#buuut that’s why I started these new meds.

[floral-hex]

It’s almost 6 in the morning. Can’t sleep. Admittedly lonely. So I’ll type a little text post to feel like I’m actually “doing” something.

Doubled my vilazadone. Started buspirone. I’ve been on a diuretic for my ears (it’s complicated) for about a week now, but whether it’s coincidental or not, my hearing has been pretty great since I started. But hearing comes and goes, so we’ll see if this holds in the coming weeks. My body is having trouble adjusting to all of these new meds, but I think it’s starting to rebalance itself. Chemicals, man…

Okay, I really don’t know what else to say here. Just bored on a Saturday night… well, now Sunday morning. Might go eat some captain crunch. I just started the buspirone and I think it’s maybe making me.. eeeeee 😬😬😬😬… you get it? Not anxious, just on edge. They said take before bed to get used to it, but maybe they meant “hey, take as you’re falling asleep, because if you’re awake when it kicks in, you will stay awake.” Or maybe it’s just normal loneliness and anxiety keeping me up. Who knows. This seems like a downer post, yeah? Sorry. It’ll be positive, ya. I’ll go make some cereal, watch some tv, you all can do whatever you’re doing this morning. There are some birds chirping outside, I’ll see if my cats are awake, it’ll be nice.

[cannibalmariku]

( Im just gonna do sort of an update post, because I was gearing up to try and be more active here again. Working on drabbles and trying to get new rp’s started as well as get more in character again. Buuut, some shit happened, lol. I still would like to, I’ve just been putting my focus elsewhere for the past couple weeks. 

I’m gonna put more details under the cut because this might be triggering to some people and its a little graphic. Long story short though, my kitten was attacked by a dog but he’s had surgery and he’s fine now, happy and healing. Put some pics of him under the cut as well.

Me and my boyfriend had been panning a weekend trip to Seattle for a while now, we were going at the end of September and had everything booked and taken care of. I entrusted my new roommate and their girlfriend to watch Possum for me while we were away. 

We spent almost the first two days in Seattle, got to d a bunch of things and were having a good time. Everything was going great until we pulled up just outside this restaurant I’d made a reservation for like a month prior. 

All of a sudden I get several text messages from my roommate and some image files and when I open our conversation I see three pictures immediately -Still kinda upset about this, and don’t understand why they needed to send the extra two pics of just blood and one of his Canines on the floor- of my baby bleeding from his mouth and one of his eyes. :’ )

I Immediately panicked, It looked really fucking bad. And the messages were just telling me the dog attacked him while they left the room for 30 seconds, but their girlfriend was still present. I showed my boyfriend and we immediately left, canceled the reservation, went back to our hotel and got all our shit and started driving the three hours back. 

I told my roommate I wanted them to take him to the Vet immediately and we would meet them there. It was pretty late in the evening so the only place that was open was an hour from our house but I told them I didn’t care and to take him there.

It was 3 hours of stress and anxiety, the nurse called me once to basically tell me he was stable at that moment and of course asking for my card info. Other than that I didn’t hear anything else until we got to the vet 3 hours later. So I was just assuming the worst based on the pictures the whole time. There was a lot of waiting even after we got there, and I was holding it together until this other girl came in sobbing and frantic with her dog that had to be put down. I felt so bad for her and kept thinking there was a very real possibility I might have to put my baby down. 

When we finally did get into a room, I wasn't sure if id even be able to see him because I didn’t know what state he was in, I didn’t know if they would need to keep him overnight or not either if he was gonna survive. 

They brought him in to me to my surprise and relief. He looked pretty bad... but it could have also been so much worse. He was alert and present, cuddled with me once he realized it was me. They did a bunch of x rays and tests and basically told us his eye was fine, it was very swollen but there was no real damage to it and it would heal and he would still be able to see out of it and everything. 

His mouth was the worst part, based on how she had grabbed him, it was both very unlucky and extremally lucky at the same time?? They couldn’t really see all the damage exactly but they just told us that we’d need to get him into a dental specialist to see what exactly he’d need done. I Knew one of his canines had been ripped out, and that when she was looking in his mouth another tooth came out. 

We got him meds from the ER and finally got him home at like 2am. We were tired, confused an angry but also just so very grateful he was alive and till with us. We’ve made up with my roommate, it was just a very tense situation but it wasn’t their fault. 

