#but still i'll hope i guess. still dream n wish n write. but i'm just losing my energy n motivation to connect w reality

[justwonder113]

Showering Felix with affection

Bang Chan; Lee Know; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Seungmin; IN;

Summary: Even though you feel more than secure in your relationship with Felix you still can't help but feel possessive sometimes...

Warnings: Slightly suggestive; Reader is whipped as always; Reader is slightly jealous/possesive; Reader is feeling like a mess? Half naked Felix(that needs a whole warning as itself); Felix being himself making reader lose their mind(from love? Idk it's like 3 am brain is not braining)

word count- 1.7k

A/N- I'm alive!!! This one took me way more time than I intendet to. But I'm glad how it turned out to be. I really worked my butt over it so I really hope you'll like it. Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated I'm really curious to know what you think. Thank you so much for all the support and kind comments, they mean the world to me and give me the biggest drive 🩷 I'll try to write and upload next part as soon as I can

This was too much! Like way much more than you could handle! You didn't know if you felt was extreme pride for both your boyfriend's achievements and overall amazingness and the fact that he was, in fact, yours, or the bitter feeling of jealousy, because your boyfriend basically stripped in front of thousands, no, millions of stays. There was no way in hell this clip wouldn't blow up the whole internet in minutes!

Being in a relationship with an idol sure came with a lot of challenges. You felt secure in your relationship, Felix, despite having millions of fans thirsting over him, never gave you any reason to doubt hiis love and sincerity. Sometimes the fact that Feliz had so many admirers made you feeel so much pride and boosted your confidence so much, the Lee Yongbok Felix, the man who could have literally anyone in the world, the man who had so many admirers chose you and stayed with you. The feeling was surely something else. You wondered what changed today. Was it because so many people saw him shirtless? The jealousy was gnawing you from the inside. Maybe it wasn't jealosy and rather than that you were feeling possesive. You didn't want to word this wrong, but you guessed that you considered Felix as yours, just as he percieved you as his, you were sure of it, you weren't really posessive and you would rather die than make Felix uncomfortable with an ugly feeling like that, it's just seeing that so many people saw him in different light you only had the pleasure of seeing really rubbed you the wrong way.

You kinda felt bad for feeling like this. Felix was the boyfriend one could only dream of. He only did his job as an idol and entertainer so why were you sulking like this? You knew that dating an idol was like. But for God's sake you were only human! Hearing other's thirsty comments nade yiur blood boul. Others were trying to watch the show! You also almost had a cardiac areest watching your boyfriend, but you still contained yourself (your panties were most likely(certainty) ruined)! You didn't make thirsty comments and disturbed others. Oh how you wished you could just walk up on the stage and really show them who Felix really belonged with. Oh to see the jealous looks on their faces, but no, you couldn't do it to Felix. He told you that he was ready to tell the world about your relationship countless times but you knew it could affect him as an idol a lot so you told him that you knew he loved you and appreciated the gesture but he didn't meed to do that. Also you were talking out of your butt as if you had any chance to go up on the stage with heavy security like this... You could still out your relationship! You just couldn't do it to Felix. He didn't deserve to be in scandal because your pride was hurt.

Even after hours went by the bitter feeling didn't go away, and you were afraid Felix was starting to notice your absentmindness. As you thought the internet was blown over it. Everyone kept gushing about Felix, and you felt both immence pride and bitterness.

Huffing out annoyed you got up from the bed to drink water. You were in your hotel room with Felix. Others went in their own rooms to sleep. You were waiting for Felix to finish his shower. It was quite late, but you felt nowhere near sleepy.

You took a sip from your water and almost choked to death when you saw Felix emerge from the bathroom, towel hanging low on his lips. His waist and uppeenbody glistening from the water, hair srill damp and dripping. What was in the air tonight? This boy was going to be the death of you. He had to be crafted from the God's themselves because what the heck?! Most men you knew had either decent personality or decent looks and in most cases neither, and then you had this specimen. What the hell, how? He was also next to you softly patting your back the second you started choking on water. Like man pick a struggle it's unfair to be perfect in every way.

"Are you okay angel?" Felix asked with his deadly beautiful voice after you calmed down. You had to be thankful if you survived this day, or this boy generally.

"Yeah, I'm fine." It took you a few seconds but you managed to answer. God your heart was jumping out of your ribcage. Felix looked at you for a second then shook his head.

His warm hand engulfed yours, "You've barely spoken the whole night, talk to me love, did something happen?" His thumb never stopped rubbing small circles on your hand. He always had such a calming effect on you and, usually, the second he touched you became so putty and melted like a puddle, but today it didn't seem to work. You were too on edge.

"Did I upset you with something?" Felix asked looking unsure yet remorseful, you felt guilty, too caught up with yourself you tuned out Felix, making him believe he was in the wrong. You straightened up and stood in front of him, his gaze carefully examining your every move. Normally, whenever he looked at you like that it made you shy away, but now you were feeling rather bold.

Not breaking the eye contact you got closer and closer slightly pushing him back so that in the couple of steps the back of his legs met the bed and it only took you a slight nudge to push him on the bed.

Not wasting a moment you straddled his lap. He didn't hesitate and put his hands on your waist. His thumbs slowly rubbing circles to soothe you into talking. He looked at you with wide eyes, he clearly didn't expect you to do something bold like this, but he didn't seem to mind it, quite the opposite, actually. You knew him too well to miss the mischevious glint in his eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" Felix quickly nodded his head. He leaned in pushing on his elbows and met you halfway to a kiss. His lips were soft as ever, you immediately whimpered at the touch, already feeling weak in the knees. Sometimes you felt as if Felix was some type of drug. There was no way the attachment and constant longing you felt towards him was normal. Especially his kisses. If you could, you would spend eternity carresing his soft lips with yours. His soft lips gliding over yours had you feeling euphoric. Mere brush of his lips against yours made you feel alive. You wondered if he knew how much you loved him.

Felix returned the kiss with just as much love and passion you put into it if not more. Once soft and slow kiss was now hard and passionate and was igniting you from inside. You didn't even want to lean back for air despite your lungs already starting to burn. He must have realized you actually needed air to breathe so he leaned back, but he still held you close. His lips now softly carresing your neck while you regained your composure. You were sure your neck would be a sight to behold in the morning. But to put it quite frankly, you didn't give a damn.

Your eyes met, he tried to say something but you didn't let him. God, you felt awful. But you didn't know what to do, what to say. You were in an emotional turmoil. You were a mess. All you knew was that you had to show him how much you loved him, how much he meant for you.

Moving from his lips you started to litter his bautiful face. His pretty nose, his pretty eyes, his forehead. You made sure to kiss his cheeks as many times as much freckles he had. The way Felix squirmed beneath you, the way he was all flushed up and embarrassed, how he couldn't hold the eye contact and the way his red and swollen pouty lips kept mumbling that you should kiss his lips instead was driving you crazy.

After placing one last kiss right beneath his jaw, you leaned back and took the sight in. Your heart was about to burst out of your chest. How did he look ehetheral every given second?

"I love you so much, you know that, right?" You slowly muttered after a few long seconds of debating how could you force yourself to talk, or just simply what were you going to say. Felix looked at you for a second before suddenly moving you two, so thay now you were beneath him, and he was on top. The sight of him hovering above you didn't really help your situation, like at all! Because now the light was hitting him from the back just right, and the shadows made his features look more defined and sculptured, and you were not feeling good at all.

"What are you doing?" You couldn't help but ask, you couldn't tell what his blank face meant. Felix smiled and your heart melted yet again. "Showing you just how much I love you. Also, I have to pay back for all the kisses you gave me, so brace yourself love." He winked at you and you couldn't help but giggle. What a dork. You were about to make a clever remark, but he shut you up by connecting your lips once again. His one hand sliging through your hair while the other arm wrapped around your waist drawing you closer. You've never felt more safe and loved. And you felt silly for ever worrying. This man loved you just as much as you loved him.

You smiled into the kiss and just let yourself go.

[lixzey]

Letters

One day Timothée receives a package from someone unknown: a basket of eighteen letters. Letters from a girl named y/n. A mysterious fan who poured her heart out in her letters and is trying to fix herself. As Timothée begins to read, and the letters begin to run out, he finds himself falling for this girl. Until one day he stopped reading. 

Because she stopped writing.

Info: This is set in June 2024.

The First Letter.

Timothée sat in his hotel room reading his script when someone knocked on the door.

“Mr. Chalamet, this was dropped off at the lobby.” The hotel staff was holding a basket, a basket of letters tied neatly with a red ribbon.

“Thanks.” Timothée smiled, taking the basket in his hands. He went back inside his room and sat on the bed, scanning the basket for anything mysterious. It was only plain letters—eighteen letters—in the basket, with a tag addressed to him—his name neatly written on a tag attached to the basket.

He picked up a random envelope and started to read.

Dear Timothée, 

I know that you won't even read this; after all, you're busy with your career. And I know this won't be different from what any other girl has ever said to you before. But I guess it gives me a reason to have someone to talk to, even if you won't ever read this, let alone receive it.

I love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you in Lady Bird. I love the way you smile; it makes me feel warm inside. I love the way you laugh; it gives me butterflies. I love the way you talk, whether in French or English. I can listen to your voice for hours. I love the way you see everything in a positive light.

I spend hours just lying in bed at night, wishing I could meet you. But I wouldn't know what to say. Knowing me, I'd probably stand there staring at you like an absolute idiot, or probably stand there shaking like a five-year-old who lost her mother in the supermarket.

A lot of girls have already met you; on social media, they say you're kind and loving—I wouldn't doubt that, of course. I even saw a video where you recognized a fan in the crowd. I wish I was that fan. It makes me wonder: Have you ever fallen in love with a fan? I mean, every girl that you met was absolutely gorgeous. You'd have a lovely conversation with a girl; she'd wink at you or toss her hair over her shoulders, and maybe you'd fall for her immediately.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I watch your movies. I love seeing your face; it makes everything better. You know, it's funny how a movie can change someone's mood from sad to happy. That's what I love about your acting; it makes me happy and makes me feel alive. You're the only one who can make me feel alive.

I hope one day I can meet you.

I know it's impossible for me, but a girl can dream, right?

You know, I feel weird writing to you. But now that I've already written this, I might as well send it, right? Maybe you'd understand me.

Maybe I'll write again soon, or maybe not.

Who knows?

All my love,

Y/n 

Timothée put the letter down, confused and touched at the same time. There was a small date on the back of the envelope: June 15th, 2023. A year ago. Why was the letter dated a year ago? Why is it that he received the letters so late? How did it even get delivered to the hotel he was currently staying at?

He was used to fan letters, but not the kind that gets delivered to the hotel where he is currently staying. But something about the letter made him feel warm inside. Timothée looked at the letters, each one with the same handwriting, the same stamps, and tea-colored envelopes. All of them had dates on the back, and coincidentally, he had picked up the first one.

Suddenly, his phone rang, making him drop the letters in his hand. He answered the call, “Hey dickhead, you still up for the party tonight?” Zendaya's voice echoed in the room.

“Oh, yeah, I am. I'll be there.” Timothée chuckled. “See you later, the party starts at ten sharp.” Zendaya chuckled before ending the call.

Timothée looked down at the letters on the floor. He sighed before picking each letter up, sorting the letters by the date on each envelope. He placed the letters back in the basket. He glanced down at his watch; it was already seven in the evening.

“I'll continue later.” He muttered, shoving the basket under the bed. He got up and started to get ready for the party.

[writingsforwhatever]

Part 1: Love letters to Matthew (m.s.)

summary: matt never felt the same way until he finally did.

warnings: very very slow burn. this is a long read, go get a snack! if you don't like reading, don't read it. ALSO, i have one shots based of this story. Their little moments leading up to the reader and matt confessing their feelings for each other. Let me know if you all are interested! enjoy my little bored mind.

A/N: Hi, before you continue reading this story, please be aware that I wrote this work of mine two years ago for my creative writing. It's my baby, and I hold it close to my heart. I lost inspiration for it a while back, but now I'm sharing it with the world. This is a long read because it's the entire story in two post. (Part 2 is posted). It's in no way connected or affiliated with Matt Sturniolo. I just made him the character because he fits the character's personality, and I needed to envision someone while I continued writing it, so I thought, why not?

word count: 27,231k

"If I could choose to live anywhere in the world, I would still choose to live here," she remarked, passing the bowl of Cheetos to Matt. "I mean, I could also pick a place in Sweden, somewhere in Northern Europe, but who could leave Massachusetts?"

Matt, sprawled out on the couch with the TV playing in the background, shrugged. "You could," he replied, smiling down at her. "Come on, don't be so negative. You can't possibly stay here forever."

"Why not? What's wrong with here?" She asked, standing up. She was now facing Matt, and a change of heart suddenly took hold. "I mean, I guess you're right." She flopped down next to him once more, sighing. "Do you think we'll ever fulfill our dreams and go to Europe together?"

"Of course, you idiot. We will, don't worry about it too much," he reassured her, glancing at her. It was the 19th day of December, a snowy day in the Bay State, and excitement was in the air. Airports were busier than usual, which meant one thing: Christmas was just around the corner.

September 2023

"Damn it," she cursed as she unpacked her suitcase. It was September, with summer in the process of ending and fall about to arrive. She couldn't believe her parents had thrown a "party" to welcome her back from her two-month long vacation. Before leaving, she had made it crystal clear that she didn't want any crazy shit, but it turned out that Luke had talked to her parents behind her back while she was spending time with him abroad. She glanced at the poster on her wall once again and whispered with a smile, "That idiot."

Luke.

The boy with light brown eyes reminiscent of autumn leaves, the one who swam throughout college, briefly dropped out, and then returned to college. He was the boy she met at Samantha's birthday party, the one her little cousin had a crush on - Luke.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized frantically, searching for the green tissue pack in her little bag while setting the glass of beer on a nearby table. Her white shirt was now stained with liquor, which was just great. The embarrassment of the situation was overwhelming, leaving her unable to think straight.

"No worries," Luke chuckled, clearly taken aback by the unexpected encounter. "I should've been more careful."

She handed him the tissues, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "That was so embarrassing. I'm truly sorry," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Don't worry about it. It’ll dry," he replied with a reassuring smile.

In that moment, she wished she could vanish into the ground, hoping some higher being might intervene and make it happen right there and right then.

"I’m going to miss you so much," Luke sighed, embracing her from behind.

She turned to face him, her expression softening. "Me too, but we'll see each other again on Christmas, okay?"

"That's a long time. I'll really really miss you," he admitted with a sad smile.

"Oh, shut up. You're probably tired of seeing my face every day," she giggled while still unpacking her suitcase.

"I could never. I love you too much." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"That's a nice touch," she pointed at her wall, changing the subject.

"You like it? Your mom helped me," he replied, smiling at her.

"Ya’ll are so dramatic," she chuckled.

Welcome back! – Haley, Mom, & Dad

After that fateful night in March when she met Luke, she had slowly stopped composing letters to Matthew altogether. The dynamics of her relationships with him had shifted, leaving behind a stack of handwritten words that now belonged to the past.

Matt.

Matt, with eyes as blue as a warm sunny day's sky, was someone she could lose herself in. He was the boy she loved so deeply that if her heart were torn from her chest, his name would be etched there. Matthew, the only one she had ever loved before Luke.

During the summer of ’20, she came to the realization that she had developed a crush on her best friend. On the night he drove her home, she silently prayed for God to make her feelings for him disappear. It seemed absurd; this was Matt, her very own Matt, her dearest friend in the world, and she was in love with him.

As they both grew older, she began to perceive him in a new way. He underwent changes; growing out his hair became something she loved. His height increased too. Whenever she sees him, a permanent smile adorned his face, and she found herself deeply and irrevocably in love with him. Everything he did captivated her, particularly the moment he slept on her shoulder in the car. It was ridiculous how loudly her heart throbbed at that time.

"Do you think they'll mind if it's just the two of us, Matt?" she asked, settling into the passenger seat.

"Why? We've done this plenty of times before; they'll be okay," he reassured her, quieting her with a gentle shush as he started the car.

On the day they left for LA, tears streamed down her face, staining Nick's shirt. "We'll be back for Thanksgiving, you goof," he reassured her.

No matter if it was for Christmas or her birthday, she didn’t care but the fact that her best friends were leaving at that moment weighed heavily on her. "You’re moving to the other side of the country, and I’m heading to college," she sniffled, the airport surroundings continued to add to her gloom.

Chris, empathetic, offered her a comforting a hug. "The other side of the country is crazy,” he said. "You can visit us, you know."

Her response came with a hint of frustration, "I'll be in college, Chris."

With a warm smile, Chris reassured her, “You can visit us during breaks. We're just one flight away."

She gazed at Matt, noticing his pink cheeks. "Everything's going to be okay. We'll see each other again in no time," he smiled sadly at her. She wanted to believe Matt wholeheartedly, as she always did, but deep down, she knew that things would never be the same.

August 23, 2021

Dear Matt, I miss you all so much. Mom and Dad just dropped me off at college, and my roommate, Samantha seems nice. She's from San Diego. You don't think my Boston accent is interesting, do you? She keeps saying it is, but I don't think so. I hope you're having a blast over there. I know you are. I really wish you were here. I miss you the most. Massachusetts sucks without you guys.

September 15, 2021

Dear Matthew,

I already miss you. It's funny; we just spoke on the phone, and here I am writing you a letter already. You sounded really happy, which makes me happy too. By the way, I just realized I brought Nick's shirt with me and your white hoodie too!! I didn't mention it earlier because I thought you might want them back. Haha.

Anyway, I can't wait for Fall; maybe we can visit a pumpkin patch. I know how much you love those. I'm looking forward to seeing you and everyone. Homesickness is setting in, and I miss home, especially you. I miss you the most.

P.S. Samantha thinks Nate is cute, but I don't think she’s his type.

The days went by, and she found herself missing him even more. The calls and texts lessened, she became busier, and Matt was texting her when she was at class and would reply to her when she was face down on the bed, asleep.

She struggled to admit it, but the Instagram posts featuring their new friends tugged at her heartstrings with a sense of longing. She couldn’t shake the feeling of being left out, as if life was in full swing without her presence, playing out somewhere in Southern California with her friends and the love of her life, while she sat alone at UMass, eating a sandwich in the cafeteria. She yearned to turn back time to those carefree 9th-grade days, where she’d laugh at Chris’s antics in class or when Matt and Nick would whisk her away for impromptu beach adventures.

September 28, 2021

Dear Matt,

I saw a guy today who I thought looked just like you in an ice cream shop while I was out with my friend. I think I might be losing my mind. College is going pretty well so far. Alahna sent me a snap from early 2021 last night, and it was of you getting annoyed at Nick because he had the megaphone while we were in the drive-thru. It was so funny. I thought you looked great that night, but then again, when did you ever not? Congratulations on hitting 4 million!

Oh, and does Chris have a crush on Natalie? Never mind, I'll ask him about it later. I miss you guys so much.

Years had passed since she last laid eyes on the photos that adorned the walls of her childhood bedroom. The pink and white paint of the room served as a poignant reminder of the unrequited love that had once consumed her heart.

The photos of her, Matt, and their friends playing in the snow, or the selfies Nick snapped during sleepovers when Chris and Matt would crash on the floor of Nick's room - memories she cherished dearly. The thought of past Thanksgiving gatherings tugged at her heartstrings, recalling how he'd tower over her at the table, his tender touches igniting a warmth in her skin. She loved Matt deeply, more than words could express.

October 11, 2021

Dear Matt,

I got my hair cut today. It felt weird. I was going to take a selfie to send it to you, but I got shy. I hope you're doing well over there. I heard you guys went to a party; Nick won't stop talking about it, lol.

I can't believe it's been months since I last saw you in person, even though I saw you the other day through a video call, it's just not the same... Time is flying by.

Also, Chloe just passed her driving lessons. I wish you guys were here to see it. I know she texted Nick about it, but still, I miss you, Matthew. Anyway, I'll text you later. I have this professor who's very old, and he hates late students.

She did see them on Thanksgiving, and she couldn't forget how Matt looked. Those moments made her question how she could go on with her life, knowing he was completely oblivious to her deep feelings for him. She hated herself for falling in love with him. It was a realization that left her feeling stupid.

