#I just… blegh… need to be around someone in the flesh

[floral-hex]

It’s almost 6 in the morning. Can’t sleep. Admittedly lonely. So I’ll type a little text post to feel like I’m actually “doing” something.

Doubled my vilazadone. Started buspirone. I’ve been on a diuretic for my ears (it’s complicated) for about a week now, but whether it’s coincidental or not, my hearing has been pretty great since I started. But hearing comes and goes, so we’ll see if this holds in the coming weeks. My body is having trouble adjusting to all of these new meds, but I think it’s starting to rebalance itself. Chemicals, man…

Okay, I really don’t know what else to say here. Just bored on a Saturday night… well, now Sunday morning. Might go eat some captain crunch. I just started the buspirone and I think it’s maybe making me.. eeeeee 😬😬😬😬… you get it? Not anxious, just on edge. They said take before bed to get used to it, but maybe they meant “hey, take as you’re falling asleep, because if you’re awake when it kicks in, you will stay awake.” Or maybe it’s just normal loneliness and anxiety keeping me up. Who knows. This seems like a downer post, yeah? Sorry. It’ll be positive, ya. I’ll go make some cereal, watch some tv, you all can do whatever you’re doing this morning. There are some birds chirping outside, I’ll see if my cats are awake, it’ll be nice.

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Geralt x Injured reader part 1

Part 2

Pairing: Geralt x reader (self insert)

Warnings: swearing, injury, blood, I think that's all?

Summary: Reader is feeling jealous and wanders too far from camp.

*********************

Hey guys! This is like my first fanfiction ever. And I wrote it at like 3am when I couldn't sleep. It's probably trash but if you like it I do have ideas for more! Xoxo enjoy****

Geralt x injured reader part 1

Jealousy was not a pretty color on you. And you swore riot yourself it was no such thing. After all Geralt of Rivia was just a teacher/friend you were travelling with. You had some skill with a sword, he found you trying to take down a kikkemora all by yourself, and failing miserably. After you saw how skilled he was you begged him to take you with him, to train you. He said no of course, so you just kept tagging along without his consent. At some point though he finally decided that if you were gonna come along you might as well be of some use so you made a deal.

Over the months you grew stronger but still had much to learn. After all it takes years for anyone to become a great fighter. And luckily for you, Geralt had many many many years of experience to offer you.

You enjoyed the time you spent togther, the conversation, (although you did most of the talking..) and the training, he was one of the few people in your life you felt comfortable with. Someone you could always count on. And somewhere along your travels the line between student and teacher blurred for you into something else, although you did your best to deny it at first.

You had gone off and caught feelings for the man who had no interest in real committed relationships. You knew you had it bad when you found yourself overflowing with irritation when he spent his nights in the arms of some whore at a dirty brothel.

On those nights you drank until you passed out on roach. Pretty fucking pathetic y/n.

Then came along the witch, Yennefer..

You saw how they looked at eachother, a look you'd wish Geralt would give you even for a fleeting moment.

There were creatures that had been attacking the villagers at night, so the three of you, well four since Jaskier decided to tag along when he spotted us, were tracking these monsters into the forest. You didnt mind Jaskier at all, his songs a welcome distraction from the obvious growing bond between Geralt and Yennefer.

You felt horrible for the animosity you felt towards her. She did nothing wrong and you hated that if not for your jealousy, you probably would have been close friends.

If you were a better women you could get over your silly crush and focus on your training but...

Yeah you had some growing to do. After searching the forest for a few hours, and finding nothing, everyone was tired and decided to set up camp.

Once Geralt tied down roach, he turned to address the group, "Everyone is to stay in camp, these monsters are dangerous, so if you need to take a piss, I suggest you do it behind a tent, unless you wanna risk getting your head shot off" he said rather gruffly.

Jaskier made a sound of discomfort and scooted closer to the fire.

"Dont worry jaskier, I'll protect you" you giggled.

He turned to you in amusement, "Ah yes how does go the training y/n, last I saw you, you could barely lift your sword" he teased.

"I've gotten rather good, mind if I practice on you?" You teased.

"Thanks but I think I better go and get my beauty sleep, good night" he smiled and retreated into his tent.

You went to feed roach some apples when you noticed that Geralt and Yennefer had dissapeared.

Huh? Where did they go? At first you thought they were in trouble since you didnt hear either of them say goodnight but as you got closer to the middle of camp you heard voices coming from Yennefers tent.

You told yourself not to look but you couldn't help it. And the instant you did you felt your heart break. It was one thing to see him in the arms of a whore. You knew they meant nothing to him, but in the arms of someone he cares for? That hurt...

Roughly you turned away from the kissing couple and marched away. Away from camp, away from stupid feelings and dumb petty jealousy.

It was not yennefers fault she was beautiful and powerful and brilliant. And if you were jealous then you should become just as amazing as she is. Maybe then he would notice you...

You were snapped out of your reverie when a rustle in the bushes caught your attention.

Fuck I was not supposed to leave camp...

Thinking quickly, you unsheathed your sword and held it at the ready. Its sharp edge gleaming in the moonlight.

Eyes narrowing at the bush. A moment later you were relived when a rabbit hopped out.

Phew I thought It was--

*SCRAWWWWWWWWCH*

Fuck

You barely missed the creatures slimy claws as it swiped for your head. Jumping to the side you managed to get a good look at the beast. It was rather large and spider looking, with several disgusting sets of beady eyes and a long slithering tough that dripped of something purple. So geralt was right, the creature lurking here was a visser. (Completely made it up on the spot) They're claws are sharp and quick but it's the tongue you have to watch our for. One jab, although not fatal can leave a man in bed for days from pain. 2 jabs in the same place? then your a goner. And the visser is known to be smarter, he distracts with claws and jabs quickly before you can even blink.

You knew you should probably yell for your companions. There was a chance they could hear you. But that very second you thought of yennefer and how she would be able to take on a monster like this.

That made up your mind...this monster was going to be your kill... youd finish this off and prove that you had gotten stronger if it's the last thing you do.

Although that would kind of defeat the purpose...

"Urgh" you landed roughly on the ground, one of its claws managed to swipe at you.

"Ok no more misses nice gal" regainging your stance, the glint of the moon shone on your opponent. With a visser you had a few options. Option 1, go for the head which kills instantly but the risk of a jab is highest.

Option 2 is cut off all the legs quickly then send your sword through the head. But if it dodges... you're dead meat.

Option 3, try to get under the beast where its tongue cant reach you and strike upwards. With your small stature option 3 sounded the smartest. You just had to move fast enough where it wouldnt be able to see you for a split second.

Alright y/n dont let your training go to waste! This is your chance to prove yourself.

Running faster than you've ever ran before, you circled around the visser waiting for when the creature was even a second slow and could not see you. The right moment was.....

Now! You sprinted forward and slid under its legs.

"Scrawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachh" the monster howled in pain as you slammed your sword directly up getting covered in visser guts in the process.

"Blegh how disgusting.." you swiped the guts off your face and stood in front of the slain beast.

For once in a long time you felt proud of yourself. You slayed a monster all by yourself, even Geralt said you hadn't been ready yet and often told you to stay back during fights. But he would have to eat up his words now hehe. You could just imagine everyone's faces when you would tell them.

You were too wrapped up in your glory to notice a second visser sneaking up behind you.

By the time you heard its screech, it was too late. Its slimy black tongue had struck your stomach leaving a sizzling pain behind it.

"FUCK" unsheathing your sword again, you tried to maneuver far enough out of its reach to thing of a plan. There was no way you could pull on option 3 again with the way your core burned. One more jab and it would be over. Damn it! why couldn't you just have your victory and be done with it!

One hand clutched at your injury while the other was positioned weakly in front of you. Your eyes blurred slights but you refused to let this shit swamp be your final resting place.

The burning subsided to an ache and you used that opportunity to make a mad dash into the thicket. You needed to think of a plan and quick, it would not take long for the visser to catch up with you, especially now that you had that stupid injury.

"Srawwwwwwwwwch" it sounded like it was right behind you. Fuck fuck fuck.

And then because mother nature decided to be a BITCH, you tripped on a large tree root and tumbled forward.

"Scraeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech" you flipped over quickly and shut your eyes as the visser was basically on top of you. 3 more seconds and you would be dead.

3, how pathetic y/n, after all these promises you made to yourself about becoming someone worth being proud of you fuck up the one chance you had.

2, maybe it's better this way, would anyone even miss you? Jaskier would, maybe he would even write a song about you..

1, I'm sorry I was an idiot...Geralt I'll watch over you...

"SWOOOOOOOOSH" the unmistakable sweet sound of metal slicing through flesh made your eyes shoot wide open.

