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#buy a penis hanger
phanger · 10 months
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The Ultimate Guide to Penis Enlargement: Boost Confidence and Improve Intimacy
Introduction
Many men have wondered at some point in their lives whether penis enlargement is possible. While the market is flooded with various products claiming to provide quick and permanent results, it's essential to navigate through the noise and find a safe and effective solution. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the topic of penis enlargement, debunk common myths, and provide practical advice for those seeking a natural and sustainable approach.
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Debunking Myths Surrounding Penis Enlargement
Myth 1: Size Determines Masculinity
Contrary to popular belief, penis size does not define masculinity. Real confidence stems from within and extends far beyond physical attributes. Communication, emotional connection, and overall sexual compatibility play a much more crucial role in satisfying sexual relationships.
Myth 2: Over-the-Counter Pills and Supplements Are the Solution
While there are countless pills and supplements claiming to enlarge the penis, their effectiveness is often questionable. Many of these products lack scientific evidence to support their claims and can even pose potential health risks. It's important to consult with a medical professional before considering any over-the-counter solutions.
Natural Methods for Penis Enlargement
1. Exercise and Stretching
Just like any other muscle in the body, the penis can benefit from regular exercise. Specific exercises, such as jelqing and kegel exercises, can help improve blood flow and strengthen penile muscles. These exercises, when performed correctly and consistently over time, may lead to increased penile size and improved sexual performance.
2. Healthy Lifestyle Choices
Maintaining overall good health is crucial for penile health and function. Incorporating a balanced diet, regular exercise, proper sleep, and stress management can positively impact sexual health. A healthy lifestyle promotes better blood circulation, which may contribute to stronger and firmer erections.
3. Weight Management
Obesity can not only affect overall health but also impact sexual performance. Excess weight can lead to a buried penis effect, where the penis appears smaller due to surrounding fat deposits. By managing weight through a healthy diet and exercise, men can enhance the perceived size of their penis without any medical intervention.
Non-Surgical Medical Solutions
1. Penis Extenders
Penis extenders are devices designed to gently stretch the penis over an extended period. These devices work on the principle of traction, encouraging cellular growth and expansion. Penis extenders, when used consistently and according to instructions, may offer gradual and natural penis enlargement results.
2. Vacuum Devices
Vacuum devices, also known as vacuum erection devices, use a vacuum to draw blood flow into the penis, creating an erection. These devices are primarily used to treat erectile dysfunction but may also lead to temporary penile enlargement due to increased blood circulation.
Surgical Options
1. Penile Pumps
Penile pumps are medical devices that create a vacuum around the penis, causing blood to flow into the erectile chambers. This results in a temporary increase in penile size and firmness. However, it's important to note that the effects are not permanent and may require regular use.
2. Penile Augmentation Surgery
Penile augmentation surgery, such as the injection of fat or dermal fillers, aims to increase the girth of the penis. Surgical procedures can provide immediate results, but potential risks and complications should be carefully considered. Consulting with a qualified urologist or plastic surgeon is essential before considering such surgical interventions.
Conclusion
Penis enlargement is a topic that triggers curiosity, but it's crucial to approach it with caution and skepticism. While there are numerous products and methods promising quick and miraculous results, it's important to prioritize safety and consider natural alternatives. By focusing on overall health, incorporating natural exercises, and exploring non-surgical medical solutions, men can enhance their confidence and improve their intimacy without compromising their well-being. Remember, true sexual satisfaction comes from genuine connection and communication with your partner, rather than solely focusing on physical attributes.
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puppyeared · 2 years
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Help me I was ringing up this woman who wanted to buy “a car mechanic costume for her 9 year old son but this one is too big do you have an extra small :(“ and I look at it and it’s a fucking PENIS JOKE ADULT COSTUME THAT SAID LUBE-AND-GO GARAGE. I
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abbyromanoff · 2 years
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Sugar daddy GP Natasha being seduced by reader into buying the dress she wants and nat fucking her to oblivion
Sugar daddy
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Pairings: g!p sugar daddy Natasha Romanoff x reader
Warnings: smut, Nat has a penis, public sex, cunnilingus, spanking, breeding, light cnc talk, praising, degrading
Word count: 1584
Summary: When you want a dress so badly Nat figures out a way that you can pay for it
No one is permitted to steal, copy, or reblog my work as their own!!
“Please Natty? I’ll do anything.” You pleaded for the fifth time in the past hour. You’ve been begging the older woman to let you get this dress, assuring her that it would be for her eyes only which you both knew was a lie. You’d probably end up wearing it to a gathering with Nat just to watch as her blood boils with every lingering eye that was laid upon you. The dress was a satan red that reached to your mid thigh, a large slit placed on the left.
The red head smirked above you, using your desperation to her advantage. “Anything? Hm, that’s a good offer, a $400 dollar dress and I get to do whatever I want with you.” You shivered lightly as her cold hands went to place themselves on your waist. You gave your best puppy dog eyes and she gave in, walking you into the dressing room to try on the oh so nice dress.
Her watchful eyes wandered around your body as you slowly peeled off your clothing in front of her, teasing your wife successfully. You grabbed the dress off of the small hanger and slipped it on, making sure to accentuate your ass and tits as you looked over to Nat.
“So, what do you think?” She stood up suddenly, placing her hands on your butt and giving a small squeeze making you jump slightly. She chuckled dryly at your actions and turned you around so you were looking at yourself in the mirror, using her palms to grope you all over. You felt a bulge press against you as her crotch met your behind, slightly grinding against it and admiring the way your eyes fluttered closed at the feeling.
“I think, that I really want to fuck you against this mirror now.” You looked back at her only to be met with a harsh, bruising kiss as she groaned into your lips. The passionate kiss continued for a few moments until you both were heavily panting against each other. A loud knock erupted onto the changing room door, you were assuming it was an employee.
“Do you need any help in there?” The small voice asked, probably being able to hear the shuffling from out there.
“Uh, yeah. Yeah we’re fine, thank you.” You yelled out while Nat dropped to her knees and started to put her head under your dress.
“Be quiet for me princess.” She said while stroking your smooth thighs, plating small kisses to each one. Your breathing started getting heavy as you awaited for the feeling of her mouth on you, yet it never came.
“Nat, please! Just eat me out already.” You whisper yelled as she smirked at your neediness.
“Relax baby, let daddy play with her little toy.” You whimpered as her tongue played with your clit, sucking and licking the bud. You gripped her hair in your hands and pulled her face further into your aching cunt. She moaned into you as she teased your tight hole with her mouth, using her thumb to rub small circles on your clit.
“Mm, you like that, you like daddy’s mouth?” Her raspy voice was muffled as she got lost in the taste of you. Your moans were enough to answer her question but she wanted more, she wanted to hear you say it. She removed herself from your wet cunt to glare up at you, waiting for you to say something.
“Yes! I love it daddy, love it so fucking much!” She seemed to be satisfied with your answer as she leaned back and sloppily ate you out. You used one hand to pull her hair while the other gripped the wall, trying your best to keep yourself from falling.
You felt the coil in your stomach about to snap and warned the woman. “Daddy, can’t take it, gonna cum.” Your words made her go faster, desperately trying to make you cum on her tongue.
“Do it baby, cum for daddy.” You snapped, your cum leaking into her mouth as you finally let go. She let you ride it out, continuing her movements on your clit until your breathing returned to a normal. You muttered out a bunch of thank you’s and kissed her when she finally stood up, her tall figure towering over you.
“So, does that mean I can get the dress?” “Of course baby, but I’m not done with you. Did you really think I’d just eat you out and let you walk out of here?” A nervous gulp made its way out of you as she turned your body around, groping you like she did earlier.
“I’m not letting you leave until this beautiful little pussy is dripping with my cum.” She emphasized her words by cupping your sore pussy, laughing when you let out a small ‘yelp’. The redhead bent you over and brought the dress up so it laid on your lower back, your pantiless butt now on display.
“Fuck, look at this sexy ass.” Her words were accentuated with a small slap to your ass, you’d be surprised if no one could hear you two. “Wanna fuck it so bad, would you let me? Would you let daddy play with this cute little butt?” You nodded fastly, desperate to please her.
“Yes, I’d let you do anything to me. Anything you wanted.” Her groan echoed throughout the stall as she undid her belt and slid down her suit pants. Grabbing her cock she stroked herself back and forth until her pre-cum dripped onto your bottom. She brought her face to your level and slowly licked the white liquid as she stared at you in the mirror. Your hands went to hold the bench as your legs became wobbly, your previous orgasm and her current teasing causing you to go lightheaded.
“Will you let me slip in? I know you want me filling your little cunt, don’t you? You want daddy to cum in you? To fill you up with my pups?” You were going to agree until you felt her length ram into you, using your wetness as the only lubrication. Before you could yell out Nat filled your mouth with her fingers, hitting the back of your throat as she listened to your gags. She started a slow pace inside of you, moving her large cock in and out of you. Nat tried to quiet her moans but you felt too good, your warmth wrapped around her made her want to cum any minute.
“So warm and tight princess, want to be in you forever. Want your sexy fucking pussy all full of my cum, can’t wait to watch it drip out of you.” Her arm that wasn’t occupied went to wrap around your waist to bring herself further into you, shuttering to herself lightly as she felt you all around her. You on the other hand felt as though you’d snap any minute once again, that coil in your stomach was going to snap for the second time in only eleven minutes. Nat noticed you were trying to say something and removed her fingers from your mouth, taking the digits into her own mouth and sucking them. You let out a large breath and finally spoke out, making sure to keep your tone hushed and small.
“Mhm, want it too daddy. I want your cum in me so bad, please give it to me. Give me your cum daddy.” She slapped your ass repeatedly and watched in the mirror to see your reaction, admiring the way your mouth fell open. All of the sudden you felt hot liquid filling your awaiting pussy.
“I’m sorry baby, I couldn’t wait. You feel too good, couldn’t hold back. But you don’t mind right? You don’t mind me cumming in this tight little hole without your permission?” You shook your head faster than the speed of light, it felt too good to talk.
“Yes daddy! I love it so fucking much, it feels so good!” You couldn’t even seem to care about others hearing you getting fucked, they knew not to question the powerful woman that was the only reason they stayed in business.
“That’s right sweetheart, I’m your daddy. I’ll show everyone in this store how good I fuck you, even if I have to bend you over that stupid little counter.” It seemed like she wasn’t even talking to you anymore, it was as if she was just talking in general. This was your favorite part about her, the possesiveness she held over you made you feel so loved yet made you so hot and bothered.
You soon released after her, not being able to hold back anymore and letting go. When your wife had finally calmed down she kept herself inside of you, basking the feeling of your cunt wrapped around her. The moment she finally slid out of you, you almost fell over, the only thing keeping you up is holding onto the bench in the changing room.
“So can I get the dress now?” She laughed and nodded putting your clothes you cam in back on and walking the two of you out as if you didn’t just fuck in the store. The employees were too afraid to mention anything and kept quiet, just being glad to get the money from the rich woman. When she brought you out of the building you leaned your head against her shoulder, muttering a, “Thank you daddy.”
“Anything for my perfect princess.”
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szopenhauer · 4 years
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Would you rather open a used clothing store or an antique store? both, at once :D
Do you think you would want to own a gift shop? why not
Have you ever wondered if your friend was an alien? um...
Do you have a troublesome medical condition? more than one
What’s your most annoying neighbor’s name? names of my neighbors are not the most annoying thing about them... sadly
Do you have any tough life decisions to make soon? possibly
Magenta, aqua, or coral? ewww, neither
Do you like the color orchid? nope
Do you live life on your own terms, or do you do what everyone tells you to do? it’s complicated
What color is your bike? I have a green push scooter now
Do you have too many hangers? never enough
What’s the trendiest item you own? I don’t really do/follow trends? 
What is your favorite name that starts with a Z? my name starts with a Z but I don’t like it
Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school? from what I remember but I didn’t, luckily
Do you wear hoodies? sure
How many pull-over hoodies do you own? most of them are pull-over because I hate zippers (zippers are good for jackets and shoes only)
Do you own a princess crown? nah
How does grass make you feel? I like to look at it but walk or smell? noooo
When you wake up in the morning, do you feel beautiful? I never feel beautiful, especially in the morning Are your parents disappointed in you? they should be, it’s logical Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong? ”What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.”
