#but wheee i love medications!!!

[roseband]

my covid is now no-vid

[fostercare-expat]

My self imposed “rehab” from the foster care drama is found well so far. I haven’t heard a word from the social worker since our meeting. Bit annoying that no one has gotten back to me about the big meeting on Tuesday where a Counsellor was supposed to be assigned for Younger Brother but I’m going to just wait until the placement is sorted out for Older Brother and then ask for an update. I have the feeling the social worker can literally only do one step at a time.

I’ve had had only logistical interactions with mom over text. She hasn’t called her boys all week, annoying but not my problem to solve. I brought Younger Brother to the doctor on a day I know she had an off day from work, and invited her, she didn’t come. I texted her the bill (I only have ever asked for her to pay the medical expenses) and she acknowledged it but hasn’t paid me.

Other Foster Mom (Sister-Wife) has done a ton of work to get Older Brother into a government sports program that’s considered the beginning track for future athletes. He already does a sport at school and now he’s doing this weekend program wheee they rotate sports every few months. The hope is that 2.5 years from now, we could get him into the national sports high school, which is residential, so the kids live there during the week. Would be a much better living arrangement than a group home, and hopefully his mom or Sister-Wife and I could have him with us for weekends and school breaks. He loves sports and he’s got the energy for it. Maybe one day he will win a gold metal for this country. We just want him to channel that non-stop energy into something positive.

The first day of the sports program was yesterday and I brought both boys there. I was so tired that I laid down the shade and napped. Older Brother did the lesson for 2 hours in the hot sun (after an hour of swimming lessons in the morning and then he also jogged next to my bike later on at full speed when we went home.) That evening I noticed on social media that his mom had posted a video of him at the sport class congratulating him on his first day there. I have NO CLUE how she got a video. It seems to have been taken from up on the hill behind the field. I doubt she would have gone all the way there herself because it’s far from her house and she doesn’t even bother to call him, so seems unlikely she would have gone. My guess is that either her boyfriend (who is into sports) secretly went to see it for himself or perhaps someone who knows Older Brother took it and sent it to her asking if it was her kid. Older Brother says he didn’t know anyone there and no one talked to him. And I was half asleep most of the time.

He’s 10 and has no access to social media or a phone, so clearly the post is just a brag to her all her friends. Annoying. I’ve hidden her social media feed now too. That’s definitely not allowed in rehab!

[fatuismooches]

SMOOCHES!! Hii sweetheart, I hope you’ve been doing well! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit inactive with brainrots, school has been stressful and on top of it I’ve been struggling with my condition. Everything’s just been really heavy on me with how frequent I go to see doctors. And I may have a rare syndrome that may have affected why I grew so short (4’10). So yeah I’ve been re-reading a lot of your lovely fragile!reader works throughout the weeks.

But I keep thinking on just Zandik holding fragile!raeder while they ramble about their problems. It’s like their own safe haven, wheee you feel heard and protected by the only person who’s stuck by your side since childhood. :( I just wanna snuggle against his strong arms and fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat. Or just being comforted through examinations while Zandik checks to make sure your vitals aren’t deteriorating. But a little angsty thought: on one occurrence where Zandik is checking your vitals and he sees they haven’t improved but slowly decreased. Seeing that the medication you take is useless and he’ll need to batch something up quickly before you take notice or grow concerned. Also, fragile!reader going to Zandy for cuddles or inviting him into their room so they can cuddle. You put on a fake smile and brush it off as “wanting to be with your favorite boy”. But in reality you just really need comfort but don’t want to nag Zandik so frequently that you’ll just be a nuisance. Yeah just fragile!reader always feeling guilt </3 it’s how I’ve been for the past few days.

But I hope you have a much better week than I have had!! And I hope it’s okay to ask, but I remember you writing something about the Harbingers having a “meeting” to figure out who’s the mysterious veiled figure who is at times seen outside the lab with Dottore. I’m not sure if you ever finished it or forgot about it you don’t have to answer this I’m so sorry.

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon ୨୧

HI 🎐 ANON MY LOVE!!! <333 Please don't worry about me or brainrots! I just want you to take care of yourself. That sounds so so stressful I couldn't even begin to imagine. I hope you're managing to get rest between all of that :( I wish i could provide you with more than my words and virtual hugs, but I sincerely hope things get better for you. *hugs* And to answer your question, I'm still working on that fic, slowly but surely! It's probably going to take a while due to school and whatnot but it'll be finished eventually. I also ended up changing the title to Latin since all my Dottore fics have that theme but I also realized how bad online translators are for Latin so right now the tentative title is "Medicus potest amare? (responsum est quod sic)" That's probably way too long so it'll might get shortened. But yeah!! I hope you enjoy it when it comes out 🎐 anon ❤️

But yes! Many of the times Dottore can't really help with your problems, since they're probably related to your illness and whatnot, but what matters to you is how he listens without interrupting or nitpicking. Whether you're on his lap or cuddling together he holds you very tightly, he unconsciously holds you like that as if you would leave him. But you don't complain since you like the security of his arms. Though if it's something within his ability to do, whether it's simple or not, his clones will get it done for you. Just to make your life even the tiniest bit easier. Examinations are never fun but Zandik being the one who does them makes them a bit more comforting :( You probably dread them a lil bit since they're just a constant reminder of your sickness but Zandik and his clones do try their best to make it as stress-free as possible for you :) which is honestly a challenge for them at first considering what they usually do but dneuwidfd they'll do anything for you, yk?

Wahh the angsty thought is unfortunately a frequent reality for Dottore... </3 No matter how much he sees it, he can never truly get used to it, there's always a sharp twinge in his chest. Though he never tells you what he sees... he doesn't want you to take on extra burdens. And ughh,,, cuddles with baby Zandy ;(( honestly his childlike innocence and smile make you feel a bit better but tbh he's still a smart boy so he can probably tell when you're lying and genuinely feeling down! Zandy will still cuddle with you of course but he will probably tell Dottore that he noticed how sad you are, and soon enough the Harbinger will be in your room again. Reminding you that you are not a nuisance. That although his methods aren't conventional, he's your husband, and he's here to help and comfort you. That you two will be together until the very end of the world.

[mickmundy]

Who does what chores?

What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? Do they cook/clean together? Do they like to go out shopping together?

Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest?

What’s their opinions on PDA?

What’s their love languages?

Baths or showers together? Do they like elaborate ones with bubbles and flower petals?

picking questions at random for the ask game :] bushmed and spoovy pleaseee

OMFG WHEEE YOUVE GOT IT!!! i'm gonna stick this one under a cut because i love to babble, but i’m super excited to answer this!! nothing i love talking about more! ^v^ HEHEHE!! i’m going to do them for bushmed first, and then spoovy! :D

Bushmedicine;

Who does what chores? I think it’s fairly evenly split, but if one of them is too tired, the other has no problem “picking up the slack”. sniper won’t “clean” medic’s lab (the doctor thinks best amidst some chaos!), but if he falls asleep pulling an all-nighter in his lab, sniper will go in and tuck his birds in for the night and scoop medic up and carry him to his room so he can get some rest! ;-; and if medic knows sniper’s had a hard day, he’ll fix sniper up some of his favorite dinner so that sniper can just put his feet up (or his head down) and relax and decompress!

