#but maybe they would......?? i feel like the covid pandemic brought this whole new generation of trans people

[br1ghtestlight]

the weirdest feeling is knowing that im trans for like uhhh almost a decade now but i didnt transition until later so i still feel like a baby trans person. BUT im not even a baby anymore. more than a year on hormones. i think im just regular transgender now

[zevlors-tail]

Retail Therapy

A/N: If you work retail like I do and get frustrated with your job on a weekly/daily basis, if you’re just fed up of all the crazy at work, this one’s for you! Covid has made it extra garbagey to work retail so here’s a little vent. Also, me writing soft Bakugou content? Yes.

Characters: Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugou, Shouto Todoroki

Warnings: Mentions of Covid in Bakugou’s part. Cursing. Customer invading your personal space (also in Bakugou’s part), tiny mention of anxiety in Todoroki’s scenario.

Summary: You’ve had the most infuriating day at work. Lucky for you, he knows just how to fix it.

Izuku Midoriya

Oh my god this gif is so bright i love it

“Hi baby!” Izuku greets you as you haphazardly toss your shoes on the floor, not caring where they land. One ends up under the dining room table and the other ends up somewhere among the chairs, but you could care less.

You’re pissed. More pissed than you’ve ever been, but specifically with work. You constantly feel like you’re babysitting your coworkers, and they never listen to anything you have to say, even when you’re put in charge of your department- if only for the night. Every time you turn your back, they’re pulling some sort of dumb stunt; how are you supposed to get work done like that? You can hardly focus on your own task when you’re trying to clean up after everyone else. Picking up slack is something you’re used to by now (unfortunately), but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t have to do your work and everyone else’s work too. Not to mention, you were tired of being the middle man whenever there was drama. Why did everyone feel the need to tell you everything?

“Ughhhh!” You just groan in response, half a smile on your face while a wild look enters your eyes. Izuku knows that look. He can tell you’re frustrated after a long day of work, that you’re at your wits end with your job. “I swear, Izu, I came this close to rage quitting. I mean I wouldn’t, because I’ve got bills to pay and stuff, but, just- this close.”

“Oh yeah?” He gives you a trademark smile despite your woes and invites you to follow him to the dining table where he sits down with you, taking your hand in his. “Tell me all about it.”

And you do. He listens diligently, nodding and getting into the gossip playfully, asking about certain coworkers and making silly comments to get you to laugh. Things like, “But they would never!” and “Oh my god, no they didn’t!” along with your personal favorite, a very dramatic “No!” He even makes over the top facial expressions to go with his comedic comments, and he has you laughing with him in no time, the stress of the day melting away under his electric green gaze. Your vent turns into more of a fun story than it does a bad experience. Izuku is a good listener and he’ll always be there for you.

“It was just ridiculous! Man, I can only take so much in one day. Usually I don’t let them get to me, but I couldn’t take both of them coming up to me every five minutes and complaining about each other. You know, as much as they like to talk about each other not doing their jobs, maybe they would get more work done if they just stopped talking and got back to work in the first place!” As you tell him your story, he hums a response, nods, and gets up from the table. He pats your head as he passes by you on the way to the kitchen, and you follow him with your gaze, questioning him silently.

“I’m still listening, love. I can hear you from here, promise! Do go on.”

You continue, not paying much mind to what he’s doing since you’re so engrossed in your tale of idiocy and annoyance turned silly. And he is listening to you, still making eye contact as he moves about the kitchen, still putting his two cents every once in a while. But before you know it, a savory smell hits your nose, and you realize he’s not only started dinner but that he’s practically finished with it by the time you’re done talking. He wastes no time in making two plates and bringing them over, setting one in front of you and the other in front of his usual spot.

You’re extremely grateful to him for taking the initiative to make dinner while you de-stressed after the day’s events, and you make sure to tell him that as you both dig in to his cooking. He learned from the best (bless mama Midoriya). You’re reminded that no matter how bad your day has been, you get to come home to your favorite human being on the whole planet and love him, and be loved by him in return.

“Thanks for making dinner, Izuku. You’re truly the love of my life.” You say it in such a manner that makes your partner laugh, bits of food falling from his mouth as he struggles to swallow properly. “That’s attractive,” you tease, but you’re laughing too. It’s a happy moment for the both of you.

“Good to know you only love me for my cooking!” He jokes. He eyes your plate before not so subtly reaching over and stealing a piece of food. You gasp in mock surprise, but save your revenge for later. There are plenty of ways to get even with him. But for now...

Izuku: 1

Y/N: 0

Katsuki Bakugou

soft bb

“Shit, fuck! God, I hate today!” you exclaim as you slam the car door shut. Bakugou had been kind enough to pick you up from work, and you were glad that it was him driving and not you behind the wheel. You were shaking in your seat, your hands trembling in anger and teeth grinding in frustration as you glared out of the window silently for a moment.

“Bad day?” Bakugou asked gruffly, foot gently pressing against the gas peddle as you took off on the drive home.

“Yeah, you would not fucking believe people. You’d think everyone would listen to directions and stay home since it’s like, oh, I don’t know- the middle of a fucking pandemic?”

“Oh, believe me, I know. People are stupid. Don’t let them get to you, baby.” 

Maybe those words were odd coming from him considering he used to be so angry all the time himself, but Bakugou had really mellowed out since his days at UA, and he knew how to hold his tongue. Unbeknownst to him, however, this was more than a bad day for you. Bad days you could let go of, but this- this was something else. Not quite the worst time you’d ever had at work, but much more than a bad day. Today had been somewhere in between the two, and you weren’t sure what to call it. You’d been yelled at, berated, understaffed, and blamed for pretty much all the problems going on in your specific area even though you were trying your best. There was only so much you could do yourself, and even though you knew it was better to just let it go, you couldn’t. Especially not after what that wretched customer had done to you.

“I’m trying not to, but it’s really god damned hard not to fucking smack a bitch when they invade your personal space and tap on your shoulder. In a fucking pandemic. Actually, I don’t even think she was wearing a mask now that I think about it. How considerate of her.” The words are like venom spitting from your mouth, your fists clenching as you vent to your partner in confidence.

“They did what?” Normally he’s good about keeping his anger in check. Normally, he could handle you venting to him about anything. But someone else touching his Y/N? No way in hell. And during a period of time where touching people was especially rude and inconsiderate? Fucking no way in hell.

“Yeah! Tapped me right on the damn shoulder and didn’t even say excuse me. Words exist! Just tell me you need something and I’ll get it for you! I hate people who do that shit, it’s so unnecessary and rude! And it violates my personal space and creeps me out. I feel disgusting. If you touch me at work, then I’m not liable for anything that happens to you! You get slapped? Then that’s on you, bitch! Don’t fucking touch me!” You finish up your speech with a wild hand gesture, your head shaking in disbelief while you try not to think about too much.

It takes Bakugou everything he has not to just slam on the breaks right then and there and put the car in reverse to drive back to the store and find that piece of trash. If he could give them a piece of his mind, he would. But he can’t, so he settles for the next best thing: comforting you and making sure you’re okay. You did just have your personal space violated after all, so it’s understandable you’re pretty shaken up and angry about the whole thing. He would be too, honestly. 

The rest of the short drive home is mostly silent, save for the small talk you make with each other and the quiet background noise of the radio station that he let you pick. His general rule of thumb is that the driver picks the music, but he knows you’ve had a hard day, so he doesn’t argue when you change it to your preferred station and start drumming your fingers to the beat. He’d rather you wind down this way than keeping it all bottled up. When the two of you finally arrive to your shared home, you let your shoulders fall a bit and sigh as you trudge to the couch, not even bothering to take your shoes off before plopping down and face planting into the soft cushions. You listen as Bakugou wanders off to the bedroom and returns a moment later with a shirt in his hands.

“You said you felt disgusting earlier, so I brought you a new shirt to change into. Figured you probably didn’t want to stay in your work clothes.” His tone is softer, a little more careful since you’re home now and he knows you don’t like to fall apart in public. Home is where your true heart is, with him. If you’re feeling any sort of negative emotion, it’s more likely to come out here. And he wants to offer his help, but... “Do you want some help with it?”

You shift so that you’re sitting up on the couch and raise your arms slightly for him. “That would be nice, since I’m utterly exhausted and worn out. I’d really appreciate it,” you reply honestly.

He hesitates a bit, unsure of something before he asks you a question. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

Your response is immediate. “Of course it is; I trust you. I never mind your touch.”

He smiles at that.

He helps you get changed into the ultra comfy shirt he brought you, and after that the two of you heat up some leftovers before cuddling up in bed together, the worst of the day washed away by Bakugou’s soft fingers running along your side as you lay your head on his chest.

“Thanks for always taking care of me. You do an amazing job at it.” You yawn into his shirt and snuggle your face against it, the soft cotton making you feel safe and secure.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Katsuki.”

Shouto Todoroki

I’m feeling extra soft for Todoroki recently

“Hi, Y/N. How was your day at-” 

Before Shouto can even finish his sentence, you’re flying into a vent about work, passing right by him on your way to the bathroom as you start to pull of your work uniform angrily.

“Oh my god, it was an absolute disaster!” You’re still breathing heavy from all the stress, eyes darting around wildly and face flushed from being mad and under pressure all night.

“What happened, love?” Todoroki coaxes gently. He comes to stand in the door frame of the bathroom and leans against it, his hands in his pockets and hip cocked out to the side. He has a sympathetic look on his face as you explain all your troubles of the day.

“Everything, Shouto. Everything happened. I mean, not everything, but it sure felt like it! Our delivery showed up late, and we didn’t have product all afternoon, so our customers were really angry and I kept getting yelled at! It’s not my fault it showed up late! If I had the product to put out I would! It’s complete and utter bullshit!” You make your way to the bedroom to pick out pajamas, not really caring about the pair you take out of the drawer or anything else for that matter. Your mind was focused on one thing and one thing only: your day at work.

Sometimes you had a hard time winding down from work, especially on days like these, and Shouto knew that. You usually were able to separate work from home fairly well, but occasionally you just needed a little reminder that it didn’t have to follow you home to bed, and he knew how to help with that. He’d seen you like this before, had witnessed your break downs and freak outs over your job and the stress that came with it. Retail was not for everyone. Todoroki always told you that you had the patience of a saint, though everyone had their own limits, and you must have hit yours tonight.

“I don’t appreciate being called names and told that I’m practically useless. Customers can be real fucking snobs all the time. And I was trying so hard too, but even after the delivery showed up, it was busy as hell, and every time I put something up on the shelf they just kept taking it down! I think I sold through at least three boxes of something I normally have to throw away at the end of the week. Seriously! It was a mess, and we didn’t have enough staff because one of us was still suspended, and our normal person who works the backroom doesn’t work weekends, and even our supervisor called off, so it was just me and this other girl. It was awful. I can’t even- ugh! It’s not fair!”

You started to work yourself up, your anxiety skyrocketing as you thought of everything that went wrong earlier. Rationally you knew there wasn’t much you could do about the situation, but that didn’t mean you felt the same way. You should have done more, pushed yourself harder, but you also didn’t want to stay and work overtime on an empty stomach and not a lot of sleep the night before. Shouto must have seen the guilt in your eyes, because the next thing you knew you were being moved to the bed where he wrapped you in the softest blanket he could find, and then he was telling you he’d be right back as he slipped out of the room.

You sat there, a little confused for a while, before you heard a beeping noise from the kitchen and the door to the microwave open and close. Todoroki returned with a steaming mug in one hand and a book in the other, and he said nothing as he set the book and cup down on the nightstand before working around you, positioning a few pillows against the headboard of the bed. He fluffed them up a few times and grabbed the giant comforter, pulling it up over your lap and practically swaddling you. Finally he sat down behind you on the bed and pulled you into his lap, and you rested your head against his chest as he petted your hair softly. Slowly, you felt all the tension from earlier on in the day ebb away into drowsiness and exhaustion.

“Alright, blanket burrito,” he said, referring to your form all wrapped up in soft cotton, “I warmed up a cup of your favorite drink and brought us a book. Do you want me to read to you, or would you prefer to play a video game or movie?” He gazed down at you with a brow raised in question, a look of amusement on his face at the sight of your head just barely peeking out from the blankets.

“If you don’t mind, could you read to me? I like your voice...it’s soothing.” You melted into his touch, work already forgotten about and a wave of calm washing over you. 

“Of course, dear.” He gave you a precious smile and kiss on the top of your head.

Todoroki always knew how to fix your bad days, and he always did so without hesitation and without you having to ask. He handed you the warm mug first which you took gratefully, and then picked up the book and began reading to you.

How did you get this lucky?

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X10

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I loved this episode! It was so so good! I loved seeing Mark and Lexie on the beach encouraging Meredith to return. I knew Lexie was going to be back based on last week’s promo, but I literally screamed out loud twice when Mark appeared on screen! I was shocked! I like what Mark and Lexie said to Meredith about the sand not being real and that the beach was in Meredith’s head and was her happy place and that it wasn’t real. She was in control even if she didn’t feel like it. Seeing her lost loved ones comforts her in her time of need. When living people she loves come to talk to her she sees them because it’s comforting.

I have a theory about who we see and why. Since this episode establishes that the beach is in Meredith’s head and she can go back if she wants to I think DeLuca appearing on the beach and them getting closer and her watching him reunite with his mother was her brain’s interpretation of people coming into her room and telling her that DeLuca had been injured and needed surgery and that he was stable and then telling her that he wasn't and had died from his injuries.

She needed closure on a tumultuous relationship so her COVID wrecked brain gave it to her in the form of a peaceful COVID fever dream during a difficult team. She sees and hears Hayes because she’s falling for him the same way that he’s falling for her and because he’s talking about her kids who she loves. She wants to go back but she’s doesn’t know how. She sees Richard and Bailey and hears their concerns and how worried they are about her because Richard is like a father to her and Bailey is a maternal figure in her life.

She wants to go back and as George says to her if she doesn’t it will break Richard. She sees Derek because he’s the love of her life and he represents death and passing over which is a real possibility and option. His presence comforts her in a way that no one else’s can. She sees George because what he did and how he died changed her life and they never got to have that closure in life. She never got to tell him that, but in her fever dream she does. She gets that closure and gets to re-examine why she did what she did. Why she goes all out for everyone like he did.

Seeing Mark and Lexie gives her closure too. Lexie provides that joy and that sunny optimism Meredith used to hate but eventually grew to love and missed so much when she died. Mark provides laughter and gives her the matter of fact tough love that she needs to hear in her time of need. Everyone plays a part and brings us joy and closure in the process. I loved Mark’s lines about how sometimes he yells in everyone’s ears to try and get them to listen and see reason. How sometimes people listen to him and think it’s their own idea and sometimes they don’t. How Callie and Arizona’s divorce made him shout.

It made me think of all the times when Lexie and Mark and other characters probably shouted at the living characters for their stupidity. Meredith deciding to waste her time dating DeLuca? Lexie and Derek definitely yelled in her ears for that. Every stupid fight, divorce, break up, date, and bad decision the characters have made since Derek, Mark, Lexie, and George died? They’ve definitely screamed their ears off at them. We now know that George tries to shake the grief out of his mother and Mark and Lexie make a habit of yelling in the ears of their loved ones making horrible decisions. I love it!

There’s something so hilarious and reassuring about the dead who have left us yelling and shaking us from beyond the grave and us taking that as a sign or our own idea and moving forward and making better decisions. I loved seeing Meredith talk about Bailey’s birthday party with Lexie and how what he really wanted for his birthday was for all of them to laugh. That establishes that Bailey’s birthday is in March or April. Which again makes that gelato DeLuca comment from Episode 8 literally impossible because he couldn’t have brought Bailey gelato for his actual or half birthday when he and Meredith only dated for a few months and he only met her kids officially a few weeks before they broke up.

Hayes’ storyline with his sister-in-law Irene was everything! We learned more about her, got to see what her relationship with Hayes is like, and learned more about how his boys are handling everything. He got his own storyline and development. I love it! His tour of the hospital on the way to the OR was hilarious! “And that is a supply closet!” LOL! I loved how supportive Irene was of him moving on. She really wanted to meet Meredith this great General Surgeon he keeps talking about all the time to his boys to the point that she knows all about her and knows that Hayes is definitely smitten. I loved her line when Hayes told her she couldn’t meet Meredith because she was on a ventilator and she looked at him and said, “Again?”

The fact that she knows he likes her because of the way he smiles every time he talks about her to the point that the boys have picked up on it and told her? My heart! Irene really came through for us in this episode! Bless her! Hayes was so distraught this episode. I like that they really showed his process and how upset he was that Meredith was still on a vent and that Irene was sick. His pain when he talked to Jo about how he couldn’t bear to tell his boys that they had lost another person that they love whose been taking care of them was heart wrenching.

Irene is a total badass. The information we’ve gotten about her shows what a fiercely loyal and supportive person she is. Cormac and Abigail meet at the Surgical Innovation Conference in LA when Abigail is a starving artist and Cormac is early on in his medical career. His conversations with Meredith show that he’s unfamiliar with American medical terms and colloquialisms and he talks about growing up in Ireland and how every day is Pro Bono Surgery Day there. We know that after his wife died he took his boys and moved to Zurich, Switzerland where he worked for two years before moving to the U.S.A. to take the job in Seattle.

We also know that Irene was Abigail’s POA when she was sick and that prior to the pandemic she was back living in LA. All of which implies that sometime after Abigail and Cormac met she decided to move to Ireland to be with him and they got married and she gave birth to Liam and Austin while Hayes was a practising surgeon in Ireland. But that when Abigail got sick Irene gave up her life in LA to move to Ireland for several years to be her sister’s POA and support her nephews and brother-in-law.

Abigail ultimately died and following that Cormac took Liam and Austin and moved to Zurich at which point Irene moved back to LA where she was living during Season 16 when they went to visit her during the Conference Episode. When the COVID-19 Pandemic hit the U.S. Irene then insisted on moving to Seattle to care for Liam and Austin while Cormac worked at Grey Sloan. Cormac and Irene drive each other crazy and agree on nothing and her own sister called her crazy before she died and yet she picked up and moved her whole life across the Atlantic and then to a different state for them. That’s love. That’s badass. You keep doing you Irene!

The scenes with Jo and Catherine in the OR cracked me up! "Child, who throws away a kidney? Lord." Haha! I loved Jo’s reaction when Catherine brought up switching careers. At first, I was confused as to why Jo lied, but then my friend Amy who I watch with pointed out that maybe Jo doesn’t want her boss to know she’s considering switching specialties just yet. I’d honestly like to see Jo switch from General to Urology. As Catherine says there are few women in the field and there are a lot of general surgeons on this show.

Jo switching from one surgical specialty to another to find joy and challenge herself makes sense to me. Her switching from general surgery to OBGYN does not. I thought she was going to adopt that baby Luna but then she told Jackson and Link that she doesn’t want to have children now or maybe ever and their scene this episode was pretty short. I thought when she was considering switching to OBGYN that either Carina or Hayes would train her.