"Geralt!" He stood out of breath hovering over the now beheaded visser. His sharp golden eyes moved from the beast, to you.

Without a word he reached over and pulled you up without a hint of gentleness. You hid your wince at the sudden movement. Not wanting to let anyone know that the visser had gotten the better of you.

"What happened" he bit out slowly. Fuck he was angry. "Why did you leave camp y/n when I explicitly told you not to" his feline eyes bore into yours and suddenly you felt too intimated and looked away.

Ah yes what excuse will I come up with now. Sorry Geralt I had to leave because I felt immense pressure and heartache seeing you and Yennefer over there locking lips and most passionately I might add.

When he noticed my hesitation he let out a growl, "Hmm, don't lie to me"

Fuuuuuuuuuck...

"I-I didnt mean to, really... I couldn't sleep so I was walking close to camp and I didnt even realize I had wandered so far until the other visser attacked." You looked him in the eyes knowing it would better your chances of him believing it.

He stared at you a few more seconds before letting out a sigh.

" You killed it" he said bluntly, and softer than before.

"I did.." you couldn't help the small smile that formed on your face. He sighed again, this time he had a small smirk on his face, "Well I guess you have learnt some things after all" he patted your shoulder but pulled away when Yennefer and Jaskier appeared.

"Y/n thank god your alive, are you alright?!" Jaskier grabbed your shoulders and scanned you for injuries. Luckily your stomach was covered by your armor, visser Jabs were known for hurting like hell at first, seeming to get better shortly after, then coming back tenfold. Right now you were at stage two, the calm before the storm..

Yennefer made a comment about how impressive you were to slay the visser and you hated yourself for still feeling ill towards her. She was a great person and you could not blame Geralt for liking her. It was just an unfortunate situation.

The walk back was quiet and the second you were in your tent again you dared to take a look at the wound. Gingerly you unbuckled your armor and lifted up your shirt.

You let out a small sigh of relief. It just looked like a large bruise. Nothing you couldn't pass off as a "I fell off roach" kinda injury.

As positive as you tried to be, you knew the worst was yet to come. But by god you were not about to let your victory be ruined by your companions knowing of this. Especially since Yennefer and Geralt could've slain the beast without a scratch.

Somehow you were lucky and slept the rest of the night in peace. It was early when jaskier came to wake you. Although you slept plenty, you felt just as exausted as you did after your late night encounter.

Before putting on your armor, you dared to look at the wound again. You regretted it the moment you did.

Fuck me... the bruise was much darker than before and covered a larger area. As for the pain, it felt only slightly more sore which was good for now. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to find out about it.

Quickly you threw togther the rest of your things and met the others. According to the village leader there was one more visser out there so we continued our search deeper into the forest. It was around noon when the pain intensified. It started as a constant dull ache but gradually became a burning sensation. It was becoming harder to hide it.

You made up some excuse to the group and sat on top of roach. You were sure if you had to walk anymore you would have fallen over. Luckily for awhile jaskier was more preoccupied with his latest ballad and geralt and yen were wrapped up in some serious conversation. You didnt realize how far you were lagging behind until jaskier turned to you.

"Y/n?" He walked over to you and pulled on roaches reigns making him go a little faster.

"Hm" was all you could manage.

"Are you alright? You're sweating so much"

Confused you ran a hand over your head. He was right, you were and didnt even feel it.

"Yo- sic- rest-" what? Why was Jaskier talking gibberish...and why is he so blurry?

You didnt even feel yourself pitching to the side, just the woosh of air through your ears.

"Y/N!? Y/N what's wrong?!?!" Jaskier barely managed to catch your half conscious form. "GERALT!" The witcher swung around sword at the ready but widened his eyes in shock at what he saw.

Y/n was on the floor, breathing heavily and being propped up by Jaskier.

Geralt and Yennefer quickly ran over. The witchers eyes narrowed in concern when he saw the state of her. She was sweating profusely and looked to be struggling with something. Yennefer raised a hand to her forehead but shook her head. "Its not a fever".

Geralt held her up, lightly smacking her face, he grew even more worried when she didnt react.

"Jaskier what happened"

"I don't know, I noticed she was falling behind so I went to check on her, then I noticed she looked sick, I was telling her we should stop and rest but then she just collapsed. She seemed really out of it too.

At that moment a grunt of pain escaped y/n's lips, and her eyes slowly opened.

You were confused as to why when you opened your eyes, gerald's golden ones were staring at yours with intense concern.

"Y/n can you hear me??" he questioned furrowing his brows.

"I-I ahhhgh" you screwed your eyes shut as the pain intensified. It felt like someone had set your stomach on fire.

This only confused geralt more, "you're hurt" he said as more of a statement.

"Where is the pain y/n," the gentle voice of yennefer surrounded you. Ugh why couldn't she just be a bitch, it would make things so much easier.

You tried speaking but a moan left your lips instead. Fuck this hurt worse than anything you had encountered before.

Geralt closed his eyes as if he had a sudden realization, "you got hit by the visser didnt you"

When you didnt speak but he saw the look in your eyes he knew it was true. "Fuck".

Quickly he began removing your armor and saw the injury peeking from under your shirt. He wasted no time lifting it up just until below your chest. You heard small gasps but were too out of it to know from who.

"Fuck y/n, why didn't you say anything??" Geralt scolded as he examined the wound.

Luckily you didnt have to answer, just focus on breathing heavily.

"Will she be alright?!" The frantic voice of jaskier floated through your ears.

"It would have been better if she told us from the beginning, with a visser attack you need to stay still as much as you can. However by the looks of it she only got hit once, which means she still has a chance."

"What can we do?" Was it yennefer or jaskier who said that?

Geralt pulled a sack from roach and rummaged through it till he pulled out a yellowish filled bottle.

Lifting y/n with one arm he pulled the cork with his teeth and gently placed it between her lips. "Drink y/n" without a second thought you downed the strange liquid coughing as it burned your throat like liquor.

"What is that?" Jaskier asked curiously.

" it's for the pain, it'll make her feel like shes dreaming." Geralt threw her armor onto roach and lifted her up carefully into his arms. "Let's go" he ordered and the troup was once again on their way. Geralt gave one look at the now sleeping y/n and sighed. What was she thinking?

***************************

When you opened your eyes the first thing you did was let out a girlish laugh.

Geralt was surprised for a moment since you had been silently resting in his arms for a long time. "Y/n?"

"Geralt! You've dyed your hair pink! How adorable!" You reached up and pulled at the cotton soft locks.

The witcher sighed, knowing this was the effect of the medicine. Jaskier and yennefer let out a small laugh at the scene of the two.

"Go back to sleep y/n, you need rest" he commanded softly.

"GERALT!" you suddenly exclaimed! "Oh no you cant be the white wolf anymore! Oh no oh no oh no WAIT I GOT IT! YOU CAN BE THE PINK PONY! QUICK JASKIER WRITE THIS DOWN!!"

"Ah yes the witcher, pink pony of the north, has a nice ring to it" jaskier couldn't contain his laughter.

Geralt decide it best to ignore her and keep walking forward.

"Geralt?" He chose to ignore her again. "Geralt....?"

"Gerrrrrallllllt?"

"GERALT!"

"Geralt geralt geralt geralt geralt geralt"

"What?!" He bit out annoyed.

"Do you think I'm pretty? hehe" he was caught off guard and was not sure how to answer. It didnt help the other two were just giggling behind him.

"I um....yeah" he said awkwardly.

"So I dont look like a troll?" You asked earnestly.

"Pfft what?" Now geralt was the one who couldn't control his laughter.

"Don't laugh!" You suddenly pouted. "A long time ago one of my lovers said I looked like a troll when he broke up with me.."

Still amused geralt shifted you to meet his eyes, "No y/n, you do not look like a troll"

"Phew thank god, I dont know what I would have done..." you laid a hand against your head dramatically.

"Now will you please stop squirming and go back to sleep" geralt sighed out.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm......alright I've decided to go to sleep since I need sleep and it's what I have decided" you saluted the air.

"Finally.." he grumbled.

With a smile you reached both arms around his neck and brought your soft lips to his unshaven cheek.

"Goodnight pinky, sweet creams" he was shocked for a moment then let out an exasperated laugh.

"Goodnight y/n...sweet creams"

******************

To be continued in part 2!

[written-by-weird]

Get to Know Me!

RuLes: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!

Tagged by @birdiethought

1.) Are you named after someone? Uhh... Not that I know of. Had I been born a male, then yea, but no. I believe I am the first one to have my name in my family... Huh- that’s weird.

2.) When was the last time you cried? I’d have to say- a few weeks ago. I was having a depression moment, and things weren’t feeling too hot. Getting better soon!

