#but that's at least partially because the state of rock music right now is pretty dire

[anthonycrowley]

poking a hornet's nest saying that while i am an out and proud mcr fan but will that stop me? no 💕

[tokiwarcube]

This is gonna be so random, but can we get dethklok headcanons of how they'd react to their s/o being a ghoul/ghoulette in Ghost, please? 😶

Less random than you'd think, actually! This prompt in particular was actually written with a ghoul/ette reader in mind, although it wasn't explicitly stated. I'm actually a huge Ghost fan, myself! Bonus points to anyone who can ID me in the movie, LMAO

I do encourage reading This one for a bit more instrument/element specifics, but regardless, do enjoy!

Nathan Explosion

Despite his fame, Nathan keeps his personal life a secret from the media — or well, as best as he can as one of the most famous men in the world. So in that sense, he kind of admires the anonymity you maintain. Or at least used to maintain, anyways.

He’s gotten sucked into the metal vs. not metal debate, and before seeing you perform, he absolutely lies on the latter half of the debate. But holy shit, talk about stage presence. He’s very proud of where Dethklok stands in a concert sense — seeing Dethklok is truly, a completely unforgettable experience — but Ghost is just… Brutal.

Performance-wise, he likes Year Zero the most — the first time he saw flames erupting over the stage, bathing you in hues of orange and white absolutely took his breath away. Any song where you get to shine is a favorite of his as well.

His favorite song overall is a toss up between Year Zero and Elizabeth, though. He likes the lyrical imagery of both, and really, what metal performer doesn’t have a soft spot for an song about Elizabeth Bathory?

He gets a bit jealous if you’re a little flirty on stage, especially because he can’t just swoop in to make his place clear, but he works through it.

He’s a little obsessed with the Era V outfits — don’t be too surprised if he gets a bit handsy when the mask comes off. Or before.

He fucking hates Plushia with a passion — he is convinced that its cursed, and will not allow him in the house.

Pickles the Drummer

Pickles LOVES Ghost once you introduce him, and not just because you’re in it. The very fun, in-your-face sexuality that comes with rituals is right up his alley, and the musical niche they fall into with regards to genre is just… Listen, he loves the heavy shit, but rock will always have a place in his heart.

Impera enjoyer till the end of his days. His favorite live song is Watcher in the Sky, both for the vibes and for how crazy you’re allowed to be on stage; however, he’s also rather partial to Mary on a Cross, for obvious reasons. It’s not his favorite musically, but he does think that the bit Papa does live is funny as fuck.

Assuming you’re a ghoul with a bit of movement, he likes to hang out with security so he can hit his vape and shotgun you from below. There are MANY videos of this circulating online, and you’ve gotta admit — it’s pretty hot. Sometimes he’ll indulge the rest of the ghouls if they try to jump on the train — he’s not greedy. Also, its funny.

He likes to suggest silly little bits to incorporate into future shows — whether or not they actually get through review is another thing, but he’s got some good ideas. He doesn’t mind if you get a bit flirty on stage either — hell, he thinks it’s hot as fuck, truth be told.

He always steals mummy bucks out of the cannons before they go off. Puts it in a money clip and everything, the bastard.

He thinks the military outfit is hot as hell, but also. You do look like a bug. And he won’t hesitate to rib you about it every now and then.

Misses Cowbell Ghoul every day of his life.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

He loves how camp Ghost is — all of the bits really make the show fun, and he loves that humor is incorporated so well. After catching enough of your Rituals, he starts bugging Nathan to incorporate some sort of spin off the “go fuck yourself” bit, and let me tell you, he’s CLOSE to getting his way.

He absolutely made fun of you when the Era V outfits got revealed… and never stopped. He loves the Era III and IV outfits so much more all around, and will never let them go. (I’m so sure that he’d like it more if he could see past the mask, but he just can’t. Quit staring at him with them big ole eyes!!!)

He still insists on tightening the bolo for you before you go on stage, though. And he secretly saves all of the gifs and videos of you on stage to watch when he misses you. So… maybe the mask does grow on him a little bit, loathe as he is to admit it.

I don’t know how to tell you this, but he 100% develops this weird, pretty one-sided rivalry with Dew. Is it because of the man beneath the mask? Is it some weird lead guitarist thing? Is it because he gets to work with you on stage, and Skwisgaar doesn’t? He’ll never tell you, but either way, he shoots some vile glares his way whenever you two interact on-stage.

There’s one particular video of Dew flashing the “you suck” sticker at him, and Skwis just glaring up a storm in response.

His favorite songs to hear live are either Mummy Dust or Cirice, and he always tries to coax you over to flirt with him a bit… and he’s usually successful He might be in the crowd at barrier, but he’s managed to cement himself as a staple of every ritual. Go figure.

(People online always complain about the giant at barrier though, please convince him to hang with security under the guise of sneaking kisses or something. People are So Sick of his tall ass, even if he does add to the show.)

Toki Wartooth

Ghost ticks so many boxes for Toki, so needless to say, he is ecstatic that you get to work with such a cool act!

His favorite album is a hard tie between Opus Eponymous and Prequelle, funnily enough. The former reminds him of his early days in metal, but he loves the overall vibes of Prequelle — very hard to choose between the two, for him.

After you introduced him to Ghost through your work, he actually delved a bit deeper, and got obsessed with Repugnant. He 100% prods you into prodding Mr. Toblerone Frog into doing more death metal stuff.

He absolutely makes bracelets to trade with fans — getting a bracelet made by Toki quickly becomes as legendary as getting a ghoul pick. Although there’s always exactly one bracelet per show that he makes with one of your spare picks that he hands out to one special person.

He has your ringtone set to If You Have Ghosts :’) He also very much loves the Ghesties bit, and there’s a nonzero chance that he’s changed your contact to be a gh- prefix of some sweet little petname he has for you.

His favorite song is easily Dance Macabre — both live and off the stage! This only doubles after the events of LA.

He saves mummy dust and confetti from every show that you do, and keeps it in his scrapbook.

He thinks the Era V outfit is really cute. You DO look like a bug… but you’re his bug :)

He has been begging for ghoul plushies since he started dating you; although, he is very happy to own a little Plushia. He thinks he’s cute.

William Murderface

Like Nathan, he has also gotten into online debates about whether or not Ghost is metal — except he takes the opposite position of Nathan. Ghost is metal as fuck to him. Listen, you don’t go on stage in front of that many people, make fun of God and everyone who worships him, and come out not being metal. Like the Satanism bit is whatever, but having the balls to go and make fun of that many people on stage? Metal.

He thought the old outfits were really boring, but he is nothing short of obsessed with Era V — for both you and Papa alike. He desperately wants a replica of Papa’s military jacket.

His favorite album overall is probably Infestissumam, but he’s also partial to Opus Eponymous. He’s been begging you to get talk Trickery Feet into getting Idolatrine on the setlist since you got him into Ghost — hell, if he ever gets the motivation to actually record Planet Piss, he’d love to do a cover of it.

Although his favorite songs to see live are probably either Mummy Dust or — after the LA show — Twenties. Twenties slides in very quick as his number one after the LA show.

He gets into arguments online about your characterization in fandom spaces, I’m sorry. He does indeed read fanfic, and he will be leaving “they would not fucking say that” comments.

He likes to banter back and forth at night about what your role would be in the clergy if you know, the whole bit was real. For someone who doesn’t give a fuck about religion, he actually puts a lot of thought into this.

[spicysoftsweet]

zhongli’s pretty serious about his contracts, zhongli x reader

warnings: fem!reader, nsfw, zhongli gets a little irritated with you at the beginning but it’s alright

“For someone who seems to turn everything into a sort of transaction, you’re quite bad at keeping track of money,” you tease.

Zhongli’s eyebrows furrow over his golden eyes, and you realize that he hasn’t quite exactly grasped the meaning of your joke. You roll your eyes dramatically before you sigh and pull out your wallet. The waitress who has just brought you the check stands awkwardly looking between you two, wondering if the fact that the young man sitting with you now appears tense means an argument is about to start. 

There won’t be, at least not on your part, because you don’t mind paying; in fact, you expected to. You’d heard the rumors, and you’d been privy to his rather forgetful nature in person. You had to admit that a small part of you hoped that he’d be a little more careful, however. For you.

Zhongli crosses his arms. You can tell he’s embarrassed by the very slight darkening of his tanned cheeks and the fact that he won’t look at the waitress who counts the bills you hand her, but he absolutely won’t admit it, not to you when you have this particular mocking smile spread across your lips.

“I… simply forgot,” he finally murmurs once the woman leaves.

“Mhmm,” you hum, sipping the last of your tea. There is a silence that isn’t awkward but in which you attempt to hold in your laughter. But when you notice how his hands now seem to grip the table for steadiness, you can’t help but giggle.

“Zhongli, it’s really not a big dea-”

You stop when you see how upset he looks now looking straight at you, words sticking in your throat. 

“What exactly do you mean by I turn everything into a transaction?”

It’s your turn to knit your eyebrows and tilt your head ever so slightly to the side, gauging his expression. He doesn’t look upset but he feels upset.

Your hand instinctively reaches for his but he draws back ever so slightly before getting to his feet. You watch him stand, again stoic but his movements are less fluid.

He’s angry. Possibly angrier than you’ve ever seen him before, but he still appears superficially calm.

“We’re done here, am I correct?” he states more than asks.

You nod, somewhat more carefully than usual and you rise as well. His hand reaches out for yours, and you take it loosely.

---

“You do mention contracts a lot,” you finally speak up after minutes of walking through the paved streets of Liyue Harbor, brightly lit in the falling night by more lanterns than usual in lieu of festivities. It’s been quiet and while it’s not unnatural for him to fall silent between long soliloquy about parts of history long-forgotten and long-irrelevant to your life today, the air around him is softer… not sharp and jagged like pieces of rock.

His hand is still soft around yours, however, and that reassures you. 

He stops in his tracks, and his eyes lower to you, still upset.

“Contracts are not so simple to be compared to transactions, for one.”

You raise an eyebrow, but don’t protest. You’re a little annoyed that his hand has left yours now to cross his arms yet again and you’re starting to wonder if he could go more than 24 hours without that particular pose.

“Two, I feel as though by ‘everything’ you truly meant, everything, and thus, I must know: are you also implying that you believe that us, being here together today is another transaction?”

Ah. There it was. You’d hurt his feelings.

Rather than answer, you step closer to him, and gently unfold his arms so that they wrap around your shoulders. He offers little resistance and you smile, resting your head against his chest. You know that you’re pushing it with the public display as he’s rather private, but it feels right.

“No, I like being with you,” you reply. 

He stiffens again, but for a different reason. You swear you can hear his heart speed up - does his heart beat the same way yours does? He is human now, he’s assured you, but yet…

... 

When Zhongli’s chest is pressed against yours (among other parts of his body), you’re reminded that yes.. .he is very human and not just in the realm of feelings.

Maybe too human. Superhuman.

In the bedroom is where he no longer has the composure of a displaced god but retains all of the power of one, from the indomitable lust in his eyes to the force with which he handles you.

It’s nothing excessive because elegance is still a part of him, intrinsically, but the grip he holds on your wrists, waist, thighs, face, wherever he can reach, reminds you that whatever link entangles your path with his is immutable. 

When he slips inside you, forcing a gasp and an involuntary arch of your back as you lay below him, he pauses, gauging your expression for discomfort beyond the norm.

“P-please move,” your voice is a whimper as you endure the sensation of him, only partially inside, stretching you completely. He bottoms out with your encouragement, fingertips trailing up your arms by your side to intertwine with yours, held firmly. His lips in the crook of your neck palliate the pressure and sting down below that gives way to pleasure.

“What do I get in return?” He teases back, a little petty for someone so ancient, but your squirm below him in protest has him laughing.

“Mean!” You whine.

“So we have that in common,” he quips before he seals a surprise kiss.

He pulls back to gaze into your eyes and again you see his edges soften. The first roll of his hips is deep and dizzying, and while he is quiet at the start, focusing on the music your body makes, he soon makes moans of his own with every subsequent thrust, with the sensation of your hands reaching around to claw at his back.

“Ah-”

He fucks you slow and deliberately, taking the task of pleasuring you as seriously as a covenant.

“Zhongli!”

He speeds up, his left arm wrapping around your body and raising you up ever so slightly and the right gripping the headboard that will soon crack under pressure for leverage. The speed at which he is moving makes you lightheaded but you can hear his praises through the thick fog that begins to set as you close your eyes and focus on the drag of his cock against your walls and the slap of his full balls at your entrance.

To have your love would be something priceless. There’s nothing I could exchange for it.

Your arms tremble as they wrap around his neck and hold on for dear life.

You believe that you have nothing to offer to a man who was once god, but you pray that he’s right, that your affections are enough.

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Hello. I am, as you know, an American. I turned eighteen in 2014, voted in my first presidential election in 2016, and voted in my second presidential election last week via early voting in the state of Texas. 

I’m reflecting right now on the difference between those experiences. This is going to be a very self-indulgent essay. 

The 2016 election was in my third and final year of undergrad at Texas A&M University. At the time, I was living with a roommate who grew up in a town of 2,000, all of them members of her church. I loved her very much, but she was the most sheltered person I’ve ever met. 

I was only a few years ahead of her. My home growing up was deeply liberal about many of the things that counted, but deeply conservative on equally important things. For me, leaving for college was a radicalization speed-run.

I, a good Memphis girl, moved to Texas and encountered for the first time in my life white homogeny and everything that comes with it. I made most of my friends at A&M through a Christian orientation camp that I attended, then worked at. I went to school at a history department that was overwhelmingly male and war-obsessed. 

My second semester, I was randomly sorted into a writing seminar on the American Civil War and Reconstruction. There were eight other students in that class, all of them Texans. By day two I had gotten into a open fight with one of my classmates after he used the phrases “one of the humane parts of slavery” and “the secession declarations are moving and beautiful appeals, if you read them,” and “well I’m not going to criticize my own state.”

We got into at least one yelling match per week from that point forward. It was a formative experience for me-- not just him but the seven other students that took his side every time because they just couldn’t conceptualize anything outside of their own experiences, and frankly, I couldn’t either. 

It rocked my world to be surrounded by people who told me, among other things, that their high schools flew the Confederate battle flag or Lee was their all time role-model (because he actually didn’t want to secede! He didn’t believe in it, but Virginia did, so he put his own qualms aside and served his country, and that’s what we all have to do). I ran a survey once by knocking on every door in a dorm hall and asking the two people inside why the Civil War happened. 

I feel like you can guess the most common answer I got. Only two said slavery. Six didn’t know what the Civil War was. 

The last week of the semester, my class read a collection of recorded oral accounts of freed slaves during Reconstruction. My nemesis told me that he “didn’t realize black people actually had it bad.” At the same time, I was struggling with my sexuality, my relationship to my religion, my relationship with my parents, and a handful of newly-diagnosed but long-existing mental illnesses. I wasn’t having fun. 

Over the next three years, I tried my hardest to humanize the people that said disgusting things about minorities, poverty, and me personally. I barely won on that one, and I’m actually really proud that I did, even if it took me a few years. I can trace the biggest change in me directly to my nemesis from the history department, the kid that made me so mad that I started arguing back. I was too scared to do that before. 

By 2016, I was in full existential spin-out-- a very suddenly liberal kid fighting my whole family, all of my classmates, and most of my friends in an explosive political climate, the first I had ever participated in. 

I voted by Tennessee absentee ballot in 2016. On election night, I ordered takeout for me and my roommate, who I knew had voted red. Confident, like pretty much everybody, that Clinton would win, I was trying to show her that I didn’t hate her. She went to bed after dinner, also so certain that Clinton would win that she didn’t bother to stay up. 