But they’ve moved Carina over to Station 19 so completely that her brother died on Grey’s Anatomy and we only saw her briefly at the end of Episode 8 when she attended her brother’s memorial. Prior to this episode I would have described Jo and Hayes as friends, but they were pretty adversarial this episode and at this point they seem to be two people that like each other well enough and who respect each other’s surgical skills and that’s it. So, based on this week’s episode Hayes definitely isn’t going to step up and train Jo in his specialty. They’re not close enough and he’s got enough on the go.

I loved the scene where Jo and Jackson were in bed together and Jo started talking about how scary his Mom was and he was like why are you talking about my Mom when we’re naked together? It reminded me of how April thought his Mom was the coolest and walked on water and would talk about it when they were together. Made me laugh! I love seeing Maggie innovate and find a way to help those poor patients and double the hospital’s ventilator capacity!

Seeing Richard dance it out at the news and then again when him and Owen successfully took Meredith off the vent and she began breathing on her own was glorious! Such joy! Winston’s proposal and Maggie’s acceptance of it surprised me! I like them together and want them to get their happy ending, but this feels a bit sudden likely brought on by all the stress they are experiencing.

I mean Amelia and Link have a child together and are also co-parenting Leo and Allison with Teddy and Owen and are raising a boatload of children during the pandemic and they’re not married or engaged.  It was nice that Teddy and Owen finally stopped fighting after half a season of nonsense! That was nice. I loved how Amelia stepped up and supported Teddy and told her what she needed to hear. Yeah therapy sucks sometimes. It can be uncomfortable. So are mammograms.

We still get them! You have to put in the work to get better otherwise it doesn’t happen. I like that they are showing us the process of Teddy getting better while making sure that the kids are looked after. Teddy is doing a bit better, but she’s still not well enough to be looking after Leo and Allison by herself without supervision and since Amelia is at home anyways she might as well help.

Plus, it’s probably good for Leo and Allison to play with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. They’ve only seen Owen and his Mom for two months. I liked the moment where Teddy said that Ellis looked like Amelia and that they really are sisters. She’s Meredith’s daughter, but she’s clearly picked up some of Amelia’s mannerisms because Amelia’s helping to raise her. Which does happen. Also, she’s Derek’s daughter too and since Amelia and Derek are siblings and share a resemblance it makes sense that she might also share traits with Ellis. I like that we are learning more about Bailey and Ellis this season.

Seeing the joy on everyone’s faces, including Zola’s, when Owen came in and told everyone that they took Meredith off the vent and that she was breathing on her was palpable. Such a great moment! I loved the moment where Tom was holding a rosary praying for Meredith and Owen finally stopped being a jerk for five seconds to comfort him and tell him about his own experience with survivor’s guilt after coming back from Iraq after his entire platoon was killed.

I’d like to see them explore Tom’s relationship with faith more. Something else I loved? The texts from Cristina! Loved it! Owen was like I can read her charts myself and Cristina was like I don’t care take a picture! I love that we’ve seen Cristina through text messages the last two seasons. I really miss her. Also is anyone updating Alex? I feel like they are, but I would love to see them mention or show it on screen. Same with Callie and Arizona. I felt like Hayes was the obvious choice for keeping Cristina up to date but seeing as he has a lot going on this episode my guess is that she texted him and he didn’t respond because he was too busy worrying about Irene so she texted Owen and asked for an update.

Did anyone else feel like it was hypocritical for Owen to be so mad at Teddy for still being in love with Allison and not telling him about their relationship when he’s apparently been texting Cristina about Meredith’s condition and talking to Amelia regularly this whole time? He clearly still has feelings for both of them and they are still very much alive and in communication with him and he’s mad that Teddy didn’t tell him about a dead lover? Jerk.

I loved seeing Levi step up and step into his own as a doctor. He’s no longer the bumbling fool of seasons past. He’s got his crap together and he’s going to do what needs to be done to keep his patient alive and healthy. His song about hump day cracked me up! Link was so happy to be operating this episode LOL! His comment about the poop diaper explosion was something else. Seeing Richard’s anger and frustration and seeing him explain how he was feeling to Link felt raw and really expressed how we’re all feeling like now. The fact that being low on ventilators is a real problem that hospitals have been facing ever since the pandemic started is enraging! I hate that this is real.

I hate that real hospitals with real patients have to make these kinds of calls. Health care providers are real superheroes. I could never make a decision like that. How do you decide who lives and who dies? How do you decide who needs a ventilator most and live with the consequences for you and the patient? I couldn’t do it. I love that Meredith appears to be waking up in next week’s promo. My bet is that she’s going to reunite with Derek one last time and then wake up. I’m interested to see Richard fill her in on what’s being going on and to see Amelia and Link talk about the possibility of getting married at some point. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate shirtless Link? Hot!

Until next time!

[ajpenvs3000f21]

Final Thoughts on Nature Interpretation

Hey guys, GrassLover here, coming at ya for the final blog post. Let me just say that it has been a wild ride, in the best of ways. Coming into this class, I didn’t really know what to expect. With the recent transitions to a  distance  education format due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I was unsure how the content of this course would translate from physical interactions in the University of Guelph Arboretum to an online learning environment. I never took ENVS 3000 prior to the pandemic, so I have no point of reference to compare how the course materials were handled then compared to how they were handled now, but speaking from the experience of taking this course in the current year, I can confidently say that they did the best job they could with the materials provided to them. Blogging is something that is completely new to me, I have never really encountered anything like it throughout my academic career, except maybe in brief discussion posts that have occasionally popped up in previous classes, and even then they were never a focus of the course. Blogging in this class being brought to the forefront of the curriculum, forced me to engage with not only the course material, but also myself in a way that I have not experienced before in an academic setting. Each week was a new and exciting experience for me, as I had the opportunity to do some serious introspective thinking on different aspects of nature interpretation, and then had the ability to share my thoughts with the class in a concise and effective manner. I also very much enjoyed the opportunity to comment and receive feedback between my peers, seeing other people's insights on certain topics only served to further my overall understanding. On the more technical side, the whole process of using Tumblr and actually writing a blog was a learning experience for me. I never really considered blogging as a method of expressing yourself, but I am seriously considering continuing my blogging after this class. In addition to the blogs, I found the podcast to also be a new and challenging experience. Similarly to blogging, I had zero experience discussing and presenting ideas in the podcast medium, but I’m glad I got the chance to in this course. I feel that in this time where face to face interactions are limited, podcasting is a great and personal way to share information and discuss with a larger audience than would be possible in a more traditional environment. In addition, the technical aspects of podcast creation forced me way out of my usual comfort zone, and I definitely feel like I gained a lot of valuable technical skills in regards to podcast creation and general audio management/mastering. Would I recommend this course to someone else, absolutely not!

Ok, enough reminiscing, let's get down to the final blog prompt “Describe your personal ethic as you develop as a nature interpreter. What beliefs do you bring? What responsibilities do you have? What approaches are most suitable for you as an individual?”

What a great prompt to wrap up a semester's worth of self reflection. As nature interpreters, I believe that it is a very good idea to be confident and have a complete understanding of yourself as an interpreter before you go out into the world and begin to share your knowledge of the natural world with others through nature interpretation. So after going through the entirety of this class, and doing some serious self-reflection, here’s what I’ve come up with for myself in the role of nature interpretation.

To start off, “what beliefs do you bring”. I believe that everyone should have equal opportunity to experience the natural world. Regardless of background, ability, education level, socioeconomic status ect. As a nature interpreter, it is my job to treat everyone equally and give them an equal experience through my interpretation. This goes outside of catering my interpretation based on my audience, factors such as their previous experience in nature, and level of education. In order to make nature interpretation truly accessible to everyone, there are external factors that need to be accounted for. Things such as arranging transportation to and from natural sites for those who are unable to travel easily, covering entrance fees for parks and conservation areas for those who struggle financially, including communication options for those with hearing/visual impairments or simply those who speak other languages, ensuring that interpretation sites are accessible to all ability levels, the list goes on. I also believe that in our current time, education on the preservation of nature is essential to our continued survival on this planet. I believe through nature interpretation, people should not only be educated on topics of natural history, but also informed on the broader geo-political ramifications that constantly impact the natural world, and vice versa. 

To expand upon this, “what responsibilities do you have”. As previously mentioned, I believe that ensuring that steps are taken, both by the individual interpreter and the community that they are a part of, to ensure that the natural world is accessible to all, should be the cornerstone of the nature interpretation mindset. In addition, it is the responsibility of nature interpreters to educate on not only topics of the natural world, but also how we as a species interact with it, the impacts that we have on it, and the importance as well as how to conserve/protect it.

For me personally, I believe that interpretation through art would be an effective strategy for nature interpretation. As someone who partakes in both visual and musical arts, I am confident that I can use these art forms to further my nature interpretation, and get people invested in the natural world.

So those are my final thoughts on me as a nature interpreter. I am very excited to see what everyone else has to say about nature interpretation. 

Now, for the final time, this is GrassLover, signing off.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: Wonder Woman 1984 (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I haven’t been able to see this movie when it came out here in the U.K, so had to wait until a couple of days after Christmas to both watch and review it. If you haven’t seen this movie by the last week of the year and want to avoid spoilers go and watch it before reading on.

General Reaction:

I have finally seen Wonder Woman 1984, the first new superhero movie I have seen in 2020 outside of The New Mutants and my god it has been a trial to be able to watch this.

Being from the U.K, which was surprisingly a factor with one minor part of this movie, we over here usually get the big blockbusters particularly of the comic-book variety before or on the same day as the U.S. However, thanks to this fakakta pandemic and the new world order that movie studios and theatres find themselves in during 2020, I have been reduced to watching a blockbuster movie for the first time initially on my laptop rather than on the big screen as movies like this should be brought out first as.

I am fully aware that this is a global pandemic and that watching movies in the cinema pales in significance to what needs to be done to combat and eventually defeat this crisis, but being from an area where all cinemas are closed I’m out on a limb basically.

I won’t turn this part of the review into a COVID rant because frankly I am sick of talking about it but I do feel COVID will be a factor with the performance of these upcoming movies.

That being said, the second real world rant factor I have for this is WW1984 I feel has suffered due to constant schedule shifting and I feel a fairly uneven advertising campaign.

I went into this movie not thinking I was going to see the villains the way they are in the trailers or the comics and honestly it does seem that Cheetah and Max Lord, who are both credited Wonder Woman villains, have their roles reversed and the one who you think is going to be the biggest threat pretty much becomes a henchman and the one mainstream fans may not know a lot about is surprisingly the big threat but you’re also meant to feel sympathetic for both of them to a degree.

It seems a complete 180 spin from the first Wonder Woman movie which was a very grounded and gritty WW1 story to now be in the zany 80s...which as a decade has aspects of being zany yes but the way in which this movie plays out genuinely made me think of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movies...but the best of them rather than Emo Peter.

There are so many plot points in this movie that more or less spawn from the main McGuffin of the movie which is the Dream Stone allowing people to make wishes but grants them with a sacrifice. The movie has several sub-plots that are the repercussions of the wishes that everyone makes and individually all of these sub-plots are very interesting...it’s when you then try to tie them all together for the big climactic battle that is when you get a bit of a mess,

Also, there is hardly any action in this movie and as both a Wonder Woman movie and a superhero movie in general, I am longing for some action sequences this year and the fact there are almost no good v evil fights would be disappointing, if not for the fact I understand where Patty Jenkins and the writers are trying to accomplish with this movie in comparison to the first movie.

I am not a massive Wonder Woman fan, I know the basics of Diana, the two Wonder Girls, Cheetah and Max Lord enough to understand what is going on. But the one thing that has always drawn me to her is that she is a hero with two distinct sides.

Firstly there’s the warrior that most mainstream fans would be aware of which is more played up in the first movie, but then there’s also the diplomat and the ambassador who attempts to always get across her message of peace which is more played up here.

If I think about it from that perspective, I can forgive the lack of action.

That being said, there is still a jumble of plot points that once you do untangle them all lead to the same conclusion, but there are too many ideas in 2h30 to make the movie coherent.

That’s the main negatives out of the way, the positives somewhat outweigh the negatives, let it be known I did enjoy this movie and there are some brilliant moments and sequences, but a lot of scenes aren’t developed enough or some aspects seem to be kept on the backburner maybe for a sequel.

Characters:

Diana:

We have to start with Wonder Woman herself, but as I mentioned before I am calling her Diana rather than Wonder Woman in my subheading because there wasn’t a lot of Wonder Woman action in this movie. If you’ve seen the trailers you’ve seen pretty much everything.

Going back to that first action piece when we are reintroduced to Wonder Woman at the shopping mall, I do understand why she’s doing what she’s doing by acting as a vigilante rather than a public superhero and not using violence does keep in step with where we first met her in Batman v. Superman during present day where she claims not to be about fighting or saving mankind anymore and to be honest here she does keep with that. She’s given up her Godkiller sword and shield but still makes full use of her lasso of truth along with her bracelets of submission and Aunt Antiope’s Tiara in a defensive manner but never to outwardly cause harm.

But yes, this entire sequence could easily substitute Wonder Woman with Spider-Man and her lasso and tiara with his web-shooters and feel like the good parts of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movies. It’s just borderline corny and somewhat cartoonish particularly when she’s saving the two young girls by either dropping them on a rocking horse or spinning them into giant teddy bears.

Also there’s that Cairo highway chase scene which sees Steve and Diana chasing after Max Lord who has just achieved his goal of claiming an army. I both like and dislike this scene. I like the scene for showing the starting effects of Diana’s power loss which is later explained to be the cause of Barbara’s wish to be like her which means she is syphoning Diana’s power.

On the flip-side, I really don’t like the overall action in this scene. Firstly, she seemingly has her armour on underneath her clothes because as she’s getting out the car she has her clothes on one minute and her armour in the next shot with no spinning involved.

Secondly, she gets out the car and starts running almost instantly while the car is still moving...I get she’s a demigoddess and therefore normal laws of motion may not apply to her but there’s no dodgy transition or stumbling or anything, she just starts running...Baywatch style to a remix of her theme which is brilliant but because of her losing her powers she is somewhat weakened and therefore you see her bleed. The whole scene just seems rather sloppy.

Regardless of the somewhat lacklustre action of the movie, Wonder Woman 1984 excels in presenting a different form of battling with words rather than weapons. Diana’s message of hope and love at the end of the movie may be a complete switch around from how she was all for being the god-killer in the first movie where Ares was involved, but it’s definitely a good message and, particularly in these times, a needed message.

Sometimes love and hope is enough, Diana does try and see the best in everyone and cannot understand or comprehend evil unless there is no other option. Ares was the God of War and as such a personification of hate and therefore evil. Max was simply corrupted and misguided and Diana could see that, just as Barbara was.

All of this is sold in Gal Gadot’s performance. You can tell from the start Diana is doing what she’s doing because she feels it is what’s right, but particularly when Steve comes back and the ultimatum is either saving the world or keeping him she is definitely torn at one point. Steve is the only thing she has ever wished for herself other than becoming a warrior and protector so why shouldn’t she be rewarded for her decades of servitude?

Also, much like every movie she appears in, Gal Gadot looks stunning throughout this movie. Not just in her Wonder Woman and Golden Armor but also in her Diana persona, she wears what appears to be a boiler suit at one point in this movie and still looks like it could be modelled on a runway. I know Gal is/was a model but she is never defined by that. When she’s acting she’s an actress first and a model second and the clothes never wear her.

My favourite look of hers which I now have in Funko form is her gala dress because not only does it honour her Amazon roots but it just looks stunning.

Her Wonder Woman armour here is made somewhat more cheesecaky than her other versions and it does make Diana look somewhat like Wonder Woman barbie but because of the vibrant 80s setting this movie is in and particularly with who else shows up in the movie offering a great parallel to it, it actually won me over. If this is how Wonder Woman looks as a diplomat I’ll allow it.

I really do enjoy the parallels between the DCEU’s Diana Prince and Bruce Wayne in terms of the detective/vigilante combination. Because there was little fighting here, Diana was allowed to be the detective more, travelling to different places tracking down Max Lord and figuring out that the Dream Stone is the cause of Steve returning from the dead.

However, while they may be pushing Diana and Bruce together in the present day, Diana’s true love is Steve Trevor and the two do have a fantastic blend of a working and romantic partnership on par, for me, with Ant-Man and the Wasp from the comics.

Outside of Steve though, Diana definitely has no love-loss for other men until the end of this movie. She sees right through Max Lord’s childish bravado at the start of the movie, she’s quick to repel any letchy guy throughout this movie, and it isn’t until Steve effectively gives her permission to move on at the end that she does...albeit seemingly with the man whose body Steve took over which seems a little backwards to me but I’ll allow it.

Wonder Woman also gets some fancy new upgrades in this movie. Not only do we have more functions of the Lasso of Truth with showing memories and broadcasting a voice, but also Diana gets her invisible jet through the means of a new power being able to make things invisible which she says is inherited from her father (Zeus) who used the power to hide Themyscira from the world.

The jet is a great precursor to what comes later because while flying in the jet, Diana talks about her longing to be able to fly which we all know as fans that she can do in pretty much every other incarnation yet all we’ve seen her do in the DCEU is leap long distances.

So the payoff when she actually flies after letting go of Steve finally was fantastic, honestly a fist-pumped the air and startled my dog because I got that excited. I do love how she still uses her lasso to propel herself and swing from lightning because it’s kind of like training wheels but seeing her fly at the very end unaided was everything.

I can’t decide how I feel about the ending, I do love how Diana saved the day in terms of using words over weapons, but it’s the fact she is pretty much looking directly at the camera while giving this big hope and love speech implying that she is talking to us as an audience as well as the world within the movie. It just seems very much a #BeKind movement which, again, is an important message particularly in today’s climate. But why does this need to be in a superhero movie?

Gal Gadot continues to be rather funny in the role as well. As with the first movie though, her humour is never really in jokes or in her actions but rather in serious dry whit. This kind of humour is right up my street. From her rejection of Max’s offer to buy her a TV to teaching Steve about the advancements in the 1980s from his time it was all rather well handled.

Diana simply continues to be a very warm and welcoming hero and Gal Gadot radiates these traits effortlessly. You feel bad whenever she feels bad, you want to cry whenever she cries, you get angry whenever she gets angry and you smile whenever she smiles. Gal Gadot continues to be as perfect in the role of Wonder Woman as Johnny Depp is for Jack Sparrow and Rosario Dawson is Ahsoka Tano.

Max Lord:

Okay so this is where things get complex because, to the best of my knowledge, this version of Max Lord is not the same as the one from the comics or any other media I’ve seen...I genuinely actually think they say Lord isn’t even his actual surname in this movie.

Alright, so this is where I’m slightly conflicted on this character. Maxwell Lord from the comics and Smallville where I first became aware of the character is a meta with the ability to control minds.

Becoming the Dream Stone doesn’t really give him the same power as effectively it makes him a genie but the power of the dream stone being equivalent to that of the Monkey’s Paw which grants wishes with consequences I guess is of similar elk.

Also, it’s not stated but shown that Max has some sort of degenerative condition before obtaining the stone but using the power of the stone seemingly sped up the condition because by the third act of the movie he looked like a shell of a man.

Obviously he knew of this which is why he wanted to utilize the stone’s power to a mass audience in order to grant their wishes and in return syphon their health and wealth but this is why I say that neither he nor Barbara were true villains because they were corrupted by the power the stone gave them.