When was the last time you used glue? thx for a reminder! I was going to :D Who did you last sit on? my gf  What do you think about wind? good if not strong or cold Have you ever wanted to change the law? yep When’s the last time you saw your friend cry? not that long time ago Has there been anyone that you wanted to get to know but never did? could say so What do people comment most about you? what I do/did wrong or not do, didn’t do etc. When’s the last time you dyed your hair? ages ago Have you ever thrown rocks at someone’s window to get their attention? I’d be scared of breaking glass When was the last time you used hairspray? I don’t even remember anymore When was the last time you prayed? last night What’s the last thing you looked at that reminded you of someone? smth on the internet Whose funeral did you last go to? my gf’s mom
Are your parents left or right handed? righty 
What was the last photo you took of? selfie with snapchat filter
Do you like any songs by Moby? used to - Natural blues
Do you mind eating cold fries or are they disgusting? I don’t mind
Would you rather name your dog Chasey or Charlie? Charlie
How about your pet horse Biscuit or Destiny? whatever
Would you rather play basketball, watch football or do a martial art? martial art
What colour hair does your sibling(s) have? same as mine
What gemstone would you like on your wedding ring? I don’t want gemstones on our wedding rings
Do you listen in to other peoples private conversations? hard not to when they’re so loud
Have you met somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with? I’m not sure yet 
How many times does the letter ‘R’ occur in your full name? 0
Is there anyone you love, whose name starts with ’S’? my dad
Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character? Which one? nah
Do you own anything that has an image of a butterfly on it? I don’t think so
What was the last song you heard, that made you feel emotional? not sure which was last
How many vowels are there in your first name? 3
When was the last time you took a selfie? today
Name someone you know who has curly hair. my gf
Have you ever worn orange eye-shadow? nooo
Do you know anyone else with the same first name as you? nah
Name an alcoholic beverage that you dislike. all of them
Do you own anything that previously belonged to someone else? I thrift so...
Do you own any colour changing mood jewellery? had a ring like this once before
When did you last talk to the last person you kissed? online? rn 
Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? I know they do
What’s something you wish you could understand better? God?
What is your mood right now? sigh...
When was the last time you laughed? minutes ago
Have you ever touched a dead body?   animals only
Last time you killed a bug?   yesterday?
How many times does the letter ‘T’ occur in your full name? one time
How old will you be in 3 months? still 28
Do you think that things will get better? doubt it
Have you ever seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show? just fragments
Is your dad bald? he’s not
Who was the last person you flirted with? my gf
If the world were to end tomorow, who would you fuck? nobody If you had a tree that could grow anything you want, what would it grow? cure for all diseases/illnesses in the world  or money Who did you last write a letter to? parents What are you wearing around your neck? I took off my scapular already Have you accidently mistaken a stranger for someone you know? couple of times Have you ever seen lava in real life? I haven’t How do babies make you feel? not good Why did you last feel guilty? sigh... Do you ride a bus often? yeah Who did you last bite? my gf
Would you rather visit London or Paris?   London
Do you have any interest in visiting Japan?   some
What is the best summer camp you have ever been to?   been to two only
Would you rather sleep in a tent or under the stars? tent
Is your bed next to a window?   not currently
Have you ever ran a cash register?   for a very short time
What was the last thing that disappointed you? life
Would you prefer to read a book or listen to an audiobook? read
Have you ever had an allergy test at the doctor’s? and gonna have again soon, hopefully
What was the name of your first imaginary friend? had several at once
Was your childhood wasted by something? sorta
Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? normal person
Do you have a gag reflex? strong
Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I did
Have you ever put gum in someone’s hair? nope
Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? I didn’t wait
Have you ever let someone hit you? yes
Do you ever pay attention during church? I try 
Have you ever broke a window? luckily not
Do you know how to ride a bike? I do
Do you own any comic books? Moomins
Are you an atheist? am not
When was the last time you said fuck? this day
Have you ever stolen something? not really
Who’s the last person you watched a movie with? dad
Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? never
Who was the last person to send you a letter? probably D.
Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? jokingly
Did any of your babysitters ever let you do things your parents wouldn’t? I never had a babysitter
Would you ever want to learn to play the bagpipes? nah
You have one match. What would you like to burn? ...
What are your thoughts on men wearing kilts? men in skirts, blergh
What underwater creature scares you the most? dunno
Was there ever a bomb threat at the school you go/went to? there wasn’t
Which excites you more: Spring Break or X-mas vacation? X-mas but summer vacations were best
Do you contribute to charities? a little
Would you rather dye your own hair or have it done by a stylist? by myself
Would you rather live in a pyramid or in a castle? castle
What do you feel is the ugliest part of the human body? penis if you have one What’s your take on Will Ferrell movies? Funny or annoying? most of them are dumb but few are nice
Does your family go crazy cleaning house when relatives are coming over? omg yeah
What was the last thing you broke? not sure what was last, I don’t break things often
Do automatically flushing toilets annoy you? very but I understand the purpose, it would be better if they didn’t flush so often tho
Do you look like an idiot when you run? probably
Have you ever developed your own film in a darkroom? I have not, no idea how
What’s the weirdest street name in your town? hmm...
Do you buy colorful shoelaces? nah
Were you a planned pregnancy? yes
What store in the mall would you never get caught in? if I was alone - alcohols
Have you ever kissed anyone in an elevator? not yet
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Garth Ennis Is A Hack
by Rude Cyrus
Friday, 10 April 2009
Rude Cyrus is deservedly rude about The Boys.~
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Once upon a time, superheroes were seen as protectors of the innocent, bringers of justice, and saviors of mankind. When I was a kid, there was no greater thrill than watching Superman pummel giant robots or stop a plane from crashing into a city. As time went on, the public began to tire of flawless beings that could do no wrong, so creators began to make the heroes more “realistic”, at least in terms of character. Antiheroes like Wolverine and The Punisher became popular while concepts like vigilantism would be explored in comics like Watchmen.
Unfortunately, the pendulum swung a little too far during the ‘90s, a decade where you couldn’t swing a dead badger without hitting some DARK and GRITTY antihero. This is the same decade that gave birth to Image Comics, a publisher that needs to make an acquaintance with an H-Bomb. All you need to know about Image Comics is that it took over the canceled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtlesfranchise and turned Donatello into a cyborg. That says it all.
This brings me to the present and The Boys, a comic series written by Garth Ennis and illustrated by Darick Robertson (which I keep pronouncing as “da’ Rick”).
Let me just say that I hate this series. I don’t hate it because it’s ultra-violent and ultra-sexualized. I don’t hate it because it makes superheroes (or “supes” as they’re called here) turn out to be a bunch of amoral douchebags. I don’t hate it because I think Garth Ennis is an overrated hack who’s convinced everyone he’s a genius. No, I hate it because I can’t stand the characters.
Everybody, with few exceptions, is thoroughly repugnant. Just look at the main characters:
Billy Butcher is a sociopath with a neck the size of a ham and a perpetual smirk plastered on his face. He owns a bulldog named Terror that can fuck things on command; seemingly hates supes because one raped his wife, who ended up dying because the fetus ripped through her stomach. Butcher ended up beating said fetus to death with a lamp.
Wee Hughie joined The Boys after his girlfriend was accidentally killed by a supe named A-Train. Much of the series is focused on following Hughie’s thoughts and actions, which is unfortunate because he’s a wet blanket with exactly three facial expressions: anger, incredulity, and shit-eating grin. He’s also a dead ringer for Simon Pegg – I suspect Ennis was sitting around, smoking pot, and said to himself, “Dude, wouldn’t it be cool if Simon Pegg had superpowers?”
Mother’s Milk is a somewhat decent guy, which means he gets shoved into the background more often than not. He seems to derive his powers from an entity he calls “Momma” in a process that makes him vomit. Why does he have to do this? Who cares, let’s watch a midget use a massive vibrator!
The Frenchman and The Female are psychotic killers with the ability to rip people apart with their bare hands. Defining characteristics: one is French, the other lacks a penis. Garth Ennis doesn’t give a shit about them, so why should I?
And what would a team of morally dubious antiheroes be without a team of superheroes to oppose them? Enter the Seven, an analogue of the Justice League, filled with characters that make The Boys look like The Boy Scouts. The only good member of the group is Starlight, and she’s constantly degraded by the other members, whether it’s forced into wearing a more revealing outfit, giving fellatio to the male members of the group as a “test”, or nearly being raped by the aforementioned A-Train. It’s also strongly hinted that Homelander (leader of the Seven and Superman analogue) was the one who raped Butcher’s wife.
What a charming bunch. Thankfully, it’s not all bad, as Starlight later becomes Hughie’s girlfriend. It’s a match made in heaven, as they’re both outstandingly bland.
Other notable characters include a CIA analyst with a fetish for female paraplegic athletes, a CIA director that frequently has humiliating sex with Butcher, and recurring cameos by Stan Lee – okay, he’s called the Legend, but it’s supposed to be Stan Lee. Perhaps “Exposition Man” would be a better name, because all he does is talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk…
Speaking of stereotypes, there are quite a few on display here. For example, there’s the two fat, hairy, greasy, comic book store-owning Italian brothers who are constantly using variations of “fuck” and threatening their customers with graphic violence; the enormous bearded Russian who talks about communism and the Motherland all the time; the “East Coast vs. West Coast” superhero teams that are always fighting each other, throwing up gang signs and using the n-word. I kept wondering why Garth Ennis was doing this, and I settled on “because he thinks it’s funny.” See, Ennis is pointing out how absurd these stereotypes are, so it’s not really racist, right? Right?
Despite all of this, I forced myself to read all 29 issues, which, at times, felt like I was cutting off my legs with a rusty hacksaw – oh, look, the Russian guy is called “Love Sausage” because he has a fifteen-inch cock! Oh look, Hughie has menstrual blood on his face from oral sex because Starlight was on her period! Oh look, one of the superheroes can vomit acid! Isn’t that a knee-slapper? Worse still was the heavy-handed social and political commentary that Ennis shoehorned in, ranging from how St. Patrick’s Day sucks, to how the military-industrial complex has the United States in a chokehold, to American politics (the President and Vice President being analogues for Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, respectively), to how superheroes are evil. He even uses 9/11 to make his point, for fuck’s sake. Basically, one of the hijacked planes crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge (the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were spared) because the Seven tried to save the day but bungled it due to incompetence and selfishness. Do you see? SUPERHEROES ARE EVIL!
No, that wasn’t what made me stop reading this comic. What made me stop was the latest story arc, called “We Gotta Go Now”. The Boys have to investigate the public suicide of Silver Kincaid, a member of the G-Men (no prizes for guessing who they’re supposed to be an analogue of), for reasons I can’t be bothered to look up. Hughie has to go undercover and infiltrate one of the younger G-teams (as “Bagpipe”, because he’s Scottish, get it?) called G-Wiz. See the subtle pun there?
It’s immediately apparent that something is off with G-Wiz – sure, they might seem to be your average fraternity (i.e. boorish drunks obsessed with bodily functions), but they’re a little too comfortable with each other, if you catch my drift. Couple this with the revelation that G-Men’s leader, John Godolkin (analogue of Charles Xavier – apologies for all the analogues) actually abducted almost all of the G-Men when they were kids and turned them into superheroes, the fact that he refers to the G-Men as his “children”, and all of the dark mutterings of “what we had to deal with” and things start becoming clear.
At this point I thought, “No way. There’s no way Ennis would be so cheap and unoriginal. There has to be more to this.” I read issue 29, and, lo and behold, one of the characters confirmed my worst fears:
John Godolkin is a child molester.
That was the last straw. It wasn’t because one of the villains was a pedophile; rather, it was because Garth Ennis had resorted to such tacky exploitation in order to wring an emotion from his audience. Instead of taking the time to craft something novel, Ennis, out of sheer laziness, decided to go for the biggest heartstring and yank. Why have a complex villain when you can just say, “He’s an evil kid-toucher! BOOGA BOOGA!”
