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thoughtsofatck · 4 years

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Macam Yes Tapi Bukan

01/21/2020

Location: Melaka, Malaysia

Translation: “Like Yes, But (Still) Isn’t”

Almost two and a half weeks have passed since touching down in Malaysia. To recap, we spent our first two weeks in Bukit Bintang, a district of Kuala Lumpur that can only be described as The Big Apple of the East. All around bright lights and bustling sounds immediately reminded me (and many of my fellow Americans) of New York City. We were certainly overstimulated with the fast pace of the city, its extravagant malls practically on every street, and of course the program information we were learning from 8-5 every day. The excitement of new sights and smells were only heightened over meeting family and friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time or for the first time ever! I cherished these moments of subtle familiarity despite being out of our usual environment and in a completely foreign location. Everyday has been jam-packed with landmark visits, activities, cohort and state meetings, and mentally being “on” all the time. Being around people all day socializing and interacting definitely took a toll on all of us and while everyone found different ways of relaxing to recharge for another full day, I found mine by exploring the city on my own.

Taking it all in, I drew so many comparisons of KL and NYC - taxis everywhere (though in Malaysia they are red and blue), a subway system that certainly has NYC beat, street vendors with the best food, alleyway graffiti, and most notably a huge green park in the center of both cities. Somehow I recognized these similarities immediately. I was comparing the city that I was used to and familiar with to make myself comfortable in this new unfamiliar place. As humans, we look for aspects of situations and environments that we have experienced already to prepare ourselves for the features that are different, surprising, or uncomfortable. I found myself doing this in LAX and Hong Kong, trying to map out the process of entering a new airport and giving myself enough time to pass through TSA and customs. I assumed all airports were as strict as American International airports but found myself at my boarding gate an hour and a half early in HK because I was passed through much faster than expected.

One specificity that greatly differed however was how often I noticed people looking at me. In New York, people are so consumed with their own affairs that many won’t even stop to give you the time of day. They don’t worry about the others passing by. For the first time, I noticed eyes on me as I walked around - perhaps being able to read from my body language that I cannot be Malaysian despite looking Malaysian but yet also rather light skinned and dressed more Western. I can say that comfort set in as individuals initiated conversation in Malay when I went to food stalls, book stores, and banks. I didn’t stand out as much as I had thought I had. Blending in as a local has its own advantages and drawbacks and being in the unique situation where I can falsely confirm my nativeness by responding appropriately without a hint of American accent has brought me some relief.

Seminar sessions on race and identity brought up sensitive ideas and cultural norms. As we move to more rural and less touristy placements, we were told that our visibility as Americans would turn heads and bring some possibly unwanted attention - particularly for our white-passing ETAs. For POC ETAs, past experiences warned us of more overt discrimination and stereotyping. It was expected that many would not consider us “true” Americans and try to dig deeper to discover our ethnic heritage, concerned more about the physiognomy of our identity than the internal American ties we have woven by the ideals, values, and pride we grew up with.

Recognizing my individual adjustment to the country and reflecting on the relationships and connections I made with other ETAs, I’ve begun jotting down a list of situations where I have i)Never Felt More Malaysian, ii)Never Felt More American. iii) Never Felt Less Malaysian, iv) Never Felt Less American. Over the year, I plan to write these as individual posts, drawing on the examples I’ve experienced and how I handled situations I never thought I’d have to.

Please stay tuned! I make my way to Bagan Serai, Perak tomorrow to finally unpack my suitcases and call this town my home for the next 10 months.

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mei-be · 3 years

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My therapy homework assignment this week was to make a list of my core strengths, what made me resilient; and then identify where the came from, and how I did it. Knowing me, I expected this to turn into a mumbling, halfhearted, nebulous, exercise of self deprecation. So, I am going to try to identify my strengths without focusing on my deficits.

1. Vibrant

I think it’s worth mentioning that the very first strength that came to mind was this. I am vibrant. Strangely enough, if I were to describe myself to a stranger, vibrant wouldn’t be my first choice. I would probably go with weirdo, nerdy, awkward, which are gray-colored words. But when I look at myself as a whole, I see a coat of many technicolors. Deep slashes of pigment, pattern, depth. I am fueled by a vicious energy, to do, to learn, to create. It makes me unsettled, unstable, but it also makes me deeply interested and interesting. When I think about where this strength comes from, I actually see that its interconnected with other core strengths. Curiousity, creativity and imagination. I would say curiousity is probably my best quality. I am furiously curious. It’s a degree that surpasses interest, it more than stimulates me, it moves me. I remember being a young child, bursting with wonder and questions about the world. I would hum with frustration, at not being able to ask questions and have them answered in a satisfying way. I told myself that if a child ever asked me a question, I would answer it as completely and thoroughly as I could. I often wonder what would happen if technology and the internet had been as widely present back then as it is now. Yes, my curiousity would have been sated, but will I have lost the desperation? Also, the important skill of trying to work a problem out in your own brain; with incomplete information, imperfect rationale and all. I am grateful for the internet and smart phones every single hour in every single day, but I am equally grateful for the information struggle that preceded it.

