#but to be so real with you. I have been SO pissed off about how BADLY people drive these days that it's not worth risking my sanity AGAIN

[cheeeeseburger]

Do you dream of me? (cause you're a dream to me)

Fernando Alonso x Reader

A/N: They could never make me hate you, fake dating trope. English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes!

As soon as Fernando opened the car door for you and you stepped out, all dolled up, cameras flashed everywhere. This was a part of being Fernando’s girlfriend that you were still getting used to. Actually, you weren’t used to any things related to dating him, since in reality, you were not really together.

Fernando had asked you to be his fake girlfriend two months ago. Initially, you just laughed at him, but he was not kidding at all. He wanted to work on his PR, and a good romance story always does the trick, right?

“Please, just think about it. I’m not crazy! It would only be for show. It would be fake dating.” You were impressed at his romcom knowledge. He definitely knew the literature, to use words like fake dating. Still, that was not enough to convince you.

The thing is, Fernando was your boss. You had been his assistant for over two years now, and he knew you were single and available. Saying no to his proposal would put you in a difficult situation. It’s not like the whole fake dating thing would only benefit him, though. The more you thought about it, the more you wanted to accept.

“You would only have to come to a few events with me, which you already come to as my assistant! You would just have to pretend we’re together. Of course, you would receive compensation for your services.” Fernando said. He did not get why you suddenly gasped.

“I was about to say yes, but I’m not a hooker or an escort, Fernando! How dare you suggest these things to me?” Frankly, you were insulted. He answered immediately, panicked: “No, that’s not what I meant, of course not! I just meant that since you’re going to, um, work extra, I will pay you more, that’s all. You’re too much of a good girl for all of that, anyway.”

Goddamn. You blushed intensely. You would definitely be a good girl for him, if you were actually dating. Oops.

“Wait, didn’t you say you were going to say yes?” Damn him for actually listening to you.

You blushed a little: “I mean, it’s just that I have, let’s say, a situation, that could be fixed if we publicly dated…” You looked away, embarrassed.

“What is it, muñeca?” He genuinely looked concerned for you. He really was a caring boss, huh?

“It’s just that, um, there’s this guy…” You did not want to continue the rest of the sentence. You were the colour of a ripe tomato.

“And you want to make him jealous?” He raised an eyebrow. Oh wow. Has he watched Anyone But You on a flight recently or something?

“Oh God no, absolutely not! It’s the opposite, really. I went on one date with him, and he can’t get a hint. He always comes tries to talk to me, even though I told him multiple times that I was no longer interested. He’s an engineer at Ferrari, so he’s always around. It’s getting scary.” Telling your boss your horror dating stories was really, really embarrassing.

“What? That’s not okay!” He looked pissed. “Muñeca, this is not right. You should have told me. I could have fixed the issue. I would have helped you.”

You flushed. It was cute to see your boss so worried about you. “Anyway, that’s why I’m tempted to say yes to be your fake girlfriend. Maybe that other guy will back off.”

“I didn’t know you went on dates. You’re always busy helping me.” He crossed his arms on his chest.

“Well, he’s always around since he works in F1. He just asked me out and I said yes.” You were avoiding his gaze, afraid of being in trouble for some reason.

“Why didn’t it work out?” Ok, now you were definitely looking everywhere but at him. The real reason was too humiliating too say out loud. Why did he care anyway?

“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.” He noticed you were mortified but did not pick up on it. You sighed: “I think we should do it. But I’m still going to have my job after, right?”

“Of course, muñeca. You’re too essential in my life for me to let you go.” Apparently, he was not above flattery to convince you. Apparently, flattery was a great way to bribe you.

“It’s a deal, then.” You shook Fernando’s hand. You immediately shivered at his touch.

“You’re mi amorcito now.”

Oh God. What did you get yourself into?

Anyway, you felt Fernando’s hand on your back, softly guiding you towards the entrance of the party at a high-end hotel. As usual when there were cameras around, you put on a show. Your performance was Oscar worthy. He spun you around so people could admire your look. You blew him a kiss. You leaned on him while he put an arm around you. He kissed the top of your head, and you whispered in his ear.

“I think we’ve really fooled them.”

“It’s good, but it’s only the beginning. I’m not done with you, muñeca.”

To anybody on the outside, you two looked like the hot, exciting, and loving couple of the moment. Sometimes, it looked that way to you too. It was hard to remember that this was not real when he kissed you, or when you were in his arms, or just when you were with him in general. Playing pretend with him was so easy. It was fun, even. You were getting showered in gifts and kisses by your boss, who just happens to be a man you find really attractive. You could have done worst for a side hustle, right?

The media was having a field day with your relationship. Some thought the age gap was a bit weird, but most people just thought that it was cute that Alonso fell in love with his assistant. You had even seen a TikTok edit of you two. You looked hot in it, so that was nice. You were the it WAG of the moment.

The other drivers were also freaking out that Alonso, a long-time bachelor, had finally met his match. You had to act extra lovingly in front of them, just to prove to them that he had finally settled. Also, Fernando just liked to show off a pretty young thing like you in his arms, because the rest of the grid was definitely jealous.

You made you way inside, making sure to always close the gap between you and Fernando. You were constantly flushed, because him touching you did wonders for your nerves. Small talk was hard, but it was even more difficult to do with his arm around your waist. You pulled on his arm.

“Fernando, baby, I need a drink.” The word baby slipped off a little too casually for your liking. He seemed to like it though, because you felt his possessive grip at the nickname. He smiled, pleased.

“Alright, amorcito. What do you want?” He led you to the bar, the crowd letting him pass easily. This was another advantage of dating an F1 driver. Also, he always paid for all your drinks, which is an added bonus, right? You needed a drink to survive the night anyway.

“I want to get drunk. Not passed out drunk, but drunk enough that there is a risk that I will get up to dance on a table.” He laughed at that, and you smiled him. The urge to kiss him was strong. Technically, you could do it, since you were in a public place with people watching your every movement. So far, you had always let him kiss you first, because you were simply too shy. Anytime you felt his lips on yours, forgetting that this was not real was way too easy.

“I would want to see that, muñeca.” The music was loud, and he spoke in your ear. You shivered. Oh yes, more than one drink would be needed. “I’ll have a whiskey sour, and a cosmo for the lady,” Fernando said at the bartender. It was cute that he remembered your drink of choice. But you needed more than a Cosmo to ease your nerves right now. Forget about being classy.

“I’ll have three tequila shots as well, please.” You nearly had to shout for the bartender to hear you. Fernando looked surprised.

“You were not kidding, huh?”

“I won’t embarrass you by being too drunk, I swear. But it’s just that there are so many people here, and I’m kind of nervous.” He put your hand in his and started to draw circles on it with his thumb.

“It’s okay, mi armorcito. These people are not important. The only thing that matters is you and me. I want you to have a good time, muñeca.” You softened at his words. Even though you had not gotten you shots yet, you managed to have enough courage to finally kiss him. He was surprised at first, but he quickly recovered and pulled you closer to him. You pulled away, blushing, but only because the bartender put your drinks in front of you. He smiled at you and his gaze lingered on your mouth.