My boyfriend managed to get him an appointment just two days later, which turned out to be a damn miracle. A lot of surgeons were out of town at the same time for some convention apparently -horrible idea in my opinion for them to all be gone at once, but you know...- There was one place that still had their surgeon. It was a pricier place but they had amazing reviews and and I wasn’t gonna let my baby suffer any longer than he needed to. 

I’m so fucking glad that we brought him in, they had said they would determine how quickly they needed to make an appointment for surgery after looking at him. Thankfully they had extra time that day because the vet said they wanted to do surgery right then. 

Basically when she grabbed him, it was in such a way that she crushed the bone right under his eye and part of the jaw. It’s hard to describe but they said the upper side of his jaw and that row of teeth just needed to go. It was full of dead tissue and bone. They told me it would be a very delicate surgery and they weren’t sure what the range of motion in his eye would be after, but that it wouldn’t effect his vision. The vet was a little bit confused as to why the ER didn't do more or try to patch it up a little because it was essentially a hole. I was a bit upset about that, but just happy it was being fixed. 

We kinda just hung around town while he had surgery and hoped for the best. 

When they were done, we took him home and he was immediately acting 10 times better. Before he had been lethargic and very obviously painful. Sure, he was high out of his mind after the surgery but he was so happy, purring and rubbing against us and wanting constant pets and affection. ;w; Even after the medicine had worn off he was already trying to play.

Its been a few weeks and he’s doing amazing he just had his checkup for his mouth and they said everything is healing perfectly. He can have his toys again and hard food and run around and be a kitten. 

His third eyelid on the one eye is staying partially out, and they said it may always be that way, but I’m just so glad he can still see. I’m so glad he’s still here and he’s acting like himself. He’s even more cuddly now than he was before and very needy, and I don’t mind at all. He seems very happy to be alive too.

I will say, I don’t blame the dog at all for any of this, she’s an animal. My roommate did tell me in their messages that the dog was no longer welcome and my friend would be coming to pick her up the next day. Its kind of confusing but the dog actually belongs to a friend but she couldn’t take the dog with her when she moved, so she was staying with us. She is a wonderful, sweet, older dog and we’ve since found out she had a pretty bad ear infection that could have led to this. There’s a lot of extra drama with my roommate and my friend about them not taking proper care of her, but she’s gotten the treatment she needs and is better now. They are just trying to find her a new home and I hope they can, because she deserves it. 

I’m adding a couple pics of him I took like two days ago. He’s such a sweet, loving boy. he looks like a little bull dog now and I think it’s adorable. ;w; I can’t even express how grateful I am that he’s okay. <3 )

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Thirty-Five: Aroma ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina, NaruSaku ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

It takes him completely by surprise.

He’s walked this way before, but not since last Autumn. The way to his brother’s house from the nearest bus stop means passing by a few small businesses that linger along the outskirts of the small city Itachi calls home. A coffee shop, auto parts store, and now - as the tantalizing aroma tells him - a flower shop.

Brought to a halt at the overpowering scents of flowers, Sasuke actually gapes a bit at the building. From what little he can remember, it was empty then, and looking a little run down. But now, it’s gotten a fresh coat of paint over its bricks, windows clear and shining, and a beautiful sign hanging over the new door.

Hinata’s Bloom Boutique.

Staring up and racking his brain, it takes a moment...but then it comes back to him. Hinata - the name’s familiar. She was in his high school class. Was always so shy and blushy around his knucklehead best friend Naruto. Poor thing never got noticed, though - best boy jock Uzumaki married his sweetheart Sakura right out of high school.

He never heard anything about her after that. The gang split up as Naruto went to a school across the country on a football scholarship. Sakura went into med school. Sasuke took a year off to travel, and along the way discovered a passion for photography of all things.

...he even has his camera on him now.

Glancing down the street - his brother’s expecting him, after all - he weighs his options before taking out his phone. A bit delayed. Be there a little late.

A tiny fib that won’t do any harm.

Slinging his travel bag off his shoulder, he digs around and brings out his camera.

A myriad of flowers are arranged around the front of the store, blooms of all colors glistening in the afternoon sun. They’ve been freshly watered, faces sparkling with drops of water that catch the light.

These are gonna make some great shots. Putting on his macro lens, Sasuke adjusts his focus, snapping picture after picture of various flowers. His mother’s a major plant geek, but admittedly, he knows almost nothing about them himself.

Several minutes pass with silence broken only by passing cars and the snap of his shutter. Looking over his collection, he moves to take more only to jump as the front door opens.

