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pan-fangirl-345 · 3 years

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Volleyboy Blondie

Summary: There’s a boy that you set to at the community center. Your brother and his best friend are overprotective. You don’t have many friends. You’re about to find out how these three things correlate.

A/N: I don’t even know anymore people, I really don’t. Please ignore the blatant self-projection in these. And ignore the fact that our resident Mad Dog is quite OOC. And yes, the title is supposed to be like that, read and you’ll find out why.

TW: Swearing, low self-esteem, overprotective brother and brother figures, there is some minor violence, but it is well deserved in my opinion, there is a small hint of sexual harassment, but nothing rape-y happens. As always, if I’ve left anything out, please let me now through an ask or a personal message and I will get right on it.

“You’re late,” the boy said, frowning.

“Sorry Blondie, my brother wanted to tell me about how mean his girlfriend is for dumping him,” you muttered, tying your shoes up as he walks over.

The blond boy grunted, watching as you stood and stretched your arms out.

You had learned a while ago that he wasn’t one for words, he just watched you like you were a puzzle that he was trying to figure out.

“Toss to me?” he inquired.

“I wouldn’t be here to do anything else,” you told him, tossing him the ball.

He backed up, bumping the ball to you before he made his approach.

You watched the ball, tracking it with your eyes, then glancing at him, letting the ball glance off your fingers.

You watched as his arm went back, back muscles contracting and rippling against his t-shirt as he slammed it over the other side of the net, the sound resounding through the gym for a moment before he turned to you, eyes shining in a way that told you he wanted another one.

You grinned at him, grabbing another ball from the basket.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The blond guy, you had never learned his name, sat against the wall, chugging the water bottle you had just handed him.

“You’re good,” he muttered, looking up at you. “You on a team?”

“No,” you admitted, sitting next to him. “Everyone would assume I’m trying to be like my brother. And I really don’t need that right now.”

“You talk about your brother a lot.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hard not to,” you muttered. “Considering everyone compares me to him. It’s one of the reasons I like hanging around you. You have no expectations.”

He raised an eyebrow, then said, “Kyoutani.”

“Huh?”

“My name, it’s Kyoutani.”

“And you’re telling me this . . . why?”

He shrugged. “Figured you should know.”

“You can call me (Y/F/N),” you told him, tossing your water bottle into your bag as you checked your phone. “What do you want?”

“Is that anyway to talk to your favorite older brother?” Tooru asked.

“You’re my only brother, older or otherwise. So, I repeat my earlier question. What do you want?” you asked.

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the community gym. Why?”

“Is Iwa-chan there with you?” Tooru inquired.

“No, why?”

“You know how we feel about you going places without us.”

“Tooru, I am fifteen, almost sixteen, I’m not the cute little five year old in a skirt that you had to follow everywhere. I can take care of myself. Besides, I’m with a-” You paused. Kyoutani wasn’t really a friend, but he wasn’t a random guy either. “An acquaintance of mine.”

Kyoutani gave a small snort and you rolled your eyes. “Shut it, Blondie.”

“Huh?”

“Not you, moron. I’ll be home in like, an hour, try not to piss Haji off too much while I’m gone alright?”

You hung up before your brother could get another word in, chuckling.

“Oh, I hate him,” you muttered, tossing your phone into your bag again. “You wanna go again?”

Kyoutani nodded, raising to his feet.

“What about you?” you inquired. “You on a team?”

“Kind of,” he muttered, toying with the ball in his hands. “I don’t get along with them.”

“Well, that must suck for them,” you said. “You’re a good player.”

He may have looked like a delinquent, but Kyoutani was a good person, he was just blunt.

“Give me a second, I just need to redo my hair,” you said, pulling your hair out of it’s braid, shaking it loose.

“Want some help?” he asked.

“You know how to braid hair?”

“I have a little sister,” he admitted, moving to run his fingers through your hair, easily weaving the three sections together.

“You must be a great brother, mine makes me pay him to do my hair,” you muttered.

Kyoutani snorted, taking the elastic you handed him.

“Thanks,” you said, toying with the end of your braid. “Come on, if I’m not back within an hour my brother will call Haji, and I don’t need that bloodhound on my ass,” you muttered, making Kyoutani snort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You shrugged your jacket on as you headed out of the gym.

“Tomorrow?” Kyoutani inquired.

“You betcha,” you said, smiling at him.

He stood there for a moment, then asked, “Can I walk you to the bus?”

“You don’t have to, it’s not far,” you told him.

“Want too though.”

“I mean, if you want to I guess it’s okay,” you said, wondering what had gotten into him all of a sudden.

Your phone buzzing made you sigh. “I’m on my way home, don’t send Haji out.”

“(Y/F/N), it’s Hajime,” Hajime said. “Where are you?”

“I’m walking to the bus stop. I’m literally like, fifteen minutes away,” you said, adjusting your bag.

“Your brother is freaking out.”

“My brother is a little shit,” you told him.

“I know, I’ve known him front, back, right, left, and inside out since we were seven. You’re his sister, he wants to protect you.”

“See, here’s the thing Haji, you’ve both been tailing me like guard dogs since I was- what?- three? You two aren’t going to be around forever. You guys have to stop isolating me,” you told him. “I love you like another brother Haji, but god damnit, you’re both overbearing!”

Hajime sighed, and you could hear Tooru in the background, crying.

“Fuck, was I on speaker?”

“Yup,” Haji replied.

“Fuck my life,” you muttered. “Do damage control, I’ll be home soon.”

You hung up, running a hand over your hair.

“How bad?” Kyoutani asked.

“Don’t ask,” you muttered. “Look, thank you for this. These meet-ups help me as much as they do you. I’ll see you around Kyoutani.”

He nodded, looking slightly shocked.

“What?” you inquired.

“Nothing,” he mumbled, but the tips of his ears burned red and you smiled at him.

“Why are you shy all of a sudden?” you asked, tilting your head to look at him. “Anyway, thank you for walking me to the station, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kyoutani nodded, making sure you were seated before he headed towards his own home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Tooru, Haji, I’m home,” you called, tossing your bag down as you untied your shoes.

“(Y/F/N)!” Tooru whined, throwing himself at you. “I-I’m sor-sorry!” he sobbed.

“Get off me!” you hissed, shoving him towards Hajime, who grunted.

“Ar-Are we re-really ov-overbearing?” he inquired.

“Yes. Look,” you began. “I love you both, but I don’t have friends. I don’t have a boyfriend. Have you ever wondered why? I can’t make friends with the girls because they’re vultures and they want to get close to the two of you, and most of the guys I know are terrified of the both of you and your team.”

“It’s my job to protect you!” Tooru said, pouting.

“Tooru, this isn’t protecting me,” you snapped, glaring at him. “I need to be able to make my own friends. You can’t keep sending Haji out like a fucking bloodhound when you don’t know where I am.”

“What about that acquaintance you were talking about earlier?”

“He doesn’t have anything to do with this! Only reason I even know him is because I set for him. I only learned his name today!”

“He?”

Tooru had that squinty look on his face when he didn’t like something. And Haji had that look that told you he was pissed.

“Don’t give me those looks,” you snarled. “He wouldn’t touch me like that with a thirty foot fucking pole. He’s too emotionally stunted for that. Besides, if you boys haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly crush material.”

“Who the fuck told you that?” Haji demanded.

“Like, every person in school? I hang out with mostly boys, I get called a slut and whore by the girls, and I’m not feminine enough for most of the boys I hang out with. I’ve been told that the thought of dating me is like the thought of being gay to them. I’m not getting many confessions,” you snarled, crossing your arms over your chest.

Tooru and Haji stared at you for a moment before Tooru asked, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“And be the little bitch that runs to her big brother and his beefy friend to fix all of her problems? I don’t think so,” you said, scowling.

The three of you stood there for a moment in silence before Tooru made a choked noise, looking close to tears.

Your phone ringing caught your attention and you sighed, rummaging through your bag to find it.

Volleyboy

“Everything okay?” you asked, answering the call.

“Yeah.”

“Then why are you calling? Do you have to reschedule again?”

“No.”

“C’mon, I need a little more info here Blondie,” you told him.

“I wanted to make sure you were home,” he admitted.

“So you called?” you said. “You haven’t called me since we started this whole thing.”

Kyoutani wasn’t one for words, you had learned that a long time ago, and you knew that if you saw him he would be bright red and shrugging.

“Thank you for the concern Blondie,” you told him. “I have to go, I’m talking with my brother, but we’re still on for tomorrow right?”

“Definitely,” he replied.

“Great, later Blondie,” you said, ending the call.

“Blondie?” Haji questioned.

“I didn’t know his name until today and I had to call him something other than Volleyboy. We had this unspoken deal, I set for him, he spikes for me, and we don’t make small talk. Or that was the deal until Tooru made me late today.”

“Huh,” Hajime muttered. “Well, as long as he doesn’t try anything. Stop with the look Shittykawa!”

“Haji, you keep forgetting that those names apply to me too,” you teased, wrinkling your nose at him. “Anyway, I’m gonna take a shower and get something to eat, what do you two want?”

“I just want you to be happy, (Y/F/N),” Tooru said, looking sad.

“You’re gonna be waiting a while Ruru,” you told him, using the old nickname you had given him as a child.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, (Y/F/N), do you think that you could help us out?” Haji asked.

“Sure, whatcha need?” you inquired.

“Can you refill these and help pick balls up? We need a manager, but no one wants to do it.”

“Ask one of my brother’s fangirls, I’m sure they’d be more than willing,” you muttered.

“No, we tried that. They don’t actually help to manage the team. Most of the guys seem to know you, so we were hoping that you would consider managing for us?”

“I mean, do you guys really want me to be the manager?” you inquired. “I don’t really feel qualified.”

“The guys all love you, and Tooru and I will be here to make sure that they keep their hands to themselves.”

“Wow Haji,” you muttered. “Subtle much?”

He shrugged, looking at you for a moment before he said, “I leave subtle to your brother.”

“Yeah, because my brother is so subtle.”

“So, you in?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Guys, this is (Y/F/N) Oikawa, she’ll be our new manager.”

“So you’re the famous little sister we’ve heard so much about,” Hanamaki said.

“You’ve never met her?” Yahaba inquired.

“Nope, she’s never there when we go over, and she doesn’t come on team retreats,” Mattsukawa said.

“I’m never there because I can barely stand my brother around Haji, I don’t want to have to deal with his melodramatic ass around someone he called the ‘Meme Team’,” you retorted, arms crossed.

“If you were expecting a mini Oikawa, you boys are gonna be disappointed,” Haji said, smirking. “These two are polar opposites.”

“Murder me,” you mumbled. “Tooru, stop hiding in the corner and get your ass over here. This is your team!” you shouted, glaring at him.

“No, you’re pissed, and you scare me more than Iwa-chan does!”

“Hey!” you both shouted, laughing.

“I’m not pissed, I’m irritated because I don’t know how I got roped into this,” you said. “Whatever, it’s not like I have anything else better to be doing.”

You glanced at the clock and grinned.

“See you fools later, I have someone I need to meet. Tooru, I’ll be home late, there’s food in the fridge, Dad’s working over time, and Mom is working a double shift for one of the women on maternity, so they won’t be home. Takeru is coming tomorrow morning, don’t forget because I have to leave early.

“Haji, make sure he remembers Takeru, and please, for the love all things sacred to our family, do not let him watch any of those alien conspiracy shows he’s a nut-job for. The last time he did that he came into my room at three in the morning sobbing about corn probes or something,” you muttered, throwing your hair up into a knot on the top of your head.

“Stop airing my dirty laundry (Y/F/N)!” your brother cried, pouting.

“Shove it up your ass Tooru, this is my payback for you and Haji following me like angry fucking Pomeranians,” you told him, slinging your bag over your shoulder as you hurried out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were bumping a ball against the wall when Kyoutani walked in.

“Hey Blondie,” you said, catching the ball. “You’re late this time.” You paused when you saw his face. “You good?”

“The captain of the team I’m on came by earlier and wanted me to come back.”

“What did you tell him?” you asked, watching his face. “You said yes! Ha!” you cheered, throwing your arms around him. “I’m proud of you.”

It took a few moments of Kyoutani standing stiffly under your touch for you to realize what had happened.

