#but the skills needed... i dotn have that

[iqmmir]

I have to draw...

[420technoblazeit]

💝💔 you are all so funny and cool but also the thought of having to actually rely on you chucklefucks to solve a problem seems like a bad idea

💝- i want to be closer with you and your friends

💔- if i needed help solving a problem, i would UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ASK YOU

obsessed wiht the fact that even though yuore parasocially attached to us you still dotn have any faith in our problem solvign skills. have a selfie i took with pluto earlier today, we forgot to get one wiht lily but she was dressed as shinobu kocho

new ask game - who am i to you?

[willow-salix]

This is going to be out of the blue and there's no need for a response to it, but I guess I feel like some of you deserve to get a peek behind my armour.

Facebook just gave me a memory from 7 years ago, showing me an album that I'd rather not see quite honestly, but you know when you're just drawn in even though you know it's against your better judgement? Yep, that was me just now.

The album is full of screenshots of the absolute shit ton of crap that I've had on the Internet over the years.

I was in the RP world for ten years, and in that time I was verbally and mentally attacked a lot, I was mentally abused, I was stalked, I was blamed for things I never did, I was used as a scapegoat for things I never did. I was the victim of unwarranted attacks that had my accounts deleted by fb so that I lost YEARS of writing.

I got my heart broken over and over again by people that claimed tk be my friends, people that claimed to love me but that were all too happy to dump me the second a better option came along. People that I sat up all night with, that I lost sleep over, that I went out of my way to help and support.

Some of them lied to me so throughly that they lied about who they were, where they lived, their job, their gender, their nationality, what other characters /accounts they had and everything else you could think of for over TWO years.

I've had one that claimed to be my best friend, sit on my couch, my actual couch, in my house and lie to my face. Lie to me and his long term partner and mother of his three kids that he wasnt cheating with a cheap bitch he met online (the third person he'd done it with I found out after) I only found out about her when she messaged me to tell me.

I stopped talking to him, after their friends started a smear campaign against me, and even then EVEN THEN, I talked it out and started talking to him again. But he turned it around and started blaming me and guilt tripping me again. So I cut him off. He stalked me. Like messaging my friend, posting things to me (actual letters through the mail) making new accounts to message me, buying new phone sims to call me. This was 6 years ago. He called me at the start of lockdown and left a message on my voicemail.

This man mentally abused me. He'd force me to talk to him when I had a problem and then he'd not like what I said, so he'd go silent and ignore me for up to three days, to the point that I'd worked myself up so much that I was apologising, that I was taking the blame for having feelings, only when he got that would he talk to me.

He was an alcoholic who worked in care if you can believe that, I supported him through him getting sober again, he still did all that to me.

I gave up on role play and let my character, my home, the one place I felt comfortable and safe, up. And I didn't go back for two years. I got talked around by someone, they made promises, I stupidly fell for it.

I then got used to bring their character back and to help them sort out storylines. I was then told they didn't want to work with me anymore because they had too much going on in their personal life, they blocked me and I then got screenshots that that had another writing partner already.

That broke me. That broke me and fandom and people and everything really.

I vowed never to go back.

Then I stumbled upon you lot. And I told myself not to get involved, not to start talking to anyone, not to start trusting again. Now look! Now bloody look!

I'm what... 500k + in a story that was never meant to be, I'm actually writing and collabing with people again and I have a character that I adore and feel just as comfortable with... And that is fucking scary.

It's sooooo scary. Like terrifying scary to me.

Because I'm having to trust again. Selene is like public property now, and I love how much everyone has accepted and adopted her and how they use her and write her too, that warms this cold, dead, suspicious heart of mine.

Because I can honestly say that Selene and John saved me and my sanity.

I am quite a sociable person, I love to chat to people and if I'm your friend I will go out of my way to do my best for you, to be there for you and to support you in every way I can. But I know I can be used and I dotn always see the bad in people. So I cut myself off and refused to allow myself to make friends again.

I was writing my novels and that was it. No interaction, no fun really. Then this loud mouthed witch blazed into my head, took one look at the spaceman and said "that one, he's mine, wrap him up I'll take him to go" and here she is.

They made writing fun again, they made it spontaneous and exciting, I suddenly had ideas again, people to talk to about the characters I love and it was hard. Because it was also good.

I had to trust the process, trust Selene.

But I'm also so wary. I'm wary that I'm gonna piss people off, that I'm going to annoy people with her and that people hate her. I know people don't like OCs' and I get major anxiety about that.

I've never had this amount of anxiety over stories before, never. Not my rp, not my novels, not the ones I did for class or competitions, nothing. This is singularly the most stressful writing I've ever done. Because these boys, they mean the world to me, they always have. They have always been my happy place since I was 5/6, they have always been my heart and home.

The problems I had in rp made me not like the books that I loved, the fandom I was in, because of peoples interpretations of the characters, the way they played them and the fact that they were so nasty to me. And I really really don't want that to happen here.

A few weeks ago I noticed that an account had bene set up that was clearly a piss take of me, of this account. And all the old fears and anxiety came rushing back. I instantly went running to Squiddy and Olliepig and basically tumbled around the group chat in a mess for a few minutes before I calmed down and realised what was going on and had a guess at who it could be.

But it's scary. Because I've been stalked, I've been badmouthed, I've had people make fake accounts of me to cause trouble, and it weighs on me.

Willow Salix is my author name, I had to choose that because my Pagan name (which I was writing under and still do on ff and a03) was too well known and my stalkers were reporting it every time I made a new account.

I had to come to love this name, come to see it as myself (willow is my actual real name btw) and feel comfortable with it. It's taken a long time, I've built my brand from it. I have five novels out under it. And to think of someone having an account with even a parody of that name gave me all sorts of chills.

I'm OK now, but yeah. Fun times.

So I guess... I just want people to talk to me. And I don't mean shine by ego lol, I mean that if I ever do anything to piss you off. If I ever say anything you don't like. If I ever annoy you with Selene or anything at all, PLEASE just come and talk to me.

I might put on a tough mask, and in general I am pretty hardy, but I'm a typical cancerian, hard outer shell, squishy inside.

Selene is my sanity in a home life that is far from easy, I won't go into major details but disabled husband, I'm a full time carer, he's majorly depressed and it's just... Yeah. Anyway, she's my refuge, she's my escape right now.

Actually making a side blog for her took so much guts, to allow her free rein to speak and act is scary as heck for me. Because I've been there and vowed to never go back.

The only good thing I took out of all my years of rp, apart from being able to make up a story pretty much on the spot, spontaneous replies, dialogue skills and character development, is my best friend in all the world @endellionaeternus who has seen it all and stuck by me through it all.

I have no real idea why I just typed all this, I guess I needed people to see where I'm coming from, and why Selene exists.

Yeah...

