#but there’s no way to stop without killing a shitload of other angels

[castielcommunism]

the insane thing about season 6 is that Raphael is right. it’s completely unreasonable to trust Cas at all. Anna used to be his boss and she rebelled, then Cas followed her. the consequence of this is that the apocalypse didn’t happen and Heaven has descended into chaos. Cas currently holds a reputation on par with Lucifer, except this time a bunch of other angels are listening to what he’s saying and want to follow him. and because god is gone and Raphael is tasked with ruling Heaven (a thing angels are not meant to do) the most reasonable course of action would be to kill Cas as fast as possible and try to keep shit from disintegrating entirely. both Raphael and Cas hold completely sympathetic but mutually exclusive positions on what to do now that there is no ruler of Heaven, and Raphael is structurally prohibited from considering any other position because that also means actively inciting his own rebellion. like he is in an impossible position where angels are only ever meant to follow rules, except now he has no rules to follow because god is gone, and making up his own rules means shedding the mindset that keeps angels in line in the first place. so like in order for Raphael to consider a new way of ruling he might end up realising that Cas is correct (like most other angels currently rebelling) which he doesn’t want to do. so what other option is there

[hotwings0203]

I JUST SAW FIGHT CLUB AND HOOOLLYYY-

Bro could you IMAGINE FightClub!Bakugo?

Tw:noncon, language, harassment

Okay okay get this: you’re down in the basement listening to the usual men holler and punch each other around while you do your job as their cute little “accountant”. While many of them have good jobs and a real life, the actual members don’t have time or the intellect to juggle the numbers and money around as fast as you can. You’ve been coming here for a while now, and you’re used to the jeers and wolf-whistles coming your way since you’re basically one of the few or only women who dare to come down here.

But there’s one fighter who just can’t seem to take no for an answer.

Bakugo fucking Katsuki.

The man is ruthless, he’s relentless, he’s a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. You swear he’s had to have taken a shitload of steroids in his youth, otherwise how else could he have built up that much muscle? There’s no way an average gym-goer has that kinda build.

He’s always the first and the last one out in the rink, swaying back and forth with his fists up, a twisted grin on his face that was so reminiscent of a wolf before it lunges for its prey.

It usually took more than two men to pull him off the unconscious bodies that he had just beaten to a pulp, effectively breaking one of Fight Clubs Rules: get up when someone is down.

But he’s too good to let go, no one has the balls to tell him to take his money somewhere else since they’re all scared shitless of him.

Which leads him to believing that he’s practically a god down here, that he can conquer anything: including you.

No one really calls it harassment because no one really cares. What’s so wrong in a guy having a little crush? What, you came down here seeing all this testosterone but you can’t deal with it yourself? Don’t be a prudish bitch.

“Bakugo, I’m at work right now, I don’t want to.”

“C’mon toots, this ain’t even real work, you’re just fumblin’ my hard earned cash.” He grins slyly and crosses his bulging muscular arms, leaning against the doorway of the little office you’re given to work your magic.

You turn in your rickety seat and glare at him, ignoring the way he licks his lips and lets his eyes roam all over your body. “If I’m so shit at my work then go somewhere else and stop bothering me.”

He chuckles in his baritone voice and shakes his head at you. “Naw, can’t do that sweets. If I did then I’d never be able to see your pretty face again now, could I?” Bakugo leers at you and you turn your face in disgust.

“I don’t wanna go out for lunch, or ever with you. Now get out before I have to call someone in here.”

“Oh, is that so?” He uncrosses his arms and steps through the threshold, his body growing larger and more menacing as he slowly draws closer to you. Luckily a fight had broken out near the office months ago so there was no more door from the aftereffects, but that didn’t mean you felt safe even with open space.

“G-get out. I’m serious, Bakugo-“

“-Call me Katsuki, angel. And you don’t really mean that, do you? Look at you, you can barely look me in the eye when you say such mean things.” His voice drops an octave as he comes to stand in front of your seated form, towering above your wide eyes, clenched fists and trembling figure.

He leans down and you flinch and gasp as his breath ghosts over your face. He places both arms on either side of your chair so you have nowhere to look but him.

“You’re such a nice breath of fresh hair down here, through all the blood and violence. You’re like a flower...” he tucks a stray hair behind your ear and breaths out a laugh when you turn your head and squeeze your eyes shut.

“A flower, so fragile...a flower that smells so fucking good...” you feel like you can’t properly breathe as he leans in next to your ear and inhales deeply.

“A flower waiting to be deflowered herself.”

“What’s going on here?” A lanky body in the doorway appears.

Bakugo pulls back and turns his head ever so slightly towards the dude, growling under his breath at the interruption.

“We’re in the middle of something here, so you can just get the fuck ou-“

“-Well, it doesn’t really look like she’s into whatever you’re doing,” the man scoffs and takes in your pale face and shaking hands.

Bakugo stands to his fullest height, almost neck and neck with the man at the door.

“Yeah? I didn’t hear a complaint from her.” He cocks his head and stretches, allowing his muscles to ripple with each movement, something that didn’t go unseen by your much skinnier savior.

But he doesn’t back down. He only swallows and rubs the back of his neck.

“Well, we’re all being called out to put our bets in for the next match anyways, so you better come out before we get our asses kicked.”

The blond grumbles about weak men and no balls, then casts a dark look at your frozen figure before shouldering past the man at the door, almost knocking him down.

As soon as he’s out of your line of vision, you exhale and relax into your seat.

“You okay?” The fallen soldier scrambles back up and cautiously approaches you, looking over your body in a way that didn’t remind you of Bakugo undressing you with his eyes...rather, it was a protective, and worried once-over.

“Yeah, he’s just...a lot to handle sometimes. Doesn’t know when to quit.” You laugh shakily and run a hand through your hair.

“No wonder the dude’s a menace. He’s used to getting what he wants, I guess.” The man acknowledges this grimly, and for the first time you’re relieved that finally someone hasn’t turned a blind eye to your harassment.

“Are they really calling us down for bets?”

“No, I just said that to get him off your ass. Didn’t seem like you liked whatever he was doing.”

You give him a wobbly smile and he returns it.

“Sooo we should probably run before he comes back up here, right?”

“Oh most definitely,” you actually giggle before leaping out of your seat and joining the man to bound up the steps two at a time to freedom.

You both end up bonding pretty well over the weeks, even going out for coffee and lunch dates here and there. You’ve come to really like him, his shyer demeanor more than a majority of the ragtag men down in the basements, his chivalry refreshing to you amongst the blood and foul language thrown around the ring.

You feel like a woman with him, not some piece of ass like you were used to.

Bakugo noticed all this, of course. You started avidly avoiding him, ducking your head down and hiding behind your new ally before he could open his coarse mouth and stalk towards you. He couldn’t find you in your dingy office anymore either, because your savior was up in a cafe doing the calculations with you, laughing away about the latest matches.

