#but that doesn’t take away that queer people resonate and connect with a character arc

[milogoestogreendale]

i think one of the things that is so refreshing to me about trobed is that a lot of slash ships in fandom are admittedly based around stereotypes. there’s kind of a cookie cutter pattern for how people accept gay couples, but none of that is really seen with troy/abed. the openly weird, film obsessed autistic nerd is seen as the more confident and experienced one in his sexuality. meanwhile, the popular and masculine jock is allowed to be overly emotional and sometimes insecure in his feelings.

this isn’t done just to subvert expectations though, it’s all in keeping with their characters. abed is sometimes perceived by his friends as a nerdy virgin, but the show goes out of the way to say that this isn’t the case, with a character that is very self-assured (in what is hinted at in canon and commonly accepted in fanon as his bisexuality.) troy, on the other hand, who works to portray a macho heterosexual persona, comes to realize it’s okay to get rid of those barriers and explore himself now that high school is over. it all comes off as a very authentic portrayal of queer identity, and the chemistry between troy and abed makes for a very real portrayal of a gay couple, whether it was intentional on the writers’ part or not.

[dgcatanisiri]

I’ve said a few times, I’d sooner have had Felix as a companion over Dorian, on the basis of how Felix has a better claim to being capable of becoming “the Redeemer” of Tevinter society - he is already an outsider to Tevinter culture, considering that he’s the son of a Magister who has minimal magical gifts - Worlds of Thedas says that his grandfather tried to assassinate him for this. Meaning this is someone who has always been on the outside of the dominant culture of Tevinter society. 

Now, if you’ve been on my blog for any length of time, you have probably seen me talk about the difference of queer focus versus queer relevance. Long version is here, short version is that queer focus orients the story on the struggles of being queer, while queer relevance orients the story on something that is relatable across the board, but ends up having resonance for the queer people. 

My go-to example is something like Cullen’s addiction - addiction is something that hits anyone, queer or not. But because of the culture of queer spaces, where our safe spaces are bars and clubs, places where developing these habits is significantly easier, the story of breaking the addiction has queer relevance. 

Or some time ago, I looked at how Cole is pulled between being more spirit-like or being more human-like, and felt that it kinda read like a trans metaphor, of Solas pushing him to be like he had always been, the way that Solas was more comfortable with him, even if Cole had changed from that, or Varric encouraging Cole to explore the person he was becoming, even if that meant he could never go back to who he was before. 

Or, going away from Dragon Age, the Star Trek Deep Space Nine episode Rejoined featured a romance between two women. Now, these women both also carried the memories and personalities of two people who were married. Because Star Trek. In their society, the Reassociation is taboo (so it gets the capital letter treatment), because their people encourage each new life to separate itself and be distinct from the prior lives - Reassociation is so taboo to their people, they are threatened with expulsion from their society if they go ahead and take up the relationship again. It’s not taboo because of it being two women, but the metaphor is obvious because of how it IS, and yet the story doesn’t linger on that fact, all the concern is wrapped up in the natural reactions of the characters involved, how it impacts the characters in universe, letting the audience connect the dots and apply their own awareness.

So, going back to Dragon Age and Felix in particular... There’s that same relevance in him, because he can’t be what his culture says he should be. He has the same position as Dorian in Tevinter society, but for different reasons - he’s the son of a Magister, but he has barely any magic. So that kills almost any chance for him to provide that contribution to the distillation of “the perfect mage.” 

And yet... Since here we have the loving father proceed to accept him regardless, it demands a different story, while still allowing that perspective - Felix can talk about how Tevinter society said that Alexius should have disowned him and had another heir, but Alexius didn’t, choosing to love and accept his son as he is rather than try to force him to be what he is not or abandon him for being what he is. Now it’s not a queer focus, centered on the pain of a queer person, it’s a story where the queer character (since I’m saying swap Dorian for Felix, I’d want Felix as a gay romance) was accepted. 

Considering how awkwardly shoved in the homophobia of Dorian’s story is when we’re three games into the franchise and only being introduced here - because Fenris, the escaped Tevinter slave, SURELY should have mentioned that the nobility of Tevinter don’t approve when male Hawke (new nobility in Kirkwall) romances him, or brought it up against Anders, who romanticizes the fuck out of Tevinter. The few other instances of homophobia in the games could be passed off more as formed from out-of-universe reasons, that the writers still live in a homophobic society, and so are still using that lens - that’s certainly how I was looking at them until Dorian’s story came along. 