You drank your shots back-to-back without even making a face. “That’s a good girl,” said Fernando, sipping his whiskey. He knew what he was doing. The alcohol hadn’t even kicked in yet, but you were feeling bolder already.

“Are you into good girls, boss?” You drank innocently from your Cosmo, batting your eyelashes. It was his turn to get flushed. Maybe he had a thing for authority?

“When they look like you, sure. And you’re always so good to me, taking care of my every need. Well, almost.” He winked at you. Surely, the few sips of his drink were not enough to get him to say things like that purely because of the alcohol. Was this really coming from him? It was a delicious thought, almost as delicious as your Cosmo.

“I know this is fake, but baby, if it wasn’t, I would fulfill your every needs. And I mean, all your needs, boss.” You put your hand on his arm to really send the message. The tequila had finally hit your system. His desire for you was obvious in his eyes.

“Amorcito, you would be my favourite assistant of all time, for sure. I would never let you go.” He pulled you close to him, with his hands around your waist. He was looking at you so intensely that it almost felt like love.

You let yourself daydream. “Nobody could say a thing, because pleasing your boss is the goal of being an assistant, right?”

“Exactly, muñeca. But since they don’t know that this is fake, they couldn’t say anything if, let say, they caught us?” He smirked at you, softly brushing the loose stands of hair away from your face

Oh, you knew were this was getting, but the alcohol in your blood and his handsome face were telling you to go along.

“Absolutely, baby. I bet you’d like it, too.” You finished your drink and ordered another shot.

“What, if we were caught?” He nearly choked out his whiskey sour.

“Yeah. Wouldn’t you like it if someone was to walk in on you having me on your desk? If people heard me screaming your name?” The look on his face was priceless. Toying with him was fun. 

He leaned to whisper in your ear: “Don’t give me ideas, amorcito.” He lingered there for a moment, breathing against your neck. You were breathing rapidly. If you only tilted your head a bit, your lips would be near his. It was tempting, so you did it. As he went in for the kiss, you suddenly pulled away, then downed your last shot. You were not done playing with him.

“I want to dance. Come on!” You pulled on his arm, and Fernando had no choice but to follow you on the dance floor.

。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜

He was a surprisingly a good dancer. It must be the Spanish in him. He made you feel hot all over. You left the dancefloor feeling very turned on and with a few new hickeys on your neck as a bonus. This happened all the time in fake dating movies, right? You had not broken any rule.

Fernand pulled you to the bar to get something to drink. Things were not PG anymore. His hand was on your ass to guide you instead of on your waist like it was earlier.

“Do you want another Cosmo, muñeca?” You shook your head.

“No baby, I want to get a special treat. Can I please have a sex on the beach?”

He raised an eyebrow at your request, but he still passed it along to the bartender with another whiskey for him. He was not nearly as drunk as you were, so he had no excuse regarding crossing the line between what is real and what is fake.

“You know, amorcito, I could give you the real thing,” he said to you as he passed you your drink.

“What, sex on the beach? I already did that,” you answered, laughing. He looked positively shocked.

“An innocent girl like you? I don’t believe it.” He also didn’t want it to be true.

You smirked. “You remember that the reason I accepted to date you was to get rid of a guy that was like, obsessed with me?” He nodded, wanting to hear where this was going.

“Well, the reason why he can’t get enough of me is because I rocked his world on a beach!” You looked away, embarrassed even with all the alcohol you had consumed. He put his hand under your chin to force you to look at him.

“Muñeca, is this for real? That’s why he won’t leave you alone? He was not happy.

“Yes! But I don’t want anything to do with this guy. He didn’t even make me finish,” you whined. Fernando brushed your lower lip with his thumb. Somehow, you just knew that if it was him instead of that engineer, you would have come. Multiple times, for sure.

“Poor amorito.” He caressed your hair with his free hand. “You know I would never do that to you, right?” You chuckled lightly.

“Oh, I know.” You whispered in his ear: “I had a sex dream about you once.” This was a lie. You had multiple dreams where he had rocked your world. In multiple ways.

You started to give him a few kisses underneath his ear, in that spot that you knew he liked. He grabbed your ass to bring you closer to him.

“What? Amorcito, you must tell me how it was.” He was getting overwhelmed by your confession and the trail of kisses you left on his neck. You just laughed against his throat.

“Baby, I don’t dream and tell.” First of all, you could not believe you had actually told him you dreamed of him. No way in hell would you reveal the fantasy you had of him. He was still your boss!

But Fernando really, really wanted to know. He spun you so your back was against the bar and held you by your wrists. He got centimeters away from your face. “You will this time, muñeca.”

Ok, so he was not playing around anymore. Does the fact that this was the hottest thing you had ever seen in your life says a lot about you? About your relationship with your dad?

“You have to promise me you won’t mock me, okay?” You were suddenly shy. Maybe you should have ordered another sex on the beach. Wait, no. All of this started because of a stupid sex on the beach. A tequila sunrise would have to do next time.

He kissed your cheek and slowly moved to your jaw. “I promise, amorcito. Just tell me, please. I have to know.” A man begging was always a sight to see.

“Okay, baby. I’ll tell you.” Just thinking about it made you feel hot all over. “In my dream, we were in Monaco. You had parked your car, the green Aston Martin, and… You were fucking me against it. But I mean, really fucking me.” You were blushing, but he was the one who had turned scarlet. You continued: “Remember, this is a dream, okay? A paparazzi took a picture of you, um, having me against your car, and it was all over the medias. But we didn’t care, in fact, you printed and framed the picture, and you hung it in your living room in Monaco. And we fucked again in front of it. That’s it.”

Okay, that wasn’t so bad. Your face was heating up, and you were worried since Fernando hadn’t said anything yet. Had you gone too far? You could always blame it on the alcohol. One thing for sure, you had definitely crossed the line of fake dating.

“Eres el sueño de mi vida, amorcito.” Fernando pulled you close to his body to lead you to a dark corner of the room. He pushed you against the wall and he was immediately all over you. You couldn’t help but moan when you felt him palming you.

“Fernando, baby, is this still us fake dating?” He answered between two hickeys on your neck.

“None of this is fake, muñeca. It never was.” His lips crashed on yours. It just felt so good to really have him, without pretending. You had to remember you were in a public place, otherwise your dress would have been on the floor ages ago.

“I swear I’m going to start screaming your name soon, baby. I need you so bad. Can we please go back to the hotel?” He smiled at your eagerness.

“As much as I would like everyone to hear you, including the other drivers, I think we better leave, amorcito.” He reluctantly pulled away to grab your hand.

“Don’t worry baby, the Monaco GP is in two weeks, everyone will hear me and see me screaming your name there,” You winked at him and pulled him outside of the party.

You clearly had an eye for design, because the picture of you two really did look great in the apartment you shared in Monaco.

[ericshoney]

Mean Prank ~ Brothers!Sturniolo Triplets

Summary: Your brothers ask you to be in a car video, only to prank you by being really mean.