That has to change. Effective immediately.

“Yo, newbie. How you been? Haven’t seen you fightin’ here for a while,” Bakugo claps his meaty hand on the scrawny guy’s back, nearing sending him toppling over.

“Yeah, y’know, just haven’t been feeling it lately.” He rubs the stinging feeling away from his sore shoulders and side eyes the blond suspiciously. He had seen firsthand just how bad-news of a guy he was, and he didn’t wanna get caught up in all that.

But Katsuki wasn’t just all brawn. He had some brains, too.

“Look, I know I prolly gave off a weird first impression with Y/N back then. But it’s all in good health, ‘was just messin’ around like I always do.”

“Yeah, sure...”

“How ‘bout we get some coffee or somethin’? You seem like a solid dude, plus we got shit in common to talk about.”

Like fucking around with my bitch.

“Uh, you sure? I kinda’ wanted to see the last fight,” he trails off unsuredly, scratching his jaw as Katsuki steers him away from the growing crowd.

“There’ll always be fights, man. I wanna show you that I’m a nice guy.”

Bakugo Katsuki was not a nice guy.

And everyone knew that too, which is why when some shifted to give the duo a curious glance he met them with a death glare. Any gazes locked on Katsuki’s hand wrapped around the lanky guy’s shoulders were immediately casted down.

You didn’t see your savior for a while.

It had been two weeks since he mysteriously disappeared from his usual place in the outskirts of the crowd, because unbeknownst to you, a certain fighter was keeping him away from you and convincing him to have a friendly brawl over lunch.

You only found out about it on a Friday night, when a crowd much bigger than before was gathered in the dim basement, voices hushed and whispering.

“What’s going on? Why’s everyone so quiet?” You whisper to one of the usuals.

“‘Heard Bakugo’s fighting some dude that was handpicked by himself. He somehow managed to convince the poor bastard to have some kinda’ match with him.”

You felt your heart sinking.

“Who did he pick?”

“‘Dunno, some skinny guy, a newbie I think. Hasn’t been around for too long so I guess he doesn’t know how big of a monster he’s gonna be beaten by.” The groupie shrugged, and you felt the blood drain from your face.

Without saying another word, you spun around and started running around all over the place looking for either of the two.

You end up stumbling into the men’s bathroom, desperate beyond salvation to stop this bloodbath.

He’s there, he’s at the urinal and he yelps when he hears you barge in. You avert your eyes and let his adjust himself as he sputters indignantly.

“Y/N? What’re you doing in here? This is a men’s-“

“Don’t fight him.”

“What?”

“Don’t fight Bakugo, please, he’s gonna kill you, I know he is-“

“-Calm down, what’re you so worked up about? C’mon, I would’ve thought you’d had a little bit more faith in me to be able to stand my ground.” He teases you but you don’t find it funny, on the contrary you’re terrified out of your mind for his life.

“Did he put you up to this? How could you fight him, you’ve seen what he does to the other guys in the ring!”

“Well yeah, but he knows not to go that hard on me. Actually, he’s not that bad of a guy, we’ve gotten some drinks for the past two weeks and I was wrong about him.”

You gape at him. “Wrong? You saw how he cornered me that one day!”

He shrugs, not put off by the distant memory. “The guy just came back from a fight, he still had testosterone going through him. You can’t blame him for wanting to let a bit of it out, right? You should really give him a chance y’know, he talks about you all the t-“

But you can’t hear anymore, this is madness, there’s barely 10 minutes left until they’re going to call the two down for their death match. You need to find the source of this problem firsthand.

And somehow, a little voice inside your head tells you exactly where you know he is.

You round the corner to your office and there he is in all his glory, seated like a king on your chair, leaned back with his knees spread, carelessly looking through your bank statements and bet papers.

He barely looks at you as he says, “Oh there you are, I was starting to think you’d miss the show.”

You sink to your knees.

He looks up at that.

With a tight chest and burning eyes, your dry throat barely permits you to choke out, “Bak-Katsuki, please, please don’t do this. Please don’t fight him.”

He cracks his neck and leans forward, regarding you with dark vermilion eyes. He looks your position over appreciatively before speaking.

“Why not? He’s so good and great isn’t he? I’m just trying to show you how right you were, after all. I’m sure he’s got a fair chance of beating me.”

You shake your head vigorously, knowing what he’s playing at.

“No, no, you’re better, please. I was wrong about him, I shouldn’t have been friends with him, please don’t fight him Katsuki I’ll do anything-“

“-Oh you’ll do anything I say regardless of if I beat him to a bloody pulp or not. You wanna know why?”

You can barely contain a whimper as he stands and walks over right in front of you, his bulging crotch mere inches away from your face.

He suddenly grabs your hair and you cry out before he yanks your head up to meet his cold eyes.

“Because no one in here is gonna say shit to me. I run things here, toots. And if you want your little boy toy to live through today, you’re gonna watch every blow I give to him, and you’re gonna kiss the fucking knuckles I beat his face with. Got that?”

You sob as he grinds his clothed erection against your tear-streaked face, sniffling when he moans loudly and bucks into your open mouth.

A loud knock on the bare hinges stops Bakugo from pulling the front of his shorts down.

You both turn your heads and see a red-faced side-liner looking down and mumbling something about the match starting.

“‘Be there in a minute. Tell the guys to give my girl here a special front-row seat to this match, she’s gonna wanna see her man win, after all.”

The runner scampers off, leaving you both alone.

He bares his teeth down at you and you cower under his painful hold, the roots of your hair ripping from their strands.

He eventually tosses your head to the side after a few seconds of staring you down, and the second he does you clutch your sore cranium.

“I better see you down there in a minute sweet thing. You gotta get used to it anyways, since you’re gonna be getting accustomed to my rituals before and after matches.”

[mrsmaybank]

My Little Sun - Spencer Reid x Reader

“Can you imagine it?” I started, “A little girl who looks just like you? I’d be in so much trouble.”                  

She giggled, “Absolutely whipped.”                       

PART ONE HERE

A/N: It came out fast!!! I had lowk already started it, so that’s why this update came so quickly. Please don’t expect them all to come this fast LMAO. I usually write slow as fuck. Anyway, I really hope you guys like this part so I can maybe just maybe turn this into a mini series. Please lmk if you guys like :) 

CONTENT WARNINGS: KIDNAPPING, PREGNANCY, LANGUAGE, MENTIONS OF SEX (lmk if i missed any please) 

I paced the bullpen as the team spoke to Penelope. The shock of her pregnancy was starting to wear off, and now I could think more clearly. How could she? What was she thinking? 

