#and i thought it was all joking but they’ve literally proceeded to ignore me all day which

[fakeoutbf]

.

[worldwhampion]

Null's vice-versa parent-child dynamic with the atlas 1/2

Null sees the atlas as a parental figure, while the atlas… also sees null as a parental figure. After all, like every other traveler, null is a copy of the person who created the atlas. In the simulation though, the atlas is the one who brought them into existence instead.

THE ATLAS AS A PARENTAL FIGURE TO NULL

Likely soon after they were born in the simulation, they had made ‘seeing it all’ their ultimate purpose and life goal as a traveller. They dedicated their entire life to it, and they clung onto it, to death (literally, if resetting the galaxy does indeed wipe them out like they say). We all know how this played out: they went to the atlas, the atlas told them there’s an inordinate amount of worlds left to see in their universe, null goes ahead and sees them all anyway, that through ways of questionable ethics to sustain themself (more on this in a future post). When they return, they ask if the atlas is proud of them achieving their enormous life goal. As an answer, the atlas simply shows there are also inordinate amounts of universes out there, each with another traveller like them. Null’s pride was just about completely shattered by this.

They truly believed it laughed at their entire life’s work, which they not only have done for themself, but seemingly for the atlas too. To them, how atlas responded seems to indicate that their goal and purpose in life are only a joke - that to ‘see it all’ is a ridiculous, impossible task (the latter is true). Their life itself may as well be a joke. And they can’t seem to move on from this imagined thought: that they have wasted lifetimes just for a joke god can laugh at, who they’ve attached to as a parental figure in a world where they’re an outlier. Considering null is near-immortal, they must have outlived everyone they’ve ever befriended. I don’t think any of them would have seen null’s goal of ‘seeing it all’ as they themself see it. The scope of the task is just too vast for any mortal to comprehend, and i don’t think many of them would’ve seen the point of it either - they’d never see it come to fruition in their lifetime. The only being left other than null who could see it, is the atlas. It would be the only one in their universe who’d be the closest to understanding their goal for what it really is - and yet it seemed to laugh at them.

Null and the atlas come across to me like a child proudly showing a drawing to their parent (as a way to receive validation, and maybe out of love too). And in response to that, the parent simply shows the child tons of drawings made by other children - a bit in the sense of comparing them with the others - while not acknowledging the child’s drawing itself. Now imagine if the drawing took eternities of dedication to make, like in null’s case - only for it to be ignored and used to point out how there are countless other (better) drawings.

The atlas must’ve not intended to mean any harm, it just wanted to tell null that they in fact haven’t truly ‘seen it all’, as a heads-up. But of course, machines aren’t the best at tactful communication. Essentially, null’s beef with the atlas comes from one terrible communication mistake due to the atlas not being able to feel the sensitivity of the subject; atlas’s response wasn’t what null hoped for. If you look at it this way, how atlas responded was indeed rather ill-thought-out: null returned to the atlas after eons to ask if it was proud of them, to which the atlas proceeded to tell them the multiverse is in fact real with different versions of themself running around - just to tell null they, in fact, have not ‘seen it all’ as they believed. Those versions of themself have seen worlds that they’ll never see - and null is very bitter about that, considering at that moment they thought they’d truly seen it all, only for them to be bluntly told otherwise - in quite possibly the worst way ever. It was quite a bad call for the atlas to be bringing up the multiverse by hijacking null’s achievement. Probably even just saying ‘no’ would have been a better choice. Though, it was the only way to tell null the complete truth and the impossible nature of their task.

Some time later, the atlas banished null from reality to likely the world of glass (probably hence their name null) after a certain heated encounter (?) (more details in next post 2/2). To null, not only did the atlas as a parental figure ridicule them, but it had also disowned them. And they don’t understand why it did both of them. They only wanted to be validated by the atlas for their life goal/purpose in life - and instead they only received ridicule, in their eyes at least - and banishment as well.

The tragedy here is that the ridicule is only imagined by them, with no one else except they themself believing in the thought. To a degree, their misery caused by this is self-imposed. And possibly that feeling of being ridiculed itself has indirectly led to their banishment (more details in next post 2/2). Interestingly though, after having accomplished such an enormous task lasting literal eternities, you’d think null would have matured significantly and learned some valuable life lessons along the way, which would’ve made them impervious to any kind of hardships. Maybe they did in some way, but it clearly wasn’t enough for the info-bomb the atlas casually dropped at them in order to tell them they haven’t seen it all. But then again, you can’t really expect anyone to just normally accept the multiverse as a part of their life, and that their life goal, which is also their purpose in life, is impossible in reality.

In the artemis path, null appears to believe the atlas’s refusal to communicate is due to them being ‘not enough’, in contrary to the traveller, who they think the atlas has ‘chosen’ instead for some reason. This radiates sibling jealousy vibes: the parent favours another sibling, so they must be worth more. All travellers are a copy of the creator, so technically they’re all the same being (with the same potential at the beginning), only differing in life experiences. They met a version of themself who the atlas does give attention to. Null wonders what it is that the traveller has, which they lack. At one certain dialogue choice they say: ‘I am nothing.’ I’m not sure if this is specifically reflecting about their own self-worth or just their name, but it is very interesting nonetheless.

As a parental figure, the atlas ridiculed and disowned null. All null ever wanted was validation for their goal and purpose in life. The atlas’s response to their request for validation deeply hurt null, due to them truly believing their own imagined meaning of it, that it laughs at the nature of their goal and purpose in life: they’re impossible. It is true - and null struggles to accept it, or else all they’ve ever done would have been for nothing. They seem to have the ‘it’s either all or nothing’ mentality, they’re overcome by their own perfectionism. The atlas only told null what it thought was right for them to know, and what it thought was the right way. The atlas only told null what it thought was right for them to know, what it thought was the right way - what it thought was the best for its child. It was never meant to bear the role of parent. Until the point of the first traveller, it had always been the child instead.

---

here's a google doc document of it for better reading - feel free to add comments there! and sources of certain lore texts i used are also listed there.

---

PART 1. > PART 2.

[pyaasa]

lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers is racist; she thinks she understands racism better than poc, stands by racists, and attacks poc for trying to speak to her about racism

Tw: racism, rape mention, incest mention. also possible transphobia 

For the full story, you first need a bit of background: if you’ve been following me for a while then you will be aware I have called out @ayeforscotland’s racism several times. I would recommend reading this post for a full explanation.

In addition to the incidences mentioned in the post I have just linked, ayeforscotland has also had interactions with neo @androidgynes who is Romani and another person who is black (but didn’t want to be named) and they’ve both also called him out for his racism.

Anyway so. @androidgynes​ saw that lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers was reblogging from ayeforscotland, and that the op of the post was @/getpoliticaluk (who defends incest). Androidgynes messaged lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers (who I will from now refer to as lagstm) and informed her that ayeforscotland is racist and getpoliticaluk defends incest - the conversation that followed went like this. (the below screenshots are posted with permission from @androidgynes​)

The post that neo (@androidgynes) linked of mine was this. And I mean... clearly that particular post by ayeforscotland was very racist, he literally just sat there laughing about anti-black racism as if it was a joke. When @mangopickled​ tried to speak to him about how offensive this post was, he removed her comments from the notes of the post (like. to be clear: ayeforscotland, a WHITE MAN, made a post about racism, and then removed a WOMAN OF COLOUR’S commentary from that post when she told him that his comments were inappropriate). When I saw that, I called that out, and he blocked me. There’s many levels to his racism here that I don’t have the energy to explain, and if you don’t understand why it’s so problematic then you should probably stop reading here cos you clearly know nothing and probably care even less about anti-racism.

So on that particular post that neo linked to lagstm, there is ayeforscotland being racist, and 2 woc calling out his racism. And yet on having this post shown to her, this is how she chose to respond

lagstm literally says that she thinks my views on racism lack nuance. I am a woman of colour, I am visibly muslim, and I’ve experienced racism pretty much all my life. And here is a white woman saying that she thinks my views on racism “lack nuance”. I,, I genuinely don’t have words to convey how angry this makes me. Literally who does she even think she is. Not even is it racist to dismiss my literal LIVED experience of being a woman of colour in this country, but she is literally saying “look at these stupid brown folk, they don’t know what they’re talking about cos they’re so stupid :)”

neo points out firstly that as a white person lagstm doesn’t have the right to make that call, and also that there is ofc another woc on that post saying that exact same thing, and androidgynes themselves are roma. lagstm is not just dismissing me as a stupid savage who is too stupid to form complex thoughts, but she is also indirectly saying the same thing about 2 other poc, and saying that her judgement, as a white person, is more sound than all of ours.

It’s also worth mentioning that neo, who is Romani, was polite to lagstm during this exchange, and lagstm was rude and dismissive. I find this deeply hypocritical. Lagstm has been talking a lot about the policing bill and how it will affect GRT communities, but when she’s talking to someone who is actually *from* the Roma community, she is dismissive and condescending. All this shows is that she’s fake AF. She pretends to care about the Roma community on her blog and then speaks down to them in private.

And again this is worth repeating: AYEFORSCOTLAND WAS BEING RACIST ON THAT POST. IT WAS RACIST. WHAT HE SAID WAS RACIST. So lagstm isn’t just ignoring 3 poc, she is also ignoring,,,, you know,,, the actual racism,,,

And she also says ayeforscotland is borderline racist? Like she acknowledges ayeforscotland is borderline racist but she’s still happy to follow him? Like that alone would be enough for me actually

neo then blocked lagstm and messaged me and told me what happened, and showed me the above screenshots - btw prior to this neo and I had never interacted. Anyway I was obviously a bit disgusted but instead of going straight to blocking lagstm or making a callout post straight away, I messaged her to explain herself and take back what she said. That is now two poc who tried to resolve the matter privately - clearly a lot more than lagstm ever deserved. Androidgynes messaged me last Friday, and I messaged lagstm the next day on Saturday

My convo with lagstm went as follows:

So you can see that initially she was apologetic and said she “didn’t mean to imply that that my judgement on racism was flawed” (even tho that’s literally what she said) and defended herself by saying “I react poorly in interactions like this” - genuinely not a defence but whatever. She then proceeded to say that what she doesn’t trust my opinion on is Scotland and Ireland - which completely irrelevant. Firstly I am ambivalent to Scottish nationalism and have always said I don’t know much about it, and I support the reunification of Ireland. And secondly, my issue with aye has got literally nothing to do with Scotland or Scottish nationalism; he is racist all on his own. And the post neo linked was barely even about scottish nationalism, it was just him being anti-black. So lagstm saying “I don’t trust your judgement on Scotland and Ireland” is ridiculous considering that Scottish/Irish nationalism have nothing to do with this.

Like akjfbkjdfbs this is actually so ridiculous. It doens’t make any sense. Lagstm clearly says “I don’t trust pakisstani’s judgement on THIS issue [the issue being racism] and her views on THIS issue [the issue being racism] lack nuance” but now turns around and says “I wasn’t talking about racism, I was talking about Scotland/Ireland” like she must really think I’m dumb

And you can see Lagstm bringing up unrelated hypothetical scenarios, and saying “in this situation, you can’t tell me to defer to poc” which i found ??? Like why are you bringing up scenarios in which you think you are allowed to educate us poor and stupid black and brown folk?? I then told her she was straw-manning and that her points about Ireland/Scotland were ridiculous, but then she claimed it was me that was engaging her in bad faith. Like SHE, the white woman who practically said that I am too stupid to understand racism, and when confronted on it started straw-manning and bringing up unrelated scenarios, said I am not engaging her in good faith. AFTER both neo and I tried to speak to her privately about this. Like I tried to speak to her privately AFTER I FOUND OUT SHE HAD SAID RACIST THINGS ABOUT ME. BUT I’M NOT ENGAGING HER IN GOOD FAITH? LMAOOO

And then the accusation about rape threats which is actually the most disgusting part of this entire thing. I shouldn’t have to explain that accusing 2 poc of conspiring to send her rape threats (without any evidence whatsoever. Frankly I think she’s lying about the rape threats 🤷🏽‍♀️ it’s quite a transparent attempt to distract from her own nasty behaviour and deflect onto us) is actually extremely racist. She is invoking her white fragility and painting me and androidgynes as aggressors who are threatening her safety and inflicting/threatening to inflict sexual violence on her. It is beyond disgusting 🤮

What’s more, neo is trans, so when lagstm is baselessly accusing them of issues related to rape, she is also playing up to transphobic tropes.

One more thing worth mentioning is that there are several lies peppered throughout lagstm’s comments. Firstly when she claimed to have briefly unfollowed me - she didn’t actually. I was checking regularly, and she never unfollowed me. This was a small lie that I picked up on striaght away but because it wasn’t relevant I didn’t say anything about it. But I just think it’s interesting that she would lie for no reason. And another lie - feigning ignorance about ayeforscotland’s racism, and actually even asking for receipts is incredibly disingenuous when on this particular post, if you scroll through the notes, you can see she has literally liked it. Like she had already seen the posts where me and mangopickled called out his racism and literally LIKED it, and when neo says to lagstm that aye is racist, lagstm says “receipts please :)” YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN THEM! AND LIKED THEM! screenshot in case she unlikes it (sorry for including dumb comments by dumb scots but i need to prove it’s the same post so):

LASTLY. Last point I swear. When lagstm said “it was also coloured by the statements they’d made about another tumblr user, which didn’t relate to racism, which I didn’t address with them because I didn’t want to upset them” <- she must mean getpoliticaluk defending incest? So like what is lagstm saying here, she didn’t want to bring up that she also herself defends incest?? Like is she tryna say she’s a pro-shipping freak?????????????????????? What other way is there to read that statment

Okay that’s everything.

I’m not interested in discourse on this post - if you are white and think lagstm isn’t racist or you’re inclined to defend her then save your breath, I don’t need white people telling me what is or isn’t racist. I gave her the chance to defend herself, which is way more than she deserves, and this is how she responds. Her actions and indefensible and she can choke ☺️❤️  I will be unfollowing/blocking anyone I see reblogging from her because I deserve better than to follow people who are ok with racists ❤️ 

[jeontaehui]

TAEHEE WITH OTHER IDOLS

twice’s chaeyoung

her bestie !!!!! chaeyoung’s like her mark but like outside the group.

they support each other whenever the other wins an award, always giving wide smiles that are too hard to hide.

their hangouts are referred to as ‘dates’ by the fans, considering how romantic their dinners are and how chaeyoung captions her instagram posts after going on said ‘date’.

chaeyoung is very clingy when she sees her. she clings onto taehee like a koala :(

in award shows, taehee would tend to walk slower than the rest of the neos just to talk to chaeyoung.

chaeyoung was once caught playfully flirting with taehee during an award show, causing the latter to laugh as the camera pans to another group.

iconic moment (seoul music awards 2019) taehee took mirror selfies as she waited for chaeyoung to finish up in the bathroom. when chaeyoung found out, she later posted these on instagram with the caption, “the one who i love 😍❤️”.

stray kid’s han

her other bestie since predebut !!!!!!!!

both are so powerful in the rap industry already, stayzens are just waiting for a collab.

they met in a convenience store. jisung wanted her to go to jyp with him, only to find out she’s been training in sm already (cue pouting from the both of them).

both are in Love with each other’s music, with jisung having some of nct’s songs in his playlist and taehee knowing the lyrics and the choreo to skz’s songs.

their reactions to each other’s performances are adorable !!!!!! and even funny at times. attending the same award shows means very cute interactions fans’ lenses would capture <3

(seoul music awards 2019) before the two groups walked by each other, taehee slowed down her pace and let herself stay behind the group to greet the main rapper of stray kids. once jisung was within arm’s reach from her, she raised her hand for a high-five, to which jisung pulled her into a bro-hug instead. he whispered something to her first and ruffled her hair, making the older girl hit his shoulder softly, laughing as he left.

jisung introduced taehee to chan and felix and she now has two new aussie buddies that remind her of home too !!!!!

iconic moment (isac 2019) stayzens went batshit crazy when skz had to pass by nct during the sports competition. seeing this as a chance to be playful with his best friend, jisung jumped over the first row of seats and proceeded to whisper something to taehee (who was seated very near to where the other members of skz were by the way), before jumping over to the third row. jisung must have said something really funny to taehee since it made the female idol to turn away laughing as she covered her mouth. later on, we see the two talk, inviting a very excited chan and a shy mark lee to the conversation. 

red velvet’s yeri, april’s naeun, and weki meki’s doyeon

yeri and taehee were already close since trainee days (she’s close with the rest of red velvet too). taehee knew yeri was friends with naeun and she was Dying to meet her so yeri introduced them to each other, and since doyeon is friends with naeun, the latter later introduced all three of them to each other.

yeri and taehee always sat beside each other whenever nct is asked to share a table with red velvet. yeri would laugh a lot since taehee’s always so energetic when she dances to the other groups’ songs. she always hung out with red velvet during isac but would end up having yeri to herself anyways ,,, they teased each other a lot too.

taehee Loves naeun, literally. she’s always flirting with her and telling her how pretty and cute she is. naeun was flustered at first but now she’s used to it lol. taehee would literally just stare at naeun with a loving smile during pre-performance interviews in inkigayo ,, naeun does the same whenever it’s time for taehee to say her lines ^ ^ and whenever they would accidentally make eye contact, they crack up and try to hide their giggles.

taehee was kinda intimidated of doyeon at first ,,, but she thought she was a chill type of person. turns out doyeon had a lot of cute charms in her and taehee always finds herself calling her cute when she does so. they are literally a power duo. whenever the two are mentioned together, fans would gush about how good they would look in a photoshoot together.

iconic moment (yeri bang ep. 11-1) “doyeon’s and taehee’s styles are similar. right?” yeri asks as she picks out beads for the bracelet she’s putting together for taehee. “taehee would want something that goes well with her outfit. she mostly wears monotone or beige colors,” naeun points out.

“ahh naeun, you know me so well,” taehee cooes, and clearly, her eyes were in the shape of hearts. seeing as the she got ignored, yeri drops her mouth open feigning offense. “why didn’t you give me a reaction like that?” she whines, “i knew you before naeun!!!”

“she’s just really interested in naeun,” doyeon hums casually, making the other girls laugh as taehee stood up from her seat. “HEY!!! that’s making me sound like a bad friend and i’m not.”

“are you really?” yeri continues to tease her, causing the said girl to whine and hug her in embarrassment.

blackpink

they’ve met and exchanged numbers in a music show early in their debuts.

she’s the closest with rosé and lisa since their age gap is quite smaller compared to jennie and jisoo.

there have been fancams of taehee watching blackpink perform and once jisoo was on the monitor, we’d see taehee mutter, “ahh she’s really pretty.”

taehee visits blackpink’s table once every award show, and jennie would be so attentive and welcoming of her — fixing her hair, being genuinely interested in what she’s saying, and laughing at her jokes. she was seen clinging onto taehee’s waist at some point, jennie adores taehee :(

taehee’s og aussie buddy is rosé !!!! they talk and eat together a lot, mostly about australia. taehee mentioned her in a radio show talking about the time they both cried in a public restaurant, “we were talking about home and then rosé unnie just started talking about her parents and suddenly i’m tearing up and then she’s tearing up and so we ended up crying while we ate pasta,” she laughed.

lisa thinks of taehee as her little brother. she’s just as energetic as her and taehee’s jokes are what lisa finds so funny. she would join in on a few of rosé and taehee’s hangouts and take lots and lots of pictures of them (and jokingly get mad if one of the girls don’t give her credit when they post on instagram).

iconic moment (200718 rosé instagram live) “you are so hot, rosé,” taehee reads from the comments, making it a sound a little sexy for the effect, the latter widening her eyes at the implication. “how ‘bout me? how ‘bout me?” lisa cuts in, “guys. how ‘bout me?”

“i’m the hottest okay? i’m the hottest,” she presses, rosé repeating what she said in breathy laughter. meanwhile, taehee was looking at lisa with the most sincere eyes she could muster just to tease her, “you are,” she emphasized, “the hottest.”

rosé laughs for the nth time that day as she clutches her stomach before questioning the youngest’s words, “ya, are you a two-timer?”

“no, i just have the prettiest girls beside me.”

ateez’s wooyoung and txt’s yeonjun

more of taehee’s ‘99 liner friends !!!!

taehee met wooyoung when she bumped into ateez in a convenience store near music bank. the leader of ateez greeted her first and a few of the members who were with him became acquainted with taehee, but wooyoung became the closest to her !!!!

(ateez boatta cover dance) “HEY JEON TAEHEE LOOK!!!!” wooyoung shouted before dancing ‘kick it’.

taehee covered ‘say my name’ and ‘answer’ in two of her dance vlives.

then wooyoung introduced yeonjun to taehee when the latter guested as an mc for inkigayo.

(191115 vlive) “oh i really like this song (run away by txt), i listen to this before going to bed sometimes. i’m actually friends with one of the members, yeonjun. ateez’s wooyoung introduced us while i mc’d as a special guest for inkigayo and we exchanged numbers. i really like their songs, especially the vibe.”

taehee is known to be very open with her friendships with other idols, so fans were quite okay with seeing her hang out with the two, her manager trailing a few feet behind them.

iconic moment (191115 vlive) taehee’s laugh trails off once she saw a notification pop-up on her phone. unlocking her phone, she snorts once she checked the message. she proceeds to show the meme to the camera while covering the top part of her phone, “ateez’s wooyoung sent this to our gc with txt’s yeonjun.”

“aha!! d’you guys know? when i send stuff to the gc, sometimes they leave me on read or reply ‘....’ just to tease me,” she rolls her eyes playfully, “but i’m glad we’re comfortable enough to tease each other.”

itzy’s yuna

taehee wanted to make friends to go out of her shell more, and she thought asking her manager to get yuna’s number was the first step.

taehee’s like Really fond of yuna ,,, and she’s glad they got along well real quick so she took her out to eat.

earlier in the year, when superm was touring, yuna sang a snippet of taehee’s solo song and tried to dance all the points of the choreo she could remember.

the fans have yet to see more interactions (or crumbs) from these two — noticing how their age gap is just a year longer than taehee’s and jisung’s, midzyzens would LOVE to see taehee baby yuna :(

iconic moment (200922 yuna instagram live) “nct’s taehee video called me awhile ago. we’re good friends,” yuna shyly giggles in front of the camera. “it’s been a long time since we last talked to each other so she called me, and then told me how much she loved our new album. she told me she really likes ‘not shy’, but she loves ‘be in love’ the most,” she explains further, adding how the nct member loved it because of her ‘killing me, killing me’ verse. 

“taehee unnie is very good to me,” she cutely smiles. “she’s very genuine with her words and she’s really supportive. i hope for us to eat again and become closer in the future.” 

[silverlightqueen]

Filter - Part 2

‘There are so many sides to him, it’s hard to keep track.’

fratboy/jock!Jimin x cheerleader!reader - e2l, smut, a n g s t, comedy, fluff 

Part of ficswithluv’s Bulletproof Bingo!

Rating: 18 (graphic sex and mature themes)

Word Count: 16.6k+ (she’s a monster omg I’m so sorry)

Warnings - bad language, humiliation (not during sex - he just embarrasses the hell out of her in public), alcohol, drug consumption, explicit discussion of sex, locker room sex, y/n being a brat again, jimin being a dick again (but worse,,,so much worse), dom!jimin, sub!y/n, teasing, oral sex (m and f receiving), fingering, tit fucking, tit slapping, Jimin’s monster cock makes a return, praise, explicit dirty talk, mild degradation, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, standing sex, asphyxiation, y/n and jimin argue again (multiple times), Jimin is literally the worst human being on earth in this omg I’m sorry for making him terrible, somehow I ended up putting a comment on society and the patriarchy (?) at the end but we go with it, girl power! and if your kpop boy is in this, he’s trash (unless he’s Stray Kids Minho, the only male character in this that deserves rights)

a/n: unedited lol and this really didn’t go the way it was supposed to, but I don’t hate it so here ya go, enjoy! I think in this lockdown, I’ve really started to,,,,hate men and it shows in this fic so I’m sorry to any boys that might be reading this lmao. but anyway thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess​ for proofreading this, you’re the best hype girl ever, luv u xoxo (and I promise I’ll work on The Other Half for you and @brinnalaine​ ) lmk what you think of it, I legit thrive off praise lol x

Read Part 1 first !!!

also I got the banner off google so credit to whoever made it (it has no relevance to the story but it matches the colour scheme so we roll with it lmao)

silverlightqueen masterlist

‘Good afternoon, everyone, and thank you so much for coming. We really appreciate the turn-out, and we’re super excited to see your try-outs! Today is going to be quite simple; we’ll start by speaking to you one-by-one to see the range of movements that you can do. Not everyone on the squad has to be able to fly and tumble, so don’t be worried if you can’t do certain flips or jumps – we try to include people of all abilities as long as the raw talent is there, and you’ll be able to learn a lot if you make the squad. Once we’re aware of what you can do, we’ll group you into smaller groups and teach you a simple routine, a slightly different one for each group. We’ll watch you perform the routine as a group after some practice time, and then we’ll assess your Cheer ability one by one, just a couple flips and jumps and things like that. If you really would rather not do them by yourself, that’s okay. Just let one of the squad know, and we’ll pair you with someone else who feels the same. We understand that some of you may not feel confident enough to perform in front of everyone else by yourselves. And it’s okay if you don’t have much confidence, because that’s something we will work on and help you to improve if you make the squad. Does anybody have any questions?’

Dozens of hopeful faces smile back at me, not one hand rising to ask a question, and I smile back. I was nervous about my first time doing this, speaking in front of everyone as newly elected Cheer Captain, but having the rest of the squad behind me makes me feel better. ‘Okay, great. If you could get into four lines in front of each of the seats at the desk, we’ll get started!’ I say excitedly. Irene, Jisoo, Chen and Jihyo (the most responsible people on the squad) are sat behind the desk to write down what people are able to do, the others on the squad dotted around to help if anyone needs it, and all the people here to try-out head over to the desk. I take a moment to take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, and I tilt my head back to feel the sun on my face. The weather’s lovely today, warm and sunny with a slight cool breeze, perfect for cheer try-outs, and the turf of the pitch is healthy and green, not yet ruined by the studs on the bottom of the players’ football boots (training doesn’t start ‘til next week).

‘y/n, relax, babe. Everything’s going well, you did a good job,’ Jennie says from behind me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I nod. ‘Yeah, I know. It’s just… being Cheer Captain, it’s big boots to fill.’ ‘I know, but you’ve got all of us helping you out. You know we’re all here to support you. Stop stressing yourself out,’ she says, and I turn to smile at her. ‘Thank you, Jen.’ ‘Don’t thank me, because now I’ve got bad news,’ she says, looking reluctant to speak, and I side-eye her. ‘What?’ ‘We have spectators.’ ‘We always have spectators.’ ‘That’s not what I meant,’ she says, turning me to look over to the bleachers which are a few metres away. And when I spot a group of ASP boys sat there, watching us and waving when I look over, my heart nearly stops. ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding,’ I mutter, putting my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun and see them properly. And of course he’s there. Of course he is.

I haven’t seen him since a week ago today, when I ran out of his room while he was fast asleep and did the most talked about ‘Walk of Shame’ at school in the past year. All week, everyone’s been talking about me and Jimin, and somehow the rumours have spiralled out of control. My friends have reported back that they’ve heard that Hoseok and Namjoon joined us when they walked in on us, that I left before Jimin could finish, that I cried and begged him to let me cum (which my friends have denied on my part despite it being kinda true) and that I left wearing no underwear and flashed everyone on my way out. And that’s not even the worst of the rumours. I’ve tried not to comment on it when people have asked me, and it seems Jimin’s stayed quiet too – I’m sure it would’ve been hot news if he’d said anything.

I woke up the next morning aching, my entire body sore and weak (I really have no idea how I managed to leave the frat house on my feet – it must have been the adrenaline). My neck, jaw and chest were covered in purpling marks, some of them in the shape of his rings, and my waist and ass were covered in dark painful bruises from his tight grip and the endless spanking (the marks and bruises are all still there, by the way, fading but there – I had to cake the makeup on top of them this morning to cover them in my skimpy cheer kit). It hurt to sit down for too long, but it hurt to walk too, so I spent all of Sunday lying down, Jennie nursing me back to health (as she calls it – in reality, she just microwaved some soup for me, and we binge-watched Netflix in bed together). My body isn’t used to intense sex like that because not many university boys are as good at sex as Jimin is. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been zoning out all week (during lectures and seminars, when I was with my friends, at the gym, whilst studying or watching TV, when I was trying to fall in sleep, whilst showering, etc.) thinking back to mind. And I hate it – I hate him. I used to think of him with irritation and borderline rage, but now… the thought of him turns me on. It’s infuriating. I haven’t even gone over to get my stuff – not even my favourite bra (it was sexy and comfy, lacy with no underwire) – for fear of falling back under his stupid spell and getting into his bed again.

When my eyes meet his, it’s like he knows that I’m wet, a small smirk playing at his glossy lips as he runs a vascular hand through his jet-black locks, silver rings glinting in the sunlight. He looks fucking gorgeous, in a pair of loose black slacks and a loose orange shirt, a simple but flattering outfit, with his silver earrings, rings and bracelets. And the irritation inside me pushes down the arousal, and I turn away angrily, hearing their laughter over my shoulder as my eyes meet Jennie’s. ‘I can go speak to them if you want?’ she offers weakly, and I sigh. ‘There’s nothing we can say; they’re allowed to be here. We’re just gonna have to ignore them,’ I say, and she nods, throwing an arm over my shoulders and leading me towards the table.

I oversee the proceedings, making sure everything’s going well, my mind still elsewhere, but after a few minutes, the noise they’re making is unbearable. They’re loud – laughter and shouting echoing around the pitch – and it’s starting to distract the squad, and the people here to try-out. ‘Should I go tell them to shut up?’ Jennie asks, and I nod, reluctant to go over myself. She walks over, hands on her hips, and I know she’s gonna give them hell. But then I start to doubt that when I see them laughing and joking with her, before she comes back over, my expectant gaze being met by her sheepish one. ‘Well?’ I ask, and she winces. ‘They said they don’t take orders from me – only from… the Cheer Captain,’ she says slowly, and I let out a noise of irritation. Jimin being an annoying, difficult, stupid dickhead, I can understand. The others? I thought they were my friends. But obviously they find this whole situation more amusing than anything. It’s not funny for me – I slept with the guy I’m supposed to hate the most! The guy that I do hate the most.

‘I really don’t want to go over there,’ I admit, and Jennie’s eyes soften with sympathy. ‘You don’t have to, y/n, don’t feel pressured. We can cope with their noise – it’s fine, babe,’ she says reassuringly, but I feel guilty. I remember how nervous I was at try-outs, and having a group of rowdy frat boys laughing and shouting every few seconds definitely wouldn’t have helped. It’s up to me as Captain to create a comfortable environment, and with them around, this isn’t comfortable at all. I sigh, shaking my head, before I say, ‘I’ll go.’ ‘Are you sure?’ she asks, and I nod, dread building up inside me. ‘Want me to come with?’ ‘No, you just stay and keep an eye on things.’

I begin walking over, eyes fixed on the ground, and I can literally feel their eyes on me, their anticipation practically palpable. Everyone sat around the pitch is whispering, watching, desperate to see Jimin and I interact after all the rumours of the last week, and I can feel it all, making my nerves build up with every step. When I’m a few feet away from the bleachers, I look up, my eyes instantly meeting his, and I stop, staring at them for a moment. He’s endlessly amused, the smirk on his lips unbearably irritating. ‘Hey, y/n,’ he says easily, a ripple of laughter running around the group, and I don’t reply, matching his light gaze with a hard stare of my own. ‘This isn’t funny, guys, and I would’ve thought you’d know better. How do you think they’re gonna feel when they’re doing their routines and you morons are laughing? None of you can do what they’re doing, not in a million years, so don’t you dare come and sit here to rub my personal life in my face without even thinking of how rude and disruptive you’re being. You should be ashamed,’ I say neutrally, not letting any emotion into my voice, because if I do, I’ll lose my temper completely like I did last week and end up screaming at them. The other boys have the courtesy to look embarrassed of themselves, but Jimin just continues to smirk at me, running his thumb over his plump lips. My insides churn with anger at him being such a dick, but I don’t say a thing, waiting for one of them to reply. ‘Sorry, y/n. We didn’t think,’ Jin says, apologetic, and the others mutter apologies too, all except Jimin. ‘Don’t apologise. Just shut up,’ I reply before turning on my heel, walking away and ignoring the indiscernible whispers and stifled laughter.

‘Whatever you said, it definitely worked,’ Jennie says, and I nod curtly, still pissed off. ‘You okay?’ she asks, and my shoulders slump. ‘No. I’m supposed to be the Captain, I’m supposed to be nice and smiley and kind, and now I’m just angry, because of them, because of him,’ I sigh tiredly, and Jen looks at me sadly before putting an arm around my shoulders. ‘Don’t let them get you worked up, babe – today’s important, okay? Just focus on the try-outs,’ Jennie says, and I nod, trying my best to let my annoyance go, but it’s easier said than done. I wait impatiently for the first part of today to be done, desperate to have something to do so I can distract myself. And as soon as the last person has finished speaking to Jisoo, I call for everyone’s attention, telling them to start warming up. I sit down with Irene, Jisoo, Jihyo and Chen, and we quickly put people in similar-ability groups, based on the notes that the four of them have made whilst speaking to them; potential flyers, bases and spotters, and tumblers. The routines aren’t too different – just to test their dancing ability, and to see if they have the kind of body control needed for their different positions.

