#but my mental health won't let me do any job hunting so I had to say yes when i got offered a job on a silver platter

[hippienaturedruiddad]

god I've had a real weird week. I finished my BA in April and haven't managed to muster up the courage and energy to go job hunting since then, and have just fallen deeper and deeper into a depressive episode with each passing day. and then on wednesday evening my dentist (also a neighbour and friend of my family) suddenly called me because her receptionist quit out of the blue so she urgently needs a replacement and asked me if I'd like the job. so I went back to my parents' town today, met up with her after dinner to talk and then we went to her practice and she showed me the general gist of what I'd need to do. and now I'm gonna move back in with my parents and start working for her full-time in just over a week.

[thetruthaboutnolan]

So I see and hear my name being brought up A LOT recently. I also see that people have been witching hunting for me on a lot of blogs. You people are worse than you claim I was haha. Deranged Obsessive Stalker Fans is like the tip of that iceberg.

Any who, decided to make my first non RPC related blog just so you people have somewhere to stalk and direct all your hate to. Granted, I'm really only going to log on to laugh and keep track of nonsense and yes anons are turned off. So either block this blog or stop being cowards but I suppose only one of us can be brave. In the meantime let me answer a few questions that I've seen recently. Are you INSERT BLOG HERE?

Nope, none of them. As I've stated multiple times, I don't have a personal blog or do any RPT, RPH-style stuff. I actively avoid all those tags given how toxic and apeshit they are which is proven when my name was so much as uttered. Haven't thought about you all in years and now I feel power, I feel above all these 40+-year-old trolls, well I am above them let's be honest I can run two groups both passing their two year mark in a couple of months, work a demanding job, have a fiancee, run classes (more on that later), and take part in AW tournaments out of state, and be dog dad without turning bitter and ugly.

Did I attempt S██████?

Yes, thank you guys for that. Yes, both attempts were because of the RPC HERE and that alone. It is well known I'm bipolar and even now I'll skip the meds here and there when I feel fine and know I'll just take them tomorrow. That is why it kind of makes me laugh that there was Nolan trigger warning. Was that for you or me? I love the talk of caring about mental health and positivity but then when you get told someone you don't like actually almost ends it all because of your actions and lies it's basically THIS.

Have you seen the recent stuff?

I have and again 98% of it is stuff I've never heard of, don't know these people, never knew these groups existed. Even showed it to my fiancee and even he laughed while saying I've been a busy boy. There is one person I wanna call out though because even without the posts I can link to and the screencaps I have saved which they provided ZERO PROOF OF THEMSELVES, I can discredit their ass with Google.

@katherine-mcnamara Like ........................ ahhhhhhh I'm going to be nice, my therapist has been helping me with my tendency to destroy someone that comes at me in general, let alone with obvious lies. I could go into how you are more emotionally unstable off meds than I am and how you don't have a single thought inside your head that a friend didn't give you and the chronic 'freshmen trying to make the seniors think she's cool' vibes. Or even the other dramas buried in the tags about you. But I won't since I still have an atom of respect for you.

Now, I didn't know anything about this Gonzo person you claim is me. I had people on another blog reveal it to me that he was the creepy pedophile you and your friends sicced on a poor girl back in 2012. How the screencaps about it were on a TUMBLR RP but your claiming it was Jcink now. There was talk of him coming back over and over but never that he was using my alias. You also say you know it was me from OOC discord interactions (this is what gotcha). Then you kind of bounce the timeline saying it was before I came to tumblr (early 2014 by the way) so I'll be generous and say 2013 - 2014. You also stated in a now deleted post that I 'was known for being in many jcink and discord servers even before coming to tumblr' bare in mind that was early 2014.

NOOOWWWWW for those of you who have my discord username the one I stopped using for RP back in 2020 I now have a discord specifically for tumblr RPs. Actually sold it to a guy I met on DBD for 20 bucks like a month or two ago. I ask you to check the creation date of that account which you can do simply by right clicking my name and click on Profile. *dramatic drum roll*................. that's right!!! March, 2017. Now please, open any search engine webpage and type in 'When was Discord made.' I'll wait.......................................what?!?!?! May 13, 2015.................. Something about these dates .... the math ain't mathing.

I'll do you better. Now please all you 30+ year-old RPC members recall with me. It's 2014 til let's say, randomly, May 12th 2015. If your group had an OOC space of any kind. What were the two most popular and used ones. If you said OOC side blogs off of the main or Skype groups, Venmo request me for your ten US dollars.