Recently, I’d found myself thinking about it more, a baby her and a mini-me. A family of my own, with the love of my life. It was exciting and like a lovesick fool it made my stomach fuzzy. But she wasn’t ready and I couldn’t do that to her. So how could she do it to herself? She hadn’t finished school, hadn’t started her career. She could barely take care of herself! I wasn’t mad, absolutely not. Just disappointed at her self-sabotage and the fact she’d made the decision completely without me. I couldn’t think about it for long though, because I was swiftly reminded by my surroundings that right now, there was a chance I’d lose her, our child and any children we wanted to have in the future. That was the priority. 

“Garcia, check her credit card records, we need to see where she last was.” Hotch said. 

“Uhm, okay,” Penelope took a deep breath while clicking away, “Let’s see. Her last purchase was last night, 6:49 at a CVS Pharmacy, oh--” 

“What Garcia?” Hotch asked. 

“She was um, picking up her monthly case of birth control.” 

JJ broke the silence, “Spence…” she started towards me. 

I breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank god.” 

“Thank god?” Morgan questioned. 

“She’s 23.” I wiped my face, “Whole life ahead of her.” The team understood what I was trying to say. Rossi’s hand fell on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. 

“So why would she tell Brook she was?” Garcia asked. 

“I uh, I..I don’t know.” I spat out. I really had no idea.  

“Think Reid.” Rossi told me. “You guys ever talk about kids or pregnancy?”

“She might be trying to send us a message,” Emily added. 

I thought back to the last time we discussed starting a family. 

--FLASHBACK-- 

We were surrounded by timeless pieces of art and history, and yet the true masterpiece was still her. She was always beautiful to me, a perfect being, truly. But today, something about the way she looked today specifically, made her look like the kind of beauty you see in a painting. Had she been a painting, her creator must have been skilled. Each stroke of his brush creating every divine curve of her face and body to produce a work of magnificent art, one that I so proudly hung on the walls of my heart. 

I remember exactly what she wore, and how it felt to take it all off. The painter had an eye for color. Her denim skirt, the length or lack thereof making me embarrassingly wary, was blue like the Mediterranean Sea, complementing the pigment of the skin of her legs. A white button down made of silk, not worn properly, of course. Too many buttons were left open at the top, as to draw attention to the gold adorned on her chest, but in the spell of temptation she procured to cast upon me, my eyes wandered to admire territories of her body they shouldn’t have. Not in public, at least. The buttons at the bottom were left untouched as well, revealing the soft skin of her stomach. She looked like an angel, but of course, went out of her way to instead be my temptress.

My affinity for her beauty aside, the wide eyes in delight at the museum artifacts and careful attention to my commentary were what made our excursion wonderful. The feeling of her smaller hand in mine, and the giggles and the teasing “You’re way too nerdy to be so stupid hot Dr. Reid.” made it absolutely perfect. 

In exchange for her listening so attentively to my historical facts and stories, I took her for ice cream. She insisted we ate it on the greens of Lincoln Park. Who was I to deny her that? What came next--I expected. She’d devoured it. Made a mess of strawberry ice cream on her white shirt. 

“It was the wind!” She insisted as the first of many drips of ice cream fell down her chin. 

“No it was not!” I argued back while wiping it, “You just never learned how to eat ice cream properly.” I gently removed the cone from her hands and into mine, taking an overzealous bite. “This, lovey, is how you eat ice cream.” 

“Give it back, you...you dickass!” She snorted. We laughed like two lovesick teenagers. 

“Dickass?” I asked, eyes watery from laughter. 

“Yeah dickass, give me back my damn ice cream.” I took another bite, “Stop! You’re eating it all!” She pouted. Pouts were unfortunately my weakness and I handed it back to her. However, in her rush, the pink scoop had fallen directly on her blouse. 

“Way to prove my point,” I started to take off my cardigan, “You want dickass’s sweater?” 

She wanted to be mad but couldn’t contain the wince of a smile. “Please.” 

We carefully removed her shirt from under while simultaneously putting the cardigan in its place. 

“Spence don’t let me flash! There’s kids and judgmental old ladies here!” 

I laughed and shushed her, “I know, I know.” I moved all the fabrics quickly and it was done. Her sticky pink shirt was replaced with my soft sweater. “There.” 

“My hero,” She kissed me, “Truly.”

She leaned back on our picnic blanket on her shoulders as we observed our fellow park goers. “So many kids.”  

I nodded my head in agreement. “Yeah…” 

“We should bring our kids here one day.” she said, instantly breaking my haze from the crowd so I could only see her. 

I smiled again at the thought, “Yeah, and tell them how their mom is the world's clumsiest ice cream eater.”

She looked at me with disdain before shoving her shoulder into mine. “Shut up.” 

“Can you imagine it?” I started, “A little girl who looks just like you? I’d be in so much trouble.” 

She giggled, “Absolutely whipped.” 

I toppled her so we were laying down, facing each other. She kissed me hard, and my hands went to the sides of her face, only pulling back to say “I can’t wait for it, you know. My two little girls.” 

She smiled, “But I’ll always be your favorite right?” she asked sarcastically. 

I laughed, “Oh of course. Always.” 

“I’ll have a big ol’ belly, you know.” I nodded, “You’d still be perfect.” 

“We’d have to go to the mall, buy me a shitload of new clothes. Do ya know how dirty malls are Spence?” I winced at the thought of thousands of strangers bacteria on every surface and she laughed, “Got ya.” I shook my head, “Nope! I uh, I’ll just bring hand sanitizers and uh, to the Maternity section we’ll go.” 

“Non-stop Panda express eating.” I nodded again, “I’ll be non-stop Panda Express buying, then.” She smiled so hard her nose scrunched. 

“I love you Spencer.” 

“I love you too. I am so in love with you.” 

--FLASHBACK ENDS--

“Yeah but it was trivial.” I said. 

“Maybe not,” Hotch argued, “Was anything mentioned specifically?” 

“A name she liked?” Prentiss added, “Maybe a craving she thought she might have? Anything at all?” 

I nodded, “Not a food, but a fast food place. Panda Express.” I doubted that would be helpful. 

“It’s a stretch but, Garcia, check for any dilapidated buildings within 10 miles of a Panda Express.” 

“Yes sir,” She typed away and then said, “No, guys. I’m sorry. All of our Panda Express’s are in pristine malls or new developments.” 

“Mall!” I shouted, “She said we’d have to go to the mall! She knows I hate the mall.” 

Morgan pointed at us, “The tiles in that room look like they could be from some 80’s Bloomingdales.” 

“Garcia-” I said. 

“Already on it.” 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pregnancy ruse was either going to get me killed, or save my life. It was a moment of panic and I just wanted to throw her off. I know it did, but in what direction? 

She was still crying, her demeanor with me was still laced with bitter animosity, but she was calmer now. 

