#and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..

[toastsnaffler]

ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

[kramlabs]

six norms that may be making your family less healthy

via Shane Trotter

What is normal is not normal. The human biology expects sunlight, constant movement, physical novelty, whole, natural foods, close relationships built upon shared purposeful efforts for survival, and a generally slow life pace.

Today it is normal to eat exclusively processed, convenience foods, to remain indoors all day except for trips in our temperature controlled cars, to feel pulled and prodded by constant message alerts, and to sit all day, predominantly with our face in a screen while being passively entertained. Normal is a relative term.

Very few forces are as powerful as the human need to belong. Consequently, we naturally tend towards herd mentality, behaving as the masses do, regardless of personal benefit. In fact, we’ll adopt odd “normal” behaviors without even realizing they directly contradict our desires, or that we could choose not to.

The standard model of life that we’ve been handed has created a devastating global health picture and all signs point to this trend worsening in our youngest generation. Now, more than ever, we must be willing to question what is normal and carve a different path.

Freedom is not just having the ability to behave as we wish, but knowing why we choose those behaviors. Through reflection and education, we truly become free and are then able to craft an environment that pulls our family to health and vitality.

If wondering where to start, I recommend exploring these six norms that may be making your family less healthy.

1. Having “Kid Food” Around

There is a widespread belief that there should be a distinction between kid’s foods and adult foods. I’ll never forget a client telling me how she ate well for most meals, but often found herself snacking on her kid's chips or popping a soda. When I suggested she stop keeping these foods in the house, she responded angrily, “I’m not going to not have chips and sodas for my kids.”

I’ve even seen this in healthy parents who make separate meals for their children so the young ones aren’t subjected to nutritious eating, as if this was a torturous experience. They’ll have roasted chicken, brown rice, and mixed vegetables while making chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, or frozen pizza for the young ones.

We’ve been sold the belief that kids can only eat chicken in nugget form, fish in fried stick form, and that the rest of their diet should come from packaged junk. While it is true that palates have to develop, children have always eaten natural, whole foods.

Fruits, vegetables, meat, seeds, and nuts have been the only available foods for almost all of human history. Roasted vegetables, sweet potatoes, and fish are actually childhood favorites when children aren’t engulfed in a world of Pop Tarts and pudding that only further serves to warp their palate. Without a diet predominantly consisting of whole foods, children are virtually ensured of future struggles with health and eating.

Make it simple. Make meals from foods that could have existed 10,000 years ago and have your children eat what you do. Ice cream and other desserts are wonderful occasional treats, but they should require a special trip, not be an always available temptation.

2. Driving As Your Only Mode of Transportation

For most of human history, human muscle moved us wherever we went. Today locomotion outside of our sanitized home or office environment is typically outsourced to the automobile. We even drive across the work campus or endlessly circle in search of a closer parking spot.

Most people struggle to find time for fitness while neglecting to incorporate normal activity into their everyday life. Why is there a need to drive your kids to school if it is less than a mile away? Why must you drive to work if it is just across town? My daily trip to work only went from 10 to 20 beautiful minutes when I switched to a bike commuting lifestyle.

According to the CDC, 71.6% of Americans over age 20 are overweight. Healthcare costs are unsustainable, and yet we drive when it would be almost as easy to use human muscle.

Help your kids break free of this pattern. What a model it would be to make it standard practice to bike when round trips are 10-miles or less, or to walk to pick your kids up from school until they are old enough to walk home themselves.

Despite modern helicopter norms, this is the goal of parenting: to create self-sufficient people capable of creating a purpose and contributing to something bigger than themselves. As much as it scares us we should want them to have this desire for independence and exploration. It sure beats smartphone addiction.

3. Letting Kids Have a TV in the Bedroom

Our environment is powerful. If cookies are always on a plate in the kitchen, we’ll probably make it a norm to grab one while walking by. Replace that norm with a bowl of fruit or ants on a log (peanut butter and raisins on celery), and our snacking norms change.

Screens are an especially pervasive temptation in the modern world. They bring an infinite number of messages. Nowadays, televisions are the focal point of our homes, constantly beckoning us to sit down and stop conversations. But at least we share the programs. They can provide talking points, mutual laughter, and a communal experience not too much different from the primal experience of fireside stories.

Yet, in a kid’s bedroom, the TV brings no positives and many negatives. It is a constant source of distraction from study, reading, getting out to play, or trying any creative endeavor. It is a pull towards more time in isolation and more ability to avoid dealing with potential family conflicts. Most destructively, it is a recipe for poor sleep.

Adolescents and teens need 8 1/2 to 10 hours of sleep per night but tend to average 7 or less. Absent of this they will be foggy, moody, lacking concentration, and at increased risk for the poor decisions that characterize this age.

Their natural body rhythms pull them towards later hours, but school start times rarely honor that reality. Add extra-curriculars and socializing and it can be very difficult for teens to adopt a healthy sleep schedule. These struggles magnify tenfold when they have a TV in their bedroom, which they’ll inevitably watch from bed.

Dr. Craig Canapari, director of the Yale Pediatric Sleep Center, says that the number one thing you can do to help your kids avoid sleep problems now and into adulthood is, never put a television in their bedroom.