Warnings: Usual swearing, being mean (for the prank), crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick, Matt and Chris were home in Boston for a while, which you were very happy about. They were there to help you with some school work and let you rant about stuff they would understand more than your parents. They were also there for you to joke around with.

Which resulted in a small prank war.

It started with you and Chris pranking Nick whilst he was asleep. You both put fake birds around his bedroom, much like the one Matt and Chris pranked him with in their earlier YouTube career.

Nick was pissed, so he wanted to get you back. This continued until all of you had something against the other. That was until you pranked all three of them at once. The guys then stepped up their game.

"So what's the prank?" Chris asked.

"We're gonna pretend to film a car video, she's been wanting to do one for a while, but we're going to be really mean to her to see how she reacts." Nick replied, reminding him on the prank.

"Will she get upset?" Matt questioned.

"We'll see if she notices it's a prank or not. If it goes too far we'll stop." Nick answered.

Matt and Chris both nodded as Nick went to find you. All of you then headed to the car, going to the guys usual car park to start the prank. You sat on your phone for a bit while they set up the camera and whilst you were distracted, it gave them the chance to start.

"Kid, get off your phone it's so rude." Chris started.

"I was waiting till we started to film." You mentioned, placing your phone down.

"The camera is all set." Matt said.

You nodded as Nick intro the video, you gave a small wave as he said you were here and what the topic was about.

"Today we have our little sister Y/n here! And today's topic, yes there is a topic, is about sibling fights and disagreements." He said.

"Will be fun." You said.

"Yeah cause you caused most of them." Matt mumbled.

"What?" You called.

"Well your the youngest, always thinking you can get your own way." He responded.

"Fuck off." You grumbled, a small smile on your face, thinking he was joking. Which he was, but held the laugh in for the prank.

"I remember when this motherfucker was born. I had a day planned with mum and she had to ruin it by being born early." Nick mentioned.

"You remember that one time she broke a Wii remote and tried to blame Trevor?" Chris called.

"Or that one time she stole your favourite hoodie and blamed Justin." Matt added.

"What is this, pick on Y/n video?" You called.

"Shut up." Nick replied.

The guys continued, their comments getting ruder and meaner. What broke you was Chris throwing an empty Pepsi can in the back, which hit your shoulder. You sighed and got out the car, walking across the car park.

"Kid get back in the car!" Matt shouted.

"No! Fuck off!" You shouted back.

The three shared a look, whilst also watching you. They noticed how you just went and sat by the store which was closed.

"We better tell her it's a prank." Chris said, making his brothers nod.

The three of them got out and came over to you quickly, Matt holding the camera. As they got closer, they noticed you were crying, but as you saw the camera, you covered it up.

"Sweetheart, it was a prank." Nick said softly.

"Real funny." You muttered.

"We're sorry kid, it's supposed to be a harmless prank. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings, we love you so much." Matt said.

“Why say all that stuff?” You asked quietly.

“We didn’t mean it, bub. It was all for a prank. We’re so sorry.” Chris said.

“We’ll make it up to you. Tomorrow we’ll take you out all day and do whatever you want, deal?” Nick suggested, holding his hand out. You smiled a bit and nodded, shaking his hand.

The guys smiled as they ended the video and you all went back to the car. Each of them saying sorry for the bad prank and knew they had to make it up to you.

[hannahssimblr]

We collect her on Saturday morning. Evie, in a vest and a denim skirt, seems cold as she clambers into the back seat of my car, rubbing her arms and bringing some of that early morning chill inside with her. Dew is still clinging to the patches of well trodden grass in the caravan park at this hour, before most souls have woken up baking in their tin can dwellings. A groundskeeper is soaking the flower beds with a rubber hose by the entrance as birds chirp.

“Looking very chipper for half seven in the morning.” Jen says to her accusingly.

“I don’t know, I’m just excited!”

“You morning people are all the same.” Jen has done nothing but complain about how early it is since I shook her out of bed fifteen minutes ago. She hasn’t eaten yet, and just pulled on whatever clothes she could find off the floor. She claims I’m a grumpy person, but there’s no human alive who is as cranky as Jen is if you catch her before nine in the morning. 

“I’m a morning person and it pisses her off,” I explain to our passenger, then to Jen, “Sorry that I want to get up to Dublin early so that you can have a nice day.”

Jen scowls, “Okay. Yeah. You said that already.”

“Just focus on the pancake breakfast we’ll have.”

“Yes, it will be delicious. Now shut your stupid smirky little mouth and drive us, taxi man.” She curls her legs up underneath her and shuts her eyes while I pull away from the curb. 

“Your car is very clean,” Evie says. She sits up very straight in the rear view, ankles together and hands folded neatly in her lap like she’s at a catholic mass. I’m amused by the juxtaposition of her perfect politeness while Jen is twisted up in the passenger seat snoring, scarlett hair sticking up like she’s been dragged sideways through a hedge. 

“It’s only clean because I barely use it. Trust me, if I did I’d be using it as a bin. There’d be no room for you back there with all of the KFC wrappers.”

She laughs, but I can’t tell if she’s just being gracious, “Well it’s a really nice car in my opinion. It’s so new!”

“I assume you don’t drive yet.”

“No, but I will the minute I’m eighteen. It’s hard to get anywhere at home without having a car, like. I won’t be driving around in anything like this though, that’s for certain.”

“Tullamore, huh?” I swish around a roundabout and onto the open road. Jen lightly bumps her head on the window and she grumbles but doesn’t wake. “What’s it like there?”

“Aw, are you serious? You’ve never been?”

“I, uh… no? Should I have?”

“I was joking. Nobody should ever set foot. It’s a total shithole,” she appears to get flustered by her own comment, “or, like, not really. Maybe that was harsh on Tullamore. I know that Shane likes it there, I don’t mean to talk it down, I just-”

“It’s fine, lots of people love Dublin, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t a shithole.”

“I like Dublin.”

“That’s because you don’t live there.”

“Well I’d much rather I did,” she presses her finger into the window, at the green pastures that whizz by, fields, cows, fences, the knotted briars of the country ditches. “That’s what it looks like at home. It’s the exact same as everywhere else, whereas a city is, like, you know. Different.”

“Some people might say the country is idyllic.”

“Hm.” 

I reach over Jen to the glove compartment where I’ve stowed a packet of jellies. Peach rings. I offer them to Evie and when she politely picks one out of the packet I tell her: “You can have more than one.”

She takes one other, and I stuff at least four into my mouth, “So you don’t like being a culchie, huh?”

“I’m not a real culchie.”

“Really? You live in a culchie town and you sound like a culchie, so, I mean… just calling a spade a spade here.”

“You think I sound like one?” Surprised, she leans forward into the space between the seats so she can study the side of my face. 

I shrug, “well, it’s just your accent is very strong.”

“Nobody has ever said that to me before.”

“That’s probably because you all sound the same as each other out there. In the wilds of the country,” I smirk, adding, “the bog.”

“You consider me a bog dweller now.”

“No, I think you’re a culchie who happens to live on the bog.”

“God, the idea of you thinking that makes me anxious.”

“Why?”

