#but you know what? things been ok lately | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fantasmagoriam · 1 year

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Exactly one year ago my adventure with FFXIV started, so happy anniversary to me and the loml (lizard of my life)

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #wol #au ra #I'm not going to go off talking about 'how much this game means to me' and so on and so forth #but you know what? things been ok lately #dare I even say that they've been. good?#is it because I started playing the critically acclaimed mmorpg finaled fanta see 14?#of course not but it did somewhat fell on the timeline at the same time so why not pair two good things together #all in all: I'm happy I started playing it #.... alright enough of this go home everyone #oc: nigen avagnar #Matry's art

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crescentfool · 5 months

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orpheus and thanatos 💚

#persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #makoto yuki #lizzy does art #HIII EVERYONE :3 happy halloween.... (has been working on this for four weeks off and on)#i've always yearned to see art of ryoji and minato based on thanatos and orpheus!!!#i know that ryoji can be likened to being the eurydice figure which i agree with but I HAVE BEEN THINKING SO HARD ABT THEM LIKE THIS OK.#it was nice to give drawing something more ambitious (for my standards) an earnest try again! i love working with lineless and lighting #and working on this has inspired me to HOPEFULLY start doing some studies of sorts! i want to learn so many things...#all so that i can make ryomina as epic as possible...#also LET ME TELL YOU that thanatos coffins are making me realize i seriously need to do drawabox or something.#trying to put them in perspective is hard... but im pretty happy with what i made!!!#also can i just say i love how shapely orpheus is?? i love orpheus joints etc etc its so nice. very fresh #sighs longingly. i love them very much they make me want to do better at things. i hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead! 💙#very excited to see what people do for ryomina week (<- they haven't made anything 4 it yet bc Busy... but i'll submit smthn late maybe)

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hammill-goes-fogwalking · 26 days

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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

#not dislike. its hate #it made me cry several times today #thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers #and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING #its so painful to think of it #today I broke down in the bus and cried #idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside #maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams #the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days #this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste #*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS #the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously #this breaks my heart #dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons #AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔

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finncakes · 1 year

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scribbly-doos of some of my fave c3 ships

#ashrym #imodna #witchy bitches #not pictured is fearne/fcg. i'm fucking bonkers ig.#anyway i've had mostly ashrym and witchy bitches on the brain lately tbh #fully lost my mind and i am convinced ashton has some sorta feelings for orym #it's like. the little things ok. listen. i notice. i am the noticer (ashrym edition)#aLSO it's been a minute since i posted ashrym or imodna #so #it's my duty to do so #but by god these bitches gay!#they talked abt training on the ship for half a second at the end in the last ep and my brain went 'ASHRYM SPARRING SESSION WHEN.'#also i WILL looked too much into the fact that orym tocuhed ash a bunch during their heart-to-heart but not fcg #inch-resting....<- to me it is.#and YES i watched the clip of orym giving ash a flower 8000 times. ash's face is soft for half a second before they cover it with sarcasm #like....girl...i see you. i know what you are.#okie i stfu now i have to make dinner byeeeeeeeeee

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twilightarcade · 9 days

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everyday I draw beautiful arms and forwhat

#wordstag #whatever. I know I need to do them. Morally speaking and artistically speaking #but it makes me soooo sad like yeah sorry. im gonna have to censor you with a sleeve. That’s literally a rectangle. Yeah it’s irreversible.#I suffer everyday and forwhat. Does this amuse someone out there? Did someone want me to live this way?#anyway its actually so hot in here. And also so late. On da clock. I haven’t stayed up this long in ages #kind of weird. Like in my heart I know it probably the drugs (<- see: I had some caffeine both today and yesterday. Calling it a drug #sounds funny & amuses me.) but also what the hellllll literally what if bro up to.#I could be like. Sleepin with this time. Dreamin and things of the sort. But we’re here. Hellworld #anyway that arm thing I think its because I like 2 wear long sleeves. Like to the point where if I wear short sleeves someone is bound to #throw some sorta fit about it. HENCEFORTH ! I force my ideas onto innocent characters. Because of woke.#or something along those lines. Really it just gives me more fabric to work with <- guy who doesn’t outfit design all too often #anyway ive been watching house season one as of late have you seen that show dude .#ok uhhhherrrhmmmmmmm bye

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sydmarch · 1 year

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anyway this is what i was actually trying to find. fucking thinking about this.

