#so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that

[toastsnaffler]

ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

[stardancerluv]

Brother’s Keeper

Part 3

Summary: Things can’t stay like this...while things become more apparent...

Note: last 2 time jumps...final age Reader 25, Branden 35.

2 years later

Brendan, ran his fingers through his hair as he contemplated his next move. JR was good but he was no Michael.

A smirked curled his lips. “Check mate.”

“Damn, how did you do that?” The kid complained.

He shrugged. “Don’t sweat it, I’ve been playing for much longer.”

He sighed annoyed. “I’m going to go jog a lap around the yard before I have to head back to the D block.”

Sterlo chuckled. “He has a lot of growing up to do.”

“Yeah.” Brendan slouched down in his seat with a sigh. A gentle breeze blew through the yard. His mind wandered, suddenly he remembered how one day, he had come over. Michael wasn’t back yet from the store and had caught you dancing to some song. Your hair flying, you were smiling. You had flushed when you had seen him standing there.

Damn, he would love to make you flush again. Though, now he imagined you now, a damn flower in bloom. The gentle wave in your hair, curvy hips, he could feel as your fingers tips were just barely grazing his goatee.

“Brendan?”

He startled awake. “Oh damn.” He sat up. “I’m not even tired.”

Sterlo, rolled his eyes. “You’re getting old Brendan.”

He reached over and pushed him. “I’m getting fucking soft.”

“Alright, maybe that.”

Brendan, sighed and pressed his lips together. He was getting soft cooped up in here. Sure he used the weights. But this was not good, he needed more of an edge.

Though what lingered, he was trying to ignore, it but the knot that formed in his gut as he dreamed of you dancing. You were nearing his age when he got locked in here.

“Brendan, a letter.”

“Thanks.” He was grateful, that now a decent person was in charge of the mail. He didn’t have to play games to get his mail delivered. Looking, down he tried to keep his face impassive as his heart picked up speed.

******

He was sitting on the chair, he looked good as he sipped away at his beer. You went over and straddled his lap. “What are you doing little blossom?” His voice was as raspy as it had ever always been.

“Giving you a proper welcome home.” You ran your fingers through his dark auburn hair as blue eyes shone looking at you.

A smirked curled his lips. “Oh? Are you?”

You drew close, your lips met his, they were cool from the beer.

Your phone rang to life and you gasped waking suddenly. Looking around your dream faded away. Grabbing your phone, you saw that it was Sam, your boss calling. Eyeing the time you grumbled. You had only left the bar a handful of hours ago.

“Hello Sam.” You said sweetly.

*****

Sitting at his small table, he carefully opened the envelope. Two small photos fell into his lap.

Your hair, your smile he just stared. The knot that formed in the pit of his stomach came back. The next one you where you looking off was beautiful. He wanted to run his hands through those soft strands. He shook. Putting the photos down, he opened the letter. He tried to push those feelings aside they were ridiculous.

Brendan,

I am done! Single again! Men are annoying. Why can’t I find one who will love and respect me?

What did that last one do? I’d take care of you. He dropped the letter. What the fuck, was he thinking. He couldn’t feed these thoughts. He did want to take care of you. But you didn’t need an old man like him.

Despite feeling incredibly torn, the idea of taking care of you brought a kind of lightness, it made him feel good. And none of this was because of the promise he made to your brother.

I’m sorry I shouldn’t be whining. This last one was just horrible. He was jealous. He didn’t like me working at the bar. In one of our arguments, he had the nerve to slap me. Well, you don’t slap me and get away with it. He’s gone!

Y/N, he thought to himself if I had been there, that guy is bloody lucky I’m not. He may be missing a hand.

But how are you? How is that kid, he’s not kist some punk is he? Does he know any of the tricks, Michael would try to pull on you.

The kid is alright. He’s not a huge pain in the ass. Though, he is no Michael. At least the games are alright.

My boss told me today that I was one of the best girls on his staff. He gave me a raise. I certainly work hard for it. Though, I wish it was more established, refined place. I’d never tell him that.

I hate that you work there. Can’t you find something else? Well, at least he appreciates what he has in you.

Brendan, I know I said I would let it be. But I really wish I could visit you. I miss you. I think its not fair that murders get visitors and you don’t. Life is not fair.

♥️Yours always,

Y/N

*****

He folded the letter away with a sigh. Getting up, he pushed the buzzer and waited.

A guard walked up, looking as stern as ever.

“What do you want Lynch?”

“I want make a phone call.”

“Alright. Come on.”

******

The conversation was short and to the point. With the boy and Sterlo, he would finally get out.

Now the itch for freedom was planted. The day could not come soon enough.

*******

You were upset, the letters from Branden had been growing shorter lately. You leaned against the bar as you surveyed the place. It was still fairly busy for a Wednesday.

You desperately wanted a distraction. Perhaps, you could ask your boss for some days off.

*****

6 Months Later

Today was the day. He tucked away the photos you sent him on his person. They could do this. They were all going to get out of there.

Branden, nodded and the kid grabbed the one guard. It was the right one. Holding him they easily got through all the right gates. “There’s out escape.” Branden felt excitement rush through him when he saw the helicopter hovered before touching down in the yard.

Soon the helicopter touched down it was already kicking up all the dirt and dead grass.

“Let’s go.” He hollered over the noise.

They moved as a unit. They were not far from the helicopter. When suddenly one of the doors opened and a few of the guards grabbed Sterlo, a struggle ensued.

Branden ran over to the helicopter, he saw a familar face and smiled. He knew his friend Chris would pull through. He offered him a hand. He climbed in and grabbed a gun. “I need to get those guards off Sterlo and the kid.” He shouted.

He took aim and began shooting above the guards’ heads. With no hesitation, they released Sterlo, none of them wanted to die. Sterlo broke free and running, and together him and the kid made their way over. He had never seen either of them move that fast.

Once in the helicopter, it climbed higher and higher into the air. Yet, as it climbed and went further away, it wasn’t till the prison was far from sight did he finally begin to taste his freedom. But he craved more.

******

“Y/N, can you come over here?” Your boss had come out of his office and gestured for you to join him in his office. He took a long drag from his cigarette before exhaling towards the celing blue blums of smoke drifting about him like a fog. You, had gotten used to it that you no longer coughed. Though it still turned your stomach.

