#but this morning one of my coworkers was jokingly judging another and i said something like it’s so early and they’re already fighting

[fakeoutbf]

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[thran-duils]

Watch Me Burn (P.7)

Title: Watch Me Burn (Part Seven) Summary: Fem!Reader x AU!Cas. Fem!Reader x AU!Sam. This fic was inspired by both parts of “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem & Rihanna. Castiel and the reader are toxic for each other and keep falling back together until the reader moved away. It’s been years and now she is back home, waltzing back into Castiel’s life. She is determined to do better this time, to make them work, but outside forces as well as the scars the two have left on each other weave their way into their reconciliation. Will they be able to overcome the past and new threats to their sustainability? Words: 3,076 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Extreme angst, domestic violence, smut, unprotected sex, dom/sub dynamics, BDSM trust breaking, fluff, language, alcohol abuse, !!! eventual !!! happiness

Chap 6 || Chap 8 || Fanfic masterpost || Masterpost (mobile)

Sam walked in with Dean and you locked eyes only briefly before turning your gaze back to Castiel.

“He’s here. Longer hair,” you said quietly, barely audible above the music. Castiel threw a glance in his general direction and cocked an eyebrow. “I know, I know.”

“He’s coming,” Castiel warned you quietly, before saying at a normal volume to not arise suspicion, “This should be a fun night though for you guys.”

Suddenly, Sam was at your side. He had switched his jacket out for a button up cardigan over his dress shirt, his tie gone. It made him stick out in this bar, but you knew that was his attempt at dressing down.

“What are you ordering?” he asked you, leaning in close. You guessed he was purposely ignoring Castiel; he was good at making people feel invisible.

Castiel was staring at Sam, a piqued expression that only you would be able to recognize. It was not exactly a tight-lipped smile but close to it.

“Uh, I haven’t yet. I was just talking to Cas,” you said, gesturing at him standing opposite the bar.

Turning his attention to Castiel, Sam gave a nod of acknowledgment. “Sam,” he said, holding out his hand. “Worked with Y/N back in Austin.”

Castiel, thankfully, knew to play it cool. He reached out, taking Sam’s hand in turn, giving it a shake. The two of them held on a couple seconds longer than necessary, eyes piercing the other.

“I’ve heard,” was all Castiel said calmly in return.

You did not miss the slight raised brow Sam displayed at Castiel’s comment, no doubt wondering how much Castiel knew. He brushed the comment off quickly though.

“What are you going to order then, Y/N?”

“Probably a double whiskey with diet,” Castiel answered for you, throwing you a small smirk. He picked up the glass and went to work without waiting for you to confirm. It was your go to, that was correct. But you knew he was trying to prove a point to Sam by not even asking you. He knew you better, he wanted Sam to know that.

“Hmm. Whiskey,” Sam said surprised, rising his brows in surprise. “Far different than all the Paloma’s I’ve seen you down. Too many too count.”

Castiel snorted, drawing Sam’s attention. “What? Was she trying to get wasted? Y/N can’t handle her tequila very well.” He placed your whiskey in front of you.

Giving a small nervous laugh at their surreptitious shots at the other, you said, “Yeah, that’s true. But I paced myself.”

“Sometimes,” Sam quipped. You narrowed your eyes slightly at him and he chuckled. “Sorry. Right, you never got drunk. Ever.” He winked at Castiel across the bar. “I’ll take a Tom Collins.” You made a disgusted face and Sam chided you, “Yeah, yeah. I know. You hate gin.”

“Thanks,” Sam told Castiel. “I’ll see you at the table then, Y/N.”

Sam turned and left your side. When you met Castiel’s eyes again, he cocked a brow.

“I have a lot of questions,” he told you before walking off to take someone else’s order. You waited for him to return after a few minutes and cut in quickly.

“I know, I know. He’s pretentious.”

“You could say that again. What is he even wearing?”

You laughed a little and said, “That is him – and Dean, to be honest – trying to be casual. I can assure you.”

“So… not what I would expect from you.”

“There’s probably a reason why it didn’t work out.”

“I can think of a couple reasons, actually,” Castiel responded, throwing a glance over at where your coworkers were sitting.

Snorting, you nodded in agreement, “I know.” You took a drink of your whiskey and raised your glass half heartedly to him. “Here goes nothing. I can’t promise he will behave himself, but I’ll do my damndest to stay away.”

“Don’t think that’s possible with the seating arrangement at the table now. Looks like the only empty seat is next to him,” Castiel said sounding sour.

“Of course,” you muttered, turning around, and seeing what he said was true. You forced yourself to walk towards the table.

