#but that feels less aggressive than publically telling him i think that's stupid and im not doing it

[pinkpeccary]

another ta is being super obnoxious about the homeworks and i am resisting the urge to respond to his message of "would you mind updating the solution to problem 12 to [technically more accurate but significantly more confusing and difficult explanation]?" by just saying "i mind" and then turning off notifications.

[thesquareinthecircularhole]

hey stupid, i love you [MCYT: Dream x GN!Reader]

song: hey stupid I love you by jp saxe

warnings: fluff

im pretty sure i made this an gender neutral as possible but if there is an error lmk thanks bby :*

im in a simpin mood bby

as always, song lyrics in italics

i skipped a couple versus due to repetitiveness oops

this is the one i complained about losing, but it actually worked out bc i like this one better...less wordy

word count: ~2k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing's wrong, and it's not what I'm used to Oh, does it surprise you too? When it's simple, is it easier than it should be?

"Hey babe, are you okay? You've been quiet today," Dream practically pouted as he asked you. He loved the sound of your voice and while you definitely weren't giving him the quiet treatment, you sure weren't as talkative as you normally are.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just distracted thinking my thoughts." You smiled at him and leaned against him. He looked down at you and pecked your lips. You gave him a sweet kiss back. The smile he gave you made your heart boom. Loving him was as easy as eating a cake (because the usually analogy 'baking a cake' isn't true, its sometimes hard to bake a cake, especially when a hungry streamer keeps trying to eat the batter or start a flour fight).

"Anyway, don't you have a stream with the Dream Team to get ready for? One that starts in," you look at the clock on your phone, "three minutes ago?" The slight panic that crosses Dream's face makes you laugh loud. He gives you another kiss and in less than five seconds has practically launched himself across the house into his recording room. Your laughter follows him the whole way, a smile and blush upon his face.

Nothing's wrong, but when you're not in my arms I send voice notes, you send hearts And get quiet, and I know that means you miss me

Okay, granted, you were the one to remind him that he was streaming with his friends today and speedrunning, but you didn't expect it to last well over five hours. At the beginning you worked on your classwork for your [college degree of choice]. You got it done quickly, as it was nearing the end of the semester and most professors of yours were laidback and wanted you to study more than write nonsense papers (fictional you, i'm so jealous). Occasionally you would jump in fear when you heard Dream shout, still not used to it after years.

After finishing your classwork, you started cooking dinner. Soup was the vibe for the evening, and you had found a wonderful chicken and dumplings recipe a while ago that you wanted to try. You did have to go to the store for some of the ingredients, but luckily it only took you an hour. You can back and he was still streaming. It took about another hour for dinner to be done. You let it cool and prepared yourself a bowl. You set your laptop up and started watching Dream's stream. Hearing his voice made you miss him, so you pulled out your phone.

Going to the two of y'alls messages, you started making him a voice message.

"Hey baby, I made dinner, so don't play so long it gets cold. I love you! Kick the enderdragon's ass baby! Mwah."

You continued watching him stream, and he took a pause for a minute, his screen not moving from the create a new world screen and his mic muted. A couple seconds later you got spammed with every heart offered in the emoji index times what felt like a thousand.

He continued being quiet for a couple seconds, although he did unmute and continue playing, answering George's and Sapnap's questions of where he went with, "I had to take a message."

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Chat sometimes upset you. Sure, you got Dream, all of him, but sometimes the comments made by some of the more obsessives fans were a bit to much.

'With the way he killed those mobs you know he's got good fingers'

'His voice is hot so he must be'

'Heyo dream baby lemme see them feet'

Okay the last one was more weird, and actually turned out to be a joke from Quackity but anyway moving on.

He was your guy, and he promised himself to you, but sometimes he seemed to have a genuine connection with some of the sweeter and not gross ones. It made you scared that someone, one day, will swoop him off his feet with a comment and he’d leave you for them. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes, get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

The stream ended a little under an hour later. Dream left his recording room, grabbed a bowl of soup, and found you in the living room, lost in thought. He plopped down right next to you. 

“Talk to me baby.”

“About what?”

“Anything and everything.”

“Okay.” You’re quiet for a bit, despite his offering of listening. He knew you were gonna take him up on the offer, you just needed a bit of time, so he was going to wait patiently. He finished his soup quickly, he was much hungrier than he thought. He put the bowl on the coffee table and before he was all the way leaned back on the couch, you were leaning against him. His arms wrapped around you, your head was tucked in between his head and shoulder, and a blanket covered the both of you. You looked towards the blank tv screen but felt his eyes on you.

“I love you a lot. And I know you love me too, but I’m afraid I’m not enough. You have so many options, especially with your popularity online. I don’t know what I’d do if you left me, whether it be for someone else or just because you’re tired of me.” Dream waits for you to stop entirely, with you breathing heavily.

“Well, you’re right about one thing. I do love you, a lot. The rest of it is wrong and I’ll spend the rest of time telling you so.” Dream says, pressing several kisses against your forehead. 

“Yeah I know it’s stupid to feel this way, but my anxiety gets the best of me. It’s stupid, I’m stupid.”

“First of all, you’re not stupid. Second, hey stupid, I love you.”

Nothing's wrong, I just get in my head too Can you reassure me you, you're still in it? I just wish you could lean in and kiss me

As much as Dream loved you and reassured you, sometimes he would get caught up in his thoughts too. The life of a streamer/youtuber, especially one with as much fame and subscribers as him, was rough. The constant need to feed his fans with entertainment and content, and the need for the content to satisfy his fans was stressful. He hates to admit it, but he some days he spent to much time working and not enough with you. He thinks you would be so much happier with someone without a tight schedule and without a large, intense fanbase. Any random person on the street would be better for you than him, he thinks. 

When he gets into this headspace, the only thing that grounds him is your lips on his. When you kiss him, the clouds go away and all he can see is your eyes, as bright as the sun, and your smile, which can tempt even the purest. 

Say nothing's wrong, tell me to settle down You do it better than I've ever known how Won't pull some tricks for attention But could I get a little now?

Now, everyone knows that Dream likes some attention. He especially likes attention from you. Good thing is you also like attention, especially from him. The not so good thing is both of y’all get distracted so bad, it’s almost too funny.

He tends to get your attention by tickling you, whether it be in the comfort of your home or in public. One day, when you guys were walking through town, you stopped at a flower booth and got to talking with the friendly and flirty florist gentleman. It had been a couple minutes, and Dream was really needing some love, but you continued chatting with the florist who was definitely going to ask for your number but you genuinely thought he was just being nice. Dream crept up behind you and placed his hands on your side. You froze for a moment and looked at him, confused. The smirk that crossed his face barely gave you a second to prepare as he tickled your sides. Your laughter filled the street as you turned around as he tickled you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, which got him to stop ticking you, and gave him a kiss. The two of you continued on your way, attached at the hip.

And one day, when you wanted his attention, it was after he was done recording a manhunt with his friends. The actual video had been done for a bit, but they were just fucking around in the minecraft world and talking to each other. You had had a not so nice day, and wanted the crushing weight of your boyfriend on top of you. You crept into his recording room and came to stand right behind his chair. Based on the conversation you could tell he wasn’t recording anymore, so you knew it was safe. Your hands started in his hair, trailed down to his face, and slid down his body till your arms were wrapped around him snuggly. Your head was placed on top of his. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, and received no response. Instead, you began aggressively shaking him and the chair, turning it this way and that, making him slightly dizzy. His laughter filled the room, and he quickly ended the call. The two of you spent the next 12 hours cuddled in bed, leaving only for the necessities. 

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Dream got jealous as well sometimes. You were beautiful and a lot of the time attracted the attention of random passerbyers. Those people, who you don’t even know, who lived normal lives where they didn’t have to spend every second worried that their face will be revealed to the public and suddenly all their fans from around the world will know what they look like or the general area in which they live, who don’t have to obey algorithms and bend to the will of the masses to make sure they get paid enough to live, who could give you a normal and safe life. Every time one looked at you with some attraction, he pulled you a bit closer and kissed you a bit harder. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes or get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

Sometimes, Dream needed to rant. A long, hard, intense, rant. Sometimes it was about how someone accused him of cheating his speedruns. Sometimes it was about how someone said something nasty to him or one of his friends. Sometimes it was about a comment someone made about him or you that got on his nerves. When he needed to talk, you sat there and you listened. You did whatever he needed to get better, whether it was just listen or talk to find solutions. You did it because you know he would do the same for you. And afterwards, a cuddle session was a must. 

How could you forget? I told you seventeen times before 7 AM I love you How could you forget? I told you seventeen times

The morning after rough days were one of the bests. Arms tangled together, legs tangled together, everything tangled together, no one able to tell where one started and the other ended. Lazy kisses pressed to faces, hands, necks, any part of skin the lips could touch. One particular morning you woke up earlier than he did. A quick kiss against his cheek woke him up, and he gave you the most love filled smile any man could do.

“Hey stupid,” you said, “I love you.”

[lesgetittkookie]

wonderwall - jeon jeongukk (I)

this photo does not belong to me. credits go to whoever created this edit. 

⤖ genre: fluff, smut, angst

⤖ pairing:  tattooartist!jeongukk x reader

⤖ warnings: unprotective sex, oral sex (male & female receiving), fingering, dry humping

⤖ summary: a story in which you meet a boy who turns your boring world upside down

⤖ word count: 9.4 k

⤖ author’s note: this will be a small series with parts that i plan on updating for the next few weeks. would love for you to support me with some feedback bc im curious about what you guys think. thanks. 

update: any words that are underlined within the text will lead you to a visual. in this part, it would be the outfit in case you want to see how it looks!

Wonderwall 

won • der  • wall, adjective 

Someone you find yourself thinking about all the time; a person you are completely infatuated with. 

++

There was a harsh ray of sunlight hitting Jeongukk’s face that causes him to blink his eyes open from his deep sleep. He lets out a low groan as his face scrunches up in annoyance due to waking up so early with a pounding headache.

He leans up on his elbows, rubbing the corner of his eyes tiredly with one hand as he adjusts to his surroundings. He looks around the unfamiliar setting, wondering where he was but that cluelessness quickly dissipates when he notices a girl lying next to him in bed with the lack of clothing.

He hisses, cautiously and slowly getting up the bed without making any noise. He looks around for his pants and briefs, noticing that a sock is missing from his foot as well. He finds his briefs hanging from the doorknob somehow while his jeans were in the corner of the room.

He quietly pulls them both on, wincing when the floor creaks beneath him and the girl stirs in her sleep. He panics when he doesn’t find his shirt anywhere, looking around the room in a silent frantic. 

He gives up on finding the shirt, saying fuck it because he has nothing to lose. At least he found his pants because walking out in public with his dick hanging out is worse than no shirt.

Making sure he’s got everything else, he leaves the apartment in a haste without looking behind. As he walks out of the building, there are people around that give him odd looks most likely due to the lack of his shirt. The ink engraved onto his skin that almost covers up his entire upper body are on full display. However, Jeongukk does not feel embarrassed at all.

The boy takes pride in the tattoos on his body, loving the way it looks on his tan skin. He looks down at his watch, seeing that he’s probably going to be late for work and Yoongi is going to kick his ass because this is like the fifth time in a month.

It takes a moment to realize where he is before he scans the street signs and walks towards the one that leads him to the tattoo parlor he works at. He decides to skip on stopping by his flat since he’s already running late. He probably has a spare t-shirt at his little workstation.

He’s out of breathe once he reaches the parlor, sweat running down his muscular tatted back but he couldn’t care less. He’s two minutes late which is better than being twenty minutes late if he had decided to stop by his place earlier.

He sees an old lady walk by him with a white poodle on a leash and bows at her out of politeness while she gives him a disgusted look due to his lack of shirt and inked skin. He brushes it off, pulling the glass door open.  

“Well look who finally shows up,” Jeongukk’s co-worker slash best friend greets him at the front desk as he holds a pen in his hand. There’s an amused smirk on his face as his large eyes scan over Jeongukk’s appearance.

“Not in the mood, Tae,” Jeongukk grunts, going into the back room to find a spare t-shirt lying around.

“I could tell. Your shirt is missing and do you know you were walking around in public with hickies all over your neck?” He points out, zoning in onto the marks.

Jeongukk’s eyes go wide and he quickly looks into the mirror on the wall, fingers running over the bruises. He lets out a groan, unable to remember if he warned the girl about leaving marks. 

“She really did a number on you huh? It looks like a leech attacked you,” Taehyung says as he observes his neck beside him. He reaches up to touch the marks but Jeongukk quickly smacks his hand away.

Taehyung winces, let out a small ow! and he rubs his hand. “That wasn’t necessary.”

Before Jeongukk could speak, another deep voice interrupts the two that causes Jeongukk to freeze in place.

“I see you’ve had a busy night Jeongukk,” His boss, Yoongi says with a judgmental tone.  

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Jeongukk apologizes, avoiding his narrowed eyes.

Yoongi lets out a sigh, “Whatever, Jeongukk. Your client is gonna be here in five so wash up and put on a shirt.” He doesn’t say anything else, turning around and going back into his small office.

Taehyung lightly smacks Jeongukk’s back, causing the younger to wince in pain.

“Also remember that we’re leaving early tonight for that job.” Taehyung reminds him as he goes to his station.  

Jeongukk furrows his eyebrows, confused as to what Taehyung is talking about. He pulls the black shirt on and runs his hands through his messy black hair.

