#penis hanger

[phanger]

effektive Penisverlängerung

Penisvergrößerungsoperationen, Penisaufhänger, Penuma-Implantate und andere chirurgische Eingriffe sind einige der effektiven Penisvergrößerungstechniken, die von Chirurgen und Experten für Penisvergrößerung angeboten werden.

[zenhangerusa]

The Pros and Cons of Using a Penis Weight Hanger for Enlargement

Every method of Penis Enlargement have their own pros and cons. In this article we are discussing the pros and cons of using a Penis Weight Hanger, a penis enlargement device by Zen Hanger. For more details read the article.

[puppyeared]

Help me I was ringing up this woman who wanted to buy “a car mechanic costume for her 9 year old son but this one is too big do you have an extra small :(“ and I look at it and it’s a fucking PENIS JOKE ADULT COSTUME THAT SAID LUBE-AND-GO GARAGE. I

[jacob-blogs]

Retracted testicles are hot, too

[p-hanger]

How to Achieve Natural Penis Enlargement Without Surgery

You don’t need to get the surgery to get the desired length. Nor you need to take medicine that will only result in side-effects. There is a natural penis enlargement solution you can use to get better results. Penis hanger is one of the most effective products you can use to get extra length and girth.

There are so many penis enlargement products to choose from. But, many of them are expensive and not effective. Instead, you can use the hanger to naturally increase the size of your genitals with real weights up to 13Kg – 26 pounds.

Here is how you can use the product for maximum results.

What is a Penis Hanger?

It is what the name suggest: a tool to hang your genitals. But it is an effective tool that can get you the desired length naturally. It has been designed to stretch the suspensory ligament which helps in enlargement of the penis. You can get the result with a surgery, but it will cost you a lot of money and is not as effective. The reason behind it is that only time and weight in the hanger will loosen up the ligamentum suspensorium and the Tunica. With a penis hanger, you can get even better results without the cost.

Many men are insecure when it comes to their length. And, finding the right solution is not always easy. Surgery is not an easy option for many. Which is why, products like these exist: to help people get the results in a natural way.

Perks of Using Enlargement Tools

Using a natural penis enlargement tool is more effective to the desired results. If you have been looking for the best penis enlargement products, using a hanging product is one of the best options. Here is why:

Easy to Use – Using a penis hanger is so easy. You don’t need to be an expert to handle it. Just follow the instruction on the packaging and you are good to go. It is a simple enough tool that can be used for the purpose. It can take sometime to see the results, but it will ne worthwhile.

Natural Way – Why risk surgery when you can naturally enhance the length of your penis. It is a tool that you can use daily or as per your needs. Use it regularly, and over time, it will stretch the ligament of your genitals to give you the desired results.

Achieve Effective Results – With penis enlargement products like a hanger, you can get an extra length of 4-6 cm. This is the most effective way to get those extra length without the hassle of surgery or medicine. As well as 3-4cm in girth.

Save Cost – Save money and time with an easy method and enjoy the results without causing harm to your body.

The Bottom Line

With a penis hanger, you can easily get the length you so desire. You will also gain a lot of girth especially at the base of the penis through the forces of the weight. If you are fed-up of all the false promises and marketing scams, this is for you. Get natural penis enlargement with the right penis enlargement products. It is easy to use, safe and very effective in giving you the results you want. For more information, visit us: - https://www.p-hanger.de/

Email - info@penis-hanger.de

Call — +4917672453826

[abbyromanoff]

Sugar daddy GP Natasha being seduced by reader into buying the dress she wants and nat fucking her to oblivion

Sugar daddy

Pairings: g!p sugar daddy Natasha Romanoff x reader

Warnings: smut, Nat has a penis, public sex, cunnilingus, spanking, breeding, light cnc talk, praising, degrading

Word count: 1584

Summary: When you want a dress so badly Nat figures out a way that you can pay for it

No one is permitted to steal, copy, or reblog my work as their own!!

“Please Natty? I’ll do anything.” You pleaded for the fifth time in the past hour. You’ve been begging the older woman to let you get this dress, assuring her that it would be for her eyes only which you both knew was a lie. You’d probably end up wearing it to a gathering with Nat just to watch as her blood boils with every lingering eye that was laid upon you. The dress was a satan red that reached to your mid thigh, a large slit placed on the left.

The red head smirked above you, using your desperation to her advantage. “Anything? Hm, that’s a good offer, a $400 dollar dress and I get to do whatever I want with you.” You shivered lightly as her cold hands went to place themselves on your waist. You gave your best puppy dog eyes and she gave in, walking you into the dressing room to try on the oh so nice dress.

Her watchful eyes wandered around your body as you slowly peeled off your clothing in front of her, teasing your wife successfully. You grabbed the dress off of the small hanger and slipped it on, making sure to accentuate your ass and tits as you looked over to Nat.

“So, what do you think?” She stood up suddenly, placing her hands on your butt and giving a small squeeze making you jump slightly. She chuckled dryly at your actions and turned you around so you were looking at yourself in the mirror, using her palms to grope you all over. You felt a bulge press against you as her crotch met your behind, slightly grinding against it and admiring the way your eyes fluttered closed at the feeling.

“I think, that I really want to fuck you against this mirror now.” You looked back at her only to be met with a harsh, bruising kiss as she groaned into your lips. The passionate kiss continued for a few moments until you both were heavily panting against each other. A loud knock erupted onto the changing room door, you were assuming it was an employee.

“Do you need any help in there?” The small voice asked, probably being able to hear the shuffling from out there.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah we’re fine, thank you.” You yelled out while Nat dropped to her knees and started to put her head under your dress.

“Be quiet for me princess.” She said while stroking your smooth thighs, plating small kisses to each one. Your breathing started getting heavy as you awaited for the feeling of her mouth on you, yet it never came.

