#but they’re still dancin in september!!!

[kinokoshoujoart]

LET’S GROOVE!

based on this official art of the awl girls! i wanted to see a version with my retro kings so i tried to draw ‘em in matsuyama’s old style

[scaredpotter-malfoy]

Luna Lovegood Playlist

I know this isn’t Drarry, but Luna is the love of my life. I relate to her on a very deep core level. I deadass have a spectrespecs tattoo that takes up about half my forearm. Anyway, I created a playlist on Spotify of songs that give me Luna energy. It’s currently got 34 songs and is 2 hrs 7 min long, but I’m certain I’ll add more songs as time goes on.

The playlist is called Exceptionally Ordinary and you can get to it by clicking on the title there! I also made a custom playlist cover for it, which I’m very proud of. Below the cut I’m gonna add the list of songs plus 1 or 2 lines from each that are the reason I added it (so I don’t clog up people’s dashes with a long ass post). I hope some of you enjoy this playlist as much as I do.

Sunflower, Vol. 6 by Harry Styles Kiss in the kitchen like it’s a dance floor Your flowers just died, plant new seeds in the melody

Hand in My Pocket by Alanis Morrisette I care but I’m restless, I’m here but I’m really gone No one’s really got it figured out just yet

Drops of Jupiter by Train Now that she’s back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?

Someone New by Hozier I fall in love just a little ol’ a little bit everyday with someone new There’s an art to life’s distractions

Peaches by In The Valley Below Reaching for the sweetest, sweetest peaches We won’t live too long, so let’s love for just one song

Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance, silver moon’s sparkling Bring you’re flowered hat, we’ll take the trail marked on your father’s map

Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely

Meet Virginia by Train She only drinks coffee at midnight when the moment is not right, her timing is quite unusual

Revolution Lover by Left At London Even if heaven doesn’t take us, we tried We’ll be alright, revolution lover

Treat People With Kindness by Harry Styles I don’t need all the answers. Feelin’ good in my skin, I just keep on dancin’ And if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us, and we’ll belong

If I had $1,000,000 Dollars by Barenaked Ladies If I had a million dollars I’d build a tree fort in our yard (Literally just all of the parts where they’re talking)

Northern Downpour by Panic! At The Disco Tripping eyes and flooded lungs, northern downpour sends it’s love Hey moon, don’t you go down. You are at the top of my lungs, drawn to the ones who never yawn

It’s Nice To Have A Friend by Taylor Swift Sidewalk chalk covered in snow. Lost my gloves, you give me one Light pink sky up on the roof. Sun sinks down, no curfew

In A Week by Hozier We lay here for years or for hours. Thrown here or found, to freeze or to thaw. So long we become the flowers I have never known color like this morning reveals to me

You and I by Ingrid Michaelson Don’t you worry there my honey, we might not have any money but we’ve got our love to pay the bills Let’s get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance

Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson Maybe we could sleep in, make you banana pancakes, pretend like it’s the weekend now Just so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms, do we really need to pay attention to the alarm?

Sofa by Ed Sheehan She’s reinventing loving me when we’re resembling cutlery on the sofa

Me & You Together Song by The 1975 I fell in love with her in stages my whole life

Wow, I’m Not Crazy by AJR They tell us to be different but no one told me I could go too far Frankly, I feel insane but you say you feel the same, and suddenly it’s like “Hey, I’m not crazy”

My World by Avril Lavigne Can’t help it if I space in a daze, my eyes tune out the other way, I may switch off and go in a daydream When you’re all alone in the lands of forever, lay under the Milky Way

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men Cause though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore We used to play outside when we were young and full of life and full of love

Nobody by Hozier I wouldn’t fall for someone I thought couldn’t misbehave I’ve had no love like your love from nobody

Hometown by Twenty-One Pilots Be the one to take my soul and make it undone Where we’re from, we’re no one. Our hometowns in the dark

Sloppy Seconds - Remix by Watsky and Feed The Birds I don’t care where you’ve been, how many miles, I still love you It’s September in my kitchen in a Christmas sweater sipping cold coffee on the phone with damaged goods

Plastic Flowers by The Front Bottoms Cause I believe that someone’s got a plan for me. They got a plan for me, even if I don’t know it yet Just because something burns bright, doesn’t mean it’s gonna burn forever

Buzzcut Season by Lorde We ride the bus with the knees pulled in, people should see how we’re living I’m the one you tell your fears to, there’ll never be enough of us

Anything But Ordinary by Avril Lavigne I laugh myself to sleep, it’s my lullaby To walk within the lines would make my life so boring, I want to know that I have been to the extreme