[rememberwehadthestars]

Things I would like to see in this British GQ photoshoot/article: 

* Armie in multiple boots/cowboy hats

* Armie on his vespa 

* A spotlight on Archie. Can Archie be on the vespa too? 

* Pictures of Armie out in Joshua Tree park during sunset. Can you imagine all the colors Eric could work with? 

* Armie putting a spotlight in the article on movements like BLM. 

* Armie jumping into a pool or chilling in a hot tub 

* The story behind that dancing photo of him on the floor in DOTN

* Youtube videos where Armie shows us his renovation skills. Lots of youtube videos of Armie talking. Thanks. Have him explain another CMBYN scene. How about that piano scene/it was so hot Timmy had to stand on his feet scene? I need reaction shots of both boys watching this scene. We already have Timmy’s reaction. ;) 

* Finally, some sort of new charmie content. British GQ you got this. You know what to do. 

I’m sure I’ll think of other things, but this is a good start. Do my fellow charmies have anything else to add to this list? 

[epic-sorcerer]

(Okay so for those of y’all who are like me and sensitive to people talking bad about stuff they like/general negativity, I’d advise scrolling away. I’ll be talking about a bad experience at Dairy Queen, as I am a sheltered kid of a Heath coach and sensitive to sugar. Do I like the food? No. Do I dislike the people who like the food? Also no. I’m glad people can enjoy something at such a low price. /gen)

If you like this chain, that’s cool. I have found memories of once eating fair Queen when I was really young. Once a vanilla ice cream and once chicken fingers and fries. Honestly I mgiht try the chicken again

However.

I saw a commercial aboht this chocolate chip cookie doe blizzard and I was like “cool” and went on with my life. Days past, it is now the present. It’s a hot day and I wanted ice cream and I was like “:0 what about taht Dairy Queen thing!!”

So I convinced my Heath coach mom to drive us to Dairy Queen. She got a brownie ice cream thing, I got the blizzard. She also needed to get what ever by bio father asked for and bring it. I forgot what that was Bc he ended up having to choose something else bc the machine that made the original thing he wanted what broken.

He chose a chocolate shake and the guy took so long to make it. When mom got to the car where I was the blizzard had melted and I couldn’t do taht upside down thing. Secondly, they don’t have a lid that fits the blizzard cup. They instead have a big lid that balences on top the cup like a comically large hat

On the way home, as the blizzard melted, it started to drip onto my cupholder. Who ever decided aesthetic of a no-lid cup was cool can lick the inside of my cup holder. It’s so sticky. I understand they wanted it to look overflowing with stuff, but it’s not worth it.

Also. The taste.

BORING. UNINSPIRED. Every bite was the same and worse than the last, because my body steadily reacted worse and worse to the discusting amount of sugar. To cover this up, I put some Nutella in it and it was the only thing to make it tasteful. Bc it would otherwise, forlack of a better word, plastic ice cream.

I love everything cookie doe, but every thing jsut felt stale and boring. Like if a beisnuss man with his boring ass briefcase and suit was blended up with the fucking cookie doe. Ugh. It’s like hwat would happen if pretzels had normal salt instead of the big salt. The do it for a reason, it keeps each bite interesting and different.

This blizzard tasted like cookie flavored dry wall, exept it didn’t have the crunchy texture. Honestly, the texture wasn’t that bad really. The only decent part Tbh. I liked that they had cookie doe pellits and skinny chocolate chip squares. That was really the only good thing about it and even then it was okay.

Something about Dairy Queen is so bland, corporate, and safe. The ice cream version of McDonald’s. This “flavor” tastes like the sheer generic-ness of modern graphic design. The corporate artstyle.

Mom had this brownie ice cream thing. She said the brownie bits felt like dog treat pellets and she kept chewing and chewing but it never got destroyed.

We both had the awful feeling of the neutrition-less sludge settling inside our bodies. It felt awful, it almost hurt. To compensate, I ate a foot long, raw carrot but I still feel awful. It felt like I ate from burger lord from good omens.

At least with family owned ice cream, you can feel the love in it. One near where I live is simply named after a popular first name for a person. You get the feeling taht the person really exists and has a passion for ice cream. But I do not know who this Diary Queen is, it just sounds like a worse Freddy murcury. Like he ate cheese right before a show and his voice is suffering from not obeying the Singers Diet.

Even cold stone creamery is much better. Even if it is a big chain, there is still heart. There is emphasis and love for the employees’ ice cream mixing talents. They put on a show like mild habatchi and we watch in awe as they make our treat in font of us with such skill. Idk hwo well the cold stone employees are treated, but still. To the average customer, there is much more emphasis and appreciation aboht them compared to Dairy Queen

The guy at Dairy Queen took like way too long to make a fucking milkshake. I’m not blaming the guy, I’m Blaiming the company. I’m blaming whoever contributed to someone struggling with making a milkshake. Because that is not a happy or maybe even well trained employee.

By the way, it apparently tasted awful and watery, despite the fact the best part of the shake is the ice cream. Dairy Queen centers on ice cream. How did they fuck this up?

Anyways. I still feel sick. We all do. I did have fun complaining though. It’s nice that Dairy Queen puts “(treat)” after their name and almost everything they sell, implying they are a sometimes food. However, I feel they are more of a once a life time food. I dotn think I will ever buy from them again.

I feel the onyl reason my past memories were fond were bc of the context. The first one was when me and my family back in elementary school were driving a long way to a vacation spot and we stopped at a Dairy Queen that makes savory meals. I had fun bc I was exited for the vacation, the food itself was mediocre and cheap but I didn’t care.

The second time was also in elementary, I went to a Dairy Queen with a friend and her family and had lots of fun with them on a hot day. It’s the experience I was remembering, not the taste.

At least when you pay for stuff like fairs and festivals, the horrible conditions are worth it. Yes, you have to use portapottys, yes you have to be in close proximity to way too much peopel, but you are paying directly for a positive experience.

With Dairy Queen you are paying for an “edible”supstance and it is your choise if you also want to have fun.

[littlebabycrybtch]

somebody: hating [insert group here] for existing in ways that make them harmlessly happy is shit no matter how you slice it and people need to stop being allowed to act that way and get tf over themselves or theyre gonna continue to receive social consequences for cringe culture bc its harmful

yall dumbasses inserting words into ppls mouths like u got a fetish: losfKJSDJS oh wow IMAGINe thinking FURRIES. are oppresed. cant believe uh [spins wheel] KINNIES are oppressed now. guess aces want virgin pride to be a. thing bc they thindkg theyr oppresssed(TM). the ONLoy two catagories are oppressed, or so viol ently oppressive that they >speCIFINCLY< deserve vicious unregulated mockery and anyoen who deFfends them will be mocked into silence as well. harmless people DOTN DESERVE TO EXIS T if i personally dont like them they have to be hated for my validation. validation of my bitterness is more impo rtant than peoples silly ‘’’’’feelings’’’’’ or ‘’’’’basic em otional responses to unnecessarily constant harassment’’’’’’. iem an ADULT with good sympathetic skills who undertsands basic harm reduction is required to be considered a decent hu man being but alsog let me do whatever i want, let me d it let me let me let me [screaming on the floor] MIM ALLOWE D TO HGWATE THING S  ! ! !  ! ! ! ! !  ! ! !! !  ! !