“Nat, please! Just eat me out already.” You whisper yelled as she smirked at your neediness.

“Relax baby, let daddy play with her little toy.” You whimpered as her tongue played with your clit, sucking and licking the bud. You gripped her hair in your hands and pulled her face further into your aching cunt. She moaned into you as she teased your tight hole with her mouth, using her thumb to rub small circles on your clit.

“Mm, you like that, you like daddy’s mouth?” Her raspy voice was muffled as she got lost in the taste of you. Your moans were enough to answer her question but she wanted more, she wanted to hear you say it. She removed herself from your wet cunt to glare up at you, waiting for you to say something.

“Yes! I love it daddy, love it so fucking much!” She seemed to be satisfied with your answer as she leaned back and sloppily ate you out. You used one hand to pull her hair while the other gripped the wall, trying your best to keep yourself from falling.

You felt the coil in your stomach about to snap and warned the woman. “Daddy, can’t take it, gonna cum.” Your words made her go faster, desperately trying to make you cum on her tongue.

“Do it baby, cum for daddy.” You snapped, your cum leaking into her mouth as you finally let go. She let you ride it out, continuing her movements on your clit until your breathing returned to a normal. You muttered out a bunch of thank you’s and kissed her when she finally stood up, her tall figure towering over you.

“So, does that mean I can get the dress?” “Of course baby, but I’m not done with you. Did you really think I’d just eat you out and let you walk out of here?” A nervous gulp made its way out of you as she turned your body around, groping you like she did earlier.

“I’m not letting you leave until this beautiful little pussy is dripping with my cum.” She emphasized her words by cupping your sore pussy, laughing when you let out a small ‘yelp’. The redhead bent you over and brought the dress up so it laid on your lower back, your pantiless butt now on display.

“Fuck, look at this sexy ass.” Her words were accentuated with a small slap to your ass, you’d be surprised if no one could hear you two. “Wanna fuck it so bad, would you let me? Would you let daddy play with this cute little butt?” You nodded fastly, desperate to please her.

“Yes, I’d let you do anything to me. Anything you wanted.” Her groan echoed throughout the stall as she undid her belt and slid down her suit pants. Grabbing her cock she stroked herself back and forth until her pre-cum dripped onto your bottom. She brought her face to your level and slowly licked the white liquid as she stared at you in the mirror. Your hands went to hold the bench as your legs became wobbly, your previous orgasm and her current teasing causing you to go lightheaded.

“Will you let me slip in? I know you want me filling your little cunt, don’t you? You want daddy to cum in you? To fill you up with my pups?” You were going to agree until you felt her length ram into you, using your wetness as the only lubrication. Before you could yell out Nat filled your mouth with her fingers, hitting the back of your throat as she listened to your gags. She started a slow pace inside of you, moving her large cock in and out of you. Nat tried to quiet her moans but you felt too good, your warmth wrapped around her made her want to cum any minute.

“So warm and tight princess, want to be in you forever. Want your sexy fucking pussy all full of my cum, can’t wait to watch it drip out of you.” Her arm that wasn’t occupied went to wrap around your waist to bring herself further into you, shuttering to herself lightly as she felt you all around her. You on the other hand felt as though you’d snap any minute once again, that coil in your stomach was going to snap for the second time in only eleven minutes. Nat noticed you were trying to say something and removed her fingers from your mouth, taking the digits into her own mouth and sucking them. You let out a large breath and finally spoke out, making sure to keep your tone hushed and small.

“Mhm, want it too daddy. I want your cum in me so bad, please give it to me. Give me your cum daddy.” She slapped your ass repeatedly and watched in the mirror to see your reaction, admiring the way your mouth fell open. All of the sudden you felt hot liquid filling your awaiting pussy.

“I’m sorry baby, I couldn’t wait. You feel too good, couldn’t hold back. But you don’t mind right? You don’t mind me cumming in this tight little hole without your permission?” You shook your head faster than the speed of light, it felt too good to talk.

“Yes daddy! I love it so fucking much, it feels so good!” You couldn’t even seem to care about others hearing you getting fucked, they knew not to question the powerful woman that was the only reason they stayed in business.

“That’s right sweetheart, I’m your daddy. I’ll show everyone in this store how good I fuck you, even if I have to bend you over that stupid little counter.” It seemed like she wasn’t even talking to you anymore, it was as if she was just talking in general. This was your favorite part about her, the possesiveness she held over you made you feel so loved yet made you so hot and bothered.

You soon released after her, not being able to hold back anymore and letting go. When your wife had finally calmed down she kept herself inside of you, basking the feeling of your cunt wrapped around her. The moment she finally slid out of you, you almost fell over, the only thing keeping you up is holding onto the bench in the changing room.

“So can I get the dress now?” She laughed and nodded putting your clothes you cam in back on and walking the two of you out as if you didn’t just fuck in the store. The employees were too afraid to mention anything and kept quiet, just being glad to get the money from the rich woman. When she brought you out of the building you leaned your head against her shoulder, muttering a, “Thank you daddy.”

“Anything for my perfect princess.”

[miss-dollette]

Vladimir Makarov x Reader - 18+

TW: rape + murder + victim blaming + Makarov (need I say any more?)

I fully believe Makarov is not capable of true love. I believe he's a psychopath with no regard for human life, and he only sees lovers as possessions.

Note: Just because I write about Rape, doesn't mean I believe it's moral. This is dedicated to @bloodyrussianraven P.S: Sorry if it's a little short, I came up with this quickly.

Tomorrow is Saturday, and it's been three long months since Vladimir disappeared to God knows where. That's just how he was - he never cared to give her a heads-up about his departure, and sometimes she'd wake up to a frigid, desolate bed and an even icier void in her chest.