Jen stirs in her seat when the packet crinkles, “are you eating something?” she croaks, “gimme some,” she reaches for the jellies in my lap before I knock her hand away. 

“No sorry, these are for Evie.”

“No, c’mon, just one.”

“Okay, wait, stop grabbing,” I bat her off me and pick one out, “Let me check. Evie, can Jen have this?”

“What? Yes of course.”

“Hm, I don’t agree,” I pop it in my mouth and produce another, “what about this one?”

“Let me have it,” Jen growls. 

“Nah,” I say and press it into Evie’s palm, then block her with my arm when she tries to give it to Jen, “No, that one’s yours!”

“I want her to have it.”

“Nope, my car, my rules. You have to eat it.”

“God, Jude,” Jen says, “You’re really going to put me through it today, aren’t you?” She lunges for the sweets and I elbow her off me, citing reasons of obstructing visibility and causing hazardous driving conditions. She asks me if I ever fucked the driver’s theory manual. 

Evie giggles in the backseat so I whirl on her, “What are you cackling at, bog dweller?” 

“Nothing!” she insists as we zoom past the first blue motorway sign for Dublin city. “You two are just funny. Why? Is laughing banned in your car?” 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[thezombieprostitute]

Fate - Part 3

Word Count: ~2.1k

A/N: Reader is Tall and Plus Size female.

Warnings: Attempted kidnapping, Fistfight, Implied violence, Smut

Part 1; Part 2

Curtis’s phone dings. “Go ahead and check that,” the other biker, Lance Tucker, smiles. “I’m sure you’re going to want to see the message.”

Curtis pulls out his phone and sees a text from you. I’m being followed. He lifts his eyes from his phone, glaring at the grinning asshole across from him.

“Gotta say, your lady is pretty unique,” he winks. “Makes her a lot easier to find in a crowd.”

“Am I allowed to text back,” Curtis asks, rage dripping from every word.

“So you can tell her to call someone? Not a chance.” Lance crosses his arms and leans back, confident in his having the upper hand. “In fact, set the phone on the table. Just so we can see her get sadder and more desperate that you're not answering.” He gestures to Edgar, sitting next to Curtis, “you too. Can't have someone in Everett's circle messaging her either.”

Edgar tries to protest but Curtis cuts him off and motions for the phone. Curtis clenches his jaw as he places the phones between him and Lance. He knew Tucker would stoop low to get what he wanted but he still can't believe he'd threaten you. Now he understands why Lance insisted on such a small meeting, just him and Franco meeting Curtis and Edgar, with the rest of the gang out of hearing range.

It's been months since you first gave Curtis your phone number. Months of the two of you learning how to balance a relationship in a dangerous environment. Months of you learning biker vernacular and biker gang structure. Months of him learning to let someone new into his life, letting you see the real him. Months of Curtis learning that he could be soft with you and still demand the respect of his gang, and the other gangs in the area.

And now, during negotiations, Tucker had taken advantage of that softness to vie for more territory for him and his Bronze Gang. He's playing a dangerous game. Word gets out to the other gangs, Tucker's entire group will be practically “kill on sight”. But if he gets you, holds you hostage, Curtis will be forced to keep his mouth shut about it.

The phone dings again and Lance reads the text, “Definitely being followed. Heading to populated area to wait for you.” He grins at Curtis, “how sweet. You've planned for things like this! Can't wait to see if she starts crying when you never show up.”

Curtis grips the arm of his chair, attempting to keep his composure. He wouldn't put it past Lance to order his men to hurt you twice over if he gets hurt.

Another text, this time letting Curtis know your location.

“Of course,” Lance begins, “if you were to maybe give me a bit of your territory, I could call of my boys.”

“You're asking for almost half of the Snowpiercer territory.”

“Exactly, almost half. You can afford to give that up.” His own phone dings and he takes a look. “Ah, there's a pretty photo.” He shows Curtis a photo of you sitting at a cafe. “Gotta admit, I'm not normally for the big and tall girls, but I could see myself tapping that if it means pissing you off.”

The arm of the chair starts to break under Curtis's grip, getting Franco's attention. Another text, you asking Curtis to confirm he's received your texts. One on Edgar's phone as well.

“You're not gonna say anything?” Lance smirks, “just gotta give over the territory I asked for and you can go get your girl.”

“I don't know that you'll actually let her go,” Curtis rebuts.

“You know what, that's fair,” Lance agrees. “After all, you tell the others what went down, I'm a dead man, right? So it really would be in my best interest to keep your girl close. Maybe close enough to touch at all times.”

Edgar jumps at Lance, causing Franco to stand, but Curtis grabs the back of his shirt just in time to pull him back. Edgar gives Curtis a look, “you can't seriously be thinking of agreeing to this! I know she's your girl but this is about more than her!”

“I know,” Curtis growled. He pulls Edgar in close and whispers, “we just gotta give her time. She's my Queen, she's smart enough to figure this out and get out of danger.”

“You don't know that,” Edgar protests, loud enough for Lance to hear.

Another set of dings on their phones. Lance's chuckles confirm they're from you.

“We have to try,” Curtis whispers. “Please trust me.”

Edgar nods, “fine, but I don't have to like it.”

“Oh, does that mean you're gonna agree?” Lance's voice cuts the tension between the two men, redirecting it towards him. “Oooo! If I weren't holding all the cards I'd be scared.”

Curtis sits back down, “we all know I can't give you that territory. But you're right that I don't want her hurt. The problem for you, though, if she does get hurt because I refuse to give you what you want, the other gangs will get told. She gets hurt, or worse, you'll have no territory and likely no genitalia after all's said and done.”

“You're not wrong,” Lance smirks. “But you'll still lose her. How much longer is your group gonna hold your territory with a broken president? Leaves a good opportunity for me to just run away for awhile and come back when the power vacuum is in full swing. I get to hurt you, deeply, and just run away long enough for people to forget about me. I can be patient if it means winning.”

His phone rings, making him drop his smile for the first time all meeting. Curtis nods, “you're gonna want to answer that.”

Lance answers his phone, “what?!” His frown turns angry as he listens to the person on the other end of the phone. “How the hell did you--” He looks over at Curtis and Edgar, before stepping away and angry whispering, “how the hell did you lose the bitch? She's a fucking sasquatch! You don't lose someone like that!” More silence. “You're telling me you can't tail a fucking taxi?”

That's all Curtis needs to hear. He gives a silent signal to Edgar and they make their moves. Edgar gets Franco into a choke-hold while Curtis sucker-punches Lance in the kidney, making him drop the phone. Taking advantage of Lance being incapacitated, if momentarily, Curtis helps Edgar with Franco.

The struggle leads to the three of them crashing through the door, getting the attention of Snowpiercer. Curtis's men swarm the area and quickly get Lance and Franco restrained.

Running back into the room, Curtis grabs his phone and calls you.

“I'm guessing this means I'm okay?” Your voice is cautiously optimistic and immediately calms him.

“Yeah, threat's contained,” he confirms. “Ask Lockley to bring you here and I'll make sure he gets double the usual pay for his help.”