When The Day Met The Night by Panic! At The Disco All was golden when the day met the night Her eyes saved his life in the middle of summer

Ribs by Lorde We can make it so divine. We can talk it good, how you wish it would be all the time Sharing beds like little kids, laughing ’til our ribs get tough

Like Real People Do by Hozier Why were you digging? What did you bury before those hands pulled me from the earth? We should kiss just like real people do

Hunger by Florence + the Machine We never found the answer but we knew one thing You make a fool of death with your beauty, and for a moment I forget to worry

Don’t Fill Up On Chips by The Front Bottoms So fill up the space that I don’t need That it hurts, but it’s good. No matter how bad, it’s always good

Mountain Sound by Of Monsters and Men Through the woods we ran deep into the mountain sound And as I look around I began to notice, that we were nothing like the rest

everyone blooms by The Front Bottoms Everyone blooms in their own time, some far ahead, some far behind. So wherever you are, don’t worry you’re gonna be fine, fine, fine. Cause everyone blooms in their own time

[sirishawrites]

dancing in the moonlight

alright. so here’s the thing. it’s so easy to push people away. it’s a past-time of mine. if i’m uncomfortable about a person, they’re gone. i don’t think about them anymore. if i dislike someone, i don’t really interact. if i like someone, i don’t show it.

that last sentence is probably an anomaly. when someone likes someone else, in normal situations, they would probably want to make their affections known. me? i like to hide myself as much as possible. burrow myself in a curtain without ends. vulnerability scares me, regardless of whether the feelings are reciprocated. i had the most anxiety of my life when i had my one previous boyfriend.

we get it almost every night when that ol' moon gets-a big and bright it's a supernatural delight everybody's dancin' in the moonlight

this story starts with a co-worker, as most of the recent stories tend to be. i met him september 2016, when he had just started his 2-year long term assignment in san francisco. i didn’t think much of him when we met; didn’t really think he was cute either. over the next couple of months i came priivy to his antics as being a foreigner with a nice accent. girls were flocking to him. one in particular had a boyfriend. they started hooking up. i was there from the very beginning and saw the ugly ending of that fling. minor point: he also knew she had a boyfriend. she’s a seemingly minor character in this story, however i wouldn’t classify her as such; her few actions tend to cause earthquakes. quick profile on her: extremely extroverted, always has the need to be in the spotlight, but also genuinely nice. hard for her to grasp being alone.

so as their saga came to its untimely end, i was there for him. i was there when he needed someone to talk to, i listened to his side. i sat right behind him, how could i not? in the next couple of months, and to this present moment, we’ve gotten extremely close to each other. we share love of politics, movies, and music. we both like singing; our favorite time is at pandora. it’s never really boring talking to him. what i’m most proud of our saga is i’ve contributed to his wokeness, a slow climbing journey as it may be. when he joked about joining the kkk, i came for him. he knows now what to joke about and what not to joke about.

again, i don’t find him that cute. but i enjoy his presence. in the past several months, a countless number of people said they thought we were together. it must have been our demeanor. he is conventionally attractive, but what made me stop myself in my tracks before even considering anything with him is his baggage. number one? the hookup with our colleague. from her, he has a list of two other coworkers. the thought of adding my name to his list was haunting, and i refused to consider any type of romantic relationship, as much as our pairing felt right. he’s also said some regrettable things that made me doubt a relationship between the two of us; he had mentioned that the girl he was dating was gonna be leaving in a week, so he was considering someone else. i said that was such an asshole thing to say. 

in february of this year, he said he had something to tell me one night out. he was getting pretty drunk. it was right in the aftermath of the hookup breakup. i knew what he was going to say; that he had feelings for me. i decided to be sensible, doing something that he seems incapable of doing. we were at a bar, he told me to wait while he went to get money. i waited thirty minutes, and in those thirty minutes i had a growing sense of premonition of what he was going to say, and i decided to leave. he texted me later ‘where’d you go....something along being friends and liking us’ (it was a drunk text). i tried to get him to retell what he wanted to say several times later in my moments of indiscretion, where yes, i was feeling lonely and bored and wanted something to think about. he wouldn’t say.

so right, i’ve been with him through a lot. we’ve known each other a lot. and i never considered anything with him to the point of last weekend, because of 1) his baggage and 2) lack of wokeness.

enter november 10th. the weekend of the annual sf vs la soccer team competition in slo. due to a random and quick turn of events, it would be me and him driving alone to slo, sharing a room with two others, and driving back alone back to sf. i was dreading being alone with him in the car; i can carry a conversation with him, but 6 hours? this wasn’t the only time we’ve gone on date-like activities either...i’ve been to several concerts with him, one on one. on one such occasion i actually traveled with him to napa. napa. 