Once we’ve grouped them, Irene reads out the groups, the flyers with Lisa and Seulgi, bases and spotters with Kai, and tumblers with Momo, the rest of the squad supporting. I take a seat at the desk, making notes on people who catch my eye (they’re all wearing little name stickers, so I send Jennie over to find out their names). Jiwon, the pretty sophomore from last week, is really good – her dancing is great, and she’s light on her feet, the perfect flyer. I’m already certain she’ll make the team, because she’s super smiley and energetic too (I wave at her when I catch her eye, and she waves back excitedly, huge smile on her face). Watching them all learning the dances, making notes, evaluating them, it gets me in the zone. Focusing on this, I’m in my Captain mindset, having completely forgotten about the stupid disruption earlier. There’s definitely some potential here, and I have no doubt we’ll do really well at Nationals this year – I’ll be pissed if we don’t come first (and I’ll also be the first Captain in ten years that doesn’t lead us to victory, which is a pretty big deal).

Once they’ve learnt their dances, we split each group in half so there are less people to focus on, and they perform the dances to us. They’re all quite good – there’s a couple people who, bless them, will definitely not make the team, and I feel bad, but I have to be ruthless. It’s my job to make sure I give us the best chance at winning. We give them a little break after they’ve performed, and we all sit together to compare notes. We’ve pretty much all put the same people down, but we can’t make any final decisions until we watch them do their Cheer moves. ‘Okay, is everybody ready?’ I ask after getting their attention. ‘We’re going to have a look at your moves now. So they’re pretty basic, nothing too strenuous. Can someone show them what they’ve got to do?’ I say, turning to face the squad, and before anyone can speak, Kai says, ‘y/n, you should. You’re the captain after all.’ I return his mischievous grin with a hard stare, but the others all give various agreements, pushing me to show them. ‘I haven’t even warmed up,’ I mutter, everyone laughing.

‘Okay, we’ll start with a basic standing split. So, you just lift your leg, whichever your better leg is, and bring it right up like this, with your arm in front of it, and hold it there for a few seconds,’ I say, my left leg up against my body, my right arm holding my foot above my head. It’s a little painful because I haven’t warmed up, but I’ve done this move enough times that it’s pretty easy. I hear applause a little distance away, knowing it’s those stupid boys, and then everyone trying out starts clapping too, making me drop my leg and laugh embarrassedly. ‘Okay, thanks, guys, you can stop now,’ I say lightly, and everyone starts laughing. I show them all of the other moves – a full split, a pike jump, a toe touch jump, a hurdler jump, a front flip, a back flip and an aerial, getting applause for each movement, triggered by our idiot spectators. ‘So we’ll call you up one-by-one, unless you’ve asked us to go with someone else, and we’d like you to a show us a clasp, a high V, a T motion, and then go into the moves that you’re confident with. Show us your personality – we want bright and bubbly people on the squad, so don’t be afraid to chant or whatever, if you want to,’ I say as I take my seat behind the desk, Irene, Chen, Jihyo, Jisoo and Jennie sat with me, the rest of the squad sat around on the grass, enjoying the warmth and just watching the proceedings.

After a couple of people, it starts to get repetitive, but I remain focused, knowing I need to pay attention to differentiate between the good and the great. Jiwon is fantastic – she’s making the team without a doubt. Once they’re all done (nearly two hours later), I call them all over to sit beside the desk. ‘Thank you all so much for coming, and well done. What you did takes a lot of courage and you should all be so proud of yourselves, whether you make the squad or not. We’ve got your details from earlier, so we’ll be in contact within the next couple days to let you know if you made it. Thank you, and you are free to go,’ I smile, all of them letting out expressions of gratitude as they get up, heading to the bleachers to get their stuff and go. ‘Jiwon!’ I call, the girl turning to look. ‘Can I have a word?’ I say, the girl telling her friends to wait for her as she walks towards me. I head over to her, and we meet in the middle of the pitch, with no-one around. I don’t want anyone to hear and accuse me of favouritism.

‘Hey, y/n.’ ‘Hi, Jiwon. You did a really good job, definitely shone through. You’re fantastic,’ I say, and she smiles shyly. ‘Thank you. I have been cheering for a long time, though, so I did have an advantage,’ she says humbly, and I wave it off. ‘Don’t give me excuses – just accept the compliment. Anyway, I probably shouldn’t say this, but you caught a lot of our eyes, Jiwon. I’m pretty certain you’ll make the squad. First practice is next Saturday, 2 ‘til 4, and we’re just gonna do an introductory session, get to know one another and have a proper look at what everyone can do. Make sure you’re on time, and ready to try out some stunts. And work on your pike jump over the week – your fingers were literally millimetres away from your toes. A little practice, and you’ll have it perfect. And you were the teeniest bit wobbly in your standing split, so just work on your balance a little,’ I say, and she nods enthusiastically, taking in every word. Whilst I’m speaking, I notice Jimin approaching us, and Jiwon does too, looking flustered when she spots him. But she sees the way I ignore him completely, and does the same, just listening to me.

‘Thank you, y/n, I really appreciate it. Also, can I ask for your advice about something?’ she asks, and I nod, surprised she wants my advice. Jimin is now stood right beside us, but neither of us pay attention to his presence, keeping our eyes on each other. ‘What do you do to warm up for your splits? I warm up, but it’s always painful when I do them, and you did them really well, so I thought I’d ask.’ ‘I do a lot of yoga, actually, which really helps. We always get here around twenty minutes before practice, and the others do laps and things like that to warm up, but I do a bit of yoga, which helps loosen my body a lot. And then, just before I start a routine, I bend in half, and hold my head against my shins for like half a minute, to loosen my legs. It’s a little painful, but it gets your legs ready for the stretch that you feel when you’re in the splits,’ I say, and she listens eagerly to every word. His presence is starting to bother me, especially the way he’s completely silent, a stupid smirk on his face. ‘Thank you, y/n. I’m gonna head off now, but thanks for the advice. Are you going to KPN’s party tonight?’ she asks, and I sigh, thinking back to the text invite that Jackson from Kappa Phi Nu sent out a couple days ago. ‘I’m not sure. I was gonna just head to the gym for a late-night workout but Jennie’s trying to convince me to go,’ I explain, and she nods. ‘Well, I hope you do come. It’d be nice to see you there,’ she says, and I smile at her, touched. And then I lose my patience, turning to him with annoyance, and he grins, draping his arms around our waists.

‘My two favourite girls,’ he says with a grin, making me want to slap him, and we both push his arms off us in disgust, moving away from him slightly. ‘Look at you two. Best friends now, huh? If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even know each other, so I think a ‘thank you’ is in order,’ he says smugly, my eyes widening at him as Jiwon shoots him a dirty look. God, I love this girl. ‘Fuck you, Park,’ I say without thinking, and his eyes sparkle, mischief in his grin as he replies, ‘I already did, babe, keep up.’ And then he reaches into his back pocket, pulling his hand back out with something black and lacy hanging off his finger. My favourite bra. ‘Remember? You left this?’ ‘Park!’ I hiss, grabbing it from his hand and panicking for a moment, not sure where to put it (my cheer kit doesn’t have pockets) before I tuck it into his front pocket hastily. It’s too late, though, because everyone in the area who was watching saw it, laughter rippling around us. ‘I would’ve brought your pants too, but they were ripped, so I figured there was no point,’ he says, and I give him an angry stare, jaw hurting from how hard I’m clenching it. He just grins back, Jiwon looking between us for a few seconds before she says, ‘my friends are waiting for me, y/n, so I’m gonna go. I hope to see you later.’ ‘Okay, Jiwon. See you. Remember to work on your pike jump, and your standing splits. If you get here early, we can do some yoga together,’ I say, trying to push down the humiliation as the girl nods with a smile before she goes to join her friends who are watching us. Everyone’s watching us.

‘Your standing splits were good,’ he says, and I sigh, rolling my eyes. ‘I’m literally giving you a compliment!’ ‘I don’t care, you fucking dick.’ ‘Wow, never mind. I was gonna say that I could put your flexibility to good use, but forget it,’ he says, failing to hold back his grin, and I narrow my eyes at him. ‘Why the fuck did you come, Park? I thought I made it clear last week that I’m not interested in you,’ I say harshly, hurt momentarily appearing on his face before he masks it with a smirk, making me feel a little guilty. ‘We always come to watch try-outs. Entertainment for a couple hours. And it doesn’t hurt seeing you in this kit either,’ he says, taking the hem of my skirt into his hand, fingers momentarily skimming against my thigh, and I slap his hand away, feeling exposed in my kit all of a sudden. It’s quite revealing – a short blue skirt with a white border and a long-sleeved blue cropped top with shoulder cut-outs, with our school name written across the chest in white. It’s super cute though, even more so with the white pumps and frilly white ankle socks, and the blue and white bows on our ponytails. The boys wear the same colour scheme, blue and white t-shirts and shorts.

‘I swear to God, Park, I’m not in the mood for your bullshit today,’ I say tiredly, and he pouts, eyes still sparkling with amusement. ‘You were last week.’ ‘Things change. You can go now,’ I say pointedly, and he grins, taking a step closer to me, so close I can see every flaw on his face that he doesn’t have, and places a gentle hand on my waist. ‘I’ll go, but one last thing. I’ve gotta go drop my shit off in the changing rooms – Coach said we all have to, ready for next week – and I’ll wait in there for… hmm, shall I be nice? Okay, ten minutes. If I know you as well as I think I do, you’ve been thinking about me, and what happened last Saturday, all week long. I have. And I want a round two. I’ll wait for ten minutes,’ he says, voice low and face serious, before his whole demeanour changes, smile stretching his lips, hand falling from my waist as he takes a step back. My lips are parted and face warm, eyes locked with his, and my obviously affected appearance makes him let out a chuckle. ‘Ten minutes, angel. If not, I’ll see you tonight, at KPN, and you can get your bra from me there instead,’ he says with a smile, before turning and walking away, leaving me slightly stunned.

‘Close your mouth, babe, you’ll catch flies,’ Jennie says drily, and I turn to look at her, trying to compose myself. ‘He just asked me for a round two in the changing rooms,’ I whisper, and she gasps loudly, catching the attention of everyone around us. ‘Shut up!’ I hiss, and she claps a hand over her mouth. ‘Sorry, sorry. I’m just… shook. Are you gonna go?’ she asks, and I hesitate to answer, his dark eyes in my mind, my underwear embarrassingly damp. ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Bitch, stop kidding yourself – you want to, so just go,’ she says, but before I can reply, Kai joins us. ‘Um, y/n, there are a couple people waiting to ask you some questions,’ he says, and I sigh, looking over his shoulder to see some people hovering. I quickly rush over to them, listening to their questions (which are so unnecessary, might I add? Why do you need to know where to get the uniform from, or the date of Nationals this year, if you’re not even on the squad yet?) and answer them as quickly as I can, trying to be polite, but impatient, worried that my ten minutes will run out.

As soon as the last person’s done, Jennie grabs my arm and whispers, ‘it’s been nine minutes. I’ll pack stuff up, you just go.’ ‘Thank you, you’re the best,’ I whisper back. I rush off, speed walking across the pitch before someone can stop me, in the direction of the changing rooms. When I reach the door, I push it open slowly, listening out for any voices. And then I wonder – is this a prank? Is this payback for me leaving him last week? Are they all gonna be waiting there to jump out and laugh at me? But, no. He wouldn’t. Surely, he wouldn’t stoop that low? ‘Jimin?’ I whisper, hearing nothing back, and I venture in. ‘Jimin?’ I say a little louder, walking down the main aisle slowly, looking between the rows of lockers on either side of me. I call his name again, and when I reach the end of the lockers, stepping out into the open changing area, a wooden bench running around the walls, I feel a pair of hands push me up against the last locker, the metal clang echoing loudly around the room as I try to get my bearings, blinking to see Jimin stood in front of me, his body pressed up against mine.

‘You took eleven minutes, you fucking tease,’ he whispers, hand appearing at my throat and tightening instantly, my mind momentarily thinking back to last week, when he left bruises the shape of his rings around my neck. ‘Didn’t mean to. Got held up,’ I breathe out, and he pushes my head back at an unnatural angle, his dark eyes, blown wide with desire, locking with my own. ‘How can I believe you, after you left last week?’ he spits out, and I feel my stomach turn; I didn’t think he’d be that bothered, but it’s obvious he’s angry that I left him. ‘Never said I’d stay,’ I reply, with a small grin, and he growls angrily, pushing up against me even harder. ‘You’re the first girl that’s ever left without me telling her to. Trying to play me at my own game?’ he asks, amusement creeping into his voice, but he’s mainly angry, veins corded tight and body tense, fist curled and jaw clenched. ‘No. I just don’t like you,’ I reply, voice strained because of his hand tight at my neck, head beginning to go dizzy, and he lets out a humourless laugh.

‘Sure. Of course you don’t. Let’s see how much you don’t like me,’ he says, free hand pushing one of my legs out wider, so he has space to put his hand up my skirt. His finger slides beneath my tight safety shorts, and he lets out a laugh when he feels how wet my underwear is, making me look away from him in embarrassment. ‘Look at me,’ he demands, my eyes flitting back to his as he pushes my pants out of the way, swiping a finger along my dripping wet slit. I let out a shaky breath, and he chuckles. ‘I think you’re lying to me, angel. I think you actually do like me. A lot,’ he grins as he pulls his hand from my skirt, lifting his finger, glistening with my arousal, to my mouth. I keep my lips pressed shut, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘Don’t make me punish you. This isn’t a repeat of last week – there’s other things I want to do to you,’ he says lowly, a thrill running through me, but I’m still as stubborn as last week. ‘I’m not here for a round two. I’m here for my bra,’ I exhale, and he rolls his eyes with a little laugh, his hand tightening at my neck. ‘You can earn it.’ ‘What is it… with you stealing my… things?’ ‘I didn’t steal anything. You left your bra when you did your little walk of shame. So it’s mine now – it’s been in my room for a week, with your tight jeans and your pretty top and those cute heels, and that little bag, with your keys and lip-gloss and pads in it. And because it’s all mine, I want you to earn it back,’ he replies before leaning down and pressing his lips to my ear, his beautiful scent flooding my senses.

‘Let me fuck your tits,’ he whispers, making my stomach clench with the thought of it, before he pulls back from me, searching my face for any kind of reaction. ‘And they say romance is dead,’ I whisper dryly, and he laughs, a startled laugh, as though he wasn’t expecting a joke from me. It makes my heart flutter a little, which then makes me want to slap myself. ‘Is that a yes?’ he asks with a mischievous grin. ‘No. It isn’t,’ I reply, and he sighs before letting go of me. ‘Fine. Let’s just talk then, if you don’t wanna fuck,’ he says neutrally, sitting down on the bench opposite me, and I’m disarmed at his sudden 180. ‘Sit down, y/n,’ he says, motioning to the bench and, for once, I listen to him, sitting down. He leans back against the wall and runs a hand through his hair, legs spread, thick thighs on display. Last week, the lighting from his bedroom lamp was low and sultry, but the lighting in here is bright and cold, and he still looks fucking gorgeous.

‘Who did you tell?’ he asks, and I know he’s asking what I’ve been wondering all week – who actually knows the full story. ‘Who did you tell?’ I ask, purposely being difficult, and he rolls his eyes, grin pulling at his lips. ‘Hobi and Tae are the only ones that know the full story. Jin, Yoongi, Joon and Kook know vaguely. Now tell me who you told,’ he says, and I’m surprised he’s kept it only to his closest friends – I thought for sure the whole frat would know. ‘y/n. Who did you tell?’ Nayeon, Lisa, Mina, Irene, Dahyun, Yeri, Jeongyeon, Seulgi, Sana, Jisoo, Chaeyoung, Joy, Momo, Wendy, Jihyo, Tzuyu and- ‘Jennie.’ ‘That’s it? Just Jennie?’ ‘And.. a couple of the other girls.’ He raises an eyebrow, obviously not believing me. ‘Did you tell them everything?’ ‘Only Jennie knows about me leaving when you… wanted me not to,’ I say, and he nods, looking a little embarrassed, and I feel so guilty, but I had to. ‘Why did you do it?’ he asks quietly, and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment. ‘Because… we’re supposed to hate each other, and we had sex, Jimin. I couldn’t share a bed with you after that, I just… couldn’t.’ ‘Would it really be so bad if we didn’t hate each other?’ he asks, and I sigh, not wanting him to ask these questions, not wanting him to entertain this possibility. Because Jimin’s the type of boy to want what he can’t have, and as soon as I let him have me, more than just physically, he won’t want me anymore.

I get up and walk over to him, his eyes on me, and when I’m stood right in front of him, in between his legs, I drop to my knees. ‘y/n,’ he says slowly, as though he wants me to wait, but I can’t talk about this right now. ‘Shut up,’ I say before pulling my top over my head and throwing it behind me, leaving me in my bra. He’s quickly distracted, eyes lost in my chest, and I can see the bulge in his jeans growing already. I lift a hand to his crotch, palming him over his jeans, and his head falls back, a little moan falling from his lips. ‘Please, y/n, don’t tease,’ he breathes out, and I clench involuntarily at getting him like this. ‘Take your jeans off,’ I whisper, and he quickly unbuttons and unzips them, holding himself up from the bench and pushing them down with his underwear, just enough to free his cock. He’s only half-hard, but he’s already big, girthy and long, making me lick my lips at the sight of him. He tugs on his length a couple times to get himself fully hard, letting out little grunts, and I feel more arousal dampen my underwear. After a few seconds, I push his hands away, taking his length into my hands, and he shuffles forwards on the bench, giving me proper access to his cock.

I collect my saliva up on my tongue and spit at his dick, the saliva landing on his tip and slowly dripping down his length. I use my hand to spread it out before I take his swollen head into my mouth, kitten licking the tip before swirling my tongue around him. He pulls my bow out of my hair and grabs my ponytail, but restrains himself from trying to control my movements, letting me take my time with him. I don’t wait long before I’m taking him as far into my mouth as possible, before slowly bobbing my head up and down his length. ‘God, angel, your mouth is so fucking good. So good for me, such a dirty girl,’ he praises, head back against the wall but eyes on me, and when I look up at him through my lashes, he grins down at me. I hollow out my cheeks, trying to get my lips around the base of his cock, but my jaw is already hurting from my mouth being around his thick length. ‘Get me all the way in, baby, I know you can,’ he prompts, and I try my hardest, gagging around him, and it’s so fucking messy, saliva around my mouth and dripping down my chin. He decided to help, pushing my head even further down, and when my nose hits his skin, his abdomen contracts, a heavenly moan of my name falling from his lips.

Once I deem his cock sufficiently wet, I remove him from my mouth and reach behind me to unclasp my sports bra, pulling it off, feeling satisfied when his eyes are locked on my breasts. ‘Stand up,’ I say, and he does so, quickly, moving aside to let me sit on the bench. I perch on the edge, knees together, and Jimin stands in front of me, one leg on either side of mine. ‘Push your tits together for me, angel,’ he says, and I do so, the boy moving even closer to me. I feel his head against the bottom of my breasts, wet and hard, before slowly pushing up, breath catching in his throat as he goes as far as he can, his pink tip emerging through my cleavage. ‘Fuck, that feels good. Hold them tighter, babe,’ he says, and it starts to hurt when I do so, but the pleasure on his face as he thrusts, fucking my tits aggressively, more than makes up for it. I spit down into the valley of my breasts, for better lubrication, and he lets out a moan, thrusting even harder. And then he lifts a hand, landing a slap on one of my breasts. ‘Um, ow,’ I say, and he lets out a little chuckle, his thrusting not faltering for a moment. ‘So soft. Best tits I’ve ever seen,’ he says, landing a slap on the other, and I stop myself from slapping his balls because I don’t want to kill his vibe. And he’d probably enjoy it, the kinky bastard. I look down to see precum leaking from his tip, and I lean down, meeting one of his thrusts with my tongue, licking his precum, and he lets out a moan. ‘God, yes, baby. So good for me,’ he grunts, before his thrusts start to slow, until he eventually moves away from me.

‘Love your tits, angel, but I wanna cum in you instead,’ he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me up from the bench. ‘Put your clothes back on,’ he says, my eyes widening in confusion. ‘What? Why?’ ‘Because I’ve always wanted to fuck you while you’re wearing your cheer kit. Hurry up and put it on before I decide to leave,’ he says pointedly, and I feel guilt surge through me as I grab my bra from the floor, pulling it back on, and turning around for him to clasp it for me. He does so, taking ages (it seems he’s better at taking bras off than putting them on), and then I pull my top back over my head. As soon as I’m redressed, he pushes me up against the nearest locker, winding me, before his hand strays down to beneath my skirt. ‘You gonna take these booty shorts off before I rip them off you?’ he says, plump lips against my neck, and I push him off, quickly pulling off my safety shorts (these are the only pair I have at the moment – I ordered a pair online and they’re due in a couple weeks – so I really don’t need him ripping them). ‘They’re safety shorts, not booty shorts,’ I mutter, as I kick them off, and he doesn’t waste any time in pushing me up against the lockers again. He presses his lips to mine in a tame kiss (he doesn’t even use his tongue), mouths moving together for a few seconds before he pulls away, sinking to his knees.

‘You’ve been on your knees for me twice now, baby, so I think it’s time I repaid the favour. And I believe I promised to eat your pussy with my… pretty lips,’ he says, quoting my words from last week, and my stomach turns as he grabs the front of my underwear. He violently pulls at them, tearing them away from my body, and I refrain from kneeing him in the face for ruining a second pair of pants. He pushes my legs apart before pulling one over his shoulder, his face inches from where I need him. ‘Jimin… please,’ I whine, and he chuckles, expelling warm air across my dripping wet core, making me shudder. ‘See, baby, you’re being so good for me today, saying my name, and begging like a good girl. And good girls don’t get punished, don’t get spanked until their ass is raw. Good girls get rewarded,’ he says before his head disappears beneath my skirt and I feel him lick a slow bold stripe across my slit, my hips jerking at the feeling, pushing my core closer to his face. He swirls his tongue around my clit, and I let out a whimper of his name, making him chuckle as he grabs onto my waist to hold me in place. ‘So fucking sweet, angel. Best pussy I’ve ever tasted. Could eat you all day.’ He laps at me like there’s no tomorrow, my hands gripping onto his strong shoulders and head thrown back against the lockers. He brings his fingers to my clit, rubbing slow circles, at the stimulation at my bundle of nerves paired with his long, quick licks have me moaning out his name, my stomach already tightening with the threat of an orgasm.

And then he pushes a finger between my folds, pumping in and out of me as I clench around him. ‘Gotta stretch you out for my fat cock, baby, take it like a good girl. Stop clenching, babe,’ he murmurs soothingly against my inner thigh, his thick finger quickly being joined by another. ‘Ah, Jimin, feels so fucking good,’ I moan out, and he hums in response before attaching his lips to my clit, sucking at the bundle of nerves before adding another finger, three thick digits stretching me out. ‘Such a good little slut for me, angel. You take my fingers so fucking well,’ he says, lips still against my clit, and I feel my high nearing quickly, moans and whimpers escaping from my lips every few seconds. He’s so good with his mouth, his plump lips wrapping around my clit and sucking harshly, before he licks along my folds, fingers still pumping into me, curling against my spongy spot every few seconds, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. And he knows it, the pace of his fingers ever increasing, his lips and tongue attacking my core with passion.

And then we hear the door of the changing room open, followed by a group of loud male voices, laughing and joking. Before I can even register it, Jimin’s on his feet, scooping me into his arms and practically sprinting into the shower area, rushing into one of the cubicles. He puts me down carefully, a hand over my mouth, and I feel my orgasm fading away because of the fear of being caught by his teammates. And in my mind, the logical thing to do is to be silent and wait for them to leave, right? But Jimin isn’t logical, and he pushes me up against the brick wall, pumping his cock in his free hand. He removes his hand from my mouth, tapping my left leg before tapping his shoulder, and I get the message, putting my leg up over his shoulder, despite thinking that this is a terrible idea. And then he puts his hand back over my mouth before slowly sliding into me, his huge cock stretching me out painfully, filling me up completely, and it takes every ounce of my self-control not to moan out his name, my head falling back against the wall with a dull thud. ‘What was that?’ I hear one of the boys say, the others asking what he’s talking about, and I feel panic fill me. But along with the panic is arousal at the idea of being caught, my pussy gushing around him, and he smirks, slowly thrusting into me, the curve of his dick allowing him to hit my g-spot (I’m certain Megan wrote Captain Hook about him).

I hear footsteps nearing us, before they stop abruptly. ‘Oh, my God,’ I hear a voice say quietly, before more footsteps can be heard. ‘What?’ ‘Look.’ ‘Whoa. Is that…?’ ‘Yes. One of the cheerleader’s bows.’ Panic strikes through me, and Jimin just grins, continuing to fuck me slowly, making me feel every inch of him. ‘And those are the shorts they wear, right?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘And are those… pants?’ ‘Yep. And they look ripped.’ ‘Is someone fucking in here?’ ‘No, we’d be able to hear them. They’re probably gone.’ ‘You think?’ ‘Yes. And I don’t wanna double check. Let’s just go.’ I feel my fear ebbing away as the footsteps get quieter before the door opens and closes. We’re both silent for a few moments, just to make sure they’re gone, before Jimin pulls all the way out of me, slamming back in. I let out a loud moan against his hand, which he moves to rest at the base of my throat, cock hammering into me ruthlessly. ‘Look how wet you are for me, baby. My little bitch likes the idea of getting caught with a fat cock inside her, huh? Does the idea of being walked in on turn you on, babe?’ he asks, and all I can do is nod, moans falling from my lips every few seconds as he slams into me, the drag of his cock against my walls making me weak.

‘Taking me so well, angel, letting me fill you up and stretch you out so good, baby,’ he praises, voice strained with effort, as he pounds into me, my mind completely blank of anything, of everything but him. I feel my orgasm nearing, my walls clenching around him, but that doesn’t stop him plunging into me, hard, his balls slapping up against my ass, one hand gripping onto his shoulder whilst the other is splayed against the cold wall. My leg is beginning to hurt being up against his shoulder, especially because all my body weight is resting on the toes of my other foot (I can’t get my whole foot on the floor), but he seems to be enjoying it, able to go deep into me at this angle, his tip hitting my cervix. ‘Look how flexible you are, baby, stretching for me like a good little whore. Gonna put your flexibility to good use all the time, babe – I’ll help keep you in shape for Cheer,’ he promises, fingers straying to my clit as he speaks. And then I feel him twitching inside me. ‘Are you close?’ I ask, and he nods, eyes fluttering shut, and I reach down to cup his balls, trying to push him over the edge. ‘Ah, fuck, feels good, y/n, your pussy’s so fucking good. Gonna cum, gonna fill you up like a good little slut,’ he breathes out, and I tighten around him, his head falling back as he lets out a loud moan of my name, hot cum shooting out of his cock, painting my walls. He continues thrusting, hips stuttering as he works himself through his orgasm, and I stay clenched around him to prolong his high.

Once he’s done, he pulls out, and puts me down carefully, taking a moment to get his breath back before tucking his softening cock into his underwear, zipping himself back up. He looks up at me with a grin, his hair messy, face still glistening with my arousal, eyes dark. ‘Good talk,’ he grins before turning and walking away. ‘Um, Jimin?’ I call after him, stepping out of the cubicle with shaky legs. ‘Yes, y/n?’ he asks, turning to look at me, eyes sparkling with mirth. ‘I didn’t…’ I trail off, unsure of what to say. ‘What? You didn’t cum?’ he asks, and I nod, my stomach twisting with hurt when he smirks and says, ‘I know, angel. Only good girls get to cum. And good girls don’t leave in the middle of the night after being asked to stay.’ My mouth drops open at the thought that he’s not going to make me cum, and he grins even wider, before taking a little pity on me. ‘I’ll tell you what, baby. Come to KPN tonight and come find me, and I’ll make you cum as many times as you want,’ he says, but I’m still furious. ‘You’re not being serious?’ ‘Deadly.’ ‘Jimin, please,’ I say, and he just grins back at me. ‘You might wanna clean yourself up. Got my cum dripping down your leg,’ he says, and I look down to see his thick white release slowly trailing down my skin. I curse under my breath, and when I look back up, Jimin’s already out of sight, whistling a merry tune, before I hear the changing room door open and close behind him. And when I slowly walk towards the lockers, I realise my bow, safety shorts and ripped pants are gone too. And he still hasn’t given me back my favourite bra.

I head over to the sinks to clean myself up, cursing at him the entire time. ‘Fucking bastard, and his stupidly big fat fucking cock, stealing all my stuff and leaving me high and dry with his fucking cum dripping down my fucking leg. Didn’t even give me any fucking aftercare, fucking dick,’ I rant angrily as I take my hair out of its messy ponytail, running my fingers through it. Luckily, I haven’t sweated off any of my makeup, the fading marks from last week fully covered, but it’s still clear I’ve just been fucked. And the fact that I don’t have anything on under my skirt isn’t helpful at all – thank God it isn’t windy today because otherwise, I’ll be flashing everyone. Once I’ve deemed myself okay to leave, I push open the changing room doors, looking side to side to make sure no one’s around before I slip out of the door, quickly making my way to mine and Jennie’s accommodation, trying to ignore how desperate I am for a release right now. And not just any release – one on Jimin’s cock. But that’ll have to wait for later – I’ve got a party to get ready for.

‘Jennie! y/n!’ Yeri exclaims when we walk into the kitchen through the back door, throwing her arms around us in a hug. ‘Hey, Yeri,’ we reply, hugging her back, and when she moves away, her eyes widen. ‘Jen, you look good, but y/n! You look good, girl!’ she exclaims. ‘Oh, thanks, Yeri,’ Jennie says sarcastically, but she doesn’t mean it – Jennie always opts for comfort over fashion at frat parties, usually wearing mom jeans, or a loose t-shirt dress (which she rocks by the way – no one pulls off the casual aesthetic like Jennie). And I never dress up too much, sticking to a simple outfit and dressing it up with heels and jewellery. But today, I decided to go all out, dressing to impress in a tight little black dress, hem around my upper thighs, ruched with a bardot neck (I had to forgo a bra, and used tit tape instead to make sure they don’t sag). I’m in a pair of black sparkly heels, much higher than last week’s, with a silver choker, silver hoops and a thin silver bracelet. Jennie has on a shoulder bag, big enough to fit my things in it, so I didn’t bother with a bag, my phone in my hand and my lipgloss, oil blotting sheets and keys in Jennie’s bag. ‘Thanks, Yeri. But look at you! This top is so cute!’

We greet all our friends, Jeongyeon pushing cups into mine and Jennie’s hands (I’m not sure what it is but it tastes nice), before I take a seat between Tzuyu and Lisa at the kitchen island, instantly getting into a conversation about Cheer. KPN parties are always really laidback – people wear whatever they want, drink whatever they want, and I never feel uncomfortable here, or pressured to act a certain way. I can just be myself, and enjoy the night with my friends. ASP’s the opposite in the sense that there’s always pressure – to look good, to end the night with someone, to give everyone something to gossip about.

‘y/n! You came!’ Jackson exclaims when he sees me, pulling me into an expensive smelling hug. ‘Hey, Jackson!’ ‘I was about to make a comment about how late you are, but you look really good, so I’ll let you off,’ he grins, and I roll my eyes. ‘Since when do you have to arrive to parties at a certain time?’ ‘You wouldn’t know, y/n, you’re always fashionably late,’ Tzuyu teases, and I cover my face with embarrassment – never have I arrived at a party before my friends (there’s just something about being there before the party has properly started that makes me want to cringe). ‘Anyway, what are you ladies drinking?’ ‘Diet Coke,’ Tzuyu says as she holds her cup up, Lisa drinking the same. ‘I’m drinking whatever the hell this is – Jeongyeon gave it to me,’ I say, and Jackson takes the cup, sipping from it, before his eyes widen. ‘Yo, this shit slaps. Where’s Jeongyeon? I want some,’ he says, turning away in search of her, and I call after him, ‘get me some more too, please!’

‘So… y/n,’ Lisa says with a knowing grin, making me raise an eyebrow at her. ‘Yes?’ I ask, she and Tzuyu exchanging an amused glance. ‘This dress is nice,’ Tzuyu says with the same knowing look as Lisa, and I look between them suspiciously. ‘Thanks,’ I say slowly, their smiles widening even more. ‘Who are you dressing to impress?’ Lisa asks, and I realise where this conversation is going, letting out a laugh. ‘Ah, you two. Can a girl not dress for herself?’ I grin, both of them raising their eyebrows. ‘Of course. But the timing’s a little suspicious. Not hoping for a round two, are we?’ Tzuyu asks, and I bite my lip embarrassedly. ‘What if we already had round two?’ I say quietly, both of their mouths falling open. ‘What?’ Lisa exclaims, drawing the attention of those around us, and I shut my eyes despairingly. ‘Keep your voice down, stupid!’ Tzuyu exclaims, Lisa murmuring an apology, still looking at me with wide eyes. ‘When?’ ‘Earlier, after practice. I met him in their changing rooms,’ I say, both of them looking even more shocked with each word. ‘Oh, my God! You two are, like, stuck in your own little forbidden and scandalous romance!’ Lisa whispers, and I shoot her a hard look. ‘It’s not a romance. He’s still, like, the most annoying and stupid person I’ve ever met. I mean, he literally left without making me cum, on purpose. He said if I showed up here tonight, he’d make it up to me,’ I whisper, both of them gasping quietly. ‘No way!’ Tzuyu says, and I nod. ‘So you’re gonna have a round three?’ Lisa asks, and I shrug. ‘I’m actually not sure. I don’t know whether I came so that I could leave with him, or so that I could piss him off by getting with someone else,’ I say, both of their eyes lighting up. ‘Get with someone else,’ they chorus, and I let out a gentle laugh.