I’m sure Ennis pats himself on the back every day for what he thinks is scathing criticism on the superhero genre and insightful commentary on numerous aspects of life. He isn’t clever, creative, or even likable. He’s just a lazy hack. My smoldering ire also extends to the fans that keep buying this dreck and give it good reviews. What the hell is wrong with these people? My guess is that, in their minds, they equate DARK, GRITTY, and SERIOUS with being good. In my mind, it’s just BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, and more BULLSHIT.
Themes:
Damage Report
,
Sci-fi / Fantasy
,
Comics
~
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Wardog
at 17:17 on 2009-04-10I don't know what to say ... I am completely flabbergasted by the awfulness of this. Why on earth is it garnering praise?
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Arthur B
at 17:26 on 2009-04-10Once upon a time the publishers of
2000 AD
thought it would be great to hand over all the writing duties for the comic for a few months to Garth Ennis, Grant Morrison, and various hangers-on. Why they thought this was a good idea was a mystery because Garth had already proven he shouldn't be trusted with other people's properties when in
Strontium Dogs
(the sequel series to
Strontium Dog
) he pulled a blatant retcon out of his capacious arse to turn the sweet, gentle comic relief character The Gronk into a psychotic gun-toting protagonist. Nonetheless, the magazine went ahead with the Summer Offensive, as it called the promotion (because, you see, it's Garth Ennis and he likes being offensive, and it happened in the summer), and the general tone of the comic went from "12A bordering on 15" (in movie age rating terms) to "18 certificate and a big argument about violence in the media on the side", which prompted the parents of certain younger subscribers, such as myself, to cancel the magazine.
And that's how Garth Ennis ruined
2000 AD
for an 11 year old Arthur.
Seriously, the man is awful. I think the only thing he's done that I've actually liked was
Hellblazer: Dangerous Habits
. Frustratingly, that was brilliant. He's capable of not being an idiot if he tries, he just
doesn't try
.
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Rude Cyrus
at 19:49 on 2009-04-10This was actually nominated for an Eisner Award for "Best Continuing Series" in 2008. And comic bok fans wonder why so many people don't take comics seriously.
Thanks for the image, by the way.
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Wardog
at 20:35 on 2009-04-10For a moment there I was wondering if you meant the image of an 11 year old Arthur but then I realised you meant the literal image that illustrates this article. I hope it's okay - I chose the cover that most annoyed me :)
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Sonia Mitchell
at 23:23 on 2009-04-10This series sounds horrific. Thank you for the warning.
(I badly want to google cyborg Donatello. I'd like to think it can't be as disastrous as I'm imaginging, but that would probably be naive. I'm therefore restraining myself...)
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Arthur B
at 00:46 on 2009-04-11
Oh hey look what else Image have published.
On the other hand, they also put out
The Walking Dead
, which
I really like
.
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Guy
at 03:59 on 2009-04-11Speaking of Image, this is one of the most funny/disturbing things I've ever read: Rob Liefeld's 40 worst drawings: http://progressiveboink.com/archive/robliefeld.html
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Arthur B
at 15:04 on 2009-04-11I'm amazed they were able to find 40 drawings worse than
the infamous Captain America one
.
Actually, I'm not amazed, Liefeld is terrible. Oh God, the feet...
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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/
at 06:31 on 2010-07-11Thread necromancy: After reading this article from the random button, I'm reading
The Boys
out of morbid curiosity. I've gotten through the first couple of storylines, issues one through ten. It's about as disgusting as Rude Cyrus has said, with everything as juvenile and pointlessly violent and so forth.
One of the annoying things is that there are occasionally glimmers of interest that make me think "You know, if Garth Ennis actually gave a shit, and stopped dropping tons of stupid violence and stupid sex and stupid ham-fisted 'haha the gay activist is violently afraid of actual homosexuals' shit, he might actually be able to make some points about 'how do we make superheroes accountable?'" One advantage of
The Boys
is that, unlike
Civil War
, it's just one author, so there aren't a bazillion different axes being ground. And it doesn't seem like it's constrained by being a DC Comics Continuity Event, the way
Civil War
was a Marvel Comics Continuity Event. And every once in a while, it seems like Ennis might have something to say on the matter.
But it inevitably degenerates into "hurr hurr supes are pervs, butcher punches them." Fuck you, Ennis, for being wasted potential.
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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/
at 06:32 on 2010-07-11Aack, unclosed HTML tags. Sorry! (I'm used to a forum that won't let me post if I have unmatched tags, and didn't check.)
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Rami
at 05:43 on 2010-07-12@webcomcon: Fixed it for you. I'm afraid FerretBrain doesn't really do warnings -- but we do suggest using the Preview button!
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http://blackgeep.livejournal.com/
at 18:20 on 2010-07-13Continuing thread necromancy!
I am a comic book artist. I detest
The Boys
with a deep, abiding disgust. My employer thinks it's brilliant. He is also a big fan of Liefeld (needs more pouches!), so go figure. While
The Boys
is bad, try having your only income being working on the dream project of someone who likes
The Boys
, and feel your artistic integrity shrivel.
I actually considered sending in issue one of
Polis
(what I'm paid to draw) to Ferretbrain for a review; I may yet do that alongside
Polis
issue two and my own side project for what the great minds here could find a fun comparison. "The world is corrupt and drug-addled, corporations are evil, and our main hero is an amoral Cape [superhero] with few redeeming qualities." versus "A space princess and space pirates act terribly toward one another, but all in good fun." I asked my employer, and he thinks any publicity is good.
Speaking of "Cape" and "Supe", what is this allergic reaction to the word superhero? Yes, superhero is a long word, but so is computer. From my perspective, it would seem more likely that superhero would get shortened to just hero. Then advert campaigns about "The
real
heroes of X city: our policemen and firefighters" would take on a whole new weight. Plus, I haven't met many people who say 'puter, and compy only caught on after Strongbad popularised it.
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Dan H
at 19:11 on 2010-07-13I think the thing about abbreviating "superhero" to something like "cape" or "supe" (did Watchmen use "mask" or am I making that up) is that it highlights the fact that this is an EDGY SERIOUS WORK OF FICTION about EDGY DARK CHARACTERS not some KIDDY THING about SUPERHEROES.
Because as we all know, nothing screams "maturity" like going to great lengths to appear mature.
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http://blackgeep.livejournal.com/
at 21:32 on 2010-07-13The thing which screams maturity the best is to have everyone swear all the time, and put blood and torture on every page. The ability to engage in traditionally adult themes while employing transgressive story elements such as bodily fluids, misogyny, and rape is the hallmark of an individual whose mind has progressed past puerile adolescent fascination. As you said, superheroes are so childish. We aren't writing stories about superheroes under a different name. These are adult stories about well rounded characters employing serious themes. Just like Terry Goodkind is definitely not a *pfft*
fantasy author.
Sarcasm over, I honestly don't remember if
Watchmen
used "mask." I guess I've just lost some comix-cred.
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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46
at 13:13 on 2011-10-28Hey guys. I'm aware this is a few years old but just discovered the site and enjoying it, even when I disagree.
But this is the only one I think I needed to comment on.
Firstly, Garth Ennis is demonstrably not a hack. That's just incredibly lazy.
Secondly, this review seems to have totally failed to come to terms with the text.
OK. I'm not going to argue against certain points here. There's gross out humor, there's swearing, there's a hamster well-up in a zombie's bum. There's puke and disgusting, disgusting periods that no man should ever have to read about (cos girls, right! ew. The writer of this article agrees!) and there's even some blood and guts and a superhero orgy and someone strangles Scarlet Witch with a belt!
But.
The scene where poor old Annie, Starlight, has to service six members of the Seven to get in? It's awful. And a considerable part of the text is concerned not only with her coming to terms with the assault but (and how often to you see this?) actually come to terms with and starting to heal from the assault.
The two black teams who scream the N word at each other? There's no discussion of the young black man who is going to be forced into one of the teams who sees nothing he recognises of his experiences in tired mainstream hip hop lingo and posing. A man who has begun to understand that to become a superstar, he has to enter into a well-dodgy narrative.
No discussion of the good people warped into being celebrities and what that costs them, which is the central metaphor of the book.
Or the actual honesty when Hughie, who's never met a gay man but has to hang out in a gay club and suddenly finds his liberal sensibilities a bit overwhelmed. A scene that's never, ever played for cheap gay joke laughs.
The point of Hughie going down on a girl with a period is not that it's gross and his mates laugh at him. It's that he refuses to let something as dumb as that get in the way of his relationship with Annie. He cops some jokes and some pisstaking but then will not let the deathly embarrassed girl freak out over what turns out to be ... nothing at all.
In recent years, we've also seen a cheap man-on-man 'Dark Knight Returns' rape joke actually turns out to actually be a proper discussion on the reasons why a chap might not be able to discuss it with his friends. And what that cost him.
St Patrick's Day sucks? Surely an repatriated Northern Irishman who grew up in the Troubles has nothing to say about the immigrant experience to the United States. What a hack!
As for scoring political points off 9/11.... mate. Welcome to the world. I fail to even see an argument here.
I'm not going to say everyone should love The Boys. And sometimes I get a bit weary of schoolboys bleeding out of their arses and all the rest. And I think Ennis has made his point about religion by now. I do. (Spoiler alert: Preacher)
I like the comic but I don't expect everyone to be able to laugh like I do when the mentally ill Batman analogue has sex with a meteor.
So don't like it. That's cool. It's not like I'll gnash teeth if you don't like what I like. But this review has really failed to come to grips with and has actively misrepresented the text.
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Arthur B
at 13:32 on 2011-10-28Hi dcc46, welcome to Ferretbrain!
I've not read
The Boys
but I have read enough Ennis to at least address this point:
Firstly, Garth Ennis is demonstrably not a hack. That's just incredibly lazy.
You know what else is incredibly lazy? Basing your writing career so heavily on cheap shock tactics which come across like a 13 year old trying to be edgy. I couldn't get past the first volume of
Preacher
because Ennis' obsession with gore, fucking, and other scatological subjects just became intensely monotonous. His contributions to 2000 AD were much the same. His
Hellblazer
run started out brilliantly - I think
Dangerous Habits
is both the best thing he's written and the best
Hellblazer
story that
anyone
has written - but I couldn't abide the rest of it precisely because he kept falling back into bad habits.
When a man makes a career out of indulging his puerile instincts to an extent where consistently and repeatedly his material degenerates into lame attempts to be shocking for the sake of it, that's pretty hackish.
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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46
at 13:51 on 2011-10-28Well, if that's all you've read of Hellblazer, that's cool. When he was, what, 21, he wrote that. There was a bit of a fall off in quality before he'd come back with stories of Kit and Ric the Vic and end up telling stories of the devil contrasted with the nasty realities of racial politics in early 90s London.
If you passed on Preacher, that's cool. That second story arc is uninspired. But you missed out on a a meditation of faith, friendship, watching a man try to navigate between his old-fashioned 'chivalry' and a woman who refused to be patronised or left behind.
So I honestly don't see shocking for shocking's sake. I see bad taste. But I've never felt there's a kind of splatter punk aesthetic at work.
That's sort of my point.
I see humour that may or may not work for you. But I'm suggesting to you that if you can get past the guts and jizz all over the shop. And if that's really a sticking point for you, then you won't ever get into it.
But I think your wrong if puerility is all you get out of the work.
I know you had issues with his early 2000AD run. I never got that. I'm Australian and 2000AD seemed to ship... on a madman's calendar. So I can't comment on that.
So I tell you what. Try something like his PG Hitman. His war stories, where he reigns himself in. His Punisher MAX, which is humorless as a Derek Raymond novel.
But I'll split you the difference: Jennifer Blood is fucking awful.
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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46
at 14:05 on 2011-10-28Anyways, I'm off.
But, a hack writer is a bad writer. Matt Reiley is a hack writer. He's bad at the English language, his plots are hackneyed, his haircut is stupid.
If you don't like Ennis' work, that's cool. But just because you think he wraps things up in grossness doesn't make him a bad writer -at all-. He's an accomplished writer with themes and metaphors and all that writery stuff.
Nevertheless, good site. Talk later.
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valse de la lune
at 16:00 on 2011-10-28
So don't like it. That's cool. It's not like I'll gnash teeth if you don't like what I like. But this review has really failed to come to grips with and has actively misrepresented the text.