“How long have you known?” Brook asked, the contents of her flask now empty and her words slurred. 

“I found out yesterday.” I lied through my teeth. 

She shrugged her shoulders, “Had you guys talked about it?” 

“Vaguely.” I admitted. 

“What’d Spencer want? Boy or girl?” I debated on whether or not to say, and she caught on. “Don’t fucking lie.” She stated harshly. 

“Girl.” I breathed out. “He wants a girl.” 

“What do you want?” she asked. 

“I don’t care.” I said. That was true. 

“How come?” 

“I just want to start a family with him. Don’t really care about the gender…” That was true as well. 

“Oh.” she nodded her head, “Why’d he want a girl?” It was strange, her  genuine curiosity. It freaked me out, but my alternative was being stabbed. I chose to just answer her questions, regardless of how much I really did not want to.  

“He liked the idea of a little girl who looked like me.” 

She winced, eyes tearing up further. “Right.” I was beginning to realize her feelings were very real. 

“You really like him, don’t you?” I asked. I knew I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it. My head was still looking for an answer as to how she could be driven to do something like this. 

She clasped her hands together, her anger returning.  “Don’t fucking start. You know nothing of what I feel for Spencer.” She came up closer and tugged at my hair, “Fucking nothing.” 

“Okay,” I grimaced at the pain from the force at which she pulled my hair, “I-I’m sorry.” 

She let go, “You should be. You really, really fucking should be.” She sat back down, pensive for a while. I wish I knew what she was thinking about. 

My heart had not stopped it’s fast pace ridden with anxiety since I gained full awareness of my situation, but now, it felt like it was going to burst through my chest. Was she planning on just killing me now? 

My anticipation ceased when she got up and brought back the camera with her again. “Hello BAU. There has been a change in plans. Your beloved,” The words reeked of sarcasm, “Y/N here, will be returned eventually. . She’s gonna be fine. However, it is now in everybody best interest if this video feed was cut out. Sorry.” She said before mouthing, “No I’m not.” She shut the camera off. 

She turned to me, “I hate you. Fucking despise you.” Figures. 

“But I would never hurt Spencer. Or his child. Even if it is being carried by a whore like you.” 

She began to pace once more, “You’re obviously a mistake on his part. You clearly tricked him with sex and...no just sex I think. You're not really smart enough to be capable of anything else. Regardless, he’s probably already thinking about abortions or adoption. There’s no way in hell a man like him could ever want to start a family with a girl like you.” She shook her head, “Absolutely not.” 

I could only nod my head at her delusions. This woman was so far up her ass. 

She pinched my cheeks together with her cold hands, “You tried to trap him. How’d that go for you?” 

I was silent.

“I asked you a fucking question!” She held my face impossibly tighter. 

“Poorly.” I got out, “Poorly.” 

“In 9 months, I’ll help you deliver your baby. And then, you can go.” Brook backed away and let go of her tight grip on my face. “I’m keeping the kid. Raising it.” She smiled, “I’ll be the mother Spencer’s child will deserve. And then-” A giggle creepily reminiscent of a schoolgirl’s left her throat, “He’ll love me!” 

Brooks intention had twisted from wanting to murder and torture me as revenge for “taking” Spencer, to a now twisted maternal desire for his (hypothetical) child. But if Spencer and his team couldn’t find me before the time I was supposed to be showing, I was fucked. Utterly fucked. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Taglist: @britishspidey

(Let me know to be added)

[sortasirius]

“Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” is an episode that I’ve been waiting years for

This episode has it all.  Sassy Cas, Destiel marital fighting, probably the biggest Sam knows lines in the whole show, and, of course, fem!Cas.

This is LONG, but I had a shitload to work with so strap in.

Steve Yockey is the man.  But anyway,

We start out with some serious married!Destiel vibes.  Sam even talks about the silent treatment and how they walk past each other in the kitchen without talking.  And man oh man do we have some golden lines in this episode.

Like the sass levels.  Iconic.  And Dean’s sheer indignation that they wouldn’t be backing Cas up is incredible.

If you ever wonder if Sam knows how these two idiots feel?  Please see the above screenshots.

Everything about this scene?  Amazing.  The little “hey” that Dean says, knowing that he’s not supposed to be there but not giving a singular shit about it.  The long-suffering “Dean” he gets from Cas in return (Netflix even italicized the caption lol).  The fact that they all cram in on the booth bench together.  The smile that Dean gives Cas.  Steve Yockey might be actually sent from heaven and this episode is a gospel.  Anyway.

Ah, the first mention of human weakness, which is, ultimately, what this episode is all about.  Ishim doesn’t like that Cas hangs out with humans, and especially, how close he is to them.  And he does whatever he can to strip Cas down a peg or two.

And my homie Dean?  He doesn’t stand for things like that.  And we’ve seen, clearly, how Cas can give insults as good as he can get, so we (Dean included) are all pretty confused as to why he won’t sass Ishim back.  And ultimately, it doesn’t matter than Dean and Cas are in a fight, or that they were giving each other the silent treatment in the beginning of the episode, because Dean doesn’t like the way that Ishim talks to Cas.

And if you think about it, this is exactly what Naomi tried to do to Cas.  Eliminate his “human weakness.”  Which, again, is not Sam AND Dean.  It’s not just Sam (even though he highkey cares about and loves Sam too).  Ultimately, Dean is his human weakness.  Uriel says it, Balthazar says it, Metatron says it, Hannah says it, Naomi says it, even Ishim says it.  All these angels that know Cas intimately and know him well know that he would do anything for Dean.  And yes, I firmly believe that he would do anything for Sam too, but there’s something different about Dean, and all these angels know that.  So, Ishim walks straight up to Dean, angel blade in his hand, ready to “cut out” Cas’ one human weakness.

I mean even Ishim, who has known Dean for five whole minutes knows that he won’t roll the dice, that Cas’ life means more to Dean than stopping him, than stopping anyone, really. 

EMOTIONAL HONESTY?  FROM DEAN “REPRESSION” WINCHESTER?  CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?

But really?  I think this episode kind of explains a lot about Cas and his relationship to Dean, especially and specifically how it’s really shifted over the last season or two.  Because it’s made clear that it’s not kosher to get super close to humans as an angel.  Theoretically that’s why they killed Akobel, because he fell in love with a human.  Cas even says it’s a “great sin” when sentencing him to die.

This whole time, I’ve really always thought of Dean as the one with repressed emotions, the one who needs to work through how he feels about Cas, and about his own sexuality, but this episode has made me see that it’s really a two way street, just in a different way.  If angels can be sentenced to death for loving a human (even if, in Akobel’s case, it produced a nephilim), that would explain why Cas acts the way he does around Dean, at the very least in the early seasons when he was still on his mission from Heaven.  It even explains why he was taken away from them in season 4 because, like Uriel says “he has this weakness, he likes you”.  Even then they were talking about Dean as Cas’ human weakness.  I rest my case.