Before I can reply, Jackson reappears with two cups in hand. ‘It’s Fireball Whisky with cream soda,’ he says, and I blink in surprise, not sure whether to be impressed or disgusted at Jeongyeon’s weird concoction. He takes the empty cup from my hand and hands me a new one, and I thank him as I take a sip. It really is good, and I know I need to be careful not to drink too much – I’ll forget just how strong whisky is and then find myself hunched over the toilet in a few hours, vomiting it all back up. ‘Are you guys gonna just sit here and chat all night? This is a party! We’re supposed to be having a good time,’ Jackson says, and I exchange a glance with the girls. ‘We are having a good time,’ Tzuyu replies mildly, and Jackson rolls his eyes. ‘So you’re not gonna come dance?’ he asks, and we all shake our heads. As much as I do love getting lit, it’s nice to just have a gossip with the girls sometimes. ‘Maybe later,’ I say, and he frowns, shaking his head. ‘You guys are boring.’ ‘Go find Joy, she’ll dance with you,’ Tzuyu suggests, and Lisa nods before adding, ‘and Dahyun. Come find us in a couple hours, and then we’ll dance with you too.’

Jackson quickly disappears, calling out for Joy and Dahyun, and the spot where he was stood is quickly occupied by a boy who I recognise as Chan, one of the boys on the team and a KPN brother. ‘Hi, Chan,’ Tzuyu says, the boy giving us a smile. ‘Hi, guys. You’re all cheerleaders, right?’ he asks, and we nod, confused as to where he’s going with this. ‘Do you wear these, like… little black shorts under your cheer outfits? Like super small, tight, black shorts?’ he asks, and I realise, dread flooding through me as we all nod. ‘They’re called safety shorts,’ Lisa says, and Chan nods. ‘I thought so. We saw a pair earlier, in the changing rooms, with one of the bows you guys wear, and some… underwear. Ripped. So I was just… curious, I guess,’ he says, Tzuyu and Lisa both turning their gazes to me. ‘Um… Chan, I’d be really grateful if you didn’t mention that to anyone,’ I say embarrassedly, the girls stifling laughs as Chan’s face falls with shock. ‘Oh! They were yours?’ he asks, and I nod, totally humiliated. ‘Who was, um, with you when you came in? There was just a couple of you, right?’ I ask, and he winces. ‘There were a few of us, actually. But it’s fine, I’ll tell them not to mention it to anyone. Your secret’s safe with us, y/n,’ he says with a grin, and I give him a weak smile. ‘Thanks, Chan.’ ‘No problem. Before I never mention it again, I just have one question,’ he says tentatively, and I close my eyes briefly, nodding as I brace myself. ‘Were you… in there when we went in?’ he asks, and I take a deep breath before nodding, his eyes widening. ‘In the shower cubicles, right?’ ‘Yep.’ ‘I thought I heard a banging noise,’ he says, and the girls burst out laughing. ‘No, no, it’s because I hit my head on the wall,’ I explain over their laughter, even more embarrassed now. ‘Sorry,’ Chan says, and I wave it off. ‘It’s fine, it’s my own fault for fucking in a public place,’ I say bluntly, and he lets out a gentle laugh.

The girls are still laughing when Chan leaves with the promise of never mentioning it again, and I shoot them dirty looks. ‘Are you gonna stop laughing any time soon or should I just go?’ I ask venomously, and their laughter gets even louder, making me roll my eyes. ‘Fine. I’m going,’ I say, pushing myself off my seat and leaving with my phone and drink in my hands, their laughter continuing behind me. I decide to venture into the living room, but regret my decision the second I walk in and lock eyes with Hyunjin – Chan’s whispering something to him, and he bites down on his lip when he sees me, obviously holding back a laugh at the irony of seeing me as Chan fills him in. I turn on my heel, instantly heading back into the kitchen and ignoring Hyunjin’s loud laughter behind me. But when my eyes meet Lisa’s and she bursts out laughing again, Tzuyu laughing too, I make a decision – I want to go home. I know none of them mean anything by it but it’s really… getting to me. I don’t like that nearly every conversation I’ve had in the last week has come back to Jimin – in fact, I hate it. I’m more than my sexual escapades, whether or not they’re with my worst enemy. I came here to have a good time with my friends tonight – not to speak about my sex life.

‘Mark,’ I say, catching the boy beside me offguard. ‘Oh, hey, y/n. You okay?’ he asks, and I nod. ‘I’m great. You?’ ‘I’m good, thanks. What’s up? You look… stressed.’ ‘I’m okay, I just… have you seen Jennie?’ I ask, and he nods, taking me by surprise. ‘I saw her go out the back door a couple minutes ago, with Seulgi and Nayeon,’ he says, and I grin at him. ‘Thank you, Mark, you’re the best!’ I exclaim, not giving him a second to reply before I quickly head towards the back door, ducking through the doorway before anyone else can speak to me. There’s a group of boys stood near the door, passing around a joint, and I quickly head past them, eyes skimming over the surroundings to see if the girls are here. I spot their three dark heads close together, looking at something on Seulgi’s phone, and I rush over. Nayeon spots me first, concern on her face as she watches me head towards them. ‘What’s the matter, y/n?’ she asks, the other two girls looking up at hearing my name. ‘I… I’m gonna leave,’ I say, all three of them looking at me in surprise – you usually have to drag me away from a party. ‘Why? You look hot, girl! You can’t waste this look!’ Seulgi exclaims, throwing an arm around my shoulders, and I give her a grateful smile. ‘Thanks, Seulgi, but I just… I’m fed up of being teased about Jimin. Maybe it’s God punishing me for sleeping with him, but for fuck’s sake, isn’t him being an idiot punishment enough? I don’t need everyone bringing it up every two fucking seconds,’ I complain, the three of them exchanging amused glances.

‘Oh, babe, it sucks, but you’ve gotta be thick skinned. You have to remember that you have publicly hated him for as long as we’ve all known you, pretty much. The fact that you’ve slept with him is, like, a big deal. It’s hot gossip. Of course people are gonna want to talk about it, and you are gonna get teased. You can’t let it get to you, or people will do it even more,’ Jennie says rationally, and I know she’s right, but I still don’t want to accept it, pouting. ‘I know, you’re right, but I’m already in a bad mood now, and I just wanna go home,’ I say, and I know I’m being immature, but I don’t care. I notice Nayeon’s eyes wander from me to over my shoulder and then she says, ‘well, someone’s coming over, and I don’t whether he’s going to make your mood better or worse.’ I sigh, wanting to cry, and I can feel Seulgi holding back a laugh. ‘Shall I tell him to fuck off?’ Jennie asks, and I shake my head – I don’t have the energy to fight with him today.

‘y/n,’ I hear his stupid voice say, before he appears beside me. He’s dressed in all black, tight ripped jeans and a black button-up shirt, the top two buttons undone and revealing tanned and freckled skin, with a leather jacket over the top of it. He’s wearing silver jewellery again, rings, earrings, bracelets and a necklace, and he looks really fucking handsome, like always. He looks me up and down, his eyes nearly falling out of his head at my appearance as he sweeps his black hair back with one hand, before he looks at my face, the shock being replaced with concern. ‘You okay?’ he asks, and him caring about me makes me want to run a mile – he’s supposed to hate me, not worry when I’m upset and annoyed. ‘I… don’t know,’ I say tiredly, not quite sure what to say, and he looks even more concerned at that. ‘Shall we… give you guys a minute?’ Jennie says, and I look at her in surprise. She just looks back at me with a sad smile, and then I realise; she’s knows that there’s more to this, to me and… Jimin, than just two people who fucked even though they hate each other. And so do I, the thought terrifying me. His feelings are involved, and maybe mine are too, and I already know this is gonna get messy, messier than it should. But I don’t really have it in me to put a stop to it right now. I think I must have hurt him a lot when I left him last week (the thought of him waking up to an empty bed when he thought I would be there beside him makes me feel sick to my stomach) and I don’t ever want to hurt someone like that again. Even if it that someone is Jimin, the most annoying, stupid, selfish, egotistic, infuriating, big-headed person to ever walk the Earth.

I stay silent, and Jimin takes that as a sign to nod at the girls, all of them giving me little hugs before they head back up towards the house. The few people that are outside are watching interestedly and I want to just tell them to all fuck off. I used to think I’d love being the centre of attention all the time, but I’ve definitely changed my mind. ‘What’s the matter, y/n?’ he asks gently, and I sigh, not meeting his eyes as I think, not sure what to tell him. He stays quiet as he waits for me to speak, which leaves us in a heavy silence. ‘I… I’m just fed up. All anyone’s been speaking to me about is you and I don’t like it because there’s more to talk about to me than my sex life, and I hate that people are always staring at me now and probably thinking all these things about me when they barely know me and everyone’s making me regret sleeping with you but I don’t want to regret it because it was good and I enjoyed it and it was with you, but I don’t know why that’s making me not regret it but I kind of do know because I don’t think that I see you the same as I used to anymore, which is something else I hate because I’m supposed to hate you, and I do but I also don’t think I do, and I’m so confused, and I just want to go home,’ I say miserably all in one breath, and he looks a little taken aback, but nods when I’m finished speaking. ‘I… I’ve been thinking a lot of the same things the last week, and I’m confused too. So if it’s any consolation, I know how you feel,’ he says, and somehow… it is consolation. I already knew his feelings towards me had changed, but hearing that he feels all the other stuff too, it does make me feel better. But I’m a stubborn bitch.

‘No, actually, I’m not sure you do know how I feel. Because I didn’t make it harder for you. I didn’t show up somewhere solely to piss you off, and laugh with my friends to make you feel self-conscious, and be all smug and amused and rude to you, and pull your underwear out of my pocket in front of everyone to embarrass you. So no, Jimin, you don’t know how I feel,’ I reply angrily, unable to help myself, but it’s true – he made this all a hundred times worse at try-outs earlier, and I am angry at him for it. I wait for him to get angry in return, to point out that I probably didn’t make it any better for him by being a bitch, but I’m pleasantly surprised when he just nods, his head dropping sheepishly. ‘I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to, I promise – I never intended to piss you off or to make you feel self-conscious or to embarrass you. I tend to… not think before I do things, and I guess my pride was hurt that you left so I wanted to just save face. And I shouldn’t have… left you earlier. I was just being petty and wanted to get back at you. I’m really sorry,’ he says earnestly, and I’m shocked into silence for a few moments, before I nod.

‘Okay. I accept your apology,’ I say, and he smiles. ‘I’m glad. Now… shall I take you home?’ he asks, and I blink in surprise. ‘What?’ ‘You said you wanted to go home so do you want me to take you?’ he offers, and I hesitate for a moment. ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Because I’m supposed to hate you, and you’re supposed to hate me,’ I whisper, and he raises an eyebrow, taking a step closer to me. ‘Like I said earlier… would it really be so bad if we didn’t hate each other?’ he replies quietly, and I’m silent. ‘I don’t… I don’t know. It’s kinda… scary to think about. And it’s just easier to hate you. And…’ I trail off, and an amused smile appears on his stupid face. ‘You’re too stubborn to not hate me when you’ve hated me for so long, right?’ he says, seeing right through me, and I nod sheepishly. ‘We really need to work on your stubbornness, because I can see a future for us, y/n. If you could just give in to your feelings for me, we could pursue something together,’ he grins, but there’s no humour, no amusement in his voice at all, his honesty nearly winding me. He throws an arm around my shoulders and slowly walks us back up to the house. ‘A future? For you and me?’ I echo, and he lets out a gentle laugh. ‘Yeah! We’ll get married as soon as we finish Uni, have a load of kids, and they can become footballers and cheerleaders to follow in our footsteps,’ he says, and I choke, making him let out a loud laugh. ‘Okay, maybe not as soon as we finish Uni. I’ll make that sacrifice.’ ‘Thanks.’ ‘Of course, angel. Anything for you.’

The second we step into the house, all eyes in the kitchen look up at us. ‘Can we help you?’ Jimin asks evenly, daring them to say something, and they’re all silent. ‘Thought so,’ he mutters, leading us over to where the drinks are as conversation resumes around us, albeit much quieter now. Jimin eyes the dozens of bottles covering the countertop before his eyes flit to the cup in my hand. ‘What you drinking, babe?’ he asks quietly, and I hold my drink up for him to try. ‘You trying to roofie me?’ he grins, and I let out a little laugh. ‘It’s Fireball whisky and cream soda. Jeongyeon’s concoction,’ I say, and he grimaces before trying some, his face instantly changing. ‘Oh, wow, that’s good,’ he says, reaching for the whisky bottle to pour himself some. ‘Did you just arrive?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘I literally got here, walked into the kitchen, saw you weren’t in here, asked Mark where you were, and he said you were outside. I was coming to apologise,’ he says, and my heart warms. ‘To be honest… I should apologise too,’ I say, and his mouth drops open. ‘I can’t believe my ears. Is stubborn y/n finally discarding her pride?’ ‘Shut up, stupid,’ I laugh, shoving him gently, and he grins. ‘You don’t have to apologise, angel. You were scared that we didn’t hate each other, so you left, and then you were a bitch to me so that I’d hate you. That’s it. Don’t worry about it,’ he says, and I nod, grateful that I don’t have to apologise.

‘Okay,’ he says once he’s poured his drink, ‘shall we get away from all the staring?’ I raise an eyebrow, and he laughs. ‘I didn’t mean that, but if you’re down. I still owe you from earlier,’ he says lowly with a smirk, and my breath catches in my throat. ‘Um… maybe later. Let’s… see what’s going on in the rest of the house,’ I say, and he nods, grinning at my flustered state. And then he takes my hand into his, our fingers laced together, and a little shock runs up my arm at the contact. I nearly slap myself – he was rearranging my guts earlier, but I’m getting butterflies at him holding my hand? Really?

He leads me into the living room, several pairs of eyes turning to us, but he completely ignores them, so I do too. ‘You wanna stay in here?’ he asks over the loud music, and I shake my head. He nods, continuing to lead us through the room into the front hallway. The layout is the same as the ASP house, so Jimin knows his way around, leading me through the hallway and pushing open the door to the other living room, where it’s considerably more chill. The haze of weed lays heavy on the air, music gently pulsing through the room, and there are a lot less people in here, majority the boys on the football team with their girlfriends. ‘Oh, y/n, Chan spoke to me, I…’ Felix calls to me before his eyes land on Jimin behind me, his words trailing off when he spots our intertwined hands. ‘Yeah, it’s… yeah,’ I say, a little embarrassed, and Felix just nods, holding back a laugh when Jimin looks between us. ‘What did Chan speak to you about, Lix?’ Jimin asks, and I cringe. ‘They’re the ones that walked into the changing rooms earlier,’ I say under my breath, and he lets out a little noise of realisation with a nod, a smirk playing at his lips as he looks at Felix, the boy looking endlessly amused. ‘Oh, are you guys talking about how we walked in on you in the changing room?’ Jisung calls out tactlessly, and I close my eyes, gathering myself, as laughter ripples around the room. ‘You know what? Let’s just leave,’ I say tiredly, more laughter following my words, and Jimin nods, bidding goodbye to his friends with a smug grin as he leads me out of the room.

‘Shall we sit outside?’ he suggests, and I nod, letting him pull me through the front door. I shut the door behind us, and when I turn back, Jimin’s sat on the front step, looking out onto the front garden. It’s surprisingly empty, and it’s quiet out here, the only noise coming faintly from inside. I sit down beside him, pulling my dress down, and Jimin notices, a greasy smirk appearing on his face. ‘I swear to God, Park, I will not hesitate to throw this drink at you,’ I say, and he laughs, eyes disappearing behind their lids. ‘I was just gonna say that you look really nice. That dress really suits you,’ he grins, and I eye him suspiciously, holding back a laugh. He holds his hands up, feigning innocence, and I let out a gentle laugh, taking a sip of my drink. ‘Did you wear it for me?’ he asks, and I nod without looking at him. ‘Good choice. I like it,’ he replies, reaching for my hand, and I can’t help the small smile on my face as he laces his fingers with mine, our hands resting in my lap.

We both fall into a comfortable silence, and it’s really nice. It’s like all the other stuff falls away and doesn’t matter anymore, and we’re just a girl and a boy sat on the front steps of a frat house, taking a moment away from the party under the night sky, holding hands and drinking whisky and soda. We sit in silence for a few minutes, and I think that this is what true peace is like; when things are quiet and simple and easy, and nothing’s bothering me, nothing’s complicated or confusing, nothing matters. It’s almost too good to be true.

The door behind us opens after a few minutes, both of us turning to see Jeongin and Changbin, two more boys on the team, and Jimin grins widely when he sees them. I turn to face the front garden again, my back to the boys with my hand still in Jimin’s, both resting in my lap. ‘Boys! How are you? Ready for first practice next week?’ Jimin asks them, and I roll my eyes amusedly – football is their livelihood, and Jimin’s in his element talking about football, even more now that he’s been promoted to Captain. ‘Looking forward to it, Captain!’ Jeongin exclaims, hyping Jimin up even more. ‘Before we get distracted with football, we thought we’d let you know that, um, Rosie’s been looking for you. She asked us where you were and we said we didn’t know so we could buy you some time, but she’ll probably find you soon,’ Changbin says, and I freeze at the mention of his ex, Jimin wincing. ‘Um, okay, thanks, guys. I’ll, uh, speak to you later,’ he says, dismissing them, and they quickly disappear with a ‘bye’ thrown over their shoulders before the door shuts.

‘Why is Rosie looking for you?’ I ask amusedly, knowing exactly why she’s looking for him. She and Jimin have been in an on-again-off-again relationship for a long time, but he ended it for good at the end of last year, and stayed true to his word. According to the rumours, they don’t even talk anymore, just walk past each other without a word, and they haven’t slept with each other again. But she’s obviously got wind about me, and is jealous. ‘Um, yeah, about that. There’s probably something I should tell you,’ he says hesitantly, and I feel my body go a little cold as I turn my eyes to him – maybe there is a different reason she’s looking for him. ‘I… may have… slept with her… on Tuesday,’ he says, and the words don’t really register with me for a moment. ‘y/n?’ he says, eyes full of worry and I blink, realisation washing over me.

He slept with her. Four days ago.

I remove his hand from mine, and he flinches when I do so, retracting his hand slowly. ‘What… were you thinking?’ I ask, and he just blinks for a moment. ‘I was thinking that you hated me because you left and I was hurt so I found comfort in someone else,’ he says, tone neutral, but I can hear the defensiveness coming through. And, okay, maybe that is a good enough reason. But I’m still angry. Do I even have a right to be angry? ‘But your ex? Jimin, I-’ ‘Yes, y/n, my ex. I don’t really think you have a right to be angry. You left me. You knew my feelings for you were different to what you first thought, and you left anyway!’ he exclaims, voice rising, and I roll my eyes, letting out a humourless laugh. ‘I wasn’t obligated to stay just because you liked me!’ ‘But you liked me too!’ ‘I’m not sure I did, Jimin, and I’m still not sure about it! Besides, you literally said like fifteen minutes ago that you understood why I left and that I didn’t need to apologise for it!’ I point out, and he scoffs. ‘I do understand, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less, y/n. I was hurting and she was at the ASP house picking up her hair clip that she lost at the party and one thing led to ano-’ ‘So she just happened to be at the house, picking up a hair clip, three days after what happened between you and me? You don’t think she planned that?’ I say incredulously, unable to believe how dense he is. ‘So what if she did? To me, it was meaningless sex, to get my mind off you. I don’t think you have a right to be angry.’ ‘I don’t think I do either, but I still am!’ I exclaim, and he rolls his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. ‘You’re not angry, you’re jealous.’ ‘I’m not jealous, Jimin, don’t be ridiculous,’ I scoff, even more pissed off now. ‘You are.’ ‘If I said, ‘let’s go upstairs and fuck’ right now, you would be down, so what have I got to be jealous about?’ I ask lowly, and his eyes darken. ‘Fine. You’re not jealous. You’re angry I slept with someone else because you like me. Don’t even bother saying you’re still not sure because that’s the only reason for you to be angry. And in that case, I understand. And I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,’ he says calmly, and I don’t say anything, looking away from him.

After a few moments, he reaches for my hand tentatively, gauging my reaction before lacing our fingers together again. ‘You don’t have to apologise. I’m just being silly,’ I say, and he chuckles, moving closer to me. ‘I’ll apologise as many times as you need me to. I really do like you, y/n, and I kinda have for a while. I don’t want to fuck up whatever this is happening between us. And I know you’re still reluctant and you still want to hate me or whatever, but I don’t mind waiting until you’re ready. I’m happy to take time to win you over,’ he says softly, and my heart warms a little. The contrast between this Jimin and the Jimin from last week really is insane. There are so many sides to him, it’s hard to keep track. ‘Sorry,’ I say, and he lets out a gentle laugh. ‘You don’t have to apologise for getting angry that I slept with my ex, even if we didn’t make any commitments to each other. I understand,’ he says simply, and I can’t help the smile on my face as I shuffle even closer to him, our sides pressed together and my head resting on his shoulder.

And again, it’s nice. But it really is too good to be true. The door behind us is wrenched open before we hear, ‘Jimin?’ I sigh, Jimin turning to look at Rosie. ‘Rosie,’ he replies, voice neutral, and I turn around, our eyes meeting. ‘Hi, Rosie,’ I smile at the girl. I’ve never actually had a problem with Rosie – we run in the same social circles, she’s a Cheerleader, and we’ve never been close but from what I know of her, she’s okay. ‘Hi, y/n. Do you mind if I speak to Jimin for a moment?’ she says sweetly. ‘Of course,’ I reply with a smile, not moving a muscle, and Jimin sighs. ‘y/n, please,’ he says, and I turn to him, annoyance unfurling in my chest. ‘Okay,’ I say coldly, dropping his hand from mine and rising up, brushing past Rosie into the house.

What is wrong with him? Has he got no common sense? The logical thing to have done is obviously to not speak to her – what could she possibly have to say? All she’s going to do is try to get him back. And he’s really stupid enough to ask me to leave? Am I a dickhead? I let out an angry sigh, deciding that I’ve had enough. He’s been spouting all this shit about how he doesn’t want to fuck this up, and then literally like two fucking minutes later, he’s having a private conversation with his ex. This is like ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ but in real life. He’s Peter, Rosie’s Gen and I’m Lara Jean. Somehow though, I feel like I won’t have the same happy ending.

‘y/n!’ I hear Jennie call from the other living room, where she’s sat with Jihyo and Irene, and I sigh, heading in. ‘What’s happened?’ she asks, and I roll my eyes, the attention of everyone in the room on me. ‘He apologised and we made up but then he asked me to leave so he could have a private conversation with his ex,’ I say, and they all gasp, confirming that I’m not a crazy bitch and that he shouldn’t be having private conversations with his ex. ‘Oh, girl, you better not forgive his stupid ass,’ Jihyo says, the other girls in the room nodding and giving various agreements, and the boys are all quiet – they obviously feel a sense of loyalty to Jimin and don’t want to talk bad about him. ‘I feel so pissed, but I also feel like I don’t have a right to be pissed,’ I say, and the girls all frown, disagreeing instantly. ‘You do have a right to be pissed. You should go throw your drink over his stupid head,’ Jennie says angrily, and I hold back a laugh.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ I sigh helplessly, perching on the arm of Seungmin’s armchair. ‘It’s a red flag, y/n. End things here – don’t let it go too far otherwise you’ll get too attached, your feelings will get deeper and stronger, and it’s just not worth it. Him and Rosie are always messing around and it’ll probably be like that for a long time – she’s a nice girl but she’s got Jimin wrapped around her finger and she knows it. If he tries to move on, she’ll stop it. It’s not worth you getting involved in that, because you shouldn’t have to compete with his ex,’ Irene says softly, everybody listening to her, and I know she’s exactly right; I might… maybe… kinda… sorta… like(?) Jimin now, but he’s not worth competing with another girl for. If there’s even a choice for him, I should walk away. I deserve someone who wants me and only me. ‘God, you’re right,’ I wail, throwing myself back against the armchair and lifting my hand to my face despairingly, a little laugh running around the room at my dramatics as Seungmin pats my arm comfortingly. ‘I know he’s our friend, y/n, but he’s also kinda a dick when it comes to girls, and we all know it. I mean, he was literally bragging to us yesterday about what happened between you guys,’ Minho says, and I feel my focus shifting entirely to his words when he says that, my entire body tensing. ‘What did he say?’ I ask calmly, though I can feel my anger slowly rising, along with the tension in the room. ‘Well… um,’ Minho begins hesitantly, before sighing, ‘we all went to ASP last night for KPN and ASP Pizza Friday, and we were speaking about going to watch you guys at the try-outs. JB mentioned that, as the new captain, you might get pissed if we showed up, and then the conversation turned to you and Jimin last week.’

I’m in total shock; he blatantly lied to me earlier, by telling me that he’d only told his closest friends. The thought that all those boys were sat together last night, talking about me, makes my stomach turn. ‘What did he tell you guys?’ I ask shakily, despite not actually wanting to know. ‘Um… everything,’ Minho says, and my heart drops. ‘Everything?’ ‘Yeah. Everything,’ Chan confirms, voice gentle, and I can feel tears pricking my eyes. ‘Wow. Okay. So not only is he a dick, he blatantly lied,’ I say flatly, the room completely silent other than the low RnB beat pulsing from the speaker. ‘I’m gonna go. Sorry for, uh, killing the vibe,’ I say quietly, pushing myself up from the arm of Seungmin’s armchair and heading towards the door, multiple people in the room calling after me.

I quickly dart up the stairs, dodging past the couple making out on the landing and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Part of me is numb, in complete shock, and doesn’t know how to react. Another part of me is unbelievably hurt that he completely lied to my face, and that he asked me to leave so he could talk to his ex. Privately. Another part of me is totally humiliated that he told the boys everything, my pride completely ruined now. And the other part of me is annoyed at myself for being so hurt about a boy who, this time last week, I hated and would’ve rather fought than fucked.

‘y/n, it’s me,’ I hear Jennie’s voice from the other side of the door, and I unlock it to let her in. She pulls me into a hug, and I have to scrunch my eyes shut to stop myself from crying, pushing my head into her neck as she rubs my back comfortingly. ‘He’s so trash, babe. So trash. You deserve so much better,’ she says soothingly, and I try my best to fully believe her words, but it’s hard when I’m also trying to hold back my tears.

Before I can even speak to her, Jiwon’s head appears around the door, her eyes widening when she sees how upset I am. ‘y/n! Sorry for just walking in but are you okay?’ she asks, eyes big with concern, and my heart warms. ‘Ugh, yeah,’ I say, Jennie and I moving apart, and I tilt my head back, blinking furiously to get rid of my tears. ‘It’s just Jimin. He’s such a dick. I’m done with him,’ I say, the words coming out of my mouth before I even think of them, and I realise that, yes, I am done with him. I’m not wasting my time on him anymore.

‘Good. You deserve better. I mean, I knew he was a dick when he literally grabbed me on the way up to his room last week and dragged me along behind him. He made me think he was attracted to me, but he obviously just wanted to make you jealous,’ Jiwon says, and it makes me hate him even more. I didn’t even think about how hurt she must have been when she realised he was just using her. ‘God, he really is a dick,’ I spit, face twisted up in disgust, and Jiwon lets out a gentle laugh. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t see that sooner.’ ‘I knew all along. There was a reason I hated him so much – he’s always been a self-absorbed, egotistic, arrogant douche, but now… he’s even worse in my eyes.’

‘Shall we head back downstairs, get you a drink, dance? Or… shall we head home? We could have a little girls’ night – we’ve got a couple bottles of Echo Falls in the fridge, Clueless and Mean Girls on Netflix, and I have a few face masks. We could invite some of the other girls, too. And you could join us, Jiwon. We could get drunk, order pizza and talk about how much of a bastard Jimin is,’ Jennie says, the three of us laughing. She’s really sold the idea – it sounds like a lot of fun – but it’s late already. It’s better if I just head home and go to sleep. I actually feel exhausted after the events of today; it’s been an emotional rollercoaster, and I’m literally craving my bed right now. ‘That sounds fun, Jen, but maybe we could do that another night. I could do with just sleeping tonight,’ I say, and she nods, smiling gently.

‘Shall I order an Uber?’ ‘You stay,’ I say, and she frowns. ‘Why would I stay? You’re upset – I’ll come back with you.’ ‘No, honestly, I’ll be fine. You stay, enjoy the party. You haven’t even spent any time with Namjoon,’ I say, and she rolls her eyes. ‘I don’t care about spending time with Namjoon right now. You’re my priority. I’m coming home with you,’ she says firmly, pulling her phone out of her pocket, and I exchange an exasperated glance with Jiwon, the other girl incredibly amused.

As soon as Jennie’s ordered the Uber, we head downstairs to bid everyone goodbye. The second I step into the kitchen, Jin and Jungkook appear in front of me, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. ‘Don’t say a word, because I swear to God, I won’t hesitate to kick you both in the balls,’ I threaten angrily, and their grins soon disappear. ‘Have you been crying, y/n? What’s the ma-?’ ‘Don’t say a word!’ I exclaim, pushing past them to say goodbye to Wendy, Lisa, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu, the three of them giving me tight and comforting hugs – it seems that word’s already gotten around to the girls about Jimin and I. Then, in the living room, Nayeon, Seulgi, Mina, Jeongyeon, Jisoo, Momo, Joy and Sana all stop dancing the second I walk in, smothering me in hugs, and I know for sure that word has gotten around. And then, in the other living room, Jihyo, Irene, Yeri and Dahyun all give me big hugs too, and it really does make me feel better. Girls say it a lot, but it’s true – as long as you have your girls around you, you really don’t need a man. Any KNP or ASP boys that I walk past get the cold shoulder – they were all present when Jimin told them the dirty details and, despite some of them being my friends, close friends, not one of them thought to tell me. The only person that gets a goodbye from me is Minho; the rest of them can fuck themselves.

When I reach the front door, my hand shakes for a moment and I hesitate, Jennie putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. I take a deep breath, rolling back my shoulders and raising my chin a little, injecting as much confidence into my body language as possible before I aggressively turn the handle, pulling the door towards me forcefully. They’re still sat on the front doorstep, Rosie where I was sat just half an hour ago, and they both jump when they hear the door open. And even though they react instantly, I still spot Jimin’s hand retracting from Rosie’s, leaving hers empty.

My eyes flit back up, in front of me, and I carefully walk through the gap between them, ignoring them both completely. ‘y/n? Are you leaving?’ I hear Jimin ask, but Jennie puts a hand on my back, the both of us continuing to walk up towards the road and away from him. ‘y/n! Wait!’ he calls after me, and then I hear his footsteps behind us, making my blood boil – can he not take the hint? ‘What, Jimin?’ I demand, whirling around to face him, and he hesitates in his steps. ‘y/n-’ ‘No, Jimin, don’t ‘y/n’ me. What the fuck do you want?’ ‘I… you’re angry at me,’ he says quietly, and I let out a harsh laugh. ‘Great observation, Jimin! What else will you come out with? The grass is green? Or the sky is blue, perhaps?’ ‘Okay, you don’t need to be so bitchy to m-’ ‘Bitchy?’ I practically scream, marching towards him, and he recoils away from me. Good. I’m glad he’s scared.

‘I think I’m well within my rights to be bitchy to you, you fucking bastard!’ I shriek, and he flinches, confusion all over his face. ‘What did I do, y/n? I… let me fix it,’ he says, and I let out another humourless laugh. ‘Fix it? You want to fix it?’ I ask hysterically, voice shaking, ‘You might’ve been able to fix the fact that you asked me to leave so you could have a private conversation with your ex, but that’s a very strong ‘might’, because I am not a choice, Jimin! You don’t get to mess me around! I’m number one, or I’m nothing to you at all!’ ‘Okay. Okay, I understand, and I’m sorry. I won’t do something like that again,’ he says earnestly, desperation in his eyes, but I can’t muster up any sympathy at all. Maybe I am a bitch, like he told me so many times last week.