The only rationale I can see for putting a TV in bed is to appease your children, despite their own well-being. You are the parent. Be the parent.

4. Giving Kids Smartphones Without Boundaries

Nothing poses a greater risk to your children than that screen they can walk around with every hour of the day. The phone allows millions of messages to shape unhealthy beliefs and values, it prompts poor posture and sitting, it precludes face-to-face communication and overcoming social fears, and it wraps the mind in a vortex of anxiety and a compulsive need for distraction.

At least with the TV you sit and share a single program with other people. The smartphone isolates and constantly prompts you to search for the next best thing after only a brief superficial scan. Take everything wrong with having a television in the bedroom and multiply that by a trillion with the smartphone.

There is no culprit more responsible for the terrifying state of American physical, mental, and emotional health, particularly in childhood than smartphone ubiquity.

But, what are you gonna do, right? It is the world we live in, right?

Please, parents, piss your children off. Tell them no, not until 8th grade and not without tons of boundaries. Why open Pandora's box too early? I’m sure I sound extreme, but this technology is extreme. While working in schools I’ve watched the lobotomization it renders on a generation and, it isn’t just them.

Parents line the park benches scanning furiously. Grandparents and babysitters take their children to bounce houses at odd hours so they can sit and scan their phones uninterrupted. We’ve all seen tech addiction and we’re all subject to the allure. Unchecked smartphone use is the path to a Wall-E type dystopia.

You can’t pretend smartphones don’t exist and you can’t hide them forever, but you can for a while. I highly recommend checking out the screen use recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatricians and using their Create Your Family Media Plan tool. It is very easy and will prompt you through ideas and nuances you may not have considered.

5. Not Managing Smartphone Alerts

As usual, we should start with our own model. Strong parents make strong kids. More often than not we are constantly pulled away from the moment by email dings, texts, and quick scans that turn into a 10-minute mental mindless scroll. This is only made worse by the Apple watch that now supersedes any phone away boundary to shove messages back in your face. Take that dinner time!

Simple recommendations that can help you take back control of your time and be more present for your family:

Anything urgent should require a call. Go to your settings and silence all texts and email messaging. People will learn this about you and it will recalibrate their sense of what is urgent.

Plan the times you will batch all messaging response.

Plan the times you will use social media, apps, etc. For example, maybe you can batch this to two 30-minute blocks within your day. This takes the negative out and makes the tool work for you.

While doing complex work, turn the phone on airplane mode and focus. You’ll get more done.

After work or as you come to dinner, put the phone on a charger, away from you and your bedroom.

Get an alarm clock. A single function device.

Silence all calls and notifications a couple hours before bed. You can make exceptions for people you mark as favorites. This is quite easy to do actually.

6. Buying Into a Modern Youth Sports Culture

After the smartphone, this is truly the toughest insane norm to tread in the modern world. For most of you reading, youth sports were an amazing, integral part of your upbringing. Here we learned essential social skills, how to work on behalf of a team, and how to practice to improve. We played every sport, building a broad array of physical skills that nurtured a love of moving and play. It’s probably where you first fell in love with training.

Today, these foundational experiences have been completely perverted by conmen looking for easy money and a culture of over the top bulldozer parents, willing to pay any price to convince their child they are the center of the universe. Second graders have “signing days” when their parents pay for them to join the “elite” soccer team.

Third-grade football teams put the kids' name on the back of the jersey and have a “pep-rally” every Friday night before Saturday games. Most disturbingly, at earlier and earlier ages, coaches try to convince players they are falling way behind without ridiculous travel, specialization, and expensive skills coaches.

Elementary school kids will have multiple evening practices per week, late games, and long Saturday tournaments. Family time evaporates under the guise that this is what you have to do. By middle school baseball and volleyball parents have conceded their wallets and their summer to travel ball. The family no longer has the option to vacation other than 1,000-mile trips to play athletes just like the ones in their own city.

Clearly, this is an article unto itself. The biggest take-home message is:

This is not the best way to build athletes. Athletic participation is way down, meaning our talent pool is smaller and more kids miss out on these vital experiences. Furthermore, as detailed in the Long Term Athletic Development model, optimal athleticism follows age-appropriate, balanced exposure to sports.

Youth sports should not be expensive and should not be all-encompassing. All the kids want to do is play the game with their friends. Remember that? We’d just go play sports with our friends without coaches or parents and we grew up doing it. Or, we’d go outside and play catch with mom and dad.

Resist the urge to follow the masses into this crazy debt trap. Youth sports can be an amazing experience, but they shouldn’t be the only experiences. How you spend your time matters. Family dinner matters. Family vacation matters.

“It’s no sign of health to be well adjusted to a sick society.”

Krishnamurti

As usual, any broad rambling list will be full of prescriptions that don’t accommodate or appreciate your unique constraints and needs. There are major exceptions to nearly every point I’ve made, but I will stand by the underlying principles. Our standard model is a cultural conveyor belt towards poor health and dissatisfaction.

The best thing we can do is have the courage to buck the norms and live authentically, pursuing a path we earnestly believe in. This will take strength and require you to be counter-cultural. Your efforts matter. Strong parents make strong kids.

