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pacinglikeghosts · 3 months

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kat's au moodboard - single dad!carmy au

howdy hi! my best friend/lovely beta (make-easter-gay-again on ao3) and i have been working on this au since i forced him to watch the bear, and with s3 coming out on thursday, we wanted to share a little something! we're still working on it, but we have a good bit written and want y'all to have a little taste.

here is 1000 or so words from the prologue, just to get you warmed up!

preview under the cut :D

Carmen Berzatto has never felt more like an Italian stereotype. Considering he’s a loud, aggressive chef with a huge, interweaving web of a family and an almost sensual relationship with fine wines and cheeses, that’s a high bar to cross, but he manages somehow when he finds himself on Nat’s doorstep, barely 26, desperately trying to keep the baby balanced on his chest asleep. It’s a sticky, cloudy summer evening in Chicago, the kind that would make any midwestern kid nostalgic, but Carmy has been shuffling between trains—the subway, the L, and the Amtrak that he’d booked with the money he meant to save for next month’s rent—since six p.m. yesterday without a wink of sleep. He wouldn’t notice a tornado ripping through downtown unless it delayed his arrival.

For the past 36 hours, every minute has been dedicated to making it through the next and getting to his sister.

And to her credit, when she opens the door, Natalie reacts to the situation about as well as he could expect.

“What the fuck?”

“Hello to you too, Sug,” he greets, attempting to adjust the baby on his chest without waking it.

“What the fuck, Carmen?” she repeats, her eyes bulging so wide she’s teetering on the edge of looking insane. And, Carmy loves his sister. More than anything. But she looks like shit, the indigo circles under her eyes deep enough to look like bruises and a stained sweatshirt thrown haphazardly over pajamas. He knew vaguely that things hadn’t been easy for Sugar since Mikey’s death—managing The Beef’s finances, having a kid, raising said kid into what appeared to be a holy terror of a toddler—but he wasn’t expecting to return home and find his sister in such a state. Granted, he’s sure he doesn’t look much better. “You don’t come home for Mikey’s funeral, don’t talk to me for months, and then show up with a fucking baby? How did you even get that baby?”

“It’s a little hard to explain,” he says. She leans into her hip, no shit written all over her face.

Despite being maybe the worst little brother in history, the only thing that made him hesitate in coming to Nat for help wasn’t any of their family’s issues. Not even his impressive stubbornness was enough to convince him that he could handle an infant in a sub-200 square foot apartment in New York City alone. But she has a life of her own, and a family of her own. He knows his baggage is truly the last thing that Nat needs right now, but he needs her—desperately. Of anyone in the world, the only person he knows he can rely on in this nightmare he can’t wake up from is his sister.

Natalie, thankfully, senses the panic and distress that lingers on her brother’s face, and ushers him inside. “We were just about to eat dinner,” she explains, attempting to push toys and piles of laundry out of the way with her feet as if welcoming the mayor of Chicago into her house, not her idiot younger brother. “If you’re hungry.”

“Uh, coffee would be good,” Carmy concludes, staring at a framed family photo in the hallway. “Maybe, uh, a place to, uh…” He shrugs his shoulders to indicate the baby, and she nods curtly, her eyes flitting around.

“I’ll have Pete get some of Gabby’s stuff from the attic,” she says, sharply turning on her heel and walking towards the kitchen. Carmy follows, watching as his sister effortlessly scoops the toddler up and carries her with them, ignoring a prolonged squeal of protest and flailing arms and legs. “Pete! Grab an extra plate, will you?”

“Yeah, sure thing, honey…who was—Carm!” Pete greets, coming around the corner with a plate and silverware in hand. He glances for a second at the baby, tries to school his obvious double take, and squeaks out, “What’re you doing here, man? What’s up?”

Carmy takes a moment to figure out the best way to answer that question. This baby is apparently mine, but I have no recollection of having sex with anyone who could be its mother, and I can’t raise it on my own, and you guys are my only family? I decided to come back and take over The Beef, and oh–by the way–I have a kid now, apparently? I’m just visiting? “I–uh…” he says instead, shifting his focus to Natalie, who seems as though she was one wrong choice on Carmy’s part from throttling him in her kitchen.

“Pete, can you go up to the attic and grab some of Gabby’s old stuff? I think we put the crib and shit up there,” she instructs, with a look that clearly reads we will talk about this later.

He catches Natalie glancing at him every so often, in between fussing over her daughter and plating up the food. Sitting quietly at the dinner table, waiting for the rest of the family, he feels like a kid, like he’s gotten himself into something way over his head.

Carmy had only eaten a few things on the train, mainly sugary snacks to keep him going when even his anxiety succumbed to his exhaustion, so the beef stew Natalie offers him tastes better than any Michelin-awarded meal he’s ever had. He devours two bowls, barely stopping to look up at the other three people (two people? Two adults and a toddler smushing mac and cheese around her high chair?) sitting around the table.

After dinner, Natalie and Pete retreat upstairs to get Gabby to bed, and Carmy feeds the baby, unpacking his CVS bag of baby essentials: the diapers, formula, and pack of three bottles he thought to buy before he skipped town. Then, the three adults settle into the living room, a cup of tea in Natalie’s hand and a second (or possibly third, he’s lost count) cup of coffee in Carmy’s.

“Yeah, so, walk me through this, Bear. You’re a father now?” Nat asks, tucking her legs underneath her. “Did you pay attention in sex ed, like, at all?”

Carmy uses his free hand to rake through his hair. He needs a shower, desperately, but between his newfound fatherhood and hauling ass to Chicago he hasn’t had time to breathe, much less consider hygiene. Maybe that’ll be added to the list to do tomorrow, nestled between find an apartment and learn how to be a better parent than his own in 24 hours–no therapy. “Yes, Sugar, I paid attention,” he replies, eliciting a scoff from his sister. “I…fuck, I don’t really know how it happened. I-I was at work, and my phone kept blowing up like when Mikey died, but no one was fucking dead, it was just some unknown number telling me to get to this hospital in Queens because my baby was there, and I kept telling them I think they have the wrong number, but they said the mother said the father’s name was Carmen Berzatto, and she left as soon as she could. I didn’t even get the name of who it was…just signed the birth certificate and left.”

“What’s their name, then? If you signed the certificate, you had to give them a name,” Natalie asks, slowly trying to piece together if he was plain stupid or genuinely a saint.

“Uh…her name’s Brie,” he mumbles, the full force of his actions over the past two days coming to a head. The name takes a moment to come to mind, both because of the exhaustion and because he hardly thought about the name since he wrote it down. He’s been calling it—or her, really—the baby or the kid in his head all this time.

She blinks. “Brie?” she repeats, before groaning. “Jesus fucking Christ, Carmen. You would legally marry cooking if you could.”

“I wasn’t thinking, Natalie! I got the call, and I needed to pick a name, and I was in the middle of making a brie appetizer, and I couldn’t fucking name her Blackberry or some bullshit like that! At least Brie sounds like a name!”

Natalie stares at him before setting down her tea. “As soon as her classmates find out her dad’s a chef and she’s named after cheese, she’s going to be bullied. Do you want that?” He doesn’t, he knows how shitty kids could be, especially about a kid with anything that was seemingly different about them. “Look…I’ll get some of the books Pete and I used for Gabs. Pick a new name.”

#theres so much more where this came from #we both have such a soft spot for single parent aus #also syd isnt here yet but her arc is soooo #nat does get less bitchy but like do you blame her #shes done nothing wrong ever esp with this #melodicchaos fics #the bear fx #the bear hulu #the bear #sydney adamu #syd adamu #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #sydney x carmy #syd x carmy #fic: i could never give you peace

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presidentheartbeat6 · 4 months

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The Temeraire Playlist...

Hi. Hello. I am here today to ramble on about the music I've got on my temeraire playlist.

My music taste is. Strange. Blame my dad.

GRAND NEW SPIN (GOLD CELESTE): Starting out strong with a song that reminds me of willzing. There are! A lot of these!!! On here. You have been forewarned.

Anyways I think this is from Tharkay's perspective. "A longing for things to begin" (Ok but pining Tharkay. methinks.) / "A place where truth is not a sin" (THEIR HOME!!!! POST CANON!!!!!!!!! yea guess what the truth part is I dare you. I'll give you a hint its their GAY LOVE)

MEDICINE (LOVING): Will Laurence.

"You felt for the words like the wings of a bird, riding the winds of a dark form you heard" (!!!!! TEMRER!!!!!!!!!) / "A voice speaking low, it said 'I swim the deep waters, dreams are my eyes, deeper than blue'" (this but.. Tharkay.. dreaming about blue eyes..)

And then the last few lines are. Laurence to Tharkay & Granby :,)

TWO FOR NERO (EVERYTHING EVERYTHING): Ok so I can't put an everything everything song and NOT talk about it. Fair warning I'm crazy insane about this song. Like wild. My blog name is actually based on the everything everything song called (you guessed it) president heartbeat.

Now this song. Starts out a little strange. You're like 'where are these guys going with this???' And then about halfway through. You get to. The Part. You'll see what I mean. Pllllss tell me what you think about this song I'm so curious if it's just a me thing or what.

Anyways... this song is soo. Will Laurence. But specifically it's Granby talking about him.

"We met inside a war zone" / "And you never tell me anything, you never tell me anything" (EARLY BOOKS LAURENCE POV, HIM & GRANBY WHEN HE'S STILL FIGURING OUT THE CORPS. HEAVY BREATHING.) / "I can't remember dates and times, and I'm sorry for the years I was a shipwreck boy" (Laurence POV amnesia arc. Yeha.) / "I'd rather dash myself up on the rocks, than see you waste away your day with clocks, in every corner of your parent's home" (amnesia arc granble POV gheaaauugh) / "And there's no world war coming in, all the reasons I've been worrying, just forget the parts you'll never need, all these things I'll tell you when you wake up" (SO FUCKED UP SO FUCKED UP SO FUCKED UP. hahahaha Point of View: Granby when his best friend loses all memory of him lol hahaha!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!)

MAKE A CHIIIIIILD. AAA CHIIIILLDDDDD. AAAA FOOORREEEESTTTTT.

ok sorry I'm done. there are even MORE lyrics that relate to them in this song than the ones that I listed btw. some ODDLY specific ones too. I wish I could listen to this song for the first time again.

DRAGON EYES (ADRIANNE LENKER): no this is definitely not just on here cuz dragon is in the song name how dare you. anyways this song is sososoooo willzing.

Just think like ... tharkay's perspective..... "When the hot sand burns my feet, you have cool hands, you are sweet" / "As the coastline is shaped by the wind, as we make love and you're on my skin, you are changing me, you are changing me" / "I just want a place with you, I just want a place" (do I even need to say it?!!?? ok fine. their house. post canon.)

IN OUR BEDROOM AFTER THE WAR (STARS): dare I say Tharkay Laurence Granby friendship.........

"It's us, yes, we're back again, here to see you through, 'til the days end" (YEAH. YEAH. GRANBY AND THARKAY @ LAURENCE.) / "She's gone, she left before you woke, as you ate last night, neither of you spoke" (beautiful awkward early day willzing) / "And if you lost it all, and you lost it, well we'll still be there when your war is over" (AGAIN!!! THEM AT LAURENCE!!)

TO GO HOME (M. WARD): GRANBY & LITTLE>???>?>?>? finally a song NOT about Laurence. except this could probably still be about Laurence if u squint.

"Sailing on a sinking ship, into the sunset in day" (poor granble forced onto all those many. long. boat voyages LOL) / "To think I'll have to give it all up someday" (just thinking Abt how they'd never be able to get legally married and even if they do stay together how they'd live their lives in constant fear of being found out) / "And if I ever treated you mean, you know that it was only because, I'm sorry, I couldn't have you for my own"

IN THE AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA (NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL): Tharkay song :3

"What a beautiful face, I have found in this place, that is circling all 'round the sun" (Tharkay inner monologue whenever he sees Laurence) / "What a beautiful dream, that could flash on the screen in the blink of an eye and be gone from me" (the dangers of Laurence dying in the line of duty, etc, etc) "And one day we will die, and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea" (thinking about temeraire spreading their ashes lol lol lol I am laughing so hard rn hahahahaha. spreading them TOGETHER I might add. United even in death) "With one you loved so long ago, now he don't even know his name" (*whispers* amnesia laure- *gunshots*)

SIMULATION SWARM (BIG THIEF): Mmmm yum yum I love this song. It sort of gives me Granby & Laurence vibes.