“What job?” He asks him.

Taehyung lets out an exasperated sigh, “I told you it’s the one where we both have to be servers at this huge party. The man who owns Sapphire resorts is having it for his daughter who just came back from studying abroad in London. She’s suppose to take over the company soon so it’s like some celebration.”

Jeongukk only recalls some of what Taehyung had said the previous time he brought it up. It completely slipped his mind that it would be so soon and now he’s dreading it with his hangover.

“Do I have to go?” Jeongukk asks as he looks at the time on the clock.

“Of course you do. We’re getting paid a shit ton of money. Plus, we’ll get free booze and left overs. I heard the food is being cooked by the chefs of Jungsik Seoul. We can’t even afford an appetizer there with both of our checks combined!” Taehyung’s voice is filled with excitement as he explains to Jeongukk.

Jeongukk doesn’t think he could go near alcohol anytime soon after last night but free quaity food does sound quite tempting. He could also pay ahead for rent and have some extra money that he could send to his mother and little brother. He purses his lips in contemplation before letting out a defeated sigh, “Fine.”

Taehyung who was anticipating his answer now pumps his fist with a  loud, “Yesssss.”

“Remember to wear a black button down and some slacks,” Taehyung informs him as they both glance at the shop’s door that opens with their clients.

“Whatever,” Jeongukk grumbles before leading his client to the back.

++

“I don’t understand why he’s throwing me this party when it’s clearly about him showing off his wealth,” You complain to Jimin as you watch the nail technician apply a glittery nail polish to your freshly manicured nails.

“Maybe he just wants to celebrate that you’re finally home after two years of being away,” Jimin mumbles as a lady massages his face with various creams.

“Or maybe he doesn’t give a shit about that at all and wants to show people how he got what he wanted and his daughter is compliant to whatever he says.” Your voice seeps with bitterness as you speak.

Jimin lets out a sigh, not knowing what to say because he knows that it’s probably true. Your father has hardly ever cared for your wishes and he’s been telling you to do everything he has said your whole life.

You’ve only been back in Korea for a day and your father had informed you as soon as you stepped into the office to greet him that there was going to be a celebration for your arrival and graduating from business school. He hadn’t even came to your graduation yet he wants to celebrate for your accomplishments. His words, not yours.

You had no other choice but to listen without a word because you knew you couldn’t really argue with him. You never win in your arguments with him and it’s  not like you could’ve then too.

“Babe, you could sneak it a little bit after your dad has introduced you. I’m sure he won’t notice. Then we could hang out in your room and drink booze and watch movies. Like old times,” He tries to make you feel better with his suggestion and your mouth slightly lifts up at his words. It sounded like a good way to spend the night.

“Can we also critique art works while we’re drunk?” You plead, watching his face carefully.

Jimin peeks one eye open, turning his head to look at you with a miserable look on his face, “Fine. Only because it’s about you and I’ve missed you so we’ll do anything you want.”

You give him a bright happy smile before looking down at your nails, still dreading for the uneventful night to come.

++

“This is stupid as fuck,” Jeongukk says to Taehyung as he sits down in the older boy’s beat up car.

“Boohoo, it’s just for a night,” Taehyung tells him as he pulls away from the apartment building and starts driving on the road.

“A night of serving food to stuck up rich people who I could care less about,” Jeongukk grumbles while he plays piano tiles on his phone.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll find a hot rich girl to take home,” Taehyung says as he changes lanes.

“I don’t plan on hooking up with any girls tonight. I’m still pissed as fuck because of the girl from the previous night who left hickies all over my neck,” Jeongukk mutters, running his hand over his marked up neck.

“You were probably too drunk to even tell her something so specific,” Taehyung chuckles while Jeongukk keeps his mouth shut, knowing he can’t speak anything in his defense.

“Fuck off,” The younger grumbles, tapping his thumbs against the screen more aggressively.

“It’ll only be a couple of hours and then we can eat, get paid, and leave,” Taehyung tries to make the other feel a bit better.

“Whatever, the food better be good,” says Jeongukk and Taehyung nods rapidly.

“Oh don’t worry, it’ll be good. These people don’t play around. They’re rich as fuck so I doubt they would have food with shitty quality.” The car halts as they near a large hotel where there are fancy and expensive cars being taken over by valet parking.

Taehyung drives his car into the parking garage, turning off the beat up station wagon once they find a parking space. Jeongukk lets out a tired sigh as he unravels himself from the belt and exits the car, following the other boy in tow.

He just wants to get it over with and go home.

++

“Y/N, sit still!” Jimin scolds as he brushes the eye shadow over your lids.

You let out a sigh, gripping the arms of the chair as the boy continues to apply makeup to your face. Guests of the party are already arriving yet you haven’t even put on your dress yet. Jimin, on the other hand, is dressed in head to toe in his designer gucci suit that is embroidered with delicate flower designs and jewels.

“My face feels so heavy, Jimin,” You groan, opening your eyes once you no longer feel the brush tickling your skin.

“I’m almost done,” He promises, applying a berry lipstick to your plump lips. He picks up a brush and sweeps a golden highlight over the apple of your cheeks to make your skin glow.

“Okay,” He spins your chair around so you look into the mirror, “Ta-da, you look so beautiful.” Jimin compliments as he fixes the strands of hairs that fell loose from your little messy bun.

“You did a good job,” You praise, unable to recognize yourself in the mirror.

“Thank you,” He bows, “I’ve had a lot of practice while you were away.” He informs you, running his hand through his silver hair. “Now change into your dress before your dad complains.”

“It’s not like I give a shit about him,” You snort, picking up the satin silk dress that has a deep v dipping down the chest.

“I’m assuming I don’t wear a bra,” You ask him as you observe the outfit.

“Of course not! You’re gonna look hot as fuck in this outfit,” He says, turning away once he sees you unravel your silk robe.

“It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone,” You say, pulling the dress over your head and fixing it around your chest area when you felt like your cleavage was spilling out. You were afraid to have a nip slip during the party.

“Jimin! Everyone might see my boobs if this slips.” You complain, trying to adjust the silk fabric.

“You look so good though, holy fuck!” He scans over your outfit with a satisfied grin. “Y/N, you need to get laid tonight. If I wasn’t gay, I’d totally bang you.”

“Shut up,” You lightly hit his arm, “Help me fix this,” You pout, letting the boy adjust the straps and cover your goods. He then puts on a thick diamond choker around your neck to complete the look.

“Wow,” Jimin steps back and puts his hands on his hips, “I really did that.” He says proudly.

You roll your eyes, picking up your phone and clutch. Once you grab all of your things, Jimin grabs the room key and leads you out of the suite. You wrap your arm around his, feeling anxious with all of the attention you’re about to receive from the people downstairs.

Jeongukk was tired as fuck and it’s only been fifteen minutes into his job as serving. He’s annoyed as fuck when someone asks him for a specific kind of drink and not the ones he holds on the tray. Just take the fucking rose is what he wants to say but he has to refrain himself from doing so.

Ever since he walked into the room, he’s felt the hungry eyes of many women dig into skin as they hung onto the arms of their rich husbands who were too busy discussing business deals to notice. 

He could care less about the women, just trying to get through the job. He is in no mood to deal sleep with a married woman considering his last experience didn’t end well when he had to walk out of the house with a bruised face when the woman’s husband came home to his wife moaning Jeongukk’s name while he was eating her out. 

He decided he was not going down that route again. Unless he was really in need of sex. 

He could also feel some people stare at him for the tattoos he has on both of his arms and neck. His button down doesn’t really do justice in covering them up as they rise up when he has to carry the tray of drinks. 

Jeongukk was just handing a group of people some wine when there is a deep voice that speaks through the microphone, halting everyone’s chatter. 

People stop to look up at the man who was the reason behind this whole party, holding their expensive glasses of wine and champagne as they watch him give out a small speech. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for those who have attended tonight’s event. This event is a celebration for my beautiful young daughter, Y/N, who as some of you know, just came back from studying abroad at the University of Oxford in London for business school. It was so hard for me when she was away but I’m happy to announce that she’s back and she’s ready to take over my position at the company.” The aged man speaks proudly though the microphone, holding a certain glint in his eyes. Jeongukk stops to watch as everyone holds up their drinks in a toast. “A toast to my daughter and her success!” Everyone cheers and drink from their glasses while Jeongukk just rolls his eyes. 

“Y/N, do you have anything you want to say?” He hears the man ask his daughter and Jeongukk’s eyes wander to the girl. 

He feels his breathe hitch in his throat at the sight of her, a tightness in his chest. It felt like the air just got knocked out of his lungs as soon as he lays his eyes on her. She’s beautiful, he thought. The way her satin silk dress clings to her curvy body, the deep plunge of the neckline revealing a bit of her breasts. There’s a diamond choker caged around her neck that sparkles more than anything else in the room as the lights of the chandeliers cause them to glitter. But what really catches Jeongukk’s attention was her face and the way she did not look as happy as she should. 

He watches as the girl gives her father a small, fake smile as she takes the mic from his hands and says in a soft voice, “Thank you to everyone who attended. I hope you enjoy the rest of your night.” And with that, she hands her father the mic back before looping her arm through the arm of a handsome man with silver hair who must be her boyfriend, Jeongukk thinks. 

He shakes his head, letting out a sigh before taking his empty tray back to the kitchen. There’s no way he would talk to her. She may be just like the rest of the snobby people in this room who are dressed in clothes that cost probably more than his entire rent. 

He gives an annoyed glare when he runs into another waiter that accidentally spills wine over his shirt. 

The scrawny man apologizes profusely, intimidated by the other’s tattoos and piercing eyes and Jeongukk just shakes his head before walking back into the kitchen.

“Y/N, are you really just going to eat throughout this whole party?” Jimin asks you as he watches you stuff your face with the small appetizers at the table. 

“No,” You speak through a mouth full of food, “I’m going to eat and drink for the whole party,” You correct, causing the silver haired boy to roll his eyes. 

“I just want you to be careful,” Jimin pouts while one of his hand reaches up to thumb away the sauce at the corner of your lips. 

“I am!” You tell him, grabbing a glass of wine off the server’s tray when they walk by. “Did you hear what my dad said up there?” Your voice slightly tremors. “I’m taking over his position. Isn’t that great?” There was no enthusiasm or excitement in your tone, just sadness and fear. 

Jimin watches as his best friend unhappily downs glass after glass of wine. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry,” His hand reaches up to rub your arm in a soothing way. He leans forward to wrap his arms around you, “I wish I could do more to help you.” He whispers. 

You shake your head, holding his torso tighter, “You being here is enough for me.” You tell him truthfully because without the support of your best friend, you would be so lost. 

Once you two pull back, you give him a pat on the shoulder. “Please go talk with other people. I know you had your eyes on a cute waiter earlier but you didn’t want to leave me,” You say in a knowing tone. 

Jimin pretends like he doesn’t know what you’re talking about as his eyes scan the room not so subtlety for the young man who he’s pretty sure had tattoos on his arms. 

“Jiminnnnn, I promise I’ll be fine! I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay with me the whole time,” You tell him. He doesn’t need to deal with your mopey mood, knowing that he’s the type of person that likes to socialize with others. 

“What if I’m just staying with you because I missed you?” Jimin pathetically makes the excuse. 

“I missed you too but I’m sure that’s not the case,” You grab his shoulders and turn him around so you could push him towards the crowd of people, “Now go find that man.” 

Jimin lets out a defeated sigh, “Fine but you keep your phone on you and let me know when you want to leave okay? Or if you need anything at all?” His voice is stern as he looks at you. 

“Yes mom, I promise. Now gooo,” You push him away, causing the boy to grumble and fix his suit as he disappears into the sea of people. 

You slightly smile before picking up your clutch from the table and looking around to see if there was anywhere you could sit. You take no interest in some of the people who hold a lingering gaze on your figure as you walk through the crowd. 

Your eyes narrow in on a bar where there is less people, pursing your lips before saying, “bingo.” 

Once you reach the bar and sit down at a stool, you ask the bar tender to give you a stronger drink. Your arms rest on the top as you wait for your drink, tapping your nails against the counter. 

You lightly jump in your seat when you feel someone sit on the stool beside you and they speak in deep honey-filled voice, “Water please.” 

You try not to turn your whole head to look at his face but your eyes scan over the intricate tattoo designs that are engraved into the skin of his arm, trying to make out what they are. 

The man clears his throat as he says a small thanks to the bartender who hands him his glass of water. You look at him confusedly, wondering why someone would want to order a water. 

You build up all of your courage and ask, “Not a fan of alcohol?” 

This immediately causes the man to stop in the process of drinking water and turn over to look at you. You feel his eyes on the side of your face but you don’t turn your head to look at him, your hand swirling the straw in your drink. 

He clears his throat again before looking down at his glass of water, “Nah, just hungover. Feel like I’ve had enough alcohol for the next few days.” 

This causes your lips to slightly tilt up at the sound of his voice as he speaks to you. 

“That much huh?” You say in a mused tone. 

“You have no idea. I came into work without a fucking shirt on,” He grumbles out. 

You snort at his words, turning your head to finally look at him. You feel slightly out of breathe when you scan over his appearance. He has raven black hair with bangs that cover his forehead. A large nose with a perfect slope and large doe eyes with brown irises that stare into yours. Silver hoops pierce his ears along with multiple small pieces of metal that pierce through his skin. He has tattoos that are inked into his neck and both arms, his figure built and lean. He is a beautiful man. 