Playing it cool, you thanked Sam when he pulled the chair out from beside him to allow you to sit down.

“I ordered a couple of baskets of fries for the table and some deep-fried pickles,” Charlie informed you. “I told everyone that the burger is solid but if they are looking to be adventurous, that tater tot pizza is also good.”

“How much did you eat last time you were here?” Dean asked jokingly.

“Oh, shove it. I’ve been here a couple times with Y/N. It wasn’t all in one shot,” Charlie returned. “Thankfully, they live upstairs and I was able to crash on the couch one time! Don’t judge me, Tara, it was on a Friday!”

Tara held up her hands, “I wasn’t going to. I know you’re responsible.”

“Upstairs?” Sam questioned you.

You nodded, “Yeah. The floor above. It’s convenient.”

“Very,” Tara agreed and then asked, “But, do you not get sleep sometimes?”

“It’s fine most of the week. Fridays and Saturdays are a little wild, but I’m used to it. It’s nothing new. I’ll finally fall asleep in the early morning and can sleep in.”

“I would indulge so much in bar food, I would probably gain fifty pounds,” Charlie joked.

“Same,” your coworker Sahir agreed, raising his glass to which him and Charlie took a quick drink.

“I make sure that doesn’t happen. I meal plan,” you assured her. “It’s one thing I had to set right when I moved in. He was eating like absolute shit. I told him no one really likes quinoa, but his body will thank him.”

“Ew, gross,” Charlie said, her nose scrunching. “I hate quinoa.”

“It’s a power food, Charlie,” Sam told her.

“Don’t care.”

“I gotta agree with Sam and Y/N. Although, still with you, Charlie. I don’t like it but sometimes you gotta suck it up and play chess, not checkers, with your health,” Tara chimed in.

“Exactly!” Sam agreed. He turned his attention to you and asked, “You still on that 5 on, 2 off?”

He was referring to the exercise program you had been on while in Austin. One that he had strongly encouraged to get yourself in shape, something that was extremely personally important to him. You knew you could never be as fit or healthy as him and had tried to please him for a while.

Shrugging, you said, “More like… 3 to 4 on… maybe one of those days being yoga only. To keep flexibility.” Charlie snorted into her drink and you cocked your head. Sahir and Jennifer laughed as well and you demanded, “What?”

“Just… I make everything sexual,” Charlie laughed.

“Jesus, Charlie,” Tara said, but smirking despite herself.

Charlie apologized whilst laughing.

The food was delivered, more drinks, and even more jokes shared. Sam was leaning in close the whole time, his eyes roaming freely and Castiel was most certainly keeping an eye on you across the bar. You tried to stay straight up, not leaning yourself towards Sam while still maintaining a calm demeanor. Sam, outwardly, was not seeming to notice.

Your attention was drawn to the door as you saw Aspen walk in and you suppressed the urge to roll your eyes. All you needed tonight was her flaunting herself around Castiel when you were already high strung. You knew it was normal for her to go to the bar for a drink, but you knew it was Castiel she was aiming for.

Sam’s arm slipped around your shoulders, drawing your attention back.

<> <> <>

“Hey, Cas,” Aspen chirped, leaning on the bar.

Castiel greeted her and asked how she had been since he had not seen her since the first night Y/N had come back. He was not surprised considering the air in which she had left in.

Holding out her credit card, Aspen said, “My regular, I think, to start out.”

When she looked back was the moment Sam’s arm slipped around Y/N’s shoulders. He pulled her towards him, close in proximity. Aspen rose her brows in surprise and looked back at Castiel who was placing her drink down in front of her.

“Wow, uh, who’s with Y/N?”

Castiel’s gaze moved over to the table and his jaw tightened when he saw Sam’s arm around her. Y/N was forcing a smile as she spoke to him.

“Coworker,” Castiel answered tightly.

“Oh…” Aspen trailed off, throwing another look over her shoulder. “All of them coworkers?”

“Yes.”

“They close…?”

Castiel pierced her with a stare and said, “I’m assuming you want your tab open?”

Aspen switched gears, nodding. “Yep. I’ll be here awhile. Maureen agreed to drive me home… if need be.”

“How kind of her,” Castiel chuckled lightly, purposely ignoring her insinuation.

<> <> <>

“Remember when Larson fell down those stairs outside The Outlook?” Sam asked you, his fingers pressing into your shoulder.

“Unfortunately,” you answered, smiling, trying to keep yourself from jerking away from his embrace.

“You tried so hard to get him to stop drinking. I mean, we all did. But it did fuck all to stop it.”