“Yes, sir.”

He rose an eyebrow.

“Yes, Sam?”

“Much better.” He took another drag before continuing. “I am sending you home early today.”

Your mood brightened. “Oh, thank you!”

“I’m not done, then you can thank me.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry.” You mumbled.

He gave you an easy smile. “It’s alright, I’ve always been fond of your enthusiasm.” You smiled. “Tomorrow, we are not opening. Some important, people are coming back into town and we are giving them a very warm welcome home.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely.” You caught yourself, so you gave him a shy smile.

“Right. Sorry, Sam.”

“So we are throwing a huge fucking party at my house. These are big guys. They worked hard, for a very longtime. They deserve to party hard. I want you to help with that.”

You gestured to yourself.

He nodded. “You better believe it.” He took out his money clip, that always looked close to breaking since the wad of cash was always too big. Opening it, he pulled off four hundred. Your eyes grew.

“This is for you my silly girl.”

He handed it to you. You put it down. “I could not possibly.”

“Actually, here take a little more.” He peeled off a couple more hundred. “Go to the spa and get a massage. Have your hair freshened up, maybe a manicure or whatever you girls do. I want you glowing and happy.”

“Sam?” It sounded amazing but what did you have to do in return.

Sam must have seen your concern because he got up and came around to you. “I want you to treat yourself better then when that guy got fresh with you.” He leaned against his desk as he looked at you. “Grab a dress and a bikini for tomorrow.” He laid the money beside your hand.

What could you possibly need a new bikini for, your concern continued to grow. “But Sam, how could I possibly?” You moved your hand away from the money.

One of his age worn hands, grabbed yours and squeezed. “You’re beautiful and delightful. Just be yourself. Dance with them, maybe have a few drinks. And if they want to take a dip in my pool, you will swim with them.”

“But..but Sam.” Unease was beginning to make you ill.

“I’m not asking you to sleep with them. I have other girls for that. Just make them smile, keep them happy.”

You relaxed. “I can do that.” You gave him a bright smile.

“Good, I know you could.” He smiled at you.

“I almost forgot, you should know, how grateful I am.”

“That’s a good girl. I know you would be.”

You finally took the money.

“Now remember have a few drinks, dance with them, even go swimming with them. But they want anything else and you politely introduce them to the other girls who I will be there.”

You honestly didn’t believe him. You should run, tell him to go fuck himself but you needed the money. One night and you could forget about it ever happening. Yes, you could forget.

“Thank you Sam.”

“You’re welcome. Now start now go, start having fun.”

You tucked money away. “What about my

tables?”

Sam smiled. “You’re such a good girl. Chloe can finish them up.

Tomorrow night would be interesting. This is something, you would never tell Brendan. He didn’t know how sometimes you sliced away at your soul, but you would never let it change your heart.

@mrskenobi19 @thebeckyjolene @sithonis @brookisbi @johallzy

[mithranqueersmusings]

Before This Dance Is Through II

Chapter: 2/16

Rating: T

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Ringo was just about to get into bed when a notification rang out from his phone, it was charging on the other side of the room because that was the only way he could get himself out of bed in the morning. It was almost 2 o'clock in the morning which meant the text could only be from one person.

        you up???

This was far from the first of these texts that Ringo had received from John, they were almost a weekly occurrence by this point but more often than not Ringo had already fallen asleep.

        was just about to go to bed. why?

        do you have work tomorrow????

        not until 12         do you?

        fuck off

John was a writer, a poet more than anything, which meant that he was always working which really meant that he was never working. Ringo was a drum teacher, had been for almost 7 years at this point, which wasn't as exciting as it sounded; he mostly worked for rich families who had a child who was trying to do something edgy or was brought into schools for one of those strange activity days. Drumming was Ringo's passion and while he was glad that he was able to earn money doing something he loved, he dearly wished he was able to drum for himself rather than spending several hours a week just trying to get a kid to hold the sticks correctly.

        i was about to take a little ride down the helter skelter         care to join me ;)

Ringo stared down at his phone for a moment. It had been over a week since John had dragged him out to that strip club, and while he'd like to say that he'd forgotten about the whole thing it was far from the truth. The sight of Spike dancing on that stage had plagued his memory almost every night since, leading to more than one occasion of late-night indulgence. Ringo had felt guilty touching himself thinking about the other man, but he couldn't pinpoint the reason; he supposed it must've been the guilt he'd felt when watching him dance, and the shame that followed from having to run away into the bathroom like a scared, little kid. His thumbs were frozen in place hovering above his phone screen while his mind was racing. The sensible part of his brain told him to just go to bed, if he indulged this desire tonight it would make the last time more than a one-off and he wasn't sure he was prepared to accept that. Yet the deeper part of his mind, the one he often tried to ignore, urged him to go back just for the opportunity to see Spike again - after all, the current wank material he was providing was getting a little stale.

        have you fallen asleep you twat

        no no im still here

        well do you wanna come or not?? i can pick you up

        are you sober?

        mostly

        mostly?

        fuck sake         ARE YOU COMING OR NOT

        fine         but ill drive

        whatever makes you happy

As much as he wouldn't like to admit it, Ringo spent a ridiculous amount of time - by his standards - choosing what to wear. Even though he knew the club was dangerously dark, and even though what he wore shouldn't really matter, that voice in the back of his mind told him to look nice for him. For the stripper he'd seen for about 5 minutes, the stripper whose real name he didn't even know, who probably didn't even remember Ringo in the slightest. He'd tried his best to not read too far into the obsession his brain seemed to have with Spike - trying to separate himself from his thoughts as though they were two separate beings had been a vital step in this - but as he stood in front of his mirror comparing two near identical jumpers, he supposed he wasn't going to be able to ignore it for much longer. His heart even felt heavy at the thought that Spike might be working tonight; he couldn't tell if it was just a strange fixation that his desperation had conjured up but the only thing he knew for certain was that he wanted to see him again.

Ringo arrived at John's place later than he would've liked but when the front door was opened to revealed a very ruffled, very drunk man, Ringo figured John wouldn't have noticed how long he'd been.

"Mostly sober?" Ringo scoffed at the sight of him, his cheeks rosy and a satisfied smile spread across his lips.