But today was entirely new, in the worst way possible. While her life still had its share of troubles, nothing could match the agony coursing through her body. The memory of her violation rolling over and over in her mind.

Her forehead remained streaked with dried, crusted blood, her neck bore the telltale bruises of his violent grip, and her face still burned from its rough contact with the carpet.

As she reminisced, her memory painted a vivid scene of being thrust into her apartment from behind, her face brutally colliding with the coat hanger, staining her white coat with warm crimson trickles.

Fingernails scratched her waist as her pants and underwear were snatched down to her knees, and her insides burned when he pushed his penis into her unwilling womb.

Pinned down and vulnerable, she found herself at the mercy of his predatory intentions, trapped in a horrifying ordeal.

The fact that he didn't attempt to kiss her was a small relief. She knew she'd snap out of her shocked trance and resort to extreme measures if he dared, even if it meant biting off his lips.

It was as if all her will to resist had drained away, and she lay there in disarray, attempting to blink away the blood clouding her vision.

Her cognitive functions shut down, and she stared at the broken eggs on the carpet. She wasn't sure how to react at that moment.

After he finished, hastily zipping up his trousers before bolting from the apartment, even pushing past her startled neighbor, she remained sprawled at the heart of the crime scene, her hand tenderly tracing her battered face as she struggled to regain her composure.

Disgusting sperm ran down her leg.

The groceries were strewn across the front door, their contents scattered on the floor. She remained seated at the kitchen table, gazing out the window as cars passed by, children engaged in snowball fights, and the sun dipped below the horizon. Her appetite for dinner had vanished.

A shadowy figure crossed the street and entered her apartment building, his measured stride betraying his identity. She silently wished he'd returned sooner, knowing he could have protected her. He could've.

The front door clattered against the fallen groceries, and she heard his steps muffle as he examined the telltale signs of the struggle - her blood-stained carpet, the chaos of the groceries, and her beanie abandoned on the floor. She was certain he knew this wasn't her typical mess.

Turning her head towards him as he entered the dining room, she watched as he lowered his gun, the barrel aimed in her direction.

"What happened?" He inquired with a tone that lacked emotion, a dangerous sign she knew all too well.

"I was walking home… i didn't see him," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "He hurt me." As she spoke, tears finally streamed down her cheeks, the realization hitting her that she hadn't shed a tear until now.

Vladimir moved swiftly, covering the distance in long strides, until he occupied the chair opposite her. In a rough and unforgiving manner, he seized her chin, his different colored eyes dissecting her battered forehead and blood-soaked countenance.

"Tell me what he looked like," he demanded, his tone blunt and sharp.

"I don't know," she whispered, her voice trembling. "It happened too fast, and I couldn't—"

"I told you to stop being so mindless, wandering around like an idiot. Now look at you." He interrupted her sentence, causing her to shrink further into her seat, his calloused fingers digging into her chin.

"Vladimir..." she began, but her words faltered, a sense of futility enveloping her.

They spent that night together, with her recalling the day before the attack. He meticulously questioned her, forcing her to repeat various details numerous times, where she'd been, who she talked to that day until she squeezed out details that managed to escape her until that moment.

When he came to visit her, she would dutifully stand over the stove, preparing their meals (usually consisting of meat), and then share the food with him before he laid her down on the bed, and pushed himself inside her.

It appeared that he had lost his appetite for both food and that carnal desire that was attached to him when he visited her.

At nearly midnight, he dismissed her, and she left him alone in the dimly lit dining room. She found solace in the bathtub, immersing herself in the lukewarm water, which gradually turned a disconcerting shade of red. The stinging sensation from the cut on her forehead intensified.

Her entire body ached, and without the concealing cloak of clothing, she was confronted with her bruised flesh in its full spectrum of colors: purple, yellow, green, and angry red.

In an attempt to cleanse herself of the ordeal, she vigorously brushed her teeth until her gums bled, then meticulously dressed, yet the feeling of being tainted lingered. Despite scrubbing her skin raw, she couldn't shake the sensation that an oily darkness clung to her.

She reclined on her bed without much regard for comfort, her gaze fixed on the cracked ceiling. Her eyes, glazed over with a haunting emptiness, stared into the void above.

She eventually closed her eyes and surrendered to sleep's embrace.

When she awoke, Vladimir's absence was glaringly apparent. His side of the bed remained cold, a stark reminder of his cold nature. His clothes from the previous day lay in disarray on the floor, and a lone sleeve dangled from an open drawer where he stored his belongings.

Once more, she vigorously scrubbed her skin raw in the morning, as if attempting to rid herself of the memories etched into her flesh.

It had been three long weeks since she last saw Vladimir, and it had also been three weeks since she was raped by that stranger. In that span of twenty-one days, she moved through the town with a distant, glazed-over expression, avoiding any meaningful eye contact with men and speaking in hushed tones. It seemed as though her very soul had been snatched away, leaving behind only a hollow shell of the person she once was.

She fixated her gaze upon her worn boots, every step they took echoing loudly on the icy concrete beneath, determined to drown out the relentless cacophony of traffic and the incessant chatter of the people bustling around her.

In the early morning's embrace, the first light of dawn meticulously brushed the streets with a vibrant palette, painting them in exquisite hues of pink, purple, and a myriad of other melodramatic colors.

Her stomach emitted another mournful growl, a reminder of her empty mornings – just like the one before, and the one preceding it. She struggled to recollect the last time she had savored a meal.

Engulfed in her contemplations, she collided unceremoniously with a stranger's back. With a gentle "Pardon" escaping her lips, she reluctantly tore her focus away from her ruminations. A gathering of nearly a hundred people held collective fixation on something in the road.

She wondered if there had been a car accident that morning.