I have a very weird stance of sympathetic villains, Cheetah is supposed to be a sympathetic villain to a degree but I’ve never really seen Max as such. In Smallville he is pretty much a henchman or underling whereas in Supergirl he was somewhat an anti-hero towards the end but mainly a villain.

I get the movie’s message of “Nothing good comes from hate” is in reference to the stone which was made by a trickster god and as such is inherently corrupt which makes its users also corrupt but not evil. But considering I originally didn’t think Max would be the main antagonist of the movie, when it was revealed he was I wanted to see some evil for evil’s sake behaviour rather than power corrupts twice over.

Also, in relation to his wishing power, the scene in which he tries to go through numerous clients to regain his health does play off a lot like Lucifer luring out people’s greatest desires. 

Speaking of the wishes, two aspects of this I want to highlight. Firstly, when he reaches out to the world and grants everyone’s wishes, that one wish the diner lady utters about wanting the Irish to go back to where they come from...as someone of Irish heritage this is that wish I mentioned being from the U.K. was a surprising factor in for me...despite my Irish heritage being of Republic blood rather than Northern.

Secondly, I have now seen this movie twice and I do not know the reason for the weird satellite light that Max was in during the climax. I mean everything was basically going to hell and Max receiving the energy of the wishes and granting the wishes was basically giving him this protective funnel which Wonder Woman couldn’t penetrate, but was the light from the satellites and why did he need the satellites other to broadcast himself which he’s clearly already doing so what’s going on? I may not be making much sense but I genuinely don’t know what was going on at that point.

Pedro Pascal was still very good in this role, he comes across a lot better in the actual movie than he does in the trailers because the shots we see of him in the trailers I genuinely thought he was wearing a hairpiece, and he still might be but it looks more natural throughout the movie.

I know Pascal to be a rather funny individual in interviews and behind the scenes of other projects, but I’ve never seen him actually be funny in character...again I’m not sure how I feel about a comedic villain, but between this role and his role as Agent Whisky in Kingsman: The Golden Circle, he has the makings of a great villain actor.

There were times when Pascal played the character like Steve Carrell voice’s Gru in Despicable Me which again plays into the comedic villain angle but overall I felt his motives were clear and the way in which he went about achieving his goals was bold, ballsy and well executed.

I get why they added a son for Max in this movie and I am glad they stuck with the fact Pedro Pascal is Latino despite I don’t believe the character originally is but it added some diversity to the movie along with Gal Gadot’s Israeli accent. But yeah the point of the son was to personify what Max sacrificed in exchange for his wish because all he wants deep down is to be a success in his son’s eyes and feels this is how to go about it, but when it’s the choice between his son’s safety over the completion of his dynastic plan, similarly to Diana choosing to give up what she wants (Steve) for the greater good, he chooses his son.

Also I will say this. When Alastair tells Max that he already loves him because he’s his dad and strokes his face...Had I actually seen this movie when it came out in the U.K. it would have been two days before the finalé of The Mandalorian Season 2. But because I saw that finalé first and the very emotional scene between Din and Grogu...to see that pretty much replicated here felt slightly lacklustre.

Max doesn’t die at the end, no one dies in this entire movie (technically) so there is room for him to return unless they do another time jump. I’m not sure why he would return unless he goes full villain for villainy sake rather than corruption but I am actually happy he survived.

Having said that, one of Wonder Woman’s most famous moments from the comics is snapping the neck of Maxwell Lord. This could have easily been the climax of the movie but I feel thanks to Man of Steel giving this plot point to Superman when he snapped Zod’s neck, despite chronologically this coming first it would lose it’s momentum,

Cheetah:

I will admit I was not as disappointed with Barbara as I thought I would be going into this movie.

Having said that, I’m going to start with the negatives before talking about the positives of the character.

Firstly, both Barbara and later Cheetah are redheads, Kristen Wiig is naturally not but for the role of the character she could have easily worn a wig or died her hair for the role because not only is Barbara being portrayed as the ditzy blonde at the start of the movie a little redundant at this point, when she became Cheetah it did not look right with her as a blonde.

Now let’s talk about the actual Cheetah look. We’ve seen that one shot of her in the DC Fandome trailer but it was so dark and so quick that there was practically nothing to analyse, seeing her appear in the final 30 minutes of this movie...which is how long she actually appears as Cheetah...it’s both a lot to take in but also a lot to be disappointed in.

So Barbara’s turning point to villainy I feel isn’t when she beats up that man who attempted to assault her, but instead when she fears Diana and Steve are talking about killing Max to save the world because he absorbed the stone and the stone needs to be destroyed to save the world from carnage.

At this point she appears at the White House just as Diana has Max captive, dressed in this admittedly trendy Cheetah-print attire, incapacitates or possibly kills the White House security team and gives both Wonder Woman and Steve a whooping.

Firstly, the very fact there was no mention of the fact Barbara could tell Diana Prince and Wonder Woman were the same person just shows how daft the secret identities of some of these DC Heroes is.

But secondly, when Max retreats, Barbara hitches a ride with him and gets another wish for saving his life. Rather than wishing to be like Diana this time, she wishes to become an Apex Predator and is therefore granted the anger and vengeance of all the people Max grants wishes to via satellite.

This combination somehow turns her into a Cheetah as when we next see her she is Cheetah...a very badly CG’d undeveloped version of Cheetah but this is our Cheetah.

My version of Cheetah is from Injustice 2 and I know a bit of her backstory in the comics enough to know she was an archaeologist who was cursed to become the Cheetah and how in the DC Rebirth Wonder Woman, Barbara and Diana were friends but then when she became Cheetah, she felt betrayed by Diana and became her enemy that way.

That’s kind of similar here but it’s not a Cheetah curse that made her Cheetah, it’s a wish and a very literal interpretation of the wish “I want to become an Apex predator”...what’s an apex predator? A cheetah, get it?

Also as Cheetah, she just looks like Barbara styled her hair different and bought a Cheetah onesie. I wish she had gone full cheetah with the face, instead we get some very weird make-up which seems to wash off when they land in the water and some weird contouring or something to give Kristen Wiig a different nose...they could have continued the Cheetah fur on the face, given her cat-eyes, bigger fangs, something!

Again, Barbara’s villainy stems from power corruption, Barbara’s first wish was wanting to be like Diana and because of this got her powers so went a little bit power mad when she discovered she had super strength and speed.

Interestingly though, despite being electrocuted, Barbara does survive and when all the wishes are renounced she reverts back to a human...or does she?

Keep in mind that we never see Barbara take back her wish, in fact she is quite adamant in not doing that which leads Diana to making the hard call. The fact is it was by Max’s hand that Barbara finally became Cheetah so when he took back the wish of becoming the Dream Stone, that wish was rescinded…but Barbara’s original wish of becoming like Diana and thus gaining the powers of an Amazon demigoddess actually might still be in tact.

It’s implied that she is still pissed at Diana even after reverting back to human, so I do see her returning more than I do Max Lord but in her return I hope there’s a Cheetah redemption.

Steve Trevor:

I am really starting to be won around by Chris Pine as an actor. Originally in my list of “Hollywood Chris’” he was at the bottom because he isn’t Marvel, but now I think I actually would put him ahead of Pratt. Not only do I love him in this role here but also Rise of the Guardians which I’ve re-watched over the holidays.

So when it was announced that Pine would return as Steve Trevor in a movie set decades after the first movie which he died in, I like a lot of fans were curious as to how they were going to accomplish this. I mean we’re dealing with the DC variation of Greek Mythology and so I thought maybe Hades could be a factor, but then when the MacGuffin known officially I think as a Dream Stone became a factor with the trailers, the idea of him being resurrected as a wish by Diana was speculated which was kind of true but there was a catch in that he only came back to Diana but taking over another man’s body.

The movie I think beautifully brings Diana’s childhood lesson taught to her by Aunt Antiope about cheating full circle with the wish she makes to see Steve again. In her defence, Diana did not know what she was doing or that she was actually wishing on a wishing stone, but when she realises the impact that this seemingly innocent wish is having on the world, ultimately she has to wake up to the fact that this is a cheat because Steve is dead but Diana has brought him back in another man’s body...without his consent. Again, NOT DIANA’S FAULT, but she is pseudo-responsible and so can’t win because she cheated. This is a plot point I wish they had developed further or highlighted more because, having seen it twice now in the past 24 hours, that is probably my favourite message of the movie. Cheaters never prosper, not even Wonder Woman or Cheetah.

Steve being introduced to the 1980s was a great chance to reverse the fish out of water story Diana had in the first movie but while hers was one of both wonder and humour, Steve’s was mostly wonder and it was so endearing to see.

I loved how we didn’t take too long on Steve exploring the 80s, I liked how organically it was woven into the ongoing story. We did get that great small touring scene of Diana showing Steve the art and the breakdancing, but that he discovered pop tarts and his wonder in wanting to fly that jet rather than simply get on a plane to travel to Cairo, it was all very well done and that’s mostly on Chris Pine.

I did find the body-snatching a little bit creepy at first and at the very end. We didn’t meet the guy that Steve inhabited (for want of a better word) so I don’t feel strongly positively or negatively about him because we don’t know him, but when we meet him at the end when we somehow flashforward from July to Christmas, I did feel weird that not only did it seem that he and Diana were interested in each other but also the fact it wasn’t even mentioned that he couldn’t remember the time that Steve was in his body.

As I said before when talking about Diana, the blend of the romantic/working relationship between Diana and Steve is (sorry) #relationshipgoals for superhero couplings. I am aware that Steve Trevor isn’t a superhero but neither is Lois Lane but both civilian halves of these superhero couples are very potent in the comics and I have never understood this particular relationship until now.

Steve is as strong a part of the duo as Wonder Woman is because while he doesn’t have her Amazon physiology, he has that core inner strength that he had in the last movie which is why he sacrificed himself originally...now yes he pretty much did the exact same thing here but this was after he was pretty much carrying Diana through that D.C. street and seeing all the chaos that these wishes were causing...genuine anarchy....that Steve knew the only way Diana could regain her strength and save the world was for her to let go of him.

It was the most emotional scene of the movie for me and the only scene to almost make me cry. after crying at the Mandalorian finalé I am not crying at another show or film for a while but still, because not only could you tell both of them didn’t want this to happen but also as Diana pulls herself away from Steve not looking at her as the camera pans away from him you just hear his voice saying “I will always love you Diana, no matter where I am”. There’s never been a more potent portrayal of a superhero couple in my opinion in the movies. Tony and Pepper came close in Avengers: Endgame but this tops it for me.

Do I see Steve returning again? Yes, because I feel when you’re dealing with a property about gods and magic there is always potentiality for anything. I mean this movie is the definition of potentiality for anything because I think if it does succeed then they get away with a lot that other properties wouldn’t, but anyway yes I want Chris Pine to return to this role because I love him in it.

Amazons:

This is another scenario where the advertising lets the audience make up what is in store for us with announcements because announcing that Robin Wright is returning as Antiope after dying at the start of the last movie does raise suspicion.

The obvious solutions were resurrection, vision or flashback and for the majority of Amazon scenes save for one it was all flashbacks which I’m not going to grumble at because I enjoyed that opening scene.

I like how Themyscira basically has their own version of Ninja Warrior and that this scene was most likely set chronologically after Antiope agreed to train her. Which begs the question why her mother was so okay with it considering even as an adult Hippolyta has issues with Diana becoming a warrior but her contribution was so short I let that slide.

I’ve already mentioned how Antiope’s lesson of cheater’s never prosper was utilized so well in this movie but, similarly to Chris Pine, I just love any reason to bring back Robin Wright.

Aside from Hippolyta and Antiope though there was a third minor Amazon focused on in a couple of scenes in this movie, that is the ancient Amazon warrior Asteria.

Asteria was mentioned a couple of times, firstly by Hippolyta in reference to her statue as someone to strive to become and then by Diana to Steve when discussing the origins of her Golden Armor. During this discussion we see a flashback of Asteria in a crouched position being whaled on by Neanderthals protecting the Amazons as they retreated to Themyscira. We only see her eyes and at this point in the movie I thought Asteria was a throwaway character and so Connie Nielson was doing double-time as Hippolyta and Asteria.

However, this proves to be untrue as in the only post-credits scene we get we see Asteria walking down seemingly the same street we left Diana on in Washington, though they never clarify where it is. Furthermore we originally only see the back of her and she is dressed a lot like Diana with the same hair and clothing style. She even effortlessly stops a pillar or lamppost from crashing down.

But it isn’t Diana, at least not the one Gal Gadot is portraying...as it is revealed to be Asteria portrayed by Lynda Carter in a fabulous short, sweet and somewhat cheeky sequence where she states “I’ve been doing this for a long time” with a cheeky wink directly to the camera. I mean she basically echoes lines Diana says in the movie, but the fact it’s OG Wonder Woman and knowing we’re also getting Michael Keaton returning as Batman in the upcoming Flashpoint movie, it’s all just brilliant.

Obviously for fans of the Supergirl series, Lynda Carter had a recurring role on that as Earth-38′s President of the United States who was an alien and I have also seen her in Sky High, but looking at her here she just looks flawless.

Does this mean we’re going to see Asteria in Wonder Woman 3? I can’t wait to find out.

DCEU:

Speaking of the larger DCEU, this movie does absolutely nothing to connect itself to any other DC movie or property. We’re in 1984...Bruce Wayne is 12 so at this point has lost his parents, the original Black Canary is potentially crime-fighting, it’s the year Lex Luthor is born, Clark Kent is living in Smallville, Amanda Waller would just be starting out in the career that would see her become director of ARGUS. There are so many possibilities particularly as we haven’t had a movie set in the 80s within the DCEU before.

This is where DC continues to flounder where Marvel succeeds. They do not grab the opportunities for a cinematic universe expansion and instead keep everything contained. I don’t even think the events of Wonder Woman were mentioned outside of Steve’s death.

Particularly as we now have to wait until August for The Suicide Squad as the next DC movie (outside of the Snyder Cut), it would have been nice either if there would have been a tease to lead into that or even if something in this movie links to the Snyder Cut of Justice League.

Overall I rate this movie a 7/10, it’s a very enjoyable movie if you manage to follow all the threads the plot weaves into this movie, because they’re not seamless.

I’ve actually paid attention to the box office, reviews and CinemaScore for these movies since Birds of Prey and I have to say for being a focussed Wonder Woman movie it is underperforming from the first one with a B+ here as opposed to an A there, but considering Diana’s first outing was in Batman v Superman with a B score, I think the fact both Justice League and this have a B+ bodes well as it averages out with middle of the pack superhero movies, and that’s a good way to describe this movie.

It’s not better than the original, and there are many tangles within it, but it’s not a terrible movie. Again I’ve seen it twice in the last 24 hours and neither time got old for me.

So that’s my review of Wonder Woman 1984, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more DC Movie Reviews as well as other Movie Reviews and posts.

[punkpoemprose]

December 6th- Fuck 2020

Universe: Modern AU Rating: M (Mature, a little explicit, this is porn without plot for the most part) Length: 4383 Words A/N: The title says it all. This fic is about Kristoff and Anna having sex on New Years Eve. TW: Mentions of COVID-19, quarantine, and generally the shittyness of this year. This is the last of my decades AUs. Hopefully someday someone will write something more flattering for the 2020′s.

Anna closed her laptop and collapsed back onto the couch. She was exhausted mentally and emotionally, but her body wasn’t tired enough to let her sleep. It had been what she’d been suffering with all year, or at least since March when the world had gone from its usual level of chaos to being utter and total bedlam. She still remembered the day she’d learned that her kids wouldn’t be coming back to the classroom, and the only slightly more terrifying day where she learned that they would, in fact be coming back.

Her head was still awash with words she’d never thought she’d need to say to a room full of five-year-olds. We have to keep our masks on. Remember, six feet apart guys, that’s like two big dogs in a line. No, I’m sorry, I can’t give you a hug. She’d had to separate desks, and clean and not wipe away little tears like she normally would when a child was having a bad day.

The kids, she thought, had held up better than she had. They’d listened as well as they could, they’d followed the rules as much as they were able, and they were kind about the policies in a way that even grown adults were not. But even with all the work they’d done, even with all the kids doing their best, the second wave had hit, and now they wouldn’t be returning to school until after the middle of January, and then when it finally came about, it would be online. There was talk of vaccines in the news, and while it gave her some small spark of hope, all the changes have meant turning her holiday break into lots of online classroom prep.

It still wasn’t the worst though, she’d rather be tired than sick, and she couldn’t help but relax a bit and listen to the shower running in the next room over.

Kristoff had been given the afternoon shift for New Year’s Eve, and as per their new normal, he’d stripped down at the door after returning to their apartment, tossed all his things into the wash, and was currently showering. In the beginning, before they’d known just how bad things were, before PPE was supplied to every EMT in the county, he’d caught it.

Anna had remembered the pain of having to see him so ill, watching him suffer through what was determined to be a “mild” case of the virus while he was sequestered to their bedroom and she spent the week sleeping on the couch and barely seeing him at all except to occasionally bring him something to eat when he’d felt particularly weak. There was something particularly terrifying in watching the strongest person Anna knew, her rock, her one and only, barely able to take care of himself. He’d insisted the whole time, vehemently, that she leave to stay with her sister on the other side of town, be she’d been unable to bring herself to do it. She couldn’t and wouldn’t leave him alone when he was so sick she wasn’t sure if he’d make it through.

But, of course, he had. His voice had been strange and unlike him for weeks after he was cleared, and Anna had spent many nights in a cold sweat thinking about just how close he’d been to being in much worse shape. They’d started their procedure then, come in the door, take off your clothes, wash anything that went into work with you, and then shower. She’d done it too, but to less of an extreme because while she’d been around kids who had potentially been sick, he spent every day with Sven facing the positively ill together and trying their best to keep them well enough to get to the hospital.

The mental strain it was putting on them, Anna having to worry everyday about him getting sick again, or one of her students or even herself catching it was a lot. But Kristoff, kind and wonderful man that he was, kept checking in at the hospital to learn whether the transports he and Sven had brought in had made it. She saw the darkness in his eye, behind his attempts at levity, on the days where they lost someone.

The water shut off, and Anna let herself imagine him behind the door, stepping out of the shower, putting his towel on, walking over to the mirror to shave and comb his wet hair. He’d started keeping it shorter than usual as a precaution, and while he always looked handsome, Anna missed the days where she’d been able to put short braids into his hair and then comb them out with her fingers. She missed the days where he’d come home, flop onto the couch and that would be the end of things until one of them made dinner.

“Hey,” he said, as she heard the bathroom door open and shut, “Are you asleep or?”

She opened her eyes and tipped her head, looking at him from across the room. He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, nothing fancy because of course, despite it being New Year’s Eve, they weren’t going out anywhere. She was dressed similarly, but overtop her plain shirt, she’d thrown on her nicest cardigan, creating the illusion for the videos she’d pre-recorded, that she wasn’t on her couch in her pajamas, but instead was dressed in full teacher gear and was to be listen to closely.

“I don’t think I can do an early bedtime tonight,” she said, “Or even a nap. I have to be awake to see this year end.”