"O my stars, winged creatures, gathering in silken height" (TEEEMMMERAIIRE! sorry I have to.) / "with the drone of fluorescence, flicker, fever, fill the form" (just thinking about Laurence watching over Granby one of the many times he's seriously injured. siiigh.) / "And you could be my brother, once again fall asleep with our backs against each other" / "I'd fly to you tomorrow, I'm not fighting in this war, I wanna drop my arms and take your arms and walk you to the shore"

TOUGH LOVE (FLYTE, LAURA MARLING): auhgguhgh more willzing feelings. just thinking about their adjustment period after fighting in the war where they're both trying to learn how to Be Normal about being in love. thisssss ssoonnggg gives me Tharkay POV vibes.

"I've been trying to hurt you, I've been holding you tight" (the ultimate paradox, pushing away those you love because you're afraid of it, and being so desperately in love you can't fully make yourself do it.) / "I've been learning to love you, am I doing it right?" / "How are you still breathing, with my hands all over your heart?" (I think that while Laurence is still eons from normal, once he comes to terms with it he's a lot... MORE normal about their romance than Tharkay. Laurence trusts him completely and it is. a little disturbing to Tharkay, perhaps)

THE SMOKE (THE SMILE): ohohohoho. this is a fucking PHENOMENAL song.

"It begs me, while I'm sleeping, I desire a second chance, I set myself on fire" (oh YEEESSSS post treason Laurence yum yum yum) / "Wakes me from my sleep, smoke wakes me from" (MUST I EVEN SAY IT. THARKAY RESCUE MOMENT.)

TRIPOLI (PINBACK): I'm too lazy to make an animatic. but if I WERE going to. it would probably be to this song.

"You know what's gonna happen, you know what's gonna happen, he's gonna go down, and he's gonna come back again" (Tharkay somehow miraculously returning to Laurence over and over and over again. soulmates. attracted to each other but also like LITERALLY physically attracted to each other in a magnet way. idk. SOMETHING.)

FORTRESS (PINBACK): THE EGG HUNTTTTTTT!!! HUNT FOR EGG!!!!! DESERT!!!!!!!!!! LAURENCE THARKAY GRANBY BONDING!!!!!!!!

"You and a test of will, too many fallen, too many failed, nobody move, nobody move" (EGG HUNT111 and. bunyips) / "You and I, uneasy, livid" (OOAUGHHQ!! I just think yk like. being stuck out their in the elements day in and day out. all those horrible conditions. and again, the fucking bunyips. so many stressors.... them all being anxious and snappy with each other... angst soooso good...) / "Stop, it's too late, I'm feeling frustrated, I see no sign of fortress, I see no fortress" (looking for water, looking for the egg, looking to catch a FUCKING break for once) / "Another delay, too many hassles, where do we go? How do we follow?"

WILD WEST (GREGORY AND THE HAWK): I love Gregory and the hawk ssoooososososoooooooooooo much. SSOOOSOSOSOOOOO MUCH. I have sooo many of her songs on my aubreyad playlist... yeehhaANYWAYS this song is. soo. Laurence coded.

"Flightless skies, the fear, the doom, it's no surprise" / "Realize there's no sense in losing your mind before your time, in order not to worry, you write the words down, but it's a fools game" (AMNESIA ARC AMNESIA ARC AMNESIA ARC) / "Rise young sun, you're a tireless one, and you'll be back burning when the morning comes" (LAURENCE LAURENCE LAURENCE)

GET NUMB TO IT! (FRIKO): hahhakjdshnjsh would it be mean to say. John Granby. poor baby darling.

"Tip toe out from the backdoor down to the basement, where your funny faces always made me frown" (sneaking into littles' room...) / "And when I'm down, I'll dance in a fever cold and calm, with a sewn on smile and feet swollen and numb" (poor guy :( the granble <3) / "And it doesn't get better, it just gets twice as bad" (JHBKJNKJNKJN. yeah. he literally Cannot Catch a Break bruh.)

OOKAYY!!!!! thank you for reading WOW congrats if you got all the way to the bottom :DDDDDDD listen to one of these songs and tell me when you think :)))!!!!!!

If anyone ever wants to talk music with me literally ever...... pls. I am so here.

#CHAT IS THIS ANYTHING CHAT #temeraire #music playlist #willzing #william laurence #john granby #augustine little #tenzing tharkay #granby/little

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bengiyo · 1 year

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Love Tractor Eps 5 & 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Ye Chan taught Sun Yeol how to pick strawberries and then they held a class for kids. Sun Yeol is not good with kids and was super rude to a girl who already felt isolated from her peers. She ran away, but Sun Yeol found her and injured himself while trying to help her (even though he was the one who further alienated her). Ye Chan and the community rallied to take care of Sun Yeol while he was injured, and our poor farmer got his little heart broken when he learned that Sun Yeol maybe has a lover in Seoul.

Episode 5

Oh good. Ye Chan only had a partial blackout. I don’t like when characters don’t remember anything.

Still a fan of the village head. Recommending that Ye Chan back off of Sun Yeol if he’s taken is the right advice.

It’s actually very fun for Ye Chan to rush to Sun Yeol when he calls for help, because Sun Yeol asking for help seems like a big step for him.

Oh ho! A hot boy has arrived!

Alright, fuck Sun Yeol’s dad. He broke up two gay musicians and forced his son to give up music. You also slap your son in public like this?

I feel bad for Inseo. He found a creator he admired and grew close to him. The Koreans are determined to give me second lead syndrome.

Ope. Inseo moved on. What in The Red Violin (1998) is going on with this emotional whiplash this episode?

I love how obviously Ye Chan’s feelings emanate from him. I like seeing characters who never needed to learn to mask.

I don’t care for Inseo. Kindness costs so little. There’s no need to be rude.

This show is getting as bad as Thailand with the dramatic changes in lighting between scenes. It’s suddenly night time?

Even the doctor is mad about Inseo being here. He said, “Where’s big gay man who was taking care of you? This twink looks unreliable.”

That’s right, Ye Chan! Don’t let that mean twink convince Sun Yeol to go back to Seoul!

Episode 6

Ye Chan’s mom is so intense. She’s not the sit around and chat about our feelings type, I guess.

I like him telling Ye Chan to go inside and wait. I thrive on hope.

This breakup scene is pretty affective even with how little time we’ve spent with them. They both gave up things to be together and it just didn’t work.

Timeline is a bit hard to track, but it seems like they haven’t seen in each other in a while.

Big fan of the “sweat yourself into exhaustion so you can rest” approach. It’s the best part about volunteering for me.

Okay, Village Head, I see you and your veiled insinuations.

It’s a party!

It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes!

Oh BL dream sequences, my belothed. At least this one was obvious.

Ye Chan is so helplessly gay. I love him.

Look at our brave farmer admitting his feelings even if he’s scared!

Okay, I will say I really liked the way Inseo was used this episode as a warm up for dealing with the dad stuff before the end of this. This show is actually pretty cute.

#love tractor #korean bl #bl series #Ben watches

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munamania · 1 year

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ok everyone i watched lemonade mouth and do revenge tonight. i wanted to share my notes from lemonade mouth or at least the highlights. (edit from later jk i posted nearly every thought soooo sorry) not much to say abt the other one it was okay. lemonade mouth is my baby though

wen is such a hater

queer as hell movie

i like that this movie doesnt talk down to its audience it's still silly but it treats each character like a full person and it's earnest

flashes into their lives to get to their destiny to meet. i heart storytelling

TURBO BLAST.

'use your voice' ok dyke. sounds like jo maskin

'this is the underground (in all caps)' oh this is so rife with queer pleasures

principal brennigan.... what does this say abt society.....

this is so like gay club queer joy i know a place moment fates colliding queer utopia

music is everything adn everything is love btw

none of the girls are in competition for any of the guys and in fact are arguably queer coded. i mean overall obv the group is

showing the power of queer joy

like MUNA

random little commercial jingle was so catchy

people that have known and paid attention to each other forever and challenge each other to be their best selves through their very existence soulmatism. olivia and wen btw

WEN IS SUCH A HATER LOSER

dynamic lighting <333

'just because you cant see the agony doesnt mean it isnt there' ok gayass

'i could start a revolution' broccoli close up. hilarious theyre just fuckin around

naomi scott brings a comfortable bisexuality to her characters. me when im just saying shit

SOMEBODY.im gonna kill myself.

HAYLEY BG VOCALS OKKKKKKKKK

'or cher' get his ass mo

stella is a true action forward activist im obsessed with her. she and hazel callahan bottoms should team up and rig the school with bombs

lemonade mouth is such a sincere true inside joke for a band name they are all so lovely. theyre my losers club

Determinate. Get determined! Revolution

bridgit mendler egot when

'i like when you smile' theyre just giddy weirdo soulmates

taking away pride?????????? (lemonade)

corporate buyouts. capitalist ownership and what that entails

control

wen who cant deal with change whos living in honor of his mother's memory and his sense of idealistic family and those rigid definitions and olivias odd broken family and beautiful unconventional relationship with her grandmother and opened up raw vulnerability that she tries to protect but exudes in her songwriting largely inspired around and by him

adult babies. ok

FAGGOT BRENNIGAN!!!!! sorry

idk if this is a strange observation but it's relieving that it's not a huge deal for the boys to go in the girl's bathroom to be supportive and lovely to their friend

lemonade. symbol of hope revolution pride also fruity

i used to live and breathe for mo's little bass shimmy

disability representation ayo

mo's back vocals okayyyyyyy also the little dance!!!!

distributing lemonade to the masses!!!!!! proletariat comrades!!!

why r they literally revolutionaries im screaming

'political tirade' 'complete'y disruptive' slayyy

'decisions i make are for the good of this school' ok fascist

flagging

Dante's pizzeria -> HELL!?!

'maybe... we do matter' 'of course we do' ok yippee gay people <3

shes so gone... i just felt so understood

naomi has such a beautiful voice. the naomis should combine naomi scott produced her own shit it would be sooooo cool

olivia being forced to accept her full grief for her mother

friends are everything btw

seeing things in the clouds... natural human inclination to find purpose in everything

'i wish my dad would ignore me' REAL. it's complicated

dad in prison - i feel like they didnt touch that sort of thing often on disney idk maybe sometimes

BRIDGIT IS THAT GIRL.

more than a band. love and community and god in other people

these are my bestest friends btw

'im not pretending to be what im not for anyone anymore' ok gayass

they are such DORKS <3

MO SLAYING EGREGIOUS CUNT IN ALL THE CHAOS

theyre all so linked together in fate and time

oh bridgit is about to slay so immensely shes amazing

bridgit mendler school of acting

gabe saporta ass outfit stella has on

THEYRE FIGHTING COPS WITH EACH OTHERRRRRRR

music center of the universe and love

theater kids <3

okay that hug made me cry

'that is the limpest wrist fist bump i have ever seen' - lydia (about charlie and his brother)

there was some coming out to your family in that hug

fucking good lighting

lemonade mouth school of acting

fucking up that guitar i cannot lie im obsessed w that performance of determinate at the end it makes me cry every time and also that guitar is soooooo

this guy is cooler than steve harrington yeah i still just have stupid beef with that stupid fandom

kiss on the cheek is so sweet <333

he brought her a kitten. he brought her a kitten. he brought her new life/a feeling of rebirth of coming into yourself and just living. not perfect but okay. they could do peeta and katniss who will follow you to your ruined home and plant a garden there. i threw my pen across the room and screamed over this btw.