Anyway, Steve Yockey is the best and I love this episode more than anything.

[kpopboysreact]

Nameless Pt. 1 - Hongjoong Scenario

Commission for @dearhongjoong, a literal angel on earth.

TRIGGER WARNING

Oh jeez there’s a LOT of cursing, guns, notes of human trafficking, kidnapping, all that good stuff. Yeosang also gets OWNED by Hongjoong so that’s a fun bit. Yeosang stans, this is not your fic. Yeosang stans, read this fic regardless because I love you anyway and I worked really hard on this.

“Shit!” You yelled, quickly dodging a bullet that soared past you, a little too close for comfort. It sunk deep into the wall you were just in front of, sending debris and dust across the ground and through the air. You coughed and ran a clothed arm across your eyes, brushing them clean, before you whipped out your pistol and fired a shot back.

“Are you hit??” Junyoung, a man who was like a brother to you, asked frantically.

“No!”

“Good! I’m supposed to be looking after you, and your dad would kill me if you got shot. So don’t die, or…don’t die, or I’ll fucking kill you.”

You chuckled. “Wasn’t planning on it, but thanks for the advice.” Your father was the mob boss of “Nameless”, the mafia organization you’d been wrapped up in since birth. Your goal? To take down ATEEZ, a brutal gang that laundered money, ran a drug kingpin, trafficked women, and terrorized whoever stood in their way. Your father had principles, ones built on the exact opposite of everything ATEEZ stood for.

“I’m good here.” Junyoung insisted. “Go back to the car, bring it around back and keep the engine going for me. I’ll cover you.” Junyoung fired a barrage of bullets as you snuck away from the firefight, only to run into the scene that would change your life forever.

-

“STOP!” You screamed, holding up your gun. In front of you, two ATEEZ members were hauling your father into their car. You aimed your gun at the leader, Hongjoong, the evil man you’d heard countless stories about from your father. Hongjoong, a menace to society, was the very man you were taught to shoot on site.

“Don’t even think about it.” The other ATEEZ member warned, aiming a gun at your head.

“Try me.” You growled.

“Y/N!” Your father called out for you. “Y/N, run! Get the fuck out of here!”

“Let him go!” You shouted. Hongjoong pulled your father in front of him and put his gun to your father’s head.

“Put down your fucking gun!” Hongjoong yelled. Your body was white hot in fear, anger, and hate. But slowly, you lowered your gun. “Drop it!” He commanded.

“You don’t want to do this.”

“I won’t ask again.” You reluctantly dropped your gun. “Keep your gun on her, I’ll get him in the back.” You heard Hongjoong mumble, right before he pulled a syringe out of his pocket. He held it against your father’s neck, then you screamed.

“DON’T!” “Listen to your father.” The other ATEEZ member spat. “Get the fuck out of here before I put one through your skull.”

“Y-“ You swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “You don’t want him.” Hongjoong snarled. “No! You really don’t! Think about it. I’m his only daughter, his only weakness. My father was raised learning how to tough out the worst tortures, how to negotiate, how to survive…all you bastards together can’t get anything out of him if you tried.” Hongjoong raised an eyebrow, then your father realised what you were doing.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” Your father screamed at you.

“But…” You continued, your voice firm. “Me? Shit, what’s a better bargaining chip than your enemy’s only daughter?”

“NO!” Your father screamed. “JUNYOUNG! JUNYOUNG!” He desperately called for your companion.

“I like how she thinks.” Hongjoong said to his partner, a wicked smile forming on his face. “Seonghwa, I’ll get the girl. You keep your gun on him.” Hongjoong gestured to your father.

“Why don’t we get them both?” Seonghwa responded, lowering his voice.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “Think a little. We got his daughter. Is it better to have a puppet locked in a cage, or roaming around willing to do your bidding to keep its prized possession alive?” Seonghwa smirked, then aimed his gun at your father.

“Put your hands above your head.” Hongjoong commanded. You did so, begrudgingly.

“Y/N…” Your father cried.

And thus, your new life began.

-

You sat, hands cuffed behind your back, blindfolded, tired, confused, lost…

Has it been hours? Days? All you know is it’s been a shitload of blackness.

“He’s going to fucking kill you.” You laughed, a manic craze overcoming you. “He’s going to fucking kill all of you.” Suddenly, the blindfold was ripped from your eyes. The flood of bright light blinded you for a second, before you could make out a few people sitting across from you. Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and one more you didn’t recognize. They only stared at you. “What? No welcome party?” The third ATEEZ member spit at your shoes, and you attempted to launch yourself at him but your restraints kept you locked tightly against the chair you were bound to.

“You’re disgusting.” You spat back.

“Me? I’m the disgusting one??” “Yeosang, calm down.” Hongjoong commanded him.

Yeosang just laughed. “Boss, she calls methe disgusting one.” Hongjoong nodded, chuckling. “Ironic, isn’t it?” Hongjoong’s expression melted into one of disgust, shooting daggers at you with his eyes. “Right across from the daughter of human filth, and she calls usdisgusting.”

“Watch your tone.”

“We’llbe making the commands around here.”

Another ATEEZ member entered the room, carrying blueprints under his right arm. He handed them to Hongjoong. “Here, boss.” You made eye contact with the new ATEEZ member for a brief second, and he almost seemed to hold a bit of sympathy towards you.

“Thanks, Jongho.” Jongho nodded and left the room. Hongjoong spread the blueprints out on the table in front of you and looked at you expectantly.

You sat in silence for a second. “…and what exactly the fuck do you want me to do with this?”

“Where are they?” Hongjoong responded, his voice low and dark.

“Up your ass and to the fucking left.” You tugged at your restraints, only to fail once again. “I don’t know who the fuck you’re talking about.”

Seonghwa whispered in Hongjoong’s ear, so you couldn’t hear. She might not know, boss.

Hongjoong responded at normal volume. “Might as well give it a try.” He banged on the table. “Where. Are. They.”

“Even if I wantedto help you, I don’t know who ‘they’ are.”

“The girls.”

“What girls?”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “All the girls your fucked-up father sold.”

“Sold? What do you mean, ‘sold’?”

Yeosang chuckled bitterly. “You want to play games?”

“No.” You took a deep breath. “What do you mean, ‘sold’?”

“To those investors from China.” Hongjoong clarified. “We know more than you think we do. We know he’s moving the girls this Friday. That’s three days from now. If you have anyconscience at all, you’ll help us find them.”

“You’re saying these girls were trafficked?”

Yeosang and Seonghwa exchanged looks. “Yeah.” Hongjoong responded. “By your father. As always.” He shook his head. “I don’t know how you can live with yourself.”