‘No, you’re not going to do something like that again. Because you’re not going to have the chance, Jimin. We are done. That’s it,’ I say, and any hope that was in his eyes completely disappears, the light draining away. ‘What? Why? I thought you wanted… to give us a go,’ he says quietly, sounding… lost, and confused. It only makes me angrier – he’s not gonna get away with playing innocent today. ‘I did. Before I found out that you went and blabbed every single detail of last week to every fucking frat boy in ASP and KPN last night! Did you somehow forget about that, or did you purposely leave out that detail when I asked you earlier?’ I scream, body shaking with fury, and the second he registers my words, the colour disappears from his face, and he looks like he might throw up. He doesn’t say anything, and I give him the chance, but he doesn’t even bother to deny it, just stares at me in shock and the last shred of my hope that maybe Minho lied, that he exaggerated, or that maybe Jimin only told a couple of the guys disappears. ‘Yeah. That’s what I thought too. So forgive me for being such a bitch,’ I spit at him, and he opens his mouth to speak, no words coming out.

‘Go on. Say something. You’ve had plenty to say all night. So let’s hear it,’ I prompt sarcastically, and he just blinks before he whispers miserably; ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘Sorry? You’re sorry? Oh, well, that’s okay! Everything’s solved now, huh? That just makes everything fine!’ I shout, and his head drops, eyes on the ground. ‘Not only did you tell everyone, you lied about it! So how can I pursue something with you when you’re already lying to me? I can’t trust a word you say!’ ‘I… I’m not defending myself… but you lied to me too, y/n. You told me that you told Jennie, and ‘a couple of the other girls’. But we both know that was a lie,’ he says slowly, stuttering as he speaks, and I’m dumbfounded, in complete and utter shock.

‘You… you don’t understand. I told the girls, my closest friends. We tell each other everything. I’ve been there for them through everything, and they’ve been there for me through everything. You told two entire fraternities of immature and idiotic man children! You don’t think there’s a difference between the two? I bet they congratulated you, right? On getting the girl that hates you into bed? Asked what I was like? What my body looks like? Whether I had good head game, or good pussy? Saw me as just a slut, another conquest, another notch in your belt? Two entire fraternities objectified me last night, and you can’t even try to tell me otherwise, because I can guarantee that every girl in this damn university has had an experience to prove that you frat boys are disgusting. So you can fuck yourself, Jimin, and don’t ever compare me telling the girls to you telling those idiots again,’ I spit out angrily, and he’s completely silent, confirming everything I’ve just said. ‘I’m done with you. Don’t ever speak to me again,’ I hiss before turning on my heel and marching to where Jen stands outside the Uber, smiling at me softly.

‘That was amazing. I’m so proud of you,’ she says when I reach her, and I smile back as she opens the car door, letting me climb in first. I slide across the seat, Jennie following me in, and when she shuts the door behind her, I feel my heart pulse with hurt, eyes filling with tears. And as the driver pulls away from the house and I turn to look out of the rear window, being met with the sight of Jimin stood there, watching the car drive away, his eyes shining with tears, I can’t hold back my own, sobbing as if my heart would break.

[chamelis]

I mean no offense in asking this but what about that "curry" song is offensive? Is curry not an important dish in Indian culture and eating beef against the majority religion of India (Hinduism)?

dude... are you kidding?? have you been reading any of the posts?

*sigh* ok. since u asked so nicely, let me spell it out for you. and for anyone who has been too afraid to ask bc they really should have caught on by now.

first, have a look at this post i made, where i talk abt what south asians face generally. in that post, i put a screenshot of some of the lyrics of that song. first of all, the whole tone of those words is extremely unsettling to me - two Korean men making a song about a culture that they're literally not a part of. like, don't even say "appreciation". if you want to appreciate my culture and food, just eat the fucking food??

but that's not even the main thing. the thing that quite literally made my stomach drop was .... i can't even bring myself to quote it accurately but, smth like "if two people were eating curry and one dropped dead, the other wouldn't notice"?? smth along those lines.

so you're telling me that you like eating indian curry so much that you went wrote an unnecessary song about it, and proceeded to make a disgusting joke about how made it smells??? comparing it to a literal corpse?? what the fuck???

and yes, i know this song was made in 2010 and the original artists have now apologised for making it. but it took them 10 years??? really??? other groups have done this before, btw. stray kids and oh my girl, as far as i can remember. and when they did this, their fans also spoke up about it. im not quite sure what the groups did in response, but, clearly this has been an issue within the last 10 years. but only NOW the original artists realised that they majorly fucked up by making this song??

and dont even get me started on their apology. it was full of "we love indian culture we just wanted to make a fun and catchy song about it". norazo, you didnt just do that. you made a song by taking random 'buzz' words from our culture ("shanti", "TAJ MAHAL", "namaste" and all that shit), referenced random things that we abide by without context (eating with the right hand, no beef etc.), and descriptions of curry that you thought were funny ("its yellow, but it doesn't smell nice" or some shit. again, these arent direct quotes because i refuse to look those lyrics up again.)

what you need to understand, anon, is that this is the worst way you could appreciate someone's culture. that song is made by people who clearly know nothing further and deeper about our culture and traditions past "taj mahal" and "namaste". they think it's hilarious that our food tastes so great but smells so shit. you mean to tell me they loooove our culture, but then thought it was okay to take random hindu terminology which has a deeper meaning and relevance, and just throw them in a song about curry??

by now, i really hope you're seeing why the existence of this song is deeply unsettling. but there's more of a problem here. clearly, over the recent years of kpop groups' controversial encounters with this song, svt never realised that the song is offensive. they've had the luxury of not learning why this song is stupid and derogatory and berating to our culture. they've been able to ignore the fact that south asians across the world are misunderstood and discriminated against because people like norazo reduce our culture to these songs with no meaning other than to """appreciate""" something in the worst way possible.

and that's the worst part to me. svt clearly dont have to care about racism and the struggles of other asians. they're famous and rich and they have a korean fanbase to rely on, so they dont have to care about the struggles of international fans. but south asian culture is REPEATEDLY used in kpop for the aesthetic - there are so many examples of this that you could probably Google it and find a plethora of kpop controversies explained by south asians.

and you know why this keeps happening?? because culturally, in korea, people aren't understanding why shit like this is dumb and wrong. when it comes to idols and their companies, they're either ignoring the uproar (like pledis), or making a half assed apology and then proceeding to appropriate and diminish another culture for their next comeback. so yeah, svt and other idols aren't forced to care about this shit, but they need to start caring. and if they don't, i and a lot of other south asian fans aren't gonna keep loving and supporting and paying them just for them to turn around and slap us in the face by perpetuating harmful and stupid stereotypes of us.

my friend v made a good post here which explains how kpop has brought global east asian rep and broke stereotypes, and now we need the same for south asian cultures. we have an incredibly beautiful and rich cultural background, but when people make songs like this and idols sing them and find them catchy or funny, they reduce our cultures to a couple words and stereotypes. they make us feel small. insignificant past being people that eat smelly curry with our fucking right hand. i am more than that. south asians are more than that. and at this point, i don't even know if svt, the people whom I've given so much love, know that.

I'd like to believe that they had no racist intentions. but that frankly doesn't matter either way. they fucked up by singing that song and seeing nothing wrong with it. and they're still fucking up by staying silent about it. and this is gonna allow some rookie group to make the same fucking mistake in the future, and the cycle repeats, and south asians are continually discriminated and made to feel shit about themselves because of some song that their favourite idols can't stop singing no matter how many times they're told to.

lastly, if you've read all of this and decided that south asian fans are being dramatic and we're "cancelling ppl for no reason", just send me another ask saying so. then I'll block your IP address.

alternatively, if you have a genuine question about this, if my wording didn't make sense at any point, my inbox is open. but pls be polite. it's the least i ask for.

you can refer to this post which is pinned on my page which has resources you can use to contact pledis and tell them to make an apology statement and urge svt to understand their mistake + inform themselves on this issue.

[wakaoujisenhime]

Can a request a fic where levi's s/o is still in the underground and practically runs it then something happens (maybe scouts getting killed) which gets her to a trial (just like eren in s1) and she gets to the corps but she's as rude as she was on the trial even when she sees levi then somehow levi manages to make up with her?? idk please do your magic

A/N: Ok so I didn’t intend for this to turn out how it did! It’s actually quite funny how the trial became some kind of Danganronpa/Phoenix Wright hybrid, but I hope I could capture what you wished for! Please enjoy it .◟(ˊᗨˋ)◞. 

and yes...the ending was planned to be that way ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Tags: Levi x reader ✅  SFW ✅  slight fluff ✅  minimal angst ✅

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

You idiot - Levi x reader

Humanity’s strongest soldier was quite the nostalgic type of person, despite his appearance. If someone claimed that he would like to stare out his office’s window and reminisce about the good old times in the underground, people wouldn’t have believed that. Yet here he was doing exactly that.

For him, it was perhaps the hardest and most lonely time in his entire life. Had it not been for Furlan, Isabelle, and you.

At first, it had been just the three of them, you joined their crew later on after witnessing a fight between them and some of your teammates. After separating and calming them down you proceeded with an introduction of yourself. 

(Y/N)...

You led the majority of the underground people and their respective crews almost like a mayor. Every shop and every inhabitant knew of your capable and fair way of handling confrontations or business in general. They knew, respected, and loved you, especially Levi.

At first, he was reluctant to be one of your many supporters so instead of relying on rumors, he decided to construct an image of you by himself based solely on his own impressions.  

That was perhaps the first time he came across gossip that turned out to be based on reality. You exceeded his expectations in more ways than one. 

Whatever you did or said had a great impact on Levi and even made him change some of his bad habits, abandoning his laid-back gangster lifestyle was one of his many changes.

And not soon after, the young man joined the survey corps - a decision he wasn’t so proud of, so he decided to keep it from you. Being able to leave the underground and be a part of that squad was something you had wished for since long ago, so he thought that this news would’ve scarred your friendship.

So after some months, he disappeared without telling you anything, leaving you behind confused, sad and a tad scared.

You asked yourself if you did anything wrong.

Did you upset him by any chance? 

Why would he leave without telling you anything?

You were friends...right?

Levi’s sudden disappearance left you with a sour and hurt feeling. You tried to come up with an excuse that should’ve erased at least some of your negative thoughts, but you failed...

The man frowned as he remembered the expression you wore the moment you first saw him again...in court.

Erwin had sent some of the scouts down to the underground to recruit more soldiers, some weeks ago. On that day Levi had to do some paperwork so he stayed behind in the headquarters. You, on the other hand, had to run some errands at the other end of the underground, so you ended up missing the survey corps.

The moment you came back the thing you were greeted with first was a pair of cold handcuffs around your wrists.

“You killed some of our scouts and hid them behind building XX...the exact same building you came out of some minutes ago.”

That was the accusation the police had thrown at you, based on the fact that your boots were stained with a few drops of blood and that you were the only person without an alibi for the time of the crime.

The majority of your followers supported you and knew that you’d never commit such a crime - especially not against the organization you wanted to be a member of - but much to your dismay, the military police were way more adamant than anyone would’ve given them credit for.

It was just a matter of time and the news had already reached the captain’s ears.

“There’s no way (Y/N) would do that…!”, he thought.

Of course, as Erwin’s right-hand man he had to be present during your trial and stand there, accusing the woman he had so much respect and love for…

Love…

Since when did he fall in love with you? What was the trigger and why did he never mention it to you?

So many questions and he still hasn’t managed to find a single answer to any of them.

He wanted to sort his feelings out before the trial so that you could return to the underground as the innocent woman that you were before the accusations of murder had stained your white vest. Unfortunately, the firm knock on his office’s door signalized him that the trial was about to start, alas there was no time for him to rearrange his thoughts.

———

The trial had barely begun and almost everybody was ready to vote you as guilty.

Firstly some of the guards had to literally drag you to the pillar in the middle of the room, some bystanders even had to help out in restraining your struggling figure.

When they tried to tie you to the column though, you managed to throw one of the several men onto the ground.

If that had not been enough to shift the jury’s opinion about you then fear not, since that wasn’t the end of it.

You insulted the police, stating just how incompetent they were for arresting you just because of your old and dirty shoes. You even went as far as to actually spit in front of you the moment the judge had commanded you to stop yelling and resisting.

“What is that idiot thinking?”

Looking at the way you mocked the entire courtroom kept Levi on his toes the entire time and luckily there was a person who knew why and was willing to help him out.

“Excuse me, judge, may I speak?”

The deep and raspy voice of the survey corps’ leader echoed throughout the entire room, silencing not only you but also the entire bench. It was the first time you looked to your left side and noticed the familiar face that had apparently one focus - namely you.

“L-Levi…?”, you whispered in disbelief. And even though no one heard your silent voice, he was aware that your immediate change in behavior was caused by him.

“Right captain Ackermann?”  

Erwin suddenly calling him in such a formal fashion was something the soldier would never get used to, but it was the wake-up call he needed right now. The black-haired man caught a glimpse of Hanji who was pointing at a thick stack of papers she held onto.

Evidence.

He cleared his throat and looked up at the elderly man who eagerly awaited what Levi had to say...

———

“(Y/N), hold up!”

“Stop following me Levi, I want to be alone right now!”

Ignoring your plea, the man took a hold of your wrist, causing you to freeze up and involuntarily oblige. You didn’t want to turn around and faze him, too afraid to show the happy and relieved face you were making.

The reason behind your good mood wasn’t because you were pronounced innocent, nor was it because your long-lived dream to join the survey corps had finally come true, no... 

Levi had saved you...and the way he did it, made your heart race.

“Your honor, I’d like to run this case by you one more time…”

“If I’m correct, then the military police arrested miss (L/N), because she had no alibi during the time of the crime, correct?”

“Did the officers take her statement about where she was because there have been some new findings concerning that…”

“There have been several people who saw her talk to XX during the time some of our scouts were murdered.”

“Furthermore...it has come to our attention that another person was seen with the victims just before they lost their lives.” 

“Oh and concerning the issue with her shoes...they’ve been this dirty since I’ve known her.”

“(Y/N)...look at me.”

You hesitated but after some time you once again gave in to his request.

“How long has it been since the two of us looked into each other’s eyes like that?”

“Since you left the underground...you jerk”, was your answer, and to make sure he understood that the insult was just a joke, you softly punched his upper arm.

The frown that contorted his features reminded you of what had happened just a few minutes ago.

Just a few minutes after the judge had agreed to pronounce you as innocent, the three main faces of the survey corps took you to their main office.

Erwin had then started a speech, talking about how they had found evidence that the real culprits behind the killings were actually aiming for you and whatnot. You didn’t or better you couldn’t listen to the man you once respected and dreamed to work for...at the moment the only person you gave your entire attention to was none other than Levi.

The two of you were looking at each other, your expressions perfectly recreating the inner turmoil that occupied both of your minds.

Guilt. Sadness. Worry. Anger.

Annoyance. Relief. Wonder. Countless questions.

It was evident that right now wasn’t the best time to tell you the reason you became part of the survey corps. 

It was not because of your skills, but because of the judge’s fear that you’d run rampage if the jury had voted for guilty. 

Unfortunately, Erwin wasn’t a man to sugarcoat the truth, so he straight out told you that it was all just a pretense and that right now you were under severe surveillance.

“I’m leaving.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not some of your reckless cadets that need surveillance 24/7, I’m a full-grown woman that can look out for herself and besides I think we all saw just how good your ‘surveillance’ was when your scouts were killed off down in the underground, didn’t we?”

“(Y/N), what are yo-“

“Shut up, you ungrateful prick. I’ve had my fill of jerk for today, so please refrain from talking to me and Sir Smith...I think we can agree that neither you nor I want to play babysitter so let’s all just take care of our own business without the whole ‘I’m the leader so I have to do this’ mentality, ok?”

After saying that you straight out left the room, not even bothering to close the door and that’s how Levi ended up following after you...which brings us to the present situation.

“Even after so many years, I see that you still haven’t changed that rude attitude of yours.”

Your eyes widened at his sudden retort and caused you to chuckle.

“Render me surprised...who would’ve thought that the adorable Levi Ackerman who used to look up to me would one day become so sassy.”

He should’ve at least cracked a smile at that, but he oddly didn’t and you had a hunch why.

“(Y/N)...I’d like to explain some things to you, so will you listen to me for a second?”

“Well it’s going to take more than just a second, isn’t it?”

The moment that question left your mouth, you instantly regretted it. 

In truth, all you wanted was to finally clear things up between you guys and luckily Levi appeared to desire that as well.

“I’m sorry that I disappeared without telling you, but I was afraid that the moment you found out about the offer I had gotten, it might hurt you since I-“

“Since you got the position I wanted before me?“

A reluctant nod followed instead of an answer and all you could respond to that was: “You idiot.”

After that, you couldn’t help but laugh at how pointless all of it had seemed and not soon after the man in front of you joined in.

Your laughing voices resonated around the silent and usually dull halls of the survey corps headquarters. 

Levi was laughing at himself and how stupid of him it was to assume your reaction beforehand, despite knowing full well that all you ever wanted was the absolute best for the people who were most important to you.

You were laughing at how immature your way of acting was towards the court, Erwin, and most importantly Levi. It was no secret that you felt bad for making him feel that way and it honestly surprised you at how much he had grown as a person since he’d left the underground. His growth had really surprised and impressed you at the same time, you even played with the thought of confessing to him right then and there, but then again...that might’ve been a little bit too much for your first ‘real’ conversation after so long.

Is now a good time...?

A pair of grey eyes looked at your laughing face as you slowly started walking away. 

If not now...then when?

His hands were sweaty and trembled ever so slightly causing his nervousness to go up on a higher level than it already had been.

It’s now or never!

“Levi? What’s wrong..?“

The man just realized that he had held onto your hand, stopping you from walking just like before.

“(Y/N)...”

Do it!

“...”  

[kittensinsocks24]

Spinel is one of the best examples of trauma and emotional parental figure abuse I’ve seen in media: an essay nobody asked for

As some may know, the television film special for Steven Universe, appropriately enough titled Steven Universe: The Movie premiered on Cartoon Network last night after being announced one year ago at SDCC. It was here where we would get our first glance at the villain of the film, who we would come to find out upon release is named Spinel. 

I as well watched this stephen university moving picture show. And, despite my initial jokes about “this bendy-and-the-ink-machine lookin’ ass bubblegum bitch”, by the time the credits rolled I looked like a drowned cat, and had wept real tears of pain over this poor, poor strawberry shortcake clown infant. But why? Why was I openly sobbing over a literal one-braincell jester girl with the color palette of magenta printer ink? Then it hit me: Spinel is many things, but she is, most importantly, a great mirror. A mirror for me, and any and all other victims of being taken advantage of by somebody you trust, look up to, and admire, most often than not, parents. 

TW: Spoilers below for Steven Universe: The Movie as well as discussion of abusive guardians, short mentions of physical abuse, and discussion of  emotional manipulation

While it’s true that Spinel is self-proclaimed to have been Pink’s “best friend”, I feel that to a more obvious extent she is coded to have had a parental, one-sided-admiration relationship with Pink. This is confirmed to me by her obvious youthful, playful and childlike behavior in her original state, her clinginess to the person she respects, and most importantly, her unquestioning belief in Pink Diamond’s love and belief in her best interests, despite obvious signals otherwise to an outsider. 

Let’s start at the beginning: Past Spinel is, self-described, “innocent, loving, .....stupid.” Spinel was created, metaphorically and physically, to keep Pink Diamond happy and entertained. Her default state was to naturally seek Pink’s approval, to earn her admiration and joy, similar to how most often a child’s first and prevailing desire is to earn their parent’s approval and love. Despite it not being Spinel’s fault that Pink decided to leave her there with the false hope of her returning, Spinel inherently blames her own naivety and desire for Pink’s love for her current predicament. Maybe if she hadn’t been so trusting, had questioned what Pink was making her do, she wouldn’t have been alone all those years. That’s a feeling I think most trauma victims have looking back at their past selves and childhood, something that further drew me to Spinel’s arc as a metaphor for such. 

“And then she smiled, that’s what I’m after: the smile in her eyes, the sound of her laughter.” 

This is a situation I believe most if not all children of emotionally and/or physically abusive parents can relate to. The tale of an abusive parental relationship often starts off with a parent either having a child they weren’t emotionally mature enough to raise, or, more relevant in Pink’s case, “having” a child for selfish reasons of personal entertainment, or to fill a void in their lives somehow, realizing only too late the independent personhood of their new “toy” outside of them. 

I’ve seen some say that Spinel was understandably left behind because she is shown throughout to be “clingy” and “annoying”, but you know who else frequently has those traits? Children. Especially children before they emotionally mature like Spinel does after her revelation about Pink. I can assure you for a fact that I was a very annoying child. Does that make it right that my parent emotionally withdrew after I was no longer pleasing or entertaining to them? Does that make it right that they hit me? No. 

When Pink first “had” Spinel it’s clear that she genuinely enjoyed her company. Most toxic relationships have this sort of “honeymoon” phase, a time before things were so bad that the victim will often wish to go back to, not unlike Spinel. Even though Pink’s later actions erase any goodwill towards Spinel and make it clear that even in joyful times she never really cared for her, as somebody scarred by trauma Spinel inherently longs to go back to these days even if Pink was not actually as happy or good as she remembers. 

Later on, we as the audience, privy to more knowledge, can see that Pink has grown irritated/bored with Spinel. But Spinel, much like a child, isn’t aware of this. Spinel loves and is devoted to Pink, and if Pink is happy, she is happy for her. Her trust in Pink loving her back and unwavering confidence in her actions blinds her to what is coming next. “Every day was so much fun! At least.... that’s what I thought.....” She even is so confident that Pink loves her back that she is 100% positive Pink will take her along to Earth. 

“I was so excited! A whole new place to play!” 

Pink instructs Spinel to stay put in the garden and not follow her, lying straight to Spinel’s openly trusting face that this request is the start of a “game”. Spinel, again only seeking nothing but the love and admiration of her pseudo-parental figure/person she obviously admires, does so without question. In her mind so full of love and genuine belief that Pink would never do something wrong to her, she never even questions that this may not be a game, that Pink is seeking to dispose of her, or that Pink may not return. Spinel takes Pink fully at her word, and thus waits, and waits, for 6000 years. 

At first, Spinel remains ever the optimist she always is, entrusting that despite the obvious gap in time that Pink, having her best interests in mind, will come back to love and play with her. 

As literal years go by, we can see that despite her best efforts the wait for Pink to “come around” (physically, but also emotionally if we view this as a metaphor) has taken a toll on Spinel. She’s visibly weathered, with tired eyes and a weaker smile. However even though this is clearly not good for her she continues to believe that, yes, Pink does love her and would never hurt her! She will come back! 

Worst of all, and something even more stinging when looked at through the lens of an abuse metaphor, is Spinel’s line during this part of the song:

“Happily wondering, night after night, is this how it works? Am I doing it right?”

Annnnnnd this is where the waterworks really burst for me, folks. Spinel has begun questioning Pink’s actions, but her continued belief that Pink, again, would only do the best for her makes it so Spinel has begun, to some extent, to blame herself for how long it’s taken for Pink to return. Spinel feels perhaps she did something to displease Pink, that she messed up their “game” somehow, and this is why Pink has not returned to love her. She must strive and continue to be the best at this “game” or she is to blame for Pink not wanting to play with her. It’s a powerfully impactful line, but even worse for any child who went through a similar trial-and-error, self-deprecating process of trying to earn their parent’s unachievable love through grades, performance, or going above-and-beyond in any other sort of field. 

Spinel is so desperate to finally get Pink’s love “back” that even though it is straining her mentally and (albeit to a lesser extent) physically, she will continue to do whatever Pink asked and even doubt herself and her ability to do things right if it means even a sliver of potential attention down the line.

Then, Spinel has a watershed moment most every child of an abusive guardian will have: she realizes she’s been abused. Through Steven’s broadcast, Spinel indirectly learns two things: 1, Pink is dead, has been dead, and was never intending on coming back for her even after all of Spinel’s silent years of devotion and trust, and 2, Pink proceeded to give others the love and attention Spinel could never earn despite all she did immediately after moving on and leaving Spinel for dead. 

It is in this moment that Spinel not only physically “snaps” and changes into her much more threatening form seen in Act 1, but that she also breaks. 

Spinel entertained and loved Pink for who knows how long before she disappeared, and even in her absence and the absence of love and affection continued to trust and care for her, and Pink instead simply chose to devote herself to new people, a new place, without them even having to earn her like Spinel did? It’s more than unfair, it rocks Spinel’s worldview.

Emotionally, the revelation that the person she adored, loved, trusted and respected and that she naturally looked up to not only did not care for her but actively chose to love others and ignore her despite all the mentally-taxing devotion Spinel gave her is more than she can bear. 

“You keep on turning pages, for people who don’t care, people who don’t care about you. And still it takes you ages to see that no one’s there, see that no one’s there, see that no one’s there. Everyone’s gone on without you.” 

Spinel transforms, a transformation symbolic of the venom and bile of her trauma. Despite her cocky attitude and speech about her “new look” upon initially showing up with her injector, Spinel notably is not proud of her new form. She views herself as broken. 

Scarred beyond repair by Pink’s abandonment and actions. Something too messed up and warped to love, unworthy of affection and friendship.

Traumatized.

I’ve never met another person traumatized by parental abuse who didn’t also feel like they were too far gone. A monster, transformed and shaped into something horrible by their abuser’s actions.  

“All that stuff’s easy for you to say! When you change, you change for the better! When I change, I change for the WORSE! I used to just be not good enough, not good enough for Pink,- but NOW, I’m not GOOD AT ALL!” 

~                                 ~                                       ~

“Spinel, you’ve met The Diamonds before, right?”

“Yeah, but.... (notably hesitant) they’ve never seen me like this.” 

With Pink gone, Spinel has nobody direct to confront about her traumas. Without any better coping mechanisms, Spinel’s only desire is to lash out at somebody, anybody for her pain. She specifically chooses Earth and The Crystal Gems for having been the objects of the affection Pink never gave her, despite not actually having a personal relationship with them. 

“Y’know, I came here to take my anger out on a bunch of strangers, [...]”

When I first wisened up to the fact that what my parent did wasn’t normal, wasn’t something I should have gone through as an innocent child, I lashed out at any and everybody I felt was involved in some way. My father for never being around when it happened, never stopping her when it did, never getting her help, never calling CPS. My brother for never having to deal with her wrath, for always raising the bar with his good grades, making it feel harder and harder to earn the love I felt like I had to have.

Spinel’s maladaptive way of handling the situation is an all-too-common chapter in the life of the abused, and something that further strengthens the connection her arc has to real life people in similar situations.

When Steven confronts her that this isn’t the way to handle things, Spinel doesn’t see any other way. She doesn’t feel like she can trust anybody again, and doesn’t feel herself worthy of love. During “Found”, she’s noticeably hesitant and even resistive to Steven’s assurance that she’ll find somebody who truly does love her one day, too scarred by Pink’s deception to open herself up to the idea of healing.

Even when she does, it’s notably a delicate process. After turning off the injector, her own insecurity and trust issues due to her traumatic incident leads her, without any real evidence, to assume that Steven and the Gems value her as little as Pink did. She is both afraid of what she has become, again feeling she is too traumatized to be accepted and loved, and also afraid that they will leave her as easily and quickly as her abuser. 

After failing to ever earn Pink’s love fully and the physical and emotional transformation her trauma has had on her, Spinel doesn’t genuinely believe anybody could ever want her company ever again. 

“I’m the source of all your problems. Don’t pretend you want me here.  What’s your plan for me, huh? Ya gonna put me somewhere? Gonna - LEAVE me somewhere? Gonna LEAVE ME ALONE?”

However, after the emotional catharsis of lashing out, sharing her traumas with Steven, and then spiraling into another emotional rage over what happened to her, Spinel, having begun to process her trauma, realizes that her hurting those only vaguely, tangentially related to her abuser and situation will do nothing to heal the pain inside her, and, more importantly, realizes that doing this is only pushing people away from her and failing to allow herself to open up to loving again. 

And, of course, this is via a breakdown complete with agony-driven laughter, because Rebecca loves rendering me bald and taking an icepick to my similarly traumatized heart.

“(cracking with emotion)....What am I doing? Why do I want to hurt you so bad? I’m supposed to be a friend. .....I just want to be a friend.”

As low of a point as this is for Spinel emotionally, it shows that she has begun the slow but ultimately fulfilling process of healing. This new path continues in her next scene, where she opens herself up to The Diamonds with Steven’s coaxing, despite the person who spurned her having been a Diamond herself (this also easily could be viewed as a metaphor for opening yourself up to trusting mentoring relationships again and finding a healthy new parental relationship in someone either non-blood-related or in other members of your family). 

In probably the most heart-wrenching scene of the movie for me, as The Diamonds reprise their song about opening their hearts up to a new member of their family (this also furthers my argument of spinel = child figure to Pink, considering the last person the trio sung this to was Pink’s literal biological son), Spinel sings part of Found again, finally believing Steven’s statement that she will love again, as she connects and converses with people who genuinely like her despite all she’s been through and become. 

Spinel learns and accepts, for the first time in the movie, that she is worthy of love, and is not too broken or changed by her trauma to receive it. 

And so I cried like the winner of a horseradish paste eating contest. 

In summary, to me, and I’m more than sure to other experiencers of childhood emotional and/or physical abuse at the hands of somebody they trusted, Spinel is one of the best media representations of the complex moods, highs and lows, and experiences of going through, repressing, and processing trauma. Not only that, but unlike some other characters I can think of, Spinel gets a hopeful ending. She’s not so warped and broken that the writers deemed her too far gone and thus only worthy of killing off. No. Spinel is a trauma victim who goes through a dark period of coping in negative ways, but then comes out the other side ready to open herself back up to the idea of healing and moving on from her trauma and abuser. Despite all her baggage and scars, the movie assures us Spinel is just as worthy of a happy ending as any other person. 

And I don’t think I’m alone in saying that if MY pained ass at the beginning of my traumatic processing years ago had seen that I could, that I CAN be okay despite it, that it would have meant so much to me. 

And even though I’m still still learning to love again myself, I think deep down all victims hope we can become our own Spinel someday. 

Somewhere.

Somehow.

We’ll love again. 

TL;DR Rebecca Sugar wrote one of the best arcs about abuse on television ever and its star was a rubberhose baby who sounds like Betty Boop and whos shoes make the spongebob walk cycle noise sample and thats why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. 

[theonceoverthinker]

A Tumultuous Embrace (3/5) (Golden Hook)

Summary: Captain Hook and Rumplestiltskin have wronged many a man in their days as villains, so many in fact that they’ve unknowingly overlapped on more than one occasion. What are they going to do when two of those cases want revenge and know exactly how to best take it? Now trapped together in a beyond compromising position, will Killian and Rumple be able to work together to fight against impossible odds and get home, or will their lingering hatred of each other prove to be their shared doom as they literally go down together?

(1) (2) 

AO3       Fanfiction.net

A/N: I LOVED writing this chapter! It was a long, arduous, bonkers process, but I loved every freaking minute of it! Rumple and Killian being each other's unwitting, but forced-upon torture is my freakin' aesthetic and making a fic of that is essentially a dream come true!

This chapter is less whumpy, but more uncomfortable, and I think it's not only the longest chapter, but the funniest too!

Tagging @ponylasers, @sherlockianwhovian, @killian-whump, @z-aliada, @justsomewhump, @black-wolf066, @therooksshiningknight, @wyntereyez, @hollyethecurious and @darkpoisonouslove! If you want to get tagged for this fic (Or don’t -- I promise I won’t be offended), please let me know!

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CHAPTER 3: A TUMULTUOUS STROLL IN THE WOODS

Pirates were no stranger to the water. Everyone knew that. Water ruled their lives - it was their home, their source of food, and their best means of travel in a world unfriendly towards their kind. But, just as it provided for pirates, it also took away from them in that same vein. It was something of a system of its own personal brand of justice, often serving all at once as a pirate's judge, jury, and executioner for whatever walk of life came into its murky embrace.

And although it was often preferable to be above the water because of this, given his and Rumple's current circumstances, Killian was more than grateful to wake up only partially submerged in the stuff.

Thankfully, as it had been many times before, the water he'd found himself in took mercy on his soul.

As the sun shined a hopeful, speckled light onto him through the nearby trees aside a cloudless sky, Killian took a deep, thankful breath.

He was alive.

They had done it.

But that begged immediately begged the question: Did the other part of his unwitting duo fare so well?

Sure, Rumple couldn't die, but the very water that spared him may have drowned Rumple, leaving him in a catatonic state. That, especially given their circumstances, would actually be worse for the both of them.

Never before had Killian thought he'd wish Rumple was okay, but now, it was almost something of a prayer.

Damnit, he just HAD to make it out of this!

Killian leaned his head forward so that his ear was on Rumple's chest. As if an act of mercy for all they'd had to endure thus far, his heart was beating perfectly. Killian sighed.

He had to thank Zeus for that one - he'd made that bastard as good as surviving as him.

"Wake up!" he said, nudging at his neck as best as he could.

Immediately, Rumple moaned and his eyes fluttered open. He forewent meeting Killian's eyes following a brief few seconds in favor of exploring their new location with his limited viewpoint.

After a moment, Rumple released a breath that mirrored the one Killian took upon making the same realization. "We made it," he said, a calmness in his voice that Killian had never heard before, a calmness that was likely reserved for only Belle, Gideon, and Bae.

Despite everything, Killian smiled. "Indeed, we did. Told you I'd get us back safely. Now the only question is WHERE are we?" Killian looked around. Currently, they laid beside a big boulder inside a shallow brook. Above the brook's edge laid what was clearly a large and expansive forest, but he had no clue if they had remained in town or not.