SHE MET MEL LEMONADE MOUTH

queer utopia

faghag pair

charlie = afycso, naomi scott ~ dianna agron, wen ryan ross pretty odd outfit

okay goodnight <3

#i was very high for most of this. i fucking adore this movie shes my girl forever and ever.#abby talks

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kaijuconfessions · 2 years

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Even though I’m asexual and usually tell that upfront to people I’ve had a lot of scary sexual experiences where I honestly thought I was gonna be raped. I’ve been too scared to tell anyone irl but I feel like the reason why I can’t make friends anymore is because I’m too scared it will become sexual. I think it was probably one of the things other than my then xtian fundamentalist parents that triggered my schizophrenia. This is part 1, and just some of the homosexual ones. I think if I recount all of them it would be too traumatizing. And fyi, all of these dudes except #1 (bisexual) #2 (probably gay) are or claim to be straight. They’re dating or married to women rn

(1) my second closest friend from high school masturabted in front of me when we went camping and kept saying he wanted me in him so bad. After that if I ever slept near him he would reach his hand down my pants and stroke my dick when he thought I fell asleep while planting himself on my chest when I woke up so it would be hard for me to push him off

(2) one of the special needs kids from high school went into my stall in the bathroom, locked the door behind him and forcibly kissed me on the lips with tongue. He was surprisingly strong and hard to push off even though he was shorter and scrawny

(3) a turkish dude in the apartment next to mine told me he thought my lips were pretty one day and that he wanted to masturbate with me in our apartment’s elevator. He grabbed me pulled me really close and stared really deep into my eyes. He was a really strong dude so I couldn’t escape his grasp until he let go like 10 seconds later

(4) there was a kid who used to bully me in middle school whose best friend ended up becoming my third closest friend in high school. He had a frenemy kind of relationship with me since. after school one day when there was no one around, he grabbed me by the neck from behind and said he dreamed of strangling me while fucking me in the ass so often. He tried to kiss me but I ran.

(5) had a friend in undergrad who did hard + weird drugs and got drunk often. One night I found him naked in his dorm really drunk and he pulled me down to his dick and said he wanted to piss in my mouth. I moved out of the way in time but he did piss on the floor. I think he only did it only cause he was drunk but it’s still scary to recall

(6) my former best friend had a really odd demand to always sleep cuddling me while just wearing his underwear. I told him a few times I wasn’t comfortable with it, but he always guilted me by saying he was my best friend and I shouldn’t feel shy to be emotionally close with him. He also forced me to keep a picture of him in my wallet, and checked every time I saw him to make sure I had it. It felt especially weird because he was dating a woman who looked similar to me at the same time. I cut off contact with him after that

For a lot of years, I brushed it of as people just trying to bully me, but I realized all of this happened in private with no one else looking and it was always with people who were genuinely close to me (which is hard for my schizophrenic ass to comprehend). And when my parents stopped being fundamentalist because half their church died from covid, they became more open with me and told me one day that I’m a good looking person and were surprised I hadn’t dated anyone yet and that they hadn’t bothered to arrange a marriage for me (which I assumed they were doing since I’m Indian, everyone in my family does it even the ones in America, and they were looking for someone for my sister even though she’s secretly gay) cause they thought I’d just find someone on my own. My dad also confessed that he told me my smile was ugly when I was little since he was worried I would attract unwanted attention. I think that’s when I realized that people probably actually meant what they were doing and they weren’t just jokes. Honestly, deep inside I still feel I don’t know if they were kidding or if it was real. It makes it impossible for me to emotionally process what happened

Also, when I asked a former friend in middle school if she thought I was attractive (before any of the above happened, since I was an insecure boy), she said ‘I could see how you could be attractive to some people’. I always thought she was trying to say I was ugly in a nice way, but I think she may have been a white supremacist since she hated her dark skinned Puerto Rican mom and I found on facebook that she moved to Wisconsin to marry a skinhead

Edit: actually, I’ll send part 2 another time (or maybe not). Writing this has put my brain through the wringers since it’s been years since I’ve recalled this stuff

Holy shit anon I’m so sorry

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fashionablyenigmatic · 11 days

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Cutting a puppets strings.

Cadmus smiled at Jake. He really was a good boyfriend—sweet, kind, attentive, and they shared all the same interests. Not to mention, he had a killer body. But despite all of this, Cadmus had come to a painful realization. Jake looked at him with love in his eyes, his gaze vacant, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen. Cadmus was going to break up with him—or, more accurately, have his father do it for him.

“So, where are we going, babe?” Jake asked, his expression as innocent and eager as a puppy's.

“We’re going to meet my parents tonight. Doesn’t that sound nice?” Cadmus replied, forcing a smile as he fastened his seatbelt. Jake followed suit, the sound of both locks clicking in unison.

Cadmus hadn’t meant to control Jake—not intentionally, at least. It was something that happened every now and then, without Cadmus even realizing it. After all, being a teenager was hard enough, let alone a gay teenager at an all-boys boarding school. You meet a boy, develop a crush, and then, like magic, they notice you. You hope, you wish, you pray for them to see you, and suddenly, they do. Before you know it, you're bonding over shared interests, and everything feels effortless. A sweet little romance blossoms.

But the thing is, real relationships are supposed to have bumps in the road. Silly fights, intense emotions, moments of doubt. Yet with Jake, none of that had ever happened. Everything was too perfect, too easy. And that’s when Cadmus knew—this wasn’t real love.

If Cadmus had to guess, the first sign something was wrong was how Jake’s friends reacted when they started dating. Comments like, “He’s not acting like himself,” or, “He doesn’t normally like theatre, but I guess you showed him another side of it?” kept cropping up. As Cadmus drove, the pit in his stomach grew heavier, guilt gnawing at him. He had taken Jake’s free will. One single, fractured thought had splintered into overwhelming voices: “I’m going to miss him,” “This is wrong; I can’t have him,” “Am I bad? Will I ever find real love?” “Why can’t I keep him?”

Eventually, they pulled into the grand driveway of Monroe Manor.

“Woah! Dude, you’re loaded!” Jake exclaimed, wide-eyed.

Cadmus laughed lightly, though it felt hollow. “My dad is, yeah. Come on, I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

He led Jake inside, where Alphonse greeted them with his usual air of magnanimous grace. “Jake! How wonderful to meet you! Cadmus has spoken highly of you. Please, come in.”

Cadmus smiled, but the tightness in his chest remained. Leaning in, he whispered to Jake, “I’m just going to freshen up. You hang out with him for a bit.”

As Jake walked off with Alphonse, carefree and oblivious, Cadmus took one last look at him—at the face that should have meant everything to him but somehow didn’t. Then, instead of heading to the bathroom, he quietly slipped into his bedroom and let the tears he’d been holding back finally fall.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Alphonse guided Jake to a comfortable chair and smiled warmly. “Jake, I hope you have a taste for tea. I’ve just made a new blend, and I’d love for you to try it. See if you can tell me what flavors you pick up.” He carefully poured the tea into a delicate porcelain cup and handed it to Jake.

This would be the third time Alphonse had offered one of Cadmus’s crushes a forgetting potion. The process was simple—Jake would drink the tea, and the subtle magic would begin to take effect. Alphonse would then serve him a hearty dinner, offer pleasant conversation, and finally call him a cab back to his dorm at the academy. By the time Jake woke up the next morning, his memories of Cadmus would be fuzzy, reduced to a close friendship rather than a romantic connection.

While Jake's memory of Cadmus would fade, Alphonse knew the real work would begin afterward—dealing with his heartbroken son. He had done it before, and he would do it again, all to protect Cadmus from the pain his abilities had a tendency to cause.

#Drabble #Young Cadmus

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tonithesecretsissy · 23 days

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I am a shy sissy and closer to 50 than my pix reveal. I have always had a perverse and kinky sexual curiosity and labito. I loved the way women dressed and heals since my earlier memories and I tried to walk in my mom’s red pumps when I was five. My dad (military) saw me trying to walk in his wife’s shoes (I was left hand limp wristed right hand on right hip wrist bent so the back of my hand sat high on my waist and I knew if I walked in heals I had to switch my faggot ass like the woman I felt inside at that moment. Well my dad yelled, cursed and scared me on top of smacking me in the face so hard I flew out the pumps and cried like the little fem fag bitch I always been. It only took that time to know that I was a boy cause I was born with a penis and I had to act like a boy so I wouldn’t be shunned, abused, or persecuted so I knew even though I wanted to be a girl way more than I wanted to be a boy I could never tell my true feelings (sexual identity). Not long after (5-6 years), I found my dad’s porn mags and when I saw the shoots my lil child’s pencil dick got rock hard. I thought the women’s breast were beautiful and I wish I would be able to develop very small titties (I soon started playing with my nipples when I was going to sleep), I also realized I was way more interested, attracted, to and turned on by this sexy ass white man and his hard cock. I wanted to touch him, touch his dick, I had my first thought of how would it feel to be penetrated by a man. I knew about pedifiles and that lots of boys have been molested by family members or friends of the family often. I knew it was bad (cause I’m sure most boys didn’t want to be forced to tack dick especially a fully mature cock of a man, my nasty lil ass wished I had a family member or friend of the family “forced me to be his secret boy toy.” I would have never told and I probably would have come out the closet and transitioned. Anyway I tried on my moms panties and my favorite dress of hers (was sooooo scared my hard ass dick stretched her panties and would be noticed by her, but she never knew) and after that I dressed every chance I got when I was home alone. I got so curious about becoming a woman and having a pussy that I started thinking that when I would be able I would have my dick removed and have a pussy so I could be fucked. Since I was only about 12 but so curious about being fucked having a had object in me I started sounding my dick with q tips (I would cut the stem small and I built up tolerance till I could put the whole thing in my lil pee hole) and it use to hurt and feel so good at the same time. Lastly one night in the tub taking a Mr bubble bubble bath (the pink bottle and I’m just realizing that - just another subliminal thing I’ve done reinforcing I’m really gay) I got the irristible lustful desire to play with my asshole. It wasn’t hard to slide in a finger and I loved it right away; it was so amazing and euphoric I pushed in another finger and it hurt and felt incredible simultaneously. I worked my virgin tight adolescent asshole with my index and ring finger of my right hand in my back legs spread knees bent and I stretched myself open. When I felt I was done for the moment and pulled my fingers out my newly discovered boipussi I smelled them wondering if my fingers smelled like poop. I was shocked when it didn’t and more bewildered at the creamy sticky slime coating my fingers from my nails to my knuckles. I only realized a few years ago I made myself cum.

Likes, repost, and most of all feed back is greatly appreciated.

#forced sissy #humiliated sissy #hypno slave #blacksissy #dlfemboi #sissy for daddy #sissy hypnotize

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twinsloveco · 4 months

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Yeah he acts like he's giving me the world said I have. World of my own but we always had to be the givers and payers and do all the cooking cleaning driving planning etc so I fawned when I seen him do his share in 21..

He uses it for evil and when in guilt ...

Do you know he show3red me in gifts to help me look Sexier? Rather than reaffirm me the right way because he always whatbfelt like tried to detrans demasc me .

Yeah I told him don't argue or invalidate me but still he never once said words to me that showed affirming me and my masculine my lucifer he always wanted me in lower

Feral delta is literally a creature ..

And Kisco is a fucking child ... gross 🤢

I didn't realize he infantilized me as my friend put it.. cus I'd never been so endeared before

We had a romance in my Michale life well he got inside a part of my light twins soul i feel ?.. and he cheated with all these girls because "gabriel" told him so... sometimes it wasn't gabe but Adam or tye witch posinh.. maybe he used a scapegoat?? He knows what he did

It broke michael.. I revenge dated some girls .. I was ashamed and stopped it said it wasn't me.. I fucked dommed him to hell as Michael through my reborn lucifer soul / other body in the garden in his ass [he denied being gay so it was supposed to be a punishment for raping my Lilith soul .. among other things] he wasn't supposed to like it!! I didn't know so I was like gross and ran guess I was soooo good he went mad and came after me in every life since ooof... Michale was collared an driven crazy Michael is also lucifer and started the Johnathans Jerome line chain cycle ... I was gonna tell u I was Michale but then right when I went to..yeah .. so I stfu. Now notice he's always locking up John posing as John force fuse mind controlling John.. making him go Jerome dog form ... yeah ...

You mentioned him being fucked up and I didn't like that .. my head hurt and I shook it and said nope away memories ... sighs 😒

I honestly was having shit taken from me and I also locked sonmuch up behind the Golden doors I told you about ..it's where my memories as Seraph Divi Samael were ...