“Was he injured?” Dean asked, raising his brows.

Sam laughed, “Surprisingly, no! I don’t know how he just tucked and rolled, like his body was reacting defensively even in his state. The man could barely order a new drink. And that’s when the bartender was like, ‘nope, no more’. And cut the whole group off because they were afraid someone else would order him a drink and give it to him. Ruined our whole night. Well, momentarily.”

You stiffened then. That night was the first night the two of you had hooked up. That was the sole reason he had brought it up.

“The night continued after that for the rest of us after we got his drunk ass to bed.”

You noticed Castiel approaching the table. Thinking he was going to table touch, you asked Charlie quickly, “You want a refill?”

“Duh,” she said and then noticed Castiel. “Oh, hey! Perfect! Can I get a refill?”

Castiel gave a curt laugh and said, “When I get back. I’m on break. Y/N? Wanna come outside with me?”

“Oh, yeah,” you said quickly. You saw Sam watching you out of the corner of your eye as you pushed your chair back, his arm leaving you, and grabbed your jacket. “Don’t you need your coat? It’s chilly.”

“I’ll grab it on the way out,” Castiel responded as you came up to him. His arm slipped around you, guiding you away from the table. His hand was tight on your waist, protective.

Castiel did not take you outside. Instead, he led you to the back room and you followed his lead, a weight pulling down inside. You knew he was not pleased with how he was acting. As soon as he closed the door behind the two of you and locked it, he turned to face you. Getting in your face, he did not miss a beat.

“He’s been laying his hands on you all night.”

Throwing your hands out in defeat, you said, “I’ve tried skirting away, Cas. I can’t do that too much without making a scene though.”

“You’re not trying hard enough.”

Your mouth fell open.

<> <> <>

“Charlie,” Maureen greeted approaching the table, two shots in hand as Tara, Sahir, and Jennifer went out for a smoke.

Charlie straightened up, a smile on her face. “Oh, hello! Maureen, right?”

Maureen nodded and said, “Just spotted you across the bar and thought I would pop by to say hi. We did have a good few rounds last time!”

Smirking, Charlie said, “I kind of remember.” This caused Maureen to laugh, as well as the other people at the table.

“I just thought I would bring this over for you. Rum, right?”

“Oh, yeah. You got that for me?” Charlie asked surprised.

Maureen nodded, “You bought me one last time and I did not reciprocate. I hold pretty strong convictions about that. Speaking of which, I saw Y/N and Cas leaving out the back. He’s not off work yet, is he? He still owes me a shot since someone spilled mine at last call last time I was here, and I won’t be able to cash in without him.”

Charlie shook her head, “No, he went on his break and asked Y/N to go with him.”

Maureen snorted, “I wouldn’t be surprised to see them come back flush.”

Sam’s jaw clenched ever so slightly.

“They always had their ways in the past.”

Charlie let out a laugh, “Oh, do tell.”

“Just leaving to go… relieve themselves.”

“Maybe we should not pry into our coworker’s business,” Sam advised Charlie sharply.

Charlie stumbled a little at his change in demeanor, “Oh… right.”

Maureen smirked at Sam and said, “It’s not quiet business in this bar. Castiel has owned this bar for years… him and Y/N are old news. Them being back together scared a lot of people. It was a nightmare half the time to be honest. But… they seem to have grown up. Sigh of relief there.”

Sam straightened up at this comment. “How do you mean?”

“Just drunken fights, a couple cop calls. Break up, break off. They were young and stupid. Can’t say I wasn’t the same myself.”

Charlie was the one now becoming uncomfortable for her friend. “Oh, well… I mean, the past is the past.”

“The past does inform the future,” Sam quipped, and Dean nodded in agreement.

<> <> <>

You snapped, “I told you what happened between us and where he stands in my company. He’s not just some… schmuck! He’s a junior partner!”

Shaking his head, Castiel said, “Junior partner or not…” He trailed off, beginning to walk forward, forcing you to go backwards. “He needs to know where you stand with me! You apparently need to be reminded too.”

Castiel turned you around in a swift movement and pushed you chest first into the wall, pinning an arm behind your back. You gasped his name, trying to look back at him but he kept you firmly in place.

“I am just reminding you who you belong to,” he growled into your ear.

Your breath shuddered, feeling his hands grasp the hem of your dress, yanking it up to your hips. Slipping his fingers into your underwear, he stroked your lips.

“I pay attention to you, Y/N. I treat you right,” Castiel breathed as he played with your sex. “I dote on you, angel. Don’t I?”