[praphit]

DOTN: Death’s on Vacation

Death on the Nile!

There's something about a title of a story with the word "Death" in it that makes me extra excited.

Ex. "Encanto" I still haven't watched it. I'll probably get around to it... maybe. BUT, if it were called "Encanto of DEATH" 

Hell yes! I would have watched it at least 10 times already.

"The Power of the Dog" starring Benedict Cumberbatch?

Ok.

OR

"The Power of the DEATH" starring Benedict Cumberbatch?

Big difference.

Somehow the word "Nile" negates the power of the word "death" in this title (”DOTN”). I don't know why. Even words that convey death; somehow "nile" pacifies it.

"Die Hard on the NILE”"

 - meh.

"Mortal Kombat on the NILE" 

- somehow it’s a romantic comedy now.

Kinda makes it seem like Death is on vacation, and so he/she's not really gonna wanna work that much.

But, I gave it try. It was this or that "Morbius" nonsense.

Here, we have Hercule Poirot (played by Kenneth Branagh), who is a master detective. 

He's not quite on the level of Sherlock Holmes, but he'll do. He proves his skills to the audience in the first scene, though the event that took place leaves him scarred. Think Two-Face from Batman. BUT, thankfully, a goofy mustache covers all? Apparently, that's all Two-Face needed.

 Gal Gadot requests the services of Poirot, because she recently stole the boyfriend of her best friend, and through much PDA decides to marry him. The ex did not take kindly to that.

If you ever get dumped for someone else, then this character (the ex) might be a muse for you. Rather than taking the move-on-with-your-life-with-another-fish-in-the-sea approach, she stalks the couple. She ain't interested in hiding either ---- they clearly see her.

At the grocery store.

When they’re walking their dog.

On dates.

At church. Stalker Ex-Gf will be there.

Her face will haunt them forever, and I gotta say, I approve. 

"You broke my heart, so I'm gonna creep you the bleep out for the rest of your lives." 

Life Tip: If you're currently with a partner who has some level of crazy in them, you need to think REAL hard before breaking up with them.

So, they hit the nile, and THE DEATH BEGINS ----- YES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Yeah, but... meh.

We've got a "Knives Out" vibe going on here, a couple of deaths, and it seems like everyone on the nile owns a gun (cuz more guns always equals safety). But, with all of that, this movie is somehow dull.

Maybe it's just me, but I needed a lil more action, a lil more death.... you know?? Some fire, some ax-wielding psychopaths, some dark ancient spirits, but... meh. As I thought, Death wasn’t trying all that hard.

You might say "But, Praphit, this is a mystery! THAT should be the focus!" 

Let's dilute the word "mystery" in this case, shall we? I solved it in the very beginning. Maybe Gal should have requested MY talents... OR perhaps this caper wasn't all that impenetrable. I won't give it away, but... your first instincts will be correct. You'll think to yourself "... but it can't be that simple." - yes it can:)

One thing that this movie has going for it is Gal Gadot.

She's stunning as always. Her very presence soothes one's core. And then she starts "acting", and you're like "hmm..." And then she leaves the scene, and you're like "Wow, this movie is boring."

The other characters in this film aren't much characters at all; they feel like extras. If you were to grab a singer, a doctor, an artist, and a few other normal-looking people from the background of any show/movie (whom have no need for personality) and toss them into main roles, you'll get the stagnant flow of this movie. Every now and then, someone pulls out a gun, but... they're not from my hometown (Baltimore), so they're never going to use it. And all of the characters are in love with Gal Gadot. I'm not joking. ALL OF THEM! Death, Taxes, and Gal stealing your significant other.

There is some "Dirty Dancing" style action in the beginning of the film, but your arousal won't last long, and will eventually droop down into a bucket full of boredom.

Grade: D

Why wait ten to twenty years for a remake?? I could fix this puppy right now.

I'll direct!

We'll call it "Dead Death River".

Will Smith will be our detective, getting info out of people by any means necessary.

We'll get some real characters like the cast from "Martin" and "Seinfeld" or something.

Gal Gadot could still be in this, and play the role of Death.

We'll go for less of a "Knives Out" vibe and more of a "Scooby Doo" one. BOOM! MOVIE!

Once again, Hollywood. I'm awaiting your call.

[monosmokehime]

Does anyone else have a hard time finding friends online who want to game as much as them? ( perhaps a niche problem for a niche audience.)

I'm primarily an Apex, Halo, Splitgate player. I would get into csgo or valorant if I had any fiends who cared enough about those games conpeitively to get me past the ropes.

Side topic aside; I can see myself getting to the higher ranks of preditor of apex or even playing at a high level for halo if I had the team that was willing to grind it out for the cordination.

I have several personal mechanical feats such as beating every Halo including Halo 2 on legendary, beating left 4 dead 2 on expert solo and basically just being an over all mechanically sound player in Apex and halo winning a majority of 1v1s and even out aimming aim assist controller players.

I have a 240hz monitor and a g pro wireless. My set up is of good quality and i clock in the hours. I have the mechanics needed to be pro at games but I have trouble getting around finding teammates who are just as dedicated as me.

Maybe im just a bit naive as most of my journey in finding people was just hopping around local discord channels asking around random people for a few games.

Im not trying to hurt anyones feelings but I notice a huge proporition of gamers especially in thw apex community have loud voices but little to no results.

yeah i seem like one of those right now, but i cant really put this down in a nicer way. I consider myself a decent in-game -oach. I've played first person shooters for a long time and I can come up with objective gameplans to net in game wins.

But i suppose these skills that ive accumulated end up being null in void. I realize leaderships skills are also needed in the landscape that ive been put in.

Ill come across alot of people who have a narrow idea on how shooters work. I compare these people to coworkers in retail stores who are above 60 years of age. Im not saying all old timers are like this but ive met my fair share of people who are like this. the type who are extremely inconsiderate and will do whatever they can to garner sympathy points so that they can inevitably back stab you in the future within the work space. the people who contribute so little to the overall goal and lean on the more active workers while also having extreme judgemental attitudes and little contribution.

in the gamer sense of apex legends to add light to this analogy im creating. If you understand how quick snow balling and dominoe effects happen in that game. Its usually really bad for a team when one of their teammates has the first down. More often then not when i try to sociallize in discord i meet way too many people who do not have the fore sight to realize this concept. this leads to alot of play styles where someone will commit to in advantagous push or even swining in ways that i cannot support them.

more often then not they commit to swings in where they will either easily get flanked or usually acomplish no damage at all what so ever and im unable to capitalize.