Like I saw it the same as all the sexism in the games - they pay a lot of lip service to Thedas being without it, that women are accepted in the armies and leadership, that their Jesus-figure is a woman (and more Joan of Arc-y, but she’s not the center of the IRL religion...), the priesthood is all about women, barring men from higher positions... And yet there’s still a LOT of patriarchal structure, the focus on kings and bloodlines through the son, and, y’know, wouldn’t a society that both worships a woman AND prizes dogs NOT use ‘bitch’ as a gendered slur? You can’t get away from the biases of the society you the writer are writing these things in. You can try, but things slip through the cracks. And that’s legit how I saw any nugget of homophobia in the game as well, as a societal bias of the writers.

Dorian’s story made that impossible. It said that there was genuine homophobia in this society. And it said that this place that I’d seen homosexuality as being a difference that made no difference was no longer that safe space. And I don’t know about anyone else, but I find offering places of safety and acceptance for queer people more important than reemphasizing how damaging homophobia/queerphobia is.

Because I need queer narratives that AREN’T focused on queer pain. Because I can get that anywhere else, I need my power fantasies far, FAR more. Give me queer people who are unquestionably accepted. I’ll take the metaphors, the stories that have the obvious subtext, BUT are grounded within their universe.

So instead of this being an anvil of “my family can’t accept my queerness!” it’s just part of Felix’s character. Because we have Alexius as the character willing to let the world burn to save his son. Hell, I think it would have been GREAT to get Felix’s response to Alexius’s judgment at Skyhold instead of Dorian - it’s not just the mentor figure who has fallen from grace, it’s the father who would have killed everyone for the chance to save you. How do you respond to that?

Felix was better poised to be “the Redeemer” than Dorian was. And he had a queer relevant story without it being queer focus, Make Felix our companion (meaning that we’d probably need a new mage companion for the sake of balance and all, which means probably also changing up at least one other character’s class and story, but since they’re not going to remake the game, this is all academic anyway, so the character element is all that I’m looking at here), have Dorian as like a brother or still the mentee figure, maybe graft the sickness over to him instead of Felix (or build a questline around helping Felix recover). 

And then Felix can speak of Tevinter with the luster worn off, because he’s spent his life seeing the faults of the society, the rot at its core, rather than just having had his eyes opened because Tevinter’s ills have finally reached him - they were always impacting him. He had family members try to kill him because he couldn’t be what they wanted. He’s only able to enjoy what he does because his father refuses to shut him out, something that surely has closed doors for Alexius, maybe even drew him to the Venatori before the sickness.

Felix is a better candidate to be “the Redeemer.” He’s experienced Tevinter’s ills more blatantly and more frequently than Dorian has. Felix should have been the companion over Dorian.

[curioussubjects]

Journey into the Basement: Loving Yourself and Your Lamp

One of the many reasons to love Supernatural is that even when we get silly fun-filled episodes we always come out of them with some pretty interesting realizations. “Hero’s Journey” wasn’t any different, but the realization wasn’t so much novel as a confirmation of what season 15 (and Dabb’s run as a whole) has been quite loud about: Dean’s increasing embrace of the self. 

I know we’re all hype about the destiel implications of some of the work done in 15x10, and I will absolutely delve into that goodness, but I wanted to talk about the larger impact on Dean’s character beyond romance first. I want to talk about the demise of performing!Dean. 

Despite the risk of preaching to the choir, I want to emphasize that performing!Dean is not Dean living a lie, exactly. What he has actually been doing all these years is neglecting parts of himself he has seen as less valuable, while uplifting the parts that are more acceptable. All of this occurs, too, in an environment of self-effacement: Dean puts himself last. Performing!Dean is a coping mechanism for “social acceptance” as much as it is one for Dean’s continuous disregard of his own needs and wants beyond the trivial. That is, the stuff that would bring fulfillment to the parts of himself he keeps stashed away. Because, sure, part of Dean’s front face is pie, beer, and classic cars....but, my god, Dean gets a lot of joy out of that. They’re just as part of who Dean is as cooking, cowboys, Dr. Sexy, and horror movies. I guess what I’m trying to get at here before jumping into “HJ” is that both parts of Dean (the one he shows and the one he hides) are equally important. The struggle is for Dean to learn to care for all parts of himself regardless of what derision he may or may not get in return. 

Which leads us to Garth. You know what Garth is? Unabashedly himself. He doesn’t care if it’s weird to hug people or say shit like “Garthed.” He embraced being a werewolf! You know what Garth is? He is the embodiment of what self-love and acceptance can do. Garth is living his best life at all times. Unrepentantly. And damn anyone who dares to stop him. And what did that get him? Everything. The whole goddamn kit and caboodle. He has the dentist job he gave up to be a hunter, he’s an ethical angst-free werewolf, he still does the hunter job and save people, he has a home, a family. He’s happy -- you know, the thing we’ve been hearing was impossible these past 15 years. Garth is really here looking at all that bitter die bloody hunter fatalism and saying rip y’all but I’m different.  What Garth is is a beacon of something else. Something other than pain and suffering without end. 