“Yes, sir,” you answered.

You keened as he worked you up, fingers slipping inside to caress you. You pressed back against him, begging for more. His grip tightened on your wrist, holding you more firmly in place and you stilled your movement, following his direction. You stood there, letting him rile you up, biting your lip.

“Look at you… so needy,” he said breathlessly. You could hear the want in his voice, feel his fingers move more freely, coated in your arousal. He leaned forward to be closer to your face. “Are you needy, angel?”

“Yes, sir. Only for you,” you told him obediently, giving him pleading eyes.

Castiel kissed your temple and praised, “I know, baby.”

Pulling away, his fingers left you to pull your underwear down and you kicked them off in tandem. His cock slid in easily in your wet folds. He sighed in content, his hands gripping your waist as he fully seated inside you.

“That’s my girl,” he purred.

His fingers dug in as he drove into you, taking you against the wall. You stayed sturdy, holding on. He drove up sharply into you again and you bit down on your cheeks.

Kissing up your neck, Castiel demanded, “You gonna do better for me? Let them know who you belong to?”

“Yes,” you said.

“Angel, don’t make me have to work harder for this,” he warned, his breath hot on your neck.

“Yes, sir.”

“Mhm, you’re not saying that with too much conviction. You’re too quiet,” He squeezed your nipple hard, causing you to keen loudly before burying your face into the wall, fingers digging in beside you. “We can do better than that, can’t we?”

His fingers closed in around your jawline, pulling your head to the side, you following his movement obediently. He wanted your mouth exposed, your noises to be heard.

You nodded quickly, saying louder, “Yes, sir!”

Castiel drove deep and quick, bouncing you against the wall. “I know you can do better. You’re so beautiful. I love hearing you scream for me.”

“I belong to you!” you declared, knowing damn well anyone walking outside the room could hear the two of you. He was jeopardizing his place of work for this. What rumors would fly of people being railed in rooms in the bar. “Fuck me, please! Let me cum!”

Castiel laughed, nipping at your ear. “Angel, you can’t help yourself, can you?”

His speed increased, his hand falling from your face to come to your nub, circling fervently. He praised you, laying sloppy kisses along the side of your head. You whimpered as you came undone beneath his hand, your legs shaking with your orgasm. Castiel held you upright, allowing him access to finish himself.

Panting, you settled against the wall, basking in the coolness of it against your hot skin. Castiel pulled away eventually, leaving you exposed behind. The cool air was welcome, and you continued resting to regain your grounding.

When you had the strength, you reached for a roll of paper towels to clean yourself up. And then pulled your underwear back up, straightening out your clothes.

Turning to face him, you found him looking well put together again, beside his hair. He was trying to tame it, running his hands through it.

He eyed you and informed you, “I’m not losing my temper with him because I know how much you love your job and how important it is to you.”

You took this in, nodding. He was telling you this for a reason. In the past, he would not have hesitated to make a scene without care for consequence.