“I’m sure some people weren’t complaining,” You say, not knowing where you suddenly got the confidence from. 

The boy bites down a smirk but is unable to control it as he feels it overtake his lips. “You think you would’ve been?” 

“Probably not,” Your eyes don’t waver from his face as you take a sip of your drink. 

You notice how his eyes zone in onto your plump lips that are wrapped around the straw. You hold back your own smile. 

“Good to know,” He slightly nods, “So why are you sitting at a bar all alone while there is a party being thrown for you?” He asks you. 

You let out a dreaded sigh, looking back at the ice melting in your drink. “I’d say this party is more for my dad, not me.” 

You don’t know why you’re telling this to a hot stranger but since he asked, you don’t know what else to say. You just feel like if you lie to him, he’ll know so there’s no point.

“Didn’t want to come back?” He asks you curiously. 

“Of course not. I knew the moment I’d be back, all of these responsibilities would be thrown on me,” You answer, mind drifting off to your father’s words about taking over the business. 

“I suppose you’re talking about taking up his position?” He clarifies and you look at him in interest. 

“I want to say yes but I’m worried you’re some undercover journalist who wants to get information from me,” You narrow your eyes at him, “Are you?” You knew that he was most likely not but you wanted to know who this man was. 

The boy snorts, looking down at his tatted arms, “Far from it actually,” He chuckles, “I’m a college drop out who works at a tattoo parlor with his two friends and I was able to be a server tonight to make some extra cash on the side,” He casually explains to her. 

You look at him in surprise, feeling more curious about the boy. “Tattoo parlor? Did you do those yourself?” Your eyes flit down to the tattoos on his arms. 

“Most of them. I designed them and had my friend do the ones I couldn’t reach,” He answers. “You’re not going to snitch on me for sitting on the job?” He asks in amusement. 

You snort, “I could care less. In fact, maybe I’d like it if you kept me some company since there’s nothing else to do at this party...” You trail off, wanting to know the boy’s name. 

He notices your questioning gaze and replies with, “Jeongukk. And I’m assuming your name is Y/N,” He says and you nod. “What about your boyfriend? Couldn’t he keep you company?” 

You look at him in ridiculously, “Boyfriend? I don’t have a boyfriend.” You don’t know where he got that idea from. 

“So the man who walked you down wasn’t your boyfriend?” Jeongukk asks her. 

Realization strikes upon your face and then you look at him with an amused smile, “That was my best friend, Park Jimin, who is very much gay. He saw a cute waiter so I told him he could run off to find him.” 

Jeonguk slightly smiles, nodding his head, “Good to know.” 

“Girlfriend?” You ask him in curiousness, noticing a bruise on his neck. 

“Nah,” he shakes his head, “No girlfriend.” 

You purse your lips before saying, “The hickey on your neck says otherwise.” You point out. 

Jeongukk’s hand immediately reaches up to his neck, rubbing over the mark as he curses under his breathe. “You see that’s from a recent hook up and I was too drunk to notice her making the mark.” 

You believe he’s being honest so you nod understandingly before asking, “You don’t like being marked?” 

Jeongukk looks at the counter top in thought before answering, “I prefer to be the one marking.” He speaks in a slightly seductive and deep whisper that causes a tingle in between your legs as your stomach flutters. 

You feel his warm breathe on your face as his head leans slightly down towards your own. Your own eyes nervously look into his, feeling as if he was looking into your soul. 

“Y/N!” Your hear the sound of your father’s voice calling your name which causes you to quickly pull away from Jeongukk. “Please come meet some of my business partners,” He calls and you let out a sigh, nodding your head but your eyes don’t look away from Jeongukk who stares at you with intrigued eyes. 

“I’m coming,” You call back out, standing up from the stool a little too fast that it almost causes you to tip over but Jeongukk quickly puts his hand on your hip to keep you steady. 

You feel your breathe hitch in your throat as your chest rises from breathing heavy. You look down at the veiny hand on your hip, gulping once he pulls away, touching lingering on your skin. 

“Guess it was nice meeting you?” Jeongukk says more like a question. 

You look down at him with pursed lips, glancing over at your father who was talking to his friends before you quickly whisper down into his ear, “Meet me near the restrooms in ten.” You then stand up straightly again and walk towards your father who smiles brightly, putting his arm around your shoulder as he introduces you to his colleagues. 

Jeongukk didn’t miss the way your hips swayed as when you walked and how your whole backside was on display as the dress had a low dip just above the dimples of your back. 

His knuckles turn white as he grips his glass tightly from the sexual tension he felt when he talked to you. The way your eyes would linger on his tattoos. How your plump berry lips wrapped around the straw when you knew he was watching. How your satin dress clung to your body while your skin glowed under the twinkling chandeliers. You took his breathe away. 

He had noticed you sitting at the bar and purposely decided to sit on the stool next to you, catching your floral scent when he casually asked the bartender for his glass of water. What he didn’t expect was for you to initiate a conversation with him. 

Your voice was soft and delicate when you spoke. He didn’t miss the sadness in your eyes when you spoke about your father. He didn’t expect you to be so open and honest considering he was just a stranger. He also didn’t fail to notice the fire that lit your eyes when spoke about his preference of leaving marks on her skin. 

Although he didn’t plan on hooking up with anyone tonight, that thought completely went into the trash once you started talking to him. 

He felt the excitement bubble in his stomach when he had heard you whisper in his ear that you wanted to see him again in a couple of minutes. Jeongukk decides that he just needs one drink because although he is a confident man when it comes to women, he felt slightly nervous about you. 

There was something about your beauty that he found so ethereal. How you were dressed in head to toe in expensive clothes but your personality quite different from what he expected. He was enamored by your presence around him. 

“Can I get a small glass of whiskey?” He asks the bartender who nods, pouring him a glass. 

He quickly downs the drink, feeling the liquid burn in his throat as he drinks it in one go. The glass slams against the counter, causing the person beside him to flinch but he pays no mind. He wipes his mouth, glancing over to see your eyes catching a glimpse of what he’s doing, a small smile on your lips that he knows is because of how he’s reacting and not because of what the person you’re speaking to is saying. 

He narrows his eyes at you before heading towards the restrooms outside of the hall and away from the people. He completely neglects the job he was suppose to be doing originally, more eager over what you two are about to do. 

Taehyung could get an explanation later.

“Fuck,” You moan against Jeongukk’s mouth as his tongue pushes past your lips to meet your tongue. His hands are running down your sides, brushing over your bare back while yours are tangled in his silky black hair. 

As soon as he had stepped in the hallways secluded from everyone else, not even five minutes later you had came to the area with your hand running down his back which had caused him to turn around only to be met with your lips pressing against his. 

He was taken by surprise when it happened but he quickly got over it and responded to your kiss which had then led you to where you are now: a storage closet where the two of your are making out with your hands all over each other. 

Jeongukk pulls his lips away from yours, grabbing ahold of the sides of your face before kissing his way down your neck. Your head tips back to rest against the wall behind you as you let the handsome man suck a bruise right above your breast. 

One of your hands trail down from his hair all the way across his built chest to the front of his slacks. You’re able to feel his large bulge pushing against the fabric as you rub against it. Jeongukk hisses into your skin but continues to create marks across your chest. 

You feel the strap of your dress slide of your shoulder, revealing your left breast and Jeongukk takes that moment to kiss around your areola before he wraps his lips around your perked nipple. You bite down on your lip to hold back a loud moan so that no one outside of the room hears you while your hand holds the back of his head, pushing him further into your chest. 

His tongue swirls around your nipple before he digs his teeth into your skin, causing the wetness between your legs to soak the fabric of your underwear. 

“Jeongukk,” You call out in pleasure as he kisses your nipple one last time before pulling back to look at you. The both of your eyes meet, appearance disheveled from touching each other. His shirt was halfway unbuttoned, revealing more of his tattooed chest and washboard abs. 

Without a second thought, your finger trails down from the top of his collarbone to his chest, feeling the muscle as it contracts beneath your touch. He leans down to kiss your lips again, addicted to the feeling of your lips on his. 

Your eyes shut as you breathe through your nose, loving the feeling of how his arms wrapped around your waist as he kisses you. After a few more lingering kisses, you pull back to catch your breathe as does he. 

“I want you to...” You start as your hand trails down his chest to his pants, “keep me company for the rest of the night.” You whisper, eyes taking in the designs on his chest. 

Jeongukk exhales through his nose, looking at you with his dark eyes as he allows you to touch his skin. He feels his heart slightly speed up at your suggestion and he wants nothing more than to take you right there. 

But he refrains himself from doing so and asks, “In here?” 

Your eyes meet his against but your hand doesn’t leave his chest. Your mouth lifts up in amusement at his question and you shake your head. 

“I have the key to a suite upstairs,” You inform him and he nods, feeling elated. 

“Well then, let’s go check it out,” He smiles and you lean in to kiss him again because his lips look so inviting. 

He helps you fix the strap of your dress by adjusting it on your shoulder again and you make sure the fabric of the dress is covering your breasts. Meanwhile Jeongukk buttons his shirt and runs his hands through his hair to make himself look somewhat decent when you two walk out. 

Once you grab the clutch your dropped onto floor when you two came in earlier, you open the door and look behind you before looking outside to make sure no one was around before you grab his hand and lead him out. 

The both of you walk towards the elevator in quick footsteps before anyone else catches you and the actions made you feel giddy. 

Once your inside, Jeongukk asks, “What floor?” to which you reply, “Thirteen.” And soon as the button is pressed, he pushes you against the wall, arms on either side of your head as your lips meet in another heated kiss. 

Your hands immediately reach up to grab the side of his neck, lips moving with his as the kiss is filled with lust. At this rate, the wetness between your leg trails down your inner thigh and you could both smell your arousal which only turns on the boy even more as his hips grind into yours. 

You gasp into his mouth, scrunching up his shirt in your hand as you let him grind against your crotch with his own hard bulge. One of his hands move down to your ass, giving it a small squeeze and you moan into his mouth, wanting more. 

“Baby, you’re so hot,” Jeongukk speaks against your mouth, “I couldn’t take my eyes off of you when I first saw you.” He tells her, unable to stop himself from speaking the truth. 

He starts to kiss down your neck again, causing you to tilt your head to the side eyes shutting in pleasure. When you hear the ding of the elevator, they immediately open and you pull back from his lips as you watch the doors open. 

Jeongukk can’t help but hook his hands beneath your thighs and pick you up into his strong arms so that your legs wrap around his waist. Your satin dress hikes up your thighs, revealing your whole left leg due to the slit on the side and you’re pretty sure you could feel your ass peeking out but in that moment you did not care. 

Your arms are wrapped around his neck, lips trailing kisses down his neck as he carries you down the hall. 

“Room 13E,” You mumble, lips sucking the skin of his neck into your mouth. You knew he was the one who likes to mark but you felt the urge to create a bruise so that others could see your work. 

Once he reaches right outside the door, you’re slammed against the door and you quickly reach into your clutch to grab the key card. He grabs it from your hand, sliding it through the lock in a haste and then he turns the knob to push it open. He holds you up against him by one arm, making the muscles in his arm flex as the other works on swinging open the door. 

When you get inside, he wraps both of his hands around your thighs again and kicks the door shut behind him with his foot. You drop your clutch onto the floor carelessly as he leads you to the large king sized bed that is sat in the middle of the room. 

His knees knocking against the edge of the mattress as he drops you onto the bed while he stands above you his lips red from kissing you, hair messy from the countless times you grabbed onto it. 

“I’m gonna eat you out. Do you want that, baby? Do you want my mouth on your pussy?” He asks you and you nod, legs involuntarily spreading open in an inviting manner. 

He unbuttons his hair, feeling the sweat trickle down his neck and you sit up on your elbow as you watch the shirt unravel from his torso to reveal his chest that is covered with tattoos. There is a beautiful large rose on his side with the veins that run across his stomach with thorns and petals. 

You watch as he unbuckles his belt, sliding it out of the loops and throwing it behind him. You don’t fail to miss his crotch area where his bulge is pushing against the fabric. You push yourself up from the bed, knees sinking into the mattress as you grab the waist of his pants. Your lips lick over the fabric of his blank pants, causing Jeongukk’s hand to immediately go into your hair. 

Your eyes don’t leave his as he watches you unbutton the pants with your hands and then pull the zipper down with your teeth. His breathe hitches in his throat as you kiss his cock through his black briefs while your hands completely push his pants down to his ankles. 

Jeongukk grips your wrists, taking you by surprise and he pushes you back against the mattress. 

“Let me taste you first,” He tells you, pushing your dress up your thighs to reveal your soaking thong. He notices your inner thigh glistening as it trails from your entrance and his first instinct is to bend down to lick over your underwear. 

You let out a moan of surprise, feeling the heat of his tongue through your underwear. You tangle your hands in his hair as he sucks on your clit. The heels of your shoes dig into his shoulder as he rub his finger over your underwear. 

His lips trail over your thighs and you feel his warm breathe on your inner thigh, his tongue licking up the wetness that was dripping through the fabric of your underwear. Your chest is heaving heavily as you feel his thumb hook around the side of your underwear and he tugs it down, sitting up so he could completely pull it off. 

