#but we gotta be silly and whimsical for a second

[dax-enfinity]

matt would listen to fob and keith would listen to my chem

hear me out on this

[danishprince]

still rotating the play give me carmelita tropicana! in my mind...can't decide if it was "good" or not but the fact that i'm still thinking about it a couple days later probably means it is?

that said i think the play desperately WANTS to be this wild wacky avant-garde thing, but structurally it's very conventional. like there are moments partway through where the audience is gonna be like "what the fuck is going on" (and the text itself comments on this) but by the end it's all wrapped up in a neat little bow. it's ultimately a very normal play that has a plot (albeit one that revolves around literal bodily possession, but y'know) and characters and resolution; it leaves very little up to ambiguity.

i am a huge branden jacobs-jenkins fan, but in most of his plays there's at least one moment where he can't get out of his own way. he's brilliant and his scripts are so smart but the actual "emotional investment" is often a distant second to, like, framing devices and intellectual exercise. i don't know the guy but get the sense that he's cursed with this constant self-awareness and CANNOT turn it off ever.

and similarly i get a sense that bjj loves the avant-garde and not-so-secretly wants to do bonkers downtown shit for the rest of time if it paid but at heart can't keep himself from Explaining You A Thing conventionalstyle...like it's all gotta be dissected and processed. his an octoroon is one of the plays of all time imo but other than the framing devices/whiteface there's nothing actually that "out there" about it.

if anything i think the elements of this show that were outwardly playful/whimsical were the most surprising to me—in a good way! there are moments where the crippling self-consciousness gets overcome and we just go silly mode. but maybe all that was alina troyano/carmelita's contributions since this is a co-written show...? much to consider. also i loved the goldfish. that's all

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: July 2021

Oh that smell of summer in the air! Smells like staying indoors and reading or watching movies or playing tabletop role-playing games.

……….FILM……….

Fear Street: 1994 (2021) We started this trilogy and now that the other two are already out, it was fun to see the seeds of the later movies set up in this one! Clear rules, some fairly gorey stuff (not my bag), and a decent story! I would’ve liked the class stuff to show up a little more than the characters talking about it, but maybe that’s for later movies? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

Black Widow (2021) i had read some bummer buzz about this before seeing it but was pleasantly surprised! Perhaps a little too bombastic for what could’ve been a cool, small spy thriller, but still very entertaining with a fun cast. Though maybe I’m biased cause it reeeeeeally gave me some Winter Soldier vibes.

Luca (2021) A nice small-scale story. It would’ve been nice if Luca’s desire to learn (and thus wanting to go to school) was hinted at a little sooner, but like...it’s fine. Also I wish we could’ve seen the uncle’s human form SO BAD!

Spy (2015) Pretty good! Suffers from scenes going on too long to try to make the mediocre jokes funnier but I won’t deny that Jason Statham got some of the biggest laughs from me.

……….TELEVISION……….

Ted Lasso (Episode 1.01 to 1.07) Rewatching season 1 before we dive into season 2 and it’s been such a joy! This show is a joy.

The Bachelorette (Episode 17.05 to 17.08) Still such a refreshing season! Katie seems to be genuinely interested in men that wouldn’t usually make it this far and she herself is such a breath of fresh air. Plus the hosts! What I’m saying is that if you haven’t watched the Bachelorette in a while, this is a good season for jumping back in. Though it’s home stretch so you gotta power through catching up. Do it!

Loki (Episode 1.04 to 1.06) Pretty good! I mean I still like how weird it got, but was it satisfying on its own? Maybe you can’t really judge the marvel shows that way anymore. What’s cool is how it’s setting up bigger stuff but is it fun watching a show that is working towards something else? What about the thing you’re watching now? Anyway it was pretty good.

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars (Episode 6.01 to 6.06) This is my first foray into RuPaul’s empire and it’s been fun! First, I think Scarlet Envy was robbed. ROBBED! Second, I feel RuPaul’s music is firmly cemented in 2005. Not there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m surprised by this disconnect. 

……….READING……….

Men at Arms by Terry Pratchett (Complete) I will sing the praises of Terry Pratchett and his Discworld series for as long as I have a voice. Never have I felt like a world is so realized and complete like across this series. The individual books feel small (rarely world-ending stakes) but they always feel important and I feel that’s because of the wonderfully charming characters. THEIR world is at risk and that’s what matters. Gosh just so funny, silly, and at the same time sincere and taken very seriously. If you want to read them in order (my recommendation) then the series really grows as Pratchett gets a grasp on the world, but this would be just as good of an entry point as any.

The Scarecrow of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Complete) Back to the Oz books, though this one (like the other later entries) spend very little time in Oz. Still fun and full of whimsical characters. It’s fun to spend more time with a single familiar character, even if that character doesn’t show up until the back half of the book. 

The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins by Griffin McElroy, Travis McElroy, Clint McElroy, Justin McElroy, Carey Pietsch (Complete) It was such a delight returning to this story in a new way! Pietsch did such a fantastic job of bringing the audio to life visually and the comic feels like a 1:1 translation of the podcast. The whole thing feels like a labor of love and I’m looking forward to checking out the next chapter!

……….AUDIO……….

Everybody Sins (Radio Edit) by Andrew W. K. (2021) VERY EXCITED FOR NEW ANDREW W. K.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) Following last month’s events, the group has been sorting out what to do next. Right now it’s looking like they’re going to explore the giant skull that’s floating out in the ocean (but only after they finish sticking skeleton legs onto their boat). We have fun. Also full recap is over on Reddit!

And that’s it! As always, feel free to share any recommendations and make sure to wear sunscreen.

Happy Saturday!

[lambcaey]

Casino Cups: Life Goes On (Part 1)

This three-part fanfic is largely based on the awesome Cuphead AU known as Ask Cups and Casinos, but could apply to the Cuphead fandom in general, too (just long before the Cup bros start working at the casino). Definitely check it out!

Credit goes to Bright Goat for the AU (hope I did justice to your amazing work!) Enjoy! 

Part 2

Casino Cups: Life Goes On (Part 1)