Coming closer, he cupped your face, pulling you in for a long, deep kiss. “Now that we’ve got that out of our system… we ready to go back out there?”

~~~

CASTIEL FOREVER TAGS: @willowing-love @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @afanofmanystuffs @earthtokace @shikaros-blog @marisayouass @splendidcas @stixnstripesworld 

[yourcoffindoor]

Paper Pushers

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Summary: This is a fluff/angst fic that ended up longer than I was anticipating. You work in the same office as Gerard, but you’ve never really noticed him until you end up working together on one of your assignments. Pre bullets era. Feedback is welcome!

Word Count: 1,787

If you had to scan one more document, you were going to go insane. Somehow the role of administrative assistant meant ‘dump any work you don’t want to do on me’ to every other employee in the office, and since you were relatively new and friendless, you didn’t quite have the courage to say no.

The task of archiving all documents from ‘97 to '01 was monumental, and despite your best efforts, the boxes of unorganized paperwork seemed to multiply each day. It was also isolating—until it was complete you spent 5 out of your 8 hour days trapped alone in the archiving room. You were just about ready to create an imaginary friend when someone gently knocked on the archiving room door one Wednesday morning.

“Come in!” you shouted from behind a mountain of paperwork, hoping desperately that  it wouldn’t cause an avalanche and bury you alive in sheets of A4.

The door opened, and the dark haired boy from a few cubicles down, Gerard, poked his head in. “Y/N?” he called out.

“Follow my voice!” you shouted jokingly, “And leave a trail of breadcrumbs or you’ll never find your way out again.”

You heard him laugh softly as he approached, and before you knew it he was right in front of you.

“I finished some of my other work early and thought I might be able to help. Judging by your comments, you could use the extra hand.”

You looked up at him to respond, but got caught off guard and paused. You never really noticed just how pretty he was, and you couldn’t help but admire his round hazel eyes and the thick dark lashes that seemed to frame them perfectly.

“Um. I’d love that.” you said, your sudden nerves making you noticeably less eloquent.

He smiled. Shit. His smile made him look even better. Why were you just noticing this now?

“Awesome. Tell me where I can start so I don’t royally fuck things up for you.”

You pointed to an open box to your left. “You see those papers there? They need to be sorted into planned or reactive work-orders.”

Gerard eyed the formidable stacks that awaited him and tucked a stray strand of black hair behind his ear. “I think I can handle that.”

 “Sorry you got stuck helping with all of this,” you said after a few minutes of silence, “I know there’s probably other things you’d rather be doing.”

“Don’t sweat it. Besides,” he said in a soft, almost bashful voice, “I uh, asked if I could help you out.”

You felt a blush settle on your cheeks, but you played it off. “I don’t blame you. I mean, who could resist the fast-paced thrills of paper filing.”

He laughed, making you wonder if it was possible to get addicted to someone’s smile. It had only been a few minutes but you couldn’t get enough of it.

You and Gerard spent the next hour getting to know each other, and every week afterwards you looked forward to his appearances. He would stop in whenever he was free, and you talked and laughed so loudly that you worried what other people outside the archiving room must be thinking.

He told you about his family and his brother Mikey, as well as his dreams of doing something important with his life, the possibility of staring a band, and his love of comic books.

“Hey listen,” Gerard said one afternoon after sorting through a stack of ledgers, “are you going to that after work drinks thing on Friday with a few other people from the office? I don’t usually, but I thought it might be nice to hang out outside of this room.” He looked down at his shoes, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Normally you would pass on a work outing, since it would almost guarantee awkward small talk, but you weren’t about to say no to more time with Gerard.

“I’d like that a lot.  Where and what time?”

“Cloudland at 6:30. I’ll save you a seat.”

“I’ll be there.”

*** *** ***

You rushed straight home from work on Friday, and spent so long getting ready to meet Gerard that you didn’t have time to eat dinner. Or maybe you were too nervous to eat, you weren’t entirely sure.

Once you made it to Cloudland, you scanned the busy venue for any sight of your coworkers. You spotted Gerard sitting at a large booth with a few other colleagues, and he waved you over.

“You made it!” His face lit up with a wide but crooked smile.

“Just in time for Janice’s amazing vocals.” you said, looking over to the small karaoke stage where Janice from HR was drunkenly delivering her off-key rendition of 'I Will Always Love You.’

“You look nice,” he said, grabbing you a beer, “you should get out of the archiving room more often.”

“You clean up pretty good yourself.” You teased back, and you felt butterflies as he peeked at you through a stray strand of hair that covered one of his hazel eyes.

You spent the evening  drinking and talking, forgetting that not only had you not eaten, you were a notorious lightweight when it came to alcohol. And the more beer you drank, the bolder you became.

“You should get up there,” you blurted to Gerard as another inebriated singer finished screeching onstage, “You should sing. You told me you wanna start a band right? Show me whatcha got!”

There was no denying you were very drunk as you playfully punched Gerard in the arm. He protested initially, but got up to appease you when he realized resistance was futile.