November 30, 2021

Dear Matthew,

You looked absolutely handsome at dinner last week. I couldn't help but wonder how LA gets to see you like that every day without turning the whole state upside down. You mentioned missing me, but I'm pretty sure I missed you even more. It's odd that Mom keeps talking about how much taller you've grown, because she should have expected that. Yesterday, when you brought up about meeting a girl, my heart sank. I believe you genuinely like her. I didn't want to ask more because I didn't want to be too obvious, but I think Chris saw my smile disappear. He was kind enough not to ask about it though so it’s all good.

Why do I still miss you even when you're sleeping right beside me on the couch? It's as if you're so far away.

It was early August 2022 when she paid them a visit in California for their birthday. She could recall every detail – the weather, the ride from the airport, and the woman in his arms.

She had faced numerous challenges before, like the time she had to carry Samantha, who was far too drunk for her own good, or when Chris begged her to retrieve his backpack in subzero temperatures. However, this situation felt entirely different. As the doors swung open, she yearned to be anywhere but there – perhaps back in her small dorm room in Boston.

From within, she could hear the voices and music, the uproar of celebration and delight. Outside, the soft hum of Los Angeles traffic persisted as cars rushed by. Yet, above all else, she swore she could hear the unrelenting rhythm of her own heartbeat, as if it were the only thing keeping her grounded in that moment.

The woman was already there, wearing a warm smile, eagerly awaiting her boyfriend Matt's arrival. She couldn't help but admire Matt's taste, as in that moment, she found the woman to be stunning. With her dark blonde hair, brown eyes, and a height of 5'3, she gave off an endearing aura that she effortlessly carried with her. The woman greeted everyone with an open-hearted smile, embracing her as if they were long-lost friends reuniting after a decade apart.

"Hi! It's so great to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you," the woman's voice was flawless, yet there was a hollow feeling within her. She genuinely liked the woman and had an inkling that she would become a significant presence in their lives for quite some time to come.

Her gaze fixed on Matt, a mixture of confusion and hurt in her eyes. How was it possible that he hadn't disclosed that he had a girlfriend? Those nights when he would call her, those were the very nights she longed to be in his arms, not realizing they had already been spent with someone else.

That night was etched in her memory, a vivid recollection of the moment she had realized it was impossible for her to remain friends with him. She couldn't maintain their friendship, not while she was overwhelmed with sadness while he was immersed in happiness.

December 6, 2021

Dear Matt,

Today, I spent the day baking cookies with Haley but the real takeaway is being back in Boston and just one car ride away from you.

Weird, Nick brought up the name of the girl you're talking to, and it took me by surprise a little because you never mentioned her to me. I could sense Chris was giving me the stare, like he knows something, but that's just Chris, right?

It was a scene she had seen countless times before, both in movies and in real life – the clichéd tale of falling in love with your best friend and the inevitable heartbreak that followed.

There he sat, a picture of handsomeness in the midst of the kitchen, so immersed in what he's doing that he only noticed her staring when he looked up and playfully asked, "Any boys I should know about?" She chuckled, finding Matt's question entirely characteristic of his random sense of humor.

"No one, Matt," she replied, rolling her eyes with a smile. Inside, she thought, "It's only you. It was only ever you."

"I find that hard to believe," he said, casting a shy glance her way, his smile never wavering.

She pressed, "And why is that?"

"Because you're..." he started, his voice trailing off, leaving the unspoken feelings hanging in the air between them.

"…because you're amazing. You're good at baking cookies and-"

"Please, shut the fuck up, Matthew," she blushed, looking away.

"It's true! Ask Chris. He thinks you have a college boyfriend you’re not telling us about," he defended himself.

"Well, Chris is stupid," a small frown appeared on her face.

"Hey, I heard that!" She looked toward the boy sitting on the couch in the living room. "Shut up, Chris, Nick is sleeping."

She was standing over the kitchen counter, finishing the gifts she had prepared for her cousins and parents. She rolled her eyes, feeling a bit exasperated. "You're all so dramatic; I'm trying to do something here, fucks sake.”

"Let me help you with that. I'm almost done with this," Matt offered, standing beside her. His proximity alone nearly sent her into a frenzy.

He was incredibly touchy with her, and it only added to the intimacy of their connection. His frequent and intimate touches with her left her in a state of confusion. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was normal for best friends to share such physically intimate moments like this.

"You're terrible at this," he chuckled.

"Whatever Matt," she grumbled, continuing to tape the wrapper.

He leaned even closer, almost putting his entire weight on her. "Matt, you’re so annoying! Get off me," she exclaimed.

Years later, she learned that Chris had glanced at them, shaking his head in bemusement, and thinking about how oblivious his brother Matt was to her feelings. Chris couldn’t help but realize how deeply in love she was with his brother, even if she had never voiced it. She didn’t need to, Chris thought.

August 2022

She felt stuck in place. In that moment, she felt like time had frozen. Her feet glued to the ground.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks - he had a girlfriend, all this time, and no one had told her. It was a profound sense of betrayal and feeling forgotten, it didn't matter that their relationship is just starting, she had loved Matt for years!

It was as if she wasn't worthy of knowing this crucial piece of information about the person she had secretly loved for so long, even though he didn't know he was the love of her life. The waves of emotion threatened to make her sick, but she managed to maintain her composure.

Chris remained by her side throughout the entire party, his friendly nudges and conversation attempts providing a comforting presence. "You know, I still can't believe you're here," he remarked, genuine surprise in his voice. "It's only been a couple of months, right?"

"Only a couple of months, Chris," she confirmed, her gaze fixed on her drink.

"I missed you so much. We all did. It felt like forever since the last time I saw you," Chris continued, offering a playful smile.

She managed a smile in response, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. She kept her thoughts to herself, silently yearning for the familiar comforts of Boston, even though it no longer felt like home. In truth, nothing felt like home as long as Matt was in the arms of another. Chris could see through her facade. He understood the reason behind her dull mood, realizing it was linked to the presence of two specific individuals in the room. However, he respected her feelings enough not to confront her about it here and now, choosing to let her navigate her emotions in her own time

The days seemed to stretch on, with summer taking hold. Matt's girlfriend had flown back home to Florida, they were back to their old routine, but her heart couldn’t forget the feelings she had buried deep within.

They drove her to their favorite restaurants and shops in L.A., but the nagging ache in her heart persisted. With her pretending to enjoy the days while ignoring the sinking feeling that gnawed at her treacherous heart, she tried to be as cheerful as possible before her return to the East Coast.

Until one particular car ride with Nick and Chris temporarily absent and inside Ralph's, she couldn't keep her feelings bottled up any longer and decided to have a heart-to-heart with Matt. It was a brief respite from the facade of happiness she had been trying to maintain.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It all happened so fast," he said, his eyes pleading for her to meet his gaze.

She cut him off, "It doesn't matter, Matt. I guess I just felt really sad that you didn't tell me. I'm your best friend, for heaven's sake." She fought back the urge to cry, keeping her emotions expertly concealed.

"I'm sorry, okay? It all happened in a whirlwind, and suddenly, you were on a flight from Boston to L.A.…," he trailed off. "Plus, I wanted it to be a surprise." He sheepishly smiled.

"God, Matt," she whispered, genuinely taken aback by the revelation.

She continued, "It's okay, it's all in the past now. I was surprised, no doubt."

She smiled, rolled her eyes, and forced a lighter tone into her voice. "So, tell me about her. Where did you guys meet?"

He chuckled, sensing that things were somewhat getting back to normal, but it was never quite the same, she thought to herself.

The night before she left for Boston, they drove and explored the city once more, just the two of them. Chris seemed too tired to join, and Nick had editing work to do.

"I wanted to take you here. It's one of the best viewpoints in L.A.," Matt explained, his excitement palpable.

"What, Griffith Park?" she replied, laughing. "You mean the spot from GTA, right?"

"Yeah, exactly. We used to play that game, remember?" he smiled down at her, feeling nostalgic.

How could she forget?

After several minutes of driving, Matt parked the car, and a heavy silence hung between them, no one seemingly wanted to step out. "Thanks for spending your summer here. It means a lot... That you're here," he expressed, looking at her with his blue eyes that shone through the Los Angeles darkness, seemingly even brighter than the city lights.

"Of course, anything for you guys," she replied, breaking their eye contact, and shifting her gaze to the dashboard in front of her. How could he do this to her? How could he not know? She wished she could freeze this moment in time, his face looking so soft in the gentle glow of the traffic lights. His tired eyes and tousled hair that had always made her heart leap and now, she felt like she could cry right there; she loved him so much and he didn’t know. She also wished she could tuck this memory away in the pockets of her thrifted yellow dress.

Tonight felt different, marking the end of summer, and they were both a year older. They weren't 19 anymore, and yet, she remained deeply in love with him.

~

Nicolas Sturniolo was a smart man, and his brothers secretly admired him for it, even if they would never openly admit it. Of course, he noticed the lingering glances she directed at Matt but never said anything. Nick believed that Matt had informed her about his girlfriend months before she arrived in LA but was shocked upon learning that his brother didn't. That explained the sudden change of mood he'd seen with her at the party.

The older brother had always had an inkling about it since they were young, ever since Matt hadn't asked her to prom. He remembered how she had waited for Matt to notice her new hairstyle, and when Matt already did compliment her, Nick swore he saw her smile so big it could light up the entire school that day. Nick thought his brother Chris was dense, but Matt was on a different level.

He had brought up the subject with Matt once, while they were in line at TSA, just before a flight to California, a mere 7-hour journey away. "You do realize she's in love with you, right?"

"What?" Matt's brows furrowed; genuine confusion etched on his face.

"Come on, Matt. We all know she's had a crush on you since high school," Nick exclaimed, adjusting his backpack.

"That's not true, Nick," Matt responded, shaking his head in disbelief. He found the idea ridiculous.

"Whatever, Matt. You guys are both stupid. I see the way you look at her, and I see how she looks at you. What's holding you back?" Nick shrugged.

"Because we're just friends, Nick? Can't two people of the opposite sex be friends?" Matt retorted, feeling exasperated.

"Okay, Matt, we get it," Chris chimed in, adding his two cents. "We're just telling you what we see."

As Nick appeared impatient and tired of the conversation, and Chris pretending to not care, Matt pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

December 18, 2021

The sight of you on my porch brought me immense happiness. Dad was yelling, which woke me up, and he said you guys were at the front door. Honestly, that pie was incredible; I couldn't believe you three made it.

I wanted to thank you for joining me today. I understand you're not a fan of walking in the snow, but I loved every moment of it.

Christmas is just around the corner, and it's only a matter of days now.

I often wonder if you notice how frequently I steal glances at you whenever I have the chance.

As I sit here writing this, I’m looking at the Christmas gift I got you. It's a necklace. It might seem cliché, but I genuinely hope it brings a smile to your face whenever you see it.

~

She held onto the memory of that day, those tense days after learning he had a girlfriend and before the car confrontation.

"Are you planning to sleep on the couch?" Matt asked.

"I am," she stubbornly insisted.

"Come on, you're our guest; you can sleep in my bed," Chris mumbled with a mouthful of chips.

"And have you sleep here on the couch? No way, Chris," she replied firmly.

Nick chuckled, watching Matt's obliviousness. How could his brother not realize that she was upset with him?

"Alright, then we'll both sleep in my bed," Chris suggested, glancing at Matt for his reaction.

Matt was puzzled. They always shared his bed, so what was the issue now?

Snatching the blanket Nick had given her, she hurried downstairs to reach Chris's room.

Matt's jaw hung open. "What did I do?" he mumbled, frowning at his brothers.

Nick shook his head, grinning. "I'm off to bed. Matt, quit being stupid."

"What?" Matt looked to Chris for answers. Chris shrugged, "I guess she just wanted to sleep in my bed tonight, Matt."

"But-"

"Goodnight, Maaaatt," Chris sang, leaving Matt bewildered and hurt.

"But she always sleeps with me," he whispered to himself, still trying to make sense of the unexpected change.

Lying in Chris's bed that night, she silently yearned for divine intervention. Avoiding eye contact with Matt as she passed by him on her way downstairs, she couldn't ignore the confusion and hurt etched across his face. Deep down, she desperately wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him that things were alright.

It was unusual for her to sleep in Chris's bed, given that she always slept in Matt's, so the sudden change had caught Matt off guard. She was aware of it, but at that moment, her anger towards him outweighed her care.

Earlier that day, Madi had teased her about her apparent coldness toward Matt when they were getting tacos in Melrose. It seemed that everyone had noticed her subtle avoidance of his touches and comments, leading to hushed discussions among their friends.

She was also certain that Chris was a light sleeper. He didn't snore, but he definitely woke easily.

"Couldn't sleep?" Chris whispered, turning to face her.

"Yeah, too much on my mind," she replied, exhaling wearily.

The stillness of the night, combined with their exhaustion, allowed for a comforting silence to settle between them. A beat passed, "Why don't you just tell him?" Chris suggested, his voice barely audible. She couldn't see her best friend, but she sensed the sadness in his gaze.

"Tell him what, Chris?" she deflected, shutting her eyes.

"You're not fooling anyone, you know? You might fool my stupid brother but you can’t fool me and Nick," he remarked, adjusting himself under the covers.

Silence descended once more, but this time, it felt oddly reassuring knowing that one of her closest friends was aware.

"It doesn't matter. He would shut me out."

"No, he won't. He genuinely cares about you, and you know it," Chris assured her. While Chris might not be privy to his brother Matt's true feelings, whether he reciprocated them or not, one thing was certain: Matt cared deeply for her, more than she could ever comprehend.

"It's also different now that he has a girlfriend. I don't think she'd appreciate me sharing a bed with her boyfriend. It's more about respect," she added.

Chris disregarded her attempt to change the subject and pressed on, "Matt loves you, bro. If he ever shuts you out for telling him how you feel, then he's an idiot. You have me and Nick by your side forever. If you never tell him, you'll never get the chance to express your feelings."

“You guys should talk.” He added.

"I don't think I'm ready, but I'll think about it," she replied, her exhaustion evident in her voice.

Chris nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He understood the weight of the emotions she was carrying.

"Of course, at your own pace."

"Chris?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"Anything for you, kid."

In the quiet of that night, as dreams and sleep intertwined, she found solace in the knowledge that Chris, her closest friend, understood the depths of her emotions. It was a small source of comfort amid the uncertainty that had clouded her heart.

As they both drifted into slumber, she imagined a future where everything would fall into place, where she could openly express her feelings to the boy upstairs. In the warm embrace of their Los Angeles home, she held onto the hope that the friendship that she shared with Matt would weather these feelings she has for him.

January 10, 2022

Dear Matt,

I have to say, you can be pretty stubborn. I warned you not to visit me and bring me food because I’d probably end up puking it all out (eww), and now you’ve gone and caught the cold too. Now everyone’s infected!

 But you know what? You bringing me food made my heart leap, I’m pretty sure you know how to make me fall in love with you even more. Nick texted me earlier that he and Chris have lost their sense of taste because of Covid, but you seem to be fine already so you’re making them try different drinks.

I’m feeling a lot better now and I’ve tested negative for Covid, thankfully. Still, I’m dreading the day I go back to school. Ugh.

Alahna mentioned about wanting to visit you guys, but I know deep down she just wanted to see Chris. Haha.

Just so you know Matt, I love you. I think you probably know that already, but I wanted to say it anyway here.

She was certain that Matthew Sturniolo was going to be the death of her. The mischievous boy had cornered her against the kitchen counter, removing the chocolate residue that Nick had playfully smeared across her forehead. It was a sticky, gross mess, but Matt was attentively cleaning it up with a wet face towel. And there he stood, in all his splendid glory – tall and handsome. Nick and Chris's laughter in the background only intensified the fluttering of her heart.

"There, all gone," he confirmed, a warm smile gracing his features, the kind of smile that always had the power to weaken her knees.

"You're such an idiot, Nick," she scowled, avoiding Matt as she walked toward the center of the room.

"What? It kinda suits you," Nick replied, and the hearty laughter of Chris and Matt filled the room.

She flashed a playful smile. "Whatever. Are you guys ready to go?" she asked, her impatience showing.

The car ride proceeded as usual, with Matt behind the wheel and Chris in the passenger seat, en route to Chloe's house for a swim and to meet their other friends. The broken AUX meant the soft tunes of the radio filled the air, harmonizing with the breezy Boston weather.

"Matt, if you don't put me down, I'll kill you!" she screamed.

"Come on, it's not that serious," he laughed, making his way towards the pool.

"I don't care! Seriously, Matt, don't do thi-" But before she could finish her sentence, she found herself submerged in the pool.

"You're such an asshole," she grumbled, retaliating by splashing water at him. He chuckled and swam away.

A few feet away, Chris was engrossed in conversation with Nate about an Amazon package he had ordered, while Nick sat nearby, casually nodding and occasionally chiming in.

When she turned her attention back to Matt, he quickly splashed water on her face again. "Stop it. I mean it," her voice carried a trace of laughter.

"Okay, okay." Matt gazed at her for a moment, his smile fading.

"What?" she grumbled, feeling a twinge of self-consciousness under his gaze.

"Nothing. You're just really pretty," he said.

Moments like this only added to her confusion about where she stood in his life. Her heart skipped a beat, and she was momentarily taken aback, but she was swift to respond and hide her feelings. "Yeah, pretty annoyed at you," she said, pinching her nose to hide the forming blush.

Matt shook his head, a warm chuckle escaping his lips. He decided not to delve further into the matter. Why was he acting like this?

They lingered at the pool for a few more minutes. Matt's intimate touches making her melt, and his constant glances at her lips only added to the simmering heat of the Massachusetts summer.

The ride back home was interesting, she couldn't ignore the flutter of anticipation mixed with uncertainty that had settled in her heart. The day had been filled with subtle gestures and flirty remarks, leaving her wondering if their friendship was tiptoeing towards something more.

That night, when everyone had returned to the boys' home and a drowsy Matt lay beside her, she allowed herself to sleep soundly, knowing that something was undeniably changing between them.

February 3, 2022

Dear Matt,

I watched with Sam your new video. Chris mentioned about a little dinner you guys will have later, I’m so sad. I wish I was there. Anyway, Nick is Sam’s favorite. I couldn’t help but agree. Haha.

I know you’re busy with like stuff there and me too. My professors are killing me with these projects and assignments, also, I learned matcha helps with anxiety. I’ll have you taste it next time we see each other.

Also, you keep asking me why I’m sad, I didn’t think you would notice. How do I tell you, Matt, that the reason I’m sad is because I love you?

March 14, 2022

It has been so busy lately, oh my god. I lost my trusty pen because we moved dorms, but it’s all good now. I got so much work to do with finals coming up as well.

Anyway, I saw your tiktok with Nick today. You looked really cute with the Eeyore shirt, and I’m glad you’re still wearing that necklace I gave you last Christmas.

I miss you Matt. I’ll text you later when I’m done with class.

The car ride to IHOP proved to be quite intriguing, to say the least. Chris had evidently concocted a few surprises before their departure to California and before Spring break came to an end, forcing her to return to Morrissey Blvd.

Matt seemed unusually cheerful that day, expressing his desire to take her out, as well as everyone back home, for a little treat.

In that moment, it almost felt like things were back to the way they used to be. She occupied the passenger seat, engaged in a playful argument with Chris over control of the aux cord. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Matt, his amusement evident as he fought the urge to break into a broad smile.

As Nick and Chris hurried to enter the house after Matt had parked the car at their Somerville home, he prevented her from getting out. Matt fixed his gaze on her, a gentle smile dancing across his face, as he softly uttered, "I really missed you."

There he was again, stirring emotions within her, clouding her thoughts. "Me too," she responded shyly.

"Truth is, I wanted to spend the day with you, alone," he admitted, rolling his eyes playfully. "But I couldn't say no to them."

"That's okay."

A brief silence settled between them.

"What's on your mind, Matt?" She furrowed her brow, sensing that he had something he wanted to say something.

"Nothing. I'm just happy I'm home..." He trailed off, his voice carrying a hint of longing. "Seeing you, being here... with you."

Inside, she silently pleaded with him, "Don't do this to me, Matt. Don't say these things and expect me not to fall in love with you."

"Why? Has LA not been treating you well?" She pressed.

"No, no, LA's great," he replied, offering a smile before shifting his gaze towards their small garage at home.

"What is it?" she whispered softly, just loud enough for him to hear.

"I really don't know," he confessed.

Meeting his gaze once more, she couldn't help but smile. "Okay, then tell me once you've figured it out." She chose to lighten the mood, knowing that he was dangerously close to unraveling her with those looks he kept giving her.

April 8, 2022

Dear Matt,

Today you asked me what I want.

to be with you, that’s all I want.

September 2023

When Luke left for the San Diego, she looked around her room.