How quaint; you appear to be gnashing your teeth exactly because Cyrus didn't like the thing. I also agree with Arthur's assessment of Ennis: overrated hack pandering to things teenage boys--usually teenage white boys at that, what with the n-word thing--find oh so edgy and clever.
Preacher
is absolutely fucking unreadable and I spit in its general direction.
And, while you can certainly use the word "hack" to denote a poor writer--which I'd argue Ennis
is
, at that--his general attitude and output are pretty hacky too, in the lowest-common-denominator sense.
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Rude Cyrus
at 20:31 on 2011-10-29Here's the thing: whatever good points or ideas Ennis may have are ruined by the juvenile shock tactics he wraps them in -- it's one thing to use violence and sex occasionally and for great effect, it's another to use them
all the time.
For example, I can agree with Ennis that St. Patrick's Day is an excuse for every American with a drop of Irish blood to wear green and get sick on beer, but when he ends this commentary on a close-up on a hat filled with puke, it makes me roll my eyes.
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porkchop-ao3 · 6 years
Text
Slip Stitch: PART 1/2
My first ever pure Rickcest fic, woo!
Part Two.
Please be nice, this is the first time I have written in third person for a long time! 
This story involves my British Tailor Rick OC and the hairstylist Rick that was seen doing President Morty’s hair in that one episode. The events of this fic were hinted at at the end of my RickCon’18 fic, which you can find here :)
This was getting a little long so I split it into two parts, this part being nearly 2.5k words. Its mostly SFW for now but it will be super NSFW in the next part. Contains: oral sex, frottage, public sex acts, anal fingering.
Enjoy! :D
-
“Well, that went better than I expected. When I walked out there and saw all those bloody lab coats I thought I was going to get heckled off stage.” Tailor Rick chuckled dryly as he walked back into the dressing room after being on stage for the last hour. He'd been hosting a seminar, along with a number of his other fashion-oriented alternate selves, about style tips for the average Rick. It was a relatively stripped back talk, he'd had to speak through gritted teeth when he'd talked about designer lab coats; if it was up to him, all lab coats would be burnt to ashes, but he knew he had to compromise for these Ricks.
“Yeah, but I-I-I wouldn't have outright insulted that Rick in the turtleneck. They might not be on fashion right now, b-but he didn't look that bad. Perhaps you could've softened your words a bit?” The second Rick, who had been sharing the dressing space all day, scolded. He'd been appointed as the stylist for the charity fashion auction, but had volunteered to join the seminar as a last minute guest. Most of his knowledge was in hair styling, and despite grumbling about it for a while, tailor Rick had to admit the panel could use his knowledge.
“Well, do you disagree? Do you not think he- he looked like he had no neck?”
“Ah, but that's not what you said. Y-you told him his head looked like the tip of a short, yet girthy penis.” Stylist reiterated, cocking a brow. Tailor Rick walked over to the mini bar by the dressing table and reached for the bottle of bourbon, unscrewing the cap before turning to his counterpart.
“I repeat, do you disagree?” He questioned. The stylist kept his mouth closed. “I stand by it. He did look like the head of a chode, it was just shoulders and head, shaft and bellend. Where was his neck? Honesty is always the best policy.”
“He's the guy who bid on that God-awful green suit of yours at the auction. You didn't think his fashion sense was s-so bad then, did you?”
“God-awful?” The tailor seethed, spinning around, a glass in one hand and the bottle of bourbon in the other. He poured himself a healthy amount before slamming the bottle back down behind him. “How dare you insult my brand like that. Do you- you have eyes in your skull, don't you? I suppose you're jealous, hmm? Jealous you couldn't afford something like that, so you have to bash it to make yourself feel better.”
“Oh, I could afford it. The president pays me a generous salary, not that th-that has anything to do with you. I simply wouldn't be seen dead in that much forest green. That kind of colour should only be used in an accent piece.” President Morty's stylist quipped, reaching a hand up to his hair to smooth out the eye-catching style he was wearing; all swept upwards with the tips bleached blond.
Tailor Rick's eye twitched, and for a split second, Stylist felt nervous. He quickly pushed the feeling away, nervous? Why should he feel nervous? That Rick was no better than him, he shouldn't worry about pleasing him, or being sensitive to his feelings. The tailor was a pompous asshole who'd been rubbing him up the wrong way all day. And people have the cheek to call him pompous?
“Says who? The guy dressed head to toe in fuchsia?” Tailor scoffed, taking a large swig of his drink.
“Don't try to tell me this is a fashion faux pas, you auctioned off a three piece in this exact colour. If this is bad, then you're a bad designer, bodkin.” Stylist stalled at the words coming out of his own mouth. Bodkin? What the hell, where had that come from? He wasn't even sure how that word had made it into his vocabulary, let alone slipped out now of all times, as an insult, no less. Tailor seemed just as taken aback, if not just plain confused.
“Bodkin?” Tailor mumbled in uncertainty, then shook his head dismissively. “The difference is, I designed that ensemble to be striking, to be worn under very specific circumstances. It's not every day attire, you just look like a little girl running around in her garish pink dress up clothes. That should not be y-y-your go-to look. You'd be much better suited to a powder blue, perhaps even a pale mint green.”
Now he was giving him fashion advice? The worst part was, Stylist found himself considering the advice seriously, taking a tentative glance down at his own hot pink jacket.
“Hmm, no, perhaps the pink is fine. It would just look better if this was shorter.” Tailor mused, strolling across the room towards the other man, reaching behind him to lift up the back of the jacket, holding it so it sat higher on his hips. He didn't notice the immediate tension in his counterpart’s body, nor the colour in his cheeks that could rival the jacket for vibrancy.
The stylist wondered at what point this turned from petty insults and bickering to genuine advice and contemplation over his own choice in attire. He didn't have it in him to question it out loud, he wasn't opposed to the sudden closeness of the other Rick. He smelled good; like expensive cologne.
“I could take it up for you, you know? This cut would- it'd look more flattering. Right now the shape of it a-and all this pink. It's very heavy, it brings your shoulders down and makes your posture appear lazy, even though up close I can tell that it's not.” Tailor continued, moving around to the back of his latest project, dropping the fabric of the jacket and instead sweeping a hand up the tall, gently curved line of his spine. The Stylist stayed impossibly still under the contact, not entirely sure what to say or do.
Tailor eventually dropped his hand from his back and strolled away. When he turned to look, Stylist saw that he was going for a large leather carry case that when popped open, was revealed to contain a bunch of sewing equipment.
“Wait, y-y-you’re serious? You want to alter this, right now?” He questioned, a frown creasing his forehead. Tailor stopped what he was doing and looked up, shifting his glass of bourbon from one hand to the other.
“Yes.” He said flatly, his expression bored.
“No! You aren't chopping bits off of this, this cost a lot of money.” Stylist argued. He gained an eye roll and a heavy sigh for his refusal. “I'll just buy a different jacket, if you're so concerned about the clothes on m-m-my back.”
“I'm not concerned at all. Do you think I care all that much?”
“Well you're the one offering to alter it, you obviously care a little.” He quirked a brow.
“Quite frankly, you could walk around in a bin bag, or nothing at all, it wouldn't affect me in the slightest. I was simply offering my expertise, since you helped out at the seminar. You scratched my back, so I thought I'd scratch yours.” Tailor straightened up, letting his eyes roll up and down the form of the other man as he took another sip of his drink. His eyelids were low and his expression indifferent, but there was a sort of flame flickering in his eyes that couldn't be ignored.
“Yeah?” Stylist snarked, though he didn't know how to continue from there. He suddenly felt tongue-tied, and he wasn't entirely sure why. Even more puzzling, his pants were beginning to feel tight, with this man's eyes on him. This angered him. “I don't need your help. I definitely don't need your condescending fashion advice, I'll wear whatever the hell I want.”
“Well then, be my guest. Fuck me for trying to be nice for once.” The tailor's eyes rolled so hard it was a surprise they didn't disappear into the back of his head. “You can look as frumpy as you like, just don't do it in front of me.” He waved his hand like he was swatting a fly as he kicked his sewing box away, it slammed into a nearby clothing rack, making all the empty coat hangers clatter together.
“Fuck off.” Stylist spat, marching forwards to grab his box of cigarettes from the coffee table beside the other Rick. He didn't miss the other man's eyes dropping to his crotch as he walked, and a flush of embarrassment made his palms sweaty when he realised he was very obviously sporting a semi. The white pants he was wearing practically enhanced it, screaming look at me!
Why the fuck was he getting hard at a time like this? The man was infuriating, thinking he was so far above everyone else. The truth is, he was just a Rick, just like the rest of them. He wasn't fucking special. He had no business talking to Stylist like an idiot, or meddling in his decisions and messing with his head. He certainly had no business grabbing the wrist Stylist was reaching for his cigarettes with, and pulling him upright to get a look into his eyes.
Instinctively, Stylist jerked out of the grip and gave the other man a shove. Tailor dropped his glass, it shattered on the ground, the cheap thin carpet now soaking up his bourbon doing nothing to soften the blow.
“Hey! That was good fucking bourbon!” Tailor growled, latching his hand back onto that same wrist and dragging the stylist close to him, snarling in his face. “I've about had enough of your attitude, you're a little big for your boots for a lowly fucking hairdresser.”
“I'm the president's stylist, you fucker!” Came the retort, spit flying with anger.
“So you keep saying. He's just a fucking Morty. Y-you think anyone's impressed because you help a fucking Morty comb his hair in the morning? If you ask me, I think it's just weird. Th-this is exactly why I refused to live at the citadel, bunch of deluded bloody freaks, you are.” Tailor seethed, leaning in close, physically looking down his nose at the other Rick.
He didn't stay there long, he was shoved – harder than the first time – and fell backwards over his sewing box. He landed in a heap among coat hangers, having knocked down the clothing rack behind him. It stunned him for a while, it took him a moment to work out what had happened, but when he regained his bearings he was on his feet, brushing himself off as if nothing had happened.
Stylist watched him as he so meticulously plucked a piece of lint off of his suit jacket, and brushed down his pants. He was sure the guy was gonna bite back, lunge at him, take him down, and in all honesty Stylist was in the mood for a fight. He was both shocked and disappointed that it seemed the tailor was not interested. The other man cleared his throat and raised his head to meet stylist Rick's eyes.
“Wow, I didn't take you for a brawler. You're even less refined than I thought you were, you certainly fooled me. It-it seems you're nothing but another sewer-rat of a Rick, shame.” He sighed wistfully, and it was Stylist's instinct to swing for him. Though he resisted, since it would only prove his point.
“I'm going out for a cigarette.” He muttered instead, reaching for his cigarettes a second time.
“Really? With that hard-on in your trousers? Whatever will people think?” Tailor mused lightly, his voice like a breeze, completely casual and inoffensive despite his words. It made the hairs on the back of stylist Rick's neck stand up, and he froze, bent over with his eyes on the box of cigarettes. “I can't say I'm shocked. I knew from the moment you met me that you wanted me, it's an instinct I have. Y-you may call me arrogant, I'd see it as me being in tune with others, personally.”
“I don't have a boner. My dick’s just that big.” The Stylist excused, his fingers closing around the box as he raised back up. “Don't flatter yourself, and don't be staring at my junk. An-and you call me the weirdo.” He added with a tut.
“I’m not an idiot, I know what a boner looks like.” Tailor replied, his eyes fixed on the bulge between the other man's legs. To his embarrassment, Stylist could feel it growing. There was no hiding that. “You need help with that?”
The question hit Stylist in the gut like a punch, his cock twitching in response, almost like it was answering the question for him. Who the hell gave this guy the right to make him feel this way? Stylist Rick had fucked around with alternative versions of himself before, sure, but he at least got along with them out of the bedroom too. This guy had been irritating him all day.
Still, he couldn't deny the building sexual tension between the two, even out on stage, every time Tailor butted in while he was talking, or made a passing comment about him and his style choices, to make an example of him. It had annoyed him immensely, but he could not ignore this irritating kind of admiration he had that had been building. The man had confidence, he had a certain kind of charm, he had this effect where everyone shut up and listened to him whether they agreed with him or not. He was a big presence, one that would not be ignored.
