish, hit me up around pheres'. probably take him a while to patch me up. especially if i can get him to get the fucking stitches out.

AA: mm, mb, mb!! will drnop by, at least. >:} AA: laaal. you wanna come with??

ID: well now you gotta, or else my pumper will get all crushed. =:P

AA: yrn pushern is so frnagile, omggg. >:}

ID: it's been through a lot okay. =:'(

AA: y, y, will come. AA: you taking a whale back orn staying up herne, btw??

ID: haven't decided yet. still got time. depends how much i've healed too.

ID: rather not be in this huge-ass city all busted up.

AA: y, well, come rnide W me and lal. it'll be fuuuuuun.

AA: and i totes will just keep my phone on voice2text. >:} since he whined abt it so much last time.

ID: got my lusus to worry about remember. =:P

AA: oh, lame. laaaaame. AA: .. I can drnive supern fucking slow. >:P

ID: sorry we can't all have easily portable lusii. =:P maybe! i don't want to slow you and lal down if you both need to be back or whatever.

AA: naaah. mb?? AA: .. eh, if you can't rnide w us, you should totes rnide w prni. trnavelling is, like, waaaaay morne fun w ppl. AA: also, you'll, like, look less like cullbait, js. >:}

ID: fucking rude. =:P

ID: pri is a ways away in the wrong direction i think. idk. we'll see!

SS: (Wait, where am I gettin wigglernapped to?)

SS: (Soz, missed some ish through Sipa's unique and charmin quirk accent. (\ eue/) )

SS: (Aka dropped my palm husk in a hay pile.)

AA: dude, when they say a quick rnoll in the hay, it's not supposed to be lits. js. >:} AA:and we'rne gonna go watch hads get bits rnipped out by phern.

AA: it'll be fuuuuuun.

ID: if he doesn't do it you will, right sips? =:P

ID: stitches don't agree with my fragile lil bod.

SS: (Define 'bits,' omfg - I'm delicate, my constitution can't handle straight up guro ish and the bleatbeast!) SS: (Guro or furry ish, pls limit to one.)

AA: n, dude, half the fun is seeing you go grneen when you find out.

ID: just no barfing on me lal.

AA: bc spoilern alernt, yrn totes going grneen.

SS: (No reverse vore, got it.) (\unu/) )

SA: laledy, I believe in you. You were okay for the fight weren't you?

SS: (And shit, pal, here I thought I was gonna go violet!)

SS: (Give or take a stab wound!)

SS: (Nah, I totes swooned! Didn't you see 'em valiantly carry the greenblood away? That was totes me.)

AA: n, n, that only happens when you stay in the trnap forn morne than fourn hourns, soz.

SA: wasn't Hadean in the bathtub for several hours over four when we first met.

SA: I don't remember.

ID: was that when we first met? i did spend a lot of time in a tub.

SA: swooned... laledy, you should get a costume. Maybe you will have fun with Sipara and the others acting

SS: (N, def me! Like we totes said, I'm going violet!)

ID: no gills. =:'(

SA: it's a scientific fact that non seadwellers are softer to the touch anyways

SA: so it's for the best

SA: no scales

AA: oh my god, y. AA: pls get a costume. frnom phern.

SA: 😄

AA: it'll be grn8. >:}

AA: and eyy, you and hads can M A T C H.

SA: please don't put laledy in a stripper outfit. I think they at least deserve better than that.

SS: (Shit, pal, I'm down to be a booth babe.)

SS: (Y, SA's got it right! Gimme the hooker outfit like I deserve. (\unu/) )

ID: i will forever be the booth babe master, let's be real.

SA: I-- oh, well, if that's what you really want. 😮

AA: hads, my dude, you can't just say that.

AA: you gotta C'O M P E T E.

ID: fite me lal.

AA: lmao. >:} y, exactly.

SA: what if others want to compete

SA: a booth babe tournament

SA: Sipara, go

SS: (I nominate Sipa to be my champion.)

AA: n, no one else is prnetty enough, soz. AA: and fuck off, it'd be totes unfairn forn M E to compete, dude.

SS: (For fightin, not for babe-ness.)