The second you step out of the taxi Curtis is on you. Holding you, kissing you, ignoring the world around you.

Edgar is handing the money to Lockley, “thanks, again, for the help.”

“Está bien,” Lockley replies. “Señora was good company. Not a lot of questions.”

“Have a good night,” Edgar says as Lockley drives off. He turns to look at you and Curtis, still wrapped in each other's arms, and rolls his eyes. “Curtis! We gotta let the other gangs know what happened.”

Curtis pulls away, but never lets go of your hand. He walks you into the bar and gets to work letting the other bikers know what the Bronzes did. Holding onto Lance's phone as evidence.

Once the work is done, Curtis takes you to his “office” in the back of the bar. The door is barely closed before you're pushing Curtis onto the couch and straddling him. You have a lot of adrenaline and want to fuck it out of your system and he's letting you take the lead.

You pull his shirt off and start grinding your hips against him, enjoying the feel of his bare torso. “Take off my bra,” you breathe. “Want to feel your mouth on my breasts.”

Curtis expertly unclasps your bra and you lean back long enough for him to pull off your clothing. Once freed, you arch your back, pushing your boobs into his face and he eagerly starts sucking and kneading on them, making you moan in pleasure. His large hands push your breasts together and he tongues over both of your nipples, making you grind against his crotch even harder. He gives one of your breasts a gentle bite and you wrap your arms around his head, pushing him further into your chest as you chase your first orgasm.

As you climax, you pull his head away from your chest so you can shove your tongue down his throat. He groans and squeezes you tight, his hands continually running up and down your back, his pelvis continuing to grind against you. Reaching between your bodies you undo his belt and reach a hand down the front of his pants, delighting in the hardness you feel underneath the fabric.

The two of you finish removing your clothes and you push him back to sitting on the couch so you could ride his cock. You loved riding Curtis. None of your other partners would let you because of your size but Curtis encouraged you. It made you fall for him so fast, knowing that your size was an attractor, not something “to get used to” like other lovers had said. Curtis loved your long legs that were so strong they could keep him pinned against you. He loved your curves that made you so soft to squeeze. You were his Queen and he made sure you felt like it.

You're dripping as you line yourself up with his cock, sitting so that you take the entire thing at once. It's taken you some practice to get used to taking him but damn if you haven't enjoyed every minute of it. You keep a fast pace as you moan and whine from how good it feels to be so full, to have him kneading your breasts, to have him groaning your name.

“Smack my ass,” you hum into his ear. You're immediately rewarded with a sharp sting, making you gasp loudly. “Again,” you plead, rewarded again with another spank. You moan loudly as you clench around him, making him hiss.

He's trying not to come already, knowing you need him to keep going. The sight of you taking his entire cock, your eyes half closed in ecstasy, the sheen of sweat making you shimmer. You're gorgeous. He swears you could make him come with just a glance if you really wanted.

“I wanna come,” you groan into his ear. He starts fucking up into you, hitting that spot that makes you melt, and you brace yourself on his shoulders pleading for him to not stop. Between the sounds of moans and the slapping of skin, he swears he's never felt such ecstasy. You come so loudly you drown out Curtis's groan as finally lets himself spill into you.

“Fuck, I needed that,” you groan.

“Me too,” he says as he nuzzles your neck.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Least I could do,” he grumbles, “since I'm the one who put you in danger.”

“No you didn't.” You lean back and hold his face so he has to look at you. “That asshat put me in danger. Not you. You gave me the resources I needed to get out of danger. You worked with me through various scenarios. Most importantly, you trust me to not lose my head, to use the resources.”

“You are too good to me,” he whispers.

You smirk and move to separate your bodies, trying not to make too much of a mess on the couch. The two of you move to the bathroom and clean yourselves up, paired with kisses, caresses and even some giggles.

Curtis asks, “are you going to be okay while I work?”

“Yeah, I'm safe here. Gonna sleep on the couch until you're done torturing the asshole.”

Curtis chuckles darkly, “you sleep well. I”m gonna send the message that no one messes with my Queen.”

Part 1; Part 2

Tagging @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @ronearoundblindly because I promised I would!

[hockeygossipunhinged]

i think that persons “7 minutes in heaven” comment was cause girls who’ve hooked up with him have said he didn’t last long i believe theirs a tik tok of some podcast guys talking about one of their girlfriends hooking up with him around 2019 saying he only chatted with her through snapchat and when doing the deed made her go to a hotel room and apparently only lasted a couple minutes

but to everyone whose been asking how he is in bed i personally don’t know(im a lesbian) but im friends with a lot of your typical sorority girls and this is what i’ve heard through the grape vine about him and this is all allegedly

- used to be your typical fuck boy (empty promises, says sweet things that he doesn’t mean) one of those kinda boys but he did it to the wrong girl who’s mom knew his mom and ellen had a serious talking to him about his actions

- is really into boobs like really into them

-likes the chase he likes girls who want nothing to do with him but at the same time loves girls who are obsessed with him you’re typical puck bunny

-apparently had a threesome with another hockey player with a blonde who’s married to some basketball player now

-has a problem with liking other girls posts apparently a girl he was hooking up with threw a drink at him due to him liking a girls post that she doesn’t like but i don’t really believe that cause i feel like we’d have seen a video of it already

-when flirting with a girl he’ll make little sexual jokes to make them life as we saw in his “motivation speech” to the beach volleyball girls

-is scarily charming

-this one i don’t really believe because how could a brother do this to their siblings but i’ve heard it from separate people is sometimes he’ll flirt with the girls his brothers are into or girls that are into his siblings and it has cause several arguments and caused luke to be insecure when it comes to girls and kinda shut off towards them in fear they’ll just leave him for his brother

-apparently doesn’t last long in bed but is very cocky when it comes to all the hot girls he’s had in bed

-this i heard from a guy is that he got really drunk and was showing his list of girls he’s slept with and apparently it had almost 50 names on it(but the guy who told me has a problem with over exaggerating his stories so could have been lower)

-he’s one of those drunks who say has no filter and just wanders around and then gets lost i saw what i believe matt beniers chasing after him on the street and almost took a dog out tryna catch up to him

-i’ve heard that quinn’s his favorite and try’s not to do anything to piss him off when he dose he’s always the first to apologize and hates when he’s mad at him but according to people it’s very easy to piss quinn off

-isn’t good when it comes to kissing (but i’ve kissed this girl before and she wasn’t either💀) but according to her it wasn’t enough need like she didn’t feel any butterflies when he was pressing up against her and didn’t give enough time of regular kissing before sticking his tongue in her mouth

-as his size i heard 4,5,and 6 inches so average i assume

This is all allegedly so jack super fans don’t get mad all of these are rumors please don’t take them seriously

First off I want to apologize to that one anon who sent the first message about the 7 minutes in heaven. I’m sorry that I read your message the wrong way I didn’t know what you were talking about.

Also I’ve heard a lot about this. I think most of it is true. I also know through a friend that he was heavily flirting with her and she had a big butt but small boobs like acups 😂 and he was literally obsessed. He was drunk and kept grabbing her butt apparently. Really funny.