What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? cooking together for sure… feeding each other the food as it cooks (“does this need more salt? more spice?” etc) and kissing while they wait for things to cook… touching and leaning against one another as the smell of food fills the space… Oh Yes… hehe… <3 and i think both of them like cleaning, but like i said above they prefer to tidy their own spaces, only helping if the other requests it (something that comes freely to them once they’re an Established couple!). and sniper is the better shopper of the two. he’ll stay on track and get everything they need. medic loves to go but is always wandering off and adding things to the cart not on the list! HEHE… sniper’s always grateful for it though because medic always picks out stuff sniper would never get for himself! ^v^

Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest? Sniper rises with the sun… it’s an old habit, but it’s how he’s always been and he likes it that way. typical morning routine is getting dressed (he sleeps naked Of Course), put a pot of coffee on, leaves to check on medic’s doves and feed them their morning food, come back to his camper, takes his clothes off again, and start pouring the coffee, puts on a pan with some kind of meat, potato and egg for he and medic to split (he can do a lot with the lil hotplate in his van!) and medic wakes up to the smell of a delicious brekkie… and naked sniper! HEHE worst sleep schedule is medic by far because it’s just all over the damn place. sniper sleeps Less than medic but at least it’s regular (he probably gets 5-6 hours a night Consistently whereas medic’s goes like…. 1 hour one night, 12 hours the next night, 9 hours the next etc)! sniper is always the sleepiest though… if medic does happen to wake up earlier than sniper (very rare!), he’ll stand on his tiptoes in sniper’s van and bury his face in sniper’s hair while holding a cup of coffee (so sniper can smell it) and coos soft things in german against his hair… “guten morgen… care to join the waking world, my heart? <3” to which sniper grumbles and flings a heavy, tired arm around medic’s neck/shoulder and lets out a raspy “in a minute, precious…”!

What is their opinions on PDA? I answered that one here!

What’s their love languages? sniper’s are acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time! physical touch is also there for him (sniper is so touch starved that after he has someone like medic who is super handsy, he never wants to be without it!) but i’m going to give that one to medic, since he’s naturally very touchy-feely. i’d also give medic gifts and acts of service. he’s absolutely able to separate his profession from his love life… he wouldn’t be a doctor all the time! however, i think he does care greatly about the well-being of his partner and would do Discreet Checkups (checking pulse, brightness of eyes, etc) just whenever he’s around sniper… just because he’s his partner now doesn’t mean he’s any less of his crowning medical achievement! sniper catches on (most of the time) and likes to just let his pretty dovey work. it feels good to be appreciated, after all!

Baths or showers together? Do they like elaborate ones with bubbles and flower petals? OMFG THIS ONE IS SOOO CUTE IM GONNA SOB… if you ask sniper he'll say showers, but if they can get the chance to have a romantic bath while out on contracts... well.... there's no way sniper would ever say no to a romantic bath with medic! he's a little skeptical of all of the Stuff medic adds to the bath (bubbles, flower petals, nice-smelling salts etc) but once he smells it he's like *_* and medic puts a hot washcloth over his face and gently pulls him into his arms and sniper's in heaven! HEHEHE ;-;

spoovy;

Who does what chores? tbh i think it's very evenly split. they enjoy helping their partner out of course but i think they're also two people who enjoy things done their own ways (this could be said for a lot of the mercs i think); weapon cleaning and Personal Duties are best left to themselves to do it. i think where they help each other most is if they do some kind of shared activity (like cooking), one of them will be cooking and the other one will be doing dishes, etc. stuff like that!

What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? spending time with one another but doing other things... together. ie reading different books but cuddling together, or heavy eating some fancy Treat that spy got for him and looking over spy's shoulders while spy reads... ah, bliss! quiet time where they can truly decompress... every now and then one of them will break the peaceful silence to read something out loud or to laugh and the other one will be like ":) what's so funny!" and they'll share... heheh...

Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest? spy gets up the earliest and is usually already well on his way to starting his day by the time heavy starts to stir! but spy wouldn't have it any other way. he loves bringing heavy breakfast in bed and making sure heavy's uniform (or civilian clothes) are ready for him etc... little things like that that spy pays attention to so that heavy doesn't have to worry about it! :-) spy also has the worst sleep schedule! you'd think he'd be all about the "get your eight hours", but he likes staying up late.... and sometimes he has trouble falling asleep :( it really worries heavy when spy doesn't come to bed with him because he knows something is on spy's mind.... as far as the sleepiest, also spy! once he falls asleep, he's out like a light. heavy thinks its sooo cute! spy is definitely one of those people who has to set 239492349 alarms (but he doesn't; he just trusts his Body Clock) to actually get out of bed LOL.. i think heavy has it in him too, but it takes a lot for him to Truly relax... ;-; spy makes things easier though!

What is their opinions on PDA? ehehe.,., heavy is not used to such Displays of Affection... but spy is NOT shy about displaying his affection... >:) when they first started dating, spy was quick to Lavish heavy with all kinds of expensive flourishes (clothes, food, wine, etc) and while heavy appreciates that and knows it's one of spy's love languages to give gifts, he was like "SPAI!!! STOP THIS!!! >:///|" HEHE... he's a simple guy in the sense that he doesn't require/ask for much in the ways of "proving your love for him". if you tell him you love him, he believes you. if you're dating him, he knows you're into him! he places the utmost trust in spy and knows how spy feels about him. they're not ashamed of each other! sometimes spy will spoil heavy just to fluster him, but for the most part he backs off and respects heavy's wishes to not be so pampered all the time! ;) still, they're usually glued at the hip, with spy leaning back against heavy's chest or arm, or sitting very close to each other. handholding is something that's intimate for them... so they don't do that in public! it's mostly spy leaning on heavy or heavy wrapping an arm around spy. heavy likes the feeling of spy's suit and spy likes the weight of heavy's hand on his hip/waist!

What’s their love languages? HEHE so i touched on this up here ^ but for spy it's gift giving and quality time, and for heavy it's acts of service and physical touch! outside of romantic relationships, neither of them are particularly touchy-feely people (though they certainly don't mind the company of others who are, like scout, engie or medic!), so when they touch, it's Very Personal... very intimate! just a gentle touch can sometimes mean the world to them, no matter how long they've been together! and heavy and sniper are similar in my mind in that they feel like they should always be doing things to be helping their partners with acts of service. it's the work horses in them! for spy, quality time is the best gift of all; sure he loves buying presents but ultimately he loves learning his partner... loves candidly observing heavy when he's at peace and doing everything he can to protect that peace... sighs lovingly...

Baths or showers together? Do they like elaborate ones with bubbles and flower petals? BATHS!! if they can get away from the base, they'd both always opt for baths. heavy draws a great bath himself, he's great at picking out soaps and salts that compliment each other!! and they love being so physically close! ;u;

send me some ship asks (for bushmed or spoovy) and i’d love to answer them!! ^v^

[likesomekindofcheese]

Can I request a fluffy Joe Mazzello x fem. reader where reader has given birth to their second daughter and Joe’s mom brings their toddler daughter to the hospital and Joe and reader introduce their daughter to her new baby sister?