“Are you really asking that? W-what, are you gonna jack me off or something? That what you have in mind?” Stylist questioned irritably, narrowing his eyes.
“You'd like that, hm?” Tailor purred, closing the gap between them, tracing his fingertips from his chest, up to his shoulder and around his neck. “I was thinking something more mutual.”
“Won't your girlfriend have an- an issue with that?” Stylist continued to stare into the other man's eyes, searching them for a hint of insincerity. The last thing he wanted was to be made a joke of by this guy.
“Girlfriend?” Tailor questioned. “You mean my model? She's not my girlfriend. I don't- she isn't my type.” He explained, a certain edge to his voice that told the stylist all he needed to know. Tailor looked him over now that he was closer, his fingers brushed upwards to the back of his head, feeling the soft short hair of his partially shaved head. “You, however…” He purred very quietly, the corner of his mouth turning up just slightly. Stylist licked his lips.
Tbc...
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gefestix-blog · 6 years
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phanger · 11 months
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Natural Penis Enlargement
Natural Penis Enlargement refers to non-surgical mrthods or supplements aimed at increasing penis size. Techniques often involve exercises, herbs, or devices, but efficacyand safety vary, warranting caution and consultation with medical professionals.
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theculturalvacuum · 7 years
Text
A Dance with Fan Fic Ask Round Ups
I have a confession: I was a little terrified that everyone would be mad at me for going to a cliff hanger with the groom storming out to a pretty unrelated chapter involving middle-aged ladies and repression, not least because it took me two months to get it out. But the feedback on this chapter has been so sweet. Thank you.
Now that the next chapter is out, I’ve finally decided to catch up on all of these….
Anonymous said:
I don't think your buying into stereotypes with your dornish women, they aren't all identikit, they're all just reflective of a place which expects women to be a bit more involved in everything. From outside of Dorne you've got Sarra who was assertive in her own way by telling eliott how to behave with his new wife, it was a gentle type of assertiveness but she took control and had that conversation no matter how awkward. Lady Darklyn too certainly seems not lacking in confidence.
Well, good. I sometimes worry about women who are less assertive and how they cope in this society. With Sarra, what I was more going for was more encouraging her son to be gently assertive about his marital rape license.
Anonymous said:
Elliot, you are my sonion, and I understand that you're upset, but you're acting like an asshole. Stop being an asshole.
I’ll pass this on, but I’m not sure El will be able to hear me over the sound of his raging hangover right now.
Anonymous said:
Your fic is so much fun, I find myself going yeah oh poor Eliott's he's going to marry a whore, and then im like, wait what the fuck corret man. I get so into each chapter that by the end of it im agreeing with these twits. that's when I know im hooked and your good at your thang.
Thank you? POV bias is a bitch, though.
Corret has a very logical brain, and he’s very normative. He just doesn’t question the assumptions of his society. And he didn’t say Loree was a “whore”! He said she was “little better” than one. Big difference, dude!
Anonymous said:
A few ask rounds ups ago, someone mentioned Dylan having high hopes that Ellaria Uller will get a prominent job in KL, oh my god I need this. I need Corret to just have no clue what going on and why is buddy would want such a thing when he has a second son to put those hopes onto. Maybe Dylan thinks Ellaria is his cleverest kid or something and he's excited of her progress report from the water gardens/tutors at Hellholt or something, and Corret is just so uncomprehending.
Lil’ Ellaria aces all the math tests.
I can’t think of any reason why Dylan would stop hanging out with his old buddy Corret or why he wouldn’t be one of the famous Dornish Proud Papas.
Anonymous said:
Hey my Jeyne Swann love is perfectly reasonable and normal!!! Sorta. I just feel bad for her she went to a place where she could have done anything (within reason) and shiteros had screwed up her view of herself and marriage and life so much that she was never able to take even one second of advantage of it then she got a disgusting growth in her body and died. I feel much better now and zen knowing that she as some fond times with her girls to give her happy memories as she wasted away.
I’m sure she thought she was the luckiest woman in the world.
Anonymous said:
I kind of feel sorry for eliott and how unprepared he is for the world he's walked into. I mean there are limits to my sympathy given his attitude and his opinion on stuff, but if someone (ADWIN!!!!) had just given him a few more facts from the start or they'd journeyed through Blackmont and he'd been able to see Meria and Simon and have a little chat with him, it wouldn't have fixed everything but he'd have at least been more like a good little scout and been (a bit) prepared.
I mean, Adwin threw a pile of books at him. Was that not enough?
Eliott’s problem is sometimes connecting theoretical knowledge to the real world. He can know things about Dornish culture, or even that some historical Princess So-and-So had half a dozen paramours in her life or something, and still not have it occur to him that it would apply in this situation.
Anonymous said:
Something I sort of noticed as the Rowan caravan was journeying was they never stayed anywhere where there was a marriage like Eliott was about to enter into. Manwoody, Fowler and Vaith there is no spouse in residence, Allyrion the dude is the Lord, so everywhere they went of the big houses he's not getting the chance to really see the role he'd have which probably keeps the shackles on for even longer.
I suppose that’s true, I didn’t plan it or anything. But the most important thing keep the shackles on is Eliott and his Brain Virgin. I’m not sure if swinging by Sandstone would have helped him much except maybe that he would think that Allin ain’t a real man or something.
Anonymous said:
Given everything that happened between AWiS and the present, would it be fair to say that Edgar Yronwood was right, or at least had a point when he said that the Martells trying to win the favour of the Northerners wouldn't yield the result they wanted? A bit rich coming from the man who backed the Blackfyres, but still...
Well… ask Elia how it all worked out. Though, to be fair, the amount of autonomy they seemed to have under Robert is a little ridiculous.
Anonymous said:
I'm excited and sad for the upcoming Alysanne chapter. Excited because she's a brilliantly written character; sad because she's spent her whole life getting shit on and thanks to patriarchy brain, thinks it's all her fault. Which makes me sad.
I feel guilt about how long it took me to get this round-up out. Like, that was two chapters ago… I hope it lived up to your expectations.
Anonymous said:
On your favourite subject of Jeyne Swann, whats the age gap between her two girls? did Allyster try and get two kids on her relatively quick so they'd be able to stop making appointments? Must have been a bit weird for her not to have anyone pushing for the her to birth the prodigal penis, even with huge amounts of pb that must have been kinda nice, even if she did probably think she'd failed or some crazy shit like that.
The gap between them is maybe five years or so, and Jeyne (the younger) didn’t marry as early as Rebanna did, so her kids are quite a bit younger than Maron. There may have been some infant mortality between them, or even after as well. I’m not sure, I don’t want to pile on. Allyster stopped making appointments because he could tell how not into it she was, and that got weird after ten years.
Anonymous said:
why is alyse ladybright not tagged for your fic? she appears plenty and yet the poor Lady doesn't get a tag.
Ha. I think I only tagged people who already had tags.
Anonymous said:
Is Lewyn's paramour someone we've already met in a AWiS? Jennelyn Sand mayhaps?
No and no.
Anonymous said:
If Casson had married Loreza would that mean that Ellaria would have been Lady Vaith one day?
I suppose so. Unless it prompted Vanella to bite the bullet and get hitched.
Anonymous said:
Speaking of trophy consort, I always thought he'd be younger but not young enough to be her son. More in the vain in your fic verse of Emerik Qorgyle or Trebor Jordayne if he wasn't heir. that way he's very much a man grown when they marry and has plenty of life experience so he has something to offer as a ocassional advisor. But he's still a younger hottie too.
Okay.
Anonymous said:
I like owain a lot. He seems like a real good guy. Plus he's got Tully links too which makes him dynastically well linked along with his Reacher and married Martell links. Alyse is going to be all over that, but I imagine there might be a queue.
Owain is the pragmatic one. Marq is a mini-Corret with all his ISTJ-ness. Lymen is the racist one. Jon the Green is also there. Maybe he’s the funny one.
Yeah, Eliott’s peeps aren’t as cool as Loree’s.
Anonymous said:
I have sympathy for Jeyne Swann lover anon because I'm actually drawn to your background characters more than your POV's. I like all your POV choices and they're a nice spread but its the unknown with the background characters that interests me. I like Deria, Deneza is someone I really wish for more of, Adwin's a professor in another life, Owain is just perfect, Sarra/Aelora are just the cutest, I need more Dylan, Simon Leygood's life intrigues me even if he's only a name, Alyse is a dream.
Alyse has dreams.
Anonymous said:
How do Rebanna and Allyster feel about the fact that Maron is almost 30 and not married? I get that the Dornish don't push marriage as hard as some, but they still do succession through bloodlines. Would the fact that he hasn't married make them question if he's responsible enough to rule Wyl?
Well, he had his heart broken once.
They’re probably in Wyl right now talking about how they’ll totally bring it up as soon as he hits thirty. Also, keep reading.
Anonymous said:
Does Lenelle have ladies-in-waiting, or is that a right reserved for Martells proper? Similarly, does Jenny have ladies, or is her status low enough, and scandal that she caused great enough, that no knight or lord wants his daughters to serve her?
Lenelle does have ladies of her own, I just haven’t really thought about who they might be or had cause to mention them. Emelyn was one, once upon a time.
I have no clue about Jenny. She would probably ditch them if she did have them.
Anonymous said:
This is a bit of a random comment but I loved your response to my asking about where the Fossoways were. It just highlights how different peoples minds work. once I read who the groom was on the Dramatis personae my first thought was who were his cousins on the other side of his family and thought they must be young or female for him not to have any of them as his little group of companions. When I saw none were there I just immediately jumped to conspiracy theories like a normal person...
I mean, we can weave a tale about how Sarra doesn’t get on with her family ever since they found out that she doesn’t like apple pie, or something.
Anonymous said:
Besides GRRM, who would you say the biggest influences on your writing are?
Jane Austen is kind of obvious. Especially in the dialogue, probably.
Actually, Martin doesn’t influence my style nearly as much as I would like him to. My descriptive passage are always very, like, functional.
Anonymous said:
Whether or not it occurs in on page, I'd imagine that, at some point during the events of AWiS, some Reach Bros got drunk and decided to loudly sing The Dornishman's Wife. They couldn't understand why their Dornish hosts didn't find the song amusing.
I think their Dornish hosts just find it dumb. And it will be quite the wedding feast, I’m sure. Literal wine fountains.
Anonymous said:
Will AWiS feature anything like Martin's weirder, trippier passages? Either a character having a fever dream or ingesting a hallucinogen of some sort?
I’m not sure if I’m up for that. I did once write a dream for Eglies, though.
I’m not sure which pov character is most likely to eat a magic mushroom. Probably Ormond.
Anonymous said:
Aside from Loreza being dornish and set to be ruling Princess of Dorne, I can't help but feel like anther problem Eliott may encounter with her is she's very much a grown woman. Whereas there seems to be so many really young brides elsewhere, some criminally young but even 19 year olds like Olenna haven't really lived, they're in a lot of ways children in women's bodies due to the way they get infantilized. Loreza isn't any of that and that is a new experience even before the political stuff.
I think that’s quite insightful. And Loree has this confidence about her sexuality that I don’t think Eliott will know what to do with.
Anonymous said:
Love Deria, she sounds like she has a bed warmer and wants to find someone for her new friend, lol.
Deria’s a classy lady. She doesn’t kiss and tell.
Anonymous said:
I volunteer to kill Tybutthole, it would be my pleasure, I'd even pay you for the honour. As realistic it is, I hope there can be something positive to come out of this even if it only sadly Marigold getting out.
I suppose that all depends on how you define “positive outcome”. As I believe I’ve said before, this society is tailor made for men like Tybutt, but I think Alysanne is starting to realize that that may be problematic, so I would say not all hope is lost.
Anonymous said:
Princess Trystana and Lord Gargalen totally seem like marriage goals for the setting. they've found a way to function as a couple, communicate and raise their kids together with respect and support.
I mean, maybe they seem like that now. You should have seen them in the old days.