He leans down to kiss you on the lips, his bulge touching your pussy and you’re able to feel it clearly through his boxers. You moan, nails dinging into his back as Jeongukk continues to grind against your entrance. 

“Fuck, Jeongukk please,” You moan into his mouth, letting him roam his tongue around your mouth. 

“Please what hm?” 

“Please fuck me, please,” You beg, causing him to smirk against your mouth. 

“Be patient,” He tells you before trailing kisses down your chest until he reaches your entrance. 

You finally feel his mouth wrap around your clit, sucking on it harshly and you thrash against the bed as your heels dig into his shoulders again. You shut your eyes in pleasure as you feel his tongue trail down from your clitoris to your slit, tongue spreading your folds to taste your wetness. 

“Oh fuck, Jeongukk please please please,” You beg, feeling his hand rub over your bundle of nerves as his tongue pushes into your entrance. You feel the warmth of his tongue pushing against your walls, making you cry out louder. One of his inked arms holds you down as it presses against your stomach while the other teases against your entrance. 

When he pulls his tongue away, his finger immediately slips inside of you and hooks around your entrance, causing you to moan even louder. Your eyes roll into the back of your head as you let him pleasure until you’ve reached your high. You pull the strap of your dress down, grabbing onto your breast and squeezing it. 

Jeongukk pulls away, lips glistening with your arousal. He notices your hand touching your breast and he adds another finger into you, feeling your walls clench around him. 

His heel smacks against your clit as he fucks into your pussy with his fingers at a harsher pace and you can’t stop moaning out loud. He adds more stimulation by spitting on your clit and then using the thumb of his other hand to rub it vigorously. 

“J-Jeongukk, please, fuck me, please,” You beg, eyes wet because you wanted his cock in you so bad. 

“You’ll get it soon,” He promises, leaning down to wrap his lips around your clit again and sucking on it while his fingers are still fucking into your entrance. 

“‘M gonna come,” Your voice is hoarse when you speak. 

Jeongukk picks up his pace with his fingers and you cry out when you feel yourself reaching your climax, stomach bursting at the sudden rush of electricity shooting down your spine. 

“Cum for me,” Jeongukk says, watching as you let out a loud gasp, throwing your head back. 

You release all over his fingers, feeling overwhelmed by the stimulation. 

Once Jeongukk pulls his fingers out, he drags them to his mouth, sucking on his cum covered fingers while he looks into your eyes. You let out a heavy breathe, eyes trailing down to his boxers that hold his length. You sit up and grab ahold of the waistband, tugging them down. 

Jeongukk watches you carefully as you wrap your hand around his length and rub your thumb across his slit that is dripping with pre-cum. The head of his cock was an angry red, blood rushed to the muscle. He lets out a groan when he feels your lips envelope the head. 

You look up at his face as you trail your mouth up his girth, sucking and tonguing at the head. Your plush lips suction onto the underside of his shaft, the tip of your tongue tracing the vein that bulges there. 

Jeongukk groans out loud, muttering a small fuck, when he feels your lips wrap around his throbbing tip and glide down his cock. He watches you with a heaving chest as your cheeks hollow, swallowing the entirety of his cock into your mouth until he hits the back of your throat. 

You feels your eyes water at the feeling but you don’t stop bobbing up and down, your wrist twisting and tightening around the rest of his cock. He pushes his hair back from your face and tucks it behind your ear as he continues to watch you suck him off. 

When he sees his vision start to turn white, he pulls out of your mouth with a loud pop and it causes a look of confusion to take over your face. 

“I wanna come inside of you,” He tells you, pushing the straps of your dress off of your arms so that it pools around your waist and then tugs it until he could throw it behind his shoulder. 

He was about to ask you if you had a condom but you beat him to it by telling him, “I’m on the pill.” He hesitates before nodding and then pushes you so your back meets the mattress. 

He then climbs over you, holding himself up by his elbows on either side of your head. He leans all of his weight on his left elbow while his right hand brushes across your cheek and he leans forward to press his lips to yours. His hand trails down your body, running over your breast and smoothing down to your stomach. 

His fingers brush of your clit covered in arousal, causing you to moan in his mouth and he takes that moment to slip his tongue to touch yours. He then grabs his cock, rubbing his tip over your clit in circular motions which makes you jerk immediately. You let out another moan, biting down on his lower lip as you push your hips forward into his touch. 

After teasing you for a few more seconds, he slides his cock down your slit, spreading your folds and you breathe heavily as you feel him near your entrance where you ache for him the most. You were waiting for him to slip inside of you and fill you to the brim. 

“Please,” You beg when you only feel his head slide into your entrance. 

“More?” He asks and you could hear the amusement in his voice. 

You nod vigorously, gripping onto his shoulders so hard that your nails dig into them. 

Jeongukk finally decides to slide into your pussy completely, being engulfed by your warm, wet walls. He lets out a groan in combination with a sigh while you whimper, adjusting his thick girth. He pulls back again until only the tip was left in your entrance making your whine which turns into a loud cry of pleasure when he slams back into your not even five second later. 

You pull him closer to you, turning your head to the side as he kisses down your neck while he continues to pound into you. The sound of his hips smacking against yours bounces across the walls and you can’t stop moaning his name as he hits a particular spot inside of you. 

“Fuck fuck fuck,” You cry and he watches your face as it lays against the pillow. Your eyes were slightly smeared with makeup and there was sweat trickling down your silk like skin but he was still entranced by your beauty. It encouraged to satisfy you even more, bringing his hand to your clit to rub it at a fast pace. 

You gasp at the added stimulation, shutting your eyes and chanting yes yes yes over and over again. The boy doesn’t stop thrusting into you, picking up his pace as you feel yourself reaching your high again. 

Jeongukk groans as he feels his stomach churning, blood rushing to his cock and doesn’t stop pulling and pushing back in. He watches the way your pussy swallows his entire cock, spilling out your juices.  

At this point, you’re both sure that the residents in the room beside you might be able to hear you but neither of you pay any mind to them. Your nails scratched against Jeongukk’s broad back and he hisses at the feeling but doesn’t stop you. 

“I’m gonna come,” You whimper, grabbing one of your breasts and squeezing it.  

“I’m almost there. I’m gonna come in your pussy. Is that what you want?” He asks your breathless and you just nod, words unable to escape your mouth. 

He leans down to kiss you again, tongue swiping across your plush lips and you open your mouth again so he could slide his tongue against yours. You could see your vision turn white as you release around his cock, moaning loudly. Jeongukk continues to thrust into you until he fills himself spurt into your entrance, filling your pussy with his load. 

He grabs the sides of your face, holding you closer so your lips move sync. The sound of your kissing lips is now the only thing you two could hear. Jeongukk stays inside of you for a few more seconds as he makes out with you but you both have to pull away to catch your breathe. 

You whimper as he slowly pulls out, watching your cum mixed with his, drip out of your entrance. He falls onto his back beside you on the mattress, running his hands through his hair that is soaked with sweat. The both of you are breathing heavily, eyes shut as you try to calm down. 

You felt him get up from the mattress but you didn’t have it in you to see why. Your hear the bathroom light turn on and the water running. 

With one eye blinking open, you watch him come back with a small wet towel in his hand. You’re fascinated with the way his body moves, muscles flexing beneath his skin and the ink all over his body telling stories that you couldn’t understand. You feel him wipe down between your legs and you sigh in content as he cleans you up. He then unstraps your heels, pulling them off your feet and throwing them onto the floor. 

You were feeling surprised at his actions, never have hooked up with a man who cleans you up as gently as him after sex. Usually you’d have to go to the bathroom on your own and then quietly sneak out. However, Jeongukk didn’t like he was leaving just yet. 

You give him a small appreciative smile as your eyes meet and you see the corner of his mouth lift just a little bit before he looks away. He then turns back around, displaying a huge tattooed dragon on his back that you never saw before. It ran down his entire toned back, details of the design causing your mouth to become ajar. Your eyes glance down at his toned, perky ass and you quickly look away, feeling your cheeks flush. 

Jeongukk walks out of the bathroom, picking up his black briefs from the floor and sliding them up his legs. You then notice him pick up his slacks and shirt, causing your heart to race in your chest. 

Without thinking you speak, “You could stay the night if you want.” 

He halts his actions, eyes meeting yours in surprise. You clear your throat, glancing down at your fingers while you say, “I mean until tomorrow morning. If you want.” 

“You sure?” He asks you, avoiding to look at you. 

“Mhm,” You hum, rolling to the left side of the bed and tugging the blanket over your body. “You could sleep on the bed. I don’t move around too much in my sleep.” 

You shut your eyes, feeling yourself drift off but you were still aware that Jeongukk hadn’t moved. You tried not to turn around yet your heart was racing in your chest when you heard the sound of his feet pad against the floor. 

Jeongukk pulls the blanket back, sliding in beside you with and keeps a little distance between the two of you. You try not the breathe too fast, trying to make it seem like you’ve fallen asleep. It’s hard to believe that not even ten minutes ago, this man balls deep inside of you while you were screaming his name and now you two are awkwardly laying beside each other like a bunch of shy strangers. 

You feel yourself slip into unconsciousness, body completely worn out. However, you fall asleep with a small smile on your face without even realizing it was because of the boy beside you. 

Jeongukk sees your chest rise slowly as you’re in a deep slumber. His mind drifts back to what you two had just done and he could still remember how your breathlessly called out his name while he pounded into you. The way you threw your head back against the pillow and let him take you over and over again. 

When you had asked him to stay, he was taken by surprise. He quite frankly didn’t feel like dealing with Taehyung downstairs anyways but he certainly didn’t think he could stay. He expected you to kick him out a few minutes later but instead you moved over and let him sleep in your bed beside you, clueless to how much you intrigued the boy as you slept soundly. 

He’s not the kind of man that pays too much attention to the women he sleeps with. He appreciates the women’s beauty and loves to show them how much he could pleasure them in so many different ways but he never went passed that extent. There was something about you that drew him in the moment he laid eyes on you and it wasn’t just your alluring presence. 

He couldn’t fight off the sleep that overtakes him and he lets himself be swept away into a world full of dreams. 

You blink your eyes open slowly, scrunching up your face when you feel a light hitting your face. You sigh in annoyance flipping your head to the other side of the pillow so you face away from the window that has the sunlight shining through. 

With your still half awake mind, you remember that there was a body beside yours the night before but is no longer there. You quickly open your eyes, seeing the left side of the bed devoid of a man with the tattooed body. You sit up and see that his clothes are gone from the floor too and the bathroom light is off. 

A cold draft causes you to shiver and you realize you’re still completely nude beneath the blanket. You let out a slightly disappointed sigh, feeling your heart ache because for some reason you hoped that Jeongukk would still be laying beside you when you wake up in the morning. 

He was so handsome. His entire aura drew you in with his skin that was covered in tattoos, brown eyes that would become a shade darker when they’re filled with lust. His raven black hair that brushed across his forehead. The smooth and strongly built muscles of his entire body. He was different from other men you slept with. He took care of you after you had sex, taking his time gently clean you up with his skilled hands. 

You pressed your legs together when you thought about the way he made you come with his tongue and fingers and then again with his cock. You had never felt so much pleasure from another man in your life. He was mysterious and charming. 

You think back to that small smirk he gave you when you flirted with him. You remember how it caused shivers to run down your spine and how you wanted to see more of it.

You drop against the mattress again, your hair splaying around the pillow and you’re mind unable to stop thinking about Jeongukk. 

You were probably never going to see him again. It seems like he didn’t really care to stay either, probably thinking of it as a one night stand. 

Forgetting about him just might be for the best when your two worlds are completely different. 

++

so how was it? 

please let me know what you think so i could continue to write future parts bc i have a lot planned :) 

love, m. 

[dokidoki-tae]

I saw some headcanons of the squadra being jealous or protective of their s/o or crush and now i'm curious of what would you think of it (i really like how you you write the boys ❤), how do you thing the boys are when they are jealous or just being protective, and who do you think is the most jealous one? I don't know if you are taking request now, but if your not, im sorry for this and is totally fine if you dont want to write it.

Hello! You like the way I write them???? sfkjkJk 

Most to Least Jealous

Ghiaccio- The most confrontational of the lot. He won’t get upset if his s/o is talking to someone else. He’s indifferent if it’s just some rando making conversation. But he knows when someone starts to show interest other than being plain friendly. If the person is making subtle comments, he’s gonna call them out and embarrass them (and his s/o). But Ghiaccio doesn’t give a fuck, he’d lean in, get in their face, and yells ask if they’re stupid or something because clearly his partner is in a relationship. Ghiaccio isn’t affectionate in public, so it’s easy to mistake him for like a friend, but to Ghiaccio, he expects everyone to know they’re together. So Ghiaccio will be ready to throw down if someone doesn’t know their place and understand that his s/o is taken. He’s also the only one who doesn’t like people leering at his s/o. If he catches someone eyeing his s/o (like even from across the room), he’d go, “You got a fucking problem with your eyes, fucker? No? Then stop staring at my girl/guy/partner.”