This sounds so cute! OF course!

It was painful, of course, it was painful. The first time was painful. God, you forgot the pain.

But once it was over, it was worth it. Worth the hours of labor to see the sweet little face.

"Congrats, miss, the girl's healthy!" the midwife said as she held the little bundle. Already you heard the baby crying with its new lungs as if saying "I'm here! I'm here!"

Breathing in deeply and out, you sighed. So many other women weren't as lucky as you.

Looking over, Joe was in the same headspace as you. His eyes went big at the side. Despite the medical mask over his face, you could tell he was smiling.

You were given the little baby. She smelled sweet and she calmed down right at your touch.

"Ah, mama's girl already!"

He smiled and embraced her. "She's beautiful...."

You were spoiled with gifts and flowers and cards. The nurses even treated you to a steak dinner and plenty of adult diapers to cope with the post-birth flow once you got home.

Only hours later, you heard a familiar voice. "Are you ready to meet your sister?"

To which your older daughter, with the refined thoughts a three-year-old could voice, replied "whee! whee! wheee!" accompanied by light, excited footsteps.

Inside walked Joseph's mother with flowers, holding hands with the little girl. She was happy as could be-all spiffed up in a pink shirt and overalls as her tiny tennis shoes lit up with her exciting steps.

"Hi there!" she chirruped.

Both of you leaped from where you were sitting, Joe put his hands over his mouth.

"Hey Mama!" Joseph greeted. They both hugged each other. "We thought my brother was looking after her and...your-your headache and such!"

"I'm doing fine- the headache's gone! Your siblings called me and asked them to take me...they wanted this girl to meet her sister!" Mrs. Mazzello explained.

Outside the sunshine warmed up your side of the bed. The baby was fed and you were happy to cuddle her. The warmth of the weather and of the new life in your arms was welcome.

"And how are you ladies doing? Both of you?" she asked.

"We're great. Labor wasn't too bad- well, you know, just bad enough as usual. And this one is healthy as a horse," you explained.

"Daddy! Mommy!" your little girl greeted. Joe picked her up and carried her.

"What's up, princess? Are you ready to meet your sister?"

Your daughter nodded. Then Joe walked closer to her. There was a chair next to your bed. Joe sat on it while holding your daughter up.

"Here she is!" you announced proudly.

The little girl leaned forward, smiling as she looked at the baby. She reached her grubby hands forward but Joe held her back a little.

"Be gentle! You gotta be gentle with Sissy!" he instructed.

She grinned.

"She's so cute! I love her!" the little girl said.

The baby curled up, even leaning closer to hear her voice. So young- not even a day old and already learning about the world around her and the family who loved her so much.

"Can you give her a kiss?" you asked.

Your daughter leaned forward and gave her a kiss.

"If she needs to sleep, can I sing your lullaby song!" she asked. Already she was ready to be the big sister and take on all the grown-up activities.

"Of course, you can!" you encouraged with a laugh.

"Daddy, do you think Nonno would like her? she asked.

Both of you froze. Nonno was what she was taught to call Joe's dad. The grandfather she would never know.

Joe blinked, caught off guard. Then he pulled his older girl in for a hug.

"He would adore her, just as much as I'm sure he loves you...and all of us."

As Joseph's mother gathered everyone around for a pic, you would notice later that the hug was tight and the smiles, though a little sad, were genuine.

All of a sudden there was a buzz from Joseph's phone. Reaching down to check it, he saw it was the band.

"Good thing she looks like her mom and not your ugly mug, mate- signed Ben" Joseph read, bursting everyone into much-needed laughter.

[suckerforsmylex]

I Think I Made You Up Inside My Head - Pt. 6

“I should have loved a thunderbird instead; At least when spring comes, they roar back again. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. (I think I made you up inside my head.) “- Sylvia Plath, Mad Girls Love Song

The phone buzzes again, waking you out of your stunned stupor. Joker’s message blinks again, reminding you that his eyes are on you somehow and you suddenly realize that you’ve been shirtless this entire time and grab a button up and throw it on.  The thought that he may have been admiring your tits from afar makes you blush and you think to yourself, how is it that I am angry and turned on at the same time?

Closing the closet doors and sitting down on the bed again, you look around for a hint of how he may be able to observe you.  You search for cameras and bugs as if you were in a spy flick, but after about ten minutes, you realize that you don’t have time to investigate.  It’s much more important to try to recall who you got yourself into this mess in the first place.  The knife he dropped when he cut through your baby doll top, is still on the floor so you reach down to retrieve it and examine it closely.  

It is entirely made of gold and very sharp with a beautifully ornate handle.  It’s apparent that this knife is a specially made killing apparatus.  You indulge a strange urge to put the knife to your tongue and begin grinning again but you don’t know why. The confusion you feel is simultaneously exhilarating and frightening and suddenly it feels like an intense headache is coming on as another involuntary memory flashes back to you uncontrollably.

The Joker had just been committed after a plea of “not guilty, by reason of insanity.”  The sentence seemed appropriate as he was clearly insane. Throughout the trial, he tormented his own lawyer to the point where he resigned and The Joker had to be represented by a public defender.  When the sentence came down that he would be committed to the loony bin that is Arkham asylum, he smirked, winked at you and stroked the bulge in his pants.

By now, you had grown used to his vulgar displays of affection in the court room and you secretly enjoyed them.  Mid-trial he had to be restrained because during a court recess your earring came off, and when you bent down to get it, he tried to lunge and bite at you while spouting off all kinds of filthy things.  They put him in a muzzle and you became so stirred by the public display, that you had to excuse yourself to the restroom to “relieve yourself.” As you touched yourself, you thought of his eyes on you and how intense his glare was.

When they took him from the court room, you knew that there was a chance that you would never see him again and you decided at the last minute that you would actually take the nutty blonde up on her offer. Yes, you had gone out for a smoke earlier, after a particularly disturbing testimonial from a witness to a Joker murder. You didn’t smoke regularly but did under periods when you were stressed out.  You were sitting on a bench when she approached.  She was a bizarre girl and you couldn’t stop looking over as she was making her way up the court house steps.  She was singing a strange tune as she made her way up, skipping over and introducing herself abruptly.  “Hiyah!  Are you Y/N?”

You nodded suspiciously and she grabbed the cigarette from you, took a drag and then threw it behind her head which pissed you off because you had just lit it. “Hey! I just lit that!”  She suddenly stuck her hand out to shake yours.  “Harley Quinn. Pleased to meetcha’! Wow, Mistah J said you were cute and boy, was he right!”  A slight pout came across her face, but she quickly replaced it with a huge grin.  “I’m gonna’ make you an offer you can’t refuse honey bun.” The smiling blonde was freaking you out and you decided you would walk back into the court room after all.  Harley screamed out in desperation.  "Face it, you’re just like me!  A certified nutso and hopelessly in love with a murderous, psychopathic clown. Tell me you don’t want to break him out of the joint?”  