Anonymous said:
Daenella seems kind of Targ to me, like she inherit all the privilege like a Martell has but without any of the dutiful nature that goes with it, which seems Targ-ey. By the time she was born her dad was gone/or almost, so her mother had to help Rhodryn in his new role, and child bearing problems and grieve and adapt so Daenella probably just got to have all the fun of being born into such great position but without any of the lessons in duty.
All the best royal families have that “only two kinds” thing and in the Martells’ case it the whole “hot and cold” thing I made up for The Princess and the Septa. It was kind of, like, institutionalizing the contrast between Doran and Oberyn, (a contrast so obvious that even GoT noticed it...) And Daenella is kind of this generation’s Oberyn. Though, so is Arion, so…
But, of course, the sharp contrast is also an oversimplification. Like, which one is Lewyn, for example?
Anonymous said:
Linette!!! nice to hear about her a bit. I wonder if a tiny bit of Duran's appeal to Alysanne, as she gets to know him better, if his obvious pride in his daughters, and the fact he's ''satisfied'' with them.
Tiny bit?
Linette’s a pro. She has charts.
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Anonymous said:
Daenella and Trystana seem like they just don't understand each other at all. they try in their own ways to connect but they're so different that the other just doesn't see these overtures as being meant to be kind or loving. Little Trystana might momentarily unite them when she's probably likely to be born at the most inopportune time. They're sisters, they clearly care for one another they just have no clue how to communicate with each other.
Anonymous said:
The princess of the breeze seems to bring the worst out of her sister. I think Trystana just has no idea how to relate to her, and as she's so used to being in control and knowing what she's doing she can't quite function as she wants to around her sister and they just end up having this escalating back and forth, that Trystana seems to know if ridiculous but can't quite break the cycle.
Deanella always has the best intentions for things, but she just gets overwhelmed by her emotions and can’t focus on things enough to actually follow through. She wants to be a good mother and a good sister but… omg, that dog has a fluffy tail! No one sane would trust her with any actual responsibilities.
And Trystana is very dutiful, but she also wants to make sure everyone knows how dutiful she is. Specifically that she’s more dutiful than Daenella. That being said, she would drop everything to help her sister in a crisis, even after the twentieth time.
Anonymous said:
Whilst I'm enjoying the little romance Alysanne has going on, I'm particularly enjoying her simple joy at having people notice her and making a few new friendships and how she just seems to spill to these people because she's probably never had anyone to really talk to for years aside from her daughter, and you can't tell you child any of this sort of stuff. I could see her and Deria becoming great friends, and Trystana too if Alysanne's world continues to open up.
Female friendships are important for women.
Anonymous said:
Someone needs to engineer ''accidents'' for certain assholes so that Daisy and Marigold can be left the fuck alone.
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Anonymous said:
LMAO, Alysanne thought she was in for an earful and instead she was being set up with her dreamboat again. Honestly when this is all over however it goes or doesn't go she's going to need a good neck massage from all the whiplash she's getting trying to get her head around all these dornish ways.
Those mysterious Dornish ways of, like, consent and stuff.
Anonymous said:
On a scale of 1-10, how concerned should we be for Alysanne's safety? Tybutt doesn't seem the type to take his wife showing agency lying down.
If Tybutt gets on Trystana’s wrong side you should be more concerned for his safety.
Anonymous said:
Trystana girl, you looked in the mirror lately, Daenerys is wilful? lol. Maybe their wilfulness comes out in different ways but they've both got bucket loads of it. I did enjoy her chat with Alysanne in general though, she likes her husband and wants him to have some happiness and joy. the fact the lady he likes is the biggest sweetheart that ever sweethearted is a big bonus though.
How dare you! Dany is nothing at all like Trystana!
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rollercoasterwrite · 8 years
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The Selfishness of Our Hearts - A Year in The Life | Chapter 3
This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here
Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part I]. Genre : Angst, fluff(y pancakes), smut. Word Count : 5 000 words ~
                                       -Two years earlier-
Jinki huffed and puffed his way up the stairs, relieved that it was the last trip he’d have to make up those flights for now. As he passed through the open door of his apartment, a sharp pain shot through his upper back, forcing him to drop the box in a brusque manner on the floor. The loud thud that provoked had Jonghyun rushing over to the entrance. They shared a quick look, before Jinki winced from the more diffuse but still discomforting pain.
'' You should’ve let me carry that box, '' scolded the smaller one as he closed the distance between them. One hand soon reached his boyfriend’s back to soothe it with a circular caress. He felt the stiffness in those muscles, the stress that had been kept in for too long. '' Thankfully, that was the last one, '' he indicated as he lowered his hand. His fingers intertwined with the other’s. Without a word, he pulled him into motion until they reached the couch.
Jinki would’ve loved to protest and say that they should resume their unboxing and put things into place, but his body had reached its limit. His nervous nature, the lack of sleep and appetite and the relentlessness of some thoughts he’d rather not have anymore had finally taken a toll on him. He took a seat on one of the cushions before pulling his boyfriend down to sit beside him. The little yelp that ensued had him laughing, which was probably the best remedy for his current condition.
'' You can rest, but I still need to finish putting my clothes on hangers, '' Jonghyun childishly grumbled. He too was tired. They had barely come back from their little escapade, but reality hadn’t had any patience to wait. As soon as they had packed up and left the town they had been in, Jongyun had been reminded that he had to figure out his financial situation. He hadn’t had a job for almost three months now and the little money that he’d had left had been sent away to pay another month of rent. He had always hated relying on other people for his needs, but he had been left no other choice the last week that they had been away. Jinki had paid for everything and in his surge of generosity he had ultimately offered Jonghyun to move in with him. That had shocked him and left him speechless, but it hadn’t been long before a dreamy smile had curved his lips. A shy Yes had come out of him, settling the matter as simply as that.
Jonghyun still felt like it was too good to be true. He gave a look around what was now technically also his apartment. The familiar tingle of fear he had felt in his gut the past few days came back again. He hadn’t voiced it to Jinki, but he couldn’t help but wonder if they had moved too fast. He loved Jinki with all his heart but it still had only been around three months since they had made the choice to be together. And he had a feeling those same doubts were the culprits behind Jinki's tense state. The brunette didn't have to say a word to make it clear that he was still feeling guilty. There had been no trace of that guilt while they were away because they had been floating on a pink cloud but as soon as their trip came to an end, reality immediately sunk in. They were together, and moving in together was going to take their relationship to a whole other level; it was going to make it that much more real. '' Why do you have all those clothes anyways? '' asked Jinki with a soft laugh, immediately breaking Jonghyun's chain of thought. '' I didn’t take you for that type of guy, '' he then teased.
Jonghyun snorted. '' What’s that supposed to mean? '' His indignation was false, but he still wondered what kind of image he had given off to the other.
'' I don’t know… a more simple guy… '' Jinki carefully formulated as his gaze moved away from his boyfriend’s face.
'' I can be simple and fashionable too, '' Jonghyun instantly pointed out, deliberately omitting the role that Kibum had played in his habit of always buying new clothes. He hadn’t bought that much more the past few months, but the amount he already had was considerable. Very considerable.
'' I’ll give some away, '' he said as he pushed himself up to stand. His sudden movement made him miss the pout that had formed on Jinki’s lips. Nonetheless, he knew that him leaving wouldn’t please the other. He had been surprised at how needy the latter could sometimes get, which was even more surprising since he had always found himself being the needier one in his previous relationships. He couldn’t deny how good it felt to be so wanted, so needed. But he knew that if he stayed put, things would probably go down the route it usually went whenever they were alone. Jonghyun was going to be the responsible one this time and leave before Jinki forgot that he needed rest. The latter had carried almost all of his boxes upstairs on top of having previously helped him clean out his apartment and getting those boxes down to the car.
'' Jjong, '' Jinki whined as he made an attempt to reach for his arm. He missed it by an inch as the other swiftly stepped back. '' Stay here with me for a sec, '' he said in a pleading tone.
'' I'm not going anywhere, I'll come sit with you later. '' Jonghyun was really trying to keep his resolve.
'' Or you could sort out your clothes later, '' the older one countered. This time he successfully secured his grip on Jonghyun's arm and pulled him down towards him before he had a chance to escape.
Jonghyun stumbled and fell on top of his boyfriend, landing right on his lap. His eyes widened for a split second when he felt a rigid length pressing against his ass. '' Really? '' he exclaimed in disbelief, with one brow cocked.
Jinki bit his lip in response. He was still amazed at how easy it was for him to get turned on whenever he was around Jonghyun. The latter didn't have to do anything, really. He just exuded something that always made him want more.
Jonghyun shook his head, a little laugh leaving his lips. '' Well... '' he drawled, his voice suddenly dipping lower. '' I could take care of that for you. ''
The velvety undertone in which he whispered those words had Jinki's insides melt. He swallowed on a now dry throat before saying, '' Yes, please. '' He was already at the state of begging, the sharp discomfort between his legs and the ass that was pressing against it overtaking any rationality he might've had previously.
Jonghyun chuckled. He was tempted to frustrate the hell out of him by getting up and leaving, but he knew that would also be punishment for him. Cupping the back of his boyfriend's neck with one hand, he pulled him in for a kiss. The soft flesh he met had him groaning, consequently bringing what had started as a slow kiss to a whole other level. He captured Jinki's bottom lip between his teeth and bit down gently, before letting the tip of his tongue slowly roll over it.
Jinki moaned, the low rumble of his sound vibrating against the other's mouth. His own was soon filled by Jonghyun's eager tongue, feeling it roam all around before taking hold of his, toying with it, mating with it. He always felt so connected to Jonghyun whenever they kissed, it was so intimate, so intense; he always felt like his heart was about to burst.
Soon, it was his lungs that threatened to explode, forcing him to pull away. His breathing came in soft pants, his chest heaving. He then focused his eyes on Jonghyun, watching him go through the same ordeal.
Jonghyun looked right back at him, intently, before pecking his reddened lips. He finally moved down until he was kneeling down between his legs. His hands went straight towards the top of his dark skinny jeans, unbuttoning them before sliding the zipper down. The feeling of anticipation he got from seeing Jinki's bulge trapped inside the cotton fabric of his briefs made him let out an almost quiet moan.
The sensuous sound went straight to the brunette's dick, making it throb with excitement. He lifted his hips up, giving Jonghyun the freedom to slide his pants and his underwear down his legs. His erection sprang free and hardened even more as cool air hit it. Jinki winced. And then, he cried out. The coolness was suddenly replaced with the warmth of Jonghyun's hand on him. The latter clasped his penis tightly before teasing his length with slow strokes.
Jinki groaned, his lids fluttering over his eyes. '' Fuck... '' A sharp hiss escaped his lips as Jonghyun squeezed tightly again and used his other hand to gently massage his balls. '' Damn it, Jjong... '' He should've known he would be in for teasing, but right now, his unsatisfied lust was making him more than impatient.
A wicked smile danced on Jonghyun's lips. He was the one in control here and he was going to keep it that way. As he looked up at the flushed face of his boyfriend with lascivious eyes, he moved the hand that was squeezing up to the base of his shaft. His gaze then went to the tip, his own dick hardening as he watched pre-cum oozing from the slit. The sight made his hunger grow. He inched closer and stuck out his tongue. He flicked it over the top of his cock, purposely avoiding the fluid that was he was so eager to taste. He didn't fail to hear the whine that came out from the one above him, only encouraging him to keep on teasing. He gave another flick this time closer to the slit before he was the one wincing. His head had just been yanked back forcefully, the sharp pull on his hair making his scalp sting with pain. He looked up at Jinki with surprise.
'' Stop teasing, '' the latter ordered breathlessly.
Jonghyun felt his cock twitch. He loved being in control, but he couldn't deny that he loved it even more when Jinki's impatience made him a little aggressive. He slowly nodded before getting back to business. He licked the pre-cum that wept from the slit, before spreading some of it all over the thick, swollen head of his dick. He looked upwards again, meeting Jinki's eyes, right before he made the tip disappear into his mouth.
'' Shiit, babyy... '' Jinki's eyes closed shut, his hips involuntarily bucking up to feel more of that wet warmth around him.