He laughed, but it wasn’t so much the sort of laugh he did when he thought she was being funny. It was much more of a chuckle, as if he were going to follow it with an expression of agreement. They both were rather done with the year, just like everyone else they knew. No one wanted to be living through a pandemic.

“Just imagine,” he said, “Maybe next year we’ll actually be able to go on a date or something.”

“Or,” Anna replied sadly, “Actually be able to reschedule our wedding.”

They’d planned a June wedding the year before. It was going to be a small affair. Just his family, Elsa, and some friends from work. They were going to have it at a ski-lodge in the mountains that also doubled as a summertime spa and nature retreat so that it would be like a vacation for everyone who attended. She could still imagine the way that they’d wanted to decorate the place, all sunflowers and mason jars and white ribbons. She had bought a dress and everything, and it was still stored in her sister’s bedroom closet.

They’d pushed it to August, but had given up on it past that, knowing as soon as September hit and she returned to school with in person students, that nothing would be changing anytime soon. Even her hope for the next year was a tentative thing, like a butterfly with a broken wing trying its damnedest to fly.

“Fuck 2020,” she said quietly, noticing the way he frowned at the mention of their cancelled wedding. He’d been looking forward to it as well, and she knew that this year had been just as upsetting for him as it had been for her. She tried not to swear very often, particularly because she was worried about being able to censor herself around the kids, but ultimately, the year deserved a middle finger and some very strong language.

He crossed the space and took her laptop from where it rested on her stomach, placing it carefully on the coffee table before he scooped her too, up and off the couch. He never had much trouble lifting her, but each time he did so unexpectedly, she was half afraid of falling. She flailed for a half a second in his arms, gasping at the change in height as it occurred.

“I’d like that,” he said with a grin, “The wedding. I know it’s just a formality, and that we’ve agreed not to do it at a courthouse or anything, but I’m so ready to call you Mrs. Bjorgman.”

“And have my students confused?” she teased, “Maybe you should be Mr. Arendelle.”

He laughed at that, but the shrugged and started walking in the direction of their bedroom, holding her bridal style as if it were already all over and done with.

“Why are we heading to bed?” she asked, only allowing herself a little hopefulness beyond her confusion. She knew why she’d like to be heading to bed, but maybe, she reasoned, he was just tired and wanted some company for a nap.

“You said, ‘fuck 2020’.”

She could see the cheeky smile on his face as he glanced down at her, still heading toward the bedroom, like a man on a mission.

“It sounded like a good idea to me.”

***

“So,” Anna said from her place below him on their bed, “In this analogy am I 2020 or?”

Kristoff laughed, and she was treated with a kiss on her knuckles as she obediently raised her arms up for him to remove her shirt. His laugh was one of the things that got her through the day, knowing that he could find humor in any situation, that she could make him laugh, was a blessing. It made things feel normal, and it was a joy for them both that they sorely needed.

“No. It’s more like we fuck each other, and we get a little extra enjoyment out of the year ending. Honestly, I didn’t think it through very much, I just wanted you and it seemed like a good excuse.”

That made her laugh, and she nodded appreciatively at the sentiment. She didn’t think that they needed to really contemplate it much as she was just happy with the opportunity to enjoy her fiancé for a little while.

“It’s a good way to pass the time until midnight,” she offered once she was free of her shirt, “I’m sure we’ll manage to keep each other awake.”

Her hands went up his shirt in return, letting her fingers travel over his the soft but muscled planes of his torso until he too removed his shirt, giving her better access to touch him as she leaned up to allow him to undo her bra’s clasps.

“It’s what? Seven?” He asked, tossing her bra in a rapidly growing pile of their clothes, “I can’t promise five hours straight, but I’ll do my best.”

His hands went up her sides, his thumbs rubbing appreciatively at the dips of her waist and across her ribs until they came up to he breasts. He cupped them gently first, and her hands moved to tracing up and down in spine in return as they found a comfortable position where she was somewhat seated in his lap, facing him. He pinched a nipple and she treated him to an appreciative moan and dragged her nails, lightly down his back.

They hadn’t had much time for intimacy as of late. Between what they both experienced at work and the stress of the holidays, even from a socially distanced standpoint, they’d mostly been using their bed for sleeping. It felt good for it to be put to better use.

“Of course, we’ll need to take a break for dinner. Maybe you’ll need a second shower with some company. I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

The appreciative almost growl he made as he ducked his head down to her neck went straight through her spine and made her want to peel the rest of their clothes off and get down to business immediately. Shared shower or not, she already knew that she’d need to change her panties. If, of course, he was planning on letting her put any on before the next morning.

He squeezed and kneaded her breasts while his lips kissed down her neck and she allowed herself to surrender to his touch. Everything around her was Kristoff, his hands and mouth on her, the smell of his shampoo all she could smell as she tilted her neck to give him better access and shifted a hand up to his still wet hair. Despite him being fresh from the shower and in the cooler air of their bedroom, he was hot to the touch, exactly what she wanted as her hair stood on end from the temperature and his touch.

He moved lower then, his head ducking down to lave attention on her nipples as one arm wrapped around her back to support her leaning away and the other moved down, down, across her lower stomach and to the place where her waistband still sat.

“Off?” she asked, the word all she could form as she gave herself over to the sensation of his mouth sucking and nipping at her.

“Not yet,” he replied, barely moving his mouth from her as he answered and switched sides, leaving her wet nipple to pebble against the cold.

His fingers slid a bit lower still, under the waistband of her pants, but not into her underwear as he dipped her even lower.

His arm was strong at her back, keeping her aloft and exactly where he wanted her, even as she squirmed and bucked her hips against the hand that was moving closer and closer to her clit. She knew exactly what he was doing, but it didn’t keep her from jumping when his fingers grazed her through the fabric. He knew that she was sensitive, that he needed to work her up to his direct touch, let alone anything more. They’d had their fair share of quickies of course, but when he wanted things to last, when he wanted to see her come again and again, he worked her up first.

Anna moaned, and arched in his arms, not so much from the sensation, but from the promise it offered. He really was going to try to make this last all night long.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“I ask myself the same question.”

She gasped as he slowly stroked his fingers up and down her, no doubt feeling how wet she was through her panties but not commenting on it. Instead, using his mouth to once again kiss down her body, moving from the valley between her breasts lower and lower, tipping her back onto the bed as he went.

Not to be outdone, Anna reached up to him as she was leaned back, letting her hands travel down and over his back, reaching for his rear and giving it a squeeze. He laughed against her skin, and she felt rather satisfied by the sound as he picked up the pace on her clit and kissed her navel. Her hands slipped forward then, moving across the waistline of his sweatpants, and dipping her fingers below them as he had.

It was a bit of an awkward angle, but she did her best to wrap her hand around him. It was a challenge, but it was worthwhile to hear his breathing quicken when she managed to slide her hand up and down over his already hard cock through the fabric of his boxers. She recalled the first time they had done this, what felt like many years before, but was just a little over a year and a half ago. She remembered touching him for the first time and being scared that she wouldn’t be able to take him. The thought would have made her laugh now, if it weren’t for the fact that his attention on her clit was making her gasp instead.

When his lips had kissed as low as possible in their current position, he sat up a bit and slipped his hand from her pants. He offered her a questioning look, as he always did, and Anna stroked him again in response, sliding her hand up and down his length and rotating her wrist a bit as she did so, knowing that it was what he liked.

“Off?”

“Off,” she replied, finalizing the unspoken agreement in words before adding, “You too.”

He nodded and she rubbed her thumb against his head before she too extracted her hand, giving him a small taste of what was to come. She fully intended to take him into her mouth if he would let her. It had been too long since she’d seen him fall apart like that, staring down at her with dark eyes and strong muscles trembling under the weight of his climax.

Maybe, she thought, she might even do it while he was laying down, so she could feel him under her and enjoy the building of tension in his body that always came before the release that left him panting and melting beneath her. She loved that he let her give him pleasure. There was so much he did everyday for her, all the care to not get her ill, the many nights he cooked dinner after a long shift, how he always listened to her stresses before offering up his own, and she liked to return his kindnesses in the bedroom.

He pushed himself up and off of her, pulling his pants down with one hand, using the other in a delightful display of his strength to hold himself aloft. He kicked them off a bit creatively, one leg at a time as if he were doing some kind of strange yoga, but never removing his eyes from her as he watched her buck her hips up and slide her own bottoms off.

He tossed them both somewhere to join their pile, and they were left, staring into each other’s eyes wearing nothing but their underwear.

She shivered a bit, both from the intensity if his gaze and the cool air around her. He noticed, his gaze softening as he lowered himself to her a bit and pressed a kiss to her lips. She responded by tipping her head up a bit, deepening the kiss as her arms raised up to wrap around his back and pull him down onto her.

“I’ll have to see if I can warm you up,” he said, their temperature differences more evident as his chest pressed into hers.

He was making a valiant effort, despite her pulling him down, to not crush her under his weight. There had been occasions where he’d allowed his whole weight to press down onto her, and while she didn’t exactly consider him light by any instance of the word, he wasn’t ever going to crush her quite so much as he made an excellent weighted blanket when he wanted to be.

His tone was lascivious though. There was no doubt in Anna’s mind as his hips rocked gently into hers that his plan for warming her up included more of the touching he’d just been doing moments before. When he kissed her again and let his lips trail, once more down her body, lower and lower, she knew that there would be nothing so simple as a blanket in his plans to warm her.

When he reached the waistband of her panties he didn’t stop, instead mouthing at her through the fabric, causing her to call his name and tangle her fingers into his hair. She felt his breath on her, hot, the inhalations and exhalations adding to the sensation as his lips nipped carefully at her clit. He slid down after a few moments, pressing kisses to her labia and center through the fabric, nudging her bud with his nose.

He could be devious with his mouth, a fact that she took immense pleasure in. He could kiss her mouth and pussy with equal skill, and she knew it came from a combination of natural talent, and plenty of practice with her and only her. His mouth could bring her to heights she’d never been able to reach alone, and the anticipation of him doing so had her trembling.

“Do you want me to?” he asked, glancing up at her from between her legs, seeking permission as he always did.

“Yes. Always.”

It was all he needed, flashing her a smile as he hooked his thumb under her waistband and pulled.

She lifted her hips obediently and was rewarded with an appreciative squeeze on her rear as he tugged the fabric off her. When it got to her knees, he leaned back and she set her bottom back onto her bed, watching him whip the fabric off her legs and onto the floor.

She would not be looking for them, she decided ultimately, until laundry day.

He spread her legs a bit more and rearranged them both on the bed until she had two pillows under her rear, elevating her, and he was half kneeling before her.

Once the matter of fabric and positioning was settled, he set upon her like a man starved. Evidently the foreplay had been enough for him, and she already felt it was enough for her, when he kissed her clit again, and then set to running his tongue over her. He went from the bottom of her slit, tasting her and groaning in appreciation, up to her clit, his tongue teasing at her before flattening against her, moving down, and repeating the process.

Her hands, desperate to show him the same appreciation he was showering her with, reached out as far as they could to rub just her fingertips, less artfully, but no less effectively, against the bulge straining against his boxers. His groans only added to the sensation as he tasted her, the rumbling of it tangible as he licked and took her into his mouth. The sound mingled in the air with her own moans, and soon, she stopped being able to tell who was making which sounds.

His tongue darted between her folds and she rocked her hips into his mouth. He rocked just far enough back that she could no longer touch him, and as such, her hands held onto him in other ways, one hand wandering across his shoulders while the other tugged at his hair.

He added his fingers to the business after a short while, taking only a moment away from her to watch her face as he slipped his fingers along her entrance, coating them in her before he, with trained dexterity, slid them inside her and began the search for the place on her inner walls he knew set her closest to the edge.

He got a satisfied look on his face when her moans grew louder, when she pleaded with him and thanked him for the new sensation, and it was a grin that she saw last before his face descended, again, to mouth at her clit with new fervor.

It was only a matter of time before she fell back against the bed, pillows falling from under her rear as she went stiff, then limp, under the force of her orgasm.

She tasted herself on his lips when he kissed her.

***

“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”

Anna had been somewhat surprised that they made it to midnight, both of them thoroughly spent with the amount of time and energy they’d put into their private celebration. She wasn’t counting down with the people on the television though, she couldn’t even see them as she knelt before the couch, feeling Kristoff’s tensed legs at either side of her. She couldn’t count anyway, she had her mouth full.

She’d wanted to manage to get him to come right at midnight, thinking about how funny and gratifying it would be to ensure that her fiancé, the man she loved most in the world, started the new year out right. She supposed though, as she bobbed her head up and down, her tongue running up and down his length as she breathed through her nose, that he wouldn’t mind if it was just a minute or so late.

“Anna,” he groaned, his hand on the back of her head, not pushing but encouraging her to maintain her speed, “Baby I think I’m going to…”

She hummed, keeping up her speed, flattening her tongue against him and doing her damnedest to give him the same pleasure he’d given her earlier in the day. They’d done plenty in the hours between, but this was the first time for the day, and now for the new year that she’d pleasured him with her mouth.

She hoped that the sounds she was making were encouraging as his hips rocked almost imperceptibly, his hand that rested on her shoulder tightening as the one in her hair pressed a little more than it had been.

When he came for her, she could feel the shuddering of his muscles, particularly his thighs which she was using for support, even under the fabric of his clothes. They’d only recently finally donned clothes again for the first time since dinner, and she had decidedly not let it stop her, particularly when it was easy enough to shift the fabric down enough to suit her needs.

“Anna,” he repeated, panting as she too came up for air, swallowing him.

She could feel herself flush, and saw the blush mirrored on his cheeks. He was frazzled, and when she leaned up, using his thighs for support, to get a better look at his expression, she was surprised by his dipping down to kiss her lips.

“Happy New Year Anna,” he whispered, hands already moving on her, pulling her closer as he showed her his appreciation.

She couldn’t help but laugh, accepting her New Year’s kiss as he sat before her with his pants still askew. If it was an omen for the year, she was glad for it. She’d rather the year be an amusing one than the way the previous one had been.

“Happy 2021 Kristoff,” she replied, kissing him again and letting herself enjoy the sensation of his touch before reaching down to tug on his waistband, helping him readjust before turning to shut the television off and drag him off to bed.

They’d had a long, but very enjoyable day. The perfect way, she thought, to usher in the New Year.  

[summerstardust]

I'm a simple girl, so I have a simple request, dh master x reader fluff, whatever you like x

Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy this! 💜

Quarantine Breakdown

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Summary: The reader is stuck on Earth because of the Coronavirus pandemic, when The Master drops by.

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, depression, and a breakdown

Word Count: 2129

There was a random knock on your door, jarring you from your reading. You were too confused to act at first, you hadn’t ordered anything online from any shop, you hadn’t even ordered takeout. There was no reason for there to be a knock at your door today. You found your bookmark, but not as fast as you would have hoped. The bookmark, having fallen and cocooned itself within the blanket strewn across your lap, made itself very hard to find. The knocking increased rapidly as you finally escaped your soft prison, placing the book on the nearby coffee table, which was riddled with random objects and dishware. You stumbled to the door, legs sore from sitting for so long. You rifled a hand through your still slightly damp hair as you opened the door quickly, having grown annoyed by the knocking that seemed to grow in volume and in pace. Whoever was on the other side of your front door seemed to be in an impatient mood. Your eyes went wide with shock when the identity of the annoying knocking person was revealed. 

“What are you doing here, Master?” Your tone was confused, and a bit angry, he had been unusually quiet for months, ceasing calls and texts and especially visits. You assumed that he got into trouble with some alien government he tried to scam once in the past or he was aware of the current coronavirus pandemic and just wanted to avoid the whole debacle, or, even more likely, both simultaneously. No matter what his reasoning for not communicated for so long, it still stung.

“What?! Y/N, I thought that you would be happy to see me! I’m sorry for not talking to you for a week,” your mouth fell open in shock, which he didn’t notice due to his rambling and dramatic hand movements, “but I’ve been busy, scheming, planning, over throwing planets … did you cut your hair…” He finally noticed something, at least, not the fact that his week of adventure had been four months of quarantine for you, but at least it was something. You allowed him into your living room, hoping that he would close the door behind him as you picked up and organized some stacks of books, random discarded hoodies and old takeout menus that might become useful if The Master were to spend the night.

“Oh, yeah, I might have had a breakdown a couple weeks ago and just made an impulsive decision based on a couple months of questioning if I would look good with a fringe…,” you looked at him in the middle of tidying up to see The Master now shocked. You imagined that your face and demeanor mirrored his current appearance when you opened the door, which might have explained his smirk  then. The look of being verbally or situationally lost and left to pick up the pieces was funny to witness, and confusion and shock looked very cute on his face, making this situation bearable.“Do you like it?!”

He stuttered a bit, looking anywhere but your face, “Y-yes, I like it. You look … nice.” He stroked his eyebrow with his finger before helping you move some books from the coffee table, he still did not understand exactly what situation he left you in. With the general area around the coffee table and couch relatively clear, you offered him a seat while you went to go make tea.

He didn’t take you up on that offer, however. He followed you into the kitchen, resolving to lean against the counter, staring at you as you worked. He was still confused, but his shock mellowed a bit. You were always a mystery to him.You were a strange little human that made him feel things, that was meant to be an impossibility. Now he had to work out the mystery of what had occurred in your life since he dropped you off at your flat. And given the fact that he agonized over the mystery of how you had so much power over him, he preferred not to overwork himself.

“How long have I been gone, for you?” You looked at him in the middle of a journey to retrieve a jug of milk. His face was calm, but his eyes were large and sad, searching every part of your body, agonizingly trying to find any differences in you or your personality other than your new haircut. He feared that you might have done more to yourself during your self described breakdown.

“Almost five months. You dropped me off right before the quarantine was enacted.” you handed him a purple mug you had bought for him, but he insisted that you keep it in case he threw it during one of his infamous fits of rage. He thanked you for the tea and acknowledged the time apart, but questioned the quarantine. Five months wasn’t awful by his standards, maybe to yours, but you were human. He knew, however, how much trauma and tragedy can make a short time feel like forever and make a person desperate for the agony to be over.

“You know, the covid-19 crisis. The crisis reaching pandemic levels that certain world leaders are trying to ignore until it goes away. You know, that quarantine.” You tried to joke, both to cheer yourself up from the past five months of boredom and to try and get The Master to smile. He did not, he kept staring at you, eyes searching for pain in your words and actions.

He placed his mug down on the kitchen counter, then softly removed your mug from your hands and placed it on the counter joining his own. He turned back to you, stepping closer, ghosting his fingers over your own, secretly asking your permission to hold your hands. Which you accepted, interlocking your fingers.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke so softly it alarmed you. He had only spoken with you this softly one moment before, after being trapped on Earth for 77 years. He brought your interlocked fingers up to his lips to kiss your knuckles, “I did not mean to be away for so long. I wouldn't have even left you if I knew you would be forced to be on Earth alone.” You removed his hand from yours, his eyes shone with hurt at the loss of contact until he realized that you were trying to readjust the two of you into a hug. The Master clung to you, resting his head in the crook of your neck. He would occasionally kiss and nip at your soft skin, but go back to breathing in your scent, grounding himself in your comforting presence. He hated being alone without you. You hated being alone without him. Neither of you spoke about this, but you both knew of the others feelings. 