I sat in front of my laptop sewing a birthday present for a friend (Kenza, actually), while the votes came in. I wasn’t super alarmed when the map turned red. I just figured the blue states hadn’t finished counting yet. 

The map didn’t get any bluer. By 1am, I knew what was about to happen. They called it an hour later, while I was sobbing on my floor. I threw up in the bathroom out of pure anxiety. I got two anonymous messages telling me the asker was going to commit suicide. Neither of them responded to my replies. I don’t actually know what happened to them. 

I remember riding the bus to class the next morning and distinctly seeing that most of the racial minorities there had swollen eyes from crying. The girl with the pride stickers all over her laptop didn’t show up that day, and I’m kind of glad she didn’t, considering the way some of our classmates in the back were loudly talking about “the gays.” Hope she’s okay.

My roommate came home completely unaware that Clinton lost. I was crying in my room when that happened. I remember showing her a demographic map of who voted which way. She got visibly upset when she figured out what races how. I think she really did feel guilty. 

That Thanksgiving, one of my cousins tweeted, “I can’t wait to go argue with my liberal cousin today. The wins. Keep. Coming,” an hour before he walked into my house. Inauguration day was January 20, 2017. I decided to go to law school a week later, the day the president signed the Muslim ban. That’s when I figured out for the first time just how much power the courts have. The last three years have only enforced that. 

I got angrier and angrier during law school, egged on by a few friends but more than anything just... finally conscious of exactly how the American system works and exactly who’s behind it. I still live in Texas, farther west now, and I’m working my first legal job. I’m going to be a licensed attorney next week. 

I went back and forth for months about how this election was going to shake out. I knew there wasn’t going to be an overwhelming red majority this time, but my big fear was an election close enough that the Supreme Court could take it. That fear doubled last month, at RBG’s death. 

I was hoping for a blue enough victory on election night that there wouldn’t be a week of uncertainty, but that was unlikely, and it didn’t happen. I obsessively refreshed my election map all of Wednesday and Thursday, aware that at least some states would flip after mail-in ballots came in, but unsure which would. 

Again, my great fear was a blue victory held down by only one state. Given (I would say “any” chance here, but I don’t mean “any” chance because genuinely jurisdiction or facts or legal merit don’t matter to the Supreme Court) an opportunity to make one (1) decision that hands over a red election, please know that a conservative supermajority would take it. I cannot emphasize enough how true that is and how important it is for all of us to grasp that. 

Watching Georgia flip was one of the best experiences of my life, and it’s a little hard for me to articulate why, but I’m going to give it a shot here. I’m southern. I’m from the South, and for this conversation it’s really important that I’m from Memphis, a black city and a center of black music and culture. 

When people think about the South, they think of the white South, and on some level, they should. It is absolutely essential to understand the white South in order to understand American history. Let me be 100% clear here. That is not a good thing. American majority history is not good. We are not a good country. 

It’s near-impossible to understand why that’s true without knowing exactly what happened in the white South and exactly what is still happening there now. With that, however, is another truth that most folks don’t get. 

The SouthTM is white and needs to die. The South as it actually exists is partially white yes, but it is also everyone else that lives here, particularly black folks. Southern culture is black, not white. Georgia flipped because the people that have always, always been there finally got to crack apart the conservative machine holding the South hostage. 

That’s amazing. It’s fucking mind-blowing. I watched it happen at 3:30 in the morning days after Election Day, and holy shit holy shit, Georgia flipped. Atlanta won. Holy fucking shit. 

I would be terrified right now if only Georgia flipped, because SCOTUS would have found a way to throw out a few thousand votes. Inevitable. Absolutely certain on that one. 

With a few states of buffer, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I really do think it’s over. 

I came home after work on Friday and immediately went to sleep because I hadn’t really done that since Tuesday. I woke up at noon today, checked the map, checked my messages, and saw what happened while I was gone. After that, I went back to bed until 5:30pm. I’m really just getting up now, after most of 24 hours asleep. 

I don’t know if I would say that I’m happy right now, but I am overwhelmingly relieved. I’m under no illusions that a Biden victory will solve everything, but I also do think this is a real thing to celebrate. I’ll take suggestions on how to celebrate right now, actually, since I’m finally awake. 

I’ll be angry forever, I think, but this is a good thing, and I’d like to enjoy it. If you’re happy right now, hey, tell me about it. I’ll be thrilled with you. I want to hear it. Congrats to all of us. Love y’all. 

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[rpf-bat]

Scream Out ‘What Will Save Us?’

Pairing: Frank Iero x Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 15. Prompt: “Catharsis.” 

Your band just broke up, and you’re trying to force yourself be okay with that. But, when you visit Frank, at his home in New Jersey, he advises you to be honest with your feelings. You find that he has some things to get off his chest, too. 

It had been six months now, since My Chemical Romance broke up. You hadn’t done much since then, except move back to your house in New Jersey, and….sit there. For the last eleven years of your life, you’d drummed for a living, and life had moved to a frenetic pace. There was always another city to travel to, another show to play. But, now? Life was suddenly at a standstill. 

You didn’t have to do anything for a living now, you supposed. The royalties alone, could probably sustain you, for years to come. Perhaps a millionaire like yourself, had no right to complain. Bullets You would, after all, kill to have Current You’s problems. 

But, having lived at both extremes, you found that being functionally homeless, in a dirty van with your four best friends, was more enjoyable, than being all alone, in this spotless mansion. You hadn’t joined My Chemical Romance to make money. There were other things that mattered more - the joy of spending time with friends, who slowly became more like family. The creative fulfillment, of writing a piece of music, and then having ten thousand fans sing along with the tune. These were the things, that made your life meaningful. 

These were the things, that you had now lost. 

The Way brothers - who, up until recently, had felt like your own brothers - were still residing in Los Angeles. Ray, too, had stayed on the West Coast. You hadn’t seen them since the decision was made, to disband. You weren’t sure that you even wanted to. 

But Frank - good, old, loyal Frank, who had known you longer than any of them - was merely a few miles down the road. Perhaps today was a good day to pay him a visit. 

You called him on your cell, and he answered the phone, almost immediately. Like you, he probably had nothing better to do. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Frank said in a tired voice. “How are you doing?”

“Alright,” you shrugged. “Just bored, I guess. How are you?” 

“Not so good,” Frank confessed. “I’ve been having, like, the worst stomachaches.” 

“Oh, no,” you said sympathetically. “Do you want me to bring you some medicine?” 

“The doc says I have a bacterial overgrowth of the small intestine,” Frank explained. 

“What does that mean?” you asked. 

“It means your drug-store Pepto ain’t gonna do shit for me,” Frank chuckled bitterly. “I got prescription pills for it, but it still hurts like a bitch. Some company might take my mind off the pain, though.”

“So...I can come over?” you asked hopefully. 

“Please do,” Frank agreed. “It’ll at least give me a reason, to get out of bed.” 

You chose not to mention that, at two o’clock in the afternoon, you had yet to find a reason to get out of bed yourself. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Frank’s house was nowhere near the main road. You had to drive through nearly half a mile of trees, just to reach his front door. He had selected this property partially because he loved nature - and partially because hated people. 

You supposed you couldn’t blame him, for trying to avoid having nosy fans show up on his doorstep. The only person who always seemed welcome on his doorstep, no matter the hour, was you. 

You found him sitting on his front steps, his acoustic guitar in his hands. The melody he was playing drifted over the air, as you got out of the car, and approached him. 

“Is that...Disenchanted?” you recognized instantly. 

“,,,..Yeah,” Frank sighed, his inked hands ceasing their strumming. “Hi, Y/N.” 

“Hi, Frankie,” you frowned. “What made you decide to play that one today?”

“I don’t know,” Frank said sadly. “Doesn’t it feel strange to you? Knowing that we’re never going to play that song onstage again?”

“Or any of them,” you noted. “If I had known that set at Bamboozle would be the last gig we ever played, I would have tried harder, to make it count.” 

“You and me both,” Frank said wistfully. “But, anyway….it’s a nice day. Do you want to take a walk with me?” 

“Sure,” you nodded, extending your hand to help him up. “As long as you’re feeling up to it.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Frank assured you, groaning as he stood. “C’mon.” 

You followed him, around the house, through his backyard, and from there, into the woods, that sat behind his home. The trees were beginning to lose their leaves, and the sky has turned overcast, and grey. Summer, you supposed, was just another thing that wouldn’t last. 

“Careful,” Frank warned, “there’s a brook up ahead.” 

You saw that was what he said was true. The small body of water separated the hill from the valley, in the same way that a garotte wire separated a head from a neck. 

“Take my hand,” Frank offered. “I don’t want you to fall.” 

You found yourself blushing, as his calloused fingers, intertwined with your own. He pulled you up onto a rock, in the center of the brook.  

“Are we going to have to jump?” you guessed. 

“Yeah, but don’t worry,” Frank said softly, “I got you.” 

He leapt from the rock, to the other side of the brook. Still holding hands, you leapt with him. Just as he’d promised, you made it to the other side safely. 

“It’s just a little further now,” Frank assured you. 

“What is?” you wondered. 

“You’ll see,” he replied cryptically. He could have let go of your hand, but instead, he kept it held tightly in his own. You didn’t mind. 

“....Whoa,” you gasped, as you realized, that you’d arrived at your destination. You were at the top of a cliff. From here, you could see the whole city, stretched out before you. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Frank admired. 

“Yes!” you gasped. “Thank you for bringing up here! The view was totally worth the hike.” 

“I’m lucky as hell, to have a hidden gem like this, on my property,” Frank confessed. “I like to come up here sometimes, when I need to think.” 

“....What have you been thinking about lately?” you asked, sitting down on a boulder. 

“What happened with the band, of course,” Frank admitted, sitting down beside you. “I just….I don’t know. Gerard’s decision felt so sudden. It was like having the wind knocked out of me.” 

“Yeah,” you recalled. “It was like….it wasn’t fun anymore to him, so he just….dropped it. Like it was nothing.” 

“I’m not gonna pretend, that being in My Chem, was sunshine and roses all the time,” Frank acknowledged. “Sometimes, touring sucked.” 

“It did,” you admitted. “I hated the early bus calls, and the jet lag, that never seemed to go away. But, I don’t know. It was worth it, to go through all that, if it meant I would end my day, on a stage with you.” 

“I guess it wasn’t worth it to him anymore,” Frank frowned. “But, what can you do? You can’t continue a band, without its frontman.” 

“I guess our time was just up,” you shrugged. “All we can do, is move on.” 

“I know it was messing up his mental health, trying to write the new record,” Frank said, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “It’s not right for us to ask him to keep doing something that’s hurting him.” 

“You’re right,” you sighed. “It’s not fair, to risk causing him another relapse, or something, just because we thought the album could’ve gone somewhere.”

“But now, you and me?” Frank grumbled, lighting a cigarette, and taking a drag. “We’re not gonna go fucking anywhere.” 

“We’re right back where we started,” you realized. “Stuck in the same little town in New Jersey, where it all began.” 

You and Frank, had been in another local band, called Pencey Prep. That band had broken up, and then Gerard, had asked you two, to join My Chemical Romance. Even before you’d become a member, you’d known just from listening to the demos, that this band would be something special. They’d captivated every soul, in the shitty dive bar, where you’d gone to see them play. 

After you and Frank joined their ranks, things began to pick up speed so quickly. Local bars, turned into clubs on the other side of the state. And then you’d attracted the interest of a major label. And then, the next thing you knew, you were playing in fucking Japan. Clubs turned into arenas. Obscurity turned into infamy. You’d done things, you never thought, you would have an opportunity to do.  It was a wild ride. And it was….over now. 

“It makes me want to scream sometimes,” you said honestly. 

“So, do it,” Frank said, exhaling smoke. 

“....What?” you blinked, staring back at him. 

“Go on and scream,” he suggested. “I mean, we’re in the middle of nowhere. Nobody’s going to hear you, except for me.”

“You’re serious?” you gaped. 

“Yeah,” Frank nodded. “Honestly? I think it would be cathartic.” 

He had a point - you’d been trying to hold a lot of emotions inside you, since everything went down. Maybe what you really needed, was to let them out. 

You went and stood, on the edge of the cliff, and looked out, onto the horizon. You took a deep breath, and tilted your head back. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”  you cried.

You turned back, and saw that Frank was laughing. 

“....Did that feel good?” he grinned. 

“....Honestly, yeah, it did!” you admitted. It felt even better, to see a smile on his face, for the first time today. 

“You should just...feel what you feel, Y/N,” Frank advised. “You say we’re supposed to move on, and maybe that’s the narrative the fans want to hear. Like, they’re sad that they’ll never hear their favorite band live again. And it makes them feel better, to think, well, the band members did this, because it’s what made them the happiest.” 

“But, we don’t feel happy,” you argued. “At least, not all of us do.”

“What do you feel?” Frank asked seriously. 

“I feel….lost,” you described. “Like, I don’t know what my next move is supposed to be. The whole world knew me as My Chemical Romance’s drummer, for pretty much all of my twenties. Now, I’m hitting my thirties and...I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where we go from here.” 

“Well, I know that I want to keep making music,” Frank decided. “Even if nobody else wants to hear it, I’ll play it for myself.” 

“I want to hear it,” you said seriously. “Did you write something recently?” 

“Yeah,” Frank said shyly, stubbing his cigarette out into the dirt. “I actually did start writing a song, the other day.” 

“Play it for me,” you pleaded. 

“I don’t know,” Frank blushed. “I wrote some lyrics, but….you know I don’t have the gift for singing, that Gerard does.” 

“You sang in Pencey,” you reminded him. 

“Yeah, that was twelve years ago!” Frank scoffed. “Who knows if I even remember how?” 

“I know you can do it,” you encouraged him. 

“The lyrics, they’re not all that nice,” Frank warned. “I didn’t write them to be radio friendly. I just wrote them, because I needed to get the thoughts out of my head.”

“You needed your catharsis,” you nodded understandingly. 

“Yeah,” Frank sighed. “But….if you really want to hear it, Y/N, I’ll play it for you.”

He took out his guitar, and set it on his lap. Hesitant fingers plucked the strings. You listened, with rapt attention, as he began to sing: 

Some things change but they don't get better

I'm so sick and so tired of trying to tell them that

I'll never do it, no I'll never make it alone

But pay no mind, it fades in time

Don't we all?

Someone I love threw me away 

Someone I love threw me away

Someone I love threw me away

But I don't mind, no I don't mind at all

“That’s bullshit, Frank,” you interrupted. “You do mind.” 

“.....Of course I fucking mind,” Frank snapped. He looked up from his guitar, and you realized, that he had tears in his eyes. 

You moved over to where he sat, and pulled him into a hug. 

“It’s okay,” you told him gently. 

“It’s not,” Frank shook his head. “I gave my blood, sweat, and tears….my heart and my soul, to that band. I thought you and I were going to be in My Chemical Romance for the rest of our lives.” 

“What, like Mick Jagger?” you tried to smile. “Rocking out, even in his sixties?” 

“I don’t know,” Frank said, burying his face in his hands. “Maybe I’m the stupid one, for thinking that something like that, could last forever.” 

“You’re not stupid,” you said softly. “The truth is….I wanted it to last forever, too. It was the best thing I’d ever done. And now, I don’t know what else I can do with the rest of my life, that could even come close.” 

“If I decided to play that song, in front of other people, someday,” Frank asked, “would you play the drums for me?” 

“Of course,” you promised. “Frank, I’d jump at the chance to get onstage with you again. You should know that.”