Your heart stopped. “You…you LYING BASTARD!!!” You tugged again at your restraints and this time, through sheer fury, managed to break just loose enough to send the ATEEZ members back a step…which only led to Yeosang shoving a gun in your face.

“Put it down.” Hongjoong commanded, and Yeosang followed orders. Hongjoong moved closer to you, and looked you directly in your eyes. “I’ll know if you’re lying.” You resisted the urge to spit in his face. “What do you think Nameless does?”

You scoffed. “We stop youin your tracks. We bring order to South Korea, protectwomen from being trafficked by you, keep your demonic drugs off the streets…we destroy everything you work for.”

The ATEEZ members’ jaws opened ajar, and Hongjoong just studied you. “You…” He began. “You really think that, don’t you?”

Your heart began to race. “I don’t like what you’re implying.” “Then let me make it perfectly clear.” Hongjoong returned to his seat. “Your father is a criminal. He’s done all the shit you just mentioned, and WE make it right.”

You shook your head. “You liar…”

“You really never knew?” Seonghwa asked you.

“How could you be so blind to your own family business?” Yeosang chimed in.

“Get out.” Hongjoong addressed Yeosang, without turning to face him.

“Boss…” “Yeosang, just go.”

Yeosang rolled his eyes and left his spot next to Hongjoong. You waited for him to leave before you spoke again. “I can’t fucking stand liars.”

“Seonghwa, get my tablet.” Seonghwa did as was instructed and shortly returned with Hongjoong’s tablet. “Now, you can leave.” Seonghwa nodded and was on his way. Hongjoong unlocked the tablet and pulled up a recent video in his photo library. “One of my men recorded this last week.” He held the tablet for you to see.

You couldn’t believe your eyes.

There was your father, holding a gun to a group of women, screaming at them and demanding they all shove themselves to fit in the back of a truck. They looked malnourished, haggard, and scared. You couldn’t make out what your father was saying, but the scene was clear enough. You didn’t even know you were crying when Hongjoong spoke. “I’m sorry…” He spoke, and you were puzzled by the sudden sincere tone of his voice.

“How…how could he?” You choked.

“Please…” Hongjoong begged. “If you know where he took those girls, we need to know. We can save them!”

“I don’t know!” You cried.

“Hey, hey…” “If I knew, I would tell you.” You screamed. “I’ll fucking KILL him!” Hongjoong was slightly taken aback by your outburst. “My whole life…my whole life was a LIE! I was WORKING for that…that…that monster…”

“Y/N-ssi…” Hongjoong addressed you by your name, startling you. “You-“

“I want to help you.” “…you do?” You nodded slowly, and after a few moments, Hongjoong called Seonghwa back in the room.

“Seonghwa, hold your gun on her.” You grimaced. “It’s just a precaution.” Hongjoong approached you and walked behind your chair. He knelt down, and all you could hear was the sound of a switchblade sliding open. You squeezed your eyes shut, but instead of a sharp pain, you were falling forward, out of your restraints and out of the chair. Hongjoong quickly backed up, and watched you as you stood to your feet. “If you want to help us…” Hongjoong stood next to Seonghwa, facing you directly. “Then prove it.”

[curliesallovertheplace]

Part 5: Dean picks dare

Characters: Dean, Leah, Sam and Reader

Location: Motel room, Crappsville, USA.

Word Count: 1350isch

Summary: The three of you celebrate the 1 year anniversary of you joining the Winchesters, and not dying, with fun and games.

Warnings: drinking, unprotected sex, mentions of little green Dean (a vibrator), smut

A/N: Yay, it is here! Part 5 (and possibly the last part) of this thread in the truth or dare adventure. Also a big thanks to @littlegreenplasticsoldier for organizing this fanfiction festival of sorts and handling it like a boss!! This wouldn’t be possible without you!

Choose Your Own Supernatural Truth or Dare Adventure: Masterlist!!

Part 1 by @littlegreenplasticsoldier

Part 2 by @gemini75eeyore

Part 3 by @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog

Part 4 by @notnaturalanahi

“Wait!” Leah stops him. “Before you go in there to fix your um… problem, Truth or Dare?”

Dean frowned, musing over his options. Truth or dare was the last thing on his mind right now. “Wasn’t it Y/N’s turn?” he asked as he not so discreetly covered his crotch area. His pants were getting very tight and oh how he needed that sweet relief.

All eyes were on you, waiting for your response. “I’m still recovering from my confession so Leah can have my turn,” you grinned at your new found friend. She winked at you and turned back to the older Winchester, her eyebrows quirked up, curious of his choice.

Dean quickly decided it wasn’t going to be truth. Leah would ask him to repeat your words with a 99.99% chance and he wasn’t planning on sharing that kind of information. So he blurted out a quick ‘dare’. The glint in Leah’s eyes worried him more than his imaginary truth did, making him regret his pick already.

“I dare you to do 7 minutes of heaven with the lovely Y/N over here. Do all the naughty things she whispered in your ear, you know,” she winked. Dean stuttered, his gaze shifting back and forth between you and Leah. Your eyes widened as well as the dare left her lips. You’d kill for seven minutes with the Winchester hunk, but saying so and doing it was an entirely different thing. Leah kicked your boot and nodded her head in Dean’s direction, prompting you to take the opportunity while the offer lasted. He hasn’t said no yet, you thought before taking a deep breath and deciding why the hell not.

The overconfident ladies man starting to go shy cliché was unfolding itself in front of you, Dean being a murmuring mess, tripping over his words and shifting from one foot to another. If you wanted that Winchester cock tonight, you clearly had to take the lead. 

Without a second thought you stood up and grabbed his hand in yours, pulling him with you. He looked a little bewildered at your sudden leadership, not used this side of you, but followed nonetheless. You walked to your adjacent room under Sam and Leah’s enthusiastic whistling and howling.

As soon as the door of room 14 closed behind you Dean regained his confident composure. “So, do I get the pleasure of meeting little green Dean?” he murmured in your ear, his lips ghosting over your neck, his firm chest pressed against your back. A shiver ran over your spine while your fingers fumbled with the key card. It was getting hard to focus on unlocking the door and not on the hard cock nudged between you.

The light on the door handle turned green and the older Winchester pushed the door open before pulling you into the room with him. The thud of the lock falling shut was followed by Dean’s lips crashing into yours. You poured your feelings into the kiss, some of the sexual tension that had been building up all night finally leaving your body.

“6 minutes!” Leah shouted through the thin walls.

“Better hurry then,” you chuckled as you tugged at the hem of his shirt. In between kisses you stripped yourselves of your clothes until you were standing in front of each other in only your underwear, Sam calling out the 4 minute mark.