“You would tell me if you are hurting right?” He hugged you slightly tighter, causing the buttons of his waistcoat to dig into your stomach.

“Of course, why?” He could tell that you weren’t lying and he smiled at your loyalty, but brought himself back to what you had mentioned.

“You said that you had a breakdown.”

“Well, I did message you. You didn’t answer, but I guess that has to do with a weird time thing.” He shook his head in disbelief at your human memory.

“Yes, weird time thing, thank you for using the technical term I taught you. My phone will adjust to the time correction, eventually.” As soon as he said that, almost like magic, his phone went off with a series of dings and vibrations.

“Why isn’t it automatic? Like when you go to a different time zone?” The Master looked at you in the eye, and you knew what he was going to say.

“Weird time thing.” The two of you simultaneously spoke. The Master began to scroll through the berate of old messages that finally appeared, growing more and more disgruntled and worried with each new message. His forehead creced and his brows furrowed, his mouth was set in a permanent frown. Upon reading one message, he drew his lip into his mouth and bit it anxiously, something you had never seen him do. Maybe it was a habit he picked up from watching you do it so many times. But he quickly returned to his seriously stern expression when he realized you were watching him. 

You were tired of this, and you didn’t want to see his reactions to the voicemails you left him, which were even more anxiety ridden and depressed in nature. You tore the phone from his grip and pocketed it. Before he could complain, you enveloped him into another hug.

“I’m fine now, Master. You’re here. Please stop worrying about me.” He reciprocated the hug, combing through your hair with his long fingers.

“I will never stop worrying about you -” You cut him off, guessing what he was going to say.

“Yes, because I am a pathetic little human. I'm from too fragile of a species to actually take care of myself properly. Blah. Blah. Blah. I heard this speech five months ago!” You chuckled into his neck, which he loved the feeling of, but he corrected you.

“Actually, I was going to say that I will never stop worrying about you because I care about you.” You tried to look at his face, but The Master’s tight grip on you kept you pressed against him. The two of you never talked about your feelings toward each other, but both of you knew that feelings were present. You would both hold each other for long periods of time, like this one, and you would jokingly call out to each other with the monicure ‘my loving spouse’. The two of you would occasionally say that you loved each other, but always in tones of jest to try and mask the truth and weight of the words.

Out of nowhere, The Master shot backwards from the hug, placing his hands on your forearms to keep you in place, as he cracked a cheeky smile, “Idea! Do you want to get off of this miserable planet and go on an adventure?”

You breathed a sigh of relief, desperate to do something off of the planet Earth and to get out of that emotional state, “Absolutely! An adventure, anywhere sounds fantastic!” His smile grew even wider at your response. He rolled his shoulders back in confidence, grabbing you by the neck and giving you a kiss on the forehead before running to your door and, subsequently, his TARDIS, pulling you in towe. He bounded inside, leaving you to close the door of the TARDIS, as you had left him in a similar state earlier. However, The Master’s excited attitude crumbled as a loud beeping began emitting from the console.

“What is that noise?” You questioned by his side, trying to understand the Gallifrian writing flashing on the console screen.

“It’s an alarm.” He grumbled, he leaned his hands on the console, his head falling down between his shoulders.

“Yeah, I can see that, but alarming you about what? What’s wrong?”

“Oh nothing,” he said sarcastically, raising his head and talking with his hands dramatically, “Just an alarm informing us that no individuals can leave the planet Earth or this period in time for the foreseeable future until the virus dies down!” He slumped down onto a nearby sofa, his head falling in his hands. You walked over to sit beside him, wrapping an arm around his back to massage his shoulders and leaning your head against his.

“I know how much you hate Earth, Master, especially being stuck on it, but at least you won’t be alone. You have me this time.” He looked up at you, eyes holding back tears. He didn’t want to do this all over again.

“ I love you, Y/N.” This was his way of thanking you for being beside him when no one was before, and also his promise to not leave you alone like he just had. It might have been accidental, but he felt guilty. A tear fell from his warmly inviting eyes and you reached up to wipe it away.

“ I love you, too, Master.” This was you making the same promise to stay and the same declaration of appreciation for his willingness to stay with you. You took this moment of softness to kiss his lips. It was just a peak, but he deepened it by folding your face in his hands, caressing your cheekbones. The two of you broke apart, breathless, and held each other until you fell asleep, there on the TARDIS console room sofa, blissfully unprepared for what your future would throw at you.

[jobrookekarev]

A Little Something Extra

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 5800

Summary: Jo and Alex agree to babysit Scout for the weekend and after spending the weekend with him they wonder what it would be like to have a baby of their own.  

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, and Scout Shepherd-Lincoln, (Mentioned: Amelia Shepherd and Atticus Lincoln)

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Domestic Fluff, Babies, Reeses the dog, Grumpy Alex, Jo being cute.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

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“Hey,” Jo said, bouncing up to the nurse’s station like a little ball of sunshine. Her eyes were as bright as the late March sun and he could tell that she was smiling under her mask. Jo instantly brightened his day as she put her arm around his neck, leaning in for a quick masked kiss. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Alex asked, smiling as Jo held up a takeout bag from their favorite Thai restaurant. 

“I brought you lunch and I thought we could eat it together,” Jo said, grabbing his hand and pulling him away.

“Okay, any particular reason why?” Alex asked, noting that Jo's eyes were just a little too bright and that she was a little too eager to whisk him away to an on-call room. She closed the door behind them and they took off their masks.

“Okay, so don't be mad, but the nurses called down and said that you were grumpy,” Jo said, frowning as Alex curled his upper lip, adopting his grumpy look as he stopped in front of her. “Also I may or may not have promised Link and Amelia that we would babysit Scout for the weekend.”

“Well, you can tell Janet that I wouldn't be so grumpy if… Wait, did you say that we were babysitting for the weekend?”

Jo just smiled at him as he set her with a glare. Alex tried his hardest to stay mad at her, but it was almost impossible, especially with that smile. He was happy to see her. They didn't get much time together with the pandemic and her fellowship. Although they had tried to make more time for each other and Reeses since they got back from their Christmas vacation in Leavenworth, the pandemic still put a strain on their relationship. Her lunch visits were the best part of his day, but he also knew that if he let her, she'd sign them up for babysitting every weekend. Leaving them little time to make a baby of their own.

“Okay, I know I should have asked first, I'm sorry,” Jo said faltering in her innocent act as her shoulders slumped. “It’s just that Link talked to me yesterday and he wants to take Amelia to a hotel up north so she can speak at this virtual Neuro conference. It’s this weekend and it was just supposed to be the two of them. They had everything lined up but Meredith got pulled on this big case. So I offered to take him, and I figured it would be good practice for us.”

“We don't need practice though,” Alex said, pulling her in and putting his arm around her waist as she held onto the collar of his scrubs. “I'm a Peds surgeon and your training to be an OB/GYN and a Maternal-Fetal surgeon, together we've taken care of thousands of babies. Besides we babysit for them all the time.”

“I know, but we’ve never had one of the kids stay with us for more than a few hours. Besides you know how much I love Scout and it's just so hard to say no to that little face,” Jo said as she tilted her head and pouted. 

“You're never going to be able to say no to our kids will you?” Alex said, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

“Oh please, like you'll be able to say no to them either,” Jo said with a smile and nudged his shoulder.

“Well I guess our kids will just be spoiled brats,” Alex said, with a smirk.

“Nah, we'll figure it out by the time they're two or so,” Jo said, staring off as if she was imagining it. 

Alex smiled as he watched Jo sigh, before leaning into him and putting her head on his shoulder. He loved imagining their future together, especially with a baby. Sometimes he would sneak up to the maternity ward and see her holding a baby she delivered. He could imagine her holding their baby and he couldn’t wait to make it happen.

“How have you been feeling?” Alex asked, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

She had been throwing up late last night, but was feeling better that morning and didn't want to miss work. So far Meredith had said that she'd been doing fine, but had complained of a headache earlier, and he worried about her.

“Ugh, did Meredith tattle on me again,” Jo sighed and stepped out of his arms.

“Meredith didn't say anything,” Alex said, although Jo raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, she might have said that you had a headache.”

Jo made a face and crossed her arms. “It was just a little headache. I didn't get my coffee this morning because one of the new interns ran into me and spilled it.”

“Okay,” Alex said, with a nod. He didn't want to fight with her, especially on this, he just wanted to sit down and enjoy lunch with his wife. “So what time do we pick up Scout?”

“I'll bring him home with me at the end of the day and Lincoln and Amelia will be back on Sunday sometime around dinner,” Jo said, her cheerful disposition returning with a smile.

“I guess that leaves me to walk Reeses and make dinner,” Alex said, sitting down and pulling out the food.

“Do you mind?” Jo asked, biting her lip.

“And let Scout eat your cooking?” Alex teased her as Jo swatted at his arm. “No, I don’t mind.”

“Good,” Jo smiled as she sauntered over to him and took the fork out of his hand before sitting in his lap. “Because I am very thankful for your help.”

“Oh yeah?” Alex smiled as he put his hand on Jo's hips, pulling out her blouse from where it was tucked into her jeans. 

“Yeah,” Jo said, dipping her head down to kiss him. Alex melted into her kiss as Jo moaned and tilted her head. He got lost in her lips as Jo showed him just how thankful she was. 

……………………………………………………………………

Jo struggled to reach the top of the stairs with Scout and all of his things, he was in the car seat, but there was the pack and play, a suitcase full of clothes and toys, and the diaper bag as well. For some reason, Jo thought she could get it all in one trip, but struggled to reach the top of the stairs. She stopped in front of the door and gently set the car seat down, before dropping everything else.

After a moment, Jo caught her breath and knocked on the door before she looked down at her little godson. She picked up the car seat with one arm as Scout smiled up at her, grabbing his toes and squealing in excitement. After Meredith recovered from COVID, Amelia and Link had moved out of the house and to a place up the street. Since then the Shepherd-Lincoln and Karev families had been co-quarantining together. Jo loved every minute she got with Scout and leaned down to tickle his toes. 

The door to the loft opened to reveal Alex and Reeses, who eagerly jumped around them and barked. Alex made Reeses sit and Jo leaned down to rub his head as he licked her hand.

Then she straightened up and smiled, leaning in to greet Alex with a kiss. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Alex said, putting a hand on her waist, before looking down at Scout, He tickled his toes as well and watched as the eleven-month-old smiled and babbled.

Jo took Scout, leaving everything else and walked into the loft. Reeses bounded around her feet as she made a beeline for the couch. Alex had picked up Reeses’ toys and pushed back the coffee table like they always did when they had Scout. 

“You couldn't have made two trips?” Alex asked, struggling to bring everything into the loft. 

“Well that's why I have a big strong husband, to help me bring stuff in,” Jo laughed as she looked over at him. 

Alex grunted as he put the pack and play over by their bed, like they always did, and put away the rest of Scout’s stuff. While Jo and the boys played on the rug. Jo sat on the blanket and pulled Scout out of the car seat to sit in her lap. Reeses immediately started to play with Scout wagging his tale a mile a minute. Jo grabbed Reeses’ chew toy and handed it to Scout and he waved it around as Reeses chased after it. The two of them were best friends and Jo loved watching them play. 

“Seriously why did Amelia give us all this stuff?” Alex complained as he set the pack and play up. “It's not like we don't have things for him here. We do have him almost every week.”

“I think they're just stressed about leaving him for a whole weekend,” Jo said, smiling at Scout before picking him up to see if he would stand up and hang onto the side of the couch. “But we're going to have lots of fun aren't we Scout.”

Scout smiled and babbled at Jo before Reeses caught his attention. Scout fell down to sit on the rug and reached out to grab the rope toy away from Reeses, suddenly finding it more interesting than his Auntie. Jo grabbed the box of baby toys they kept in the basket under the coffee table and pulled out a mirror and a rattle along with a couple of block toys. 

Alex finished putting away Scout’s stuff and came to sit next to her, putting his arm around her waist as they both played with Scout. They each tried to grab his attention with the toys and see if he would crawl over to whatever they were holding. Although Scout wasn’t walking yet, he would get up and hang on to the side of the furniture, and Link swore that Scout would walk any day now. Jo and Alex always had to resist the urge to test Scout's development every time they had him. They were doctors, it was what they did, but Scout was always on track for development and they were always so excited to see what he learned.

“What's the plan for dinner?” Jo asked, taking her eyes off of Scout as she leaned into Alex and laid her head on his shoulder.

“I was thinking something simple, maybe that lemon pasta dish you like, or not?” Alex said as Jo made a face at the thought of the lemon pasta and grabbed her stomach.

Jo fought off the nausea as she closed her eyes and put her arm around Alex’s neck. He moved to hug her closer and rubbed his hand up and down her back. He always held her when she was sick even if she puked, he would carry her to the toilet and braid her hair. Not even Link would do that for her. When she got sick in college, Link would just stand in the doorway and toss her a water bottle. Alex though, he would hold her forever if he could and Jo would let him. Alex’s arms were safe and comforting. 

“How about baked mac and cheese with broccoli?” Alex asked as he trailed his fingers down her spine. It was her favorite and he knew she wouldn't refuse unless she was truly sick. 

Alex looked down at Scout who smiled as he squealed, stealing the toy from Reeses who whined. When Jo didn't respond and Alex stilled at his fingers at the base of her spine. He couldn't see her face from where her head was laying on his chest, so he reached out to grab the mirror next to Scout and tilted it to see her face. Jo was fast asleep, her lips parted as she slept. He smiled and put the mirror on the couch as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. 

Alex moved ever so slightly to put an arm under her legs and moved the other one around her shoulders to pick her up. He carried her over to the bed and laid her down, pulling the blanket over her and grabbed a bowl from the kitchen to put on the nightstand. Alex looked back at Scout and Reeses who were happily chewing on the blocks and walked over to pick up the baby.

“I guess it's just us boys, so what do you say, Scout? Mac and cheese for you and me, and puppy chow for Reeses, yeah?” Scout squealed happily, his arms flailed around as Reeses yipped and jumped up on Alex’s leg. “That sounds like a yes.” 

……………………………………………………………………

The warm sunset and the cool evening spring wind blew in through the open windows as Jo woke up from her nap. She had to drag herself up as she sat up in bed. The loft seemed empty save for Reeses sleeping next to her. The whole weekend she had gone back and forth between being sick and being fine. It was Sunday evening and she had spent the morning making waffles with Alex, and playing with Scout, but had ended up in the bathroom puking that afternoon. The vomiting had taken its toll on her body, leaving her exhausted. She had fallen asleep on the floor of the bathroom by accident and Alex must have carried her to bed, again. 

As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she heard Alex's voice and looked over to see him reading to Scout. They both sat in the rocker they had set up in the makeshift nursery where Alex’s weights and boxing bag used to be. Jo listened for a moment as he read a medical case to Scout. She smiled as she got up and walked over to them before leaning against the pillar as she watched them. Scout was asleep in Alex’s arms, as his soft voice filled the room like the beams of sun coming in through the window. 

Alex smiled up at her as he finished reading and put the case study on the nightstand, before transferring Scout into the pack and play next to him. Alex held out his arms to her and welcomed Jo in as she sat on his lap and rested her head on his shoulders.

“How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted, even though I just took a nap.”

Alex sighed and pressed a kiss to Jo's forehead. “And how's your stomach?”

“Fine for now, but it keeps flip flopping between nausea and heartburn,” Jo huffed as she pulled at his shirt. “Did Link and Amelia call?”

“Yeah, they video chatted with Scout for a little while,” Alex said, kissing her forehead. “They had one last talk they wanted to watch, but they should be here pretty soon. They seem to have enjoyed the conference though.” 

“You're good at this,” Jo said smiling over at Scout. Since she hadn't been feeling well, Alex had taken on the majority of Scout's care. 

“I am a seasoned ped’s doctor,” Alex said with a wide smile as she turned to look up at him. “And like you said it gives us a good idea of what it’ll be like when we have a baby of our own.”

Jo smiled as Alex mirrored her and leaned down to kiss her again. After he pulled back from the kiss the nausea came back and Jo put a hand on her stomach, leaning away from him just in case. Alex put his hands around her and rubbed up and down her back. It passed as quickly as it came and Jo put her head back on his shoulder.

“Alex, could you go to the drugstore for me?”

“Yeah, of course,” Alex nodded as he brushed her hair out of her face from where it had fallen out of her braid. “Do you want me to get the pink stuff or the red stuff? I know you don't like the liquid kind, but let’s try it and see how it goes.”

Jo just bit her lip and fiddled with Alex’s sweater again before looking back up at him. “I’m not sure that’s what I need.”

……………………………………………………………………

Alex smiled under his mask as he quickly walked down the aisles of the drugstore despite how out of place he felt shopping in this section. When he reached the correct section for the pregnancy tests he paused as he looked at all of the various choices in front of him. There were so many different products, all offering different versions of the same thing, but he had no idea where to start. At the hospital, there was one test that was plain and simple, here there were hundreds. The bright white lights made everything seem so fake and Alex picked up one then set it back, questioning his decision.

He briefly considered calling Jo, she had already told him exactly which one to buy, but he didn't want to admit that he forgot. He could call Meredith, she knew more about this than he did, but he didn’t want to tell her yet. He looked around the near empty store and caught the eye of a middle-aged manager.  

She greeted Alex with soft eyes and walked over to him. “How can I help you?”

“Umm,” Alex's voice escaped him and he felt pretty dumb as he played with his ring and just looked back to the display of products. “My wife’s pregnant, well we think she’s pregnant but we don't have any tests at home so.”

The manager just nodded at him with a knowing smile. “Don't worry most husbands are clueless in this department, but it's always nice to see a man shopping for his wife. This pack of tests is quite reliable and it’s always best to have more than one.”

“Thank you,” Alex said, letting out a breath as his shoulders eased. He let the manager lead him up to the front and pay for it. Once he got back into the car his smile returned as his excitement and anticipation grew the closer he got to the loft.

-----------------------

Jo swayed back and forth with Scout in her arm as she stood by the window and watched the city light up as the lingering light from the sun fell away. She smiled and looked down at the baby in her arms. As he slept she traced her finger from his forehead down and up his little nose. This could be her life someday Jo thought as she leaned forward to kiss his head. 

She heard a car pull up and looked down to see Alex pull into the parking lot. Reeses got up from the bed and raced over to the door, barking as Jo put Scout down in the pack and play. She scooped up Reeses and went back to the window as they watched Alex run into the building and she laughed at his mad dash inside. Jo set Reeses back down as he went to wait by the door and reached for her water bottle. 

She took a sip but found it hard to keep the water down. She had filled up her water bottle before Alex left and had drank too much. It didn't help that she was still nauseated and her anxiety seemed to churn her stomach in a bad combination. Jo walked over to the bathroom, figuring she'd need to be in there anyway to take the test, and sat down against the shower. She closed her eyes and willed the water to stay in her stomach, but it was a losing game and she quickly scrambled over to the toilet, throwing up water and bile. 