You spun around on your good leather heels.  “Are you talking about The Joker?”  You looked into Harley’s wild eyes and she smiled a crazed smile.   “Mistah J, sugar or Puddin.”  But you have to earn that last one! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”  A slow smile spread across your face and Harley clasped her hands in delight. “Show me what I have to do,” you squealed.  Harley’s excitement was rubbing off on you.  That and the lack of your medication.  You’d stopped taking it during the trial.  The Joker’s madness made you feel liberated and you decided that you would just live that way, without any help from medication to balance you out.  It was the freest you’d felt in a long time. “Meet me tonight and wear this. We’ll meet about a block from your apartment.  I’m so happy to have a girlfriend to go shopping with!”  

Harley tossed a silky red fabric at you.  It was a hood.  You’d heard of the Red Hood Gang, but only just then realized that you’d joined it.  No one knew how the Red Hood robbed all the banks they did, but you realized that it was a collective of criminals, of varying importance, all pledging their allegiance to The Joker. Harley was his second in command and you were proving yourself as a suitable number 3 with your sights on learning more as her apprentice.  

Harley had her heart set on robbing Nordies, the expensive department store with the beautiful Christmas displays every year, so you went in as a sort of a test to your commitment to her and the Joker mafia. You came out with the Gucci dresses she asked for and a couple of extras for yourself.  “Naughty, Naughty! Wheee!  Wahoo! You are amazing, girly,” Harley exclaimed.  You handed her the bags and kept one for yourself:  A tight black jumpsuit, black heels and a cologne you picked out just for J.            

In that very moment, you decided that you were going to break The Joker out of his cell.  Harley was still hatching a plan but you wanted to go without her. She loved him but you wanted him to know that you loved him more.  You baked him a cake with a phone in it for his birthday and sent it in to the Asylum and The Joker texted you back to let you know when Arkham was at its best to break him out. You took the keys to the purple Lambo and left the apartment to break The Joker out of the crazy house. After parking and posing as one of the guard’s wives who was in to visit and bring him his lunch, you put the men to sleep with a solution The Joker had given you the recipe for.  

The Joker came out of his cell and strolled right over to you with his straight jacket still on. He planted a rough kiss on you and you presented him with the cologne. He smirked, growled in your ear, and then you released him and you both fled to rob a jewelry store later in the night. This is where you remembered the knife from.  This is where you remembered the diamonds and the gold jewelry from.  You realize that you are hiding the entire stash in your closet for him.

You decide to dial Frost.  He answers and he’s all business as you figured he would be.  “What do you need?  Mister J said you might be calling for something.”  You’re bubbly when you answer. Something about his stoic reactions draws the silly out if you. “Hi, Frosty!   Where’s J,” You rasp out. Frost is un-phased.  “He’s taking care of something. Do me a favor. Only call me if there’s an issue,” he responds and hangs up abruptly. You look at your phone again and start scrolling through your contacts again.  HQ.  HQ! It doesn’t stand for Headquarters! It’s Harley Quinn!  You decide to call the number.  “

How’s my favorite little squirrel? Still trying to get that nut,” Harley answers with a giggle.  “Is this Harley,” you ask tentatively. She’s silent for a moment and then she answers in a rising chuckle. “Wow, Mistah J was right doll, you’re really a mess!  Yeah, dummy, it’s Harl!  No fair!  You broke Mistah J out of the clink without telling me. I don’t know whether to kick your ass or kiss ya’, but I’m in big trouble and he’s here to help so I guess I’ll have to deal with you later.  Mistah J is helping me clean up a mess ova’ here, but hold tight honey, he’s on his way back to you.”

[thisdayinfavrd]

September 2, 2009

And would it kill today's rap artist to put on some colorful pants? Some of us really liked the colorful pants.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 70

I bet if moths could talk they'd still be really creepy.   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 69

"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"   @shitmydadsays (Justin) – 68

It took an irate assistant manager with a trunkload of 400 cold burritos, but now I'm convinced that new Chipotle iPhone app is not a game.   @scottsimpson (Scott Simpson) – 67

Obama is going to address the nation's schoolchildren? One good fart joke and the Democrats control Congress for 60 years.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 66

There's something to be said about unlocked hospital medication carts, but I don't have time for that now because WHEEE!!!   @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 65

Hate the little changes my wife makes when using my car. My nav system just asked if I was really going to wear this shirt with these pants.   @smilinbjones (Chris Pinckney) – 61

I like my men like I like my Nintendo cartridges: a little blow job will fix most problems.   @abigvictory (Michele Catalano) – 59

In sum: I mention that my ass got grabbed, and 10,000 developers I love pull out a white earbud and yell, "But, what were you WEARING?"   @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 56

The thing about angrily flipping off that asshole driver is that the only people who use this road are my coworkers.   @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 56

Coming home to see my family made pie, but ate all of it, is like coming home to a bunch of people that are dead to me.   @lukeinvan (Vancouver's Luke) – 55

Three-year-old niece interrupted my cooking with a phone call to tell me about the moon. I let dinner burn.   @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 54

Forgetting my wallet- that's my problem. Forgetting my deodorant- that's the world's problem.   @CranberryPerson (N/A) – 53

He said he liked ranch dressing. So I put on a cowboy hat, vest, and skirt. Apparently he doesn't like it as much as he thought he did.   @JeeNeeBee (Jeannie B) – 53

Some arguments can be settled with logic, reason, and mutual respect. Other times it's just easier to buy a shovel, a tarp, and some lime.   @Tony_D (Tony Delgrosso) – 52

I'm so happy to be in London, the most perfect city in the worl- IS THAT A STAND-ALONE CROCS STORE? I WILL BURN THIS CITY TO THE GROUND.   @katefeetie (one katie please) – 52

All this Snow Leopard backlash almost makes me glad I don't have a Mac anymore.  ...Vista says he only beats me because he loves me.   @aedison (Avery Edison) – 51

Oh my God. How do you people argue about software all the time? It's like being locked in a hobby shop full of men with no hobbies.   @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 48

I put the 'anus' in 'I began using your toothbrush inappropriately'.   @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 47

For the record, a man on his deathbed has many wishes. Deathchips. Maybe some deathdip. The deathremote to the deathtv.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 46

[savrenim]

I keep almost opening tumblr to write a Big Long Post About My Life Because Goddamnit This Place Used To Be My Diary Until Suddenly I Got Involved In The H*milton Fandom And A Whole Bunch Of Strangers Started Following Me, and then, like. suddenly got more self-conscious. as well as better at dealing with stuff in my life so I haven’t really felt the need to vent, when did I become a semi-responsible semi-functional adult. but you know what? what the hell. there are things that I actually vaguely do want to vent about because dear gods has my life Been Ridiculous of late.

I am approximately 3/4 the person that I used to be? which is a dramatic way of stating that I used to be about 200lbs, I didn’t actually know because in theory I’ve aggressively avoided scales since high school because I used to have pretty bad anorexia and then orthorexia and binge eating then, it got better after I decided I don’t care about anything physical and just cut off all thoughts about anything like that and refused to acknowledge anything more than following the rule of eating three meals a day, but in practice I go to the doctor yearly and can access my medical records online and every once in a while can check with a friend and being steady over the last year or two meant that I was about 200lbs.