Never heard of the Quinn/luke stuff before. I do know Luke’s quiet and reserved more than Jack and Quinn.

Honestly I think the hotel thjng is true just bc even though the guy was mad Jack got the girl he was interested in. Some parts of the story seemed real like only having the girl there for a while.

[2smolbeans]

Your opinion on Obey Me is very real. I stopped before I got to when (spoilers) Belphie murdered MC, because I found out that literally everyone doesn't give a fuck after a short time and it pisses me off.

Also because of how awful they do my boy Mammon even further down the line

Warning: Im gonna go on another unorganized long ramble, but to sum it up. Yes, fully I agree!! They did my man Mammon DIRTY

_______________________

Thank you cause no fr, the characters are so NERFED, and I don't like how they establish them. With Mammon being the second eldest and second most POWERFUL demon lord in hell, you'd expect his relationship with his brothers to be more different. Like greed, the sin that every animal and living being is born with- its a part of nature, inescapable - powerful, is not treated with respect or explored with?

I mean if the devs wanted to do that dynamic I guess they could, but don't do it to the extreme y'know? Perhaps the brothers do tease Mammon, but know not to go too far because their aware of what he's capable of. If the brothers are in a hierarchy (eldest to youngest), then incorperate that then.

But hes just used as a punching bag by the brothers and MC further down the line it seems. Like I geniuely don't like how he's treated or how there's no character relationships being built around him. Why is Mammon the way he is? What is Mammon's position in hell? How is Mammon in debt if greed is all about taking and taking? (Shouldn't he be wealthy and a hoarder?)

It feels like missed potential y'know?? And with the whole time travel thingy with Barbatos was so confusing.. Like huh??? Instead of doing time travel where Belphegor kills us, it would make more sense (for me personally) for us to be revived by the brothers/solomon through dark magic/whatever. They are the most ancient and powerful beings afterall..

And which thats where Thirteen (the grim reaper) can be introduced as a character who is now in conflict with the brothers. Mc has died and death was supposed to collect their soul, but look at that, somehow their alive! Which can then bring another issue where Mc has to now figure out what happened. (Is Mc now actually human? How are they still alive?)

A human going against death is a sin beyond imaginable. Its against gods nature, and Its why perhaps she hates Solomon since hes a human who has rebelled against death for so many years. (Thirteen: "Damn it old man just die!" Solomon: "Nu-uh ☝️")

The time travel plot could've been used differently, like perhaps Barbatos takes us to a time period when the brothers are in heaven to show the whole celestial war and how it happened. Or maybe he can take us to a time period where the brothers are establishing themselves as the great sins. Perhaps in a time bubble so its just a memory (meaning that Mcs actions wont necessarily do anything).

Like so many ideas could've been explored, but they don't ever do that. Instead they make another game that doesn't even do the story telling of the celestial war properly..

Like GODDAMN IT WE DIDN'T GET TO SEE GRAND ADMIRAL LEVIATHAN 😭😭😭 (Levi stans punching the air rn)

I could go on more and more of what could've been written, fixed, and how the game could've have multiple endings..

But that would be WAYY to long to read lolol

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 4 thoughts

i thought this episode sounded interesting! the plot was kinda: wasn't it fucked up when the vietnam war happened? and i was sitting here like, yeah, quite famously it was pretty fucked up. still, an interesting exploration into trauma and the american role of imperialism

the first thing i wrote was "a lot of people in this show fall asleep watching the tv but personally i have never done that". am i immune to the Curse or something?

so this guy who is a sleep doctor sees a fire and he calls the fire department right away, and everyone is evacuating, and we see a dude in the hallway with a suspicious smile and an even more suspicious scar across his neck. i am used to the episode structure by now, so i knew this was our mystery man of the week.

but the firemen get to the burning fellow's house and there is no fire! despite it looking so real to him that he actually burned to death... it's not there! well huh! must be our mystery man can psychically project fire

cutscene to mulder's place and it again looks like an entirely new set for his apartment. again, i ask, i'm not crazy, right?? can someone else confirm that this is an entirely different space than what we saw before?

(i hope we don't see scully in a new space as well- i thought her apartment was so cute in s1)

he gets a newspaper and a tape of the call dropped off at his door so he runs to skinner and begs with his big sad wet eyes to please let him take the case. and skinner is like maybe. but go transcribe a bunch of wiretaps first. so THAT is why he's always listening to weird stuff!

BUT WAIT! who enters our fair scene...? but a NEW CHARACTER? he is a guy who looks like he crawled out of a frat house where he majored in lacrosse and business... he introduces himself as alex and says that this is HIS case... mulder is PISSED he's all "i work alone >:(" but he can't shake the dude off... hmm.

(i recall seeing a post about people slash shipping mulder with a character in s2- i saw this post way before i started watching the show, so i only noted it in my passing interest of fandom history- and i'm wondering if this is the fellow they were referring to. in the same post i saw mulder in a speedo which i guess we'll get to in time)

scully's back at the academy!!! teaching another autopsy class! boy they must have a steady stream of bodies coming in for this. but an urgent call is coming from a "george hale" and she leaves class to go answer...

and it's mulder!!!!! he has a code name!!! he asks her to fly up to new york and do an autopsy and she's like "i'm in class til 4:30" and he's like "that's fine, we'll wrap it up for you and you can come up at 5!" and she sighs and. agrees.

now. again. this was shocking to me. mulder cannot have anyone else draw his blood or do an autopsy it HAS to be his friend scully. and she WILL get on a flight and do it. this is SICK and TWISTED how she will do anything for him.

mulder was being a real jerk to alex and alex said "i don't appreciate being ditched like a bad date" and to my shock and dismay i found myself agreeing with this new character... mulder WAS being unreasonable... i mean we knew he's been moody lately but this was downright hostile

(mulder walks in while scully puts an organ into a scale) "spleen or pancreas?" "stomach" <- LMAO his ass did NOT pass anatomy!

and they're all so smiley and happy to see each other when. scully sees this man behind him. and her smile fades SO fast.

(he tries to shake her hand but given that her hands are covered in stomach she wisely brushes him by. it may have seemed like a diss but i assume he doesn't want gore on his hands)

alex is GAGGING over the body (me too) so mulder gets realllllll close to scully to block out his amateur hour buffoonery...