She gazed at the framed photo that hung beside her closet. In the picture, she and Matt were watching a movie, and slowly, they had leaned on each other. As they grew more comfortable, she had briefly considered adjusting her posture, but she couldn’t resist a sleepy Matt. The next thing she knew, his arms were wrapped around her, and they were nestled together, fast asleep. Neither of them had acknowledged it, but Nick had managed to sneakily capture a photo of them when he woke up at 4 a.m. to turn off the living room lights.

A bittersweet feeling loomed over her. She remembered the day all too well. With his mom waking them up for waffles and before things took a turn for the worst.

May 13, 2022

Hi Matt,

Only a few more months till I visit you guys in L.A. I’m kind of nervous but Chris assured me that everything would be fine.

I’m also excited to meet Madi, Nick said she’s nice, so I feel like we’ll get a long pretty well.

Everyone around them can see how much they love each other, from her mom and his mom to her dad, her sister, and even the entire Sturniolo family, including their grandmother. But a silent understanding prevailed; no one uttered a word about it. Perhaps they were all waiting for the day when Matt and her would finally act on their feelings. That's why when Luke entered the picture, it took everyone by surprise. Her mom, Elizabeth would drop hints about Matt’s brothers, mentioning that she saw their mom at the grocery store, and asks about Justin's new girlfriend, in which were all met with her silent nods. From behind her, her parents shared a knowing look.

Luke was the safe choice. He didn't make her feel like she had to beg for his love. He was dependable, polite to her parents, adored by her cousins, and fulfilled all the checkboxes of what she needed. He was unafraid of public displays of affection, and constantly tells that he loves her. Luke wasn't bothered by the story of her intimate friendship with Matt; he remained indifferent.

As time passed, the difference between Matt and Luke became more apparent. Luke, with his warmth and openness, brought stability and security to her life. Their relationship flowed smoothly, and the world seemed to accept them as a couple without question.

Yet, the blue-eyed boy who had once held her heart had an uncanny ability to infiltrate her thoughts. No matter how much she had tried to move on and embrace this new love, Matt remained an enigma. He was the unspoken part in her life, a book she couldn't close. She always wondered if he ever thought about her as she did about him.

It had been a few months since she had made the choice to be with Luke, months of happiness and contentment. But the heart has a way of keeping secrets, and hers held a special place for the blue-eyed boy in Los Angeles.

June 9, 2022

Dear Matt, two more months! God, I’m so over these classes, I swear. Samantha got really drunk two nights ago, it was so funny. I should’ve taken a video but whatever. Mom called me earlier today asking for my flight details, I guess she’s as excited as me.

July 16, 2022

Summer is finally here! I mean, it's been here for a while, but I'm looking forward to seeing all of you for your birthday next month. You better bring me to the thrift shops Nick was talking about the other day in the call.

August 17, 2022

I still can't quite believe you never told me about her. So, she was the girl Nick mentioned the last time you guys went home.

I couldn't help but notice the way you looked at me, and how I instinctively recoiled when she introduced herself. How did I not know? And why does she seem to know so much about me when I didn't even know her name?

Chris tried to console me that night, and I appreciated it. I also noticed how Nick was glancing at me, likely gauging my reaction to it all.

Matt, you don’t know what I’d give to stop being in love with you.

As the months passed, the girlfriend revelation of Matt was soon forgotten. She became increasingly immersed in college life. While Matt would text her from time to time and they would occasionally have video calls with Nick, she learned to accept the way things were. She had to make a conscious effort to push aside the memory of that night in Griffith Park when they had laughed and hugged, with her secretly gazing at his face and him giving her that look she adored. She came to the realization that if this was how things were going to be, she would be happy for him, even if it meant breaking her own heart. She contemplated Chris's words, but they didn't matter; what mattered was that Matthew was happy, and that's all she cared about. It seemed like everyone had forgotten about it too.

Matt was a private person, subtly posting little reminders of his girlfriend, but it didn't escape her notice how much it hurt her heart.

The longer she suppresses her emotions, the easier it seems, she believes. Suddenly, seven months have passed since that fateful night in LA, and March ‘23 is approaching steadily. Deep down, she's aware that she hasn't been honest with herself throughout this entire period, but she resigns herself to the reality of the situation. It is what it is, and she's compelled to carry on, masking her true feelings.

September 20, 2022

Dear Matt,

It's been a month since that night in LA, and Chris has never brought up our conversation again. I trust him. Life has felt quite mundane lately. I still have my moments, but I'm doing okay. I'm trying my best not to dwell on it too much. I suppose I felt betrayed, you know?

Yesterday, Chloe and Alahna came to visit, and we ate burgers. When I finally admitted my feelings to Alahna, I broke down. She told me she had always known I was in love with you, and with Chloe agreeing, both of them sharing the same sentiments, it left me wondering just how oblivious you can be.

October 5, 2022

Dear Matt,

I don’t know why you look at me that way, as though you could genuinely love me, even though deep down, I know you don't, and I know you won't.

Nick mentioned your plans for a trip to Florida to visit her. I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't hurt, but my own curiosity led me to check her Instagram. It was a mistake. I stumbled upon a photo of you two kissing on the beach, and I felt like such a fool for thinking this was something I could handle. I ended up in tears, obviously, poured my heart out to Samantha. I desperately wanted to forget, to stop these feelings.

I truly did try not to love you.

I really did.

November 3, 2022

"You know I hate these types of parties," she grumbled. "Do I even look good?"

"Girl, please, you look good every day," Madi assured her.

The night was still young, and everyone was on their way to this party the boys had been invited to. Chris was practically bouncing in the front of the car, and Matt, always effortlessly handsome, drove with calm and cool confidence.

Nick tried to comfort her. "You'll be fine. They're actually nice."

But she tuned out Nick's words as they entered the venue. The booming music only heightened her nervousness amid the lively crowd.

When Nick, Madi, and Chris entered the party, she found herself walking closely beside Matt. He was well aware of her uneasiness at these kinds of gatherings. With a gentle touch on her lower back, Matt guided her towards a group of people. Leaning in, he whispered into her ear, his face mere inches from hers, and for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the entire party. "You look really good tonight. Don't worry too much. I'm here."

A thought crossed her mind – he's such a flirt without even realizing it.

Under the party's red lights, his lips looked incredibly inviting. If only he didn't have a girlfriend living across the country, she might have kissed him. Of course, that's only if he wanted to kiss her too.

She sighed, as the party continued to buzz around them and the night progressed, surprisingly, she found herself genuinely enjoying the evening, engaging in conversations with Madi. However, she couldn't help but notice that Matt kept stealing glances at her. Fueled by newfound confidence, she walked up to him. "Hey, stranger," he greeted her with a smile, her savoring the sight of that familiar grin.

She could feel his warmth. "Shut up, Matthew. I'm so hot right now; you guys weren't kidding about Los Angeles being intense."

"You are hot, sweetheart."

"Yeah, this leather jacket Madi lent me—"

"No, I don't mean your outfit."

Before she knew it, their faces were inches apart, his eyes locked onto her lips. This was it, she thought. He was going to kiss her. After all those years of pining for him, the past didn't matter anymore. What mattered was now.

He was driving her crazy. And then it happened – he kissed her, and the world stopped. Their lips met in a passionate, consuming kiss. Sure, she had kissed boys in high school, but this was different. This was Matt. She could feel his hands on her neck and waist, his lips following hers when she needed to breathe. This was how it was supposed to be, she thought, her lips on Matt's. Her best friend, the boy she had loved since they were 18, kissing her beneath the Los Angeles night sky. As their lips remained locked in a passionate kiss, she felt an electric charge surge through her. All the inhibitions, the uncertainties, and the fear of what might follow were momentarily forgotten. All that mattered in that heart-pounding moment was the taste of Matthew Sturniolo on her lips, a forbidden but intoxicating sensation she had yearned for since they were teenagers.

“Five years of friendship flushed down the drain just so I could know what Matthew Sturniolo tastes like.” (Ifykyk. This is one of my favorite lines from a book!!)

When their lips brushed again, a soft moan threatened to escape her swollen lips, and her head began to swim with desire.

"Oh my god," she muttered senselessly, her mouth still locked with Matt's.

His touches ignited a fire within her, the heat of his mouth overwhelming her senses.

"Fuck," he breathed, pulling away from her and running his hands through his unruly hair. "Fuck, I shouldn't have done that."

Her stomach sank as embarrassment washed over her. She didn't speak for a moment, still reeling from the intensity of the kiss. "I'm sorry."

"No, I—" He choked on his words. Horror painted his expression as he struggled to make eye contact with her. "I shouldn't be kissing you."

His internal conflict was palpable, and the emotions on his face left her feeling utterly perplexed. They were both breathless, caught in a state of shock. She was about to cry when Chris walked in with a cup full of soda.

"Are you guys ready to go? Nick's about to beat a bitch up-" Chris asked laughing, seemingly oblivious to what had just transpired. "What happened, Matt?"

A concerned look began to appear on Chris’ face as he assessed the aftermath of the situation.

"Just let it go, Chris," Matt muttered, looking at the ground.

"Let's go," she insisted, taking quick strides past Chris to find Nick and Madi, eager to get away from the confusing situation and head back home. Meanwhile, Chris tried once more, his voice hushed as he approached his brother. "What happened, Matt?" Seeing Matt in such a shocked state had him deeply concerned and worried about his brother.

November 29, 2022

I never should have visited again and allowed you to kiss me the way you did because I couldn't stop thinking about it afterward. The pure shock and regret in your eyes were enough to shatter me into pieces. We never discussed it when we got back to your house. Chris, with his knowing glances, probably figured it out, and I know you told him but thankfully, he didn't press the issue. The morning after was just as uneasy; you didn't come out from your room until 4 pm. Nick was concerned, but I was too nervous to say anything, feeling like a colossal mistake that had happened.

But I knew, when you looked at me to say goodbye at the airport, that I was hoping it meant even a fraction as much to you as it did to me.

We didn't speak for two weeks following that day, but today you sent me a text saying you were sorry. Our conversation resumed, but neither of us mentioned it again. I didn't ask if you had told her; that was none of my business.

You have to understand, Matt, that before you kissed me, I was always yours, if only you had looked closely enough to see it.

Christopher Sturniolo had never appeared shocked in his entire life. It was as if the heavens had granted him this shocking revelation.

Nick's voice echoed, "Okay, what the hell happened between you two at that party? You've been moping for days, and you didn't even take out the trash when I asked you to!"

"We kissed!" Matt lashed out at Nick. “Happy now, Nick?”

"Oh, shit. This is good. I mean no, this is bad, you have a girlfriend," Chris winced.

Matt's thoughts raced to Florida. His girlfriend’s going to be furious.

"I know," he muttered, feeling a headache coming on.

Days had passed since they dropped her off at the airport and her departure making Matt more confused as ever.

He groaned, unable to believe he had allowed that situation to unfold. He had also been ignoring her.

"Get your shit together, Matt. Seriously, you can't just kiss her and pretend it didn't happen!" Nick's frustration was too intense for Matt's liking.

"This is bad, Matt," Madi's voice sounded small as she contemplated the situation, her thoughts divided between the girl in Florida and the other one in Boston. This was undoubtedly going to be a messy affair, she thought.

Their comments offered no solace to Matt's torn heart, a whirlwind of suppressed feelings from his teenage years. He didn't genuinely regret the kiss, but he had a girlfriend, someone good who trusted him, and he had shattered that trust by succumbing to his feelings for his best friend.

"Okay, okay, Matt, breathe," Chris tried to comfort his brother.

"I can't do this," Matt said, standing up in frustration. "Let's not talk about this again. It's too much."

He stormed off and slammed his bedroom door shut, leaving Nick, Chris, and Madi in stunned silence.

"I don't understand why he just won't admit that she's always been it for him?" Madi questioned, her gaze shifting between the two brothers.

"Because he's an idiot, Madi," Nick replied, his annoyance evident in his tone.

The situation was complicated, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was playing with fire. His relationship with his girlfriend was hanging by a thread, and the unspoken tension with his best friend was driving him to the brink of frustration.

Matt knew he had to make a choice, a decision that could alter the course of his life. The pain of knowing he had hurt someone he cared about and the fear of losing the person who had been his confidant for years weighed heavily on him.

He was at a crossroads, and there was no easy path to take. He couldn't escape the truth, unsure of where his heart truly belonged.

December 20, 2022

Dear Matt,

It seems like things have returned to normal. Nick has stopped bombarding me with constant texts, asking if I'm okay, and Chris's late-night calls have ceased. I heard you broke up with her, I know you'd never share all the gritty details with me, but it probably was for the best. I can't help but feel like a terrible person for playing a role in your relationship's downfall. Alahna said it wasn’t my fault, but I feel like she’s just saying that, you know? I can't shake this feeling, I keep thinking I wasn't worth the risk. But then, you had a girlfriend at the time, so I understood. You'll have to forgive me, because I've never stopped thinking about that night since you kissed me.No one will ever be able to knock the wind out of me again. Not like that, not like you, Matthew.

January 2023

Matt clung to the familiar comforts of their Boston home, the very thought of remaining in the same bed that had cradled him in warmth and surrounded by the cherished memories of his childhood with his brothers offered solace to his melancholic heart.

Despite the fact that it was only the second week of January, the jarring noise of Nick's suitcase scraping against the floor downstairs served as an unwelcome reminder of the imminent reality awaiting him in just two days.

He yearned for the days before their move to California when life was different. He pined for the crisp, cold embrace of winter and the warm, welcoming smile she had for him whenever she would visit. Without a doubt, summer was his least favorite season.

Three days ago was her birthday, yet she was still in Nantucket, enjoying a vacation with her family. She texted him just two hours ago, explaining that she would be busy exploring the place with her aunt.

He had also gifted her a necklace, a token of their shared memories, as she had once given him last Christmas ago. The necklace was a heart-shaped silver pendant, a symbolic representation of his heart. He had chosen it with such devotion that Chris had teased him, saying he was like choosing an engagement ring. Matt silently agreed, but the truth was, he couldn't forget that night, the kiss they had shared, and how she had looked painfully beautiful beneath the soft, dim lights of the party.

His mom offered a comforting hug upon their arrival from the airport; Nick had probably told her over the phone about what had happened last November. As he looked around, everything had changed, yet he always felt the same.

He noticed it, as did everyone else, when Alahna and Nate visited; she didn't come. She was distant, and he couldn't help but feel guilty. It was all his fault. He had kissed her and pretended it didn't happen, only offering a sorry that didn't even comfort his own heart. Matt couldn't help but recall the conversations he had with his brothers late at night, in the car, about her being in love with him. Had he been so foolish not to notice the longing glances she directed his way?

It was four days after Christmas when he finally got up and entered Chris's room, the brightly lit space giving him a headache.

He found his brother scrolling through his phone, stress evident on Matt's face.

"Wow, you look like shit," Chris said, looking up. "What's going on? Nate has been bugging us to go to his house. Apparently..."

"Chris," Matt whispered, frustrated.

Chris leaned in, his concern evident in his eyes. "What's eating at you, Matt?" Matt had now settled on his bed, his legs touching Chris's sock-covered feet.

Matt sighed heavily, his emotions bubbling to the surface. "It's her. Something's not right, and I can't ignore it anymore. I kissed her, and then I acted like it never happened. I gave her this weak apology that didn't even begin to cover it. Now she's distant, and I can't shake this feeling that it's all my fault."

Chris listened attentively, his brows furrowing with understanding. "You've been worried about this for a while, huh?"

Matt nodded, the weight of the situation pressing on him. "Yeah. I mean, remember we've had late-night talks about her having feelings for me?  And now, I can't help but wonder if I've been too blind to see it. Maybe I've hurt her more than I realized."

Chris put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "Look, you can't change the past, but you can talk to her, try to understand how she feels. Maybe it's not as bad as you think."

A beat passed as Matt solemnly gazed at his brother.

"I think I'm in love with her, Chris. Nick was right. I am in love with her," Matt said, eyes heavy from lack of sleep.

With Matt's confession hanging heavily in the air, Chris finally broke his silence. He leaned forward, a half-smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Congrats Matt, you're the last one to know," he said. "We've known for a long time that you felt this way."

Matt sat up, eyes widened in surprise. "You have?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, it was kind of obvious, the way you'd light up every time she walked into the room. Mom mentioned before that you guys are two peas in a pod. She said it was only a matter of time before you realized she had always been here."

Matt sighed, unsure of himself. "I have no idea what to do, Chris. I'm just so scared of messing everything up."

"Well, technically you already did, idiot," Chris grinned sheepishly. “Just tell her how you feel. What's the worst that could happen?"

January 19, 2023

Chris was being weird, big time. He kept asking if I have talked to you. We talk every day, don’t we? Does he not know that?

Anyway, Chris being Chris, I guess.

You wanted me to visit for Spring break again, but I don’t think I can, but I’ll see you when you fly for Nate’s birthday in June. I cannot wait.

You seemed different these days, Matt.

As days turned into weeks, Matt struggled with his emotions in silence. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her and making things awkward between them. His ex-girlfriend didn't handle his confession well. She said had expected it and firmly told him not to contact her again.

This situation took a toll on Matt because he never intended for things to become so complicated. He was willing to do anything to prevent it.

Realizing he was in love with his best friend left a bittersweet feeling in his heart. He had been fooling himself all these time with him ignoring the intimate moments they shared and him being clueless as to why she reacted the way she did when she found out he had a girlfriend or when he kissed her.

He wanted nothing more than to fly to the East Coast just to see her, but he felt like it wasn't the right time, especially with college going on.

Matt appreciated the updates from her about school and life, but he can't help but feel things have changed in the air between them especially when she turned down the suggestion of her visiting again for the upcoming spring break. Matt understood and he knows that she too, was processing her own feelings just as he was.

Chris, talkative and ever supportive, insisted that she had always loved Matt too, with Nick joining in on the teasing, he couldn't help but feel hopeful. All of his loved ones reassuring him that things had always been this way. Two peas in a pod.

His Mom also called the other day after Nick had shared the details with her. “Oh, honey, we’ve always known,” her sweet voice comforting Matt. “Don’t worry about a thing; I’m certain she has loved you since the day she laid eyes on you.”

February 14, 2023

Dear Matt,

Samantha teased me today about not having a Valentine's date, but I told her I didn't need one. Anyway, seeing all the couples around campus makes me miss you even more and I know I might sound negative but it's a bit overwhelming.

I remember 2 valentines ago when you made me that pink cupcake with a heart on it. You were so excited to give it to me that you had a little argument with Nick in the car because he was taking too long to get ready, and you couldn't wait for me to see it. I also remember that rainy Valentine's Day when you stopped by my house just to give me the flowers you had bought earlier that day. The soft look on your face, the sly smile and damp hair was enough to make my knees weak. I also remember how Chris snickered from the passenger seat when you said the flowers reminded you of me. I miss you so much Matt. I wish you could have been here with me today, but you're in Palm Springs having a blast.

It's already February, Matt and I don't know how many more seasons I'll spend loving you.

February 14, 2019

"Hurry up, you idiot. Holy shit, I've been sitting here in the car for 20 minutes, and you're still not ready," Matt complained, clearly annoyed.

"Wow, Matt, what's gotten into you? Sorry, holy fuck," Nick responded, taken aback by his brother's sudden outburst.

Chris chimed in; his teasing tone evident as he laughed. "Calm down, Matt, I'm sure she'll understand if we're a little late."

"Shut up, Chris, it's not that. It's just the fact that Nick always does this," Matt retorted, starting the car.

"Is this what this is about? You being excited to give her your cupcake?" Nick teased, making a face at Chris and smirking.

"You're stupid, Nick." Matt grumbled, proceeding to drive down the familiar road to her house, a route he had taken many times before.

February 14, 2020

"Chris, come on, wake up!" Matt's voice boomed through his brother's room. It was 3 pm in the afternoon, and Nick had already been pestering them to go out. "I'm up, please get out of my face, Matt. I'll kill you," Chris grumbled sleepily.

With Chris in his usual grumpy state and Nick being overly excited, Matt found himself stopping by a nearby flower shop in Somerville. As he stood in front of the various types of flowers, his focused remained on a bouquet of tulips. He had heard from their mom the other day how exceptionally pretty tulips were.

Unbeknownst to Matt, Chris had slipped out of the car to join him. "You're getting flowers for her?" Chris asked, his tone laced with teasing.

"Yeah," Matt replied with a nonchalant shrug.