I was 153lbs the last time I checked, and I’ve been checking weekly just to make sure that I Don’t Keep Drastically Losing Weight, because this has all been since March. not even the beginning of March, the second half of March. I almost definitely lost thirty pounds in a month, a month and a half. and then have at least been losing weight more slowly after that? it has been fucking insane and I hated every second of it, wheeeee. (what happened in March was I got sick with the flu, couldn’t eat for a week, lost a fair bit of weight from that, and then my appetite/taste buds solidly shifted after only eating lentil soup back to super healthy vegetarian rice and beans and what-not that I’d been eating at the beginning of the school year, instead of take-out type deal, and I was actually getting sleep and going to more Tai Chi and every other week my car was breaking down so I was walking places a bunch and sudden lots of exercise + change in diet + not as stressed as first semester and getting sleep actually is a fairly healthy way to lose weight?)

but boooooy did it freak me out when I suddenly fit into jeans from the start of college that I had kept thinking I’d never fit into them again because Holy Fuck All Of My I’m Starving And Am Going To Die instincts kicked in and all of my actual close friends are online friends which meant besides one comment from a Tai Chi instructor directly after I’d been out for three weeks from slowly recovering from the flu (which actually was the nicest way anyone has ever commented on my weight, it was an “oh you’ve lost weight” “yeah I had the flu pretty bad, that’s where I’ve been for three weeks, couldn’t eat for a week and have been slowly getting back to solid meals” “oh yeah that really sucks, happened to a friend of mine last year, I think there are still pictures it’s scary” instead of a well you look good response, Thomas P is great and I love him) but absolutely no one was commenting and it made me feel like I was going crazy and I had no idea how much I weighed so how much I should be freaking out and no data even to compare that against, which was why I eventually broke and got a scale so that I could at least have datapoints and figure out when I was steady again because gods I just wanted to be steady

and, like, that was one of the literal worst parts of losing weight in high school, it was ballooning from 100lbs to 200lbs and all the not-so-subtle judgement from my mother when I came back various breaks during college and the number of times I had to threaten not to come back at all if she so much as commented on my weight so she found other ways of commenting about “why are you skipping aikido tonight, you only have so many times to go to the studio before you’re back east,” and, like, the constant fight of her either deciding to pay for my food or that she wouldn’t pay for any of it because I ate too much of it, and then, like. after having lost so much weight needing to get new bras and honestly some new clothes despite the fact that I haven’t bought fitted clothes since the very start of college because I’ve just been so fucking afraid of my weight ballooning again and not being able to fit into anything, considering I don’t really have money to drop on a new wardrobe as I get everything as cheap as possible or hand-me-down anyways and then wheeee that brought up all the shitty memories from high school where my mother refused to get me a new uniform when I weighed too much for my old one so I spent a year squeezing into skirts that left imprints on my waist and wearing long sweaters to cover the fact that I couldn’t zip them up, and, like. suddenly losing weight also triggered the fear of am I going to gain it all back then more and be stuck with a wardrobe that even though it was designed loose in the first place, still won’t fit me, which is ridiculous because I’m steadying out and it’s not like my diet or patterns are going to change again, just. gods have these past few months brought up a fair bit of past trauma and I a little bit wish more people had reached out to me and responded but I bugged the right people and they hella listened and made sure enough that old instincts and old fears didn’t get involved and, like. I like this body? I’m more flexible and my balance is a bit better and I can punch differently but just as well and I need to get used to groundfighting and throws with it but lack of mass is made up for in other ways. gods I love Tai Chi and it is the one thing that has kept me sane through all of this because no matter what my body looks like the thing that’s been most important to me is that physically, I’m dangerous, and that’s not about weight. that’s about strength, that’s about training, I’m in that studio now eight hours a week because that is the maximum number of classes they have for adults and I can practice on my own and just. the one time that I feel fiercely okay and goddamn happy about the fact that I have a physical form is knowing that if someone messes with me, I can defend myself, and proving it to myself over and over and over.

but yeah that’s been going on.

then there are the kittens can you tell how much my life has been made better by the kittens, I love these kittens so much, the story behind the kittens is that I saw a cat meowing outside, thought it was a stray kitten because of how small and starving it looked but knocked on doors to see if it belonged to any of my neighbors before I just took it to a vet type deal, and it belonged to the woman behind the first door I knocked on, who asked me why, do you want her, which I thought was weird, then said woman shouted at me from her window as I was taking out trash that seriously, this cat just had three kittens, she needed money and to get rid of them, was I interested in buying any of them off her, I was just going to get Talvus and then it was a combo of “she gave me the kitten at 4 weeks which then I couldn’t get him to eat anything because he hadn’t been weaned yet and kittens can’t be separated from the rest of their litter until 12 or 13 weeks or they don’t socialize correctly” that just. waaaasn’t good. as well as the other two kittens were adorable and I’d named them and it seemed for a little while like my girlfriend might be able to take one so I went “listen just give me all three at 8 weeks once they’re weaned and I’ll take it from there”

and I’m so fucking glad I did this

she was keeping all three of them in a cage most of the time, they weren’t using her litter box because she was barely cleaning it so she was surprised to hear they weren’t peeing all over my house, I’m actually taking them to get vaccinated and spayed/neutered which I can only afford because the Friends of Animals program exists but also, holy fuck have I been spending a lot of my savings between kittens and needing to drive everyone everywhere so a whole bunch of tolls and gas money to my fiance staying with me for a bit but that both meant buying more expensive groceries than I usually do because she eats meat as well as a whole bunch of errands to run and little things that add up (and then she got strep and just. it was a nightmare.)

right my car has been breaking down too, that’s been exciting, thank you my grandfather for dying and leaving enough inheritance-wise that I have been able to afford getting a different used car despite wheee leaking money left and right this summer but fixing up this one consistently because if I don’t I’m even More Fucked despite it not being worth it has legitimately burned through a solid quarter of my savings. like. I don’t have the right to say that I’m worried about money because I do still have some savings and a stipend coming in each month from research that pays for food and groceries so it’s not like it’s gotten tight so much as I have had to just deal with savings exist because sometimes emergencies come up and you Gotta Spend Them and hopefully I’ll save more next year and having a car that doesn’t break down every other month is going to help

considering the old car is in now perfect working condition I’m giving it to a friend of mine for $300 with the stipulation that if it breaks down at all over the next year I will refund them any of that $300 that they don’t make selling it to a junkyard because I didn’t want to waste a perfectly fine working car and my friends are even more poor than me I just. also am hemorrhaging money left and right and gods maybe that will help.

my fiance and I figured out that we’re probably never going to live together. from a combination of we have very, very different schedules to she needs so much structure in her life that slowly wears away at my spoons to not even give it to her but to re-arrange my own schedule and contribute to the logistics of her making it happen for herself, like, I can sit at the table in my apartment and work for eight hours on research and pause because there’s food in my kitchen to grab a thing to eat, she needed to go to a coffee shop every morning to be able to concentrate because if it wasn’t going out with a goal of doing something and being somewhere she wouldn’t be able to concentrate and it would mess up the entire day, which, like. wasn’t terrible because I usually walk for coffee anyways and can work anywhere but having that be a Necessary Logistic that I Have To Push For In The Morning Because God Help Anyone Who Tries To Wake The Sleeping Dragon (even though said sleeping dragon prefers to be on schedules where she wakes up at 6:30am, unlike my usual 10:00am, and we tried to compromise for 8:30am but guess who was the one who was always up first because I actually listen to my alarm and then dear gods is it stressful to wake people up)

