#but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toastsnaffler · 4 months

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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of #last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year #but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going #i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year #i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh #im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is #so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that #i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up #and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm #man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it #and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps #like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real #and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn #ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it #and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually #but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm #ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by #ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit #ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway #okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries #maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then

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