3.) Do you like your handwriting? Ha! My handwriting is never the same. I like how it looks when I am writing quickly, because it looks a little script like, and is very tiny and compact. However, when my hand gets tired, or if I am writing slow, none of the letters look like their counterparts. Blegh. Granted, I have Architect’s writing, so...

4.) What is your favorite lunch meat? To be honest, I don’t eat that many sandwiches... Mostly because I am so picky, that it’s too labor-some to think about them. But I like Ham.

5.) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Good question! I’m pretty introverted, and don’t really make myself known unless I have to.. So- unless you were in my similar interest, or some place I frequent then I probably wouldn’t seek me out, and therefore, by reasons of me being absent, we wouldn’t be friends.

6.) Do you use sarcasm? Hell yeah. Also, my sarcasm is so good sometimes, you can’t tell I’m using it, which I think is a good tool.

7.) Do you still have your tonsils. Yup! I actually have never had surgery or any operation done ever, so... Knock on wood now!

8.) Would you bungee jump? Hell NO! I hate heights, it makes my legs shaky, and I can’t do it. No. Nope. Nada. Never. Bye bye.

9.) What is your favorite kind of cereal? To be honest, I’m not really a breakfast person... But, I do prefer the more sugary ones. I won’t eat a lot, but I think fruity pebbles might be my favorite.

10.) Do you untie your shoelaces when you take shoes off? 95% of the time, no. I wear my clothes tight because it soothes the anxiety of me losing them, but most of the time, I just slide them off when I’m done wearing them, then go through the ritual of untying them, putting them on, and tying them again. It’s my thing, and it works.

11.) Do you think you’re a strong person? I dunno. I think it depends on what kind of strong you mean? Physically? My arms are noodles, my legs are trees... My mind is pretty strong Intelligence wise... Uhm- I think that I do have some problems that make some things difficult, but I wouldn’t say I’m a ‘weak’ person.

12.) What is your favorite ice-cream? I’ll always have a soft spot for vanilla anything - homestyle is my fav. I try to avoid chocolate and mint. Blegh.

13.) What is the first thing you notice about people? I think I usually notice the way people walk, carry themselves in public, and how they interact with others. I’m really good at reading people (Sometimes), and I can sit and watch people out in public, and know how a person is most likely to act. This helped a lot when I was a server- I would know if someone was a Karen without having to speak with them.

14.) What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? Uhm- this question is a little confusing, but... I’ll try? I’m going to say my joints- I have really bad hips, knees, ankles, everything, so it makes walking and standing for too long really difficult - I don’t know if I like that about myself, but I can at least joke about it and say I’m an old person in a young person’s body? Like, I’m 20, but feel like I’m 87.

15.) What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? Well, It’s midnight here, so I’m in bed. I’m wearing black and white athletic shorts, and no shoes... I’ve still got socks on though, cause I’m super lazy, and won’t take them off lmao.

16.) If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Prussian Blue.

17.) Favorite smell? Uhhhhhhhhh - I really like fall. I love fall. Best season. I like the decaying smells of nature around me (Not rotting animal flesh, no) But like, the leaves and stuff- it’s a very comforting smell to me.

18.) Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? I’m going to assume this means through a phone call, and not text, so... MY DAD.

19.) Favorite sport to watch? To be honest, I’m not a huge sports person - When the season is on, and my team is on, I’ll watch football (American), but I really enjoy equestrian sports!

20.) Hair color? Uh... If it’s wet- dark dark brown, but usually an average brown. Like... Laundry lint brown. I dunno, look at my profile photo.

21.) Eye color? Blue - I dunno if it’s a pretty blue, but My pupil has this light brown ring around it, and a darker blue ring around the iris, so I guess it might look a little interesting...

22.) Do you wear contacts? Since I am blind as a bat, yes. I used to primarily wear glasses, but then contacts worked out better for me. I need to take better care of my eyes, and stop sleeping in my contacts. You don’t want to know how long these current ones have been in my eyes. 

23.) Favorite food to eat? I love food, I think anything with carbs is okay for me! I love pasta, and fries... Fries are good.

24.) Scary movies or comedy? Uhm... I dunno. I think an equal mix of both? If the story line is good for the horror movie, then yea, but for comedy, I prefer John Mulaney.

25.) Last movie you watched? Hahahahah. Hahaha. Ha. Soo... When I go to sleep, I need something to play in the background, because I can’t sleep with complete silence, or complete darkness, so I need to listen to something. I’ve been playing the movie CARS every night because it’s familiar, and soothing.

26.) What color shirt are you wearing? Heather gray? I dunno.

27.) Summer or Winter? Uhm. Fall.  JK- I prefer the warmth of summer, but I hate the bugs, so Winter because no bugs... But cold is bad... Mmmn... Fall.

28.) Hugs or Kisses? I dunno. Haven’t had a whole lot of experience in either to truly form an opinion. I guess I’d have to choose hugs because I’ve never kissed anyone, so...

29.) What book are you currently reading? I’ve actually fallen out of reading books... I’ve mostly read fanfiction for a long while, but! At my summer job! One of my coworkers is also a huge nerd, and he suggested I read the book ‘Fingerprints of the Gods’ and it’s actually really good!

30.) Who do you miss right now? I really miss the chickens we lost recently. A raccoon got into the coop a few nights ago, and decimated a little over half our flock. :(

31.) What is on your mousepad? Uhm- it’s like a... Rainbowy marble like thing. But that’s on my school computer for ARCHI stuff. I usually use my laptop, which is the trackpad.

32.) What is the last TV program you watched? Below deck - for those who don’t know, it’s a reality TV show about super yachting. There’s so much drama, it gives me anxiety. I really shouldn’t watch it.

33.) Rolling stones, or the Beatles? MMn Neither?

34.) What is the furthest you’ve ever traveled? For the longest time, it was to travel down to Puerto Rico for a week (I was maybe 12?) But in freshman year of High school, we took a band trip to Hawaii! (So Hawaii is the correct answer).

35.) Do you have a special talent? I dunno- don’t really think so... I mean, if this counts I’d be surprised, but I’m really good at quoting things? Like, some movies, I can say the whole script as it is happening? Or like- vines, I’m really good at vines...

36.) Where were you born? *Sobs* Missouri, USA

I tag anybody who would like to partake in this! I really don’t have any ‘mutuals’ (That I am aware of- please correct me if I’m wrong), so anybody please do this!

[lysnders]

❝But plant your hope with good seeds, don’t cover yourself with thistle and weeds.❞ Lysander Scamander, Booboo Stewart, Seventeen, Incoming Seventh Year, Hufflepuff, Genderqueer, Pureblood, They/Them

here are some links: stats page, pinboard, application.

my brain has been replaced by mashed potatoes overnight so this is going to be a mess but! lysander is a mess! i’m a mess! we gotta stay on brand!

okay family background-wise, i won’t set too much in stone because lysander has got a TWIN as we know and i want to be able to Flesh Stuff Out if we ever get a lorcan, but --- i do imagine that life w rolf and luna was really ... free spirited? any impulses lysander might’ve had, any things they would have wanted to do, i can see both of them encouraging it and being very supportive parents just. in every way.

and i think that lysander is very much their parents’ kid. they’re very openminded, very believing and optimistic, creative and interested in nature-y subjects like comc and herbology. i mean, lys is definitely not a carbon copy mix of luna and rolf, they have their own personality, but i think they do definitely remind people of their parents? if that makes sense? i kind of described it well in my app, i think --- i don’t think that the way rolf and luna are shaped lys into who they are today, but i think it allowed  them to be who they were. if that makes any sense LMAO.

so lysander grew up happy, tending to their own small garden, painting on dishes and their own skin, trying out musical instruments and giving up on them. it was just a straight up good childhood --- i don’t have much more to say besides that? it was grand. it was good. we stan a good healthy family.

one thing you need to know is that lys is an optimist. i suppose. it’s kind of complicated --- they’re just a fan of looking at the world through rose coloured glasses, to focus on the good, to laugh and be cheerful. some of it is escapism, denial that the world can suck, that there’s so much horrible stuff. some of it is sincere --- lysander does love life, is generally a happy person. it’s how they protect themselves from the bad shit: by ignoring it, focusing on the things that make them feel good, in stead.

it can make them a bit? much? and a bit inconsiderate even? honestly at this point lys is so blinded by their mindset that they probably dont even realise that it’s unhealthy and thus not what other people all do --- because if it was a solid way to live, everyone would do it. and they dont lysander! they fuckin don’t! sometimes you just have to feel bad! 