(as well as this is not all her, it is also me, like. I need everything to be perfectly organized in terms of logistics so if someone hasn’t eaten yet it will bug me so I will ping them every half an hour of “you’ve forgotten to eat lunch, can we make lunch happen for you,” or there is a very specific state of clean that I need the apartment to be, or I’m incredibly antisocial at times, I can’t deal with someone touching me or fall asleep next to them if I’m stressed or if it’s hot so spent a couple of nights on the couch, as well as I’m picky about exactly the way the chores get done so needed to do all of them, the tl;dr is I think I have discovered my ideal living situation is living alone, at least most of the time and maybe having a house to visit on weekends, because I love her and love to spend time with her but also need a lot of space and long periods of quiet to do the work that I need to get done)

which, like

absolutely none of this is detrimental to our actual plans for our relationship, considering our actual plans are “we both are very busy people, she actually does have a group of people that she lives with very very well and that actively work well into her schedule, I have my kittens and my math and my facetime and my weekends with people, and the basis of our relationship is the commitment and the external alliance and the face that we present the world as well as the fun of getting to be gay and go on cute dates every once in a while, it’s not that we live well or lifestyle well together, it’s that we powercouple well together, so pick and choose the things that work and keep those.” which also works really well for she’s thinking of raising kids and I’m probably going to bounce around location-wise in post doc positions for a while before I find somewhere I might be able to settle with tenure, and, like. that’s not a good environment to raise kids in.

(we’re poly. we’re so poly. can you tell how poly we are. it’s one of the things that solidly makes us work, because we don’t have to force the other one to be everything, she’s found someone that she solidly likes that we’re calling prospective duckling papa, I also solidly like this person, so. kids might actually be a thing on the actual horizon, although probably not in the house that I’m spending most of my time, so that’s interesting. and terrifying. and expensive. and hopefully at least five years away.)

and then also I...finally had a conversation with a friend that I’ve been meaning to have for a while? that I really hope and I really think I did get across the whole “I care about our friendship the way that society mostly expects people to care about and be committed to romantic relationships, which is almost why it’s weird to just call you a friend which is why we are having this conversation, not because I Am In Romantic Love With You Again” of basically just “considering I’ve been thinking about and mapping out the actual relationships in my life and the ones that are steady and that are going to stick around, you know that I love you, right, and that you’re one of the ones that I really really want to stick around” and, like

gods do I love this person so much. and just....the role they have played in my life over the years? the way that I can talk to them and the things that I can talk to them about and share with them and math and physics and stories and DnD stories because gods do I rant about that to anyone who will listen and they get it pretty bad, oops, but they put up with it. and just the sum of who they are to me right now? is one of the most important people in my life. and I get so self-conscious of “but do I mean anything back to you at all, of course no one cares about me and this is Entirely One Sided but that’s okay I’ve always been the person who was going to jump in front of the bullet because I go more intense than other people” but, like. besides the friends that actively know that they are surrogate siblings to me. There’s my fiance, that I trust actually loves me as much as I love her, because we are very gay and we talk about it all the time. There’s another friend that is actually one of the few people that I’m physically comfortable with because both (a) he is as asexual as me so I can actually make out or cuddle with him while knowing that there is zero interest in sex happening in the encounter, and (b) has spent years slowly setting boundaries and slowly negotiating comfort levels together and has been an amazing friend and fantastic part of my life in other ways and, like, so yeah, I love him, and he’s well aware of that, and he loves me, and I’m not self-conscious about that, but, just.

there is this part of me that always goes “nope you don’t matter to people” or at least the people that matter to me unless I have Lots Of Data to back it up and you know what I have fucking data to back this one up and this person explicitly told me that they care about me too

and it bothers me to love a person a bunch and then go “but oh gods I need to be so careful and delicate about saying it because what if They Get The Wrong Message and I don’t want to make things awkward on their end” which also is complete bullshit because this person has heard me talk about how I think and feel about things for years so if anyone is going to actually know that I’m not lying or sidestepping the truth in what I mean when I say I love them it’s going to be them but just. I guess time to build up the confidence that it is okay to directly express how much I care about this person the way that I have gotten comfortable expressing the way I care about other people in my inner circle because at least now I have their word that they know, they’re okay with it, they care about me right back too type deal

and that is all the drama that has been going on in my life

[villanoustarot]

Ways to Feel Disney Witchy when reading Tarot/Oracle/Lenormand: A Guide

Because I seriously have issues. Maybe. Still, I have more fun than my friends will ever have, so there!

In villainy, when reading the cards, developing a sense of wicked fun is essential. You are not just any old mystical reader (not that there is something wrong with it, of course, except for everything). You are a Disney Villainous Reader and you have to abide by some etiquette.

1. When shuffling the cards, it is very important to intone an approapriate spell. Madame Leota´s Séance Chant or the Evil Queen´s Magic Mirror summoning Chant are acceptable options.

2. Whenever you do a naughty-naughty and read for third-party persons and you find some juicy gossip, feel free to use the patented Disney Villain Laughter of Eternal Gleefulness. 

3. It is totally ok that, whenever the cards tell you your enemies are going up against you and fail, feel free to yell “You think you could defeat me? Me? The Master/Mistress of All Evil?!”. 

4. If your querent asks a dumb question for the umptenth time and the cards do agree with you, plase use the Most Powerful Insult Villains are capable of: “Fool! You poor simple FOOL!”.

5. Whenever casting a spell with our patented Villainous Magick Spreads, feel free to intone Maleficent´s Forest of Thorns Curse or Ursula´s Beluga Sevruga Curse and visualize, visualize, visualize!

6. If for whatever reason you are in love with someone that despises you, or you like them despite your so-called values, and the cards show in excrutiating detail this ocurrence, you are hereby ordered to sing a heartfelt rendition of “Hellfire” in front of a fireplace.

7. When in doubt regarding the ethical implications of a reading (sans giving legal/medical advice, because villains are NOT STUPID), do your worse! If you want to do your best and want to argue with me till the end of time about the ethics of this sort of actions, get out of my castle! You are more than welcome to go to Snow White and cry her a river for Pocahontas to ride on singing “Just around the riverbend”! Wheee!

8. Whenever the cards show things going in your favor, plase sing the “Be Prepared!” chorus line with all the glee you can muster.

9. If someone questions your reading abilities, go full-on Facilier over their froggy asses with a hearty “Don´t you disrespect me, little man!”. Frog them up, down and sideways!

10. Dress for the occassion with furs, lots and lots of beautiful furs. And if you, for whatever godamn reason inhabiting this wretched world you don´t own a nice piece of fur clothing, wear black. Seriously, rock the villainy out of those black clothes!

11. An Instrumental version of “Poor Unfortunate Souls” is recommended as background music when reading for a querent that has or will give you money for reading them the cards. Pray to Chernabog, though, that the musical piece does not tip them off!