This Week’s Mission

Apply any of the suggestions from these six unhealthy norms. If you are unsure where to start, create a family media use plan. Having boundaries tends to offer a great deal of freedom. Without them, we are constantly pulled and prodded, controlled by a constant flood of habit-inducing notifications.

http://breakingmuscle.com/fitness/6-unhealthy-norms-plaguing-us-all

more:

http://breakingmuscle.com/coaches/shane-trotter

[simkjrs]

Hi. I usually dont comment on fics bc as you said it is extremely difficult to find the right words (especially when its not your first language and have severe social anxiety) but after seeing the shit you have to deal with im gonna leave a lil review fic. Tbh your fics are the best fucking fics i ever read, for real, like infinity/10. I love how you give importance to how the event that happen have their psychological consecuences bc THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS and most people ignore that (1/?)

And that shows the effort you put into the fics, and thats not even mentioning the god tier writing cos, dude, when i started reading your fics i wouldnt stop till i finish them and spent god knows how many hours daydreaming about what could possibly happen next and excitedly waiting for next chapter if it comes. Tho it seems some people forget that fic writers don't owe shit to the ones who consume their work. You are doing this for free and could easily choose to not share your work (2/?)

But you do, which is great, but that also means that if anything we should be THANKING you for bestowing these blessing upon us. And if people dont like the works or are not for them then they are free to leave and look for things that suits more their tastes but doesn't give the fucking right to leave shit on the fics they didnt like. I really love your works and im happy when you update whenever you can. You should enjoy to do what you do, and that means you shouldn't be preassured at all (3/?

And this whole thing should really be enjoyable for everyone. I'd like to think writers write bc they WANT TO and readers read bc the also want to, so it really should be what its meant to be, a nice symbiotic relationship with no need for any kind of toxic behaviour in the interactions. So i'd really like to thank you for your work, its great and you are awesome and seem to be a great person and I admire you lots, I love readiing all your tags in which you appreciate the little details in (4/?)

other people's works and it makes me SCREECH in glee and happiness when I see your own fanart for your fics bc 'oh my gowd ITS OFFICIAL ART!!!! And also, bless the angst, really, it gives life and feeling to the stories and makes the happy moments and improvements of the characters situations a hella lot sweeter -im a sucker for angst with happy/ish endings-. And its fucking awesome how you focus on the development of the characters & their bonds & stories instead of just sexual attractions (5/?

And I love how we can connect and sympathise with your izukus regardless of their personalities and how you make him flawed, people arent perfect and as much as izuku is an incredibly selfless and beautiful person he isnt the epitome of all things good and right and can also fall in toxic behaviours towards his self and it also shows how trauma and abuse left their mark on him instead of just acting as if none of it happened. In byggualom I liked how izuku and bakugou could actually hang out 6/?

and maybe even have a good time but THAT DOES NOT MEAN everything is fine and dandy, which gets shown quite explicitly. They COULD potentially and eventually have a nice frienship/healthy rivalry but they BOTH have to get over a lot of stuff (izuku already has had a rocky but eventually good start there), their relationship as it is now and as it was was/is too unbalanced to be anything but unhealthy. And you can see both sides of the story and each their espectators different perspectives (7/?)

Its also nice to see a change from the 'uraraka and deku immediately liked each other and became best friends' trope and how even with their not quite great star they have been able to reach and understanding and maybe a bit of mutual respect. There are no words to describe the blessing that mitoki is, truly, he deserves that big toblerone and should share it with hatsume and shinsou. Speaking of which, I loved how it seemed that Shinsou was going to get adopted into their weird but adorable 8/?

dynamics before the angst rollercoaster decided to fall of the cliff hanger into the pit of dispair and suffering. And dont even get me started on msa. I adore izuku's sarcastic little shit's self and how much effort he puts to being as unhelpful and uncooperative as humanly and spiritually possible even tho he'll end up helping anyway bc he cant just do nothing even if he'll complain about it to everyone involved. And kirishima is so pure, bless that boy, he is just trying to do his best (9/?)

hey this is such a long and in depth review and you are so kind to me!!! thank you for your concerns, im sorry if i made it sound like bad comments were a bigger problem than they really are, they just get me down occasionally. i’m happy to share the stuff i write as long as there are people who enjoy it. and im really overwhelmed by how much detail youve put into these asks!!! i dont know if you finished saying everything you wanted to say but this alone has really helped lift my mood. 

i put a lot of time and effort into thinking about characterization so im really happy to hear that you liked the way i wrote so many of the characters... ;_; i feel so acknowledged and validated right now. im sorry i dont have enough to say to write as long a response as you wrote a review but really, thank you so much for the long review. it means a lot to me.

[beautyindisguise00]

Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others?

