#but that's a different discussion because it's too depresso

[arx-aru]

anyway this octopus at the ruin-strewn precipice killed a relic-wielding serpent cultist so that's pretty pog

i think this particular octopod is potentially very relevant lore-wise actually though but also it's very funny he's a funny guy look at him. but okay so-

coupled with the evidence of Rykardian assassins hunting Malenia and her knights post-Aeonia, that the octopuses are associated with Miquella, and that the Ruin-Strewn Precipice is one of three choke-points separating the Altus Plateau from the lower Lands Between--it's possible with enough rot coping (this bitch that's me) to interpret this murder scene as...

a) a distant Miquella trying subconsciously or not to protect his sister with octopuses(which is adorable i choose to believe this)

and/or b) the octopuses are drawn to the residual Miquellen traces left by Finlay's Miquellen/Haligtree magics(Cleanrot Commanders(what Finlay is) use Halo Scythes which have Miq-Trina's visual design motifs(sickle, half-circle, eclipse silhouette) as well as unique AoW specifically being "Miquella's." they also cast a unique AoE blessing with a Haligtree sigilwhoops it's actually malenia's sigil). So this could be the remains of one of the "all manner of foes" Finlay fought off in her journey

i like those 2 options the best but it's also just possible that

c) it's another case of Rykard trying to protect and/or control the happenings around Raya Lucaria(where his mom is and where he has Iron Virgins patrolling). Because the Ruin-Strewn Precipice appears to be draining great excesses of water into Liurnia, possibly being the cause of the city/regions' continued flooding (it rains there already, which was presumably responsible for the "Lakes" that have since been subsumed into a single region-wide mire that Liurnia is now). it could be that the sword's former wielder was investigating or attempting to halt said flood, given the location.

The evidence for C, though wholly environmental/speculative, is decently compelling perhapsedly; Raya Lucaria seems to be under environmental siege by, uh, octopuses. a lot of octopuses. Given his many predicaments, it would make a lot of sense for Miquella to want Rennala's Rune of the Unborn--it is the only low-risk way we know of within the present Order for him to address any one of his 3 biggest problems (his curse, his sister's curse, and what has more recently been done to his body)

Additionally, the Ruin-Strewn Precipice has one of the rarer bat encounters-- a Bat Lady is singing in Latin about infertility here. There's another in Liurnia(still relevant) and other areas also but I believe this dungeon the most concentrated in numbers singing bats appear anywhere in-game.

i do think the connections to Miquella are very strong on this cliffside. So there's definitely something to figure here. The Serpent Sword and the Vulgar Militia also mean that Rykard and Maliketh had/have a hand in whatever the deal is.

[tracy-warcross]

Luniverse x Genshin Impact time again sorry guys i love this game

Warcross and legend characters and their genshin mains Emika: Diona/Barbara(?) (I just think that Emika would be a healer main or something and a cryo/hydro main who loves freeze comps and also hyper built Yelan cuz lol) Hideo: Diluc. Or Zhongli (Idk i he just gives me serious rich (or ex rich) people vibes [pun not intended oop]) Hammie: Sayu (I think she's very into team spirit and therefore loves to heal others especially in co op) Asher: Itto. (I feel like he would like solid hard workers like he is [um geo is the hard worker's element soo] and like chill people like Itto since he's very fun to play as well) Roshan: Jean/Zhongli/Bennett (Healer,shield, and buff combo. anything to keep all characters well performed) Tremaine: Razor or Itto. (idk why razor but Itto cuz he's the goofy ass kind of person [opposite of asher's reason]) Sasuke/zero: (does he even play tho?) Aloy (cuz he's a menace lol) Jax: Yelan or Raiden shogun or xiao (Yelan because she is cool; Raiden cuz she is cool too; xiao because he is depresso just like Jax) June: Jean (Jean is super hard working just like June and yes she also lost someone important to her anemo is the depresso's element anyway so/oof but she would love Jean) Day: Tartaglia (Childe) (Day would just main him for the childe memes) Tess: Kokomi (healer. simply put. massive heals. also Kokomi cute design draws Tess's heart okay?) Pascao: Tartaglia and Zhongli (FOR DE MEMES FOR DE MEMES; but xiao would be his main dps because he would love high dmg) Kaede: Kazuha and Yelan. (The tomo. okay but honestly he is hella fun to play okay, also Yelan because how she is badass just like Kaede herself) Eden: Albedo (do I even need to explain?/j albedo is a inventor like eden so yeah) Anden: Diluc/ traveler (A serious person just like him lol. also traveler because he hates saving and getting new characters so Traveler is okay for him)

(Disclaimer: these are just my opinions and might be biased, and I apologize for that. if you have any differing opinion feel free to discuss it)

[writtenonreceipts]

ACOTAR, Feysand ~1.7 words, just a little thing for the holidays.