Prosciutto- Won’t get in the person’s face per se. Well, he won’t do it while his s/o is around. If he notices someone making advances to his s/o. He’s gonna make it clear they are taken by being as physical as possible. His hands will roam their curves, and Prosciutto will give more light but obvious kisses on their cheek, corner of their lips, the shell of their ear, shoulder if exposed; anywhere intimate. If this person continues, he might do something that will cause his s/o to go elsewhere (e.g. go to the bathroom, go get him napkins, etc. depends on the location and what they are doing) Once they are gone, Prosciutto will NOW call them out, but do it in a calm, formal, and threatening manner. He will speak in a normal tone, making backhanded comments to get the person sweating and uncomfortable, and speak more and more softly until the person finds themselves leaning in as Prosciutto casually and smoothly finishes threatening them. If he watches someone leering, you’ll find that he snakes his hand around his s/o and his other hand brushes against their sex.

Gelato: Gelato will make threats. If people know he’s in a polyamorous relationship, and people think that gives them free rein to say whatever, and ask if they can be in a foursome or some dumb shit like that. Whether it’s a serious or a joke, Gelato will bring you down for even suggesting they’d allow an “ugly fucker” to join them. Gelato doesn’t take kindly to people wanting what he, in his mind, owns. Carries a gun, so expect him to flash it to anyone who gets in his space and talks about his relationship with his partners. It only really takes comments on the nature of his relationship to make Gelato snap.

Formaggio: When people flirt with his s/o, Formaggio laughs and laughs. He’s entertained by it, but when things go too far for his liking, like the person is scooting closer and making sexual innuendos. He calls them out kind of like Ghiaccio, but it’s a little less aggressive. He acts dumb, and “Oh, are you interested in S/O or something? What’s your deal? Why are you flirting with them then? Do you know we’re together?” He says this all in an inquisitive manner, loud enough to make a spectacle. And then he raises his voice, “Are you fucking stupid?! HUH?!” all while keeping smile menacingly. He finds the flirting okay as long as the person doesn’t fucking push it.

Illuso: Snickers at any attempts of people flirting with his s/o. He finds it amusing and entertaining, especially when his s/o isn’t getting it or is completely turned off and calls them out themselves. If he does get jealous, Illuso loses all amusement from his entire person. He’s glowers, quiet, the aura around him just suddenly changes. It’s nearly impossible to get him to mellow out. His mood is quite explicit, so whoever is causing the jealous will leave, and Illuso basically bores holes into the person’s face as they leave. Once, they are gone, just give him some attention and he’ll be okay.  MIGHT use his stand to strand the person in Mirror World and just leave them there to starve but that’s only when a person as really pissed him off like putting his hand on his s/o.

Melone: Melone watches it go down with a sly smirk. He doesn’t mind the flirting; he welcomes it because it gets him turned-on because he loves the thought of people lusting over his s/o but he’s the only one fucking them and making them squirm. He will try to escalate it and call them out in a similar manner as Formaggio just without the hostility. “I can practically feel your appetite and desire for my amore. Do you want to fuck them?” “Melone!” “I don’t blame you. They are exquisite, a work of art. But I will be the only one who will fuck them. So enjoy their beauty while you can before we have to leave.” So it’s not jealous Melone feels; it’s pride that he feels.

Pesci: He might feel jealous but it’s mostly insecurity. When others flirt with you, Pesci will attempt to speak up and let them know they his s/o is taken, but it always falls flat. If you’re with Pesci, you’d have at least some awareness of this and decline advances. Most people try to hit on you while Pesci is there, knowing you’re together simply because they think you could do better. But as time goes on, Pesci begins to realize how much you value and love him and those negative feelings disappear. Most of the time, Pesci just listens while people flirt and he just sighs and shakes his head while you take care of it. If someone touches you, Pesci will act and both of you will work together to kick their ass.

Sorbet: Very likely to sit back and enjoy the show, hoping the person continues to dig themselves into a hole. Sometimes he likes to pretend he’s not together with his s/o (and Gelato) only to have them turn around and passionately kiss them just to watch the person’s countenance fall. Other times, he’s just not having them, tells the person “they’re with me” pull his s/o (or Gelato) to his side and has his arm around your (or Gelato’s or both) shoulder. Those jealousy feelings are brief and never let it ruin his night or make him want to make a spectacle since it’s not worth it.

Risotto: Doesn’t really get jealous. He trusts his s/o (the other do too btw) to not act on the advances of others, so he doesn’t have anything to worry about. His s/o is attractive so he doesn’t blame people. They can flirt with them all they want, but at the end of the day, they will go home with him. If they make his s/o uncomfortable and touch them, then he steps in because that’s not okay. But he doesn’t really react. Eventually, his s/o picks up on the flirting of others and puts a stop to it themselves. Risotto sometimes has to suppress a chuckle when he listens to the things people try to woo his s/o.

[cannibalisticshadows]

Nightcall (2/2)

[ao3 Link] .    [Part One]

Megamind drops out of the media. Though the media doesn’t drop him.

The spike in his frequent fights with Metro Man has done a complete 360, much to the relief of the locals and to the disappointment of tourists. The news and media alike have leaped onto his sudden change like scavengers to fresh offal. Talk of his recent rendezvous, or lack thereof, are on everyone’s mind.

“He’s a maniac,” some talk-show host said into the speaker, hunched over a desk looking quite aggressive. The screen of the television baths the blue alien in a dull electronic glow illuminated his reflective eyes. He frowns at the person but having no good point to disagree. He’s just offended someone would be so bold to jump into the obvious.

“He’s a maniac, and Metro Man has been taking his sweet-ass time in trying to bring this alien-fuck down. Sure, sure, all-righteous and no-killing and what not. I’m sorry but he’s just pious.” Not just ballsy, but controversial. “My only guess as to why Megamind has abruptly vanished like a phantom is because our city’s hero finally grew a pair and kicked his skinny blue ass into the next life. And by God will none of us miss him. Look at what a shit-show he’s turned this city into—“

Megamind turns the TV off by throwing the remote so hard that it shatters the screen.

Sighing, he crawls out of his little nest of blankets and decides it’s time. He’s been procrastinating enough; he’s done nothing for the past two weeks and it’s getting to his head.

His plan to tell Roxanne started out sounding like the only resort to fixing him and his dumb extraterrestrial make-up, but he’s been pushing it off since he got home the last time he broke out of prison. Who knew he could really raise some hell by simply doing nothing.

Roxanne has made few appearances on television since her last kidnapping. Sadly enough, due to his absence, she had little to do (at least, to the public eye). She was the main reporter, focusing on Metro City’s star inhabitancies. Metro Man had nothing much to do besides helping little old ladies or getting cats from trees—not worthy of making an emergency announcement on the news.

And since he hasn’t seen her, he’s going into such a stump he’s made several near attempts to just show up at her place with no spray. How would she respond?

Well, he’d find out tonight.

He filled the invisible car up with his home-made energy source, making sure it wouldn’t run on empty. Tonight he was going out, far enough to reach the boonies.

And he wouldn’t be alone.

Megamind, unsure of how she’d react but knowing this would be practically life or death for him, grabbed a few essentials. The de-gun. Knock-out spray. Rope. You know. The usual. This had to go as smooth as possible for him to get serious with her, to assure her he’d never bother her again as long as he got this off his chest so he could wallow in misery with a peace of mind.

So, making sure she’s home with the affirmation from one of his spy-bots, Megamind packs up his things in the car and zooms out of the Lair before Minion can so much as ask “Where are you going, Sir?”

When he gets to her building, he uses a brainbot to fly him up to her balcony. She never locks it (Oh, Roxanne, I do question your sanity sometimes), so when he pushes the glass doors open, he enters a relatively quiet domain.

The lights over her tiny kitchen are on, illuminating her one-person apartment. Sniffing, and catching the remnants of her perfume, he follows it until—

“Mega—“ Before he gives her time to even finish saying his self-given name, he whips around and gives her a reasonably large dose of spray. She gasps, eyes roll up, and her body drops in a dead weight. Flinging out an arm he catches her, unable to keep his hungry eyes from the expanse of her pale, bare neck. Megamind splays his fingers across her bare, marveling at seeing her for the first time in weeks. It’s been too long.

Tonight she’s wearing civvies. A pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a white peasant blouse with little red and blue flowers along the neck and sleeves. She’s missed a barber appointment, he thinks, as her hair is exactly two centimeters longer than usual. Her hair’s also a bit damp, curling ever so slightly at the very ends. She not wearing makeup, either, letting him see all of her little brown freckles dusting her cheeks, like little stars in a milky white setting. He licks his lips.

Megamind ties her wrists and covers her mouth with a cheap duck tape. He’s never taped her mouth shut before, but for once he doesn’t want her screaming or complaining. And despite every Hollywood movie where the bad guy tapes the victim’s mouth shut, it’s very possible to remove it without the use of hands.

He carries her out bridal style, whistling for the brainbot to bring him back to the car. Once on the ground, he tucks her into the passenger seat and pulls the belt on, all before getting in himself.

And then he drives. He drives for a long time, content for the moment to sit in silence beside the soft rumble of the car’s engine.

Swerving through Metro City’s night traffic, the city lights gleaming in this never sleeping place, he keeps his head low as he goes, so stressed he finds himself clutching the wheel so hard it threatens to snap. The leather of his gloves scrunches.

They (he; she’s still knocked out) drive out of the midnight city into the rolling countryside, past the lake and past the forests. Lush green hillsides and vast farm lands. He can hear the road scratch under the car tires as asphalt turns into gravel and dirt.

After about forty minutes of driving, he can tell Roxanne is beginning to stir. Quickly, he pulls up beside a huge oak tree in the middle of no where, and void of another living soul for miles.

Well. There is a cow outside but it’s like, ten feet away minding its own business.

As the car comes to a stop, he turns the key and all is instantly quiet.

With a soft grunt, Roxanne squirms in her seat and consciousness slowly comes to. He doesn’t watch her, choosing to star at his bony knees and twiddle his thumbs. All he can hear is her movements, and his own rapidly beating heart.

“M…Mmm?” Her eyes slowly open, blinking in the dim atmosphere. Her eyes then open wider, and she looks around for the usual sights of a kidnapping. Seeing as they’re only in the car, and her mouth is taped, she abruptly begins to struggle.

“Wait!” He says frantically, trying to calm her like one would do for a wild horse. “It’s okay! This isn’t a kidnapping! Well, technically it is but it’s just us—“

“MMM!?” She starts to work her mouth through the tape in earnest, tongue visibly trying to lick at the stickiness.

“Please, wait! This is—I just want to tell you something. Something… important. I promise on my ancestors that you have full permission and more to beat me outside but… please. Just listen to me. Please, Miss Ritchi.”

Her struggling stops, and she turns to him with a suspicious glare. He bows his head, flushing in shame. She hates me.

Though she’s trapped him under an intense stare, snaring him more than he had with her, Roxanne goes still as if awaiting for whatever stupid thing he’s got to say to her.

“I… want to apologize, for my behavior two weeks ago. It was unforgivable.”

“Mm.”

“But—I… I…”

She glares harder. Ashamed of himself, he turns his stare to the dashboard.

“I love you.”

He doesn’t look up to catch her reaction, but she doesn’t respond verbally.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” He bangs his forehead against the steering wheel with each confession, feeling all the pint up emotions in him pouring out like water from a broken dam. It burns his insides with glorious relief and bittersweet shame all at once. Yet it keeps flowing. “And I’m so, so sorry. It’s—not my choice, Miss Ritchi. I can’t help it. My b-body…Ah—s—“ he stutters, so anxious it’s close to making him piss himself. He can feel it claw at this throat, threatening tears. “My species… we d-don’t have crooches, like a human. We… fall in love. Hard. And once. Only once. Once and only with one person. And that’s it. We mate for life, like doves. Or beavers. Wolves. I-It doesn’t matter. But once the relationship is formed that’s it. Cheating or finding a second love if the other leaves or dies is purely an earthly concept. My own p-parents, they—they only had eyes for each other. Sex or romance wasn’t even a concept I understood before I met y—…. I didn’t chose you, Miss Ritchi. I didn’t want this to happen. You don’t deserve this. I’ve already turned your life into a living hell, and for that I cannot apologize enough, even onto my grave. My transgressions are unforgivable. Yet, even being here on Earth I cannot…. There is no place for me. My planet, it’s… I’m all that’s left. And Minion. I didn’t think I could possibly imprint on anyone, much less a human, in this way. Yet… I am so sorry. It’s all my fault. I should have known…”

She’s fidgeting ever so softly beside him, he hears the crinkle of the tape.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he takes in a staggering breath, wet tears rolling down his sharp face and trickling on his lips. Salty like the sea.

He can’t bring himself to speak again in fear of weeping like a damn baby, but he feels as vulnerable as one in the moment. Weak. Childish. Pathetic.

The car falls into a silence, with his shaky breaths and a light breeze rolling against the windows. Other than that, it’s as quiet as a void. He glances at her from the corner of his eye, and sees her staring outside at the cow as if it had done something personal to disrespect her.

They sit in silence for a long time.

“I’m done,” he suddenly says.

He hears her move around again.

“I’m… I’m done. With this business,” he gestures to himself in general, to the car, to his gun. “I mean, there are things you don’t know about. Things I’ve done behind cameras. In the underworld. I’ve committed enough sins to last multiple lifetimes over. There’s blood on my hands. Miss Ritchi. Like you wouldn’t believe. And… I’m going to give it up. I can’t keep doing this…

“This such a archaic concept for me. Aah, uh, did you know… Of course you wouldn’t… The males, sometimes even the females, of my kind have to… catch the other sometimes. To express that they feel the same way. Avoids miscommunication or misplaced feelings. My own father… had to sneak into my mother’s household as teenagers to propose to her. It’s—I didn’t even realize it until recently I was courting you! Unconsciously! I’m—God I’m so sorry, Miss Ritchi. I just need to go away. “

She lets out a muffled sound again.