but they’re so much fun. good god. lysander is really a positive force, i think, someone that’s sociable and spontaneous and easy to have fun with. always down for a game of whatever, filled with shitty jokes, a big enjoyer of parties. dances like no other!!!!

lysander loves plants so much, it’s ... ridiculous. a Nerd. they basically have plants hanging all around their bed, go wild when the convo steers to herbology, loves wearing clothes with plant-prints, etc. 

i mean, when it comes down to it, theyre just really a hippie. pacifistic to a fault, happy-go-lucky, a bit of a stoner, wearer of funky prints and listener of great freaking music.

lysander is genderqueer, also identifies w the label non-binary. they use they/them pronouns, if u hadnt noticed yet, and HONESTLy theyve been identifying as genderqueer for a long ass time? 

i personally hc that luna is nb as well and that the twins were raised pretty gender neutral tbh so i think that that’s how lys found out pretty early on what their identity was --- because there was so much room to talk about it? they’re pretty open about it too

they’re good w gendered words like bro/dude/sis/etc etc btw. they like slang and think those words are a hoot and tbh they use them quite a lot themselves to refer to others as well.

when they wear their hair in a bun they sometimes call it an enby-bun because the concept of the word ‘manbun’ is so fucking ridiculous to them and theyre like *fingerguns* and idk this is a dumb fucking hc but i wanted to throw it in there.

their hair is iconic!!!!

lys works in the junk shop in diagon alley because they did want to Do Something but didn’t want to do something as Ambitious as an internship (also none of them interested them? they want to work in either arts or herbology, not the ministry or hospital so theyre like ... blegh). theyre doing all this stuff w vintage shit bc they love it!!!!!!

i dont know what else to say BESIDES that lysander scamander is an icon! bye!

[lordrethandus]

Mourn Not the Penitent Pt 3

Out of everyone in the Oathguard, Eristel had the best arrangement in the entire operation.

As Quartermaster, it was his sole duty to ensure the Oathguard was properly equipped and prepared for their time on Argus. Every two weeks he would have to count every crate of supplies they had to make a comprehensive list of what they needed to last them another fortnight. He then would establish a secure connection between Felfathom Keep and the Amber Glade to deliver the goods; during that six hours of transitioning he was free to visit his family, watch Jaeras’ progress with her pyromancy, and most importantly, spend some quality time with Tyrasam.

Until the next fateful encounter, Eristel decided to keep himself occupied the best way he knew how. Channeling spellflame was now as easy as breathing, and he worked to improve his pyromancy at any given time; his last encounter and his second true battle against the Burning Legion proved he was still too overzealous with his incantations. Despite engulfing any demons he came across with molten vengeance so hot it would make Ragnaros blush, no pyromancer worth their weight should ever exhaust themselves of mana minutes into a battle. He needed to pace himself and exercise restraint if he wanted to be of any use to anyone.

“Quartermaster!” One of the few remaining soldiers left to defend Felfathom Keep called, interrupting his training. “There’s a demonic gateway in the storage room!”

“What…!” Eristel hissed under his breath; his first thought were of wyrmtongues sneaking into Felfathom Keep to steal as much as they could get their grubby little hands on. “Stay here. I’ll handle the thieving little bastards.”

Fear of a Burning Legion ambush happening right under their noses hastened his steps. If Felfathom Keep was destroyed while the Oathguard was away, it would be a crushing blow that could threaten their presence out here; even worse, they could lure in the returning forces and lead them to slaughter. Eristel wasn't about to let that happen. Not on his watch.

The gateway was just as sinister as he imagined. Two long curved prongs of twisted metal and rock stained purple with foul magic, emanating a swirling vortex of sickly green energy. None of the crates around the room were disturbed, but that didn’t matter to Eristel; any trace of the Burning Legion must be dealt with extreme force. Fire sprouted from the palms of his hands, and vengeance burned in his flaring green eyes. The Pyromancer took one quick breath before dashing forward, ready to stumble upon any atrocious horrors the demons had in store for him.

What he found was something… else. All he saw was a single altar sitting on a flat empty landscape when he stepped through the other side of the gateway. The earth beneath his feet - if you could even call it that - was soft and sticky, clinging to the soles of his boots not quite unlike mud or gore. When the Pyromancer looked up, all he saw was the vast empty of the Great Dark Beyond, but devoid of any stars, planets, or nebulae. Only a tangled mess of asteroids spinning around what had to be the remains of a planet caught his eye, until he turned around to look over the gateway; a colossal aberration of flesh and tendrils the size of a planet filled Eristel with dread. It was the unmistakable visage of an Old God, easily the largest one he would ever see. It’s very presence was overwhelming, so much so that he didn’t even notice someone walking up from behind.

“Enjoying the view, Quartermaster?” Istrys called out from a healthy distance away from the Pyromancer. He whipped around to see her fiendish smirk, with Zolaar standing hunched over beside her; it looked like he could no longer stand up straight, and his hands were covered in felblood. “I’m surprised you got here so quickly. Perhaps you have the awareness needed to properly defend yourself against the Legion’s dirty tricks.”

“What is this place…? Why are you two here…?” Eristel couldn’t sound any more confused and bewildered if he tried. “And what the fel is that?!”

“This place is was once a world called Vivi… Vivith… viv- something retarded. Zolaar is convinced a powerful and advanced race once ruled supreme from here long before the Titans created Azeroth. Then that thing in the sky came, and destroyed everything.” Istrys was vague with her answer as expected; she never seemed the type to be interested in long forgotten history, unless she could benefit from it.

“That being floating high above is called A’zthoth.” The Harvester continued, but he kept his head low and his mask facing the ground. “It is one of the first Old Gods coughed forth from the Void, or so its whispers claim. I would avoid casting magic here… if A’zthoth awakens from its slumber… it will be very unfortunate for us.”

Eristel wasn't about to plague his sleep with nightmares imagining what unspeakable evil would befall him should the Old God awaken. “And the altar…?”

Zolaar turned to gesture toward the black spiraling metal spikes that seemed to stretch out toward the dark abyssal sky before pointing back down to the altar. “This is where I betrayed my master… and where I was justly rewarded for my defiance…” The Harvester and sounded like he was in an incredible amount of pain; judging by how warped his spine looked through his filthy robes, how he was even able to stand at all was a mystery.

Eristel didn’t know what to say. He was mentally prepared to face a swarm of demons when he ran headfirst into the gate, hoping he would be able to disable it from the inside to thwart their vile plans, but this was something else entirely. The world - what was left of it - was so foreign, from the muck beneath his boots to the hideous Old God sound asleep overhead; a part of him was still in disbelief any of this was real. “I…” he managed to squeeze out, blinking at Istrys and Zolaar during his meager attempts to make sense of all this.

“Come, Zolie. We don’t want people getting the wrong ideas about us.” Istrys commanded, startling the Harvester. Within seconds she was beside Eristel, firmly grabbing him by the wrist and shoulder to escort him back to Argus. “The longer you think about this place, the less sense it will make. Let’s get you back to Felfathom Keep, hmm? Would you like that Mr. Lord?”

“I’m not a child…” Eristel scowled, yanking his hand away from the Necromancer; he gave Az’thoth one last look while he sharply inhaled. “But yes… I would like to leave.”

He had no idea he could miss the scorched air of Argus. Going through the demonic gateway twice within minutes was putting a major strain on his body, leaving him physically exhausted traveling light years in just under a second each time. He missed the taste of Tyrasam’s wine-stained lips now more than ever. The others stationed in Felfathom Keep were surrounding the gateway with weapons drawn; had they not hesitated to kill whomever stepped through, they would have impaled Eristel dead-center.

“Who told you to leave your posts?!” Istrys shouted, glaring wildly at them. “What did everyone need to investigate the gate?! While you gawk at us, Felfathom Keep is undefended!”

“W-we didn’t know if Eristel would return…” One of them lowered his weapons and muttered in a low tone.

“Is it a Legion trap?” Another asked, with fear lighting up in her eyes. “Did you manage to stop them?”

“There’s no trap! Zolaar created this gate so he could interrogate Ijiro’s felguard captives without risking the keep!” The Necromancer waved her hand dismissively. “It’s like Andy left me the dumbest fools to defend Felfathom on purpose! Stop asking questions and get back to your stations, before I raise a few more corpses to do your patrols for you!”

Like roaches they scattered out of the storage room, as expected. Eristel continued to take his time absorbing everything he recently learned, fearing his nights would be plagued with what that monster could do to everything he cared for. Perhaps Gonthar was right… Zolaar was dangerous. “Az’thoth…” He started, turning to the Harvester. “How did you even find something that powerful?”