Compelled to forge a path through the throng, her heart raced wildly in her chest. As she finally emerged from the crowd, her heart plummeted into the depths of her being, her eyes locked on a man whose face suddenly seemed so familiar. He was suspended between two lampposts in the middle of the road, a grotesque marionette covered head to toe in a gruesome tapestry of blood and bruises.

His wrists, where wires had mercilessly bitten into his flesh, oozed crimson rivulets that painted his arms and body in a grotesque shade of red, an agonizing tableau of suffering before her very eyes.

She was forcibly reminded, once more, of the chilling reasons Vladimir struck terror into the hearts of the masses, understanding why his name blared across newspapers in stark letters, detailing the monstrous carnage he'd ruthlessly orchestrated, all in the relentless pursuit of collective fear, and a motivation that'd been explained to her, but never understood.

The lifeless form of her attacker hung eerily above the street, expertly suspended by wires, resembling a grotesque work of art that defied the boundaries of the macabre.

With her mouth parched and her chest feeling like an empty void, she turned away, her mind haunted by the scene before her. The sheer reality of the experience weighed heavily on her, leaving her unable to carry out even the simplest of daily tasks. Resolute, she made the decision to set aside the day's chores. Today, she knew she needed to retreat to her bed, seeking refuge from the relentless torment of her thoughts.

[tpup]

time for some teamwork

[cod-dump]

141 playing the penis game

(for anyone who doesn’t know, the penis game starts w someone whispering the word penis and u take turns saying it louder than the last person until u cannot get any louder…….or you get in trouble, whichever comes first)

The game was being played by recruits when Soap overheard. They thought they were in trouble but instead he asked how to play. Soap spent his time playing with the recruits, talking rather loudly to the point Gaz caught them. Gaz blinks as Soap explains the game to him, and Gaz naturally started to play along. Somehow, SOMEHOW, they roped Ghost into playing.

They had to scatter several times to avoid Price because they know he would put an end to their childish game. One game they were in a hanger, Soap practically screaming his turn. Everyone stared at him before looking at Ghost because it was his turn. He stands, saying that he will be right back and not to go anywhere before leaving. They waited there for a bit before they heard it.

Over the fucking intercom, Ghost saying “Penis”. They start laughing when they hear Price yelling at him, unable to breathe. Later Ghost comes back, Price following him.

“No more.”

They giggle but agree. Though Soap is determined to outdo Ghost.

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

Submitted:

Camilla Long in today’s Times, “The biggest threat to Harry and Meghan isn’t paparazzi on bicycles. It’s their own paranoia”

https://archive.is/N1OMS

Awhile from now, when it is all over, I think we may view the Royal Car Chase not as a silly bit of tabloid fluffery but as a turning point. You may feel differently; you may think there were other, bigger moments when you knew it had gone terribly wrong for Harry and Meghan. Oprah, or “recollections may vary”, or Netflix, or the tights catfight. The Fijian market freakout, the MBS diamond earrings, the suicidal thoughts at Cirque du Soleil, or the penis-heavy contents of Spare.

But never before have I actually thought: well, that’s it — it’s over; they’ve gone the full Imelda Marcos now. They’re literally crazed, on a one-way flight out of God knows where, stuffing diamonds into nappies as they flee the presidential palace, children howling, soldiers falling off collapsing walls, choppers, gunfire, pearls scattering, everyone watching agog as these glittering creatures, once on top of the world, now look washed up and hopeless, like bedraggled fallen despots.

also

the couple hysterically used three separate cars. They left the ceremony in a 4x4 with a police escort, circling for 75 minutes to give the paps the slip, before fleeing to a nearby police station when they didn’t. At the station they hid for 15 minutes in a garage until someone called a taxi. When the taxi got stuck behind a rubbish lorry, they went back to the same police station, where they got into a final vehicle, which took them on to where they were staying … just two blocks away.

As I said: mad.

All these places were within walking distance; nothing could have been easier. But still, we’re meant to believe it’s the paps who were behaving like demented animals, driving on pavements, endangering pedestrians, causing “multiple near collisions” as they pursued them with “cars, scooters and bicycles”, bringing the duke “the closest I have ever felt” to understanding how his mother died.

and

The truth is, that taxi chase is Harry and Meghan. It is their mindset, their paranoia, their chaos, their attempt to label themselves as victims again. If you watch their Netflix series you can see how they egg each other on to the point they forget how to behave normally. During one short car journey Meghan tells Harry where each paparazzo is, effectively notifying him when to be scared, while he nervously whispers, “We’ll be with friends in less than ten minutes.” I blame him as much as her.

They’re now in a lunatic downward spiral of fiction and fantasy. Ironically, you just think: “Are you OK?” Why, for example, did they feel threatened when they had a police escort the entire time? Should Harry’s obsession with photographers be the police’s problem? If Meghan is truly a “woman of vision”, why couldn’t she envision a simple, problem-free trip to the Upper East Side, where they were staying with a secret “friend”?

Finally,

When Meghan arrived on the scene, we all thought the same thing. Finally, an intelligent, worldly, sophisticated woman who was in love with Harry. And if she was the activist she said she was, so much the better. She could quietly show up the royal family for what it was: snobby, backwards, uncool, mediocre, unfair. And then, who knows what? She could have been a truly subversive figure and cratered it from the inside (my dream). But none of that has happened.

What’s happened is the royal family has, conversely, shown Meghan and Harry up for what they are: a pair of wayward hangers-on with unhealthy egos. The more the family trundles on, the more enraged the couple seem. For three weeks we had been waiting: how would Meghan punish Charles for daring to have the coronation? And here’s the answer. What must the royals think when they see the grotty pictures of the Sussexes in a grim taxi on their mercy flight out of Manila — sorry, midtown?