Dean picked you up and placed you in the middle of the bed before crawling on top of you. You pulled him in for a deep kiss as your hand traced the hard lines of his chest, inching towards the bulge in his black boxers, precum damping the material. Your fingers wrapped around his cock through the fabric and you pumped your hand a couple of times.

“Hmmm, fuck, Y/N,” he groaned into the kiss. The cocky smile on your lips quickly disappeared when his fingers brushed over your clothed pussy. You gasped as he pushed your panties to the side and dipped a finger into your heat. A soft moan left your lips when he added another one.

“That’s more like it! 1 minute,” Leah cheered.

Suddenly Sam’s voice boomed through the wall. “I dare Y/N to spend another 7 minutes in heaven with Dean.”

“8 minutes,” your new friend called out all giddy, clearly excited that your little adventure would continue a little longer. Your mind barely registered their conversation, completely focussed on the hand between your legs. Dean’s thumb flicked over your clit and circled around the bundle of nerves, slowly driving you insane. Your moans turned wanton, your hands clawing at his back to pull him closer, your hips pushing down onto his fingers.

You were getting tired of his teasing. He kept pushing you towards that edge, the knot in your stomach ready to release and just then he’d slow down his pace, holding you right at that tipping point. With one swift move you were on top of the older Winchester. His hands roamed your sides and cupped your breasts through the fabric of your bra. You quickly discarded the clothing item, Dean’s fingers instantly toying with your hardening nipples. As you whimpered at the touch, you threw your head back and scratched his chest with your nails. Every little caress was enough to turn you into a moaning mess, your body oversensitive with years of build-up anticipation.

The hunter rolled his hips against yours. “Why don’t you show me how little Dean pleases you?” You bit your lip at his words and locked your gaze with his. “And then I can show you that the real thing is way better,” he growled in your ear. His arms snaked around your waist as he pulled you closer to him, placing openmouthed kisses over your chest and breasts.

“I’ll be the one deciding that,” you whimpered. “And I’d prefer your cock over that piece of plastic any day.” With your words you tugged down his underwear and quickly got rid of your panties as well. Dean laid himself on top of you, his cock nudging at the apex of your thighs. Your hand pumped his length and positioned him at your opening, guiding him into your heat.

You both moaned at the feeling of Dean filling you up to the hilt. He cursed under his breath, your name leaving his lips as soft pants. At your sign he built up a slow pace, your hips bucking against his with every thrust. Your bodies moved in sync with one another and your moans filled the room.

“Definitely better than little Dean,” you gasped, capturing his lips with yours, kissing away the self-satisfied look on his face.

Dean thrusted into you again, stilling as he bottomed out. Your load moan was drowned out by a high pitched scream of a very familiar name. “SA-AMMM,” you heard Leah cry out. You chuckled. Of course they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Your laugh soon turned into a moan as Dean pistoned his hips against yours a couple of times while his fingers toyed with your clit.

“Fuck, Dean,” you breathed heavily, not bothering to comment on his smirk. When another scream came from the room next door, Dean pulled back out. Right when he was about to drive himself back into your throbbing centre, you stopped him. He frowned at first, but then looked at you worriedly. Yes, you loved the guy’s cock, but there was just one thing that needed to be clarified. “Is this turning into some kind of Winchester brotherly competition of who can make the girl scream louder?”

Dean scoffed and answered with an unconvincing ‘no’. You raised an eyebrow at which he sighed. “Maybe,” he mumbled. “And I’m losing so scream louder.” You laughed at his comment before you pulled him down by his neck and pecked his lips.

“You know, we can all be loud together,” you whispered, licking your lips. “If you can’t win, join ‘em.” The hunter grinned down at you. He attacked your lips for a hungry kiss before he pulled back and banged his fist on the wall above the headboard.

“What?” an annoyed Sam grumbled back.

“I dare the both of you to come join us,” Dean replied back. For a couple of seconds it was dead silent until the sound of bare feet thudding on the carpet reached your room. This was going to be a fun night.

THE END! 

OR NOT

If someone feels like writing a foursome with a shitload of dirty dares in a final part 6 then go for it *winks seductively and hopefully* I don’t feel qualified to write a mini-orgy so whoever (of the CYOSTODA writers) wants to continue this, be my guest! If not, it ends here I’m afraid. 

(Open spot for a possible link to a possible part 6... maybe)

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[cerastes]

Sir Percival Is Very Nice And Disconcertingly Gullible Part 1

HELLO citizens. Today, I want to share with you the story of a certain Knight of the Round Table who knows how to maneuver his foot around people’s asses, looks like a prim and proper lady in a skirt, and also doesn’t know what a penis is. I am talking about the one and only Sir Percival. But before Sir Percival was a Sir or Percival, he was a lady, a cute girl, an adorable toddler. No, there’s no magic involved, no magic transformation, it’s just that he was raised as a girl (culturally speaking, in relation to the time) by his mother, and he never really questioned it, because to question things, you need life experience, and you get more life experience from cleaning dirty fingernails than you do cooped up in a caslte. Oh yeah, by the way, his mother kept him cooped in a castle and he was ffffffforbidden from ever leaving it. Also, I’ll have to split this in parts because it is TOO LONG.

LET’S ELABORATE: Percival was the prince of certain lands, and his father was either King Pellinore or Alain le Gros, and in either case, the father is a celebrated warrior. Point is, Percival is of noble lineage and the son of a warrior king, which of course means he has superpowers, because this is Arthurian mythos. Regardless of who his father was, he also had at least four siblings, all four of them Knights of the Round Table. Now this is the part where you expect his family to be proud of how many fine warriors it has produced. Except you are WRONG, because my man’s mother was actually Not Too Happy With The Family Business, so when Percival was born, Mom, who is unnamed because being a woman in Arthurian mythos sucks because you either die or are a huge asshole, said “mmMMMM NO” and raised Percival away from everything that could be considered “manly” back in the day (read: knights) and without letting him ever learn of dangerous stuff like “swords” or “holy grails”. Accounts vary whether Mom took Percival and his sister away from their castle and to live in the forest or if she simply raised Percival in the castle proper, but for all intents and purposes, what matters here is that Percival looks better than you and I in a dress, can knit a fierce sweater, weaves the meanest baskets, and can sew a whole dress from the ground up using only dirty curtains and positive thoughts.

So Mom, Sister, and Percival are having fun, living a soft and cute life, when SUDDENLY, knights appear. Mom was busy watching Star Trek reruns and this distracted her long enough for Percival to notice them and ask “MOM HOLY FUCK WHAT ARE THOSE METAL DUDES”. Mom realized too late that He Had Been Exposed, so she acted fast on her feet and said “Ah, Percy, those are... Angels. They are servants of God, so don’t look at them too much, because you see them when you die or when you are close to something that could result in your death!”, so the first thing Percival does is ask his sister if she can tie a sturdy noose, nice and cozy, so he can hang himself immediately to become an angel, they look SO COOL, and his sister, with all the delicacy of a car accident, shuts him the fuck up and asks him to stop being a weirdo for one second.