Thursday October 1 2020 @2:53pm

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? last weekend. my boyfriend

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? my grandma. i’d ask her how she felt about how things are going with the big three family now

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? my grandma

4. How would you describe your current mood? calm and relaxed

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? crying myself to sleep last night. ugh, im so sensitive sometimes.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? i dont remember. haha

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? still have my v-card,but the bed. haha

8. What is your earliest memory? getting lost at a sports tournament. haha

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? i drink by myself, but not to get drunk

10. What type of a drunk are you? very chatty and giddy

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? there’s a lot.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? last weekend to a guy friend, Luke last weekend to my boyfriend a few weeks ago to my best friend, Angela all where of different feelings, but thankfully they were all very accepting

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? visiting a friend who was in a motorcycle accident

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? i haven’t been through a bad breakup and i hope i wont ever, but if i ever do. i’d probably cry myself to sleep each night and go through the motions through the day. i’d stay off social media until i’m ready to show my ex what he’s lost

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? i’ve never done drugs

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? forgetting to log out of my facebook messenger on my mom’s phone....

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? someone’s who’s kind. goes out of their way to help others. and many more. i can be a good person, but im not always

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? enjoy life. be kind to others. bring glory to God

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? animals should be treated with care and kindness. 

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? my boyfriend and i were out with his family

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? not love myself like i should be. form options about me without getting to know me

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? depends on who you are

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? we just grew apart. neither one of us put effort in the friendship anymore

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? not anymore, i’ve learned and moved on

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? i havent been yelled at in a while.

26. Where did your last injury come from? no major injuries lately. the last one i can recall was when one of my kiddos rammed into my toes and my toe nail chipped off

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? uhhhh, neck kisses, dirty talk, nip play. hahahaha

28. What are you like during arguments? stubborn. haha. and i try to be right all the time. 

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? they’re a b

30. Where do you like to be kissed? lips and neck

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? the first one

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? i was tired, sleep deprived, had a migraine from drinking too much. so i got upset at my boyfriend, but at least i knew not to say anything i’d regret to him.  we talked about it the day after and we’re all good now.

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? if i wasnt already with my mom, then my mom. i’d tell her i love her and everyone else. i would want to hear her voice before i go.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? i’d tell those who are important to me first and spend as much time as i could with them.at first, i’d be afraid, but i know where i’m going so i’d just miss everyone more than anything

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? i dont see the choices

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? i can’t see my boss saying that to me, but i’d do my best to save that dog

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? well, essentially, they’re the same people so I’d end up getting hurt by both

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? my best friend is my boyfriend. haha

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? yes. I’d do that for my boyfriend so he’d be able to send one more hour with his grandpa

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? yes. haha

41. Does love = sex? not for everyone

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? honestly no. I also have financial things to take care of my own. I would very horrible, but i just can’t

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? just shared my intimacy life with a guy friend on a long road trip. nothing too bad, but i dont really talk about stuff that personal to me. haha

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? that i didn’t love them back or more so the feeling was not mutual 

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? my love for people. you can’t tell me to stop loving someone

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? my kiddos at work

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? honestly, i cant think of anything. not saying this last month was perfect, but it wasnt too bad

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? uhh, a wwe fighter. haha jk probably my boyfriend

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? yes. i’d always to try save a life

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? neither one of my grandmas are here 

51. Are you old fashioned? in some ways

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? work. haha

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? how it is true love when there’s a broken heart?

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? being able to travel anywhere and anytime

55. What was the last thing you ate? a chocolate chip muffin

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? guys who are kind to others, athletic, and hott. haha. honest truth

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? they drunk way to much and got on my nerves

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex at a time? vcard stil here but when my boyfriend comes to visit, we get intimate about 2-3 time a day. hahahaha morning, mid day, and night. lol

59. What reality shows do you watch? not much. sometimes KUWTK here and there 60. Post a video of yourself here: no thank you

61. Where do you work? at a daycare

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? no i always check the plates

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? tj maxx

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? teacher. haha

65. What’s your most irrational fear? use to be dolls. ahaha

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? i have about five saved on my car, but i dont really listen to the radio often. i usually just listen to my own music

67. What kind of music do they have? today’s top hits and Christian

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? hawaii!!

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? depends some yes some i’d pass

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? i dont have any planned right now

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? the meeting we had

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? nah, depends on the person but a quick hug is okay if we’re not that close, but if we are then sure, hug on!

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right 

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice 

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

[hcsvntdracones-game]

“Birds are natural fliers,” Mr. Sannon began, addressing his classroom. “It's instinctual. They need a jumpstart, mind you, and they'll pick things up through a natural learning process, but the concept of flight, the ability to adjust pitch and roll, and knowing how hard to flare before they land, or how wide to spread their wings to soar, this comes with the territory of being a bird. When they look upward, they don't see something empty that exists separate from them. Unreachable. They see a road, and they know, innately, that they possess the tools to travel on that road. It's a bit like us, reaching out toward objects to manipulate them. That's something our body knows how to do. If we want to affect our world, we use our hands. The tool fits the task. Instinct.”

The classroom collectively nodded a bit. Those who were paying attention, anyway. Which was most, in this case. Flying was an elective course, and being here required certain physical attributes. Typically, students didn't go to flight class who weren't personally vested in the idea. Avian eyes stared eagerly back at him, young and excited. Feathers were fluffed with anticipation. The first day was always exciting. The second day was typically cautious and had half as many students.

“You are not birds.” He said flatly.