The eclipse opened them well really that day you were holding me at ur dad's triggered it i got light speed brief flash backs but panicked and slept it away and would forget

Nooo he can't be gabriel who I'd run from ..

Nooo I can't be seraph then that means ima not have my selves in other body and be alone noooooo heart races what do I do..

I tried to slowly hint out but felt knocked back and silenced they taped over your mouth scribbled out the truth with their lies.

Michael was loyal tho and never cheated..

You dumped me Enoch/Adam/Eagle the moment u ran and abandoned me and cheated with all these girls ... no explanation .. after fucking me ! Me fuxked u.. you made me feel alone and single when I was with you in 2021.. and again in parts of march.. because I was waking tf up asshole

Was told I'm not me So I'm like okay someone else can deal with that I'm free 🫠

Fuck!!!! Redditor said lucifer/The devil was easy to trick and I thought I wasn't I used tobbe w bad Ass they broke me to break myself that's how you do a Demon lord in..

I am easy to trick now ...but not long anymore mybfriends opened my eyes !!

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memurfevur-archive · 1 year

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Who’s Kazz? He sounds fun!

HES MY BABY BOI MY SON i dont have any images of him sadly but HE

cw: parent death, toxic parent relationships, religious trauma

Kazz grew up in a deeply religious and mildly loving family. He wasn't the most religious then and was a bit of a rebellious teenager after realizing Christianity wasn't for him, but constantly got thrown at him accusations of "you've changed, you used to be so nice, so good, etc etc" to the very point that he tried to become what others wanted him to be, in order to please. What's the point in having a family mad at you all the time? And what's the point in having friends if you make everyone uncertain anyway? So he became whatever was needed to get people off his back.

Though this included becoming all sorts of characters, even though who aren't a good influence. After following some delinquents' leads, he himself got caught and sent to detention after school, of which his mother had to pick him up from.

Now, his mother was the most stable connection he had in his life. She was very loving and kind, and was more patient with him than his father ever was. But of course, to her God was also a larger, more patient love, and Kazz had to endure a lecture about disappointment and God's grace, etc. This.. happened at a terrible time, because someone else had ran a stop sign and had crashed into their car. Kazz came out with some injuries, but his mother did not survive the crash at all. The incident forced into him the fear of God, and he began blaming himself for her death. Unfortunately his dad did, too, and became very abusive towards him physically and mentally. Life did not get better after this for a very long time, until someone at school reported seeing nasty bruises and marks on Kazz.

He was then given to his older sister, Kyli, to raise, who then would become the equivalent of a Homestuck Guardian. He didn't have the best relationship with his sister either; she was gone a lot because of work, and when she was home it almost felt like resentment. She wasn't really ready to take someone else into her home and care for them, and though she did try it wasn't a great place for either of them emotionally. But they could at least bond over their parents respective treatment towards themselves.

The thing is with Kazz, though, is that he became scared and paranoid. That God might be watching and if Kazz did something bad then He would punish him again. If Kazz didn't do what others want or expect of him, he feared divine punishment. He was constantly bringing himself down, because on top of this he was a budding gay, and thus a projected a lot of outside hatred onto himself. Any change in anyone's facial expression had him on edge, any kind of raised voice would overwhelm him, and though he would pray for forgiveness and protection from threats nonexistent, he would feel empty inside with each prayer given.

Now, that's his backstory, but that's not all he is. He's a nerd! He loves the Transformers franchise and roots for the Decepticons-- in fact the symbol on his shirt is an off-brand Decepticon symbol lol. He enjoys music, can play the guitar, and enjoys open world mmorpg games such as World of Warcraft, Genshin Impact, or Toram. And dinosaurs. He freaking loves dinosaurs. It reminds him of someone special that he no longer gets to talk to much.

In general he's a very kind and nervous kid, trying to please everyone or else be punished for not being good enough. He usually keeps to himself in his spare time, drawing, playing music, or gaming.

I made him years ago when I first started high school and he became one of my favorite Homestuck OCs. I don't use him any more because he was deeply tied with an ex's OC and though still friends we don't really talk as often now.

#mun asks #i love him ok #i know his backstory might sound a lil cringe #and typical #but #i projected onto him for a time so he has a special place in my heart

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paperjunk · 2 years

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Screwdriver Please

A one-shot between Ames (Life or Death) and Rooster I wrote while enjoying the first Screwdriver I've had in a month. Yay for alcohol!

Warnings: None...that I know of...

Summary: The fight broke out faster than Ames could stop it, and by then, she wasn't in the mood to try and step between the two.

Leaning against the bar at the Hard Deck, her shot of Vodka still in her hand, Ames watched the squabble between Phoenix and Hangman with varying degrees of interest. Rooster's hip was pressing against her to her right as he ordered several more shots when she abruptly felt a hand grip her ass. Without a second thought, she pivoted, seeing only the man's Greenbay Packers t-shirt and blonde hair before she threw her drink in the moron's face. Unfortunately, before her fist could make the connection he so desperately longed for, a larger fist shot past her, and Rooster's knuckles made a fast link with the man's nose. She watched the asshole's head snap back, and a voice that sounded like thunder rolled out in a drunken rage. The next thing she knew, Rooster and the blonde were trading blows.

Ames stepped back, reaching for the freshly deposited shots Rooster left behind. Throwing one back, she watched the pair careen into the bartop several patreon's down. Sending people hustling to get out of their way, if not running. Some women cried out as the stranger landed a blow so hard Rooster went down on one knee, and several screamed again when his right hook met flesh and bone, throwing the blonde back several steps.

"I love that no one is trying to stop this," Hangman's voice rose over the din beside her. Ames could hear the smile in it without having to look back at him.

"No one's stupid enough," Phoenix replied, voicing Ames' thoughts for her. "Twenty says Rooster takes him," she said with a wide smile.

"Oh Phoenix, my dear, I'm not stupid enough to take that bet," he replied with a wide grin of his own.

Taking another shot, Ames watched Rooster's foot connect with the man's chest, the front doors breaking open as his body was sent tumbling through, and several people followed, cheering on the fight. Sighing, she picked up her third shot and followed after Hangman and Phoenix as they, too, found it hard to look away from the train wreck happening before them.

"So, how drunk do you think he is?" Fanboy asked, taking a swig of his beer, just as another blow landed, and the blonde swayed, feet staggering before falling back onto the pavement—where he stayed.

"Stupid drunk," Ames replied as two men tried to help the blonde up, who was quickly regaining his consciousness.

"Next time, don't grab a random chick in a bar full of Sailors," one of the men said, picking the fellow up from the ground.

"Aviators," Rooster shouted, brushing his fingers through his messed hair. "Sailors and Aviators!"

Ames watched as the crowd dissipated, leaving Rooster swaying slightly in the night. "See you two back inside," Hangman said with a chuckle and shake of his head.

"No fighting, Mom and Dad," Fanboy said with a broad grin and laugh as he pulled the doors closed behind him.

"You enjoy yourself there?" Ames asked, boots taking her across the pavement, dirt grinding out under each step.

"I wasn't about to let some idiot grab my girl," Rooster replied, rubbing at his cheek, which had a quick set of bruises forming if the red splotches across his face were any indicator.

"I don't need you to protect me, Bradshaw," she said, stopping in front of him. Looking down at the shot still in her hand, Rooster grabbed it, slamming it back.

"Again, I wasn't about to let an asshole grab you," he said, eyes dropping down to her to see a single brow raised in irritation. He knew that look all too well. He'd seen it one too many times when they were on base, and she thought the words that were coming out of someone's mouth were fucking asinine. Usually, the ones coming out of his.

"Air Force, or did you forget?"

Rooster sighed, rolling his eyes, unable to stop himself. That gained him a rather cold, hard look. "The guy was drunk off his ass, and you had to punch him in the nose," Ames started but was quickly cut off.

"If you were that concerned about the guy, you could have stopped me. Or, if you wanted, you could have just gone off with—" Suddenly, Ames took a rough hard step forward, boots throwing loose rocks and dirt across the parking lot in a skitter. Her abrupt aggression caught Rooster off guard, forcing him back a step in response. He still didn't understand how she could do that to him. He was 6'1", while she was only 5'7", the same height as Maverick, and not even Maverick getting in his face had made him take a step or two back.

"I'm going to stop you before you say something dickish," she retorted, snatching the shot glass from him. Green eyes never leaving his own brown-hued.

"I don't need you to protect me, Lieutenant."

"I know that," Rooster said, tossing his hands up in exasperation, "But it's not going to stop me from wanting to protect you. And I'm damn well going to!"

She stared at him a bit longer, her eyes narrowing just slightly before she took in a deep breath, sighing heavily as her lids fell shut.

"I know."

Rooster didn't stop the grin that pulled at the corners of his lips and quickly regretted it as he tasted the familiar warmth of blood running into his mouth and down his chin.

"Bradshaw," Ames said, reaching up to brush the blood away from his chin. "Idiot."

"Ouch," he said with a subtle smile, eyes watching her, fingers brushing against her wrist, the other hand at her waist pulling her in closer.

"Oh, that hurts?" she asked with a grin of her own.

"You could kiss me and make it feel totally better," Rooster said with a bright smile, ignoring the pain it was causing to do so.

Ames actually started to laugh, her slender shoulders rising and falling. "A drink then," she replied in her laughter and suddenly turned, twisting her body out of Rooster's arms and his reach. And he did reach out to stop her in his own laughter, only to miss by a few inches, forcing him to follow after her, fingers grasping bits of fabric and finally an arm as he caught up with her. His arms encircling her just before they walked back into the bar together.

"A screwdriver, please."

"What's that?" Rooster asked, pressing himself against her. Each breath and movement transcribed into her back. "A drink or a position?" He whispered into her ear just before pressing his lips to the delicate skin, his mouth finding its way down her neck and along one of her bare shoulders.

Rooster could feel her chuckle vibrate through him.

"For you? A drink."

A/N: Thank you for reading! XD

#top gun #top gun maverick #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #rooster #mygifs #mygifedits #rooster x oc #rooster x reader #fic #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw x oc #oc x bradley rooster bradshaw #oc x bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #mywriting

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dameronology · 4 years

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questioning {natasha romanoff x wlw reader}

summary: natasha had always been able to appreciate women. once she meets you, it becomes clear why {for @stephanieromanoff - for some reason i can’t answer your ask but i hope u enjoy this}

warnings; probably swearing?? and mentions of the usual mcu canon typical violence

this is actually my first natasha imagine on this blog which is...wild. because - and i’m sure many people relate - she was my bisexual awakening and i still would let her top me. enjoyy!

-jazz

Sexuality was fluid - Natasha knew that.

She’d just never considered her sexuality to be fluid.

It was funny, really. Natasha had witnessed many forms of beauty in her time as a SHIELD agent; beautiful men, beautiful women, beautiful people. She could appreciate a good-looking human when she saw one but it never extended beyond admiration. Most of her Red Room training had been centred around seducing men. Her friends had always set her up with men. It wasn’t so much that she’d rejected the idea of anything other than heterosexuality but she’d always just kind of...assumed.

Besides, it wasn’t like Natasha’d ever even been in a position where she’d been close enough to a woman (or anyone, for that matter) to ever consider them in a romantic way. Her job didn’t allow for it - not unless the person she was with was also in her line of work. And, with all due respect to her colleagues, she knew them far, far too well to ever consider the notion of dating one of them.

Life has a funny way of working out though, doesn’t it?

You were dropped into Natasha’s lap when she least expected it. It was a cold, rainy Monday afternoon and she was in the staff room at the Compound with Steve. They were sat in comfortable silence, scrolling through their phones. The peace was disrupted by the sound of a crash, followed by a string of curse words.

‘What the...’ Steve stood up, approaching the hallway outside.

That was the first Nat saw you: with coffee halt spilt down yourself, your bag strewn across the floor and cheeks bright red. It was quite on brand, really.

‘I am so sorry!’ You dropped to your knees, quickly scrambling to pick the papers up. ‘I was too busy trying to find my office and I went straight into the door frame.’