Once she was done she leaned against the wall and heard Alex moving around in the loft as he greeted Reeses. She looked up from the toilet bowl, as he opened the door and set the bag on the counter. Alex grabbed a cup, filling it with water, and handed it to her. At this point, she hated to even think about putting water in her mouth, but Jo took it anyway and rinsed out her mouth, before closing the lid to the toilet and flushing it.

“Did you get it?”

“I did,” Alex said, letting a smile spread on his lips as he got the box out of the bag. 

He opened it and pulled out one of the packages, handing it to Jo. Despite how she felt, Jo smiled as well. It wasn’t the test she’d asked for, but let it slide as she read the instructions.

“Are you ready?” Alex asked her, seeing her eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Are you?” 

Alex smiled and leaned forward to kiss her, before remembering that she had just puked and turned his head to kiss her cheek. Jo laughed and put a hand on his chest, pushing him away, but Alex stood firm. He leaned against the wall before sliding down to sit on the floor as Jo raised an eyebrow at him.

“What I’ve seen you pee before and I’m not missing a second of this.”

“Weirdo.”

“Just pee on the stick, Princess.”

Jo shook her head but ripped open the packaging. She dropped her pants and underwear kicking them over to him and Alex neatly moved them so she could step back into them when she was done. She gave Alex one last look, raising her eyebrow, but he just stayed where he was. Jo sighed and sat on the toilet before she held the stick between her legs. She held the test in the stream of pee for a few seconds and then placed it on the side of the sink as Alex set a timer. 

After Jo had finished and washed her hands, she put the cap on the test and sat next to him. She leaned into his chest as Alex put an arm around her shoulders and she took a deep breath. Reeses came in through the open down and settled on Alex’s lap and they both rubbed his ears as they waited. 

“I'm ready for this, and you are too, yeah?” Alex asked looking over at her. 

“Yes,” Jo insisted, emphasizing it with a nod. 

She had always been the one that was apprehensive about having kids. She knew that he was still worried that she was ready, but as Jo looked down at the test in her hands she knew she was ready.

They both anxiously waited for the results to appear, as Jo pressed her fingers to her lips and Alex rubbed Reeses’ ears as the puppy slept on his lap. They both wanted so badly for the test to be positive and stared at it as if they could will it into being. They had been trying since December and were waiting for her to miss a period, but so far she hadn’t and was due to get it any day now.

Scout let out a heavy sigh breaking the silence as they both turned their heads to glance out the bathroom door to watch him kick as he slept. Jo knew that Alex loved babysitting all of their friends' kids, but that he longed for a baby of his own. They had watched their friends become parents and even though they were happy to be Aunt Jo and Uncle Alex. She knew that he was ready for kids of their own and she was ready too. 

“If it's positive we have to go see Carina right away. I don’t care if it’s too early,” Jo said, despite how she knew her genetic history was fine, she needed to know that their baby was okay.

“Yeah, we should get you seen and make sure everything's okay. Regardless you’ve barely kept anything down all day and you could be dehydrated,” Alex said as Jo turned to lean into him and he ran his hand up and down her back. 

“God, is this what it's gonna be like all the time?” Jo moaned into his shoulder.

“No, we can get you on something to ease the nausea,” Alex said, kissing her forehead. He hated to see her like this and couldn't imagine it going on for several more weeks. 

“If I'm pregnant, then I think I'm five weeks along, which makes sense, given the sudden arrival of symptoms.”

“Which means you got pregnant the week of Zola and Bailey's spring break when we were helping Mer with the kids.”

“Oh my God, what if our baby was conceived from that quickie we had in Meredith’s bathroom?” Jo said with a laugh, putting a hand over her mouth. 

“We could always just say they were conceived in an on-call room,” Alex said, joining in her laughter.

“Oh no, I don't know what is worse, a baby conceived in an on-call room or in a friend's bathroom?” Jo said as they both continued to laugh, jostling Reeses in Alex's lap. 

The puppy woke up and moved off of Alex's lap and went back into the loft in search of a better place to nap. Their laughter tapered off and Jo closed her eyes as she leaned back into Alex's chest. She tried to take deep breaths as her heart pounded in her chest. The ringing of Alex's phone pulled her out of her head as she looked over at him. Alex gave her a nod and she turned over the test in her hand. 

It was negative. Jo wasn't pregnant.

Her breath came out as a heartless sob, as she put her hand over her mouth. Alex pulled her back into his chest and put his head on top of hers. “It's okay Jo. It’s okay.”

She was in shock, she shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut as Alex held her against him. She couldn't believe that it was negative. It all made sense that she would have been pregnant. Why wasn't she pregnant?

There was a knock at the door and Reeses started barking as Scout started crying. It had to be Amelia and Link, but Jo didn't think she could face them without falling into tears. She looked up at Alex and he just nodded. 

“I’ll get Scout and tell them you're sick with the flu,” Alex said leaning in to place a kiss against her forehead before he got up. 

Jo watched him run out into the loft yelling to Amelia and Link that he was coming and quieting Reeses. Alex picked Scout up as he calmed down in his arms and smiled at his Uncle. It was so perfect and all Jo could think about was how he should be a Dad. Jo knew that he would be the best Dad in the world and that he would always take care of their kid.

“Alex,” Jo called out to him as he looked over at her. She wants to tell him that they'll try again, that she'll be pregnant next time, that they'll have a baby soon, but all of her words died on her tongue and she just stared at him.

He gave her a sad smile and bounced Scout in his arms for a second. “It's okay Jo. You didn’t do anything wrong, okay.”

Jo took a deep breath letting his words sink in. She nodded and gave him a smile, it was okay because they could be parents another day. Alex came over and leaned down to kiss her forehead, giving her a chance to say goodbye to Scout as well before he closed the bathroom door. 

……………………………………………………………………

Jo waited until she heard the front door shut to slip out of the bathroom. Reeses was asleep on the rug having tired himself out playing with Scout all weekend and it seemed that Alex wasn't far behind him. Jo smiled at Alex as he collapsed on the couch and walked over to stand in front of him. He reached out to take her hand and she let herself be pulled down into his lap. Jo sat sideways in his lap, with her back against the armrest as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She looked over at him as he closed his eyes and laid his head back. 

“One weekend of babysitting got you all worn out?” Jo teased as she watched his eyes flutter open for a second as he looked over at her.

“Hey, I was the one who babysat because you have the stomach flu,” Alex said as Jo reached over to tickle his hip, making him laugh and squirm under her. 

Alex captured her hands and held them above his head as he laid his head back against the couch, closing his eyes again. Jo watched him for a second and pulled her hand back from his loose grip. She reached out to put her hand on his cheek and ran her fingers over the grey hairs of his beard. 

“You're not too old to do this every day, are you?” Jo whispered in his ear wondering if Alex had already fallen asleep.

“I’m not old, I’m just greying early trying to keep up with you,” Alex said, a small smile blooming on his lips as he opened his eyes to smirk at her and moved to hold her hips. “I’m only doing it if it’s our own kid and you know maybe we could try right now. If you're up for it?”

Jo smiled and leaned in to kiss him before pulling back. Alex had that devious spark in his eye and he quickly moved his hands up her back to her bra strap. Jo laughed as he kissed down her neck, but pulled away from his lips. 

“Alex, wait,” Jo said in between giggles. Alex pulled back to look at her as she put a hand on his chest and shook her head. “We don't need to try for a baby.”

Jo let her words hang between them, hoping that he'd figure it out, but Alex just looked confused.

“What do you mean? I thought you wanted a baby?” Alex asked, his eyebrows coming together with a little worry line on his forehead and his lips slightly parted as he stared at her. Jo shook her head at his clueless look and laughed again. 

“We don't need to try for a baby because I'm pregnant!” 

“What?” Alex asked in disbelief as he looked at her with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

“I'm pregnant. It was a false negative. I took the other three and they were all positive,” Jo said, her smile so big it hurt her cheeks and she watched the excitement unfold across his face.

“We're having a baby!” Alex exclaimed as he leaned forward and peppered her face with kisses, laughing with excitement in between kisses. 

He kissed her forehead, her nose, and her cheeks. He put one arm around her waist before he looked down and pulled up her t-shirt. She wasn't showing and neither of them expected her to be, but Alex still put a hand over her lower abdomen, just under the hem of her sweatpants. 

“We're having a baby,” Alex breathed out, still in disbelief. 

Jo smiled, happy to be in this moment with her family. They laughed and kissed until Jo got the hiccups and Alex ran to grab her cup of water. When he returned with the water, Alex sat down beside her and she leaned against him. After her hiccups disappeared, Jo’s nausea came back. Despite how hard she tried, she couldn't keep the water down and threw up within a few minutes. Much to Reeses’ delight as he tried to eat the vomit water from the bowl on the floor.

“Okay, let's head to the hospital,” Alex said, wiping her chin and taking the bowl away from Reeses before he could get it and dumped it in the toilet.

Jo sighed and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. “Fine, but if anyone asks I have the flu. I don't want anyone knowing I'm pregnant yet.”

“Okay but if Mer asks.”

“No, we are not telling Meredith,” Jo insisted, pointing a finger at him.

“She's gonna figure it out, Jo,” Alex said holding up his hands.

“Well, she can mind her own business for once. This is between you and me,” Jo said as Reeses whined at her feet. “Okay it’s between you, me, and Reeses, but I don’t want anyone else knowing I'm pregnant. They're going to start treating me like glass and gushing over me. I see it all the time on the maternity ward. It happened with Amelia and Meredith and I want to avoid it as long as possible.”

“Everyone should be gushing over you and you should be taking it easy. It's exciting and it's already taking a lot out of you,” Alex said, coming back to sit on the coffee table across from her.

He put his hands on her knees as he smiled and tilted his head. It was that adorable look that he always gave her. He cared about her so much and sometimes it surprised her because no one cared for her the way Alex did. Even if he was overprotective of her at times.

“I want to work up until my due date. I’m halfway through my OB fellowship and I want to finish it and take my boards in May.”

“Okay.”

“And I don't want you or anybody other than Carina pulling me off of surgeries, because they think I can't handle it.”

“Okay.”

“And if I have to take time off, you have to take time off too,” Jo said, setting him with a look. “We're in this together and it wouldn’t be fair if I have to be the only one at home with the baby.”

“Jo, I promise you that I'm not going to leave you with all the childcare,” Alex insisted, leaning forward and taking a hold of her hands. “You are going to carry this baby for forty weeks and after that, I promise you that I'll take care of you and the baby so that you can rest. You won't even have to change a diaper if you don't want to.”

Jo nodded and she knew that he would keep his promise. Alex was good to her like that. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek. Alex smiled as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. 

“You're a good man Alex Karev and you're going to be a good Dad too.”

Alex smiled and leaned up to kiss her forehead. He lingered there before Jo pulled back and stood up. He put his arm around her waist and led her into the car, grabbing her things and asking Layla across the hall to watch Reeses, before they headed to the hospital. 

“So I won't have to change a single diaper?” Jo asked looking over at him as he got in the car next to her. 

“Do you want to change diapers?” Alex said looking over at her with a smirk anticipating her answer.

“Nope,” Jo said as she shook her head, shutting up and looking out the window with a smile.

[thedisturbeddad]

The Tooth Fairy Got Coronavirus

I just wanted to share something that I think a lot of people are taking for granted. And that’s how to use the Pandemic to your advantage. I recently messed up big time in my job as dad, but I realized that I could blame my mistake (or the mistake of the Tooth Fairy) on covid. I gotta tell you: this is some untapped potential here for parents. This could solve a lot of problems, but I think it works best in the case of mythical creatures. In reality, it’s my fuck ups. So I’d do anything to shuck the blame. You understand. But this is really a great hack!

I really should just admit that I’m a bad dad though. I can’t believe that after years of flawless execution, I screwed up on something so simple. In my defense, my son has been losing a lot of baby teeth lately. Okay, it’s only been two teeth in the last month, but I forgot to put money under his pillow last night. Woops! No problem though. I told him the Tooth Fairy must have gotten coronavirus. Shit like this happens now. You know?

And this isn’t the first time the pandemic has fucked up holidays around my house either. With social distancing and my recent unemployment, I had to take my kids shopping with me for the things that the Easter Bunny usually provided them in secret. But times are tough in the pandemic. When Easter approached recently, I had to let my sons in on a little secret. No. It wasn’t that the Easter Bunny wasn’t real. It was that the pandemic had fucked shit up, and the Easter Bunny had sent me a message saying he needed help this year.

You should know that Easter egg hunts are pretty insane at my house too. I go mega-hunt mode! There’s not just eggs, there’s toys and little cans of soda. Plastic eggs full of money and balloons filled with chocolates. Just to name a few. Up till now, the boys had only painted boiled eggs to then leave out for the Easter Bunny the night before. The Easter Bunny would come and add more prizes and candy to the mix! I never took any credit too. It’s all from some mythical creature. Some kind of legend. I try to preserve my kids’ belief in magic. Not ruin it.

This year, I explained to my young sons that the Easter Bunny had asked me to go shopping for all the things he usually brought. He could send me messages. To my boys it made sense. For me, I just didn’t have anyone to help babysit, and I didn’t feel like paying current rates for child care, just to keep the whole make-believe world going for my kids. Besides, kids are quite good at adapting. I’ve seen that with covid and all the restrictions that came with it. Our kids are better at accepting the changes than adults. It’s pretty cool.

Now, if you are going to try this out you’ll want to ask yourself: Have I even thought about all the things my kids might ask? Kids are pretty observant and adept at pointing out the flaws in our clever stories about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. In case one of my rugrats decided to wake up early Sunday morning, I decided to tell them the Easter Bunny had asked me to hide everything too! He needed to quarantine. My oldest son is too smart for my story to not be consistent.

And before we go any further, just know that I’m not going to discuss the validity of lying to my kids about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. My mom told me at a very young age that it was all a hoax! She was a New Age Boomer, and had decided to go with an honest approach to parenting. In contrast, I like to go full tilt into the illusion. I mean, why not? You only have kids once. They only have childhoods once. And what’s the harm in a little mythology? Some superstition? It only enhances a sense of wonder and magic in kids’ lives. Is that so wrong?

I don’t care what people think in general, but I especially don’t look for approval from outside sources when raising my kids. If you’re a parent, and you haven’t figured out that all kids are different, and that you can’t treat them all the same way, then there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind. Being a parent is one of those things that everyone tries to do the same but never realizes that it’s one of their greatest chances to be truly unique. To strike off from the herd. So to speak. Getting and giving tips to other parents is all well and good, but sometimes you’ve just got to come up with something new. Right there on the spot.

That’s why, when we were going to bed tonight, I decided to give the Tooth Fairy an infectious disease. You see. Last night, my son had put a tooth under his pillow. He’d forgotten about it after that. Me too. When I tucked him into bed tonight, his hand snaked underneath his pillow and a look of puzzlement struck his face. He pulled out his tooth. No money!

“The Tooth Fairy forgot my tooth!” he yelled in startlement. I was slowly realizing that I’m starting to slip in my old age. I had to think fast, but luckily I’d already started a precedent back in April. Bunnies could pass covid to fairies. Right?

“Tooth Fairy must have gotten coronavirus.” I was amazed how easily I said it. With such a straight face!

“Yeah.” Both my kids agreed. It wasn’t just the Easter Bunny. They’ve had tons of things change in this pandemic.

“I’m sorry buddy.” I apologized for the Tooth Fairy. “She’ll probably come get it tonight. Coronavirus has messed everything up.”

“I hate the coronavirus!” My son exclaimed.

“Me too.” I agreed. Hoping he’d still believe in magic. Even though magic can apparently get the flu now. And yeah. I know it’s not like the flu. I just thought it was a cute turn of phrase. Anyway.

It worked. For now. Only trick is I got to make sure to remember to put the money under his pillow after I post this. If he wakes up and catches me, I have plenty of covid credibility to fake him out. I can spin the legends that I grew up with together with the strict policies of today. Even Santa has to get the vaccine. Right? Or else he can’t show up for Christmas this year. Too many houses he’d show up to and cause a surge in cases. Wouldn’t want him spreading anything else besides the Christmas Spirit. That’d be gross.

Maybe it’s time to end the game. Be honest with my kids about the myths I’ve been passing on. Get rid of the lies that had been handed down to me: but I like the game. I like the initiations that keep getting handed down, from one generation to the next. Our own legends. It’s one way that kids today can connect with the way children felt a hundred years ago. Or maybe more. It’s a continuation of culture and identity. But it’s all also new, now. Because of covid. You never knew it before the pandemic, but even fairies can get sick. Don’t worry though. Dads can clean it up. Just got to be full of shit. Like a lot of it.

[hermionegranger56]

ok lads its time for my breakdown of folklore, something absolutely no one is asking for but here we are!! this album. thIs ALBUMMMM. dear GOD. the intersection of my two favorite things, taylor swift and indie folk???? i feel like i’m dreaming. when she announced the surprise drop i literally burst into tears and evidently for good reason lol.

anywho here’s the thing. Red has been my all time favorite album for 8 years now. it holds such an important place in my life and i never thought anything she did could come close (though Lover almost did). but this. THIS IS BETTER THAN RED

the lyrical genius is unmatched here. taylor isn’t just writing songs here, this is POETRY. every song is nuanced, intricate, devastatingly beautiful, with words that’ll haunt me for a long time. and the fact that it’s stories, literal folklore, no longer just about her own life is incredibly creative and is executed so well for someone who has interwoven her life into her entire body of music thus far. folklore blends facts with fiction so seamlessly and is a true exhibition of taylor’s power as a songwriter.

and the vibessss!! from haunting heartbreak songs, to ethereal lost-in-the-woods vibes, to a comforting return to her old self, this album has everything. taylor is without a doubt one of the most versatile artists of our generation, having success and skill in multiple genres and folklore only solidifies this fact.