“I feel like I don’t know anything anymore!” Frank said vulnerably. “Everything I thought I could count on, is slipping through my fingers. I feel lost. Just like you said. And  I’m aching all the time, Y/N. What if you’re the next thing, that I lose?” 

“I’ll never leave you, Frank,” you vowed. “It’s been you and me, from the very beginning. I couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t have you in it….in one way, or another.”

“You met me when you joined Pencey. But now, for the first time in my entire life, you’re not my band mate anymore,” Frank choked. “So…what am I to you?” 

“You’re my best friend,” you whispered, pulling him close. “And you could be more than that, if you wanted to.”

“Wh-What are you saying?” Frank gasped. 

“Frank….,” you took a deep breath. “The truth is, that I always wanted you. I never told you how I felt, because I thought, if we got into a relationship, and broke up, it would destroy our ability to work together. But….you’re right. We’re not bandmates anymore. So, I have nothing left to lose. I...I love you.” 

“You….love me?” Frank repeated, eyes wide. 

“Yes.” You put it all out there. “Yes, Frank, you’re the one I love. And if you would have me, I swear to you, I would never throw you away.” 

Frank surged forward, grabbing you by the collar, and pulling you in for a passionate kiss. Your startled mouth was suddenly full of his tongue. It felt so good. 

“....Frankie!” you gasped, pulling away. “You...you actually want me back?” 

“Of course I do,” Frank breathed. “It drives me absolutely fucking crazy, that we’ve both been burying our feelings this whole time, to protect a career, that no longer exists.” 

“...Then at least I still have you,” you whispered, and pulled him in again. He tasted like smoke and desperation. 

His body pressed against yours as he kissed you harder, pushing you down, against the hard rocks. His hands found the buttons of your blouse. 

“....Frank,” you stopped him. “We should go back down, to your house, if we’re going to do this.” 

“You’re right,” he chuckled. “My bed is a lot softer.” 

“Take me there,” you begged, laying your lips on him again. 

“Oh,” Frank promised, “I’ll take you all night.” 

[artificialqueens]

Stupid For You, Chapter 3 (Crygi, Jankie, Jaida x Nicky) - Metaluna

Summary: What better way to celebrate a successful opening day than a party? tw: underage drinking//drinking in general

On the way back home, Gigi turned onto the dirt road that would take her back the quickest. A road that was the exact opposite direction of Crystal’s house.

Crystal gasped. “You’re a liar.”

“Excuse me?”

“You said your house was on the way to mine. Clearly it’s not. Why’d you say it was?”

“Because I knew that you would say no if I told you it wasn’t on the way, and I like driving you. I like our conversations. And coffee. And of course, singing terribly together.”

“You’re absolutely right. I wouldn’t have let you. But I love talking to you, Gigi.” She smiled. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about. I am a great singer and you know it.”

Once they made it back to Gigi’s, she led Crystal up the stairs into her room. Gigi’s room was exactly what Crystal had imagined. It was decorated with an orange and aqua color scheme. It was a lot cleaner than Crystal’s room. There were posters of musicians that Crystal didn’t know. Above the bed, there were fairy lights with Polaroids. One corner of the room had a vanity with a large backlit mirror, and the other had a desk with plants perched on top.

“I guess you can do makeup at the desk? I think I have an extra mirror…” Gigi rifled through her vanity drawer. “Here we go.”

“Thanks!” Crystal took out a plethora of hair pins that kept perfectly messy space buns intact. She was left with a frizzy mess. “As much as I love looking like a lion, do you have a straightener I can borrow?”

“Are you sure?Lion King is one of the best movies.”

“I’m more partial to Hercules. ”

“If you say so. Let me go get it from the bathroom.”

Crystal examined the Polaroids. There were six in total. The first photo was taken with a girl who looked to be a few years older than Gigi that had striking similarities. Both girls had the same upturned nose and blonde hair. Immediately, Crystal recognized that they were on The Boardwalk at the park, the large Ferris wheel visible in the background. The second photo was Gigi with a woman that Crystal could only assume to be her mother, and was taken at the beach. Gigi and the woman were both relaxing on colorful towels under a large umbrella. The last Polaroid Crystal looked at was of the three women skating at Rockefeller Center during Christmastime.

“Having fun?”

Crystal jumped. “Is this your mom and sister?”

Gigi nodded. “I love them so much. Honestly they’re my best friends”

“It’s nice that you guys are so close.” Crystal felt a pang of jealousy. As an only child, she would never know the bond of a sibling, and while she and her parents were on good terms, she would hardly consider her parents friends, let alone best friends.

“Honestly me and Nora, my sister, weren’t close until our dad left our mom a few years back. I think it’s because we really only had each other to lean on.”

“Oh, Gigi, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. He’s an asshole, and honestly, we’re better off without him.” Gigi forgot she was holding the straightener. “Oops, sorry. Here go you.”

After Gigi sat at her vanity and began brushing her perfect blonde hair, Crystal called, “I’m changing. Don’t look!”

Gigi could only imagine what Crystal looked like in her underwear. As soon as she found her mind wandering, she forced herself to stop and focused harder on getting ready.

After finishing a perfectly blended smokey eye, Gigi puckered her lips after putting on a layer of red gloss, and realized Crystal was standing behind her. It was hard for Gigi not to audibly gasp. She hadn’t seen Crystal’s hair straightened before, and while her curls were beautiful, she looked incredible with straight hair too. She was wearing a black and white striped crop top that hugged just the right places paired with a black skater skirt that had suspenders. Gigi was impressed at how clean Crystal’s makeup was. She opted for a blue cut crease and a matte red lip, a combination Gigi would never even think about trying. To finish the look, she had on necklaces, earrings, and bracelets that didn’t match each other, but somehow Crystal pulled off perfectly.  

“You look beautiful,” Gigi finally said.

“Thanks,” Crystal curtseyed. “You too. Oh shit!”

“What?”

“We match.” Gigi looked at her reflection, and realized she was right. Her black and white jumpsuit perfectly complemented Crystal’s top.

Crystal grabbed Gigi’s hand. “Come here!” She pulled her to the full length mirror.

“What are we doing?”

“We have zero pictures together, which needs to change.” Crystal pulled out her phone and started taking mirror selfies. After posing for a few, Crystal went through her camera roll, taking time to look at each of them.

“Wow, you are so gorgeous. You could literally be a model. You’re so good at posing.”

Gigi smiled. “I used to practice when I was little.”

“Well, it paid off.”

Crystal sent the best one in the groupchat. It was already abuzz talking about the night’s festivities. The photo was met with high praises from everyone.

After she checked the time on her phone, Gigi said, “If we’re gonna get some alcohol, we should probably leave now.”

  Crystal bit her lip. “How are we going to get any?”

Wordlessly, Gigi pulled an ID out of her wallet and handed it to Crystal, which stated that she was born in 1996. “I’ve had this since I was 16.”

“Oh wow, you rebel.”

Once inside the liquor store, Crystal was surprised at how many types of alcohol there were. She had no idea where to begin. There were shelves and shelves of bottles of all different shapes, sizes, and colors. She wondered how anyone picked which one to buy. If it was up to her, she would have bought the purple sparkly alcohol. She wasn’t even sure what it was, but it was pretty.

Gigi looked at her. “Any requests?”

“Gigi I have no idea what any of this is. Just something fruity and delicious.”

“Got it.”

Gigi settled on a fifth of coconut rum and some pineapple juice to mix. While walking past the cooler, she grabbed a six pack of hard black cherry lemonade for good measure.

Once they made it to Heidi’s apartment, the party was already in full swing. Music was playing so loud that its loud bass line echoed through the parking lot. Earlier that night, Heidi had told everyone to let themselves in. Heidi’s apartment was filled with people. It was much larger than Gigi anticipated. It was nicely decorated with a large living room, with plenty of space. At first, Gigi didn’t recognize any of her fellow partygoers. She heard Brita, but didn’t see her. As they made it further into the house, they found Heidi, right in front of the sound system the music was coming from. Gigi felt her chest vibrating.

 “Hey, bitches!” Heidi hugged them the best she could while double fisting Whiteclaws.

“Do you have any cups?” Gigi tried to shout over the music.

“What?”

“Cups?”

“ What?”

Gigi pantomimed drinking.  

“Oh! Kitchen.”

Once they made it into the kitchen, a voice screamed, “Oh my god!”

Brita pulled Gigi and Crystal into a hug. Gigi could only think about how nice Crystal smelled. Crystal looked slightly taken aback, since she didn’t know Brita well. But, let it go since Brita was probably on at least drink number three of the night.

“You’re both so hot!” Brita looked both of them up and down. “Maybe I do like girls! Wow, wow, I’m drunk.”

“Yes, yes you are,” Gigi said as Brita left the kitchen, going on about finding a girl to makeout with .

 Gigi grabbed a red Solo cup and began pouring a drink. Because Crystal hadn’t drank before she barely poured a shot’s worth of alcohol in her cup. This was a contrast to her own cup, which was half rum and half pineapple juice. Gigi spotted a marker next to the cups. On hers, she wrote her name with some stars after it. After some thought, she decided to draw hearts on Crystal’s cup.

Gigi handed Crystal the cup, making sure that she would see the hearts. “Here, drink this.”

Crystal dramatically gasped. “You’re such a talented artist.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

As she took a drink, Crystal’s face contorted to a slight look of disgust. “It’s um. Strong.”

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t like it.” Gigi held her hand out to take the cup.

Crystal took another drink. “The more I drink it, the more I like it.”

“That’s usually how alcohol works, babe.”

After walking around Heidi’s apartment, Crystal and Gigi eventually found their friends. They were all sitting on a large sectional in a corner of the living apartment where the music wasn’t blaring. Gigi was glad to be able to hear herself think. Jaida and Nicky were looking quite comfortable next to each other. Nicky whispered something in Jaida’s ear before grabbing her hand and leading her out of the room.

“Shit,” Jackie groaned. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“What is it?” Jan’s eyes were full of concern.

“Every single summer, Jaida meets one of the new girls, they hook up, and she gets way too invested. Every single summer she breaks her own heart, and I end up picking up the pieces. Every. Single. Time,“ Jackie lamented, taking a swig of vodka. 

“Maybe it won’t be like that. Nicky seems like a nice girl,” Crystal said while taking a seat.

“That may be so, but I don’t think that Nicky has the same intentions that Jaida does. I love the girl but she’s an idiot.”

“Well,” Jan began. “Jaida’s a big girl, I think she can handle it herself. Let’s go check out the beer pong table.”

The kitchen table was pushed into the hallway where an intense game of beer pong was taking place. It was Widow and Heidi vs. Gigi’s coworkers, Dahlia and Rock.

There was one cup left, and it was Widow’s turn. Carefully, she aimed and threw the ball and landed it perfectly in the cup.

“Drink up, bitches!” Dahlia chugged the beer in the cup.

“Who’s next?” Heidi asked. “We’ve won the last three rounds.”

Crystal looked at Gigi, who at some point finished her drink and moved onto a lemonade. “Wanna?”

Gigi raised her and Crystal’s hands.

“Step on up, ladies!” Heidi said as she refilled the cups.

Widow went first. “Y’all are going down!”

“You wish.” Gigi’s expression was determined. She was awful at beer pong, but wasn’t about to let Crystal know that.

Widow’s ball landed in one of the cups with a plop right in front of Crystal. It was clear Crystal wasn’t well versed in the rules of beer pong, so Widow instructed, “Crystal, drink.”

Crystal nervously fished the ball out of the cup. She raised it to her nose and made a face.

“It’s not going to be good,” Gigi said. “Just warning you. Thankfully there’s not much in there. Don’t let it sit on your tongue. Drink it down.”

Crystal did as she was instructed. “My turn?” Gigi nodded.

Even though she tried to aim, Crystal was feeling the effects of the alcohol. The ball veered to the left, nearly hitting Jan. “Oops.”

“Good one,” Heidi teased as she sank a ball right in front of Gigi. “Drink up.”

Gigi also made a face when she drank the beer. “You’re out here getting the cheap shit, huh?”

“You try buying boujee shit when we barely make about minimum wage.”

Gigi couldn’t argue with that logic. She surprised herself by making a shot.

“I’m impressed,” Widow said while finishing her cup.

After a close game, each team had one cup left. Crystal failed to score anything. Thankfully, Gigi was having a good game for once and carried them to the end. Gigi’s shot was just wide.

“Get ready to lose, hookers,” Widow said confidently. She was so confident, she barely aimed and missed.

“It’s all you, Crys,” Gigi said. “You can do it.”

“I can do it.”

Crystal stood aiming her ball for at least thirty seconds.

“Today, Crystal,” Heidi said dramatically looking at her nails.

“Hold on!”

She took a few more seconds before tossing the ball. It landed in the cup with a plop. Jan, Jackie, and a few other spectators cheered.

“I did it!” Crystal slurred hugging Gigi.

“You did!”

“I wanna dance. Let’s go dance!” By this point, Crystal was extremely drunk. Gigi found it absolutely adorable, the way she slurred her words and thought very hard before speaking.

The group made their way into the living room. Another song that Gigi didn’t recognize was playing over the speakers. Jan began to grind against Jackie. Jackie was taken aback, but pulled her closer. Crystal looked at Gigi and raised an eyebrow. Gigi shrugged in return. A song that Gigi had heard a few times on the radio started.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Crystal squealed, standing in front of Gigi starting to grind on her.

Gigi was shocked as Crystal’s hips rocked back and forth in front of her. Gigi grabbed onto Crystal’s waist, pulling her closer. As Crystal rubbed against her, Gigi could feel herself being turned on. When Crystal bent at the waist and started shaking her ass, the blonde thought she would drop dead on the dancefloor. Crystal turned her head at Gigi and smiled.

Do I kiss her? Is she just looking at me? What’s going on?!

Before she could think any further, Crystal turned back around as the song ended and pulled Gigi into a hug.

“I’m having so much fun!” Crystal exclaimed.

“How many drinks have you had tonight, Crys?”

“Umm,” She counted on her fingers. “One, two, three… Four. I think I’m done!”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

Crystal gasped and pointed at Jan and Jackie. They were in the middle of the makeshift dance floor with their lips intertwined. Jackie had a fistful of Jan’s ass while Jan’s hands were running up and down Jackie’s back.

“Holy shit!” Gigi was thinking about earlier when Jaida said that Jackie was straight.

Just then, Jaida and Nicky found Crystal and Gigi. They both looked disheveled, as if they had gotten dressed in a hurry. Jaida was pulling up her tube top, and Nicky was fixing her hair.

“Where have you two been?” Gigi raised an eyebrow.

“Mind your business,” Jaida warned.

The four girls watched Jan and Jackie, who had stopped kissing and were just looking into each other’s eyes. After noticing her friends, Jackie ran into the bathroom. 

“Shit,” Jaida said, running after Jackie.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jan asked, tears welling her eyes.

“No, you didn’t do anything,” Gigi took her hand. “Let’s go outside.”

–

“Jackie, what the hell?” Jaida slammed the bathroom door behind her.

“I don’t know! Jaida, I’m drunk, she’s drunk… She just looked really pretty, and I don’t know what happened! Next thing I knew, my hands were on her ass and her tongue was down my throat!” Jackie slurred. “I’m straight! I don’t like girls!”

“Listen. I’ve seen you. You’ve been checking out Miss Jan every single day you’ve seen her. I don’t think that’s just gals being pals.”

“I’m not gay.”

“Jackie. We don’t have to talk about that right now but I really think you should–”

“Jaida, stop. I can’t do this right now.”

With that, Jackie stormed off in a hurry.

–

Gigi, Nicky, and Crystal managed to calm down Jan, who was near hysterics.