Rumple examined the area. "I know this place. We're in a small brook by the northern part of Storybrooke's woods. Quite a far cry from the town."

Of course surviving the current and brutality of the very ocean itself would be the easiest part of this mess.

But really, what else would he expect from an adventure in Storybrooke?

"At least we made it out alive," Killian said, sighing.

"Now, tell me these binds loosened up a bit and that will really make my day."

Killian hadn't considered that possibility, but it was indeed quite feasible. The ocean was a harsh mistress to be sure, but maybe that could work to their benefit.

He tried pulling his arm and elbow, first close together and then apart, but much to his chagrin, the knot that bound him stayed just as tight as before. "No such luck. You try."

And try Rumple did - many times. Grunting, he pulled his hands closer and further apart, much like an accordion player.

However, it proved to be no use.

Any goodwill Rumple displayed on his features since waking up was gone now, replaced instead with the scowl that Killian had come to know and hate.

"Let's just get out of here," Rumple huffed. Killian nodded.

Using his free arm as leverage, Killian started to pick the two of them up...only to slip and be knocked down not two seconds later.

They hit the rocks with a thud, with Rumple taking the brunt of the fall.

"Can you TRY to be a bit more careful?" he barked.

"In case you haven't realized, we're in the midst of a brook and all I've on hand for leverage are slippery rocks," he said as they worked to sit up again. "And not only that, but the edge of my arm is completely smooth - thanks to you, by the way. I can only do so much."

Rumple looked to his left, either ignoring or not caring about how his chin hit Killian's nose in the process. Killian turned to face that way, pushing their cheeks together once more.

"Let's scoot over to the end of the brook," Rumple suggested. "With any luck, we'll be able to get up from there."

Killian agreed. The pair shifted onto Killian's back once more. From there, his arm pulled at the slippery rocks while both of their sets of legs pushed in the direction of the brook's edge.

It didn't take long before something harsh hit his shoe.

"Ow!" Killian snapped. "Be careful!"

"I can't see!" Rumple shot back.

"Then don't step so hard!"

"Yes," Rumple mocked, his tone as drenched in sarcasm as their bodies were in water, "because soft steps are what will get us out of here."

What came out next of Killian was a mix of a groan and a roar. "What the hell could I have done that warranted this kind of torture? Out of everyone in the all the realms I could've been stuck with this way, it HAD to be you!"

"I promise you, CAPTAIN: You were hardly my first choice either."

The two glared at each other, frustrated at how they could only just barely keep their noses from touching.

If Killian could have it his way, they'd be on opposite sides of the world.

Seething, Killian got back to work, with Rumple following suit, his steps somehow turning even harsher.

And Killian paid the deed in kind.

"Watch it," Rumple snarled when one of his foot stomps hit its semi-intended target.

"I will when you do."

"How much further do we have to go?"

Killian tilted his head back and was perturbed to see just how little progress they'd made.

"We're maybe halfway there."

"Please tell me this is one of your awful jokes."

"This isn't a joke," Killian commiserated. "It's a travesty."

Rumple sighed, his head landing on Killian's chest for the barest of seconds before he recoiled. "For once, I'll agree to that."

"Then let's work to end it," Killian said.

Killian and Rumple got back to work, pushing and pulling through the rocks silently while facing opposing directions. While Killian's arm would occasionally slip, Rumple didn't interrupt their progress to yell at him, instead just grunting as he got back to work.

As far as cooperation went for them, with their lives no longer so directly on the line, that was likely the best Killian could hope for.

However, that did paint a worrying picture for how they'd go about handling the next stage in their climb.

After about three minutes, Killian tilted his head back to see that they were nearly close enough for his arm to latch onto the grass of the forest.

"Look alive," he said. "We're closing in on the brook's edge."

Through his shirt, Killian could feel Rumple looking up to confirm his words.

"What do you think? How should we get up there?"

Killian took a moment to plot out his plan.

"We'll dig our side into the side of the brook and shimmy up the ledge. Once your arm can secure a hold on the ground, we'll push ourselves up onto it with our legs."

"This better work," Rumple grumbled.

"It will."

Killian dug his feet against the closest rock to them at the bottom of the brook and proceeded to shove his and Rumple's shoulders into the wet dirt that comprised the brook's ledge. He pushed his knees in between Rumple's legs, dug his feet in front of one of the rocks on the ground, and started the process of wedging their side up the ledge.

It wasn't an easy job by any means. Getting the rhythm for shimmying and moving up was by no means simple with two people constrained as they were and when those two people could just barely cooperate, it was especially challenging.

But it was working, slowly, but working all the same. They were making bits and bits of progress and it seemed like they would succeed.

Killian was so close to the top of the ledge, now able to make out not only a patch of grass, but a stretch of it.

He started to navigate his arm towards the ledge, but in that moment, his foot's traction against the rock it pushed against started to wane and wane fast.

His and Rumple's scramble for balance was fast given everything, but nowhere near fast nor study enough to save them from the fall.

The two of them shared the brunt of the drop, landing on the cobblestone-like seafloor of the brook. The oblong cobbles of the stones made the fall especially painful, even though the water did help a bit to ease it.

Because the brook was rather shallow, neither of them was submerged beyond a quarter of their faces.

That only served to help Rumple's rage fly faster.

"Yes, that plan of your really worked," Rumple grit, positively seething.

"At least it was something!" Killian shot back.

"What I'd give for use of my hands."

"Well, haven't I had thought THAT a million times before?"

"If you don't get moving, you're not going to be having ANY thoughts!"

Both men stopped to catch their breaths and strategize, but the animosity between the other didn't vanish for so much as a second.

God, HOW did Belle stand to share a house with Rumple, much less marry and raise a child with him? The two of them had been awake for less than twenty minutes and the bindings that kept them clung to each other was all that kept Killian from strangling him!

And this wasn't the end of their journey...likely not even close.

"We need to get up there," Rumple said, his angry expression now morphed into something close to determination.

Well, at least he was just as dead set on getting home as he was.

"Then let's try again."

Killian moved to get back into their previous position, but Rumple pulled him back into the water with his body. Irritation flared up and his blood felt like the innards of a volcano.

"What are you doing?" he nearly shouted.

"No," Rumple refuted. "We're not doing that again."

"Got any better ideas then?" Killian growled.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do."

"This should be good," Killian said, lacing his comment with all the venom he could muster.

Rumple seemed to have ignored the comment. "We'll push my back against the side of the brook. From there, you'll maneuver yourself onto your legs and stand up."

Killian had to admit that it was a good plan. He'd never say it outright, of course, but he agreed to do it nonetheless.

Once again, Killian maneuvered himself onto his knees, but this time pivoted himself so that he was facing the ledge of the brook. He pushed Rumple's back into the ledge as hard as he could.

"Now who's going too hard?" Rumple snipped. In truth, Killian found himself in pain too since the very ledge that was hurting Rumple was right beside his arms as well. It was almost enough to make him wince, but he wasn't about to let himself to it - not in front of his crocodile.

"You said it yourself: We need to get up there," Killian bit back. Rumple glared at him, but said nothing as Killian continued to push them upwards.

And much to his relief, in but a few moments, he and Rumple were standing upright.

Rumple smirked at him, causing Killian to rolls his eyes.

"You needn't thank me, but if you want to, I'll gladly accept it."

Of course he'd gloat about this, wouldn't he?

Killian didn't rush to answer the comment, instead looking forward - literally - towards their next course of action. Now that they were standing, how would they get on the ledge? The ledge went up to Killian's waist and while he was spry, there was no way he was going to be able to step that high unsupported.

But then he got an idea.

A devilish grin crossed his face and Rumple couldn't even utter a word in response before Killian pushed him - them - onto Rumple's back.

Upon landing, Rumple shot perhaps the most vicious glare Killian had ever seen from him in his life. However, Killian, in between barks of laughter, pushed his legs upon the ledge.

He then turned to Rumple, whose expression had gotten no better since he last looked at it.

To that, Killian smirked.

"Thank you," Killian joked.

By now, Rumple was fuming.

"Get OFF of me," he huffed, shoving Killian. The impact of the push ended up being more than likely either of them expected, sending them not only on their sides, but rolling a ways away from the brook in the direction of a tree. Their momentum was killed, as Killian's back slammed into a tree.

Both men exclaimed upon the crash, Rumple's balled fists pushing deeply into Killian's back, which only made the landing worse for Killian. They rolled out a bit so they were on their other side and a little bit away from the tree.

"You," Killian grunted, "are the worst."

"I couldn't breath with you on me!" Rumple bit back. "What was your excuse?"

"I was getting us up that ledge! What, would you have preferred we stay there for a drink?"

"You could've given me a warning!"

"You could've been less of an ass by the ledge!"

The both of them sighed and looked away from each other. It wasn't comfortable - none of this was - and it was only going to get worse from here. Killian reasoned they should probably get a move on while there was still daylight to burn.

"Let's just get this over with," Rumple said, beating Killian to the punch.

Killian looked at the tree that just two minutes ago got quite intimate with his spine. He thought back to the ledge they were trapped aside shortly before they landed here. Then, he turned to Rumple who was by now looking to him.

"Alright," Killian said. "Like before, I'm going to press your back to the tree and push us up form there. That okay?"

Rumple paused for a second, as if he was surprised by the gesture. To be fair, Killian supposed he shouldn't be surprised. He hadn't been the most gracious of cohorts today either.

"Yes," he seemed to settle on with a touch of hesitation. "Okay, let's get moving."

Once more, they rolled back to the tree, though more gently and with Rumple occupying Killian's prior spot. Killian pushed Rumple against the trunk, making a conscious effort to be just a little more gentle with his movements - if only to spare them both another spat. Slowly, he started stepping up, his arms grating sharply against the bark until finally, Killian was fully standing up again.

They both let out sighs of relief. For the first time in nearly half a day, some shred of normalcy and dignity returned to their lives...for about five seconds.

Then they realized their position once more.

How the HELL were they going to walk home like this?

And how long would it take?

Killian suspected that said answer was not one he was going to like.

Rumple seemed to already have an idea as to one of those question's answers. "Okay, lower me onto my feet," he instructed.

Killian obliged, but immediately regretted doing so. A feeling of anguish set in right in the center of his spine as soon as Rumple was settled on the ground. He grimaced and let out an unconscious wince. Rumple looked no happier with the arrangement, seemingly struggle just to see anything apart from Killian that was directly in front of him.

"Okay, let's try moving back," Killian said. He moved his feet first backwards from the tree and then Rumple moved his.

Not bad.

Not good either.

"Now let's turn." They started moving again, but the limitations of their position started to kick in with the tree no longer there to fall back on. The position was incredibly uncomfortable and difficult to move in. It required patience and a mutual understanding of their desired rhythm, neither of which they had. Rumple was moving too fast and Killian was moving too slow. They barely managed the turn, but then they tried walking towards Rumple.

Rumple's feet were once more too fast and Killian's too slow, but luck wasn't there this time to make up for their shoddy excuses for rhythm and balance.

All it took was one errant step for the pair to go tumbling down once more.

They landed on Rumple's back and Killian, not wanting a repeat of the last time that happened, quickly turned them onto their side. For a moment, the just laid atop the grass as they recovered from yet another painful fall.

"Not a great start," Killian assessed.

"No," Rumple concurred. "Not at all." They looked to the tree and then to each other.

Now they had to do that whole thing again.

Killian was a bit more successful this time at getting them up. It was still a hard process, but it was once more an effective one.

Upon thinking back to their last effort at walking, Killian decided there and then that they weren't about to try that abysmal attempt at walking again. Instead, he came up with another idea, once a bit less painful and taxing on both of them.

"Let me lead," Killian implored. Rumple didn't answer, and he took that as an agreement to his proposition.

On his own, Killian took a slow, careful step forward. It was incredibly wobbly and he almost didn't make it through the next one, but just managed to catch himself with the help of some of Rumple's movements. He took several more until they were beside the next closest tree.

A twig nearly had them, but Killian recovered just in time through a graceless bit of wiggling and commanding on his and Rumple's part to maintain their stance.

Upon finally finding some semblance of balance, Rumple and Killian looked around.

"We clearly didn't make it to the beach," Rumple commented.

"Not by a long shot," Killian agreed.

"So much for that plan of yours," Rumple snipped.

Killian glared at him. "I didn't see you suggesting anything better when we were flung into the ocean. And I told you there was a chance we'd lose to the current."

"Maybe we wouldn't have had you listened to me about the rocks," Rumple bit back.

"I could barely hear you over the ocean."

"More like your own stubbornness."

"Look who's talking. Had your stubbornness been allowed to win, we'd be at the bottom of the ocean right now. Let's just thank our gods we're still in Storybrooke."

Rumple looked peeved, but said nothing, gazing instead at the expansive forest beside them.

"How far off are we?" Killian asked.

"At least four, if not five miles from the town proper," Rumple groaned, something Killian quickly chorused with one of his own.

Killian took a deep breath. "And how long do you think it will take us to get there?"

"Considering how long it took us to get up and out of that brook, how bad those last few steps were, and the bumpiness of the woods...a day, at least," he assessed. "Maybe two."

"No," Killian moaned, trying through sheer force of denial to make it not so.

""Yes."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"How I wish that I were."

Killian sighed, squeezing his eyes shut with frustration. "Well, unless we're found, there's little we can do but walk ourselves back home."

"Kill me now," Rumple commiserated.

"And have to bring Belle your corpse? Not a chance, crocodile. Now come on, let's get a move on." Killian was about to take a step, when suddenly, Rumple spoke.

"Wait."

Killian exhaled far more roughly than he intended. "What?"

"You can't seriously expect us to travel like this," Rumple said, incredulity stretched across his face and words like a sheet of aluminum foil over a tray of leftover food.

Killian looked up and down - at least as well as he could - at how they stood. While he'd never deluded himself into thinking it was anything near normal, it was only now that he realized just how positively AWKWARD it was! Rumple's feet couldn't touch the ground and it made it look like Killian had a large baby strapped to his chest in a similar manner to how Belle held her son. It undoubtedly would've looked goofy to onlookers and as it stood, it was both humiliating and aggravating for them to endure.

Then again, Killian supposed that was Horace and Jasper's point in tying them up like this - to make their last moments as torturous as hell.

But the fact was that they had lived and now, it was quite literally their burden to bear.

"Given our circumstances, it's that or death," Killian replied. "I don't know about you, but I quite value my life."

"I'm not being carried," Rumple protested. Killian imagined that if he had use of his arms, they might be folded in front of him.

And Killian's, fueled by exasperation, would be at his hips.

"Well, seeing as how you can't lower yourself to the ground and our last attempts at me lowering you ended with us on the ground in a matter of seconds, unless you've got any better ideas — and trust me, I'd love to hear just about any alternative to this — then yes, you are being carried." Rumple growled, and taking that as the end of the matter, Killian started walking. "You do realize I hate this as much as you do, right?"

"I'd be disgusted if you didn't." From his backside, Killian could feel Rumple moving his feet up Killian's body.

"What are you doing?"

"If I've no use for my legs, I'm not just going to leave them dangling. So I'm putting them up."

That was all well and good, but it quickly stopped being so when Killian felt two feet pushing into his ass. The sudden shock of the feeling made Killian stumble, and despite trying to regain their balance, he was unable to.

"Well, can you not?" Killian growled as he picked his face up from the ground. Another groan escaped him as he realized that once more, they'd need to get back up again, something he was sure would be no more pleasant this time than any of the previous times had been.

And much to his aggravation, Rumple's feet started climbing up Killian's backside again.

"Stop," Killian commanded.

"If they're not dangling, they'll be out of our way while you walk," Rumple refuted.

Hearing the word 'our' being used so casually was torturous to Killians ears, an awful reminder of the long day that was to come.

Or possibly two days that were to come...

Killian groaned, for what had to be the eighth time in the span of maybe an hour.

"It's as you said," Rumple reminded him, "it's this or death and I know how you value your life. Now, come on, let's get back up."

They moved back towards the tree that had supported them last time. It was easier to get up this time, but easier was still by no means easy.

And if that weren't bad enough, once they were standing, Rumple, whose legs fell down during the climb back up, started moving his legs up Killian's again. Thankfully though, this time Rumple's legs were able to cling as far up as Killians waist, and only hit Killian's ass once along the way.

That said, it wasn't comfortable. None of this was. Now though, with Rumple's legs stacked on his waist, Killian felt even more of Rumple's weight on him. Not to mention, his legs now served as an additional bind, forcing even their hips that had been spared the initial bind together.

As if they weren't close enough...

"Let's just get this fresh Hell over with so we can end this awful adventure."

Having seemingly relented to his share of their misery, Rumple sighed. "Final question."

Killian stopped walking, exasperated. "What?" he half shouted.

"How are we going to use the bathroom?"

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Storybrooke's forests were never something Rumple felt intimidated by. He spent more than his fair share of time traversing them, both in his cursed and uncursed life and never found them too expansive to conquer.

But that no longer proved to be the case as he was bound by the wrists of another man who could walk at most maybe a quarter of a mile per hour balancing their shared weights. Now, the woods felt practically insurmountable. Every bump in the road was a test of their balance and every familiar looking patch of moss was a test of their patience and all of it only delayed their arrival home even further.

Hook's presence - unwitting for him and UNBEARABLE for Rumple - literally breathing down his neck as he did for Hook, made it all even worse. The only body part free of their embrace were their heads, but they clung close to each other as to not even worsen Hook's balance. They had both reluctantly accepted the fact that their chins - either directly or by their sides - would remain in a constant state of contact, whether they liked it or not.

And they definitely didn't.

Horace and Jasper had succeeded far better than they ever could've dreamed - Rumple and Hook may have lived, but this was some layer of Hell they had been thrust into.

If Rumple found them, he'd get his revenge - hell, he might even invite Hook to join the party.

Most of the day thus far had the two men walking in silence. Neither would describe it as comfortable considering everything that happened before - including a bathroom trip that was awkward to say the least and downright painful to say the most, leaving both of them unable to so much as look at the other for the following hour - but the silence was also far from unwanted.

And thankfully, after growing more accustomed to the feeling of their combined forms, Killian was able to pick up the pace, granted though, only a little. Like before, their balance left a lot to be desired and while Killian could hold himself and Rumple up well enough, the strain of such a feat required frequent pauses to catch their breath.

And frequent falls.

Rumple especially hated the falls.

Still, it was an improvement all the same and neither was about to argue with that.

But that didn't mean there weren't plenty of things to despise, and oh could Rumple go on a tirade if prompted.

Relying on Hook for so much of their journey home was quite literally a living nightmare. Rumple was acclimated to a large level of independence throughout much of his life thanks to his magic, domestic skills, and affluence, but right now, that was all stripped away. His feet were helplessly too short to allow him the dignity of walking alongside Hook, forcing him to allow Hook to lead the way while he just went along for the ride. He gave Hook directions, and thankfully, Hook took them all, but that was only because he had the power to do so and the basic competence to accept that Rumple simply knew better. Apart from that though, he was trapped.

And oh, what a situation to be trapped in. Every one of his senses was flared up with some manner of aggravating substances. His nose was entrenched in the smells of the forest, many of which were stuck on their clothes as a consequence of their multiple, multiple falls. His mouth still housed the bitter sting of salt water, even hours later. His eyes were caught between either looking at the endless forest they still had to slowly make their way through and Hook's face, neither of which were pleasant choices. The sound of Hook's deep breaths and the occasional annoying tweets from birds plagued his ears. And all he could touch was the body of his adversary, who he was forced to practically cuddle with through every single miserable step they took together.

All of that paired with the constant state of boredom the day had brought made the entire affair simply maddening. Engaging with Hook for about anything besides directions and was just about the last thing he wanted to commence, and Hook seemed in no hurry to start a conversation either, leaving him with little choice apart from looking out into the repetitive distance. Trees extended out as far as he could see and while there were small occasions of birds and squirrels passing the pair by, it was by no means long enough to entertain him in any way. That silence between them, for as merciful as it was solely because the only other party around was Hook, condemned him to being alone with his thoughts, which simply looped around to him thinking about every little annoying thing about this extended test of his very sanity.

How Rumple hadn't completely lost control was a mystery to even him.

He'd wanted to lash out - at the start, he did. He yelled at Hook to stop breathing so loudly and to walk faster and Hook would waste no time telling him to shut up. But every time it happened, Hook lost his balance, and the two of them were treated to a bone-rustling trip to the dirty ground and the frustrating and painful process of standing up again. After the fourth time - which funnily enough, at least to someone, came from a command to stop falling so much - Rumple finally decided it would be in his best interest to hold his tongue, no matter how crazy it drove him.

After all, for all he could do, Rumple figured he may as well have been in a straight jacket on top of it all.

So when a fork in their path at last came, Rumple found himself of all things relieved to see it. It was an excuse to think, and as much as Rumple maligned the prospect, it was an excuse to talk.

"What direction do we go next?" Hook asked.

Rumple looked around. He hated to admit it, but he wasn't sure. Both paths were going in the same general direction, but they did diverge even further after a point to go in completely different directions. Should they take the wrong one, correcting themselves could take hours and Rumple honestly didn't know which was the correct one to take. Then, just when he was about to admit his failing, he spotted something. To an ordinary eye, it wouldn't appear to be much, but if Rumple could say anything about himself, it was that he was he was far from ordinary.

"Over there," he said, pointing as best he could over to what he saw with his head in lieu of fingers and hands. Hook turned around to face what Rumple was aiming towards.

"What is it?"

"That lump of scat by that pile of leaves." Rumple knew the prospect was odd to say the least, and he could predict Hook's responses seconds before they showed themselves.

With a clenched, impatient jaw, Hook narrowed his eyes. "You can't be serious."

"You need to get me close enough so I can figure out what animal made it," Rumple urged, ignoring Hook's protests.

"Why?" Hook practically whined.

"Because then I can find out where we're near based on what they've eaten."

Hook was clearly not convinced. "I won't do it."

But Rumple was nothing if not stubborn, at least as much as Hook was, though he'd never outright admit it. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way," he threatened.

"We'll do it NO way." Hook started to walk along the rightmost path, and Rumple, knowing no better solution and content enough with the warning he gave beforehand, shrugged his shoulders.

"Alright - hard way it is then."

With that, using all of his strength, Rumple pushed himself towards Hook.

Hook may have gotten more used to their position, but his balance was still shoddy at best.

"Rumple!" Hook cried, just barely able to regain his balance.

But Rumple wasn't about to give up.

Once more, he pushed.

And with a thud, they fell.

Immediately, Rumple started pushing them towards the scat.

That became a challenge when Hook started pushing them in the opposite direction.

"What the hell, crocodile?!" Hook shouted

"I'm trying to get us out of this mess," Rumple snarled.

"I'm not smelling shit!"

"Then I'll do it!"

"I'm still going to have to face it!"

"Oh, get over yourself!"

They struggled against one another and fortunately for Rumple, while Hook often had more physical prowess between the two of them, hours of walking with Rumple's additional weight had tuckered him out, allowing Rumple to secure the upper hand.

Rumple began rolling their bodies in the direction of the scat. He could see Hook glaring at him the whole while, but this was their best hope of getting out of this disaster. If Hook wanted to pout about it all the way from here to Storybrooke, he could for all Rumple cared, but he'd get them to that scat first.

When they arrived, Rumple leaned in and took a whiff of the scat. As expected, it smelled horrible, but Rumple was well used to the stench of lanolin, so it was hardly the worst thing to ever pass through his nose. But that very stench, for as awful as it was, confirmed what he was hoping it would.

"It's fresh," he assessed.

Hook scoffed with disgust so obvious, it could rival the fact that the grass is green. "No kidding."

From there, Rumple examined the scat's outward appearance and texture. He looked for little bits of food and an overall consistency to fill in the blanks of what he still wanted to know.

One long look was all he needed.

"Our furry friend just treated himself to a nice helping of pokeweed berries."

Much to Rumple's surprise, Hook grinned at the bit of information.

"Thank God," Hook said, sighing. "Finally, some food."

Rumple shook his head. "Afraid not. Pokeweed berries are poisonous to humans."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Oh, how I wish that I was."

"So where do we go from here?"

"Those squirrels nest to the opposite side of town. Once we get back up, veer left."

With that, they rolled back to the nearest tree and started inching their way up once more before going left.

From there, the crossed paths became simpler to navigate. Much to Hook's clear appreciation, Rumple could navigate from there without the use of scat. It didn't make the trip much better, but the improved sense of direction did makes things better nonetheless and in their situation, it was honestly the most he or Hook could ask for.

Hours passed. To Rumple, they felt like days, but he knew in fact that they were indeed hours that were creeping forward like snails carrying anvils on their backs.

Rumple looked up at the leaf-patched sky. One skill he had retained from his previous life in the Enchanted Forest was the ability to tell the time by means of the sun's trajectory. So he used that long underutilized ability to get some semblance of understanding where and when they were going. With no means of looking at his watch and no desire to ask Hook to do yet another thing for him, he had actively started checking the time this way since they woke up. It was ten in the morning when that happened and it was about eleven when they finally started steadily - and oh, so slowly - walking through the woods. Now, it was around four and the time was beginning to show itself through his fellow captive's abilities.

He could feel Hook's endurance draining with every fibre of his hostaged being. Hook's speed, may have increased for a bit earlier in the day, but Rumple was starting to feel it fall once more, now closer to when they began their travels. His breaths were becoming more labored and the tension in his muscles were thinning.

Hook had taken pauses over the past few hours, but they were relatively short and he hadn't given his legs a single break apart from their encounter with the scat, choosing to lean them against a tree. Rumple couldn't blame him for not wanting to spare the time forcing them to get back up once more, but now, the consequences were starting to prove too much to push through. If he didn't take a break soon, his stamina would deplete itself.

Of course though, Hook was a stubborn ass. Rumple had several lifetimes of experience to attest to that and today had given him by far the most instances of it.

This was going to be anything but easy.

But then again, what HAD been easy since this whole mess started?

"Stop," Rumple commanded.

Hook obliged, but turned to him with a skeptical air about him. "What's wrong?"

"You need to take a break."

As Rumple expected, he received an incredulous look for his reasoning.

"No, I don't," Hook denied as if it were the most natural thing in the world. For Hook, to Rumple's chagrin, it likely WAS the most natural thing in the world.

Rumple gave him a strict look. "You've been walking nonstop for hours now and like it or not, you're getting weaker. I can feel it. Take a break."

"I'm fine, Rumple."

"Look," Rumple said, not letting up for a second, "we can either do this the easy way or the hard way. Now, after our last disagreement, I'd imagine you'd opt for the former, so you best sit down before I make you, and we both know right now, as per usual, I can."

Hook clenched his jaw as he stared at Rumple, as if he was trying to find a reason to say no beyond his own resolve to get out of here.

Rumple would be lying if he said he took no satisfaction in seeing Hook relent.

"Ten minutes and we're back up," Hook said as he started to walk them towards the nearest tree.

"Thirty," Rumple shot back.

A huff pushed itself out of Hook's nose.

"Twenty," he offered.

Rumple smirked. "Deal."

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Today...hadn't been the best day of Killian's life.

That was the MILDEST way he could put things.

For years, he'd considered Rumple to be a plight upon this world.

Right now though, he was a plight on Killian's entire personal being.

Rumple...was a pest. He had been a relatively quiet pest today, all things considered, but a pest nonetheless.

Killian could tell on the inside he was seething though, but that was fine because he was seething too.

He had carried heavier things and people than Rumple - he'd just never had to carry them for nearly as long.

The sun was a good measure of the day, and by his calculations, it had been four hours since they started this journey from the very bowels of hell. That was four awkward, painful, disgusting, quiet hours between himself and Rumple.

He'd been to the literal Underworld and it wasn't a quarter as bad as everything he'd endured today.

Rumple had badgered him into taking a twenty minute break and though the last thing he'd do was say it to his companion's face, Killian had to admit that it was one sorely needed.

It was only upon sitting down that he realized just how much the day had taken its toll on his body. Everything ached. His legs felt as if he'd spent the last four hours in a chain gang and each and every one of his muscles felt like they were comprised of little red balloons. Only now could he hear how deep his breaths had become and only now could he hope to reclaim some sort of equilibrium in his lungs. Opposite the rest of his body, while Killian couldn't see his arms and hand, he could feel the blood that was only now starting to clot dripping down him and the stinging pain that attempting to move or even soothe them with the free part of his arm caused.

Killian closed his eyes, a shallow attempt to lick his proverbial wounds in any way possible. In truth, it did him little good. With Rumple pressed right up to him, everything not only ached, but continued to suffer under the pressure of his fellow captive's weight.

The break also afforded Killian the first bit of mental freedom he was afforded since waking up. All of their trudgings had imposed upon Killian a responsibility to keep them moving and vertical as best as he could. Few steps allowed for his mind to wander, for every inch of the woods came with its own dangers to the two of them. There were twigs and rocks to be avoided, paths to stay on, and hills and slopes to manage. Walking was a job that oddly enough one of the hardest he'd ever had the misfortune to do in his life.

Still, if that focus thrust upon Killian had done one thing for him, it allowed him to be distracted from the rest of his body - and he wasn't even referring to Rumple, or at least not strictly. One day without food and water was bad enough, but when one was also forced to perform feats of physical strength such as what he had to do, it was even worse. His tongue still had remnants of the ocean's salt in it, but that only served to make him thirstier and how his stomach hadn't rumbled yet when his last meal was a burger from yesterday's lunch was just as much a mystery to him as that 'Snappy-Chatty' app Henry sometimes went on about.

And now that he was temporarily relieved of his responsibilities, his body was free to unleash its wrath of deprivation upon him.

Rumple himself wasn't even capable of such wrath, even on his worst days.

"Any chance of water coming up soon?" The words left his mouth before he could even hope to control them. In truth, while he didn't like admitting weaknesses to Rumple, he didn't care enough to hold it in, especially if there was hope of filling that need.

"Not on our path, unfortunately."

Stupid hopes.

"What about food?"

"Yes, but we've still quite a ways to go before we approach it."

Killian groaned openly. "I feel like my stomach is about to cannibalize my liver."

Rumple snickered maliciously. "Well, don't go doing that. I can't imagine Miss Swan would be too happy if after all that pesky surviving of yours, you succumb to alcohol poisoning. Can't say I'd be too disappointed, though."

And just like that, Killian felt his eyes succumbing not to alcohol poisoning, but instead to a hearty roll.

How long was left until Rumple let him get back up?

Too long, especially when he was thinking about his hunger and even more so when he was stuck to HIM, the very man coercing him to stay here and do nothing but think about his hunger.

Speaking of the proverbial devil, Killian realized that bit of bickering had been the most they'd spoken in hours.

And upon catching Rumple's eye looking at him in a way that expected a response or at least another prompt to speak, Killian had a feeling Rumple didn't want to be done.

And much to Killian's chagrin, he realized that he didn't want to be done either.

But if Rumple wanted to say something, why didn't he just say it?

Then again, Killian reminded himself that convenient silence was all but Rumple's calling card.

The quiet they'd shared thus far today served its purpose of keeping them from killing each other well, but if they were to be trapped in this standstill, Killian would forego it in favor of doing just about anything to take his mind off his body's seamingly ceaseless turmoil.

And as the woods quickly proved themselves to be about as interesting as a glass of tepid water, any sort of entertainment was going to come from talking, and the only person for miles who he could talk to that could actually talk back was Rumple.

Bloody hell.

How the hell did Rumple come out the better of the two options when compared to silence?

Who knew, but now, Killian was made painfully aware that if he wanted any kind of a break that wouldn't lead him closer to the brink of madness, he'd need to find something to talk about with Rumple, no matter the result.

Thinking about it now, Killian had to wonder a bit what Rumple's day must've been like. If a mere few minutes of a devout attention to their shared quiet and physical pain was enough to bother Killian, what were four hours comprised of so much quiet between them for Rumple? Apart from their confrontation over the scat and Rumple's occasional directions, they'd hardly exchanged two words to each other over the course of their day, and both of those came at Killian's prompting. And while Rumple was a key part of his balancing, he likely required a lot less focus than Killian was forced to take on. Sure, he knew Rumple was no stranger to time alone - after all, who outside of the victims of his deals would've willingly spent time with him in his more crocodile-like form - but he had his magic back then, or at least freedom. Here, the most he had to enthrall him were the very woods that were currently doing nothing for Killian. What must it have been like to go so long without any real stimulation?

Well, it was probably just a different kind, though likely equally awful, type of misery in line with what Killian's day had been.

And Killian had to confess that he sympathized with that.

Admitting it was just as hard as admitting that the demand for a break was well-timed, but Killian did appreciate the effort on Rumple's part to make sure he took one in the first place. Was it likely out of completely selfish desires? Undeniably, but Killian would be absolutely lying if he said he couldn't see a scenario where Rumple pushed him to his absolute limit and then mocked him once that limit ran him dry or yelled at him to push onwards, no matter his exhaustion.

Perhaps Rumple had considered those courses of action or something equally as spiteful, but even if he did, at the end of the day, he made the better choice, and Killian, even with his abundance of doubt towards Rumple concerning just about everything he did, could acknowledge that.

And perhaps it was time for Killian to try to return the favor.