"Huh," Chris remarked, flashing a smile at the elderly woman behind the counter before turning his gaze back to his brother. "Why?"

"Because" Matt rolled his eyes, "why not?"

"Fair enough, geez, I'm just curious."

"Do you think she'll like tulips?"

Chris grinned and gave his brother an incredulous look, as if he found Matt's question amusingly strange. "She'll absolutely love them, Matt."

"Great," Matt said, clapping his hands together. "I'll get it," he cheerfully declared, already making his way toward the old woman.

With his usual teasing, Chris added, "Why don't you pick up some chocolates and write her a love letter too while you're at it?" He couldn't help but shake his head and chuckle.

"Shut up, Chris," Matt said dismissively.

As the rain began to pour, Chris watched his brother buy the flowers and wondered how unaware Matt can be with his own feelings.

March 2023

It was the week of Samantha's birthday, and she found herself contemplating on going. She didn't want to come across as a buzzkill for considering not attending, but the truth was, she often found immense joy in staying in on Friday nights. However, there were moments when she felt sad while lying in bed, especially upon hearing from Madi that all of them was heading to a party. Her thoughts would drift to Matt, wondering how he was doing or if he met someone. She tried to push the thoughts away still.

Matt would text her late at night updating her that he was already home, and she would read his messages in the morning. She hated how different their lives now were, with her being in college and him having the time of his life in California.

Sadness washed over her again when she remembered the kiss, they had shared last year. It saddened her to think that it might not have meant as much to Matt as it did to her, but it felt too late to bring it up now. He had apologized, and she had told him to forget about it.

With a change of heart, she confirmed to Samantha that she would indeed attend her birthday celebration. It was time to step out and have some fun, she thought. If Matt could do it, so could she.

The backyard of the Airbnb is transformed with colorful decorations and fairy lights are strung along the trees. The little bonfire in the center, surrounded by Samantha's friends chatting and laughing made her anxious, there is a lot more people than she thought.

She spotted Samantha and approached her cheerfully. "Samantha! Happy birthday!"

"Oh my gosh, you're here! I've been waiting for you. I'm so glad you made it."

"Me too," she replied, enveloping the curly-haired birthday girl in a warm embrace.

"Please, enjoy yourself tonight, alright? We have drinks and food in the kitchen, and I think Lorraine is around here somewhere," Samantha mentioned.

"Yeah, of course. You don't need to worry about me. I'll have a great time," she reassured her. "Go ahead and mingle."

"Alright, I'll catch up with you later, okay?" Samantha planted a peck on her cheek and continued welcoming other guests.

When she surveyed the crowd, she mentally reminded herself to grab a drink to avoid just standing there awkwardly. The party was in full swing, and despite her nagging desire to be in her cozy bed, she was determined to have a great time.

"Hey girl, how are you? I didn't see you come in. Have you seen Sam yet?" Lorraine greeted her with a warm hug, while Hannah waved.

"Hi, Lor, I'm good. And yeah, I just did. I just got here too so," she replied.

"That's great. You didn't get lost, did you?" Lorraine said with a playful grin.

She chuckled, “No."

Lorraine is Samantha's best friend from high school, she has long black hair, sharp eyes, and legs for days.

"Do you drink?" Lorraine asked, as Hannah busied herself mixing drinks at the counter.

"Uh, sometimes," she admitted, although deep down, she wasn't really fond of alcohol but tonight was different, though. She was feeling bold and what's a little alcohol after a rough week?

"We've got plenty here—tequila, beer, vodka, and all that jazz."

"I'll take a beer, please," she decided, opting for a more casual choice.

As the night wore, she took small sips of her drink and appreciated the light-hearted conversations with Lorraine and Hannah, which kept her from constantly checking her phone. Two hours ago, Matt sent her a text about whatever, but she ignored it. Truth is, she still feels a little hurt and awkward with him because of everything that has happened. Just for the night, she allowed herself to clear her mind of thoughts about the blue-eyed boy in California.

"I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back," she informed the couple, receiving only nods in response.

Aware of the dangers of drink spiking, she was cautious and brought her beer with her.

The hallways were narrow, and she wondered how many people had made out in these halls. There were many rooms too and photo frames with inspiring quotes that adorned the walls. Her trip to the bathroom was going fine until she bumped into a guy.

“I'm so sorry," she apologized frantically, searching for the green tissue pack in her little bag while setting the glass of beer on a nearby table. Her white top was now stained with liquor, which was just great. The embarrassment of the situation was overwhelming, leaving her unable to think straight.

"No worries," The guy chuckled, clearly taken aback by the unexpected encounter. "I should've been more careful."

She handed him the tissues, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "That was so embarrassing. I'm truly sorry," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Don't worry about it. It’ll dry," he replied with a reassuring smile.

“"I'm really sorry," she winced as she saw him examining his now alcohol-soaked shirt.

"It's okay," he smiled softly, causing her cheeks to turn pink. When he noticed her freezing in embarrassment, he spoke up again, "Hey, apology accepted. Please don't worry about it. I can just wipe this off, and I'll be fine."

She nodded and whispered, "I'm so embarrassed."

"Really, I'm over it now. Besides, it's my fault for not looking. You got drenched too," he chuckled, glancing at her blouse.

"Yeah, don't worry about me. It's not as bad as yours. Can I at least help you with that?" she offered.

"What? Help me wipe this beer off? Nah, I'm good. You go do your thing," he dismissed her with another friendly smile.

Feeling somewhat defeated, she simply nodded and said, "Alright."

In the bathroom, she found herself shaking her head in embarrassment while trying to wash off the small beer stain on her top. The night is not going well, and she was starting to regret not staying home. Why did embarrassing situations always seem to find her at parties?

After a few minutes of recovery and self-reflection, she returned to where Lorraine and Hannah were. But before she could reach the couple, she spotted the guy she had bumped into earlier. Hannah was chatting with him and giggling, while Lorraine wore an amused expression that made her feel even more self-conscious. Great, he knew them and had definitely shared the incident with them.

Hannah noticed her approaching and said, "Oh, I see you've already met our friend, Luke!"

The mischievous glint in Hannah's eyes confirmed that he had indeed told what had happened.

"Yeah," she replied shyly, smiling. "I think he has already told you how we met."

Luke laughed while Lorraine snickered. "Don't worry, he's not upset with you. In fact, he thinks you're cute, right Luke?"

"Oh..."

"Ignore Lorraine. Nice to meet you," he said, flashing her a warm smile and offered his hand. She couldn't help but notice the dimples in his cheeks or how perfectly curled his hair was.

"You too," she replied with a smile, shaking his hand, feeling her embarrassment vanish little by little.

Matthew Sturniolo was confused once again for the millionth time in his life, and his brothers found it funny.

Just five minutes ago, Nick mentioned she was at a party. Matt's head shot up upon hearing what his brother said.

"So, that's why she wasn't replying," Matt said, fingers fast on opening Instagram. "She didn't mention about going to a party."

With furrowed brows, he watched her story, where a girl with jet black hair was seen pouring a drink into a red up. The background confirming that she was indeed at a crowded party.

"She doesn't have to share everything with you, you know?" Nick rolled his eyes, as if Matt should already know this.

Chris chuckled, rising from his slouched position on the couch. "Yeah, you guys aren't dating, so why should she keep you in the loop about everything?"

Chris was teasing him, and he was aware of it. Nick gave Chris a look that said, 'who does he think he is?'

But Matt didn't care. It bothered him that she didn't even tell him knowing how much she disliked parties. He reopened their text conversation and stared at his unanswered message.

He sent another text:

Hey, just checking in. Saw your Instagram story. Hope everything's ok 😊

Turning to his brothers, who were now grinning, Matt asked, somewhat annoyed, "What?"

"Come on, Matt, lighten up. She can take care of herself," Chris teased again.

"She's a grown woman, Matt," Nick shrugged.

"Fine, I don't care," Matt grumbled, shifting his attention to the TV in front of him.

"Except you do, lover boy," Nick replied, and Chris laughed.

Matt stayed quiet, ignoring his brothers' teasing. He didn't need to know every detail of her life, and Chris was right. She could manage on her own but tonight he just felt uneasy. Was she ignoring him on purpose? Is he losing her?

He did his best to shake the thoughts as he stared at his empty notifications bar, hoping it wouldn't bother him as the night wore.

“Trouble in paradise?” Luke asked curiously, a playful smile gracing his beautiful face as he observed her reaction to a text message she had received, which seemed to elicit an anxious sigh from her, if Luke were to point it out.

She nervously chuckled and replied, "No, it's just my best friend asking how I'm doing," explaining helplessly. Luke nodded, choosing not to press any further.

They were now outside, surrounded by the soft chatter and faint music coming from the house. Lorraine and Hannah had left them 15 minutes ago to mingle with the other guests.

"So, is Sam a good roommate?" Grateful that he was attempting to initiate conversation and maintain a lighthearted atmosphere, considering what happened earlier. Lorraine had already explained that they had all been friends since high school and that Samantha was her roommate.

She chuckled and replied, "Yes, she is, thankfully. Although she tends to dance when she's drunk."

Luke laughed and shook his head, agreeing, "I heard she could be a handful when drunk," recalling a conversation he had with his own friends years ago.

"What do you study, again?" She asked, changing the subject. Realizing she couldn't quite remember what he had mentioned earlier, as she had been preoccupied with trying to forget the awkward bathroom encounter.

"Oh, I study business at SDSU, same school as Lorraine," he replied. “You’re studying computer science, right?”

She nodded, unwilling to discuss her major further. "How's Boston treating you? Do you enjoy it here so far?"

"Well, I've only been here for three days, and I've still got two more to go, but yeah, I like it. Just not used to the weather, that's all," Luke replied, looking down at her.

"Oh, yeah, I completely agree. Boston's weather is moody, unlike California's. It's very different," she said.

"I don't mind," Luke shrugged. "It's my first time here, after all."

"Really?" She turned to face him fully.

"Yeah, don't tell anyone, but I've never actually been to any state other than where I live," he chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink.

"Well, I think you deserve a proper tour from a native!" She looked up at him, smiling.

"You think so?" Luke grinned at her knowingly, his eyes twinkling with playfulness.

"Yeah, I mean, I've got nothing to do. I'm finished with most of my projects."

She couldn't pinpoint the source of her newfound confidence, whether it was the influence of alcohol or perhaps Luke’s casual smiles and affectionate glances throughout the evening.

He laughed, obviously amused by her eagerness, and she couldn't help but notice how nice his teeth were and how his curls looked.

"What's so funny?" She raised her eyebrows at him, a faint smile on her lips.

Still smiling, Luke replied, "Nothing, you're really cute."

She went silent, a blush forming on her cheeks. She was about to speak when he continued, "But yeah, a tour would be nice. Maybe we could get some lobsters?"

She snickered, the alcohol giving her confidence once again. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"If you want it to be," he shrugged coolly, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Well, it's not a date. I'm just a new friend touring my new friend in the city," she declared.

He chuckled once again, his voice ringing in her ears. "Okay then, it's not a date."

She didn't even realize how engrossed they were in each other until Samantha approached them with a wide smile. "I see you two have already met," Samantha said, her eyes holding a hint of mischief.

"Sam!" She turned her attention away from Luke, her surprise evident. "Hi. Yeah, it's kind of a long story," she said, offering a sheepish smile.

Luke chuckled. "Your roommate here seems eager to show me around the city."

"Is that so?" Samantha looked between them, clearly amused.

The atmosphere remained light-hearted. Samantha’s playful smirk hinted at her enjoyment of the situation.

“Well, if she’s offering to be your tour guide, you’re in for a treat,” Samantha said, looking at Luke with a playful glint in her eye. “She knows all the best spots in Boston.”

Luke nodded with enthusiasm. “I have no doubt about that. I’m excited.”

Samantha winked at them both. “You’re in good hands.”

She understood that Samantha was insinuating something else. She wasn't stupid and she very was certain that tomorrow, the birthday girl would pester her about this encounter with Luke.

Samantha and Lorraine gave them knowing looks after Luke offered to walk her home and after a moment’s hesitation, she agreed. It was just a 10-minute walk to campus, after all.  She didn’t want to be rude, but she also didn't want to walk home all alone at night.

She couldn’t help but remember Matt. Her Matt. The Matt she had been ignoring for hours now.

It had been an eternity since someone had taken the time to do this for her. She remembered from their high school days, how Matt used to walk her to her door, the way their hands would touch a little while walking, and her secret hope that he would kiss her goodbye. Of course, Matt never did.

“It’s been so long,” she whispered, her heart aching, unintentionally saying it out loud. Luke stopped mid-sentence.

“What?” He asked, confused.

She shook her head, caught off guard by her unexpected outpouring of emotion. “Oh, I’m sorry. I got a bit lost in thought. Please continue, what were you saying?”

“You did seem a little distracted all night. Is this still about the drink you spilled?”

“No, something else,” she replied, stealing another glance at her phone. Matt’s unanswered goodnight message, sent 20 minutes ago, weighed on her. “Just a lot happening in my life,” she chuckled, attempting to make it sound light for Luke’s benefit.

“Like school?” Luke asked again, his gaze steady.

“Yeah, something like that,” she answered, slipping her phone into her jeans pocket, concealing her suppressed longing.

Matt rose from his bed, finding no solace for his troubled heart in its confines. He headed downstairs to see if Chris was still awake.

"Hey, you up?" Matt opened the door to find his brother engrossed in his phone.

Chris looked up and said, "Oh, hey. Yeah."

Matt let out a long sigh and flopped down on Chris's bed.

"Uh-oh," Chris turned off his phone and turned his full attention to Matt. "She still hasn't replied to your texts?"

"Nope," Matt grumbled. "I want to call her."

"Matt," Chris frowned, "Don't. I'm sure she's fine."

"This is just not like her," Matt added, feeling stupid.

"I thought you didn't care?" Chris teased.

"Of course, I care," Matt sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Damn, you’re really down bad.”

"Chris, what's keeping her so busy at this party? Tell me, have you ever been so engrossed at a party that you forget to check your phone all night?" Matt asked, sitting up as he tried to calm his racing mind and heart.

"Uh," Chris tried to think, but honestly, he wanted to say no. There was no plausible reason she would be so absorbed unless she was actively ignoring Matt.

"You see?" Matt widened his eyes, attempting to convince his brother. "What if something happened to her?"

Chris intervened, "Whoa, we're jumping to conclusions here. Look, Matt, I'll call her."

Matt watched hopefully as the seconds passed by.

Five rings, and then her voice came through the speakers. "Chris?" Her voice sweet as a honey to Matt's ears. She must have made it home because he couldn't hear any background noise.

How could she answer Chris and not even reply to his texts?

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. Did I wake you? Matt here has been worried sick about you. You're not replying to his texts—"

Matt snatched the phone from Chris's hand. "I'm sorry. Chris is an idiot. I'm not worried, trust me."

There was a brief silence, and Chris facepalmed, whispering, "What are you saying, Matt?"

When she didn't reply, Matt continued, "I mean, I am worried. Just checking in, you know?"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Sorry, no, yeah, I'm good. I just got caught up with friends, that's why I didn't get the chance to reply." A lie.

Matt paced slowly in Chris's room, trying to imagine her face. Chris gave him a look that said, 'What are you doing? Get it together.'

"I was a little concerned," Matt admitted chuckling, downplaying his worries.

"I'm fine, Matt. I just got home 20 minutes ago," she replied, her voice a whisper. She must be smiling, Matt thought, though he couldn't see her.

"Thanks for checking in, and sorry for not answering your texts," she added.

"That's... that's okay. I'm glad you're home and safe."

"Me too. This guy was kind enough to walk me home. I mean Samantha's friend from the party, Luke."

Matt and Chris exchanged surprised glances. "Luke?"

"Yeah, he was really nice. Offered to walk me. Also, I didn't tell you, but I spilled beer on him, which was embarrassing, but he was sweet about it, so we're good."

Chris snickered, and Matt shot him a hard stare, his stomach sinking by the minute. Who the hell is Luke?

"You can't be serious," Matt chuckled, trying to conceal his concern. “What?”

"No, I'm dead serious. We talked all night, and then, yeah, that's it. I offered to show him around Boston tomorrow, just to make up for what happened, I guess." She continued her story, seemingly unaware of how it was affecting Matt.

Matt couldn't hide his unease. "You just met him like 3 hours ago, and now you're spending the day with him? Who is this guy?"

"No, he's really nice, I swear. Plus, he's Samantha's friend, so..." She was quick to defend.

"I'm just saying, you don't know this guy well enough to spend your whole day with him," Matt said, growing more upset by the minute.

"Well, how am I supposed to know him if we're not going to hang out?"

Chris chuckled, shaking his head, while Matt tried to keep his feelings in check.

"Up to you. I'm just looking out for you, you know that. Again, just saying. Be careful," Matt replied, struggling to hide his true emotions.

"Yes, Dad," she teased, rolling her eyes, though she was likely fighting off a smile.

"I'm serious. I'm just looking out," Matt insisted.

"I appreciate that, Matt. Don't worry, I'll update you guys tomorrow. Also, do you still remember the address of that pasta place we visited a year ago where Chris fell in love with the chicken alfredo?"

"I'll ask him," Matt's voice sounded small. He felt like he was losing her by the second. Who was this guy? Were they going on a date? He can already feel a headache coming and a lump forming in his throat.

"I'll text you the address," Chris shouted from across the room.

"Alright, I think I'm going to bed. I'm really tired," she said, still painfully unaware of Matt's feelings.

"Okay, then. Go to sleep. Text me tomorrow," Matt pleaded, his voice carrying a sense of desperation. "Please."

"I will, Matt. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Chris."

"Goodnight!" Chris cheerfully replied, clearly enjoying the situation way more than Matt was.

Deep inside, she felt a bit guilty for distancing herself from Matt, ignoring his texts, and even considering dating other guys, possibly including Luke in the future.

However, she loved Matt for a long time, but he never felt the same way. Some days it felt like he did, especially that time he had kissed her, but it was never enough. She believed that if he had ever felt the same way about her, she would have been aware of it by now.

She was becoming tired of constantly holding onto false hope, longing for a love that would never happen and yearning for a touch that seemed always just out of reach. She desired to be consumed by his fire, even if it meant getting burned.

She craved the warmth of his affection, the reassurance of his reciprocation, and the simple comfort of knowing that her love was not in vain.

Truth to be told, she knew that Matt deserved to know the depth of her feelings, even if it meant facing the harsh reality that he might not feel the same way. Love, after all, deserved to be known. On the other hand, she feared the potential fallout – the awkwardness, the possibility of rejection, and the damage it could do to their friendship.

She couldn't escape the fact that she had held this love within her for so long, it had become a part of her very being. It was like an unspoken truth that lingered in the air whenever they were together.

"Love has a right to be spoken. And you have the right to know that somebody loves you." - Ursula K. Le Guin, A Fisherman of the Inland Sea

From the moment she pushed open the imposing wooden doors of the campus, she spotted Luke, leaning against a tree. The sunlight played upon his brown hair, making it appear lighter, and his eyes took on a golden hue.

It was undeniable, Luke was handsome. Every time she looked at him, it felt like a breath of fresh air on a crisp morning. Maybe it was something about the way his eyes locked onto her when she told stories, or how effortlessly he could reply with clever comebacks that always seemed perfectly timed. It was the way he carried himself that caused her poor heart to race a little.

When he caught sight of her, his face lit up. "Hey you," he grinned, his hands tucked into his pockets.

She returned his warm smile. "Hey yourself," she replied playfully, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, extending his arm, inviting her to link hers with his.

She shot him a look that said, ‘I’m not doing that,’ but she rolled her eyes, still smiling and continued walking.

Luke caught up with her, shaking his head with amusement.

Walking side by side, Luke kept his hands in his pockets, while she tucked hers inside her jacket to shield herself from the chilly air. She couldn’t wait for March to be over.

The curly-haired boy was surprised when he noticed a list of places on her notes app. Luke found it incredibly cute that she had taken the time to jot it all down for him.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’ve listed everything,” he chuckled, glancing at her phone to catch a glimpse of their planned destinations. “You’re really committed to this, aren’t you?”

Despite his best efforts to meet her eyes, she remained engrossed in her phone, her gaze fixed on the screen. “Of course. I did say I’ll show you the city, remember?”

Luke’s curiosity was piqued, and his eyebrows raised. A small smile played on his lips. “Do you always do this?”

She couldn’t help but laugh at his question. It was quite out of character for her to agree to tour someone around the city, especially when they had only met the night before. But Luke had proven to be a pleasant distraction from the strange texts she had been receiving from Matt lately plus he was really cute.