Once on stage, the strobe lights on the ceiling painted him a rainbow of colors, making him even more beautiful. Gerard cleared his throat into the mic.

“This one’s dedicated to Y/N,” he said with a wink, pointing in your direction. “She’s the one who made me do this, so if you don’t like my voice, she’ll be handling all complaints.”

The familiar sound of 'Life on Mars’ began to play. As Gerard began to sing, you were shocked by just how good his voice was, and how natural he looked onstage, as if he was meant to do this. As he hit the chorus, he made eye contact with you, and a realization hit you like a truck. You loved this man.

Sure, you thought he was funny and cute from the moment he walked into the archiving room, but there was no denying what you felt tonight. And you were drunk enough that you were going to let him know.

Gerard finished the song to a smattering of hoots and applause, and left the stage. You shot up out of your chair a little too quickly as he approached the table, and he rushed to help you maintain your balance as you wobbled like a newborn deer.

“Woah, I think that’s enough drinks tonight.”

“Hey that was amaaaaazing!” you slurred excitedly.

Despite his concern at your state of sobriety, he was also clearly amused. “You sure? Or is that just he booze talking?”

Your eyes widened. “Honest! But listen. I really needa tell you somethin’. Can we go outside?”

Gerard nodded, putting your arm through his. “Some fresh air would probably be a good idea.”

The two of you found a quiet corner on the balcony, and you wasted no time in making your confession.

“So what’s on your–”

“I love you.”

A muted expression crossed Gerard’s face, but you weren’t in the right state of mind to decipher it.  Was it surprise? Embarrassment?

“Y/N, I–”

“I have for awhile, but I didn’t know it till now.” you interrupted. You didn’t want him to speak. You were afraid now, afraid of what might come out of his mouth. “And you’re so talented  and a good singer and you need to follow your dreams, OK?” you implored without taking a breath, and you wavered back and forth like a sheet of paper in the wind.

Gerard opened his mouth to speak. This was it, you thought. This is where I get let down easy.

“I need to tell you something too.”he said softly.

And then you vomited.

Right before Gerard was about to respond, you hunched over and spewed on the ground, splattering his white converse sneakers. You could feel tears of embarrassment well up in your eyes.

“I am sooo sorry!”

Gerard put an arm around your shoulder. “You alright? How bout I help get you home.”

You nodded pathetically, and he gathered your belongings.

*** *** ***

You could remember Gerard helping you get into bed, and found a glass of water and aspirin beside you when you finally woke up. You groaned as your head pulsed and downed the pills, hoping they’d take care of your regrets too.

Gerard didn’t contact you all weekend, and you were too afraid to reach out. Instead, you hoped that you could go back to what you had before.

Come Monday, you found yourself once again entombed in the archiving room. Hours went by before you heard a familiar knock on the door.

“Y/N.” Gerard’s voice was gentle and hesitant, as if he were afraid you might break. “How’s that head of yours?”

You smiled, relieved that he made a joke. Maybe we can go back to the way things were after all.

“Fully recovered thanks to your valiant efforts. Thanks for your help.”

“My shoes send their regards, by the way.”

You cringed before laughing dismissively. “Yeah, I have a few regrets from that night. Things I did,” you averted your eyes, looking at the ground, “things I said.”

“Hopefully not everything.” Gerard sounded crestfallen.

You got up out of your chair and starting shuffling papers in an attempt to quell your anxiety. 

“I hope things don’t have to change between us.” you said in a low voice,your throat starting to ache.

“I think they have to now.” he said, and you turned your back to him as you felt yourself fighting back tears.

You felt a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, look at me,” Gerard said, voice calm but serious. He turned you to face him. “You didn’t let me respond that night.” 

“Well?” you said, bracing yourself for impact, “let’s hear it.”

Gerard wiped a tear away from your face, placed a finger under your chin, and gently raised your head. Suddenly, his lips were on yours. Butterflies returned, fluttering wildly in your stomach. 

He broke away after a moment and smiled. “I didn’t want you to be drunk when I did that.” 

You basked in the wave of relief that washed over you. “So I guess things really can’t go back to the way they were before Friday.”

He wiped another tear from your face. “Afraid not.” 

“Good,” you said, leaning in for another kiss, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

[datingadviceonreddit]

After splitting from my long term, long distance, boyfriend in July. I decided I wanted to find another guy. I wound up doing something I never thought I would do, I downloaded dating apps. Feel free to judge me, if you'd like. God knows I'm judging myself. I'm so lame, I can't meet a guy the normal way. But I digress.I started with Okcupid. That went well enough but, I ultimately wasn't a fan of the type of guy I was seeing on the app. So, I wound up trying Bumble. I took to the app fairly well. The types of guys on it were more of what I'm looking for. I talked to a few and unmatched with most of them. Recently, I matched with a guy who teaches at a school in my town. For some reason, I've always liked guys who are teachers so, I was intrigued by him.We started talking and, he seemed like a really good guy. I had that confirmed by a coworker of mine, who has a daughter in one of his classes. The initial conversation was good. We seemed to like the same basic things, music, animals, living in a small town etc. Then, he asked me how many men I've been with.Now, that might have been a red flag itself but, one