Now lets cover the gap between when discord was made and when the ONLY account ya'll can even remotely link to me was made. so 2015 til 2017. I had my first ALT+DELETE attempt after leaving WOTNA which according to their blog looking through the archive for it, was AUG 27 2015. Now at this time I'm completely unknown only had drama on this site and can only find my alias mentioned on any group back then being WOTNA and ALR where I was right before here. Now, I completely disappear for most of this year. I wonder why ....yeah.... that. When I do come back the first mention of me is on Mount Prospect, no drama and I was only there for like 3 weeks. Jo did steal my characters by keeping them as skeletons after I asked they be deleted, just saying. Then Raven's RP. I tried to join it she being the horrible person that she is cusses me out for semicolons and lets someone use my bio to make my character with a different name and very slight edits. Then silence for 6 months and .....I moved sequence from its 2013-2014 jcink forum to here and for like 3 years it was impossible to be anywhere else for more than a week beforing getting kicked out an a rather uncomfortable message that basically was 'you didn't do anything HERE.... but....". I do wonder based on what you can see..... how interesting that the original home for Sequence has similarities to what was 'stolen' from Raven but you know I stole everything for it and not had something that actually predates the creation of their so-called stolen materials. Its truly a mystery only forces we can't begin to comprehend can truly solve.

Do you hate women?

Nope, 90% of my posting partners identify as female. This started because after Raven's assault on me I called them a bitch. I also was using she/her pronouns for them as that's what they used and allowed me to use when cussing me out over grammar for my app on their site. Didn't know what RPH blogs were back then or that they had one with they/them as their pronouns. But those two things combine got one of the 'he's called them a bitch, he hates women!!' narrative going. If ya'll remember that actual origin how many of you would flip that it wasn't sexist today? After that it just got added to when I'd join a group, someone handed the link to Raven's post and they'd kick me then claim 'he was sexist to us women'. Even today If I join another group and they eventually see that crap, most don't care but toxic ones do. I can't not wanna plot or ship with the first female character that comes to me without an 'oh you do hate women then' comment. And I thought I was the one forcing plots on people?

Are you RPing on Discord?

Yes and no. I have joined Zero group RPs. people that have apologised to me privately while having gone apeshit on me publically have opened 'indie servers' for us to post on together. And yes, I let the narrative I roleplay on discord go without it specifically being indie with those that asked if I would for a reason. to see you crazy fans do your crazy fan thing, and it worked. I do run two classes though on my business discord. One for webdesign an another teaching the use of the Midjourney bot both basic and detailed prompt formatting and for getting a consistent character and using it to create art for our characters along with face swapping and even getting vids/gifs from other AI with those images.

Do you use They/Them Pronouns?

I do actually. At first it was simply because I like the 'Nolan who are they' vibe. But then started to correct everyone in real life with them and now everyone uses them for me and I do as well. So yeah, all you who have been using He/Him since 2020 are hatefully misgendering bigot monsters. And I am waiting for the apologies to rain in. I apologized for misgendering Raven all those years ago but you all ignore it to this day but I won't ignore yours and like with anyone else it is owed.

How many accounts do you have?

Like............ 50+ on here. I make a new email and blog for every RP I join and I've been on a lot and only had 'drama on four, three made up drama after I left. Apparently, that count is higher. active accounts though...... well 6 for one of my groups, 4 for the other, and 1 for the three groups that aren't mine that I'm in so 13 total I believe.

The Nolanverse?

Honestly this makes me laugh. None of the people who actually know me and actually have interacted with me made that up. This comes from this new guard of players who created it and its funny especially since back in 2013 not wanting to use my real name I thought of one I could use and the Christopher Nolanverse for batman was a thing and where it came from.

[swiftiesupportgroup]

Semester 1 results are out soon and I'm positive I failed one of my units. I'm so stressed because I don't want people to think I'm dumb. I also know I won't be able to handle re-doing the unit as well as my units for next semester. I just don't know how to cope.

Hi sweetie,

I’m sorry to hear you’re so stressed out right now, sending you a big comforting hug💞

I think the most important thing to realize is that you did the best you could, and that’s all anybody can do. Also, there’s nothing left to do to change anything, so stressing out about it only serves to make you even more stressed out. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. I can very much relate to this. I’ve always stressed myself out so much about test results and more often than not, I worried for nothing. And even if I did worry for a good reason, I learned that having to take a resit or even graduating later than planned is really not the end of the world. And it certainly isn’t more important than your mental health.

I think it’s really easy these days to crumble under all of these expectations, whether it be in school, everyone taking the same AP classes to get into college, no jobs, student loans, etc.

The pressure that young people are expected to deal with is unprecedented. And we don’t even realize how damaging that can be. Adolescence and young adulthood are critical times for brain development, which is negatively impacted by high levels of stress. Like severely negatively impacted. 

So many (probably the majority of) students are working themselves into breakdowns and burn outs before even turning 21. Anxiety related illnesses are at an all time high. 

And we’re all like, yeah we’re suffering but let’s keep on going, go go go! And then, when you finish (or drop out of) college, your an emotional wreck deserving of some rest. But all you get is more competitive job hunting, more pressure, student loans, basically no hopes for a job you studied for because let’s face it, us millennials, we’re kind of screwed. And we just keep going going going. We’re literally working ourselves into mental illnesses because who could take that kind of pressure? No one, and so we all suffer. (I don’t mean this in a gloomy way though well maybe kind of but I do have a point, hang in there with me). 

We forget that we are all humans who deserve to be happy and not suffer emotionally (or physically for that matter). 