"You're not my mum and you're not the police, so fuck off." John was leaning against the door-frame, Ringo supposed partly for support and partly to look cool.

It was a common occurrence for John to get like this, far more common than Ringo would've liked. John drank a lot, at first Ringo figured it was just something everyone did when they got old enough to drink with almost no consequences, then as it continued he tried to explain it away as just something artists did. Years had passed since Ringo had first noticed it and nothing had really changed, it had gotten worse if anything, but there was nothing he really felt he could do. He debated whether he should cancel the plan altogether, to insist that John stayed home and got some sleep, but things were never really that simple. He was almost certain that if he refused to drive them, John would only find another way. He'd tried multiple things over the years: dragging him along to AA meetings, swearing to give up alcohol alongside him, even refusing to hang out with him if he'd been drinking, but nothing seemed to work. John had been through a lot, still was going through a lot, so Ringo figured the best thing he could do was simply to be there for John, it was both the most and least he could do.

Before they headed out Ringo at least managed to convince John to eat some leftover Chinese food he had in the fridge in an attempt to soak up the alcohol somewhat - and to ensure he'd had at least one semi-decent meal that day. They then slid into Ringo's car, it was a little beaten up but it served its purpose, and drove off to the place Ringo was almost certain would be the death of him. It was a Saturday so unsurprisingly the club was a great deal busier than it had been last time, there were several small groups of people smoking outside, some of them clearly workers and how they weren't risking getting frostbite Ringo didn't know. Any hopes of John sobering up a little on the journey there were dashed when he immediately hurried over to the bar as soon as they walked in the door. Ringo tried to stick to his side as best he could, his nervousness from the first time felt like it had tripled with how busy the place was now, so he aimed to keep in John's gravitational pull as much as possible. The music seemed louder but Ringo was certain that was just his imagination. They had to elbow their way to the front of the bar just to get noticed, luckily John had no qualms doing it, which resulted in a few glares from the other customers.

With their drinks in hand they couldn't sit - or hide as Ringo saw it - at the bar like they had done last time, instead they moved further into the club in search for a place to sit. There was a booth near the bathroom that was empty, for obvious reasons, which Ringo pulled them towards desperately. Maybe this was a bad idea. What was he really expecting after all? At most he'd catch another glimpse of Spike, almost have a heart-attack then have to run home less than ten minutes later. Anxiety began nibbling away at his mind, it had a nasty habit of doing that, and the claustrophobic atmosphere wasn't helping. John seemed right at home, as he did almost anywhere, craning his neck between people in search for someone.

"Looking for your Paulie?" Ringo asked in an eager attempt to calm his nerves.

"He's hardly mine." John chuckled, not turning to look at Ringo but continuing his search "Might not even be working tonight."

"Don't you have like his schedule or something?" Ringo sipped his drink.

"That'd be making things a little too official. Not really my style." John sat back in his seat with a small huff, clearly he didn't find what he was looking for.

From where they were sitting they had a fairly obstructed view of the stage but from what little Ringo could gather he wasn't too interested: a muscular man dressed as a policeman was gradually getting undressed while making crude use of a prop baton.

"Any sign of your guy?" John shouted to be heard over the music and it made Ringo jump.

Ringo paused for a moment looking into John's eyes, he considered playing dumb but decided there was no use "Afraid not. Maybe he's not working tonight either."

"That'd be some rotten luck." John clicked his tongue in his mouth "Let's check the back."

"The back?" Ringo raised an eyebrow "That sounds unbelievably dodgy."

"It's not! Well..." John broke his sentence with a laugh "It's just where they do the more 'alternative' stuff, you know?"

"No I don't know, but I suppose I'm gonna find out." Ringo chuckled rather weakly.

John raised his glass in the air a little and Ringo clinked his own against it, they downed the remainder of their drinks and slammed the glasses down on the table unnecessarily hard. John then led them around the edge of the stage, they managed to get another drink at the second bar before they headed down a suspiciously narrow set of stairs which led to an even darker corridor. They then passed through a squeaky door into a small room, barely lit excluding a spotlight focused on a stage at the other end. There were several people scattered across the limited space, a few resting against a makeshift bar which consisted of planks of wood connected to the walls and the rest sat to face the stage.

And there he was. Spike was sat on a stool onstage with an acoustic guitar in his lap and absolutely nothing else. It wasn't a sight Ringo had been prepared for, as much as the erotic gyrating and tear-away clothing had been a shock to his system this was completely different.

Ringo stopped in his tracks when he computed the sight: his pale, lean body curled up around the guitar that he was playing beautifully. His hair wasn't coiffed this time, rather it fell down across his sharp face in waves with faint curls. John turned around when he'd noticed Ringo's absence beside him, a sly grin curled on his face as he grabbed Ringo's arm and pulled him down to the front where they sat.

"What did I tell you?" John whispered "Sexy art."

Spike didn't seem to notice them despite how close they were, he seemed completely immersed in the music he was playing. Ringo hadn't recognised the song at first, perhaps he'd been to busy focusing on other things, but now he could tell it was 'Heaven' by Talking Heads; he made a happy note in his mind that it seemed like the two of them had a somewhat similar music taste, although he couldn't really admit that such a thing shouldn't matter. Looking around at the other customers, it looked like they were mostly taking refuge from the chaos of the main room, many of them resting their heads against the bar for some comfort and the others bordering on unconscious.

Somehow this occasion made Ringo feel even more nervous, even though their previous encounter had been extremely closer and inherently sexual, it was more personal therefore way more uncomfortable. He could hear his voice now, another piece of the puzzle he was shamefully building in his mind, and it was beautiful. It was a little husky but still gentle, an accent poking through in places. Ringo could get a better look at his face now: the dark eyelashes, the hints of hair between his two eyebrows and sharp canine teeth protruding from his open mouth. His eyes focused on the slender fingers playing the guitar strings, veins showing underneath the skin. Ringo felt like he was watching something very private, as if Spike was completely unaware of everyone's presence and could see nothing but his guitar. A quick way to Ringo's heart was through music and it was looking like Spike had bought a first-class ticket.