Silence without serenity; stillness with a sense of foreboding; a feeling of calm clashing with that of rapidly-growing fear. That was how it felt during the first few minutes without Elder Kettle. One minute, he was tearfully professing his love for his grandsons. The next, there lay nothing in bed but a shallow husk of china. This wasn't to say that it happened completely out of nowhere. The man was getting on in years, and his family couldn't afford the kind of medical treatment that would preserve his already very long life. Despite the Isles' long history of supernatural phenomena, none of the local mystics could conjure up anything guaranteeing immortality, aside from repeating the horrific mistake of making another deal with the Devil. Nevertheless, no matter how aware the boys were of this day coming, they still weren't ready when it eventually occurred. By the time he'd reached his final hours, Elder Kettle had stopped trying to escape his fate. Instead, he came to terms with it as a fact of life, a life that was as happy and fulfilling as it could ever be for him. Even as the last of his family stood before him, begging him not to go, Elder Kettle left this plane of existence with a smile, completely at peace. It took a great deal of will power after such an intense shock, but the boys eventually forced themselves to leave their grandfather's bedside for the proper postmortem preparations. It was almost too painful to even look at their elder's corpse anymore. They didn't want to leave him, but, at the same time, there wasn't anything left to hold on to; just an empty shell in which a warm, caring, and loving soul once resided. It was incredibly unnerving, the idea of something this traumatic and heartbreaking occurring in this cheery, colorful, whimsical world. Every other element of life, even death, had some sort of silly, cartoon-like slant, at least from Cuphead and Mugman's perspective. Seeing stars; pupils rolling in their heads; a giant lump that could be brought down with the swing of a hammer; any sort of injury or illness was presented with the classic "Rule of Funny" that usually dictated the rules of physics and natural order in Inkwell Isle. Here, there wasn't any of that. No soul to parry, no ghost to interact with; Elder Kettle was plainly, simply, and completely gone. This event was just another item of this world's never-ending list of questionable occurrences. The only real shock from it was how starkly it contrasted to the rest of Inkwell Isle. Naturally, such a rare phenomenon of this magnitude could hardly be kept a secret. The news spread fast to the other residents in the isles, and, within the next half hour, virtually all of them had arrived at the boys' doorstep. Of course, there were exceptions. As much as the Devil and King Dice relished the misery of others, this particular soul was of no real value to them, which would make the experience more boring and pointless than anything else. Weepy also had to remain outside, lest he start flooding the house with his rivers of tears (more so than usual). Everyone else was either mourning by Elder Kettle's bedside, or offering any form of assistance or comfort to his grieving grandsons. Though the boys couldn't afford an official funeral, this was the closest to one as they were ever going to get, and they greatly accepted it. Mugman was very receptive to his friends' kindness. He showed the utmost gratitude from even the smallest of favors, from a shoulder to cry on to an array of bouquets for his grandfather's grave. He also spent much of the time reflecting on all the fond memories he and everyone else shared with him, even mentioning some of the more humorous ones to bring some sort of levity to the situation. Though part of Mugman felt very much alone, being surrounded by all his friends and neighbors was all the more comforting to him during this troubling time. Cuphead, on the other hand, expressed an entirely different demeanor during the pseudo-funeral. He kept himself isolated from the rest of the crowd, sitting at the top of the stairs with his arms resting on his knees. Instead of shedding any tears, his eyes gazed off into space, as though a million thoughts were racing in his mind at once. Friends like Cagney or Hilda had asked if there was anything they could do for him, but after a few times of giving them a cold "I'm fine," Cuphead retreated to his room, barring himself from any socialization altogether. He didn't even come out to watch the local ghosts deliver his grandfather's urn to the mausoleum. It was as clear as day that Cuphead was anything but "fine." Many people, especially his brother, were very tempted to go upstairs, and insist that he come out and talk with them. However, they also bore in mind that perhaps this was Cuphead's way of grieving with such a tremendous loss. The last thing the poor boy needed was feeling as if his friends were trying to impose on him how they thought he should act in the face of his grandfather's passing. Although they had good intentions, everyone agreed it was best to leave Cuphead alone...for now. ~~~~ After an almost sleepless night, Mugman dragged himself downstairs, and fried up some eggs and bacon for himself and his brother, hoping he'd at least be willing to come out and eat. He also poured a couple of glasses of orange juice, and, by force of habit, reached out to grab some English breakfast tea with sugar, before remembering that family connoisseur was no longer there to enjoy it. Only seconds after setting the table, Cuphead tiredly made his way to the kitchen as well. "M-Morning, Cups." Mugman chirped with a forced smile. "I made us some breakfast." "Thanks," Cuphead responded rather brusquely as he sat down. Although the meal was well-made by any standards, any appetite for it was practically nonexistent. Mugman forced a few bites of his eggs while Cuphead simply twirled his fork around the bacon, staring glumly down at the table. After a moment or so of awkward silence, Mugman nervously attempted to break the ice. "I, uh, I put Hilda's flowers up as a centerpiece for the table," the young boy stammered. "That was really nice of her, huh?" No answer. Mugman tried something else. "It...looks like a really nice day outside. If you want, maybe we can go for a walk, or catch some butterflies, or see how the others are doing. How-How does that sound?" Again, no response. He may as well be talking to an empty chair. Mugman let out a small sigh. He clearly wasn't getting anywhere with his grief-stricken brother. With a heavy frown, Mugman tried appealing to Cuphead's better nature. "Listen, Cuphead. It's ok if you don't feel like talking to me, but...just know that I'm always here for you whenever you need it. I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to. I..." Mugman's voice quivered a bit. "I just don't want you to feel like you gotta be all alone." At last, Cuphead looked up at his brother, his expression switching from dullness to sudden concern. Although he was referring to Cuphead in his offer of emotional support, it was a subtle, yet clear, sign of the same desire on Mugman's part as well. He may have sounded calm and collected in his words, but they were drowned out from the stronger signs of loneliness and misery in his facial and body language. After a moment of staring longingly at his brother, Cuphead's face winced and twitched with anxiety, his clenched fists shaking on the table. "M-Mug, I...I-I uh..." Just when it seemed like he was ready to explode, Cuphead swallowed hard, forcing himself to regain his former composure. "D-Don't worry, Mug. We'll both be all right. I just...I need some time to think." At that, Cuphead excused himself from the table, heading back upstairs. Mugman's eyelids rose in bewilderment. He wasn't sure whether to feel hurt from Cuphead walking away when he needed help, or worried for his stability after just seeing him fight so hard with himself. This sense of uncertainty became the norm over the next few days. The boys remained close, refusing to leave either one home alone for any reason. Ironically, despite such closeness, it was this same concern that also made them keep their distance. Although they deeply desired each other's companionship during this time of grief, something in their heads made them reluctant to act on it. Cuphead continued to isolate himself and battle his internal conflict while Mugman stayed away out of respect for his brother's time to "think." It was a paradox of perfectly painful proportions, and they both prayed that it would soon part. Fortunately for Cuphead and Mugman, they didn't spend the week in completely shut out from the world. Once in a while, a friend or two would stop by, and ask the boys how they had been doing. Mugman was thankful and accepting of any company that was offered to him. Occasionally, there was activity involved, such as playing chess with Werner, Beppi fashioning a balloon animal bouquet, and even Djimmi performing some magic tricks. Most of the time, though, Mugman felt just as, if not more, satisfied with simply sitting around and talking, whether to listen to advice or have his friends hear him out. It may not have felt like the same sort of love and caring that Elder Kettle provided, but it definitely lifted Mugman's spirits knowing he still had so many people to look after him. Although his friends offered this same comfort to Cuphead, he remained adamant in his desire to be left in solitude, which was starting to worry Mugman and the others. It wasn't as though they felt he was grieving in the wrong way; it was that, perhaps, Cuphead's self-imposed isolation was beginning to do more harm than good. Taking the time to contemplate and collect one's thoughts is an important part of the grieving process. In Cuphead's case, however, the extent to which he'd spent so much time alone left a greater impression that he wasn't allowing himself to be with anyone. He was never fond of asking for help, as it went against his self-image of being an independent, confident go-getter in virtually any task at hand. Never did Cuphead ever realize that coping with death and loss was going to be the biggest challenge he'd ever faced, enough to make fighting the Devil look tame. ~~~~ Five days later, Mugman felt enough was enough. As Cuphead sat solemnly on the swing set, staring off into the sky, his brother approached him in a manner that was both nervous and assertive, trying as delicately as possible to address the glaring elephant in the room. "C-C-Cuphead," Mugman uttered. "A-Are you ready to finally talk now?" Cuphead sighed, his head now facing down. On any other day, Mugman would've rightfully taken this as a subtle, yet clear, "no." Nonetheless, he could no longer stand wallowing in hesitation, and remained persistant. "Cuphead, please. We can't keep going on like this." Mugman sat on the adjacent swing. "If we don't hear each other out, then w-we'll be too sad to eat, play, or do pretty much anything." Cuphead remained still, but his face made a grimace, his eyes shutting tight as they brimmed with tears. His mind was practically screaming at every muscle in his body to let him walk away again, or, at the very least, allow for any sort of movement beyond trembling and staggering breathing. Alas, the inner turmoil that had been festering inside Cuphead had now brought him into a state of psychological paralysis. All the anxiety, sadness, and loneliness he'd been trying to brush off had now ensnared him like quicksand. Noticing the rising tension, Mugman slowly reached his hand for that of his brother. "Cuphead, what's the matter? I wanna help you." The moment Mugman lay one finger on his hand, Cuphead suddenly found the strength to become mobile again. With a deep breath and a heavy gulp, he jerked up from his swing, staring down at his startled sibling. "I'm sorry, Mug," he answered firmly, "I'm sorry I've been so distant. I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't care about you or anything." "Aw, Cuphead, you didn't-" Mugman stopped. His heartfelt response immediately froze from the sudden chill in his brother's voice. "But...but I think I finally know how to fix everything, and get our lives back to the way they were. I'm..." He paused, mustering the last bit of strength to speak his mind. "I'm gonna get Elder Kettle back!" Mugman gasped. "Cuphead, no! Y-you can't do that! Elder Kettle is dea-" "I KNOW!" Cuphead screamed, taking a few breaths to regain stability in his voice. "I mean, he may be now, b-but as long as we have things like ghosts and angels and soul contracts in this world, I am never gonna rule out the possibility that he could come back!" Mugman stood beside Cuphead, a familiar feeling of danger creeping inside him. "Cuphead, for once, be reasonable! Y-You almost gambled our souls for the Devil; who knows what'll happen if you-" "Reasonable?!" Cuphead shouted, taken aback. "Why don't you, for once, be willing to take a risk for something you want? We've spent way too much time with Elder Kettle to just give up on him now! Don't you even want to see him again?!" "Of course I do!" Mugman's voice started hardening as well. "But this...i-it just doesn't feel right!" "Fine, be that way! Sit here at home, and do nothing like a coward!" Cuphead paused. Mugman's expression looked like a twisted combination of hurt and enraged. As he turned his back on him, Cuphead softened his tone a bit. "Trust me, Mug. This is the only way we're gonna be happy again. And don't worry; I won't let you down. I won't stop until I've set everything right for all three of us!" The second he finished that declaration, Cuphead smoke-dashed away, making a beeline for the woods of Inkwell Isle I. Mugman tried hurriedly to catch up with him. "Cuphead, wait! Come back!" Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the forest became too dense with foliage to safely smoke-dash any farther. Before he knew it, Cuphead was already out of sight. Mugman's mind turned into an emotional roller coaster. Knowing his brother's hasty nature, he simply knew that what Cuphead had proposed was another one of his terrible ideas. Granted, much of Inkwell Isles' laws of nature didn't make sense to begin with. After all, this was a place where a queen bee could summon floating triangles, a giant mermaid could live while decapitated, and, as Cuphead had pointed out, there were even many ghosts and skeletons roaming freely in their afterlife! Nevertheless, nothing along such lines had appeared to come to fruition in Elder Kettle's case. If he wasn't meant to be seen among the living, it was most likely that, like everything else in Inkwell Isle, it was better to not question it, and simply accept it as part of reality. The last time Cuphead tried to defy that rule, the Devil very nearly took their heads. Also, despite the danger he knew would be at hand, there was a part of Mugman that wondered why he should bother saving Cuphead at all? How dare he accuse him of not caring about their beloved grandfather! He was every bit as upset over the loss as his brother was; how does wanting to move forward make him a coward? This was a new low, even for someone who carelessly gambled both their souls to the Devil. If Cuphead were to suffer, it's what he deserves for being such a jerk...right? Mugman then shook his head, rationality and common sense catching up with him. Cuphead's in trouble, he spoke in his mind. None of these arguments matter right now. I gotta make sure he stays safe, now more than ever. Not hesitating a minute longer, Mugman followed the path his brother took, his tear-soaked eyes now glaring with determination. An unnerving aura permeated the isles as a blood-red sunset turned Mugman's body into a bold silhouette. As much as he wanted to put his mental turmoil to rest, he had to put his grief aside if he wanted to keep family from getting any smaller than it already was.