Home for the Holiday

A fire cackled happily in the hearth as Feyre moved around the living room of the house.  She strung garland from the fireplace, keeping the ends from the sparks that fluttered out on occasion.  Lining the mantle were stocking hooks and ceramic snowmen.  

Leaning over one of the half empty plastic bins, Feyre pulled out a few cheap decorative pillows declaring Let it Snow! and Ho! Ho! Ho!

They were the same pillows from years past.  Ones that should most certainly be tossed out and exchanged for new ones, but these were the first decorations her sisters and her had purchased after their parents died.  And Feyre couldn’t bring herself to toss them out just yet.  Besides, Nesta might kill her if she tried.

“Okay, the hot cocoa is ready!” Elain called out from the kitchen.  

Feyre glanced over to see Elain poke her head around the corner.  She wore a terrible disarray of mismatched pajamas combined with an apron that had reindeer prancing around on it.

“Thanks, Elain,” Feyre said, she smiled and turned back to the oil painting she had made last year of an angel.

“You want your usual peppermint?” Elain asked, her painfully kind smile alluding to something akin to pity.

“Sure,” Feyre said, if only to get Elain to stop making that face at her.

Elain disappeared and Feyre sighed heavily.

No matter what Feyre had tried the past few weeks, nothing seemed to put her in the mood for the holidays.  No amount of baking, shopping, decorating, family time had made a difference.

All because her boyfriend couldn’t be there for the holiday.  He’d recently accepted a job promotion, which was wonderful, but it required him to move out of Veleris and to Hybern.  Once, Rhysand had sworn he would never leave Veleris, the city he loved so much, but Amarantha had made a far too appealing offer apparently.

Feyre took a deep breath.  At least they’d managed to skype yesterday.  It wasn’t the same of course.  Christmas Eve without him was turning to be unbearable and Elain’s doe-eyed stare was not helping.

Maybe she should just go to bed.

“Merry Christmas!” Nesta called out.  She entered the house with a loud bang, followed by a curse. “Hell.  I might have broken Lucien’s present.  Oh well.”

“Be nice!” Elain yelled.  She rounded the corner with a giant mug that she handed to Feyre before going to help relieve Nesta of some of her many bags. “Geez, Nes.  How much crap do you have.”

“Some of it’s Cassian and Azriel’s,” Nesta grumbled.  She flipped her braid over one shoulder as she hurried the rest of the way into the house and dumped the bags on the couch. “They had something to take care of.  Probably a prank.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Cassian tried to stuff himself down the chimney.”

“Maybe he should,” Elain mused, “it might actually cheer Feyre up.”

“I’m fine,” Feyre insisted.  She punctuated her words by taking a long sip of cocoa, whipping cream staining her upper lip. “We’ll skype all day tomorrow...when he’s not in a meeting.”

“Who does that woman think she is, not letting her employees have time off?” Nesta said.  She pulled presents from the bags and began arranging them beneath the tree. “I mean I know we don’t really celebrate Christmas, but it’s a holiday.  It’s family time.”

“He’s the project leader for this really important account,” Feyre sighed. “He loves his job.”

“He loves you more,” Nesta said.

The words were so sudden and unexpected that it took Feyre a moment to register them.

“What do you mean?” she asked her older sister.  

Neta shrugged as she finished placing presents under the tree.

There was nothing else to say on the topic as Elain demanded a sister picture, followed by a heated discussion of which Christmas movies they watch first.  It was barely eight o’clock, but they all seemed ready to delve into whatever tradition they could get their hands on.  Or maybe it was just Elain and Nesta trying to distract Feyre from Rhysands absence.

While they were in the middle of one movie, Lucien arrived.  He’d finished up his shift as a nurse in the ER earlier than expected.

“We’re just getting to the good part!” Elain told him as he came over to sit on the floor just in front of her.  Despite there being plenty of space on the couch, he still was in the habit of avoiding being closer to Nesta then necessary.