Y’all wanna know what else Garth is in our fairy tale “Hero’s Journey?” Dean’s tooth fairy godmother and guide. Sure, there are no glass slippers, and pumpkin carriages, but Garth gives Dean the path to happily ever after just the same. It involves a scary journey into the depths and there’s pain and fear and dancing. Garth’s appearance in Dean’s dream serves the purpose of encouragement. Go ahead, Dean, you can dance, too. Don’t be scared, I’ll show you how. When Garth disappears, Dean is confident enough to keep on dancing. And Dean comes alive. He’s scared and shy at first, but eventually he’s his charming adorable self. And he’s on top of the world. Not only that, he’s tap-dancing on top of the world. Carefree, honest, and so so happy. What Garth offered Dean through this particular journey was the promise that Dean can, in fact, lead a fulfilling life if only he would honor who he is. Frees himself from the fear of discomfort, of judgement, and, perhaps most importantly, the fear of vulnerability. 

Dean understands what Garth is telling him. Take the shift from “aand we’re done” to “you smell good, too.” Did Dean sound awkward when he said it? Yes, but it was a gesture, a signal that he could change. Could take a turn for the better. Could embrace even the parts of him that he finds dismissable. Also, take the conversation they have earlier in the episode about Garth’s life being good and Dean watching Garth and Bess dancing at the end saying he always thought he could dance if he tried. IF HE TRIED PEOPLE. Dean knows what he needs and wants to be happy. It was in him all along, he just needed a push. He just needed to be shown the way, and to be open enough to accept what Garth offered and modeled. Incidentally, part of the plot utility of hero!Garth is drawing more similarities wrt him being a model Dean (and Sam) can follow. 

Before moving on to another look at the dream scene, it’s worth noting that while the basement is usually a space for the subversive, the shameful, and the criminal, Garth has completely transformed the space. In true Garth fashion, he shone a light into that basement and turned into a space that is just as integral to his life as everything else his home contains. In fact, since his dentistry practice happens there, it’s not unlikely that the basement is open to a lot of people. 

Alright, then the dream scene is a love yourself routine at large. It encompasses all of Dean’s character and pretty clearly posits that for Dean to be happy he has to accept all parts of himself. @occamshipper and others have touched on the choice of “Let’s Misbehave” as the song Dean’s dancing to, i.e., as another notch in the Dean is queer checklist. I’d also add, though, that the song is an apt choice not only for Dean’s queerness but the entire issue of self-acceptance. “Let’s Misbehave” is essentially a song about behaving outside of norms, and that misbehavior leading to one’s happiness. Yet, while the song operates in being able to misbehave when select people are watching, and not the world, the imagery of the scene defies that restriction. Dean won’t wait for the world to slumber, he’ll tap dance on top of it. Indeed, Garth’s invitation for Dean to misbehave takes a critical view of misbehavior, such as it is, being something to hide. It’s not. The song is clear on our take away, too: “ If you'd be just so sweet / and only meet / Your fate, dear...” Unlike what Chuck means by fate, the show, through Garth, seems to be telling us that fate is the end result of self-knowledge and truth. To misbehave and go against order is the path to self-fulfillment, and misbehavior here requires the discomfort of vulnerability. It’s no wonder either that the scene happens in the bunker. The bunker is a glorified basement, but it’s also a home. Why, then, treat the bunker as something to hide? (here’s some resonance with legacy, with letting others into your life). 