Startling in the doorway, clearly not expecting to see someone just standing there, Hinata bumps into the far side of the frame as she stumbles half a step back. Pale eyes are wide, a hand lifting to press to her chest in shock.

“...Sasuke?”

He stares back, not...entirely sure what to say. “...uh...hi.”

A blink, then another. “Um...hi.” Her brows furrow. “...are you...taking pictures?”

“Er...yeah. Is - is that okay?”

“Yeah! That’s fine!” Finally softening from her surprise, she lets out a windchime laugh. “You just scared me! I was coming out to bring these in for the night to close up.”

Sasuke manages a sheepish chuckle of his own. “Sorry, I...had to stop and look. It smells amazing out here.” Maybe a little strange to say, but...it’s true.

A flicker of pride flits over her face. “Thanks...I just bought this place early last Winter. I-I’ve wanted to do something like this since I was little!”

“Looks like you really shaped the place up.” Tucking his camera to one side, Sasuke gives the building another once over. “Last I remember it was looking pretty sad.”

“Yeah, it took a lot of work...but I think it looks pretty good…!”

A nod. “Uh...you sure it’s okay I took the pictures?” It almost feels like he’s...stealing in some way.

A hand waves away his concern. “Perfectly fine. I’m glad you like them! Though, if you do feel like repaying me, you could lend a hand carrying them in!”

“Oh, uh - sure.”

It’s her turn to backpedal. “I...I wasn’t serious -”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

After a short pause, Hinata gives another smile. “Thanks.”

Lugging in flats of flowers and display pots, Sasuke gives the interior of the shop a subtle glance. Refrigeration units hold cut flowers and bouquets. Stacks of empty vases and pots line a wall. Anything floral you could ever think to want is here, and more.

“Wow...this is awesome.”

“Thanks...it’s been a l-lot of work.”

“Do you do all this by yourself?”

“I, uh...yeah. I, I do.”

He gives her a look, brows raised. “Not running yourself ragged, are you?”

Hinata glances aside with a sheepish smile. “Um...maybe a little. It’s been awfully busy, given the season. But I’ve been m-making good money!”

“Can’t you like...hire someone part time? Heck, get some high school age volunteers? This is a lotta work for one person, Hinata.”

A hand tucks hair behind her ear. “I...I could…I just h-haven’t gotten around to it.”

Sasuke’s expression deadpans. He takes a moment to think. “...look, I’m in the city for the month for a few gigs with my brother. What if I came down when I’ve got some spare time?”

“I -! But you -?”

“I dunno the first thing about plants, but I do know about manual labor and running a till. You don’t even have to pay me.”

“But that’s not fair -”

“I’m staying rent-free with my brother for a whole month, and I’ve got a lot of well-paying jobs while I’m here. If you let me, I could even sell prints of the flowers I took pictures of. Volunteering a few hours isn’t gonna break my bank, Hinata.”

Staring at him, pale eyes flicker over his face, which he keeps carefully blank, almost bored. “...why would you…?”

“...cuz I know about doing things on my own.” His father hadn’t exactly been happy with his choice to skip college and instead travel, and then becoming a photographer. Doesn’t matter to Fugaku that he’s making a decent living, and all on his own. Sasuke’s abandoned the path laid out for him. That meant little to no help to get himself started.

And...there’s one other reason.

Studying him a moment more, Hinata then sighs. “...all right. You can take and sell as m-many pictures as you want to make up for it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

...a small pause.

“...well, I better get to my brother’s. I told him I’d be late, but...well, not this late.”

“All right. Oh, um...let me get you my cell number…” She fishes around for her mobile, trading digits. “I, um...I guess just let me know when you want to come in…? Odds are it’ll always be fine, but...just in case.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“And...thank you again, Sasuke. This is a busy month, and you’ll make a big difference.” A demure smile stretches across her face. “...it means a lot.”

He subtly swallows. “...sure thing. I’ll...text you later.”

“Bye.”

Putting away his gear and shouldering his bag, Sasuke leaves the little shop behind as the afternoon ages into evening. Just a few more blocks to his brother’s house, then he can get off his feet for a while.

A hand runs back through his hair, still taken aback at all this. He never expected to run into her here, let alone arrange...all of that.

Long-buried, a flutter renews in his chest. One he hasn’t felt since high school.

Because while Hinata had her eyes on Naruto, and Naruto on Sakura, Sakura on Sasuke...he, in turn, had had eyes only for her. But never said a word. Not even after the middle pair got hitched. Instead, he’d fled all over the globe.