“Where are the others?” Lucien asked. “There’s a storm coming in.  It started snowing while I was on my way into the city.”

“What?” Nesta demanded sitting up straighter.  She paused the movie and looked at Lucien. “It’s snowing?”

Feyre looked to the front window, where indeed, snow could be seen in the distant street lights.  A white Christmas for certain.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Lucien was saying.

Nesta was having no part of that, however.  She had her phone out in an instant and was calling Cassian.

“He knows how to drive in the snow, Nes,” Feyre said.  Her sister held up a hand to silence her.

Rolling her eyes, Feyre stood and gathered empty mugs of hot chocolate to take to the kitchen.  Apart from the tree and the small tea lights dangling over the kitchen counter, the house was dark.  But not in the miserable sort of way.  This was the kind of dark that exuded warmth and hope.  

The fire had died down hours ago and was not smoldering, keeping the house toasty.

As she set the empty mugs in the sink, Feyre looked out the window just above and watched the snow falling in thick folds through the night.  It made her all the more grateful for being inside right now, but she just couldn’t get over the seed of loneliness in her heart.  

She couldn’t cry about it now or else Elain and Nesta would try and cheer her up and it would ruin their Christmas Eve.  Rubbing a hand over her face, Feyre filled the empty mugs with water so they would be easier to clean.

Just then the front door burst open and Cassian’s booming laugh broke the silence.

“Merry Christmas!” He shouted.

In the living room, Feyre could hear feet pounding and knew Nesta was jumping up to engulf her boyfriend in a hug.  She listened as boots were kicked off and Cassian made a loud noise of pain, likely in response to a punch from Nesta.

“Where have you guys been?” Elain asked.

Cassian didn’t respond.  She heard when Azriel entered and took his sweet time to close the door behind him.  She would need to put on a thicker pair of socks.

Making sure her eyes were clear, Feyre rounded the corner from the kitchen. 

“Do you guys want some hot chocolate?” She asked and then stopped in her tracks.

Because not only were Cassian and Azriel there grinning like five-year-olds but a third person was there too.

Feyre slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming, because there disheveled and jetlagged and still breathtakingly handsome was Rhysand.

“Merry Christmas,” he said.

Unable to hold herself back, Feyre ran to him, flinging herself in his arms.  He caught her easily and held her tightly against him.  Tears leaked from Feyre’s eyes as she buried her nose in his neck.  Despite the long three months apart--his touch, his scent, everything was so, so familiar.

“What are you doing here?” She whispered, tears unabashedly slipping down her cheeks. “I thought you said you’d get fired if you came back.”

Rhysand cupped her face in his hands beaming down at her with his brilliant violet eyes.

“It’s hard to fire someone when they’ve already quit,” Rhysand said.  He gave her a lopsided grin and shrugged.

“You what?” Feyre gaped at him. “This is your dream job, Rhys.”

“Nah,” he said with a shake of his head.  “Not really.”

Around them, their friends and family got distracted by other things to allow the couple time alone.  Someone started the movie back up and a Christmas song was playing in the background.  

Feyre fisted her hands in Rhysands jacket, unwilling to release him yet.  She still couldn’t believe that he was here before her.  Nor could she fully grasp what he was telling her.

“I couldn’t keep working there,” Rhysand said.  “Not for her.  Not in that place.  Not so far from you.”

Feyre bit her bottom lip, shaking her head. “You love your job.”

Rhys’ response was automatic. “I love you more.”

No matter how often she heard them, the words still sent a thrill through her.  She laughed lightly and looked away from him to where Azriel was stoking the fire and Cassian drew Nesta in his arms as they sat on the couch.  Elain leaned her head on Lucien’s shoulder as she mouthed the words along to the movie that played in the background.

The house was full of love and family for the first time in a long time.  Feyre had spent so long searching for these feelings of peace and comfort and now she had them.  She didn’t want to do anything to alter them--to diminish them.

But she also couldn’t let Rhys walk away from his work.

“Rhys,” she began.

His warm hand slid to cup her chin, gently tugging it up.  It took her a moment to meet his gaze.  Mostly because she was, again, tearing up.

“Everything about that job was tearing us apart,” he said as he leaned his forehead against hers, “and I refuse to let that happen any more.”

Feyre surged forward and kissed him.  There was so much they needed to figure out now.  So much to talk about and plan.  But for now, she was content to kiss him.  Content to be with him, with her family.

“I love you,” she murmured against his lips.