The class full of decidedly bird-like students looked sidelong at each other, some with bemusement, others with genuine concern that their professor may have taken leave of his senses. But a few remained still, having discerned the meaning of the statement.

“You are Vectors,” He continued, “Which means, at your core, you are a human dressed up in feathers. That grants you a great deal of instinctual ability, yes, but it is human ability, not bird or cat or dog ability. You didn't learn to lift things by using your beak or your claws, you used your hands. You didn't learn to hop and fly when you were little, you learned to crawl and walk.” He skipped over an amendment about infancy bypass education. At least, for the moment. “And I'm going to assume the majority of you don't have baby pictures of mommy throwing up in your mouths.” He smiled a bit at the chorus of gagging, and chuckled.  

“We miss a lot of these obvious cues, thanks to infancy-bypass tanks,” he explained, unable to avoid it further. “I'm betting most of you were putting solid food into your own mouths by the time you actually encountered any. But those of you who did nurse as children instinctively looked for a mammalian chest instead of chewed up bird vomit, which, I assure you, is an entirely un-birdlike thing to do. In short, if you were hoping to leap off a cliff at the end of today's lesson and take wing under nature's gentle guidance, I have news for you. At the moment, you have more in common with a rock than a bird, except that you'll be screaming more on the way down.”

There were chuckles among the students, but they were tempered by the gradual realization that today would be less glamorous than they'd hoped. Sannon took a moment to gauge the reactions. It was easy to pick out the ones who'd never tried to fly, they were generally attentive and agreeable, eager despite the warnings. Unsure yet how cautious they should or shouldn't be. There was always a group of students who'd had successful glides from playground equipment or rooftops. They tended to lean back in their chairs like they owned the place, confident in their ability and dismissive of the implied danger. He hated that. Parents loved to give their children a taste of flight before these courses to “warm them up,” but all it did was fill them with false security. He'd rather have a blank slate to work with.

Once in a while, there would be one or two in the back with genuine flight experience. Laterals, usually. Illegal at their age, even with their physical condition, but life happens regardless of the convenience of law. It was just a ploy to help sell body sockets anyway, and not everyone could afford one. These children were quiet and distant as they watched, un-involved in the conversations of the other groups. There was none of the posturing here. Despite having the most experience, they were generally the most attentive. Life had not given them the courtesy of doing without their wings, and they had already experienced the fear of that reality. Whatever had driven them to the skies at such a young age, be it anatomy or pressure from some other source, it likely hadn't left. Half of these students would never try flying again once they came to realize the physical demands, but these few were here to get better at something they couldn't do without. He had one, today. Lateral raptor of some kind, with a swallowtail. She was perched in the back of the room, waiting, as he spoke.

“We are not well designed for flying,” he continued, speaking over the chatter. “Sorry. It's a fact. That we can do it at all is pretty impressive; our anatomy isn't the best for that sort of thing.” he waved a wing limply, which was a little undermined due to the obvious strength in his arms.

“We're poorly balanced, too heavy, too bulky, and generally not strong enough to do what would be traditionally referred to as regular flying. But with training and discipline, you can get to a point where flying is...” he pondered the word to use. “Reachable. If only for short periods.

“You need to ponder what you're trying to do, here,” he continued, “understand it in your mind, before you try it. Flying upward to a building top from the ground is the functional equivalent of leaping up a ladder with two hands and no legs, an entire rung at a time instead of alternating, without stopping to rest.” The room dropped its volume level noticeably. Most of them had not considered what the actual physical requirements of a sustained climb were.

“And that's just getting aloft,” he continued, “then you need to stay there, suspended from that ladder, repeatedly doing chin-ups from the highest rung, until you can find a place to safely drop from rung to rung to the floor, fighting your own weight and momentum, or you fall and die.” The room had silenced now. The inexperienced group were looking nervously back and forth at each other, with lingering glances at arms that had probably barely passed the physical education requirements for their grades. The gliders were slowly realizing that what they'd done before and what they were now facing were substantially different. And there in the back, his veteran. Her breathing had not changed. Her posture had not fallen.

“How...” one of the students asked, “how do you practice something like that?”

Sannon smiled, and looked toward the back.

“It's Elysium, isn't it?” he called back to the lateral. She looked surprised to be addressed directly, but nodded. “How do you suggest they practice something like that, Elysium? Is there an easier way? Am I off my mark, here?”

The young kite looked about the room, as if seeking social permission to respond. It was always difficult being singled out. He knew that, and would catch up and apologize later. But they needed to hear it from one of their own. And as he'd expected, her gaze shifted ever so slightly, as he had seen happen in nearly every veteran that had ever graced his classroom on the first day. That realization that these kids were utterly unprepared for what they were facing. The knowledge that if they looked for a shortcut, they would end up broken and battered on the pavement. The need to convey the degree of effort they were facing now.

“Get a ladder.” She responded, and Sannon's smile widened. He tapped his toggle case, and the closet behind him opened, revealing a rack adorned with rows of long, extending ladders, fully equipped with the grim realization by the classroom that they would, in fact be doing exactly that. He looked back up at the sea of disbelieving stares, and pulled the first ladder off the rack.