“Does she hate me?” Jan slurred. “She kissed me first!“

“No, Jan. I think that maybe Jackie doesn’t know how to process whatever it is that she is feeling,” Nicky reassured.

Gigi’s phone buzzed. It was Jaida.

Jackie’s freaking out. I’m taking her home. She doesn’t live too far away. I’ll be back.

They all sat with a crying Jan until Jaida showed up.

“Oh, chile,” Jaida began wrapped Jan in a hug. “It’s not you. I promise it isn’t. Jackie doesn’t know how to act when it comes to her emotions. I promise it’s not you.”

“Really?” Jan wiped her eyes. “How fucked is my makeup right now?”

“Pretty fucked. But let me fix it.” Nicky said, pulling a wipe from her purse.

“I’m not letting her ruin my night. Ladies, let’s go do shots!” Jan pulled a bottle of tequila out of her bag.

There were already slices of lime and a salt shaker set up in the kitchen. Because she was the only one sober enough to do so, Gigi poured the shots.

“Crystal,” Jan slurred. “Whatcha gotta do is you lick your hand and shake the salt on it. Then, ya lick the salt, then ya take the shot. It tastes bad, don’t let it sit in your mouth. Then ya suck the lime.”

“Act like it’s cough syrup,” Jaida recommended.

The four girls toasted their glasses, set them on the table, shot the tequila back, and sucked on the lime. Gigi didn’t think she was good at very many things, but she was good at shots. Everyone else made the universal face when doing shots, except for her.

“Crystal, you look like you went through all the stages of grief at once,” Nicky teased.

“That was gross.”

“You don’t drink it because it’s good,” Jaida said.

The rest of the night was filled with selfies, dancing, and for everyone but Gigi, more drinking. She didn’t remember the last time she had this much fun at a party, even if she did spend a good chunk of the night holding Jan’s hair back in the bathroom.

At about two AM, the party started to unwind.

“Ready to go babe?” Gigi asked an extremely drunk Crystal.

“Yeah I’m ready to go home.”

“It’s late, do you want to just spend the night at my house?”

“We’re gonna have a sleepover?”

“Yes, Crystal, we’re going to have a sleepover.”

After thanking Heidi for a great party, she managed to single handedly get Crystal into her Jeep. Gigi looked over at Crystal who at some point had fallen asleep. Once they made it back to her house, Gigi gently tapped Crystal’s shoulder.

“Okay, babe, we’re back.”

“Sleepover?”

After much protesting, Gigi managed to get Crystal to drink some water. She brought a bottle up to her room for good measure. Because she was a good friend, she removed Crystal’s makeup.

After rifling through her dresser, she gave Crystal an old cheerleading shirt and some shorts. “The bathrooms right over down–”

Crystal began stripping in Gigi’s bedroom. As much as she tried to look away, she couldn’t. Crystal’s body was much curvier than her own, but Gigi couldn’t help but stare at how beautiful she was… How beautiful her breasts were… After changing, Crystal plopped onto Gigi’s bed and fell asleep. Because she had a queen sized bed, Gigi decided she could share and it wouldn’t be weird.

The next day, Crystal woke up cuddling Gigi. She didn’t remember parts of the night. She remembered beer pong, dancing, Jan crying, Jackie running away, and shots. Her head was pounding, and everything felt too bright. She got up and found the bottle of water. She pulled out her phone to text her ride. She couldn’t let Gigi give her another ride home.

Gigi must have heard her, as she woke up. “Morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?”

“Not good. My head’s pounding.”

“Awe, baby’s first hangover,” Gigi teased. “Are you hungry?”

“No, eating is pretty much the last thing I want to do right now. I have someone coming to get me soon. Also, did you check the group chat?”

“No, why?”

Gigi sat on her bed with Crystal as they went through all the photos that were sent that night. The blurry photos said it all. Gigi’s favorite was a group photo right before shots.

Crystal’s phone buzzed. “My ride’s here!”

“I’ll walk you down.”

A truck was in Gigi’s driveway. A blonde boy with a shaggy beard came out.

“Ryan!” Crystal exclaimed, running to hug the boy. “Gigi, this is my boyfriend Ryan. Ryan, this is my coworker, Gigi.”

Boyfriend.

Gigi’s stomach dropped.

“I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Nice to meet you,” she mumbled.

“Thanks for taking care of her.” Ryan kissed Crystal on the cheek.

“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow, Crystal.”

Gigi closed the door without waiting for a response.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #310

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

Do you have a clock in your room? No. What book, movie, TV show, or video game have you been wanting to start up? I *want* to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but I care more about reading Wings of Fire, so I probably realistically won't for a long time. I don't read enough for that; Sutherland will surely keep pumping out books in the series so I'll never catch up, haha. As for a movie, I've been interested in seeing Jacob's Ladder for a very long time; it served as a very large influence on the Silent Hill series, and boy, anyone who brings up video games in front of me knows SH is my SHIT. I also just know I'm bound to like it with how essentially legendary it is in the psychological horror genre, which is my favorite. Onto TV show, I'm not certain. Shows don't really interest me. I would like to keep watching A:TLA w/ Sara, but "start up" implies beginning something new, so. Lastly, video games. There are a LOT of games I want to play, but yeah, I have no operational gaming console above a PS2. I'm dyinnnngggggg to play a ton of PS4 remasters (namely the original Spyro the Dragon trilogy and SoTC), but as for a fresh game I've never experienced, Ico, which is from the same producers of Shadow of the Colossus. It's an old game, and Mom's bought it off of Ebay for me twice, but neither disc worked - they froze only minutes into the game. It's hella expensive in new condition though because of its age... so who knows when I'll actually get to play it. Do you put anything else on your grilled cheese sandwiches? Just butter. Have you ever read a book in a different language? I've read some simple fairy tales as well as the play Faust in German courses. Do you want to go to the Harry Potter theme park at Universal? I have no connection with the franchise, but I mean, I'd go if you're paying, haha. If you had a secret room in your house, how would you decorate it? I'm trying to think what kind of room I'd keep a secret... Ha, actually, IF my love of tarantulas expands so largely to having dozens (which I doubt, but I acknowledge the possibility once I get my own place), a room kept on the down low to others just for them would be pretty cool. Imagine someone not knowing they're sharing a house with like, a hundred Ts, haha. As for actual decor, I'm unsure. I'd definitely keep it generally dark for them as nocturnal creatures, maybe with some Halloween decorations, like lots of fake webbing and neon green or orange lights. Man... that sounds dope. What did you get your dad for his last birthday? I couldn't buy him anything, nor did I actually make anything since I didn't know what to create. I just told him happy birthday, of course. Do any of your relatives live in another country? No. Are you claustrophobic? In some spaces, yes. Ever seen Blair Witch? Without spoilers, you know "that part" near the end? Yeah, if you've seen it, you know. That would be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me. Even watching it made me squirm. When grocery shopping, do you usually buy brand names or store brand? With most items anyway, we just get the store brand bc we cheap. Around what time do you usually eat dinner? Generally between 5:30-6:30 nowadays. Do you have any clothing that you get dry cleaned? No. Do you like foods with coconut in it? Eugh, not a coconut fan. I don't hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. Have you ever researched your family history? No, but some past relative researched our family tree. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I hate carrots. Did you play with Legos as a kid? Nah, I was more into Lincoln Logs. Which bothers you more… spelling mistakes or bad grammar? It really depends on the severity and simplicity of the spelling or grammar rule. Grammatical misuse of "there/their/they're" stand out very strongly to me, though. Have you ever bought anything off of eBay? Yeah, a good number of things. Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? I have a scizophrenic half-sister that I've never met, so I couldn't tell you. How organized is your mind? How do you know it's organized/disorganized? My mind is running Windows '98 with multiple windows and even more tabs open, all of them not responding. :^) Why do you follow the religion that you do? I don't follow one. My personal religious journey was a train wreck liberating to jump off of. Do you feel superior to others because you're that religion? I don't care if you're atheist, Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, whatever - you are by no means superior to another person in any way just because you believe different things happen once you die. If you do, it's time for some introspection. Are you a blind believer, or do you frequently challenge your own beliefs? Seeing as I went from Catholic to Christian to briefly Neo-Pagan-ish to what I am now, just believing there's some higher power/knowledge and some form of sentience after death, I obviously challenge them. What's the greatest thing about science? Life itself. This universe, this planet, your state of just knowing is a product of science, and that's pretty damn beautiful. Are you emotional or very stolid? I know I'm too emotional. I'm trying to get better about it. Do your siblings look like you? To a degree, but not NEARLY as much as they look like each other. Ashley and Nicole have been mistaken multiple times in their lives and even asked if they're twins. How many states have you lived in? Just this shitty one. How many states have you traveled through/vacationed in? Traveled through, a whole lot. Up and down the east coast. I've stayed in New York, Florida, Ohio, Illinois, South Carolina briefly, and I think possibly Michigan as a baby. Which state was/is your favorite? I don't know. Not NC, haha. You have two weeks alone in any place in the world; where would you go? Alone? Um... I dunno. I'd get lonely through two weeks in absolute isolation. How old were you when you first moved out of your parents' home? I want to say I was 18 when I briefly "moved in" with Jason and our roommates. Did you ever have to move back in? Yeah; the apartment didn't last very long. None of us were ready. How old were you when you thought you were "in love" for the first time? I was in love at 16. I'd fight God literally for eternity to prove that fact. How many exterior doors are in your home? Two, or maybe three, depending on your outlook. We have like this deck in the back with a roof and mesh separating you from the outside, and then you properly go into the yard from the door beyond that. How many cars have you owned? I myself, none. How many email accounts do you have? Ummmm my very first one I misspelled, so I didn't use it long before making a new one with the correct spelling, then later I had no choice but to make a Gmail to use YouTube, and I know I've had at least one email specifically for school. I'm probably forgetting some other oldies I used for small things. What was the last movie you watched alone? The Shining. What (if any) one television program do you watch religiously every day/week? None. What (if any) is your favorite sport? Dance. Scoff at that shit and then try one dance session and tell me it's not one. What is your favorite musical? None. Have you ever seen a live opera production? No. Dressing up for an evening out: Pants or skirt? Pants. I don't show my legs. What do you currently hear right now? I'm listening to Dance With the Dead's "The Man Who Made a Monster." I LOVE the aesthetic of synthwave and rock mixed together, but the only problem I have with this song is that it's very repetitive. Still stuck in my head though, haha. What type of survey do you refuse to take? I'm not into bolding surveys, specifically. Do you like to run? bitch fuck no Do you think you could run the mile in 10 minutes? Zero chance. What was the longest movie you watched? Hm, I don't remember... It's faintly there in my head, I just can't identify it... Have you ever been to a job interview? Well yeah. Who was the last person to call you? My psychiatrist. Now that I'm doing the partial hospitalization program again, he calls once a week. When was the last time you talked to your last ex boyfriend? Uhhh I think around the start of this month? Missed him and felt like chatting for a bit. Is your dog mixed or full? I don't have a dog, buuuut... we're getting one soon! I'm quite sure she's a mutt. What was the last thing you and your mother did together? Rode to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Do you take good pictures? I like to think so. What is your display picture on myspace/facebook right now? The most recent selfie I took and liked. I'm finally comfortable using makeupless photos as a display picture. :') Not that I like my body by any means, I just don't care enough to feel like I HAVE to wear makeup to be even remotely pretty in the face. As for everywhere else... ahahaha. What is going on outside right now? It's raining. Like it has been for what feels like literally weeks - and it might actually have been. There's been one or two sunny days in a huge streak of just nothing but rain. It's so gross outside by now; we've been under a flood warning for days on end. Who was the last person you kissed? My best friend, but we were dating then. What color looks the best on you? Black. Have you ever bought the wrong size because you were too lazy to check it? Oh, absolutely. I LOATHE trying on clothes. You have to essentially drag me to go do it. I don't have a good reason other than I don't want to, lol. What was the last thing you bought over 5 dollars? I put down the deposit on my tattoo. c: Do you have any mag subscriptions? No. What is something you're not scared of but a lot of people are? Snakes are probably the highest on the list. I adore snakes, all snakes. Would you ever have a threesome? No; I'm strictly monogamous and to me would be cheating even if your partner was in on it. Are you an U.S. citizen? Yep. Do you have any step siblings? I have a stepbrother, yeah, but I don't see him as my brother, honestly. He's a very quiet and reclusive guy I've had almost no conversations with, and they've only ever been short. Do they annoy you? Nah, he's fine. How many times a day do you talk to your mom on the phone? Well, we live together... What did you wear yesterday? The same pjs I'm in now. I'm changing when I take a shower later. The tank top is a Day of the Dead-esque skull pattern, while the pants are mostly navy with skulls and candy can crossbones that say "nice until proven naughty" arching over and beneath them. They were a Christmas gift from my sis and are really soft and comfortable. Really don't care that it's now out of season, I wear them anyway. I do not match colors AT ALL, but again, I don't care. What color straightener do you have? We don't have one; neither Mom or I use one. Do you listen to music really loud or really low? Turn that shit up LOUD. I'll be nearly deaf one day, but... worth it? lol Do you live with anybody other than your siblings and your parents? No. Both my sisters have moved out. I'm still here because I'm just not emotionally or financially equipped to live on my own yet. Who was your last crush? I still like my best friend, but agree with her that right now isn't the time for anything. How many tattoos do you have? Currently only six. :( What is your favorite thing to do? Car rides with Mom while I ride passenger, controlling the music nice and loud with my iPod. It's odd, considering I'm very afraid of being on the road, but it's just such a freeing, wild feeling to blare music and just go, letting your mind wander. How many pets do you own? I only have a cat and a snake right now, but we're getting a dog hopefully very soon, preferably today actually when Mom has to go to the appropriate city for her normal check-up to keep her cancer at bay. Her name is Vanna and sounds so perfect for us. Mom can barely wait. Are you close with your parents? Yes, very, Mom especially. Where do you shop the most for your clothes? Hot Topic or Wal-Mart. I'd really like more stuff from Rebel's Market; they have such a wide range of stuff that just scream my aesthetic. I got my purse from there, and it's fantastic quality and so cool-looking. Have you ever read a whole series of books? Well, one trilogy that I remember: Shiloh. I adored those books and the movies. I got very, very deep into Warriors by Erin Hunter, but then my interest in reading waned, and I'm immensely behind. I don't think I'll pick it up again, but I've thought briefly about it. When you tell someone you love them do you mean it? Yes. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I walked. Do you ever eat anything everybody else thinks is gross? Hm, perhaps. I'd have to think for a while. What did you do for your last birthday? I just ate pizza at home with my one sister that was free that day, Mom, and a family friend, as well as opened presents. What do you plan on doing for your 18th birthday? I don't recall, but I think that may have been when I was in the psych hospital. Or was that my 21st? I don't remember. Do you have to type with good grammer? Yes. I type pretty much exactly how I talk. What is your favorite quote? It's hard to pick one singular favorite. Are you allowed to cuss in front of your parents? Dad could care less, but I try to limit myself with Mom, especially with "fuck." She's not a fan, nor does she like if I just swear too much in front of her. Like she won't yell at me or anything, she just makes it clear she wants me to stop. How long was your last phone conversation? Just a couple minutes. I didn't get the Zoom link to group therapy one day and let the place know. Turns out their email was fucking up. Which one of your friends annoy you? The family friend I mentioned a few questions above has the ability to be incredibly aggravating. I love her, but she has zero issue with inserting herself into everything (and sometimes we just don't want to see her), and she voices incredibly rude opinions literally no one asks for a whoooole lot. She's got a strong tendency to try to take control over every situation. Her being our landlord now makes it harder to speak up, and besides, no one wants to hurt her feelings. Don't be mistaken though, she truly is an incredible person with a heart more caring than probably any person I know. Have you ever lost a close friend to death? No, thank fuck. I mean, I think. I do believe one of my childhood online friends committed suicide because of sexual abuse from her own fucking brother, but I guess I'll never know. She was talking to me one night horribly depressed and scared and then just vanished. Bless her, I loved her. Do you know someone who suffers from addiction? Yes. Do you have a lot of pictures in your room? Tons of posters and artwork, anyway. I currently don't have any photographs, but I got this shadowbox thing for my bday to decorate with pictures of Teddy so I can use it in my "tribute shrine" or whatever for him, and I'd also like to frame the picture of Sara's and my first hug and maybe put it on my bedside table. Do you have Facebook? Yeah, I do. Have you ever found a dog/cat on the side of the road? I myself, no, but a friend's mom did find two poor kittens thrown aside in a fucking plastic bag... Some people are abominable. Knowing how much my family loved cats, she reached out to us, and we took them in and named them Aphrodite and... I can't remember the other's name. She disappeared kinda early. Aphrodite wound up being one of my most beloved cats and was even the mother of a kitten that same family adopted. Delilah is still alive, doing wonderfully, and incredibly loved. <3 Aphrodite, meanwhile, as well as all our other cats at the time, were taken by animal control because our neighbors were tired of them wandering, even though they were too fucking cowardly to confront us first. I've said in many surveys that I am very much against outdoor cats, but I wasn't then because I was uninformed and really didn't understand. I wailed and sobbed and just pure shrieked like a banshee outside when we came home to learn they were taken. I have no clue how any are now, and that's the worst part. Do you go bowling in your town? We are in the middle of a pandemic, lol. Even beforehand though, I rarely went. Last time I did was on a date with Girt. We had fun. Do you have a drive-in theater? No sir. What brand is your favorite shoe? Converse. Is your best friend's mom like your own? They're quite similar, yes. Both are very sweet and caring for others. Do you have anxiety or depression? Try both. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Sonic. Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? Nah. Have you and your friends ever made up a word? Likely as kids. Do you have any embarrassing baby pictures of yourself? Not that I know of. What is the worst smell in the world? Anyone remember that survey I took mentioning my dog's old tumor? Yeah, that after he spent overnight in a diaper and inevitably peed himself in his old age. And he had a UTI. You probably can't even imagine how fucking vomit-inducing that smell was. Do you dye your hair a lot? No. :/ I really wish. I have so many colors I wanna try. Do you have anybody in your family who rides dirtbikes/fourwheelers? Not really? No one in my family owns one. My younger sister would totally go if you asked her and had one for her to use, though. She's done it plenty before. Have you ever rode a dirtbike/fourwheeler? Yeah, a fourwheeler, and it's really fun! Tell me how you got one of your scars? Hmmm, let's think of a unique one. Ah, my shins, left one especially. When I shave my legs, they get unbelievably itchy, even if I use lotion, and I would scratch my skin absolutely raw so often that I have permanent scars. It's partially why I barely shave my legs anymore. Have you ever had a friend who cut themselves? I know many, sadly. I don't know of any that still do, thankfully. I promise, it never helps. If you ever have the urge, I can't suggest enough running where you want to self-harm under cold water or slap the location (like your wrist) with a rubber band. The latter is especially helpful. It's a similar burning sensation and doesn't leave marks. It would help me refrain sometimes. What is your favorite thing to do in the summer? Swim in a nice, warm pool. Otherwise, become a hermit and wait for the outdoors to not be prepared to melt the flesh off my bones. x_x Do you go tanning or do you lay out? Neither, ugh. As you can guess from above, I hate the sensation of heat on me. What is your favorite skin lotion? I just really like cocoa butter. Smells really good and is perfectly moisturizing. Do you use a lot of hair products? The only hair product I use is shampoo, haha. Do you have a cousin you dislike? No. Well, one is incredibly brainwashed and misled by her psychopath of a father, but I love her nonetheless. We talk now and again because family is important to her. Have you ever heard Theory of a Deadman? Yeah, they're good. What is your comfort food? Absolutely ice cream. Who is your celebrity crush? Mark Fischbach/Markiplier is a perfect human being with the looks of a god and heart of a saint and you cannot convince me otherwise. What’s the song you most wish you had written? "Imagine" by John Lennon is a high contendant, for sure. Definitely something I'd write. Have you ever been stuck by someone very annoying on a plane/bus/etc? I think so at one point or another. Did you get lost at all on your first day of high school? Ha, for sure. Have you ever been interrupted during sex? A bitch knows how to act asleep if she hears a door so much as barely squeak, I'll tell you that much lmaooo. Have you ever been recorded doing stupid things while drunk? No. Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? No. Have you ever cooked anything and it turned out horrible? I've barely actually cooked anything in order TO fuck up. Have you ever made a bad first impression on someone’s parents? I can't say with certainty, but I think Jason's mom had her doubts about me at first because she commented on the ripped jeans I wore when I went to his house for the first time. She came to love me like her own though, and I love(d) her. I was actually just thinking about her and how she's doing the other day. What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Always? Perhaps sour candy, like Sour Punch Straws in specific. Ever held a newborn animal? Many kittens, yes. Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I do, but just for the annual appeal of it. I don't actually believe it will have any effect on what I wished, it's just... normal, ig. What is the last thing you searched for online? Medical coding classes. Having trouble finding any free ones that are actually legit... Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when it's hot in your room? It's borderline impossible. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Sometimes, and almost always with Oreos. Do medical terms make you uncomfortable? Ha, speaking of medical coding... No, not really. It's unnerving to hear "you have _____," but I understand it can be something so, so minor. Of course, it could be the exact opposite, but. I also actually find it quite interesting to learn the Latin roots of the terms. Are you afraid of failure? Beyond measure. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes, to my former friend's son. Not that that witch of a woman was a great person. I'd love to know how an infant can be negatively affected by receiving nothing but love from his "aunt," also having no concept of understanding about me being unemployed and not very "adult-ish" in general, which I'm sure is what she meant. Normally judgment hits me deep, but that shit I just rolled my eyes at.