Ringo hadn't even noticed that the song had ended at first, not until John began clapping and cheering loudly in his ear. Spike seemed similarly out of it, the sudden sound of John snapping his attention away from the music and he gave a small smile in response. They seemed like completely different people: the strutting, confident man from a week ago and the soft, vulnerable one in front of them now. Sparse claps followed shortly after John's, the lack of energy caused by alcohol wearing off was very evident.

"You're pretty good." John almost shouted, Ringo wasn't sure if it was because he was drunk or he still hadn't adjusted from the other room.

"Thanks." Spike replied, his fingers still wrapped around the neck of the guitar "Any requests?"

Ringo had thought his singing voice was beautiful, but the way he spoke somehow had even more of an effect on him. The accent was thicker now and judging by how such a small amount of words could excite him so much, Ringo knew he was in trouble.

"I dunno... What do you think Ringo?" John nudged his friend beside him, embarrassingly emphasising his name which just about managed to shake Ringo from the daze he was falling into.

"Oh, er-" Ringo stammered for a second, Spike looking right at him wasn't helping his nerves in the slightest "Know any Bob Dylan?"

Spike laughed at this and for a moment Ringo cursed himself but before he could chastise himself too harshly, Spike smiled again and spoke "He's one of my favourites."

John nudged Ringo again but he wasn't paying enough attention to him to get embarrassed. He was far too focused on how Spike's fingers began to play the guitar once more, the way his lips moved over his teeth and how his bare feet tapped against the footrest of the stool as he began singing 'Just Like a Woman'. Once again he seemed to disappear into the music which Ringo was very grateful for, for if his eyes began to wander and met his unfaltering gaze he was certain he wouldn't be able to take it. For the majority of the song Ringo had completely forgotten his surroundings, the faint pulse of the loud music from upstairs or the drooling men strewn about the room, he'd even forgotten that Spike was naked while he played. John seemed similarly impressed, although he was considerably more inebriated than Ringo was, and he could see John passing him a few sideways glances during the song.

When the song ended John enthusiastically applauded once more, Ringo followed suit with a slight delay as he found his mind shutting off everything around him. Spike looked down at the two of them with a smile, shuffled in the stool then stood up.

"Well that's all from me." He spoke "Thanks for listening." The words were directed purely at John and Ringo, while there were others who appeared to be barely listening in the back nobody else seemed to be paying much attention.

"Wait!" John called out, startling both Spike and Ringo "Are you done for the night?"

Spike chuckled softly "No, they're gonna close this room in a little bit though, so you might wanna clear out."

"Will you give my friend a private dance?" John asked and now it was Ringo's turn to nudge him.

"Not dressed like this I can't." Spike gestured with his free hand to his nakedness, his guitar was the only thing upholding his modesty.

Ringo was glaring at John now, who only gave him a quick glance before returning his attention back to Spike "How about we come find you upstairs in a few minutes?"

"Fine by me." Spike replied and turned his gaze to Ringo "But your friend doesn't seem too keen."

He didn't give either of them time to protest, which was probably for the best because Ringo was having trouble articulating any coherent thoughts, as he turned his back and walked off the stage. Ringo fought the urge to not look at his arse as he left, and failed entirely. John giggled at the sight which broke Ringo's absentmindedness. The nudge evolved into a harder shove which only intensified John's laughter.

"I hate you." Ringo hissed but he couldn't stop the laughter from breaking through.

"What did I do?" John held his hands up helplessly and Ringo gave him another shove which rocked the chair sideways.

A bouncer walked into the room at the moment, calling for everyone to head back upstairs; Ringo envied the unconscious drunkards that were unable to return to the main room. John's laughter didn't subside the entire time they made their way up the stairs, only being silenced when he took a sip of his newly ordered drink. The room had thinned out a little, Ringo supposed the closing of downstairs only signalled that most people were going to start heading home now, but there were clearly many people who were aiming to stay as long as they possibly could. They managed to get two seats at the bar which allowed Ringo to look amongst the crowd nervously for any sight of Spike.

"What are you so worried about?" John asked, leaning his elbow on the counter.

"Honestly I don't know." Ringo chuckled "It's a bit pathetic, huh?"

"You said it, not me." John grinned "No, no it's just strange. I know you're not the world's biggest slut but you're no prude either."

"I don't think it's a prude thing." Ringo suggested.

"Then what?" John pried, he ran his finger around the rim of his glass.

"It's just him." Ringo lowered his voice a little.

"Well shit. Ringo's in love with a stripper." John matched Ringo's volume but enunciated the words enough that he may as well have been shouting.

"Shut up." Ringo shook his head "You're one to talk."

"Don't bring Paulie into this, that's a strictly professional relationship." John pointed his finger in Ringo's face which made him laugh. "This isn't about me anyway, it's about you. I'm not leaving here until you get that dance."

"You might be waiting a while then." Ringo said a little sadly.

"Nope, I refuse. You'll thank me later, I swear to it." John had moved his hand to Ringo's shoulder now.

"I'm just scared." Ringo mumbled.

"Of what? Ringo, these people have put up with the weirdest, creepiest fucks you can imagine. He'll probably be over the moon that you don't look like you belong on a register." John shook Ringo lightly, forcing him to look up at him.

Ringo let out a huff "Fine, if it'll shut you up."

"Sure if that's the line you wanna go with." John chuckled "You want it Ringo, stop denying yourself the pleasure. Be more like me."

"I dunno if I wanna take it that far." Ringo looked out amongst the room again and caught sight of a familiar face.

John followed Ringo's line of sight and beamed when he spotted Spike "Come on then, time to pop your cherry."

"Please don't put it like that." Ringo rolled his eyes as John pulled him up from his seat.

It wasn't really nervousness he was feeling, it was difficult to pinpoint exactly what it was. Ringo knew that he if he didn't want to this then he didn't have to, it would've been as simple as that, but he did want to. It was probably exactly how much he wanted it that scared him. Like the feeling that happens right before getting up on stage or before revealing good news to a loved one: excitement so intense it can turn into sickness. And Ringo was excited; he was very, very excited.