Jonghyun pushed him down with his free hand before taking more of him into his mouth. His nostrils flared as his lips stretched around the other's thick girth. He gagged a little when Jinki pushed his head down further on his cock. His eyes closed as he tried to gather his breath. Despite having done this several times, it was still work to get accustomed to his size. When he finally felt like he wouldn't choke, he went down on him a little more, to the point where his mouth met the hand he still had at the base. He had tried a few times to swallow him whole, but his gag reflex had always ended up being too strong. So he had settled for this way, comforted in the fact that it got the job done. He started moving slowly, bobbing his head up and down the length of his shaft.
'' Aaah ... Yeesss.... '' Jinki's hand had moved away from Jonghyun's head, arm now resting at his side. He knew how good his boyfriend was at this so he let him work his magic.
Jonghyun moaned around him, relishing how full his mouth was and how much he loved to please his man. He had set a comfortable pace, but he now moved faster along his length, feeling his own impatience overwhelm him.
'' Fuck, Jjongie... I don't think I... '' A shudder overtook the brunette and he let out a low groan as the head of his dick suddenly hit the back of Jonghyun's throat.
The latter knew it wouldn't be long now until his mouth was filled with Jinki's cum. The thought of it had him going faster. He felt light-headed like he was about to faint, but he kept up anyways. Jinki moaned out his name over and over again before he came in his mouth, his body a shaking, and his breathing a wheezing mess.
Jonghyun hummed in pleasure and swallowed the hot, thick, salty substance. He took it all in before releasing Jinki's dick with a lewd pop. He wiped his lips clean with the back of his hand before closing his eyes to catch his hectic breath. He heard Jinki move and then he heard the sound of his zipper. When he opened his eyes again, Jinki was staring right at him, his gaze filled with sleepy satiation.
'' Come, '' he said as he patted the empty cushion beside him.
Jonghyun did get up at those words, but he didn't sit. Jinki then took it upon himself to bring him closer by grabbing him by the waist. '' I should return the favor, shouldn't I? '' he said as his hands went to the front of his boyfriend's pants. Before he could unzip them, Jonghyun stepped back. '' There's no need for that, you need to rest, '' he reluctantly advised. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't want Jinki to suck him off, but he knew the other was probably even more tired now.
'' But- '' Jinki's attempt to protest was stopped by a finger pressing against his plump lips.
'' No buts. I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself. '' Jonghyun winked, unable to stop himself from teasing a little.
'' That's not fair, '' Jinki said with a pout.
Jonghyun snickered at his boyfriend's expression. '' Well maybe you can reward me later when I'm done sorting out my stuff, '' he indicated suggestively.
Jinki's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard. He slowly nodded, silenced by his wild imagination.
Jonghyun turned on his heel, hiding the wide smile that now stretched his lips. In that moment, he knew that he was where he was supposed to be. Living here with Jinki.
                                                     ***
                                      -Three months later-
Jonghyun's heart jumped inside his chest as he felt Jinki stir behind him. He slowly looked back, scared to meet the other's dark chocolate eyes. Fortunately, he was glad to see that his boyfriend still was in deep sleep, a fine trickle of saliva dribbling down his chin. A soft smile graced Jonghyun's lips. He allowed himself a few seconds to take in the endearing sight that was his boyfriend sleeping. He had missed those moments. He had missed the promise of a peaceful day where it felt like they were the only ones alive in this world. He extended a hand to bring it to Jinki's face, but right before his fingertips met the softness of his skin, he retracted it. Later. Right now, he needed to get on with what he had planned for the morning. He turned back again and rolled out of bed as quietly as he could. He shivered as his feet met the cold wooden floor, but he lost no time to walk over to the door and step out of their bedroom. He pulled it close, once again being mindful of making as little noise as possible.
A sigh of relief crossed his lips as he finally walked into the kitchen. The first part of his mission was a success. Now, he just had to make sure that everything would be ready before Jinki woke up. That was the most crucial part. He wanted to see the surprise on the brunette's face when he'd see the great breakfast he had just prepared for him. He had long wanted to return the favor, but he had lacked time. Between attending his classes, studying, and hosting a radio show on campus, the only things he had time left for were breathing and eating. And Jinki had made sure to help him manage everything by always preparing breakfast, lunch and even sometimes supper for him. Jonghyun couldn't believe how lucky he was to have someone like him in his life. The thought had him biting his lip to stop the wide grin that threatened to crack his face. He was happy. And all he wanted right now was to share that feeling with his boyfriend. He finally got going and took out some of the ingredients he needed. A feeling of déjà vu seized him as he looked at all the items he had gathered on the counter. It couldn't be helped. Not that long ago, he had found himself doing the same in another kitchen. The sense of lightness he had felt so far withered at the thought, but he made a deliberate effort to shake it off. This wasn't another time, this was now. It wasn't the end of something. It was only the beginning.  And began he did. The recipe didn't change, but the feeling with which it was executed was completely different. In that moment, he felt at peace. It was a naive peace that was fragile, but his focus kept any serious thought at bay. Half an hour passed by like that, having for only reality the making of the fluffiest and yummiest pancakes ever. Still, he had stayed vigilant, keeping an ear open for any foreign noise, but fortunately, he was granted the time to cook all the batter he had prepared and pile up the pancakes on two plates. As he finally caught the sound of footsteps a few seconds later, he rushed to put the plates on their dining table before placing the maple syrup right between them. He then walked back to his working space to put some stuff away and start the coffee machine. He turned back right in time to see Jinki coming from the hallway. When their eyes met, they shared a brief smile before Jinki's expression became confused.
'' What are you doing? '' Jinki asked with a cocked eyebrow. He couldn't help but wonder if the delicious smell his nose had just caught was a product of his imagination or if it was indeed real.
Jonghyun smiled again, this time wider. '' Nothing much... '' His smile became a laugh as he saw a frown form on the brunette's face. You'll never know how cute you are, he thought as he went on with what he was doing. The coffee machine started brewing, soon adding to the comforting scent floating around. Meanwhile, he hadn't noticed that Jinki had gotten closer to him, making him jump slightly when he turned back again. The taller one was right there, only a few inches apart, staring at him with the intent look that never failed to weaken him.
'' Thank you, '' Jinki simply said before instantly diving in for a kiss. His strong arms wrapped around his boyfriend's little waist, affirming to them both once again that this was a real. That they were real.
Jonghyun softly moaned, enjoying every second of the kiss until his lungs reminded him again of his need for air. Stupid lungs. If there was something he could never get enough of, it was kisses. Some might say he had an oral fixation, but he didn't care. '' You haven't even gone to the table yet, '' he remarked as the other's last words rang in his mind.
'' Well from what I can smell, I already know I'm going to love it, '' Jinki replied with a dashing smile.
Jonghyun playfully hit him on the chest. '' Wait 'till you taste it. ''
'' Oh shit, you're right, '' Jinki teased with a hearty laugh.
The younger one gave him a fake pout before turning towards one of the cupboards. He took out two cups and poured the hot coffee into them. Nothing more was needed; they both loved their coffee just like that. Before he could grab both cups, Jinki took one. '' Let me help, '' he said. '' Do we need anything else? ''
Jonghyun took a second to think. '' Yeah, utensils, '' he realized. Once again, he was beat to it as Jinki opened one of drawers under the counter and took out two sets of forks and knives. He shook his head in light disapproval. He hadn't wanted Jinki to even lift a finger, but his enthusiasm was too contagious. He smiled openly as the other gave him one of those wide grins that made his eyes disappear. '' Okay, come. ''
He led the way straight ahead, bringing them a few seconds later into the dining room. Jonghyun gave a quick glance towards the other. An amused laugh immediately escaped his lips as he watched his eyes widen. '' Happy? '' he verified.
Jinki's head bobbed up and down in a vigorous nod. '' You finally made them, '' he exclaimed, his voice full of awe.
Jonghyun knew his cheeks would soon hurt from smiling so much. '' Yes, I wanted to surprise you. '' He had teased the other several times by mentioning how good his pancakes were, but he had never actually gotten to making them. Until now.
Jinki's stomach grumbled. His hunger was fully awakened now. He pushed his chair back and sat in front of the plate that had been set for him. He picked up his fork, but before he allowed himself to dig in, he gave his boyfriend a long look. '' Thank you, '' he said again, his words full of sentiment.
Jonghyun shook his head, before he too settled into a chair. '' Stop thanking me, this is nothing... '' He observed. Indeed, preparing him a great breakfast wasn't beginning to make up for all that the other had done for him.
'' It's not nothing,'' Jinki instantly countered. '' I really appreciate it, '' he reiterated. He kept his eyes on Jonghyun to make sure he was convinced by his words.
'' I'm glad. '' The latter lowered his head slightly. '' It's just that... you've done so much for me so... '' He sighed. '' I'm just trying to find ways to show you how grateful I am, but I know it's not enough. '' He hadn't wanted to sound so serious, but the words had just poured out of him. Jonghyun lifted his head up again as he heard a chair being pulled back.
Jinki walked over to him before kneeling to meet his eyes again. '' You need to stop feeling guilty about this. It was my pleasure to help you and I don't expect you to pay me back for it either, '' he firmly reminded. '' Got it? '' he then checked as Jonghyun stayed silent.
'' Yeah... '' Jonghyun finally answered, despite his persistent unease. It wasn't easy for him to let go of something so big. He still couldn't get over his boyfriend's generosity. Even though he was beyond grateful, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He was once again being dependent on him and he hadn't much to offer in return.
'' I love you. ''
Jonghyun's heart skipped a beat at the sound of those words. A vivid warmth filled him, making him feel like his insides were melting. He knew if he didn't shift the attention elsewhere, he'd soon be in tears. '' I love you too, '' he replied, voice heavy with emotion. Clearing his throat, he rapidly added, '' Okay, you need to eat those pancakes now, they're probably already cold. ''
Jinki chuckled. '' I know what you're trying to do, but you're probably right. ''
Jonghyun pouted again, crossing his arms in slight annoyance. '' Go. ''
The brunette brought a hand up to his boyfriend's cheek and gave it a quick caress before moving back to where he had been seated. As soon as he was in front of his plate again, he plunged his fork into the top of the pile and took a first bite. A loud hum of contentment instantly left his lips as he chewed. '' Oh god... this is heaven... '' He exclaimed before taking another bite.
Jonghyun smiled and started eating too. He didn't manifest his enjoyment as loudly, but he could definitely agree that those pancakes were indeed heaven.
'' At what time did you come home last night? '' Jinki asked as he put down his fork for a moment.
Jonghyun's heart fluttered, thing that always happened whenever Jinki talked about the apartment as their home. '' Around midnight. '' He didn't like getting home so late, but he had exams coming soon and he couldn't afford to fail them.
'' Studying hard, huh? '' Jinki teased.
Jonghyun knew what hid under that light tone. He wasn't around much anymore and that undeniably had an effect on them both.
'' Yeah... I'm sorry. '' He felt bad, but there wasn't much he could do about it.
Jinki blinked slowly a few times, taken aback. '' Why are you apologizing? I'm happy that you're so invested in your studies, that's good. '' He deliberately stressed those last words to once again eliminate any guilt his boyfriend still carried. '' Plus, I should just make myself more busy, '' he joked, turning his gaze back to his food.
'' Weren't you meeting clients yesterday? '' Jonghyun remarked.
'' Well yeah... '' Jinki stuffed his mouth with more pancake. '' But, that didn't last more than half the day. Like, their finances were in pretty good shape so all I pretty much had to say was Keep it up, '' he then explained with a little laugh.
'' Well that's good, '' Jonghyun acknowledged before eating some more. It still felt surreal to him to hear Jinki talk about finances. He still hadn't gotten over the fact that his boyfriend had a degree in business management. That fact had popped up a few weeks ago when the other had expressed his interest in doing some freelance accounting again. He remembered how shocked he had been at that time. It was like he had discovered a whole new world. He hadn't quite been able to understand how someone who was so good with words could also be so good with numbers. And he still didn't. He'll never stop surprising me, he thought again as he drank some of his coffee.
'' Maybe you could start writing again... '' Jonghyun suggested, despite knowing what the answer would be.
A heavy sigh was his first answer. '' I can't... ''
The younger one felt a lump form in the back of his throat. The last thing he wanted was to upset Jinki, but the fact that he hadn't written anything in months bothered him deeply. '' Have you tried lately? '' he persisted anyways.