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls- Season 2, Episode 16, "There's The Rub", aka a Masterpiece of Gilmore-dom, AKA Lorelai Gilmore Is Safely Contained In Another Location, AKA Jess Rory And Paris Eat Together And All Is Right With The World-Part 1

Let's just jump right into this absolute masterpiece. This 45 minutes of bliss. This triumph of GilmoreDom that even Dean Forrester can't ruin. (PS-Don't forget to check all of the previous episodes I've recapped! You can find them in my pinned post).

Yeah okay. The point of this construction was supposed to be for Jess to have a seperate space for himself, right? But this never happens. So why are we doing this again? This poor kid had to sleep on the floor next to Luke and Lorelai when she stayed over. Lorelai told Rory "your boyfriend snores." Tragically Lorelai was closer to sleeping with Jess than Rory ever was.

I hope one of them was Forrester. Perhaps God was trying to smite him and he failed, but hey, try try again right?

1:11 into the episode and I'm already grinning like an idiot. Emily calls Lorelai. "Would you like a gift certificate for a weekend at the spa?" TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT Emily uses advanced manipulation techniques on Lorelai to trick her into accepting a mother daughter weekend at the spa and I couldn't be more proud of Emily.

Me too, Emily. Me too.

I'm not saying Lorelai deserves an injurous chunk of concrete falling on her head (I reserve most of my grave injury/ death wishes for Dean), but a small DOINK or KABONK would have been satisfying to watch.

A shirt that just repeats "yoga kills" over and over is one of Lorelai's more interesting fashion choices. Per the post-opening credits, this s also a Madelyn & Louise episode? How can it get any better? Lorelai is carefully organizing her spa itninerary while Rory declares her plans to stay in for the night, order take out, watch movies and go to bed early. Lorelai is insistent that Rory throws a rager in her absence. With who, exactly? I mean this in the kindest, gentlest way possible: Rory has no friends ( besides Lane, who I suppose has demonstrated her ability to slip out of her room un-noticed and attend wild parties on multiple occasions, should I give her partial credit here?) When you think about it, these are the only true, solid, non-frenemy, non-annoying hangers on (like Logan's "friends"), non-sexually tense friend pairs on Gilmore Girls: Lane and Rory Lorelai and Sookie Miss Patty & Babette. Welp that's it. GIlmore Girls teaches us an important lesson: If you have a penis, you're not allowed to have any friends (who you aren't trying to fuck).

17 years old, but already speaking like a true geriatric Millennial from the later 2000's. I heartily salute your low key lifestyle, Rory Gilmore. You do you, and don't listen to your mother.

"Haven't you ever seen the movie Risky Business? I don't mean you have to start a prostitution ring, but maybe an illegal casino or something." Well, if Rory wanted to start a prostitution ring, I know a teenage gigolo who can call some people and make it happen. L: Why is (Emily) honking? She hates honking.

Rory's Inner Monologue: "I know,I was there."

The chariot that will whisk Lorelai away to a secondary location so Rory can have a night of freedom from her insane mother. Maybe not freedom from three other people imposing their time on her against her wishes, but hey, no Lorelai!

One of my favorite parts of Gilly Girls is the 36 year old Chilton extras who have wives and 3 kids to get home to after chemistry class. Paris Geller's world crumbles when she discovers she recieved an A-Minus on her chemistry test. Since Madelyn and Louise won't give up their Friday Night Fuck Dates to help her study, Paris turns to her wife for help. After much badgering, Rory gives in and agrees to spend the entirety of the following week helping Paris study but declines for that evening, because Rory really needs to be alone, and just BE.

"A whole week of studying with Rory Gilmore. Ugh. I GUESS that's okay. I GUESS that doesn't make my nether regions flutter in anticipation or anything."

On top of the caffiene withdrawls, Emily re-arranged Lorelai's careful planning which was supposed to ensure she was seperated from Emily for the majority of the trip, so now all of their spa treatments are going to be in tandem! Lorelai's disappointments and caffiene withdrawls are like chicken soup for my soul. Ahhh! Okay, fine, Lorelai is pretty tolerable, even enjoyable to watch in this episode, but she's built up so much of whatever the opposite of goodwill is (badwill?) that it's hard for me to let go for one episode and not just snark on her constantly. A girl's gotta snark.

Emily and Taylor Doose were the OG Karens. Did anyone just feel a sudden chill?

AHH! You idiots, you have GOT to stop scaring me like that. Having to see Rory and Dean make out and then having to hear Rory pretend that it actually turned her on is another form of unthinkkable torture outlawed by the Geneva Convention. Rory's sexual experiences really went Dean Forrester, Logan, ????? (mystery 10 years), then Logan again. I hope there was something in between Logan and Logan, for I fear this poor thing has never had an orgasm in her life. Maybe Jess snuck in there somewhere after their initial breakup. Paris maybe? Ditch em all and buy a nice vibrator is what I say. Anything that would unbleach my eyes.

*to the tune of Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton* Unbleaach my eyeeesss....don't ever do it AGAAIIIN... Un-do this shit that caused me to claw at my brain and want to rip out my eyes...

If I had a nickel for every time AmyShermanPalladino flip-flopped between making Dean a Nerd or a Jock, I would have many nickels. Frankly, my dear Amy, we know he doesn't know how to read, play sports, or kiss a girl, so just knock it off already. The makeout session lasts an ungodly long amount of time (about another 10 seconds) because he insists on stopping to talk to her 3 words at a time between each torturous application of his lips to hers. I swear I'm going to make a Gilmore Girls Bingo Card and here's a space I'd add to the card: "Dean makes a suggestion for something HE wants to do, not taking Rory's time, feelings, or interest in said thing into consideration, Rory is not able to express just how deeply she does not want to be involved in the Thing, and then Dean goes "WHAT" when she hesitates and then manipulates her into doing the Thing against her wishes, or he offers her a terrible compromise that benefits her in no way whatsoever" This is the second episode in a row where this exact thing happened and probably like, the fourth time total. Dean trying to seduce/ interest Rory in a couple of minutes of awkward groping: "So tonight (SLORP) I was thinking (SLORP) since your mother's gonna be gone (SLORP) I could come over."