“I didn’t.” He answered plainly. “The Cult of Forgotten Shadows did. A sect was drawn to Az’thoth’s power, and they almost awakened him when they tried to siphon a portion of his power. It… didn’t end well for them. For any of them.” Zolaar paused to rub at his shoulder; it looked dislocated, but he didn’t seem to want any help with it. “The Black Harvest investigated and followed their trail all the way out there. I decided to use it as my sanctuary to get away from all of this… life.”

Istrys didn’t seem too enthusiastic listening to his dreary sob story about the most powerful Old God any mortal may ever witness. “Also… I’d keep it hush-hush about that creature around the others. Let the officers know when they come back, but, these common footsoldiers are cut from a different cloth. You know how they get when someone mentions the infamous OGs.”

Eristel leaned against a crate before asking, “What about you? Aren’t you at least a little uncomfortable with that… thing floating over your head when you’re out there?”

“Just a little.” She shrugged with mild interest. “I’ve got nothing to worry about while it’s still asleep. Us undead are incredibly resistant to all forms of shadow magic, including Old God hysteria. If it wakes up then, well… heheheh… that’s going to be a problem.” The Pyromancer swallowed hard, suddenly looking nauseous. Before he had a chance to speak again, one of the guards came rushing back into the storage room.

“Mistress! Ijiro’s team has returned!”

“Blegh!” Istrys’ groan was almost as exaggerated as it was obnoxiously loud. “A whole day of peace and quiet… now that chuckling cyclops is back. Fantastic.”

Audrey was already dragging Kaarst into the infirmary by the time Eristel and Istrys walked outside to greet them; the Necromancer was about to ask how he nearly got his arm torn apart before the hulking corpse Ijiro and his team were surrounding shattered her concentration. Seeing the twisted Draenei grins permanently stained on the multiple heads was just horrific enough to push Eristel over the tipping point, and not a moment later he was expelling his last meal onto the ground at his feet.

“Nice.” Ijiro chuckled, causing Istrys to roll her eyes out of habit. “Hell of a welcoming party, yeah? Are you feeling alright Eristel?”

“He's had a rough day without his b- hey!” Istrys was halfway through her snide remark before spotting the survivors of the slave pits huddling in the corner. “What’s with the kids?”

The Hunter glanced over his shoulder at them with a weary eye. “They’re the only ones we managed to save in the pits. The Burning Legion was using slave labor to mine this stuff,” He raised his hand to reveal a small crystal veiled in a dull purple hue. “Don’t know what it is or what it’s for, but if demons want it, can’t be good, yeah?”

“Certainly can’t.” Istrys turned to speak with Zolaar, but he was no longer at her side; when she looked around for the twisted warlock she didn’t have to look far. The Harvester was hunched over the strange demon with his hand pressed against its wretched flesh. “And what is that supposed to be?”

“One of the rescued kids called it an Ur’zul, but I have no idea what that means. None of the folks we rescued want anything to do with it, and judging by the many faces, I can see why.” Ijiro grimaced while he gazed down at the demon. “Took a lot of firepower to take it down too… truly the stuff of nightmares.”

“I’ll need to dissect this demon immediately.” Zolaar looked over his crooked shoulders to see all three elves staring blankly at him. “T-to learn more about it, of course…”

Ijiro, fearing Eristel was going to vomit again, began rubbing his back to help him regain his composure; he definitely remembered telling Eristel how traumatizing war can be. “Right… cut it open and learn what you can. If these demons are rolling off the assembly line, we’ll need to learn and exploit any weaknesses, yeah? Else this war just got a whole lot worse.” Eristel wiped his chin with his sleeve while he slowly rose back to his full height.

“You have no idea how worse this war could become.”

[cloudbattrolls]

Scheming and Dreaming

(Or: the story of how Gliese and Emerel discussed a score of highly illegal activities in the space of one night. Content warning for abuse mention and emotional manipulation mention).

AH: hey Emerel

AH: you were asking about Leoffe

AH: and I REALLY didn't want to say it in the main server for a shitload of reasons

AH: but the truth is they're fucking terrible. They hit Kit for so much as yawning on duty

AH: I guess the Fleet ignores it because they're like a thousand sweeps old and a seadweller, or they just don't fucking care because Kit's technically some sort of fake helm thanks to his implants.

AH: It's awful and I hate it but I cannot do fuck shit about it.

AH: even worse, Kit thinks it's normal

AH: I guess because they've had him since he was pretty much a wriggler

MN: ... 

MN: well that explains 

MN: literally everything 

MN: what the fuck

AH: yeah it's pretty fucking dismal

MN: i take it leoffe has more sweeps left than kit does

AH: lol Empress knows how long that asshole will live

AH: probably forever, they're a fucking fish

AH: so probably

MN: what about you? 

MN: do you get the same degree of treatment or is it mostly centered on kit?

AH: lol no Leoffe mostly ignores me, thank fuck

AH: I do what I'm told and nothing happens

AH: but Kit's like, their prize hoofbeast

AH: I'm just the backup

AH: that's probably why

AH: he's the one with the fancy tech in his pan and more training than me

AH: Leoffe's invested a lot in this project

MN: what's the end game of this project, exactly? 

MN: i assumed it was normal fleet advantage efforts 

MN: but what is it really?

AH: To be honest I don't know exact details. But I do know they're trying to boost our psi as much as possible, they want us controlling armies or some shit.

AH: but the thing is...

AH: you've seen Kit's hair.

AH: I'd bet you fucking anything that's from the strain they're putting on his powers.

MN: the curling? 

MN: i thought that was just the way he did his hair.

AH: The gray, you moron

AH: haven't you seen the gray streaks

MN: i have. 

MN: i'm still reeling sorry 

MN: i knew you both had it rough but i didn't realize just how much shit kit was in

AH: honestly for me it's mostly just a pain in my ass

AH: nothing I can't cope with

AH: it's Kit who's in trouble

AH: but he doesn't even realize how fucked up everything is

MN: what's in place to stop you from turning your psi on them? 

MN: ...besides kit thinking this is all normal, that is

AH: lol, Leoffe? Don't you know anything about mind-psi?

AH: loses strength the higher up the spectrum you go.

AH: Even with our shit - which IS extra strong - it'd still be a hell of a fight

MN: no i know that 

MN: but if they're going to have you controlling entire armies potentially 

MN: then what's to stop all that raw power from breaking through the psychic barrier if it's been trained well enough

AH: ...you saying we could sabotage them and make it look like an accident?

AH: maybe.

AH: but I'd have to be very, very sure about that.

MN: and if kit thinks the way he's getting treated is normal then 

MN: he'd have to be not there at the time if something went down 

MN: if only so they can't think he had something to do with it

AH: ugh. this shit hurts my pan. I'm no big fan of the fleet, but the reason I didn't run from forced conscription in the first place is because it's such a bad idea to fuck with them.

AH: especially Leoffe. we'd have to be so fucking careful.

AH: honestly, much as I hate saying it

AH: it'd be easier to sabotage Kit. even if they'd take me as the backup. I could just get myself in trouble another way and get discharged.

MN: i'm not so sure they would gliese

MN: think about it

MN: they put a lot of money into this project

MN: nobody wants that much of an investment to go to waste

AH: ugh

MN: if you sabotaged kit and they deemed him not useful, he knows too much and has too much tech to just...leave in him, probably

AH: if only there were a third Lepus troll hanging around

AH: especially if they were a dick

AH: blegh, probably

AH: but if he burned out altogether...

AH: they COULDN'T use him

MN: and if you went in their place, you'd get the same treatment as kit instead of being left alone 

MN: because leoffe is old 

MN: old seadwellers? 

MN: they hate it when everything isn't exactly the way they want it 

MN: and it sounds like leoffe takes it to a whole new level on that front

MN: what would that do to kit though?

MN: what happens when you burn out

AH: Not sure. To be honest, I think he might already be showing - oh, that

AH: well I only saw it happen to a lowblood once, and they did survive...

AH: but it wasn't pretty

AH: still, Kit's cobalt, or practically

MN: a lowblood who probably isn't full of psychic implants and metal

AH: he probably has a better chance than a rust

MN: what happens when the parts they wired you both up with actually burn out as opposed to a natural burn out

AH: ...ugh, shit, I didn't think of that. Well I'm not wired, for one, but yeah you're right, that's a complication in his case.

AH: all I can think of is more surgery. Take them out, then burn him out.

AH: but I don't know who'd do that.

MN: alright let's 

 MN: let's put our heads together here 

MN: we both know people 

MN: who do we know that might know someone who can 

MN: one of us has to

AH: I know Lapyen, she fixed him up before when he got burned, but she's fifty kinds of too nervous for this

AH: She got jumpy just when we said we were fleet

AH: so that's out

AH: do you know any docterrorists or anything who don't mind doing something a bit illegal?