“I’m moving from this place,” he looks around at the vast farmland, the dot of the city in the distance, reflected by his rear-view mirror. “Romania sounds nice. I do a lot of business over there. Lots of forests and hillsides where there’s no one for miles. I can’t bother you or anyone out th—”

Roxanne suddenly spits.

Looking over to her in surprise, he sees she has vanquished the duck tape and has rolled it up in her mouth to spit it onto the dashboard. Turning on one hip, she faces him with such a glower it chills him to the very bone.

“Don’t. You. Dare,” she hisses.

He shrinks in his seat.

“Don’t you dare drop this on me and say you’re just gonna leave!” She yells, pulling against her taped wrists. He opens his mouth to let out a string of never ending apologies, but—she’s starting to cry, he sees, much to his absolute horror. Has he truly upset her this bad? He really was a monster.

“How—you stupid, stupid man,” she cries out, and suddenly—he sees her raise her arms, still taped by the wrist, and he honestly thinks he’s about to be hit when—

She loops her arms around his big blue head and latches onto his neck, yanking him closer and making him clumsily fall onto the stick shift as—

Her mouth is on his. So hard do their mouths come together that their teeth clack, faces clashing together he barely has time to process what’s happening. Gasping, hands wild and unsure in the air as she seemingly tries to suck his soul out, but—he knows what’s happening, mildly, but a bigger part of him is convinced he’s dreaming or hit his head.

The feeling of her lips touching his, though, is electrifying. Every nerve in his body begins to sing and scream all at once, overwhelming him with a sensation override. She moans and presses closer, both of them awkward and clumsy as they clutch at the other from opposite seats. Clutched… he feels his hand involuntarily grab her waist, holding his close but terrified he’s mixing the signals. It feels so so so good, though, and—

She pulls away before he can even realize he was responding back, albeit unsurely. Arms locked around his neck, he mentally curses himself for tying her up. But. It felt like the thing to do at the time.

“You listen to me you son of a bitch,” she viciously spats. “You come to my place, ten’o’freakin’clock at night, and tell me you love me only then to say you’re leaving? What the actual hell!?”

He attempts to pull back, hide in his shell, run away from her furious reprimand, but his neck is still trapped by her arms. Shit. Really a bad decision to tie her up. The alien’s prepared to say something, anything, to show how much of a lowly creature he is in her light, but all that comes out of his throat are choked warbles and whimpers. “I—“

She sniffles.

He meets her eyes in surprise to see two glassy blue orbs meeting his. Frantically, he try to console the weepy female by nervously patting her back. “Ah—M-Miss Ritchi—“

“You were such an A-hole,” she says, sobbing. “Megamind, for once you were actually cruel. It scared me.”

“Oh, oh my dear—No, no, my sweet, no! I wasn’t—“ he swallows. “I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I was just frustrated. With myself. With my instincts. I—if I behaved any less I would have made a fool of myself.”

“Well, you already did that by yelling at me, you cabbage.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“You made me feel like a whore the last kidnapping.”

He remembers that dress she wore. Wine red, rimmed in black. His... comment to it. Megamind bows his head and clenches his whole body. “I am sorry.”

“And you made me worry about you. I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Confused, he looks up at her. Roxanne then pulls at her arms and lets him go from between them. Gesturing with her wrists, he catches her drift and pulls out his trusted butterfly knife and whips it out, glad to have something to do with a tool he’s familiar with. Nothing else felt familiar; alien and strange.

As the plastic finally rips away, her skin safe from his sharp little friend, she wraps her hands around his neck and yanks him to her again. Eyes wide, he numbly feels her kiss him a few quick, consecutive times before—

She slaps him in the chest.

He’s nearly got a concussion from how bad the whiplash is.

“Is it true?” Roxanne demands. He’s unable to speak. “Is it true? Do you love m—“

“Yes. Yes, I love you. A million times over.”

This little woman shakes her head, eyes glistening with something he can’t begin to understand. He feels like he’s drowning, with a weight tied to his feet to prevent him to swimming to the surface. He can't breath. She then grabs onto his shoulders. Shaking her head again, she says, “Then don’t go to Romania. Don’t leave Metro City. This place is our-your home.”

“Miss Ritchi, I can’t… stay around you anymore,” his voice breaks. “I can’t without—“

Her lips are on his again.

Shocked, but rapidly trying to learn this new skill she’s apparently trying to teach him, he responds as best he can. Periwinkle blue to unpainted pink, their lips press against each other, seining the warmth and the wet of the other’s mouth. He once saw this activity between lovers an unsanitary and strange thing, but now he understands its meaning. His lips are quite sensitive, and this kissing sets his body to flame, scrambling towards something he can’t seem to catch.

When she pulls away, he follows her, not wanting this connection to end. A tiny bead of saliva snaps between them as their lips depart.

“For such a genius, you can be unbelievably dense.” She cups his face. “I love you Megamind."

What.

"God, I love you. And your behavior, this month—I thought you’d finally lost it. Or just got tired of me.”

His first instinct is to respond yes, yes he has lost it, completely and utterly, but—

“You—you what—“

Roxanne shakes her head again, this time smiling so wide that it nearly reaches her ears, all pearly whites on display for him. She lets him go, finally, letting him think straight. Which is bad because his brain runs in about five hundred directions. Blinking rapidly to disperse the tears in her wet lashes, she continues with, “I’m glad you told me this. Because—I was considering on moving as well.”

He jolts in his seat.

“I sometimes get job offers in other places. This time… I had an offer in Liverpool.”

“Leeverpul!? What’s can you find in Leeverpul?”

“I like the British accent. And it’s far, far away from here.”

Hapless, he stares at his knees.

“Hey,” she pulls him out of his stupor. “Look at me. That’s better. Now. That stuff you said about… imprinting on me? Is that true, too?”

“All of it,” he breaths.

Roxanne nods her head and leans back against the leather seats. “Then listen to me. I love you with all of my heart. I have for a long time, Megamind. So it hurt me, so, so much with how much of a dick you were suddenly turning into. You may as well have stabbed me in the heart.” He winces. “And then you just up and vanished. Gone. Everyone is talking about you!”

He can’t believe what she’s saying. It’s nothing like he ever imagined happening in any probable outcome of this. She… actually… returned his feelings? What??? What witchcraft is this!? He really must’ve bumped his head hard!

“I... know. I see the news. I see my lack of an appearance in the public eye has given you less work… Ah, are you sleeping better?”

She looks at him in confusion.

“You were always falling asleep.”

Roxanne lets out a loud sigh. “I know… I know…”

“Why.” It isn’t a question.

“I always thought you were just a bit ol’sweetheart that grew up on the wrong side of the law. I fall in love with you a little harder every time you goof around like that. I hate that you’re always destroying something or trying to start a fight, but it was a little endearing.” She lets out another loud exhale. “And then you started acting like I was shit under your shoe.”

“N—!“

She raises a hand, and he immediately goes silent.

"So I started drinking. Tried to drink the pain away. But that doesn't work," her voice breaks a bit.

He wants to bang his head against the wall.

“And I hate that you dragged me out here,” she motions toward the countryside. “You don’t have to ship yourself off to God knows where, but stopping the kidnapping would be nice. Even if it’s apart of your… culture.”

“Whatever-Whatever you desire," he swears reverently.

“What I desire,” she says, placing a hand on his knee, “is for you to take me home.”

He nods, expecting that answer.

“And I want you to come up with me. We’re gonna have a talk.”

“O-kay...?”

Suddenly she leans over again and presses his lips to his cheek. With his breath hitching, because its still a lovely, foreign feel to him, she adds, “And then I’m going to show you how much I love you, too.”

“W—“

“I know you, Megamind. I can see it in your face. Now. Take us home, sweetheart.” She kisses his lips again.

This time he knows what to do, and copies her actions better than before. It feels like fireworks.

He’s glad he told her.

[tumblunni]

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

[sliceocheesecake]

23:36 and im only just making my first post for this blog.

Let me talk about my queer history so far.

I was part of my high school's gay-straight alliance for all 4 years, and throughout most of those years, I was trying to find myself a label. I had the unhealthy mindset that orientation was a certain thing, that it couldnt change over time. So, I never really came out to our gsa as a whole. Some people here and there, but not everyone, which was really only about 7 people. I came out at 14 to an at-the-time friend about being not-straight, that I'd had crushes on both boys and girls (mind you, this was before i knew people existed past the binary). And in turn, they were supportive. Respected what I had to say.

Around this time, I was also starting to find my personal outward appearance. This meant expanding the kind of clothes I wore, and that included wearing clothes marketed towards the opposite gender. I played around with my pronouns to see what I was comfortable with and found that I didn't dislike being referred to as the opposite of my birth gender, but it wasnt an 'aha!' moment.

Time passed and I was 15 and I found some new words. Asexual was the first one. I didnt know if it applied to me because hey, little old me had never thought about sex, much less done it. 'How could I know?' but imagining myself in that kind of physical situation? No thanks, not for me. General touch is iffy at best.

Non-binary came about decently similar. It was a new word that I didnt think I could really use until I actually thought about my experience with gender.

As a small child, I was everywhere. I took karate from 4-6 years old and I loved it so much. I was the fastest biker out of all my cousins and I was reckless, always wanting to be involved in all of the stupid stuff they did. Who could get closest to the neighbors aggressive dog without being bit and who could steal from the ice cream man. But I also loved getting my nails painted and getting new clothes. I went to a private school for my pre-k and kinder years and I wore both the 'male' and 'female' uniforms whenever I wanted. And I'll be honest, I was adamant about being called a tomboy during elementary school. And since I didn't know any better word for how I felt, I stuck with the label until 10th grade. Finding the word, and the ability to use they/them for myself was wonderful. But again, I kept it to myself.

It wasnt until more recently that I voiced my thoughts. 17 years old, and I was out to really close, and also lgbt, friends. I could talk about who I found attractive and how I was feeling with more than just myself and it felt awesome.

Then I thought, hey... My sisters are chill with my friends, let me come out to them. And I did. Now I could be more honest about myself at home. But then I got into an argument with my mom, over not shavings legs of all things (and let me tell you, the main reason for hairy legs is that i am severely near-sighted and shaving in the shower was just an accident waiting to happen. And i didn't have time to set aside to do it when I could wear my glasses). And I told her how I was non-binary. Well, she took that decently. Stopped commenting on the clothes I bought and from which section I bought them. Hell, now I ask her for advice as to which styles look better on me.

And all was good... Until another argument happened. The at-the-time friend had come out publically and, deciding to question why I was still friends with them for reasons other than being not-straight, my mom said that I was going down the wrong path. That I was going to fail at life if I stayed friends. Well, defences came up and I thought it was the perfect time to come out to her about also being not-straight. Woo boy, was she unhappy. She thought I was just saying it to get attention. That I wanted to be just like my friend. Since then, and having broken(?) off contact, and therefore influence, with that friend, she came to realize that I was serious and is finally getting with the program. She's been more vocal about her acceptance of lgbt+ people. Even got into a near fight with her brother when he mentioned rather having a dead son than a gay one. Now, she let's me speak of all sorts of good-looking people without a pout on her face. Watches shows with queer characters with me pretty regularly. Its getting better and changing times and aging is mellowing her out.

My dad is slightly different. I haven't exactly told him, but i feel he has the impression. He just accepts that I'm different. He has the whole, be respectful and work hard and live your life, sort of vibes.

Skip some time, and now I'm in college. It's local and surprisingly, has a gsa (small uni in a town with a LARGE christian uni and therefore plenty of churches). I was a part of it for the first semester, but i showed few and far between. I dont know what I have, could be shyness, could be some level of an anxiety disorder, but being around people i didnt see regularly (and I mean in classes), my heart would racing the entire meeting and Id practically run out in the end without so much as a goodbye. But I'm open about my queerness there, as much as I can be at least. I'd actually come out to some fellow musicians during a rehearsal after the director had made a joke about closets.

"Don't just rehearse at a rehearsal! Perform! Dont be that one nice outfit you only take out once! Come out of the closet!"

I turned to the people next to me and said "What if I've already come out of the closet?"

And I'll tell you, I have never been prouder in my wording than in that coming out situation. What can I say, I love jokes.

Yes, I have some regrets in how I came out to my mother. If I could stop it, maybe she wouldn't have had a reason to doubt me. But maybe I wouldn't be where I am now, out and proud to the people around me.

[strawberryspeachy]

Also im sick of obnoxious japanese eaters

Things ive found out are myths here

1) everyones nice.

No. Everyone smiles hard to cover up whatever assholery theyre doing - if theyre supposed to be nice to you. Public people are the same as usual... except theres alot more shoving

2) everything about school

They don’t pay for school. Its free. Just like ours. Except private school. Just like ours

They are not MORE overworked in school nor do they study more. Their rules are much loser. And just like the states, teachers have no real authority- but unlike the states - the students do not fear repercussions. They can be touched though but thats more because japanese people think its fine to touch each other a lot - ya know. Just dont hug as an adult - but all other invading of some kind of private bubble is fine

3) SLURPING No thats not just a “it shows you love the food!” Bs. Just like the states, the people you hear disgustingly slurping just eat loud and are gross... imo... people here dont seem to think its gross but far more people eat like civilized humans and dont slurp everything from solids to actual liquids.