We have Oh. What? I repeat, Oh. What? has achieved liftoff. Your shitty manipulation tactics and slorping on Rory's face cannot bring me down, Forrester. Not in There's The Rub. Not gonna happen. Bring on Jess and Paris.

I await Dean Forrester's reasonable and measured response.

"You're right Dean Forrester, silly me, I dont know why I would ever consider spending a single minute of my time with anyone but you. Thus far you have given me no reason to avoid you like Covid-19, even though I don't know what that is."

The Butthead was too stunned to speak. Poor Rory has to EXPLAIN to Dean why she would ever entertain the idea of spending one night by herself. They should show Gilmore Girls in high school sex ed classes as an example of unhealthy dating relationships. I swear. I'm going to publish this Part 1 a little prematurely as I'm leaving for the afternoon and I may as well throw it up, much like the lunch Rory will throw up after making out with Dean. Part 2 soon.

[phanger]

Male Enhancement Device

Stretching is applying mild stress to the penis via an extender or stretch device, commonly known as a penile traction device. Penile-pulling devices (penis extenders) lengthen the penis by stretching its tissues.

[obsessedwithtoomanythings]

The Terrifying Ordeal of Falling in Love with Leon Kennedy

CHAPTER 11

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader (female reader)

Series Warnings: Minor injuries, Leon teases reader a lot, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Drinking, Drinking followed by driving, DO NOT DO THAT THIS IS FICTION, Anxiety, Leon S. Kennedy has PTSD, Leon has an anxiety attack, Anxiety Attacks, Swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nightmares, Leon S. Kennedy has Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling, Probably incorrect medical talk, Strangulation in one tiny little scene, Reader's brother was a cop who was KIA, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Grief/Mourning, Christmas Fluff, Mistletoe, Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, Arguing, Love Confessions, Looking for Alaska is mentioned, Inconvenient Love Confessions, Penis In Vagina Sex, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Oral Sex, Cunnilingus, Leon loves eating Pussy change my mind, Shower Makeout, romantic smut, Desperate Leon S. Kennedy, They are both desperate for each other tbh, They say I love you as they come, Scar Kissing, Enthusiastic Consent, Always pee after sex, UTI PREVENTION, POV First Person, No use of Y/N

Words: 2K

Masterlist

August 2004

You really know how to make me cry

When you give me those Ocean eyes

I’m scared

Never fallen from quite this high

Falling in your Ocean eyes, those Ocean eyes

-Ocean Eyes, Billie Eilish

The door closes with a slam, pulling my attention from the noodles I was cooking, the steam rising from the pot. I backstep, leaning far enough back that I can see Leon, standing by the front door, hand pressed against the wall with his left leg hiked up, pulling at the laces of his boot with the clumsy fingers of his other hand. After pulling on the strings for far longer than what is normal for the Leon S. Kennedy, I step into the room, turning the burner of the stove down to a low temp.

“Need help there, Superman?” I tease, arms crossing over my chest as I lean against the doorframe to the kitchen. He looks up, flushed pink cheeks and soft blonde hair falling into his light eyes, which I notice are dilated to hell. With a scoff, he drops his foot back down along with his focus, opting to just attempt to toe the boot off instead, which seems harder than he anticipated by the way he struggles, still gripping the wall for balance.

“Leon… Are you drunk?” The question rolls off my tongue as the boot flies off, followed by a quiet ‘yes!’ in victory. Then he realizes there is another boot to deal with, his head dropping in frustration before he shifts to attempt the same maneuver. “Leon?” I try again, and only then does he finally look back at me, pausing his movements, almost like he can only keep his attention one thing at a time.

“Yeah?” Pink cheeks. Dilated eyes. Clumsy movements.

“Are you drunk?” Leon scoffs, head rolling to the side before he returns eye contact.

“No,” he assures, and then - almost as if this was some comedy movie - he gets the other boot off with a harsh tug, stumbling sideways at the release of his foot before quickly regaining his balance, without the assistance of the wall this time. Blue eyes find mine, and I can practically watch as his cheeks burn bright red. “I may be a little drunk.” I laugh, head thrown back as I attempt to catch my breath. He is frowning at me when I finally return my gaze to him. “What’s so funny?”

“The Leon Kennedy? Drunk? I didn’t even know you could get drunk anymore.” A thought enters my mind, instantly draining the humor from my face. “Wait, you didn’t drive your bike like that, right?” He chuckles while removing his jacket, placing it on the coat hanger before looking back at me, only to find my scowling expression. He sighs dramatically.

“No, sweetheart. Chris drove, I promise.” Relief floods my system, hand coming up to rest against my chest, dropping myself to sit on the couch, feet still resting on the wooden floors. The weight of the couch shifts, and I glance over to see that the agent has dropped himself onto the couch next to me, posture comfortable as he slumps against the back of the sofa.

He got back home from Spain a week ago. We got back home a week ago. Unsurprisingly, it’s taken him longer than usual to readjust, heart hammering even when someone tromps through the hallway. The first night back, it took all of 45 minutes before my door creaked open and I felt his comforting weight dip the bed as he pressed himself to my back, arms winding around my waist in a comforting embrace. Hands landing over his arms, squeezing in silent reassurance. He’s been there every night since. Friends don’t do this kind of shit… Do they?