The first thing Natasha noted was that you were pretty. Not pretty like the girls she’d seen in windows in Amsterdam, or pretty like the slender models she’d seen in London. You were...sparky. Talkative, and bright. There was an energy about you that she was yet to see in anyone else.

You were terrifying too. Not a single person at SHIELD had witnessed someone telling a dad joke whilst throttling a man twice their size, but there was a first time for everything.

At first, Natasha was convinced that her feelings towards you were simply admiration...for a friend. Because you were friends, right? It was hard not to become close to someone when you spent every second of every day with them. She never thought much of it, though - you were also close with Steve, Sam, Wanda and Bucky. Nothing about your relationship with Nat was different from your others.

There were a few notable exceptions on her part. She could tolerate you more than anyone else - and that was just the way she worded it in her head, to convince herself that it didn’t mean anything. In actuality, she found herself seeking you out, trying to spend to time with you. She’d do paperwork in your office until the small hours of the morning, and she’d bring you coffee when you both returned to work a few hours later. Natasha had never had a best friend before and it felt good.

‘Do you ever think about relationships in our line of work?’

You looked up from your paperwork, glancing over at Nat. She was sat across from you at your desk, the dim glow of your spotlight illuminating her face. It wasn’t unusual for her to bring up deep subjects when it was late (in this, case it was 1AM). You ponded for a moment, tapping your pen against the edge of your desk.

‘Sometimes.’ You said. ‘I mean...I wasn’t an Avenger until five months ago, give or take. If I did get into one now, I imagine it would be much more complicated than when I was normal.’

‘You are normal.’ Nat reached across the desk to whack your shoulder, smiling to herself. ‘At least by Avenger standards.’

You chuckled. ‘Honestly, I barely have time to think about relationships now, let alone get into one. My ex-girlfriend asked me if I wanted to grab a coffee and the earliest date I could do was in four months.’

That was the first time Natasha realised that whatever chemistry and easiness was between you, it could have been something more than friends. The sound of the word girlfriend coming out your mouth? It...well, it made her mind go places. No-where drastic, or revealing. It just made her think; the idea of you casually referring to her as your girlfriend in conversation gave her butterflies.

And Natasha Romanoff did not get butterflies. At least not until now. Not until you.

‘How did you know that you liked girls?’ She asked. It was a casual question - one you’d been asked plenty of times.

‘I just knew.’ You shrugged. ‘It’s not the same for everyone, though. Sometimes it takes meeting the right person.’

That was the statement that got Natasha thinking. She’d never even considered the idea of liking girls, not until you’d come along.

She couldn’t help but let herself day dream - it was a guilty please, in a sense. What would life be like if you were together? What would it be like to call you her girlfriend? To live with you? Natasha was so vehemently against the idea of domesticity...but with you? Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad. She didn’t even realise how (for lack of a better word) gay her thoughts were. And when she did? It hit her like a train.

Natasha had dealt with a lot in her life - aliens, nazis, gods, genocidal robots, evil super spies. It made the situation seem so mundane; she’d become so exceptionally aware of her mortality that things like questioning her sexuality or pondering on her attraction for her best friend just seemed like a waste of time. She’d always been fearless, after all. It had kind of been forced into her nature at the Red Room, and even more so after becoming an Avenger.

It was during another late night conversation that Nat realised her feelings might have been deeper than she realised. She knew that she liked you in a way that ran far deeper than just being best friends; it was just the extent that she was unsure of, and she didn’t want to make a move until she understood it properly. It was like being on a mission really: do some recon, get a better gauge of what’s going on and make a move.

She hadn’t expected it - it had been nine words. One completely casual sentence. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a conversation.

‘I saw a TikTok that reminded me of you.’

It was in that moment that Natasha realised, whilst staring at you across your desk with wide-eyes, that she was in love with you. It was a brand new (and not entirely surprising) discovery but it didn’t feel like a shock. The feelings had always been there - it was just the sudden comprehension of them that came as a revelation.

It didn’t have to be complicated. Missions to Russia to take out HYDRA bases were complicated. Teaching Steve and Bucky how to use an iPhone was complicated. This was....well, it was simple, wasn’t it? She loved you. And maybe, just maybe, you loved her too.

Aside from the fact you were just friends, you might as well have been a couple already. You ordered take out together every night and ate it together on the sofa. You drove to work together, and you had a thousand and one inside jokes. The foundations were there but neither of you had ever been all that good at architecture.

‘It reminded you of me?’ Natasha quickly regained her posture, offering you her signature smirk. ‘I didn’t realise you thought of me outside of work.’

‘Nat.’ You snorted. ‘We hang out after work every night.’

‘I know, I just...’ She trailed off.

‘You just what?’

‘We should get dinner tonight.’ Nat cleared her throat.

‘Wasn’t that the plan?’ You raised an eyebrow at her.

‘No, I mean...dinner.’ She sat up a little straighter (ironic). ‘Like a date.’

‘Are you asking me out?’

‘Yeah. Why?’

‘I...’ it was your turn to be a little speechless. ‘Yeah, okay. Let’s do it.’

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fic #natasha x reader #natasha imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #avengers fluff #avengers smut #avenegers preferences #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel fluff

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antisociallilbrat · 2 years

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We're The Losers, And We Always Will Be Chp. 10

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Chp. 9

Chp. 10

Summary: Stan talks to a lost love and Syd sees torment

Warnings: Stan's infamous bath scene is referenced a few times, Bev's dad is mentioned but not in heavy detail, only like a line or two, and there's some major graphic MENTIONED character death. It involves a dr*g overd*se and a s*icide, if need too you can skip Syd's part. If I missed any warnings just let me know

A/N: I WILL FINISH THIS FIC I SWEAR. Anyways I'm back on my bullshit

Since Stan has been in Derry it has felt like there’s this, this voice, screaming at him to leave, and it feels guilty.

He hasn’t wanted to remember anything. Still not convinced this isn’t some sick joke. Or better yet, maybe he took some bad poppers at a party and he’s stuck in a coma. Maybe he saw a rerun of Jacob’s trial, that’s why he’s making a guest appearance. He always thought the guy was cute so he's playing his love interest. Of course, Syd is here, he knows her, and Wendell, Sonny, and Freddy are probably just the faces he’s seen at said party. Mike though, fuck, Mike is the thing that shatters the hopeful fantasy of just being stuck in a coma.

Mike- Richie- the Trashmouth, who is Stan Uris’s best friend. Mike, who is infuriatingly so much like Stanley Uris and like how Stan Barber is like Richie Tozier. That can’t be a coincidence. He would argue his jokes are far better though. Also now that he has started to remember Richie, is he really that annoying? He’ll have to ask Syd.

The few memories that have forced their way in, some good, some bad, are mainly of Mike- Richie. Growing up with him and confiding with him when being gay and the son of the Rabbi became too much. Being Jewish in his past life isn't surprising, since he’s still genetically Jewish. He would like to say he can’t imagine the pressure that went with being the son of the Rabbi but he can remember his Father’s scolding eyes just fine. He always thought Stan was too much of a ‘fairy’ and too soft. His Father would call him a fairy because of how much time he would spend with Bill.

“That Denbrough boy is turning you into a faggot.”

And Bill, the man who's books have always been a sense of escape growing up in this life- the voice inside his head roars with such a ferocity whenever he tries to remember anything about him. It uses the same intensity it has when it’s screaming at him to turn around and leave Derry. He’s only going to get them- no, he’s not going there. He can’t, his heart hurts.

Yet Jacob has been nothing but comfort since they’ve been here but he can’t get too close. Stan doesn’t shrink back at thought of being gay, or of having gay feelings for Jacob. Or Bill? It’s the same person- kinda. What scares him is the feeling of heartbrokenness that surrounds the idea of Bill. Whenever a memory threatens to leak through, the voice just tightens the chains around it. Honestly, he thinks he prefers it that way.

He doesn’t care if they’re supposed to be out remembering, trying to figure out what went wrong during the ritual. He doesn’t want to remember. The longer he’s in Derry, it feels like he’s losing his choice in that.

Especially now as he sits in the synagogue, the place where he properly pissed off his Father at his Bar Mitzvah, sitting by his best friend who is entirely too much like his past self, as he stares up at the face of his wife. Or the wife of Stanley Uris. For a moment, the voice in his head runs quiet. “Patty?”

“Stanley? Is that really you?” She dashes as fast her aged body can carry her over to the stop of the spiral staircase, her slippers shuffling against the carpet, “Oh please, please come where I can see you.”

Apprehension runs down the back of his neck, this could easily be a trick of It’s. Mike squeezes his shoulder, causing him to jump at the sudden contact. Mike doesn’t notice as his eyes are still on Patty, probably thinking the same thing.

“Stanley,” she pleads, descending the stairs, back into the light.

Now that he can see her better, any tension bleeds out of his body. She’s not just one of It's games, she’s just Patty. That’s enough to get him on his feet. Mike stands with him, his hand still steady on his shoulder.

“It’s okay Rich, it’s just Patty,” he says as reassuringly as he can.

Mike gives him a look, his eyes worried behind the magnified lens, “You two know each other?

“Yeah, we’re…,” he searches for the words, this is so overly complicated, “we’re old friends,” he settles on. Not a lie but not nearly enough of the truth, that’ll just have to wait till they’re in the safety of the others.

Mike scoffs, but he must sense Stan’s reluctance to push the issue, letting his hand fall from his shoulder, “Then I’ll give you two some time to catch up,” he spares another glance back at Patty, still untrusting, “I’ll be right outside if you need me.” The “So I’ll be close enough to hear you scream if you need help,” goes unsaid but still appreciated nonetheless.

Patty ushers him up the stairs and unsteadily he follows her to an all too familiar office, his Father's old one. She’s tried to make the place homier, with a comfortable couch and pictures of what must be family and friends, and there's a candle lit, its applewood scent trying to override the inherently musty smell of the room. It’s not working.

The ugly green carpet has at least been ripped out and replaced with hardwood but the wallpaper is still that piss yellow. There’s a stain on the wall where a large painting was replaced. The flute lady and her crooked face, he can still hear her wretched music and feel the rows of her teeth around his face, she’s going to rip his face off- He shakes off the nightmare, rubbing at the sides of his face and expecting to feel the silvery skin of scars. There’s none, for now.

The flute lady’s painting has been replaced with a smaller frame. It’s a photo of a smiling couple. Patty was beautiful in her younger years, she's still pretty now- just in a grandmotherly way, and it’s easy to see why he married her. Beside her, the face of Stanley Uris stares back at him.

His hair is even darker than it is now, curls immaculate, a kippah resting on the top of his head. Stanley Barber has never worn a kippah a day in his life. He’s clean-shaven with thin framed reading glasses perched on his nose. He's dressed in fancily crisp khaki pants and a baby blue button-down tucked into his pants. If he wore something like that, Syd would look at him like he’s grown a second head. He has the same sentiment, he would never dress like that. He's wearing sandals right now for fuck's sake, Stanley Uris wouldn't do that. And it may just be his imagination but Uris's eyes look haunted, and the eye bags tell him that Stanley Uris never got a lot of sleep. In the days leading up to Wendell’s summoning, he barely slept too. Too busy being plagued with nightmares of bathtubs filled with blood, blood that was coming from him.

“You grow up to be very handsome.” Patty breaks him out of his scrutiny of Uris, standing beside him.

“Huh, if you say so."

“I do say so.” She tells him, turning to pull out the chair across from her desk, “Come on then, I’m sure you have questions.” She wraps the blanket that was on the back of her chair around herself, even though she's in a pink sweater. He remembers her being perpetually cold.

But she is right, he does have one particular question gnawing at him. He takes his seat as Patty sits across from him in her desk chair, vaguely reminding him of a principal's office. Like when he would get busted for smoking pot in the bathrooms, simpler times.

Stan swallows the lump in his throat and asks the question he’s not entirely sure he wants the answer to, “How did you know? How did you know I was Stanley?” How much does she know is what he needs to know. Does she know about It? And how did she end up in Derry? How badly did he break her heart?

“After being married for nearly twenty years, a wife knows her husband, although I suppose my husband died in 1994 as I’ve always thought.” She says this matter of fact, despite the small smile.

“...And what do you make of me?”