And its impossible to teach these people brcause they have little patience for me. They either are un willing to learn or they are easily angered and have a tendency to yell insult or easily get angered and somehow become furious at how i was not helping them when I infact do not see a proper way in how i could possibly help them.

Its also extremely frustraiting when i am yelled at because the person is unable to win their 1 v1 s and expects me to refrag with them at all times. I dotn mind being the support but if you make ballsy pushes you cannot expect me to be by your side at all times, if anything when you play so reckless. it should really be the responsibility of the push when the whole team falls or when one person is forced to rat.

the nature of BRs over all is that it overly rewards passive playstle. people only commit to hard pushes of any nature because ranked mode rewards kills but also playing a passive play style in general is really boring.

i just wish people would commit to cordinated and smart pushes but i dont meet enough people who can actually accomplish that.

after a while i ended up taking the mantle of trying to meet people who are not as good but are willing to learn but I always run into the same problem.

I realize that like the title says. yeah i guess im a niche breed of gamer. like i actually do want to try for reaching the rank of apex preditor in rank, or getting to the top of the leader boards in halo infinite but I just have a hard time meeting people with similar interests. some people have other things going on in life and they cant game as much or they simply lack enough interest to where they are willing to dedicate as much effort. some simply dont have the capaicty or even the hardware to impove at the level that is required.

sometimes i meet people who are talented in games but more often then not. These people tend to lack alot of social awarness. they are either really abbrassive or unfun to be around. I guess thats the ticket required for being a gamer or going online.

you have to deal with people who enjoy teasing one another because it is the envirorment of being online in nature and especially in a compeitive envirorment people are not as nice.

submitted by /u/RikkaEng [link] [comments] from Video Games https://ift.tt/R9FsoiM

[lokbobpop]

Formula

a model or set form. adjective. 2. of or relating to formulas.

early 17th century (in the sense ‘fixed form of words’): from Latin, diminutive of forma ‘shape, mold’.

Formula form u la for mula f or mu la

Writing formula

Like i want the formula to making something a chemical something that would say make gold which is alchemy but of cause you would need a formula lol

Reading formula

Milk baby formula i didnt give the girls formula i breast fed them both breast milk for 18 months each but a body boy edan i did give him some formula as he ate so slow and laying there took so long to feed him, after a few months his grandmother took him away and gave him back to his druggy daughter and he died a few months later. Saddens comes up my fault comes up and blame comes up.

Formula one racing where car go round a track to win with skills but this cost millions of dollars to do so we will never know if a man with no money cant do it hey ok it has skill and men are crazy about cars ive been to formula one racing here in macau but until i feel is your driving whats the point id was just a loud noice every couple of mins basically i wasn’t interested i did it and that was that for me.

Saying formula

The make up of something like Heinz soup it has a formula it was made of all things have a formula like the make up of my physical is has a formula it was but together and then it grows so i think there must be a formula for everything that happens which would be a mathematical formula which i would be lost completely in as my mind currently cant wrap round if it ever will i dotn know but doesn’t mean never cant it would be another formula to unlock like we could all be Einstein im sure if we had maybe the right dna formula this is where we get into should we alter dna to make better people better physical yes i think so but its the people who are in charge thats the problem the would have to be some very special people out of the people who are on this planet now which i don’t believe exist because very few would do whats best for all.

Racing comes up again car i think boring we have people staving.

Milk again the thought i was brought up on formula and i feel this affect my health and a weight problem for sure all that unnatural sugar in a baby cant be write for sure a bit of blame there comes up towards my mother because i see i dont want to take responsibility of my current weight.

Sf

Does this definition support me no blame of being bottle feed by my mother wasted money of formula one cares thoughts of how so many cant be trusted here on earth which brings up a slight fear of untrustworthy people yep

Formula form u la

Formula

To put together perfection within me to create to find the secrets within me to build up what makes me whole and one

To find and live my own special formula in this life

I will use this word in the search to find the magic formula within myself to live the best life ever within me to find what makes me tick to let got of the thinks i dont need until the formula is perfect for me.

[bushlaboo]

DotN: Chapter 5

Note: Hello one and all! Apologies for the long break, I had a crazy family spell that is mostly resolved. (Fingers crossed, knock on wood, and all that stuff.) I hope to get back to my every 2 week posting schedule but besides flushing out the 2 sentence outline I originally had for chapter 8 I haven't actually written anything of substance in almost a month. I hate making promises I can't keep, so no guarantees on when I will be posting again. I can, however, promise that we'll get to the finish line; even if I end up being more tortoise than hare.

Mirror (AO3)

15 Months Ago

The world was wrong and had been wrong for centuries as far as Helena was concerned. At the center of the storm, infecting the planet was humanity. Her kind would have been better off if they had kept their existence from the humans, certainly her clan, who’d been destroyed by the greedy machinations of Hakon with Slade's assistance would have been. As she had done for millennia, Helena denied her culpability in the horrible events of that night – both she and Slade had been certain she’d be able to convince Oliver into removing the clan from the castle, leaving them safe while Hakon’s forces attacked. The castle would have been theirs, as it was meant to be, if only Oliver had listened.

Her cursed existence, living to see her kind all but exterminated along with her clan demolished and her beloved turned against her – it stung bitterly, Oliver favoring a pitiful human female over one of their own. Whenever Helena thought of Felicity Smoak her stomach turned and her heart burned with rage.

All she longed for, the reason she’d persisted, had been for the chance to restore her remaining clan.

Then the magical Weird Sisters put her in the path of Macbeth, casting a spell that bound them together; it had returned her youth, but condemned her to a lonely unending life. At least it had until she found Tommy Merlyn. He thought himself something special when he was a merely a pathetic human so caught up in proving himself in his father's eyes that she could manipulate her greatest desire from him.

For the briefest, sweetest of moments all that Helena longed for had been hers. The younger gargoyles: Roy, Barry and Curtis had not truly mattered; but Longbow, Diggle and Oliver. Her Oliver. To feel his arms around her again, his hand on her cheek, to soar through the clouds with him … it had been a dream. A wondrous dream, turned nightmare because Helena had forgotten how blind her beloved was to the true threat facing their kind. Once again humanity came between them … or rather one particular human had.

Felicity Smoak.

Just thinking of the blonde haired detective made Helena hiss. That she had the confidence of her clan, their friendship and worst of all Oliver’s affection -- it twisted a heart turned cold by millennia alone. Seeing that preference displayed over and over again since before the clan realized she’d survived her fall at Merlyn Global grated and burned through Helena stronger than all the hate she’d spent centuries carrying.