And now where does he happen to end up but her doorstep?

A gentle breeze follows him down the sidewalk, carrying the aroma of flowers.

They smell just like her.

     *flops* Golly it's late but at least I'm not so tired tonight :'D      This is...actually super cute, lol - gotta love flower shop AUs, especially since Hinata has her canon love of flowers! At first I thought of maybe doing some more vampires...or Sasuke's Home Ec class...but I settled on this as a lil change of pace. Hopefully it was enjoyable!      Buuut on that note, I gotta call it a night! See y'all tomorrow - thanks for reading n_n

[katemunsterrr]

This is going to be a long one...

But I really need to type all of this out. Because I am hurting pretty badly...Thanks to those who actually read all of this.

So, my husband and I no longer feel safe in our apartment. Since the beginning of the year we have been trying to make arrangements for us to move into a house. He is going to be switching jobs soon, so we wanted to move in town closer to his job--and our family lives in that area too. Since my husband works for the state, he is guaranteed $6,000 for a down payment...buuut the house we really want is not considered a ‘house’ in the states eyes (it is a double wide)...so they won’t give it to us. And all the actual houses in the area are waaay out of price range. It was hurdle after hurdle.

BUT! To my surprise I had about $4,000 in a secret savings account! My papa (from my dad’s side) opened up a savings account for me. Unfortunately that wasn’t enough for us to get a mortgage. My husbands credit score wasn’t the best. He was a victim of identity theft and wasn’t able to dispute all of his debt. SO...guess where all that $4,000 went?? To all his delinquencies. His credit score is way better now!

Just when we got things settled, we realized that we are now down to the wire. Our lease is up this month. Times up! We only have $100 in savings at the moment.

Our choices are:

-Renew our lease for another year: That’s not gonna happen. Not only do we feel unsafe, our rent would go up to $650.

-Renew a Six Month lease: The rent would be $700. It would take us even LONGER to save up for a down payment. So that is out.

-Do a Month to Month lease: Pay $750 until we leave. Again...can’t do it.

We tried looking at other apartments. They are either too expensive, or they don’t allow animals period. On top of that our agent told us NOT to apply for anything else because we can’t afford another hit on our credit. That is out.

We asked my mother in law if we could move in to her house for a couple months so we can save for a down payment (it would only take 3 pay periods). Of course we would help pay bills. It’s only fair. But there is no room. So that is out.

Our other possible option was to move in with my mother...that wouldn’t be very good for my mentality. But I was willing to put up with the mental abuse than to stay at my apartment--it is that bad here. When I presented our issue to her she was like “I need to think. I will call you back later tonight. I need to drink.” I waited and waited...8 o’clock at night I finally get a text. “I am still thinking. I’m going to bed. Night.”

Now...I haven’t even asked her if we could move in temporarily yet. I will add that when I told her that we were asking our mother in law to move in--she said “That would be a great way for you to save!!” But when I told mom that she wasn’t able to house us, she changed her tune and was like. “Yeah, that is a lot to ask of someone!”

Then my husband and I thought that maybe my family would consider us moving in my great grandma’s house. It is next door to my mother’s house. But my GG passed away awhile back...so the house is empty. The only thing about that is my Grandparents don’t want animals in the house. But it was still worth a shot...right??

Didn’t hear from my mother until the day before our Father’s Day get together. And she didn’t even bring anything up. She just wanted to know if we were going to bring anything....umm....nothing?!?! I’m flat broke right now?!?!

The day of our get together we tried to explain our situation...but they were only half listening. They seriously didn’t give a shit when I told them that we didn’t feel safe. They didn’t give a shit when I told them that someone tried breaking in. They just said “well grab a knife and stab them then.” They would interrupt us to talk about something completely different. We gave up. Then, I guess since they thought we were done, they started suggesting apartments--even though we JUST TOLD THEM that we aren’t able to apply anywhere else. Because we CAN NOT take another hit on our credit, the apartments are either too expensive or they DO NOT allow animals. You know what my grandma suggested next??

To get rid of my animals. Our babies. MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT! My husband said that my entire demeanor changed. I went from hopeful, straight to emotionless. I just shook my head at her, because I knew if I had opened my mouth some nasty things would be said. I wanted to leave right then.