2. Endurance

The ability to endure a difficult process without giving way. Yes, this is me, no question. It comes from necessity, pure and simple. I was an abused child at home, a bullied and friendless child at school, with no support and no resources. In this situation, you have no choice but to endure. If your abuser (s) were involved enough, you didn’t even have the opportunity to kill yourself. It was just a matter of using your imagination and creativity to stand your life until enough time passed you by. Hmmm. Time. Maybe that should be a listed strength. The ability to endure the passage of time. It’s a pretty passive trait, you just hold onto your breaking heart, and try not to get killed or die.

3. Self Sufficiency and Resourcefulness

When you grow up very deprived, with no importance put on material things, or any care about anything other than your most basic needs for biological survival, you develop a certain set of skills. You learn to make it, take it, or not want it anymore. Ideally, you can create the things you want through your own means, or at least, a facsimile of the thing. As an adult, this can generally be done, even if it ends up taking a lot of energy and time. As a small child with limited resources, the likelihood is much less. But you have no choice, and so you try. Most of your attempts are garbage, but you try anyways. Once in a great while, you succeed, and from this you gain experience, knowledge, an equity. If there’s no way to make it, you take it. You steal, you borrow, you try to find an open source. You don’t want to break the law, you don’t want to hurt others, but you want this thing, and you have no choice. Your morality changes, becomes more ambiguous, more fluid. When the other children are learning the golden rule, and how to share; you are learning that there are more colors than black and white, and how far you are willing to go to reach your goal. This changes you, this strengthens you. Maybe you learn that the direct route to your goal isn’t the only way. Maybe the trade off to this linear path is hard work. You can reach your goal, but you have to slog through a lot of mud to get there. It isn’t all neat and nicely packaged for you. You were never taught this, so you’re learning as you go, stubbing your toe on obstacles. But you are gaining experience, you are having a hellish time and that is shaping who you are, and it’s amazing. Finally, if you couldn’t make it , and you couldn’t find a way to take it, then your only other option is to convince yourself that you don’t want it. You’ve learned, you’ve grown, you’ve struggled, but you’ve failed. And now it’s time to change your mind. You have no choice, but you can do this one thing. Convince yourself you don’t need this thing, in fact, you never wanted it that badly to begin with. Life goes on, time helps you onward.

4. The wild card, the weird shit, the superpowers

When you grow up in crisis, when your developing child brain is bathed in the fear-chemicals of your overstimulated sympathetic nervous system, weird shit happens. You’re a bit different than everyone else; you can’t do the things they can, but you can do things they can’t. You’re hyper vigilant, you see everything in your environment but yourself. You can recognize someone from a city block away by staring at the back of their head and recognizing their walk. You can just look at someone and know how they are feeling, like reading a roadmap to their mental health. You’re not psychic, you don’t know the specifics, but it’s like everyone puts out a sound, a certain tone and pitch, and when things aren’t going well, you can hear that sound shift, lower in pitch, or even volume. You’re a social chameleon, you can get along with anyone, doing anything. You are perfectly isolated, with layers of PPE between you and real human connection. It’s so finely crafted that no one knows that you are surrounded by friends and totally alone. You could live with these people for years, and still be a total stranger. They think they know you. They don’t. You’ve made sure of that. You are never boring. It’s impossible for you. You have no choice.

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empaths-hsp · 4 years

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Overwhelmed? Here’s How to Create ‘Blank Space’ in Your Life

I knew that something needed to change when I’d walk in the door, drop the keys, and start spiraling. My house isn’t messy, but it’s not tidy either. I’d sit on my couch, feeling overwhelmed after a full day at work and an environment that seemed out of my control, and snap at my husband about the crumbs on our counters. The smoke alarm going off during dinner could bring me to tears.

All of these reactions stemmed from my high sensitivity, which craved a calm, stable home space. Instead, I constantly associated our home with stress, and I didn’t know what changes I could make in order to calm myself down.

I struggled to understand why my husband ignored the clutter strewn across the coffee table or nightstand, or why I would feel so overwhelmed at the idea of ignoring the few chores I know would set me up for the week and giving my attention over to a Sunday packed with activities — even fun ones.

It wasn’t until I read about the need for “blank space” that I started to understand that home was not a haven for me. But I could make it one.

HSPs Need Their Blank Space

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) don’t like being busy, and we don’t like it when our homes aren’t sanctuaries. We require time to process the world around us because we feel everything so much more deeply than others, and we require quiet space to do that.

What I didn’t realize was that by jumping from thing to thing, or walking in from work to a sink piled with dishes, I was interfering with my brain’s natural need to reset in a calm environment.

Blank space looks different for everyone, but it simply means giving your brain some breathing room by quieting your thoughts about obligations and worries, and eliminating (as much as possible) those things that stress you out. Blank space helps us focus on what we can control by streamlining some of the common stressors and routine tasks of our lives, and giving us permission to reset in between larger, more complex demands.

For HSPs in particular, blank space can clear away some of the triggers that tend to ramp up our emotions and give us the mental timeout we need to engage with the wider, louder world.

How I Made Room for Blank Space in My Life

For me, the process of creating blank space was first about recognizing my triggers and what made me feel overstimulated. These included walking into a house full of mess or clutter, feeling like I had too many tasks and no plan to complete them, and feeling like I was losing control because those small things were piling up.