[survivenovascotia]

Episode 3 - AHHHHH -Heather

I hate Tiktok dances. Im not in shape enough for this but like 150 pts is 150 pts

So I come back from Oak Island and Kevin has been voted out. Excuse me but what? Kevin of all people. The dude was great in challenges and a loyal person. But apparently Sunshine and John said he’d be too controlling at a swap and possibly had an idol? What kind of lame ass excuse is that at the second tribal council? Darcy, Mac and Kyle were all in favour of keeping Kevin over Jessie. Which means that Sunshine, John and Dan have some kind of alliance going on there. I don’t imagine Jessie is really aligned with them and probably only worked with them to keep herself safe. I don’t blame her at all. However, we’re probably going to lose this next challenge (partly because of me throwing it oops) which isn’t the worst thing in the world. If Darcy, Mac, Kyle and myself all stick together, and none of us go to Oak Island (Kyle and myself can’t), the four of us would have the majority to vote out any of the other three who don’t go to Oak Island. And as of right now, I think John and Sunshine still feel like I’m on their side. So I’m a little bit in the middle right now. I’ve got my fingers crossed everyone else on the tribe can pull together a win but a whole ass person not submitting for this is definitely a huge disadvantage for us.

In my opinion, one of the most important things to be aware of while playing survivor is your threat level. You can't exactly be too big of a threat or else you'll get voted out, and you also can't be too little of a threat or else you'll just get taken to the end, or be seen as an easy vote. This is why the meat shield strategy is one of the best ways to play survivor; be a threat, but never the biggest threat. However, I'm not playing the meat shield strategy right now, because quite frankly I don't feel like I need to. I'm so under everyone's radar, that I don't see myself going home anytime soon. Also, since this is my first time playing, it's hard to get a read on who really is a meat shield and who isn't. However, I'll be sure to make big moves; just not too many to get targeted over anyone else.

IDK WHO IS SITTING OUT BUT SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE SITTING OUT AND I THOUGHT WAS SITTING OUT IS IN. IDK IF THERE IS TIME BUT I AM THE BIG ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS CHALLENGE NOW.

AHHHHH

Kevin going home was upsetting for me. Sunshine, Jessie, Dan and John are dead to me. I need to convince Keegan to join myself, Darcy and Kyle if any of us are gonna get anywhere in this game. I didn’t search for the idol yesterday because I was feeling sick and was upset with Kev leaving. I just don’t wanna go back to tribal. Otherwise I’ll be saying a few words at tribal.

I am very nervous for this challenge. Evan hasn't done anything so far , but if we lose, we need him as a number so we are stuck in a sticky situation. Livingston a while ago thought you only had to do a select few and I am worried because I don't want to lose  a challenge I worked so hard for just because people won't try. I hate having a for the tribe mentality because like I don't want to seem like a challenge threat but its more we have to work together and get as many points as humanly possible.

ok so this tribe turned into a literal mess. So i said i wanted to sit out of the challenge because i didn't have a lot of the items, and then i got ignored by like two members of the tribe which meant I was doing the challenge and evan and coco were sitting out. Honestly, I'm livid that I was ignored by people because that I take personally. I could care less about the challenge, even though I know i'd get like 6 points because i have papers and stuff to do. Luckily, we figured things out and evan is doing the challenge. If we win, awesome, but if we lose, I definitely have a couple people on my list. Luckily though, I'm in a 5 person alliance with Heather, Austin, Evan and Coco. That makes me feel safe at this specific time in the game, but I can't help but wonder who we will all vote for if we go to tribal tomorrow.

The dynamics right now are absolutely hilarious let’s breakdown: Heather: is currently having a panic attack bc this challenge is a mess & literally no one knows what they’re doing Eric: says ‘I’m not doing this’ then dips for like 20 hours. Evan & Coco are confirmed as sit outs, Eric gets mad at the hosts for some reason, & then forces himself to sit out. Evan: was confirmed as a sit out, dips for 20 hours because he thinks he’s not doing anything, comes back like ‘wait what’ & is hella salty Livingston: didn’t know that each person had to individually post everything Glo: is a angel her videos are killing me she is the comedic relief during these dark times. She also suggests we have one person go TWICE & have 3 sit outs LMAO Me: fucking cackling anytime anyone speaks in a passive aggressive tone We were supposed to be the tribe that loves each other now look what happened  

It honestly feels horrible not submitting a damn thing for a challenge because I am certain we’re going to lose because of it. But I don’t want to try my best in the challenge and have us still lose and then lose my vote at tribal. It’s just not worth it. On the plus side, even if we do lose the challenge Darcy, Kyle and Mac are all pretty down to blindside Sunshine for being snakey. So unless they change their mind right away and decide to axe me I should be in a good position.

My legs are sore and I made TIKTOKS to win by over 1000. Im..... I was gonna set a plan to get Livingston out but I mean I guess

We lost the challenge, surprise surprise. By a heck of a lot so I’m hella glad I accept the Oak Island challenge and didn’t submit for the challenge. It wouldn’t have even mattered. So we lose the challenge and shout our ho hums in tribe chat before it dies and everyone disperses to their quiet hidey holes to scheme against each other. And lo and behold Dan has immediately thrown my name out for not submitting in the challenge. Because I alone was the reason we lost. Whatever. Darcy is going under cover with Sunshine and Dan right now, Kyle is trying to act like a free agent and I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs wondering why the minority of Sunshine, Dan and John aren’t approaching the one person who wasn’t at all involved in the Kevin tribal. They honestly aren’t that smart if they’re straight up ignoring the one impartial person. Whatever. I wouldn’t actually vote with them since they voted out Kevin who was fantastic and useful. (#RevengeForKevin). Also, since I completed my Oak Island challenge I now have an extra vote I can use up until the final 5! I shouldn’t have to use it this tribal, thankfully. It will probably come in handy during a swap!

Is this what its like to be on a successful tribe? So unused to this. This gives me time to think and bond more. I’m thinking my first instinct to be threatened by glo and aim for her was wrong, it might make more sense to get her onside and use her both as a shield but also as a scapegoat for targetting others? We’ll see. Still good with Heather and Austin as a core three, and Livingston and Chips would be a good pair to link with if needed. Hopefully if swap comes I’m with some of them.