thing I've learned using these things is that, you can't judge someone by their messages. So, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and was transparent with him. However, I told him that, if we were to meet, hit it off, and date, sex wouldn't be in the cards for a while. He seemed to be ok with that. He still would talk about sex though. I would jokingly brush it off. I really did like this guy, and I wanted to meet him.He messaged me last Friday that his ex, who happens to be his "first love" wanted to get back together with him. I was disappointed but, I accepted the idea that they'd get back together and he'd forget about me. I wound up hearing from him again on Saturday morning. I was surprised when he said he wanted to try something with me. I was going to ask him if he wanted to meet that day but, I didn't hear from him for the rest of Saturday. Again, I was disappointed.He messaged me Sunday and said he got sick Saturday, and was still sick. The flu has been going around so, it made sense. I left him alone to get better, still hoping we'd get to meet up this weekend.Last night, I decided I would find him and friend him on Facebook. I mean, it's what you do today, right? Anyway, he messages me on Facebook, apologizing for the radio silence. He says he had an anxiety attack and went to the doctor who told him to take a break from stressful thoughts. He asked me to give him more time. So, I did, and we haven't spoken since.I'm disappointed again but, now I'm thinking about it, he doesn't sound like he's very stable. From the very sexual talk, to the "anxiety attack" he sounds like he could be volatile. What do you guys think? via /r/dating_advice

[mclovinnnnnn]

May 29, 2017

May for me is always a rollercoaster of emotions month. Really great and really bad things always happen to me during the month of may. Mother’s Day is always in may as well so I have a huge weight on my chest watching everyone celebrate their moms while I kind of just sit away in the corner. Anyways, as many mays before this one, it was one hell of a roller coaster.

Let’s start from the beginning of the first may I’ve remember. I was in middle school, super excited about ending my first year. The vibes were rad, I remember loving my life, my friends, my year was awesome. I got my first ever boyfriend in may. May 21st, 2006 to be exact. He was awesome and I liked him a lot. We grew up to be good friends and now ya know, there’s a hi or bye every now and then.

Fast forward a few years and my very first, extremely committed relationship of somewhat 2 years is funny enough, the exact same date as my first boyfriend. May 21, 2015. Crazy lol so as we all know, may is an unforgettable month for myself. I’ve met and lost a lost of great people.

My most recent event of may is this silly little guy I fully met last week. Let my crazy ass go into full detail about this event in my life that I still can’t fully believe or begin to comprehend to whether or not it’s still true.

So let’s rewind back a couple months ago. I know every single person that walks through the doors of Starbucks. I’ve had the same customer base for the last 3 years I have been working there. There are always new faces and I always get to know who they are. This random union worker that I’ve never seen before comes in and it catches my eye, obviously. New faces, especially at work, is always enlightening to see. Also, I’ve been hitting on the same guys forever and if I haven’t gotten it in with them, then move on to the next, right? So this cute little guy comes in and I find him to be so cute and attractive. He orders a double espresso and I call out his drink. He comes by to pick it up and doesn’t even acknowledge me and barely says thank you. Red flag. I move on from even thinking about making moves with that one.

Fast forward a couple months and it’s may. He’s been a regular in my store, every morning, same time, everyday. When it gets to that point, you’re fully aware of who they are, how they like to be talked to, treated, all that good stuff. Working in customer service serving the same people every single day, you kind of mold yourself to how the person is. You basically treat them the way they want to be treated. Odd enough, it’s actually true. For him, I’ve become flirty as fuck because that’s how he likes to be treated. Construction workers love when baristas are just sweet little angels towards them. It’s just how the game is and they are always flirting back (I gotta get my tip money up, don’t judge me. It’s all part of the game)

A couple of weeks ago, I’ve slowly just have become more attracted to this guy, like I’m in love with the cold shoulder and he has this cute little smile and slicked back hair. So my flirtatious attitude is real. At first it was my customer service skills, but now I’m showing some real emotions towards him. My coworkers all know I have a crush on him and everyone sees me blush when I’m around him or when he even just comes into the store. He sits in this perfect corner of my store where it overlooks its entirety. I’ve caught him plenty of times staring in my direction and have even made complete and awkward eye contact with one another. That’s obviously game over for me and I’m in full “hey, I’m gonna try my hardest to get this guy” mode.