“Merry Christmas, Feyre darling,” he said.

And it was.  It was a glorious night together with snow falling down outside, the fire roaring in the hearth, and they were all together.

.end.

#

thanks for reading!

tags: using my general tags

@tottenhamboys20  @more-espresso-less-depresso-xx @bamchickawowow @ladywitchling @ireallyshouldsleeprn @courtofjurdan @sassys-world @sleeping-and-books @superspiritfestival 

@my-fan-side  @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln

[yourdorkiness]

My Opinions On Jujutsu Kaisen That Literally Nobody Asked For

I finished binging the Jujutsu Kaisen manga in 48 hours. I am having some expresso, because I’m depresso.

Here’s a Sad Stitch to show you how I feel.

(And of course, warnings for discussion/ranting/kinda meta on the Jujutsu Kaisen manga below the cut, so please read at your own discretion!)

Sukuna is truly a Bastard™, along with Mahito. 

I just- *cries in Shibuya Arc aka PAIN*

*Pulls out megaphone* Nanamin. 

That’s all folks. Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

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(Just kidding!)

Ugh, NANAMIN 👏 WHAT 👏 A 👏 MAN 😭 😭 😭 😭 I became a certified Nanami stan once I saw the tired business man aesthetic (plus, his words about how work is shit? Truer words have never been spoken), and his little speech about adults and responsibility, how children no matter their circumstances are still children, and should be given the opportunity to act as such. Because, YES, FINALLY, A RESPONSIBLE ADULT WITH THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL aka the voice of Kenjiro Tsuda

Anyways, I love how the Jujutsu Kaisen manga shows that adults can handle things, and that is A-OKAY!!! If Jujutsu Tech follows the Japanese school system, Yuji is a first year in high school, so he’s probably 15 or 16 years old, way too early to go through Shibuya level of trauma (though, I think anybody is too young to have to go through what happened to Yuji in Shibuya). 

Children should have the privilege to be children. That doesn’t mean coddling, it means that children should have plenty of time to experience new things, enjoy being a child, and I’m so happy Nanami says this! 

In conclusion, Nanami deserves happiness and a vacation to Kuantan 🥺

YOSHINO JUNPEI!!! He and his mom deserve happiness, they’re both precious beans. I didn’t even realize Junpei was dead until 5+ chapters later. But it was too late, for I had already gotten attached!!! *cue curse worthy screeching* 

I was so excited for Junpei to join Jujutsu Tech, too! I had this whole headcanon of Junpei being HAPPY again, talking about movies with Yuji, interacting with the other first years, him seeing Panda for the first time!!! The thing was, back then, it wasn’t headcanon! I thought it was going to be facts, until Gege said ‘lol, you thought, peasant’, before spitting on any hope of mine for a happy Junpei.

(On a completely different tangent, I would be SO psyched if I got to meet a talking panda, we could act out all of “Kung Fu Panda” together, especially the chopstick scene, and maybe we could go to a zoo, just to mess with the zookeepers about a honest to god PANDA walking on its hind legs around the zoo)

‘If Junpei had lived’ is a phrase I think about a lot, and I think that is why the “Young Fish and Reverse Punishment” arc  was so crucial to the story and yet so tragic. 

Junpei has so much potential to be happy, and then he didn’t get the happiness he deserves. It really sets the tone, the high stakes to the whole manga, for we see the amount of damage a curse inflicts on somebody who could be in a situation like Junpei. 

As the readers, we understand the reasoning behind Junpei’s ideology, sympathizing with him as we see what horrible torment he has to go through. That very first scene of this arc, where the bullies made him eat the cockroach and BURNED HIM WITH A LIT CIGARETTE, and the teacher who saw all of this happening, JUST TURNS AWAY!!! It was haunting. But finally, finally, we get a light at the tunnel for Junpei in the form of our lord and saviour, the cinnamon roll of cinnamon rolls, Itadori Yuji. HERE is a person who is able to connect with Junpei, who wouldn’t dismiss how Junpei’s circumstances or feelings. and then Junpei dies.

(look at this cute face, how could you Mahito?!)