You practically threw yourself against the opposite wall, cheeks burning. “Sorry, I do that with my brother sometimes. Anyway, I’m proud of you! This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

You could see the ‘but’ in his eyes.

“But?” you prompted.

“This means I have to stop seeing you.”

Your cheeks heated again and you gave a soft smile.

He looked so open about it. He was genuinely upset by the fact that he might not see you again.

“I mean, i-if you’re that worried about it, we could meet up on the weekends? We’ve rearranged our schedules before,” you told him.

Kyoutani shook his head, ears tinged pink again. “How about a date?”

“Are you serious? Is my brother hiding here somewhere? Haji maybe?”

“I . . . don’t think I know either of them,” he said, eyes wide in surprise. “If you don’t want to-”

“No!” you blurted, then winced. “I want to, go on a date with you I mean, but I’m just trying to make sure this isn’t a . . . a prank or something,” you admitted, glancing around, eyes alert. “I’m waiting for someone to post a video or something.”

“Do I really seem like the kind of guy to do that?”

“No, but I’ve learned not to trust people too much.”

“You trust me though,” he reminded you.

You sighed; he did have a point. “This isn’t some sick joke? You actually want to go out with me?”

“Yes?”

“Is it a question now?” you teased.

“No. I do want to go out with you.” He said it with so much conviction, it kind of surprised you. “Do you want to go out with me?”

“Yes.”

You looked at each other for a few moments before you burst out laughing. Well, he was chuckling, but it was close enough.

“C’mon, let’s play,” you said, tossing him the ball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“First official day as manager, are you nervous?” Tooru asked.

“No,” you said. “I know most of the boys, and I basically did the gig in middle school, so I think I’ll be all set.”

“You’ll be great Pip,” Haji said. He had called you Pipsqueak until you were a third year in middle school and Pip was something he had started calling you recently as a remembrance to that nickname, despite your numerous protests.

“You guys are acting like parents sending their child off to their first day of school, stop,” you said, shrugging your brother’s arm off your shoulders as you walked into the gym.

“Heads!” someone shouted and you immediately flinched and ducked your head. You turned to see the ball coming right towards you and you instinctively moved your hands into a setting posture, shooting it towards the ace position.

Silence followed as the boys stared at you.

“Pip, you alright?” Hajime asked, the first to break the silence.

“I’m fine Haji,” you muttered. “My brother isn’t the only setter in the family.”

“You can set?” Tooru asked, pure and genuine surprise lining his face as he looked at you.

“Tooru, I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t the only volleyball dork in the family,” you said, tying your hair up. “You also seem to forget that when you used to follow me around, I watched you and Haji. I also played with you guys, when you let me. You weren’t the only ones that liked to play. Let’s put it this way, you’re the sun, and I am the shadow caused from that light.”

“So poetic,” Tooru muttered.

“Tooru, I have to listen to your dramatic ass all the time, I also hear what you say at your games. I’m not a complete moron.” You paused. “Well, not all the time anyway.”

Someone nearby snorted, and you glanced around at his teammates.

“Just leave it be Tooru,” you told him. “Haji, don’t. Say. Anything,” you snarled, pointing at him.

“But-”

“No. We don’t talk about it,” you reminded him.

“Alrighty then, time to continue practice!” Tooru said, clapping his hands with that creepy grin he had around his teammates.

“Good God, he’s gonna be terrible, isn’t he?” you inquired, making Haji snort.

“You have no idea,” he muttered, falling in line with the rest of their team as practice started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was easy to get into a groove with your brothers’ team, easier than you would’ve thought, though it might’ve been because the job was easy to begin with.

“I never would’ve thought Oikawa-san would have a sister like you,” Yahaba admitted during a water break.

“What do you mean?” you inquired.

“I just mean that you seem a lot more like Iwaizumi-san than Oikawa-san.”

“I mean, those two followed me like hellhounds for as long as I can remember, I always liked hanging around Haji because I could ditch him whenever I wanted, I had to live with Tooru.”

“So, you’re . . . you’re really a setter?” Yahaba asked.

“Um, I guess? I’m not on a team or anything, but . . . yeah, I can do it,” you admitted. “And before you ask, no, it’s not because of my brother.”

“I . . . wasn’t gonna ask you that,” Yahaba said.

“Really? As soon as everyone finds out who my older brother is and that I set, they usually assume it’s because of my brother.”

“Being a setter means you learn to read people,” Yahaba said with a shrug. “You learn to apply that to real life too. You don’t seem like the kind of person that would do something just because your brother does it. You seem like the kind of person to do the opposite of what your brother would be doing, just to make him mad.”

“I mean,” you shrugged, “you’re not entirely wrong.”

He snorted on a laugh, making you smile.

“Any tips?” Yahaba asked. “I’m-”

“The reserve setter for my brother, I know,” you told him. “I’ve watched a lot of your games. You’re good, from what I’ve seen. The only tips I have for you are learn to read your teammates. Oh, and learn how to read the other team. Find cracks.

“Be like water and ice. Think of it like cracks in the sidewalk. That small crack gets bigger and bigger until something breaks. Find the cracks, slip in, and freeze. The more you melt and refreeze, the bigger the cracks get.”

“That’s actually a really good way of thinking about it,” Yahaba muttered. “Most people say ‘find the weak link’ or something.”

“Well, I like to think of it like this; the weak link won’t always break the chain. What if the weak link is the last link? Or the second to last? It weakens the chain, but the rest is still viable. Cracks spread until everything breaks.”

“Huh, I like that,” Yahaba said. “Thank you-” He paused, then said, “I feel weird calling you ‘Oikawa’.”

“You can call me (Y/F/N), it makes it easier,” you said, waving a hand dismissively. “Besides, I don’t need other teams knowing that Tooru is my older brother anyway. And you don’t have to use an honorific,” you added. “It makes me feel like we’re in a business meeting.”

You shuddered, wrapping your arms around yourself.

Yahaba laughed and you smiled at him.

“How come we haven’t hung out before now?” he inquired. “It just seems like we’d be good friends.”

You shrugged. “I mean, I don’t really trust anyone. Girls have been trying to use me to get to my brothers since I can remember, and a lot of the other people I know are terrified of them. More Haji than Tooru, but still.”

“So, you and Iwaizumi a thing or-?”

“If you’re asking me if we’re dating, or if there’s a mutual interest, the answer is a big fat no fucking way. I mean, I had a crush on him when I was like, eleven, but there’s no way we would work, even if I was interested. Besides, my brother would never let anything happen.”

Yahaba watched you for a moment before huffing, a small noise of contemplation.

“Alright guys water break’s over, time to try-”

Whatever Tooru was going to say was cut off by the gym doors opening, a boy walking through them.

He stood there for a moment, ripping a piece off of the bun he was eating as he stared down the team.

“Blondie?” you asked, slightly dazed.

His eyes snapped to you, and something in his eyes softened before the shock took over at seeing you standing in the Seijoh gym.

“Ah, Mad Dog-chan!” Tooru said, grinning at the blond boy, who immediately went on his guard.

“Tooru, stop messing with him,” you snapped.

“Tooru?” Kyoutani inquired, eyes narrowed as he watched the two of you.

“Surprise,” you muttered. “I suppose this means I have some things to explain, does it?”

“Care to explain (Y/F/N)?” Tooru asked, arms crossed.

“Why me?” you whimpered, glaring up at the fluorescent lights in the gym. You sighed, letting your shoulders slump. “Gather ‘round boys, it’s story time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mad Dog is dating my baby sister?” Tooru shouted, high pitched and whiney.

Hajime hit him on the head and said, “Shut it Shittykawa.”

“Tooru, I am literally one,” you held up a single finger, “year younger than you, shut up. After this he might not even want to go out with me. And besides, this was bound to happen eventually. You can’t scare off every guy, you know. Pretty soon the two of you won’t even be around.”

You leaned against the wall, glaring at your brother.

You had just finished explaining how you had met Kyoutani at the community center one night, trying to get away from Tooru for some piece and quiet, how you had made a silent deal when you saw him trying to spike on his own, how you had gotten closer to him until he had asked you out the other night when Tooru had asked him to come back to the team.

“And I didn’t know she was your sister,” Kyoutani grunted, scowling even more than your brother and Haji combined.

“And that would have made a difference?” Tooru snapped, glaring at Kyoutani, who seemed surprised.

You didn’t blame him. It wasn’t often that your brother was serious about anything other than volleyball, and that seriousness was usually aimed at the other team’s players.

“He wouldn’t have touched me with a 400 foot pole if he had known I was your sister, if not for you then for Hajime,” you answered, trying to hide your wince. You had known that you would’ve had to tell Kyoutani eventually, especially if your date had gone well, but you hadn’t expected this.

“I feel like I’m watching a drama on TV,” Hanamaki muttered to Mattsun, who nodded.

“Fuck this,” you hissed. “Look,” you turned to Kyoutani. “That’s my brother and the bloodhound.” You turned to look at your brother. “That’s the guy I’ve been sneaking out to play volleyball with.” You looked up at the ceiling. “And this is why I don’t have any fucking friends.”

You sighed, running your hands over your hair, trying to keep your composure. You really didn’t need to lose it right here. “Just get back to practice,” you ordered. “We can talk about this later if it’s still an issue.”

“C’mon Loserkawa, we need to get back to practice,” Hajime said, and you shot him a grateful look.

“This isn’t over,” Tooru told you, a serious look on his face as he walked away.

“I am so massively fucked,” you muttered, holding you head in your hands. A small touch on your shoulder made you looked up to see Kyoutani standing there, looking concerned. “Just go practice,” you told him. “It’s okay.”

“I still wanna go out with you,” he said, pausing for a moment before he wandered away.

“Fuck.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as the practice was over you were sliding your other shoes on, practically running from the gym.

Someone shouted at you, either Kyoutani or Hajime, but you weren’t listening. You wanted some time to think before you talked to anyone about this.

And I didn’t know she was your sister.

Would it have made a difference if he knew I was his sister? Would he have even let me close if he’d known who I was? Probably not, based on how he reacted to my brother earlier. You thought miserably.

He had said that he wanted to go out with you still. Although that might have been because of all the people there. But . . . Kyoutani also wasn’t the kind of person to put up a show for someone else’s benefit.

You sighed, pulling your hoodie closer around you, trying to draw comfort from it as you wandered.

You weren’t entirely sure where you were going, you were just letting your feet carry you away from the gym and preferably your problems, even if that’s not how it worked.

You heard voices swimming around in your brain, but you didn’t think anything of it until someone’s fingers wrapped around your wrist, jerking you to a stop.

You were expecting Kyoutani or Haji, but there was a stranger holding your wrist in his hand.

“Can I help you?” you inquired.

“You can stop being a bitch and ignoring me,” the man retorted.

“Look dude, it’s been a long day for me, so I apologize if I’m a little spacey, but I have no clue who you are. I owe you absolutely nothing, so let me go.”

“I think not,” he replied. “I think you owe me for ignoring me.”

“Let me go,” you ordered, trying to wrench your wrist from his hand.

“No.”

“Look man, I am not in the mood for this bullshit, let me the go and walk away,” you snarled, tensing.

“I don’t think so bitch.”

“Call me a bitch again, I dare you, you pervy fucker,” you snapped.

“Let go of my girlfriend, you son of a bitch.”

You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Kyoutani striding towards you both, rage evident on his already fierce features.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Her boyfriend,” Kyoutani snarled.

“And I’m her brother,” Hajime snapped, stepping into your line of sight, arms crossed over his chest.

“So, you wanna let me go now?” you asked, stepping on his foot and throwing an elbow into his face.

“You little bitch!” he cried, holding his nose, which was starting to drip red.

“Leave,” Kyoutani snarled, slipping his hand into yours softly, slowing tugging you behind him and Hajime. “Or you have to deal with us.”

The guy snarled, but he backed away, disappearing around a corner.

“What the fuck were you thinking (Y/F/N)?” Hajime snapped, turning to you.

Kyoutani didn’t even say anything, he just wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his- very firm- chest.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, burying his face in your neck.

“Hey Blondie, it’s okay, I’m fine,” you murmured, slowly wrapping your arms around him. “I’m fine,” you repeated, glancing at Haji, who had already pulled out his phone to call your brother.

“I should’ve been with you.”

“Kyoutani, it’s okay. I’m the one that left without telling you guys where I was going. Besides, like I said, I’m okay.”