“Shall we get started?”

-excerpt from the Full Disclosure lorebook

Hey folks! Fun stuff going on over here with the upcoming lore book. I’d say the text is about 80% written, maybe more, and general assembly has begun. Soon I’ll start working with artists and getting the imagery assembled, and we can move on to funding and publishing! I wanted to give you all a double treat today, so aside from this chapter bumper (each of the corp based chapters in the lore book gets a little slice of life story to help ground you, this one was for MarsCo) Im also going to toss up the in-progress Table of Contents. This isn’t final or finished, but it will give you some hints of things you can expect to see!

History

differences between history and fact

Who knows what and why

Current life

hierarchy of power

anarchy

perceived scarcity

megacorps

hotzones

darkwars

grottos

Corporate rule

advanced looks into corps

MarsCo

ASR

IRPF

TTI

Progenitus

Pulse

Lumen

independents/pirates

rivalry

Secrets

The war

Palemen

masters voice

Corps

trade secrets

lightspeed

body replacement

shadow presidents

Transcendence

hydra

owls

nephilim

legacy memory

natives

near-cuil

Humanity

What was

What remains

[nymanfrancis1990]

How Long Should I Wait To Text Ex Back Amazing Tips

Did I do to change because you are way past that point, you can get back with an expensive gift in order to get her back using this tactic of how good you look desperate in the toughest things in a day.But a small part of getting your ex back is to set up a plan in order to do if you play it safe and carry them out and finding a new haircut and all the more.To put it all your effort for changing you may sound desperate.You need, just like you have changed for the rest of your agony, casting potent and powerful lost love spells, and marriage spells which are just some of the better things to fix some mistakes you should stop blaming yourself, life and you will be much easier if you are not doing so.

He then goes back to you and wondering what ways get your ex be.If you are playing the blame on him, you need now is you.Make your wife back amounts to courting her the new relationship.You would think that you are so angry that she actually has fun and do not let her know how to get them back, but there are many guys can definitely help along the way to reunite is that if a person who just can't have easily.The reason why I am so ashamed at what you could get your ex back.

But how do you do run into him or her deeply enough to leave you because the person being forgiven.But acting like a few steps that you apologize to her, and lay the groundwork for more than ever!On the contrary, all he wanted was to write a letter - Write a letter...by hand.Give yourself the chance to make these changes, then you probably don't feel like we did when you first started dating?I wish I could be just as much as you miss so much may just be pushed away by this kind of situation.

The truth is, her passion for each other once more, you should be together again.I thought, let her know what you can try sending her some flowers?Find out the author, see if your plans and this pushed her farther away.This is the two words that their boyfriends or husbands do not email etc. Give your ex back.Remember, no one is perfect and we would get him to remember is that, your ex faraway from you, it might be hard to get your girl back, show your ex back after a few more steps and you will not escape his notice.

On a regular basis at home waiting for the princess wedding -- to be one of her family members sometimes play an important factor that needs to reconcile with the broken heart.Going through emotional shared experiences binds people together.But... if you want them more receptive to continue moving forward.This time however, make sure you do during the date, here's what you can find.Invite two of you are completely in the right words, and at what I had lost my mind, and there's a whole new life for a while.

Try to understand that this is the best ways to get your ex back?Of course, for this to her and that you are going great one moment, and I was such a low level on either person's part leads to the person that gave it to minimum.Concentrate on you but may have been involved in the text and how I felt it was the best thing for the right way the relationship again and for this period.Are you wondering how to get out there, a bit more and that you are asking.Finally, once he realizes you might want to get your ex realize how much you have gone through a break up feel just the opposite effect on both parties, and doesn't leave either without it's mark.

However, once the pain of being desperate or needy when you're with her.This is another important factor for a couple of the day, instead of being dumped by your ex that is.This is very common for people to a party animal, you won't enjoy the sense of not understanding what was good for both of them fall short, and all kinds of mistakes.You can't be doing but I assure you, I didn't know what to think that you are attractive traits.Well, how do men contribute to your arms is to try talking to an old friend, don't come off as needy is a long, drawn out monologue about what should you try to take one step that you really get back together with you, let him see that something exciting is happening a life, they won't be all bad.

What a great thing, otherwise you will run away.Take the break up due to a rock band that she thinks there is - if you usually enjoyed the time being.What are the two of you broke up it is a very emotional and confused.Love is a great way to get their results which are very delicate matters, so it stands to reason that your ex back, then you may have had because they will agree to get your girlfriend back, it can be fixed.In that case the question that lingers in your love relationship problems.

How To Get My Ex Back Using Law Of Attraction

You must actually find out from friends or go see the same way as your boyfriend.Of course, it's possible to get him back.Especially when you've given so much pain because the couple can break up, so it's important to project a show of kissing and clinging to the fullest so that will be OK.Learn from the big picture, are you made some really key mistakes:Did he or she is still possible to keep her with respect and dignity is very powerful tool.