#NEED to know about their young adulthood. acele is described as 'late teens to early twenties' & we have no fucking clue how old evrart #is beyond 'around the same age as harry' which could mean anything when klaasje thinks hes 44 & kim thinks hes 56 #but i imagine they ARE actuslly very close in age bcus it'd just make sense wrt the timing of the revolution & all & yknow the parallels #so like they definitely could have been somewhere in their mid or late 20s when they came into power? & this 'at her age' as just a handful #of years before that? (choosing to just believe this line rather than taking it as him only trying to 'kids will be kids'ing away the drug #lab thing & making something up. so i can totally just like imagine lots of anger. at the state of things. about powerlessness. what do we #DO about it? probably getting into trouble & getting in fights for a long time. like leo says they ALWAYS came to help it wasn't just a one #off thing where they defended him it was just that one incident where the bullying stopped. bcus they beat him until he NEEDED STITCHES #like god i can just imagine their childhood & then the adolescent & young adult frustration & all of that coalescing into ok we WILL do #something to make things better. whatever it takes even. coming to the decision it's worth killing for #'your honor it's fine that my little meow meow had someone assassinated he had a bad childhood you see'#im chewing through concrete im throwing up im pacing my enclosure #anyway. me when i'm normal about the video game men #texticles #de #disco elysium #evrart

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cerealmonster15 · 4 days

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I want to try you house out of the sheer curiosity of seeing it on so many people’s art fight bios and I want to SEE!!!! but I think u gotta get codes from real human beings (who pay to use the site I think?? That gives them codes??) in order get in there so. I guess I will be turning into a turnip instead.

#I am all over the place right now and I CANNOT wrangle my stupid little brain meat right now #Do u ever sneeze so hard you nearly throw out ur back #I fear that every time I sneeze bc I sneeze kind of aggressively #Like just now. Like they’re not scary loud like my parents #But they’re hefty!!!!!#Anyway would I even use toy house or just stare at it and get scared??? Well I don’t know.#But I think I would try may haps #It all depends on the community I crave community #<- says the person whose been actively hiding from tumblr days at a time #Despite this being the only place I DO have that online community circle lol #Um it’s complicated. I’m experiencing a complicated thing in my brain lately I cannot explain it I’m. It’s fine. 🚶#not leaving tho id be too sad #Im justbhwhehdhfhfhthtjtgjfgngng trying to figure something out. I do not know what yet #Ok I gotta pee goodbye ✌️

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ankhisms · 8 months

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can i be emotionally vulnerable with you all in the torture dungeon

#anyway. keep feeling weird in a specific way but not really wanting to talk about it with anyone but also not talking about it makes it #feel like its crawling under my skin. and its not necessarily a bad feeling i just have a fucked up traumatized brain that makes #feeling things weird in general. i feel things so strongly or else im numb and outside my body and often struggle #with being super aware of myself because of this. where its also like im in survival mode constantly know and it can be easy #for me to go numb and not feel things or else be just going into panic panic panic hell freakout but beyond that it can be very hard #for me to identify feelings and such and having sat with this feeling its like. ok i think ive identified this but it feels #weird for me and i dont know what to do with this. should i do anything with this. probably not. and that carries its own #various baggage and relation to other issues im realizing i said i was going to be vulnerable but now i am just being very #vague about everything im saying. as you can tell i have problems and am noy good at being vulnerable #tldr feelings are weird. ive been feeling weird lately in specific ways that i dont know how to deal with but its not really bad but does #relate to certain issues i have with myself but idk really what to do besides just feeling it and letting it pass #but sometimrs iy has made me want to bang my head against a wall

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xjumbled-up-brainx · 10 months

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Octonauts Week Day 4!(Late😔)✨✨

TRANS TOMINNOW LETS GOOO!!!

I love the lil lass with all me heart💙💙

Oh Ho Ho what is the vegimal reflection theory u ask? :3 (if someone’s said this before pls let me know too!)