She studies him for a moment, “I don’t know. I know you’re Stanley, but I don’t think you’re quite my Stanley,” she leans over her desk and whispers, “But there are some things that we’re not supposed to understand and I’m okay with that. After the life I’ve lived, I take comfort in my blissful ignorance and the knowledge that there are bigger forces that are just outside my understanding. That used to annoy my Stanley, such a factual man he was.” She falls back in her seat.

He snorts, “Yeah, I think me and him had different views on things. Sometimes I can’t believe we’re the same person.”

“No, I see him in you. You’re more like him than you think, I can just sense it.”

That stops him short. Patty had just given him reassurance for an insecurity he didn’t even know he had. This whole time he’s looked at Stanley Uris as this unattainable idea, there was no way he could live up to who he was, he was just so different. But hearing Patty, the woman he loved and was married to in his past life say that they’re alike, helps.

“So do I have to worry about suddenly having the urge to dress like a mini lawyer?”

“Accountant actually,” she corrects with a giggle.

He smiles at her, proud of himself for making her laugh. He’s missed it. Being here with Patty, it’s the lightest he’s felt since he’s gotten here, or in weeks. Besides last night when he was with Jacob, but that was more feeling safe than light. He wishes he could just stay with her, or at least at this moment, but it can’t last. Not when Patty’s eyes get a faraway look in them, remembering something.

“Do you remember the night Mike Hanlon called our home?” she asks him.

No. Yes. Kinda. He doesn’t remember the details, doesn’t want to, but he remembers how he felt. Being so terrified he didn’t know if he was even going to come back. That maybe he’d be better off dead. If it wasn't for the urgency he had felt to get back to the losers, to get back to Bill, he doesn’t know what he would’ve done that night. What he should’ve done.

Patty, thankfully, doesn’t wait for him to answer, “I do. I relive it every day. After that phone call, my husband throwing clothes into a suitcase, not even bothering to fold them,” she laughs but it’s not that funny, “I tried to talk to him, to find out what was going on, to help even, if he’d just talk to me, but it was like talking to a ghost. He left his sparrow puzzle half done on the coffee table, I had gotten it for him for his birthday,” her voice breaks as she sniffles, “You didn’t even say goodbye.”

“I’m sorry.” he chokes out. He’s so mad at Stanley Uris for putting Patty through that, but it’s just guilt. He did that, wasn’t even aware he did that, but now he can pay for his past life’s mistakes, at least the best he can. “I never wanted to leave you like that, I just- I had to come back to Derry.”

Patty wipes a few stray tears away, “I know. I know that now. I don’t understand why, but that’s okay. After you had left, I never heard from you again. I filed a missing person report, I wasn’t sure what else to do, but the police weren’t much help. They never are. It didn’t help when my parents found out about your disappearance. For a while my father had me convinced you had left me for a man, he always thought you were a little queer,” Stan swallows down more guilt as Bill pops into his head, “But I was just angry and scared. It was easier to think you had left me for someone else, but you wouldn’t have done it like that. So I went searching for answers. Even called up your parents in New York. I had forgotten how dreadful your father was.”

There’s a vague sense he lived in New York during his college years, but that time wasn’t important. Not important enough to remember, but…that’s where he met Patty. At some stupid college party and he had thought she was the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. The smell of her perfume and her soft hands cradling his face. He was in love the moment he saw her. She’s much more pleasant to remember than the harshness of his father who also lived in New York. Compared to remembering Derry and It, remembering Patty is safe. The voice in his head doesn’t scream at her memories.

She continues her story, “Your parents were absolutely no help, and your father made the same jab about you probably leaving me for a man,” of course he did, “But your mother mentioned your childhood home, Derry. Which was funny because you never spoke about your childhood,” because Stanley Uris didn’t remember it, didn’t want to either, “And on a whim, I decided to travel up here. It was Mike Hanlon from Derry that called, so it made sense.”

“And you never left?” The idea of Patty being in Derry all these years, it’s a little scary. She’s not safe as long as she’s here.

“Well, that wasn’t the plan. When I first came here, no one would talk to me. I learned quickly that Derry didn’t like outsiders. Even filed another missing person report with the Derry police, but they were too fixated solving the escape and the murders at the Mental Institution. They never did. Then I discovered the Neilbolt house.”

A chill runs down his spine. “Please tell me you didn’t go in there.”

“No I didn’t, but it answered my questions because I felt It. ”

“It?!” he squeaks.

“Yes Stanley, it. The presence of an otherworldly being. A thing outside of my understanding, a thing that didn’t concern me but entirely concerned my husband. The reason you went away.” Patty is talking about IT, but she doesn’t know what IT is, not like how he does. And all he knows about It is terror.

“But then why did you stay here? Knowing that there was this thing here that kil- caused me to go missing?” More importantly, is there any way he can convince her to leave now? It’s woken it up, who knows what It’ll do.

As she tells her story, she starts to visibly relax and her silent tears start to dry up. As if just telling him her story is making her feel better. She's had a lot of time to keep it bottled up. So Patty hums, amused, “I’m not sure. I just kinda stuck around. Being here helped me feel close to you, and before I knew it I had rented an apartment and was teaching at the elementary school. Then not long after that, I got involved with the synagogue and now I’m one of the leaders here. Ironically I built my life in the same place my husband lost his.”

Stan flinches. He hates thinking about the fact that he’s technically died before, and it has him jonesing for a blunt. Or at least a cigarette.

He reaches across and grabs her hand- she still wears her wedding ring- resting on the desk, it’s wrinkled with age but he grasps it tightly, “And you’ve had a good life? After me?” She deserves that but also, maybe selfishly he’s looking for a way to aleave some of the guilt.

“I’ve done all right for myself, you don’t have to worry about ole’ Patty, Stanley,” she pats his hand with her free one, “I’ve missed you my whole life, and I’ve always hoped to see you again but I gotta say, this isn’t what I expected. You’re back, but it’s for a reason isn’t it?”

Stan leans back in his chair, letting his hand slip from hers and ignoring the dejected look on her face. He could lie, it’s not like he can tell the whole truth, but he’s tired. “It’s for the same reason I left you. We, my friends and I, have to try again.”

“I can help this time,” the look of incredulous he gives her makes her laugh, “I’m serious Stanley, I can help. You just have to let me.”

“But you’re old.”

He’s an idiot. He said that out loud. He’s such a bad husband, he’s never getting married again.

Patty bursts into a peal of laughter, “You’re still blunt! And I suppose I am, but with age comes wisdom. Let me help you.”

That’s true, but he’s not having her risk her life. There’s no point in trying to convince her to leave Derry, her life is here and she’s always been stubborn as a bull, but he can try to keep her safe. “No, one of the others has a plan, we’re seeing it through. The best help you can do for me is to promise me to stay safe. Avoid the house on Neilbolt and any other unsettling places and just- stay safe okay?”

“This is Derry Stanley, every place is unsettling.”

“Patty please.”

She relents, for his sake, “Okay Stanley, I promise.”

“Thank you.” Then the guilt finally breaks him and the tears start. Not the quiet ones like Patty had earlier, no- ugly gut-wrenching sobs. The kind that makes you ache down in your bones. He doubles over, clutching his sides and trying to hide his face. He hasn’t cried this hard since his mom left when he was nine and he realized she wasn’t coming back that time.

A pair of arms scoop him up and his face is pressed into the softness of Patty’s fuzzy sweater, she still wears the same perfume. She coos at him, running a hand through his curls, “Sssshhh it’s okay, you’re okay, we’re okay,” she repeats this mantra softly. He clings tighter to her. The comfort she’s giving him is like the kind his mom used to give him, this just makes him cry harder.

“I-I-I I’m so s-sorry! I’m sorry Puh-Patty!” he sobs out, “I left you and I h-had to! But I should’ve said guh-goodbye!”

“Ssshhh, don’t you worry about that!” She sounds almost as hysterical as he does, trying to reassure him, “Neither of us had a say in any of this, and I know you wouldn’t have left me if you had a choice!”

He did have a choice, he could’ve slit his wrists.

Her words do little to calm him, he still thinks he could’ve done things differently. He should’ve done things differently. He just keeps apologizing to her till eventually, he runs out of steam and he’s reduced to mumbles. She doesn’t let go of him, still telling him it’s okay, and still trying to soothe him by running her hand through his curls.

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been there by the time his tears finally dry up. Surprisingly, Mike hasn’t come hunting for him, but it’s probably time for him to get going. Even if he’d rather just stay here with Patty, the others are counting on him. Plus the sun is starting to go down outside the window. Reluctantly, he pulls back, “Thank you. I think I’ve cried enough for two lifetimes.”

“Of course Stanley, I’m just happy I got to hold you again.” Her cheeks are wet but she smiles at him.

He’s just happy he got to see her again, he’s missed her. When he stands, he towers over her, “You’ll stay safe? You promised me.”

“I’ll do my best. As I said, don’t worry about me. I’m a tuff old gal,” Stan grimaces, “But you have to make the same promise. And don’t hesitate to come to me for help, I’m always going to be here for you.”

Stan pulls her into another quick hug, “You don’t worry about me.” He can’t make a promise he doesn’t think he can keep. She doesn’t ask him again.

They say their goodbyes. He almost doesn’t want to out of fear it may be a permanent goodbye, but at least this time Patty got to hear him say it. When this is all said and done and if by some miracle he’s still alive, he has to find a way to make it up to her. She deserves it.

When he exits her office, Mike is back inside, sitting at the pew where they were previously. He’s trying to clean the glasses lens with his shirt, looking frustrated too, but when he hears Stan coming down the stairs he plops them back onto his face and sighs with relief, “There you are! I was starting to worry I was going to have to bust in there.” He’s trying to sound funny but there’s a twinge of anxiety in his voice still.

Stan just rolls his eyes, “Yeah, captain Trashmouth to the rescue.”

“Hey! I was worried about you and you just call me names!”

“I call you names out of love,” Mike scoffs at him, “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He starts to head out of the synagogue. No dramatic exit this time.

Mike scrambles after him as he pushes his way outside. The sun is setting, casting an orange haze on the city, and the evening chill has picked up. Time moves too fast here. He’s not ready to go back to the library, not yet. Wendell will only ask if he remembered anything about the ritual, which he didn’t and he still doesn’t want to but he wouldn’t say today was wasted. He got to see Patty again.

“Sooo how did that go?”

He hasn’t stopped to think how strange that may have been to Mike. It makes sense Mike is curious, he hasn’t explained anything. He didn’t even remember Patty until a few hours ago. May as well fuck with him.

“That was my wife. I guess my ex-wife now,” he keeps a straight face as Mike comes to stop, spluttering like a fish out of water. He spots a pharmacy on the corner of the street and chooses to not elaborate any further, “C’mon I wanna get some cigarettes before we head back.” He leaves without checking to see if Mike is following him.

Mike hurries after him, “Hey! Wait a fucking minute! You can’t just say that shit and then walk off! Also, those are just going to kill you you know!”

Wow, Mike sounds a lot like Eddie. Stan laughs to himself.

Syd couldn’t get away from everyone fast enough. Every time she looked at one of them…she was plagued with what she saw in the deadlights. What she remembered.

When she was in the attic, she felt It before It even appeared. The attic became freezing all of a sudden, she could see her own breath, and then she was ambushed before she could question the change of temperature. She still feels cold. If the others hadn’t shown up when they did, she’s not confident she’d still be here right now.

The face It took, the face of Bev’s father, his face still terrifies her. Honestly, she hadn’t remembered much, just a few details here and there, but seeing It brought it all back. She can remember the foul hands of Bev’s father on her. Syd clings to her dad’s dog tags as she stumbles down the street, not paying attention to where she’s heading. Her dad was kind, he was her hero, she has to remember him when the memories of Bev’s father threaten to overcome her.

Remembering Bev’s father wasn’t even the worst of it. She saw what Bev saw in the deadlights, how they would have originally died the first time if they hadn’t come back as adults. If that was bad enough, she saw what would happen to them if any of them left, if any of them decided to run away from their promise. She wasn’t lying, none of them made it out of their twenties if they fled. They don’t have a choice, they have to face It. But if they don’t figure out what went wrong during the ritual, they'll just die anyway.