He was tense beneath your fingers as you ran them over his back, trying to calm him down a little bit.

You heard your name from Haji and listened to what he was saying.

“-with Kyoutani, figured she’s in good hands.” He paused to listen to Tooru for a moment before he said, “Shut up Shittykawa. We need to leave her be. I’m coming back home.” He paused again. “We need to trust her Tooru.”

The use of your brother’s first name surprised you, but you figured they were still figuring their own shit out.

“Thank you,” you mouthed when Haji turned towards you again. He nodded, making sure you were alright silently before he headed home.

“Hey,” you murmured, carding your hands through Kyoutani’s hair. “Come on out and talk to me. The bloodhound is gone.”

“I should have been here with you,” he repeated.

“Kyoutani,” you ordered, moving your hands to cup his face, letting him balance out a little more of your weight as you forced him to look at you. “Talk to me.”

He simply stared at you for a moment before he laid his forehead against yours.

“You called me your girlfriend,” you blurted, and he tensed again. You gave a small giggle, kissing his cheek, making him blush. “Don’t get all shy now Kyoutani. Come on, just talk to me.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did to finding out that he was your brother. I should’ve handled it better. And I was . . . jealous of Iwaizumi-san.”

“Oh Kyoutani,” you said, giving him a small smile. “You never had any reason to be jealous of Haji. For one thing, he’s my other brother, you know that, and secondly, he’s interested in my brother, even if they haven’t figured that out yet.”

“I just . . . really like you. And it-” He stopped, scowling again.

“It scares you,” you finished. He nodded, making you smile. “You think it doesn’t scare me?”

“You just . . . seem so calm all the time. Even when you’re pissed.”

“I live with Tooru,” you said, enunciating each syllable. “I have to be calm. Look Kyoutani, if you want to go out with me- great! If not- oh well- but I hope we can be friends,” you told him.

“I do want to go out with you,” he practically shouted, wincing at his own volume. “Sorry things got lost in translation.”

“It’s okay, just talk to me next time. No sulky puppy, alright?” you demanded, flicking his forehead lightly.

He nodded, then scowled. “’M not a puppy.”

“Sure you aren’t,” you teased. “I think this is the most we’ve talked in the few months that we’ve known each other.”

Kyoutani snorted softly. “I was nervous around you.”

“What? Why?”

“You were this pretty, smart, funny setter. I was used to people avoiding me and being scared. You simply looked at me and smiled.”

“You’re a poet Blondie,” you teased. “C’mon, let’s head back, I think my brother might send out Haji again if I don’t get home soon. Besides, I like talking to you.”

Kyoutani nodded, but he made no move to unwrap his arms from around your waist.

“Or, we could stay here for a little bit,” you said and he grunted. “Okay, we can stay here. On one condition; you have to talk to me.”

“About?”

“Whatever. Everything, nothing, I don’t care. I just want to know you.”

So he talked.

A/N: This is very unrealistic, but whatever. It’s also like, 12:40 in the morning on my end of things and I haven’t slept well lately, so ignore any errors or any imperfections within this imperfection. Stay safe out there my lovelies!

#kyoutani x reader #oikawa tooru x hajime iwaizumi #iwaoi #brother oikawa #kentarou x reader #kyoutani kentarou x oikawa reader #fluff #little bit of angst

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crash-cinematic-universe · 3 years

Text

a sickly satisfaction (ch.1)

pairing: jason dean/reader

summary: high school sucks. jason dean makes it a little better.

warnings: uuhhhh murder, language, suicide discussion

notes: i have every chapter of this written out already, so every wednesday I’ll release a new one <3 in total the story is 7,800 words! but there are some parts that are kind of short, forgive me for those.

Eyes down. Walk fast. Stay out of their way. Three simple steps to get through the day. They had an iron grip on the school, their perfectly manicured nails digging into the oily skin of the entire student body. High School was a bloody battlefield in the war that is life. However, the epitome of cruelty, the ultimate teenage angst inducing, self-esteem crushing, happiness shattering war machine came in the form of three girls and their weak-willed sidekick. That’s right; my biggest threat in high school is Heather Chandler, Heather McNamara, Heather Duke, and Veronica Sawyer. Veronica at least has some semblance of regret and empathy-- she’s just doing what she needs to survive. Unfortunately, that means the rest of us have to struggle to keep our heads above water.

Thankfully, I have a sanctuary. A refrigerator heaven filled with endless isles of roadtrip snacks and hangover remedies. Of course, this junk food Garden of Eden also happens to contain my best friend, Tommy Geller. Tommy is 18, emo, and gay, so naturally we got along pretty well. He sits behind the register and lets me hang around until closing. It’s actually pretty nice-- sometimes he lets me do busywork around the store. Sure, it’s sort of pathetic that Snappy Snack Shack is my main source of serotonin, but you know what? There are worse places to be.

“Pop open a bottle of champagne, Tommy, because today is a special day!” I cry, pushing open the small class doors. To my delight, the store is empty. There are no irritating customers there to make me keep my voice down.

“Oh? And why is that?” Tommy inquires, his jet black hair falling in front of his eyes. He’s tired-- and bored-- and I’m the perfect remedy for that.

“Today marks exactly six months since I first stepped foot in this town,” I grin. Tommy’s eyebrows perk up.

“Really? Congrats, kid,” He’s humoring me a bit, but there is a genuine reaction beneath his sarcastic remarks.

“Thanks, Tommy. Y’know, that’s twice as long as my time in New Jersey and three times as long as my run in Nebraska. I have a feeling dear old aunt Maria might actually stay here for good,” I hop over the counter before grabbing a can of Coke out of the fridge. I prop me feet up on the counter, but Tommy knocks them down.

“You know the rules, kid, no stompy boots on the counter.” I roll my eyes. He wipes off the place where my shoes were before organizing the lotto tickets. “Anything interesting happen at school today?”

“Eh, same old same old. The Heathers were bitches, Veronica was desperately trying to keep up, and I got tripped in the hallway,” Tommy frowns.

“God, those girls really need to get humbled,” He spits.

“You don’t need to tell me. They constantly act so… self-superior, as if their power doesn’t depend solely on whether or not everyone else hates themselves to believe they’re inferior to three teenage girls who are the definition of ‘peaked in high school’,” I squeeze the soda can in my hand, the metal crunching under the pressure. “They need to be more than humbled. The Heathers deserve to be dealt as much pain as they served,”

“Watch it, kid, you’re sounding a bit homicidal,” Tommy jokes. If only he knew.

“It wouldn’t matter anyway. I don’t think they can die-- they’re like a Hydra. If you kill one of the Heathers, three more will grow in her place,” I sigh. Tommy looks concerned.

“Y/n, you don’t actually want to kill them, right?” I hesitate. The silence makes Tommy worry.

“I wouldn’t exactly lose sleep if one of them did die,” I reply nonchalantly. “It would be like a public service. Similar to killing the black mold that grows in the girl’s showers,” Tommy looks at me for a second, his expression unreadable, before turning back to his counter.

“That’s morbid,” he says. “You know that? You sound like a killer in the making.”

“Sometimes bad people deserve bad things.”

“You’re absolutely not helping your case,” Tommy laughs. I can feel someone watching me. It’s an odd feeling, but I brush it off.

“New topic?” I ask. Tommy nods.

A mischievous grin grows on his face. “You got a boyfriend? Girlfriend? Partner? All of the above?” he asks hopefully.

“No, Tommy, and don’t get your hopes up,” I chuckle, before standing up and admiring the neon sign outside.

“Oh come on, there has to be someone. You can’t possibly go to that hellhole every day and not see at least one hot person!” Tommy groans.

“Everyone at Westerburg is either evil or boring. No one interests me and I’m not interesting to anyone. Plus, my attention is mainly focused on getting through the day in one piece, not getting laid.” I neglect to mention the stranger I saw in the Cafe yesterday. He was pretty hot, and didn’t seem to be a douchebag-- in fact, he shot two of the douchiest douchebags with blank bullets. A real rarity at Westerburg.

“God, you need to get out more. I see some pretty people pass through here occasionally, I’m going to start pawning you off,” he jokes.

“Oh, god, no,” I joined in on his laughter.

“Yup, I’m going to give every hot person your photo and your address until you finally score yourself some arm candy,” Tommy can barely form sentences through his laughter.

“I’m gonna to get murdered if you do that, Tom,” I giggle.

“ And that would be damn shame,” A voice calls from across the counter. I look up to see the most attractive man I’ve ever seen in my entire life. It’s the same guy from the Cafe-- although in the bright convenience store lighting he looks more like a ghost than a man. His jawline looked sharp enough to slice me in half, his cheekbones high and defined. His hair was gorgeous and his teeth were really, really nice.

“Uh, yeah, that would totally s-suck,” I choked. Tommy shot me the most horrified look I’ve ever seen. “I’ve, uh, seen you around. That stunt you pulled in the Cafe was wicked, man, seriously.”

“Hey, it was a public service,” He smirked. Tommy gave me a ‘holy-shit-I’ll-leave-you-two-alone’ look before disappearing in the isles across the room. I could see him peeking through the cereal boxes. “I’m Jason Dean, but most people call me JD.” He offers his hand for me to shake.

“Y/n, Y/n Ln,” I grip his hand firmly and try not to have a breakdown over the contact. “Y’know, there are much less extreme ways to get people to fuck off than, well, shooting them.”

“The extreme always seems to make an impression, though, doesn’t it?” His voice was a little bit lower and he leaned in a little bit closer. Tommy was freaking out across the aisle, his eyes wide as his hand raked through his greasy hair.

“That it does,” I grin. “There are quite a few people in that school that deserve certain... extremities,”

“I think you’re right,” Jason smirked once again. I kept my composure as best I could. “Speaking of extremities, I saw you and Kurt in the hallway last week,” My face is lit ablaze as I recall the incident. Kurt had been continuously pestering me the entire day, and eventually I reached my limit.

“I guess they aren’t joking when they say the chin is the knockout button,” Jason seems impressed, although I can’t really tell because looking him in the eyes seems like a death sentence. “Landed me three days detention, though. That sucked. Although I guess it can’t compare to whatever they’re dealing you,” At this point, one of the regulars began approaching the front doors. Tommy sprinted out before they got in, seemingly explaining that my entire love life depends on whether or not I can play it cool.

“Eh, what can I say. I sort of dug myself a grave there,” I spoke without thinking.

“The only graves that should’ve been dug are Kurt and Ram’s. My one critique? Use real bullets next time,” I froze. Why the fuck would I say that? I mean, I’m not wrong but I doubt JD would stick around after--

“I like the way you think,” JD laughs, his ears tinted pink. Jason looks at me, and for a moment, I look right back. There’s something behind his eyes, something festering and enticing. I wonder if my eyes communicate anything. “I’ll see you around, Y/n L/n,”

“And I’ll see you, Jason Dean,” With that he winked at me, spun on his heel, and walked out the front door. Tommy practically sprinted across the room as I released every muscle I’d been tensing. I slowly melted onto the floor. Laying on the tile with my eyes trained on the bright lights overhead.

“Oh my god,” Tommy breathed. “Oh my fucking god that was-- oh my god.”

“I know,”

“Did you see him? He’s like a greek god,”

“I know,”

“And he was totally into you, like, totally,”

“I should’ve given him my address. I wouldn’t mind getting murdered by him.” I say breathlessly. Tommy sits on the counter and looks down at me.

“I think I need to teach you how to talk to boys,” Tommy sighs, shock still lingering on his face.

“Pssh, I can talk to boys just fine,” I retort.

“You almost collapsed when you saw him,” he says flatly.

“That was--”

“I thought you were going to pass out when he told you his name,”

“But I--”

“I genuinely believed you were going to vomit when he shook your hand,”

“Alright! I give! I can’t talk to boys! You caught me! Lock me up and never let me embarrass myself like that again!” I surrendered, throwing my arms in the air before letting them collapse over my face. “He probably thinks I’m a freak,”

“Are you joking? He was more smitten than you were!” This caught my attention, and I tore my arms away from my eyes.

“Huh? Elaborate!” I snapped.

“You seriously didn’t notice? He’d been staring at you since you stepped foot in here, didn’t you see him? At first I thought it was weird, but then I realized he was smoking hot so I decided I’d let it slide,” “Comforting,” Sarcasm drips from my words. “Y’know serial killers and stalkers can be hot, too.” I rolled my eyes.