(To be continued)

[themostrandomfandom]

You may have discussed this, but what are your thoughts on Brittana's horoscope signs? In canon and/or Mouseverse. Thank you!

Hey, @gaylati!

Full disclosure: I know very little about horoscopes, and it seems like there’s a lot of conflicting information out there about what the common traits are for each sign and which signs are compatible with each other and whatnot, so if anything I say here doesn’t fit, I apologize.

Discussion after the cut.

________

So.

The truth is that, in canon, we really don’t get any concrete information about when Brittana’s respective birthdays might be, though we can infer based on the fact that they were both originally set to graduate in 2012 that—barring either one of them having been held back or skipped forward prior to Brittany’s second senior year—they were both likely born sometime between September 1993 and September 1994 (since September is the “cut-off month” to begin kindergarten in Ohio).

Brittany does mention in episode 3x01 that she is a “water sign,” and while it’s entirely possible given the context for the scene that she is just joking, if we take her statement literally, then that means she is either a Scorpio, Pisces, or Cancer, meaning that she could have been born between

October 23rd and November 21st, 1993 (Scorpio)

February 18th and March 20th, 1994 (Pisces)  

June 20th and July 22nd, 1994 (Cancer)

We get no information in canon about what Santana’s sign may be.

My personal headcanon, based on my very limited understanding, is that Brittany is a Scorpio (and that’s what she is in the Mouseverse).

Having nothing else to base it on, and once again bearing in mind my very limited understanding of horoscopes, my personal headcanon is that Santana is a Leo (and that’s what she is in the Mouseverse).

I like the idea of Brittana’s signs being “complementary opposites,” water and fire.

Here’s my reasoning:

Brittany

Scorpios are known for having magnetic personalities, though they tend to conceal parts of themselves depending on the company. When making plans, Scorpios can be secretive. They are typically focused and intuitive in their approaches to problem-solving; loyal to friends and vengeful to enemies in their social relationships; manipulative when they want or need something; and protective when it comes to the people they love.

To me, Brittany possesses a lot of the above-mentioned Scorpio traits.

Brittany’s personality is most definitely magnetic. She’s the most popular girl in school, and, as we see during her senior class president campaign, people are drawn to her, even though they may not always understand what she’s talking about. Brittany can be funny, confident, outgoing, whimsical, etc., all of which are traits that attract people to her. She’s the kind of electric personality lots of people want to be and lots more people—including Santana, Artie, Rory, and Sam—want to be with. 

Brittany can be secretive about her plans—like when she hides her relationship with Santana during early S3 and conceals from everyone her initial acceptance to MIT in S4—and chameleonlike in her approach to dealing with people, putting forward a different face, depending on with whom she’s dealing. To some, she’s silly and aloof. To others, she’s wise and philosophical. To many, she’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma. Very few people except for Santana ever get full access to “the real her.”

When Brittany sets her mind to solving a problem, she isn’t easily disuaded, as per what we see when she comes up with Project Unicorn to combat bullying at WMHS and goes to very elaborate lengths to reconcile Alma and Santana prior to the wedding. While she isn’t as plan-reliant as Santana is on the whole, she is singularly focused on the occasions when she does put plans into motion.

She is also highly intuitive. Though many people misread Brittany as someone with immature emotions, the truth is that Brittany is very emotionally mature and possesses a high degree of emotional intelligence. She understands what makes people tick—and especially Santana. That’s why she’s able to be patient when Santana emotionally flails throughout S2. That’s also why Brittany is able to respond so well to Santana’s emotional needs (“If you want me, I’m here”). Though Brittany also has the propensity to be logical—hello, big, beautiful math brain!—she most frequently operates in response to what feels right. She senses and perceives a lot more than people realize. 

The “loyal to friends and vengeful to enemies” thing? That’s Brittany to a T. If you treat her and hers well, then she’s got your back. (See her relationship with Mercedes.) But if you treat her and hers poorly, then you’ve got another thing coming to you. (See her relationship with Rachel.) Though she has a reputation for being kind and friendly, make no mistake: Baby Girl can be petty af to those who cross her, making their lives hell in ways they don’t even see coming. 

When it comes to being manipulative to get what she wants, I have two words for you: Sneaky!Brittany. Brittany uses people’s low expectations for her against them, conning and conniving her way to the top as it serves her purposes. 

When it comes to being protective of those she loves, well, just look to her entire relationship with Santana but especially to the speech she makes to Alma in episode 6x06. Though Brittany often avoids direct conflict, she isn’t afraid to step into the ring when it comes to defending Santana and keeping her heart safe.

Santana

Leos are known for having a dramatic flare and deep-seated need for self-expression; occasionally being overbearing and stepping on the toes of those around them; and constantly seeking for love and approval. They are said to wear their hearts on their sleeves and be somewhat reactive. They are also known for being hopeless romantics and for their courage, kindness, generosity, protectiveness, and brutal honesty.

—which is pretty Santana, tbqh.

Aside from Rachel Berry, Santana is probably the most Extra™ person to ever Extra™. She loves performing—“Glee club is the best part of my day, okay?”—and shines when she’s on stage. One of her big motivations throughout the show is to “be seen as the star that [she is].” Baby Girl is happiest when she’s singing and dancing her heart out.

Self-expression is a huge thing with Santana. She’s “just gotta be [her].” As she tells her grandmother in episode 3x07, having to pretend to be someone she’s not drains her. Her arc on the show is all about learning to first accept and then express herself—and once she starts being honest about who she is, she never looks back.

When it comes to being potentially overbearing and stepping on others’ toes, look no further than to her relationships within the glee club: Santana is constantly giving “tough love” and saying more than she should, overstepping personal boundaries (like when she ransacks Hummelberry’s belongings after she moves into the Loft), going overboard in her schemes to influence those around her (like when she engineers a sting operation to take down Sebastian Smythe to avenge Blaine’s eye injury), etc. She can be A Lot™ sometimes, which is part of why she encounters so much relational friction with the New Directions over the years.

Seeking for love and approval? That is Santana’s main motivation throughout the show. Baby Girl just wants so much to love and be loved. It’s her be all and end all.

Santana definitely wears her heart on her sleeve and has a reactive temperament. She cries at the drop of a hat and also can’t help but break into the biggest, dimple-deep smile whenever she’s truly happy. Even when she pretends not to, the truth is that she feels a lot and feels deeply in spite of herself.

Hopeless romantic? Check.

Courage, kindness, generosity, and protectiveness? Check.

Brutal honesty? “I keep it real, and I’m hilarious.” Check.

Brittana

In terms of their compatibility, Scorpio/Leo unions are said to be built on intense connections, with both partners being extremely loyal to and protective of each other. Their dynamics typically have a strong sexual component. While early on, poor communication and a lack of emotional openness can cause problems, if both partners work through these issues and learn to disclose to each other, they can form a strong, healthy “us against the world” bond.

—which is a pretty good summation of Brittana, imo.

Intense connection? As they state numerous times throughout the show, Brittany and Santana consider their bond to be a once-in-a-lifetime, infinite, soulmate-level one true love. They both love each other more than anyone else in the world.  

As discussed above, both of them are individually highly loyal to and protective of each other. They’re also both protective of their relationship. When faced with opposition, they join hands and form ranks, as is apparent when they both separately confront Kurt for disparaging their engagement in episode 6x03 and together face down Alma in episode 6x06.

Strong sexual component? They once popped a hip.

Early on, particularly during S1 and early S2, Brittana’s relationship does suffer from poor communication and lack of emotional openness. Santana says with her words that she and Brittany are just friends and nothing more, but her body language and actions toward Brittany suggest something different. Brittany wants for them to be able to be honest about what they feel for each other, but Santana forbids it. For fear of upsetting Santana, Brittany keeps her mouth shut. Santana’s unwillingness to acknowledge feelings coupled with Brittany’s fear of spooking Santana leads to angst on angst on angst and eventually the Brittana Rift of early S2. It is only after Santana finally confesses her feelings in episode 2x15 and Brittany starts speaking her mind during the Back Six of S2 that Brittana’s relationship finally improves.