I’m crying at the fact we killed at. Like all of us were actually scared of losing & arguing & causing chaos & it was all for nothing & it’s AMAZING Also glo is scaring me she’s getting clingy she’s like “you wouldn’t miss me if we swapped” and I’m like what she’s like “tehe I was JOKING silly 😜” and like. I’m sorry what. Maybe I’m overreacting but that type of language makes me v uncomfy. Ion know that really off put me I’m gonna take a break from socializing. I’m pretty sensitive to behavior like that so I feel like it’s healthy to distance

Birch and Tawni really sat there being like, yall won stop trying. I thought we were up for competition. Oh Well. I had fun!! We love scavenger hunts

Me, Kyle, Keegan and Darcy are a good 4. With Jessie going to Oak Island that leaves Sunshine, Dan and John vulnerable. Keegan shared to me that he won an Extra Vote at Oak Island, which he hasn’t shared with Kyle and (maybe) not Darcy. I’m worried because I feel like I’m the 4th and not the 1st. Kyle admitted Kevin was his closest ally. My idol hunt is going alright. Definitely progress made.

To Kyle, if you’re ever reading these one day. I take back everything I said. You are awesome.

Fuck losing every challenge so far that’s all I have to say

I’m not sure if I’m feeling sick because I’m just sick or it’s the stress from this vote. I don’t want to be out this early. I can’t be out this early. If Kyle, Darcy and Mac can be trusted then I’m definitely safe and John is going home. I think I can trust them. I hope I can trust them. Why are we playing so damn hard so early in this game? Everyone needs to chill out or we’ll end up like Matsing.

Going to tribal I feel safe but nervous about what will happen in the aftermath. My group of 4 are pretty chill and not budging. Bye John.

No Swap, Thank God!! I think im fairly decent at this type of challenge. I won an individual immunity in this challenge once but idk how ill do with a tribe.

Oh my god my alliance is now in control! Yeah boi. Sunshine being HELLA QUIET after John’s boot was spooky but, I mean, he can’t complain since he did the exact same thing last vote. My problem now is not being the 4th member of the alliance. I’m scared that people will see me as riding coattails. I mean controlling the idol hunt is a cute look.

Our tribe was on a roll and had won 2 challenges in a row. I was starting to get busy taking care of my crush, and because of this, I had to sit out. However, apparently two people stated they were sitting out before I did. But the thing is, I never knew that. So I decided to disconnect from skype for the day to be with the one I love. However, I turn on skype the next day, and I'm bombarded with messages telling me to do the challenge. This really overwhelmed me, but then I realized it was an opportunity. 

Glo realized how much of a sticky situation I was in, and she came to my help, and told me she would be with me until I finish it if she needs to. Ultimately I wouldn't have been able to finish the challenge if she hadn't helped me. She also played it up as if I stepped up for the team last second and made an impact. I still can't tell if she did this from the goodness of her heart, or if she did it for strategic reasons. But, I do think it was moreso strategic, because she did mention that after she helped me as much as she did, that we would have to be aligned. So because of that, her actions don't really mean as much to me as it should, and I will take out Glo if it's necessary and beneficial for my game.

[sloblesbian]

ok so me & raven have been watching riverdale & uhhh, when i saw the commercial i rolled my eyes but i knew, i knew deep down in my heart we would watch this, mostly because we saw the commercial while watching pretty little liars. maybe its because all our awful teen shows are ending- suffered through the last season of vampire diaries, teen wolf has 10 episodes left, pretty little liars only has 5, faking it & sweet/vicious were canceled- and their endings have all been train wrecks, but it’s exciting to watch something interesting for once. like yes i could watch good television aimed at adults but wheres the fun in that. not that this show is bad just..... did you know my favorite movie is jupiter ascending? yeah. we have 3 episodes left & im going to do read fanfic probably when im done? heck maybe ill write some fanfic. i dont usually do either but ive really felt like writing lately without anything to write & its been a while since ive been hooked on a show? like, since s2 of tvd. there are other shows im invested in, that i love, but they dont occupy my thoughts when im not watching them, mostly. anyway. im looking up the episode titles & debating watching some of the movies theyre based on.

and im thinking about decorating my house, not like in a maybe ill do this way but more in a imagine if i had money & what i would do way. ideally, i’d finish repainting (read: matt would paint) the rest of the rooms. i want not necessarily bright colors but decisive colors, not like... these half tone muted colors of im trying to sell this house that i have lived with. but also: i would cover as much of the wall space as possible with pictures. maybe for my birthday ill go see if i can find something to fit my living room theme.... ideally it’s plants esp mushrooms & bugs for that room, tho i think just a general dog theme for the whole house can be combined. my room i want like.... books, book art, library art, blah blah nerd stuff, but also gay things. i have some nice gay art that needs to be framed, at the bookwrap from trc, i framed that & it looks rly nice. i need to get a desk chair for my desk because using a rocking chair isnt working. i want a white board & a bulletin board for above my desk, so i actually use it. a calendar. & i need another bookshelf eventually. well i mean. i dont need any of these things & i probably won’t get them. but you know. in my fantasy world.

sometimes things are good and sometimes they are bad. sometimes you are late for things & instead cry in a bathroom & go home, sometimes you have a nice day where you just do the things you like- wake up and read, watch anime with your gf, cook food for you & your housemates, watch a bad tv show you can feel yourself becoming infatuated with. i feel like a lot of the time im not doing anything but i dont have things to do, or i dont have things i can do easily, or, lets be real, there are things i need to do but never will and i have moved on from worrying about them, maybe. and i feel like im not accomplishing much in the time i spend awake. i’m massively behind on my reading goal to the point where i think giving up on it might be the best idea. i don’t want to stress out over something that’s not important. i havent posted a book review in 2 weeks, though i do have some. i’ll try to post them tomorrow & then post my month end list. i wish i spent less time online, especially on this site, or watching yt videos, but if i get enjoyment out of them, i guess it’s not so bad. i wish i spent less time feeling bad about how slow & how little i am reading lately. i have to believe i’ll pick it back up, i guess. i hope i do. there’s a book club book for next month and i hope that helps. matt’s taking a philosophy class online over summer & ive listened to some of his lectures with him & it makes me miss school immensely. i hope that i do better than i think i will with school. i hope i try hard, & that i graduate soon. 

i have to believe that things are going better than i fear they are, i guess, to keep going. it works better some days than others. 