'' No... '' Jinki reluctantly admitted. He felt bad for not being able to write something that wasn't related to his relationships. He had wanted to break that vicious cycle and just write something for the sake of it, but every time he had sat down, an overwhelming sense of panic had forced him to stop. And having in mind that Jonghyun had taken interest in him through his writing, he somehow felt like he'd lose value in his eyes if he didn't get back to it.
'' It's fine, '' Jonghyun rapidly reassured. '' I'm sure inspiration will come back to you soon. '' He tried to give his boyfriend the most genuine smile that he could, but it instantly fell as he caught the sullen expression on his face. The lump grew bigger. He had fucked up.
They both slightly jumped in their seats as the sound of a phone buzzing caught them off guard.
'' I'll go see whose cell it is, '' Jinki indicated as he swiftly got up, grateful for the distraction. He soon disappeared as he passed the doorframe, leaving Jonghyun alone to beat himself up.
He sighed. You should've kept your mouth shut. His fork hit the ceramic plate as he let go of his grip on it. He didn't feel hungry anymore. A few minutes passed during which he impatiently waited for Jinki to get back. Just as he found himself wondering what was taking so long, the latter came back. Jonghyun looked at him and felt his chest tighten. Something was wrong.
'' What happened? '' he asked in panic.
Jinki ran a hand over his face. '' Um... that was Kibum... '' he uncomfortably shared.
Jonghyun frowned. '' What do you mean? ''
'' He was the one calling... He was calling me... '' Jinki tried to explain as his brain was still in overdrive.
Jonghyun's eyes widened. '' Oh... ''
'' Apparently, he is in town and... and he wants to see me, '' Jinki revealed, heart thrumming hard and fast.
Jonghyun couldn't believe it. He was almost tempted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming, but he abstained. '' So... um... what did you say? '' he asked as normally as he could.
'' I said yes, '' Jinki gravely replied.
'' Okay. '' Jonghyun didn't know what else to say. He couldn't say that he was happy.
In fact, he wasn't happy at all.
_____________________________________________________________
AFF Link ~
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vigrxwarning · 4 years
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delightoys · 4 years
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uturibeneficial · 5 years
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Sex Tips: A tempting Home = A Happy Penis
In the field of sex tips, there tends to be significant amounts of focus on "mechanical" problems that will help make for a contented penis. Certainly ensuring proper penis health is among the list of such practical sex tips, together with suggestions for positions, ability to last longer, foreplay suggestions, etc. However, these tips alone focus an excessive amount of around the bodies involved rather than around the venue. Yet it's correct that among the first steps to receiving a happy penis would be to make sure that one's home environment is inviting to some partner.First impressions countA man or woman that is taken to a guys home for the first time is going to form some snap judgments as soon as she walks in the door. Those judgments will continue to form as she moves with the remaining home. Keeping the pad as clean and inviting as possible can make her feel convenient and much more welcome - understanding that are only able to attempt to a guy's benefit.Keeping that in mind, here are a few tips to remember:- Choose hangers. Lots of guys tend to just toss their coat or jacket around the nearest chair or bed - or floor, for instance. A lady is going to be a lot more thankful for having her wrap carefully stuck; it's an easy way to score a few points immediately upon entry.- Clean is preferable to tidy (but both together is better yet). Many bachelors usually are not exactly fastidious about their housekeeping. A bit untidiness is usually expected - but a flat which is actually dirty is not. Removing dust and dirt, cleaning countertops, making sure your kitchen doesn't attract uninvited guests and - perhaps first and foremost - keeping the bathroom presentable are all important. And degrees of tidiness matter. Towels hung rather haphazardly within the bathroom are certainly one thing; towels lying on to the floor are another. A pair of boxers around the bedroom floor is anticipated; some on the counter top, not really much.- Store the how to get a free pornhub premium account (and evidence of its recent use). Yes, most women understand that men (especially single men) enjoy pornography - equally as lots of women also do. However that does not mean they necessarily wish to be up against a magazine exploring top sex positions in detail in order to realize that your home page over a guy's laptop is set to his favorite XXX site. At the same time, obviously used tissues needs to be carefully disposed of, instead of left carelessly on the floor. As well as the spot for a guys favorite lubricant needs to be the medicine cabinet or perhaps the drawer with the bedside table, not the top lounge table.- Keep your refrigerator appropriately stocked. Creating a nice wine bottle properly chilled plus some snacks available could be a big help. It's especially good if he's learned in advance what sort of cheese or other foods she particularly enjoys. She'll be flattered that he took that little extra step.- Candles may be good. Guys, let's face it: When living alone (or with other men), our abodes have a tendency to develop some pretty overpowering odors. Airing out your home frequently is a good idea, but go ahead and buy few scented candles as well. They assist disguise that sweaty smell and offer an intimate atmosphere simultaneously.
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ipzl · 6 years
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phanger · 11 months
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gaiatheorist · 6 years
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“Yes”, and “No.”
When I was 15, a very kind, and slightly goofy 21-year-old man offered to sit with me in the doctor’s and claim responsibility for what might be happening in my uterus. As it turned out, there wasn’t anything happening, it was stress, and nerves, and being very underweight that had delayed my period, not the actions of the other man, the older man, who wouldn’t take ‘No.’ for an answer. 
I’m in England, I was seven months shy of my 16th birthday, and the legal age of consent, it would have been a toss-up, then, as to whether my GP would accept my competence to consent. Many, many years later, having worked in safeguarding children for over a decade, I know what a messy minefield that is. A child, under the age of 16, cannot consent to sexual intercourse, but it’s widely acknowledged that teenagers will experiment.  Various background-clutter here, but I didn’t need the abortion when I was 15, and the doctor dispensed the contraceptive pill with minimal questioning just before my 16th birthday. (I didn’t even have to lie about painful periods, or any of the other ‘tricks’ the rest of my peer group claimed, we just walked into the surgery, asked for the pill, and came out with a prescription. Top-up condoms available from the nurse, too.) 
I had that choice, I’ve always had that choice, from the couple of slip-up slip-ins in my teens, requiring the ‘morning after pill’, to that time in my thirties when I woke up with wet thighs, and realised that the ex had been less-drunk than I had. That one was awkward, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get a GP appointment within the 72 hours for the morning after pill, can’t quite remember why I didn’t just buy it at a pharmacy, other than the possibility of the ex questioning what I’d spent the £20 on. I had a meeting in the Town Centre on the Wednesday, as that particular incident had occurred on the Saturday night/Sunday morning, that fell within the 5-day limit for an ‘emergency’ coil fitting. Yes, I said ‘coil’ not IUS, hormonal contraception has never suited me, and the ex didn’t like barrier methods. Poor lamb. I didn’t particularly like him trying to stick his penis in me on his terms, at times of his choosing, but I’m getting my ‘yes’ and ‘no’ crossed over too soon. 
Was that an abortion? There’s no way to know. I assured the doctor carrying out the procedure that I was in a long-term, monogamous relationship, and that I understood the potential risks of perforation, complications and infections of having a piece of plastic shoved into my womb, with nylon ‘threads’ trailing through my cervix, into my vagina. “It’s like a ladder for infection.”, the doctor said, Yeah, OK, love, I do wash. There was a vague “What does your partner think?” question, not much of anything, really, I don’t suppose the coercive/abusive flags go up until you’ve presented repeatedly for emergency contraception. “He thinks that the contraception is my department, and doesn’t like condoms. That coil can stay in for 5 years, by which time I’ll be nearly 40, and can be sterilised, I’m saving the NHS money on pills and check-ups.”   
I was exceptionally careful. The ex, apparently, wanted more children than the one we had, but didn’t communicate with me like a human about that until the kid was about 8 years old, and I’d already established something like a career for myself. I was ‘acting on last instruction given’, which was him saying “What are you going to do about it?” when I showed him the positive pregnancy test 21 years ago. Life would have been different if I’d taken the telephone directory he’d shoved towards me to look for ‘a clinic.’ He wouldn’t have been disgusted by my pregnant body, the birth process, and the breast-milk. He wouldn’t have felt displaced by the baby, and perhaps he might have been more involved with a ‘planned’ child. Things might have been very different if the pregnancy had been his choice, rather than his choice having been to assume I would ‘take care of things.’ I did take care of things, I took care of his son, his house, him, his annoying-intrusive family, I didn’t take very much care of myself, but, I was careful not to conceive again, wary of having the phone-book shoved at me again. I took away his choice, 21 years ago, and carried that child to term, that child is now a man, an absolutely amazing human being, it remains to be seen whether he’ll find a cure for cancer, or be the next Hitler, but I carried him carefully, I was a vessel for nine months and three weeks, then I raised him. I had the choice, I had the option to abort. I was very young, and not in secure employment. The timing of the pregnancy was all wrong, but I didn’t know if I’d ever conceive again, so I made the most of that cluster of cells. I don’t think I did too badly.
I would vote ‘Yes’ to repeal the 8th amendment. For all the times my period has been late-or-missed, and I’ve been beyond-terrified that I’d be cornered-coerced by the ex into continuing to carry. My vote would be ‘Yes’, because my ex had a problem with ‘No.’ 
I don’t know if he’d class himself an ‘Incel’, but there’s a fair chance he’s joked with his blokey-mates about the ‘enforced monogamy’ line being spun out of that camp, or, at least he might do, when the story eventually makes it to Facebook. “Haha, yeah, free wives for everyone, a chef in the kitchen, and all that!” (The poor force-wife would struggle, his oven broke nearly two years ago, and he hasn’t fixed it, he just bought another microwave, grown man, with two functional hob-rings, a Lidl Raclette-grill thing, and two microwaves. Not my problem.) 
The ‘no’ thing, with the incels, and their strange assortment of hangers-on. The Toronto case, where the young man had been rejected, and, due to his affiliation with the incels, decided to express his displeasure by killing people, referencing another of his ilk as ‘the supreme gentleman.’  As much as the #MeToo movement has raised awareness amongst the more sentient members of the human race, it appears to have pushed the Troglodytes further back. From “Smile, love!” to “Grab them by the pussy.” and “How to talk to a woman wearing headphones.”, a small, but significantly dangerous proportion of the population still have an inflated sense of their own entitlement. The incels have taken a worrying lurch into the ridiculous, with dire consequences. I had thought, working with adolescents for almost 15 years, that we were coming out of the Dad/Lad/banter rubbish, that my generation ‘Grrrl-powered’ our way through. Elegant as pissed flamingoes, but most of the 40+ males have had enough slapped faces, and slung drinks, to know that ‘we’ won’t giggle coyly at their harassment like their Dads say their Mums did. The try-ers are the minority, and the majority of us just aren’t having it any more. It’s a very small minority of people who think that ‘no’ means ‘not yet, keep trying’, and an even smaller proportion that thinks women are prizes, chattel, property, an automatic right. 
That’s where the yes/no issue is taking me, that some people believe that abortion is murder, and are posting the most disturbing pictures in plain sight, claiming the moral high ground, and traumatising vulnerable individuals, and those who may have experienced miscarriage. There’s a ludicrous view being spouted that women WANT to have abortions, that we’d prefer chemical or surgical procedures to, you know, not being compelled to carry the children of rapists, family members, babies with fatal abnormalities that will never be born breathing. Nobody schedules an abortion on a whim, or because they just can’t be bothered to use contraception. Making abortion free, safe, and legal isn’t going to create a flurry of women throwing caution, and condoms to the wind, we’re not suddenly going to be at it like rabbits, with no regard for the consequence, because the regard for the consequence has always fallen disproportionately on the female. Off the top of my head, I can think of ten different temporary/reversible methods of contraception for females. For men? One, and then there’s the whole ‘stealthing’ unpleasantness, where men are reported to have started intercourse with a condom on, and then removed it. Not. All. Men. 
Not all men are the established churches. Not all men believe they’re entitled to a sexual partner. The rest of us, the more moderate and balanced examples of humanity (stop laughing, I *am* balanced, I’m just balanced differently to some folk.) are floating in the middle, the bubble in the spirit level, between the ones who don’t want us to say ‘Yes.’, and the ones who don’t want us to say ‘No.’ 
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