While I have larger methods in place to help me work on these triggers (exercise and counseling), I also started to research the changes I could make in my daily routine to help manage my sensitivities and keep them from spiraling into something that caused a large, overwhelming reaction.

Once I was honest with myself about what I needed in order to process and keep myself from spinning out, I started taking steps toward creating blank spaces in both my time and my home. A lot of this centered around acts of decluttering and cleaning, as I found that visually freeing up space not only made me feel more at peace, but also helped me not to get so emotional. And I stopped packing my schedule — or letting others pack it for me — and made sure I had time built into every day to reflect and dive inward.

Like I said, though, it looks different for everyone. Here are a few tips to help you start cultivating more blank space in your life so you have a happier headspace and a happier home space.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Subscribe here.

4 Tips to Create Blank Space in Your Life

1. Take 15 minutes a day to spot clean and put things away.

As much as I like the idea of just being able to ignore chores until a designated day, the fact was that letting laundry pile up or crumbs sit on the counter was not going to work for me. Setting aside fifteen minutes after work helps me know that I have time to address things that are bothering me in my home without making me feel like I need to deep clean the whole house. Bonus: the constant, smaller cleaning tasks help make the deeper cleans go more quickly.

Feeling like I have control over these tasks has made me less short with other members of my household and helped me to feel more relaxed when I am at home. Of course, it’s all well and good to say this, but actually finding the time meant moving something else. For me, that meant getting honest about the fact that my after work Instagram scrolling habit wasn’t about destressing, as much as it was about avoidance. If you can find a fifteen (or even five minute) habit that isn’t serving you, try switching it up!

2. Get rid of items that were creating a mess.

If there’s less there, there’s less to clean. While I love decorative objects and knicknacks as much as anyone, the reality was that having a dozen candles on the coffee table that held zero sentimental value (and rarely got lit, if we’re being honest) made me feel like I was failing at organization and made it more difficult to clean and maintain my home. Getting rid of some of these things and adopting a more minimalist aesthetic allowed me to stop spending brain space on them and kept me from stressing over clutter.

3. Develop systems to deal with small tasks right away.

I find to-do lists key for managing tasks and helping me avoid the stress spirals that can quickly engulf me as a highly sensitive person. However, some of the smaller tasks on my lists were taking up more space in my brain than the time it would take to do them. I made a rule for myself that I would deal with any task that took less than a minute immediately.

This meant that I spent fewer moments worrying about everything I had to do and had more time to concentrate on longer, more satisfying projects. The beautiful part is that it can apply to non-household tasks as well. Try simple shifts like automating bills, streamlining your breakfast choices, or muting or deleting apps that demand your attention with little interruptions. For tasks that can’t be dealt with immediately, free up space in your mind by chunking things (like responding to emails) at a certain time, which allows you to not be distracted by decisions they may require constantly.

4. Reframe the idea of downtime.

Like a lot of other people I have talked to, I place a high emphasis on productivity. For me, checking items off a list is a great way to manage some of the anxieties that I deal with on a daily basis. While I’m always an advocate for using time wisely, I also needed to give myself permission to relax in order to reset my brain and achieve some of the calm that is so essential to functioning in our modern world.

I have worked to reframe my view of these activities, so that I no longer see myself as lazy. I know recognize how these breaks help me to be a kinder person and allow me to engage in more stimulating activities, knowing that I will have a reserve to help me reset and take a break from these triggers.

Your particular feelings may not be the same as mine, but I encourage you to take an honest look at how you can create blank spaces in your own life, and how this can help you feel more balanced and whole. HSPs require time and space to process our lives, and if either of those are harried or messy, we’ll be even more overwhelmed at the end of the day. Whatever your particular needs might be, I hope you will find, as I did, that respecting them helps you create more space for joy and peace in your life.

You might like:

Why Your Physical Environment is So Important If You’re an HSP

14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy

How to Speak to Loved Ones About Being Highly Sensitive

The post Overwhelmed? Here’s How to Create ‘Blank Space’ in Your Life appeared first on Highly Sensitive Refuge.

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#Empaths #Introverts #Highly Sensitive People #Tips

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chocolate-brownies · 5 years

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Leslie and Josh came to therapy to talk about their son’s problems in school. But it soon became apparent that they had a different problem altogether—one common to working parents.

Their daily routine included a dizzying array of activities and responsibilities that kept them constantly stressed. Getting their kids out the door to school was an ordeal, involving much haranguing and eating on the run. After working long hours, they arrived home to a laundry list of other duties. Constant interruptions from electronic devices made them feel on call to their workplaces and disengaged from each other. Though unhappy, they didn’t know what to do or how to make a change.

As an experienced child and family psychologist (Anthony) and a management psychologist who works with business leaders (Paul), we were struck by how common these concerns are. We hear the same thing over and over from the people who come to see us: They feel overwhelmed by life. They struggle to make choices and decisions. They often feel stuck, adrift, or thwarted.