“To be honest,” she began, looking up from her phone to turn to Luke, “no. I just felt like doing something different today.” Her gaze softened as she spoke, and for a moment, her thoughts drifted to what Matt had texted her earlier that morning.

‘You do know that’s a date, right?’

Her response was that it wasn’t, explaining that she was simply acting as a good friend, and this left her message without a reply.

As the day went on, she found herself more and more drawn to Luke. If she were to describe the distraction from her unrequited love, who was miles away from the East Coast, it would undoubtedly be a flirty man with curly brown hair, coffee-colored eyes, and a smile that could light up any room he walked into.

With a playful tone, she leaned in and asked, “So, what’s one more thing on your Boston bucket list, aside from the lobsters?”

They sat together at a cozy coffee shop near the school, where a handful of students were studying. The shop’s walls were adorned with rustic brown bricks, and colorful flowers added a touch of charm. As the sun began its descent, the interior was bathed in a golden hue, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere.

Samantha had just texted her asking how the date with Luke in which she replied again that it was not.

Luke paused for a moment, considering the question. “Well, I’ve heard Fenway Park is pretty iconic.”

She agreed, reaching for her cup yet again. “That’s a fantastic choice! You’ll get to experience the true Boston sports culture.”

Luke grinned, appreciating her enthusiasm for everything he says. “And what about you? Any more must-see places you’d recommend?”

She thought for a moment, remembering the restaurant Chris loved, but chose not to mention it, as if she were safeguarding a secret that the world couldn’t know, the restaurant symbolizing memories that were now part of the past. Instead, she decided to keep their conversation in the present, allowing it to flow naturally.

She smiled shyly, a glint in her eyes, as she playfully remarked, “If I didn’t know any better, I think you’re just finding reasons to see me again.”

Luke's grin widened, his charm shining even brighter. "Ah, you've caught me," he admitted, "guilty as charged but who could resist an opportunity to explore Boston with such beautiful company?"

Her shy smile only added to the allure of the moment, and he couldn't help but appreciate the twinkle in her eyes. "Well," he continued, his tone dipping into a more flirtatious register, "if this is me saying I’d like to see you again, then what do you say? Perhaps you could be my personal tour guide for a while longer?"

She couldn't help but blush at him. "If that's your way of saying you'd like to see me again, then I say you're in luck,” she teased.  “I wouldn't mind being your tour guide for a while longer."

Luke laughed, his face lighting up at her response, and he couldn't help but shake his head amusingly. "That's fantastic news! I supposed I'll have to come up with even more reasons to see you then."

Her smile remained coy, eyes locking onto his. "I look forward to it."

“But on a Saturday, in a café, she watched it begin again.”

(ifykyk haha)

May 2023

Nick Sturniolo couldn't tolerate it any longer; once again, his brother was wallowing in his room, shrouded in darkness with the covers pulled over his head. It seemed like Matt's sole agenda was eating and sleeping these days.

"That's enough," Nick's voice reverberated through Matt's room, with Chris trailing behind him. "This has to stop. Seriously, you need to get out."

Matt grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. "No, Nick."

"Dude, come on." While Chris empathized with his brother's emotions, he knew that spending five days holed up in bed was far from ideal. "Have you even talked to her?"

"No," came the quiet, dismissive reply.

Exchanging concerned glances, Chris and Nick understood that Matt was avoiding them once again. Unmoved, Nick reached out and yanked the covers away, leaving Matt exposed from his warm cocoon.

"Nooo, Nick," Matt whined, rising from his bed, and walking past them into the bathroom. "Can you two just leave me alone?"

"Matt, please, this needs to stop," Nick pleaded, following him. However, Matt shut the bathroom door before Nick could utter another word.

Chris shook his head, deeply concerned. "This is getting out of hand."

"I'll call her," Nick declared, determined to mend his brother's broken heart as he headed toward the couch to grab his phone.

Chris halted him in his tracks. "Don't, Nick."

"Why not? This is ridiculous. She needs to know what's happening to Matt, you know?"

While Nick loved her just as much and empathized with her feelings for her brother, witnessing her heart break over the same guy repeatedly over the past few years, he also loved Matt and understood his reasons and he would go to great lengths to ensure he never saw his brother like this again.

"Don't do it, Nick," Chris warned again.

"Why not?" Nick persisted, challenging Chris, his frustration mounting.

"Because what are you going to tell her? That Matt's been depressed as shit because she went on multiple dates with this guy, and it all went well?"

Matt, listening from the other side of the door, emerged and interceded between them. "No one's going to tell anyone anything, okay? I'll be fine. I just want to be left alone."

"You have to tell her, Matt," Nick said, speaking more softly this time.

Chris gazed at the side of Matt's face, his heart aching at the sight of his brother in such despair. "Before it's too late," Chris added.

It pained Chris to see his brother like this, but he couldn't help but consider that maybe Matt had missed his chance with her months ago when he failed to understand why she was so upset about him having a girlfriend. Chris also couldn't deny that she had pined for Matt for years, and it had taken a long time for his brother to realize his true feelings and he also knew that even time would not wait for Matt.

In the weeks that followed, their household was like wrapped in an atmosphere of melancholy. Matt's isolation continued, and it seemed like there was a cloud of sadness hanging over them, especially when she announced that she plans to make it official with Luke.

Each day that passed without Matt addressing his feelings felt like a missed opportunity, and Nick couldn't help but wonder how much time they had left before those feelings became irrevocably entangled with regret.

He knew Matt's heartache was genuine and real. It wasn't just about a date gone well; it was about missed chances, miscommunication, and the unraveling of a connection that had been there all along. Nick also couldn't shake the nagging feeling that time was slipping through their fingers like grains of sand. It was an unspoken truth, a silent echo in the house, that they were running out of chances to mend the rift between Matt and her.

Meanwhile, Chris wrestled with his own conflicted emotions. He remembered that moment when Matt had failed to understand the depths of her pain when he had kissed her and pretended it didn't happen, his brother's lack of action when she needed him the most. It had been a missed opportunity, an oversight.

March 29, 2023

Dear Matt,

Spring’s break over. Been over for a few days. Everything is back to normal, and the air is getting warmer, which makes me a little happy. Mac Demarco’s song came on shuffle earlier on my way to class and it reminded me of when we were listening to it during the car ride back home. Remember the mint ice cream I let you try, and you hated it? Yep, that was the day.

I’ve already told you about Luke. He’s okay. He’s nice. I think I like him. I mean, what’s not to like? He flew back to San Diego, but we've been talking non-stop through FaceTime and texts. I think he might like me too, though I don't want to assume anything. You did say to get to know him better before rushing into anything.

I feel like things are changing, Matt. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I miss you so much. I wish you weren’t so far away.

April 7, 2023

Hi Matthew,

I’m just struggling with my feelings right now. Luke admitted last night after nonstop calls and texts, that he likes me more than a friend and he wants to take things further but slow.

I was frozen for a few seconds. I like him but I don’t know. I guess I’ll see where it goes.

I texted you about it, but you didn’t reply, Chris said you were out with Nick and Madi. I’ll tell you all about it later. I wish you knew, Matt. I wish you knew.  That it has always been you.

It was the second week of June of 2023 when Matt Sturniolo landed in Boston, Massachusetts. After being gone for months, he was immensely grateful he was back home. The weather was warm which made everything feel just right. Things had improved significantly with him compared to the previous month, following a heartfelt conversation with Nick and Chris. They all agreed that confessing his feelings while she was entering a promising relationship wouldn't be fair, and his brothers supported this decision.

The way she would light up when talking about Luke during their video calls was enough for Matt to accept the situation as it was. He also realized that the opportunity had already passed him. She had already met someone else, and he believed, or at least liked to believe, that this person makes her happy and that was more than enough for him.

This newfound understanding brought a sense of peace to his heart, but he couldn't deny, not even to himself, that he was truly heartbroken. Despite the acceptance, there were moments when the weight of the unspoken emotions, the timing, and the distance bore down on him.

Remembering their intimate moments together leave him with a lingering ache in his heart. Matt had been in love with her long before he could put a name to his emotions, but by the time he understood his own feelings, it was already too late.

"Yo, Nate just texted me," Chris said while munching on chips and leaning against the kitchen counter. "He said shit’s ready."

"Wait, I need to take a shower first, and then we can head out," Nick shouted from the other room.

Matt appeared from the laundry area, a sock on one hand, and asked Chris about his outfit, "Do you think this looks good?"

"Yeah, that's alright. I really like that shirt," Chris replied.

Matt smiled and said, "Me too."

Impatient, Chris sighed and yelled, "Can you hurry up, Nick? Alahna just texted me, she said they already pulled up to Nate’s house."

Nick shouted back, his words somewhat unclear, "Yeah, I'll be quick."

Silence enveloped them again. After a moment, Chris whispered, "Are you sure you'll be okay there, Matt?"

"I'll be fine, Chris. It's Nate's birthday," Matt responded, still engrossed in his phone.

Chris sent him a half smile. “You know she’s never going to replace you right? Your friendship with her is already special in its own right.”

Matt looked up, his expression softening but still uncertain. He nodded, agreeing with his brother's words, though not entirely convinced.

"Alright, I'm ready to roll," Nick announced after 20 minutes, already heading for the door.

Chris could sense Matt's tension and placed a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder. "Hey, Matt," he began, his tone gentle. "It's gonna be okay."

Matt leaned on him, nodding. "Thanks, Chris."

With a nod, Chris turned to Nick who's already impatiently waiting by the car. "Let's get going then. Nathan's waiting."

Hands on the wheel, Matt did his best to focus on the familiar road ahead of them. Nick sang along to the radio in the backseat, while Chris stared out of the window. Deep down, Matt wanted to turn around and retreat to the safety of his bedroom, but he hid his anxieties by remaining silent.

As Matt parked the car and they approached Nate's house, he couldn't shake the nervousness that had been building inside him. Chris and Nick walked ahead towards the sliding door in the backyard, where they greeted Nate's family.

For Matt, however, it was as if time had slowed down. As he scanned the gathering, he saw familiar faces - people he had known since middle school, some high school, and some he forgot the names of. Life appeared to have moved on for them, unaware of the feelings he was facing with.

With his hands in his pockets, he looked timid and shy. But then, as if the universe conspired to grant him a moment of relief, he saw her. It had been seven months. Seven long months since he had seen and kissed her, and it felt like finally witnessing the sun after a cold winter night.

Nick was approaching her first, and she welcomed his brother with a big smile on her face. Matt couldn't help but notice the subtle changes in her appearance - her hair now cascaded just below her collarbone, framing her face beautifully. Her smile, however, remained as radiant as ever, perhaps even more so. The way she held onto Nick, the carefree way her hair danced in the breeze, the sunlight gently touching her face made her seem almost unreal. The summer air had given her a healthy flush on her cheeks, making them pinker than he remembered. Her laughter like music to his ears.

After what felt like an eternity of hugging and catching up with his brothers, she began searching for him in the crowd. Her eyes eventually found him, standing there in all his handsome glory. With knowing smiles exchanged between Chris and Nick, his brothers left them alone. Matt approached her slowly, his hands still tucked in his pockets. "Hi," he greeted her with a shy smile.

She looked up at him, biting her lip, her voice now softer compared to when she had greeted his brothers. "Hi."

Subtly and unwittingly, her body leaned towards his, just like old times, and reached out to embrace him. Matt couldn't help but notice the familiar scent of her hair, the same fragrance that used to linger on his pillow for days after she had slept over.

As always, good things must come to an end, and she reluctantly pulled away, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she looked up at him. They were so close that they could feel each other's breath.

"Missed you," Matt blurted out, unable to contain his feelings. He had truly missed her more than she'll ever know.

"I missed you too, Matthew. How are things?" Her affection for him was evident in her words. Matt, who had been the love of her life for years, was now back home.

"Things are good," he replied, his voice carrying a mixture of emotions. "I'm so glad to be back home."

"Finally," she murmured softly, the word laden with longing and spoken with an intimacy meant only for his ears. Her gaze remained locked onto his, they were so absorbed into each other that they didn't notice that their friends were watching them, both oblivious to the hushed whispers in the background.

"Yeah, finally," Matt whispered, eyes steady with hers.

Observing this interaction, Nate nudged Chris gently, nodding towards them. His eyes wide.

"Oh no, Matt," Chris whispered, seeing Luke, who stood a few feet away and had seen everything. Her and Matt are standing really close, almost as if they were about to kiss. "Don't do it, Matt." Fearing his brother would do something stupid, again.

A faint clearing of the throat from behind them interrupted their moment.

"Luke," she whispered, surprised and wide-eyed. Luke responded with a polite smile, concealing his uneasiness.

Watching from a distance, Chris's heart continued to race.

Feeling embarrassed, Matt wished he could disappear. He had let his emotions get the best of him and now found himself in an awkward situation. Sensing her pull away, Matt watched as she moved closer to Luke's side, putting some distance between them.

"Luke, this is Matt," she introduced them, her voice slightly small. She gestured towards both of them. "Matt, meet Luke, my boyfriend." Matt hid his true feelings behind a polite greeting and shook Luke's extended hand but from a distance, Chris and Nate could see the sadness in his eyes as he glanced back and forth between the new couple.

"Nice to meet you, Matt. I've heard a lot about you and your brothers." Matt couldn't help but find irony in the situation, as he remembered the night in Los Angeles when he had introduced his ex to her, and his ex had offered similar words of welcome.

Matt smiled and nodded, his gaze lingering on the way Luke held her waist.

Luke started a friendly conversation, trying to ease the obvious tension in the air. "So, when did you guys get back from L.A.?"

"We got back just two days ago," Matt replied casually, shifting his gaze to Chris and Nate a few feet away from them, who was now stopped dead in their tracks, watching their interaction unfold. "What about you? I heard you're from California, right?"

Luke, keeping things relaxed, replied, "Yes, San Diego. I've been here for a week. Planning to stay for the rest of the summer."

"Oh," Matt struggled to find the right words. Spending a whole summer, indicating a serious step into their relationship.

"That's cool. Boston has nice beaches, although they might not compare to the ones on the West Coast." 

Her gaze remained locked on his, searching for a reaction. Nathan, Matt's best friend since they were 13 has always known the right words to say. He swooped in just in time to save Matt from a potentially explosive situation. 

"Hey, you guys, do you mind if I borrow Matt here for sec?” Nate asked casually, offering them his playful smile. "We need help with the ice and stuff." He said cooly, earning a knowing glance from Matt.

This was Luke's first time meeting Matt, and he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to the history between her and her best friend. After witnessing their intense interaction moments ago, he wondered if it has always been like this.  As Nate led Matt away, a moment of silence settled between Luke and her. She could sense the curiosity in Luke's eyes. Finally, he broke the silence with a gentle tone, "You guys seem very close. Is there more than what I know?"

She took a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt. "We've been friends for a long time, you know that." she replied, her voice a mixture of apprehension and vulnerability.

"I just never expected you two were that close," Luke chuckled lightly, making an effort to lighten the mood.

When she didn't reply, Luke gently continued, "Hey," speaking in a softer tone this time, he turned his entire body to face her, ensuring she could look into his eyes. "I'm not worried about anything. If you say you guys have been nothing more than friends all this time, then I believe you."

She smiled, feeling grateful that Luke had gracefully dropped the topic. But there was no lie in that statement; they were just friends. Matt had never reciprocated her feelings, and it had always been that way. She should be happy that she has a love like Luke's. A love unwavering, ever-present affection that wraps her in a sense of security and even though this love was just starting, it's here. It wants to spend the whole summer with her. It kisses and hugs her at night. A love that loves her back.

Chris followed Nate and Matt into the house and found them already engaged in a conversation. "Dude," he began. With Nate, deeply looking into Matt's eyes Chris knew he was helping calm his brother down. “What was that?”

Matt snapped, growing irritated with Chris, feeling the situation become more increasingly awkward and cringeworthy. "Just be quiet for a second, Chris."

“You need to keep your feelings in check before it gets complicated,” Chris informed, arms up in defense.

Matt sighed, realizing the truth in his brother's words. "Was it really that bad?"

"Bro," Nate gave him a sideways glance.

"Matt, with how close you two are, you might as well just kiss her," Chris whispered loudly, scanning the room for any guests who might have overheard them.

"It was like you guys were the only ones in the room," Nate chimed in, to which Chris nodded in agreement.

Matt hung his head in shame, anxiously sighing once more and burying his face in his hands. "I can't handle this."

"Yes, you can," Nate reassured him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're here for my birthday, nothing else and you're gonna go out there and we're gonna have fun. Look, look, Karl's already setting up the barbeque."

Matt can only nod. Tonight was all about Nathan, and no boyfriend was going to ruin it for them.

Truth was, Nate was hesitant when she asked the question of whether she could invite Luke as her plus one. Deep down, he understood that she was slowly unveiling to the world the fact that this charming, curly-haired brunette with captivating brown eyes is going to be in their lives whether they like it or not. Nate was also aware of the feelings Matt is dealing with, feelings he suspected had been simmering beneath the surface ever since he witnessed them sharing a slice of pizza in his very own backyard three years ago. He feared that Matt wouldn't take this well, and the feelings of regret over missed opportunities might shadow him as he watched her with Luke. Yet, despite these, Nate couldn't bring himself to say no. He firmly believed that she deserved to show her love, just like anyone else and to Nate, this love was something his best friend would ultimately need to come to terms with.

The night proved to be a blur for her, with Matt's presence lingering nearby like a shadow. Just the knowledge that he was only a few feet away made her stomach churn. It hadn't always been like this; typically, she had a firm grip on her emotions and could maintain her composure, but the situation earlier, with the three of them – herself, Matt, and Luke – had left her wanting to go home and avoid talking to anyone ever again.

It had been a slip, a slip that should never have happened. The way she had clung to him, waiting for any sign, anything that might reveal his disapproval of her relationship with Luke. But when he walked through the door with Chris and Nate trailing behind him, she realized she had been fooling herself once again.

Matt had calmed himself down, thanks to Nate and Chris. With Nick giving him raised eyebrows as if to say, 'What the hell just happened? We'll talk about this later.' he shifted his focus to the food that was being handed around, attempting to divert his thoughts.

The night progressed smoothly, and the final blow came when Matt sat across from her in the group circle. Chloe, who had joined them, shot knowing looks her way as she sat beside Matt. "So, what are your plans for the summer?" their friend asked.

Various answers were heard from the group. "What about you and Luke?"

"We're going on Europe with Luke's friends from New York," she blurted out, her eyes finding their way back to her hands, avoiding Matt's piercing eyes.

She could hear the excitement and wows reverberated around the circle.

Luke chimed in, adding, "Yeah, it's going to be fun. I’m excited."

The conversation continued, with the group asking about when they will leave, and some were sharing recommendations for must-visit spots in Greece. She tuned them out, feeling smaller with each passing moment.

A European adventure was Matt and Her’s secret dream, a dream they had shared only in the quiet of the night, under the covers, with Nick sleeping on the couch nearby. It symbolized another significant step in their relationship, something that Matt couldn't help but notice.

Matt felt his heart break a little more with each passing moment, like a series of painful stabs. Of course, he didn’t forget the plans to elope in Europe and here she was fulfilling those dreams with another man.

When their eyes met, he masked his pain with a faint, forced smile.

Finally, the night ended with Chris giving her and Luke a friendly hug. With Matt already in the car avoiding the couple and Nick in the back saying his own goodbyes to Alahna and Nate.

Matt went straight to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Chris stopped Nick in pestering Matt and asking him about what happened at the party, he insisted that they give their brother space to work on his feelings.

~

"You're awfully quiet," Luke nudged her gently. They sat in the living room, surrounded by her sister and cousins, watching cartoons as the warm Boston summer air flowed in through the open windows of the house.

"Just lost in thought," she sighed.

"What's on your mind?" Luke asked, rubbing her hand while his gaze remained fixed on her face.

"Nothing much, just a bit nervous about meeting your New York friends," she chuckled, trying to keep her tone casual.

"They're not that bad," he reassured her, his fingers now absentmindedly playing with hers. "They'll love you. Who wouldn't love you?"

One person, she thought, but she managed to smile at Luke, appreciating his warmth. It had been a week since Nate's birthday, and Matt hadn't reached out. Part of her was secretly relieved; she wouldn't know what to say to him anyway. She knew Matt tended to withdraw when things got awkward.