MN: well 

MN: pheres is the go to person for all things social and shady 

MN: and he knows half of alternia 

MN: but i don't know if it's a good idea to involve him in this

AH: yeaaaah

AH: look, I like Pheres, I do, but I'm with you on this one

AH: he seems like he'd be WAY too nervous about it

MN: i love him more than anyone but 

MN: let's face it, he's got a big mouth and poor decision making skills

AH: tell me if I'm wrong but that's the vibe I - LOL

AH: noted

AH: ...wait, though

AH: aren't you and him both dating Kit

AH: how exactly does that work anyway

AH: I was just happy he stopped bedding and piling half the town so I didn't ask but I now realize I don't even know wtf your deal is

MN: a very weird red smear that i never saw coming and it's a long story 

MN: i want kit to be happy and i want him to be safe 

MN: i really thought it was just a worse than average case of roughing up you get from being a soldier until you said something

AH: lol that's fine that's good enough for me

AH: you aren't that fucking stupid looking brownblood chick, I don't give a damn

AH: I still can't believe he took whatever the fuck her name was to the ball

MN: ugh yeah her 

MN: i remember seeing her 

MN: she smelled like rotting flesh

AH: ewwww

AH: what the hell

MN: but anyway 

MN: back to the task at hand

AH: lol yeah good point

MN: we need to start fishing around as discreetly as we can 

MN: and figuring out who knows who and what they're willing to do

AH: I think you might have more luck than me with finding something my social circle is small and frankly I prefer it that way, unless we want to start hiring shady fucks off the internet

MN: the thing about shady fucks is 

MN: they're easy to buy and they're likely to squeal if they're caught

AH: yeah, and while I can cull a squealer, I can't always cull whoever they squealed to

AH: if they're smart and sell the info to someone powerful enough I can't touch

MN: alright, who are the top five people in your social circle? 

MN: mine are pheres, kit...thalia....and a matesprit pair from work 

MN: what a great circle

MN: there's only so much you can do with limited power

AH: Uh. Kit, Cateex, Canela...Riccin...does Lapyen count?

AH: not counting any of my ex-clade because fuck them.

MN: so we've ruled out lapyen 

MN: and i take it she's too anxious to ask if she knows any shady collegues

AH: lol honestly she might but I doubt she'd tell me, so yeah

MN: we obviously can't ask kit to take out his own implants 

MN: that would end horribly

AH: oh my god yeah no so fucking horribly

AH: ...hmmm, Riccin's obnoxiously Empire loyal but

AH: they ARE literally part of a fucking helm program.

AH: they might know someone I can talk to.

MN: maybe not someone empire loyal 

MN: how does riccin feel about being a helm

AH: they fucking it love it because they're nuts

AH: but I bet not everyone is as gung-ho as they are

AH: if I'm careful they'll never know what I'm really trying to do

AH: god, even if we find someone we're going to have a hell of a time persuading Kit to do this

AH: I'm not even sure we could persuade him at all, at least by telling the truth

MN: leave kit to me and pheres 

MN: i think i could twist it so neither of them realized what was happening 

MN: as shitty as that makes me feel to lie to them

MN: what about cateex and canela

AH: yeah I'm not the biggest fan of it either

AH: but what choice do we have

AH: the way he is now he'll just keep obediently following along until he literally burns out in a bad way, or his blind obedience gets him killed

AH: Canela's no fan of the fleet, but she's a fashion model, I doubt she knows anyone useful

AH: but maybe she'll come in handy for something, I'll keep her in mind

AH: Cateex...I know she's not a fan of the spectrum, but honestly, she's so taciturn about anything personal that I have no damn clue how she'd feel about this

MN: maybe not 

MN: but she's in a high industry and probably has connections 

MN: if she doesn't know, someone she comes into contact with might have an idea

AH: hm, yeah

MN: so cateex is also a huge maybe

AH: I trust her, but she's also the person who scolds me whenever I do anything mildly reckless

AH: I think this is a little more than mildly

MN: so our list of 'maybe' 

MN: are cateex and canela 

MN: and thalia 

MN: because this is definitely too big for the last two on my side

MN: just a little bit more than mildly, yes

AH: who the hell's Thalia anyway

MN: an 

MN: old friend

AH: I smell drama so I won't touch that

AH: unless you wanna spill

MN: she'd love the idea of being involved in something like this 

MN: but she always wants something in return

AH: oh lmao that type

MN: well.... 

MN: look friend is a loose term okay 

MN: point being

AH: point being?

MN: she's a last resort possibility

AH: A'ight

MN: and she's a clown too meaning that they'd be less likely to question her acting strange

AH: oh god, bleh

MN: tell me about it

AH: can't say I'm a fan of anyone higher than my caste, besides Canela. but that's a good point, unfortunately

MN: i don't care much about caste unless you're batshit insane to be honest

AH: lol, I've just had the bad luck of nearly everyone teal and above I've met being a huge cock

AH: Kit, Lapyen, and Canela are basically the only exceptions

MN: if you talked to lapyen, could you spin it like you were looking for a specialized doctor?

MN: at the moment, it sounds like canela or lapyen are going to be our best bets

AH: hmmm, yeah, that's possible

AH: she DOES have this new medical gig with some company, I could probably poke around for contacts

MN: do that 

MN: that sounds like our best lead right now

AH: yeah I'll get on it, Lapyen's kind of skittish but she loves talking about her work

AH: shouldn't be too hard

MN: i wish we had a plan to straight up take out leoffe 

MN: but i work in the history field 

MN: let me tell you all about power vacuums and bad ideas

AH: yeah, I'm willing to listen to you on that one because the basic shit they've taught me since I got here I don't know fuck shit about history

AH: but killing someone that powerful seems like asking to die anyway because common fucking sense

AH: plus they're violet which would make it even worse

MN: even if you're not caught 

MN: someone will take their place 

MN: and someone's going to die for the crime either way 

MN: and then they'll feel good about justice being served

AH: whoo

AH: yeah, no, I know we can't touch them directly

AH: fooling them is going to be our problem

AH: since even if we manage to get Kit's tech out

AH: we still have to work out how to burn him out quickly enough before they cotton on

MN: without causing permanent damage to his pan or something too

AH: yeah

MN: can the implants be hacked?

AH: ...you know, I DON'T KNOW

AH: but I bet I can find out.

AH: and that'd be WAY easier than trying to get them out of him.

AH: probably.

MN: find out 

MN: because if they can 

MN: that's a hell of an angle to exploit

AH: yeah I'll get on that

AH: what I know about tech can be tattooed on a grub's underside but I know a chick who can help with that

AH: she's not a close friend, but Dionna wouldn't tattle

MN: what's dionna like

AH: flirtiest greenblood you've ever met. Practically jade but not quite, like, a hue or two below. not bad once you tell her to back off, which admittedly she's pretty good about. she's good in a fight and with technology.

AH: and she got her face and vocal cords mauled by her ex-kismesis, who was a seadweller, so she really doesn't give a damn about the spectrum

AH: not an out and out rebel but she's like you, doesn't really care one way or the other

AH: ...actually I just thought of another reason she might be useful, though it's not her, it's her 'rail

AH: he's a powerful emotion controller. Doesn't know anything useful to us, but he might be helpful if we had to pressure anyone who we couldn't get away with wounding.

MN: gliese

AH: what

MN: you are a fucking genius

AH: I know

MN: talk to them 

MN: do whatever you have to 

MN: especially whatever will get that moirail on our side

AH: you got an idea brewing in that green head of yours?

MN: i have a hell of an idea brewing

AH: perfect

MN: but it's going to need the tightest planning either of us have ever done in our lives

AH: we can do it

AH: we're fucking incredible

MN: unless we have enough money to just buy kit out of the program but good luck with that

AH: yeah, no, I'm blue but I don't have the funds to buy out an adult fleet violet lmao

MN: even i don't have that kind of money 

MN: hell that's so much that i don't even think canela does

AH: probably not

AH: not when Leoffe's had so much longer to accumulate it

MN: how well does that emotion power work on highbloods

AH: supposely pretty well, according to Dionna

AH: like if she wasn't pulling my leg, it apparently worked on that kismesis of hers

AH: and he was high violet

AH: I'm not talking those borderline indigo assholes, I mean someone who's like half a step down from tyrian

MN: if she's not lying 

MN: and we can get this guy to help us somehow 

MN: i have no idea what he'd want but i can afford a bribe 

MN: that might just solve our problem with kit and his loyalty to leoffe

AH: yeah I can also help with a bribe

AH: ...though wait

MN: do the implants provide defenses against psionics? 

MN: though if it's true they worked on a near tyrian i suppose it doesn't matter

MN: what's wrong?