She could rectify that now having acquired Titania's Mirror and the enchanted restrains needed to force Oberon’s most troublesome child to doing her bidding. Helena was certain the trickster thought he was being so clever with his disguise, but thanks to her encounter with the Sisters Three, guardians of Avalon - Nyssa, Talia and Tatsu - she knew how to see beyond the ordinary visages members of the third race wore. Cisco Ramon was such a bland mask for Puck to wear, but considering the activities of Tommy Merlyn she was certain there was amusement in the choice for him. He had alluded to that much when he appeared in his natural state – his hair silver, unbound and flowing freely though that did nothing to hide his long pointed ears – when he denied her initial demand to serve her with the tart reply of, "Serving humans is fun. They have a sense of humor. You have none!"

It irked Helena that her threats did not faze the imp, instead he managed to unbalance her by proving that her heart’s desire had not changed. No matter how disillusioned she had become, Helena wanted Oliver. Watching him with Felicity, seeing that human at his side – her rightful place – in Titania's Mirror had her spewing the demand that Puck rid the world of all humans. He balked at the order, feigning limits on his powers that in her hazy of jealous anger Helena did not think to question; instead she spat, "Fine! If you cannot get rid me of all the humans, then at least rid me of that human: Felicity Smoak."

Puck titled his head and pouted, "Did you say 'that human' or 'that human' ... oh, never mind," he waved off his own musing. "I'll figure it out. This just might be fun after all." He grinned at her then and as he spoke of the words of his spell his eyes turned yellow and he began to levitate. "Thy sight Helena doth offend, so Puck will hasten to amend. Begone Felicity, human born, and be no more as you were formed."

"It’s done?" Helena demanded. "She's gone?"

"The human Felicity Smoak is no more," he assured.

“The what now?” Felicity asked looking completely perplexed by Curtis’s offhanded comment about the Third Race. Oliver was not accustomed to seeing such a look on his ally’s face, but he found himself charmed by her wrinkled brow. He stifled that thought immediately and went back to working out Helena’s possible intentions with the mirror while the others talked. Oliver hated to speculate what she planning, but he knew whatever action she took next it would not be benign. Helena by herself was a formidable foe, her near corruption of Roy and just failed attempted at dividing the clan after she resurfaced following Macbeth’s attack on them was proof enough of that. Adding magic to the mix … it made Oliver uneasy. He had been wary of magic before battling beside Diggle against the villainy of the Archmage. Their defeat of man felt more fortuitous than skillful and had not come without a price. The scar across Diggle’s left eye, a wound that took almost his entire ability to see from it, was a permanent reminder. Oliver’s misgivings of magic were furthered after experiencing the harm it could do in the hand of a decent man like the Mage. The wisest thing in his estimation was to contain magic as best they could and keep objects of power from the likes of Helena.

“You know, gargoyles, humans and Oberon’s children,” Barry supplied helpfully.

When Felicity continued to stare at them wordlessly Curtis added, “I thought everyone knew that.”

“Apparently not,” she grumbled. Diggle chuckled at her frustrated tone. Finding something that Felicity didn’t have even a cursory knowledge of was a rarity, so of course Roy had to chime in, his tone playful, “That guy Shakespeare even wrote a play about them.”

“That Oberon?” she queried. “Like king of the fairies?”

“That be the one,” Diggle confirmed.

“Wait!” she said sharply, throwing up her hands – Felicity had a way of talking with the whole of her body that was hard to ignore, drawing Oliver’s full attention back to the discussion happening in the clock tower. The living space was still snug, but had over the last months come to feel like home. “You’re saying that shapeshifters, elves, fairies – they’re real?”

“As real as us,” Curtis replied, causing her eyes to widen as that reality began to sink in.

“I think I need—” whatever Felicity intended to say next was cut off by a sudden cry of pain. The force of it had her hunching over and wrapping her arms around herself as she whimpered. Her distress tore through Oliver, all through her rehab, even in those first days in the hospital after her shooting, Felicity had never responded in such a manner.

Instinctively he reached for Felicity, seeking to comfort her, but before he could touch her a faint blue light surrounded her. Oliver watched horrified as the shade of blue deepened and the light got brighter. More sounds of distress were wrenched from Felicity as she began to float.

It was magic, which meant it was Helena. Oliver bit back a snarl knowing that his anger would not serve him in this moment. He needed to think clearly and find a way to help Felicity. His brothers had circled her, all wanting to help, but none of them knew how to confront what was happening – leaving them to stand helplessly before their friend. The light continued to brighten, getting so intense that it was impossible to see anything through it. Though it was blinding Oliver forced his eyes to remain open, glued to the spot where he’d last seen Felicity’s face.

Just as suddenly as the magic had washed over Felicity, it exploded silently around them; leaving them to adjust to the normal light levels of the room which seemed to be fuzzy, spotted darkness on the heels of the radiance that had engulf them. That was why Oliver heard the thud of Felicity connecting with the ground instead of seeing it.

“Are you alright lass?” Diggle called out.

There was a terrifying moment of silence before Felicity wheezed out, “I think so.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Curtis remarked, his voice slightly awed. Oliver didn’t know how to take the younger gargoyle’s comment, he fought back the panic of not knowing and rubbed his eyes furiously, trying to force them to work properly again.

Finally able to make out shapes again Oliver’s gaze fell to Felicity and what he saw made him gawk much as his brothers were. Felicity stood before them, seemly unharmed which was a relief, however, her form was no longer human. Felicity had been transformed into a gargoyle.

Her creamy skin tone remained nearly the same, though there was dusting of freckles, in the shade of pink her cheeks turned when she blushed, all along her exposed dermis. Her legs had elongated some with the arch of her gargoyle feet giving her another two inches in height. Oliver could make out the pointy tips of ears just peeking out from around the flowing mass of her now freed and wavy tumble of blonde hair. Her eyes, a shade of blue that he’d always found compelling, were now tinted towards purple, reminiscent of heather that had been so prevent in their old homeland. But what truly held Oliver’s attention were Felicity’s wings. They sloped delicately off her shoulders and the underside dermis was a deeper hue of pink than her freckles.

Oliver struggled with sight before him; he knew he should be concerned about what happened to Felicity and figuring out how to correct it, but instead he was distracted – thinking how lovely Felicity was in gargoyle form, making it impossible for him to think straight. In fact he was so flummoxed that Oliver barely reacted when Felicity’s flung herself at him exclaiming happily, “Oliver you’re a gargoyle!” It took a moment for her words to register because he was too overwhelmed by the feel of her wings coming to rest over his shoulders.

It wasn’t Roy’s deadpan response that, “He’s always been a gargoyle,” that got Oliver to snap out of his haze. It was the confusion on Felicity’s face as she leaned out their embrace to look him the eye to tell him, “You were human.”

“No,” Oliver corrected, “you are.”

Felicity released a snorting laugh at his assertion. “That’s ridiculous Oliver. I’ve always been a gargoyle.”