[eldritchsurveys]

1087.

survey by chasingghosts

You consider yourself to have good luck with trivial things. >> Yeah, kind of. Like, I’ve been dealt a shit hand when it comes to big things, but a lot of little things have happened that I think are strange and fortuitous.

You have purchased a book and never read it. >> Italicised because I don’t actually remember? Like, I might have. But it’s pretty unlikely, just because I don’t buy books that often and if I do, it usually is because I really am into it.

You have donated a large amount of money, food or clothes to charity. >> I have never had a large amount of any of those things, lol. I was usually the one accepting the charity.

You have visited a state/country where gay marriage is legal. >> It’s federally legal here.

You live in a state/country where gay marriage is legal. >> ^

You have a good sense of direction. >> I do! Well, particularly in urban or at least “settled” environments. I don’t know how well my directional senses would work in the wilderness, but I’m guessing most people would have a handicap in that area unless they live in the wilds.

You dislike all types of gravy. >> Not all.

You use more than two pillows to sleep. >> Nope, I use two. One for my head, one for cuddles.

You find that you have to repeat yourself a lot. >> I have to repeat myself often with Sparrow because she doesn’t always hear or understand me the first time.

You have spent more than $100 on a meal at a restaurant. >> I might have? When I took Sparrow and Sigma to New Orleans, it’s possible that we ate out and got a bill that high. That was a very special case, though, and I will never have that much money again, so.

You have smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in one day. >> I highly doubt this. Even when I was smoking pretty regularly, I didn’t smoke this much.

You use a blue toothbrush. >> Nope, it’s off-white and charcoal.

You have given someone a promise ring (or received one). >> Nah.

You have worn hemp clothing. >> Probably can’t afford it, either.

You are spatially aware of your surroundings at all times. >> I don’t think I’m terribly hypervigilant, but I certainly have a touch of it. I feel like I notice way too much about my environment sometimes, which is partially why I experience sensory overload so readily.

You almost always have your fingernails painted. >> I almost never have my fingernails painted, as much as I like the way they look when they’re freshly done. Too much work for too little (or too short-lived of a) reward.

You are currently in a long-term relationship. >> Correct. Multiple ones, if we count Inworld (and I always count Inworld).

You are slowly but surely losing your sense of hearing. >> Nope, still kicking. Sometimes too well.

You have friends in another state. >> I have at least one friend, and that one is in Texas.

You attend a lot of local events. >> I mean, I’ve been to as many as interested me. There aren’t really a lot of local events that I’m interested in, and now that there’s a pandemic going, I haven’t been to any.

You have lived away from your parents for more than 5 years now. >> Thank fuck.

You watch cooking shows on television and Youtube. >> I watch them with Sparrow, but I rarely watch them without someone else putting them on. It’s a thing that I like when it’s shown to me, but don’t seek out on my own.

You have a Youtube account and are subscribed to people on it. >> I really only started subscribing to people this year. It took me a while to really get interested in YouTube.

You don’t consider yourself to be a very creative or artistic person. >> I consider most people to be creative, actually. I think creativity is not exclusive to people who make specific kinds of art...

You have taken an aerobics class. >> I probably wouldn’t, either.

You are a percussionist. >> Only in Rock Band (and then, only sometimes). :p

You live in a city of 100,000 or more people. >> 200,000+ people, in fact.

You are currently listening to music. >> I’m in the living room with Sparrow and I don’t want to have to pause music to listen every time she says something.

You have been using the internet regularly since 2007 or earlier. >> Since around 2005, I’d say. I used it in high school too, but not regularly.

You are the type to keep every single promise you make. >> If I go so far as to make a promise, then I absolutely plan on keeping it. Consequently, I don’t make promises often. Can’t remember the last time I made one, in fact... do marriage vows count? Probably, huh.

You find it personally insulting when people break promises they make to you. >> I guess “insulting” is a word you could use? I’d prefer to say that it makes me distrustful and is a bit of an emotional trigger.

Your favourite type of candy is anything fruity. >> I don’t have a favourite type of candy. Oh, except maybe sour candy.

You have cable/pay television. >> Never. Although paying for streaming services is similar, but at least I don’t have to put up with advertisements (and it costs less, overall, even for the multiple streaming services we use).

You have a lot of celebrity crushes and can’t pick just one. >> I mean, I like a variety of performers, but I have no use for the word “crush”.

You have given money to a homeless person. >> I have also been the homeless person (which has probably contributed to my occasional acts of charity -- occasional because I’m still poor!).

You are a very skeptical person and hardly trust anyone or anything. >> I use my critical thinking skills whenever possible and I do have trust issues, but I don’t think this specific statement is accurate for me. 

You have one or more friends who are in bands. >> I don’t think I know any musicians anymore. I used to know quite a few.

You live in a place where it snows at least a foot every winter. >> I’m pretty sure this is true, yeah.

You live at least 10 miles from the nearest supermarket. >> I live one mile from a supermarket, 1.5 miles from another one, and by the time you’ve gone 5 miles north you’ve been in the vicinity of at least 3 more supermarkets.

You own a pair of noise isolating headphones. >> I do, and I’m wearing them right now. I got them with the stimulus check they sent out earlier in the year. These are one of the most favourite things I’ve ever owned, and I will probably have a full breakdown if/when they stop working (which, hopefully, will be far enough in the future that I can at least buy an almost-as-good pair to replace them?).

[annachronistic]

BBC Les Mis highlights

I waited till the last minute to review decided to review the BBC Les Mis series after all 6 episodes have aired.  So here’s my partially analytical, partially comical commentary on the BBC series.  A lot of stuff under the cut, lol.

- The Waterloo scene with Thénardier flexin’ like he wasn’t just about to rob Pontmercy 😒.  The dude’s so two-faced, but that’s in character.

- The Toulon prison scene looks like it was filmed in an arid, desert-like region, like Zion National Park.  I’m very curious about where this was filmed!

- One moment in the Toulon scene that stood out to me was with the prisoner about to get executed by firing squad.  And Javert just says “fire” in the most monotone voice ever as if it was nothing.  It really shows how indifferent he is to this sort of stuff.

- The “you will never win” line from Javert makes him seem like a stereotypical movie villain.  Just add lightning and a dramatic music sting wait, there’s no music allowed.

- The French dialog in the background is a clever way to establish the setting.  I wish I knew more French so I could understand the background conversations!

- The parts of episode 1 with Fantine and her homies just hanging out and being happy were my favorite scenes.

- Fantine is played by Lily Collins, who is Phil Collins’ daughter.  Phil Collins is a musician.  But I thought there was no singing allowed, Davies 😤

- I like how Fantine has a last name (Tibeau) in this series.  I like the idea of giving names to characters with unmentioned last/first names in the book.

- Georges Pontmercy tries to contact his father-in-law George Washington Gillenormand, who is a pretentious royalist that won’t let Marius see his dad.

- Seriously, I know almost nothing about 19th century fashion and I still can tell that Gillenormand and his royalist buddies’ hairstyles are anachronistic.

- Cosette, Éponine, and Azelma playing together after Fantine arrived with Cosette at the inn reminded me of the powerpuff girls with their hair styles.

-This is sad as well, because this the last time Cosette will be happy in a very long time.

- Fantine being optimistic and thinking she’ll see Cosette in 6 months really makes me sad, knowing what will happen in the future.

- Madeleine firing Fantine for lying (when he himself is lying, in a way, by hiding his identity) seems harsh and out-of character.  Valjean is supposed to have the most dramatic character changes of all the characters, but it looks like he hasn’t changed at all since Toulon.

- Javert talks to Madeleine in the same condescending way he did when he was 24601.  He was being all passive-aggressive and basically accusing him of being a criminal without directly saying it to his face.

- The dude that buys Fantine’s hair and teeth looks hella creepy.  Like wtf is that tattoo near his eye?

- Javert was super indifferent to Fantine’s death.

- Javert seems more like lawful evil than lawful neutral in this series.

- Valjean Harry Houdinis himself out of prison and shows up to get Cosette...2 years later?

- Rosalie Thénardier (again, I like that she has a first name) is depicted very well and is not solely a comic relief.

- Creepy hair buying guy returns and sells Chuckie Catherine to Valjean

- Valjean when he sees that Thénardier followed him and Cosette into the woods to bargain for more money:

- Cosette is right.  The landlord is a nosy lil bitch.

- At the end of episode 3, Javert gets super pissed that Valjean has narrowly escaped.  This is so sad Alexa play One Way or Another by Blondie.

- Big time jump!  What year is it?  Now I miss the exact year being shown on the screen.

- Valjean has morphed into Queen Aggravain from Once Upon a Mattress, so I guess Cosette is a much-smarter Prince Dauntless?  (Stop it annachronistic!  This is not a musical review.  Andrew Davies forbids it 😠)

- Since Cosette has some traits of an ingenue, and since Davies likes making female characters one-dimensional, I was afraid that he was gonna make her really dumb.  Thankfully she is smart, and I don’t think that Valjean perceives her as being dumb.  I think he is trying to shelter her from the world not because he thinks she is weak, but because he is super paranoid and has trust issues.  Like he might be afraid of her meeting someone like Tholomyes or Thénardier.

- But Valjean goes about his protection of Cosette in the most jerkish way possible. 

- Mabeuf is the real MVP

- The return of the landlord in episode 4 (dun dun dunn)

- I hate the strip tease scene.  Like stahp.

- And I also dislike the over-sexualization of (abused!) women, and the idea that a woman has to be “sexy” or beautiful in order to be loved.  In the words of the great Bart Baker “It sends the message to young girls: pretty equals happiness.  If you’re ugly then you’re worthless and your life will be bland and shitty”

- In episode 4 Marius is pretty much a socially awkward Glenn Quagmire from Family Guy.