For many of us, the pace of life has accelerated to a level where we can’t fully adapt. We exist in a buzz of worry that we’re not doing what we’re meant to do, and the anxiety we feel, in turn, makes it difficult to get things done, creating a spiral of inaction. What we need is more agency: the ability to cut through all of what pulls at us, find emotional and physical balance, think more clearly, and advocate for ourselves so we can take a course of action that makes sense. With agency, we can feel more in command of our lives.

In our new book, The Power of Agency, we outline seven steps to creating more personal agency, so that you can put yourself on a more powerful path—whether at work, in your relationships, or in life in general. Here is what we recommend.

1. Control stimuli

Agency begins with what you let into your mind—meaning what comes in from your environment. If you are lacking agency, it’s likely your attention is being hijacked and you need to figure out how to restore it.

For example, research has shown that having a phone present while you work distracts you and interferes with your capacity to think. On the other hand, taking a walk (especially outdoors) is a good way to restore depleted attention in your brain so you can concentrate better later.

To help you increase your agency, practice going to quiet and screen-free spaces to escape overstimulation. That may mean spending time in nature, turning off your phone notifications while at work, or avoiding eating in loud cafeterias.

2. Associate selectively

It’s impossible not to be affected by those around us—it’s easy to “catch” their emotions, for example, and our brains tend to synch up when we associate with other people. That means you should set boundaries with difficult people, disentangle yourself from negative online interactions, and be more conscious of how you might be vulnerable to “groupthink”—pressures to behave or think in ways that are contrary to your values.

Surround yourself with friends, family, and communities who encourage you to reach your full potential, nurture your talents, affirm your values.

Instead, surround yourself with friends, family, and communities who encourage you to reach your full potential, nurture your talents, affirm your values and difficult decisions, and give you a reality check when you’ve behaved badly or are stuck in negative thinking. You can also get involved with your community through volunteering or just chatting with local merchants or neighbors. These positive social interactions will improve your state of mind and physical health, two critical building blocks of agency.

3. Move

Physical movement, along with proper rest and nutrition, puts your body and mind into balance, giving you greater motivation, strength, and stamina. Research has shown that sitting a lot is dangerous for your health, and that even short breaks from concentrated periods of inactivity—like getting up to stretch or walking around the block—are good for you. Studies also suggest that exercise can lead to greater self-control—the ability to defer gratification, which is key to agency.

If you’re in deep at work, set a timer to go off every hour and remind yourself to take a moment to assess your mood. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, get up and move. And, if you’re having any issues at work, discussing them in a walking meeting (instead of a sitting meeting) may help mitigate conflicts.

4. Position yourself as a learner

People with high levels of agency are continually learning more and expanding their capacity to learn by adopting a more open, collaborative approach to everything in life. This requires nurturing your curiosity and allowing yourself to explore new ideas, skills, and people.

You can take an interesting class, explore your world kinetically (through your hands or body), or spend time playing or using your imagination. Or you can learn from other people by staying curious and asking them open-ended questions, listening to gain understanding, and avoiding any quick judgments.

This isn’t always easy. Practicing a growth mindset—where you recognize that you are a work in progress, capable of learning and changing—can help combat the fear of failure or judgment that often come with learning new things. If you have trouble letting go of perfectionism, it might help to practice mindfulness meditation, which has been shown to reduce self-judgment, or use cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques that help put mistakes in perspective.

5. Manage your emotions and beliefs

Too often, we operate from unconscious beliefs—I’m too old to learn a new job skill or No one will ever want to be in a relationship with me—without being aware of how they thwart us from even trying certain things. When we are driven by unconscious emotions like fear, sadness, or worry, it can lower our energy and make us feel doomed or overwhelmed, which also hurts our agency.

Increasing your awareness of how your emotions and beliefs drive your thinking, influence your behavior, and affect your judgment will help you navigate life with greater confidence. While uncovering these inner thoughts and emotions may take effort, being more self-reflective helps you keep grounded by slowing down your thinking process.

For example, try to catch yourself the next time you feel angry with yourself. Don’t automatically accept that harmful emotion or, worse, dwell on it. Instead, pause and question it. Why am I feeling this way? Am I pressuring myself too much? Maybe my beliefs and expectations need some adjusting. Start by slowing your thinking down. Take slow deep breaths. Take yourself to a quiet place. Consciously let go of the tension building up in your muscles. These simple techniques will relax you and keep you more self-aware. This enhances your agency by putting you more in charge of what you feel and think.

Don’t automatically accept that harmful emotion or, worse, dwell on it. Instead, pause and question it.

By learning how to recognize our inner emotions and thoughts, name them, and let them pass through us, we can practice more self-control, which also helps build greater agency.

6. Check your intuition

Think of intuition as deep inner knowledge that is comprised of millions of data points that our brains have observed over the course of our lives. When used wisely, it can be a tremendous boost to our creativity and help us make important decisions, thereby increasing our level of agency.

Many of us are familiar with visceral, gut feelings about people or things—such as when you meet a new boss and sense right away that he’s bad news. When you’re in situations involving unclear social demands with few clues to navigate them, this type of intuition can be useful to you. However, you must be careful not to confuse intuition with bias and prejudice. In situations where emotions are running high—like during a job interview or when swiping on Tinder, for example—it’s best to slow down, take a breath, check in with others, and get more information rather than relying exclusively on quick, automatic impressions.