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 15 - "I REFUSE to be Wentworth'd" - Ali

JD

This puzzle really sucks and i like puzzles. It's going to be hard to fight with, might only get o e but i think i would have rather done the stairway to hell again, deep sigh. Never give up! Never surrender!! 

OWEN

Well that sucks lol. I'm a little peeved bc I don't really understand why idols could only be used until six if these things can still be used at five? I don't see the point unless it was just to make us think other stuff couldn't be used? Idk! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ im not the host so I guess I don't have to understand! This definitely makes things more difficult because I anticipate JD is going to beat me in immunity. I was playing just to finish it for personal reasons not necessarily to win immunity and now wow! So if JD wins then I guess Ill vote for Lydia and I need to tell JD that im doing that too to at least force a tie or something. And then next round would tie as well. Great!!!!!! I guess we will see what happens but lmao idk! Fun

ALI

Welp. That F6 vote? Did NOT go to plan. Gosh darn Owen! Why do you not want to follow my agenda? Why wont you just do things that'll benefit me and screw you over! :) It was the right move for him though, I should've handled that idol play much better. I could've saved Logan grr. I am SO pleased that they beat their survivor record, but I'm disappointed, as I feel like he was caught in the crossfire of people targetting me. Now, its time to fight. I've just gotta think 'Never Give In, Never Give Up, Never Surrender'. I will FIGHT for my place at the F3.

-

Developments. I am now in the Final Four! Whewwwwww! :) It was a bumpy ride though, weh. Like last night, I played the ring. Me and JD has discussed it somewhat beforehand, but I couldn't get ahold of her and had to go with my gut and play it. I just had to think W.W.J.D. (What would Jay-sus do). Now that Owen has won immunity, I feel like my dream F3 has been dismantled :/ Like Logan is gone, which I'm so sad about and I'm so afraid JD will go next. She has been my number 1 since day 1 and I would hate for her to go :/ I have two plans now. 1) If JD goes, I have to aim to go F3 with Trydia. I don't think Lydia gets many votes, as those who'd vote her, would vote for Trevor and I could present myself as the opposite to Trevor, as a strong social threat (Trevor has burnt some bridges) 2) If JD stays, I aim for a JD + Lydia F3. If I can pull that off, that'd be amazing whew. But, I've made F4 which is truly truly phenomenal! :)

OWEN

I CSNT remember when I last made a confessional but I'm yay I did the puzzle!!! It was worth it to stay up all night and do it bc if JD had gotten immunity with ali's stupid final five power or whatever that would have been not good!!!!! Wow. Anyways I want to vote out JD and then hopefully I can win the next immunity too and send out Ali. A final three of me Lydia and Trevor would be good idk we will see! I lowkey think I have a pretty good case to beat Ali so Idk if something weird happens I guess I could vote for Lydia with Ali and Trevor and Lydia would vote for me and I'd do a tiebreaker against Lydia. But hopefully I can just beat him at immunity anyways. Also for some reason apparently Ali told Lydia that JD has an idol?? I don't think it's true but idk. Legit if JD has some idol that can be use this round when all of the others could only be used last round I'm not doin it anymore like I'd walk in a heartbeat if that happened bc it makes literal zero sense. The hosts aren't bad and it would literally be awful and pointless and djdjdj Idk! Idk. That's why I don't think it's true. Y'all know better than that and Ali is just reaching. Like if literally everything in the game had to be used by f6 besides a ring that jd-Ali had and an idol they had I would probably die that is the most riggt thing I can imagine. So I'm not really afraid of this "idol" but nice try Ali I guess

ALI

Well, I made F4 WHEWWWWWW! Its hugely dampened by JD going however. I need to do this for her now. My allies have fallen, but I'm still fighting! Its been such a bumpy ride, my dream F3 has disintegrated, everyone wants be gone, the other three in the F3 are a final three, but I'm still fighting! 

-

Yikes. The issue with me saying 'Owen more like no win' is that Owen literally wins at F3? I think Trydia are so decided on getting me out, that I might need to win immunity and force their hand. I think I may've made some headway with Lydia, but that might be her pretending that. The issue is, to persuade them, I have to degrade my own game and thus, I need to prepare my counter-arguments, in case I'm blessed with a place at F3. I may've given the ammo to load their guns, but I have cannons aimed right at them too! For a F3, right now, I'd vote Owen over Trevor and then Trevor over Lydia. But, I have different arguments for each of them. In my opinion, the best option for each of them (the vote I can most likely persuade them on), is that Lydia should vote off Trevor, but I'll try and convince Owen as plan B, and Trowen should vote one another (dunno how likely that'll be! :)). I dunno, I'll try and find a way! :)

OWEN

I feel pretty good about this challenge. Mostly all I have for right now is work tomorrow and like an escape room thing for my friend but if I can get a super good lead tonight then I shouldn't have to worry too much about tomorrow. I really feel like I probably need to win it though. It's easy for Lydia to decide I'm a bigger threat than Ali and clock me. Plus, if Ali wins then idk what I'll do! This challenge doesn't seem like Lydia or Trevor's forte so hopefully I can pull it off. It's do or die time. And I'll worry about finals once I'm there, but for now I need to focus on this!

ALI

I REFUSE to be Wentworth'd. I need to win this challenge, so I need to beat Owen (the main threat). I am determined to dance, write a story, pose in a toga. ANYTHING I need to do to make it :)

-

I'm making some progress. I'm pitching a Trydia + Moi F3 to Trevor. I think that's his best shot. If I win the immunity, I'd probably get rid of Trevor, but if I don't have that luxury, I'll take any seat I can get! :)

OWEN

High key pissed I rushed home from work and paid for an uber and everything and then I like djdjdjdj only one task was posted the entire two hours I was actually there?? Sooo I CSNT do anymore I'm done for. Ali is gonna win. :\ sucks 

ALI

I AM DEAD. I... ACTUALLY WON. THIS CAN'T BE REAL. I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. Also, people that have been being super vague when it comes to the vote are FINALLY talking to me lmao! :) I wrote a short story about cockroaches for the challenge and it seems like we have three of them mwahahahaha :) I DON'T MEAN THAT REALLY. I love them three. Its been a bumpy ride, but I love all three of them! :) I AM IN THE FINAL THREE THOUGH. THIS IS INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE. (insane in the brain)