- The scene where Thénardier forces Azlema to break the window with her hand makes Thénardier look like a sociopath.

- I don’t know why Valjean took Cosette to the Gorbeau house where the Thénardiers were staying.  I think it’s to emphasize that Cosette remembers the Thénardiers?

- New drinking game: take a shot every time Thénardier says he was in Waterloo.

- The Gorbeau house raid was actually my favorite scene of episode 4 (I’m biased because I’m an action movie fan), although there is a shocking lack of “would you like my hat?”.

- Valjean going crazy and burning his arm with the hot iron and Madame Thénardier throwing that giant ass rock!   I think X Gon’ Give It To Ya by DMX would be the perfect soundtrack for the Gorbeau house scene.

- Gavroche’s brothers/gamin buddies in episode 5!

- Also, Gavroche looks like Huey Freeman from The Boondocks.  I cannot unsee this.

- Marius, justifiably upset at his grandfather says “You disrespected my father, and now you disrespect wife?!”  Like, he didn’t even say “future” wife, and he’s only spoken to her 4 times in the show.  Slow down there, buckaroo.

- Also Gillenormand changes somewhat even he changed more than Valjean wtf and has some regrets about not letting Marius see his dad.

- I hate seeing Valjean fighting with Cosette.  In fact, the whole thing is pretty farcical.  There are a lot of Jerry Springer moments.

- Case in point: Enjolras.  The background info for the reasons for the June rebellion was glossed over pretty quickly, so it seems like he’s starting shit just to start shit.

- Javert thinks Valjean is the leader of the rebellion like wtf?  At this point, BBC Javert seems more like the Javert from the musical (ya know, going after the same criminal for almost 2 decades instead of randomly meeting him in a series of coincidences). 

- I love the drone shots of the barricades

- Marius goes from super giddy to suicide bomber in like one day.  I love the recurring theme of characters going berserk.

- And Enjolras and the rebels thought that was a badass moment for him.

- It’s a 3-way tie between Valjean, Javert, and Marius for being the most extra™ character in the series.

- Cosette saying “I hate you” to Valjean somehow seemed both out-of character and justified.

- Éponine getting shot was too sad.

- Gavroche’s body getting put next to Éponine‘s :(

- The army guy staring at Grantaire and Enjolras after killing them :(

- After Valjean finds him at the barricade and sees he has a knife Javert is like:

- Valjean saying he might “change his mind” about not killing Javert ???

- not enough sewers 0/10

- Gillenormand’s reaction when he thought that Marius was dead made me finally feel sympathy for him

- Javert’s suicide was surreal because he was methodical about it.  After crying for a few seconds, he goes back to his stoic self and jumps off the bridge because he actually sees it as a logical solution.

- Valjean casually admitting to Marius that he was thinking about murdering him *eyeroll*

- The biggest what-the-fuck moment (history wise) was when Thénardier said he was going to La Jolla in the New World to trade slaves.  If I heard it right, he is talking about La Jolla in California.  California did not become a state until 1850.  So if this is true, then Cosette is in her mid-30′s, Marius is at least 40, and Thénardier is at least 77.  Damn, they aged well!

- Valjean’s hair finally changed color once he slips into depression.

- At least Valjean had a peaceful death, and Cosette was by his side.  His relationship with his daughter was resolved and the story was able to (sort of) have a happy ending.

- Speaking of endings, the series ends on a frickin’ cliff hanger with the two gamin boys begging on the streets.  I guess it’s to show that the world is still a cruel place, but some can overcome it?

- We now need Les Misérables 2: Thénardier goes to America and his 2 unnamed sons get adopted by the Pontmercys.

[myalmostmidlifecrisis]

E1: To Botox or Not to Botox?

Transcript from Episode 1: To Botox or not to Botox?

Well, hello there! Welcome to the first episode of My Almost Midlife Crisis. I’m your host Jennifer Mathis and thank you for taking the time to join the conversation today. We’re going to be dipping our toes into the shallow end and we’re going to be talking about what it’s like to be expected to keep looking young, no matter what your age is. 

So, I was reading this article the other day and I came across a couple fun facts. If you know me, you know I love me some fun facts so I’m going to share them with you. Did you know that the US represents one of the most valuable beauty and personal care markets in the world, especially when we’re talking about anti-aging. 

In fact, in 2020, Americans spent an estimated $14.2 Billion (with a B) in anti-aging products. Now I’d love to see that comparison vs. what we spent in toilet paper in 2020, but still a big number. To put that into perspective, that’s 27% of the global market, with only 4% of the population. 

At first, I was like wow! That seems like a lot, we’re way over indexing there. But then I started thinking about it more and I don’t know, it kinda makes sense to me. We get pressure every day to keep ourselves looking young. I mean, men get pressure too, but I’m not a man and I can’t fully understand that. This podcast is more about the woman’s perspective so we’re going to leave that to someone else. I’m not saying men don’t get pressure so get off my back. 

I’m saying that women get so much pressure to look young. We get mixed messages. Dress your age. You’re too old to shop at Forever 21, but that outfit makes you look matronly. Go au natural, let your hair grow out but girl you better take care of those wrinkles! 

It keeps me thinking, are we just wasting our time trying to turn back the clock? Is it just wishful thinking because it’s a losing battle? Also, it’s expensive! When I look back, I probably started using Anti-aging products about 10 years ago. When I think about all that money I probably have spent, did it work? Who knows! Would I have just looked the way I do now without them? Could I have gone on a couple more trips instead? 

In today’s episode, we’ll focus on three areas. There’s plenty more we can talk about but today we’ll bring it down to three because we don’t have all day. Going grey, the ever-increasing skincare regime and finally the question I’ve been pondering for at least the last year To Botox, or not to Botox? 

First let’s talk about going grey. For years I’ve seen a strand pop up here or there. Of course, they’re never in the back of your head where you don’t have to look at it or notice it and unless you’re doing a weird selfie of the back of your head (which why would you do that?) you would never even notice it. 

Oh no no no. It’s right up front. It’s in the hair that frames your face so every time you look in the mirror, it’s a gentle reminder that your youth is slowly slipping away strand by strand. 

During facetime with my friends, they’ll console me and say “Girl, it just looks like a blonde streak, don’t even worry about it. You can’t even tell.” Uh, thanks. But you’re a lying b*tch.

I appreciate it, that’s what friends are for, to build you up. Sometimes I like to believe, maybe they’re right! Maybe I’m just too hard on myself, wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe if I keep telling myself it looks like blonde, I’ll actually believe it. But then I took another selfie today for this podcast and I’m going to be posting it later and I’m kidding myself. It’s grey. 

The hypocrisy that men are considered “silver foxes” and women have to “learn to love the transition”. I saw that written the other day. I know you can’t see me, but there were some aggressive air quotes happening there. I keep seeing these articles profiling women that were “brave to embrace their grey”. Brave? Is that what it takes to go grey? Am I the only one that finds the word grey almost insulting to be described as something as simple as going grey? Brave is something like when you go into battle as a soldier or when you’re protesting human rights. It’s not reserved for things like getting grey hair. 

But on the flip side, I see some women that are rocking the grey. I mean, big shout out to Diane Keaton. She is adorable! If I can look anything like her at that age, I would be so happy! 

It’s not just the women I look up to that are serving up some serious chicness as I’m now labeling them “grey-haired divas”. No no no. It’s now GenZers. Or as I like to call them “the kids” or “the youngens”. I’m sorry if you’re a GenZer and that offends you but as an older Millennial, that’s how it feels. GenZers are purposefully dying their hair grey. Oh no, I wish I was kidding but I’m not. 

For those of you that don’t know me, I should digress slightly, I swear it will be quick, to talk about the two new obsessions 2020 has given me. Some are healthy like Peloton. 

I was actually having a conversation with one of my Peloton friends the other day, and yes I know how lame that sounds, and it reminds me of every conversation you have around your favorite shows on an OTT platform. Oh hey girl, you should check out Bridgeton, yeah that was really good did you see My Queens Gambit, oh yeah did you see The Outsider on HBO? That circular conversation is the exact same conversation if you have a Peloton except replace shows with workouts and instructors. I’m sure for those people that don’t have Peloton, it’s the most annoying conversation to listen to, but whateves. Anyway...

That’s a healthy obsession, maybe a less healthy obsession (not going to say unhealthy) would be TikTok. I can spend hours on that app. I am totally one of those people that will also text you TikToks. And you know what? Side note: If I text you a TikTok it’s because I watched a video and it made me think of you and I think you would enjoy this. I’m sending this a gift of 15-20 seconds of enjoyment that I thought you would like. So you’re welcome. and maybe you should watch the TikToks that I sent you because I thought of you for it and you can see why I thought of you. And this note is specifically for my fiancé because I know for a fact that he doesn’t watch the TikToks I send him. But I’m going to keep doing it. 

So it’s pretty much where I learn about new music and I’m keeping up with the trends. I’m hanging with the youngens and I kinda get what’s going on. While I know that sounds SUPER lame, it’s the truth. So while I can probably do a whole episode on TikTok vs. when I was that age, we’re gonna stick to the grey-haired one for now and maybe I’ll make another episode of that later. 

I’ve noticed a trend where they are choosing to dye their hair grey. As an older Millennial I cannot imagine choosing to be grey in my early 20′s! I don’t even want to be grey now, let alone choosing to be at 22? Are you crazy? Grey hair when I was that age was a signal of old age. My Grandma had grey hair but there was no way in hell my mom would have kept her grey hair. I don’t even know if she has grey hair, she’s been dying her hair for as long as I can remember. Who knows what color her hair is at this point? But I can tell you one thing, if there was grey, no way would it be showing. 

To actually want to have your hair grey seems insane to me. But at the same time, just to play devil’s advocate, maybe we should be (dare I say it) thanking them. In a way, aren’t they just taking away the power grey hair holds on us? If a 22yo female can have grey hair, then who gives a sh*t if a 40 or 50yo has grey hair? Doesn’t it just become mainstream at that point? 

Net/Net, my take on grey hair - turning grey feels weird to me. It’s almost this physical signal that I’m slowly transitioning to a new chapter in my life and honestly? I don’t know how I feel about that. In a way, I could be optimistic. I could be one of those people that say “I’m older and wiser now. These grey streaks are a signal that I’ve learned some sh*t and I should wear it with pride.” Yeah I guess. But let’s be honest, I’m also saying NO! I’d like to think I could pull off a chic grey, but wrinkles? That’s a whole other story. Those a**holes keep creeping up and I am NOT OK with it. But I’m actually really struggling with what is the right approach. 

That leads me to the next topic. Skincare and the daily war against wrinkles. If you’re like me, the spending on your anti-aging regimen and my time spent getting ready for bed or in the morning increase. I am constantly googling ways to stop the clock and reading articles about recommended products or natural remedies, which...

You have to laugh when we talk about anti-aging natural remedies. That phrase shouldn’t even be allowed to be written. It is the opposite of natural to try to reverse what nature is doing. That is the opposite. You know what a natural remedy is? A time machine. And good luck getting one of those because Costco has been sold out for years. 

As a marketer, I’m an easy target. I’m the target where when my clients ask “how do we find the right target?”, well if you have an anti-aging product, we’re super obvious. We just hold these massive red flags because our digital footprints are screaming that we are desperate to find solutions. Please sell something to me and I have money to spend. Currently, I am an avid sunscreen user, thanks to a couple of years ago. If I had to guess why I got a little bit of skin cancer, maybe it was partially due to the free tanning bed that was in my apartment complex when I was in college in Florida. Yeah, just to recap that, there was a free tanning bed in the Sunshine State because you can’t just get the natural, free sun and tan that God created, we have to go into a machine and just speed up the process of cancer. So I took total advantage of that and then here I am, 20 years later, having issues with skin cancer. So thanks for that.

My current regimen is sunscreen, a sh*t-ton of moisturizer, I currently use skin oil from Scratch Goods which if you haven’t tried it, it’s a local company and they make amazing all natural products. Oh, look at that! There’s a natural remedy! Actually thinking about it, it’s funny I use face oil now, I remember when I was a kid and just starting to needing to wash my face so I don’t get zits. I used to use Neutrogena cleanser – no, not Neutrogena, Noxzema! Noxzema where it tears through your skin so that basically nothing could live, and then I follow that up with Oil of Olay. Remember when it used to be called Oil of Olay? Yougens if you’re listening to this show you probably don’t know what I’m talking about because it’s just called Olay now. The got rid of the oil. I’m sure there’s some consumer insight that said women don’t want to put oil on their face. Well ironic, maybe you should now change the name back because putting oil on your face is back in style.

So I use that, I use anti-aging cream, haven’t tried a serum yet and I have a prescription for Retinol so I can use the hard-core stuff (maybe going back to my Noxzema days) and I put collagen in my coffee every morning. I mean, Jesus Christ. Even just naming all of that is just…kind of ridiculous.

I think I look pretty good for my age, this is me based on I see others online or on TV and I think they’re 35? They look like they’re almost 50! Then of course I get the slight panic moment of wait, do I look like that? Do I think I look young but actually I don’t? Is this like when I was in college and I was under 21 and I was using that fake ID for some 26yo and I was like “I could totally pass for her” which as I got older I’m like, oh girl, you were not passing for that, they just didn’t care and they let you in.

Another fabulous gift from 2020, more fine lines around my eyes. So I’ve been looking at – should I be upping my game? Is what I’m doing currently not enough? I feel like I’m the only one of my friends that has not had a single pinch of Botox in my face. I don’t know, it scares me. Botox seriously scares me. One, it’s this signal or symbol that the over-the-counter stuff is no longer working and you’re starting to lose the battle. Your turning a corner. But also, I hate needles. I can’t even look at needles; I have to look the other way when they’re taking blood. And you’re putting poison into your face, like actual poison. But listen I’m not totally against it.

A lot of my friends look great. It’s clearly working for them. But it scares me because once you start it, you can’t stop. That’s it. You’ve now turned this corner. You’ve made this decision and you have to live with it. Now you’re on that path. It kind of reminds me of when I was a kid and I really wanted to shave my legs because I had long, hairy legs. I had a little bit of an older friend, Tricia if you’re listening, I will never forget, we had a sleepover one night, we shaved our legs and our parents noticed and we were in massive trouble. But my mom was right, you shave your legs and that’s it! Moving forward you have to continue so if that is what Botox is, am I ready to start that journey right now?

Also when I look around, while my friends look great, I’ve seen some real, scary, warning stories. And by real, scary, warning stories, I mean reality TV. I mean, where I find the time to watch as much reality TV as I do should be considered the eighth wonder of the world. I’m not a lazy person. I don’t just sit around and watch TV all day. Even in quarantine, I’m working out, I’m trying to write an outline of a book, I’m actually working and doing my job and now I’m apparently starting a podcast. I’m not like a lazy person. But somehow, I’m able to, very efficiently, watch a lot of reality TV and one of my favorite franchises is The Real Housewives.

Most of these women have been surgically altered, let’s not even lie to ourselves. Very little of them, if any of them at this point, are au natural. And some pull it off real well like Dorit from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I mean, she’s clearly had work done but I’m sorry, she’s hot. If I was into women, I mean she’s gorgeous. Cheers to you. This next statement has nothing to do with you. You’re doing a great job. Whoever your doctor is, keep going and maybe send him my way.

But others scare the sh*t outta me. I’m not going to name names because at the end of the dday these are real people and we have to remember that. I truly believe you are an a**hole if you call out people and talk sh*t about their appearance in public. That is public bullying someone. I know they’re on reality TV. I know you think you can say whatever you want. But keep your snarky comments to your living room, they don’t need to be out there in public. But watching the transformations from season to season are honestly worrisome as I look forward to is this my new reality. I really hope they get some kind of compensation for the damage their doctor has done because Girl, you better go get your refund. There is a fine line between looking younger and taking it too far and starting to look deformed.