I saved each one of my animals. I saved my bunny from an abusive man. My husband and I saved our cat...he was a feral cat. He had an eye infection and almost lost his eye. And we saved our puppy from a shelter--they said that no one was going to adopt him because he was too shy. He was skin and bone...they were trying to feed him dog food for BIG dogs. He is a FUCKING chihuahua!!

I am getting off topic. THE POINT IS...I raised them! THEY ARE MY CHILDREN!! And you have the NERVE to tell ME to just get rid of them?! LIKE IT IS SO SIMPLE?! Do you know how HARD WE FOUGHT to keep our bunny rabbit?! We were lucky to find this apartment (in a way) because they let us keep her. Why the fuck would I just give them up?! Not only would it be unfair to me and my husband...it would be unfair to them! We are attached to each other!! WE ARE A FAMILY!

Anyway...we didn’t even bother asking for anything from them. Because if they truly cared for us they would have at LEAST listen to us, and do everything in their power to help us out. Like...it really hurts me that they didn’t even show fear or concern for me. Their only solution was “Oh, get rid of your animals because OBVIOUSLY that is your ONLY problem.”

I am so heartbroken. Really. They care for me to a degree...they will buy me stuff in bulk...(like detergent, deodorant, shampoo...etc.) but they don’t care if I am safe or not. They don’t care about my mental state. They never bother keeping in touch with me to see how I am doing. They just...flat out don’t care about me. For example my own mother will put everything before me--work, auctions, flea markets...she will talk to grandma and my sister on the phone. She will even call some dying dude she just met because he doesn’t have any family left (which is really nice and all. Really. I think it is great.) But she doesn’t bother to call me, HER DAUGHTER, to see if I am doing okay--knowing that I have a crippling mental illness. KNOWING that I have suicidal thoughts. Don’t care.

Anyway, a friend of mine asked her mother if she would rent out one of her rooms to us...we are having dinner with them tonight to discuss things. I hope everything works out. But me being an IDIOT...I told my mom the good news...instead of being happy, relieved, or excited...she was like “...well that is good I guess. It’s not easy living with someone else.”

I agree entirely. BUT I would RATHER live with someone for a couple months than to stay somewhere that is UNSAFE. The thing that hurts me is that she was like “That is good I guess.” Like??? Would you rather me stay here?! Would you rather me be in danger?!

I don’t know what I was thinking, really. I shouldn’t have expected anything. I guess I was just hoping that she would be relieved and thankful that I possibly have a safer living place until we get enough money for a down payment. Silly me...

My family is the reason why I don’t like showing any emotions. The only emotion I can show them is my anger. I can show them a bit of happiness but I can’t show them all of it--because they will ruin it. For example I told my mom that Jacob and I were getting married sooner than we planned. I couldn’t show her my excitement. She pointed out that I didn’t seem excited at all. Because I nonchalantly said “Yeah, Jacob and I are getting married.” She said I acted as if it weren’t a big deal. Of course it was a big deal. But I couldn’t show her that. You know how much that hurts? That I can’t express how EXCITED I am to marry my best friend to my own mother?! It hurts pretty fucking bad. And I am sorry to those who have experienced that pain. I can’t even show how depressed I am. Because they downplay everything. They get annoyed if I show any signs of depression. When I told them that I can’t help it. I told them that I have Bipolar Disorder (type 2) they were like “Oh that explains SO much. But you don’t NEED to rely on medications. You just need to do this, this, and this...” Like...no...I really do need my medications. I need my mood stabilizers. I need my anxiety meds. With out them I cannot keep up with my own thoughts. It’s scary.

The only people I can show my emotions to are my husband, and my 2 best friends.

I am scared to show anyone else my emotions because I don’t want to be hurt again.

And I think I will end this here...

[consequentson]

I’m going for blood work tomorrow and I’m anxious to have it done bc I’d like to know why I’m so tired all the time despite not being able to properly nap / sleep during the day while taking Vyvanse (an ADHD med) and taking max strength Melatonin at night buuut at the same time, I’m nervous because the appointment itself (my dermatillomania... I just hate showing my arms to strangers) and I’m nervous to find out if I need new medicine, how expensive that would be and stuff :/ Sighs. 

Anyways. I gotta get ready and go to work (shift starts in two and a half hours) so I’ll be lurking on and off till then, and I’ll be home properly in about seven hours. I’m hoping to do a couple replies before I crash completely then, but for now I’m just gonna organize stuff on my hard drive. I’m really sore today and not in a great mood so here’s hoping I’ll be better later tonight.