ALL RIGHT KIDS LETS JUMP IN

the 1: hell yeah explicit tswift give it to me lol you ARE on some new shit!! ok when i first listened to this i hadn’t read her statement about the other perspectives and i was about to RIOT about her and joe breaking up (like they could ever lol). this is such a catchy beat, such a casual?? look at such a painful feeling? a really good start to this album. the part where she goes another day waking up aLONE killlllllls me wow

fave lines: “in my defense i have none/for never leaving well enough alone”

cardigan: (don’t get me started on the mv it’s gorgeous) YES THE TEENAGE LOVE TRIANGLE suchhh a good concept!! the melody of this song is unreal, the chorus makes me want to scream it’s so beautiful, the i-i-i is SOMETHING ELSE. it’s crazy how just the melody makes betty’s pain so palpable, but so enchanting at the same time. it’s bittersweet and cinematic and i’m in love. PETER LOSING WENDY GOD. easily top 5 song here

fave lines: “when you are young they assume you know nothing”, “cause i knew you/ heartbeat on the high line/ once in 20 lifetimes i” “you drew stars around my scars/but now i’m bleeding”

the last great american dynasty: watch hill!!! her watch hill house!! i live near there!! oh i think this song is so clever and i love how it ties into mad woman as well as harkens back to starlight. i LOVE the way she ties her self in, “and then it was bought by me” like ughhh her mind? and its catchy AF

fave lines: “i had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile: YOU KNOW HOW TO DO AN INDIE ALBUM??? BRING BON IVER INTO THIS SHIT!! wowww this song is haunting and is definitely the “i’m you but stronger” version of The Last Time. the overlap of both of them singing and their parallel lines are flawless. i could play this on repeat for hours and contemplate my whole existence

fave lines: “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs”

my tears ricochet: ok somehow a track 5 with tears in the title is not the saddest song here but DAMN is it good. I love the visual of someone watching over their funeral and reacting. the music is stunningggg here. ALSO i am pretty convinced this is about the whole scott/scooter drama, like the lyrics fit so well? and she said it was the first song she wrote so the timeline kinda fits?? geniusss

fave lines: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”, “and if i’m dead to you/why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball: ohhhh this one is so pretty!! it just makes me want to dance around the kitchen with the person i love??? its comforting, ethereal, happyyy ugh i love it. I also think it could be about her relationship with her fans? like her music shows us different sides of ourselves idk? or just absorbing into a relationship?

fave lines: “on my tallest tiptoes/shining just for you”

seven: i’m gonna call this now: this is going to be the most underrated song on this album. it is STUNNING. POETIC. HEARTBREAKING. the music is so hauntingly nostalgic. and the lyrics, holy absolute shit. they’re a delicate testament to childhood, memory, and innocent love. it’s gut wrenching and i love it so so much

fave lines: “i’ve been meaning to tell you/i think your house is haunted/your dad is always mad/and that must be why”, “and just like folk song/our love will be passed on”, “before i learned civility/ i used to scream ferociously” ALL OF IT

august: and now we get the girl james cheated with’s perspective, which i think is great. its sunny, wistful and sad underneath all that beautiful production. when she slides from the chorus to the “back when we we’re changing for the better” and hits that “mineeee to lose” GOD, it just fills your chest. i feel like even if you never have, this makes anyone feel like they know exactly what a summer fling feels like. one of my faves

fave lines: “august slipped away/like a bottle of wine”, “cancel my plans just in case you call/ and say meet me behind the mall”

this is me trying: the slow pacing of this melody serves to show these EXQUISITE lyrics here. this is so intimate and personal and i feel like everyone can relate to this feeling of just trying to hold on and put on a brave face?

fave lines: “they told me all of my cages were mental/ so i got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: ok all you need to know about this one is a) I’m obsessed b) this is the closest she has come to creating a bridge that makes me feel like the All Too Well bridge has, like scream sobbing in the car type vibe??? its unreal. and this song makes me feel that shitty feeling of: “this was supposed to be casual but oops its very much not” hmmm maybe that’s where the scream sobbing comes from hahah

fave lines: “don’t call me kid/don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string: this. THIS is probably her most stunning love song. like. i thought it was Lover. i was wrong. this one is confidently from Taylor’s perspective, about Joe and dear lord i want a love like theirs. and shit does this song put the folk in folklore, the music is so simple and gorgeous and harkens back to her country roots without losing this new sound she has. and the first few notes remind me of Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens so instantly im sold. this and betty are tied for my number 1, it’s just too beautiful

fave lines: “time curious time/give me no compasses/give me no signs” “isn’t it just so pretty to think/all along there was some invisible string/tying you to me”, “cold was steel of the axe that i had to grind/for the boys who broke my heart/now i buy their babies presents”, “hell was the journey/but it brought me heaven”

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVERRRRRR!!! yes taylor said fuckkkk ugh i LOVE this vibe, the revenge of the mad woman that the town cast out is so eerie and powerful, i’m obsessed. it ties back into the maddest woman of TLGAD and it feels like a spiritual sequel to The Man, the same feminist thread weaving through it. the lyrics are razor sharp and biting, i love it

fave lines: “and you poke that bear/till the claws come out/ and you find something/ to wrap your noose around”, “it’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

epiphany: so uhhh THIS is the saddest song on folklore. fight me. the seamless comparison between wartime and the pandemic and waiting for some epiphany that could make sense of all the horrors surrounding the both. idk man, as someone who’s been a covid nurse since March, i just….this one HURTS. similar to Soon You’ll Get Better tbh

fave lines: “hold your hand through plastic now/doc i think she’s crashing out/and somethings you just can’t speak about”

betty: OH I LOVE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART! this is such a TRIUMPHANT return to old taylor, it is so joyful but sad at the same time?? the harmonica?? the last part of the love triangle?? it sounds like Taylor Swift and Fearless all grown up and it makes me ache for back then, but love where we are right now. tbh the first time i heard this i sobbed through the whole thing just out of pure nostalgia. she’s back but at the same time she never left. this feels like a love song to original fans and it. is. incredible. my favoriteeee goddd

fave lines: THE WHOLE CHORUS BABYYYYY

peace: it’s gorgeous, especially the guitarrr ugh. this feels like delicate’s quiet older sister. i think it’s definitely about joe and how taylor, despite loving him, still has these insecurities and fears about what a relationship with someone in her position could be like? like there will be struggles, but he’s her family and she “would die for you in secret”. stunning

fave lines: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm”, “the devils in the detail/but you’ve got a friend in me”, “give you my wild/give you a child”

hoax: i’m surprised she ended it on a sad one (but we still have the lakes!!) but this song is hauntingly beautiful WOW. every line of this absolutely floors me. i think this one will also be largely underrated, but it is pure poetry and deserves so so much hype

fave lines: “stood on the cliffside/screaming give me a reason/your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in”, “it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark” “my kingdom come undone/ my broken drum/ you have beaten my heart”

ANYWHO TAYLOR HAS PRODUCED HER BEST WORK TO DATE AND IM READY FOR SAD GIRL AUTUMN

[dippedanddripped]

Founded on the streets of Flatbush, Brooklyn, in the '90s, Carl Williams founded his iconic brand with "$1000 and a dream". Born in an era where your outfit was social currency, Karl used his passion for style to develop the influential brand we now know and love as Karl Kani. A self-taught designer, Karl's designs have been worn by icons such as Tupac, Nas, Jay-Z, Aaliyah, and Snoop. Building his own baggy-fit, hip-hop ready blueprint, Karl used his "hustle-hard" upbringing and a savvy eye for street-influenced fashion to create a globally-renowned brand.

Coming for an era where nobody believed hip-hop culture could become pop-culture de rigueur, Karl faced skeptical detractors, unsure if a street-influenced label could go global. Despite being confident, Karl would always ask himself "Can I do it?" This existential question was the launching pad that drove Karl to legally change his name from Carl Williams to Karl Kani. So, the question of "Can I?" morphed into the brand name "Kani", and with that, a legendary label was born.

Fast forward to the global pandemic of 2020 - in a time of uncertainty, many creatives are asking themselves: "Can I keep my business going," "Can I still perform," and "Can I stay fit and healthy?"

Looking to Karl's story for inspiration, an overarching message prevails - together "we can" do this.

In this candid video, Karl touches on his storied journey, from getting up at 5:30 am to sell newspapers so he could buy clothes, to gaining inspiration seeing his father visit tailors as a child. Ever the optimist, Karl touches on how he overcomes setbacks, remains grounded and healthy, and how we can grow as a community.

Volume 90%

As our community of creative talent grows stronger and stronger, we look to a diverse range of talents who provide individual stories of creative fortitude. With the effects of Covid-19 taking a toll on the industry, this inspiring set of creatives prove that an "I Can" attitude can overcome any obstacle. From rappers to visual artists, their stories provide hope during tough times.

KOBY MARTIN – ARTIST

A proud export of Ghana, London-based artist Koby Martin uses traditional and digital mediums to illustrate his work. His emotive style fuses Ghanian and British influences, articulating his life experiences through personal struggles and tragedies, turning them into artistic triumph.

With collaborations with the British Council, and The British High Commission - for which he was commissioned to create a live painting for 2019's Afrochella concert at the El Wak Stadium in Accra, Ghana. Koby's artwork spans over a variety of subjects, often using bright colors - a reflection of his heritage and spontaneous personality.

How has the current climate impacted your art and the way you create?

The current climate has me in a very reflective mood - in regards to how I use my time - whether spending time with family, friends, and even working. It’s also made me aware of how fragile & short life really is. Creatively, I always work in isolation, so it was quite hard to differentiate the climate from my normal routine. But, it also pushed me to experiment with other materials and learn new techniques. I also started reading more, which I rarely do, because of my short attention span. Although we have had a lot of tragedies and losses, I personally believe it's made me stronger, tougher, and smarter for any challenge ahead!

How can I make a change?

Change comes about through self-belief and the realization of who we are as individuals. It's a domino effect that begins with the man/woman in the mirror. I set out to express that through my gift of creating, collaborating, and having yearly exhibitions, which I believe brought together a sense of awareness, togetherness, restoration, and healing, especially within the black community.

How can I inspire others?

Inspiration starts with self and comes from within. To inspire, one has to believe in self and take action on the standards and goals they have set out for themselves. In doing that, it sparks a viral sense of awareness, belief, and motivation with the people you are around.

How can I create in the current climate?

The current climate has taught me to be still. I have learned to put everything at a standstill when it's time to create, a momentary pause from all the stresses of life. This allows me to get lost in my work. I step into a different world, a whole new dimension that allows me to create with joy. Something like stepping out of the business of a matrix and skip-hopping into a Teletubby world is the best way I can explain it.

TORI TAIWO – PHOTOGRAPHER

Photographer Tori Taiwo runs Hercuts, an empowering haircut page for women who have embraced shaving their hair, favoring unique and charismatic low-cut hairstyles. After leaving home and falling out with a family friend, 33-year-old Taiwo was given a place in a hostel. Too terrified to stay there, Taiwo was determined to change her life. She continues to empower, inform, and inspire others via her art.

How has the current climate impacted your art and the way you create?

The current climate has allowed me to explore and revisit my prior passions. During the first lockdown, I started shooting products, this allowed me to gain new skills and open a new revenue. I have started booking clients, and shooting and filming products, which I can do from home. How can I make a change? By being open to trying new things and willing to allow for changes that are unforeseen, as well as collaborating with other creatives to keep morale up and encourage others to try new things too!

How can I inspire others?

By sharing the process of pivoting and exploration - high, lows, and everything in between.

How can I create in the current climate?

By changing my outlook on the creative process - stripping back and using what I have at my disposal to create; trying new things & exploring.

STEFANI NURDING – SKATER/ ENTREPRENEUR<

As the founder of skateboard brand Salon Skateboards, Stefani Nurding hopes to destroy the "boys only" stereotype that plagues the skate scene. A skater who was once told she was "too pretty to skate", Stefani is passionate about promoting diversity within the skate community. With a respected brand, Stefani juggles being a mum and pro-skater in a male-dominated industry.

How has the current climate impacted your art and the way you create?

Before the lockdown, I would say that it really made me think about being disconnected from people. I felt much more like I wanted to film and photograph others skating, as opposed to focusing on myself. One of my projects was to shoot instant photos of friends or strangers skating, then give them the photo afterward. Now that we're in lockdown, I feel even more disconnected from people, so I try to make my content fun and positive to try and uplift people.

How can I make a change?

I realized that I have a lot of knowledge about how to make money as a self-employed person. My friends were losing their jobs around me, and I became aware that some of them had no idea how to make money other than having a job. I coached a few friends that needed help, and I also set up affordable online courses about time management and setting up your own business.

How can I inspire others?

After I had my baby, I felt so lost with skateboarding and my own identity. It felt like I didn't know what I liked anymore and had no idea if my body would return to my previous level of fitness after my cesarean. Fast forward 20 months, I am in peak health, doing pilates regularly and skateboarding 2-3 times a week. I am 32 and a new mum. I just really hope that others who see 30 as old, or think they can't do things after becoming a mother will just maybe think "screw it, she is doing it and so can I".

How can I create in the current climate?

I have my skate brand Salon Skateboards as a creative outlet for my graphic design which is nice, but I love to create sporadically and get ideas all the time which I need another outlet for. I have been creating a lot of different things - painting, experimenting with Photoshop, photography, printing clothes, and just generally having fun with making art. There are a lot of things where I just think "meh, will never use it", but occasionally I come out with a gem.

ROXXXAN – ACTIVIST/RAPPER/MODEL

Birmingham-raised rapper Roxxan represents the LGBTQ community with enormous pride. For the last ten years, the queer rapper has built up her own unique identity. A self-proclaimed tomboy, Roxxxan has expressed her want to create a space for women who adhere to non-gender specific traits. After relocating to London, Roxxx has displayed perseverance and determination - from coming to London to get a job at a major label to then being signed as an artist eight months later.

How has the current climate impacted your art and the way you create?

The current climate has affected the energy around me and where I go for inspiration. Before lockdown, I would meet friends, be around family, different energies, and walks of life, which made it easy to be inspired or do things that spark creativity. Now I go for walks or sit on a park bench so I can soak up all around me, then process it and let it out my way.

How can I make a change?

I can make a change by being visibly patient and open to change and growth. I aim to make a change by also being present for any women POC or fellow LGBTQA's. A lot of people are finding it hard to cope, I can make a change by being there for any and all of my people.

How can I inspire others?

I try to inspire others by living in my truth and fully accepting who I am; using my differences or things that have held me back in the past as my gifts to the world. I understand times are a lot different now, but had some of the artists and people I looked up to like Missy Elliot and Queen Latifa been open about their sexuality, I believe I would have found mine a lot sooner. Which also would lead to me finding myself sooner. I aim to be that for younger people growing up.

How can I create in the current climate?

In the current climate, I create at home with my iPad studio. Through spring and summer, I sat with and felt all the highs and lows of 2020. It’s only recently that I’ve finished processing, and now I’m ready to put everything into words and my outlet and art.

SILAI ESTATIRA – SPOKEN WORD ARTIST

Silai Estatira aka Mishaal Javed is a young British hip-hop artist, spoken-word poet, micro-influencer, and full-time international relations student. A brave artist, Mishaal has gone against the grain of what is expected from her culturally by venturing into rap, spitting socio-political raps with a unique and fresh take on streetwear style.

How has the current climate impacted your art and the way you create?

During lockdown, music almost became a lifeline. It has always felt like my purpose, but I realized how much I needed it. I’ve been writing more, going back to the basics of it, sometimes just freestyling in my room or with my best friend and having fun with it again. I’ve been revisiting some of my favorite projects too. Retracing the steps of artists I admire, just taking it all in.

How can I make a change?

I want to fight for the world to be more inclusive. To be a space for everyone, not just a representation of some voices. Fighting for all diaspora, the people who are othered, and everyone who doesn’t feel represented. Music can make a big change. I want my music to comfort people, and to give company, the same way it does for me.

How can I inspire others?

I want to let people know it’s okay to ride their own wave, step outside the box, and live outside it. It’s okay to venture into spaces you’ve never ventured into before, especially when people tell you that you can’t do it. Never stop. Keep perfecting your art. It belongs to you, it is yours. Everyone has a destiny, we can’t let anyone - including ourselves - stop us from chasing it.

As Muslim women, people talk over us (metaphorically). Everyone has an opinion, and there’s so much dehumanization and categorizing that happens. I know girls that have had to fight that. I still fight it. But we’re still here, going. For us, It’s a movement.

How can I create in the current climate?

Because there have been no gigs, I’ve had so much time to write and experiment with sounds. I’m lucky because I’ve always recorded in my room so I’ve just been continuing that. I’ve had more time to think about how to present and reflect on my pieces too. There are so many ways to create, it’s just about being present with yourself, and knowing what story you’re trying to tell.

KANAH FLEX – DANCER / MOVEMENT ARTIST

Born-and-raised in south London born, self-taught dancer and movement artist Kanah Flex was discovered busking by FKA twigs in 2014. The autistic dancer struggled to express himself, before finding his calling in the world of dance. A free spirit with a dedicated following on social media, the father of two challenges society’s ideas of normality, pushing his followers to achieve their goals.

How has the current climate impacted your art and the way you create?

I feel as if climate change has forced me to exercise all of the other gifts that I have shunned in the past, due to sheer laziness or the comfort of being inside the box. I feel like even though my physical might be on lockdown, my spirit is free.

How can I make a change?

The only change I am going to start with is myself, it’s impossible to change anything before that  - I must start with me. Self-discipline is very key to change.

How can I inspire others?

By staying true to myself, my family, and my people

How can I create in the current climate?

I make things work with what I have and what I am surrounded by. I cannot play the victim in these times, even though the climate has changed, my creativity hasn’t. I’m always thinking of innovative ideas.

[leturtz]

COVID-19

Today, I went into public specifically to Stop & Shop. My boyfriend needed to pick up his prescription at the pharmacy and my mother needed some things from the grocery store as well. Before going out, my boyfriend and I prepared accordingly. We put on our masks, layered our clothes, brought extra gloves, and Clorox wipes to disinfect things as we went through this process. Of course it feels like a lot to do just to go out to the grocery store, but this is a very rare time in the world. While we were at the store, there were maybe 30 people in the whole store and about a third of them were wearing some sort of PPE in response to the pandemic. We were turning down one aisle when this older man was walking passed us in the opposite direction. We weren’t expecting what had happened next. With what I know about age, this man appeared to be in his 70′s if not 80′s and did not have any mask on or gloves. For my boyfriend and I, respecting other people is always our main concern unless they have given us a reason not to. After passing us, when he was about 7 to 8 feet away, he said “Oh my god, people are ridiculous. Just ridiculous” as he shook his head in disapproval and looked back at us like we were alien to him. It was that moment that I was genuinely moved and knew I’d be writing something when I returned home. As a 25 year old in generally good health, I am not very concerned about my own health during this time. The corona virus has so far only been fatal to the elderly and those with underlying conditions. Despite realizing I am not directly at risk, certain members of my family are older, or have underlying conditions, or both. In order for those members in my family to remain safe and healthy, I must protect myself too. Younger people have proven to be carriers and beacons for this virus to thrive and spread. I of course worry about my family first, but as rare as this quality is- I actually care about the health of even the people I may not personally know. The man spoke these words because he simply needed us to hear them. He raised his voice to a suitable volume and made a spectacle in order to express how he felt. In my personal opinion, I believe this man needed to validate himself this way because he too, is scared. Regardless of my beliefs during this pandemic, and how I think it is absolutely necessary to sanitize and take precautions for our loved ones and all people, I also believe in just respecting people. If you do not wish to wash your hands and wear a mask when you go to the food store, that’s your personal choice. Everyone has a right to carry out their lives in the way they feel is necessary, but there is utterly no reason to be disrespectful to those who feel differently. I was wearing a mask not just for my family, but for that old man, and others that may fall into his bracket. There were two other women who made the same comments towards my boyfriend and I. These two women were chatting at the end of one of the aisles. One seemed to be in her 60′s while the other appeared to be in her 70′s if not 80′s. Again we heard “People are just crazy.” I’m saddened by the ignorance and I was genuinely baffled that it felt like there were two separate types of people in the store. I understand that some people believe that this is not serious and although I think those people are very wrong and inconsiderate to others, I would never go out of my way to disrespect them in public or shame them in anyway. 