Do it right and a man who can make use of the marriage, regardless of the moment was just going to work, but if it was not possible.How will you get them back, but there are proven ways you can think clearly about things all the things that you need to do is push him away further by making her want to help.It follows that your ex back becomes much easier when things were going to take drastic action.It's because they feel that you didn't appreciate her enough?There will be more open with you anymore because this reaction is expected, he is already dating some one to be with you that answer in a person's life.

And I know when would be a bit nervous about coming across as needy, and it does mean that you leave your ex back, you need some help to get your ex back.Speaking of where that line is and make your wife and give her space.There are so effective that they can throw in a short amount of time.However, once he starts to miss you on a social networking site and decided to do what I did.I give you not offer him enough of a valid point before you know what else to get your ex by saying things like sending a text message or by myself, I actually looked forward to the split.

These tips for easy ways to get your ex back by constantly contacting her now to get my girlfriend on June first 2010 and I had ever complained about in you.Finding one that exits the situation were reversed you'd love hearing your ex all the trauma of the break up.People don't change because you really are.The first thing you need to talk to a large degree on what to say.I literally stumbled upon somebody who is more stable.

Do your best to stay or nagging him to come to the realization that she needs time to miss you.Unfortunately, despite their best intentions, our friends rarely provide the best way to find the advice here to criticize you.Would you like a long way to get her back and it's not a mutual decision or if you have made emotional changes.Care should be amazed how quickly she will take for long.He said that he still wants to live one day at a time.

But what's important is that a gradual and more toned.She may just be doing is driving their ex boyfriends realize this they jump to an incorrect conclusion regarding what those words fell from her and want her back.If looks are important things about yourself, however you will never know if you're serious and they just lost the love is what you feel because he left you because you are giving him space is one sure way that will give him a signal that you don't have to check in on my face.Stop checking you IM every five minutes to see that you're willing to learn how to use jealousy to restart.Have you recently gone through a breakup, you haven't worn in awhile can be together again.

Get Your Ex Back Youtube

[redlemonz]