Her first instinct was to call Dina. Dina offers comfort and an escape but if she heard Syd right now, she’d be on the first flight here to help her and figure out what was going on. She wouldn’t understand what Syd was talking about, but she’d still be here. God, Syd loves her. That’s exactly why she can’t call her, she can’t drag her into this.

Sonny has been a help, especially right after the attack. He had grounded her and given her something to hold on to. It was obvious he wanted to go with her after their conversation with Wendell, but she needed space, even if she was thankful to him. She can’t fall into old feelings, not with Dina around now. She needs time to try to process what she saw in the deadlights or whatever. What would her high school guidance counselor say now she wonders? Suggest for her to start journaling again? Bullshit, the last time she journaled she got outed to the whole school by fucking Brad.

Gradually as she walks she starts to spot more broken down buildings and the streets get dirtier. A homeless man is laying on the sidewalk, a blanket pulled tight under his chin. She knows exactly where she’s heading now, home.

The apartment building where she grew up, or where Bev grew up, is abandoned. The paint has withered away and the windows are pretty much nonexistent at this point, leaving the insides at the mercy of the weather. The only color on the gray building is faded spray paint from vandals. The doors are open, barely still on their hinges, and they call to her. Inviting her to come explore what is left of her home once upon a time ago. She b-lines for the back of the building instead.

Behind the building, the huge dumpster sits, right next to the stone fence and the back of the apartment. It creates a small sliver of space that if you’re small enough, you can crawl through the small opening to where the dumpster doesn’t sit completely against the wall. It’s a great hiding spot. She has to wiggle but she manages. The space is smaller than she remembers, but it makes her feel secure. She pulls her sweater over her knees and hugs them.

A sob tries to wrench its way through her chest but she holds strong, distracting herself by staring at a line of ants carrying grains of dirt back into a hole in the apartment’s wall. They create a red line, like the red lines that ran from Stanley Uris’s wrists in the bathtub. If he hadn’t come back as an adult the first time he would end up killing himself. Bev knew this and maybe Syd remembered that, is that why she’s always been protective of Stan? Why she clung to their friendship and at one point tried to convince herself she liked him romantically?

Bev also knew how the others died. Richie’s drug overdose, Bill’s aneurysm, Eddie’s car crash, Ben’s heart attack, and Mike- being devoured by It because he was forced to face It alone. Her throat tightens at Bev’s death. Years of being tormented by her father, only to marry an abusive man who inevitably beat her to death.

Yes, Syd remembers Tom. Mainly the beatings that were always paired with harsh words. She doesn’t know whatever became of that bastard, she was too busy dying and being reincarnated, but she hopes he’s cold in the ground and rotting in hell.

Their new reincarnated lives brought about all-new ways for them to die if they break their promise. Those she can remember in detail, too much detail. The way they had appeared in her mind was a shock to the system.

Wendell’s was the same as his past life’s death. Abandoned to face It by himself, again. “All by yourself Wendy boy? I guess your little friends never cared about you.” Wendell doesn’t make it to the end of the year if they leave him. Driven mad with despair, Wendell would charge into It’s den, where Pennywise is waiting. It barely swallows when It eats him. It’s not quick.

Neither is Freddy’s death. Freddy would go back to Philadelphia, this trip and meeting everyone being nothing but a hazy memory. If they left, they all would forget, reducing It to just nightmares. Freddy would probably live on the streets, bouncing shelter to shelter until one day he got robbed in an alley. That part she saw. He didn’t own much but the gang of men took everything he had, even his crutches. Which they would beat him half to death with. Between the freezing temperatures of a Pennsylvania winter and the blood loss, a couple of hours later he would just be a frozen body on the sidewalk. He never made it to his twenties.

Mike would never know how Freddy died. In the deadlights, she saw Mike hiking in the woods alone. He looked sad and she could tell he became a recluse after returning home. His hiking gear is heavy on his shoulders and she wanted to yell at him to drop it and run! That’s because she could hear the growling of the pack of wild dogs that were circling him. With his earbuds in, Mike was oblivious. The first dog lunges and takes out his ankle. Mike scrambles to get out of its hold, “Let me go! Let me go!” but it’s no use. Once he’s on the forest floor it’s all over. They shred him alive.

Jacob’s death is at least quick since he does it himself. Maybe he got tired of always being an outcast, or maybe he’s tired of constantly being villainized. That’s an ironic thought, their brave leader was villainized to the point he was deduced to take his own life. Jacob’s dad is pounding on the bathroom door, begging him to open it. “Jake please, don’t do this! There’s another way! Don’t leave me!” He tries to kick the door down, but It was there keeping it sealed shut. It is always there when they die, it doesn't matter that they don't remember It. Jacob sits in the bathtub, twirling the gun around in his hands, ignoring his dad’s hysterical pleas. His scars look rubbed raw like he tried to claw them off of him but besides that, his face looks passive. He doesn’t stutter when he puts the gun in his mouth and eats a bullet.

Would she have remembered Stan if they had left? She’s never thought about it, but if they went home, would she forget about him after she went off to college? Or would his death be nothing but another junkie oding report in the newspaper to her? If they left, Stan wouldn’t be able to cut it. One of the main reasons she stays is to make sure they keep their promise this time. She saw what he looks like in five years, strung out on drugs. Too skinny and never sleeping. One day he pushes his body too far. She sees him laid out on his basement couch, eyes wide open with a needle in his arm, foaming at the mouth. Blood Witch plays in the background.

Sonny is the oldest when he dies, twenty-six. Holed up in his home, working on his next innovation in electricity. The bags under his eyes are dark and he studies his notes, tweaking his invention without paying attention. His hair is greasy and he’s in dirty sleep clothes, and she knows that’s because he doesn’t have a reason to go out. His only friends are his inventions. His death happens in a second. He’s not paying attention and his hand brushes against a bare wire, electrocuting him on the spot. His body is charred and his eyeballs burst. It makes her want to scream.

Knowing her own death is just as bad as knowing how the others die. She’s with Dina and they’re studying together in the library. She doesn’t know what exactly happens, except her vision gets hazy and she falls out of her seat, blood pouring out of her nose and ears. “Oh my God, Syd?! Syd, stay with me! Somebody! Please! Somebody help us!” Her vision goes white but she can feel Dina clinging to her as someone else tries to perform CPR on her. Maybe a blood vessel in her head popped? She doesn’t know. Whatever it is, it was caused by It. Her death would be no freak accident.

But none of this is going to happen. It can’t. They’re all staying and they’re going to figure out what went wrong. And honestly, she doesn’t want to forget everybody. They were there for her, they’ve always been there for her. Especially for Bev.

Syd curls tighter in on herself, refusing to let the tears fall. Emotionally constipated is what her mom calls her. She misses her mom and Goob. She will make it back home to them and Dina. She rests her head against the brick, she should head back soon but she’s not ready to leave her safe space, not yet. Her eyes start to feel heavy and she lets them fall close. She can head back after a nap, she's owed one.

A/N:

I'll see ya'll next month

A heads up, Patty won't be the only familiar face we'll see pop up. Sorry in advance...

Yessss Ik Ik Stan and Syd's part were different lengths, its what the story called for I swear

Also I tried to reference the demadogs with Mike and Brad's death with Syd

Next chapter will be set this same day except with some ooey gooey kaspbrough friendship with a side of Eddie Angst

Also also thank you so much to everyone who reads and comments on this fic, it means so much to me, our fandom is small but it is great

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zeppelin-and-unicorns · 3 years

Note

"Don't do that" + Hyde and Donna friendship! Also you don't have to follow this prompt but I imagined Donna catching Hyde before he cheats on Jackie with the nurse and he tells her and she stops him :)

Donna was walking back to her house when she saw an enraged Hyde leaving through the backdoor. He looked more pissed than she'd ever seen him.

"Hyde, what's with the long face?" Donna asked when they crossed paths.

"Why don't you ask Kelso and Jackie?" He spat at her, walking away from the house. Donna followed him "I was so fucking stupid, should've known better than to date her, she makes guys stupid"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Jackie and I are done," Hyde said "That's what I'm talking about. Now stop following me because I need to go do something"

Donna ran and placed herself in front of Hyde, preventing him to walk any further.

"Don't do that" Donna said firmly, making Hyde finally look her in the eye "If you do what you're thinking about, then you and Jackie will be over for good"

"She's been messing around with Kelso behind my back this whole time, we're already over for good" Hyde argued. He turned around to leave, but Donna forcefully grabbed his arm.

"Think about it, Hyde," Donna said "For once, put your stupid rage aside and actually think about how stupid this whole thing is. Kelso has been trying to break you and Jackie up since he found out about you guys. Jackie could've gotten back together with him multiple times, but she didn't because she loves you. Not him, you."

"Yeah, she really looked like she loved me when she was stroking Kelso's hair on your couch," Hyde said bitterly "Let me go, Donna"

"Not if you're going to do something you'll regret later!"

"Let me go, Donna!"

"No!" She said as she dragged him through her backyard "You're not going to do anything, not until you actually know what happened, you dillhole!"

"Donna, I'm gonna hurt you"

"Shut up, Hyde," Donna said, opening the backdoor again and pushing him inside the kitchen "Come here"

"Donna, man, don't make me..."

"Look, Hyde, Jackie would never sleep with Kelso again. She told me that many times" Donna said "You have no idea how many nights I've spent awake because Jackie can't shut up about how much she loves you and how she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. If she's cheating on you with Kelso of all people, then Red is running for the Nobel Peace Prize"

"I've seen them, Donna. Now just let me go, man, please"

"No. You're going to see them again, and this time, you're sticking around to see what's really happening. Jackie makes you happy, Hyde, and I'm not going to let you ruin that. Now shut up or they'll see us" She whispered and grabbed his arm again, gently opening the door to the living room.

They could now clearly see the sight of Kelso and Jackie, and it made Hyde sick. He tensed up, but he knew any attempt to leave with Donna by his side would be futile.

Kelso still had his head on Jackie's shoulders, but his hands were resting on his lap. Jackie was gently stroking his hair and mumbling some words to him, but Hyde didn't bother listening.

Then he saw Kelso moving his hand to rest on top of Jackie's breast, and the rage took over him again. He was about to turn around to leave, but Donna blocked the exit and forced him to watch everything.

"Michael, what the hell are you doing?!" Jackie slapped Kelso's hand, and pushed him away as far from her as she could "I'm with Steven, don't touch me!"

"I need to see if I'm gay or not!" Kelso argued, and Jackie threw a pillow at him

"Michael, you're not gay just because Fez had a weird sex dream about you!" Jackie yelled, throwing another pillow at him

"Don't yell at me, I'm sad!"

"Fez had what?!" Donna asked, not being able to contain her laughter and announcing her and Hyde's presence to the group.

"Nothing!"

"Oh, shut up, Michael! Fez had a dream where Michael was a nurse, and he was giving him a sponge bath, and they had sex!" Jackie said, still looking pissed at Kelso "We had that talk before, Michael! Don't ever touch me like that again!"

"I just figured, you were already comforting me, so..." Kelso tried to explain, but Jackie slapped the back of his head.

"So you assumed I would sleep with you even though I'm dating your best friend? God, you're a moron!" Jackie yelled and went to stand by Donna and Hyde "This is what I get for being nice! I should've listened to my mom! Michael, the next time you're sad, you're crying on Eric's bony shoulders!"

"But... It'll bruise my beautiful face, Jackie!" Kelso argued, and Hyde finally woke up from his stupor and took a threatening step in Kelso's direction.

"Oh, I would run if I were you, Kelso" Donna said with an amused smile, and Kelso dry-swallowed.

"You're dead!" Hyde said, and Kelso opened the front door and started running. He was about to run after Kelso, when he felt a gentle touch on his arm.

"Steven, you can kill Michael later," Jackie said, wrapping her arm around his waist and resting her head on his chest "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Michael is a pig and I'll never be alone with him again"

Hyde glanced at Donna before looking down at Jackie, his shoulders slumping at the weight of his guilt.

He jumped to conclusions, Jackie wasn't cheating on him with Kelso, and if Donna hadn't shown up...