A new wave of indignation swept through him. Manipulating Felicity’s physical form was bad enough, but messing with her mind, altering who she was at her core. For that Helena would pay. Oliver’s eyes went white in his fury, startling Felicity who jumped back from him. “I’m not mad at you Felicity,” Oliver assured her, though he could not keep the growl from his tone. “It’s the situation.”

“The one where you think I’m a human?” she queried closing the distance between them. Oliver knew it was a move meant to reassure him that she had merely been surprised by his anger and not truly afraid him. The narrowing distance between them alleviated his flush of anxiety, beyond that first night of discovery Felicity had never been fearful of him and he hated to think she would be even for a moment. Though it occurred to Oliver that fear could give him away to counter her mistaken belief.

Felicity didn’t like heights and a gargoyle learned early on not to be bothered by them. “Come?” he asked, offering her a hand. She took it without hesitation, her touch making his heart flutter, and nodded. Oliver signaled the others to follow and led Felicity to balcony outside the clock tower, out to the ledge where they took their places for their daily rest. He jumped up on it with easy. Felicity followed his lead, but wobbled as her feet landed and she took in the edge and drop down to the street below.

“Ready to fly?” His question brought her anxious eyes to his steady ones.

“Fly?” she gulped.

“Well glide,” Oliver corrected, his voice going soft an effort to calm her nerves.

“I don’t – I don’t do either,” she replied.

“But gargoyles do. That’s what our wings are for,” Oliver reminded her as he unfurled his own and allowed them to billow in the wind that danced around them. Felicity’s gaze drifted to his wings and then over the city’s skyline before fastening to his eyes again. Oliver could feel her trepidation, but a look of fierce her determination settled over her face. “Felicity,” her name was imbued with tenderness. “You’re afraid and you wouldn’t be if you’d always been a gargoyle.” To prove his point, he allowed the wind to lift him up and pulled Felicity with him. She let out a squeak and tried to dive into his arms.

“Your wings,” he reminded her. Felicity looked skeptical, but slowly expanded her wings. Delight washed over her face as the wind rippled through them. She laughed again, a carefree sound, though she never loosened her grip on his hand as they soared over the city, his brother’s swooping around them offering Felicity encouragement whenever she appeared to get nervous.

Oliver allowed himself to get lost in the moment. To enjoy it; gliding through the air with Felicity at his side, her growing elation and confidence as she started to master her wings. It was one of the most striking things he’d ever seen. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Before he could think better of it, Oliver closed the distance between and told her as much. “I’ve never realized just how beautiful you are Felicity.”

Her rosy cheeks flushed more and she offered him a smile before playfully inquiring, “You mean you thought I was ugly?"'

"Well, uh …” he sputtered before a well time gust allowed him to warn, “careful, updraft!” Oliver used the sudden draft to direct them to the rooftop of a nearby building. Reality had reared its head. It was way past time to deal with the issue at hand, which meant he had to bury the longing he had for Felicity to remain a gargoyle. Her life, her family, her calling – they all required human form. He wouldn’t deny her those things or allow Helena to take them from her.

He perched on the building’s ledge, while settling Felicity securely on the rooftop, forcing distance between them and was grateful for the presence of his brothers as they swooped in on their heels. Their compliments on her quickly picking up the nuances of flight kept Oliver from saying more things he shouldn’t. He was just about to break into their excited discussion and remind them that they had Helena induced magic to deal with, when pain sliced through him. Oliver howled, as every cell in his body morphed. The excruciating torture ended with a whoosh moments later and he found himself falling.

Oliver let out a yelp, his arms and legs flailing, when a pair of clawed hands caught his eye. Relief flood through him at the sight of Felicity diving towards him. She caught his hands and yanked with all her might. His descent slowed, but she had trouble countering his weight and they landed roughly on a roof, tumbling over each other before their skid finally halted. Oliver’s heart was pounding rapidly as they untangled themselves and got carefully to their feet.

They both took a moment to look over the other, making sure that there was nothing more serious than a few bumps and bruises from their fall before it occurred to Oliver. “You’re a gargoyle again,” he said his relief evident.

Felicity titled her head and eyed him warily. He glanced down at his bared toned chest. A few of the scratches were bleeding, but otherwise his toned muscles looked as they always did. Felicity’s hushed “Human,” had him glancing up again. She said it as if his humanity surprised her.  

Before he could question her distress she said, “There something wrong here. Do you remember the Third race?”

Oliver frowned not understanding the correlation but answered her anyhow, because it was Felicity and she had asked. “Oberon’s children, yes. They have magic.”

“That explains a lot,” she replied. For her it might, but Oliver was confused as to why it mattered. Again before he could press for answers, Felicity spoke again, insistent: “Please tell me you know how to stop them.”

He was still buzzing from the night’s events. It had been so long, too long really, since he’d been able to use his powers. Though Puck hated being bound, Helena’s schemes had given him the opportunity to circumvent Oberon’s degree against using magic, save to disguise themselves, upon banishing his children from their rightful home and to life in the mortal world. Truthfully, there was very little Puck missed about Avalon, save for his magic. Humans were such an interesting distraction, particularly the ingenuous Tommy Merlyn whose craftiness felt very much like his own and why he’d taken up the guise of Cisco Ramon. He was denied magical mischief but in aiding Tommy he found other means to satisfy his true nature.

Plus Tommy’s romantic entanglement with Laurel Lance, former leader of the Pack and unaware of Halfling, held promising potential for future fun. Still he hadn’t been able to stretch his wings, so to speak (making puns was a small pleasure he’d never deny himself), in a very long time.

He was still giddy over his feats. Willfully misinterpreting Helena’s demand and turning Felicity into a gargoyle had spun out in such a delicious unexpected way … turning the gargoyle clan human and then the entire population of Starling City into gargoyles, all to the great displeasure of Helena. Puck reached long forgotten peaks of elation at the ensuing chaos.

A thank you gift seemed in order, or rather one last excuse to use his magic before the night came to an end and further use caught Oberon’s attention. He appeared in a puff above a sullen Helena. Paying no heed to her dour mood he preened, “Oh but what fun that was! Seeing gargoyles run from your human friends. What delight! A boon I think you’ve earned for Puck’s revelry.”

“Wretched sprite,” she spat at him, lunging with her claws to take a piece of him. Puck easily floated out of range, grinning as she leapt unsuccessfully a few more times, at him. She cursed him the whole while, her eyes glowing red in her rage. Panting, she gave up, flicking her tail at him in dismissal. “Be gone with you,” Helena seethed. “I am no mood for any more of your games.”

Puck’s merriment morphed into irritation.  He’d come with good intentions – well mostly – and Helena dared to brush him off. To dismiss him. Him. Oberon's most powerful child. Oh that was an insult he would not let stand. He’d talked Helena around a demand for days earlier in the evening, but now that request would be her punishment. Helena would have her days. Only not in a way she’d appreciate. She’d be what she loathed most and Puck could find no more fitting retribution for her slight.