We forget that we matter enough to self care, to rest and to experience relaxation and stress free living. Some actual joy and comfort. 

We forget how important it is to self care because when you do, you do feel better, you can do more, you can get more confidence. It’s an upward spiral. 

And it’s like none of us have the clarity or distance to even see ourselves that way, so we just keep working ourselves to death no questions asked because those are the times we are living in.

And that’s just not acceptable. We matter and we deserve to feel at least well enough to be functional human beings. But we don’t put enough effort into caring for ourselves, and often we are discouraged even to actively self care. And that’s such a shame. Because if you don’t feel good, it affects everything and it becomes this really negative vicious cycle your spending all of your energy on. When in stead we could put all of this energy into self care, and feel better, which makes us more likely to succeed in reaching our goals. 

Ok now this got way longer than I intended, sorry about that!

So now for the practical advice: 

I know it’s way easier said than done to let go of things and focus on something else, something positive. But if you can manage, it might be good for you to try. *Though it’s important to know that if you’re at a point where absolutely anything is too much, this is not gonna work, I’ve been there too. In that case I’d suggest you see your doctor and ask for a referral for a therapist who can help you cope and manage your stress.

Something that has worked for me is creating distractions for myself. I’m really good at procrastinating, and I’ve learned that you can actually procrastinate your stress. Whenever I’d get overwhelmed and on the verge of a panic attack, I’d say to myself: ‘NO. STOP. Think about something else. NOW.’ Then I would actively distract myself with music/ tv shows/books/cooking/organizing/tumblr/anything that would occupy my mind fully. And in a matter of minutes I’d be preoccupied with my new activity and actually not think about whatever was stressing me out. So I procrastinated my stress right until I had to do the thing that was giving me anxiety. And I would only be fully stressed for a few minutes/hours in stead of actual weeks. So weeks of misery turned into only hours, which is pretty good if you ask me.

Another thing to help you think about something else or feel a bit better is to spoil yourself. Don’t save that yummy treat for the you ‘deserve’ it, have it cheer yourself up. Use that fancy lotion or shampoo, get dressed for a glamorous night out (especially if you’re staying in), grab a hair brush and jump on your bed and sing your heart out to your favorite song. They’re all small things, but when you find that little thing that always puts a smile on your face, do it. 

If you can, squeeze in some more sleep. I know that can be very difficult but more sleep is always good, you’re less susceptible to be affected by hormone level changes through out the day. It’s like, if you start off the day after a good night’s sleep, you have more back up energy to help you manage your triggers. Naps are also good, but not too late in the day because that will in turn disturb your sleep at night.

Nature can do wonders to manage stress. Exercise as well. Taking a walk, seeing beautiful nature stuff can be very relaxing, and again, whatever you like most. A walk on the beach, a walk in the woods, a hike, a run, a dance class, whatever you’re in the mood for.

And for all of these goes: Even if it doesn’t work, it’s more than worth the try to spoil yourself a little bit and treat yourself and show yourself some love in the form of self care.

If you find yourself doing these things without any results, or you maybe can’t even bring yourself to do any of these, I’d really suggest getting professional help. It’s not shameful to see a therapist, nor is it shameful to take meds for your illness. 

Therapy and meds. From my own experience I can tell you that sometimes, when we live with mental illnesses or even high levels of anxiety for a while, we get to a point of no return. Brain wise. Your brain chemistry just doesn’t work the way it should when you’ve been subjected to prolonged periods of anxiety, stress, depression, ocd, ptsd and many more. Your brain chemistry changes and it cannot change back on it’s own. Not always of course, therapy can work wonders on it’s own, but sometimes at some point it really just is a matter brain chemistry that needs help working like it should. I’ve been on meds for a while now and the difference it has made is unfathomable. Honestly I feel like a different person. I no longer get stuck in these negative thought spirals. Things that sent me into a blind panic sometimes no longer even phase me? It’s beyond anything I could have hoped for. And I could gotten the meds sooner if I hadn’t been so scared of getting a diagnosis and actual treatment. It has been life changing and I’m in no way ‘cured’, I still have relapses and am nowhere near the energy levels of a healthy human being, but I also no longer feel like absolute crap all the time. My perspective has changed, it’s really unbelievable. And I would absolutely recommend asking your doctor about it to see if it would be something that you could benefit from.

So what I’m trying to say, there are things that can help, and the only way to find out is to try. And if you can’t, don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

We all need help sometimes. And issues like these, well we’re not meant to deal with those on our own. Reach out to someone you trust and feel comfortable with and share your worries and your feelings and let them ease your mind. And if you need to, let them help you find the help you need to be able to manage your stress and live a happy life and be your best self. 

So please know that you matter, you’re worth the effort, your joy is worth the effort. And there are so many people out there who want to help you, and actually can help you. There is no shame in reaching out to get better. 

I love you, I know you can do this. And if you feel like you can’t, we’re always here if you want to talk and we’re always rooting for you.

Love,

Diana @coffee-midnights and everyone at Swiftie Support Group