Hyde doesn't want to think about what would happen.

He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo.

"I love you" He whispered in her ear, pressing a kiss to her temple afterward. He looked at her shocked face and couldn't help but smile a little "Don't say anything right now, wait till I get rid of Donna"

She nodded, and he planted a chaste kiss to her lips before letting her go and walking towards Donna, who was still standing near the kitchen door and had a shit-eating grin on her face.

"Shut up," Hyde said with a small smile "Thanks, man. Really"

"That's what friends are for," Donna said, "You need to think more and do less, Hyde. You could've really screwed up the best thing that ever happened to you"

He sighed "I know that, man. Thank you"

"I'm going," She said, looking at him, the grin still plastered on her face "I need to tell Eric about Fez's dream. You two -- don't defile my couch, my dad and I watch movies there"

"Sure thing, Pinciotti. Thanks again, man"

Donna just waved at them before leaving Jackie and Hyde alone in the room. Jackie was sitting on the couch, with a stunned look on her face, and Hyde sat next to her.

"You really meant it?" She asked, her eyes glassy

He smiled at her and cradled her face in his hands "Yeah man, I meant it. I love you"

"I love you too" She smiled back, and glued her lips on his.

Hyde buried his fingers on her hair and let out a happy sigh. He and Jackie are going to need to talk later -- about his trust issues, about Kelso, about everything. But right now... Right now Hyde could only thank the universe for making Donna show up when she did.

Well, that got very sappy in the end. I can't help myself.

That was a GREAT prompt by the way, so thank you for suggesting it! I hope you liked the ficlet!

#ask #prompt game 2.0 #ficlet #jackie and hyde #jackie x hyde #zenmasters #donna pinciotti #steven hyde #jackie burkhart

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kaiparker-avengerssmut · 4 years

Text

Their Doll 14

Sweetheart

B.Barnes x Stark!Reader, S.Rogers x Stark!Reader

series synopsis: y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.

Series Warnings: smut, violence, torture, swearing

Chapter Summary: y/n and Steve have some time alone

Warnings: smut, lots of smut. Sweet sex. Maybe some swearing, knowing me there’s probably some

A/n: The timeline in this has been altered, as there I things I wanted to include but I also wanted this fic to follow the storyline/timeline of Winter Soldier and Civil war.So for purposes of this fanfic, Peter Parker was discovered by Tony at a much younger age - when he was bitten - and has been an intern with him since, almost like a protégée.(For the purposes of this story Peter was bitten much younger too - more like when he was 9 or ten rather than 14/15)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

"Hey, sweetheart." Steve grinned, pulling y/n into a quick kiss as she walked down to breakfast. She gave him a warm smile, leaning onto his touch as Steve wrapped and arm over her shoulders and pulled y/n into him.

"What just happened?" Clint mused, a frown settling on his face as his eyes flicked between the two of them. Nat quirked a brow, Thor smiled like and idiot and Tony rolled his eyes.

"I- I think they just kissed." Bruce supplied, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Finally." Nat muttered, pushing her food around her plate. Thor was still grinning, the curl of his lips boyish.

"What are you so happy about?" Steve asked, brows raised but tone playful.

"Just the fact that Tony here," Thor clapped Tony on the shoulder, "owes me 100 dollars now." Thor confessed, Tony's unamused expression making everyone laugh. Of course y/n's came out silent.

"You bet how long it'd take us to get together?" Steve inquire, and Tony smirked.

"No, I bet you wouldn't get the balls to ask her out because you're frigid and have no clue how to talk to women." He explained.

"I talk to Nat!" Steve countered.

"Nat doesn't count, she's a coworker. And most probably gay." Tony said flatly, and Nat merely shrugged when Steve looked to her for help.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Clint asked after the silence had ensued the room. Tony began to speak but Thor cut him off, earning the Asgardian God a glare.

"We're going to find Bucky." He said optimistically. Y/n instantly perked up, eyes flickering between the super soldier sat beside her and her dad across the table.

"What? Don't look at me!" Steve exclaimed, hands held up in surrender. Tony breathed a heavy sigh.

"That's not what we're doing. Finding my daughter's HYDRA escapade is merely a bonus, and that's if you could even call it that." Tony dismissed and y/n sent him a look at could kill. "Today, we are invading a HYDRA base, so I want everyone on their best behaviour." Tony said, eyeing up the avengers in the room. "And you're not coming." He added hastily, pointing a finger at y/n.

"How come?" Nat asked for her.

"Y/n has already been kidnapped by HYDRA twice, I don't feel like it's a good idea to give them the opportunity for a third time." Steve answers before Tony could.

"What is it with everyone and talking over me today?!" Tony complained, pushing back from his seat and dumping his empty coffee mug in the sink. "Meet at the quinjet at 12." Tony turned to leave, not even making it to the door before he was turning around to face steve and y/n again. "And you're not coming either." He said pointedly at the super soldier.

"Wha- why not?!"

"Because of your emotional attachment. I can't have you freaking out and falling onto a river again just because you had some minor nostalgia." Tony said dramatically.

"That's not what happened." Steve defended.

"Close enough." Tony waved off, leaving the room without another word.

...

"How are you?" Steve asked, perching himself beside y/n on the sofa whilst placing the bowel of popcorn on the coffee table.

Shit. We should be with them.

"I know, Doll. I know." Steve sighed, sinking back into the cushions and slinging an arm over the back of the sofa, behind y/n.

I just feel guilty.

"I get it, trust me, I do. I spent years feeling like this before I got the serum. I changed my form five times before Dr Erskine found me." Steve admitted, placing a soft kiss on y/n's cheek as a method of reassurance. "Now," he spoke after a moment, "what are we watching?"

Y/n grinned at that. She'd been catching Steve up with all the movies he'd missed, and at the same time checking out a few of the ones she'd missed in the four years she was with HYDRA.

A classic, one of my personal favourite movies. Or at least it was.

"And what is this movie called, darling?" It was that moment that y/n pressed play, eyes lighting up with excitement when the film begun to play. When the title screen flashed, Steve smiled slightly, having heard of the movie from all the avengers. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone flashed on the screen, y/n smile widening at the familiar words.

We're not stopping until we finish all 8 movies, just so you know.

Steve shook his head playfully. They'd been told the mission would last a few days, maybe even a week.

"Good thing Tony has lots of popcorn then." Steve muttered, settling back into the couch as y/n curled against his hard chest.

They barely began the fourth movie before Steve's hands were wandering slightly, skimming over y/n's thighs and tracing small circles into her skin with his thumbs. His lips kissed along the back of her neck, up to her ear.

Y/n turned her head slightly, giving steve a questioning look. He have her a mischievous smile, dipping his head down to her neck and continuing to kiss the smooth skin. Y/n gasped when his lips hovered over the scar, lightly brushing over the raised skin.

"M'bored." He mumbled, hands inching even higher until they skimmed the bottom of her shorts. Y/n let out soft sighs, leaning into Steve's touch. Her eyes fluttered closed, mouth open in a silent moan when his thumb slipped into her shorts and brushed over her now damn panties. He smirked against her skin. "Looks like someone's not so bothered about finishing the movies anymore." He murmured.

Y/n turned around quickly in his lap, connecting their lips in a desperately slow kiss. Steve moaned against her mouth, hand travelling up to tangle in her hair whilst his other hand grasped her thigh and hooked it over his lap, so that y/n was straddling him. Her arm intertwined around his neck when she felt the bulge pressing between her legs, pressing down against it and grinding her hims.

Steve groaned, detaching his lips from hers and trailing them along her jaw, her neck, pulling down y/n's shirt collar slightly to kiss at her collar bone. Y/n threw her head back, hands grasping the bottom of Steve's t-shirt and tugging it over his head. Steve broke away from her for only the time it took to get his shirt over his head before his lips were latched to her skin again, teeth nibbling lightly at her collar bone before his kisses were trailing back up to her ear.

"Are you sure this is okay?" He breathed, biting her earlobe lightly. Y/n nodded, hands trying to find the bottom of her own shirt. Steve pulled away, hands cupping both her cheeks and forcing y/n to look into his eyes. "Are you sure this is okay?" He asked sternly, but his nose brushing hers affectionately said otherwise.

Y/n remained eye contact, nodding slowly so he understood. A massive smile spread over Steve's face, his lips connecting with her's in a passionate kiss, mostly teeth and tongue.

Before they new it, clothes were gone and Steve remained in only his briefs, kneeling on the floor in front of y/n. He picked up her leg, placing a soft kiss to her ankle, then her calf, then her knee. Finally, he reached her core, where he placed a teasing kiss over her clothed clit that made y/n buck her hips up.

"None of that." Steve chuckled, pressing an arm to her stomach to keep y/n's hips pinned to the sofa. He moved away, kissing the inside of her thighs teasingly while she gasped and sighed above him. Steve smirked against her, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of her panties before slowly pulling her down her legs.

Steve buried himself between her thighs, eating y/n out like she was his last meal and he was a man starved. Y/n's mouth was permanently open, the lewd moans she would be making substituted with silence as Steve's tongue lapped around her clit, down to her entrance and back up again.

It had been nearly a month since y/n returned from hell, and they hadn't done much more than kiss. Y/n and Steve had decided to keep their relationship secret for a while, knowing that it may stun a couple of their teammates and not to mention how unpredictable Tony's reaction was.

As much a steve wished he could hear y/n moaning - no screaming - his name, Steve was just happy that he could finally get a taste of the girl he loved. Of course, she didn't know his feeling ran quite that deep yet. He moaned into her core, her taste, her sweetness, one he could devour for hours and still be unsatisfied. One of the things spurring him on were Bruce's words: in a few months, her voice should start to return.

Y/n came with a sinful arch to her back, and Steve happily lapped up everything she gave him. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, heavy breathing echoing in the room and Steve fumbled to get out of his trousers and boxers. When they were off, he cooed gently in y/n's ear when she gasped at the size.

"I'll go gentle. If you need me to stop, for any reason, tap me three times with two fingers anywhere and I promise I'll stop." He assured, rolling a condom over his length.

The brightest smile spread on steve lips when the hoarse sound staggered from y/n as he pushed in. We're getting there, he thought. Her eyes widened, an excited sparkle to them in the realisation that she made a noise.

Steve's strokes were slow but powerful, bringing both him and his girl to the edge very quickly. The speed of their release could also be due to the fact that neither of them had been laid in a little while too. Steve's grin never left, the hoarse sounds still coming from y/n. She seemed pleased too, but was way to wrapped out in the feeling of his tip nudging her cervix to care.

When they came, Steve cried out y/n's name with a grunt and a groan, collapsing on the sofa beside her as both avengers tried to catch their breath back.

"That was...amazing." Steve sighed, smirking when he felt y/n nod against his chest, which she'd now curled into with a leg thrown over his waist. Steve pulled a blanket over them both, carding a hand through y/n's hair and rubbing smooth circles into her scarred back.

His fingers ran over the dips and bumps of the raised flesh, a pang of guilt eating at him when Steve realised everything she'd been through. He sighed deeply, sinking further into the sofa as y/n nuzzled into his chest further, he steady breathing telling him she was already fast asleep.

Steve could feel his own eyes drifting shut now, his long eyelashes scraping over his cheeks as sleep pulled him under. Little did Steve know, that the next few weeks would be full of sex with his girl, the act something she'd become obsessed with because she could make a sound whilst he was buried balls-deep within her.

It ended up driving the rest of the team mad, especially Tony. Y/n would try and pull Steve out of conference meetings, tease him throughout briefings and debriefings, keep him up all night when they had nothing to do the next day, just so she could hear her own voice again.

And don't get steve wrong - the sex was wonderful, like entering heaven, but the tiredness that ensued and pulled his whole being down like an anchor wasn't so great.

Everyone noticed it, but Steve would brush them off - after all, he only wanted to see y/n happy, and he loved hearing her voice, no matter how strained it currently was.

So when the team got back from their mission the first time they slept together, devoid of Bucky, Steve and the rest of the team decided to keep the rest of their missions to find the winter soldier on the down low. The shear disappointment steve had seen in y/n's eyes when they told her shattered him, made him want to cry as tears slipped down her reddened cheeks.

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