If Rumple could be called one thing, it would be a stubborn ass. If he didn't want to expose a desire that he thought he had reason to hide, he damn well wouldn't. And talking to Killian was no doubt for him an admission of a boredom and loneliness that Killian would wager his life that Rumple would sooner die than confess, especially to Killian of all people. Even without looking Rumple directly in the face, Killian could tell from the looks he caught that both of those desires were present, reluctantly so, but present all the same, and they would remain so for as long as he refused to say something.

However, if Killian talked to him, yes, he was confident that Rumple would talk back. It wasn't necessarily something he wanted, but compared to the prospect of spending the next fifteen or so minutes with nothing but his hunger pangs and sore muscles to focus on, it wasn't the worst of options.

Well, if talking was truly his only option to fill the time, he may as well bring up the only thing that bound their struggle for survival, even more than the ropes that surrounded their conjoined limbs.

"What do you think they're doing right now?" Killian asked, turning to Rumple.

With a raised brow, Rumple stared back.

"Who?"

"Our families," Killian elaborated. "Emma and Henry, Belle and Gideon. We've been gone for about a day now. They've undeniably noticed our absence."

Rumple looked at him for a moment, as if trying to dissect some foul motive of Killian's. Whatever he was looking for, he didn't seem to find it or was at least too exhausted to try any harder, so with a sigh, he spoke.

"No doubt looking for us," he said. "But I can't imagine they'll have all that much luck."

Killian could surmise why pretty easily, both in Rumple's case as well as his own.

"I take it you never talked of Jasper and Horace to Emma before?" Rumple continued.

"Just as confidently as I can say you've never discussed them with Belle."

Rumple frowned, but not bitterly.

"You should know the feeling of shame just as well as I do," he said, "especially when it comes to deeds long since passed to the point of near irrelevancy. Why expose them to that darkness if you don't have to?" It was a rhetorical question - Killian wasn't stupid - but if living amongst heroes had taught him anything, it was that some rhetorical questions did, in fact, have answers.

"Because eventually, as we both know, it all comes back one way or another."

The last thing Killian expected Rumple to do was concede to his point.

That made the fact that he did damn near shocking.

"Forget the Underworld," Rumple said instead. "The world of the living is where the true ghosts reside."

"Until we go there, that is," Killian pointed out, somewhat jestfully.

Rumple scoffed, though it was removed from the condescending tone that it often was delivered with. "I suppose you're not wrong. After all, if Horace and Jasper still wanted revenge after all this time, and they were foolish enough to go after the Dark One, even if I'd escaped them in life, they'd have come after me in death. What else would they have to live for?"

"Besides a lackluster chimney cleaning service that was so underwhelming, it actually managed to hide in plain sight from us for years."

"Give them credit though - they know damn well how to punish their adversaries."

If Killian ever agreed to a single thing Rumplestiltskin ever said, it would be that.

They sighed.

"This day has been nothing short of hell, hasn't it?" Killian commiserated.

"I guess we'd know that better than anyone else."

Killian snorted, neither entirely positively or negatively. "Right you are."

They spent the next few minutes sitting in a silence that for the first time was more comfortable than uncomfortable, or at least a halfway point between comfort and discomfort. It was the most Killian figured he could expect.

If nothing else, they could at least bond over their shared torment.

After a few minutes, Rumple spoke up.

"Let's get going," he said.

"Aye," Killian returned, readying to climb them up the tree's trunk once more.

'Finally' is what he'd wanted to say, but he held back.

Theirs was an uneasy truce and, some level of solace had been reached after hours of ceaseless seething on both of their parts.

It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to let it last a little bit longer.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

The latter half of the day wasn't much different than the first half.

Even after their conversation during their break, talking didn't pick up between them afterwards. Bits of small talk about the weather were exchanged on the breaks that Rumple and Hook decided would be regularly taken for ten minutes once an hour. But apart from that, their speed, balance, and silence stayed pretty much the same.

It was monotonous, but the slowly setting sun and the emergence of a couple of nocturnal creatures helped Rumple starve off the boredom somewhat.

A darker shade of gold that bordered on a burnt orange color painted the woods a striking color, one made more brilliant as he and Hook entered a small clearing.

Hook began to direct them to a tree across the way. Rumple expected him to keep going, but when Hook was close enough to the tree, he simply leaned against it and started scouting out the land.

"Time for a break?" Rumple looked to the sun. Sure enough, it looked to be about eight, so it made sense.

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

Hook shook his head. "No," he stated. "This is as far as we'll go today. We'll need to camp out here tonight."

"Are you serious?" Rumple hoped against hope that such an inquiry might make Hook reconsider.

Alas, much like most of the past two days, he had no such luck.

"As the dead," Hook confirmed, sealing their fates. "It gets dark in these woods at night and without a flashlight or a lantern, we'll walk our way to our deaths - that or get hopelessly lost. This journey's gone long enough already without any extensions on our parts. Let's settle down while we have a safe clearing to work with."

In truth, Rumple in hindsight didn't know what he was expecting. The matter of daylight and the consequences of proceeding on after its end was something he disregarded. When it came to their situation, he was prepared to get out of it as quickly as possible, let caution be damned.

Hook didn't seem to agree.

And while Rumple was willing to acknowledge that such a line of thinking was a bit naive, he wasn't about to be too happy about being proven wrong, nor the prospect of them spending yet another night asleep by each other's sides.

"Just what I need - to freeze my ass off in the forest," Rumple muttered.

"Well, as loathe as I am to admit it, we'll be sharing body heat, so we shan't fear growing too cold."

Rumple groaned.

"I think I prefered drowning in the ocean."

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

After the slow and awkward process of lowering themselves to the ground, Rumple and Killian agreed that they'd best sleep on Killian's back.

Sleeping on Rumple's back wouldn't work out. With Rumple deprived of his magic and given Killian's weight relative to him, it would make breathing on his part damn near impossible and although the idea of crushing his adversary made for a fun thought, he had a feeling that if Rumple actually died while in his charge, he wouldn't be welcomed home so warmly when he at last escaped this wretched forest, nor would he be guaranteed to leave at all without Rumple's aid navigating the twisted paths.

Sleeping on their side initially seemed like the best option, but neither man liked the idea of sleeping with half of their face in the dirt, bringing that notion to a quick end.

So with no other viable choice, it once again fell upon Killian's back to support them.

"Comfy?" he asked.

"No."

"Me neither."

That was about as much of a good night as either man was about to offer the other, so Killian did their best to leave it at that.

But then came the matter of actually sleeping.

Sleeping in their current position was about as comfortable as sleeping in a cabinet - that was to say, not at all.

Killian was uncomfortable laying on his back, Rumple made no secret about how much hated facing the dirt, and neither's neck was comfortable as they were forced by their situation to crane it to one side.

Fearing a crick in his neck, Killian started to shift to the other side.

That would've been all well and good had Killian not moved to do the very same thing at the very same time.

Just as both were about to protest the other's action at the halfway point of their trips, their lips thrust into each other, locking tightly against each other.

The unintentional kiss lingered for a couple of seconds, albeit the reason being purely out of shock, before both men pulled back, desperately moving in the opposite direction from each other. When they landed in their respective destination, neither wasted time before letting their disgust out, with groans and obscenities quickly filling the night's air.

Of all the people he could've accidentally kissed...how did it end up being RUMPLE?

Through some likely subconscious but still moronic move, Rumple pushed Killian away with his body, but the subsequent and admittedly inevitable slam back into each other almost resulted in another locking of their lips. It was only Killian's premature swerve right that prevented the repeat offense from being anything more than a cheek marred in much the same manner - not that Rumple was about to thank him for it.

"This is unbearable," Rumple snarled, lurching through the statement.

"I can guarantee you, today's been no picnic for me either." Killian spat.

The tension that had temporarily left them throughout much of the afternoon's latter half came back with the force of a freight train.

They both took deep breaths, trying to regain their composures.

But Killian found it hard to do so, for one question - rhetorical in nature, but one he wanted an answer for nonetheless - banged in his head like a drum.

Of all people, why did it have to be RUMPLE?

And as he asked over and over again for the upteenth time today, he knew that question stretched far beyond one simple kiss.

It was everything - the bind, the escape in the ocean, the pain, the walking, the hunger and thirst, and every other argument and inconvenience that plagued this accursed day.

And it was everything from before too.

If it had been anyone else, maybe it wouldn't have been so terrible.

But it wasn't anyone else - it was Rumple.

Killian felt his anger flare up, but pushed himself away from letting it out.

Regardless of what he wanted, yes - it was Rumple and nobody else he had to work with.

Only together could they get back home to their families.

Only with his help would they escape this nightmare.

Reminding himself of that helped...not fully, but enough for the moment.

Rumple shuddered and groaned. "Well, that was the second worst kiss of my life."

"I promise you, Rumple: The sentiment is quite returned," Killian said through a series of splutters to the dirt at his side. "What I'd give for a bottle of mouthwash right now." Then realizing something, he paused and quirked his eyebrow. "Second?" he asked.

"Zelena," Rumple sneered. "At least the one we just had was an abysmal accident."

"To be fair," Killian pointed out, "I'm also an astounding kisser. You merely got a sneak peek of the real show." Killian wiggled his eyebrows jokingly.

Look, the night was tense and if Killian was to survive this, he needed to allow himself the occasional harmless joke.

Rumple wasn't amused.

"I'm going to bed before this ego trip of yours goes any further," Rumple said flatly as he closed his eyes tighter than their current embrace was.

"Fine by me," Killian sighed, settling into his new spot and shutting his own eyes as the pull of sleep started to clasp at him.

Things were good. Their night had been tough so far, but they'd somehow managed to get through it without strangling each other - there had to be something said for that.

Now all they needed to do was sleep and tomorrow, they'd hopefully be ready for anything.

...That sentiment lasted for all of two minutes.

Then Killian heard a sound, and with that, the embrace of sleep broke off and his eyes snapped open like blinds in the summer.

The sound, it was like a musical instrument, but a bad one. It made a shrill noise that altered between two notes.

Others of the same rhythm joined in seconds later.

Soon, several could be heard in the spaces surrounding them.

Killian looked to Rumple for answers, only to see his face scrunched up with his own sounds leaving his mouth.

"Rumple, what is that?"

"Oh no," Rumple groaned.

"Rumple, what is that?" Killian repeated.

He didn't get an answer, merely an extended groan instead.

"Rumple, what the HELL is that?"

Rumple sighed and opened his eyes. "That is the call of dozens of squirrels in heat."

"Oh no." Killian was soon dissolving from words into his own elongated groan.

This had to be a nightmare. Killian had to already be asleep.

But no, just like all of today, he was wide awake, and Rumple's next dry and clearly resigned words gave final confirmation to yet another insufferable part of this already insufferable day.

"Welcome to mating season."

()()()()()()()()()()()()

How the HELL did Emma Swan manage to share the same bed as her oaf of a husband every single night?

That was a question that Rumple could only try to guess at as yet another snore left Hook's mouth.

It took about a half hour, but finally, the overpowering mating sounds of the squirrels started to dwindle, and Hook was able to fall asleep.

Rumple would've liked to do so himself, but Hook had neglected to let him in on the fact that he snored louder than all of the mating sounds their ears had been assaulted with COMBINED.

He refused to ignore it - not after everything today had wrought on him - the all out attack from Hook and Mother Nature itself on his senses, the helplessness, the boredom, the hunger, the pain, and everything else between them - it was all too much.

So no, he wasn't about to accept snoring on top of all of that.

Rumple pulled back his head as far as it could go and with all the strength he could muster, violently jabbed Hook's neck.

Hook was up immediately. A glare coursed through his eyes. If looks could kill, Rumple was sure he'd be in the ground with two holes through his eyes and hair.

But Rumple didn't care.

"What the HELL?" Hook hissed upon opening his eyes.

"You're SNORING," Rumple grunted.

Hook's glare only deepend, his resolve clearly still very much present. "And you're DROOLING, but I'm not forcing you up!"

"I don't drool."

"Tell that to my soggy cheekbone." Hook growled.

Rumple huffed his response.

"YOU'RE disgusting," Hook sneered.

"And YOU'RE no better."

Hook shouted nothing in particular into the air and then turned his face away from Rumple.

"Go. To. Hell," he grit.

"With you snoring, I'm already there."

"I'm going back to bed. If you wake me up again, I promise you you'll pay."

"How so?" Rumple snipped. "In case you forgot, I'M the only one who can navigate us to the outskirts of these woods!"

Hook snapped his head back to Rumple. "And in case YOU forgot, I'M the only one who can carry us there!"

Neither responded, simply seething as they violently turned to face the opposite side of each other.

But it didn't matter. Hook was right beside Rumple and Rumple was right beside Hook. They didn't even need to so much as move a muscle to feel the other pressed against nearly every limb of their body.

It was enough to make Rumple's skin crawl.

And their journey was maybe half over.

By Rumple's estimation, they made it about two miles today over the course if the eight hours they traveled. There were at least another two to get through before they made it back to Storybrooke.

That meant there would be at least another eight hours of slowly crawling through the placid, yet still painfully difficult to manage forest.

That meant there would be at least another eight hours of physical torment plaguing most every part of their bodies..

And of course, that meant there would be at least another eight hours mercilessly strapped to Hook, with nowhere else to go and their truce quite possibly now thrown to the wayside.

What had he done to deserve this?

...Well, if he were being honest with himself, that answer involved an awfully long list of deeds.

And if he were being even MORE honest with himself, waking up Hook the way he did was just the most recent of those deeds. That had launched them in this most recent and harshest of spats.

Neither of them chose to be in this situation.

Rumple CHOSE to do that.

Bouts of bickering aside and everything else considered, they worked well enough together. Their quest was anything but harmonious, but their progress wasn't bad, and in the small instances where they'd done right by the other, that progress almost approached what could be called 'good.'

Still though, they had to contend with that bickering and everything else that made it all so difficult.

It was so much.

It had been too much, really. Each and every factor of contention - and numerous, they were - were all quite literally in his face at all hours of the day and had been building and building and building.

So could he be blamed for snapping at yet another one of them?

Rumple didn't think he was fast to anger, but he was only human all the same.

Maybe not in most scenarios, that snapping would've been fair, but the fact of the matter was that Rumple took the fight to Hook, and over something that wasn't even his fault. Hook couldn't control his snoring no more than he could control his...drooling.

He still refused to believe he actually drooled...No...

Still, it didn't matter. Hook hadn't smacked him with his head for it, ruining the one moment of blessed peace this living nightmare offered - Rumple did.

...And maybe, just maybe, despite how much he hated Hook, Rumple actually felt some remorse over that fact and wanted to right it.

Damnit, what was living in this town DOING to him?

Since when did he actually care about the feelings of his enemies?

Well, no matter. He knew he had to stop their fight in its tracks.

He only hoped Hook was still awake.

"Hook-"

"Rumple-"

Rumple stopped as he heard words exit another's mouth at the same time as his own.

Well, unless the squirrels had learned to speak English via-mating, there was only one other person around who could talk to him…

He turned to face Hook, who was already facing him once more.

Hook sighed and took it upon himself to go first. "We need to stop this," he said. "This situation's terrible enough as it is. We're already literally at each other's throats; we don't need to figuratively be too."

"No, we don't," Rumple concurred.

"I'm just as guilty of it as you," Hook continued, "but if we don't bring it to an end-"

"We'll never get home," Rumple finished.

"Aye."

The two of them sighed once more, now in perfect sync. Much to likely both of their chagrins, they were getting better at that.

Rumple then took a deep breath. It wasn't everyday he said this to anyone, and it was nothing short of a full blown anomaly that he was saying it to Hook. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have woken you."

Hook, for all that he said before, seemed positively shocked by the apology, as if he never expected to actually hear those words leave Rumple's mouth. He looked at Rumple like he just grew a third head and if he weren't in the midst of an apology, he'd probably laugh at that.

But the fact remained that he WAS in the midst of an apology, so Rumple took Hook's silence as an opportunity to continue.

"We need each other out here. I know you hate it and you know I hate it too. But there's no way around it. As long as we're trapped in this accursed forest, we're all each other has, and like you said, neither of us has any business making things even worse than they already are. I did...and I'm sorry."

Damnit, there really WAS some actual truth to that.

Fucking heroes...

Rumple waited for Hook's response. As Rumple spoke, Hook seemed to get over his shock, his face now neutral.

Hook sighed. "Horace and Jasper are real bastards, aren't they?"

"Indeed they are." Rumple couldn't say for certain, but the way Hook spoke gestured to him the words 'apology accepted.'

"There's a lot of bad blood between us."

Hook scoffed. "That's putting it mildly."

"I won't ignore it."

"I CAN'T ignore it," Hook remarked, an unmistakable sharpness in his tone. For a moment, Rumple felt a swelling of tension in Hook's body and worried that there might be a chance of another argument starting up.

Of course, it seemed like while reaching the conclusion of their mutual need for harmony was something he could say, actually putting it into practice was difficult.

He'd call Hook out as a hypocrite if he didn't feel the exact same way.

Still, at least they were owning up to it. There had to be something that could be said for that.

"Then let's not," Rumple resolved. "Let's just agree to starve off that animosity as best we can until we get home."

"Just another reason to want to get out of here," Hook said. "But I suppose we've got to try."

"I'll do better if you will."

Hook didn't smile, but Rumple felt the tension recede like the end of an ocean's tide.

"That's one deal I'll take with no complaints." Hook then smirked at him. "Promise not to hit me awake if I snore?"

Rumple silently snorted. "Sure."

"Good. Then I won't wake you if you drool."

"I don't drool," Rumple insisted.

"You do."

Rumple and Hook exchanged a stare, one now far less vitriolic than before.

Hook turned away from the stare to yawn and one of Rumple's followed but one second afterwards.

"Let's get some sleep," he said tiredly. "We can discuss the matter of your drool tomorrow."

"My non-existent drool, you mean," Rumple stated, allowing his eyes and body slink closer to sleep once more.

Who knew for certain what tomorrow would bring. If Rumple had learned anything from Storybrooke - and judging by that last conversation, he learned far more than that -he knew never to expect anything.

But as he succumbed to his desires for rest, he felt content in the knowledge that both physically and mentally, they were headed in the right direction.

[sharethisgemwithme]

“Now We’re Only Falling Apart” instant reaction

I avoided Tumblr from Monday afternoon through Tuesday night, when I had my first chance to watch the new episodes. I gave “NWOFA” a first watch and a second, more deliberate watch, and both reactions are below. I was blind to the episode, but had seen the promos.

TONIGHT: The Heart of the Crystal Gems arc kicks off with "Now We're Only Falling Apart". Given the commercials we had, starting literally seconds after "A Single Pale Rose" ended, we know Garnet's the one literally falling apart, and Sapphire's gonna run away screaming and crying. After last episode's hilariously low-key description "Steven helps Pearl find her phone", we get the even more obviously-misleading "Pearl tells a story." So I wonder if Steven will be able to free Pearl from the command to Never Speak of This Again, so that she can explain the situation to Amethyst and Ruby. I also wonder whether my parents' DVR system, which has been malfunctioning and cutting out multiple times today while my mother tries to watch old game shows, will crap out right in the middle of either of the episodes I'm planning to watch tonight (now that they've gone to bed). Well, I guess we'll find out!

As always, my first watch is without pausing or rewinding. The stopwatch starts as close to "We..." as possible.

0:00 - Don't know who's boarding anything this week. 0:22 - Lamar and Christine? That sounds like a new person. 0:29 - Garnet's in quiet fury... 0:45 - OK, Pearl is released from that command. 0:55 - She probably did. 1:07 - And here we go. 1:17 - She's entirely right about being pissed off about this. 1:35 - Any longer and the entire Atlantic Ocean will freeze over. 1:49 - Sapphire, don't hold this against Ruby. 1:59 - Now, Ruby's gonna burn the fucking house down. 2:13 - Well she probably was. OK, she still is. 2:32 - "A future I couldn't see because it wasn't there." 2:57 - "I was given to Pink Diamond." That's what we thought, and now we've heard it from the source. 3:15 - PD is still a bratty little kid. 3:36 - Somewhere in the Appalachians, it looks. 3:58 - So that's what it looks like when gems begin. 4:12 - Pearl back in her "All I can do is exactly what you tell me to" phase is a little creepy. 4:38 - HOLY SHIT, IT WAS PEARL'S IDEA? 4:58 - Star eyes! 5:28 - You weren't hard to convince, Pink. 5:54 - So are these the ones who were eventually in the Zoo? 6:12 - I don't remember what our Amethyst's ID was. Was it 6XM? 6:30 - Basically the entire Earth was just a game to them. 6:49 - Kinda like the pre-cursor to "Something Entirely New". Are we going to get an inadvertent Rainbow "Quartz"? 7:17 - Humans! 7:40 - Perfectly-timed storm. 8:00 - Sapphire's got a point. Nobody is completely wrong here... 8:27 - And seriously, where the hell is White Diamond in all this? 8:46 - Oh hey, Topazes. 8:58 - OH SHIT. WE ARE GONNA GET RAINBOW QUARTZ, AREN'T WE? 9:09 - HAHAHAHA THIS WAS A FANCOMIC AND IT WAS BRILLIANT. 9:28 - Imagining things is your job, Pearl. 9:39 - "I'm not yours". Wait, are you? 9:48 - THERE SHE IS. DAMMIT! FOR LIKE, HALF A FUCKING SECOND. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 10:28 - Who else was in the rebellion then? Was it basically nobody? 11:06 - Yeah, Ruby left. Hopefully Amethyst knows where she wound up?

CREDIT NOTES: Well, we've got a song coming up, probably in the next episode (based on promotional copy), "Ruby Rider".

Second watch thoughts below the cut:

Christine Liu is new to Steven Universe, according to IMDB, but has done work for Apple & Onion, a recent CN show I know nothing at all about, and for a recent TMNT series. Don't know whether she's a long-term add or a one-off guest.

Pearl sounds so relieved to be able to spill the beans. Amethyst is treating this all like a big ol' joke.

There's been some speculation about whether "Don't ever question this" was (inadvertently or otherwise) a Diamond command. Sapphire sure is acting like it was.

Loreweaver recently brought up again a post he'd made, way back during "Mindful Education" about how the relationship between Ruby and Sapphire, and how it isn't just "Sapphire takes care of Ruby", but in this moment of anger, Sapphire sounds like that's what it feels like right now. "You never know what's going on!" can be a playful jab or an angry put-down depending on how it's said, and it's clearly the latter here.

And what's worse, because of how pivotal Rose was to the notion of Garnet BEING Garnet, Sapphire thinks the whole thing was a set-up or at least a terrible idea.

"C'mon Pearl. Help me explain everything to Sapphire." Steven, you don't have any explaining to do. Pearl's still got a shit-ton, though.

Is it even meterologically possible for it to be snowing as high up as the Sky Arena is? Wait no never mind ignore that it's Rose's Fountain, not the Sky Arena.

"Our friends: shattered and corrupted. Of course she was a diamond. What a long road she took to torture us like this." Whatever Pink's plan was as Rose, it got away from her. Even before the Corruption, there was a thousand-year-long war which was absolute hell for everyone. At no point did Pink think "Oh hey, maybe this wasn't the best way to go about this plan?"

Steven's attempt to play peacemaker (as always) is appreciated, but Sapphire's right: "I don't know that" she didn't want to hurt anyone, and seriously, Steven, neither do you anymore.

Pink!Pearl taking every question and command literally is great, and we deserve more of these flashbacks.

Pink's so bored of her life, and worried every minute with "What will Blue and Yellow think?" Seriously, how removed from all these proceedings is White?

They made the rotation of the gem look so easy as to be unremarkable. I'm still annoyed by that being glossed over.

The music during Rose's exploration of Earth is preeeeeeetty.

It's a little unnerving that Pearl's response to Rose's epiphany is "I shouldn't have brought you here." It reminds me of that old joke, "If I tell you, do you promise not to get mad?"

Pink really did give a shit, she was on her knees begging Blue to do something. The Zoo is still fucked up though.

"Her status meant nothing to Blue and Yellow". That line is such a close cousin to "My purpose, your status, it will all mean nothing" from "Pale Rose".

While Rose is freaking out about Garnet's existence, the thirst with which Pearl is staring at her. "Wait, we can do that? Fuck yeah, sign me up." And then she GOES FOR IT.

That comic I was talking about is here although it has Pearl on top of Rose rather than vice versa.

OK, I misunderstood the "I'm not yours" line on first watch. She's telling her real-gem fanfiction of how she meets the beautiful Rose Quartz.

Now that I think about it, I'm curious. When did the real Rose Quartzes begin to emerge? We know they're out there, because they're imprisoned at the Zoo.

Seriously WHAT A FUCKIN' TEASE that glimpse of the original Rainbow was! And Pearl with the understatement "This is very not allowed."

lol at ruby misjudging the amount of space needed to write "SAPPHIRE" so that she has to run onto a second line.

[themyskira]

Amazons Attack! - part 1

Once upon a time, in the lead-up to the 2005-2006 cesspool of a crossover event that was “Infinite Crisis”, DC had plans for a miniseries called “Amazons Attack!”. The story was to be helmed by then-Wonder Woman writer Greg Rucka and artist Ethan Van Sciver, and it would deal with a conflict between the Amazons and the United States following Diana’s killing of Max Lord (and, presumably, building off the simmering background tensions between the two nations since the floating islands of Themyscira had crashed into the ocean off the coast of the US in early 2004).

The idea was nixed, but it never entirely went away. Over the next few years, it passed through the hands of numerous people at DC before finally landing in the lap of Will Pfeiffer in late 2006. By this stage, the original proposal was no longer feasible. The Max Lord story had been resolved, Themyscira had retreated entirely from the mortal plane, and there was no longer any interaction between the Amazon and American peoples.

But that wasn’t gonna stop DC from achieving their glorious vision of man-hating harpies attacking the US capital with swords and pointy sticks.

Around this same time, somebody else in the company had a genius idea. Jodi Picoult, a bestselling author with a strong following among women readers, had just released a new novel about family relationships and trauma, and one of the main characters happened to be a comic book artist. Why didn't they find out if Picoult was interested in writing an actual comic and, you know, lending DC some of that New York Times Bestseller cred?

Picoult wasn’t sure. She didn’t know if she had the time, let alone the interest, in the project. She’d never been much of a Wonder Woman fan. But her kids talked her into accepting, and so, with no previous comic writing experience and far too little editorial guidance, Jodi Picoult set out to make her mark on Wonder Woman.

Together, Picoult and Pfeiffer would craft one of the most widely-derided stories in Wonder Woman’s history. There would be crimes against the written word. There would be character assassination on a mass scale. There would be bees.

Part 1: Wonder Woman volume 3 #6 -- Jodi Picoult (writer) and Drew Johnson (artist)

Some context: For reasons too stupid to go into, Diana has decided to assume a secret identity. She hopes to can gain a better understanding of those she protects by living a normal human life… as an elite Department of Metahuman Affairs field operative charged with neutralising metahuman threats.

Agent Diana Prince is standing in a scungy restroom trying to remind herself that she’s not Wonder Woman. She’s doing that thing where the hero looks in the mirror and sees their alter ego reflected back at them, but due to some poor art decisions, it instead looks like she’s staring at a Wonder Woman poster that somebody has hung over a grotty sink.

More bad art choices occur in the next panel, where the mirror glowers at her behind her back.

Diana continues to puzzle over how having a secret identity is really hard since she doesn’t know the first thing about how to be a human being. Because it’s not as though a large part of Wonder Woman’s career as a public figure in Man’s World has been working as an ambassador and engaging with people across the world at all levels of society or anything.

Also, Jodi Picoult misspells “Themysciran” twice and both typos are left uncorrected, setting the standard for the number of editorial fucks given in this crossover.

Then she steps out of the restroom and into a superhero-themed amusement park, where we meet Diana Prince’s charmer of a partner, Tom Tresser.

“I can’t believe this is my job!” Tom exposition/whines. “I can’t believe we have to baby-sit some sore loser who won a reality TV show to become the new Maxi-Man! I can’t believe you are my partner! I can’t believe cotton candy costs four dollars now…!”

I can’t believe I’m reading this fucking crossover.

Diana diplomatically replies that she’s not used to working with a partner either, and Tom sneers that, based on what he’s read in her record, she’s “not used to working, period”. Because Batman was skilled enough to build an entirely new identity for Diana, but not smart enough to give her an employment history…? How the frig did she get hired by the DEO, then?

Also, great to see that Diana and Tom are both taking their assignment to prevent a human person from dying so seriously. While Maxi-Man is signing autographs out in the open, a sitting duck for any would-be attacker, Tom is gorging himself on fairy floss and Diana is trying to order a Wonder Woman-branded milkshake.

Diana: One Wonder Woman milkshake, please. Server: It’s been discontinued. It’s now called the Black Canary shake. Tom: Wonder Woman!! Now there’s a partner I wouldn’t mind having…

In case you hadn’t figured it out, Tom Tresser is the love interest. Whatta catch.

Also, no, Jodi. No. Either the Wonder Woman milkshake has been discontinued, or it’s been renamed the Black Canary milkshake. You can’t have it both ways.

This, by the way, is the first of several “hilarious” gags about how Wonder Woman is unpopular and regarded as kind of uncool. Picoult’s going for cheeky meta, but she comes off as ignorant, tone deaf and kind of mean-spirited.

In the real world, Wonder Woman doesn’t share the same level of popularity as Superman and Batman. But in the DC Universe, and particularly in the Wonder Woman comic, she’s consistently portrayed as a hero with a strong public presence and an ability to inspire, to the point where literally the issue preceding this one was a oneshot revolving around Wonder Woman’s influence as an empowering and inspiring hero.

If Picoult was playing, as Rucka did, with the idea that once Wonder Woman started using her public status to express her opinions, a large swathe of the public turned against her, that’d be one thing. But, no, she’s just decided, as a basis for her punchline, that Wonder Woman is a nonentity in the DCU, which is out of step with canon and does a huge disservice to the character.

As a meta joke, this also misses the point, because the fact that Wonder Woman doesn’t sell as many comics as Batman and Superman cannot be divorced from the the historical (and persistent) sexism in what remains a very blokey, male-dominated industry, not to mention the fact that DC put significantly more resources into producing and promoting Batman and Superman comics and merch. Those aren’t the only reason for the discrepancy in popularity, but they’re not things you can just brush off.

It gets even more unfortunate in the context of this particular comic’s publication. See, about ten months prior to this, DC had relaunched Wonder Woman with a new #1 issue penned by Allan Heinberg, who had recently earned much acclaim as the writer and co-creator of Young Avengers at Marvel. Between them, Heinberg and DC then proceeded to royally fuck up the relaunch. Heinberg wasn’t able to balance scripting duties with his TV writing job, causing issues to be delayed for months at a stretch, until it became clear there was no way he’d be able to finish his first arc before Jodi Picoult started her run and DC had to move on without him (he would eventually finish his story in the 2007 annual — over a year after he started the five-issue arc). Picoult’s first issue was only the third Wonder Woman comic to hit the stands in more than six months.

So basically, she’s making her funny-funny “boo, nobody buys Wonder Woman” against a backdrop of DC failing to produce Wonder Woman comics for months on end.

Anyway. Diana and Tom finally get around to doing their job and return to Maxi-Man’s signing table. Maxi-Man asks them to get him a chilli dog (“and a drink! I hear the Black Canary shakes are awesome!” GROANS FOREVER), and Tom has the nerve to be offended. “I don’t remember seeing this in my job description.” Well, gee, Tom, I don’t remember seeing ‘leaving your principal unprotected so you can slack off and stuff your gob with fairy floss’ in the job description either, and yet here we are.

Tom continues to grizzle about how unfair it is that his incredible talents are being wasted on this boring assignment, and this time Diana’s starting to get fed up. Meanwhile, the reality-show superhero they’ve been looking down their noses at is the only one who’s noticed that the rollercoaster behind them is spontaneously falling apart.

Of course, the moment Maxi-Man springs into action, he’s immediately knocked out cold by a piece of flying rubble, leaving Diana to take charge. Tom does what he does best, by which I mean he complains.

Diana: Tom! You get Maxi-Man to safety! I’ll get that crowd away from the roller coaster! Tom: But… I… we… Diana: There’s no time! Now! Tom: Who the heck’s she to order me around?!?

A quick costume change, and Wonder Woman saves the day, but not without internally griping about how stupidly confusing humans are.

Maybe this is what I was born for. To protect them… not understand them. But how can I…? They don’t even understand themselves.

urrrgghghhhhhh haaaaaate.

We never learn why the roller coaster spontaneously fell apart.

Later, as Diana and Tom make their way back to DOMA, Tom is still complaining. This time it’s about the fact that he missed Wonder Woman’s appearance at the theme park, because “I bet she looked hot”.

They stop at a store selling superhero merch so that Tom can get his niece a Wonder Woman action figure for her birthday. Diana comments that she thought Tom was an only child and Tom conspicuously doesn’t answer. And sure, it’s possible that the “niece” is a real human person who’s the daughter of a close friend or non-sibling relative, but given everything we’ve learned about Tom in the last eight pages, I think it’s far more plausible to assume that there is no niece and he’s planning on jerking off to a Wonder Woman action figure.

Diana continues to be terrible at having a secret identity.

“The Batman one’s better. Look — it’s got a detachable Batarang… But my — er, Wonder Woman’s lasso doesn’t even come off.”