Finally, I want to talk about that lamp. First, though, let’s take a quick moment to remember how a significant portion of the deancas drama has been about absence (you left/you didn’t stop me, the glaring negative space left behind by Cas after “The Rupture”). Fittingly, Cas is not in this episode, which is quickly ~~lampshaded by Sam as well as being characterized as another aspect of their bad day. So Dean has no Cas to dance with, but unlike previous episodes, he has more than just a gap. Say, an empty. He has this lit up lap. This almost right but not quite placeholder. And Dean is charming to that lamp, y’all. It’s not the whole of his character arc, but damn, that lamp is important. It’s a key feature. But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s move ahead to the end of the episode: Gath and Bess are dancing in their home. They’re happy. Outside, Dean and Sam look on, with that longing in their eye. Dean’s take is that he’d be good at dancing if he tried. So Garth dances with his wife, so Dean dances with a lamp. Dean, of the wanting to experience certain feelings, people, in a way he never has before. Dean who just last episode was very afraid of losing Cas, who was sobbing because of it. The same Dean we saw lose it after burying Cas in the Ma’lak box -- and grief arcs, and Colette, etc etc and so it goes and goes. Last episode we also saw a little version of endgame: Dean, Cas, Sam, and Eileen. And lest we discount it as Chuck nonsense, it’s important to remember Sam was happy with that vision. When Sam thinks happy, he thinks that (the Same Sam whose dream last season was him, Dean, Cas, Jack, and Mary eating pizza and laughing). Long story short, it’s always Dean and Cas. No matter what. So Cas, the lamp. And yeah, all of this destiel deliciousness is heavily draped in romance (even in dancing lamp form) between connections of Saileen and Garth/Bess. It’s SO SO LOUD. 

Dean would be a great dancer, if he tried. Just like Garth is. 

ps.: remember that car convo Sam started with Dean about setting down with someone who understands the life. Yeah. [dies in garth/bess]

[yasuda-yoshiya]

Sorry I haven’t been around here much lately! The last few weeks (/months, really) have been rough for me, but I’m feeling a bit better at least for now. For now I’ll just drop some overdue thoughts here on some of the things I’ve been watching since I finished Utena:

Princess Tutu

I found Tutu to be a really sweet and charming show with a ton of heart, but I'm also sad to say that I don't think watching it straight after Utena did it any favours for me. Utena portrayed the same kinds of themes around breaking out of predefined narratives in a way that personally hit home for me a lot harder, so Tutu ended up feeling a bit like a watered down version of the same ideas to me... Which is a shame because I do still think it's a really cool show with a lot to like about it! It's visually and aesthetically gorgeous, I adore its whole cosy meta-fairytale atmosphere and the ballet theme and the whole general feel of the show a lot - it just didn't end up leaving that much of a lasting impression on me in the end. I may well come back and revisit it some day, because I feel like I'd probably get more out of it coming in with a clearer idea of what to expect and without Utena's shadow unfairly hanging over it.

For the characters, I loved Ahiru and Fakir! They were both so endearingly earnest and I really liked the respective directions they ended up taking both of their character arcs and their relationship (Fakir passionately rewriting the story to be about Ahiru's bravery and courage at the end made me cry so hard! That's like, the exact kind of individual heartfelt expression of love that hits straight to my heart when it comes to fictional couples, waaaah...)

Mytho and Rue were a bit harder to connect with for me; I felt like I couldn't really get invested in Rue's feelings for Mytho for the most of the show since the backstory around them wasn't revealed until the very end. (I did like Ahiru and Rue's relationship quite a bit, though! That sort of feeling of the narrative artificially pushing them into being enemies when they really could have helped each other as friends was well done.) On Mytho's end I just never clicked at all with the whole raven blood subplot that seemed to dominate his character in the second season, unfortunately. I couldn't make it meaningfully connect for me, even though I had quite liked him as a character in the first half of the series (even in just my generic "hnng cute boys struggling with the idea of having feelings" way). I'd be interested to see on a rewatch whether those two would work better for me having a better idea of where their trajectory was going from the start, since I felt like I didn't really "get" what they were going for with their relationship or how I was supposed to be reading them until the very end (I'm slow okay).

Steven Universe

What an absolutely lovely series! I've been wanting to check this out for a long time, and I'm glad I finally got the chance because it really is excellent. I totally fell in love with the whole Crystal Gem family, and the balance between them all having their own personal issues to deal with while still being able to draw love and support from each other was done really well. I really loved the handling of Steven's PoV in the first couple of the series especially for how they handled his growth around coming to understand that his parental figures are really flawed people who have a lot of baggage to deal with, but also without framing their personal problems or their relationships with each other as being at all within either his power or responsibility to "fix". Instead, his moments of growth are more about more consciously registering the burdens they're under and making those little gestures to ease them wherever he can, like consciously showing appreciation for their parenting efforts with the test, or giving Amethyst more time to vent things out with her friend when she's stressed out instead of asking her to take him home right away. Likewise, on the gems' end, we really get the sense that e.g. Pearl's love for Steven is real and valuable and "saves" her in a very real sense, but also that it's not going to ever fully erase her depression or her grief over losing the life she had with Rose before and that that's okay.