K like every time the past two days ive had to be near people slurping their fucking food and as a person who HATES hearing people eat... its why im bitching here. LETTUCE DOES NOT NEED SLURPED

4) just anything they call “culture” they used a pretty word to cover for “thats just the dumb thing we do here” its literally like if we said aggressively speed driving and cutting people off is new yorkers culture

Japan has a lot of history and traditions. But mostly they have a lot of bs that theyre just too stubborn to acknowledge and change so they lable it culture. Any changes they make are pretty much like when my great grandmother got a cell phone.

She only turned it on to charge it and make a phone call - leave a voicemail saying that she called - and then would turn it back off. It wasnt ever even on long enough for her to need to charge it.

But in her mind no one could complain that she didnt have one. And the only emergency in her mind was her needing to call you - not vice versa. She wouldnt use it for any other purpose and generally resented its existence. She hated watching anyone else use their cell phones to check the time or take pictures or play games or have lenthy conversations.

Yea. Thats basiclly japan with everything new. They have it. But they dont use it , and its possibilities scare them so the old ppl say its not allowed to be used unless the old people need to use it

Sorry man i hate everywhere i am. My aparment is next to a bar that looks permanently closed during the day. I had no clue it was there till after i moved in and the loud karaoke blared into my window every damn night

My train line is a nightmare and if you wanna see the worst japanese people can be. Ride the train during rush hours

My post office is far away and they refuse to ring my doorbell when i have a delivery and instead just leave slip - if you dont hike over in their made up time period they throw your stuff away

No one will actually help you with serious stuff. They just smile and say sorry and run away — customer service. Yea. Not customer service. They could just as easily be a manican with a smiley face - itd serve the same purpose.

Theres too much paperwork constantly all the time about everything

Nothing is online

Another thing that prompted me for this “this is japanese chocolate”

Cool. I got that its japanese. Im in japan. Everything people point out for me “its japanese____” fucking imagine if we felt the need to point out every damn item as “american” in the states. Why? What is the meaning of this?

They gave me a table to sit at at this school. A table. That they make lunch on and put all their supplies on. A dude just kicked my chair as he came over for some shit. Why am i sitting at a table? Very very few japanese people ive worked with dont make me feel like an adopted pet dog that theyre not sure if itll bite. Dog. Not new person. They literlly have the children fetch me...

And ive grown so so very tired of being asked questions with the intention of having me overhype japan while maintaining that im so stupid that i know absolutely nothing about the country

98% of japanese people assume that you think of japan like youve never even heard of their country before arriving and that you just arrived two days ago

Also. Maybe they think their test scores and clases are so much more difficult because they cant seem to fathom that most other countries schools function the same way as theirs

Yesterday a teacher said “ah theyre so overworked. They have alot to remember” i thought she was about to tell me how many units were on their exam or something... no “english, japanese, science, math, history, pe, food class, art! Too many things. Theyre very overworked”

..... are you for real? Im pretty sure every fucking school has those subjects if you switch out japanese for the countries native language.... this is NORMAL

Im sorry. I know the reason anyone talking to me like this might not like me. Cause im not gonna go WOWWW SUGEII?!?!? So much stuff!! Poor them!

No. Yeah? Thats school...

Look im not an asshole to my kids. If they can manage to tell me any information about their life in english or simple japanese i can translate - i act surprised/ or am if their english is super good.

But adults... no man. Learn some stuff about the outside world. Youre not specifical

Also dating boys here is just like back home except they wont block you and they respond less

Instead of getting “nice” “oh” “idk” and “maybe” as there fading messages - they just leave you on read. Or give you some random information that you didnt ask about that has no relevance to the ‘convo’

Also also. “Speak slow” they dont say this in a ‘my english is not good so speak slower’ way. They say this in a ‘i felt really good about my english until you spoke at a normal pace and my classes and ass-kissing white dudes have taught me that enlgish is spoken slow and percisely so if you dont speak with a japanese accent, your fast english is wrong’

Whatever but like... could you return the favor by speaking japanese slowly. Speak it the way you want me to speak english....

Telling them to speak slow results in something like

... nihon..de〜 nan mabdnshsnabsjsnjsbshssnbsjsbsjshsh ka?

Woah ok... something in Japan... couldnt catch the rest of that

Id be more understanding of this. Its hard to speak slow. Lets both acknowledge this and not - teachers compalining to principals and boys... (1) sending me a fucking video on how to speak my own damn language properly

Also. Do you know how upsetting it is to listen to a student say something perfectly but before i get to praise them - have the japanese teacher jump in and “correct” them...... no no dude please. I know youll have a fucking meltdown if i say no your ways wrong. But now this student is so confused desperately staring at me positive theyre correct and all ive come up with to do is smiling and nodding at them while repeating the way they said hoping the japanese teacher wont notice/get offended

Also togo food... if its not american fast food... generally you cant take it to go... its sad. I have no friends. I just wanna take this home to eat in front of my tv. This isnt serious. Its just a minior inconvenience

Also joking... my japanese isnt good enough to joke. And... idk how... cant explain. The other day a student asked whats my favorite food

And another went hamburger?!? Mcdonalds!!?

I wanted to comment.. but. At least elementary students understand sarcasm. Their teachers dont. And whether the middle schoolers understand and just dont care is up in the air.

Oh! And. I was right last week when i didnt trust my teachers saying that the obvious bullying was just a misunderstanding and the obvious targets fault. Another straight up teacher said some kids have left the school because of bullying and theyre really awful when left alone in the rooms... i told him thats why we cant go unsupervised in america. Japan says the students are just perfect upstanding citizens, so much more caring and mature than other students. Nope. Middle schoolers will be middle schoolers no matter what country.

[luc4ri0]

The Reason why I never had many friends.

ooh boy! prepare yourself to sprint,because i just had an epiphany about my problems and the crushing loneliness is too great to bear,so here comes the vent~

I’ve always been a very shy person,even if i was kind and talkative to everyone around me,it would take a lot for me to trust a specific person. Along the years I’ve become more and more “selective” with my friends,and that might sound very egocentric like “oh,he things he’s so great that only the chosen people can have the honor of being his friend”,but it really is just because i grew up so scared of disappointing people,so i would only trust a few people to know my secrets and personality,aside from that i just used common sense to be kind to everyone around me so i could maybe get someone to be that special friend i could trust. 

Selfishness aside, because of that,i could probably count my best friends i ever had with my fingers,and,even though nowadays i’ll even forget what day of the week it is,i’m 100% sure i’ll never forget all those great friends...

Sometimes,when i feel extremely lonely,i try to remember some of the amazing times i had with some of them,it helps and doesn’t at the same time,specifically because every close friend i’ve ever had i lost contact with,most of the times,on purpose,some,not so much.

One of the first ones was my cousin Arthur,he was probably the first friend i ever had,quite literally,since hes only around 2 years younger than me,and always lived in the same place as my grandma,i would always play with him since there was never anything fun to do at my grandma’s house (the house is 2 floors high,his family lives on top),and he and his family have always been very rich,at first i’ll admit i spend a lot of time in his house just to take advantage of the toys and amazing things he could have that my mom could never buy for me. I even used to get into fights with him often whenever he would give some petty complaint about something his parents took too long to give him,i would get very jealous and pissed off because he was such a brat and yet he would get every toy and thing he wanted in less than a week from his request,while i would always be the best i could obeying everything my mom said to maybe get the courage to ask for a single toy in my birthday or xmas.

I eventually grew out of it as we grew up,maybe because as my shyness grew stronger and i started having difficulties making friends at school,i would always be super happy to have a friend i knew would never go away very close to home. As he started growing less petty and maturing,we became more and more close,and i pretty much grew as if he was my younger brother.

I remember one time (and only one) when he had P.E at school at the afternoon,and he invited me to come to his school (since it wasn’t exactly serious classes,it was more like a club). It was probably one of the first times i ever saw a school so big,since i always studied at public schools,and i noticed some brats making fun of him for no reason and calling him mean nicknames like fatty and such,so i started getting angry,and at some point two girls that were sitting down were provoking him,and as i was drinking some juice i started really getting upset,specially since he wasn’t saying anything back even though he clearly didn’t like it. So i spit my grape juice in the snotty girls face,just so i didn’t start an actual fist fight (i was VERY prone to get into fights when i was young),then we kinda started walking along,kinda “running” away because my cousin was very scared of getting into trouble because of that,and two boys came up to me angry like “oh i heard you spit juice on to that girl!” (probably was a popular girl that had a lot of boys liking her),trying to provoke me and start a fight,i ignored it and just continued walking along as my cousin pretty much dragged me along to hide. 

I still remember how nervous and scared he was of getting into trouble. so when we were hiding next to the back gate of the school,one of the two boys who tried getting into an argument with me came to us again,and started pushing me around,and as a child,i already had problems with anger management,but my “trigger” for a fight would always be physical aggression,as small as a pinch’s pain would turn on my switch. 

So i started a real fight with him,and as all my cousins classmates were around his age,they were all younger than me,so i obviously didn’t have a problem beating the kid up,the monitor then came to sort out the issues,and obviously didn’t listen to anything i had to say since i was just an outsider that came here out of nowhere and started fights. My cousin was in the corner crying because he was so nervous that he got into serious trouble,and as i saw him crying while being scolded by the monitor in my fault,i calmed down and felt really bad,so we went back home and he told me the people from his school said i was banned from ever coming there again.

Now,i don’t really regret protecting my cousin,who was like my little brother,from senseless bullying,but i never forgot his crying face and decided to never ever cause trouble when i was at his house or with him.

But as i started getting into my teenage years and so on,i started constantly getting very depressed,and as you do when you’re depressed,you isolate yourself as much as possible,and as time passed by,i started having a few more close friends,and even if i tried introducing them to my cousin,they would never really get along well,but i still always played a lot with him.

As time went on,i met someone through a friend,that lived a walks time from my grandma’s house,her name was Monica,and we quickly grew extremely close,and became best friends,so close that our lives were almost synced from how similar our personalities were. It was the first time i ever felt so well understood by someone, the first time i could say “i feel like this”,and it would easily apply to her situation,and it made me so happy because i felt so smart and understanding,like everything bad i felt up to that point was not my fault,and someone actually understood it. 

crazy enough,its probably been around 5 years or more,hell,maybe 8? I mean a LOT,since we’ve known each other,and we grew so so close as to share even our deepest secrets that we haven’t told even to our parents or siblings,but because we grew so close,i ended up always going to her house all the time, and a lot of the times,even hearing that my cousin was looking for me at my grandma’s house and i was never there. It really makes me feel bad when i think about it,i feel so so guilty about pretty much abandoning him because i made a new best friend.

So i ended up growing farther and farther away from him,and unfortunately,i missed the time i awaited so long where he “bloomed” out of that spoiled brat who would cry out of fear of doing something wrong,he actually grew to be an amazing person,and i take great pride in thinking that i was a good reason for that,since i was always there for him to balance how spoiled he was by his parents with my reasoning and lower middle-class morals. I know that sounds very egocentric,and he also finds it to be BS when i tell him that,but i’m extremely proud of him for becoming such a social butterfly who even started doing theater,came out as gay and painted his hair. 

To be completely honest,it’s kinda of really painful to think of it,because in the short time where i moved out to the big city,the short time where he didn’t have me around,he suddenly jumped so far ahead of me,doing so many things i never could have the courage to do (at the time),while i was in the big city as depressed as ever,suffering every day.

Other best friends kinda just grew distant because they grew interests and morals different from mine as they grew up,and that really hurt a lot of the times,because it felt like everyone had a “phase” that matched all my interests,and always “grew out of it”,making all the things i liked feel like a mistake,like i wasn’t supposed to like it,and i would soon learn that they were stupid things to like. But my cousin is probably the biggest case since he was the first best friend i ever had.

Point is,i’m a very shy person,so i’m very afraid of getting close to people,but whenever i do get close to people,something awful makes me lose my friendship with them,so i really grew up way more wary of friendships than i should. Now i have a very hard time i’ve never had to introduce and make friends with new people,trying to hurry up as much as i can to let them know as much as they can about me as soon as possible,just so they can “understand” that im someone they should stay away from,in the hopes that 1 out of 50 would actually understand me and accept all my problems. 

But obviously,if you suddenly meet someone and they rush to tell literally everything about them at all times,your impression of them is of an extremely self-centered egocentric douche who only wants to talk about themselves all the time. So i end up giving up on even trying to meet new people,because it’s such a pain to go through all the long annoying steps of friendship,just to be disappointed by them later,and carry the pain for the rest of my life.

So yea,that is why i never had many friends. And all of this came out of the fact that my best friend Monica is very busy with college,so she won’t even come online in any means of communication because i’m too much of a “distraction to her studies”. So i’ve been extremely lonely for a while with no friends to talk to.

I’ve kinda found a bit of shelter in a discord channel about final fantasy brave exvius (a gacha rpg phone game). But often times,everything i do makes some mod complain to “go to another channel to talk about this and that”,and some real assholes try and gang up just because i’m a newbie at the game and ask stupid beginner questions (although those douches have been reprimanded recently,and they are starting to becoming better and not picking on me anymore).