Also, the symbolism in the opening? The Junpei fish ENLARGING??? HNKDJSFLJDSF JUNPEI NOOO-

Also ALSO (sorry this is the last ‘also’), did we ever learn if Junpei was a sorcerer, or was he a window that possessed enough talent to summon a shikigami? I at first thought Junpei was a window, since he was able to see Mahito, and was hoping that we’d get a more detailed explanation of what windows actually do. (Do they just wander around Tokyo, or wherever they live, and act all ‘La Dee Da, just living my regular, normal life, oOOHHH is that a special grade? Tell that to the sorcerers, maybe I’ll get a bonus!’ Is their life basically a demented version of Pokemon Go? I have so many questions-)

All the villains were well written, and had super cool character designs. My top three villains other than Sukuna, my top three villains are Geto, and Mahito.

Geto’s backstory in the Hidden Inventory arc was so incredibly written, I especially liked the way Gege wrote how Getou’s righteous ideals gradually deteriorating throughout the Hidden Inventory arc as he realizes the depth of the curses of humanity, the dark hatred the “weak” hold towards things they have no understanding of. (i.e. Riko’s death by the Star Religious Group, Haibara’s death, and finally the villagers ignorant treatment and abuse towards Geto’s twins, Mimiko and Nanako, beating and imprisoning them for “causing” the deaths of the villagers) Geto’s chilling charisma and the reasoning behind his actions as a villain makes him a top tier villain in my eyes. 

As for Mahito, I love to hate him, and that why I think he is a great antagonist. I guess I’ve just been seeing a lot of villains that because of their tragic backstories, the readers or characters sympathize with them and rationalising their actions, turning the villain into a flaky antihero of lesser impact. It’s very refreshing to have a villain who is just pure evil. 

I think that Mahito fulfilled his purpose as an antagonist very well; his twisted ideals on the worth of human life foiling Itadori’s own ideals of giving others a “proper death”, the curse making Yuji continuously adapt both physically and mentally to defeat him. Physically, by learning new spells and techniques to defeat Mahito, such as the Black Flash (and possibly his own cursed technique! The weird “Past That Never Happened” in the fights with Choso and Todo), or mentally, by questioning his ideals, such as what exactly is a “proper death”, after Yuji had to kill the transfigured humans. 

(Ew look at this worm.)

Some Honorable Mentions of Good Villains IMO: Jogo, because I find his ideals of curses, who stem from the true emotions of hatred and fear, being superior yet suppressed by the emotionally faceted humans is definitely fascinating, and eerily reminds me of Geto’s hatred towards non sorcerers.  Dagon was pretty cute in his Cursed Womb stage, and I really liked Hanami because the eldritch environmentalist aesthetic is pretty coolio  👌 .

How do Inumaki children learn to speak if all the adults barely talk, only saying inane words like “salmon” and NOT ACTUALLY meaning “salmon, the fish” but an adult secret code for a definition that you might not even know?? Or do the adults just charmspeak the kids, like “SPEAK small child, and have full language comprehension, O tiny ball of pudge!” and boom! Babies talking in complete sentences, maybe understanding weird adult customs. Will the child know when then adult actually mean salmon, the fish, and not the code word salmon?

Let’s assume that Inumaki clan children from learning to speak to four or six years old will be able to speak normally until the clan technique sets in (because that’s when the jjk wiki says cursed techniques kick in). How do you explain to a toddler: “Hey sweetie, happy birthday, have a present! Oh, by the way, those cool tattoos of yours mean that you can’t talk normally to anybody anymore, EVER. Only using these specific words as code to mean these specific meanings, restricting any chance of normal interactions with non-sorcerers if by some inane chance you DON’T want to become a child soldier jujutsu sorcerer. Welp, guess you have to become a jujutsu sorcerer now! Make sure to restrict your choice of words, you could kill somebody! Have fun playing with your Legos honey, welcome to adult life.” Like, EXCUSE ME? 

You can’t tell mw a four year old is expected to understand that (or didn’t kill somebody by accident via cursed speech. That MUST have happened at least once). 

This is all an elaborate way of saying please give us Inumaki backstory, I’m very curious.

Anyways, thank you for reading my post, and I hope you have a nice day!

[dummythikkkk-blog]

depresso martini

shit title I know but deal with it.

The people I live with currently stress me out beyond belief. Two people are my absolute rocks (again, you know who you are :) ) and the other two I would love to punch in the face.

signs of discomfort, for lack of a better word...

In the holidays my behaviour became very strange, in short there were a few tell-tale signs of something not being quite right. I bit my nails down to the nail beds, which was so painful I couldn’t even wash dishes without gloves, my psoriasis now doesn’t go away after hand ins, and I clenched my jaw so hard during the day and whilst asleep that I had trouble chewing and now my jaw clicks and gets achy sometimes. So yeah it really do be like that rn.