12. Acceptable payment methods include money, first and foremost. But you will be remissed if you ever don´t require them to pay you with something else. Acceptable payments includes but are not limited to: their voice, their heart, their magic, pixie dust, the thing they love the most, a tear, a favour to be asked later on and that they cannot refuse you. All of these items can and should be used in further witchcraft that may or may not result in them getting “raked through the coals”. 

13. Whenever you have to choose a card, let the Haunted Mansion Ghosts guide your hand. Ok, no, I am just kidding. Whenever you choose a card, knock three times on the table to awaken the spirits from last halloween because you happen to lack a proper tambourine.

So there, you have been warned! Failure to comply with these rules will result in an impromptu visit to Bald Mountain. Trust me on this one, better misbehave in a Disney Villainous-approved way or learno how to The Chernabog Way. 

#truefairytale

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 2X9 Croatoan

isn’t this...vaguely a plague episode?

also my stupid keyboard is broken, the a key bad and i have an interview tomorrow wheeeee

This previously on bodes well, lots of Very Well Handled Feelings here

oh right there was a weird trailer last episode

“It’s not in me” oh lovely it is a virus plotline

this is in No Way topical I Promise 

Sam’s Visions uwuuuu

Ah and Sam’s like....well maybe ur a bit morally fucked up my bro

Dean bonding with guy about army things and dad things

oh look crotoan’s carved in the  pole

roll credits

heh Dean only remembers schoolhouse rock

ooo lost colony

And none of the phones work oho the plot thickens

is there a plot? this feels like a setup episode tbh

well good ol’ Duane’s family is acting a bit Sus

what kinda weird ass blood letting ritual...

why is the mom tied up?

WHERE IS D U A N E ?

well at least Dean’s a bit better at lying heh

Ah Dean’s like: well once it’s turned into a monster time to kill, and Sam’s like dude wtf no

This seems like a weird jumping off point considering the slightly grayer outlook they’re trying to go for here but whatever, you do you

OH GOOD IT’S A VIRUS

and...sulfur residue

totally a demon guys, sorry

and of course a blockade, no one is allowed to leave

QuaRaNtIneE

hE CallLed 

Wow I love Escapism

“I don’t swing that way” DEAN???

OOO LEAVING WITH THE GUY STILL HANGING ON

that was a cool stunt I wonder how they did that

great and she goes nuts wheeee

and they just start fucking screaming at each other I get tensions are high but ha

“you got a neighbor named mr. rogers.” HA

At least this reads more like a zombie virus then uh.....yknow

The “driving around with guns pointed around at each other” should not be funny but it totally is

oh lovely biblical plague time

ooo i love the trust plot lines, those r fun

‘specially in small towns

making explosives out of medical supplies scratches the brain itch quite well not gonna lie

ah the scratches and the no trust

Dean really does jump on the no trust quite well poor guy

ok Dean made a hulk reference, and it’s before the movie, so at least they’re comic fans that’s fun

Dean is losing a conscience. Quite interesting plot line tbh

the zoom-ins are killing me

wow the gun’s engraved, I wonder how that happens

I feel like the doctor’s in on it...right? they’re doing that?

ah it was PAM! yeah that makes sense

oh and they got Sam...oop

Pfft, Pam N Sam

something something argument, there’s yelling so I’ve already dissociated I’m sorry, I can’t do it during late nights

ah and Dean stays behind, something something martyr

Boy Dean seriously internalized “Take care of Sammy didn’t he”

I am well aware that is the point, but still, this is Extreme

my fucking God Dean wants out too

Let it be shown he’s been tired since season 2(probably earlier)

AND THEY DISAPPEAR?

and the close-up on Croatoan, ah it’s a set-up

as far as set-up episodes? not bad

and the virus is gone from the blood too? along with all the people?

ah so Duane WAS A demon

aw man I liked Sarge

Ah and Sam is immune for some reason

I appreciate “sam sits on fence like a smol while Dean angsts and looks at water”

Dean really does pull emotions in the Worst situations and then NEVER MENTIONS THEM AGAIN

“go to the grand canyon” OH NO SIGHTSEEING

HE WANTS TO TAKE A VACATION

Dean: I will not be sharing any of my Concerns ever, u r the smol, this cannot be done

fucking eldest child syndrome

and we gotta wait to see what John told Dean wheee

Also VERY off-topic, but Dean’s eyes plus this filter are very nice.

okie uh wrap-up:

1. I liked the “Small town trust” plot line, and the fact that it keeps disappearing. Like it’s a really cool bit of lore that’s specifically tied to America, and you know I love that shit. Lore(and that bit at the end where they all drive away from an empty town? good shit)

2. Whatever the fuck Dean is going through, dear GOD please let him get some therapy. I don’t know exactly what he’s repressing but it’s a lot

3. Look I rly do hate that it’s Always Demons and never just some good old crytpids but they do have at least iconic enough imagery that it’s easy to understand

Damn am I excited for the callback, even if it is a virus storyline in these unprecedented times heh.

Until next crime~

[brightlotusmoon]

1. Hecate help me, now my writerbrain is throwing fic ideas at me for the 2016 movie TMNT (the facial animation was better in the sequel so I tend to default). My maladaptive daydreaming has my Mental Episodes now being headcanons for the Paramount Films whether I like it or not. Which is fine, because I adore the actors. And I can do a hecking lot with these characters. But part of me wants to yell at my writerbrain since I still have unfinished AU fics from 2012 and I just started a 2003 one. And my two Original Novels sit there staring at me.

The life of a disabled single fandom Fanfiction writer with ADHD and Maladaptive Daydreaming when the franchise is the main Autistic special interest. Hi. Halp.

2. PS, my contribution for the Darkest Night Fanbook on DA is over halfway done and I am considering ending it on what would otherwise be a cliffhanger, since it is strictly for the fanbook. The fanbook would encourage that anyway, it's all about horror. Wheee. The classic "being haunted into insanity" plot featuring a creature that could be a ghost, a wraith, a phantom, a phantasm, a non-religious demon, an entity determined to consume the soul. I am having a little too much fun. It's like writing a episode of The Outer Limits. I'm so mean. So much Break The Cutie trope.

3. On the other hand, I'll need help getting back to my 2003 fic The Brightest Light, Chapter Two, in which Michelangelo views the medical video journal that wound up recording his family taking advantage of his trance state and testing his new telekinesis. I didn't expect to write about emotional manipulation among the characters, but I guess I always thought the 2003 turtles showed less love and more desire to control each other. Mikey got yelled at and smacked so often, told that he was wasting his great potential. Even Splinter seemed bitchy. I was surprised he didn't have bruises on his head.

I guess Chapter Two will be my chance to explore my own thoughts via the characters.

I mean, look at all the moments when Mike was the greatest most amazing ninja, those moments were so few and far between. I wish someone could create a video and put all those bits together. I bet it would be short. Mikey was written as a clown who was considered unintelligent except for rare moments where they all knew he was wise and insightful. Why couldn't the writers have written his insightful creative empathic wisdom as his default? Mirage had him that way, carefree, lighthearted, compassionate, joking at every turn to try and brighten everyone's spirits, a sensitive creative optimist who was the most human, who laughed because life needed more light. 2003 was supposed to be a soft homage to Mirage. Mikey was written as a buffoon who bore all the comic relief and was only allowed brief moments of beautiful skill, power, talent, kickass awesomeness, insightful creative thoughtfulness. And see, everyone knew he was capable, so why wasn't he more often. Mikey was the crafty one, the fox, the trickster, the detail oriented creative, the empath who comforted his family by doing a silly dance. The writers wasted him with slapstick, panicky screaming and bad comedic turns, freakouts that seemed strange for a ninja, immaturity that nobody found amusing.

