#but yeah ive noticed my brain sends me into a funny little guilt circle if i dont do my tasks and instead i just kinda end up doing nothing

[akidachi]

Aki, we miss you .....

How have you been?

holding 2 jobs, suffering a wrist injury and getting way too distracted by video games mostly

also being just a wee bit too nervous to post what very little i do manage to draw considering there have been people in the commission wait list for well over a year now... (if anyone was confused as to why i don't take payment untill the absolute moment im ready to start working on it they sure aint anymore)

semi-related but if any of my old patrons want a refund i'm more than willing to provide one. I don't feel i managed to live up to my promises, and it caused me to freeze up a lot as a result making things worse. i can still see the email and donation history so as long as you still have your old e-mail it shouldn't be a problem.

guess falling flat on your face repeatedly in slow motion is one way to learn that tiered donation systems turn your brain into a stressed mush lmao

[justagaymess]

Can't Lose You...

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Reader

Warnings: mentions of violence and injuries.

Summary: You were hurt and Carol was worried.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Written for @afewmarvelousthoughts 1k writing challenge. My prompt was “It’s alright, I’m here,” I had a lot of fun writing this. It was my first time writing for Carol so I hope she isn’t too out of character.

Carol had been away for a while, about two months, and you missed her. Yes you talked almost every night, but you wanted to see her, feel her. You were sat at your desk, writing up a mission plan for tomorrow. Wanda, Tony, and you were going to “borrow” some files off of an old semi-abandoned HYDRA base. Easy, in and out, about four to six guards. You sigh as you finish and send it off to Tony and Wanda so they can go over it before you leave the next morning. 

Your phone starts t ring just as you closed your laptop. A funny picture of Carol appeared on the screen. You threw your feet up on your desk as you answered Carol’s call.

“Hey baby,” you said, smiling into the camera. “Where were you last night? I missed our call.” 

“Sorry babe,” she started. She had a white tank top with her suit bottoms on. It was a sight that you had seen time and time again, you had started to wonder if she owned any pants aside from her suit. “I was tracking some old Kree generals and was not near my ship.” You nodded. “How was your day?” She asked. This is how it always went, asking each other how your days were, asking the little details, venting about the little frustrations you couldn’t say to anyone else, sometimes you’d just sit in comfortable silence, enjoying almost being with the other person. You’d spend hours on the phone together, even if you had just talked to each other an hour before. 

By this point you had talked with each other for almost three hours and you had to leave early in the morning, you both always dreaded the goodbyes but they always came anyway.

“Hey, I love you,” you told her, quietly. “When do you think you’ll be back?”

“I love you too,” she smiled brightly. “In about a week, just a couple of loose ends I need to tie up before relaxing with my love for a while.”

“As if you could ever relax,” you laughed, snorting a little bit. 

“But yeah, back in a week.”

“You better be.”

- - - 

Turns out she was back quicker than in a week, more like 16 hours after your conversation.

“What happened?” Carol hissed when she landed outside the compound. Steve and Natasha were waiting for her, arms crossed over their chest. Steve’s eyes were lowered and he had a sad expression on his face. “Where are they?”

“In the medbay,” Natasha talked as she led them through the large rooms and down to the infirmary. “They took a hit, trying to shield Wanda from a few bullets. They saved her life.” When they had made it to the waiting room, the rest of the team were settled around in various chairs, looking beat to hell. Wanda was pacing, a large cut on her forehead was bandaged up and she had a guilt-stricken expression on her face. Everyone looked up when they heard the heavy footfalls of Carol’s boots coming down the hall.

“Carol, I’m so sorry. I should ha-” Carol cut Wanda off by lifting her hand and a shake of her head. Carol sighed and sat in a chair next to Tony.

“It’s not your fault, Wanda,” She leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees, clasping her hands together. “They jumped in front of you. Don't blame yourself.” Her voice had gotten quieter and quieter. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she lowered her head. Natasha sat next to her, rubbing circles into her back, as they all waited for news from the doctor.

A couple of hours later the doctor came out and explained how much internal trauma there was, but that your healing factor was kicking in it was just slower than normal thanks to the onslaught of injuries. 

“Can we see them?” Carol asked, a weight had been lifted from her chest when they were told the good news. The doctor nodded and led them down the hall. 