as it turns out, it....wasn’t so bad. i had a wonderful weekend. our conversations were non-stop, but better yet, we had moments of comfortable silence. when we were getting ready for saturday night in the motel room, i felt like we were a couple. we were just vibing so well together. even more insightful? the conversations we had. i learned so much more about him. he shared so many intimate details about his family and his life. we sang to our hearts content to various songs. we shared so many laughs. 

at one point of the trip, i confronted the fact that i thought he was emotionless. he seemed this whole time that i know him to have a cold figure even though he’s genuinely a nice person. it can be attribute to so many of our past conversations. it ended quite awkwardly, and after that i didn’t even really want to talk to him about that subject matter. later though, he actually opened up. he explained himself. this changed everything. i thought that this opaque filter that had been on him whenever we interacted had slipped away. we talked about a wide range of things, but we even talked about marriages and kids. his effortless flirty personality started to have an effect on me; he complimented my voice several times during our singing sessions, we sat closely together. maybe im amplifying what happened in my mind. i thought i understood him so much more; his personality, his emotions, everything. even more crazy? i started to recognize that i have feelings for him.

everybody here is out of sight they don't bark, and they don't bite they keep things loose, they keep things light everybody was dancin' in the moonlight

so this past week has been weird. it’s been one weekend since the slo trip. over the past week, i’ve started to entertain thoughts of the two of us together. for the first time in forever. i started to finally acknowledge that i was interested. we were to all get drinks on friday after work; i was excited for that so i could spend some time talking to him.

well, not so much.

friday after drinks, she happened. for the first time in awhile, she joined our group. since their ugly “breakup”, she tried to avoid him as much as possible in an effort to be with her boyfriend. it got uncomfortable; she wanted to alternate social events so that they wouldn’t all be together. it seemed like she gave no fucks anymore last night. i had a couple of conversations with her, she told me she didnt know what was going on with her boyfriend, that she was putting in the effort, that maybe it hadnt been the same since she had the affair. i was with her when she texted him ‘fuck it i want you’. from her phone i could see some of his responses that seemed to be reciprocating. despite everything, everything that has happened, despite the fact that there’s a girl who he dated for three months and now lives in france, despite the fact that he told me he does have emotions and he was willing to go to france to see her, despite everything that made me stop believing that he was just a robot who wanted to fill in the variables for a decent, happy life with a job and a relationship, no matter who the person is, he still caved in. he still caves in for her.

i sent him a couple of regrettable text messages last night. i was drunk and sad. i cried in bed. i didn’t try to rectify them this morning, but i did delete my message thread with him (probably something i shouldnt have done). but it’s made me come to a conclusion where i know whats to happen. i cant get close to him anymore. because in doing that, i subjugate myself to his tendencies. when he wants someone to talk to , im there. someone to entertain, im there. im just a person to him, doesnt matter what the substance to him. doesnt matter who i truly am.he likes talking to me all right. and he likes flirting with me just enough to have me on board. and he convinced me enough that we are such good friends, going to different events together, talking about different things. but once she’s in the picture, i’m completely forgotten. even as a friend. how fucking toxic.

last night’s occurrences reminded me of something he said in the car ride to slo. he said that he was driven to a life circumstance by a person. he would stay in sf longer if there was someone here to stay for. basically, he values a relationship over all else. how traditional. me? i value the place. i’m driven by places, by experiences, by sights, sounds, and sense. not by people. maybe that was a warning sign, a premonition.

i know he values our friendship greatly. he always seems to want to talk to me, he once got on bart from sfo to east bay right after a flight just to hang out with me and some others at my invitation. he cares about me. but it’s hard being a friend with someone so closed, someone so easy to sway, someone who i may have feelings for deep down that i keep pushing away. i have to recognize that he’s simply a shitty person. we all are. but i can’t continue being as close to him as i was.

so i’ll continue to be friends with him, but only just. i am just going to be friendly. i cant take this volatile swing of emotions that he’s causing me. i will let my feelings dissipate, swirl out. i will talk to him, be nice, but i will not extend myself more to him. if he notices this and reaches out, then great. we’ll have a conversation about it that will end civilly. if not, also great. i’m doing myself a service, by not entertaining thoughts of something more with him. 

everybody's dancin' in the moonlight everybody's feelin' warm and right it's such a fine and natural sight everybody's dancin' in the moonlight

i dont want to fight for what i want, i don’t want to take charge.

and if that means i’m dancing alone in the moonlight, then that’s ok.