“ I seem to recall you saying something along the lines of ‘I wouldn’t mind getting mur--’,”

“Alright, Tommy, we get it.” I cut him off in embarrassment. “Please continue.”

“He comes in here a lot, so I knew he was alright. He was beet red the entire time you were talking. Didn’t you see the way he was in a perpetual state of stupid smiling? Dude, he was definitely into you and really bad at hiding it,” Tommy concluded.

I smiled a big, dumb smile. I didn’t notice the fact that he was nervous, so he probably didn’t notice that I was dying, right?

“Tommy, I think we might have a keeper.”

“Thank god, I don’t think I could stand to see you go to Prom alone. That would be too depressing, even for me,” Tommy enthused. I propped my feet against the edge of the counter, staring at the tips of my boots. For the first time in a long time, Tommy is silent. I can’t get his eyes out of my head. Then again, I don’t know if I want to.

_________

#jason dean #heathers #jason dean x reader #a sickly satisfaction series #irl dont look #irl don't look #veronica sawyer #heather mcnamara #heather chandler #heather duke

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tigerdrop · 3 years

Note

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

#asky #careposting

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harryfeatgaga · 3 years

Note

Paige, I need to rant about something because I’m really upset.

So, my sexuality is unlabeled. It has been for a long time. I like girls and guys but I don’t feel comfortable with the label “bisexual” nor do I think love should be labeled. Love is love.

To be honest, I didn’t know unlabeled was an option until Harry. I was still figuring things out and not really comfortable with myself yet. People have been saying they thought I was bisexual since before I even realized I liked both, and once I did, it was a hard thing to come to terms with, because once again, I’ve never liked labels. Harry really helped me become comfortable with myself, and the way he is so exceptionally and unapologetically himself taught me how to love myself. I don’t think he realizes what an impact he makes when he tells people at his shows that we can be whoever we want in that arena.

Anyway, I’ve known I’m unlabeled, but my family doesn’t. I thought I was making progress in coming out to my mom when I would make comments about female celebrities I adore (Ariana Grande, Margot Robbie, etc.) and she wouldn’t respond, just stay silent. I’ve dropped hints here and there in hopes that maybe she’d catch on and I wouldn’t have to tell her. But I don’t know who I was kidding.

I live in a family of religious dumptruck supporters. My mom looks away if two girls or two guys kiss on TV. She calls transgenders “freaks” and even pulled me out of an assembly about how to respect the transgender community. My grandma doesn’t understand the LGBTQ+ community, but at least she’s a fan of Harry. My brother constantly makes jokes about the gay community and transgenders, to which my mother always laughs.

Today, I think I’ve reached my limit.

I was out eating dinner with my family when I brought up the possibility of a Sunflower Vol. 6 music video. My mom isn’t a fan of Harry but she still appreciates him time to time and we can have decent conversation about him. She hates Sunflower I guess, and when I told her about Stevie’s idea for the mv, she started accusing Harry and her of sleeping together and called them druggies which was obviously just disgusting, but then my brother butted in and said...

“Oh, are you talking about the f*gg*t again.”

It took everything in me not to just ball my eyes out for 1. offending Harry in such a way that is utterly appalling and hurtful and that I know he would take to heart if he heard it, and 2. being so disrespectful to everyone in the community. Instead I told him he should not say that word or assume someone’s sexuality. But he kept coming at him saying he’s the f-slur and too colorful and a fruitcake. And my mom was laughing. I tried explaining to him what unlabeled is and he told me it’s stupid and not a real thing. I’ve tried explaining unlabeled to my mom before too and she said, “Unlabeled just leaves the door open for so much more like pedophelia or beastiality.” I had to try not to have a panic attack in public and it was so exhausting. I put my earbuds in and they assumed I was throwing a tantrum because they said something bad about Harry, but really it was because I’m realizing more and more that I will NEVER be able to come out to my family.

Of course the restaurant had to be 45 minutes away from my house and they wanted to detour so they could see Christmas, so I literally just processed the fact I have to keep myself closeted to them and silently cried the entire way home while Fine Line was playing.

For the rest of my life or until I can get away, I’m going to have to keep my mouth shut while they trash Harry and the community. I’m going to have to keep my mouth shut while they accuse me of throwing a tantrum or being a bitch when really I’m just trying to find the strength to go on.

Silence fucking sucks.

*Sorry for this whole ass novel*

im so incredibly sorry you have to deal with this babe I wish there was something I could do tel help you :( im proud of you for how confident and comfortable you with your self and im glad harry helped you he helped me too! im really so so sorry your family is like that saying those awful things just makes me so sad that they believe those things and say it around and to you and about someone we all love ik its a long shot but maybe hopefully one day at least your mom can understand and be more reasonable and open to such things im sending you lots and lots of love and ik all the anons and harry are too 💖

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allwaysofpersonalitytyping · 5 years

Text

Breaking Down The Social Hierarchy

Alpha male

He is the leader, the dominant one, The Bad Boy. This guy is a manly man, confident and extroverted. He is the one who enforces the social rules yet breaks them at the same time.

He grew up an active child and was always the leader of his friends. In high school, he was the prom king and captain of the football team, but also the school bully. Two years after his graduation, he became the president of his fraternity house. And finally, he is the higher up boss in the workplace.

He speaks his mind and isn’t afraid to talk down to a woman. Women of all types gravitate to him.

An alpha male most likely has the MBTI type of an ENTJ, ESTJ, or ESTP.

Their spirit animal is a lion, the king of the animal kingdom.

Strengths: athletic, intelligent, direct, assertive, realistic, mature, hardworking, excellent communication skills

Weaknesses: domineering, rude, insubordinate

How he views himself: I have goals I need to achieve. Everything else is a waste of time.

How others view him: That guy is at the top of everything.

Examples: George Washington, Alexander the Great

Alpha female

She is the Bad Girl, the baddest bitch in the room. The alpha female is very feminine, as in fact, she is the most ladylike and knows her manners. She is outgoing, elegant, and decisive.

The Alpha female may be a bitch or big hoe but she definitely has class. She uses drugs, drinks, and has sex moderately.

She grew up as a tomboy during her childhood, then became a girly girl. In high school, she is the prom queen, head cheerleader, the most popular girl in school. Like her male counterpart, she becomes president of her sorority house in college and higher up boss in the workplace.

She thinks before she speaks, is a good listener, and interrupts only when necessary. Men don’t intimidate her and she is completely comfortable being around them. The Beta male is her perfect match as he complements her personality.

An alpha female most likely has the MBTI type of an ENFJ or ESFP.

Her spirit animal is, of course, the queen bee.

Strengths: graceful, intelligent, mature, socially adept, assertive, realistic, hardworking, excellent communication skills

Weaknesses: bossy, high-maintenance

How she views herself: I’m not going to waste time because I need to pursue my dreams.

How others view her: She always gets her way.

Examples: Queen Elizabeth II, Oprah Winfrey, Claire (The Breakfast Club), Regina George (Mean Girls), Tomoyo Sakagami (CLANNAD)

Beta male

The Beta male is the opposite of the alpha male in every way. He is submissive, a Nice Guy, a natural born follower.

He is a shy, introverted guy who is boyish in both appearance and personality.

This is the guy who blindly follows the rules and never questions them.

Unlike the Alpha, he is rather unathletic and less intelligent.

The Beta was the teacher’s pet in high school, the wannabe, the loser, a nerd and dork. He is the high school bully’s main target. This definitely carries in the workplace as they’ll always be working for and under the Alphas.

Beta males like alpha females but they usually get friendzoned. If the Alpha female doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, he ends up with his female counterpart, the Beta female.

A Beta male most likely has the MBTI type of an INFP.

His spirit animal is a dog because of his loyalty and obedient nature.

Strengths: introspective, agreeable, hardworking

Weaknesses: poor communication skills, weak-willed, lack of confidence, ill-at-ease, immature, passive aggressive, talks more than listen

How he views himself: What if they don’t like me?

How others view him: That guy is such a beta! He couldn’t even ask a girl out.

Examples: Justin Timberlake

Beta female

Like her male counterpart, she is the Good Girl. Beta females are the stereotypical girly girls. They are shy and introverted like their male counterparts.

She has always been the Alpha female’s best friend, right-wing woman since childhood.

She doesn’t have the problems her male counterpart does when in comes to dating. She’s 2nd in place to the Alpha female in getting guys. Being naturally submissive, she needs a strong man so the Alpha male would be her perfect match.

A Beta female most likely has the MBTI type of an INFP or ESFJ.

Strengths: bubbly, idealistic, innocent, hardworking

Weaknesses: naive, hyper, lack of confidence, passive aggressive

How she views herself: I’m not that pretty.

How others view her: She’s sweet but I would rather hang with an alpha female because they’re always chill and at ease.

Examples: Princess Diana, Bridget Jones (Bridget Jones Diary), Gretchen and Karen (Mean Girls), Orihime Inoue (Bleach), Nagisa Furukawa (CLANNAD)

Gamma male

He has the traits of both the Alpha male and the Beta male. The Gamma male is neither a leader nor follower. He is ambiverted, fun-loving, relaxed, and easy to talk to.

In high school, he is a Class Clown or a “freak”.

Gamma males are as successful in getting girls. He would be a perfect match for the Delta female.

A Gamma male most likely has the MBTI type of an ENTP or ISTP.

In high school, she is a Thespian or a “freak”.

Strengths: friendly, approachable, witty, clever, inventive, individualistic, hardworking, good communication skills

Weaknesses: inconsiderate, rash, aggressive

Examples: Martin Luther King Jr, Ichigo Kurosaki (Bleach)

Gamma female

She is psychologically dominant, but socially rejected.

In high school, she was a Thespian or a “freak”. She’ll most likely work freelance

She would be a perfect match for the Delta male.

A Gamma female most likely has the MBTI type of an ENFP, INFJ, or ISFP.

Her spirit animal is a bird as she is free spirited.

Strengths: original, artistic, creative, outgoing, hardworking

Weaknesses: too loud, aggressive

Examples: Rosa Parks, Katniss Everdeen (Hunger Games), Cady (Mean Girls)

Delta=Normal

Psychologically submissive, socially acceptable

Deltas are average people who don’t lead nor follow.

In high school, they’re the team players on their sports teams

A person with a Delta personality has the MBTI type of an ESFJ, ISTJ or ISFJ.

A Delta will most likely end up with a Gamma or another Delta.

Strengths: stable, sensible, down-to-earth

Weaknesses: mediocre

How Deltas view themselves: I wonder what it’s like to not be normal?

What other people think about them: A normal guy/girl would also make a good boyfriend/girlfriend.

Lambda

LGBT community

Lambda males are openly gay men while Lambda females are tomboys. Non-binary individuals are lambdas as well.

Strengths: open minded

Weaknesses: too liberal

Examples: Aja, Kaitlyn Alexander, Batwoman, Poison Ivy, Willow (Buffy), Santana and Brittany (Glee), Damian (Mean Girls)

Omega

Omega=Invisible

psychologically submissive, socially rejected

Omegas are the people who stay in the background. They are inactive, taciturn, and timid people. Their presence is weak which makes them unnoticeable. They get scared easily and thus avoid these situations at all costs.

They’re the new freshmen in high school, the outcast

Omegas are the people least likely to be hired because of timidity, laziness, and lack of participation. But when they do get hired, they’re at the bottom of the ladder.

A person with an Omega personality has the MBTI type of an ISFJ, ISFP, INTP, or INFP.

They’re lucky if they even get asked out.

Strengths: low-key, careful, humble, modest, sensible, unpretentious, hardworking

Weaknesses: timid, taciturn, lethargic, unreliable

How Omegas view themselves: I’m too scared to do anything.

What other people think about them: I forgot that guy/girl exists. He/she doesn’t talk much.

Sigma=Lone Wolf

rebel

Sigmas are similar to Gammas except they are antisocial yet somehow beat the Alpha in the social game.

The high school stereotype of a Sigma is an emo, goth

Sigmas are con artists

The person with a Sigma personality has the MBTI type of an ENTJ, ENTP, INTJ, ISTP, or INTP.

Sigmas are usually attracted to only other Sigmas.

Their spirit animal is a wolf, obviously.

Strengths: same as Alpha

Weaknesses: careless, hostile

How Sigmas view themselves: Fuck the hierachy! I’m going to say that to the Alphas and see what happens because I don’t give a shit.