His hands around my hips bring me back to the moment, tugging me closer to his body in some attempt at snuggling.

“Alright, ocean eyes, time for bed,” I tease, patting his shoulder before standing and offering my small hands to him. Said ocean blue eyes look at them for a moment, weighing his options before he reaches forward. Only he doesn’t grab them. His arms wrap around my waist and tug, pulling me onto his lap until I’m straddling him. Like that day in the car. I try to stand, pulling him along, but there’s no way I can win in a strength contest against Leon, even when he’s as drunk as he is. My legs are on either side of his thighs, his arms wrapped securely around my ribs, holding me close. His nose runs along my collarbone in tickling touches. No no no no.

“Please.” It’s a quiet, almost broken sound, and I feel my heart clench. “Hold me like you did that day in the car.” And here I thought he’d forgotten about it.

“After the grocery store?” I question, fingers threading through his hair as his forehead presses into my sternum before nodding. “Leon, what’s-”

“I care about you so fucking much,” he whispers, and I almost can’t make it out given that the words were spoken directly to my heart as if saying them there would make them sink in faster.

“Lee-”

“Let me finish. Please?” I agree, nodding my head, and before I can stop myself, I press a kiss to the top of his head, his shampoo scent filling my senses. “When I was in Spain, one of the BO-… One of the bad guys… He showed me a picture of you… It wasn’t like they had taken it, but…” He was scared. “It was enough for me to know that they knew who you were. I was worried they would kill you… Or worse…” His voice is shaking, arms tightening around me almost enough to force a gasp from my lungs. I don’t have the heart to ask him what he means by ‘or worse’. “I never thought I’d be able to care about someone again, not after everything that happened, but then…” He pauses, just long enough for me to wonder if he had fallen asleep right here and now.

“Then what?”

“Then I found you.” We’re silent for a long moment, him because I presume he’s finished speaking, and me because I am attempting to process his words as they circle around my mind, bumping into the sides violently.

“I care about you too, Leon,” I mumble, forearms wrapping around his head in some kind of strange hug. He shakes his head, his temples pressing against my biceps in disagreement.

“It’s not the same.” Finally pulling back, my fingers find the underside of his jaw, lightly pressing up until he’s looking at me, dilated blues staring with the intensity of the moment. He presses his nose forward, just enough that they barely brush.

“How is it not the same? You care about me and I care about you.” His eyes shine with what can only be sadness. He smiles. A fake, almost too-perfect smile as his head shakes again, our noses bumping in a mock eskimo kiss.

“It’s just not, sweetheart.” He knows. He knows how I feel about him. He just won’t say anything cause he’s too nice.

“Maybe we should get you to bed, yeah?” I place a small kiss on the crown of his head before climbing off his lap and offering my hands to him again, which thankfully, he grips tenderly before standing. Leon allows - and I do mean allows, given his stature in comparison to mine - me to pull him out of the living room and down the hall. We pass my bedroom door before he stops, abruptly halting my motions in their tracks. “Leon, what-” Then he’s using his strength, yanking me forward, back into his arms, and then into my room.

“I sleep better next to you,” he admits, and having released my hands, he stands in the middle of the darkened room, hands hanging limply at his sides, features looking like that of a kicked puppy. “I guess I should ask.”

“Leon, it’s fi-”

“Can I sleep in here with you? Please? Whenever I wake up from nightmares, it’s comforting to see you right there.” He trails off, and I reach for him, pulling him into a hug, which he gladly returns. “I can feel you breathing, the warmth of your skin, hear your heartbeat… It reminds me that you’re alive.” His breath brushes against my ear and my whole body shivers, and for the first time, I know he felt it because he chuckles.

“Of course, you can.” The words are mumbled into his shoulder before I pull back from the hug and turn toward the door. “Which sweatpants do you wa-”

Holy fuck. His black tee shirt is already off, discarded onto the floor as he reaches for the button on his jeans. I move to stop him but it’s a bit too late, jeans yanked down to reveal a pair of light gray boxer briefs that leave nothing to the imagination. I look away, staring intently at the beige color of my bedroom walls. Don’t think about his penis. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.

“You gonna come to bed?” His words draw my attention, and by the time I lock eyes with him, he’s in bed, sheets pulled up over the sizable bulge. Which I’m not thinking about. Not at all. The scene is so domestic, my heart fluttering at his phrasing, almost like he’s… Stop. He doesn’t see you like that.

“Yeah, just let me change into some sleep shorts.” Grabbing a pair of shorts from the floor, I head toward the door.

“You can change in here. I won’t look.” He buries his face in his hands like a child, and I chuckle before quickly changing, taking care to also slip my bra off without removing my… Well, Leon’s shirt. Hopping into bed, easily climbing over him as he looks up at me with stars in those blues. Him pulling me into himself is a familiar feeling, but this time he faces me. Noses inches apart as our heads rest on our pillows. My pillows, I correct. When did my bed suddenly become ours? The pillows ours? His side of the bed and mine? I’m ripped from my thoughts as he whispers, breath puffing out and I can smell the whiskey. Cinnamon whiskey. “It terrifies me.”

“What does?” I whisper back, afraid to break the quiet of the room around us for fear of breaking the moment.

“How much I care about you.”

“Leon, I really care about you too.” It’s as if he doesn’t hear me, but his eyes glare right at me, almost through me.

“You mean so much to me.” The look he’s giving me, it sends tingles down my spine, and with a glance of his eyes downward, locking on my lips, I’m almost brave enough. Almost confident enough. It wouldn’t be hard, leaning in. His face moves forward, and my whole body freezes, preparing for the taste of him I’ve only gotten in a dream, but then his face is buried in my neck. Releasing a shaky breath, I swear I feel him inhale before his arms tighten. “Please don’t leave me. Not like everyone else.” I feel tears spring into my eyes as I return his hug in reassurance, my lips grazing his ear accidentally. He shivers.