Strategic intuition, a second type of intuition, is more intentional. For example, you decide to stop thinking about a particularly vexing problem at work and—while on a long run, in the shower, or after meditating—a solution avails itself.

Finally, “expert” intuition happens after long periods, sometimes years, of practice at a particular skill. Here, less conscious parts of your brain are able to take over, provided you stay calm. Think of a pilot handling an emergency landing who allows their mind and body to perform as needed, without consciously thinking through each and every step.

 You can get better at using intuition to inform your decision-making if you learn to quiet your mind, develop a greater awareness of what you’re thinking and feeling, and listen to your body.

7. Deliberate, then act

 People with low agency experience common impediments when trying to make sound decisions. They may procrastinate, obsess over details, or worry excessively during the process; they may lack confidence and be risk-averse; or their thinking may be too fast and they act on impulse. When making an important decision, like where to move or how to advance your career, it’s helpful to stop and deliberate first. Put yourself in an environment conducive to reflection and exploration, and make sure you have time and your emotions are calm. Then, focus on the issue at hand enough to clarify your primary objective and what is at stake. Asking open-ended questions and gathering pertinent facts also helps.

It’s good to generate lots of options at first, making sure that any strong emotions or biases aren’t driving your thoughts. Then, you can draft a plan for yourself based on those options, putting your thoughts and decisions into writing. The plan should simplify your options and incorporate the most important facts. At this point, let your mind rest and allow any intuition to rise to the surface. Set your plan aside and come back a while later to reassess it, making changes as necessary.

Remember, taking action doesn’t require 100 percent certainty. Higher-agency people will start to act if they are 80 percent sure or more. So, don’t over-deliberate before acting. You can always reassess later if need be.

Having more agency means taking responsibility for your life. The next time you sense something happening around you—or within you—that doesn’t feel quite right, don’t ignore it and reflexively press on. Exercise the discipline to stop, pay attention, and work on finding a better path for yourself. By practicing more agency, you’ll have more influence over your life and greater impact on the lives of others.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

The post Seven Ways to Develop Personal Agency appeared first on Mindful.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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survival0001-blog · 5 years

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Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

New Post has been published on https://outdoorsurvivalqia.com/trending/survival-skills-for-highly-sensitive-people/

Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

Traits of a Highly Sensitive Person: All highly sensitive people (HSPs) are unique individuals, but they have certain traits in common. Elaine Aron, PhD, a researcher who specializes in the topic, has developed an acronym that summarizes them: DOES.

D: Depth of processing “HSPs simply process everything more, relating and comparing what they notice to their past experiences,” Aron explains. “When we decide without knowing how we came to that decision, we call this intuition, and HSPs have a good — but not infallible! — intuition.”

O: Overstimulation “What’s overstimulating to each person is different,” says Bevin Niemann, who coaches HSPs and self-identifies as highly sensitive. “It could be noise, bright lights, crowds, emotional situations — the scratchy tags in the back of a shirt might be intolerable.”

E: Emotional reactivity and empathy “We connect deeply with art, music, theater, nature, animals, stories, and books,” Niemann says. Studies have found HSPs to be especially empathetic to others, sometimes to the point of being overgiving.

S: Sensing the subtle Highly sensitive people are attuned to signals that others might miss, Aron asserts. “Our awareness of subtleties is useful in a number of ways, from simple pleasure in life to strategizing our responses based on others’ nonverbal cues.”

By all appearances, Lynelle Trigalet was thriving. In her early 40s, she managed the hectic costume shop for a theater company, where she led teams of up to 30 employees. As soon as she left the shop in the evenings, however, things changed: She had little energy for the rest of her life. She’d make dinner and then almost immediately fall asleep in front of the television. Her husband half-joked that she had an on/off switch.

Trigalet wondered why she didn’t seem to have as much energy as other people. Assuming the problem was her long work hours, she quit her job to become a wellness coach. But something was still not right. Her life — including her marriage — was falling apart, and she felt like “a failure in every aspect.”

Planning to switch careers again, Trigalet enlisted the help of a professional mentor, who happened to ask her if she was a “highly sensitive person,” or HSP. She hadn’t heard the term before, so she took a self-test designed by sensitivity expert Elaine Aron, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.

Trigalet scored high — “really high,” she says — and her initial reaction to the label was shame. Like many people, she associated the word “sensitive” with being weak or overly emotional.

But HSPs aren’t simply overwrought or neurotic. Highly sensitive people — a designation that includes about 20 percent of the population — have uniquely receptive nervous systems. The trait runs in families and even appears in animal behavior.

These types have a harder time filtering out potentially extraneous information, so their brains absorb everything. They may be hypersensitive to sounds, bright lights, tastes, and scents, which means they get overstimulated easily. But these people are also often highly creative, detail oriented, and capable of synthesizing diverse information in novel ways.

Once Trigalet recognized that she was an HSP, events in her life that had been puzzling before — like the fact that she cried every day after school during junior high — made sense. She hadn’t been depressed; she was tired and overstimulated from interacting with people all day.