“Fearsome creature who would stay unchanged by the light of day,” he chanted his spell, “remain you thus throughout the night but be thou flesh by dawn's fair light.” As his words came to an end, Helena charged him again, but he merely disappeared flashing her a malevolent grin, before leaving her to discover her new form come sunrise.

“I would like to have seen the sun just once." Diggle lamented as the clan stood on the balcony of the clock tower. There was a wistful expression on his face as he looked out over the city that was coming awake as the lighter hues of sky announced the nearing of sunrise.

“That’s what movies are for,” Roy remarked though Felicity could see yearning in the red gargoyle’s eyes. Even their momentary chance of fitting in with the world around them had been marred when the humans of the city had turned gargoyle. There were others, she was sure who would accept and befriend them, but she’d grown accustomed to having them to herself and the notion of sharing them … it was hard to contemplate.

Discretion wasn’t in her mother’s vocabulary but Rory would benefit knowing the clan and vice versa. Her partner, McKenna Hall, would be a good ally. She was already curious about her random disappearances during shift; though her belief that there was super-secret government spy agency manipulating events gave Felicity pause. Still the sense of guilt she felt as all but Oliver wished her goodnight and headed to their rests made expanding their circle something she could no longer put off.

“Felicity,” Oliver said her name, in that soft meaningful way he had, drawing her attention to him.

She’d been trying for a while now to deny that she found him appealing. They were different species and liking him was one thing, but like-liking him. Talk about impossible. But the way he’d looked at her when she’d been a gargoyle – the way he kept looking at her now.

The only thing that spelled more trouble for her was remembering how Oliver looked in human form. All that strength and power had been compacted into a little over six feet of mouth-watering glory with scruffy jaw that did things to her. Felicity released a strained laugh, desperately hoping to play it off, “Yeah I know. You're relieved,” she said with a weak smile, “as I am that things are back to normal."

Disappointment flared in his eyes and his brow furled. "That's not what I was going to say—" Felicity put a hand up to Oliver’s mouth, ending his words just a moment before the sun could. She watched sadly as his searching blue eyes froze on her.

“I know,” she sighed, tracing his now stone cheek, “but that's the way it is."

Tagging: @almondblossomme

[fabelyn]

Yup, that one, a lot of people thought he was a girl for a long time because of his feminine features and because "a gay guy in an extremely straight manga and part of the male mc's harem?!" lol So yeah it's another harem but at least it's different: it has a guy in it. Oh I think I've heard of that one before, I probably will check it out but I doubt I'll like it, I'm not a huge fan of gore, much less of terrible fanservice, but I at least the gay guy is the smartest one and he lives.

dunno how inovative having a gay guy in the harem is. I keep recalling the shoujo we had a few seasons ago. The one with a congaline of unrequited love and a teacher that fucked her underage students had the lesbian.

As for the other manga, heres the basic plot and some spoilers if you want:

basic plot: schools all over japan and the world get attacked with strange being that force kids into strange games where if you dont win you die. MC skipped school the day it happened and gets shipped off to a special murder game for students that were skipping. The whole manga is thus kids trying to survive increasingly hard and bloody games, and even having to kill each other at times.

The gay guy is complicated: like, on one hand he is introduced as being very cool, strong and smart, but also not caring too much about others and thus being a potential rival for surviving against MC (who wants to save as many as he can). Pro is that he continues to be one of the more skilled characters throughout the manga (tho with the level of difficulty rising, people as skilled appear). 

Now for how they treat his love for the MC, and this will include heavy spoilers:

On one hand they do make it a joke often, with him usually being serious but getting very goofy when it comes to lusting for the mc. You could always take that as a joke on love in general and not necessarily gay love i guess. And on the other hand there is one part of the manga where they need to have special objects and his special object has to do with his first love (now dead) and thats taken seriously. And also, his love for the MC does move the plot along more than once, one joke about his desire is even then used as a plot point to save them, i wont spoil it. heck, the ending is also all about his love for the mc.

But at the same time, he isn’t always the main focus, so dotn expect to see too much of him, especially during the start and middle when there still too many characters alive and girls to focus on too.

*I think there was also a transgirl which does survive for quite a lot of it. I say “think” because I dont recall if the manga said it was just crossdressing or an actuan trans person but I thiiiink she dies saying she wants to have a girl’s body when she’s reborn so…

[420technoblazeit]

If you had to rank the Homestuck characters you've met so far how would you rank them?

TT/Rose. sorry edn of list i love her she's the best. bathroom renovation skills need work but i believe in her

i cant remember her name but the green girl? shes only been htere for 5 seconds but i love her energy ooh yuh get it ig

john. idk he's just sitting there being a silly goofy guy having pie wars with his dad

dave. soryr im sure he'll grow on me. im like 99% sure this is the bi guy i keep hearing about? and he's probably going to grow out of his current toxic masculinity adn itll b a whole character arc but in the meantime idk. i dotn like that he keeps calling rose a flighty broad or whatever im sure he'll move up as hte series progresses and that's on purpose bc he's a punk 13 year old but like. come on man :/

[lokbobpop]

Exercise

exercise, execution of power; physical or spiritual exercise," from Latin exercitium "training, physical exercise" (of soldiers, horsemen, etc.); "play;" in Medieval Latin also of arts, from exercitare, frequentative of exercere "keep busy, keep at work, oversee, engage busily; train, exercise; practice, follow; carry

regular or repeated use of a faculty or bodily organ. b : bodily exertion for the sake of developing and maintaining physical fitness trying to get more exercise. 3 : something performed or practiced in order to develop, improve, or display a specific capability or skill arithmetic exercises vocal exercises

Exercise exer cise e xer size exe r size

Writing exercise

Im am at the moment at my most worst in my hole life i barely do anything walking 5 mins down the rd makes me feel exhausted it really does with my thyroid playing such a big roll in me feeling exhausted all the time ive just say about and done nothing and within thsi things have got so much worse i now dont want to move anywhere do anything im happy to just sit around and work on myself but im the fastest ive every been I believe im not sure as I haven’t had scales for year but im big real big and it needs ot come off but i feel im in a catch 22 with having no energy.

Reading exercise

In my life what have i done when in my 20s and got fat i lost weight by swimming every day and eating a small meal and i looked good it felt good but i soon put all the weight got fat again and have spent most of my living life over weight which makes me feel pretty sad about myself how did i let this happen i dont know fear i suppose always have been fearful and havent bothered to sort it out.

When i was in my 40s i decided I needed to lose weight and i started at the gym for the first time it was hard work but i went everyday to loss the weight it came off very slowly and not all of it i could only get to a certain level and its stops like no more but at this stage i already believe i was having thyroid problems so thsi might of been the problem then as i would sometimes stay at home and just sleep all day and do nothing i was exhausted all the time and couldn’t work out why but everyday i would sleep in the day i felt awful and i still have this thing going on with in fear of a disaster and not being loved has made my thyroid fucked up.