—and once Brittana do learn to communicate with and emote to each other, their relationship becomes SOLID. While outside stressors sometimes scare them into reverting to their old, noncommunicative patterns between S3-S5, by the time S6 rolls around, Brittana have established an incredibly tight bond based on healthy disclosure and mutual respect. Just look at the hallway scene in episode 6x06: They talk through their feelings like adults and show each other so much love, even though they initially disagree. They’re constantly building each other up and offering each other support. “Flash forward, and we’re taking on the world together,” indeed.

So anyway, that’s my take. 

Thanks for the question!

[centerofstupidity]

Petra Pan Chapter 1 Part 1 Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Chapter Summary: Our story begins with Eirwen Darling participating in a fencing tournament. 

Of course, we are constantly reminded every five seconds that he is a saintly guy with awesome sword fightin' skillz.  Which means Eirwen must be the Chosen One.  

Nota Bene: Even though the story only has nine chapters, each chapter is very long. So I have decided to take each chapter and break them up into several parts. 

“En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play in the middle of a large hall.

The first sentence in and I’m already cringing.

The line “that were standing in the field of play on the middle of a large hall” is awkwardly worded.

The sentence can either be “En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play 

OR "En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the middle of a large hall.

Eirwen Darling’s opponent - Thomas Paisley - 

He is also known as Character Who Disappears After Chapter One

So Thomas moves forward and lungs his foil at a guy named Eirwen. 

Eirwen deftly parried the attack,

I'd expect a fencer to be competent.

 and was about to riposte when loud, overzealous female cheering coming from the stands distracted him.

This isn’t Eirwen’s first competition.

And he is an athlete.

Which means that he should be able to tune out the screaming fans and focus on the game.

Also, every fencing match is timed. So…

“Darling! Darling! Darling! My Darling! My darling!” the girls all chanted in lovesick voices.

The tips of Eirwen’s ears turned red out of embarrassment 

and he groaned.

"Attractive girls fawning over me is such a drag!"

 “Ugh. What do they think they’re doing? This isn’t a basketball game!”

Eirwen, fans usually cheer at sporting events.

Why are you acting as if this is Abby Normal?

Just because this is a fencing match, doesn't mean nobody applauds or cheers. 

Look at this video: 

This is the 2010 Junior Fencing World Championships in Azerbaijan. 

Every time that someone scores a point, you can hear applause or cheering. 

His fan girls were there again. 

A lot of heterosexual guys would feel flattered with receiving female attention. 

But this sends Eirwen running for the hills. 

Is he Edward Cullen in disguise? 

He glanced at them out of the corner of his eyes and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Eirwen saw someone cosplaying as Anita Blake. 

 His flush started to spread to his cheeks. 

Blushing appears on a person's face. 

It turns out the Eirwen's fangirls are holding banners and posters that say things like: ‘Do your best, my Darling!’ and ‘I (heart) Eirwen Darling’.

Eirwen hated that his last name was ‘Darling’.

You mean bitching and moaning isn't a sign of contentment?

Thanks for letting me know, KuroKoneko Kamen!

When the girls called out to him it sounded like they were using a silly pet name.

I'll let this speak for itself:

And with the way they were looking at him lustily he had the feeling he was right on the money.

Congratulations, Eirwen.

You have five more brain cells than Bella Swan. 

The reason that Eirwen Darling had fan girls in the first place

No, no, no!

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. 

was because his great grandfather Eirwen Darling was famous for being the inspiration behind the popular children’s book: Petra Pan.

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That's right, gentlepersons. Girls are lusting after a guy because one of his relatives was the inspiration behind a famous children's book. 

And it gets even more creepy. It is revealed that Eirwen has a strong resemblance to his great grandfather. 

So when people pictured the boy who’d been spirited away to Neverland by Petra Pan for a series of grand adventures - 

Yeah, it's simply whimsical that a child was kidnapped by a sociopath. 

And in case anyone thinks I'm joking...

Here is an interesting article that cited quotes from J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. 

they usually pictured the boy with Eirwen’s face.

Eirwen looks like his famous great grandfather. 

Eirwen’s great grandfather was dead now, but people never seemed to forget the connection.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I'll say it again:

Eirwen’s current opponent 

Thank you, Captain Redundant. 

and close friend, Thomas, 

This character is a friggin' McGuffin.

Without him:

Eirwen would have never fought a psychopath. 

Petra Pan wouldn't have witnessed a duel and decided that Eirwen must be the Chosen One. 

And while Eirwen was hospitalized, Eirwen wouldn't have taken him to Neverland.

So yeah, I don't give a damn about Thomas. 

We are told that Tom is "a good sport" because he waited for the cheers to die down. 

“As always, you’re popular with the ladies, Eirwen. I’m jealous.”

"Even though these ladies should not live within two thousand feet of any daycare centers and schools." 

 Like himself, Thomas was dressed in an all-white fencing uniform with a chest protector made of plastic and a lamé - a layer of electrically conductive material worn over the fencing jacket in foil that was used for detecting hits.

People who are professional fencers actually wear a uniform???

A mesh metal mask was covering his face protectively,

so Eirwen was unable to see what was undoubtedly Thomas’s amused expression.

Let's break this down, shall we?

We know that Eirwen and Thomas are wearing the same uniform...

They also wear a mask.

And this same mask supposedly makes it unable to see someone's face.

So if you can't see someone's face, then you can't see someone's body.

Which means that Eirwen and Thomas are just swinging their swords blindly.

“Do shut up,” Eirwen groused irritably,

Ah, bad dialogue tags. 

How I loath thee. 

And isn't Eirwen such a good friend?

Tom parries Eirwen's blow and then does a counterattack. 

Eirwen gracefully parried. 

We get it, K. Kamen. 

Eirwen is the best swordsman ever. 

Stop reminding us every five seconds. 

This was the London Open - a fencing competition for national and international fencers. 

Remember this, gentlepersons. 

Because later on, I will explain its significance. 

Eirwen had made it to the final,

It could be just me...

But this sentence seems off. 

Perhaps it would be better if it read: Eirwen had made it to the final round. 

and this last match would determine the gold medal winner and champion of the competition. 

If a person wins a competition, they are crowned the winner and get a medal or a trophy. 

He wanted to make the club he belonged to - the Academy Cadets Club - proud. 

People who participate in a sport or belong in a club want to do their best. 

But at least...

We are told that Eirwen needs one more point to win. 

Eirwen’s muscles were beginning to ache and a pounding headache was beginning to form behind his eyes. His vision was blurring slightly. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision and looked up towards the stands.

These sentences just gave me a migraine.

A good action scene doesn't read like a laundry list. 

Instead it should have descriptions sprinkled throughout. 

What the…?

It is an apt description for this book. 

There perched at the very top of the stands was the oddest girl Eirwen had ever seen. 

And he had seen a chick cosplay as Cthulhu. 

Her wild, long, golden blonde hair with scattered braids was adorned with spring flowers and ivy vines. She was dressed in a green tube dress that was decorated with ivy, and a pair of green ankle boots made out of soft leather. 

Even more laundry list descriptions. 

And wouldn't someone dressed like that be noticed by a lot of people?

Her grass-green eyes were sparkling mischievously and an impish smile quirked her pink, pouty lips.

She looked very ‘fairy-like’ or ‘pixie-like’, 

but she had no wings and was the size of a normal human girl around his age. (Eirwen had just turned eighteen).

Last time I checked, humans don't have wings.

So no shit, Sherlock. 

And "size of a normal human girl"? 

Merriam Webster defined size as "physical magnitude, extent, or bulk : relative or proportionate dimensions."

While height is the "distance from the bottom to the top of someone or something standing upright". 

An example would be: "a woman of average height"

Which means that the right word would be height and not size. 

In conclusion:

Maybe it was just how the sunlight coming in from the windows framed her body with a golden aura that made her look so…otherworldly.

Fairy cosplay? 

Because it is totally normal for someone to have a golden aura. 

Eirwen wondered in bemusement, arching an eyebrow at her.

When Eirwen blinks his eyes, the girl disappears.

What the?

So a girl dressed in a fairy outfit with a golden aura isn't Abby Normal.

But her suddenly disappearing is considered unusual.

Gotta love Eirwen's logic.

Thanks to Eirwen’s well-honed battle reflexes he just barely managed to dodge a lunge from Tom 

I know that I'm supposed to be impressed with Eirwen aka Mr. I haz awesome swordfightin' skillz. 

But it is really obnoxious when Eirwen's alleged badassery is constantly shoved in my face every five seconds. 

- the fencing blade passing his face. 

I know that I'm supposed to clutching my pearls...

But I simply don't give a damn. 

Bloody hell.

My exact words every time a character thinks or does something stupid. 

Eirwen needed to concentrate on his match. 

After taking a deep breath, Eirwen charges forward. And because the plot demands it, he scores the winning point. 

Of course the cheers are "deafening" as everybody stands up and chants "Darling! Darling! Darling!"

Eirwen had to resist the urge to plug up his ears with his index fingers. 

Look at this fencing mask:

Does it look like someone can stick their fingers in their ears?

Eirwen removed his helmet while Tom did the same. 

Wait a tick. 

Originally, they were wearing a mask. 

And now it is a helmet? 