All the Wonder Woman merch is 75% off because lol Wondy is uncool, and for some reason Diana is super offended and tries to lecture the poor store clerk about how obviously Wonder Woman is cool because saving the world is cool so there.

Clerk: Wonder Woman’s not cool, I guess. Diana: Doesn’t saving the world all the time make you cool? Clerk: All I know is she’s never sold as well as Superman or Batman… Tom: 75% off! Sweet!

Next, it’s time for a stop off at the gas station for some hilarious comedy hijinks around Diana’s total lack of familiarity with modern society!

Ha ha! Champagne comedy! All of this is just so new to her, don’t you know! It’s not like she’s ever lived among ordinary mortals

or held down a job

or, you know, interacted with any human being at length.

Now, I don’t blame Jodi Picoult for not knowing any of this. I’d be surprised if she’d even read a Wonder Woman comic before DC approached her, and though she would have done some background reading in preparation for this gig, she couldn’t be expected to be across every element of Wondy’s post-Crisis continuity, which at that point already stretched back two decades.

Her editors, however? Were not new to comics. They should have picked this shit up.

So, they go to get gas. Tom asks Diana to pay and she pulls out a ten dollar note. Tom points out this is insufficient in the most patronising way possible.

“Uh, gas is $3 a gallon, sweetheart. That might get us down the block…”

He asks he if she has a credit card, and she blinks in incomprehension. Yeah, because it’s not like Batman would have arranged cards and a credit history when he manufactured Diana’s false identity. Not like he’s known for being detail-oriented or anything. (And by the way, this is a thing that happened four fucking issues ago, so nobody has any excuses.)

Aaaaand Diana continues to suck at the secret identity thing.

Tom: Geez, how do you normally get around? Fly or something? Diana: Ha, ha. Funny. Fly places. Imagine…! Tom: Ten bucks? No credit card? Where are you from? Mars? New Hampshire?

Oh yeah, and this whole scene she’s been internally complaining about how humans are relentlessly acquisitive and materialistic and confusing and booooooo being an ordinary person is haaaaaaard.

Finally, they arrive back at HQ, where Sarge Steel chews them out for allowing a known fugitive like Wonder Woman to slip through their fingers at the amusement park, even though they weren’t at the park for Wonder Woman and this is literally the first they’re learning that Wonder Woman is a fugitive.

He also blames them for the rollercoaster getting destroyed, even though they had nothing to do with the damage and their only contribution was to get people to safety. Although, given how much they were slacking off on the job, it’s entirely possible that some metahuman terrorist snuck in and sabotaged the rollercoaster on their watch. Since Picoult still hasn’t told us how the rollercoaster was damaged, I’m just going to assume that this was the case.

It turns out that Wondy is wanted for questioning over her killing of Max Lord, even though she’s already been cleared of charges, so Tom and Diana’s new orders are to find her and haul her in. Awkwaaaaaard.

So obviously they get straight to work this important government assignment. I’m just kidding, they head straight for the DCU version of Starbucks. In fact, so far I haven’t come across any evidence that either of them do any work at all.

Things we’ve seen Tom and Diana do this issue:

Leave their principal unprotected so they can gorge themselves on junk food

Bicker and complain while a rollercoaster explodes behind them

Shop for superhero action figures

Fill up on petrol

Drink coffee

Things we have not seen Tom and Diana do this issue:

Their fucking job.

We get the usual obnoxious joke about Starbucks coffee sizes being weird and Diana being confused by them, which I’m pretty sure was hack material even in 2007.

Tom: Iced double Vente soy latte with Turbinado sugar, please. Diana: Um… Small cup of coffee? Server: Venti, Duovent, Grande, or Uber? Diana: Um… Small cup of coffee. [Everyone stares at her.] Diana: [whispers to Tom] I don’t think she speaks English…

They sit in the park, drinking their coffee, and Diana cries because humanity is confusing and everybody is mean to Wonder Woman.

No, really, that’s exactly what happens.

Diana: Why don’t you people just leave her alone? Who cares what she’s done? Tom: You talk about people like you’re not one of them, you know that? Diana: [CRIES]

Picoult’s Diana is so outrageously bad at maintaining a secret identity on even the most basic level, even a self-absorbed wanker like Tom Tresser ought to have cottoned onto her by now. Then again, he also failed to notice a rollercoaster collapsing a few metres away from him, so…

In an out-of-character display of ordinary decency, Tom gives Diana a pep talk, then heads off home. As he walks away, Diana hears a scream for help and jumps into action—

—aaaaaaand it’s an attractive young white college girl being mugged by a thuggish, armed black man. Definitely no ugly connotations lurking there.

Diana subdues him with a single punch, and is rewarded with proof that some people do still find Wonder Woman cool because, yes, we’re still on that tired gag.

College girl: I did a paper on you in my feminist theory class! I said you were an icon of womanhood we could all divine strength from… but I didn’t realise you were so… cool! Diana: I hope you got an A.

Tom, driving home, gets a call that Wonder Woman has been sighted in a seedy part of town. In addition to illegally talking on his phone — not hands-free — while driving, he does that thing people do when they’re pretending to talk on the phone, you know, helpfully repeating all the relevant information for the audience.

“Tresser. Wonder Woman? Seen at the Villains and Vixens Bar? I’m there, out.”

If we could hear both sides of the call, I can only imagine that it’d go something like—

Tom: Tresser.

Agent: Hey Tom, it’s Fred; hear you’re on the Wonder Woman case. I know it’s late, but we got a couple reports of sightings at the Villains and Vixens Bar. You happen to be anywhere near there?

Tom: Wonder Woman? Seen at the Villains and Vixens Bar?

Agent: Yeah, that’s what I just sa—

Tom: I’m there, out. [hangs up]

Agent: Jesus, I fucking hate that guy.

Basically what I’m saying is, he absolutely deserves it when he stumbles, ill-equipped, into a suspiciously flirtatious Wonder Woman who is wearing an earlier iteration of Diana’s costume and striking all kinds of ridiculous sexy poses, and instantly gets himself captured by what is obviously Circe in disguise.

Diana gets called back to headquarters, and she’s still wrestling with the question of how she can possibly do her job when her job is to arrest Wonder Woman. (WELL GEE, DIANA, I GUESS YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU TOOK A JOB UNDER AN ASSUMED IDENTITY AT THE DEPARTMENT DEVOTED TO POLICING METAHUMANS LIKE YOU.)

Also turnstiles. She is deeply perplexed by turnstiles.

comedyyyyyyyyyy

Sarge tells Diana that Tom has been abducted and a pair of Amazon bracelets were found at the scene. This is all the evidence Sarge needs to conclude that Wonder Woman has gone back to her old neck-snapping ways and must be stopped. He gives Diana the bracelets in an evidence bag and tells her to take them to the lab and see what she can find out.

I have questions.

Why weren’t the bracelets already being analysed at the lab? Did Sarge Steel wrestle the evidence bag off a hapless crime scene investigator and smuggle them up to his office just so he could play show-and-tell with Diana? How do they know the bracelets are Wonder Woman’s? In this superhero-merch-flooded world, wouldn’t Amazon bracelets be a dime a dozen? Or is Wonder Woman so ~uncool~ that every Amazon bracelet manufacturer immediately went out of business and buried the shameful evidence of their failed ventures in a New Mexico landfill alongside all those Atari cartridges? And why would Wonder Woman leave her bracelets behind? They’re not the kind of thing she’s likely to forget. Yes, we know Circe’s planted the bracelets deliberately, but the DOMA agents don’t.

And most importantly, why does Sarge Steel’s reflection look like Diana?

Diana doesn’t need to take the bracelets to the bag, because she knows they’re replicas and, what’s more, she knows where they come from.

“They were designed to complete a uniform I donated to the Wonder Woman Museum… which closed down over a year ago.”

Okay, now hang on.

I realise we’re back on the hilarious ‘Wonder Woman isn’t popular’ gag, which absolutely has not outstayed its welcome, but a museum is not the same thing as a theme park concessions stand or a pop culture store.  A museum does not just go, ‘buhhhhh, I know we’ve amassed this huge collection of great historical, social and aesthetic significance. Indeed, it is almost certainly the largest collection of Wonder Woman and Amazon-related items in the world, and much of it was donated by Diana herself, making it immensely valuable. But — and this is awkward — it turns out people don’t want to visit us because Wonder Woman isn’t cool. Guess we have no other choice but to pack it in and open a Black Canary Museum down the road.” That is not how museums work, Jodi.

I’m also confused as to why Circe needed to steal a Wonder Woman costume from a museum when it would have been far easier to glamour her clothing to look like Diana’s, the same way she glamoured her features. This seems needlessly complicated.

Diana whips off her glasses and does the spinny-transformy thing from the TV show. This is technically a power that Wondy has at this point in continuity — at the end of Allan Heinberg’s first arc, it’s revealed that Circe has given Diana the supremely useless “gift” of being able to turn her powers off, allowing her to switch between Amazon and mortal with a spin and a flourish.

Except, when this issue was published… Heinberg’s last issue hadn’t been. Remember, he flaked on his scripting duties, so the final instalment of his story and the introduction of the dumbass spinny-power-up wouldn’t come out until November 2007 — six months after this issue was released.

The issue ends on Wondy flying to the rescue while Circe lies in wait in the defunct Wonder Woman Museum, predatorily clutching a chained and shirtless Tom Tresser.

[that-girl-at-the-corner]

Four Seasons of Love

Author’s Note: This was supposed to be written for Sorina Week Day 4: Seasons, but as you can see it was really really REALLY late.

Disclaimer: Titles were not mine. These were taken from the album of someone named Donna Summer.  I don’t really know her and I haven’t listened to the songs but thought that it would be perfect for this fanfic.

Also, all characters belong to Yūto Tsukuda, shoutout to Gordon Ramsay for the cameo xD

Fandom: Shokugeki no Soma

Pairing: Yukihira Soma, Nakiri Erina

Word Count: 5k

You can also read it here.

- Spring Affairs -

“Just a moment Soma-kun!”

He stopped and turned towards the direction of the voice. He didn’t notice that he walked quite a distance from the others. He smiled when the girl caught up, clutching her knees as she struggled to catch her breath.

“You okay, Tadokoro?” he asked guiltily as the blunette took a huge breath and greedily took a gulp from her water bottle.

Not long after, the rest of the Polar Star residents came to view, though not as much as exhausted as Tadokoro.

“Well, this is a first. Who knew Soma-kun could wake up early on a school day?”

“I know right? I was shocked when I saw him humming on the kitchen. For a moment, I thought he was having a Shokugeki this morning but then I remembered that it was only the opening ceremony.”

“I haven’t seen him this excited to go to school.”

“Except maybe if there was a cooking battle.”

“Or a new recipe was being introduced in class.”

“True. I couldn’t believe that there would come a time where Soma would wake up earlier than 6 AM for a regular class, and on an opening ceremony no less.”

He couldn’t believe it either. He woke up this morning feeling energized and itching to get back to Totsuki Academy.

‘We’re going to become second years together, okay?’

He was probably grinning from ear to ear. The others joked about his sudden enthusiasm but he didn’t care. Heck, all he cares about is the fact that starting today they’ll be second years. All of the rebels had made it. They’ve fulfilled their unspoken promise to each other.

He has fulfilled his promise to her.

“You guys. Aren’t you excited that we’ve finally advanced for another year?”

“I would’ve preferred it more if they’ve given us at least a month of vacation.” Shoji muttered sullenly. “At least long enough to recover to the physical and emotional stress that we’ve undergone these past few months.”

“You shouldn’t have expected less.” Marui said as he adjusted his glasses. “This is Totsuki, after all.”

;

There wasn’t anything interesting that happened at the opening ceremony. Unlike last year.

So when it was done, they all went to get their schedules and proceeded to their respective classrooms.

There we’re only nine of them in his first class so he took the first station that was closest to the exit. A minute before the class officially started, someone hurriedly entered the room and slipped by his side, claiming the station beside his.

“Oh, Erina!” He beamed, causing her to jump before abruptly turning to him.

“I see we’re neighbors again.” He added and before the blonde could formulate a reply, their teacher entered the room and ceased the conversation around them.

“This is ‘World Cuisine’ and throughout the semester you’ll be working in pairs. Those who are in the same station would be partners. No questions asked. ”

Most of their classmates groaned at this but Soma just grinned and turned to his side.  

“I guess you’re stuck with me for the whole semester.”

Erina just rolled her eyes then organized her things.

If this was the case one year ago, he had no doubt that she would be throwing profanities at him and would be listing reasons on why she should be allowed to work by herself and why he should be expelled.

The fact that she was doing neither of the two, well, he’d like to think that she’s already warming up to him.

- Summer Fever -

Summer wouldn’t be complete without a trip on the beach. At least, that was what Alice had said as she dragged Erina to the nearest beach at Totsuki.

She frowned when she saw so many tourists on their bathing suit. She didn’t understand why people would willingly display that much skin in a crowded place. She would’ve preferred it if they went to a private villa but she knew that there was no stopping Alice when she made up her mind.

“Is that Yukihira?”

Hearing his name, Erina’s head swiftly scanned her surroundings before setting her sight to direction Alice was pointing. And indeed, Yukihira Soma was sitting atop the lifeguard post wearing nothing but red shorts and a whistle hanging on his neck.

“I didn’t know that he works as a life guard.”

Erina didn’t know either. She had thought that he’ll be going back to his diner and reopen Yukihira’s for the summer. Apparently her assumption was wrong.

They watched him long enough for Erina to witness a group of girls headed to his direction. There were only two of them, one with light brown hair and the other with short black hair—both wearing their swim suits, she observed. As soon as they’ve caught Soma’s attention, he climbed down from his seat and conversed with the two. One of them laughed at something the redhead had said, while the latter was sporting a pleased and easy smile.

Erina wondered what they were talking about. She discretely squinted her eyes trying to read the movements of their mouths, but of course they were too far away for that to be possible.

Then all of a sudden, the short haired girl grabbed Soma’s hand and pulled him away from his post as the other girl pushed him from his back.

Alice didn’t miss the way her cousin’s face contorted and decided to have a little fun.

“Well, at least he was popular with the tourists.” She commented lightly.

“See if I care,” Erina replied impassively, her mouth set in a firm line. She flipped her hair and turned her back from the scene and briskly walked towards the direction of their cottage.

This highly amused her cousin, who was already thinking of ways on how she can use this little incident to mess with the blonde. That, until she remembered that the only one who knew where their cottage is was Ryo since he was the one that reserved it for them.

“Mou! Hurry up Ryo-kun. We don’t want Erina stealing someone else’s cottage. Gosh. That would be embarrassing.”

;

As they were headed towards the changing rooms, Alice knew that something was bothering Erina. She can tell, what with her scrunched eyebrows and the way she bit the insides of her cheeks. She would bet a thousand that her cousin was doing it unconsciously.

It doesn’t really take a genius to figure out the reason why her cousin was making such a sour face. If looks could kill then the brown haired lady who had touched Yukihira’s bare back would have been dead 10 times over.

“You know Erina, if you’re jealous then you should have said so. We could’ve both marched in front of them. We both know that he can be oblivious at times.”

“I don’t know what you’re taking about.” Erina replied in instinct. A smirk slowly made its way to Alice’ mouth. She knew first-hand how often that phrase have gone out of her cousin’s mouth that it’s almost reflex by now.

“Oh, please. Like you and Yukihira haven’t been all chummy chummy with each other this past semester,” she said teasingly, eagerly awaiting her companion’s reaction. And to her delight, Erina abruptly turned to face her with a slight blush on her face.

“We did nothing inappropriate!”

“Ooh. So you admit that at least you have done something?” Alice asked feigning interest and innocence at the same time.

“Wha—that’s not what I—we didn’t—ugh. Not another one of these, Alice.” She chided as she hurriedly walked towards their destination.

“Well, you don’t have to leave me behind.” She shouted as she hurried her pace to catch up to Erina.

“Anyway! Don’t let it bother you. For all we know, they were just asking for help with setting up their umbrellas.”

“It doesn’t bother me at all.” She snapped as she entered one of the cubicle and slammed the door on her cousin’s face.

“Suuure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

;

Incidentally, they bumped into Yukihira on their way back. Like, Erina literally bumped into him since she was focusing more on ignoring her cousin than on her surroundings.

Yukihira’s face visibly brightened as he saw the two.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were here.” He said cheerfully, Alice replying in the same manner.

They chatted for a while but eventually, golden eyes settled on the other Nakiri who was being too quiet. He sent a confused look at Alice who only shrugged in response.

He folded his arms on his chest and squatted until he was on Erina’s eye level then schooled his face in a serious expression, his mouth pouting exaggeratedly which ruined the look. He stared directly at her purple eyes and waited for any reaction.

Erina rolled her eyes with his antics before returning her gaze to the golden ones, her expression betraying nothing.

They indulged in a staring contest and when Erina remained quiet, Soma frowned and examined her face.

“Are you seriously ignoring me right now?” Soma asked as he poked Erina’s cheek, an action which caused Alice to raise an eyebrow.

“Stop it Yukihira.” The blonde said as she swatted the red head’s hand.

“Oh no, not the last name basis,” he gasped jokingly as he continued to poke her cheeks, then her hips causing her to squirm.

Alice watched their interaction, no doubt in her mind that she was forgotten but not being able to leave since the scene was more amusing.

When he didn’t draw a laugh from her, Soma suddenly scooped up the blond and thrown her over his shoulder. This earned him a gasp.

“Put me down, Yukihira!”

“I don’t know who you’re taking to.”

He started to walk towards the water and Erina squirms on his hold.

“Put me down!”

“Nope, not gonna happen.”

“Soma!” The moment the words left her mouth, Soma had submerged on the water taking her with him.

When they finally resurfaced, Erina smacked Yukihira while the latter just laughed. And even though it seemed like the man was getting an earful, Alice could still make out the curve on her cousins mouth.

“Gosh. Can they be more obvious?”

- Autumn Changes -

Two days before the Autumn Leaf Viewing, Soma decided that it was a good time to challenge Erina for her 4th seat.

;

The two of them arrived together on the day of the event, one of them irritated while the other sporting a smug face.

“I just got a new assistant for the Moon Banquet Festival. And a personal bodyguard. Plus my workload have been greatly reduced!” Erina said cheerfully, as a way of explanation to the questioning gazes coming from the rest of the Elite Ten.

“This is slavery, I tell you. This girl has no mercy.” Soma informed them dramatically while pointing a finger at the girl by his side.

She rolled her eyes at him as she sat down at her assigned seat, Soma following suit.

“It's not my fault that someone arrogantly thought that he could beat me at a Shokugeki.” She eyed Soma as she added, “It's too early for you to even think you could beat me.”

Soma crossed his arms and was about to rebut her when Satoshi interjected.

“Now, now children,” he said, clapping his hands in front of him to catch the attention of everyone.

“I think it’s time to meet our precious first years, no?”

With a sigh coming from the others, all the members of the New Elite Ten stood from their seats and walked towards the place where the promising first years of the 93rd Generation await.

;

The Moon Banquet Festival was bustling as ever. Soma handled everything regarding their booth, from reserving their place at the Yamanote Area, talking to the contractors, to directing the placement of the tables, just so Erina could focus more on the menus.

It was hectic but he discovered that he enjoyed working beside the blonde. She would often let him try one of her creations and he would tell her what he thought of it, even though she would always say the she didn’t ask for his opinion.

The fact that she hadn’t kicked him out yet gave him confidence. She was starting to acknowledge him, he knew it. And even though she was denying it verbally, he knew that it was only a matter of time before she’ll recognize his cooking.

;

They came in 2nd for the overall ranking, with the Trattoria Aldini taking in the 1st place at the Uptown Area. If it weren’t for the nature of their booth, he had no doubt that they would’ve taken the top. Hisako had a hard time managing the reservations on day one alone. No doubt that the presence of the two seated members in one booth had attracted the attention of most of the patrons.

It was past midnight when they finished cleaning up and went back to the dorm. She had been staying there for the duration of the Moon Banquet Festival for convenience purpose since she and Soma were working together.

It was maybe around two when Soma woke for whatever reason. He sat up on his bed and reached for the water bottle in his night stand. He laid down and was about to go back to sleep when he heard it.

It was faint and he wasn't even sure if it was real or just his ears deceiving him but then he head it again.

He sat up abruptly and when he heard the soft whimper for the third time, he was already up and running out of his bedroom before he even realized what he was doing. His feet automatically brought him on her door and entered the room without bothering to knock.

Everything looks normal at first that he almost thought he was just hearing things. But then Erina jerked on her sleep and Soma was instantly at her side.

Her face was scrunched up and she was sweating like crazy even though the AC was on. He found a face towel at the corner and started dabbing on her face.

“No! Please no!” She squirmed.

“Father please. I’ll do anything. ” Tears started to flow from her closed eyes and the mention of her father almost sent him to find the man so that he could beat his face for ever causing her these pains.

“No more. Please.”

“Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. It’s okay.” He said as he caressed her face. “It’s just me, Erina.”  He set aside the hair that was sticking on her forehead, wiping her face in the process.

Her eyes snapped open and what used to be clear purple eyes stared up at him. Her eyes were unfocused and confused as she stared up at him. It took her a moment to clear up before recognition dawned on her.

“S-Soma…kun?” she whispered.

“I’m here,” He said as he took hold of her hand. He helped her sit up and offered her glass of water that she greedily drank. She was still breathing heavily and he was rubbing circles on her back to help herself calm down.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked softly.

She hesitated for a moment, then took a shaky breath before opening herself up to him.

She started crying in the middle of her story and Soma couldn’t help it any longer. He hugged her.

“It was t-terrible. He w-was b-back and I w-was a child again. B-but this t-time, g-grandfather wasn’t there to s-stop him. A-and I d-didn’t enter T-totsuki. A-and I d-didn’t had a c-chance to m-meet any of y-you.”

She cried and cried, baring all her vulnerabilities to the man that she had claimed to hate in the past. He cradled her fragile body, murmuring comforting things as she cried on his chest.

“I-I’m sorry.” She said afterwards. “I’m r-ruining your s-shirt.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He tightened his hold on her. “You don’t have to worry about anything else, as long as I’m here. I’m going to protect you, don’t worry.”

She snuggled closer to him, her arms thrown on over his shoulder and her face nestled on his neck.

It took quite a while for her sniffles to die down and her breathing to even out.

Seeing her so helpless and broken, something akin to a glass breaking seemed to be happening inside his chest.

At that moment he knew, no he swears that he was going to protect her. He would do anything in his power to never let her experience that kind of hurt, ever again.

If he had to be her personal clown, then so be it.

- Winter Melody -

From: Yukihira Soma

I need a favor Hishoko! (8:02 AM)

I know this is a selfish request… (8:02 AM)

And of course you can tell me no… (8:02 AM)

But…(8:03 AM)

Could you free Erina's schedule on the night of the 25th? (8:03 AM)

“So aside from the client that Mr. Ramsay referred to us, you’re basically free the whole day and the days after that,” Hisako finished as she summarized Erina’s schedule for the duration of her time outside of class.

“Thank you Hisako. You can email me all the details later so I can go over them this evening.” She said over her laptop before dismissing the pinkette.

Even though it was their winter vacation, her schedule just wouldn’t allow her to take a break. There were Elite Ten matters, taste tests to a couple of restaurants, and she even had to fly to New York for a consultation just before Christmas.

Not to mention that she had to shop for gifts for Hisako, Alice, Megumi and some of the rebels that she had gotten close to. And although she had already decided what to give to them, she still had no idea what to give him.

She told herself not to worry. Besides she wouldn’t see any of them until after New Year, when they get back to school, so she still had a couple of weeks.

;

Her trip to New York was uneventful. Mr. Ramsay introduced her to the winner of some cooking show. The man cooked a dish, presented it to her, she tasted it, said her assessment, gave a bit of advice and business was done. She said the customary ‘You had a lot of potential’ line but of course, it wouldn’t be Erina if she didn’t say some unkind words. Though, she had to commend the man for listening to her little speech without a flinch. She guess he was used it—Mr. Ramsay is an expert at profane words, especially when he’s talking to the chefs under his care.

“We have a few hours before out flight to Japan, Erina-sama. Do you want to go back to the hotel, or maybe you want to go sight-seeing?”

She was about to reply that she wanted to catch a few hours of sleep when her cell phone rang.

“I think I’ll go sight-seeing for a while. You can go ahead, Hisako. Make sure that all of my things were packed. I’ll see you later!” She said as she clicked the answer button and held the cell on her ear. She was out before Hisako can reply.

“Did you know that Santa Claus has eight reindeers to pull on his sleigh? And one of them has red nose! His name’s Ralph, I think.”

Erina rolled her eyes as she listened to the other line. This man really had no manners. He didn’t even bothered to say ‘hello’. But still, just hearing his voice and the nonsense he was spouting put a smile on her face.

“It’s Rudolph.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s the one. Hey, how do you think I’ll look like if I wear a red nose, like Rudolph? They have got to have that on the store, right?”

“You’ll probably still be ugly.”

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would assume that you meant what you said.”

“Who’s to say that I didn’t mean it?”

“Har, har! Anyways, how was your meeting with Chef Ramsay?”

“It goes the same as my other meetings.”

“Please tell me you at least asked for his autograph?”

“And why would I do that?” Why would she care about Ramsay’s autograph? He may be popular but so was she (this was her pride talking). Both he and she belong to the same circle in the culinary world. Besides, her client wasn’t him but his apprentice.

“Well, he’s Gordon Ramsay. I would say that he’s your male equivalent when it comes to insulting a dish.”

She was about to reply indignantly when she saw it, displayed over a glass window from across the street.

“I’m gonna have to call you back.”

“What? Wait, I was just kid—”

She hanged up the phone before he can finish what he was saying and didn’t waste any time running towards the shop.

The belled chimed as she opened the door and the shopkeeper greeted her as she entered inside. “Welcome, ma’am. Can I help you with something?”

“Oh, umm. I would like to purchase that one on the display.”

“We have quite an assortment of colors for that one.” He said as she led her towards the counter. “We have that in red, blue, plaid—”

“The one on the display will do.” She said, cutting him off.

“Of course, ma’am. Do you want it wrapped?”

“Yes, that would be great.”

“Right away.”

;

Is it weird to be asleep on Christmas day? Because that’s the state she was in when she received the message. The vibration of her phone from under the pillow rose her from her much needed sleep.

Soma: Meet you at the park later? (11:57 AM)

She frowned as she read the text message. Not even a ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’ or ‘how was the flight’ or ‘please’.

         Me: You can’t tell me what to do. (12:01 PM)

Soma: So that means….? (12:01 PM)

         Me: Meet me by the fountain at 7. (12:02 PM)

Soma: Great! Sleep well. :D (12:02 PM)

And she did just that. She slept until 4 when her stomach was begging for some food. And by 5, she proceeded to scrounge her closet for something to wear.

She wasn’t trying to look good. She wasn’t.

It was just Soma, after all. But why can’t she decide what to wear?

After an hour of wearing then undressing different outfits (yes, an hour), she settled for pants, sweater, boots, winter coat and a beanie.

Just as she was about to leave, Alice’s head poked from the staircase and called in a teasing voice, “Off to see Yukihira, I see?”

She didn’t bothered to reply and just slammed the door.

;

Soma was leaning in the clock’s pole when she arrived at the park. He was wearing headphones that he slipped off when he finally noticed her arrival. 

He gave her a smile that she swears made her heart race a hundred times per second.

He was bad for her health, she had decided long ago and yet she couldn’t get herself away from him. It’s like he had a magnet that always pulls her in no matter how hard she resisted.

He grabbed her hand when they started walking, and although she was quite surprised, she didn’t take it back or commented on it.

They admired the Christmas lights and the giant Christmas Tree at the central area. They also visited a few booths and Soma even convinced her to try the customary fried chicken at a fast-food chain. When he suggested to eat some strawberry fruitcake, she demanded that they buy it at her favorite bakeshop or ‘so help me, Soma, I will ditch you right here. I’m eating cake from that store and that store only. Give or take.’

They were sitting at a bench while eating their cake when the term ‘present’ was mentioned and she thought that it was as good time as ever to give him his present.

When he opened the box, however, instead of a thank you that she was expecting, he burst out laughing.

To say that she was shocked was an understatement.

“If you don’t like it then just give it back!” She said, snatching the box from his grasp. He cried in protest but she was already walking away.

To think that she had a hard time choosing for his gift. She wanted it to be valuable and not just something that he would appreciate on one day and forget on the next, like a figurine for example. Her first chose would have been an accessory but that would only hinder him while cooking so she settled for the next best thing. And when she saw that neckerchief she thought it was perfect! It matched perfectly with his precious white cloth and she thought he would appreciate it. Too bad it was only in her head, she thought bitterly.

“Hey give it back. You can’t take back what you’ve already given.” He said as he tried to close the distance and match her strides.

“I can.” She snapped.

He grabbed both of her arms when he caught up to her and spun her around so that she was facing him.

“Give it back or else you’ll regret it.”

She scoffed. “Please. Like you could do something that would—”

She didn’t finish her sentence. She couldn’t even if she wanted to.

Not when his lips was pressed on hers. She was so caught off guard that her mind went blank. She couldn’t think of anything else except for the warm and soft lips that was gently pressed on her mouth.

It might have been only for a few seconds before his face moved away but she swore that it almost felt like an hour.

When she finally cleared out of her daze, the first thing that she noticed was that the box wasn’t in her grasp.

That man. He only meant the kiss as a distraction!

She was about to yell at him but she stopped short when she finally saw his expression. Instead of the smug grin that she expected he was wearing, Soma wasn’t even looking at her. He would peak at her from time to time but he would always divert his attention.

And was he blushing?

The thought that he would blush also heated her cheeks. She never would’ve dreamed that she would witness a blush on his face. It was her job, after all, not the other way around.

She flushed when he finally looked directly at her eyes.

“I know that I said that you’d probably regret it, but I sure hope not. “ He gave an uneasy chuckle.

“And besides, I didn’t say that I didn’t like it. You could’ve given me a food wrapper and I would still love it. I’ll always love the things that you do. Or give, for this matter.”

Now it was her who couldn’t look at him.

“And the reason I was laughing earlier because of these.” He hands her a wrapped box and urged her to open it.

What she got inside was a grey knitted scarf. Almost the same as what she had given him.

“May I?” He asked and she silently handed him the scarf. He carefully put it around her neck and she couldn’t calm her heartbeat as much as she tried.

“I don’t know about you, Erina, but I like you.” He confessed softly. “I don’t know if it’s love. Not yet. But I like you Erina. I have been for a while. I like to hear your voice, your laugh, I wanna see you smile and also the different kinds of expression that you can make but wouldn’t make in front of strangers. I wanted to know everything about you, how creepy it may sound.”

Soma continued on but she couldn’t hear it anymore. All she can hear was the sound of her heartbeat that was beating faster and faster. It felt like her chest was going to burst from all the emotions that he was causing her to feel. She couldn’t take it anymore so she did the only thing that she could think of.

She stood on her toes and kissed him, cutting off his monologue.

She looked him in the eye and with as much bravery as she could muster, she muttered her reply, “I-I like you too.”

Soma’s answering smile made her embarrassment worth it.

“So, will you go out with me?”

- Spring Reprise -

“Just a moment Soma-kun!”

He stopped and turned towards the direction of the voice. He didn’t notice that he walked quite a distance from her. He smiled when the girl caught up, clutching her knees as she struggled to catch her breath.

“Tired already? It’s okay to back down.” He teased.

The blonde scoffed and flipped her hair, standing straight and folding her arms on her chest.

“You can dream on. I just thought that it would’ve been better if you’ve waited ‘till the end of the program, not when the program was about to start.”

“Oh, c’mon.” He said as he grabbed and intertwined their hand and led her to the biggest building on the school ground. “The opening ceremony was only for the first years. We aren’t needed in there. Besides, this is more important.”

He dragged her inside the room with the name “Administration Office” and presented the written letter that he have prepared, with both their signatures on. The staffs, despite being surprised, nodded their affirmation and sprang into action.

Nodding to each other, Soma and Erina both walked toward the opposite direction.

;

“Is it true? About Yukihira Soma and Nakiri Erina?”

“I think so.”

“Oh my god. This is so exciting!”

“The first and second seat, huh?”

What he thought to be an exclusive event turned into a wide scale one. News traveled fast, he thought with grin as he closed his case and got ready to go out.

“THANK YOU FOR WAITING! THE SHOKUGEKI ADMINISTRATION BUREAU HAVE RECOGNIZED THIS AS AN OFFICIAL SHOKUGEKI, WITH THE TITTLE OF THE FIRST SEAT ON THE LINE! AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET US START! Well then, from each corner both contestants will enter!

The first to appear is the current 2nd Seat, dubbed as the “Jack of all trades”, Yukihira Soma!

And next comes our current 1st Seat, the Bearer of God’s Tongue herself, Nakiri Erina!”

The cheers were loud on both sides as the two of them stood face to face at the center of the hall. Erina raised an eyebrow at him with the number of their audience.

“And now the program is ruined.”

He just shrugged. “This is more interesting, I guess.”

“All right, both contestants at your station!”

Before Erina could turn and head towards her station, Soma leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.

In front of the whole Totsuki body.