Sorry if anyone went to the lengths of reading all of this. But if anyone did,please let me know,because it means a lot to know that someone is actually listening to me,it’s one of the only reasons why i vent out so much on my tumblr,because i feel like people actually listen.

[trendingnewsb]

Kasey Edwards: I love being married, but am I the exception?

The author asks happy couples the secret of their success and is shocked by what she finds out

I was never going to get married. After bearing witness to my parents three decades of misery, I was not stupid enough to do it myself. When my father left my mother for a younger woman, I conducted my own little investigation into married life. I asked all my parents friends to give me an honest account of their marriages and explain why they were still together. I suspect the little girl in me, who grew up with fairytales and happily-ever-afters, was hoping to prove the older, more cynical me wrong.

No such luck.

The happiest couple of my parents acquaintance told me that the reason they were still married was that they had too much to lose if they separated. I was asking about their relationship, expecting to hear about love, companionship and soulmates. Instead, I got a costbenefit analysis. My best-case marriage scenario sounded as romantic and desirable as crunching numbers in an Excel spreadsheet every day until you die.

Naturally, when I started IVF and my friend Stephen asked if I was going to get married, I laughed at him. I was so amused by the suggestion that I called Chris, my boyfriend and the potential father of my children, to share the joke.

Chris didnt laugh. There was silence on the other end of the phone. I asked him: You dont you dont actually you know want to get married, do you?

Well, yes, actually I do, he said.

Why?

Because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, he replied.

Oh.

Six months later, we were married in the same church where Chriss parents were married 40 years earlier. Im still not entirely sure why I did it. The day we returned home after the wedding, I was so freaked out by the idea of having a husband that I wanted to go over to my best friends house and sleep on her couch.

For ever.

Eight years later, I still choke on the word husband. When I was talking to my daughter Violets teacher about picking her up early from school for a medical appointment, I couldnt quite bring myself to even say the word husband.

I stuttered over hu hu hu , and then, feeling embarrassed at my own stupidity, I finished with: Violets father.

Kasey Edwards with her husband Chris and their daughter Violet. Photograph: Joe Castro for the Guardian

Oh, I understand, said the teacher, who clearly took my awkwardness to mean that Chris and I had recently separated.

So now Chris and I are in the ridiculous position of having to perform marriage to correct the teachers assumption. At a recent parentteacher conference I told Chris that we had to act like we were married.

He laughed. What are you talking about? We are married.

Yes, we are. And to my complete surprise, I actually like it. In fact, I love being married. I love the sense of security that I have never felt before, I love that I can always count on Chris to be in my corner, and know I will always be in his. I love what we have built together: that we are much more than than the sum of two halves.

Having said that, Im still waiting for it all to turn to shit.

I know of very few couples who have stayed together through multiple life stages and still like each other. Not love, but like. Maintaining the like seems to be harder.

Even when I do see couples who appear happy, I have a hard time believing it. As research in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin tells us, people who post their loved-up pics and declarations of love on Facebook are less likely to be secure in their relationships than those who dont. They are essentially manufacturing their relationship happiness to convince other people, as well as themselves, of their partners #affection.

I genuinely believe Chris and I have maintained our like for each other throughout infertility, mental illness, trauma and heartbreaks, two children and two career changes because we see each other as partners in every sense of the word. He has never tried to force me into the role of housekeeper, primary carer, on-demand sex toy with a pulse, or support staff.

When my first book came out, I lost count of how many people asked me how Chris was coping with my success. Chriss ego was not threatened by my moment in the spotlight. Not only was he proud of my success, he was also part of it. It was our success. But I think this question reveals a lot about the power dynamics in many marriages and points to why it is so easy to lose the like.

I am not the woman behind the man, nor am I the woman in front of him. I am the woman next to my man.

I feel genuinely lucky that I look forward to Chris walking through the door each night. I have friends who dread spending time with their husbands; who wish their husbands would travel more because their lives are easier when they are not around.

Two of my friends have admitted that they plan to leave their husbands in the future. And several others have said enough to make me think they are contemplating it.

My friends arent alone. According to a study of 2,000 married parents in Britain, 18% of them have a date in mind for when they will leave their partner.

The research, commissioned by the family law firm Irwin Mitchell, which presumably considers a spike in the divorce rate to be good for business, found that one in 20 married parents has picked a date 10 or more years into the future on which to change the locks. Of those who have already divorced a partner, almost eight out of 10 regretted putting it off as long as they did.

Why do unhappy couples stay together, some resigning themselves to more than a decade of discontent before cutting their losses?

The romantic view is that couples want to work at things and see if they can learn to fall in love again. But the research suggests that the optimists view is, well, optimistic.

The real reasons for staying together make you wonder if anything has really changed since the days when marriage was considered a good way to increase ones estate.

Five of the top 10 reasons for postponing divorce were financial, including what my parents friends had told me: I have too much to lose.

The other financial reasons were: I cant afford to move out, I cant afford a divorce, For my partners money, and We have too many shared financial assets.

The second-biggest reason for soldiering on, however, was to save the children the distress of a broken home. Staying together for the kids was why one in four couples put off that trip to the offices of Bicker & Bicker.

Parents like this use a range of strategies to disguise their unhappiness and their plans for an eventual exit. They argue in a different room, away from the children; they sleep in the same bed to maintain the pretence; they even make a point of kissing and cuddling and going on date nights.

As a child of divorced parents, Im in two minds as to whether staying together for the kids is a good idea. I dont know how I would have handled my parents divorce if I had been younger but I do know that their efforts to maintain appearances gave me quite a warped view of marriage.

I had always assumed that the reality was a harmonious public appearance and an ice-cold, passive-aggressive private life.

My first two serious relationships could be characterised by screaming matches, eye rolls and meanness. It didnt occur to me that this was problematic because that was my understanding of what relationships were. It terrifies me how easily I could have ended up marrying either of those partners.

It wasnt until I met my third boyfriend, who treated me with kindness and respect inside the house as well as out, that I realised this sort of relationship was even possible, let alone the very least I should expect.

From the outside looking in, you would have thought my mother and father were happily married, too. When people saw them holding hands, they used to comment that I was lucky to have parents who still loved each other.

When they did finally divorce, and I was in my late 20s, it came as a complete shock. I was crushed when my dad told me he had wasted 30 years of his life. Not only did it make my entire childhood a farce: it made me feel responsible for my parents unhappiness.

I would never have wanted my parents to endure three decades of misery because of me. And even though I didnt make that decision for them, I often feel the brunt of my fathers resentment for it.

Im not about to tell my friends to rethink their decision to stay together for their kids, but I do think that sacrificing your own happiness for someone else rarely turns out well in the long run.

This is an extract from Guilt Trip: My Quest to Leave the Baggage Behind by Kasey Edwards (Nero). kaseyedwards.com

Read more: http://ift.tt/2v7HydW

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2fh8UKU via Viral News HQ

[trendingnewsb]

Kasey Edwards: I love being married, but am I the exception?

The author asks happy couples the secret of their success and is shocked by what she finds out

I was never going to get married. After bearing witness to my parents three decades of misery, I was not stupid enough to do it myself. When my father left my mother for a younger woman, I conducted my own little investigation into married life. I asked all my parents friends to give me an honest account of their marriages and explain why they were still together. I suspect the little girl in me, who grew up with fairytales and happily-ever-afters, was hoping to prove the older, more cynical me wrong.

No such luck.

The happiest couple of my parents acquaintance told me that the reason they were still married was that they had too much to lose if they separated. I was asking about their relationship, expecting to hear about love, companionship and soulmates. Instead, I got a costbenefit analysis. My best-case marriage scenario sounded as romantic and desirable as crunching numbers in an Excel spreadsheet every day until you die.

Naturally, when I started IVF and my friend Stephen asked if I was going to get married, I laughed at him. I was so amused by the suggestion that I called Chris, my boyfriend and the potential father of my children, to share the joke.

Chris didnt laugh. There was silence on the other end of the phone. I asked him: You dont you dont actually you know want to get married, do you?

Well, yes, actually I do, he said.

Why?

Because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, he replied.

Oh.

Six months later, we were married in the same church where Chriss parents were married 40 years earlier. Im still not entirely sure why I did it. The day we returned home after the wedding, I was so freaked out by the idea of having a husband that I wanted to go over to my best friends house and sleep on her couch.

For ever.

Eight years later, I still choke on the word husband. When I was talking to my daughter Violets teacher about picking her up early from school for a medical appointment, I couldnt quite bring myself to even say the word husband.

I stuttered over hu hu hu , and then, feeling embarrassed at my own stupidity, I finished with: Violets father.

Kasey Edwards with her husband Chris and their daughter Violet. Photograph: Joe Castro for the Guardian

Oh, I understand, said the teacher, who clearly took my awkwardness to mean that Chris and I had recently separated.

So now Chris and I are in the ridiculous position of having to perform marriage to correct the teachers assumption. At a recent parentteacher conference I told Chris that we had to act like we were married.

He laughed. What are you talking about? We are married.

Yes, we are. And to my complete surprise, I actually like it. In fact, I love being married. I love the sense of security that I have never felt before, I love that I can always count on Chris to be in my corner, and know I will always be in his. I love what we have built together: that we are much more than than the sum of two halves.

Having said that, Im still waiting for it all to turn to shit.

I know of very few couples who have stayed together through multiple life stages and still like each other. Not love, but like. Maintaining the like seems to be harder.

Even when I do see couples who appear happy, I have a hard time believing it. As research in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin tells us, people who post their loved-up pics and declarations of love on Facebook are less likely to be secure in their relationships than those who dont. They are essentially manufacturing their relationship happiness to convince other people, as well as themselves, of their partners #affection.

I genuinely believe Chris and I have maintained our like for each other throughout infertility, mental illness, trauma and heartbreaks, two children and two career changes because we see each other as partners in every sense of the word. He has never tried to force me into the role of housekeeper, primary carer, on-demand sex toy with a pulse, or support staff.

When my first book came out, I lost count of how many people asked me how Chris was coping with my success. Chriss ego was not threatened by my moment in the spotlight. Not only was he proud of my success, he was also part of it. It was our success. But I think this question reveals a lot about the power dynamics in many marriages and points to why it is so easy to lose the like.

I am not the woman behind the man, nor am I the woman in front of him. I am the woman next to my man.

I feel genuinely lucky that I look forward to Chris walking through the door each night. I have friends who dread spending time with their husbands; who wish their husbands would travel more because their lives are easier when they are not around.

Two of my friends have admitted that they plan to leave their husbands in the future. And several others have said enough to make me think they are contemplating it.

My friends arent alone. According to a study of 2,000 married parents in Britain, 18% of them have a date in mind for when they will leave their partner.

The research, commissioned by the family law firm Irwin Mitchell, which presumably considers a spike in the divorce rate to be good for business, found that one in 20 married parents has picked a date 10 or more years into the future on which to change the locks. Of those who have already divorced a partner, almost eight out of 10 regretted putting it off as long as they did.

Why do unhappy couples stay together, some resigning themselves to more than a decade of discontent before cutting their losses?

The romantic view is that couples want to work at things and see if they can learn to fall in love again. But the research suggests that the optimists view is, well, optimistic.

The real reasons for staying together make you wonder if anything has really changed since the days when marriage was considered a good way to increase ones estate.

Five of the top 10 reasons for postponing divorce were financial, including what my parents friends had told me: I have too much to lose.

The other financial reasons were: I cant afford to move out, I cant afford a divorce, For my partners money, and We have too many shared financial assets.

The second-biggest reason for soldiering on, however, was to save the children the distress of a broken home. Staying together for the kids was why one in four couples put off that trip to the offices of Bicker & Bicker.

Parents like this use a range of strategies to disguise their unhappiness and their plans for an eventual exit. They argue in a different room, away from the children; they sleep in the same bed to maintain the pretence; they even make a point of kissing and cuddling and going on date nights.

As a child of divorced parents, Im in two minds as to whether staying together for the kids is a good idea. I dont know how I would have handled my parents divorce if I had been younger but I do know that their efforts to maintain appearances gave me quite a warped view of marriage.

I had always assumed that the reality was a harmonious public appearance and an ice-cold, passive-aggressive private life.

My first two serious relationships could be characterised by screaming matches, eye rolls and meanness. It didnt occur to me that this was problematic because that was my understanding of what relationships were. It terrifies me how easily I could have ended up marrying either of those partners.

It wasnt until I met my third boyfriend, who treated me with kindness and respect inside the house as well as out, that I realised this sort of relationship was even possible, let alone the very least I should expect.

From the outside looking in, you would have thought my mother and father were happily married, too. When people saw them holding hands, they used to comment that I was lucky to have parents who still loved each other.

When they did finally divorce, and I was in my late 20s, it came as a complete shock. I was crushed when my dad told me he had wasted 30 years of his life. Not only did it make my entire childhood a farce: it made me feel responsible for my parents unhappiness.

I would never have wanted my parents to endure three decades of misery because of me. And even though I didnt make that decision for them, I often feel the brunt of my fathers resentment for it.

Im not about to tell my friends to rethink their decision to stay together for their kids, but I do think that sacrificing your own happiness for someone else rarely turns out well in the long run.

This is an extract from Guilt Trip: My Quest to Leave the Baggage Behind by Kasey Edwards (Nero). kaseyedwards.com

Read more: http://ift.tt/2v7HydW

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2fh8UKU via Viral News HQ