As Mark Twain wisely said: 

So Eirwen is smirking. 

He’d won the match.

His final match. 

Because it will handle the topic of contemplating suicide in a half-assed and almost flippant manner.

Eirwen ran his hand through his "sweaty, short, dark brown hair". 

Tom was grinning at Eirwen cheerily even though he’d lost. 

It means that Tom isn't a sore loser, you dumbass. 

“Brilliant match.”

Don't give Eirwen a verbal handjob. 

So Eirwen shakes Tom's hand and says “Hell yeah.”

Suddenly, Tom asks if Eirwen if he is really quitting fencing. 

Eirwen shrugged carelessly. 

There is no such thing as accidentally or "carelessly" shrugging your shoulders. 

It is a gesture that a person can make. 

Eirwen replies “I’m afraid so." 

So Tom glares at him and demands “Why?”

“Fencing…just doesn’t interest me anymore,” Eirwen lied.

I'll let this speak for itself:

“Bollocks!” Tom swore in a frustrated manner. 

Two things:

Show don't tell 

And...

Tom goes on to say that he knows that Eirwen will return to fencing someday and that he is waiting for "our next rematch." 

He then adds "But next time it will be at the Olympics.”

And I just threw up in my mouth. Want to know why?

Eirwen Darling is so handsome and famous that all the girls want to bang him.

He is also the Chosen One. 

And because of Eirwen's awesome swordfighting' skillz, he could compete at the Olympics...

*deep sigh*

Anywho, Eirwen "half-heartedly agreed" and then looks at his two younger sisters. Their names are Joan and Michelle. 

And like everyone else, they are "waving and screaming his name." Eirwen grins at them. 

His sisters were utterly adorable, and the apples of his eyes.

It could be just me...

But it comes across as incredibly creepy that a brother is describing his younger sisters as being "utterly adorable."

Especially in a book where girls are lusting after the main character because his great grandfather was the inspiration behind a famous children's book.

And said main character has a raging why boner for a genderbent version of Peter Pan who is now a teenage girl with huge bazongas...

So in conclusion:

Joan was eight-years-old, and had the same boring dark brown hair he did. 

...

I didn't know that having brown hair was "boring."

She’d pulled her hair back into a serious ponytail, 

"Serious ponytail"???

I didn't know that ponytails could emote. 

"Serious ponytail" is as asinine as the term female-presenting nipples. 

Joan also wears glasses. 

Michelle, on the other hand, didn’t look related to them. 

Because all siblings must look identical! 

She had blonde hair, which she wore in two pigtails, bright blue eyes, a round cherubic face, and a smattering of freckles along the bridge of her nose. 

'Ello Laundry List O' Doom. 

In real life, a child can look exactly like their mother, their father, or both parents.

And sometimes, they can strongly resemble a grandparent. 

I don't know why K. Kamen thinks it is unusual...

Because people would generally assume that one of the Darling parents was a brunet[te] while the other was a blond[e].  

Michelle was holding a stuffed pink unicorn.

Eirwen met their gazes and held up his sword in a triumphant pose. 

So in other words...

He is posing like this:

So Eirwen is heading towards his siblings with "purposeful steps". 

Out of the corner of Eirwen’s eye, he noticed that a man in a hoodie was approaching his sisters. He didn’t really think anything of it 

Considering the fact that the Darling children are orphans and Eirwen is taking care of them...

You'd think he'd be concerned that a stranger is approaching his sister. 

Especially since said stranger is concealing their face...

until the man suddenly grabbed Michelle, who let out a surprised squeak.

Swiper no swiping!

The man kept one arm wrapped around Michelle’s waist while he turned to face Eirwen and used his right hand to lower his hood to reveal-

It was Woody Allen. 

It was Jim Graveson - an ex-fencer. 

Um... What?

Prior to this scene, Jim was never mentioned or appeared in this chapter. 

But it's painfully obvious that this is supposed to be important because of the dramatic reveal.

So...

We then get an info dump about Jim. 

It turns out that Jim attended the same school as Eirwen. He also belonged to the Academy Cadets Club. 

But Eirwen was forced to quit the club after being expelled from school for getting into fights. 

We are also supposed to believe the following: 

If he hadn’t been expelled, Jim would have participated in the London Open and probably would have ended up in the finals against Eirwen since he was a better fencer than Tom.

That requires a lot of assuming. 

Not only Jim would have to be better than Tom... 

But he would have to be better than everyone else in the fencing club minus Eirwen. 

Also, Tom would have better than all the other contestants in the London Open in order to fight Eirwen. 

It was no secret that Jim had liked to consider himself Eirwen’s rival.

You'd think that a "rival" would be a prominent antagonist and not some random guy who came out of left field. 

Jim was tall and had a lanky physique. His skin was overly pale and he had short curly black hair. He was wearing a Black Sabbath T-shirt, a pair of faded jeans and some muddy sneakers. 

Eirwen’s fan girls probably would have considered Jim to be attractive if it wasn’t for the glazed, slightly psychotic look in his eyes.

Puh-lease!

If that was the case, then you wouldn't have women lusting after Ted Bundy, Edward Cullen, and Christian Grey. 

Eirwen gave the young man a confused look. 

A person who has a "psychotic look" has snatched his sister. 

But this makes Eirwen bewildered.

“Jim.”

“Eirwen,” Jim drawled with a dark edge.

Normally, I would remark on the unnecessary dialogue tag...

But I'm still dumbfounded by Eirwen's idiocy. 

“Why are you doing this, Jim?” Eirwen demanded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. “Let Michelle go.”

Thank God Eirwen dropped the idiot ball. 

Even though he shouldn't have held it in the first place. 

And show don't tell. 

“Why don’t you make me, Champion,” Jim sneered, his lip curling in disdain.

When a person sneers, they are expressing contempt or disdain towards something.

So...

“W-What?” Eirwen stammered in surprise.

First of all, redundant dialogue tag. 

And secondly...

“You heard me,” Jim drawled, a glint in his gray eyes. “Make me. Fight me with that sword you’re still holding in your hand. I should have been the one to fight you today - not Tom. I would have beaten you and become champion. I’m the real champion of this competition!”

I'm sorry...

But I can't take a villain seriously who gives a long monologue. 

Eirwen shakes his head "in a helpless fashion." He then said “No way, mate.”

Jim reached behind him and pulled out a rapier - a real one with a long, thin, sharp steel blade.

Well...

It would be an awkward situation if Jim was brandishing a toy sword. 

Jim put the edge of the blade against Michelle’s throat. 

Where are the security guards?

Is anyone calling the police? 

How is everyone reacting to the situation? Especially Joan and Tom? 

Why is upcoming fight scene so fucking stupid?

And

“I said…fight me. Or else little Michelle gets it.”

"Take me seriously, even though I'm spewing cliched dialogue."

Eirwen’s amber eyes flashed with anger, and he raised his sword threateningly even though he knew a foil couldn’t really do much damage. 

First of all...

Show don't tell. 

And it begs the question why Eirwen isn't asking Tom to get security or to call the cops. 

So Eirwen asks Jim to let his sister go. 

And Jim is happier than a pig in shit because Eirwen is going to fight him. 

When Eirwen saw a thin cut form on his sister’s neck he flew into action, lunging his sword forward. 

Because when a hostage-taker has a blade pressed against the hostage's throat...

The best thing to do is to charge the hostage-taker head on and unarmed.

There is a reason why there are hostage negotiation courses and people trained in said courses. 

As for Eirwen? He has zero training. 

And what's stopping Jim from slitting Michelle's throat? 

He already gave Michelle a small cut...

Which means that Jim doesn't have any qualms about hurting someone. 

Jim moved his sword away from Michelle’s throat to parry the attack, and their blades clashed.

Because for plot reasons, Michelle can't be hurt or killed by Jim.

If that happened...

Petra Pan won't be thinking that Eirwen is the most heroic and selfless knight eva. 

Because he is the Chosen One... *sigh*

Anywho, Michelle bites Jim's forearm. 

Jim cried out in pain.

“Ah! Why, you insolent little brat!” 

...

"Insolent little brat"?

Anywho, Jim lets go of Michelle and she lands on her butt. Then Joan picks up her sister and runs away. 

"Get back here, you little brats! You'll pay for that!"

And I thought such fantastic dialogue could only be found in The Scorpion King 3. 

Jim heads towards the girls but Eirwen blocks him. But Eirwen doesn't just stop Jim, gentlepersons. 

He "smoothly stepped into his path" and "with his fencing sword raised." 

This is supposed to be an oh so subtle indication that Eirwen is awesome badass. 

 “I thought you wanted to fight me, Jim.”

Silly, Eirwen. 

Character consistency is for squares. 

A twisted smile spread across Jim’s face.

The two young men both got into fencing stances, and sized each other up for a moment.

After the measuring contest, Jim goads Eirwen. He then let out a shout and attacks Eirwen. 

Eirwen easily blocked the reckless attack with his fencing sword. Jim attacked swiftly again and again, but Eirwen continued to deftly block all of Jim’s attacks.

We get it.

Eirwen is allegedly a badass swordsman. Stop reminding us every five seconds. 

Jim was beginning to get pissed and frustrated. 