This had been her problem since they were young. Matt always looks at her like he could love her, and she fell for it every time, only to have her heart broken again.

She knew she was lying to Luke about her old feelings for Matt, but she was determined to bury those emotions and start fresh with Luke.

"What if they don't like me?"

"They have no choice but to like you; they're going to spend two months with you in Europe," Luke chuckled before giving her a sweet kiss.

"I guess," she replied.

Silence settled between them once more. "Is everything ready for you? We leave really early tomorrow," Luke asked, mentally checking if he had brought everything he needed in his head.

"Yup, all packed and ready. Actually, I think I'm going to visit Nick and the boys later, you know to say my goodbyes," she shrugged.

She could feel the mood had shifted between her and Luke.

Luke straightened up, letting go of her hand. "Oh. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, that's fine. Nick has been bugging me to hang out since they got back. He wanted to catch up and stuff."

"Alright," Luke nodded, smiling at her, not pushing further.

Setting foot in her lifelong friends' house brought a wave of nostalgia; it felt like an eternity since she had last visited. Nick welcomed her at the front door with a cheerful smile, the sounds of a heated argument between Chris and Matt can be heard from the kitchen.

"You just don't get it. I didn't know it was yours," Chris defended himself, dressed casually in shorts and a white shirt.

"Well, you should've asked me! Can't you leave a soda in the fridge for 24 hours max?" Matt shouted, clearly agitated. "Geez, you're so fucking grumpy today, is this because-" Chris replied, and Nick cleared his throat, worried that Chris might say something she should not hear. Chris noticed her presence first and practically lunged at her, almost knocking the air out of her. "Oh my god, I missed you so much."

She smiled and patted his back, returning the hug warmly. When he released her, he continued with a mischievous glint in his eyes and a playful tone, "I'm so sorry we couldn't talk much at Nate's party. You were so busy."

"Chris," Nick warned with a pointed look. Chris shrugged, still grinning.

"I missed you too and no, I wasn’t," she chuckled, glancing between Nick and Chris, offering a reassuring smile.

"Yes, you were. You were busy with your new boyfriend," Matt snapped, his tone cutting and bitter, causing her smile to slowly vanish. He wasn't looking at her, not acknowledging her presence and not even trying to hide that he doesn’t want her there.

The room fell silent, Chris and Nick exchanging shocked and speechless glances in response to Matt's outburst, making the atmosphere tense.

"In fact," Matt added, his voice sharp as knives, "you were so busy with your new boyfriend that you forgot we had plans to go to the beach with Chloe yesterday."

His words were meant to hurt, like venom injected into her heart. "Matt, please." Chris intercedes, but the tears and the lump in her throat were already starting.

"Shut up, Chris. It's true! She's Miss College-this and Miss College-that. Why are you even here? Aren't you supposed to be in Europe with your boyfriend?" Matt sneered, his blue eyes piercing through her soul, oblivious to how much his words were hurting her.

"What the hell, Matt?" Nick glowered at Matt; his eyes wide, unable to believe that his brother was speaking to her like this.

"No, it's okay Nick, leave us," she whispered, stopping him. She swallowed hard, attempting to hold back the tears and keep her composure.

Chris, sensing that this was a necessary conversation between her and Matt, guided Nick out of the kitchen. He believed in her; if anyone could handle this, it was her.

"What's your problem?" She approached Matt slowly, keeping a comfortable distance, with the kitchen counter acting as a physical barrier between them.

"You! You're my problem," Matt mumbled, avoiding eye contact, turning his head, and looking towards the window.

In the years of friendship with Matt, they never once had an argument like this. Matt had never been this upset with her, especially over missed plans. She had missed one or two in previous years, but he had never been this furious.

Her heart ached trying to understand Matt’s current level of distress. She was not understanding why the boy in front of her was seething with frustration, his cheeks flushed, hair disheveled, and his eyes usually so warm and inviting now looks exhausted and empty.

This was not the Matt she had grown so close to.

"How am I your problem? Are you seriously this fucking upset because I forgot about our plans to go to the beach yesterday?" She was getting angrier, and her voice was rising.

Matt finally looked at her again. "Just forget it."

He tried to walk away, but she blocked his path. "No. Tell me. What's wrong?"

She peered into his bloodshot eyes; he looked so done. But before she could speak again, Matt beat her to it. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's just great. Go back to your perfect boyfriend; he must be worried about you."

"He's not worried about me, Matt. Are you kidding me? What did I do to make you this upset? Look, I’m sorry, okay? We had to pack-"

Matt didn't answer and brushed past her, bumping her shoulder in the process, his back turned to her.

"Seriously, you're just going to leave? So this is about Luke? Are you jealous? Do you think I'm too busy for you guys now that I have a boyfriend?"

"I'm in love with you, okay!" Matt turned around, facing her. His blue eyes now on the verge of tears.

She stood there in stunned silence, her feet rooted to the spot. She couldn't believe it — Matthew Sturniolo, her best friend, and the boy she had secretly pined for over the years, was in love with her.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Chris and Nick listened in wide-eyed shock, their brother’s confession echoing through the house. Chris exchanged a surprised glance with Nick, who couldn’t help but roll his eyes, muttering, “Finally,” under his breath.

Matt continued, his voice frustrated, "I cannot, for the life of me, forget the day I kissed you and how much I still wanted to. How much I wanted to chase after you that night, to kiss you again, I cannot stop thinking about it."

[luvvvivii]

"i love you" — l.fl

pairing - idol!felix x gn!reader

genre - fluff, imagine

wc - 705

warnings - not proofread (surprise surprise), a bunch of pet names used (my love, angel, dear), lmk if more

a/n - I'm back suckas!!! 😋 enjoy this small felix post whilst I start to get back into the groove of writing (also abt the writing, times next to the date is in readers time zone)

synopsis - in which your idol boyfriend sends you voice notes whilst he's away

02.16.23 — 1:05 am

"good morning dear. actually, I think it's night for you right now? you better be asleep, alright? haha, it feels odd not being able to speak to each other how we usually would, doesn't it? but I guess this is what idol life is like? *chuckle* anyways, how was your day? did you do anything fun today? I hope you're eating good as well…I might head out for a bit with chan, so I'll talk with you later? sweet dreams angel. I love you!"

02.17.23 — 6:37 pm

"hey yn, you're asleep right? this is usually when you have your evening naps. don't be taking an all nighter again after this, though. I know you really like that show but sleep is important too you know? *chuckle*...today is day one of our concert in melbourne. I'm back in australia after so long, and I'm super excited! it's a shame I can't be here with you right now, but at least I can still update you and stuff. I can't wait to meet even more stays—oh, that's minho calling. sorry yn, got to go. I'll update you all about it after! enjoy the rest of your night, I love you."

02.18.23 — 12:53 pm

"hey dear, have you eaten yet? sorry I couldn't send any voice notes this morning, I woke up late and had to rush. day two of our concert was amazing! oh gosh, I wish you were here. hey, I don't think I told you about the dream I had last night, did I? well, we were just about to head to sydney for our tour there, and then suddenly you gave us a surprise visit! that's pretty much it, I woke up after that. haha, it seemed so real I even looked around for you whilst I was still half awake! *sigh* well, I think I'm going to go to sleep now, sorry for such a boring voice note today. have a good day, I love you angel."

02.20.23 — 3:31 pm

"yn, I'm so tired. but I can't go to sleep. *laugh* I was on my phone and got completely carried away, and now it's two am!...I think I might just start yapping about something with you, like how we always do when neither of us can sleep. that's what always helps me get tired…not that I'm saying you're boring! *chuckle* what I'm trying to say is…I just feel so at ease when I know that you're listening to me talk…let's not get depressed now, haha. how is your day going dear? doing anything fun today? make sure to send pictures, I haven't been able to see your pretty face in a while. you know, I think I might head off now, starting to feel a bit drowsy. we've got day one in sydney tomorrow, so I'll probably talk to you about it all later. goodnight my love, I love you to the moon and back."

02.21.23 — 2:01 am

"yn! it's finally day one in sydney! ah, I really wish you were here right now. you'll be cheering me on from back at home, right? I know you'll be looking for videos after the concert haha. make sure to have fun today angel! and I'll make sure to pour my heart and soul into the performances for you, like I always do. sorry for this voice note being so short, but I've got to go. I love you!"

02.22.23 — 3:19am

"sydney day 2! ah, you really don't understand how overwhelming this experience is, yn. this is absolutely crazy, but I've probably already said this a ton, right? *laugh*...you know, I hope one day we can travel to australia together, and I could show you all my favourite places to go and things to do from when I was a kid. but that's saved for the future! just wait a bit longer, my love, I'll be back home faster than you can believe. and cheer me on today as well, alright! I'll do the same for you dear. I've got to go now, an exciting concert ahead. I love you."

©@luvvvivii all rights reserved | do not repost or translate

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

You didn't actually think I would miss this, did you? (Tobin Heath x Reader)

Just a short little fic for Tobin's birthday. Not really edited so mind any mistakes. Hope you enjoy!

Between work getting busy and studying, life has been busy lately so writing has unfortunately been put on the back burner so fics might take longer than usual. My final essay is due in less than 2 weeks so hopefully I'll have more time to write after that!

Words: 1.4k

Y/n: Nobody on earth can make me feel the way you do. Everyday I wake up you continue to amaze me in every way possible. Your kindness, empathy and compassion are what make you the most amazing woman I've ever known. Please never stop being the beautiful, confident and sexiest person that I am madly in love with. Everyday I am blessed to have you by my side. I hope today is filled with love, friendship, surprises and fun. Thank you for going through life with me. Happy birthday my love. I love you today and always.

Toby: Thank you baby. There's no one I'd rather go through life with than you. I love you so much.

Toby: I wish you were here with me today... I miss you

Y/n: I miss you too Toby. We'll see each other soon. I'm sure you'll have an amazing day regardless. I wanted to have this text ready for you to wake up to, but I got busy :(

Toby: It's okay, facetime later?

Y/n: Wouldn't miss it. I have to go, but I'll message you a bit later. I love you

It was Tobin's birthday today. We had been together for 7 years and this was the first birthday that we would be apart for. Since we started dating, we had always made sure to be with each other on our birthdays. This year though, I was playing in Europe meaning I couldn't be there this year. Well that's what she thought anyway. I was out for a couple of weeks with an injury and coach had agreed that I could return to the states as long as I kept up with physio. 

Tobin's birthday happened to fall in the middle of a national team camp. One that I couldn't attend due to being injured. I knew they would be planning something so I had reached out to Ali to let her know I was surprising Tobin. I trusted her to not let it slip and she was able to keep me updated on their plans so I could surprise her. I didn't want to miss her whole birthday, instead I had found a flight that would get me there in time to surprise her at lunch. 

I got through security as quickly as possible. Knowing I was so close to seeing Tobin again was making me impatient. This was probably the longest we had gone without seeing each other. I hated it, but playing internationally had always been a dream of mine. They had organized lunch in the meal room at the hotel seeing as there were so many of them. I quickly dropped my stuff in Tobin's hotel room and cleaned myself up a bit before heading down to the meal room. 

Ali had organized a game of guess the person. Tobin was blindfolded and had to guess who was in front of her based on the feel of their hands and face. The girls smiled widely when they saw me, somehow managing to not completely freak out. I watched Tobin go through a few more of them. There was a wide smile on her face, the corners of her eyes no doubt crinkling. I knew pretty much all of Tobin's expressions at this point, even without properly seeing them. It made me happy knowing that even though she was missing me, she was still able to have fun and be genuinely happy. 

After a few minutes, I stepped up to Tobin, placing her hand on my arm first then my face. I knew there was a high chance that once she felt either of my hands she would know it was me. Besides the years of almost constant hand holding, I had a scar on one of my hands that was very noticeable.

I lent into her touch, enjoying the feeling after almost six months away from her. That must have been a give away, because her hand froze briefly before moving to my eyebrow that also had a scar then my left hand. She ripped the blindfold off, eyes wide as she stared at me in shock. 

"Y/n!" Tobin pretty much squealed, jumping up, arms wrapping around me as she jumped up, legs around my waist, "You're here, you're actually here."

"You didn't seriously think I would miss your birthday did you?"

Tobin kissed me hard, filled with passion and love. I knew the team were watching, fake gags coming from them, but I did care as I cupped the back of her head, not letting her move until we were both out of breath. Tobin watched me for a few seconds before speaking, "I love you so much. How long do I have you for?"

Reluctantly, I put her down, feeling my knee starting ache, "A couple of weeks. Pretty much until I'm ready to join practice again as long as I keep up with physio here."

Since there weren't any real plans for after lunch, Tobin and I snuck off to the room. We didn't do anything other than cuddle and make out a little bit. I was exhausted from my flight, all I wanted to do was hold her after months apart. When Tobin eventually had to go to the bathroom, I got the piece of paper and ring box from my bag. I quickly hid the ring box as Tobin came back into the room. I still wasn't sure if I was going to propose right now with just the two of us or do something with the team later. I wanted to have it with me for when I decided the time was right.

"I got you something."

"You didn't have to, just being here is enough."

"Shush and take it. I think you're going to like this."

I handed her a piece of paper. She read over it slowly before jumping on me, peppering kisses across my face, "You're coming back?!? We get to play together again?"

"I'm coming back. I still have to be there for a couple more months though. I love playing for arsenal, it's been a great experience, but it's not worth how much I miss you." 

A few tears fell down her cheeks as she kissed me slowly before a smile stretched across her face, interrupting the kiss. Her smile was one of my favourite sights so I wasn't mad about it, "You are amazing, I love you Y/n."

"I love you Toby." 

Once again I found myself watching her. Taking in her smile, the way her eyes crinkled, the dimples I was obsessed with, her beautiful eyes that I could look at forever and the short hair that drove me crazy. It was my first time seeing it in person, I had ran my fingers through it countless times already and was currently resisting the urge to do it again. I loved her more than I thought it was possible to love another person. She was the person I craved, the first person I thought of when I woke up or before I went to sleep, the first person I wanted to tell when anything happened. She was the person I wanted by my side for the rest of my life. 

"I meant what I said in my text."

"Which part?"

"All of it. Even after 7 years, you still make my heart race, butterflies and sparks to explode at even the slightest touch. No one has even made me feel the way you do and no one else ever will. I thank everything in this world that you chose me, that I get to be with you and love you every day. You are the only person I want by myside through everything life throws our way. The good, bad, funny, messy, whatever it is, it will be okay because I have you. I am so madly in love with you Tobin Powell Heath, I want to do life with you for as long as you'll have me. Will you marry me?"

Tobin launched forward before I could even get the ring box. She hugged me tightly, tears landing against my neck, "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I love you so fucking much Y/n."

My own tears fell, the happiness bubbling over as I chuckled, "Can I get the ring now?"

"You got me a ring?"

I reached under the pillow for the ring box, opening it for Tobin to see. It was just a simple rose gold band, it fit who she was and the type of style she liked. She grinned widely as I easily slipped it onto her finger, "Of course I did. I've been planning to do this for months now. Only the best for my girl or should I say fiancé?"

"God I can't wait to marry you Y/n."

[carl-grimes-fav-wife]

You and me Always, Forever Part 2 Carl Grimes x Female reader

THESE AREN'T MY CHARACTERS THEY ARE FROM THE WALKING DEAD SHOW Warnings: NONE N/n stands for nickname TEXT MEANING Purple: Y/n speaking Blue: Carl speaking Green: Other characters speaking Red: Sexual content/Topic Pink + Italics: Thoughts Black/Regular: Actions TIME PERIOD: Season 5 after Terminus on the way to the church Requested: No

Y/n's POV "I thought all of this was a little sketchy. We both did. We took turns holding his baby sister as we walked to some guy's church. He told us his name was Father Gabriel. He didn't let me get too far away from him. I guess he was just trying to protect me which was nice of him. God were his eyes pretty. They were the prettiest color. They were the bluest eyes I've ever seen. But enough about his eyes. I still can't believe he told me he loved me. Maybe he meant it platonically but still! He said he loved me. I don't think I'll ever have a chance with him but a girl can dream.  But anyways. His baby sister,  Judith, was the cutest baby I've ever seen. I haven’t been around to many babies in my life but if I had to choose she’d be my favorite. Carl was so excited when he found out Lori was pregnant. I was just excited for them. I didn’t think I could become friends with someone so fast. But in my opinion the first time me and Carl met we instantly clicked." -=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-- Carl's POV "This guy. Is the last thing we need. He seems really sketchy. But that’s not the only thing on my mind. She’s on my mind. Y/n. My Y/n. She was holding my baby sister. And she looked so, so, so pretty. I can't even find the words to describe how pretty she is. She's nice to. Nicest girl I've ever met. I think its cute when she talks about the most random things. But I'll always listen. She has the prettiest voice. Its really calming to. Dad says I'm to young for a girlfriend. I heard Daryl tell her she's way to young as well. But it wouldn't hurt to tell her right? Oh it probably would. She probably doesn't even like me back. I could always hope she does but still. Would it make it weird between us if she doesn't like me back? I just won't think about it. I don't have to ask her now. I'll ask her eventually and it'll all be fine. After all we've been friends for a while." -=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--

Carl's POV

“Whatcha thinking about, Y/n?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“I know you’re thinking about something. You’re biting the inside of your mouth. You always do that when you’re thinking.”

“I’ll talk to you about it later, Carl.” As she said that she switched Judith to her other hip. I tried to stay as close as possible to her. I put my hat on her head and she laughed. God she had the prettiest laugh. Her smile alone makes me happy. I wish I had the guts to tell her how much I loved her. I had said it before in the past. She said she loved me too but what if she only means as a friend?

-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--

Y/n’s POV

“Whatcha thinking about, Y/n?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“I know you’re thinking about something. You’re biting the inside of your mouth. You always do that when you’re thinking.”

“I’ll talk to you about it later, Carl.”

I switched Judith to my other hip. I loved Judith but I loved her big brother even more. It annoyed me a little how he always knew when something was on my mind. Which was a lot of the time. I’d been thinking about him nonstop recently. I’d found myself dreaming about him even. I really was head over heels in-love with this boy. But cmon can you blame me? Just look at his eyes. This boy is actually perfect. I just wish he liked me the way I liked him.

-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--

I’m so sorry this is so short and it took so long for me to finish. I just had no motivation. BUT I finally finished it! Once again sorry this is so short I just didn’t really know what to write. Sorry if this isn’t the best I’m trying though. I’ll start working on part three soon. Hopefully.

Tags:

@zomb-1-egutzz

[littlesislovesyou]

Hihi my fellow innocent, pretty n adorable mutual💕💕💕💕

My day was okay just post body exhaustion hit and I kinda took a quick nap sorry lol I'll respond rq and see if you're still around and probably rest up more if not. But I missed you alot sweetheart...and when you posted those pictures how could I think about anything else but you while I was relaxing 😭 it was actually hard to resist just masturbating to the thought of you in between my legs the entire time and getting off to your pictures >< You naughty tease~ I bet you got so happy that you got me in public again huh? Someone needs to get grabbed and kidnapped to the back alley and be paid back in pull for being such a hot piece of ass constantly teasing me and tempting me into wanting to cuddle up against you and hold you tight but also fucking you senselessly for being such a perverted whore...teasing me all the time, this is what my baby deserves, nothing more and nothing less <3333 But I appreciate your support and I did get some rest ye!

I enjoyed it ty! (Wish I was eating you out as dessert though...) I guess I'll rip off the bandaid then if you're okay with it and for myself to get more used to occasionally saying it.

And mhm...no better way to find out how hydrated I am but checking the source, no? Then you'll be a good and cute little kiddo and I'll show you just how much I hydrate and I hope you do the same...we just gotta make sure yk? ; p

Awww I know you would love to be my personal little desk fuckpet...maybe I'll get a comfy bed for you to sit and lay down on and occasionally you come up to get your treat...my cock throbbing so closely to you so you can lick and suck it dry and me randomly grabbing the back of your head and using your throat to vent out my frustrations both sexual or otherwise~ I'll be playing single player story modes with you seated in my lap and cockwarming me after finding a comfy spot....occasionally humping or grinding against my cock throbbing uncontrollably inside of your soaking wet pussy Maybe out of desperation or need...or maybe you just want to tempt me into going past thrusting up into you and instead pausing and choosing to fuck your lights out...🤭🔪

If it's the last one...then it'd probably work LOL

I'd love to have you in between my legs though while I'm gaming from the bed. Your head on my thigh and naked with my cock out and throbbing against your face as you relax and occasionally stroke or suck on it to deal with your oral fixation...having you lay with my cock in your mouth would be so fucking hot and I'll just hold your head tight and fuck up into your pretty little mouth~ You'd be such a good girl for me baby <3333

I'd always try to get you touch yourself...for me~ Everytime... whether it's to watch you get embarrassed and horny as you finger fuck your needy lil cunny until you're begging for me to use my fingers and mouth on you before raping you and making you cum all over my cock like a good little fucktoy...! You're here to entertain and be good for me after all and I'll simply always...return the favor as a fellow mutual and make sure you're sake and secure cuddled up in my arms~ Keeping myself balls deep inside of you to prevent any cum from leaking out and covering you in kisses 🖤🖤💗

I'm glad you're enjoying my writing so much though 🥰

I'd love to know how far you'd let me go and what I'd be allowed to do to my innocent little sister yk? How far will you allow your elder sibling to use your body as they see fit, hm? I'd loveeee to hear it from you one day hehe 💗

I hope you're having a goodnight and if you're asleep. Please sleep well and have wonderfully naughty dreams...