The reason for the exhaustion she felt after work became clear, too. Because the brains of HSPs absorb so much information, they require extra downtime to process it. When she was busy managing her teams, usually working straight through lunch, Trigalet had no downtime whatsoever.

Her entire life improved when she finally began to understand the trait she’d carried since birth. Her marriage stabilized as she and her spouse recognized the reasons behind her need for space and quiet. And instead of beating herself up for being “different” and struggling to fit into jobs that didn’t suit her, Trigalet used her perceptive and conscientious nature (another HSP trait) to become a transformational leadership coach who works primarily with HSPs.

Reframing past events and recognizing one’s strengths are among the key steps toward thriving as a sensitive person, says Aron. These strategies can help you support HSPs — whether it’s yourself or a loved one.

Mental Self-Care

HSPs are often mistaken for introverts. There’s an overlap, but they’re not the same. Aron estimates that 70 percent of HSPs are introverts and 30 percent are extroverts. And, while it may seem more feminine in nature, the trait appears equally in women and men.

Similarly, many HSPs are labeled shy or socially awkward as children, but they may not be at all. “Sensitive people just need a little bit more time to process,” says Bevin Niemann, a coach and mentor for HSPs. “We’re going through a database of experience. We address patterns, look at ideas, and then pull all that together.”

If a sensitive person grows up in a culture that judges reserve and sensitivity as weaknesses, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. But reframing earlier experiences can help HSPs understand past awkwardness and move forward with confidence.

Trigalet reappraised her teenage tears and adult exhaustion, learning to view them as products of her sensitivity rather than as personality flaws; Aron suggests other newly realized HSPs might do the same — and feel a greater sense of self-acceptance.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: Make room for a sensitive person’s need for downtime — it’s a wonderful way to show support. You might also try practicing patience while your friend or loved one takes a bit longer to process information.

Physical Self-Care

Psychologist Michael Alcée, PhD, identifies as an HSP, and he finds the trait helpful for his practice. “It’s easy to intuitively pick up on different registers of feelings, almost like a good musician learns to track the complex interplay of dissonance and consonance within a song. You’re able to see finer gradations.”

To accommodate his sensitivity, Alcée has made adjustments to his physical environment — installing softer lighting in his office, for example. “I knew those fluorescent lights would be blaring in my face the whole day,” he says. “By changing them, I could be more present and therefore more helpful.”

Highly sensitive people often benefit from making similar small alterations to their workplaces and schedules, such as politely requesting that a colleague wear less perfume or seeking permission to take a quick nap after lunch, something one of Trigalet’s employees did years ago.

“I didn’t really think anything of it at the time,” Trigalet recalls. But if she’d known then what she knows now, Trigalet would have done the same thing herself. Taking time for naps and maintaining good sleep habits (regular bedtimes, a minimum of eight hours’ rest) is vital to helping HSPs stay grounded.

Regular meals are also important, says psychiatrist Judith Orloff, MD, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide. Because low blood-sugar levels can spark sensory overload, it’s helpful for these types to avoid getting too hungry.

Finally, any type of gentle movement — yoga, long walks in nature, bike rides — can provide HSPs a chance to physically dispel anxious energy without causing overstimulation.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive:Managers, parents, and others in supervisory positions can benefit from knowing that sensitive types function best when offered some quiet downtime. Sleep is crucial for HSPs — it allows them to recover from all that stimulation — and because many are prone to insomnia or interrupted sleep, naps are especially beneficial.

Emotional Self-Care

HSPs have intense feelings — a lot of them.

They exhibit intense empathy, often sensing the emotions and needs of those around them (which can cause them to slip into an off-putting “fix it” mode). Their sometimes-porous personal boundaries can present a real challenge to loved ones, who may feel disrespected or may unconsciously exploit those caretaking tendencies.

This means that developing strong boundaries is especially key to their emotional health.

“HSPs can pick up on things that are going on with other people,” Alcée says. “And it’s an important art to be able to say, ‘This is theirs; this is mine.’ Just because you can be receptive doesn’t mean that you have to be.”

Good boundaries are like a good jazz composition, he says. “I need to come back to my own instrument and make sure that I am in tune and know how to ‘read the changes’ before I try to make music with others.”

Practice setting boundaries by saying no, Orloff suggests — starting with easy interactions. “Say the telemarketer calls,” she explains. “You can practice by saying, ‘Please don’t call me again’ and then hanging up.

“You don’t have to make it into a big, long explanation when you set a boundary,” she adds. “‘No’ is a complete sentence.”

For HSPs who tend to feel the emotions of others, Orloff recommends repeating a mantra, such as “Return to sender.” Differentiating between one’s own emotions and those of another is a valuable skill that gets easier over time, but just having enough awareness to repeat a mantra is an indispensable first step.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive:When you interact with sensitive people, try not to take it personally when they say no or set boundaries in other ways. Remember that it’s difficult for them to set limits, so rather than being disappointed or annoyed by their awkwardness, you might consider celebrating their courage instead.

Social Self-Care

Social events (especially parties) can be a challenge for highly sensitive types. The stimulation of a loud, crowded place is unlikely to bring out their best, and because they tend toward deep thinking, small talk can be draining. Ideally, HSPs will plan plenty of downtime, both before and after group experiences.