Letting out a roar, 

Because he is doing a lion impersonation. 

he swung his rapier in a fierce sideways slash. 

Forgive me for not quivering with fear.

So their swords clashed... And thank God, we don't hear about sparks flying.  

Anway, Eirwen's sword breaks. 

Eirwen leapt backwards instinctively, narrowly avoiding the tip of Jim’s sword from grazing against his chest.

I know that this book is hellbent on painting Eirwen as an epic badass...

But I'm not impressed. 

Anyone with more brain cells than Bella Swan would dodge an attack. 

No point had been earned yet though.

Because when a person is in a life or death situation... 

It is important for that individual to be crowned the champion. 

But then Eirwen realized with a sinking feeling in his chest that he should have just let Jim’s sword graze him and lose this impromptu match.

Besides being dead as a doornail...

Eirwen wouldn't be an epic badass who is destined to become The Chosen One. 

Bloody hell. Why am I even playing along with this lunatic? Who the hell cares who wins or loses at this point?

Because buddy boy, once rigor mortis sets in... 

Jim can track down your sisters and brutally murder them. 

Now Eirwen only had the pathetic stump of a fencing sword left to defend himself with while Jim had a real sword that was deadly sharp and dangerous

Well, trying to fight a psychopath instead of calling the police is fifty shades of stupid. 

So...

There was this sinister leer on Jim’s face 

*sigh* 

If Jim was anymore cartoonishly evil, he would be kicking a puppy. 

as he pointed the sword at Eirwen.

Eirwen didn’t fear death.

And I thought Rooster Teeth was the only one who had such an aversion towards show don't tell. 

In fact, he would welcome it, but…

If he did that, he can't pork a buxom Peter Pan. 

And sweet Jesus here comes even more stupidity... 

“Jim, stop this now. You’re already going to be in so much trouble for this.”

That's putting it mildly. 

I don't think the police consider kidnapping and attempted murder to bothersome. 

Eirwen gave the young man a beseeching look. 

It's bad enough that Eirwen is the Chosen One AND an alleged badass swordsman...

But he is now Sir Galahad. 

“Do you really want to throw your life away for this? For one silly match? It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. As far as I’m concerned you’ve already won this match!”

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Unfortunately for Eirwen, Jim is not moved by the speech.

Jim replies that he hasn't won the match yet and “Not until I make you bleed!”

Shit. 

An apt description for this book. 

Eirwen realized he had no choice but to fight Jim seriously. 

And Eirwen's inner God stopped doing the safety dance. 

So, the two guys charge each other and Eirwen's cheek is sliced. 

And because Eirwen is wearing Mithril plot armor, he disarms Jim. But he doesn't just disarm someone. 

No, no, no! Only a filthy peasant would do something so mundane as that. 

Eirwen sends Jim's sword flying up in the air. But wait! There is much, much more! 

Eirwen spun and caught the sword by the hilt, and pointed the tip of the rapier to Jim’s throat. 

Anywho...

Eirwen tells Jim to yield but Jim refused. 

 Jim reached into his hoodie and pulled out a handgun. 

Remember when I promised to explain the significance of the London Open?

If so... *offers a platter of cupcakes *

Anywho... This whole situation is fifty shades of stupid. 

The London Open is for national and international fencers. 

Which means that there should be security guards.

And newfangled technology called metal detectors. 

Because with lax security, you are asking for trouble.

But silly me, things like logic and common sense doesn't exist in this book. 

People immediately screamed at the sight of it and began to run for the exits in the hall.

Nobody was alarmed when a kid was held hostage by a psychopath.

Or when said psychopath demanded a duel with Eirwen. 

They only freaked out when the psychopath brandished a gun.

Eirwen looks at the gun and sighs. 

“You have got to be kidding me. Bad form, mate.”

I know this is supposed to another subtle sign that Eirwen is honorable and a knight in shining armor...

But this makes Eirwen look like a moron. 

“Eirwen!” his sisters cried out simultaneously in their worry.

So Jim points the gun at Eirwen's sisters. 

Eirwen’s eyes flared in alarm. 

Having a burst of fire shooting out of your eyes must hurt like a son of a bitch. 

No! 

Anyway, Eirwen jumps in front of Jim. He then tries to take the gun. But Jim pulls the trigger. 

Eirwen looked down and noticed the bright red spot spreading on his shoulder, blooming like a red flower on his white fencing uniform. 

Wow...

Just like Cassandra Clare, K. Kamen writes weird similes. 

And like a honey badger, Eirwen doesn't give a shit. Instead, he thinks: Heh, I’ve been shot.

Eiwen wondered dazedly why it didn’t hurt. 

Maybe it is because Eirwen took some morphine.

Or...

It is because the author doesn't realize that if someone was shot, they would be in pain. 

Suddenly, Eirwen grins as he starts to lose consciousness. 

Hopefully this has killed me. That’d be great.

You know what?

This is the first time that I agree with Eirwen. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Eirwen caught sight of a flash of gold and green.

I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

A green mist enveloped the handgun 

and it was wrenched out of Jim’s hand and sent flying, 

It could be just me but...

I think the word "wrenched" should be replaced with yanked. 

skidding across the gymnasium floor.

The gun flew out of Jim's hand.

Unless Jim was on the floor, the gun would have flown through the air and hit a wall. 

Jim loosed a cry of alarm and he too went flying, 

First of all, show don't tell. 

Also, the word "loosed" made my head hurt. 

It would be better if the sentence read: Jim screamed and he went flying. 

but Eirwen hadn’t touched him. 

Huh…? What’s going on?

Something supernatural, you twit. 

“Eirwen! Eirwen!” His sisters were shouting his name,  but they sounded so far away.

Um... 

Why are his sisters the only ones concerned about Eirwen?

Wouldn't Tom be upset?

And where is he? 

This was the last thing Eirwen remembered before he lost consciousness.

And unfortunately for the reader, the story continues. 

[roobierubyroobieruby]

The Game is On (Part 5)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (AU)

Word Count: 2,002

Warnings: cuteness, fluffy, jealousy over Steve not being your boyfriend? A swear (sorry again Cap)

Summary: You and Steve have been together for six years, happily living life in your Brooklyn apartment. On the night of your six-year anniversary, you come home to find a folded note on the table with your name written in Steve’s scripted handwriting. Inside? Instructions to your own personal treasure hunt to find your surprise - and Steve - at the end, and you have 20 minutes to start! The game is on…

A/N: Part 5 of @bionic-buckyb‘s 5K writing challenge!! One more part to go!! I’m so ready for the final chapter because Steve. Just Steve.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

You recognized the streets before you got to Nat’s apartment, having come this way too many times to count. You felt like you had paid for more cab fares tonight than you had in the past month, but you knew this would be worth it in the end. The anxiety, the nausea, the cool air against your skin feverish skin, giving rise to goosebumps - it would all come to an end when you finally were in Steve’s arms.

The doorman to her building knew you on sight, opening the door and greeting you as you stepped into the warm foyer. As you ascended in the elevator, your thoughts whirled around how you’d break the news to Steve. Should you just give him the envelope you received and let him read it for himself? Should you tell him and then hand him the envelope as proof in case he has doubts? You opened your bag once more, checking the envelope was wrapped safely inside his anniversary present, and felt your anxiety rise at the uncertainty of how this evening will play out. 

You hadn’t told anyone yet, you wanted Steve to be the first, but part of you wanted to tell Nat as well because she could give you the push you need to rip the bandaid off and just tell him. As you stepped off the elevator, the war in your head raging on, you barely noticed Nat waiting for you with her trademark smirk on her face.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes (Y/N).” She had her arms folded across her chest as she nonchalantly lounged against her wall.

“I hope so, I haven’t worn this dress before. I feel like it doesn’t look good on me.” You stared down at yourself, nervously smoothing down the skirt and picking off imaginary hairs and marks.

“Honey, if I wasn’t into men then I’d be into you. Although in that dress, you could sway me. Cap is a lucky man, I hope he knows that.”

She walked back into the lounge of her apartment, a silent invitation for you to follow.

“He tells me all the time, and yet I’m the one who feels like I’m not good enough for him. He’s Steve Rogers, the Captain, and I’m just me. Just (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Just (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)?! Sweet cheeks being you is like being Aphrodite, or Venus, or whoever you damn well want to be. You’re amazing exactly as you are and Rogers saw that from the get go. You gotta trust in that, (Y/N), trust in Cap and I to know you’re amazing exactly as you are. He wouldn’t go to all of this trouble, and love you for six whole years if he didn’t think you were worth every single second of his life this whole time.”

Nat moved to hug you, the second you’d received in less than an hour.

“I know, I guess it’s just nerves. It seems like such a big deal. We’ve never done the big anniversary surprises before - work has always kept us insanely busy and neither of us are into the big showy things, so this just feels like a lot of pressure. I don’t want to disappoint him.”

“DISAPPOINT HIM?!” Nat stepped back, throwing her arms up, “I know for a fact you could never disappoint Steve. The man is so in love with you, he’s designed this whole treasure hunt just to surprise you. A man who wasn’t head over heels for a woman wouldn’t put this much effort into a surprise.”