Basically, when it comes to looking younger, to wrap up today’s conversation, and dealing with the pressure from outside sources, I just really think you gotta do you. I think the older I get, the more I realize as long as you are ok with yourself, who the f*ck cares what others think. Usually people’s opinions of you have way more to do with themselves and their sh*t they gotta work through. What makes you feel sexy? What makes you feel beautiful? If you can answer that, you’ll give yourself less wrinkles from stressing out about it and you’re going to save yourself some cash. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Your choice. You do you.

Well sadly that ends our time for today. I just want to say I know your time is valuable and I really appreciate you listening to this podcast. I had so much fun recording it. I can’t believe episode one is done already! I wish I could just pop open a bottle of champagne but of course I’m doing dry January (which I feel like is a really bad decision). But it’s been so much fun! I’m new to this. This is literally the second recording I have ever made so your feedback is also appreciated. I’m a big girl, I can handle constructive criticism. Don’t be a jerk, but if you have any comments or thoughts please send them over. And if you have any topics you’d like me to discuss as well, send those over! I would love to hear them! You can read the transcript on Tumblr under My Almost Midlife Crisis, you can find me on Instagram at explorelikeagirl or on Twitter @AlmostMidlife.

Thanks again and until next time! 

[weneverlearn]

GARAGE PUNK DOC IN THE WORKS! 

Wherein Italian trash rock lifers dust off their old VHS concert tapes and pick up a new camera to document the 1990s garage rock scene.

About the last week of November, a trailer of sorts (above) was making the trash rock rounds. It’s cool clips and odd editing of some of the best garage bands of the 1990s piqued lots of interest and fevered sharings, garnering excited queries of “What?” “When?” “Who?” Gaaaaaggghh!!”

Well it turns out I had a clue, as this in-the-works documentary of the end-of-the-century garage rock scene (ala the one covered in my book) is being scrummed up by Italian uber-fans, Massimo Scocca and Gisella Albertini. They not only started booking great bands from all over the wold in their town of Torino and beyond northern Italy back in the early ‘90s, but they had their own great trash trio, Two Bo’s Maniacs. And yes, @newbombturks have been pals with them since they first booked us in 1993, and are one of many interview subjects planned for the film.

Since the chances of 20th Century Fox coming along to bankroll a doc on the 1990s garage punk scene is probably out of the realm of possibility, here’s hoping Massimo and Gisella get all the help and funding they need to finish the project.

We Never Learn checked in with Gisella for some more details on the project.

So, what is the name of the documentary, and why is it named that?

We needed a working title that could pretty much summarize what it is about, and not just cool sounding: Live The Life You Sing About - Tales of Low Budget and Desperate Rock’n’Roll.  

We started wondering how bands that sound so different from one another are often perceived as part of the same category or “genre.” When someone asks us to define it, we end up with a long series of terms: garage, punk, rock’n’roll; sometimes with an extra “sixties” or “lo-fi” or “low-budget” in all possible combinations because they’re not not necessarily all true at the same time. Maybe the one thing they have in common is attitude. Something like: play, sing, do what you think is right, no matter what other people think or say. This often comes along with struggle, frustration, and the feeling of being on a different planet, so we threw in an extra “desperate.” It also happens to be the title of an old song that a band brought back to the present, which is another common theme here. However, it might still change, if we come up with a better idea.

Who started the idea to do the documentary, and why?

We came across a box of Video 8 and cassette tapes, forgotten in a closet for years, and something clicked: “We should do something with this!”

From time to time we happen to meet kids who were just babies or very young children in the 90’s, but are very much into this kind of music. Usually when they hear the names of the bands we saw play live, they look at us with amazement and envy. That reminds us of when we talked to people who had seen maybe like Bo Diddley and the Rolling Stones in the ‘60s in just one night. Ok, it means that we’re getting older, but at the same time, we feel lucky and grateful that someone worked hard to allow all that to happen. Now, it’s our chance to save someone “from the misery of being a Taylor Swift fan and do something good for the world” ( - Tim Warren). Ha ha ha!!!

Gisella (far right); Massimo (middle) - Photographer unknown

Is there a kind of timeframe to the bands in the movie?

I guess you know exactly what it means having to choose what to include and what to cut. So many stories that should be told, so little pages...or minutes. It’s just an impossible task. So, we somehow arbitrarily put some boundaries. We decided to focus on whatever happened between 1990 and 1999. Last decade of the millennium. Pretty epic, you know. The era of transition towards new technologies that deeply changed the way of doing many things, but at the same time, at least in this kind of music, strongly rooted in the previous decades of the century.

Oh sure, it’s not that a flying saucer with all these bands landed on Earth on January 1, 1990 and left on December, 1999. We will have flashbacks and references to the present as well. But since the documentary is mostly based on our own archive, it’s also necessarily influenced by the fact that we met some people and not others, and we saw, filmed, and photographed some bands more than others.

Tell me about what your backgrounds are -- in music or life in general.

Oh well, the main people [working on the doc] currently is the two of us -- with the precious help of a few people who could not devote themselves to the project until it’s completed, but worked with us and supported us in many ways.

When we came up with the idea, we had two main options: putting together a professional-looking proposal, sending it around and just wait, hoping some producer would notice its great potential and decide to invest thousands of dollars on it. Or, just jump in and start somehow and figure everything else out in the process. We chose the latter -- it’s more punk! There’s no fame and fortune guaranteed with this project. You do it just because you want to and no matter what.

I mean, we expected a bunch of dedicated fans and collectors would love to see a documentary like this. But being realistic, that’s a relatively small niche. We tried to figure what people know about this. in Italy, the closest they can usually get to this kind of music is what here is called the  “Po-po-po-po-po-po-poo World Cup chant.” Real title: “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes. Not even something we plan to mention. 

Next, a bunch of bands of the late 90’s-early 2000s, still quite a bit out of our range. Then numbers get lower and lower, down to the most obscure ones that only few geeks have ever heard of.

Anyway, if all goes well, we’ve finally found a stable technical crew. Also, we’re working on a few ways of funding the project, besides our own bank account, and including crowdfunding later. Plus a few other ideas, but nothing defined yet so I prefer not to say more, until we’re settled.

1995 7″

Torino newspaper clipping, 10/93. - “Shitty local bands get the main title, while they (A-Bones) only appear to deserve a "tough (?) garage rockers from NY.” - Gisella

How far along are you in finishing it, and when do you think it will be done?

We already did a lot of work on the archive and the structure that will help speed up the editing process. However, we still have quite a few interviews to make, presumably in the summer, and post-production that will involve quite a lot of work on sound especially. Sorry guys, sit down and relax, at least until late 2018. But we’ll keep everybody updated on our page.

Who have you talked to so far, and who do you hope to talk to when you come to the States?

We did long interviews with Tim Warren and Ben Wallers at their homes. Then we have eleven more, collected at gigs of the bands that happened to be touring Europe: opportunities that we couldn’t waste. Many interviews were between sound check and dinner, or even after the gig, and we might decide -- with the interviewees -- to use only part of them, or not at all, then do more while we’re in the U.S.A. Oh, I almost forgot to mention 30 audio-only interviews we had made for our zine in the ‘90’s that will be partially edited in as well. Who do we hope to talk to in the States? Hey, we’re Italian and superstitious, we don’t reveal names in advance!

Torino newspaper clipping, 1994.

Tell us about when you first started seeing these kind of garage punk bands. And what was an early show you saw that really made you get into this music?

Gisella: Sixties music has been my favorite since I was 4 or 5, when I found my mom’s Beatles records -- two 45’s -- in a cupboard. From there, you know, Kinks, Them, Animals, Pretty Things, and then Pebbles, Back From the Grave, and the bands more or less inspired by that. So when my friends and I heard that the guy from the Prisoners would play in town with his new band the Prime Movers, we all went, of course. There, we discovered the opening band would be the Wylde Mammoths. Great night, and a first glimpse of things to come. But it was really the Gories and Thee Headcoats records I came across at a local record store that blew my mind and had me say “Oh THIS is what I really want to hear!.” Everything else followed.

Massimo: Well I’m older than Gisella you know, and I saw some awesome bands during the ‘80s like Suicide, Gun Club, etc. I used to collect a lot of garage compilations, early blues records, r&b, soul, and all the good stuff. But the event that attracted me strongly into this music happened in 1990. I was in NYC, checking the Village Voice and saw that the Gories and the Raunch Hands would play that night. So I went there, and man, that gig was unbelievable! Totally different from anything you could hear at that time, and so shocking that it definitely changed my life forever.

I guess there will be a lot of old film footage in the movie. Can you tell us about one or two old videos you have that you are particularly excited about putting in the movie?

The first one we ever shot. it’s 1995, Micha [Warren, Crypt Records] tells us the Oblivians will be touring Europe. The 10” on Sympathy was awesome and the Country Teasers will be playing too, so we decide to follow them around for a week. Right before leaving, I remember a friend of mine had a Video 8 camera from the late 80s, ask him if we can borrow it, and he says yes. Great, off we go in our ‘70s orange, rusty Ford Transit that we can also sleep in. We get to Stuttgart, Germany. The venue is a sort of long narrow basement, really packed, hot wild atmosphere. Camera battery is fully charged, everything ready, we’re thrilled at the idea of filming such an event. Except... five minutes later, the camera’s dead! The battery was fucked up. What do we do? We can’t miss something like this. Between the sets, we ask if I can keep the camera plugged to the only socket around, at the back of the stage, and they say ok. So for the whole gig I’m there in a corner, trying not to pull my 3′ cord too much, horrified at the thought of blacking out amps and P.A., making the band and the crowd mad at me forever. Luckily, I didn’t. And we came home with some real crazy footage!

Was there any band so far that said NO to an interview for the film?

Considering that in most cases we basically popped up at sound-check asking for an interview for a basically nonexistent documentary, we’re really grateful that they all said yes in that moment, despite the often dire circumstances. It gave us the confidence to persist.

As for the future, we haven’t contacted 100% of those we’d like to interview yet. Until now there was only one who said, “Maybe, it depends.” But I already sort of expected this could happen, and in fact I contacted him way before all the others, in order to have time to figure out my countermoves. Not all hope is lost, ha!

Tell us anything else you want about the movie.

We want our documentary to reflect what we think was the feel of that era -- no bullshit, fun, crazy, and not too high tech!

Follow the film’s progress here!!

[vanhowlin]

﹠.   ABOUT.

NAME:  martin.  is it his first name or his surname ? we just don’t know. OTHER NAMES:  none. TITLE:  project incubus. the rowdy three. AGE:  42 years old. 

GENDER:  cis male.  he / him pronouns. SEXUALITY:  biromantic asexual. sex positive. ORIGIN:  exact state unknown.  somewhere in the southern “ bible belt ” of america. CURRENT LOCATION:  undisclosed government facility. NATIONALITY:  american. SPOKEN LANGUAGES:  english. RELIGION:  agnostic. no benevolent god would put him and his boys through what they’ve already been through, and no omniscient god would be able to explain to him why they were made to go back.

HEIGHT:  6′ 0″  BODY TYPE:  mesomorphic. characterized by a compact, muscular and athletic frame. mesomorphs have a high metabolism and retain a low body fat percentage. has long as fuck legs, big hands with long fingers and narrow shoulders. EYES:  light, clear blue.  usually partially hidden by the thick frames of his glasses. TATTOOS:  various. all his tattoos are sketchy and faded, due to being done by either himself or gripps while on the road. he has several small spot-like symbols on his right wrist and the words ' in control ' on the left side of his neck. PIERCINGS:   both ears are double pierced with small silver hoops. SCARS:  due to his being ridiculously resilient when actually well fed, martin doesn’t have any scars from his time on the road. all the scars he DOES have are all old and were received while he was being tested on at blackwing ( the first time ). most noticeable of these is the gash across his nose, usually covered by a beige band-aid. he got this one during their escape. all his other scars are faded, now nothing more than a slight discoloration of the skin, usually hidden under layers of dirt and grime so they aren't even noticeable unless you're uncomfortably close.

EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND:  attended public school up to 6th grade. was given some education during his time with blackwing, but that ended about the same time the torture began. kinda hard to study when you’re locked in a cage. SOCIAL MEDIA:  nope. but i’m sure there are blurry cryptid-like shots on the internet somwehere of a beat-to-shit van peeling out of an arbys parking lot after four huge punks started a fire in the managers car lbr. SMOKE:  like a fucking chimney. he’s a heavy smoker and generally goes through a pack a day, on a good day. he’ll typically chain smoke four or five cigarettes at a time. whether this negatively affects him or not remains to be seen, though it clearly is an addiction. DRINK:  hell yes. there’s always a well stocked cooler in the rowdy van. although... again, whether or not alcohol actually effects him is unknown. his tolerence is pretty high, but i don’t think he can really get drunk drunk ( at least not easily ). at the very least, if anything, it just makes him feel warm inside and gives him a little extra kick.  DRUGS:  not really. he might smoke a joint every now and again for the hell of it, but he’s old fashioned. he much rather prefers your basic nicotine cigarettes. ATHLETICS:  does being a mobile mosh pit that destroys almost everything it comes into contact with count as being ‘’’’ athletic ‘’’’’. because i think it should. it takes a lot of core strength to heft a bike at a car windshield. HOBBIES:  destroying public property. destroying private property. terrorizing assholes who try to shame and humiliate mentally ill girls in grocery store parking lots. burning mannequins. stealing cars from junkyards and trashing them themselves. trashing motel rooms. trashing apartment rooms. playing scrabble and then destroying the board. lots of destruction in general tbh. VIRGIN:  gut instinct says no but .... let me get back to you on this one.

FAVORITE DRINK:  you can’t go wrong with beer. FAVORITE FOOD:  .... dirk gently. don’t make it weird. FAVORITE MUSIC:  electroclash and punk rock. really, anything with a heavy bass line is okay. he likes to be able to feel the rhythm in his bones;  it helps drown out the constant tones of the universe. CLOTHING STYLE:  very grunge and 80s punk. lots of leather and frayed denim and leather / denim vests. black combat boots and ripped jeans are a must. always covered in some degree of dirt and generally seen carrying a weapon of some kind. always has a band-aid across the bridge of his nose so it’s basically a fashion statement. wears a pair of old man glasses. wrists are covered in multiple black bracelets and he typically has 2 - 3 flashy rings on each hand at any given time.

tagged by:  got it from this bae  »  @bbdelrey​. tagging:  anyone who thinks this might be fun should go for it !

[itsmorefuntohavebadtaste]

Braving the RS 500 Greatest Albums of All Time: #4, Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited

(Start date: April 19th, 2018 / Day 337)

From Rolling Stone:

Bruce Springsteen described the beginning of "Like a Rolling Stone," the opening song on Highway 61 Revisited, as the "snare shot that sounded like somebody'd kicked open the door to your mind." Folk singer Phil Ochs was even more rhapsodic about the LP: "It's impossibly good… How can a human mind do this?"

Recorded in a staggering six days, Highway 61 Revisited – named after the road that runs from Bob Dylan's home state of Minnesota down through the Mississippi Delta – is one of those albums that changed everything. In and of itself, "Like a Rolling Stone," rumored to be about Andy Warhol acolyte Edie Sedgwick, forever altered the landscape of popular music – its "vomitific" flow (Dylan's term), literary ambition and sheer length (6:13) shattered limitations of every kind. "Ballad of a Thin Man" delivered the definitive Sixties comment on the splintering hip-straight fault line: "Something is happening here, but you don't know what it is/Do you, Mister Jones?" If anyone questioned whether or not Dylan had truly  "gone electric," the roaring rock & roll of  "From a Buick 6" and "Tombstone Blues" – powered by guitarist Mike Bloomfield – left no doubt.