AA: do you see these abs?? shit's unrneal.

SA: I think im pretty enough 😠

ID: i'll beat all of you any night. anyways, pris! pheres is at the greenblood circle now. so go there and not the maroon circle or where ever he was before. i'm gonna get walking. and i want my eyes free to watch anyone who wants to mess with me.

SA: Sipara wins on abs alone

SS: (Shit, wait, can we have Pheres judge? He's, like, got a thing for green, right?)

SA: I will.

AA: soz, prni, you totes ain't. yrn, like, qt.

SS: (Sipa wins on accounta I'm p sure she can, like, pick me up with one frond and I'm p sure I'm too intimidated to fight that ish.)

AA: like a barnkbeast.

SA: but I wanted to be handsome

AA: totes diff genrne.

SA: but will you fight her in a contest of looks laledy

SA: that's the most important part

AA: ... idk abt one frnond, but now we'rne totes gonna have to see. >:}

SA: oh. Now you've done it 🙃

SS: (Omfg.)

SS: (I demand a one-fronded Sipa carriage to tote me around.)

SS: (And, SA, think of it this way: if you're up an competin with someone on, like, any front.)

SS: (And they can up and do that.)

SS: (D'you really wanna challenge 'em?)

SA: perhaps at a safe distance, with a required boundary line.

SS: (Zactly!)

SA: but I also weigh little enough anyone could pick me up. I am sure Sipara could lift you and I together

SS: (You hear that, Sipa??)

AA: boundarny lines arne forn cheaters and cowa

SS: (He's totes sure!!)

AA: !!!!!!!!!!!!!

SS: (Are you gonna let him down??)

AA: now we gotta fucking do it. way2babully, prni, jfc.

SA: what is... babully..

AA: ugghhh

AA: I've got some chucklehead trnying to fucking get back up. brnb, brnb. lal, you explain!!SA: be careful Sipara

SS: (Well, you see.)

SS: (When a troll and her ability to talk proper-like love each other v v much, they hook up!)

SS: (But trolls ain't made for datin abstract concepts, so it inevitably goes real sideways-like, and results in ish like trolls decidin they ain't never gonna have ish to do with talkin proper-like again.)

SS: (And that's why Sipara doesn't know how to talk right.)SA: but... what does babully mean

SA: I understand Sipara may have a strange quirk and not speak with perfect grammar or syntax

SA: so is your relationship with the abstract concept of language doing alright?AA: is that also why i'm gonna say you should go pail yrn lusus?? yrn the wornst, omfg. and stfu, prni, you know my quirnk is  G RN8. >:P

SA: :thinking:

SA: :laughing:

AA: it's a bb bully, duuuh.

SA: oh

SA: I'm a good person, I'm not a bully

SA: :lying_face:

AA: that's a box 2 me, brnah, dd.

SA: oh...

SA: I tried

AA: omggg, don't go all glum.

AA: yrn so a bully. bc you darned me and ppl gotta take darnes.  >:}

SA: it was an emoji that was saying j was lying

SA: you could also say no and tell me to hush

SA: another option

AA: LMAO WHAT

AA: omfg, yrn trneachernous. >:'{

SA: :hugging:

SA: now let me hug you with my traitorous hands

SA: I promise nothing bad will happen

SA: this is a joke

SS: (That's, like, the least ominous ish I've heard tonigh twixt the bleatbeast ish and the stitch-pulling, negl.)

AA: oh my god, yrn nevern getting a hug again, jsyk.

SA: I will ask Hadean for one

SA: :cry:

SA: since you won't share hugs

SS: (Sipa, quick, go hide Hads. (\qnq/) )

SA: does that mean I win, laledy?

SS: (Depends, pal, if you win does that mean you ain't gonna go all Bewear on me??)

SS: (Cos I ain't a man of pride, pal, I'm down to forfeit for, like, my life. (\unu/) )

SA: oh I wouldn't do that anyways.

SA: :smiley:

SA: you are all safe with me

SS: (I totes believe you. (\qnq/) )

SA: I'm glad

SA: I must rest now. I will see you later laledy

SS: (See ya laters! (\eue/) )