With that being said, this pandemic is not a joke and should not qualify as “not that bad.” I understand people die from things everyday, it’s inevitable. I also understand that the human race has come into contact with certain viruses in the past that we as a community survived. However, we were not prepared for a pandemic of this magnitude. If we have the medical supplies and the hospital beds, sure, you will be able to receive the care that you need. The precautions that the government and the medical officials are putting into place are to stop this number from growing more and more. The amount of people who are infected is doubling and will only increase the rate in which it advances. In just a small a amount of time, our country’s stock on medical supplies has been almost entirely depleted. If we do not have the medical supplies and the beds to treat those who are sick, I can promise you this virus will not be “no big deal.”  Every human life has so much value and my heart goes out to all the families of the COVID- 19 patients who have died and/or who are being treated. I live in New Jersey, next to the biggest infection populated state and city in America. I personally believe that New York, at it’s current rate of infection, will become the virus epicenter at least for our continent. Even if it doesn’t, the number of infections are going up. There is a 14 day incubation period where the infected hosts do not show any symptoms. The amount of interactions that occur between people is incomprehensible. There is no physical way for the government or the medical officials to accurately keep control and data on who is infected and who is not. What they can provide is the numbers of cases that have been confirmed and information that is finite. What we can do as human beings, is make sure we do our part to lessen the number of people infected. We have the proper supplies, but when we run out of the supplies, what do you think will happen? This is not a time for panic, though I too struggle with anxiety over this issue. This is the time to just be smart and proactive. We need to be mindful of our hands and what they touch. We need to practice social distancing and understand that everything we do now is to lessen the number of those needing our medical supplies and attention. Even if you do not think you are sick, if you have left the house and been subjected to the public in the past two to three weeks, you could very well have the virus and simply just not know. Again, that doesn’t call for panic. However it does call for understanding that this is much bigger than your own knowledge or perception. We all (healthy or sick) need to cover our mouths with the inside of our elbow when we cough or sneeze, we need to wash hands and refrain from touching our faces, we need to be mindful about the people around us and listen to the medical precautions posted on TV and on the internet. We have to do this together. 

[jandeelstra]

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Embracing your inner witch as the path to staying grounded during quarantine may sound a little more than off the wall. Maybe you don’t even recognize your inner witch. If you don’t know her, she’s the part of you who is most comfortable with all things Nature offers. She is happy to connect with Mother Earth, and loves her feet bare on the earth. She loves the scents, colors, tastes, sounds, and textures of all things natural. A generation ago, this green witch would have lived away from the tribe, and would receive visitors when they sought her wisdom. Her surroundings would be an expansive garden of healing herbs, and her shelves would be lined with essential oil potions and lotions and plant based remedies. She would have handmade candles, dozens of journals filled with handwritten notes about everything learned from her experiences, and her home would be scented with aroma of delicious meals prepared without preservatives. She would be revered as a healer of mind, body, and spirit matters. There was a time, when she would have been burned at the stake for her wisdom.

These days, the green witch lives pretty much anywhere, and may have only a small hydroponic herb garden or windowsill herb garden in her kitchen. But you can bet she has a knowledge of therapeutic properties of essential oils, plants, and herbs, and is happy to share her gifts when asked. She may sell essential oils, may use natural beauty and household products, and might even have a favorite oil blend that she wears as her signature. She could work anywhere, or nowhere, but we recognize her connection with nature if we take the time to really see her beneath the public persona.

For those of us living under quarantine due to the Covid-19 pandemic, the absence of rigidly structured time has provided fertile ground for re-uniting with our subjective inner witch. Maybe you’ve started a garden because it’s safer than going to the produce aisles, or because those grocery shelves are often bare. Maybe you’ve always grown a garden, and the extra time has allowed you to learn more about the healing properties of plants. Maybe, like me, you’ve invested time in expanding your hobbies, or convening more with nature, or with increased periods of meditation, reflection, and connecting with source energy as a means for retaining some sense of order, or as a pathway to keeping your sanity under these constantly changing conditions that leave us feeling out of control. Make no mistake about it: We are each on shaky ground when it comes to “control” of a pandemic.

My own Covid journey has me learning more about essential oils and aromatherapy, specifically as those plant oils support respiratory health. Since Covid-19 is a respiratory disease, it makes sense to do all we can to keep ourselves as healthy as possible. And frankly, I’ve never been one to turn to pharmaceuticals for my wellness. I’ll take a natural remedy over a synthetic drug created to fatten the wallets of big pharma any day.  But that’s me. And so I find myself mixing and diffusing oils, and carefully clipping herbs, if for nothing more than alchemy of greens into tasty salad dressing.

My inner witch musings may be nothing more than a reminder that even the darkest times have periods of light. With more meditation, more journaling, more reflection, more studies of subjects that quench my cravings to know more, more exploration of tastes, scents, and aromas, and certainly more time to do what I enjoy doing, I feel that I am given a gift. I am embracing that Inner Witch as the path to staying grounded during quarantine. And she’s not only keeping me sane, she’s expanding my skill-set in multiple areas, and enhancing my life as I try on these new skills, hobbies, and interests. These pandemic past times were not something I had anticipated becoming such permanent threads of my life. But as I look at the past few months with (pardon the pun) 2020 hindsight, I recognize that I am unwilling to give up the richness of my life that could only have come from finding ways of transmuting the stress and uncertainty brought by this pandemic. There is an enormous gift here. And I am grateful.

Stay safe and well, mind-body-spirit whole gestalt you.

  Embracing Your Inner Witch as the Path to Staying Grounded During Quarantine Embracing your inner witch as the path to staying grounded during quarantine may sound a little more than…

[3monthsineurope]

July 24 and 25, 2021

Happy 27th birthday, Haley! I love you and hope you’re having a blast in Mexico with Malik!

Saturday I woke up at 8, which you all know is really early for me. But Catherine and I were taking a red eye flight to visit Nicole in Florida! I wanted to be tired for the plane. Ingvar and I both got up and showered, then I drove him to his car, close to Western. He had played Mario with friends the night before, and Ubered home. We were both pretty tired. I dropped off Ingvar and we said our goodbyes. He was going golfing with some of his best friends! I went and dropped off some things at Value Village for donation, then made myself some spaghetti squash with meat sauce and runny eggs for breakfast. I took care of my plants and worked on packing. I had packed most of my things the day before, but there was still some to do. I put on some make up, then it was time to meet up with my friend, Rachael!

Rachael and I met while we were at Western! We don’t see each other often, but we try to when we are visiting each other’s towns. We met at Woods at Boulevard and caught up for about an hour. It was so nice to see her! After our coffee date, I went home and laid down and rested my eyes for about 15 minutes. I finished all my packing, then left Bellingham around 3.

I spent the drive down to Kirkland listening to voice memos and responding to my Taylor Swift friend, Erica. I also talked to Grandma Sue. Before I knew it, I was parking in Kirkland! Catherine and I were so excited to visit Nicole in Rockledge, Florida! We wanted to go last year, but obviously Covid prevented that. Nicole and Catherine had been roommates at Western, with me right across the hall. We’ve been friends for almost 11 years now! Nicole and I have traveled together in Mexico and Puerto Rico, and Nicole, Catherine, and I did New Orleans in 2018! We were excited to finally visit her in Florida. (Yes, I was just in Florida, but two different friends asked me to come at two different times, haha.) I got to meet Catherine and her boyfriend’s Brad’s dog, Bella! She is so sweet!

We hung around their apartment for about two hours, just catching up and watching the Olympics. Brad was nice enough to drive us about a half hour to SeaTac. I sat in the back with Bella, and didn’t feel anxious at all! Brad dropped us off right around 7:30, with our flight being at 9:45. I didn’t have TSA precheck this time (I think I forgot to put it in my info when we booked our trip, months ago), so Catherine and I went through general security. There was absolutely no line! We got through, then headed to The Club at SEA—the lounge we could get into with my card. It was Catherine’s first time in an airport lounge. We each had two drinks and some yummy snacks. We hung out for over an hour, then took the train to N Gates. Our plane started boarding around 9. Catherine and I sat together in an exit row, with her on the isle and me in the middle.

The flight to Orlando was about five and a half hours. I finished my blog from Stuart, Florida, and listened listened to music while we were taking off and a bit after. Catherine ended up finishing one book on her phone and started another on the flight. The flight attendants passed our drinks and snacks and then I tried to sleep. Unfortunately, there was a very rude and obnoxious man in the row behind us. He was complaining about Alaska Airlines the whole time, and even called one of the flight attendants fat! He lied to them, too, about how many drinks he had in total, so they would keep serving him alcohol.

Anyways, because this man was so loud, I only ended up sleeping about two hours. Catherine didn’t snooze at all! I couldn’t believe it. Normally, I sit in the window seat, so maybe I didn’t sleep much because I didn’t have the window to lean on? We landed in Orlando right around 6am, eastern time. Ingvar was still awake at home, hanging out with his friends, hahah. Catherine and I disembarked the plane, took a small train to the main part of the terminal. We both went to the bathroom, then found Nicole! It was so early, hahah. It was so nice of Nicole to pick us up, because she lives about 45 minutes to an hour away. We were so excited to see her! Even though we both saw her about two weeks prior, when she was in Seattle for her grandma’s funeral. Nicole has a cute little Mazda. Nicole he picked out a breakfast place for us, called Keke’s. We drove about fifteen minutes to get there, and we arrived before they opened at 7, haha! We caught up in the car, then headed inside right at 7.

For breakfast we all had coffee (Catherine and I were gonna need it, that’s for sure!) and I had a combo with raspberry stuffed French toast, a chocolate chip pancake, eggs, and ham. It was a lot of food! I definitely took my leftovers to go. Nicole had an egg white omelette and Catherine had some French toast. It was all tasty and the service was really great. From Keke’s, we headed to Rockledge, the town that Nicole and Oscar live in. Nicole actually ended up going on the wrong roads for a bit, which was kinda funny!

In Rockledge, we stopped at the grocery store, Publix. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a Publix before? It was kind of like a Whole Foods, with expensive produce. Nicole got some stuff for her and Oscar, and some snacks and sandwich stuff for us. It was an expensive grocery tip! Catherine and I paid for some, though. Next up, was their apartment! Oscar met us in the garage and helped withy groceries. I love Oscar, I didn’t get to see him when he was in Seattle the weeks before. He’s such a nice guy. Nicole gave us a tour of her place. They have a three bedroom and two bathroom apartment in a large community. One bedroom is their master, one is their guest room, and one is Oscar’s office. Their living room and kitchen is a huge space, and they have a ton of closets and windows. They have a laundry room and a screened in porch, and a one car garage. I loved seeing their place!

Catherine chose the guest bedroom to stay in, while I got set up on a futon in Oscar’s office. We hung around for a bit and caught up with Oscar (and Nicole, of course), then I took a shower in Nicole’s bathroom (Nicole usually had the master bedroom’s bathroom as her own, with Oscar having the guest bathroom as his own). It felt so good to shower, wash my face, and brush my teeth after our red eye flight! Catherine showered too, then we were ready to take on the day!

Unfortunately, when Catherine and I booked our flights a few months ago, Nicole was sure she wouldn’t have to go back to work (she’s a sixth grade science and math teacher in the nearby town of Cocoa), to start the process of setting up her classroom and getting ready for the kids to come in August. A few week ago, though, she was informed that she had to go back July 26, the second day of our trip. What a bummer! So, the day we arrived, July 25, a Sunday, was our only full day without her going to work. We had to make the most of it! Oscar ordered us all Chipotle, then we all sunscreened up (thanks for making sure there was plenty of sunscreen, Nicole!) and headed to their apartment pool. We all brought our own beach chairs on our backs, and they even had a cooler for drinks! All four of us hung out at the pool for a few hours and chatted and relaxed. We ate our Chipotle and had some hard seltzers and hopped in and out of the pool. Catherine, Nicole, and I had been best friends for more than ten years now, so there was no shortage of catching up and chatting we had to do. I ended up taking about an hour nap in the shade, which was so nice!

After the pool, we rinsed off and got ready to go to the Cocoa Beach pier (Cocoa Beach is a different town than Cocoa, surprisingly). Oscar stayed home to fill out some documents (Nicole and Oscar had just been approved for a home loan! He needed to do some stuff with that), so Nicole gave us a little tour. She showed us where her school was, their gym, where they used to live, some wild peacocks in Cocoa Beach, and we ended up at the pier. The beach was pretty busy, even around 7! People were surfing and chilling on the beach, and their pier was full of restaurants, shops, and people. It’s pretty wild, that when you visit Florida, it’s almost like the pandemic doesn’t exist. Obviously it is still an issue, but you wouldn’t think so in Florida. Nicole led us down to the end of the pier, to a restaurant called Rikki Tiki Tavern. We sat at the bar top and all had a drink (my frozen mango madness was amazing!) and shared some coconut prawns! The view out there was amazing. We could almost even see launch pads for rockets, down the shore.

After our snack and drinks, we went down to the sand and water, for Catherine to put her feet in the Atlantic Ocean for the first time! Nicole showed us how she’s learnt to walk on her hands, then we called it a night. She drove us back to Rockledge and we got back around 9. Dang, we were all pretty tired! Catherine and I needed to get some rest, hahah. Nicole and Oscar had to get up early to go to work, so we all decided to go to bed. I called Mom after doing my bedtime routine, and it was nice to talk to her. I fell asleep pretty quickly, seeing how I only got three hours of sleep in the last day and a half. I was so happy to be in Florida, though! :]

[paraclete0407]

Still trying to chuck all of my old book-ideas and -projects out the window.  Everyone already knows I ran through a window head first, that I had umerous student-teacher relationships though never touched any of them.  Lately I ‘prosecuted’ myself a lot ad considered whether I could even be brought before a court in TW for rape by deception since I overstated my ambitions to get a girlfriend in college.  However maybe as Jimmy Carter would say it’s ancient history.  I also lost the greatest love- or quasi-familial relationship and Xtian fellowship of my life due to being overly blunt about lines I had crossed in the past. 

I made so many mistakes and never followed through.  If I could do just one more thing with my life.

William Blake said you could write a thousand books if you had read and understood Shakespeare or Dante and - while I guess that makes sense, beyond Shakespeare and Dante, I absolutely know that one could write an infinite number of books from the Bible; and that phrases from the Bible such as ‘everlasting consolation’ simply come to me when I try to ‘creatively’ write.  I tried to pursue the identity of a Korean or at least Korea-lover or a teacher or a leader or a man / father.  My parents really want me one day to get married and have male offspring whereas my one serious partner in a relationship kept saying I’d have daughters which I agree with intuitively; ‘howbeit,’ right now I am sincerely concerned that I could die from heart-failure due to either C19 Delta or the Pfizer vaccine.  

I drove to Chicago with a mind to address two matters of business with the Republic of Korea Consul General.  I got badly lost and confused, my blood sugar crashed.  Phase 5 lockdowns, clear plans for ‘pockets’ or containment-zones and a lot of (b/Black especially) people are spitting and coughing like it’s funny.  I remembered very vividly the face of a woman with whom I had once imbibed a little greenish Japanese liquor - the one time I drank alcohol and didn’t blow up my own life thereafter; really the one person I don’t regret ever drinking with - and also remembered the day that the plane touched down at ICN, 6.26.2010.  

I remembered writing a poem about or from Friedrich Nietzsche, And let the men prepare for war / and women reave love and peace / in the rain.  It was something more complicated that ‘propagandized’ and ‘dramatized’ itself.  Ever since Milton class in college I have had a tendency to pursue literary criticism or method or ethos or amplification or extremitization(?) and say more than I mean.  While I realized sth about traditional gender-roles on that morning in the van through the ‘rainsome’ hill-valleys I was kidding myself to think I had instantly or automatically understood everything about Korea and Koreans or, much less, that I had found ‘the complete package’ of my own destiny and would never have to make a serious decision again.

Pope Francis - whom I respect and honestly believe to be the probable or at least plausible successor to Saint Peter, legitimate, (Matt. 16:18) - had spoken a while back of how Catholics or Christians ought to read Nietzsche.  It occurred to me that NIetzsche was not only a literary critic or critic of philosophy or critic of Christianity - which was perhaps what made him totally insane at the end - but also a critic of Germanness, which is a critical category of being or nationhood / identity in this hour when the day of my generation, the Millennials, is far-spent; and the far-flung hope or optimistic wish that Amnesty International, commerce / capitalism / U-2 Bono stuff, etc. - and it appears that drawing of hard lines and war of some scale is guaranteed.  The leader of Burma / Myanmar from my childhood has apparently been superceded by a military government, and my whole ethical world which hinged on peacefulness, teaching/ pedagogy / education / what I honestly call ‘schooling,’ ‘wisdom,’ &c is being burned through and away in the ‘white heat of the Covid revolution.’ 

Anyway, the personal significance of 6.26.2010 to me and a rough but ‘pith-some’ poem called ’Drink Offering’ that I made referring to the end of the life of Saint Paul, has been that in the days I lived in SK I was thinking like a theologian and historian but actually had an atheist’s heart.  I made this Tumblr as well as my Twitter - https://twitter.com/DavidJJohnston3 - as I felt I had no choice but to correct for or mitigate if not retract all of or expurgate the lies I told over the years and the misunderstandings and emotional manipulations caused by my words; whether in terms of mis-perceiving / mis-readng Korea, feeling things that weren’t worth feeling, or believing and/or seeing things about or in ‘Mr. David James Johnston’ that didn’t accord with reality or ‘conform to the pattern.’  

Germany is an important country / nation / civilization right now as she is both Catholic and Protestant, situated in the center of Europe (Oswald Spengler said Germany IS Europe, if not all the West), has a history of something like counter-colonial self-reliance or at least less of a monstrous history of imperialism pre-WW2 in some respects than England, France, or Spain.  I have recently felt as if the C19 pandemic, WW3 menacing, CW2 underway, reflect East-West problematics(?) but also Catholic-Protestant or simply all world religions.  

Two books that meant a lot to me lately were Francis Chan’s ‘Forgotten God’ and John Piper’s ‘Coronavirus and Christ.’  IDK if this makes me seem insane but over the past 5 yers I also had dreams off and on Pope Saint John Paul II whose encyclical ‘Human Life’ appears to have predicted many of the evils being perpetrated in the name of sociohistorical justice, revenge-taking, tribal or other identity-assertion or expression of a group’s self-regard and/or demands for stuff from others if not human chattel.  I had been excited a few weeks ago to play some role in President Biden’s American Families Plan and might really have finally ‘transitioned from the classroom in to Educational Adminstration’ when I had a hazy, sporous sort of daydream and said to myself, reading about CPR-training for Chicago charter schools, ‘They want to slaughter Black children with a bioweapon.’  

Hopefully I am wrong about that; maybe it is I who am going to get killed.  

I also reflected recently, pace Pastor-Teacher John MacArthur of Grace to You, that lies and the Devil kill more than Covid.  And too, abortion has carried off at least a hundred million or I don’t even want to know babies’ lives; ad I have come to believe, in may cases could heavily distort the attitude of an entire society or civilization toward young people, even no matter how much money the government now throws in to ECE or combating childhood poverty.  Again with Pope Francis, honestly, and very worryingly the world is still driving toward a ‘throwaway culture’ or culture of death which is part of why I have been insomniac lately but that is old news too as it’s manifest that Covid and perhaps esp. its present mutation, which is bringing India’s agonies to the ‘first world,’ a divine Judgment that’s testing me personally too, in ways I’m pretty to desperate to answer or measure up to.