You shook your head, putting your hands up to cover your face.

“God I’m such an idiot. I know this! I know Steve! We’ve been together six whole freakin’ years. I just love him so much, Nat.”

“Trust me, I know. The way you two look at each other is sickly sweet. It’s horrible.” 

You let out a small chuckle, wiping away more tears as they threatened to break free. You’d be damned if you ruined this make up after you put so much effort into it.

“You know, you and Bucky say the same thing. Maybe you two should, you know, go on a date or something...” you trailed off as you nervously picked at the blanket resting over the back of her couch.

“Me and Winter boy? Good god woman, what on Earth makes you think we’d work?” She stared at you, eyes wide with her hands on her hips.

“I think you’d both surprise yourselves is all I’ll say.”

You put your hands up in surrender, laughing at her as she shook her head at you, turning away to grab her bag from the kitchen island.

You almost said the words out loud. You felt them resting on the tip of your tongue, and how easy it would be to spill all of your anxieties and fears out into a pool at Nat’s feet, telling her of the letter and what it would mean for you and Steve and your jobs and his studies. You held back as you thought of Steve, and how he’d prefer to be the first to know. 

He wouldn’t be mad if you’d told Nat first, knowing that she was the person who’d kick your butt into high gear and encourage you to go all in, but you owed it to him to tell him first. He was as big a part of your life as Nat, secretly more so, and he had every right to be the first to know. You’d face your fears and tell him tonight, and you had enough time to work out what you wanted to do, how you’d make it work.

“Helloooo, Earth to (Y/N)!” Nat was waving her hands in front of your face, one grasped around the last folded note from Steve’s treasure hunt.

“Sorry, lost in thought. You know how I get.” You chuckled, hoping she wouldn’t probe any further.

“I know there’s more to it than that, but I want you to finish this hunt and not leave poor Cap waiting so we will talk after ok?”

“I promise.” You gave her a hug before she handed you the note, “(Y/N), I love you so much, you know that, but I have a big case I’m working on so I need to get back to it...”

You glanced up from the folded note, “Oh god of course, I’m so sorry! I’ll get out of your hair right now! I’ll be sure to text you as soon as tonight is over and fill you in on everything! I promise!”

You waved as you briskly exited the apartment, before you slowed to a leisurely stroll through the foyer. You stopped just before the doors, opening the note.

Clue #5.5: You thought she was the last, I’m sorry but there’s one more, go get yourself your favourite flowers, from the flower shop by our corner store.

Son of a bitch. He lied! With a frustrated groan, you marched out into the cool night air to hail another taxi. Hopefully the last. Your frustration dissipated quickly as you remembered the trouble he’d gone to in order to set this up. You were more frustrated that you had to wait that much longer to tell him what you needed to tell him, and more importantly to find out what this surprise was.

You gave the driver the address to your apartment building, pulling out your phone to text Steve.

- So Nat wasn’t the final clue, huh?

- Sorry love, but she wasn’t. But I swear this is the last stop before you come back to me. I promise

- This surprise better be worth this running around, I’m outside in heels and a dress and hailing taxis left, right, and centre! I just want to be home and in your arms

- I know love, I want you here too. Last stop before me I promise. I can’t wait to be home with you too

- I’ll be at the flower shop in 15 minutes or so I guess. I’ll text you when I’m leaving there?

- You know it, I love you

- I love you too

As you stepped through the doors of the flower shop, you took a moment to breathe in the various smells and allow them to calm your rattled nerves. You walked over to the orchids, smiling to yourself as you stared at their vibrant pinks and blues, before walking over to the lillies and inhaling their sweet scent. Finally, you headed straight for your favourites, feeling the silky, delicate petals as you leaned in to smell them. 

“Ah (Y/N)! Finally! Steve told me you’d be coming by!”

You heard the familiar voice behind you as you spun around to meet her eye. Leann had run this flower shop for as long as you’d lived here with Steve, and you both had made it a habit to buy flowers almost every week, quickly becoming regular and treasured customers.

She drew you into a tight hug, the smell of incense and flowers mixing together, her bangles making light, whimsical sounds with each small movement.

“Hey Leann, Steve told you I was coming by?”

You pulled back, a questioning look on your face.

“Of course dear! He said to pick out the best of your favourites for you, and he’s already paid. They’re in the back, so give me two seconds!”

With that, she disappeared through the door, leaving you to look around the shop. It felt like she was gone for at least 5 minutes when she suddenly appeared at the counter, a large bunch of flowers wrapped beautifully in deep blue paper with a silver ribbon flourish. 

“Sorry I took so long dear, I wanted to wrap them and make them special for you. I thought blue and silver might look nice with your outfit.”

She gave you a sweet smile as she handed you the flowers.

“Thank you so much Leann, um is there a note for me here?”

“Oh yes dear! There is! It’s in the back! I almost forgot, silly me!″

She hurried off again, leaving you holding a large bunch of flowers as you manoeuvred your phone out of your bag.

- You already bought me flowers?

- That I did. Do you like them?

-You know I love them. Seriously, this is unbelievable. I can’t believe you did this for me

- I’d do anything for you. I just wanted you to feel special, like a queen

- Mission successful. I feel like the luckiest girl in the entire universe! Leann is just getting the note for me and then I’ll be on my way back to you!

- I’m glad. I miss you, hurry back to me xo

- Consider me running xo

Just as you slipped your phone back into your bag, Leann returned with the note in hand.

“Steve is such a wonderful man, you’ve definitely got yourself one of the good ones.”

She gave you a smile as she handed you the note.

“I know, I feel like the luckiest girl alive. Thank you so much for this, I don’t know how we could ever repay you for your help!”

“Nonsense dear! I’m more than happy to help out my favourite customers!”

You gave her a quick, one-armed hug before you exited once again, opening the note.

Clue #6: It’s time to come find me, the end is in sight, I’m waiting where kings and queens rule, I can’t wait to see you tonight.

Are you kidding me. Your apartment? You were there less than two hours ago! How could he be there?

Shaking your head, putting the note in your bag, you began walking up the street to your apartment, your heart racing with every step. You didn’t know whether it was nerves or excitement, but all you could focus on was seeing Steve and folding yourself into his arms, a queen together with her king once more.

TAG LIST:

@bewithme-forevermore @palaiasaurus64 

[finedarts]

The guy who took me in a rollercoaster ride with being inlove with him already left. Well, he did because someone was better to be with on his ride. Along the tracks of almost two months made me write words that I was writing for my first love. He was my second, I purged my mind and my heart to function with full emotions. My heart loves him but my mind knows that what he's doing is not enough or worthy enough to transform me to a human typewriting machine. It was a ride and every track ends, there were highs and lows. In our highs, where we were on our peak, it always felt like a dream. Chimerical, fanciful and whimsical. It's literally being up in sky and floating with the clouds. Everytime our lips touch I lose myself and it feels like another person emerges and takes over, it was love at first then lust took over. The lows wear dreadful and dull. Bickering at silly things to serious things caused by misunderstandings. I told you it's boring, so boring and repetitive that he knew he gotta find a new one who's not emotionally sensitive and fragile. Well after all, that's me. Take it or leave it, I love it. The following posts would probably be the things that I wrote and never reached you.

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: November 2019

Whoa November is over! So I didn’t see any movies this month but there are so many I want to check out. Parasite! Knives Out! Jojo Rabbit! Maybe December.

……….TELEVISION……….

Daybreak (Episode 1.01 to 1.03) This seems like fun so far! Characters are great, the world seems well-established and feels like it’s been lived in for a while, and it’s really just the plot that I’m not clicking with. Most of the stuff works until it goes back to “gotta find dream girl!” It just feels...dull. Especially when compared to all the other far more interesting stuff going on. Gonna keep watching but hot dang I hope they move on from the “where’s Sam?” stuff soon.

The Good Place (Episode 4.01 to 4.05) I’m not ready for this series to end but hot dang does it feel like it knows where it’s going and how it’s going to get there. I’m just happy to be along for the ride.

Queer Eye: We’re In Japan! (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) I appreciate that they addressed the magic of translators at the end of the first ep and I wish they would’ve gone into more of it. Their “guide” was likely a choice based on social media influence and bilingualism, but it seemed like a missed opportunity to have a gay Japanese man introduce the Fab 5 to the culture. Even the comedian from Episode 3 seemed like a better fit. I just don’t know if I got the right introduction into various nuances of the culture, you know? Also this article says a lot more and in a much clearer way. 

……….READING……….

Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain by A. Lee Martinez (Page 191 of 293) Very breezy and easy read but for an interplanetary romp with a hyper-smart squid as the protagonist, it isn’t quite connecting. The book is full of alien tropes and the premise is fun, but the lead character doesn’t really get challenged and there’s little impact from events as they happen. It feels pulpy but doesn’t seem to have the melodrama that makes it read like the author couldn’t commit to the bit.

A Spell for Chameleon by Piers Anthony (Complete) I have a vivid memory of seeing this cover when I was a child and really wanting to read it. So when I saw it at a thrift store I immediately picked it up. There were some fun magical ideas in here but it is dripping with so much 70s sexism that I can’t, in good faith, recommend this to anyone. If it was maybe one or two moments then you could maybe give some leniency to the era, but every chapter has at least one moment where the author takes a shot at women. It’s real bad. 