What other people think about them: Damn, the loner just owned that Alpha!

Examples: Janis (Mean Girls)

Theta male

Theta female

Zeta

Zetas are unattractive people who completely lack social skills.

They’re the creeps, stalkers, and weirdos

Their friends are imaginary since even animals hate them.

They never get laid

Strengths: original, creative

Weaknesses: socially inept, mentally unstable

How Zetas view themselves: I’m Alpha and everyone is jealous of my status.

What other people think about them: Ew! No one likes that guy/girl.

Examples: Tyler Downing (13 Reasons Why), Michael and Dwight from The Office, Napoleon Dynamite

As much as hierarchies suck, they unfortunately still exist. You’re extroverted and confident, you’re an Alpha. You’re shy and introverted, you’re a Beta. You’re ambiverted, you’re a Gamma. You’re like most people, you’re a Delta. You’re quiet and timid, you’re an Omega. You’re antisocial, you’re a Sigma. You’re socially inept, you’re a Zeta. Of course we shouldn’t label ourselves as we’re dynamic and not limited to what we genetically are because nobody’s perfect.

#hierarchy

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marauders70s · 5 years

Text

So I just watched Crimes of Grindelwald and I have a huge rant list.

Spoilers (obviously).

Also, I did not like hardly any of it, so I’m sorry. Don’t pick a fight with me after reading a post entitled rant list and then be upset that they are all rants.

- wow AMERICA yeah jo we know what you think of us. it’s obvious in our de-tonguing geneva-convention violating (i know it’s not around in 1927 okay) inhumane treatment of not just grindelwald but apparently all the prisoners and animals we keep in cages (i know our prison system is inherently terrible i’m very aware) but to transport him like a paralyzed stroke victim drooling to a thestral carriage on a Dark And Stormy Night really just is lazy writing on why we should dislike aurors without giving anyone a plot, dialogue, or exposition

- this guy who has been posing as Grindelwald....since the beginning? since when? they cut out his tongue?? but then? it’s just forked? there’s magic? like? could they grow the tongue back?? they can regrow bones in harry’s arm but okay

- this thestral carriage chase scene is really CGI explosion heavy turned actioned film and mostly consisted of me being like what. what. WHAT. wait what. wait who is that. what. why wouldn’t he just disapparate. what happens to these thestrals. okay. what. grindelwald can just dissolve wands since when can people do that why didn’t voldemort do that why didn’t harry do that this presents problems

- okay look david yates and co. you had this incredible opportunity to create an entire wardrobe of WIZARD FASHION in THREE COUNTRIES, most notably the fashion capitol of the world and what did you do you put every single person in trench coats and random muggle garb. Also, not even cool wizard hats. No. Just muggle bowlers and mobster hats.

- Does Newt have a job. If so, what is it? How can he pay for this lovely house with magical modifications? Don’t you have to get a contractor to put that in? Did he do it himself? How does he pay Sad Girl In Love With Protagonist tm? Does he pay her? How did they meet? Why do we never see her again?

- For a movie entitled ‘Fantastic Beasts’ we really gloss over looking at any of the in-house beasts, learning anything about them, or doing anything except a CGI palooza.

- Wow Queenie and Jacob are here ‘hope you don’t mind we let ourselves in’ ah yes rude american trope again. who on earth would do that. also this entire time jacob acts like a goon and newt is like let’s take the enchantment off and i’m like hi that’s hella nonconsensual you’re basically raping and kidnapping him and jacob is somehow okay with this. newt is somehow okay with this.

- ‘please don’t read my mind’ um dude you’re talking AT her???

- movie glosses over how jacob got his memories back with a throwaway line of unbelievable dialogue. If obliviate only worked on bad memories, Hermione Granger really needs to go to family counseling with her parents.

- mysterious postcard is exposition over really dumb journalism error that could have been easily fixed within seconds by sending an owl because owls don’t need addresses, something queenie conveniently forgets by not knowing how to find her sister

- queenie is a Dumb American for cheap laughs by letting a woman say something in french, laughing, and saying she doesn’t understand anything only for the droll French woman to repeat it in the exact monosyllabic voice. Apparently everyone entering/leaving a country needs to register a visa or something, which is conveniently circumvented by going through a muggle port? It’s unclear. Queenie herself does not seem to have registered.

- French Ministry of Magic is gorgeous. Has a cool roots to iron elevator. It is also probably improperly named as they put ‘American Ministry of Magic’ despite America not having ministries or ministers outside of some serious religious stuff. They put all this effort into creating MACUSA but didn’t use it.

- Is it just me or does the MoM change the interior every time I see it.

- Queenie is devastated she can’t find her sister in a city of millions despite having magic, a means of communication that is foolproof, and enough money to find a hotel and wait to meet up. Queenie is overwhelmed that other people think in their native language. Instead of finding this helpful for tuning out a crowded city (like she does on the daily in New York), she somehow finds it overwhelming even looking for Newt/Jacob.

- Random woman is Silence In Queenie’s Head. I literally never learned who she was except Hard Bitch Kills Toddler. Or why Queenie can’t hear her thoughts. (Plot twist she’s Bella Swan).

- Toddler didn’t get his own little casket in the French mourning cart. Nice of Grindelwald to give a supposedly muggle family a funeral cart when he could have transfigured their bodies into armchairs or something. (Muggle supposed after he makes the remark about a ‘thorough cleaning.’)

- No one in Paris uses French in spellcasting. Spells are still English-based.

- Dumbledore is a dramatic bitch for gloves and rooftops. It’s a very specific brand of Gay.

- Don’t kill me but I don’t...hate? Jude Law as Dumbledore. He was still kind. But he wasn’t auburn and that was dumb.

- Unclear why Jacob and Queenie have to live in shame and secret when they could move to another country especially when Jacob loves bread and would like Paris. This seems to be Queenie’s motivator which is thin as hell and I didn’t follow her ‘logic’ at all. LAZY WRITING.

- Queenie immediately doesn’t disapparate upon seeing Grindelwald. Queenie somehow gets into this rhetoric. Later Queenie does not get disgusted with apropos wizard-Hitler being like ‘they are lesser beings’ and she, who wants to marry one, is like ‘yeah they totally are because I’m basically Jacob’s mom.’

- Grindelwald, in addition to being played by Johnny Depp, is albino, has one mutilated eye with a bad color contact clearly visible in multiple scenes, and is British when it is specifically stated he went to Durmstrang and was expelled for Dark Magic (at Durmstrang, which is noted for its Dark Arts program). As an allusion to wizard-Hitler, I always inferred that Grindelwald was German or Austrian.

- Wow Paris street magic carnival gave me LIFE and WOW and MAGIC feels. I loved the ducking through the barrier.

- Weird freakshow circus gets blown apart but Newt only manages to catch one creature that is helpfully foreshadowed it can leap Paris in a single bound. It is a Chinese creature when no mention of Chinese magic, Chinese handlers, or any sort of Asian magic is referred to (except in the cringe-worthy case of the ‘South Asian blood curse of Nagini’ which is a whole other can of worms). In all likelihood, as China is one of the oldest civilizations, their magic and dragon worship would be more paramount. China cat’s serious Great Beast’s weakness is a cat toy.

- Why is Nicholas Flamel....like that. Sure he’s like 600 years old but (a) is Jacob literally breaking his hand what the hell, (b) as much money and life as you could want does that mean he has to be like 100 years old forever that sucks that’s not even worth being immortal. (c) Where’s his wife. (d) When he goes to battle I thought he’d drink some elixir and be young again but...no.

- Nagini has no purpose in this movie other than to be snake slave and love interest and run around in a circus outfit with tits out bra off. She did not do a single useful thing.

- Wait I’m sorry WHAT you can like...fuck house elves now?? There are half-elves? How....you know what no thanks I don’t want to know.

- Credence, despite the last movie setting up an obscurial as like a suicide bomb, can relatively control mega destruction now and get back into his body fairly easily. No one even wonders why this lacemakers roof apartment exploded.

- Are he and Nagini in love? Are they escaped carnival freak bros? Why isn’t Nagini heading for the hills? She literally has no personality of her own at all.

- Paris is suspiciously white in this film. Especially for the 20s art renaissance.

- I don’t know why Credence falls into Orphan Must Know Parentage Trope because it’s really overused and boring. And frankly the superfluity of ravens was really beating me over the head. Credence can like...do anything. He could get some money and go to a wand shop. He could just...disappear. I don’t know why he has to be so easy to track.

- By the way who is this weirdo tracking him for Grindelwald/the ministry. It’s very unclear. I never got his name. It’s probably one of the many death eater names they throw in to make sure you know these families great-grandparents are also running around being evil instead of, you know, regular people doing it. So he could be Travers. I guess. LAZY WRITING.

= Now is a special segment on Hogwarts =

- The layout of Hogwarts changes every time I see it. Why are the classrooms always different. Why would the wood still have carvings. Why is there a bridge over this lake which is different than the covered bridge leading towards the Forest that Harry and Lupin have a Serious Chat on.

- YOU CANNOT APPARATE IN HOGWARTS GROUNDS. And don’t you try to tell me Dumbledore instituted that because it’s directly stated in Bathilda Bagshot’s Hogwarts, A History as being a longstanding charm with muggle repelling.

- Everyone apparates onto the bridge and walks through the castle without anyone bothering them into the correct classroom right away?? Like did they get a copy of the teaching schedule? Did Peeves show them?

- Dumbledore did NOT teach DADA. Dumbledore taught transfiguration. He was still teaching Transfiguration when Tom Riddle went to school. So if Dumbledore is teaching Transfiguration, Minerva McGonagall would not be at Hogwarts because she taught transfiguration after Dumbledore. Pretty sure mcgonagall was too young in 1927 to be a professor. LAZY WRITING.

- Just looked it up. Pottermore (official JK writing, btw) states that Minerva McGonagall was born in 1934. So she’s officially negative 7 years old and a professor. That’s GOT to be a record. Poor Rowan Khanna will never beat preconception tenure.

- Despite me being ecstatic to hear/see a young McGonagall, the camera never held still long enough for me to see a young McGonagall. Any far away shots only demonstrated despite this being 1920s, she was still dressing in the 1890s. McGonagall, despite the obvious laughs it was going for, would never use magic against a student.

- Haha this dumb neanderthal student is Grandpa McClaggen.

- Dumbledore, being known for wearing really flamboyant robes, dresses in conservative three piece suit.

- Why would you not go home for the holidays when you have to take care of a baby raven you can just put it in a box or your pocket for christ’s sake you’re carrying like 6 niffler babies at one time but you never even show them again

- Will say that young Newt’s casting is A++

- WHY ARE THE UNIFORMS NAVY BLUE. WHY DO THEY WEAR RED TARTAN SKIRTS. WHY DO THEY HAVE PHD EMBELLISHMENTS ON ACADEMIC REGALIA? Why do they have colored hoods when the original films (and books to boot) say all black robes. Why are these robes not even proper wizarding robes but just like...cambridge robes.

- To be honest this boggart lesson is like?? insane?? how did it last for 70 years it’s honestly so unethical and cruel. I’ve ALWAYS thought this even reading it for the first time in POA I was like “people’s worst fears are spiders and mummies?” like my greatest fear even at 12 was people I love dying. The fact that Newt is more scared of a desk than Theseus dying is weird.

- “I don’t want to talk about my boggart” Leta LeStrange means there was an Incident where Dumbledore realized that some students don’t have Great Home Lives and yet persists in this lesson for the next 70 years knowing that multiple kids are going to have their parents abusing them as their greatest fear.

- Corvus, as a name, just means Raven. How stupid. “Is your house crest a raven?” “Yes. Also my brother. Like if you were named Badger McHufflepuff.” “Oh don’t worry my name is just Lizard Lizard.” “Cool."

- No background or even hints at future background (e.g. they haven’t written it yet) on why Leta gets with Theseus even after the first film where he has a picture of Leta in his suitcase.

- Theseus and Newt have no screen time interaction. They do not behave like brothers. They have no flashbacks. Even young Newt never interacts with his brother. There is no realism here that Newt says they have a complicated relationship or is annoyed by his brother. This exposition is just lazy writing with nothing on screen to back it up.