So I work two kinds of shifts at work, barista or shift. Last Monday, and most Monday’s I work a barista shift, where I get to play around and be a barista and not responsible for whether or not the store is on fire. I hardly ever get to make drinks and my shift in charge usually puts me there on my barista days, which is really cool because I really get to interact with the customers there. So as I’m there slaying drinks and what not, look who comes through the door and decides to switch up his old sitting spot. At this point into the story, I should probably tell you his name. So joesph comes in, grabs a coffee, and sits at the bar seating. Bar seating overlooks how the entire front of house staff is working. He sits and hangs out with me while I work and we talk about our weekend and what not. It’s a pretty awesome start to my Monday if I do say so myself. He leaves to hang out in his usual spot with his coworkers and we’re just back and forth flirting until literally every one of my coworkers and his coworkers literally can cut our tension with a knife. I typically take my lunches at 730 and he typically leaves for work at 750. Don’t ask me how I know, I just know my customers and their normal routines, can’t say that I can’t read these people like the back of my hand. I totally can. I’m sitting on the bar area on my break, more so to be near this guy I have a huge crush on. I’ve already talked to everyone at work about how I like him so everyone is fully aware. He’s on his way out for work and he just screams back at me “bye Karen! Have a great day at work!” MY FUCKING HEART. I LOVE LITTLE TINY CUTE DETAILS SO IM OVER HERE BEING FUELED BY LITTLE BUTTERFLIES hahahaha don’t forget, I am a child.

Disclaimer: I can’t remember much of these events but I was definitely live tweeting everything because I have been in so much awe so I’m basing it off my live tweets haha

So Tuesday rolls around, I’m definitely excited to talk to this boy again. I take my lunch around 630am (barista life) and he typically gets in around the same time so we’re both kind of just hanging around at the same time. I take my lunch, put my hair down (obviously) and go sit at my typical bar area. From what he told me, he took that as the first move he needed to make. He came up to my coworker and asked if he could get a refill of coffee and I jokingly said “no” and he smiled and sat down next to me as he waited for his coffee. We talked about your typical like first talk topics. Not really getting to know each other but talking about surroundings and what you see in that moment. He told me I looked good that day and I had a cool jacket on. He put his hand on my shoulder to “feel the jacket” haha so my typical routine consists of the same thing everyday. I usually smoke a cigarette ten minutes into my lunch and I told him I was heading out for a smoke. He asked if he could join me and I told him of course he could. He was obviously nervous and didn’t know whether or not he should hold the door open for me or let me walk ahead of him. He let me walk ahead of him and tried to hold the door open from behind haha nervous little kid he is. We had your typical first smoke conversation. How long have you been smoking? I’m trying to quit. All that good stuff. After our smoke break, we get back inside and he sits with me back on bar. I told him I had a few minutes to get back to work and he asked me what time I got off work. I told him noon and he told me that’s when he has his lunch and he asked me out for a lunch date. I told him I’d try to make it work, mainly because I actually got off at 1230 and not 12 haha he said he should probably take down my number and that’s how that boy has won my heart lol I was in awe all day. I ran to the back after my lunch and just screamed from how happy I was? I’ve had a crush on him for a while but I never really thought he liked me enough. It was an amazing feeling and I’ve never had a guy that I met in person and not from like tinder or some shit, ever ask me out. It was really something else.

So of course, I tell everyone. My best friend works across the street and I texted her and she comes darting into the store like 20 minutes later lol it was a whole ordeal. I got literally everything I needed to do done before noon so that I could go on this date. Once it hit noon, my best friend literally tried to run to Starbucks to make it before joe which, she didn’t lol. He waited for me to get off work and she interrogated him of course. Typical Christina. I get off work and we get lunch. It was nice. I liked spending time with him for the most part. He could be too much sometimes but that opens up my shy bubble so I’m not complaining. Christina mentioned that she was going to the bar after work and inviting us along so we were on for another date. 3 dates in one day fuck I don’t know how I’m still surviving and how my heart hasn’t exploded yet. We meet up for our third date and he tried to teach my how to play pool and it’s all bad because I can’t hold a pool stick to save my life lol the 3 of us got to know each other a bit, of course, he’s also dating Christina if he’s dating me. He kept mentioning how pretty and beautiful and how much he liked me. Like it was so cute. He made my heart flutter all mother fucking day.

After that ordeal, I spent most of my night at his house. We watched movies and got to know each other a little more. I literally had an amazing time with him and I still couldn’t believe that he asked me out.

We’ve been hanging out and seeing each other pretty much every day since then. He’s taken me out on dates, he brought me to the beach and paraded me around in front of a bunch of people. Like it was amazing. My favorite thing ever is when someone refers to me as “their girl” because they just makes me feel like I’m wanted. I’ve met his parents already, not sure if that means anything in this time and age, but they seem to like me so far even if I’m not 100% sure if we’re truly a thing.

He’s slept over my house, we’ve spent countless of hours together, I think so far we’re doing pretty good. I don’t wanna rush things and get bored of him easily cuz one day we did spend 26 hours straight together and it was a bit much but you know, were both still around and we’re both still keeping up with each other haha let’s see how far I can take this one though. I’ve had an amazing week with him and I have pretty good vibes about him so I’m hoping we can make things work. I’ve been so happy though. Like extremely happy. I still can’t believe that this is how my love life is going. It awesome