I am so determined to fix that that it could take a while before "The Brightest Fire" is finished. I would even take requests.

[crbrickey]

2018 year in review...

Finally, I'm doing my year in review. Might be a week late, but I wanted you guys to save the best for last. You're welcome. Wow! What a roller coaster year. 

I might as well start at the beginning. By the time 2018 rolled around, I was less than 48 hours away from a hospital stay. I was lucky to get out by then, so I had to take my New Years eve easy. I had a great time hanging out with some friends at my house. Once I fully recovered, January and February went pretty well including a trip to Texas for my birthday. it was a great trip because I got to take Ranger with me. Boy, that dog loved car rides. 

Now came March. The roller coaster began. In the beginning of the month, I finally got an appointment to begin the Spinraza treatment. A moment I'd waited 33 years for. But my excitement was soon extinguished. I ended up at the hospital. First I went for pneumonia and was out in 3 days. Only to return 2 days later. This one was really scary. I had spent all day not being able to swallow anything. I couldn’t even swallow my saliva. This had never happened to me. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever- I really thought this was it. Matter of fact, I had my Mom call my siblings so they could all come and say goodbye. Thankfully after a day of TPN, I was able to regain my strength and swallow again. Now I was getting really close to my appointment up in Kansas City for Spinraza It was imperative for me to get discharged in time to make it to Kansas City. Somehow, I did it. But I was really not in any condition to get out- let lone travel. None the less, I made the appointment basically running my bi-pap the entire time. 

Now the next 4 months were the ,longest 4 months of my life. Why you ask? Well, in order to get Spinraza, you have to go through a lot of hoops. Thats what I did these 4 months. Go through every hoop they put in front of me. The entire time never getting back to full strength, which meant I took my bi-pap everywhere I went. Never knowing when I might need it. This really has been the worst part of the year for me. As I haven't been able to do the things I;m use to such as travel to baseball games, go to concerts, even coach my softball team. I did do softball none the less, unfortunately, I missed at least 30% of the games including a game that probably cost us the championship. Yeah, I have a great softball team now and if I hadn’t made Rush miss a game, we probably would’ve been champions. None the less, 2nd is pretty cool and the whole group is back this year so we can go get that championship. (I might be getting a little cocky, but I'm ok with that- I believe in my team).

Finally in July, I got the news of my life. I have been cleared to begin Spinraza. My first dose would be given to me in the middle of August. After I hung up the phone, I had tears in my eyes. I never expected to receive treatments for SMA in my lifetime. Its not a cure but its a step in the right direction. Now before I continue, I do want to take time out to really thank Christi who works with Biogen as a liaison. All her hard work made this all a reality. I could never thank her enough. 

Alright finally August is here. to say I was a nervous wreck would be an understatement. I was excited more than anything but you always have nerves when you're entering an unknown. Would they be able to give me the injection, would it help(I'm really tired of my bi-pap), and would it be painful? If you are lucky enough to receive the injection at KU Med in Kansas City, you have nothing to worry about. Everybody in interventional radiology make up the dream team. A little back ground, the injections are done as a spinal tap. I am not an ordinary human being. My spine is held together by metal rods and wire. Even with all this I am still one bent individual. Not many people could find my spinal cord, let alone stick a needle of that caliber in it. For these Doctors, it is a non-issue. Not to mention it is almost pain free. By the time you add in the nurses and aides who help ease the patients and inform them of everything, they truly are the dream team of the medical field. Not to mention they really do care and being a patient as much as I have been, that means a lot. 

Dose one was great, my only setback was a spina headache that they warned me about, I did as they directed and instantly the headache was gone. Dose 2 had zero setbacks, and I was really seeing the progress. Then came Pneumonia. Like an idiot, I tried to rush it so I wouldn’t miss my third dose. This mistake almost cost me my life. After a day being out of the hospital, I developed my swallowing problem again. I got readmitted and started to receive TPN, but this time they wouldn’t let me out until I had finished my whole course of antibiotics. I agreed with that since I had already missed my injection date, I might as well get healthy. This is wheee I made my fatal flaw. I got lazy and decided to keep receiving TPN instead of getting up and drinking my normal amounts. I found out my body can get too much of a good thing. By day 4 I was sicker than a dog. Day 5 and 6 went by without any improvements. I was tired of being at the hospital so I decided to look into hospice care. Once I found out that if I received hospice, I would no longer get Spinraza, I decided on a different route. I got my nurse to disconnect the TPN, and 6 hours later, I was starting to feel better. The next morning, I had to convince the Doctor to let me out of that hospital without Hospice. Of course, it was an argument but we prevailed. 

Finally, I was feeling better and ready to do another dose. Only problem was-when you miss one dose they take you off the schedule. I was not aware of this rule. So one trip to KC was a waste. But right away, I got to witness again how great this dream team is. By the time we were out of the Kansas City area, I was scheduled for my 3rd and 4th injections. 

As you can tell, there were highs and lows. I am now past my loading doses and am looking forward to my 1st maintenance injection, which should be at the beginning of March. Now I have seen tons of improvements. My drinking has increased by 33%, everyone says I'm easier to understand, and most importantly, my bi-pap use has gotten less. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I feel I'm closer and after another dose or 2 I should be off the bi-pap full time during the day. 

I can’t do a year in review without some sports talk. My Jayhawks made the Final 4 last year, that was a surprise, and they returned a good team this year who right now are having problems but I trust Self to right the ship. My Rangers sucked last year and it looks like they will suck again this year. Hopefully though, this year I can make it down to a couple games. It pains me that last year I lost my streak of 11 straight years of catching at least one Ranger game. And since I've been stuck at home a lot, I picked up Hockey again, go Avs! 

As far as family and friends, nothing really new to report. I’m blessed to have the best support group around me as I could ask for. Everybody helps me out when I need it and lets me fail when I need to. That last part may sound weird but as I grow older and I see more millennials I thank God that my parents let me fail some. It is important to discover the person you are when you are facing adversaries. Cuz, news flash -- life ain’t perfect! If it wasn’t for such a great support system, I would have died in March or September without a doubt. I love you guys for giving me a reason to live. I promise I will push through this adversity (aka: bi-pap usage) and be back stronger than ever and start getting back to life. Casinos- be ready to lose money! 

That was for the most part, my year in a nutshell. Wasn’t a whole lot of excitement, but I will make up for it this year. Now for my New Years resolutions, 1. a kinder gentler Casey, I have been told I run people off. So Im working on it. 2. More blogs, but with this will come basically editorials. My life isn’t interesting so if I'm going to write, it will be about the world around us. Crap, that might hurt resolution #1. 3. Eat solid foods again. I’m not there yet, but I know I will get there. Watch out cake-- you’re going down (my throat). 

My next blog will be next week and it might be a little controversial so hope everybody enjoyed this and hope I don’t lose any readers.