- So you’re telling me Dumbledore had the mirror of erised for SEVENTY YEARS and yells at harry for looking in it for three nights. How did Dumbledore not go mad? Where did he get it? I feel like 70 years is a long time to have it.

- I guess when you think about it yeah being 40 in the 1920s does put you on the mark to be 110 when Harry meets you but fuck the books did NOT explain HOW OLD Dumbledore was to me I always thought he was like hale and sprightly 70s/80s

- Okay so you’re looking in the mirror and going to just BRAZENLY FLOUT CANON and say his deepest desire looking in the mirror is to relive the memory of the blood oath? That’s exposition. That’s a memory. That’s a pensieve not a mirror. Your greatest desire has ALWAYS BEEN saving Ariana. And even if it was loving Grindelwald this is your GREATEST DESIRE like being together not reliving a blood oath just for the sake of audience explanation. LAZY WRITING.

------ Back to other rants

- Most of this movie was me squinting being like ‘what’s the plot??’ and if there was a whiff of plot (”we all have to find credence’s birth records!”) most of it was me being confused “why does this matter?” “how did they all get there?”

- The confession of Newt trying to talk to Tina in the records room was painful. Not cute. Not even funny. Just so painful. It was like secondhand embarrassment but like...pity embarrassment.

- I don’t know why Grindelwald has a map of a Parisian cemetery. I don’t know why he had to give it to Credence except as a big reveal. I don’t remember how Queenie got there. I genuinely DO NOT understand how Jacob got there much less passed through to the secret wizard place as a muggle.

- No idea why the records lady was attacking them when Leta checked in twice (once as Tina). NO CLUE why they were the worst animated cats of all time or why they became multiple cats or even why when taken out of the French records they became even worse animated ‘real’ cats when they could have just used real cats. The entire chase scene was baffling and unnecessary. The records lady was not an agent of Grindelwald so no idea what’s up with her bee in the bonnet sorry for wrecking all your shit bye.

- I saw this movie less than an hour ago. I’m still confused how Leta, Newt, and Tina all teamed up or why they were cool teaming up or what.

- This mausoleum has a Greek hellenistic statue of a man reclining for no apparent reason and these shelves are supposed to bear ashes right so why are you putting a dumb pop up book there. Why would Grindelwald’s agent remove the record in drag as an old lady? It was weirdly unnecessary.

- Yosef’s exposition on how a white man literally imperiused and raped his mother was like WOW NO ONE IS GONNA EVEN TOUCH THAT???? and then for her to die in childbirth it’s like...my dudes wizards have cured so many diseases muggles haven’t you know they’re up there inventing the c-section with Julius Caesar and accio’ing babies out of utero like ‘gimme that catcher’s mitt she’s fully dilated.’ This whole “oh it was the 1900s” nonsense does NOT apply to magic. LAZY WRITING.

- I immediately forgot what happened to Corvus’ mom. but whatever right? she’s just a disposable woman! this movie does NOT care about consent! much less women! haha they’re just flowers!

- ‘I killed my brother’ yeah i mean we saw that coming she was REALLY SURE he was dead. But I was 90% sure it was going to be a child accident like dropping him down the stairs or shaking him too hard to get him to stop crying and then swapping him with a live baby but no? so i don’t know i feel like you didn’t really kill him.

- this steamer going down is confusing. is it a muggle ship? if it’s a muggle ship than is Credence swapped a baby with...a muggle born wizard? Are their other wizarding families on the ship? If so then why did they drown? you can all magic out of there? your lifeboat wouldn’t go down? why even take a steamer ship to america? you can...apparate or portkey or floo or fly like this titanic nonsense makes NO SENSE. And if Papa LeStrange hates muggles so much why put his only children on an all muggle ship with a half elf (again why) who can’t do magic to protect them

- Finding Credence’s identity REALLY doesn’t need to revolve around the LeStrange’s sordid past. Steamer ships keep passenger logs. So. We really should leave the mausoleum now to go find that.

- Yosef took an unbreakable vow to kill this white baby and it’s dead so is he released? He was released like...20 years ago. Why does he continue to hang out with these people? Your endless vengeance has rested? No need to team up with the sister you never knew? apparently (their family dynamic was also poorly/not explained).

- Why is this mausoleum an underground amphitheater. Literally why it makes no sense. Is it supposed to bring up the first David Yates film OotP? I don’t know. It also has a lot of blue fire and people rapturing the fuck out of there (literally when did apparating involve staring up at the sky and blasting off in rocket smoke). Also in re this movie how can you be tracked after apparating (Newt/Dumbledore’s tail).

- So if you touch this curtain do you automatically teleport to this amphitheater. Also what if you touched it by accident and were like OH SHIT HOW DO I GET OUT. Like wow this guy wasn’t kidding when he said there’s no wizard that can match him magically. This is like Charles Xavier Magneto Level 1 Mutant Power kind of shit. Not even Voldemort could do that. Big Power Too Big trope. Again. How did Jacob even GET there.

- Johnny Depp wears leather pants. Costume department, get your act together.

- Grindelwald, continuing to be British, shows clips of the Great War, approx 1914-1918. While the tanks and biplanes were appropriate, there were also lines (assumingly?) to concentration camps and the nuclear bomb of Hiroshima, which wouldn’t take place until 1945. So is Grindelwald also a prophet? Is he a seer? They kept referencing this book of poems and prophecy but without letting us see it? it went along with my general ‘I’m getting the gist of this but not really the why because it doesn’t make sense.’ And then Grindelwald rumor mongers and uses fear tactics when one of the police aurors straight up KILLS A WOMAN like wow can we cool it with use of force/police brutality is this guy going to get written up or is he fire now?

- Ethnically ambiguous Grindelwald supporter (only person of color) gets immediately incinerated for not being 100% sure of his side. When Credence feels the same way, he gets a couple of gifts.

- Look, I didn’t start this way but I stan Leta LeStrange. She was honestly one of the only people and the only woman in this film with a personality.

- Queenie stands still as weak, silly, expositional, dumb American. For those of you about to be like ‘She’s spying on Grindelwald! She’s the greatest legilimens that ever lived!’ I just want to beg you to reconsider because if you’re right and if the writers get wind of that you know they’re going to have her like teach little Tom Riddle something just BECAUSE everything has to connect.

- Poor Jacob he seems okay with being stranded in another country. Is his bakery okay? Do his friends know he isn’t dead? He is super super super brave throughout this movie despite his main comedic strength in the other movie being nervous. But this time he’s like meh firefights and large monsters.

- Credence I understand going over. Nagini continues to not be a character and did not go with Newt and Crew.

- Wasn’t even sad for Theseus because again, Theseus had little to no character development except being a Whipping Boy to authority. Theseus and Leta never interacted in any meaningful way. Their relationship didn’t even seem real. I wasn’t even sad.

- I feel like Leta isn’t dead though because who the fuck else is carrying this LeStrange line to give birth to Rabastan and Rodolphus.

- At this point everyone apparates AGAIN to Hogwarts. This time I guess a ghost went and alerted Dumbledore because he’s waiting. But yeah like come on in for tea Newt but fuck all those kids they can wait here.

- What is this plot?? Is there a plot?? What is going on??

- Who gives someone a wand like this hi I hid it up my sleeve touch me my boy I long for your touch.

- This is a phoenix, not a Raven. Newt is a sad ordinary bird but you’re a bright beautiful phoenix. Apparently phoenixes can grow up in ONE DAY. Foreshadowing Dumbledore is foreshadowing. LAZY WRITING this is so stupid. The books would have been EXPLICIT about a fourth child.

- Maybe he’s a cousin. Close relative, perhaps? *Pleakley voice*

“He hasn’t got a brother?”

Dobby shook his head.

Literally where I’m at right now.

- ABRUPT ENDING IS ABRUPT I didn’t even realize this was the end of the film because the score, cinematography, and writing did NOT cue me that this was winding down. I literally was like ‘how long does this last’ and then it was like DAVID YATES. Okayyyyyyy.

- Anyway my sum feeling upon the lights going on was: what the fuck. was there a plot. there were so many loopholes. i was confused about many things almost the whole time because nothing was fleshed out and if they threw enough CGI at me I’d be patched up.

Final rating: It matches up pretty well to the middle film of The Hobbit trilogy.

#crimes of grindelwald #spoilers #ftbcog

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silver-falling-star · 5 years

Note

for the first person OC asks: i started to go through and pick individual numbers and then realized i was picking basically all of them so fuck it, all of them for chris & shannon

Oh sweet jesus, okay ima just put this under a readmore b/c this is gonna get long.

1. What is your name?

Shannon: “Shannon Miller”

Chris: “Chris Mitchell”

2. Any nicknames?

Shannon: “Shay, and any petnames my girlfriend has for me.”

Chris: “Kind of hard to make a nickname out of a one syllable name.”

3. Gender stuff?

Shannon: “Cisgender woman.”

Chris: “I’m genderfluid and prefer they/them pronouns.”

4. Sexuality stuff?

Shannon: “My sexuality is girls.”

Chris: “I have more important things to do than date people. I’m ace.”

5. How old are you?

Shannon: “I’m 43, though I probably look older.”

Chris: “32 in 2012, 52 in 2032. I’m older than Shannon by 9 years.”

6. Any distinguishing traits?

Shannon: “My hair is always dyed some vibrant color, and my clothes outside of work are very flashy.”

Chris: “I try to look as basic and androgynous as possible. But I guess my hair is about as fiery as a Weasley. Now if I’m in my hero suit, I guess the fact that I look like some mutated freak is pretty distinguishing.”

7. How did you get your scars?

Shannon: “I’ve got some scars that have long since faded from dumb shit I did as a kid.”

Chris: “My nose is dented from when a kid threw a rock at my face when we were playing baseball with a rock and a stick. Though…. the big scar on my back comes from radiation and fire burns.”

8. Anything you’re ashamed of?

Shannon: “Id… rather not talk about that.”

Chris: “Plenty, starting with anyone who’s died as a result of my actions.”

9. Do you have any pets? Do you want any?

Shannon: “No pets, but both mine and Aliza’s schedules make having any pets difficult. Maybe when we retire.”

Chris: “I have two cats, Wellington and Fae. Wellington is a four year old tabby I found in the wheel well of a car, Fae is about a year old black cat I adopted from the shelter.”

10. How would you describe yourself?

Shannon: “Athletically chubby butch with great hair and an even greater fashion sense.”

Chris: “Androgynous ginger mechanic with no distinguishing features. Looks like if you mixed a jock and nerd together.”

11. How would your friends describe you?

Shannon: “Well to quote one of my friends: ‘That bitch who switched my nameplate and didn’t tell me until I got an email from the SAC about it.’“

Chris: “Hopefully something like ‘Determined and willing to help.’ I don’t want to put words in her mouth though.”

12. How would your enemies describe you?

Shannon: answered here

Chris: “I honestly couldn’t give two shits.”

13. What are the top three songs you can’t stop listening to right now?

Shannon: “Running in the 90′s is always a classic, Smash Mouth by All Star is good meme material, and Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe because I’m a sap for a good love song.”

Chris: “Can’t Stop Me Now by Queen, Sweet Caroline by Niel Diamond, and Dancing Queen by ABBA. I have a thing for the older music.”

14. Do you have an aesthetic and how would you describe it?

Shannon: “The 90′s personified, because I love how bright it all is. Contrasts with the black suits I wear to work everyday.”

Chris: “Practical, durable, and unnoticeable.”

15. How do you normally dress?

Shannon: “At work I wear black tailored suits, usually with some colorful tie. Off duty I wear bright windbreakers, baggy jeans, and anything that really screams lesbian honestly. Oh and you can’t forget the heelies.”

Chris: “Blank t-shirt, cargo pants with plenty of pockets, and converse. When I’m working in the shop it gets covered with a heavy duty set of coveralls.”

16. How do you normally wear your hair?

Shannon: “Pixie cut with the sides shaved close, usually dyed some bright color.”

Chris: “Just touching the base of my neck and swept back. If I’m working in the shop, I have it pulled up into a short ponytail. When doing hero work my hair is shoulder length and unkempt. I’ve tried brushing it out, trust me, never stays.”

17. Who is closest to you?

Shannon: “Aliza, my girlfriend.”

Chris: “Winnie. I trust her with my life.”

18. Who have you lost?

Shannon: “I’d rather not talk about that.”

Chris: “More people than I’d have preferred to lose before I’m 70.”