There are other steps they can take to make these gatherings more enjoyable. “Prepare in advance,” suggests Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC, who counsels HSPs. “Get adequate sleep. Wear comfortable clothes. Eat a small protein meal before you go.”

Periodically stepping outside or retreating to the bathroom can help reduce sensory overload, and breathing exercises will amplify a break’s calming effect. Strickland recommends inhaling for a count of eight, holding it for a count of four, and then exhaling for a count of eight. Or just close your eyes, breathe deeply, and tune out additional stimuli.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: When attending a party with a highly sensitive friend, be prepared to leave a little earlier than you may prefer; HSPs will reach their saturation point sooner than most. If you know you’d like to stay late at a gathering, consider planning for separate transportation.

These suggestions are all provisional, of course. “The No. 1 thing for highly sensitive people is to have a self-care plan that’s based on who they are,” Strickland notes. HSPs may have many similar traits, but each one has unique needs. With some acceptance and forethought, those needs don’t have to be a burden. Proper self-care can transform that sensitivity into a blessing.

Take the Quiz: Find a variety of quizzes and informative articles, as well as a test to determine if you’re an HSP, at

This originally appeared as “The World According to Highly Sensitive People” in the January-February 2019 print issue of Experience Life.

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Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

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wallythayer · 5 years

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Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

Trigalet scored high — “really high,” she says — and her initial reaction to the label was shame. Like many people, she associated the word “sensitive” with being weak or overly emotional.

Mental Self-Care

Physical Self-Care

Finally, any type of gentle movement — yoga, long walks in nature, bike rides — can provide HSPs a chance to physically dispel anxious energy without causing overstimulation.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: Managers, parents, and others in supervisory positions can benefit from knowing that sensitive types function best when offered some quiet downtime. Sleep is crucial for HSPs — it allows them to recover from all that stimulation — and because many are prone to insomnia or interrupted sleep, naps are especially beneficial.

Emotional Self-Care

HSPs have intense feelings — a lot of them.

This means that developing strong boundaries is especially key to their emotional health.

“You don’t have to make it into a big, long explanation when you set a boundary,” she adds. “‘No’ is a complete sentence.”

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: When you interact with sensitive people, try not to take it personally when they say no or set boundaries in other ways. Remember that it’s difficult for them to set limits, so rather than being disappointed or annoyed by their awkwardness, you might consider celebrating their courage instead.

Social Self-Care

Take the Quiz: Find a variety of quizzes and informative articles, as well as a test to determine if you’re an HSP, at hsperson.com/test

This originally appeared as “The World According to Highly Sensitive People” in the January-February 2019 print issue of Experience Life.

Get the full story at https://experiencelife.com/article/survival-skills-for-highly-sensitive-people/

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alshamey · 7 years

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12 Bad Habits For Mental Health http://yourgradgear.com/2017/10/10/12-bad-habits-for-mental-health/

New Post has been published on http://yourgradgear.com/2017/10/10/12-bad-habits-for-mental-health/

12 Bad Habits For Mental Health

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Hang on to your happiness

Depression is usually brought on by factors beyond our control—the death of a loved one, a job loss, or financial troubles. But the small choices you make every day may also affect your mood more than you may realize. Your social media habits, exercise routine, and even the way you walk may be sucking the happiness out of your day, and you may not even know it. Luckily, these behaviors can be changed. Read on for 12 ways you’re sabotaging your good moods, and what you can do to turn it around. RELATED: 10 Signs You Could Be Depressed

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You slouch when you walk

How we feel can affect the way we walk, but the inverse is also true, finds a study published in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry. Researchers found that when subjects were asked to walk with shoulders slouched, hunched over, and with minimum arm movements, they experienced worse moods than those who had more pep in their steps. What’s more, participants who walked in the slouchy style remembered more negative things rather than positive things. Talk about depressing. Get happy now: Lift your chin up and roll your shoulders back to keep your outlook on the positive side.

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You take pictures of EVERYTHING

Instagram queens, listen up. Haphazardly snapping pictures may hamper how you remember those moments, according to a study published in Psychological Science. In the study, participants took a museum tour, observing some objects and snapping pics of others. Afterward, they had a harder time remembering the items they photographed compared with the ones they looked at. “The lens is a veil in front of your eyes and we don’t realize it’s there,” says Diedra L. Clay, PsyD, chair and associate professor of the counseling and health psychology department at Bastyr University in Kenmore, Wash. Get happy now: Focus on your subjects when taking pictures—or, better yet, just sit back and enjoy yourself. Soak up the beauty and participate in the action. These are the things the will make you mentally stronger, says Clay. RELATED: 12 Signs You May Have an Anxiety Disorder

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You’re letting a bully get the best of you

Bullying doesn’t end when you leave school. Approximately 54 million workers, or 35% of U.S. employees, are targeted by a bully at some point in their careers, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute. More than 70% of people have witnessed a workplace bully, says Erin K. Leonard, PhD, a practicing psychotherapist and author of the book, Emotional Terrorism: Breaking the Chains of a Toxic Relationship. “Being attacked maliciously in the place of pride and self-esteem continuously, it can be devastating. It makes you emotional volatile so that it is even difficult to get up and go work.” Get happy now: The Workplace Bullying Institute recommends you first make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your physical and mental health. Then, after you’ve carefully documented as many of your interactions as possible, follow the organization’s three-step action plan.