“Not too many of you at a time.” The doctor said (not that they were really paying attention). Carol went in first and saw your sleeping form hooked up to IV’s, and various monitors. She clenched her jaw and sat in the chair to your left, grabbing your hand, she put her head down. Everyone came in and saw you, leaving flowers and small gifts. Carol remained by your side, she had put down your hand and laid back in the chair, halfway asleep. Natasha and Wanda had made themselves comfortable at the end of your bed on the small couch, while Steve went and grabbed snacks and drinks from the kitchen upstairs in the common room. When Steve got back Wanda was knocked out and Natasha was on her way to sleep. He sat down next to her and she leaned against him, her back against his arm and part of his chest, Wanda’s head was laid on Nat’s chest and her arm was draped over her waist. Steve gave up on opening the packages of snacks so as to not wake any one up, he only wished he had brought a book to read while they waited.

Steve heard Carol sigh sadly. “Hey, Carol, they’ll be okay.”

“They better be.”

- - -

2 Hours Later 

You groaned quietly as you awoke to a room full of beeping and soft snoring. Carol sat slumped in the chair next to your bed asleep, with Steve, Nat, and Wanda curled up together on the couch on the other side of the room. You blinked a couple of times then rubbed the sleep from your eyes. You looked around, noting the various machines you were hooked up to. A dull ache had spread through your chest since you had awoken. A nurse came in to check your vital signs and noticed that you were awake, you held your finger to your lips so that she wouldn’t wake your teammates, you reasoned with yourself that they probably haven’t gotten much sleep, well, ever. So you let them sleep through the nurses and doctors who came in periodically to check on you, to check your wounds, to check your pain levels. You even got Bruce to bring you some books and a blanket before any of the four sleeping avengers awoke. Finally after what felt like half a day (it was probably more like 2 hours), Carol woke up, she stared blankly at you for a minute, trying to figure out what was different, you just smiled and waved at her. When her brain caught up with her eyes, she shot up, grabbing your hand. 

“You’re up?” She asked louder than you had gotten used to. You motioned over to the sleeping trio.

“Keep your voice down, don't you dare fucking wake them,” You whisper yelled at her, smacking her forearm.

“How long have you been awake? Why didn’t you wake me? I was worried,” she leaned down to your level.

“Not long, I figured you needed sleep, I-I’m sorry.”

“We thought-I thought I was going to lose you,”

“I’m sorry, but it’s alright, I’m here. I’m still here,” Your voice came out husky and gravelly. Tears threatened to spill down your cheeks. Carol buried her face in your neck. 

“I just can't lose you.” Carol murmured, her breath hot against your skin. You tried to move over so Carol could lay next to you, you missed her strong arms around you telling you that you're safe. As you moved, you were met with debilitating pain, your heart started to race and doctors rushed in to check on you. The three slumbering avengers finally awoke and shot up, ready to fight. The pain quickly subsided and Carol crawled into bed with you, putting her arm around your back, pulling you into her, making sure that you were okay.

Wanda noticed that you were up first, rushing over you, she wrapped her arms around you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I wasn’t paying attention and you got hurt.” 

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” You smiled as she let you go. “I’m glad they got me instead of you, or anyone else.” Wanda pulled back gave a tentative smile. Steve and Natasha both gave you a once-over, looking for other injuries and signs that you were fine, not hiding problems, before bidding both Carol and you a goodbye and leaving for their own rooms. 

“Baby, you sure you’re okay?” Carol asked you, you nodded and nuzzled into her neck, giving her a couple of short kisses on the juncture of her neck and shoulder. 

“I’m just glad that you’re back, and here with me,” you murmured into her shoulder. You turned on your side slowly and curled as far into a ball as you can. You wrapped your arms around her middle and held her tightly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, now sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” She kissed the top of your head before you fell asleep.

“You better be.”

- - - 

When you woke up again, you weren’t in the medbay any more, you were in Carol’s room wrapped in her warm blankets with Goose tucked behind your bent legs. Of course, Carol was not there with you. You sighed, released a small groan and pulled yourself from the large bed. Your torso was mostly healed but you still ached. Goose meowed loudly, obviously displeased in being jostled as you tried to stand

“Sorry Goosey,” you said to him, leaning over to scratch between his ears. You stood up again, grabbing one of Carol’s oversized hoodies and pulled it on. You walked out of her room to the common area of the compound. You found Carol and Wanda cooking breakfast, despite it being almost 8PM.

“Hey sleepyhead,” Carol teased as she looked up and saw you. You narrowed your eyes at her. 

“You weren’t there when I woke up, you lied.” You sat down on the bar stool across from Carol and leaned your elbows on the countertops. Carol stepped around and placed a small kiss to your lips.

“I’m sorry baby, but you were asleep for a long time and I was hungry.” You sighed and shook your head. You pursed your lips.

“Unfortunately, I understand,” Carol smiled and went back to cooking.

“Just remember that I love you.”

“You better.”