The album ends with "Desolation Row," a surrealist night journey that runs 11 minutes. Dylan evokes a Hieronymus Bosch-like season in hell that seems to foretell all the Sixties cataclysms to come. "The Titanic sails at dawn," he sings wearily. "Everybody is shouting, 'Which side are you on?'" That "Desolation Row" is an all-acoustic track – a last-minute decision on Dylan's part – is one final stroke of genius: a spellbinding new vision of folk music to close the album that, for the time being at least, destroyed folk music.

This is the last Bob Dylan album on the list, and widely considered to be his greatest, but can it answer the million dollar question?

Well to start out, “Like a Rolling Stone” is a tremendous song, musically, lyrically, and even vocally, which is a rarity for Dylan. So are “Ballad of a Thin Man” and “Desolation Row”, though to a lesser extent. There’s still a decent amount of nonsense on this one, which always turns me off to him, but there’s some truly incredible music supporting it.

I’d definitely say I’m partial to “Blonde on Blonde”, but I still mostly enjoyed this. Now, onto the million dollar question––what is it about Bob Dylan that makes otherwise intelligent men lose all sense of rationality?

I still couldn’t tell you, but I think the reason why so many people are so willing to defend him when he’s churning out bad music, now that he’s passed his sell-by date, is that his music was always pretty variable in quality. The madness coexisted with genius, and when as the madness gradually overtook the music, it didn’t mean the genius wasn’t still there. They’d always stood against each other, so that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not still there, right? After all, Dylan’s a Gemini. So I think in absence of merit, people invent something where it isn’t, because that’s how it always was, and they’re seeing him through that lens.

It’s just a theory, but it’s probably worth something.

Year: 1965 Standout Track(s): Like a Rolling Stone, Ballad of a Thin Man, Desolation Row Rating: 4/5 - Inconsistent, but the good is spellbinding and the bad is still perfectly listenable.

[just-a-re-blog]

Question Tag

My homegirl @evangelene​ tagged me in this, so here goes--more than you’ll ever need to know about me RIP

Rules: answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions

1. coke or pepsi?

Coke 

2. disney or dreamworks?

Disney

3. coffee or tea?

Tea--but fancy good tea, like earl grey, not Lipton

4. books or movies?

Books bring me happy

5. windows or mac?

I only own Apple products

6. dc or marvel?

DC SAVED MY LIFE 5 YEARS AGO IN JUNE SO DC ABSOLUTELY DC

7. xbox or playstation?

Wii

8. dragon age or mass effect?

i don’t know what these are

9. night owl or early riser?

I like rising early, but I am at peace at 1 AM

10. cards or chess?

Cards, specifically ERS, but let me be clear--I am ALWAYS down for a game of Real Wizards’ Chess ™️

11. chocolate or vanilla?

le chocolat

12. vans or converse?

Adidas

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar?

i don’t know what these are either. sorry.

14. fluff or angst?

Mafia and Soulmate AUs which include moments of both

15. beach or forest?

Redondo Beach and North Cascades National Park forest

16. dogs or cats?

I have always wanted a dog, but cats are my everything

17. clear skies or rain?

clear skies to do stuff in and rain to watch and listen to from the seat by the window like the emo fuck i am

18. cooking or eating out?

I am bad at it, but I like to cook!

19. spicy food or mild food?

listen, I like spicy food, but I never eat it because jalepenos bring my taste buds joy but bring my mouth great pain

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas?

I celebrate Christmas from December 26th to December 25th

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot?

A little too cold. I love winter.

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

GIVE ME FLIGHT

23. animation or live action?

I plead the Fifth

24. paragon or renegade?

I. DON’T. KNOW. WHAT. THESE. ARE.

25. baths or showers?

Showers

26. team cap or team ironman?

DC

27. fantasy or sci-fi?

Fantasy (looking at you, Bilbo)

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they?

“It’s like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you’re happy, too.” ~Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” ~Marianne Williamson, Our Deepest Fear

“I am a weak person pretending to be strong.” ~Min Yoongi

“These wings came from pain, but they are wings headed for the light. Though it’s hard and it hurts, if I can fly, I will fly so I won’t be scared anymore.”  ~BTS,  A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone

29. youtube or netflix?

YouTube

30. harry potter or percy jackson?

Daughter of Apollo with the heart of a Hufflepuff who was sorted into Gryffindor. Yep.

31. when do you feel accomplished?

Those rare moments when I FINALLY finish a chapter/story

32. star wars or star trek?

Give my son my lightsaber.

33. paperback or hardback books?

Hardback yo. I am a destructive human being that can only be trusted to handle things that are sturdily constructed.

34. horror or rom-com?

Hit me up to watch The Proposal any day--I live my love life vicariously through others.

35. tv shows or movies?

TV shows...like I have time to watch them...

36. favourite animal?

Giraffes are great, but I also like elephants. And bears. And dolphins. And I am forever in love with the indomitable banana slug. Also, I like Pikachu. A lot.

37. favourite genres of music?

Classical piano, K-pop, J-pop, Chinese pop (my sister who is Chinese told me not to call it C-pop or Mando pop), soundtracks, 70s singer-songwriters, 80s rock, 90s rap (yes, I know those lyrics are the definition of misogyny, it’s not a perfect art form), 2000s pop, Keith Urban style country (yes, I said it), James Ingram/Yolanda Adams style gospel, Casting Crowns style Christian, WALK THE MOON/The Fold style indie rock/alternative, Charlie Wilson style R&B

38. least favourite book?

Ugh, Matched. I was just really not a fan. Or Gulliver’s Travels. I hate that book.

39. favourite season?

I don’t really have one, actually! There’s good and bad that comes with each. But I guess I’m pretty partial to winter because snow and, you know, Christmas

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head?

Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers???

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear?

whatever’s on top in my drawer (or in front in my closet if I need flannel)

42. how many existential crises do you have on an average day?

i live in a constant state of existential crisis. my brand is crisis

43. if you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be?

I choose my favorite song of all time--Young Forever. 

44. favourite theme song to a TV show?

That’s a three-way tie between the Teen Titans theme song, the 1960s Batman theme song, and the opening theme of the Chinese drama Eternal Love

45. harry potter movies or books?

I love the books, but literally nothing in this world can top sassy 11-year-old Emma Watson (”It’s Wingardium Levi-o-sa. Not Levio-sa.”) and clueless, lovable 11-year-old Rupert Grint (“Yes, Hermione, I think this is gonna be exactly like real Wizards’ Chess.”).

46. you can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it?

Look, if Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok can finally get together like they’ve always been meant to, then my knowledge of tumblr is a small price to pay

47. do you play an instrument and if so, what is it? 

Once upon a time I played viola. Then I played French Horn. Now I sing, and I’ve been playing piano for almost 9 years.

48. what is the worst way to die?

Being eaten. I have had countless nightmares about something consuming me and just the thought of being eaten alive, I goTTa gO

49. if you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do?

Probably do cute lil things to make my friends’ days better like flip their textbooks to the right pages when they’re not looking or leave them coffee at their table when they get up to go to the bathroom. i is too cowardly to do those things for my crush, so it would be nice to be invisible

50. What are you planning on doing with your life?

Imma be a music video producer, y’all. Catch my name in the tiny credits

51. Favorite Disney movie?

HOW DO I PICK BETWEEN THE INCREDIBLES BIG HERO 6 AND MOANA

52. One must have item you always carry with you?

A necklace my sister gave me. It is my security blanket.

53. Drawing or telling stories?

Telling stories because I can do it through so many mediums, ya know?

54. If you could have a superhero sidekick, what animal would it be and what would you name it?

Y’all already saw this coming--THE INDOMITABLE BANANA SLUG NAMED MARVELOUS MAVEN WOULD BE MY SIDEKICK

My question: Stuffed animals or figurines?

Tags: @thatirishgirl078 @bts-exo-seouls @callmyexodus @whysoinvisible

Joke’s on you if you thought I was really about to tag 53 people

[americanahighways]

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photos by Glenn Cook

James McMurtry was one of the most important lessons I learned in graduate school.  Having arrived in Boston, fresh from the revelatory oasis of my UC Berkeley undergraduate years, I was pretty certain the world had shown me what it could.  Intellectual prowess, philosophical abandon, and mindful debauchery had been fused into a fledgling, yet purposeful, identity.

Boston was cold and dreary, classes were grey and unforgiving, a startling contrast to the communal spirit and raised consciousness housed on Ward street.  We cooked vegetarian, loved freely, and protested fully; Donald Trump’s America was an Orwellian fable, a cautionary tale of hyperbolic proportion, its malignant intent foreshadowed but not yet fathomed in the relative predictability of the Bush years.

Too Long in the Wasteland, James McMurtry’s brilliant inaugural album (1989), rooted in a geography far removed from the rarefied and fractured Fenway landscape I now called home, was a courting gift that Dan, soon to be my graduate school boyfriend, offered as a way to cheer me up.  He was determined to posit the existence of a quieter more authentic world outside both heady idealism and acerbic academia.  Along with Peter Taylor’s rich stories of everyday life in the South and Charles Wright’s bucolic meditations, Dan proffered James McMurty’s genius, channeled through rich guitar riffs and carefully crafted wry observations of American experience, as his proofs.

I have been an unabashed devotee of James McMurty ever since.  He is one of what I call my DNA musicians, referring to the small group of artists who help me through and lift me up, and provide at times perspective and vision.  If neither happens to be within my reach, at least McMurtry suggests the certainty that someone somewhere is playing a mean 12-string guitar, and without pomp or circumstance, speaking “the truth.”

Both backstory and full disclosure, the above acknowledges what I brought to The Birchmere Thursday night for James McMurtry’s solo performance. Unpretentious, not a bell or a whistle within spitting distance, The Birchmere is my favorite DC area venue in which to see McMurtry.  He just makes sense there, with his dry humor and no bullshit demeanor, surrounded by his die-hard fans,who—and I will stand by this statement until I am proven wrong—are a damn special group of people.

“How’s everyone doing,?” McMurtry asks, and without further adieu, we are off.   His opener, the stunning “Saint Mary of the Woods” (2002), from his sixth album of the same name, reaffirms what was famously stated by suspense writer, Stephen King, and is understood by everyone lucky enough to be in attendance Thursday night:  “The simple fact is that James McMurtry may be the truest, fiercest songwriter of his generation.”

Saint Mary is typical of those about whom McMurtry writes.  But it is not enough to say that his characters are “sad” or “down on their luck.”  His particular genius is in capturing incarnate a certain quality that speaks to what it means to be human.  His ability to create the ineffable, existential, and, ultimately, inescapable space we all are destined to occupy, no matter how great are our efforts to anesthetize and/or flee.

Perhaps McMurtry’s did learn a thing or two from his Pulitzer Prize winning father, the writer, Larry McMurtry, as is evident in the song’s exquisite imagery:

Sunrise off the lake shining in your eyes Shining on the wasted and the wise All you hear ringing in your ears are Boldfaced lies That scream like the gulls in that smoke stained amber sky

And, several lines later, in typical McMurtury songwriting fashion, a small detail regarding Saint Mary’s stance emerges to suggest an almost palpable despair:

Where you goin’ Brandy on your breath Bottle’s open spilled across the desk Snifter’s broken, smashed against the wall Just the way you’re standin’ says it all

A crowd favorite, “Red Dress,” came next which highlights the humor McMurtry often weaves into his narratives:

Yes I’m drunk but damn you’re ugly Tell you one thing yes I will Tomorrow morning I’ll be sober You’ll be just as ugly still

Recalling an insult, which may or may not have been used by Winston Churchill (depends on which source you believe) against a female politician, who accused him of being “disgustingly drunk” at a party, McMurtry makes the sentiment his own in this jilted lover’s tale of suspicion and reprisal.

Because James McMurtry’s songwriting puts him in the company of such greats as Townes Van Zandt, John Prine, and Bob Dylan (yes, Bob Dylan), his accomplished guitar playing at times does not get the attention it deserves.  Seeing him solo, even while recognizing the rocking greatness that the Heartless Bastards bring to his shows, allows the sheer force of his guitar playing talent to take center stage.  Mostly self-taught, he played first a 6-string guitar and then a 12-string Thursday night, both with a virtuosity and speed that produced so dense a sound it seemed as if there were two other guitars behind him.

A soul searing guitar solo during the heartbreak of “Rachel’s Song,” another startling track from Saint Mary of the Woods, illuminates the collective impact of McMurtry’s talent.  A “lyrically perfect song….one of my favorite things anybody has ever written,” as Jason Isbell has commented on Twitter– sung through the signature clenched delivery of his voice–and combined with his alternate tuning techniques and a partial capo, create that singular sound that is James McMurtry’s.

Another pleasant fact of Thursday night’s performance was Bonnie Whitmore, the confident in your face vocal dynamite that opened for McMurtry.  I had never listened to Whitmore’s music before and found her stage presence and candor to be a fitting warm-up for what was to follow.

“I have 45 minutes to make you like or hate me.” Whitmore quipped before her first song.  “I am not going to be gentle. Here’s a little song about masochism.”  “Wash It Away,” from her 2016 album, F*@k with Sad Girls, began her set and pretty much set the tone for both the songs she would play and the banter she would deliver.

Originally Whitmore, who hails from one of Americana music’s second homes, Austin, Texas, rocked a country vibe, but lately, with titles like, “She’s a Hurricane” and “F*@k with Sad Girls,” punctuated with cathartic wails and melodic rage, her genre defies a simple definition.  “She reminds me of Hole’s Courtney Love,” one member of our group suggested, and I could see what he meant.

Bluesy, Jazzy, and current, Whitmore’s music is imbued with an intelligence and fierceness that complements the lovely range and pitch of her voice.  Her presence struck me as the opposite of James Mcmurtry on that stage. I remember thinking that she offered the audience a glimpse of what an antidote to the anxiety and resignation some of James McMurtry’s characters exhibit; I also remember thinking that in many ways Bonnie Whitmore exudes the entire package of power, beauty, talent, and presence.

Finally, a highlight of Thursday night’s show was when James McMurtry played one of my favorite songs, Hurricane Party, from his album, Just Us Kids (2008).   The quiet nostalgia of its lines might be typical of McMurtry, but the visceral longing he conveys is what gets me right in the gut:

My one great love, my God, I can feel her still She ran off to California and now she’s living in those Hollywood hills With some bullfrog prince, I’ve not seen her since Though she calls when he’s out of town

There’s just no one to talk to when the lines go down

Open up your back screen door Let me in your space once more I was looking for an easy score But it just don’t work that way

Perhaps the reason I identify so strongly with such nostalgic desire can be understood through how I was introduced to McMurtry’s music in the first place.   My relationship with Dan ended after about two years, but not before I had fully digested the things I would learn from him. Dan’s quiet persistence and self-assuredness in showing me a way of being in the world that was more honest and more sustainable than I had allowed myself in the past proved just as important as the graduate degree I would earn while we were together.

As did, of course, the take-aways, one of which became an almost 30 year love affair with the music of James McMurtry.  http://www.jamesmcmurtry.com/

Show Review: James McMurtry and Bonnie Whitmore @jamesmcmurtry @bonniewhitmore @conqueroo1 @thebirchmere @leannetankel #americanamusic #JamesMcMurtry photos by Glenn Cook James McMurtry was one of the most important lessons I learned in graduate school.