AH: Are you saying we'd use it on Kit?

AH: Man, I guess that'd work, but god he'd fucking hate us later

MN: i'd rather not but 

MN: we want him out and it won't be easy 

MN: we have to at least think on every angle

AH: yeah

AH: that's true

MN: ...you're right 

MN: shit 

MN: maybe not on kit 

MN: but let's keep heart guy in mind

AH: LOL, I think his name's...

AH: Inneal? Iunule? Something like that. He lives in Port Mina, so he's easy to get to me for me at least.

MN: this might be a good time to try making friends 

MN: quote unquote

AH: lol

AH: I think his best friend will be my caegers

MN: hey gliese 

MN: is the fleet training any actual psionic blockers right now?

MN: if you need more caegars 

MN: i've got you covered

AH: no goddamn clue, probably, but I don't get told about it

MN: fuck 

MN: my thought was if we could find one who wanted to make a prisonbreak 

MN: that might be useful too

AH: lol I'm blue, I bet I have more money than you, buddy, but hm. I'll try and find out, the place DOES recruit a lot of lowbloods.

MN: you might 

MN: but i do have a shit ton of money myself 

MN: battle rings are lucrative when you're good at them

AH: haha holy shit that's great

AH: thank god at least one of Kit's quads isn't afraid to stab a motherfucker

MN: i know i come off like an ass a lot 

MN: but i am the only one willing to stab without a second thought 

MN: and that worries me

AH: please I am the goddamn empress of first-class assholes make no apologies to me

AH: I've met way worse

AH: yeah it should fucking worry you Kit is way too soft for his own good

AH: idk about Pheres, he seems cunning enough, but is he any good at fighting

MN: in a pinch maybe 

MN: but he mostly runs and teleports when he can't run

AH: ugh

AH: that only works in certain situations

AH: or if the other person's psii can't counter his

MN: but to his credit 

MN: it makes a bright ass light 

MN: i got blinded the first time i saw it

AH: damn

AH: all I get is sparks around my eyes and shit

AH: well, guess we ought to go talk to our people and see what we can get

AH: night, Emerel

AH: we should talk again when we've both got shit to share

MN: i'll let you know what i find

MN: good luck

AH: we're gonna need it

MN: this uh 

MN: might be a good idea to make secure safety plans for people you like 

MN: and tell them you like them 

MN: because we're dead if we mess up

AH: lol, yeah

AH: don't have to tell me twice

[luirlar]

‘Razgovor’ is very, very dear to my heart. The number is the cutest, it’s pretty much a Shaw-centric episodes with flashbacks to her cute-ass 8 year old self, we see a big bad being bigger and badder, Joss Carter continues to be a boss ass bitch, and the ending is very promising. An A+ episode to make up for the blegh-ness that was the last one.

I have watched the whole show before, so SPOILERS MIGHT HAPPEN. Big spoilers will be blanked out but references and irrelevant spoilers are going to be out in the open.

We start off at the tail end of a previous case again. This time, Shaw saves a paramedic’s life and leaves before he says thank you. Harold is concerned about her bedside manner. LOL Harry, no one cares.

We then jump to Carter’s side project, which has been to follow and investigate HR. She hears Simmons talk about a big meeting between the Russians and the boss of HR, who we know is Quinn, but she doesn’t. And then she sees someone sneaking up on her. It’s John. Carter: John, one of these days, I’m just gonna shoot you. John: I get that a lot.

John was following her following HR, and has known about her side project for a while now. He asks if she needs help, she says not yet, and they have a beer. This might seem small, but the writers could have played that as a big reveal/surprise that John was completely unaware of (which would be unlikely in my opinion, and too much work), or a condescending (and hypocritical as hell) moment of John telling Joss not to do it, or whatever, but they did not. John trusts Carter, and he is there for her. The number of the week is that of Genrika Zhirova, an 8yo immigrant who lives with her cousin after her mom was arrested and her grandpa died, and who is training to be an international spy. Some people are trying to kidnap and kill her, and Shaw is not as kind and bubbly or whatever as Harold would like. He doesn’t trust her yet and I get that, but also, she’s done this kind of work before, Harold, and she doesn’t need to be perky to do it well. Chill the fuck down.

[1993] There is a bad car crash, with a dead father and a scared child in the backseat. The firefighter asks for her name. Sameen. She asks about her dad. “Hang on, kiddo. I’m coming to you”, the dude says.

Sameen and Gen need to hide out and wait for John, and Gen, spy that she is, is trying to get intel on Shaw and what she does. She’s pretty good. Shaw tells her she doesn’t know what they do exactly, and honestly, she’s mostly in it for the dog.

Gen takes Shaw to her listening station, where we learn she has a bunch of apartments wire-tapped, which may be why the Russians are after her. They bond over being spies, and Gen asks Sameen why is she “like this” (as in, not flinching, acting very stoic, not being too good with emotions). Shaw: You know that thing that made you flinch? I don’t get that. Gen: You don’t get scared? Shaw: Or sad. Or happy, or lonely. I do angry okay, but that’s about it.  She tells Gen it’s been that way as long as she can remember, and that she was about Gen’s age when she realized there was something different about her.

I dig that they brought up Shaw’s ASPD again. From her intro episode alone, we had no way of knowing if that was just a comment she made, or a thing the writers were going to play as “ha ha she is quirky and rude” trash. But here, a bunch of episodes later, she gets the chance to explain some of it herself, and we get some flashbacks. So I like it because they fleshed her out a bit more in this regard, but also that they didn’t make her personality disorder the central thing about her, because they let us know her in other ways first too. That said I don’t have ASPD so, maybe this is terrible to y’all in ways I don’t see at all. If you feel like commenting, I would love to know your thoughts.

The Russians poison the air where Shaw and Gen are so they need to run, and cover their mouths in the meantime. So Sameen rips her fucking sleeves off. Now, a shittier show would have taken this opportunity to do some fan service, by having her take her shirt off or something. But no! Instead they took the chance to make her more baddass, and did a different kind of fan service, a much more gay one, in my opinion. The bad guys still capture Gen, though, and shoot Shaw in the shoulder.

[1993] The firefighter chats with Sameen. She tells him that his dad is military so they move around a lot. (And Shaw recognized Gen’s number as a temporary immigrant one, possibly foreshadowing the later reveal that her mom was an immigrant or refugee. Ya learn somethin’ new every day.)

Shaw knocks out the guy who tried to kidnap her, and puts some construction tape over her wound (does this actually serve any purpose other than looking unexpectedly hot??). Harold asks her to please go to a doctor, that they’ll handle the case. She thinks she is being punished for not protecting Gen well enough. My heart is melting and oozing out of my body as I type.

Shaw does angry okay, indeed. She figures Gen’s cousin had something to do with her kidnapping, so she goes and questions him, and then shoots him in the knee. She is bleeding and ready to fight and I’m extremely turned on right now.

Here is a small collage of Shaw being hot in this episode (You’re welcome.):

Thanks to Gen’s tapes, and John tracking one of the kidnappers, they realize it was HR who took Gen, with the help of the Russians. They are making and dealing drugs, and Gen had proof.

[1993] The firefighter is terrible at giving children bad news. He says some bullshit about people falling asleep and not waking up, and so Sameen asks if what he means is that her dad is dead. The dude confirms, and she takes in the info, realizes she is hungry, and asks for a sandwich. He looks mildly horrified, like he’s never been made aware that different people have different responses to death, and different emotional ranges. He then tells his firefighter buddies how there must be something wrong with her, within earshot of her. What a tool.

(Quick moment to appreciate another classic Reese stunt: they’re interrogating one of the kidnappers, who has a tremor, and he puts some liquid balancing on his hand, telling him it’s highly unstable. After getting what he needs, John leaves the guy there, with the unstable liquid. Except, it’s actually just corn syrup. I live for this shit where John just trolls the bad guys, I swear. )

Shaw continues to be ready to kill everyone, and she tracks down Yogorov. He doesn’t know all that much. Because “cops might kill a kid, my people have standards”. That’s real, ’cause #ACAB #fuckthepolice etc. Side note, Yogorov is kind of hot? Like, I wouldn’t kick him outta bed.

But Shaw is way hotter, asking him all these medical questions that make no sense except if she wanted to… Yup! She is gonna plug herself in and get a blood transfusion from Yogorov, right then and there. She also gets Simmons on the phone, and asks for Gen. Shaw: Hang on, kiddo. I’m coming for you.

Shaw demands Harold to give her the tapes, unless he has a better idea. Which he does.