OWEN

So last night I tried to get both Trevor and Ali to vote for Lydia instead of me but after sleeping on it I'm content with my position in the game. I told Ali to just vote me out. I know it's kind of seen as giving up, but the only other option I have is tying with Trevor and doing a tiebreaker and I'm pretty sure I would beat him at it... I am an extremely competitive person. I don't give up. I fight until I win or I lose. But I think the journey I've had in this game is testament enough to the type of player I am. From the very first vote I've been in a position of control. I decided to vote Linus out. I decided to turn on Jay. The Matt vote was supposed to be someone else until I talked to the right people. I completely turned the target from Duncan to Sam at final nine, and at both final seven and six I was a deciding vote to go against Ryan and then Logan. I've made plenty of moves and navigated myself out of situations where my back was against the wall and I don't think anybody else in this game was able to do that. And I think if I tied with Trevor and beat him and went to the end with Ali and Lydia, I could win. It's right there for me. But it comes at the expense of someone else who I truly love and care about, and I can't do that. Coming into this game with Trevor I expected that it would turn into us against them and that one of us would be a causality along the way. Instead it's turned into a kind of personal struggle I think, whether it's me versus Trevor or me versus myself in a way. Trevor has played really well (maybe not as good as me hahahahaha @trevor :~) ) and it's tough because I am proud of him just like I'm proud of me. He always tries hard and he seems to come up short a lot of the time and it doesn't really thrill me to think that I could crush his chances when I know it means just as much to him as it means to me. We both want to win the game. But the difference is that I've been there before. I've won. And he hasn't. And so I've come to this conclusion that like.... I've won on my own terms before and I've had success and I've lost games because I was the biggest threat, but the one thing I haven't done is LOSE on my own terms as well, and I think this is a good way for me to give up something in order to benefit somebody that I care about who is equally deserving. This decision doesn't make me a bad player. It doesn't discredit the things I've PROVEN I could do. I manipulated most of the players here. I am proud of my game. Stepping down at the final four doesn't make me any worse of a player and it doesn't make this story of mine have a bad ending. If anything, it's a testament to the type of person I hope to be. I'm leaving 3-1 tonight and I want it to be that way because I am confident that this is how the story ends. And I've still got some manipulation left to do workin' that jury to vote for Trevor!!! :~) Thank you guys for a...UNIQUE experience. I had a lot of fun and it was refreshing to have some control in a game after the last couple I played went horribly out of my grasp. I love y'all!

ALI

Well, I would've wanted Trevor out tonight, but Lydia and Owen aren't gonna vote him grrr. I feel like if I pitch it right, I could (?) have a shot at this. My plan is to play up that I did well in all aspects. Competitions: Won the joint most, Trydia didn't win any Social: My social game is my strong suit, so I need to highlight that Strategic: Eddie/Ryan votes especially, generally involved in votes during middle to late merge. I'm so pumped to have made F3 though. Little old me, who'd have thunk it?

LYDIA

I was trying for like an hour Saturday night to convince Trevor to vote me out instead of Owen IF Ali won immunity.  I'm being forced to go to this ftc. I don't want too.  Here are the reasons why: 1) I'm so tired.  Half my inactivity is cause of my new job and ugh the idea of having to write like an opening, and read peoples shit and omg no thanks. 2) I'm scared of ftcs.  It's a deeply rooted fear, caused by getting my ass dragged over and over.   3) It'd be so much more interesting to see the three boys fight it out.  I'm not usually a menist, but I just feel like I'm emotionally checked out and am not gonna fight for it. 4) My resume is this game is a joke.  I mean I helped Trevor and Owen, and tried to get myself in a good spot to make moves, but kept getting fucked over. 5) I love to write a jury speech for all of these three boys cause I have very different but interesting relationships with them, and have lots of thoughts about their games that are never gonna be expressed.   Also I feel like it makes sense for Trevor to vote me out because it might split the Ali/Owen votes enough that maybe he could get majority.  I feel like this ftc won't even be a competition, which is cool I love Ali, but I also want a good ending so. Fuck it. 

ALI

I sorta wanna do a final wrap up of the jury, before the craziness of FTC, just based on my thoughts of playing with them. 1. Rob- I really regret not pushing for him to stay at his vote out. I think he's sweet and I hope we can stay in contact! :) 2. Isaac- Loved him. Wish we could've spoken more 3. Matt- Yikes! Really liked working with him, voting him out was purely a game move. Hope we can stay friends 4. David- Didn't especially talk to him, someone stole my 'robbed' line from the Rob vote in their vote for him :) 5. Sam-  SO sad when he went. Maybe my lowest point game wise/ when I felt most out of the loop. Loved meeting him. 6. Duncan- In some mid-merge confessionals, I said some things about him 'lacking socially'/ being patronizing or something. In reality, that was just my pride, being annoyed that he'd given me (correct) advice, on things I was doing wrong. In reality, he was being helpful, and I was just too proud to accept useful advice. I retract all that I said about him needing to improve socially! :) Really liked him too, hope we can stay in contact, when the pressures of the game are over. 7. Ryan - Tea Time with Ryan was, in hindsight, iconic. Loved forming a relationship with him, after he dragged the whole tribe. Can see the experience he has as a veteran player, and why he is so scary! 8. Logan- UGH. WHY DID HE HAVE TO GOOOOOO. I loved talking to him, after our rocky swap start, to the merge. So happy to see him beat his survivor record and he is in my top 3 favourites from this game! :) 9. JD- RIP. THOSE TWO VOTES WERE ROUGH. My dream F3 being shattered and my two favourites going home back to back was... no good. Really loved meeting her, wanna 10000000% stay in contact. I think, at one point, I said something too, about her not thinking strategy moves through. I take that back too, as it was me being reluctant to leave Trydia behind, and she was more ready than me (she was right) 10. Owen. Owen, who deserved to O-win. I still don't fully get why he wouldn't vote Trevor, when Trevor was voting him, but anywho. Loved talking to him too, and it was a shame he became such a threat woomph. Being in a F4 with a couple and a trio of best friends meant the F4 vote was kinda tricky!

LOGAN

I'm popping in for a cameo to say I love Jay