“Superman, I’m not going any-”

“I can’t be alone again.” The healer in me wishes I could take every ounce of hurt from him and throw it out into the rain, stomp on it until it is little more than dust, and watch it blow away. He doesn’t deserve what’s happened to him.

“I’m not leaving you, Leon.” Reaching my hand back to grip his, I bring it forward, pressing it to my cheek before I whisper, “I’m right here. I’m not leaving you.” He nods, and within minutes he’s quietly snoring into my neck, breath tickling my collarbone. “You won’t ever be alone, Leon. I promise.”

Leon: @house-of-kolchek @bonnibuckets @athanasia-day @muffimtv Everything: @chaosandbubbles @kassiekolchek22 @akiramoon8088

[finndoesntwantthis]

Yesterdays BTE felt like one of the classic pre-aew days ones????? Like all the jingles Matt was coming up with and quick cuts to Hanger and Nick calling them all out and bullying him and Kenny being so oblivious just blindly supporting Matt lolololololol so fucking good!!!! I’m gonna have “break me off a piece of the hung bucks penis” stuck in my head for the next month lolollllololo

[iggymoo]

@thedownwardspiralsystem

They are a gay gay homosexual and I love them very much, BUT DO I WANT TO HANG SOMEONE ON A HANGER, and its my pookie dookie wookie bear World (short ass, tiny, micro penis) :3

[bongo83cz]

I'm going home. I'm alone there. There is only a letter on the table. A letter sealed with a kiss. The cover has my goddess lipstick print on it. I know what that means and I'm starting to look forward to it. Impatiently, I peel off the envelope and examine the contents of the letter.

"Darling today is going to be your big day. I'm going to walk you through it step by step, don't worry. The first thing you need to do is take off your clothes and put your tops away and move to the bathroom. There will be another envelope waiting for you with another letter in it. So I just hope you're already looking forward to it as much as I am. Your loving Owner"

Immediately after reading these lines, I strip down to my nakedness and put my things in the closet. I then run naked to the bathroom because I am incredibly looking forward to the next letter. In the bathroom, the envelope was again sealed with a kiss on the mirror. We opened it and he continued to devour the words of his Mistress.

"My dear, here you are going to wash very carefully and then shave. You will shave everywhere, not only on your face and in your crotch, you will also shave your armpits, legs and chest. After you have washed and shaved, you will rinse your anal pussy with an enema. You can have your first emptying do immediately, but only the first. After you return to the shower and perform another dose of the cleansing enema, you may go to defecate until you have a locked collar around your neck and the clitoris is properly secured with a chastity cage. Before that, you can't even move from the bathroom. You have the locks, collar and cage ready in the toilet cabinet. You will clean the anal pussy until clean water flows from you. But don't be late, because this is far from the end of your tasks. When you're clean and locked up. Only then are you allowed to leave the bathroom and move to the bedroom where another letter with instructions is prepared."

I did everything as my Mistress ordered and in an hour I was ready to leave the bathroom. Locked cleaned. exactly as my Lady wished.

So I moved to the bedroom. I didn't even have to open the letter and a look at the bed, where the maid's dress and underwear including a corset and garters were prepared, clearly indicated the contents of the letter.

And I wasn't really wrong.

"My dear, now you will cease to be a man for the next few moments. From now on, you are my maid and your name will be Nikola.

Remember that well. Because it will be very important for you. So Nikola. You have an outfit ready on the bed and in a box next to the bed the rest of the necessary little things. Look over everything carefully and then prepare nicely for My arrival. I recommend that you open the box first." When you are completely ready, move to the kitchen. Another letter with instructions and directions will be waiting for you here."

So I unpacked the box according to the instructions and took out an inflatable anal plug, a set of metal police handcuffs and leg cuffs, a penis-shaped gag with a lock, and a maid tray that attaches to the collar around the waist and also to the nipples. So it didn't hurt to equip yourself with an anal plug and then get dressed. As usual, it took us the longest to fasten the stockings to the garters and lace up the corset. When I was dressed up. All that was left was to silence yourself with a gag, Pin a tray and lock your hands and feet in police handcuffs. Thus equipped, I moved to the kitchen where the letter was lying on the bar.

I clumsily opened the letter with handcuffs and read...

"Nikola, today you will be able to show how much of a well-mannered and capable maid, whore, and slave you are. After you finish reading this letter, you will move to the front door, where a chain with a lock is ready. The chain is fixed to the wall by the door and is exactly long, so that she may open the door, take her coat, and put it in the closet on a hanger. That will be your first task today. When you are locked in the chain, you will not sooner open the last letter that is in store for you there."

I walked up to the front door and noticed a chain cleverly hidden behind the door frame. There was also a lock on the chain. With that I clipped the chain to the collar and locked it. The last letter... I opened it

and felt hot and panicked.

"Nikola, here in this place you will be subjected to the first test of obedience and devotion. I expect company for today and you will welcome the guests here and take their tops like this. And so that it is not so complicated and you do not have to look the guests in the eyes on the hanger next to the letter hangs and a blindfold. You will put this on immediately after reading this letter, and until I come you have time to learn how to open the door and clean the clothes in the closet flawlessly. I expect a flawless and perfect performance from you. Anything else will be very severely and cruelly punished. Now cast into darkness and WAIT for me to arrive. Your Owner"

GUESTS a chill went through me. My lady is planning a party today, and apparently I'm going to be a maid of honor and probably an attraction at that party. I was horrified, but there was no escape. Everything that was needed for escape and liberation was secured by locks and I could only blind myself and start studying with limited touch where what is and where I can or rather have to clean up.