When i see other people exercise and look so fit i feel jealous of them and if my friends look thin and have lost weight i feel bad about myself for not doing enough myself to lose weight but dotn make any effort to do so as i see i feel im behind like i was at school and i go into the point giving up its not worth trying im so behind now i cant do it and just do nothing to support myself its a personality i need to get over as anytime is a good its never to late.

I think of these people that go out running like an old school friend on facebook she runs most days and i think how does she do it ive only ever run 100 yards and i feel knackered its definitely not the exercise of choice for me.

Lately chris and i started swimming and after only a few weeks I couldn’t do it anymore because I found it so boring up and down and said i cant do anymore i just dont like it so i stoped i want to start walking again as we did before the swimming on the beach but i just cant push myself out to do it.

Feeling deflated about myself right now on feeling tired and not wanting to or don’t have the energy to do anything im why me why has this happen but i know why my body couldn’t stand all the thoughts and it has pilled up over 10s of years and cause so much within my body i now have to heal within me and this is me now taking responsibility for what i have aloud within myself.

Saying exercise

Oh do I have to comes up as i dont want to i cant be bother oh yes you can do it lol

I wish exercise was easy maybe i should just walk on flat ground i recking this would be best for me to start with and move pin later hey

You have to commit and stick with something that you can do every day and always i reckon

Sf

Does this definition support me no i dotn want to do it comes up and jealous of those who have a good routine of looking after there bodies 20 minds a day is all it would take and I should do it for sure.

Exercise ex her size

Exercise

To be of life to be of good health to be able and willing to move through the mind that says no

I will use this word to support me within doing a little everyday and working up to a point of losing weight and on days its hard to just rest but not to let the mind say no exercise only the body.

[lokbobpop]

Examine

The verb examine means to study something carefully and in great detail. You can examine a book, a painting, a person's face and so on. Right now, you are examining the meaning of examine. Examine means to look at something very closely and usually with the purpose of making a judgment.

1300, "put (someone) to question in regard to knowledge, competence, or skill, inquire into qualifications or capabilities;" mid-14c., "inspect or survey (something) carefully, scrutinize, view or observe in all aspects with the purpose of forming a correct opinion or judgment," from Old French examiner "interrogate

Examine exam mine exa mine e xam in e

Writing examine

To look at to see like im doing right now when redefining word im examining myself who am i really within these word im examining what i have built up within each word thoughts feeling and emotions attached ot them like and i removing them so i can be these words just for me and not in thought feelings and emotions so i free of them so within examining who i am within every word i can see what i am living within me i can see me what i have aloud within me so i can clean up this part of me so i can be me finally me this will be my fine set moment within all the lives iv had here this is the crowing moment for me even though a slight thought come up are you sure you are not being dopped here lol if i can be this person i am rigth now to the one i was only a few years ago ill go for this every time theres no comparison i dont want that [person back as me this is write for me com one sence says this is write for me.

Reading examine

I feel i need not to go deeper into each word i see that im doing well and have done well but i need to go deeper into me within the words to bring out deeper stuff within me to see to put under my internal microscope the all seeing eye within me my beingness so that i can see what im allowing to go on within me.

Examination comes up like i hated them i hate them now its the biggest judgment of self by self and others you can do it makes you feel awful well i do because i cant do them read them remember what to put on them and so on i think i do when im doing it but i get something wrong within it mixed up it seems write i do guess a lot though and think this is ok but its not and i just dont know what to do i dotn study at all because i forget it very fast so thats out the window but i see what i have done being me within this process and anybody can do it for all to change what and example i can be for others

I think of nano to got down to the nano to get small into the smallest parts of me to examine me completely in every breath who am i lol i just went off on winning the mark 6 again its a favorite of my mind at the moment that and a couple of other things it likes to bring up when i am writing to distract me from me finding me i need to examine that so why so i fall into the mark 6 winning hey i want to be seen within my group desteni as person that saved the day look at me im so bad ???? Bad who said you were bad ??? Oh i did why? Because I have a believe i am so this is why i do this why?because ei cant do things others can do theres something wrong with me why? Because i want to be the same as others why? Because then i am equal to them why?because i want to be the same why? Because being the same means im right im like others not wrong why yes true why do i have to be the same as others why?i dont need to be the same as others i just have to be name thats enough for me being me is enough already i dont need to compare myself i am me and if i love me then theres nothing wrong with me is there. I am perfect just being me i get that i am i have this good others dont have and others have things i dont have and some have all things and some very few in there own perspective so what my perspective of me ? I can do so much more than i thought i could or be and and im going to be so much more than i can see of myself right now.

Judgement of others comes up like how i judge others i examine them its a thing i picked up i think from being examined by others i think well what about you looking at me whats wrong with you let me see so I look and find many thing within another i dont like then i see them within me im the same within me all i dont like about another is already within me and i do many times forget this so i need to examine me within all around me what i don’t like tp see me better to love me better so i can be whole within me better to be my best life ever on in this dimension

Saying examine

School and being in an examination feeling scared i dotn know what to do where i lost all my hair at school because i was so scared off what happen if i fail but i see there is a part o fame that like being asked questions when i read one i want to know it i feel the race within me of wanting to know it but i dont then i drop i dont know it shit i see hey your crap lol where i should say ok i dont know this one and i might not not all of them but i do like looking within me to see if i do l=know it yes there’s something about looking within name that i liek i see i liek to self examine can i find it this time or is there just nothing there and if not thats ok it just wasnt meant to be but i look and i like to look within me.

I examine people if i like them or not i judge them not a great personality i must say but one i do use a lot which i can now just use to see myself within it.

When you are being examine by other like when you first meet them they check you out you check then out and you see if you like them or not are they like me or are they bad people no it like me lol yes that show i do it but thoughts of Being examined when you have an interview for a job you get examined you sit there and they ask you questions and i sit in hope i can answer all the question i dont like to answer is why do you think you will be good for the job ??? Aha this is where i would have ot say well im a good person really i have ot explain why i think im good and i havent liked doing this because I haven’t seen or should i say I hadn’t seen myself as any good now that i do i think i could answer this question within a job not problem because i am good I really good infact

Examine all things comes up what is best for me and let go of what isn’t any good for me yes i should examine all things as in thoughts as in what another might say or do how does this make me feel.

Sf

Does this definition support me no not really i see i can do better within me with this word i see a polarity within of being good that i do examine me and bad i examine others so i need to see myself in all of them as its only ever all about me.

Examine x im in. X mine

Examine

To leave no stone unturned within me to see all to be all i can ever be in this life

To see on others me and only me without judgment to another.

I will live this word with self examination at all times possible to see me within all others to examine all that passes through my thoughts within me to love me until done.