Since his UNCOOPERATIVE family was made of unreasonable asses out of nowhere, P-Diddy sneaks out of the castle (which is also the first time he ever gets out of that castle WOW LOCKING YOUR KIDS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA) and approaches the angels, trying to not be seen by them because he doesn’t want to die, but during his Sneaking Operation, he steps on the loudest,most scandalous tree branch in history and mythos because it lets out a CRRRRRCCCKKK SO FUCKING LOUD the knights’ horses go apeshit, one of them kicks a knight in the face, and another straight up runs into a river and drowns, which makes you think what in the fuck are these horses on the field of duty for if a kid in a dress can scare them into Escort Mission AI-levels of idiocy. Well, that aside, the knights obviously freak the fuck out and are like “WOAH HEY WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT STOP!” which quickly turns into “WHY ARE YOU WEARING A DRESS!” and honestly, Parsee was kinda weirded out because angels are supposed to be more solemn than this, and definitely not as loud. P-kun voices these concerns, and the knights have themselves a gigglesnort, quickly and politely explaining that they are knights, not angels, and that yelling, questioning, and killing was part of their job. Then they explained it was a lie, because they never ask questions, only yell and kill, which you guys and gals at home probably think is just me making a joke, except Knights of the Round Table killed each other a SHITLOAD of times simply because they didn’t know who the other guy was, because there was this understanding, this covenant back in the day where, if you were a knight and the other guy was a knight and yelling was involved, as it usually is in the field of battle, you most likely were enemies and had to murder each other, and apparently no one fucking recognized each others’ armor or anything.

What I am trying to say is that people in Arthurian mythos are MORONIC BRUTES and that Britain is a PvP-enabled zone, which is why shit like Camlann happens.

Anyways.

Percival was apparently pretty ok with these metal dudes being professional loud murderers because he immediately asks if he can become a professional loud murderer, but he gets turned away because he is still a kid at this point, and kids can’t be knights, BUT, as soon as his hormones start going nuts and awkward, solitary strands of hair start growing on his moles and around his nipples, he’s old enough to become a knight. He’s content enough with this answer, and so he heads home and gets turbo-grounded the moment his mom catches him. In the process of being turbo-grounded, Percy let out to his mom that he wanted to become a knight, which turned this into an ultra mega turbo grounding instead because he said The Forbidden Word and now Mom’s angry.

Even being his mom and everything, however, Mom knew she couldn’t really oppose the wishes of his son like this, so what did she do instead? What every normal person in a front of a situation that requires cooperation from both ends and that demands maturity and sensibility would do: Lie.

She outright kept telling Percival that he was still 12 years old, even as the years passed. More concerning is the fact that P-kun didn’t question this at all. Well, whatever floats your boat, weirdo Arthurian family.

Percival turns 17 or 18 years of age, depending on the source, which is the age where kids are considered men and can thusly start screaming and killing [for honor], but he is still convinced he is 12 years old because Mom Sucks. All is well as usual in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber Castle WHEN SUDDENLY, a knight appears, except this one is a BAD KNIGHT, his first thought upon seeing the castle was “my, what a NICE and GORGEOUS door, I bet ramming it down and raping whatever girl I find inside would make this an even better day! : )“ so he gets to work and, sure enough, just solo-decimates the entire castle door and is getting ready to Bad Touch Mom and Sister when Percival, now no longer a kid, but rather, a powerfully built, ripped, 24 pack abs superwarrior (remember what I told you about lineage and mythos?) appears before him all like “hey can you maybe not do that shit to my family? It is rude”.

The Bad Knight takes one look at this body building champion, and lets out a “WHY ARE YOU WEARING A DRESS”. Ah, yeah, Percy was still wearing the dress. So the Bad Knight is kinda laughing because this kid, he can be SSJ Broly all he wants, he’s still in a dress. The laughing, however, ceases immediately when Percival grabs the dude, who is encased in armor and that knocked down the castle door all by himself, and just sorta casually throws him past the castle walls and breaks his entire body. Again, Percival, who never has trained his muscles in any way or learned anything more violent than embroidery, just gave this dude the So Long Gay Bowser throw from Mario 64, from the courtyard, launching him ABOVE the castle walls, and right into the ground outside. That huge “CRASH BOOM!” you heard just now was not the knight falling down, it was his self-esteem crashing after having a kid in a dress ragdoll him. No, wait, no, never mind, it was his body, because DEAD PEOPLE can’t feel shit.

“so, uh, mom” “no” “I just threw a fully armored man” “nope” “I think uh” “nu uh” “I might be an adult” “Grounded”

So P-kun is grounded, fine, and more time passes, when SUDDENLY, a cockatrice attacked the castle. Now, what is a cockatrice? It’s a two-legged serpent with a rooster’s head, and it kills you by looking at you and petrifying you. Basically, a gorgon with a funny hat. Sometimes, because the “petrifying” bit is something of a conjecture by latter authors or analyzers of mythology. The cockatrice actually just kinda sorta outright killed you when it looked at you. So this thing is wreaking havoc in the Censorship Castle, shooting rude glares and crying loudly in the morning, and this Deeply Annoys Percival. The young man simply walks out, uproots a whole a tree, as you normally do, and swats the cockatrice with a flick, sending it DBZ-style flying against the nearest wall. When he saw THAT didn’t kill the very confused monster, Percival, with his bare fucking hands, rips the tree he uprooted into a thinner form by legit ripping the bark layer by layer with his unreasonable strength, fashioning a spear with the tree by doing this (what the wtf?) and using that to stab the shit out of the cockatrice, who probably was already dead as fuck the moment it saw this dude just outright manhandling the tree and turning it into a spear with his bare hands.

“mom” “no” “mom I just uprooted a tree and killed an instakill monster with it’’ “NO’’ “I’m no scientist because those still don’t exist but I am pretty sure I am an adult now” “no sweetie that was just a stray dog” “mom I know dogs and that wasn’t a dog. No dog of ours ever shot laser beams out of its eyes or looked like a dragon wearing a chicken hat” “it’s a breed that comes from Scotland” “MOM”

So Percival more or less has enough of Mom’s shit, and finally gets her blessing to leave the castle. Immediately afterward, Mom dies. Because being female in Arthurian mythos means you ei-- Oh, I already made that one. Well, yeah, there you go. Also the sister also died. But Percival is on his way to become a knight!

What exciting adventures are in store for Percival? Stay tuned for PART 2, in which Percival enters a dysfunctional relationship, makes bad business decisions, and headbutts Sir Lancelot du Lac right in the face, and yes, this is all shit that happens on the exciting Road To Knighthood.