Silver Surfer Omnibus by Dan Slott, Michael Allred, Laura Allred, and many many more (9 issues/chapters in...sorry this book doesn’t really have page numbers) Okay I love it. I didn’t know what to expect but you know when you just have a gut feeling that you’ll like something? Exactly this. I knew nothing about Silver Surfer but the book catches you up and then takes you on a fun series of intergalactic adventures. When I realized it was essentially Marvel Doctor Who, I knew this was for me. I’m really taking my time with this cause I think it’s something special.

James Bond Origin by Jeff Parker, Bob Q, Roman Stevens, Jordan Boyd, Jordie Bellaire, and Simon Bowland (Complete) Pinpointing what makes a Bond story a “Bond” story is tricky. This series is a fun and engaging spy narrative, but I think showing the early days of Bond makes it read the same way Young Indiana jones felt: you know where they’re going but they’re not quite there yet. That isn’t to say it’s not great, cause it is. I suppose I’d just recommend this to those who like spy stories, narratives set during the second world war, or a combination of the two. Those are likely the same people as those who like James Bond as a character, but I think it lends itself more to the genre than the character. Great start to the series.

Delicious in Dungeon: Volume 6 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) Still fantastic. It took a weird turn in the middle and I was worried it was moving away from the characters to focus on big fantastical monsters and melodrama, but it quickly corrected course. I can’t not recommend this to anyone who likes small fantasy with a gimmick.

The Tomb of Black Sand by Jacob Hurst, Gabriel Hernandez, and more! (Complete) This was mostly for research and I love this D&D module. It’s a fun concept with nuance and one of my favourite fundamental details: the characters are doing their own thing with their own goals and have been doing things before the party shows up. If you’re okay with spoilers, check out this review.

The Wolves in the Walls by Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean (Complete) It’s interesting reading a true picture book by Neil Gaiman. I enjoy it as an adult, but I wonder if it connects well with its target audience. With that said, I loved the craftsmanship of the story and seeing Gaiman’s work stripped down to its essentials really helps to understand his approach to writing.

……….AUDIO……….

The Adventure Zone: Graduation (Podcast) Back to D&D and having Travis DM is a great change up! With that said, I’m having a hard time getting past the first ep. It introduces so many characters and so much world-building that I’m not really getting into it.

……….GAMING……….

Untitled Goose Game (House House) Fantastic, silly fun. I love the concept and the execution is perfect. I wish the game was maybe...2 levels longer, but what we do have is fantastic. Highly recommend.

Maze of the Blue Medusa (Satyr Press) The group just sorted out a major threat that has been following them throughout the dungeon. A peek behind the curtain: I’m not sure this module is connecting with the group. I don’t think there’s a clear goal and the party hasn’t really taken the initiative to make their own goals. Maybe that’s my fault and I think part of it has to do with our previous adventure being fairly bespoke and rather on rails. They loved it, but I also think it set a precedent. I need to pull back and chat with the players to see how they’re feeling.

A Red & Pleasant Land (Lamentations of the Flame Princess) We don’t get to play often but when we do, it’s a great time. The party stumbled into a genuine warzone and had their first taste of real danger. But they also landed their first true kill and it really had a lot of impact! Up until now, enemies have been whimsically changing when they “die” so to kill someone really meant something. It was a moment that really stuck with me.

And that’s it! As always, Let me know if you have anything you think I should check out and happy Saturday.

[maxximillian]

Seemingly Whimsical Writing Prompts May Lead You To Your Next Best-Seller

A short scary story about questionable relationships we entertain during childhood (and the writing prompt I used to compose this story)

Katie’s Tale

The brown bear jumped down off the bed and stabbed me with a butcher knife—I had always hated that bear. As I lay dying, I had come to know, in no uncertain terms, what I had suspected from the first day the bear came home from the thrift shop: The bear had always hated me too.

Detective Sohn’s Story 

Katie lay in the corner with gaping wounds in her chest. At the threshold of the open bedroom window, a brown teddy bear placed belly-down over the sill is half covered in her blood. A butcher knife rests beneath a saturated, digit-less paw. I shake my head, put a call in for the coroner and begin  to unroll my crime scene tape.

As told by Pete, friend of the deceased

After Joshua’s funeral, his childhood bear was returned to his family, care of the hospital—that’s how the bear ended up back in his old room at his parent’s house. What I don’t know is what she was doing there. From outside his window, where I stood, I could see her. She had a bucket full of rocks and was pelting the hell out of that poor bear. I watched her for a while and then I left. It was too weird to see my dead friend’s sister abusing his favorite playmate. Her funeral is tomorrow.

CREATIVE WRITING PROMPT

This is a three part (three story) prompt that I imagined on a recent flight back to Los Angeles. Here it goes:

1. Write a story told from the POV of a character directly involved in the action.

2. Now tell a story about the same event from the POV of another character that is either directly or indirectly involved.

3. Finally, retell the story from the POV of a character that is not mentioned in either of the two previous stories but was somehow involved. (i.e. a voyer, bystander, an person relating the affair to an audience, the mortician…)

Now I know you might be thinking this story seems pretty sparse LOL — it is, but that’s okay. I intended it to be. This is an exploratory exercise in storytelling.

In an episode of POIROT (one of my favorite shows) Hercule says that each person present at the same event will have a different version of the way things happened. Invariably it’s true. Each of us has different preferences and so will notice (read: pay attention to) different things. I have a friend who is obsessed with expensive wrist-watches. I’ve observed him when we’re out, he looks at other men’s wrists when he meets them.  What is he thinking… I wonder. (Probably something like, “Is his watch more expensive/rare/beautiful than mine?” LOL. It sounds shallow, I suppose, but the fact is that —shallow or not — he finds great satisfaction in timepieces, for him they’re art.) Also obsessed but ostensibly for different reasons, an old wannabe nemesis of mine is always clocking other women’s shoes—and the shoe’s  of the men she meets too. She judges a person first by whether or not their shoes are shabby, then by the designer of the shoe. (Hey, we all have our peccadilloes.)

I point all this out to say that each narrator (read: each witness/reporter) has the capacity to bring to light different aspects of a situation. As we create our characters, keeping the individual’s personal obsessions and preferences in mind can be instructive in what that character notices, responds/reacts to and comments on. A happy person, for instance, is very likely not to even notice two people arguing in the street. Why? Disagreement has a vibration, a frequency that is very different from the frequency of happiness. Those low-vibe street-arguers aren’t vibrating on the same level as the happy person; their whole drama is likely one that a happy person (consciously or unconsciously) isn’t going to give her attention to.

In a previous post, there’s another exercise that gets us writing in multi-perspectives but it’s a bit different than this in the way that in this exercise, I wanted each narrator to tell a different part of the story as opposed to hearing about the same event from different perspectives.

In my creative writing exercise, the first part is told after Katie’s brother’s death; the second part is after Katie’s death, and the third is after the cops have left the crime scene, and is told by Pete, Katie’s brother’s friend who is the only one alive who unwittingly holds the key to the why behind Katie’s murder: she abused the teddy bear, and it killed her.

Can this way of telling different parts of a story from different perspectives work in a longer piece? Based on my experiment, I believe it will. I’m especially interested in using this device in my television writing. It’ll take some special planning but I feel confident it will yield interesting results—or at least lead to something that will.

It’s helpful to do creative writing exercises, not for the fruit that comes as a result (the words on the page when you’re done) but for the fruits that come from trying to think about storytelling in new ways. Plus, there’s the added benefit of finding yourself interacting with a character or story that you want to develop further.

My dystopian romance novel Mollyville was birthed from a creative writing exercise. The creative writing exercise that prompted Mollyville asked me to draw a map. From that map, the natural features I added in creating the map: mountains, forests, a lake, streams—and naming these places, was the beginning. I returned to the map over and over again. Looking at it, imagining what things would be like there… I couldn’t leave the place alone. Before I knew it, I was adding destinations to my locations: a pub, a hotel, an underground speakeasy, a marketplace — we gotta eat, right? And then I added more businesses, and the characters the businesses belong to. So now I had names and it grew and grew and it’s still growing.

Imagine… If I had said to myself, “Self, you’re a professional. You don’t have time to dilly dally doing these silly writing exercises that are never going to be anything but pages in a notebook.” (I did say this to myself, by the way but I reminded myself that I really had no ideas of what the next thing should be that I should write anyway so I just shrugged and jumped into it.) I’d never have written Mollyville, and since the idea for Afterlife came during my writing Mollyville, it’s likely that I’d never have written that story either… and then where would I be? (Perish the thought.)

Your ego is not your amigo.

If you think that you’re too busy, too advanced or too ‘good’ to do creative writing exercises, you rob yourself of a valuable opportunity to explore impractical possibilities that may turn out to be viable vehicles for storytelling.  Creative writing exercises are like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re going to get.

Seemingly Whimsical Writing Prompts May Lead You To Your Next Best-Seller was originally published on MAXXIMILLIAN DAFOE