All the vegimals are like inverted versions of the main octonauts, I know the numbers don’t add up so some may double. This is based on character and highly around the A Very Vegimal Christmas episode. It is hinted at through Gup choice and which ones visit in the rooms looking for the crew, n how they are in the episode. I could go way into detail maybe after octo-week, but Tominnow is the complement of Kwazii:

Kwazii is braver, daring, more confident, stands out, sure of himself, more loud I guess too

Tominnow is smaller, quieter, more clumsy and more gentle

It has been hinted that Kwazii could be trans by meomi, and I think it is a common theory in our lovely community. This further supports because if Tominnow is an opposite, Kwazii being ftm and Tominnow being mtf makes sense👍

All vegimals that we know of are referred to as he, having only one she (that we know for sure) doesn’t rly make sense ig if all vegimals are the same just varying veggies and animal combos(the books).

I hc Tominnow prefers Kwazii too, I think they would totally be pirate buds and he would teach her the swashbuckling ways >:3 Also had a lil hc that Tominnow liked the Gup B so much Tweak designed a special (much smaller) version based on a Dwarf Lantern Shark :3

#just clarifying these r my personal thoughts and everyone has their own interpretations n that’s ok! :D #the vegimal reflection thing could be common knowledge n I’m just slow but it’s what I’ve been thinking about🥲#today may come later ^^#I HAD 1/2 OF THIS IN DRAFTS FROM YESTERDAY N NEVER FINSIHED SO ITS LATE😭😭😭#I had a good streak going😔😔#heheh my little trans Tominnow edit comes up when you google Tominnow :333 #I also know the Gup T is another one(they don’t tell her that :3) and the crew refers to it as the Gup t (lowercase)#octonauts week 2023 #octonauts #octonauts tominnow

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meownotgood · 11 months

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my very first fictional crush vs my current one what do you think they'd talk about if they met

#outing myself as an n lover.... I was never immune to his charms #I don't know why but I've been thinking about pokemon lately and how much I want to replay some of the games #every summer I feel the urge to play a pokemon game #and I was just reminded of N #when young me played black and white and N invited me on the ferris wheel with him....#and then when he walks towards your sprite really fast so he basically gives u a kiss #I felt things in my heart towards pixels on a screen I have never felt before #I literally remember using the internet function on my ds to search for N x hilda fan art #and I would save it to my gallery so I could admire it later when I was thinking of him #hilda was me btw #he's still so cool by the way I love you natural harmonia gropius #why do I feel like they have nothing in common besides having stupid looking hair #N immediately starts babbling on about how he's gonna liberate all pokemon and aki's like 'ok what is a pokemon is that some kind of devil'#forgive me I can't sleep and so I need to post about my silly little fixations

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thiefnessman · 1 year

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“ooooh late-diagnosed people have it so hard it’s so much better for people who were diagnosed in their childhood” stop it! they’re just giving you excuses! i was diagnosed with autism at a young age and my college refused to accept my paperwork because it was “too old”, meanwhile a bunch of my peers are given shit when seeking accommodations and whatnot because “ooh you were diagnosed too late”. no one has it better they’re just telling you bullshit.

#like ok there's some things that i have experienced that are probably better than someone who was diagnosed late #but there are also things i experienced due to my childhood diagnosis that sucked.#and furthermore: having been in special ed since... i dont know actually when i started? maybe 2nd grade?#and furthermore: just because i have a longer history of diagnosis and paperwork still does not grant me enough Legitimacy #in the eyes of Big Ableism (sorry. cant think of a way to phrase this)#no one will ever be 'good enough'#they are pitting people against each other and giving you dumb reasons as to why they wont accept and listen to you #sorry i just. the whole thing with my autism expiring and me explaining it to my peers at college was like.#oh people really think i have it better. they really told them they actually *like* it when people are diagnosed in childhood.#people actually believe that that is a magical wand that allows you to bypass ableism #bc ppl were so surprised that this was happening to me #dude they will give you bullshit abt diagnoses and paperwork no matter what!!! it's gatekeeping!!!#ignore the fact that two of these tags start with 'and furthermore' in a weird way. for some reason i cannot edit them

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wqxianvents · 7 months

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is it just me and my delusional poly nxx brainrot or are they making nxx supar domestic-like lately 🤨