Also I'd love to buy you ice cream just to make you lick it in front of me...but you know exactly why I made such an odd request and you start doing it as sensually as possible while making lewd eye contact and mouth noises in front of me 🥵 Making me hard as bricks for you~ <333

Bonus points if it's 'innocent' little sis teasing their sibling knowing full well they're enjoying this in more ways than one and want to see how long before they snap and fuck your brains out 🤫

Ahhh hi there! I missed ya a ton! 🥺💗 I’m glad you took time for yourself though, I won’t lie I would totally nap with you if I could’ve.. and it totally wouldn’t turn into us fucking all sleepily or anything that would be crazy hm?;’) 💗💗 ahh sorry but yes I’m glad you got some rest! And food hehe;’)

It’s a shame i couldn’t be your dessert hm? 🥺💗 I wouldn’t mind at all having your head between my thighs~ ahhh stop it you’re making my pussy tighten around nothing💗💗💗☺️

Ugh always making me so horny so late at night~ if I did end up going to bed with my window open, you just so having to coincidentally enter in through my window, seeing how I passed out with my hand in my panties, softly breathing as you rub your knife down my soft shirt and panties, my unconscious body reacting as I get goosebumps, my nipples would harden as you pass over them with the knife, I’d already be so wet, half the works done for you~ ☺️💗

Ahh you see what you do to me? 🥺

Ahhh ! 🥺🥺 yeah you’re gonna get me a nice pretty soft bed right by your desk so I’m never very far away, coming up to rub my fave against your thigh, nuzzling your cock through your pants, I just can’t help it 🥺💗 I want my treat so bad!<3

I just know I would love being your fuck pet<3 I’d be so good for you~ never letting you go unsatisfied<333

You’re so sweet 🥺💗 wanting to keep me all safe, all cozy and filled up to the brim with your cum<3 extra points if you fuck it deeper into me after 🥰 you’re such a caring scary masked stalker💗💗💗

And also a caring perverted older sibling;’) I can’t help it, I just wanna tease you as much as possible, it’s what good little sisters are for right?🥰 and how could I not, I mean, I can’t help it that I find my big older sibling so attractive ~🥺💗

Aghhh I won’t lie I’m curious to know if you have any other kinks that haven’t been discussed yet?🥺💗 you don’t have to tell me of course I was simply just curious, I know I have a few I’ve never even posted about before

Also please pls show me how hydrated you are 💗🥺 god, I need a good role model after all!<3

[ampedupkaon]

August Writing Challenge Day 14: Zeldris/Gelda

AN: I wasn't sure whether to set this before the vampires were sealed away for the first time... or after Zeldris has become the Demon King. I tossed a coin and it chose after, so this is set after Zeldris becomes the Demon King himself (not when his father is possessing him).

Zeldris couldn't believe it. He'd done it. He'd become the Demon King. Not just a vessel for his father to use, but actually for himself. And that came with a benefit he'd been looking forward to for over three thousand years.

“Are you coming Zel?” Being able to go to bed... his bed in the Demon King's... his castle, with Gelda; the woman who'd just spoken. And the woman he loved. He nodded, making his way over. Though... what he was curious about was what his lady love was wearing in bed. He'd, politely; like he'd been taught, left the room so she could get changed. And when he'd come back in, she was under the blankets. He hoped she wasn't naked; he wasn't sure if he could handle that right now.

“Want to know what I'm wearing for you?” She smirked. Zeldris wondered if she could read his mind now. She had bitten him after all. A few times, though only once had been during battle. He... kind of liked how it felt to be bitten by her. He swallowed, nodding. She pulled the covers back and his breath caught.

“Do you like it?” She was wearing a lacy negligee, bloody red and down to her mid calf. And nothing else. It looked beautiful. She looked beautiful. He nodded and she giggled.

“You look beautiful.” Gelda grinned, rolling on to her side facing him.

“Join me.” She patted the bed. He swallowed, a soft blush covering his cheeks. She had to know... to remember he slept in the nude. And he wasn't sure he could... resist the urge to touch her. He removed his clothes, seeing her raise an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, did you mean you wished to sleep with me in the figurative sense?” She teased. He knew she was teasing, but his cheeks flushed red.

“N-No! I sleep in the nude.” He made no move to banish the darkness which covered his body. He wouldn't do that until it disappeared as he dozed off. She smirked because she knew that, all too well.

“I hope I wake up before you then.” He spluttered and she laughed. He knew he had to climb into bed though, so did it before the nerves could set in. She gestured for him to come closer, so he did, unable to deny her. Her arms slid around him and he copied, all too happy to cuddle. He could cuddle with her.

“Sometimes I can't help thinking this is just a dream. That I'm actually still in my shield and sleeping. Wishing for this.” Zeldris knew what she was meaning. All too well. He'd several dreams like that himself. Imagining lying in bed with her, cuddling up. Waking up with her in his arms.

“I'm waiting for the moment I wake up and discover this isn't real myself.” Gelda smirked at him.

“Do you need me to take a nip out of you to convince you you're not?” He blushed and her smirk widened. He wouldn't mind her doing just that. She leaned in, brushing her lips to his neck.

“Am I allowed?” Another kiss to his neck and he swallowed.

“Maybe in the morning. If this is real.” She grinned and cuddled in a bit more. He smiled softly. It felt very real right now. She was cool to the touch, like he remembered. And cuddling with her felt nice.

“If all this is real... maybe I'll let you take this off me. And we can cuddle some more without the pesky clothes in the way.” A blush covered his cheeks again. Gelda like that was also something he'd dreamed of.

“What are you thinking about Zel? Something naughty?” He spluttered.

“I want to cuddle. With or without clothes on.”

“Did it hurt your pride to admit that?” She teased; cuddling wasn't 'manly'. Not that Zeldris cared about manly. He cared about what felt good. And her in his arms felt good. He squeezed a little tighter, making her sigh in pleasure.

“I'd guess not. Sweet dreams, my love.” No. No he wasn't going to sleep with that. He wanted to... do something even less manly. He leaned up a little and brushed his lips to hers softly.

“Sweet dreams, my love.” He said back, now he'd done what he wanted. She grinned, her eyes fluttering shut. He copied, relaxing in her arms. He felt the soft brush of her lips against his forehead before he was dragged off to sleep.

AN: I hope this was different enough to the last snippet I wrote for these two... they got a sleep related one last time too. Zeldris wakes up in the morning and finds Gelda still there with him. He follows through on his promise and lets her 'take a nip out of him' (drink his blood). That tells him it's real.

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

lyrics that only a tortured poet could write

(pt 2)

i am someone who until recent events you shared your secrets with // and your location, you forgot to turn it off // and so i watch as you walk

old habits die screaming

i move through the world with a heart broken // my longing state unspoken // and i may never open up the way i did for you

you said i needed a brave man // then proceeded to play him // until i believed it too

was it hazing for a cruel fraternity? // i pledged and i still mean it

now i wanna sell my house and set fire to all my clothes // and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons // even if i die screaming // and i hope you hear it

i hear the whispers in your eyes // i'll make you wanna think twice // you'll find that you were never not mine

pick your poison, babe, i'm poison either way

even if it's handcuffed, i'm leavin' here with you

wise men once said // "wild winds are death to the candle"

cross your thoughtless heart // only liquor anoints you // she's the albatross // she is here to destroy you

wise men once said // "one bad seed kills the garden" // "one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen" // locked me up in towers // but i'd visit in your dreams

and when that sky rains fire on you // and you're persona non grata // i'll tell you how i've been there too // and that none of it matters

wise men once read fake news // and they believed it

spread my wings like a parachute // i'm the albatross // i swept in at the rescue

if you wanna break my cold, cold heart // just say, "i loved you the way that you were"

i changed into goddesses, villains and fools // changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules

down that passage in time back to the moment // i crashed into you, like so many wrecks do // too impaired by my youth to know what to do

could it be enough to just float in your orbit? // can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses?

we hereby conduct this post-mortem

and so a touch that was my birthright became foreign

come one, come all // it's happening again

we learn the right steps to different dances

lost the game of chance, what are the chances?

guess who we ran into at the shops? walking in circles like she was lost // didn't you hear? they called it all off // one gasp and then: how did it end?

say it once again with feeling // how the death rattle breathing // silenced as the soul was leaving // the deflation of our dreaming // leaving me bereft and reeling // my beloved ghost and me // sitting in a tree // D-Y-I-N-G

i can't pretend like i understand ... i still don't know // how did it end?

i feel so high school every time i look at you // i wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you

i'll drink what you think and I'm high // from smokin' your jokes all damn night // the brink of a wrinkle in time // bittersweet sixteen suddenly

are you gonna marry, kiss or kill me? // it's just a game, but really // i'm bettin' on all three for us two

i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind // people need a key to get to, the only one is mine // i read about it in a book when i was a precocious child // no mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears // i'm there most of the year 'cause i hate it here

i hate it here so i will go to lunar valleys in my mind // when they found a better planet, only the gentle survived // i dreamed about it in the dark, the night I felt like i might die

i'm lonely, but i'm good // i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine // i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and i'll get lost on purpose // this place made me feel worthless // lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me // and in my fantasies, i rise above it

everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman // but she used to say she wished that you were dead

i wrote a thousand songs that you find uncool // i built a legacy that you can't undo // but when i count the scars, there's a moment of truth // that there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you

and maybe you've reframed it // and in your mind, you never beat my spirit black and blue // i don't think you've changed much

a feather taken by the wind blowing // i'm afflicted by the not knowing

i look in people's windows // transfixed by rose golden glows

does it feel alright to not know me? // i'm addicted to the "if only"

i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope // a greater woman wouldn't beg // but i looked to the sky and said please

cards on thе table // mine play out like fools in a fable // oh, it was sinking in // slow is the quicksand // poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand

and i sound like an infant // feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen // a greater woman stays cool // but i howl like a wolf at the moon // and i look unstable // gathered with a coven 'round a sorceress' table // a greater woman has faith // but even statues crumble if they're made to wait // i'm so afraid i sealed my fate // no sign of soulmates // i'm just a paperweight in shades of greige // spending my last coin so someone will tell me it'll be okay

when the first stone's thrown, there's screamin' // in the streets, there's a raging riot // when it's "burn the bitch," they're shrieking // when the truth comes out, it's quiet

i was in my tower weaving nightmares // twisting all my smiles into snarls // they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you aware" // what happens if it becomes who you are?

they knew, they knew, they knew the whole time // that i was onto somethin' // the family, the pure greed, the Christian chorus line // they all said nothin' // blood's thick, but nothin' like a payroll // bet they never spared a prayer for my soul // you can mark my words that i said it first // in a mourning warning, no one heard

said you were gonna grow up // then you were gonna come find me // words from the mouths of babes // promises oceans deep// but never to keep

are you still a mind reader? // a natural scene stealer? // i've heard great things, Peter // but life was always easier on you than it was on me

we both did the best we could do // underneath the same moon // in different galaxies

and i won't confess that i waited, but i let the lamp burn

love's never lost when perspective is earned

forgive me, Peter, please know that i tried // to hold onto the days when you were mine // but the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

and i can confirm she made // a curious child, ever reviled // by everyone except her own father // with a quite bewitching face // splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless // excellent fun 'til you get to know her

but as she was leaving it felt like breathing ... as she was leaving it felt like freedom

all her fuckin' lives flashed before her eyes // it feels like the time she fell through the ice then came out alive

and at first blush, this is fate // when it's all roses, portrait pose // Central Park Lake in tiny rowboats // what a charming Saturday // that's when she sees the littlest leaks down in the floorboards // and she just knows she must bolt

buried down deep // and out of your reach // the secret we all vowed // to keep it from you in sweetness

you got the dragonflies above your bed // you have a favorite spot on the swing set // you have no room in your dreams for regrets // (you have no idea) // the time will arrive for the cruel and the mean // you'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline // but now we'll curtail your curiosity

i'm not a donor but i'd give you my heart if you needed it

and the years passed like scenes of a show // the professor said to write what you know // lookin' backwards might be the only way to move forward // then the actors were hitting their marks // and the slow dance was alight with the sparks // and the tears fell // in synchronicity with the score // and at last // she knew what the agony had been for

now and then i reread the manuscript // but the story isn't mine anymore

[bubblyqueer000]

Nagito Komaeda NSFW Alphabet

I've had this fic on the back burner for a long time. Here she is! Enjoy!!

Please support me on Ko-Fi! Link in pinned post

A = Aftercare (How do they act after smexy time??? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

Makes sure that his hope is always comfortable and holds them close.  I mention this later (Oh no spoiwers D:) but when he's dom he's usually pretty rough with you, but when he's taking care of you afterward, he completely changes pace. He runs his fingers across your skin and apologizes for being so rough, which you guessed it! He uses this as an opportunity to bully himself. Sweet bb be nice to yourself >:C

B = Body Part (Their favorite part of you and themselves)

He loves every part of you but he loves your pretty face and your hands the most, although his favorite body part in some cases might be the one that allows you to best do your ultimate talent. 

C = Cum (Somethin to do with baby batter. Do they squirt or are they in the cream team??? hehehehehe gross)

His cum is clear and pretty thin. Nagito can cum a lot (You just have to make him ;D wink wonk) He loves when you cum on his face!! 

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret duh)

Steals things that you wouldn't miss and keeps them with him. What he does with the item depends on what it is. He steals a lot of panties and socks and when he does he usually uses them to jack off.

E = Experience (do they know what they're doing?)

I'd imagine that he's a virgin but he's lucky enough to know how to find everything and make you feel good.

F = Favorite Position (Bruh)

He loves when you ride him but only when he doesn't mind asking so not very often. Otherwise, he really likes doggy style.

G = Goofy (Are they serious during da wink wonk adult fun time?)

He doesn't exactly make jokes, just those dumb fucking comments that he makes all while there's a shit-eating grin on his face, and that doesn't even include how much he degrades himself like bruh stop you segsy!! Let us give you love!!!

H = Hair (are they well-groomed?? I'm not I'm musty as fuck)

He never really shaves unless it bothers you. His hair is white and thin though, it honestly would look so cute omfg I know that sounds weird but please he's precious.

I = Intimacy (Are they sweet and romance-y (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc))

He praises you a lot which you think would be nice but as I'm going to say over and over again, he loves to degrade himself and call himself trash. Still, he likes to cuddle with you and when he does, he always whispers sweet nothings into your ear about how perfect you are for him.

J = Jack Off (Do they massage their meat? Do they caress their coochie? I'm hilarious pls laugh)

Before he got with you he touched himself much more. He usually would when he thought about you, so when you and Nagito finally got together it was a dream come true. Due to you though, he often wouldn't need to jack off anymore. Now he only masturbates when you're not around or if you don't feel like having sex.

K = Kink (What are they into?)

Praise, degradation, and overstimulation. 

L = Location (Where do they wanna do it?)

Anywhere at any time. He loves the thrill of being in public. In dressing rooms at stores, in closets, anywhere is just fine

M = Motivation (What turns them on?)

Literally, anything you do!! Everything about you is sexy to him. He gets especially excited when you sit on his lap. 

N = NO (NUH NUH ICKY YUCKY NO THEY WON'T DO IT soz these are just getting annoying)

Into everything except for bodily functions, although that's just wishful thinking because if you're into it he'd probably be cool with that. No that doesn't mean I'll ever write anything like that don't ask lmao.

O = Oral (Do they like giving it or getting it? Also are they good at it?)

Feels bad making you suck him off so he probably prefers giving it. It's an honor for him either way though. When he's giving he teases a lot, but he loves having you cum on his tongue. When he's receiving he whimpers a lot. I would do anything to hear Nagito whimper ahhhhh

P = Pace (Are they fast or slow?)

Nagito's pace would change throughout the session. He would start off slow, probably to tease you, and then gradually pick up the pace as you both get closer.

Q = Quickie (Their thoughts on quickies and if they like them)

He loves them!! I mean he loves sex with you in general so quickies are nice when you don't have time for a regular session. 

R = Risk (Are they willing to experiment?)

Probably more willing to experiment than most other characters. He'd be up for almost anything no matter how dangerous. As long as it pleases you, he's happy.

S = Stamina (How long can they do it for? Can they do multiple rounds?)

At least five if necessary but he can probably go on for as long as you need. 

T = Toys (Do they like/have/use toys on you or themselves?)

He has a collection of toys that he uses on you and that he uses on himself. He's a freak ngl.

U = Unfair (Do they tease?)

HUGE ASS RATTY ASS NO ASS NASTY ASS MAN

HOMIE WILL TEASE YOU UNTIL YOU ARE SOBBING. He's such a tease and will not stop until you beg him to let you cum.

V = Volume (Are they loud or quiet?)

Quiet for the most part. He usually just grunts a lot through clenched teeth. He talks though, and when he does... HE NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UP. He's either praising you, degrading himself or just doing his weird-ass anime dialogue like: "i'M nAgItO kOmAeDa AnD i'M fUcKiNg YoU iN tHe AsS *Disney channel music*" i fookin hate him 

W = Wild Card (Random nsfw head-canon)

He's a boobs man _('ཀ'」 ∠)_ gross let's cancel him mans got no taste

X = X-Ray (Big dick??? Big Tiddies??? I'm so sorry omfg)

Huge tits. TITTY TITTY BOING BOING. BOOBA LARGE. HUMONGOUS HONGALONGANO-NOLOGONGUS. Kidding. His dick is about 6.5 inches. It has an upward bend and he's uncircumcised. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He's always ready to please you when you want him to. He's happy and honored that someone like you would want to have sex with 'trash' like him. Like I said he's honored to do it with you but sometimes you have to wonder if he truly wants it or if he's just doing it to make you happy. 

Z = Zzzzz (How fast do they sleep after? I wish I was asleep rn (╥﹏╥))

If you read my Taka NSFW alphabet I said for this part that Taka doesn't sleep. Wait hold up I have the exact quote "Bruv doesn't sleep. I picture him just lying awake in bed every night mumbling math equations to himself. Nah kidding" But this time I'm not kidding. I for real think that Nagito would just stare at you sleeping admiring you. He'll just sleep later you're too pretty🙄🙄🙄

One Reblog = One minute of sleep for Nagito

[amourkive]

IN A GOOD WAY | KNJ

a/n: Hello! This is my first time ever posting on Tumblr, so I'm still trying to get used to everything :') I hope you enjoy this small oneshot(?) based on a dream I had the other day, and I couldn't just not write about it. If you have any feedback, I would like to hear it! thank you, stay gold⁷ -miri

masterlist

/ᐠ• ㅅ •ᐟ\

The morning cold nipped at the tip of your nose, making the warmth of the blankets seem all the more inviting. You tried to curl up tighter, but a distinctive aroma began to permeate the room, making you slowly rise from the bed. The scent was unmistakably that of fresh pancakes, the rich fragrance of brewing coffee danced through the air, mingling with the scent of bacon.

The mere thought of hot coffee on a chilly day was more than enough motivation for you to slip out of bed. The cold wooden floor felt like icy needles underfoot, but the promise of a warm breakfast kept you drawn towards the kitchen.

There, bathed in the soft glow of the morning light, stood your boyfriend, missing a shirt, flipping a pancake. His concentration was so intense that he hadn't noticed you approaching him. Wrapping your arms around him, he jumped slightly, before letting out a chuckle.

"Good morning," he murmured, turning to offer a perfect piece of bacon.

You opened your mouth, allowing him to feed you, before snuggling back into the warmth of his bare back. How was he shirtless while the cold seemed to seep through your clothes and greet your figure, was something you wouldn't understand, but it wasn't concerning either.