19. How do you feel about your family?

Shannon: “It’s complicated. They raised me and cared for me and empowered me to pursue my dreams, and I’ll always be grateful for that. But when you’re from a small town in a rural area, they aren’t the most accepting of the whole sexuality thing. They’ve gotten better, but I can tell they’d honestly wish I would settle down with a man. Sucks for them though, I’m perfectly happy where I am. My brother is the one exception who’s accepted me from day one, and I’m grateful to him for that.”

Chris: “They’ve been nothing but supportive of me and my interests. I was worried when I came out that they’d reject me, but instead they warmed up to me changing my name and my fluctuating pronouns. My parents have worried about me of course, I am their oldest kid after all who doesn’t exactly fit the mold of what my hometown might call normal. They also basically adopted Winnie as their fifth kid after meeting her once, they’re a loving kind of people. My siblings are great. We get on each others nerves sometimes and definitely have had our rough spots, but in the end we’re there for each other. Even if my little brother is a little shit. I can only hope they’ll take the truth of my superpowers and being a superhero as well as they have everything else.”

20. How do you feel about your culture?

Shannon: “What culture, I’m from hicksville USA, we got farmland, coal mines, and racism. I guess our music is nice but everything else feels like it doesn’t even really exist.”

Chris: “I’m from an area with a bunch of mountain people. Our culture involves hunting, illegal shine stills, meth labs, and pot farms. Don’t go into the wrong side of the hollar or you might not come out, all that. Though the sense of community there is pretty strong, even if its very much a ‘you grew up here so you’re one of us’ way. I can take parts of it and leave others.”

21. Is there anything either would dislike about you?

Shannon: “Yes to both and its mostly that I’m gay and dating another woman.”

Chris: “I should hope my family doesn’t dislike me. As for my uh, ‘culture’, my gender identity for sure. I’ve had the odd look here and there growing up. And some classmates not quite sure what to make of me.”

22. Any regrets?

Shannon: “Loads, but I try not to let them control me. What happened in the past is in the past.”

Chris: “More than I care to admit and I get more every day.”

23. Any vices?

Shannon: answered here

Chris: “My video games I guess. I dunno’ I don’t think I have that many. Bad habits sure, vices eh, take it or leave it.”

24. Any phobias?

Shannon: answered here

Chris: “My old boss figuring out I know what he did, random facilities conveniently in the middle of nowhere, the government locking my ass up as a test subject, I could go on.”

25. Any triggers?

Shannon: “Explosions, not a big fan of fireworks because of it.”

Chris: “Explosions, gunshots, head trauma, my anxiety can be a trigger sometimes if I’m stressed out enough honestly.”

26. Any hobbies?

Shannon: “Skateboarding, fishing, camping, going to the gym, things that keep me active honestly.”

Chris: “Engineering new tech, video games, I stream on twitch from time to time. I still also enjoy reading comics and building complicated lego sets.”

27. Is there someone or something you would die for?

Shannon: “Aliza, justice, my team, if I have to go down so a criminal can be apprehended, then so be it.”

Chris: “My family, Winnie, saving the people who need saving.”

28. Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Shannon: “I try to be an optimist, otherwise I’d end up being very bitter on the job.”

Chris: “I’m in the middle, and it entirely depends on the situation.”

29. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Shannon: “Introverted-Extrovert. I enjoy people but I need my alone time.”

Chris: “Introvert. I’m fine with small groups but I don’t like large crowds. Though, I have to put on an extroverted front as Equinox. Equinox is more of a people person.”

30. Are you brains or brawn?

Shannon: “More brawn than brains but I’m not stupid.”

Chris: “Why not both?”

31. Are you passive or aggressive?

Shannon: “More aggressive than passive in a work setting. At home I’m passive.”

Chris: “More aggressive.”

32. What are you best at?

Shannon: “I am very talented at finding good campsites.”

Chris: “Creating new technology. I am an engineer by education.”

33. What are you worst at?

Shannon: already answered

Chris: “I’m pretty shit at shooting a gun larger than a pistol.”

34. What is something you want to be good at but are really bad at?

Shannon: “Skating, just so I can prove to Aliza that I can indeed master any form of wheel based sport.”

Chris: “Managing my anger.”

35. What’s your place in your world or the world you’ve entered?

Shannon: “I’m a special agent at the National Agency of Superpowered Persons, or NASP. I help manage the superhero team that protects Detroit.”

Chris: “I’m a mechanic by trade and one of the world’s first superheroes when the occasion calls for it. Recently picked up the hobby of unwillingly being flung through alternate dimensions trying to find our way home. Hopefully we end up doing what the main character in Quantum Leap couldn’t do and get home.”

36. What’s your place in your peer group?

Shannon: “A fellow agent and occasionally boss. Friend group is different but you said peer group not friend group so eh.”

Chris: “I honestly don’t know. My peer group is limited to my friend Winnie and two bank robbers I’m still trying to get a handle on.”

37. How do you feel about your story?

Shannon: “Well aside from the trauma, I feel okay about it. Could do with superheroes who don’t break the law on a regular basis but you take what you can get. Not that all of them do that.”

Chris: “I just hope I can get some fucking rest soon. All this stress is going to make me go grey before I’m ready for that. Or it could kill me, who knows at this point.”

38. How do you feel about your author?

Shannon: “They suffer from executive dysfunction and more of the story exists in their head than on paper. But thats fine.”

Chris: “I have two and I only vaguely know what one of them has planned for me.”

39. Do you know your ending? How do you feel about that?

Shannon: “Yes and I’m not looking forward to it.”

Chris: “Yes and no. I know what one of them would LIKE to make my ending, but who knows if that will end up being what happens in the prime universe.”

40. Any AU’s you wish you lived instead?

Shannon: “I do quite like the idea of being a bartender with the other three fed characters in the biker AU. That’s got lots of fun antics going on in it.”

Chris: “The everyone lives AU is significantly less painful and more meme-filled.”

#WHERE THE FUCK DID THE READMORE GO #ugh jesus alright you know what whatever #tungle dot hell be broken #Chris Mitchell #shannon miller #heroes campaign #edit: fixed the readmore I THINK

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beinglibertarian · 6 years

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Rolling Stone Gathers Moss

“Why bother with newspapers, if this is all they offer? Agnew was right. The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits – a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.”

– Hunter S. Thompson

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by “Raoul Duke” first appeared in Rolling Stone magazine in November 1971. The preceding quote from that publication sums up the environment that led to the rise and, eventually, the fall of the great Rolling Stone itself; the shift away from the counterculture that it once represented and the pathological deterioration of principled liberalism.

If these words were to be circulated on the campuses of U.C. Berkley today the same way they were in 1971, you could expect firebombs launched through windows, police cruisers overturned, and any poor fool in a red hat to be viciously assaulted with a bike lock. University students today surmise that musings this offensive, have been manufactured by the primitive IBM computer that once spat out numbers used to help exterminate Jews in the Nazi death camps; a right-wing hate machine. Or maybe Milo Yiannapolous wrote it?

The suffocating media bias of the 1960s was difficult to escape. A lethargic gray specter of middle-class America was distributed with cunning sterility through the generic, bogus smiles of cable news networks and traditional print. Despite the election and assassination of Kennedy and the signing of the Civil Rights Act, if you had turned on a T.V. this was still Eisenhower’s America: regimented, religious, conservative. And the cultural vacuum created by the Eisenhower years had began to suck even harder with Lyndon Banes Johnson at the helm.

American media was out of touch with this new generation. Elitist authoritarians were preaching their moral superiority stamped with stars and stripes to a generation of cynics. These kids didn’t have a fucking clue what they wanted, but they wanted no part of what they were being given. So rose Rolling Stone, a counterculture bible for babyboomers, co-founded by Jann Wenner.

The adjective “cruel,” meaning to willfully cause pain or suffering to others and feeling no concern about it, paired with the noun “faggot,” the antiquated pejorative used to define a homosexual man, is Thompson’s description of the media community of the day. A description evidently endorsed through publication by Jann Wenner in 1971. Because according to Thompson: “…there is no such thing as objective journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.”

Wenner today lives with his common law partner Matt Nye in, I’m guessing, New York City. He gives big money to Democrat candidates and makes millions off fabricated stories about the gang-rape epidemic at the University of Virginia. Then loses that money and gives more money to Democrat candidates. Wenner’s closet homosexuality in 1971 didn’t have him take any offence to Thompson’s comments, or at least not enough to hinder publishing the “hate speech.” Maybe it was the dollar signs flashing in his eyes, knowing that something as wild as Thompson’s Vegas adventure was a viable revenue stream. Or maybe liberals back then had more important things to bitch about.

Things were different in the 1960s. The anti-war movement and the civil rights movement were a just cause. The catalyst for a just movement of equal rights for women and gays and minorities was free speech, of which Jann Wenner was a huge proponent. When students at U.C. Berkley marched in the streets in the 1960s, it was an attack on the elitist, authoritarians and an establishment hellbent on keeping opposing viewpoints and the ideas of personal liberty stifled. The gang of “cruel faggots” kept the official narrative running but no one under 30 was listening.

The whole goddamn world had had enough of the travesty of war in Southeast Asia. There was no ignoring the ineptitude of American politics. The only reasonable thing to do in 1969 was to drive out to Altamont for the weekend, load up on heinous chemicals, hunker down and rethink your approach to the political process.

Thompson, the then-young, liberal anti-hero, could often be found gobbling LSD and firing his guns (he was a lifetime member of the NRA) at propane bottles for a crowd of jeering burnouts or Bay area bikers at his fortified compound, Owl Farm, in Woody Creek Colorado.

It was Jann Wenner’s idea to put Hunter, with all of his fear and loathing, on to the campaign trail in 1972. Why not get the guy who wrote Hell’s Angels? Hunter was someone with a penchant for dealing with vicious thugs and sick freaks gone crazy on power, someone who could draw a parallel between Richard Nixon and Sonny Barger.

Thompson’s openly-biased, subjective and wild account of the 1972 presidential election was the red Chevy convertible of campaign coverage. ‘Sympathy for the Devil’ on repeat and at full volume, barrelling across the country at 110 miles an hour or so and in search of an honest politician. In Hunter’s eyes, the only one that even came close was George McGovern, the senator from South Dakota.

McGovern’s non-interventionist platform focused on a complete withdrawal from Vietnam, amnesty for draft evaders and a Milton Freidman inspired, negative income-tax meant to replace the bureaucratic burden of social welfare programs and a complicated tax code. Thompson’s version of events is the story of an idealistic underdog fighting against the odds only to be crushed by postmodern Americanism and the establishment incumbent, “Tricky Dick Nixon.” McGovern might have owed a White House win, in part, to Thompson’s and Rolling Stone’s relentless support had he not owed his White House loss to the mental distress of his vice-presidential pick, Thomas Eagleton.

There’s no way to properly explain how great Rolling Stone was in those early years. How well the magazine represented the anti-establishment culture, individual liberty and equality for everyone. It can’t be compared to anything else because there was nothing else, only the traditional mainstream garbage and Rolling Stone.

In the four decades that followed, the magazine continually fell behind market trends in the music industry, clinging nostalgically to some bygone era. They were late to the party covering punk in the 70’s. While they tried to figure out what had happened in 1991 Seattle they had totally dropped the ball on hip-hop. All of a sudden it was three years later, Kurt Cobain was already dead and they had lost so much ground in the L.A. scene that the black community had given up on them.

Wenner had pompously brushed off having any type of internet media strategy until around 2009, when he appointed one of his sons in charge of the “digital media” division. The type of position acquired only by a millionaire trust-fund brat of a rich liberal.

For years, Rolling Stone was unable to get a handle on what was happening in music or technology. Incompetence was a bad rash that spread through the entire organization. Getting caught with the University of Virginia gang-rape lies was an obvious black eye on the magazine. Wenner’s ability to make sound decisions was in question. His son should have been sent to North Dakota to learn how to weld. Despite all of that, the magazine was still making money, selling something like 1.5 million copies monthly. Not that anyone would admit to reading it or spending money on it.

On February 20, 2005 Hunter Thompson blew his own brains out in the kitchen of Owl Farm. His chronic alcohol and drug abuse had rendered his writing profitless and that was of no use to Rolling Stone. He had survived the last 10 years by republishing old articles and collections of his work from different outlets. He had already lost faith in the American political process. After Bill Clinton failed to appease his concerns over firearms, marijuana legalization and the American constitution, Hunter simply lost interest and poured himself a stiff drink.