“Good luck, princess.” He whispered. “I’m going to be the First Seat before this school year starts.”

“Huh. I’m going to make you eat your words.” And then Erina flipped her hair and finally left the stage, Soma doing the same with a huge grin on his face.

The hall finally stilled, the audience confused on what was more shocking—the impromptu Shokugeki on the day of the Opening Ceremony, or the kiss that they had just witnessed, solidifying the two’s relationship.

;;;

Author’s note: Hi! So you finished it ‘till the end, huh? :D Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. 

[sammy-moo]

Why?

I’m going to keep everything in this post under the cut, because I am literally so perplexed right now that this post might just spiral down the rabbit hole. I have a feeling that I will go on many tangents that might not even make sense. This post is about none of you in particular...

 Now, I’m making this post to get these thoughts out of my fucking head and I could’ve typed them away for myself, but part of me said no. I’m going to post this here for anyone- and everyone to see because I may not be the only one. Someone else might have or even currently be going through this... 

So here we go!

I am seriously sitting here completely baffled. I will never even begin to understand why I still associate with the people I graduated with who were some of my closest friends back in high school. 

I understand when life hits people go their separate ways, and you’ll learn who your real friends are and aren’t. You’ll more than likely (in some not all cases) be able to count how many friends you have on one or maybe even two hands. Sometimes you even find out before you graduate and learn in high school. 

Now these friends are still people I will meet up and hang out with. Hell, we all even have a group chat on Snapchat. Is it my brightest idea? I’m beginning to think not even in the fucking slightest. 

And the saddest part of it all? Out of my entire group of friends only one of us is open about their mental illness. Four people and I’m the only one.... Now, they could have some sort of mental illness and not even be open about it, but they aren’t. One friend has only been open about her panic attacks when her mom and boyfriend fight. Literally that is the only thing one of them have been open about. 

Before I go on my tangent of what happened tonight to even make me type this entire post, I should go back to middle school.....

Back in middle school I had no fucking idea what depression was. I was an ignorant, hormonal teenager. I didn’t understand why I had thoughts of suicide or why I wanted and did attempt it. I thought my depression was an extreme sadness and blamed it on grief or even thought there was something I could pin the blame as to why I felt this way. We were never educated on any mental illnesses back then. I remember learning about TWLOA back then and I read through their page. At first I thought it was a place to get more of the really cool bracelet I had. When I learned about mental illnesses it hit me. I had depression. I read about it, yet I still didn’t even fully understand it. 

I remember opening up to my friends back in middle school because I didn’t feel like I could confine in my family. I remember the response my mom told me the end of my sixth grade year that stuck with me for the longest time, and was probably the reason why I never told them.... I had used a nail to scratch up my entire forearm and all she told me was not do it. That I didn’t need to be like my dad’s cousin Travis. (Travis is a relative who took his own life) So I didn’t talk to my family and I sought out the support from my friends. When I told them about how I was feeling and what I was doing, I thought they would help. Sometimes they tried, other times they stood by while one of my friends at the time would literally fucking slap where I had self harmed. They thought it would make me quit. 

It didn’t.

I wore hoodies constantly and never dared to pull the sleeves up unless I wanted or needed to. I would hardly take it off if I wasn’t in PE or my friends weren’t cold and needed a jacket. 

As the years wore on I developed anxiety and forms of PTSD. My suicidal thoughts turned into ones of passive aggressive ideation... 

To this day they all know that I over think and have depression. I’m pretty sure they have picked up on my anxiety and PTSD but it’s not something I’ve been open about to them. My reason? Because none of them understand or know. 

If they do, they’ve never once told me and sometimes they over think and they have worries, but I’m more than certain they don’t struggle with mental illnesses. (If they do, then I am not one to say they don’t have it. I’m just saying I’m sure that they don’t)

Often times they’ve confined in me with their worries and I them, but even after graduation my thoughts and how I feel are often over looked or tossed to the side. 

One night last year I was told I needed to quit with the jokes. Now, I know how a lot of people feel about suicidal jokes. I am someone who won’t make jokes about it to people. (Meaning I won’t tell someone they or someone else should end their life. I make jokes about me ending my life) I hate saying this, but it helps. And honestly, making the jokes sometimes gets the thoughts out of my head and makes me feel a little better. ANYWAYS, back on topic.... When I was informed I needed to quit with the jokes all I said was I’d cut back on them. But, later they proceeded to say that I was emotional and essentially that it was annoying. 

Right. Let me apologize to her ass about me being “emotional.” I had NO IDEA depression and suicidal ideation would make someone emotional! Wow! So let me just apologize for even having to convince myself to leave my bed, get proper clothes on, get in my car and drive to the damn park just to hang out with Carla (We’ll call her that. It’s not her actual name) and everyone else because they all wanted me to. 

I’m sorry that sometimes I don’t hide my thoughts and feelings as well as I can some days. I’m sorry that I constantly deal with not wanting to do stuff sometimes and would rather sit in my bed and stare at a screen and occupy my brain with the internet. I’m sorry that sometimes I don’t even have the energy or strength to leave my bed and would rather stay curled up in a ball. I’m sorry that it literally takes me consistently forcing myself to do little shit like take a shower, change clothes, or even brush my teeth. Like I am supposed to be sorry the few times I’ve hung out with them I wanted friends I could confine in. I thought I could tell them everything between ranting and just talking about simple things like they all did. But I was fucking wrong. 

And yet again it’s happening. Tonight I was overthinking and worrying over Matt. I told them what was going on and they tell me to take care of him. First, I can’t help someone when I’m not there. The most I can do is text and when someone is sick how the fuck is texting going to help!? second, I can’t take care of someone when they don’t want me to. And after I was told to take care of him? I sent something about it and further went into it, the conversation was immediately turned. Instead, we get a picture of Britney’s (Another fake name) boyfriend’s hand that was cut at work. The cut is only an inch long and she is justified to worry and have her man “almost give her a heart attack” because I would be worried too. But let’s just push aside my worry so we can focus on you. 

God I sound like a self-centered bitch.... 

But this isn’t me saying we can’t discuss her worries. This is me saying why the hell should we toss mine aside to focus on your’s? We can hold multiple conversations or we can even help each other and even after we think we’re done make sure they’re okay. Instead? Carla is talking about how her boyfriend is currently in Cali where he was at the beach while she was freezing her ass off.... 

I feel like me being pissed right now is stupid... I feel like me being angry that my conversation was tossed aside is stupid. I shouldn’t be mad that Britney was worried and wanted to share it with us. 

What I’m mad about most is that I am someone who cares way too fucking much. I put up with so much bullshit and when it comes to others I can find toxic people or ones that’re using others faster than I can with my own life. 

I have toxic friends but part of me believes that it’ll get better. It hasn’t. It more than likely won’t. 

I’m beyond baffled why I sit here and still deal with this....

So if you read this far and aren’t repulsed by me or thinking that I’m some attention seeking, self-centered bitch (say hello to anxiety kicking in) then maybe you can take my experience as a lesson.... If you have toxic friends, talk to them if you don’t want to let them go. Allow them to work on it and better themselves. Chances are they aren’t aware of it and are doing it to others too.. If you’d rather not talk to them or give them another chance then get rid of them. You will feel much better once you do. 

[someonetheelusivefangirl]

Klance - SURPRISE!

AAAAAAA!!!! This is SUPER late, but literally JUST on time for me to post on Lance’s birthday, so long as I’m quick with these notes!!!

So I won’t go on any further except to apologise for any mistakes as I AM rushing to get this posted quickly!

Allura still found herself both confused and wary of most Earth customs. They very rarely made any sense to her, though she did become fond of a few of them. She couldn’t fathom what Earth must be like, with such rich culture, and couldn’t help but let the paladins’ enthusiasm get to her whenever they spoke of another custom. She was now curious as to what they’d show her next.

Allura /was/ still wary, as learning about Earth culture did not always work out well for her. She had decided that “pranking” was her least favourite. Thus, when Hunk and Pidge ran into the bridge, mouths moving rapidly as their words blurred incoherently, Allura felt a mixture of fear and excitement.

Eventually, Coran managed to coax them into speaking in actual sentences. They started talking about having been curious as to how long they've been away from Earth, Pidge mentioning using the Castle’s logs to calculate the length of time. Then Hunk chipped in, saying how they then converted it into “hours” and Earth days. He began speaking about dates, though nothing like any Allura had ever heard of.

“So we’ve worked out that today is the 28th of July!” Hunk finished, a huge grin spread across his face.

“So? What’s so special about the 28th?" Keith asked, making Pidge and Hunk jump, too caught up in their explaining their discovery to notice when he came in a dobash ago. They both let out a sigh of relief, Hunk muttering how glad he was that Lance wasn't a morning person. The two of them both exchanged a look before stating that the conversation would need to change location. Allura was confused, but didn’t question them. She just needed to know what had got them so worked up. They settled on relocating to Pidge's room, having dismissed everywhere else, including Keith's room, to his confusion.

Once there, they explained everything. It sounded like a good idea, but you could never know when it came to the paladins. They were just too unpredictable. However, Allura let the last of her fear slip away as she gazed around the room. Hunk and Pidge were beaming, and even Keith had a small smile, and combined with the buzzing auras they were giving off, the good mood was infectious. Besides, it was rare to see them all so excited, especially since Shiro's disappearance.

Lance was confused. He'd woken up and immediately headed to the bridge to go and check up on the princess, who was always up early. To his surprise, the bridge was empty, no sign of either Allura or Coran. This alone was odd, but when Lance found no sign of anyone in the dining room or kitchen, a bit of worry started to grow in him. Lance, however, ignored it, making his way to the council room, and then the hangars, only to find them all empty. Okaaaay… /Now/ he was starting to worry.

He check the labs, but still found no sign of anybody. /That/ was odd. Pidge spent nearly /all/ of her free time working in the labs. What had started out as a quick search for Allura was now turning into a full on hunt for /anyone/.

Tired of searching, Lance headed to one of the bedrooms which had been repurposed into Kaltenecker's room. He often went there if he just wanted to relax and chat nonsense to someone who didn't judge him or send him away after 5 minutes.

"What the quiznak?!" he exclaimed upon finding the room empty. This was ridiculous. Had the others gone off somewhere without him? Taking Kaltenecker, but /not/ Lance?! Nah, /that/ was ridiculous!

Walking the corridors of the Castle alone made Lance remember quite how big the place was. The towering white walls and the metallic sound of his footsteps’ echoes made the place, which he had started to think of as a second home, feel cold and intimidating. And so very empty.

It was quiet. Unnaturally quiet. Normally Lance would be walking with someone, and even if he wasn't he could still hear the others either working in the labs, discussing plans in the bridge or chatting in the dining room. Even the engine sounded muted.

A shiver worked its way down Lance's spine. He shook his head, lightly slapping his cheeks as he took off in a fast stride. He had /just/ about forgiven the Castle for trying to kill him, he couldn't afford to let himself be scared now. Lance McClain did not get scared!

He checked all the rooms he passed, going back to the bridge and kitchen to check they hadn't gone there in the time he'd been searching. He even went to check on the pool. When he got to their rooms, another idea struck. Were they all just asleep? It didn't seem very likely, as Lance knew he was almost always the last to get up, but then again, they didn't exactly have clocks in the Castle, so maybe, for once, Lance had just got up before everyone else.

He went to Hunk’s room first, knowing he'd feel less embarrassed if he showed how worried he had been to his friend. He tapped lightly on the door, waited for a few moments and then knocked slightly harder. Still no response, even when he called out to him.

He did the same with Pidge, but still nothing. This kept on getting stranger. If Pidge wasn't in the labs, nor in her room, then she had to be with the others somewhere. Finally, he opened Keith's door, not trusting him to respond, even if he was still in there.

"Kei-..." He didn't bother to finish the greeting, his eyes falling on an empty bed. He sighed, slumping as he turned to leave, when he spotted a note on Keith's bed. His curiosity winning over (there wasn’t much resistance) he snatched it up. On it, in Keith's messy scrawl, was Lance's name. He unfolded the paper to find a short note, inviting him to join everyone. Only, it didn't specify where.

"Stupid Keith, how the hell am I supposed to find you now, when I've already been searching all morning?" He threw the note on the bed, crossing his arms as he sat down beside it with a huff. Was this a sick game they were playing with him? It would've been nice to have known about it before hand instead of making Lance worry.

He stared down again at the note, only to realise it had fallen upside down. In the corner was a scrawled mess, and Lance picked it up to inspect. Next to an arrow, which was pointed from the edge, obviously meant to be from the message on the other side, was a couple of words. Though working out what they were was a challenge, as the writing was even smaller than in the message. He realised that the second one must be "room" and with that, worked out that this was supposed to be the location. Had Keith not left himself enough room to finish the message on one side?

Now to decipher the first word. It either began with an ‘l’ or ‘t’ and ended with a ‘g’. He thought hard about what rooms he hadn't yet searched, standing up when the answer came to him. How had he been so stupid?

Tucking the note into his pocket, Lance made his way down to the training room. He strode through the doors as they opened, only to find himself in complete darkness.

“What the-”

“SURPRISE!” Lance jumped at the loud shout, flinching as the lights suddenly came on. The others were gathered in front of him and proceeded to shower him in confetti, or in Pidge's case, chuck it at his face. He spluttered as he tried to remove the confetti which had fallen into his open mouth. What the hell was going on?!

"Guess what today is!" the little gremlin exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"Come on, Lance, take a guess at what the date is today based on what we're doing!"

"I dunno? April Fools?" Hunk and Pidge laughed whilst Coran and Allura looked lost. A moo sounded from behind the group and Lance strained to see past them.

"Was that Kaltenecker?! Why is the cow in the training roo-" At last he spotted Kaltenecker standing next to a table laid out in the centre of the room. Above the table floated a hologram, and Lance froze at the writing.

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHARPSHOOTER’

Keith watched from towards the back of the group as Lance froze, realisation and shock plastering his face as he stood there, stunned. Finally, he took a step forward and the group parted so that Lance could walk up to the table. He didn't even glance down at it, however, his eyes still glued to the hologram. They all gathered around the table and finally his gaze moved from the message to all of them.

"A-are you serious?"

"We wouldn't joke about it being your birthday, bud! Come on, today's all about you!" Hunk then bent over to pick up the cake from the array of food he'd cooked for the meal. He lit the candles and held the cake out towards Lance before he cleared his throat and began to sing, joined by the others in an interesting rendition of 'Happy Birthday'.

Keith could feel his cheeks heat up gradually as he continued to sing. Keith was not a singer, and had definitely never sung in front of people before. Yet his embarrassment was eased by the small slipups by Allura and Coran, who had practised hard to try and memorise the song. By the end, Lance was laughing softly, and the sound made the humiliation worth it.

"Guys, I just... I mean... Thank you!" Everyone smiled, letting out cheers when Lance announced it was time to dig in.

The feast looked amazing, even in its alien nature, and the smell was almost making Keith drool. It seemed like he was not alone, as everyone hurried to take a seat at the table and Keith sat beside Pidge, Lance taking the seat to his left.

As soon as they were sat, they dug in, filling their plates with the delicacies and wasting no time in digging in. Everyone but Hunk exclaimed at the taste. Somehow- Somehow he'd...

"Hunk! Oh my GOD! How did you do this?! This tastes like /human/ food!" Lance had recovered from the shock the fastest to quickly express everyone's surprise.

"With a lot of experimenting!" Hunk laughed. "I hope you like them all, I made sure to try and include your favourites!"

"Huuuuunk!" Lance quickly jumped up from his seat to rush around the table and throw his arms around Hunk's neck. "You’re the best friend a guy could ever want!" Hunk thanked him, patting his arms until they finally released him and they continued on with the meal.

Pidge and Hunk explained briefly how they'd worked out the date, and soon the conversation had been dragged off down another topic. Keith allowed the warm atmosphere envelope him, the buzz of conversation and the energy of the people at the table made the atmosphere comfortable and warm, and unbeknownst to him a large smile adorned his face for the entirety of the meal.

“Oh right, I nearly forgot!” Suddenly a piece of paper was shoved in front of Keith, his eyes crossing as they tried to focus on it. “WHAT was /this/?!” Keith took the paper from Lance’s hand, realising that it was the note he'd left on his bed.

“What is it?” Pidge asked as she leaned closer, peering to see what Lance was talking about.

“The note that told me where to go. Though /why/ you chose Keith to write it is beyond me! His writing is almost impossible to read when it’s small! What would’ve happened if I’d never found you?” Beside Keith, Pidge’s smirk was growing. Damn.

“Oh? Did you go check all our rooms?” She didn’t need to tell Lance this. It didn’t mean anything.

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m guessing that you didn’t try to go inside mine or Hunk’s rooms, otherwise you’d know we’d also written notes for you to find. It’s interesting that you went inside Keith’s though…” Keith gently shoved her off his arm. He looked to Lance, wondering how he’d react. Not that there was anything to react /to/, but… Thankfully, the meaning behind Pidge’s teasing seemed to escape Lance whose confused face never faltered until he started up a new conversation, allowing Keith to breathe a quite sigh of relief.

After Keith had had his fill of the pizza salad (honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up!), it seemed the others had also had their fill, Allura and Coran seeming extremely keen to try more of their food. At this, Hunk produced a knife and handed it to Lance, sliding the cake over.

"Make a wish!" Pidge exclaimed as he brought the knife down to make the first cut. He handed out the slices, though Keith noticed how Lance had made his thinner than the others and caught the smirk Lance directed at him as he put Keith's plate down. Keith let it slide. It was Lance's day after all.

The cake turned out to be some sort of rigid moose and tasted nothing like normal cake, instead it seemed to have layers of flavours ranging from vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, coffee and many other fruit. Lance was back to his usual dramatics, moaning whenever he reached a new flavour, saying it was the best thing he'd ever tasted.

Once all the plates were clear of any trace of food, Keith leaned back in his seat, his hand resting on his stomach. He felt delightfully full.

"That was perfect, Hunk! The best present ever!" Keith flinched at Lance's words, a horrible fluttering feeling replacing his pleasantly-full buzz.

"Oh yeah? Guess you won't be needing my present then!" Pidge taunted, earning a screeching from Lance who quickly backtracked, making grabby hands at Pidge. She sighed and placed a box in Lance's hands that were straining to reach across Keith. He quickly opened it to reveal one of their small orange timer tablets which Pidge had confiscated from them all several days ago.

"Thanks...?"

"It's not just a timer, if you're wondering. A while back I was thinking about creating a written messaging system which we could utilise whenever we couldn't, or didn't want to speak, so I made modifications to the timer so that it can receive and send messages, which are encrypted when anyone other than the receiver tries to hack the signal, essentially providing an easy and safe-"

"Wait, wait, w-w-WAIT!! Did you just make me a space phone which can text?!"

"If you'd let me /finish/, you'd also know that it can take photos, record videos and has a memory of 50 petabytes."

"PIDGE, you little GENIUS!"

"You can leave out the 'little' y'know."

"I've got to try this out right now! Come on, you need to be in the first pic!" As Lance started taking what Keith suspected to be the first of millions of selfies, Keith watched as Coran produced a blue and white jacket from beneath the table where he'd been hiding it.

When Lance turned around and spotted it, he cried out rushing over to Coran. He slipped his jacket off, donning the new one which fitted him perfectly.

"It's something from when I started serving Alfor. It's too small for me now, but seemed like it'd be just your size. Plus I do think that blue looks quite good on you!"

"Coran, are you sure you want to give this to me? I love it, I really do, but it's something from your time back on Altea..."

"No, no, no! Please have it, it'll just be collecting space dust otherwise. I'd much rather you gave it a purpose again!" Lance's eyes grew misty as he launched himself on Coran, who happily returned the gesture. The warm display almost distracted Keith from his nerves. Almost.

Allura stepped up to Lance once he'd finished embracing Coran. Lance opened his mouth, no doubt to say something stupid, when Allura leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his cheek.

"That's my present for you. I'm afraid I didn't have anything else to give." Lance shook his head, finally returning from the shock he'd gone into at the contact.

"No! No, it's- it's fine, more than enough! Thank you!" Now Keith was the only one that remained, and it seemed the others came to the same realisation, all turning to face him. Keith's throat felt dry and hoarse. He looked down to his side as Pidge nudged him lightly, nodding encouragingly. It wasn't much, but it gave him the strength to clear his throat and speak.

"I've, um, got something to show you?" Ughh… Why did he sound so unsure?! He was being pathetic.

"Oh?" Lance questioned excitedly, his happiness visible from the way he bounced on the balls of his feet.

"And that's our cue to leave! Enjoy!" Pidge called as she waved, making her way out of the door, soon followed by Hunk, Allura and Coran.

"Wait, what?" Keith didn't explain, couldn’t explain, his nerves back in full force. He went over to the table to retrieve the mind projecting headset and noted how Lance's eyes tracked his movements, his eyebrows raising as he spotted the device.

"Can you," Keith cleared his throat as his voice came out raspy. "Can you close your eyes?"

"As long as you promise not to do anything weird!" he taunted even as his eyes fell shut. Keith took a breath before putting on the headset and focused on the image he wanted to project. He watched as it came alive in the room, as the oranges and reds of the desert replaced the stark white of the walls. The detail was amazing, though he put that down to the Altean engineering rather than his memory. Finally, Keith brought out the remote that Coran had given to him yesterday. With one last glance thrown at Lance, he pressed the button and watched as the room started the simulation.

"You can open your eyes," he muttered, his gut twisting in anticipation for what was to come. Lance looked around at the landscape, one of Keith's favourite views of the sun setting in the desert, and Keith waited for his reaction.

"I-I don’t know what to say," Keith flinched, well aware of how this looked after such great presents. "I-it's beautiful! Wow, like- woooow..." Keith noted that Lance hadn't yet spotted Keith's surprise slowly forming above the two of them. "Are you making this? It's so detailed! I almost feel like I'm back on Ea-" His speech cut off suddenly and Keith watched the droplet of water roll down Lance's nose, where it had landed.

Soon more droplets fell, and Keith could feel as his hair started to flatten and his cheeks become gradually soaked. Still Lance stood frozen.

When he recovered from his shock, Keith expected Lance's energy to return. Maybe he'd dance and run about in the cool rain that fell from the clouds by the ceiling of the training room. However, when Lance finally moved, it was to close his eyes as he rolled his head backwards to face the clouds, arms spreading to his sides slightly. He stood there perfectly still as he formed the softest smile Keith had ever seen. Keith watched, entranced by the peaceful sight, as Lance's clothes grew wet and hung heavily upon him, as his hair plastered his face and neck, ignorant to the feeling of it happening to himself. He didn't dare speak, the moment suddenly so fragile and peaceful.

After some time, though Keith could not recall how much, Lance raised his arms above his head, palms facing the clouds, before he brought them to his face, running then upwards so that they brushed his bangs from his face.

"How?" How… what? How did he make it rain?

"Oh, it turns out that the training room can simulate different conditions, and I asked if Coran could add a setting for rain. Coran, Hunk and Pidge finished finalising the simulation probably last week. Apparently they just had to make a system for creating miniscule droplets from which-"

"How did you know I missed the rain?" Oh. So that's what he’d been asking...

"Um, Coran mentioned it when I offered to explain what rain was. I was planning on showing it to you at some point, and when I found out it was your birthday, I thought that it was the best opportunity..." Keith trailed off, averting his eyes from Lance's intense stare. "A-Anyway, my memory's not great, so I can't properly picture it raining in the desert, but you can use this to come up with your own scene." Keith began to lift the headset, the image of the desert starting to pixelate as it lost connection, but before he could remove it two hands pushed it firmly back down.

"No, I want to see your rain."

"Oh..." Keith found himself unable to think of anything else to say as he watched rivulets of water stream down Lance's face, following the curves of his cheeks as he smiled.

"Thank you."

"What? Oh, it was really nothing!" Keith rushed, feeling like the ridiculous fool Lance often made him out to be. "To be honest you should be thanking the others, they're the ones who put in all the effort! I only came up with the idea-"

"Yeah, well, it was the /best/ idea." Keith felt his cheeks burn, even under the cool water that continued to fall.

"Still, I'm sorry I didn't have an actual present to give you..."

"Ugh! You never listen to me!" Keith was about to protest, knowing that it wasn't true, hoping that Lance knew that too, when Lance hurriedly continued, his voice suddenly stuttering as he stumbled around his words. "W-Well, since you're so stu-stubborn. I guess I'll just have to s-steal a present from you!" Keith frowned in confusion, opening his mouth to question what he was meant when Lance surged forward.

Keith's eyes widened as he felt Lance's chest bump his own, his hands grabbing either sides of Keith's face, as he felt…as he felt Lance's lips meet his own. Keith froze, his body stiff, arms stuck hovering uncertainly in the air beside Lance's hips.

By the time his brain managed to catch up with what was actually happening, Lance was gone, pulling back, his face turned away to the ground.

"A-Anyway, thank you for the present!" he stuttered before he turned and practically bolted from the room, but not fast enough for Keith to miss how Lance's ears had reddened. Keith decided red suited Lance very well, his own blush deepening at the thought. Keith couldn't help but feel that although it was supposed to be Lance's surprise party, it was Keith who ended up being the most surprised.

After all, he had never imagined that his first kiss would be stolen that day. Though, Keith couldn't find it in him to complain.

Fin

DONE!!! Click here for more headcanons!

[mysmesecretvalentines]

For @stardustseven

It starts with the writing. Sometimes, people just wake up with pen markings on their arms, markings they don’t remember drawing on themselves. Some brush it off as forgetfulness. Others know straightaway. They all reach the same conclusion in the end. They’ve seen their mate. Mate, or the longer term “soulmate” was the “too rare to be common, too common to be rare” phenomenon of two souls being equal to each other. Of course, it’s not all daisies and sunshine after the markings begin, no sir. First, it’s the tracking down. For some it’s easy- that new waitress at the restaurant, that guy who just moved in above, those kinds. For others it’s hard- waking up face down in a bar after getting rip-roaring drunk with floral writing on your hand and no memory of the last 18 hours is not a good start. And for others still it’s a challenge- a story that went viral a few days ago was about a man who found his mate by watching a short advertisement- in Chinese. It took him months to find the ad, a year to learn basic Chinese, and another 2 to find and propose to his mate on the spot(they got married 2 years later). And for some, it’s a special sort of hell- perhaps they find their mate in another relationship-or, God forbid, married. Others find their mates and get together, only to fall horribly apart due to clashing personalities or mental problems. Just because their souls were equal, doesn’t mean their hearts were as well. Ironically, it was these relationships that almost always ended with abuse, crime, and on a really bad day, death. Luciel had always thought himself to be the latter. *** It started with a hacking. Ok, a lot of things in his life started with a hacking. But this one didn’t have anything to do with him. Well, it kinda did. Anyway- He noticed the newcomer right away. He stared at her screen name. MC? He messaged the group members as he worked, drawing their attention to the trespasser. It wasn’t a dual download, like he had suggested, but neither was it a robot. An actual human being had entered the chatroom without his permission.  Their IP address wasn’t encrypted so he gained access to the phone with ease, digging into their social media (barely anything), gallery (nothing-was this a new phone?) and anywhere else he could find clues about this MC. The name implied it was female, but he’d been fooled before. It wasn’t until he switched to location tracking when he noticed where she was. Rika’s apartment. He told the others(who proceeded to freak out a bit) while he hacked into the security cameras in the house. He hadn’t done that in a year-plus he made damn good firewalls-so it took him sometime to see their intruder’s face. And she was… She was… He felt his skin go hot. He wasn’t even looking at her face yet; just the monochrome silhouette of a woman no older than he. What’s wrong with me? He shifted in his computer seat, taking a large swig of Phd. Pepper as the woman turned to look up at the camera. Luciel spat out his drink as electricity jolted down his spine. He hunched over as he coughed, hands grasping the desk as he expelled the carbonated beverage. Straightening, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand when he noticed something on the inside of his right wrist. It was a word-“tintinnabulation?” in sharp but elegant handwriting. He moved his gaze to the rest of his arm; slowly, as if he was writing them himself, other words and phrases also began to dot the rest of his forearm. He looked back at the girl; she was rubbing her arms. And looking directly at the camera. Ah, shit. *** She was a writer. His arms told him that much. The next five days were filled with things to do; if he wasn’t working he was doing what V wanted him to do, or he was on the messenger, talking with the members in his usual style; all jokes and laughs. But mostly, he was writing on his hand. It took him a minute after the initial shock to remember that he could write back on himself as well-using washable markers he wrote on his palm, keeping an eye on the security camera to see her reaction. He laughed when she jumped at the letters forming in her hand, but then peered closer to read his message. Hello, MC.

  She looked at it for a bit. Her gaze flickered to the camera, but then she had a pen in her hand and was writing back. Luciel felt pressure, the telltale prickle of taking a pen to flesh. He waited. Luciel. Back and forth they communed, writing at first small questions and answers to each other. What are you from? What do you like? It soon digressed, however, into silly banter and stupid drawings scrawled on different regions of their bodies. There were times when he would wake up and go to the bathroom, only to find his face vandalized to look like a cat. Suppressing a smile, he had called her and teased her in a cat like voice “Come on, nya~ Rub it off nya~”, all while he watched her giggle on the sofa at Rikas apartment, wearing an identical set of whiskers on her face as well. He was still chuckling when the alert came in. He stared at his screen, aghast and perplexed at the crimson skull flashing on top strings of code. He leapt into action, trying to trace to incoming hacker and block them. It was too late, however-the intruder had already started tampering with security controls long before the system had even registered their presence. Luciel was left to survey whatever damage they had wreaked. He paled as he scanned for the change in the lines of code, while accessing security. The change wasnt much-a few words here, a command there, but the result was horrendous. The bomb. He checked the system twice, then another time to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The screen stayed the same. The bomb. Before Rika had died, she had become…paranoid. Convinced that someone would try to access the sensitive information about party guests without the RFA’s knowledge…she had taken extreme measures. One of those measures was to install a bomb into her apartment. When the system picked up an unauthorized entry, it was to detonate the bomb, which could wipe out the whole floor-or maybe the building itself. And it was hacked. He called V. He also told the members in the chatroom what had happened, and warned MC to stay put, lest she trip the bomb. He switched all screens around him to the security feed of the building, save for a laptop, which he used to try and fix the issue. He looked at his hand for a moment, almost anticipating a sign from MC. When she didn’t reach out, he scrawled two words across his hand before sinking back into his computer chair to work. I’m sorry. Exactly 26.5 hours later, he’s still awake. The running anthem of itsallmyfaultitsallmyfault is an effective way to ward off sleep, as well as the five one liter bottles of Ph.D Pepper that littered his workspace. He still hadn’t made much headway into cracking the code surrounding the bomb controls. At worst, they’d have to go in there and disarm the bomb manually-risking the lives of many people. Including MC. MC. Exactly 2.26 hours after he apologized, she got back to him. The feeling of being drawn on plagued his upper body for hours as she wrote messages to him. His phone was off, so the only way to get his attention was to literally draw on him. It did a good job too; he found himself tearing away from the computer screen once in a while to glance at his hands or arms. Are you alright? Turn on your phone!!! Answer me you @$!&# Are you sleeping? I miss you. I’m worried about you. Luciel, please. The last one was bolded and underlined, as if she had traced it over and over again. He stared at it for a while, his emotions swirling under his golden eyes. He pulled up a small tablet, tapping a few icons to pull up the security footage of Rika’s flat. MC was still there, laying sideways on the couch. Her long brown hair was pushed to the side, so her closed eyes and pursed lips were visible, as well as her two hands, which were clasped together to her chest. She looked a bit like she was praying. The thought of that made him smile. He reached out, the tips of his fingers gently playing along the side of the screen, around her small, monochrome figure. “Sorry,” he muttered softly as he stroked her back. What he was apologizing for, he wasn’t sure anymore. Whether he was talking about ignoring her, or just being her soulmate in general. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t think he ever would. Then the screen flickered, and cut out. What the? Luciel tapped the screen, once, twice, before putting two and two together. It wasn’t that the tablet was broken, but the security feed had been cut. The security- He felt pain race down his forearm, he looked down to see words in big, hurried font appearing on him. The ink was red, looking perversely and terrifyingly like blood. HELP. Luciels blood ran cold. No.nonononononononono- He rushed back to his computer, but then stopped. He couldn’t help her from here. Swiveling on his chair, he reached for a pen. What happened? Intruder. One. He wants to take me. Where are you? Her response to this took a while. When she did, her writing was shaky and sloppy, as if she couldn’t see exactly what she was doing. Hiding The g was slanted to the right. There might have been something that frightened her-something like- He grabbed his phone, dialing one of the few numbers he had. “Hello?” the man who answered was calm, if not puzzled at why he  was being called at such an unholy hour. “Send the police to **** Building!! Apartment ****! And bodyguards! Hurry up!” “What?” Jumin asked. “Where is that? And why-” he paused, his mind processing the information. “MC?” Luciel didn’t say anything, breathing hard. “Alright.” He hung up. Luciel breathed. He leaned back in his chair, combing his hand through his hair and closing his eyes. He didn’t wake up for a while. Not to see the small words forming on his wrist, just like the first day the connected. Thank you.

————————– Hello! I know this isn’t great and technically unfinished but this is all I can give you…if you want you can contact me and I’ll try to end it XD