"Did you sleep well? Was the cold bothering you, sweetheart?" he asked, and you couldn't stop the snort that followed after. "Yes, I slept fine...but the cold did bother me," you turned to look at him, only being able to see half his face, "you gonna fight it for me?"

You heard the stove turn off with a 'click' before he turned around in your arms, showing a fist, fake determination settling on his features, "I'll do all that I can to make sure it doesn't bother you again, princess."

with a pause, he shook his head, clearing his throat, and you knew exactly what happened. He had come back to his senses. you couldn't help the small laugh that fell from your lips. He would do silly things, and then get shy over said silly things.

He grabbed your shoulders softly, turning you the other way, pushing you towards the table where most of the food already sat, waiting to be eaten. With a chaste kiss to his cheek, you sat down, reaching for the mug that held the coffee that had seemed to be calling your name since you had awoken.

"thank you, joonie. it looks really delicious." You stated, grabbing your fork. The coffee warmed up your insides, as you started filling up your plate with all different kinds of breakfast options. "Of course, baby...this is why I took cooking classes for! So you won't have to worry your pretty head about getting up early, or leaving the bed."

Cutting the pancakes, he nodded his head, satisfied by his newfound ability. Before he could take a bite he added, "I was going to take it to you...but I guess my cooking was so good that it brought you to me."

You smiled at his self praising, heart warming up, thankful you had found a man like Kim Namjoon.. "it really is good. I'm glad you enjoy the classes too. you're learning a lot from them, and it's only been two weeks. kudos to the chef."

He put his fork down, looking at you from his seat, a pout set on his lips. "kudos? how about kisses to the chef?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows, slightly leaning forward.

A soft giggle leaves your mouth, as you meet him halfway, capturing his lips into a delicate kiss, placing your hand on his cheek, before pulling away; smiling. "yes, kisses to the chef...you deserved it."

And this is all that you could have wished for. The cold of the day seemed to vanish, replaced by warmth, not just from the breakfast, but from the love and care that went into it.

[snowdrop-ivy]

Danger. | I - The meet

a/n: this is a dream that I had which I thought I'll write. I hope you enjoy! also this is fictional so if there's any errors with the timeline, deal with it ig haha hope you like it! This is the first part of this series! Enjoy. lmk what you think.

Brooklyn, New York 1945

Thousands of people waved and cheered with their flag as the Japanese surrendered effectively ending WW2. Crowds and streets are unpassable and stores are closed which made it hard for Anastasia to go home. She vividly remembered that her father warned her about rounding the streets of New York during this time and for that she mentally slapped her head.

She gave everything to push and scream "Excuse me" to get to her home but she is just getting no where. Tired and annoyed, she decided to take a turn when she saw an alley, an empty one. She groaned and shook off the confetti on her dress.

"What would I do now? This is just great! New York, you are great! Oh bloody hell!" She stomped her Prada shoes.

"You okay there?"

"Oh bollocks!" She screamed. She turned around and saw a man leaning on the wall smoking a cigarette.

"Who are you?" Anastasia asked, holding on to her bag which has a pepper spray.

"I should be asking you that," He said, throwing the cigar and walked up to her. "You don't sound like a local to me."

"A local? What on earth is that supposed to mean?"

He grinned. The light gave a way to his features. Ana was gobsmacked when he saw this bloke in bright setting. Her gaze met his shocking blue orbs. He is what her friends say; gorgeous- short ruffled brown hair, his bright blue orbs protected by dark long eyelashes, his plump pink lips complimenting his tan complexion. Although he looked ragged; wearing an open neck top; letting his dog tag hang, and suspenders with a cargo pants.

He looks danger. But Ana hates danger. Yes, she's feisty and mean but she follows the rules, well most of the time she does, but she hates putting herself in places where she doesn't have control.

"Let me guess- you're British?" he asked, still grinning. God, that will be the death of her.

She cleared her throat. "So what if I am?"

He pursed his lips to prevent his laugh coming out. "Where you going?"

"What does have to do with you?"

"What's your name?"

"What's your name?" Ana reiterated, raising her brows.

"Bucky short for Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes," He said, lighting up another cigarette. He took a step back while Ana fanned the smoke away; she hates it. "Now what's yours? And stop answering questions."

"A soldier?! He's a goddamn soldier!?" Ana mentally said. Ana, once again, hates soldier. Soldiers are what killed his sister which is also the reason why they moved from Edinburgh to Brooklyn. She contemplated whether to answer or not but she thought that this will be the last time they'll see each other so why not.

"Ana short for Anastasia Josephine Holmes."

"A pretty name for a pretty girl."

Oh, please! Ana rolled her eyes at the line. How many times has she heard that the moment she stepped into this city that never sleeps.

Bucky laughed when she saw her eyes rolled. He can tell that she has heard that before but the difference now is that he means it. Bucky never thought that someone would go in his way on a day like this. Sure, drunken couples who wish to have a privacy but he never expected that a prim and proper English woman would come on his way, let alone talk to him.

"So... Ana, where are you heading to?" He asked. He noticed that he swayed the smoke so he tossed it on the ground and put his hands on his pockets.

"I was going home."

"Where's that?"

"Why would I tell you?"

This time he let out a laugh. She looked annoyed at him buggering her. This woman is feisty.

Ana raised her brow when he laughed. What is so funny? She looked back and saw people are decreasing. Good, now she can go home.

"I'm gonna go," She said and started walking, trying not to look back and look at his dangerous eyes.

He raised his brows and nodded. "See you around?"

Ana stopped on her tracks and slightly turned, giving her the pleasure to see him last time. "Oh, I hope not."

Bucky laughed louder this time as he watched her getting tangled into the streets of Brooklyn.

He wondered if he'll ever see her face again—her curly waist length auburn hair styled with a bow half up do, her curled eyelashes matched her brown almond eyes, and those lips, oh man, her red heart shaped lips.

Ana sheepishly took of her coat after an exhausting commute to get home. She went straight to kitchen where she was met by her father and brother who was drinking tea.

"Hey," Her father, Truman, greeted her. "Where'd you go?"

"Just took a lap around," She answered and sat with them while she listened to them talk about the nonchalant things boys talk about. Ana drank tea while thinking again, which she should not, about those blue eyes.

And the danger it will bring.

[danpuff-ao3]

Danni, thinking time!: 🌿💝✨

Ephie!!!! 😘

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Answered here! But TL;DR: empowered and fulfilled!

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Oh gosh! It's all such a blur. Generally I try to keep my expectations low so often it's me not expecting things to have done well. Like Orange Blossoms!! I was so pleasantly surprised, since it was something I'd just written for myself as a birthday gift, and it was fun! And it got much more love than I anticipated! Then Collateral Damage...I don't know what I expected, but I wrote it for Ron-Draco Fest in 2021. I was new to fests. New to writing Dron. And I was absolutely blown away by how much love that fic got!

But the one that really sticks with me is Safe and all the shock and horror it got. The initial wave I sorta saw. "I thought I tagged everything, but this part was pretty subtle, so I guess I see it, let me add some extra warnings." But it still got heat from people. I can't tell you the number of times I edited that work, adding more tags and warnings to the A/N and summary, etc. Only when I finally threw "dead dove" on it did it stop, though I can't be sure if it was the dead dove tag or the fact that so much time had passed.

At the end of the day, that story did what I wanted it to do. It was meant to be intense. I wanted people to be impacted by it. To feel that fear and uncertainty. It was designed for maximum impact, so go me? (I really do need thicker skin for a lady so hellbent on tormenting her readers, though 😅)

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

My truest answer I'll save for last cuz it's embarrassing and I hope people will have tuned out by then...🤣

Sorted related to the previous question, but White Lies and Silver Bells. That's one of few that I didn't manage expectations so well on and sorta hoped would perform better than it actually did. In fairness, the LJ community was very sweet while Hoggywartyxmas was posting, but idk, I think I had been looking forward to sharing it to AO3 so much and it got a more lackluster response. Which is sad cuz I'm quite fond of that one! I finally wrote the foot fetish Snarry I'd been long dreaming of!! Anyway that feels really crummy to admit to, but it is what it is!

Black Skies probably did as well as could be expected, but gosh I was (and still am!) so proud of that one!! That was posted for Blackcest Fest last year. Then Romantic Notions!!!! I really need someone to enjoy the plant porn with me, geez. Where are all my horny kinky friends at???? Teardrop in Your Palm...that's one I couldn't expect to do well, but man oh man do I love that fic!!!!! And Close Enough!! That one actually hurts my feelings a bit 😂 I breathed life into a dear headcanon and yet...so little appreciation! Though to be fair the appreciation it has gotten more than makes up for it!

But truly, the first thing that came to mind...if I could breathe new life into a fic, or more...stir up chat about it anew. As truly dumb as this sounds, it would be Contempt. You know...the fic I never shut up about? The fic that astronomically outperformed all of my wildest hopes and dreams?? Yeah, that's the one. But truly, it is my dearest story. Can I really be blamed for wanting it to have more love???? Probably, but oh well. I'm just so in love with it and obsessed with it myself and it haunts my mind often enough and I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing about it! Though everyone else probably is haaaaa.

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

[lightlycareless]

Japan is quite notorious for its natural disasters. And while reading some of them for my thesis, I wondered about you and the way you write seemingly amazing catastrophes that are quite unexpected. Are you perhaps going to introduce more complicated situations like these? Even Naoya saving Y/N? wink wink

Hello anon!

omg... I don't know what to say 😭❤️ I'm very flattered!!! aglajgasjglajlsgk

oh, gee. hehe. I'm all flustered now...

Anyways, there's actually many things I've been thinking about putting in the story, or making a reference to. I haven't really thought about natural disasters per se, since where I live... it's mostly fires, earthquakes, and nationally some volcanos (if you're keeping up with that, you might've heard about Popocatepetl lol) but maybe I have? Guess it depends on the context, but first let me explain 🤭

The idea that I've been thinking on for a while is an underwater concept. It came to me after watching a documentary of underwater caves (which I did not want to see lol I still remember telling my friend: I don't like underwater stuff, so let's see the volcano one. her: let's see the underwater one. me: 💀) and how they come to be—something about the ice age and how the ice melting sometimes rises or lowers the sea levels. These changes create stalagmites and stalactites, whose layers can be used to study how the weather was back then!

At some point we get to see a scientist need a sample from a stalagmite from a very specific place which can only be approached by experienced scuba divers—This is where they take the opportunity to tell you that many years ago it would have been possible to simply walk there because the sea level was lower.

So... I got the idea of: what if there was like a temple in some of those areas, thriving thanks to it's followers donations, warding off spirits, storing cursed objects, and then... things happen and everything ends up underwater.

I have yet to decide the "paranormal" activity that this might cause (maybe people getting lured underwater? hehe), but I can imagine that somehow HQ manages to pinpoint it's origin to an underwater source 💀 How will techniques work there? Who is going to take on the mission? Not everyone is an expert scuba diver. And what kind of curses can be found underneath? Who knows—but that's something I'd like to explore in due time :>!!!

There's something else I have in mind too... but I think I'll keep that one to myself for now. As for everything else I have planned, it'll be written into the story 🤭

Also, I've always dreamed about Naoya and Y/N going on missions together. We're talking about them being in a good relationship now, and somehow... Y/N is all like:

Y/N: You know what's hot? Doing it in a haunted place. Amirite?

Naoya: Wtf? *goes along anyways, cause let's be real he ain't deny you—and hey, maybe he thinks the same as you, he just didn't want to be the one to bring it to the table lol*

Hmm. Interesting. I do have a fic planned with that theme lmao.

Well, I hope this was what you were looking for 🥺❤️ There's soooo many things I wished the manga would've included, mostly pertaining to mundane things you know, and how they affect everyday life. Like, what is the influence of sorcerers in humanity and vice versa, cause I refuse to believe they've been in complete secrecy!!! Oh well, idk where the story is going now anyways besides a rushed ending 😭💀

Thank you so much for sending in an ask!! And such a nice one at that... I'm really flattered you think so highly of my writing 🥺❤️ If there's anything else you'd like to share, please let me know! I'll be more than happy to respond to the best of my ability ❤️

Take care, have a wonderful week, and hope to see you soon!!

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. overpacker iced coffee drinker spicy eater sneezy lefty eyebag 😅

Good morning and hope you had a good nights rest. How are you today?

If you get the switch, then you can teach Emily to play video games with you. You guys can play Mario kart together hahaha then invite me to online play and we can compete 🤣

For Christmas dinner, I'm gonna make baked honey ham. Not sure on the sides yet, I'm debating on what to eat with the ham. Actually the dinner will be for the 24th, cause I decided to work on Christmas day.

You going to add "needs to like spicy food" as a deal breaker in a relationship? Hahaha just kidding. I guess I'm out of the race 😔

Dang she is going to be busy. Yeah hopefully she still has time to at least have fun and stuff. 2 jobs and school sounds difficult, to me at least.

Have you ever made a birthday wish and it came true?

‐CuriousGeorge

Hello hello corn-punn desert lover who's going to make me some tiramissu someday righty eyebag. lol

I didnt really have a long enough good sleep last night n woke up still with allergies n today my eyes are super itchy n my nose hurt. been sneezing too. i hate allergies.

i slept late last night because i decided to post pt. 3 of the monsters within at 1.30am lol. so i can focus on my chores today. I hope u like the pt. 3 and u r more than welcomed with any question u wanna ask me about it. :D

how r u? hows ur day so far n whats ur plan today?

haha that would be fun. i love mario kart. my favorie is crash bandicot game. i dont know if i ever ask u but whats ur favorite game?

What u doin now? I'm writing a bit pt 4 while watching the show Paranormal Caught On Camera lol

ooohh i love ham! if it's up to me, i want to have ham for christmas dinner but his brother wants traditional turkey dinner and his mom doesnt eat pork. so yeah, turkey for dinner i guess. :(

oh why did u pick to work on christmas? that sucks. I'm sorry! but i'll be still be here, n u can send me ask anytime.

I didnt say that cant eat spicy is the deal breaker though. :D

wanna know what's my deal breaker? if they chew loud and talk while they chew.. that gross me out so bad and drive me nuts. or when they use the utensils so loud. like, if you hear the knife n fork or spoon n fork make loud nice hitting each other or the plate, if that makes sense.

u can fart or burp in front of me, i can still tolerate n just give u a look. lol. but not if u chew so loud, big nope. hahaha. i once had a blind date, he was a handsome italian man, he even help me pull the chair for me to take a seat and or open the car door. but when we eat, he chews loud n talk while chewing. So no second date after that. :D

oh yeah, it will be busy for her. I just hope she wont get sick because she gets exhausted n i'm just here can only text her but cant take care of her, you know. :(

hmm i dont remember. i think i had my birthday wish came true a few time.. talking about wish comes true, i have been wishing and dreaming move to U.S and become citizen since i was in 4th grade. n my dream came true. :D

what bout u?

next question?

Cheerio! (not the cereal one)

[nowimyurdaisy]

Backseat Rider Part 2

pairing: Jeremiah fisher x reader

warning(s): angst?

summary: a summer back in cousins, leads to confessions.

a/n: HERE is the part 2 to Backseat rider that y'all have been asking me to write. Wrote the last part on my phone, no judging 😂 Luv y'all 💗💗

part 1 part 2

~a year later~

It had been over a year since you had seen the Fishers, you didn't want to go back to Cousins, but your family had insisted on going this summer. I guess the whole never seeing Jeremiah or Belly again plan failed, since you couldn't really control going to Cousins or not. So, since you had to return, you would just avoid that WHOLE group & focus on making new friends?

Currently you were in your room packing for the trip, your playlist playing in the background, you began to hum to the song 🎵I hear your voice over and over, sitting on the beach of Dover, what is happening? Oh, dear, I keep wishing you were here, and I swear, I'm gonna lose it, if I keep playing your music🎵 You're dreading this summer but at the same time you can't help but smile, because you have this feeling in the pit of your stomach that this summer would be different than last.

~ flash forward to the first day in Cousins ~

Belly is right, the drive to Cousins is like coming home after you've been gone, it stays the same when you're away. You headed straight to the beach when you got there, changing into your new swimsuit, a bikini your best friend bought you, that you honestly aren't too sure about but hey! new summer.

~~

Eventually you got a job at the country club working at the snack shack unbeknownst to you, Steven AND Jeremiah were working at the club as well. When you got to the club, you saw that red jeep pull up, and sitting in that red jeep was one Mr. Jeremiah Fisher, Steven, and of course, one Belly Conklin. She was dressed in what looked like a summer dress with puffy sleeves & a fascinator. *It's deep red, my broken dream* That lyric danced in your head when you saw them step out of the car, and you ducked behind the counter.

Jeremiah & Belly walked straight into the club, while Steven headed straight your way, straight for the snack shack. You ducked behind the counter, then your manager asked "hey what are you doing!?"

"Nothing"you mumbled standing up. Then Steven saw you, he ran up to you to give you a hug.

"Y/NN! Is that you?" you nodded. "I can't believe you're really here! Wa-wait, wait 'till Jere and belly and-'' You cut him off before he could finish, "no, no, no, you can't tell anyone, not even susanah or ms. conklin ok?" you said before wriggling out of his grasp.

~~

Well, wishes don't always come true, huh; you can't ever completely control who you do & don't see, especially when working, Ducking behind counters and taking breaks every time he comes over won't last forever. It was a Saturday, one of the busiest days at the club, and you were facing the other way when he walked over, expecting to see Steven, not you. "Y/n?" Jeremiah asked, such shock in his voice.

You freeze, eyes wide with shock. Slowly you turned around, "hi" you said nervously, eyes still wide, like a deer caught in headlights, an awkward smile plastered on your face. The two of you stood there staring at each other for a few seconds, before one speaks up.

"I, I thought you weren't coming back this summer" Jeremiah chuckles nervously.

"I wasn't," you replied simply.

"What made you come here then?"

Ignoring his question, you asked him, "What can I get you, Jere Bear?" emphasis on the 'Jere Bear', a nickname you had come up with, oh so many years ago, that Belly stole from you.

"Oh" Jeremiah's face was blank from the sudden change in topic, "Nothin' just wanted to talk to Steven. I'll catch you later" he smiled, regaining more of his normally cheery self, as he whispered, "at least I hope so."

~a week later~

You wished you could say that you didn't love him anymore, that hearing his voice again didn't bring back memories, feelings of lost time. You were standing on the beach staring at the water, thinking how he used to be the first thing on your mind. You internally cringed at how every morning when you got up the first thing you did was check your phone for a text from Jere, and during the summer the first thing you did would be going over to the Fisher's to see him. You laughed, seeing Jere's reflection in the coastline, now you were going crazy, seeing things. Then the reflection said something and you turned around.

"I- wh-what are you doing here?" you asked Jere, realizing you weren't actually seeing things.

"I knew you'd be here" he chuckled, "it's your favorite spot."

"You got me" you responded, turning to walk away. But Jeremiah grabs your wrist to stop you.

"y/n, please don't, don't go" jere pleads with you. "There's so much I want to talk to you about, so many things left unsaid from last summer."

"Okay. Lets talk" you agreed, beginning to walk along the beach, Jere along your side. "Where do you want to start?" you asked.

"I, I read your letter." You nodded at his statement. "I'm sorry I had no idea, I wish you hadn't left so fast" you went to question him why, but he continued talking. "Yes belly & I love loved each other, but after you left. After a week of us dating. She left me, she left me for Conrad. I wasn't enough, and it killed me, but her ending our summer fling. Yes we dated most of the summer, in secret of course. But I realized," he stopped. Chuckling nervously.

"You what?" you asked slowly, carefully, like you were afraid he would run away. Carly Rae jepsen's lyrics ringing in your head 🎵But I still love you I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you🎵

"I realized, Belly is not the girl for me, I'll always love her but she'll never compare. She'll never compare to you, you y/n y/m/n y/l/n are the girl of my dreams" he finished.

"Me?"

"Yes you. I'm in love with you, and if you don't feel the same ever again, I understand"

"Jeremiah, you stupid idiot. I'm in love with you too!!" You responded, a teary smile on your face. You leaned in and kissed him. His hand on the back of your head, his other resting on your hip, pulling you closer. Your hands resided in his messy curls.

"I'll love you forever & always y/n" Jere spoke pulling away from your lips.

"Forever & always" you responded, giggling and reconnecting your lips. Standing on the beach of Cousins, your summer fairytale.

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