One of the core tenets of Thompson’s “Gonzo journalism” was: total subjectivity; blatant, outright bias. An approach emulated by current Rolling Stone top shelf contributor, Matt Taibbi; a pliable, milquetoast impressionist with a learned sense of Thompson’s wit and scorn. The trick, which Taibbi understands as did Thompson, is that good journalism has a subjective theme, of course, but doesn’t blur the lines that keep public servants accountable. Taibbi likens journalists cozying up to politicians to the separation of church and state. Lacking objectivity, a good journalist should still keep an arms length from politicians and be critical of all of them, especially ones entrenched for decades in unashamed cronyism, a disregard for human life and vicious foreign policy.

“Reporters are supposed to be unpleasant, grumpy people who instantly deface the posters of the powerful whenever they get the chance”

– Matt Taibbi

In 2008, Taibbi had the opportunity to join other journalists on one of Obama’s campaign flights. He liked Obama, but when he noticed all the pictures that lined the walls, pictures of Obama and all the different journalists, all with their arms around then candidate Obama and smiling, he admits that he felt a little dirty.

The real downfall of the magazine was that Jann Wenner had hitched the Rolling Stone wagon to a political party instead of a political principal.

Obama graced the cover of Rolling Stone annually through his presidency. Jann Wenner and him had carved out their friendship and put it on display. Few presidents have had the opportunity to sustain 8 full years of foreign bloodshed without any outrage from Wenner and co.

Now that Obama was out, there was a constant theme in the election for his replacement and the primaries leading up to it. Americans were sick of the status quo. They were sick of being fed lies from mainstream media and “fake news.” People were waiting to revolt in the wake of establishment politics. Just give them a guy who’s going to shit on everything and see what happens.

American media today is out of touch and not only with this new generation. Outlets like Rolling Stone keep the official narrative going, but no one under 30 is listening.

When Rolling Stone endorsed Hillary Clinton for president, that was it. The joke was over. Jann Wenner had finally come out of the closet as an elitist authoritarian and a cruel faggot.

* Darcy Gerow is a family man and tradesman. He is a national board member for the Libertarian Party of Canada and the co-founder of @TheHardTruthsBookClub, an organization committed to causing greatness in working age me through brotherhood and literature.

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msmovingforward · 3 years

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A For Effort

Wow! Tiffany may just be the biggest evil genius the entire Housewives universe has ever seen! You mean to tell me you graduated Cornell at 19, graduated medical school at 23, and you didn’t see the irony in serving cricket pizza in order to trigger someone who was infamously called a “chirpy little Mexcian?” (LeeAnne’s words, not mine). Tiffany knows exactly what she’s doing. You don’t have advanced scientific degrees and your own wine label, but need Pancho the chef to explain to everyone what salami is. Though I’m not falling for her “I never had girlfriends” sob story, I’m loving the deliciousness with which she is playing the victim to our faces while riling these southern belles up like swinging piñatas. Sorry I had to get these thoughts out before they escaped me. Onto the recap proper!

We open with Mr. and Mrs. Moon discussing the aforementioned pizza soiree. Tiffany really does have everyone in her life on a delicate thread. She masterfully guilts her husband into doing EVERYTHING to set up this party (decorating, making pizza dough-which is a frickin’ process in case you’ve never attempted it) by saying she’s extremely stressed about fitting in with her new friends. (Will they accept her for two seasons in a row?!) Tiffany knows this is her time to do something BIG in order to really brand her name on the cattle that is the Dallas Housewives, and that thing is using her $15,000 pizza oven for a group of friends that includes two women who probably don’t eat. (The last time I remember a pizza oven being mentioned as a centerpiece for a party was when Camille Grammer invited everyone to her house to drink vodka out of fishbowls and find out when they were going to die and lose their legs, but I’m digressing). Tiffany makes an Excel Spreadsheet, and the two clink to pizza parties.

D’Andra heads over to her Shaman’s house. This guy is just a gay with a lot of feelings in a robe, and you know what?! Good for him! You get that money! He had to do something with all that left over spirit gum from the community theater production of Fiddler that shut down due to COVID, and what better use than fake sideburns to convince sad rich women you’re a spiritual guru?! We learn that D’Andra has developed a twitch from all the trauma of fighting with Kari in Grapevine last week. The shaman asks what D’Andra thinks she might be projecting to invite negative energy, and we’re shown flashbacks of D’Andra mom shaming Kari in last week’s episode, screaming, “I don't even care because you were my fucking friend! ... You have three kids that are grown. One child home that is under your care.” With a completely blank stare on her face, D’Andra says, “I don’t know the answer to that honestly.” The shaman tries to get D’Andra to see the bigger picture, telling her that in life there will always be people saying things she doesn’t like, but D’Andra just blames Kari yet again, saying that Kari is just jealous of her. The shaman advises D’Andra to always come from a place of love, so no one can accuse her of having negative intentions, which I’m sure D’Andra will misinterpret in episodes to come, and then he has her lie on the floor as he spreads rose pedals on her, so she can receive the gifts of Mother Earth. I’m in the wrong area of work, clearly. How much is this dude charging for this? I tell women they’re queens and listen to them bitch all day, and I don’t get paid for it!

Kameron is with her dog and her daughter in their living room in preparation for Brad the hot dog trainer to pay a house call. It’s hard for me to tell whose name I hate more, Fanci, her dog, or Hilton, her daughter. Is she named after Paris or the hotel chain itself? Gag! Court enters and informs the two small children and the dog as well as Kameron that an interested couple had just toured their home for a third time, and they have decided not to buy. I really hate Court. Why would he tell the six year old children and the dog this? Kameron is clearly not listening. At first, I felt bad for Kameron because I thought she wasn’t being given a chance to have a say in this, but then I realized this is 20 fucking 20, and she doesn’t need permission to be strong and independent. God, Kameron! What is with the Dallas women in particular and playing victims? If you want to sell the house for more then get in there and hustle, girl! Kameron informs the audience via her confessional that “[My dream house] could sell, then it could be off the market. Then Guess what! I don't have another house that I'm obsessed with!” Some women have jobs, Kameron. Even Kari is pretending to make jewelry! Some women actually take their dogs outside to walk them! Then again, I am watching this show because this is where the humor lies. Court really is the worst kind of man, though. He openly mocks Kameron’s feelings to his six year old daughter’s face, joking that if she gets hysterical about the house selling for too low, the two of them have a contract not to tell Kameron. Again, though, this IS the life Kameron is choosing. I wonder what the shaman would have to say about THIS?!

Brad comes in and informs them that letting Fanci just have a bone all the time to keep her occupied is the same as giving your kids an iPad at church. Kameron says without even a hint of irony that that is what they do with their kids at church. Brad informs the family that they’re doing a C+ job at training Fanci. Kameron, who’s never probably gotten a grade above C- in her life is thrilled, saying, “At least we got a letter!” Kameron informs us in her testimonial that she needs to feel control over training Fanci because there’s so little in her life right now she does have control over, including COVID and her home selling for too little, making her unable to afford a bigger version of her current home. ACTUALLY IF YOU DID ANYTHING EXCEPT STRAP YOUR DOG TO A TREADMILL, YOU MIGHT FIND YOU DO HAVE SOME AGENCY HERE, KAMERON. Ugh...

Stephanie is diligently working on receiving her Nobel Peace Prize by setting up her office space so that she can spend Travis’s money to give public schools luxury locker rooms. She’s heroically painted her office the same shade of off white that she’s going to have someone else paint one of the locker rooms to make sure she likes it. The pressure is really mounting, though, because if she doesn’t finish her office in time, she’s made a bet that she will have to touch Travis. No one wants that! He’s hairy! Travis comes into the unfinished office with flowers, and informs Stephanie that she’s already over budget. (Her budget, for which she did absolutely no research before setting, is $100,000, but the lockers alone are costing $70,000). Stephanie jokes that she’s going to have to prostitute herself to afford these renovations. Travis says she’s probably not good enough in bed to raise that much money. Healthy.

We are shown vignettes of the women trying to figure out what to wear to a chic pizza party. I’m confused because I’m pretty sure chic pizza party isn’t much different from chic square dance, which is what I imagine most of Dallas’s social events to look like. Kari is getting her makeup done, and she shares a text with her makeup artist that reads, “Just to set expectations: I'll probably be wrapping up the party at like 10:30, because I have a meeting tomorrow and I want to be fresh for it. Can't wait to see you all tonight.” Kari informs us that she’s NEVER gotten a text like that before in her life. Stephanie and Kameron are riding together to Tiffany’s, and Stephanie says she’s always in bed by 10, so she doesn’t have a problem with it. (Me too, Stephanie!) Kameron informs us that proper etiquette would have been to send out printed invitations with a set end time. I think Tiffany knew exactly what she was starting when she sent out this text. D’Andra arrives to the party with a container of some sort of deli salad topped with a white bow, and Tiffany freaks out that D’Andra needs to put on shoe covers. I wonder if she and Mary Cosby use the same brand. Stephanie and Kameron arrive right behind D’Andra with a piñata they forgot to give Kari at her 50th birthday party. Tiffany shows off her closet filled with easily a million dollars’ worth of Birkin bags. I do have to say, Tiffany’s closet easily outshines both Lisa Vanderpump’s and Bethany Frankel’s. I just hope TIffany has proper safeguards against moths.

The last to arrive are Kari and Brandi. In the car, Kari informs Brandi that she’s essentially over trying to make a real friendship work with D’Andra, but they can be superficial friends, and Kari will just keep D’Andra at arm’s length. So basically how it probably was all along. This story line sucks, Kari.

The two arrive just in time for Tiffany to tell everyone there’s going to be a contest to see who makes the best pizza. She also lays down some ground rules, saying, “You just have to be honest. I know that's really hard in this group ... The number two rule is no fighting. (Kari looks pissed about this rule). On your first infraction, you shall receive a verbal warning. The second time, you get pizza flour thrown in your face. (Kameron nods like she understands). Like 'Stop fighting!' And rule number three is have fun!” Brandi makes a fair point that having fun is the point of a party, and this was Tiffany’s last rule.

It isn’t until this point that I realize lackluster friend of the wives Jen is in attendance. You know it’s bad when the friend of is being outshined by the Shaman.

The women bust open Kari’s piñata, which contains a riddle: “What's wet, long, thin, hot, and down south?” Somehow this means the women will be taking a cast trip to Austin to further drag out Kari’s birthday party.

The gals make and eat their pizzas. Kameron informs us that dabbing the grease off the pizza takes away 250 calories. After the very stupid pizza contest winner is determined Tiffany reveals that they all just ate crickets, which she hid in her pizza toppings. Needless to say, Kari is PISSED. The only thing it’s appropriate to pour down someone’s throat is tequila! Brandi has to run inside to throw up, but not before she puts shoe covers on! Tiffany had intended to win Brandi over because Brandi’s love language is pranks, but this clearly has backfired. D’Andra starts meditating, and then Kameron’s alarm goes off to inform everyone they only have 8 minutes before 10:30, so they’d better scram. Not even Tiffany could have predicted these women would be so humorless. It looks like she’s going to really have to step it up if she wants to be in this clique! Tiffany informs us that the party probably got a B-, which to a tiger mom like her is basically an F. Didn’t Tiffany say she never came home with less than an A? Rough!

Will Tiffany recover from this horrible prank gone awry? Will Stephanie be able to help high school athletic departments? Will Jen ever say anything? How does she know these women? One thing is for sure; we are definitely going to long, thin, hot, wet, southern... Austin? next week!

#RealHousewives #RealHousewivesOfDallas #Bravo #Reality #RealityTV #RealityTelevision #Television #TV #AndyCohen #Housewives #Dallas #Pizza #Birkin #TiffanyMoon #ThreeMoons #Fanci

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convndrums · 7 years

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here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler; intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome.

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will.

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone.

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel.

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic.

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably.

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity.

reintroducing alexandra turunen; info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot.

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio; info page ( tw death & drug use )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott; info page ( tw death & drug use )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is.

reintroducing sal presley; info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly.

#smoke:intros #FINALLY RISING HOLY SH-#ill do some plotting n hopefully get on replies soonish hell yea lets GO!

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