On another end of things, Laskey asks Carter if they can talk about a problem he is having, in private. He asks about her secret meetings and secret friends, and she calls him out on being a mole for HR. That’s right! Y’all think the queen of my heart didn’t know? Psht. And before Laskey’s dirty cop friend can shoot her, she shoots his ass dead. With Laskey’s illegal New Jersey gun, no less.

I’m so gay.

Carter: You don’t work for HR anymore, son. You work for me now. Oooooh shit. You thought you were in charge, sweet summer child? (Boss Ass Bitch plays in the background. As usual.) Back to the case, Harold has a better idea than to trade Gen for the tapes incriminating HR. Carter and John gave Laskey bad intel, driving Simmons and most of the troops away from the girl, thinking they were going to ambush the Man in the Suit, and get the tapes. Instead, Harold keeps the tapes, and John kneecaps most cops until the only one left is Simmons. They both drop the guns and fist-fight, which I don’t understand the point of, besides weird masculinity rituals. And maybe to showcase to us that Simmons can hold his own, indirectly signaling (with this, and his willingness to kill a little girl) that he is a much worthier, scarier opponent than we thought? Meanwhile, Shaw, ready to shoot everyone, gets to shoot a couple people at the drug lab where Gen is. And she rescues her! #SpyGirlSolidarity And then Harold and Sameen blow up their lab, ’cause, y’know, they were in the neighborhood.

Shaw takes Gen to a new fancy school, and Gen gives Shaw a badge that belonged to her grandpa. Gen: I know it won’t mean much to you, but it will mean a lot to me that you have it. Shaw: I’m just not wired for this kind of stuff, kid. Gen: I know. I figured you out. It’s not that you don’t have feelings. It’s just like, the volume’s turned way down. Like the sound on an old tape. 

I am dying. I am dead. I just… I’m dead now. And I want to hug both of them super tight and never let go. I want to adopt both Bear and Gen and move into a big house with my wife and my children. Anyhoo… Ooof. That was a good episode, eh? But wait. We’re not done here. We go take a look at Shaw’s bedroom that night. Gen’s gift is on her nightstand. She is so beautiful, so precious. But that’s not the point. She opens her eyes and sees… Root! Looking at Shaw sleep! Like the creepy-ass lesbian that she is.

“Did you miss me?

Heck yes, we did. And we are ready. So ready.

Today I (re)watch: Person of Interest, 3.05 'Razgovor' is very, very dear to my heart. The number is the cutest, it's pretty much a Shaw-centric episodes with flashbacks to her cute-ass 8 year old self, we see a big bad being bigger and badder, Joss Carter continues to be a boss ass bitch, and the ending is very promising.

[jskim2112]

i havent been doing my counseling homework. i pick and choose the homeworks i want to do... sessions are biweekly. the first two weeks, i was very diligent. the second two weeks, i did the new assignments but did not keep up with the old ones. the third two weeks (now), i did it for the first half, but temporarily had to stop and never restarted. 

when life hits the fan and fecal contents are smattered along the wall, i am highly motivated to address the bad habits and whatevers in my life. when dust settles and “status quo” returns, the motivation dwindles. that’s pretty common in oppressive situations-- don’t torture your people so much that they revolt and coup; ease up just enough so they don’t realize they have the option of freedom. blegh. i’m an ignorant peon.

why do we choose to live in slavery to our flesh? why am i so weak?

let’s go back to some basic things you are learning in counseling.

#1 sleep, eat (WELL), rest (no) exercise (no) nature. these are your basic needs. you are not yourself when you don’t have these things. you do not make the best decisions when you do not have these things. you are not efficient (despite what you may think) when you do not get these things. no one else is going to make sure you get these things. this is YOUR responsibility to paradigm shift in your head that you MUST prioritize these things. despite the initial time investment, these things are efficient. duh. i know you know that in your head, but your actions say otherwise...

#2 do not try to immediately stop feelings or emotions. i started “headspace” a mindfulness meditation app and it gave the analogy of someone watching a busy highway. the cars represent our feelings/emotions. it seems silly that our first instincts are to run out and stop the cars. it just causes accidents. instead, you just watch the cars. they come. they go. do not react to your emotions/feelings by immediately starting to stuff your face with food. when you put it in writing like that, it sounds absurd hahaha... you are surprised sometimes by thoughts/feelings and your hand literally twitches in repetitive movements, bringing food into your mouth, until hours pass, mass quantities are consumed, and you have nothing to show for it but a costly costly habit. you dont need another EGD to tell you that you really need to moderate your eating habits. and that goes for every other compulsive and excessive habit of yours. fix it. if you want more motivation at a time when it feels like more work to fix it, remind yourself that you are wasting precious brain space. so much energy is spent on focusing on eating and planning and then being full and uncomfortable and then the cycle perpetuates. so much energy is spent on thinking through all of this nonsense. beat it. god is a jealous god.

#3 be kind to yourself. are people born being hard on themselves? i remember hearing this a lot growing up, that i was too hard on myself... but i always thought they just weren’t ambitious or hard working or had low standards -_-... whoops. hahah. someone pointed out to me-- if you could go back in time and see 5th-grade-jenny or high-school-jenny or even now-SRNA-jenny, how would you respond to her pain? how would you respond to her mistakes and failures? how would you respond if she were a friend or sister? i bet you a lot of money that you would be much kinder to others than you are in your internal monologues... you’re right. a lot of that stuff that happened... wasn’t fair. and that hurts. but that sense of justice is not pure evil. god is a just god. just, don’t try to right the wrongs in your own ways... there is more injustice to come. god is a just god.

#4 you have friends. good friends. many friends. maybe too many friends. you love people. but you cannot love everyone to the degree and depth that you want to. you just cant. you’re giving your all to all who you can give to... but you are choosing breadth over depth until those who don’t want your breadth and won’t put up with your breadth either don’t give back or just keep you surface level-- and then you feel their breadth and then look for others or new friends hoping to get more depth-- until you see those breadth-ers again and you remember how much you love them and then try to give them depth too-- but now you’ve expanded those you want to have depth with but you haven’t expanded finite time or energy because duh you are human-- and now you’re at an even more shallow breadth until someone else drops you again-- and then that feeling of being dropped or failing to love someone you wanted to love-- that’s painful. you cause yourself pain. stop it. and if that doesnt stop you, remember that you are hurting others too. ouch. 

#5 i’m so thankful that i love what i do. at the end of a 70+ hour week, when all i have to look forward to is time outside of the hospital to go to class or read my textbooks or work on my doctoral project or write another presentation... the saving grace is ironically within those 70 hours... the moments when i actually get to pause and remember-- i love anesthesia. the gratification of hand-eye motor coordination and when theory meets application in a clinical setting-- that, for now, ... is enough. thank you, jesus, for the validation.

also, back to #4, do not insult the friends you do have and who do care for you by not thinking that they care for you, just because they dont show you care in the way you may think or see or may think comes easy to you-- doesnt mean that it comes easy to them or is a light gesture from them. be more appreciative, gosh darn it. you have some really really really incredible friends.

on that note, #6 you also have some really incredible opportunities. probably a large part of that is because you don’t know how to say “no” and so you’ve said “yes” to too many things (we’ll come back to that... let’s make that #7). but also a big part of that is god has blessed you with many skills, talents, and passions. and people have noticed. those opportunities are not available to everyone or anyone. stop. pause. it’s okay to be proud of what god has given you. boast all the more proudly of your weaknesses too. despite your short-comings and self-sabotage, look at what god has been able to bring into your life~ incredible. really really incredible. GA, Penn, LA, CRNA school, DNP project with NIH and CDC, two state conference presentations, PANA board member, girl... and that’s just the career stuff. the real opportunities lie in the people that you’ve met along the way, the experiences and doors that has opened, and the wisdom you’ve been lucky to absorb from those around you. channel that. steward that. i know you will, almost to a fault, it’s in your DNA. so instead, i just want to remind you to pause. and recognize. and be thankful.

 alright, i’m tired, and have homework... but i’m glad i made a note to self to remember #7: sometimes, less is more. i think you have a tendency to swing on extremes. you are either too calculated and cautious. or more often than not, you are way too impulsive. between missing out on an opportunity or burning yourself out trying to do it all, you would probably 10 out of 10 times choose the latter. i’m still trying to figure out where that balance should be... but for right now, at this time in your life, err on the side of self preservation. homie, just do less and do them right. i know you THINK you can do everything to the 100% that you demand of yourself... and honestly, you might be able to somehow, but at a huge huge cost-- to your health, your friends/fam, your spiritual life, ... so actually no, no you cannot. less. is. more.

things i did not know about myself: i have a strong sense of justice. i care a lot about people. i have felt deep wrong or lack of parenting from my youth. i forget my human limitations... is that pride? okay, i should stop. good night!