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You don’t exercise

Consider this: If you become more active three times a week, your risk of being depressed decreases 19%, according to a new study in JAMA Psychiatry. After following more than 11,000 people born in 1958 up until the age of 50, and recording depressive symptoms and levels of physical activity at regular intervals, University College London researchers found a correlation between physical activity and depression. People who were depressed were less likely to be active, while those who were active were less likely to be depressed. In fact, for every time they were active, depression risk decreased 6%. Get happy now: Just get out and move. It doesn’t need to be for long—walking to errands if possible, taking the stairs—but any activity will help keep your mind moving. RELATED: Secrets of People Who Love to Exercise

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You procrastinate

Think about a task you’ve been putting off. If the reason is because it’s boring or you just don’t feel like doing it, well, we can’t help you there. But if you’re avoiding the task because it makes you anxious or because you’re afraid of failing, then procrastinating just makes completing it more nerve-wracking. Get happy now: Before you finally tackle your problem head-on, do something that helps you ease stress: listen to music, go for a run, Leonard suggests engaging in an activity that helps disintegrate the anxiety. This way you can insert a bit of fun into it, instead of stress. RELATED: 12 Reasons to Stop Multitasking

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You’re in a toxic relationship

“I have many clients suffering from anxiety and depression not realize it’s because of a toxic relationship,” Leonard says. “It eats away their self-esteem. Their partners have them believing that they are incompetent, or selfish. Sometimes it takes years for people to realize that their depression and their anxiety comes from their relationships and that they have been dismantled.” Get happy now: You may need some help with this one. First, read up on the signs that your partner may be abusive. Then, consult either a professional, a family member, or a close friend to help you recognize the signs.

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You take life too seriously

You trip on a crack in the sidewalk, and instead of shrugging it off, you cower with embarrassment. If that sounds like you, it’s time to find some ways to laugh more. “There are many studies showing the benefits of laughter on our health and this includes mental health,” Leonard says. “Laughter is the fast medicine for anxiety and depression.” Get happy now: Seek out humor every day. Watch a funny TV show, listen to the Laugh USA channel on SiriusXM Radio, or spend time with friends who make you smile. You could even try volunteering with kids—they really do say the darndest things.

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You don’t sleep

“Sleep affects everything,” says Diedra L. Clay, PsyD, chair and associate professor of the counseling and health psychology department at Bastyr University, “emotional and mental capabilities, as well as our bodies’ functioning. Sleep is our bodies way of regenerating and without it the system malfunctions.” Determine exactly how much sleep you need here. Get happy now: Try to figure out why you aren’t sleeping and then take the steps to create a restful environment.

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You’re never alone

Between kids, work, marriage, and other activities, you can’t find a moment to be alone (and locking yourself in the bathroom doesn’t count). Leonard stresses the importance of finding time for yourself, whether it is 10 minutes, an hour, or a day. Without taking the time to do things for yourself, depression and anxiety creep in, says Leonard. Get happy now: Schedule an appointment for you time. And more importantly, keep it.

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You don’t actually talk to anyone

If you primarily use texting, Facebook, and other social media to stay in touch with friends, you’re not having meaningful contact—and chatting up the Starbucks barista every morning doesn’t count. “Facebook pages are entertainment,” Clay says. “These are not true conversations that allow us to understand people. Instead, it lessens our experiences and feelings.” Michael Mantell, PhD, a behavioral sciences coach based in San Diego, Calif., agrees. “Personal electronics (like smartphones) have also impacted attention, demands for immediate gratification, and expectations that the press of a button can lead to instantaneous connection,” Mantell says. “We have also learned to not have face-to-face connections, only virtual. This impacts our ability and interest in sitting in the same room with someone, and actually talk with people face-to-face.” Get happy now: “At the end of or lives, the number of followers we have doesn’t matter,” Clay says. “But friends do.” Make sure to schedule a date with a friend, family member, or partner at least once week.

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You can’t live without your mobile phone

When was the last time that you were completely electronic-device free? Can’t remember? Not a good sign. “With all the devices we have, it tends to overstimulate us,” Clay says. “And if we are always on, then we never truly rest and regenerate our bodies and our minds.” Eventually, this can manifest itself as depression or anxiety. Get happy now: Create an electronic Sabbath, where you abstain from all devices once a week, even if just for half a day.

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You multitask

We’re all guilty of multitasking: we take lunch at our desks, scroll through Facebook while watching TV, and text pretty much constantly. Research shows that although many people believe they’re being more productive by multitasking, that’s not actually the case—it just leaves us stressed out, oblivious to our surroundings, and unable to communicate effectively. Get happy now: It’s simple, really: put down the phone, turn off the television, and pay attention to what you are doing and what is going on around you. Allowing your brain to process everything that is happening to you in real time (and not broadcasting it to your social media followers) may be the best thing you can do for your mental health.