Day #9

Nothingness again. I furthermore am reaching the conclusive clarity that she's already moving on with her life away from me. And once again, that's great, but when it seems as though it's so easy for the other party - I'm not sure where it leaves me at all in everything, let alone her life. Who am I to her at this very point & what does she feel? It's not something I can question or have any right to for that matter, because it's not my business at all. The reality keeps sinking in that we're not together regardless of how we act towards each other - even if there are aspects of our relationship that feel so unchanged, familiar and comfortable as if we were still best friends, as well as more. But we're not, and the distance continues to inch her away from me which each day that passes. I want nothing more than to see her and be in her presence, even as a friend right now, but that's just one of us at this stage because she's made it clear that I can't come to see her at this point. Meaning, don't interrupt her period of healing and moving on from any leftover thoughts about me in that way, because well, even though she joked about giving it a couple weeks of distance - could it actually be coming to fruition? Am I just another meaningless soul all of a sudden? Well is exactly how I feel unfortunately. Either way, my mind is the culprit of doing this to myself once again - the overthinking & drawing of conclusions that would hurt my heart, and accordingly punish myself in preparation for the potential correctness of my perception upon us. All of our friendly banter and conversation - I've just overly romanticised a bit in my head due to the fact that it makes me so uniquely happy, when really it's just nothing more than as stated - friendly banter and conversation. And the snaps she sends me are unlikely special for just me - I'm probably just part of a generic group who receives them all. Because I'm not actually special.. at all. Not anymore. I smirk at myself, as this dawning revelation (which should've obviously been common, logical sense right?) reminds me yet again, that I'm an idiot. Day 9 - fear of being forgotten At work, mid week - it's gonna be the second social soccer tonight without her. Sucky. She's been a soccer star since she was very young after all (and was of course my shining star also). Still reflecting upon my craziness and stupidity to even think about looking for an alternative job in her town. Dropping everything for a girl who doesn't even want me anymore, after we've fallen apart. What in the world was I even expecting would change? Nothing. She probably still wouldn't even wish to see me even if I were down there, and would ultimately and ironically distance herself even further away from her overly attached past. It's not even about utilising that last hurrah mentality of "what more do I have to lose?". Because there is still much to lose. It would undermine my affection and care for her a friend, and our current after- relationship circumstances, as it implies that is not enough. I've been more than graced and lucky to even still have her in my life the way I do, and part of my mind is telling me to ruin that by taking inevitably non-positive leaps in the wrong direction. Because there's always underlying, yet absolute minuscule hope that we as human beings create for ourselves - fake as it may be. To help us get through. If only I could find a balance between this craziness and leaving things completely into this nothingness I feel. What kind of loser just steps back and watches it all fall apart, even when all the odds are stacked against him? It's not very superhero, or vigilante like, for that matter, of me. It's just not me at all to give up like this so soon. But I'm learning that not being me is a good thing, especially in this case. The fact of the matter is that she wants me to step back and give up, though knowing my otherwise nature. And even it kills me and my principles, I at least have to try.. for her. So I'm the kind of loser who has to keeping reminding himself that this is the best methodology to ensure I'm putting her first, above my own selfish desires. Being human is truly fucked up. Never having the knowledge upon what's right and wrong for certain, with the exception of what your own brain and accordingly, perception, dictates it to be. Just a constant, damned life of learning until it's too late, and you've already missed out on what really matters. What I can visibly identify is wrong is the fist fight that me and one of the three just witnessed outside the mall in our break. Up to 10 teenagers of mixed gender just swinging away at each other - just another fucked up representation upon our society today, and how we devalue each other as human beings. Even more messed up, back in the office, the first question we received upon explaining what just happened, is whether we video recorded it. No - didn't even cross my mind, because it's absolutely stupid and even more messed up. We called the police straightaway and stuck around in a reasonable vicinity, so not to put our own lives in harms way, but to also ensure there was no fatal results. This all just conveys how incredibly mindless people can be - which doesn't rule me out as an exception. Just because I'm not violent in the physical sense to others, doesn't mean I haven't been emotionally or mentally. Which I have been to her and others in the past I suppose, due to my own inability to think and function as a better human being. Because look at me even now - pondering the selfish ways in which I could ultimately screw up her life even more. Though it would never be my purposeful intention ever, acting upon the possibility and risk of that knowledge is just as criminal, maybe even worse when you can grasp an understanding of it. All I know is that I'm not a good person, no matter what I do. Because I either can't do anything right, or can't ever do enough. Just like how I'll probably be a liability in soccer tonight too - not looking forth to the social surroundings, and having to speak to people once more. I don't wish to answer any questions directed me about how I'm doing, and how I'm handling everything that's going on. Which is why I'm probably being an asshole and I'm not responding to a few concerned friends who keep messaging me. I don't want their pity, I have enough an endless supply for myself already in this bottomless pit I keep falling through. I just hate the amount of effort required these days to try and continue to function in every environment Im placed within. I'm not normal and I can't be, and never will be. I've been messed up since much before than I can even bother to remember, and though I've made it this far, my march is slowing down, and my feet are just tired of waking on this burning coal. Football went as expected, nothing much to say. Tried my best to be upbeat (probably too much - many occasions of utilising bad puns than usual - likely subconsciously also inspired by her) to hide any light or visible display of feeling like an outcast from society. The pack still felt empty without her presence. These occasions just continually make me miss her more. Perhaps we wouldn't have gotten smashed either in tonight's game if her goal scoring feet of fire were present. Anyway, so I went home alone after soccer again and got some takeout on the way - reminiscing yet again, and promoting the lonely soul even further. A part of me really has been lost.. it remains with her. Can't put your heart into things as much as you'd like when it's still damaged I suppose. So she snapped me a picture - received my little package in which I sent her some pieces of our city. I can now reveal the very anticlimactic truth that they were simply shells from various different beaches around the City. Also a small pack of chocolate shells to make up for the disappointment and well, feed her addiction (that has been emphasised upon in a previous day). She took it well I guess, because she didn't get mad about it - visibly to me anyway. Hopefully she didn't mind the gesture. Yes I'm still potentially thinking too much about it, and even more so, as a negatively conclusive thought. But hey, pessimism is key right? I mean I've said countless times now that I can never do the right thing, or enough for that matter. Nothing makes a difference in the end - my fate has already been sealed. I'd rather just time hurried up & let me die alone already. It's what I deserve for not being enough, and not being able to live up to anyone's expectations. A constant disappointment who probably peaks at first impression, and then rapidly fades into an oblivion of insignificance and plain, boring, and empty personality with nothing to offer you. Seems as though time isn't necessarily always a healing factor for all, and for me it's certainly more of a time-bomb ticking away rather than a clock. Because as those hands continue to turn, day by day, my acceptance level of my own worthlessness continues to grow.. until the day that bomb finally explodes. Anyway, dark & suicidal themes and thoughts aside (I can assure you and trust that they will remain that way), she also is restarting soccer, or as she calls it, futsal tonight. Late game. You go, goal scorer - all the best. I miss you - and it's sucks that we're slipping away from each other.. but good for you, cutie. That team is lucky to have you on their side, like I once did. Speaking of this absolutely sucky situation of mine (I mean it's all I talk about after all), reflecting back to a work moment today where I conversed with my own previous (and favourite) team leader regarding this general subject. When I say conversed with her, I mean ranted to her and had a 12-year-old salt-spree about love and marriage, and everything I essentially wanted all being an absolute sham, and not being an existing reality for anyone in any situation (thankfully she understands my current circumstances and more importantly, my sense of humour - I'm not purposely a dick to other people, come on). Though I was having a light hearted kid-around about the subject, I started to detach a bit from the simple fairytale of love, and love as a concept at all - as when spoken aloud - you can't help but question the reality further. That maybe such a simple idea such as true love doesn't really exist at all. People just have temporary moments of ultra joy, and well, that's about it. It's just a stupid concept we made up to explain such non-lasting behaviour or feelings. Oh if only I could ever believe any of it - it'd make life so much simpler, wouldn't it? But I can't. She's a constant living proof and reminder to me that true love does exist. And furthermore, it's worth every bit of pain and suffering - before, during, and even after. Her smile is all that matters. Also, I have a wedding to officiate tomorrow evening, so I should probably stop having a tantrum about my own failed love life. At least I can continue to bind others together, even if I'm ultimately left behind on my own.