(y'all need to not be that close and looking at each other in such a manner in front of a dead guy... or do it more for my sake)

she's whispering that it seems his body believed he burned to death despite there being no burns on him!

we see another guy with a same scar on his neck as the first!!! he knows the first guy and it seems initially that their reunion is wholesome... until preacher (scar man one) admits to killing the sleep doctor... and then things get... wild

"holy fuck", i mumbled to myself while also writing down the same phrase in my notes, as a blood soaked family appeared in the room, shooting the character we just met for his crimes. that escalated with an extreme quickness. it was clear that whatever traumas he had inflicted upon others in vietnam were being returned in equal measure via the psychic force of this preacher character

then we go back to mulder and alex, who i thought was handling mulder's hater energy quite well, all things considered. but little did i know what was to come...

so sleep doctor, the guy who just died, and preacher all knew each other... interesting... they were stationed at basic training together...

we get a visual on mulder's new source after deep throat's passing! he says he has no desire to be there, and that their mutual friend deep throat died for what he believed in, which he does not want to do. which is of course totally fair. at the end of the day the FBI is just a paycheck for some of these folks.

the sleep doctor was revealed to be doing experiments to make super advanced soldiers who don't need sleep so maybe that gives you the power to kill people magically. we can't really rule it out.

preacher then makes two cops kill EACH OTHER with his sorcery

back to scully cam <3 she's got her glasses on at the computer <3 she's got little yellow earrings in that look like flowers <3 and she thinks its so cool that they cut part of this guy's brain out and now he hasn't slept in 24 years... nerd

they're on the phone with each other and it is SO SAD because why. why can't they just be together! it's not fair. she says it sounds like his new partner is working out and he's like yeah he's okay...

"must be nice to not have someone poking holes in all your theories" "yeah, no idea how i put up with you for so long" and they're smiling into the phone while saying this

now, i won't lie. this scene, of all the scenes, was the first to bring tears to my eyes in the course of my streaming this show. because now we have seen what they'll do for each other and they're TAUNTING me by dangling it in front of my face. and i cannot stand it. i feel sick at the thought.

anyway back to mulder and his new partner. who i feel is too good to be true because he's willing to believe spooky mulder's theories. but they found another guy who also had the sleep surgery and he tells them that they went on a rampage committing atrocities in vietnam which was. very heavy for the alien show. but it is something that americans often pretend just didn't happen so i thought it was interesting that the idea of accountability was being explored in fiction.

so there's one more guy involved with the sleep surgery, and he's coming into town, so alex and mulder have to sprint down to the station and try and find him. they're really giving it a sprint, too. mulder is a track star. don't think i've forgotten

and mulder does see the guy they're looking for but preacher is behind him and shoots mulder! he falls to the ground! no, i yelled to my screen! not another bullet in mulder!

... but he gets up. the whole thing was a trick of preacher! it never actually happened!

alex is like dude wtf. and this is where he says "i want to believe" and this where i made the very astute note "i don't trust this guy, sorry"

so finally they find preacher still alive, and mulder tells alex to help out his victim, while mulder runs off to find him. mulder sees how much pain he is in, and tells him that maybe his pain can lessen if he testifies about what was done to him, and it seems they've come to an understanding...

until alex enters, pulls his gun up, so preacher also pulls his gun up, and alex and shoots him! preacher is dead

mulder looks deeply upset by this. he tells alex that he did the right thing, but you can tell he doesn't believe it in the slightest. i would venture to guess that this is when all the trust he had begun to place in alex vanishes. he seems entirely deflated at the unnecessary loss of life.

he goes back to the car and notices someone stole the secret files that his informant gave him, and he punches the car. this is simply too many L's for one day, and i sympathize.

but scully's freaking out too, because her office was broken into and all her stuff looked through! so what in the name of hell is going on here?!?!? ah, i realize, it is this alex fool... "i know ur related somehow" i wrote ominously in my quotes

and boy, i was right! the narrative the writers were going for was not lost on me! because remember skinner's old sidekick the cigarette guy? and how they had a sort of breakup moment? well, alex is reporting to him, and they have the file he stole from mulder!!!!!

alex says that scully is a "big problem" to which i say: keep talking like that, you overgrown varsity jock, and you're gonna have a big problem with my fucking hands catching your throat

anyway, interesting episode. i didn't want to like alex and then i did because i felt bad for him for being subjected to mulder's attitude and then i hated his guts by the end and reluctantly admitted to myself that mulder's crankiness was justified. i hope he won't stick around for long but i have a feeling he will.

also, they need to stop taunting me by dangling a real mulder and scully reunion in front of my head and then ripping it away. i had TEARS! in my eyeballs! i was sighing wistfully! it was sick!!!!!! this is my free time i'm spending here pining after these fools! it's me, the fan, asking for fan service!!!

[tartsinarat]

Heres an extremely dumbass idea I thought of while rewatching parks and rec through clips

Belos: “Depressed? I’m the furthest thing from depressed. I mean, look at what I’ve accomplished. Do you see them? Do you think a depressed person could make this? No.”

Hunter:” uh…father who are you talking to? There’s no one there”

Here’s the live Caleb reaction

But yeah I just find Caleb showing up to haunt Belos’s ass at random points and judging every life decision he’s making, so then every time Belos has to miserably fail to try to justify everything he’s done ever to (quite literally) dead silent Caleb is kinda funny in a morbid way

This time he is showing off and brings up his two grimwalkers that have lasted the longest beating his record of two years as an example of a good life decision as well as proving that he totally doesn’t need therapy

Ngl I feel bad for Pip as the poor guy just wanted to nap and got picked up just for Belos to prove a point but he stayed asleep through all of it tho

Btw Caleb is trying so hard not to loose his shit just because there’s youngins there and he doesn’t want to wake up Pip by making Belos pissed off so he’s going to stand there in silence even more menacingly and judgemental

I like the idea that despite the weird as fuck origins of Pip and Hunter, Caleb still sees them as his nephews and likes to check up on them every once in a while when he’s not haunting Belos, Caleb checks on Hunter the most because he’s constantly in dangerous situations even inside the castle so it helps Hunter a lot to have Caleb staring daggers at Belos whenever he gets violent towards Hunter because it usually stops him

On the other hand Caleb does like checking on Pip because it’s nice seeing a version of what could have been if Philip had learnt to accept the boiling isles :( also I can imagine it’s nice seeing your great x(insert number) granddaughter continue your wife’s tradition of being a menace to a stuck up society and teaching those ways to your weird mini brother/ nephew.

also fun fact Hooty can see Caleb (don’t ask how) and greatly enjoys chatting to him as Caleb was the one who managed to convince Eve to let hooty stay in their house’s door as a “guard” but really Caleb just felt bad for the wee bug demon as hooty didn’t have a home at the time and thought so he would be a fun addition to the family hence why alongside Lilith, Caleb was one of Hooty’s favourite people

btw nobody really cares or finds it unusual for hooty to just be talking to himself so not one single person has asked about it lmao

Almost forgot to mention but this is actually still a weird memory that Hunter remembers and used to wonder why on the boiling isles did Belos have those random fits of “hallucinations” until he talked about it with Pip.

Pip was just causally like “wait you couldn’t see him?” And walked off… Hunter has never found out or gotten a clear answer if Pip was actually joking or if he could straight up see dead people, Pip refuses to reveal the real answer because he finds Hunter being confused as fuck hilarious

Also if your wondering why Belos doesn’t have the cool mechanical prosthetic staff arm, he usually hides it with a glove :p (this is because a) I’m too lazy to draw such a detailed prosthetic all the time and b) I doubt Belos would like people to know he’s missing an arm as I doubt he would like the idea of seeming “weak” because in his day this would essentially be a death sentence either due to infection or being classed as less than due to not being able to work properly)

[iaus]

okay. i need to like. keep myself distracted until noon so. woe porter write up be upon ye. (feat jace because. well i mean look at me.)