I would say as the show went on, it felt like it lost some of the grounded and occasionally harsh nature that originally drew me to it - the first couple of seasons felt like they had a sort of constant legitimate tension in the background with the gems trying hard to keep things together in a hard situation in a way that still obviously had its cracks in it, and a sort of acknowledgment that "maybe not everything will be okay, but there's still a lot of good in the world and in our relationships that's worth living for", which I appreciated. Whereas I felt like they moved a bit more towards unambiguously positive resolutions as the show went on, with a bit less of that willingness to leave things "unresolved". (Of course the show still has a lot of those moments, like the reveal of Rose's past in particular, but even then I wished that the fallout from the reveal and its lasting impact on the gems was given more time and weight than it was.) That feeling culminated for me in the finale of series 5 and the way the plot with the diamonds was resolved, where it felt like the show pretty much parted ways with reality entirely and fully embraced a kind of ideal fantasy positivity.

But I don't think that's necessarily a totally bad thing, either - it's still a very genuine and heartfelt kind of positivity that can be hard to find in narratives as unapologetically queer as SU is (especially in media targeted at young kids!) and I'm sure a lot of people really need that gap filled in their lives, so I can't really bring myself to resent it overall. The characters remain as endearing and lovable as ever, the show still made me smile from beginning to end, and all in all I have nothing but great appreciation for all the important ground it's willing to tread as a kids' show touching on a lot of extremely relevant contemporary issues in a positive and responsible way. It honestly makes me feel really happy and hopeful to think of kids getting to grow up with a show like this! So while I might personally have ended up resonating more with the show if they'd taken a different direction, I feel like I still have a lot of respect and understanding for the route they did end up taking, too, and I'm glad to have experienced it.

Mob Psycho 100

I thought this was a very cool and interesting show! As "deconstructing shounen tropes" series go, I feel like this one successfully hits a unique sort of sweetspot for me in the way that, rather than brutally tearing apart shounen conventions out from the roots (which is also something I can enjoy a lot when it's done well!), it's instead focusing on taking a lot of the genuinely positive ideas that draw people to shounen - the ability to overcome adversity through personal growth and "the power of bonds/friendship", positivity in the face of despair, and so on - and re-examining them through a more grounded context that asks "Okay, but what does that actually look like in the real world?" Because, you know, it definitely DOESN'T look like people with magical god-given superpowers blasting through everything that challenges them with the sheer force of their specialness and their pre-assigned role as the "main character", right?

So I was really impressed by Mob as a series for not only being so thorough about deconstructing that (to the point that the voice encouraging Mob to use his powers more and be a super special hero is an outright "devil on the hero's shoulder" kind of character!), but also for going that extra step to examining what real positive growth actually DOES look like. I felt like the series did a remarkably insightful job overall (especially in the second series) of sort of gently but firmly differentiating "real growth" from "shounen growth" in that sense. I really loved those little touches like the Emi episode, where the viewer is effectively led to expect a moral about how "people will like you more if you act more genuine and be yourself!" - but then the show very deliberately switches gears to the idea that trying to be more genuine is already worthwhile in and of itself, just because you're living in the world with a more conscious awareness of what's important to you and standing up for the things you care about, and how that authentic way of living can inspire other people and have a positive impact on them too.

And similarly, I absolutely love Mob and Reigen's weird, messy, problematic relationship being the emotional centrepiece of the series, because it's the exact opposite of the kind of friendship you'd expect to be centred in a "POWER OF BONDS!!" themed show, but that's also why it just... really really works! It's such a humble and near-accidental and flawed and limited connection, and I love that Reigen is also allowed to impact Mob in negative ways and have selfish motivations and be unambiguously portrayed as a genuinely pathetic and terrible person and a bad influence on him too, and that the show doesn't remotely shy away from that - and yet somehow it still absolutely shines through that both of them would be worse off without each other, that the "power of their bond" really has changed them both for the better as people. Not through any incredible magic connection, but just through those little moments where they save each other through things like Reigen telling Mob "It's okay to run away", or Mob telling Reigen "You're a good guy".

Because the show is so upfront about the limitations of their "bond", it really does make the emphasis on its positive impact and how fortunate the two of them are to have been influenced by each other really work and have value, I think - because it comes across as that kind of approachable, recognisable "miracle" that really can and does happen in people's daily lives. It doesn’t claim to be a perfect friendship, or to have the capability to fix all their individual problems just by existing, but it does still come across loud and clear that they’ve been a genuinely positive force in each other’s lives. I definitely came away from it with a greater appreciation for those little chance encounters and humble relationships that have helped me and shaped me as a person! On the whole, I'm sure the show isn't for everyone, but I would definitely recommend it to anyone who enjoys shounen as a genre at all, because I feel that it really works as a remarkably critical and self-aware yet loving celebration of the spirit behind those kinds of stories.