The reason I hate the fact that all this is happening to me is because I was warned. I was warned that one day my overthinking would begin to affect me (even though I insisted it had no personal effects it was only about others). I was warned that I needed to distance myself from the negative people in my life, it was even suggested I move out - which I choose not to do because it not only lets the other person win, but it means that there is a whole different level of stress put on me in the moving process.

A flatmate (no, not a friend) found my twitter in which at one stage I had been tweeting rather directly about things he did that annoyed me. So far it has been roughly 7 weeks since he found it and has been planning to confront me. Can’t wait, because I want to surprise him with a different reaction than he might be expecting. One where I don’t back down during confrontation and end up reaching a compromise when one wasn’t necessary or warranted. I want to not lash out or say too much, and instead acknowledge what has happened but in doing so not giving away any of myself to that person. I dislike there is a situation in which someone has a perceived upper hand on me and I wish they would just hurry up and talk to me about it, I even dropped that I hate people who don’t bring up issues and instead breed resentment so hopefully that gets through.

Such a small thing, but I really dislike the position I have asserted for myself in the flat. It is one in which I have ended up making flat discussions and being the only one who speaks in them. I completely understand that some people hate confrontation but I equally get frustrated sometimes because I come off somewhat tyrannical when really I speak for multiple people and only want a harmonious or at least civil environment. Mum spent so much time in the holidays trying to advise me on how to not give a fuck about problems that don’t concern me, but it is really difficult in a living environment surrounded by different personalities because at times it seems impossible to escape.

Feeling trapped and not at ease in your own ‘home’ ( I use this term here merely to describe my living situation) is honestly the worst and I can say without being dramatic that it has affected my mental health. I don’t take it lightly that my mum thought I was depressed in the holidays. She has thought it once before and both times I can see why. The first time was in high school when I boarded and would come home crying every weekend because I felt so cut off. The second was in the holidays when I was doing all that weird stuff, like the complete opposite of self-soothing behaviour. I also had planned to get so much done over the holidays and when I barely got any of those tasks completed I felt so hopeless. I also can’t ignore the fact that I was on the verge of tears the day that I had to come back down to Wellington. I nearly cried in public when I went to visit him at work before I left and I said I didn’t want to come back down and then he was like “aw me neither” and like even now I get sad about it.

I just feel a bit stuck in general at the moment, and like small things get to me now when they didn’t normally, and even the fact I didn’t submit some assignment the other day on time like actually made me feel like pure shit. So yeah just all in all not feeling tickity boo at the moment.

Some things I enjoy and am doing for myself at the moment:

Trying to eat a bit healthier- importantly, not being too strict on myself, and making sure I still enjoy what I’m eating but trying to slightly counteract my tendencies towards emotional eating. 

Walks! Aiming for about 4 a week at the moment but with definite room for increase! Just need to start exhausting myself so that my hyperactive brain can’t get the better of me. 

Self care! - filing my nails, moisturising, being gentle on my skin (my face is a bit rashy at the moment) about to re-do my nails as they look a bit busted atm.

Quiet time - trying to establish some points in the day when I can get away and be by myself for a bit.

Sleep meditation - Sleep with Me podcast is so great, this guy just literally babbles in monotone until I drift off, much better than the bullshit in my head that keeps me up!

Being with people whose company I enjoy - walking buddies, people to hang out with, chats that don’t revolve around the negative. MY SISTER!! we cannot stand to live with each other but I live for our weekly catch-ups, and coming clean to her recently was nice, good to get it off my chest. I felt bad because in the holidays, I was being quite negative towards her and admittedly it was a bit uncalled for, but the way I explained it was literally like I can’t even be kind to myself at the minute, what with my nail biting etc, I’m not sure I even have the ability to be kind to others right now.

And so for me, the way I am coping is distance, although with this growing glaringly obvious, I may have to aim for a slightly different version - indifference. Not letting little annoyances get to me and just brushing off the negative vibes so that I can function in a room with people, but not feeling the need to engage much further. It’s honestly past being something personal, and rather a coping strategy for myself only, and frankly that’s not anyone else’s business but my own. I welcome the chance to be challenged on this front and to justify my behaviour because finally I am deciding to do better for myself and not anyone else. 

fingers crossed, breathing deeply, I push on x