#i have so many screenshots of this event pls #they just #the one where they were having a meeting in the morning??? like 😭😭💕#‘but we can discuss this after breakfast’#‘why tf did u take out your tablet and show us then??’#‘so you know what we’ll be discussing later 🤨’#LMFAOOO #artem 🤝 marius ;; being passive aggressive to eachother #luke 🤝 vyn 🤝 rosa ;; sipping their coffee and watching this whole thing #also marius bullying vyn abt waking up late and vyn being like this mf better stfu 😭#i love them #more drabbles for nxx/reader in my drafts neow 🤭#tears of themis #tot #!tot events #ALSO THE INVITATION IS SO ROETTY THE LOOK VYN GIVES MARIUS LMAOO #and when they look over at you to make sure youre okay ‼️‼️#can i get a smooch between everyone thanks #im so happy tho cuz like ive been writing on the quiz thing if they could have the nxx boys be more friendly to eachother and have the whole #nxx team be more ykyk and not have it be a battle between the guys cuz their dynamics over fighting is bettar #like?? artem leaning against the bookshelf ; marius blocking the door ; vyn mocking emmy and luke faking an attack #that was so hot just me ? ok 💃#they literally know how to read eachother’s minds without a glance and it means sm to me #rosa is proud of her boys too <33 #poly nxx

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horrorwebs · 7 months

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why are men literally the fucking worst

#theres a guy in one of my uni friend groups who has a crush on my friend also from the friend group #and she feels so so uncomfortable plus she hasnt done ANYTHING thatd give a hint that she likes him back. bc she doesnt #and now she doesnt feel ok around because hes so attached to her and so so needy and its like. well. way to fuck it up dude. fuck you #he has been acting so strange lately and not in a good way. strange awkward and needy and like. possesive.#her and i also have another friendgroup where frankly i feel much better with and she does too. and its like. well the guy is always like #butting in but now really being part of anything? like its not like he comes over to the grouo to be with all of us hes just sort of . there #talking only to her or sometimes me but its like not nice its weird and annoying #ALSO HES SO PATRONIZING TOWARDS HER ITS AWFUL #AND hes like. a bit older.... where its not like. the weirdest age gap i dont think so. but it IS a bit weird considering some of the things #he has said. like the other day he made a comment about how my friend 'well shes so young like people her age sometimes dont get [x]' like?#if you think she is SOOO young and SOOO out of touch with people your age well why the fuck are you asking others if you have a chance w her #get away from her really #sidenote: today she was telling me and a different friend about this problem and my other friend said it was really uncomfortable and bad +#that he used to think the guy had a thing for ME BEFORE??? and i dont know if he also thought -i- had a thing for him but please god no.#even the hypothetical made me feel super uncomfortable. also i used to feel like that a bit like he might like me and it was bad and gross #so i dropped a comment that let him believe i was a lesbian i think? also got much colder towards him . like. thats what you get fucker #about the lesbian thing i meant that he told me about a friend of his that had it hard coming out as a lesbian and i said like oh yeah being #like that was hard for me also. finding out i was not straight was tough etc .#dont remember if i said the word lesbian i dont think so but i did say i like girls and i didnt mention boys at all so i hoped itd be enough #also people dont really -get- what being asexuas means + didnt want to tell him im ace + techically i Can like boys bc romantic attraction #is undefined to me but i was definetely not going to tell him that bc 1. im much more prone to like a girl and 2. not trying to get his hope #up.#so anyway it was gross to realize other people saw it too so i mightve actually not been insane to think he had a crush on me but it was bad #and also. i really need for my friend to be comfortable in class so i might have to kill him who knows. well see #spikeposting #personal

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xluxsolarisx · 22 days

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brings you to the lavender farm¹ that the bear² is from and takes you through the fields looking at all the different types of lavender before having some lunch at the farm cafe and getting you some lavender ice cream to try out (i'm sure you're interested by the sound of it and yes it is pretty good^^) and then takes you to the gift shop for you to look through at anything else you might like so i can get it for you:> and just has a lovely day together:3

1. https://lyndochlavenderfarm.com.au/

2. https://lyndochlavenderfarm.com.au/products/lavender-bear?_pos=1&_sid=90127ddf4&_ss=r