So last time I did a little write up it was just a quick phone typed teehee here's some Jace headcanons but Porter has been fucking bugging me. I have a lot of thought put into this dude, but haven't really... written him much yet. So:

-> He is the Solace equivalent of an army brat. Raised in a military (paladin) family and moved around a lot. This is part of the reason he's really confident in himself because he was actually? Pretty popular? Wherever he went. I have diagnosed him with unfortunately hot his whole life so now he is the way he is.

-> Oldest of *hand wave* siblings (not committing to his family size just yet because I don't want to retcon my own hcs) and this sort of fuels into his rage. He was held to an impossibly high standard (that he was proud to meet! He did hit those goals!) and he was raised very much in a tough love environment, and then his parents slowly loosened up as they had more kids so Porter was really pissed off and angry because he thought his parents were doing a disservice to his little siblings. How are they going to be the best they could be if they're not being pushed? (Porter himself does not engage with this thought on a deeper level.)

-> I think he's somewhat estranged with his family at this point. It's not really a conscious cut off, but more of just we email updates every once in a while and his parents and a few siblings send moonar yulenear (i'm crying i hate typing this out every time) cards. He's that distant uncle who lives with his best friend to some of his siblings' kids. His youngest sibling actually just hates his guts and refuses to talk to him.

-> Yes. He is as confident as he projects, but Jace specifically does something to him. I'll get into that in a bit.

-> He's had a handful of what he counts as serious relationships, but the partners he had always ended up being like. Are we going to get married. Are we ever doing more than this? And Porter was always like. No? Isn't this as good as it gets?

-> I like the idea of him being (a bit) younger than Jace, but I haven't actually got into the nitty gritty of making timelines yet so just know they're nebulously the same age (midlife crisis age).

-> I think I said in my first fic that Porter was Jace's senior by a few years, but I also like the idea of Jace being at Aguefort like 5-ish years when Porter starts teaching. I'm not really committing to either at this point. But, either way I picture him at least in his early 50s by junior year.

-> The teacher Porter respected most at Aguefort was his barbarian teacher who had a very similar teaching approach. It was all about results. If you had to have a bit of tough love to get to your goals? Yeah. You are getting that.

Okay. There's some. Basics for him.

Now. Here's the real reason I wanted to write this teehee.

Porter's deep-seated unhealthy Jace obsession <3

I think Porter is used to actually being pretty popular.

He's not one to get ignored if he shows attention to someone. It's happened once or twice, but he decided that person just wasn't that interesting at all actually.

Jace kind of writes him off when they first meet.

Jace is pleasant (something something obnoxiously friendly) but not pleasant enough for Porter not to pick up a vibe from him. So, while Jace is quietly being like. Unfortunately, I am a stereotype and find the barbarian hot. Porter is like what is this dude's fucking deal.

So, he ends up pursuing Jace. He plays up his charm that he usually doesn't bother with and ends up realizing wow. WOW. He's fucked up I need to know more. And I think a lot of what Porter does that's sweet is him being like. Well. I've been in relationships before and I can recognize a giant ego like my own so I'll go through the motions to keep him coming back so I can keep figuring him out.

(Idiot.)

But. This ends up with Porter figuring out that Jace is like. Scary good with magic and Jace just rolls his eyes like of course. Magic is innate but also I'm just good. And that is catnip for Porter. Here is this arrogant caster who is so sure of himself and ignores me if he doesn't want something from me I need to make him mine. (He's fallen for the trap. He really has. He doesn't see that Jace's ego is huge, but also really fragile.)

Which leads to Jace leaving Porter out of the blue (in his perception). And he is so fucking pissed about it, so he keeps pursuing Jace. (Again. Again. He falls for it. This is what Jace wants.) And they get locked in this horrible, self-fulfilling cycle.

Porter's not used to being left the way Jace leaves him and Jace isn't used to getting chased the way Porter chases him and it's...

So unhealthy.

But god is it everything they both want.

[princessefemmelesbian]

Transandrophobia truthers are so damn racist and white oh my fucking god y'all actually piss me the fuck off every time you tokenize Black and brown men for your stupid as fuck "mra but make it trans-inclusive" ideology created by a creepy guy with a corrective rape fetish(something I'll never let up on for as long as I live, btw). If I ever see another one of y'all say "Black and brown men face discrimination because they're seen as overly masculine and that's why masculinity in men is oppressed in this society" I will literally kill myself. Stop using Black and brown men as brownie points for your bullshit arguments about misandry being real when you don't have the slightest idea how racialized oppression works. White boys are so annoying and dumb istfg.

@punkeropercyjackson @punknicodiangelo @pinkpinkstarlet

[cosmicangsts]

a 3 year toxic & abusive friendship just ended y'all! he literally got mad at me for spending MY money i set aside ages ago for something i wanted ( acheron ) & today msged me an ultimatum about our friendship while putting me down, expecting me to piss shit & cry & i DIDN'T & instead stood my ground & called him out on being a controller who doesn't see me as a person with a savior complex so he DIPPED! ♡ ( not without the classic ' i'm sorry u feel that way ' & ' caring for my friend is NOT a savior complex ' & making it all about himself u best believe it was OUTSTANDING but i literally don't care i've cried so much over u )

if the new trend is a breakup at the start of every year & it means decluttering my life of incessant negativity, then honestly i am HERE FOR IT

[newbiealliance]

dare i say its extremely fucking weird for people to shit on object shows for being "childish" when the majority of people who make/enjoy them are autistic

[hella1975]

just full force threw a shoe at my sister's face and when my mum got me alone after she was like 'you shouldn't clobber her. but i get it' 😭

[lunalucykat]

oooo you've been painting/you're looking to get into painting? tell me more about it!

Oh, yeah!!!

I've seen so many of those cool acrylic paintings, and I am just in LOVE with the textures, like particularly the way the clouds and stuff look with the swirl-like pattern in the last painting I reblogged. I FINALLY looked up acrylic paint texture techniques (as in I JUST got back from watching YouTube videos on how to do cool textures in acrylic paintings lmfaoo) I learned I'm going to need a palette knife and some type of modeling paste, so that's a start!!!

I've taken a few painting classes with my uncle (by a few I mean 2 lmao), and we've been doing watercolors, which is nice, but the art I love is always acrylics, so I'm going to have to pivot I think.

And it's funny because literally last night he said he's trying to get into digital art and so he gifted me all of his watercolor stuff and now I want to do acrylics! Ah, well. I'll still be able to put the materials to good use I'm sure.

So, I'm not very well versed in painting, actually. This is pretty much the beginning of my journey, but I'm excited for it!

Are you much of a painter, Andrea? Or do you mostly stick to other types of artistic ventures like textile crafting and drawing? I know you sew and I know you've done (still do?) digital art. If you do paint, what's your favorite medium? If you don't paint you can disregard that question lmfaoooooooooo

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Wanting to look at true crime stuff to learn about psychology and criminal investigation but only finding a bunch of people who idolize and “uwu-ify” serial killers and school shooters 😬 fucking YIKES