uhm, yeah <3

:O a fun outing!!!!! there are so many cool different types of lavender i never knew... and not all of them are purple! i only thought lavender came in. well. lavender so seeing different colors is really cool...i especially like the hidcote pink and munstead, very pretty! i am running through the fields and picking flowers if they would let me pick flowers if they don't i am admiring their beauty without taking anything ^^ you're right actually i would love to try lavender ice cream! and i also wanna try lavender honey and lavender jam, they sound very floral and sweet, very nice c: i should find some for myself soon in like a farmers market or something i wanna try it irl... hmmm....from the gift shop i would like the lavender body mists, incense, lip balm, & bath salts. ok maybe not the bath salts actually ^^' i don't trust myself not to eat them. vietnam flashbacks. and also the lavender sleep pillow for the same reason i'd like the plushie (seems cuddly and would help me sleep) and finally maybe some lavender seeds so i could grow my own lavender! thank you for taking me this day was so fun, at the end of the day i reveal i have taken some lavender flowers and weaved them into a flower crown for you and i put it on your head. i love you. i also took the plushie and she had so much fun, here are two pictures i drew of her enjoying the day out ^^

she is laying in the grass and also sitting next to lavender flowers because i couldn't decide which drawing i liked better. ignore the way her palms are open magnanimously like jesus christ or jerry seinfeld i wanted to show her beans. also ignore the way her nose is white in the grass drawing i forgot to color it in. just imagine she ate a powdered donut filled with lavender jelly, okay? thank you again, this was really fun! bye bye 💖💖💖

#the thought of this made me very happy ^^ what if life could be dream...#only thing is i can't actually get the bear plushie because they don't ship to the us. hell world.#anyway i have been trying to learn how to draw lately!#it's slow going because between family and friends and college and other hobbies (like chess and baking and gardening) and The Horrors #i don't have a lot of time to practice #so i'm not very good yet but that's okay because i'm having fun and i'm allowed to be bad at things #so far i can draw.#BUNNY! KITTY! SHEEPY!#THE FACE (AND NOTHING ELSE! JUST THE FACE!) OF A MELANCHOLY WOMAN WITH HEAVILY LIDDED EYES #AND WINGED EYELINER AND LIPSTICK AND BRAIDS!#TEDDY BEAR! CREEPY SMILE! BREASTS! and that's it ^^#i want to try my hand at fanart someday maybe...#for now i've set a goal that i need to get better at drawing bodies and hands and generally conveying motion.#like looking to the side and different poses. and HAND POSES ugh i'm so bad at hand poses.#i do most of my work on pencil and paper but i should get some kinda drawing app soon...#only thing is i don't have a tablet and i know in my heart i cannot draw with a mouse on a computer. i just Can't.#i mean i guess i DO have a laptop but it doesn't have a touch screen...#so digital is kinda off the table for now unless i'm drawing with my phone (like the teddy bear drawing)#i'm rambling. ok so thank you!! the mental image of this was very pleasing to me.#you're very nice. have a nice day!!! you deserve it. bye bye <3 #fortunes told (asks)

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twilightarcade · 12 days

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that's a weird dog

#wordstag #notwordswordstag #neptune wgen it's being normal about that eclipse thing #drawn at late oh clock it's like 2am right now . I think I'm gonna darken the eyes in the morning #or I won't. You never know with this guy.#anyhow I'm in bed now and I'm sooooo cozy.#ok so [mr beasts] this drawing was a 'let's use all the brushes in the sketching section & see what happens' thing #I think we're going 2 do another one w/ a smaller canvas size because I wanna . Try something. & this canvas was way too big #(<-I've been using the same canvas 4 like . Ages. And some IDIOT refuses 2 just move the sketches over(#literally whoever invented patterns on clothing should go explode . Do you have any clue #it's ok though . Fun exercise in whatever it's called. Perspective. If it was evil. ( I am failing the exercise)#ummmmmmm I thibk that's all. Spent way longer on this than I meant to. But the REAL criminal here was anzu because #That was supposed 2 be a warm up. Of sorts. I don't really do warm ups much if I'm going 2 be honest #trying 2 get into the habit but me drawing is more like . I'm going to draw 5 things in one sitting take it or leave it #ok guess who just . Fixed it.#I could point out like a million other things wrong but I'm not going to [smug cat picture] I'll leave that up to your imagination #ok umm how many tags is that . Not enough ? I want 2 do those whatever u wanna call those things again #yyou know. Peeks in my inbox.#ddude I might want to uh. I might want to crop this thing.#landscape is fun and all but seriously I can't #whatever. Officially a tomorrow me issue. Guess who's headed to sleep baby.#tomorrow neptune here I ended up cropping it after all.cod bleAmerica.ca.#anyhow I don't think I mentioned the . The Animal?

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rosicheeks · 1 month

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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

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