#cabbage critters

[basilisk2000]

haii! ♡♡

call me mimzy! im silly!

i use it/its and, for now, only speak english!

i have a pet turtle named beans! i love him very much. beans is an ornate box turtle and was taken in by me after finding him being hassled by my dogs in my backyard. here is a picture of him! feel free to ask me anything or give me tips!

posts that remind me of beans? #beans tag !

updates on beans? #beans update !

updates on me? #cabbage update !

+ extra info and tags in read more!

about me!

im an artist, game dev, musician, and animator! (+ many more!)

i love all critters, old/obscure web, old tech, horror games, nichijou, garage kits + more!

my favorite foods are fried pickles, grilled cheese, texas toast, fried chicken, milk, and the biggest burger at any given resturant

my favorite colors are cyan, blue, neon green, chartreuse, peach, butter yellow, hot pink, baby pink, baby blue, and white!

i love researching weird old websites, games, videos, etc! i have a lot of website ideas too, but i have yet to have the skill to make them!

about beans!

as said before beans is an ornate box turtle found in my back yard, he was taken in after being found being pestered by my dogs. he is okay and unhurt! i try hard to not mess with him much. i chose to keep beans because we believe he was domesticated in the past, he is not skittish around people and is okay with being held and pet. beans has a large terraium thats about three feet long! his substrate is phagnum moss coconut fiber and natural soil all mixed together!

tags!

#cabbage update updates on me! anything rlly

#cabbage dreams dreams i have!

#cabbage thoughts what it says on the tin...

#cabbage art my art!

#cabbage music update updates on me learning how to make music

#cabbage music my music!

#cabbage game update updates on learning game dev!

#cabbage gaming i game Alot, oops!

#cabbage watch i watch so many things!

#cabbage critters any animal related update!

#cabbage coal miner updates on school/work

#cabbage friend promo promo of my friends!!!!! follow them okay? thank you!

[jensownzoo]

It only took five hours to get all of my outdoor tasks completed this morning. *melting*

On the one hand, I won't have to do any of them again until sometime after the weekend. On the other...I may have planted more than I can actually handle in the garden if I have to water it myself regularly.

[grand-zammy]

🪆✨ Happy Doll Day ✨🪆

[awkwardnerdylesbian]

Share pictures of your chickens

not home yet but i have these of a month ago because my mom wanted to see the roosters

[thehappyfeminist-22]

I have the cabbage puppy! She's one of my most prized possessions.

Enesco Home Grown Figurine PNGs

[ferahntics]

"I have torn feelings on Poppy Playtime" I said, y'know, like a fool 🤡🤡

Listen I only made Alé to protect Doey cause he deserves that much okay, let me cope. Also cause what kind of 'defenses' does Safe Haven have-

Also cause Cabbage Patch Kids are such a 'why did they think this was a good idea' toy, it's right up Playtime's alley.

Notes under the cut in case my writing is too illegible jajjdjfn MILD Chapter 4 spoilers (though nothing critical)

Alé was inspired off of Crocodile Dentist, Cabbage Patch Kids and Hungry Hungry Hippos, and those color changing toys you put in water.

If the wrong tooth is pressed, she'd chomp down. (Note that her toy version had much duller teeth than her Bigger Bodies version.)

She also changes color when exposed to moisture, red from hot and blue from cold.

However, excessive exposure to moisture caused many screws and mechanisms to malfunction, so her bites would be too strong and result in actual injuries.

She was taken off the market as a result. Her image was attempted to be covered up through Allister Gator when Nightmare Critters launched. She was also much less successful than Pianosaurus.

As a Bigger Bodies experiment, she is very aggressive and hard to manage, having broken out of containment on several occasion and attacked other experiments. She's capable of speech as well, though her words are normally curt and dry and mostly threatened the scientists.

It's unknown as of yet wether she took part in The Hour of Joy.

She patrols around Safe Haven underneath the factory, protecting Doey and the other toys and frequently gets into fights with Yarnaby. She's very resentful towards Poppy for disappearing suddenly.

When her jaw clenches shut, it's incredibly strong and forceful, able to break bone. However, she struggles opening it afterwards and can be exploited this way, leaving her vulnerable.

She is roughly Yarnaby's size as an experiment.

As she changes color, so does her attitude. Green is her neutral stance, she turns red when exposed to hot moisture and becomes extremely aggressive. Exposure to cold water will turn her blue when she becomes incredibly panicked and skittish.

Only towards Doey and the other toys does she show a gentler disposition, being fiercely protective of them and going the distance for their sakes.

She's aware of Doey's unstable nature and tries to be there to ground him whenever possible, and to try and keep his head high when the pressure starts getting to him.

[wakebymoonsleepbysun]

Seeing a couple theorists on youtube saying that the Nightmare Critters don't make sense as an actual toylike that Playtime Co would make and it's like...

what

dude

Just the fact that mascot horror exists and is popular with kids should tell you that yes, a toy company could ABSOLUTELY make a toyline that's meant to seem spooky/edgy. There are a TON of "scary" stuff for kids, especially back in the 80's and 90's. Or even things that aren't scary or aren't toylines, but have merch and SOUND about as scary, in name, as "nightmare critters". Garbage Pail kids, Creepy Crawlers, Goosebumps, My Pet Monster, Toxic Crusaders...and yeah not all of these are necessarily (or at all) "scary" to most, but they're a bit edgy/gross/etc.

Also all we have is the name. Based on name alone, something like Monster High could easily be a grossout toyline aimed at boys of the 80's, even though yes I know it's a modern fashion doll line for girls. My point is having the term "Nightmare" in the name really doesn't tell us enough to say these are too scary for kids.

Hell, maybe the Nightmare Critters are the villains in the Smiling Critters universe. Villains do get merch too sometimes. Or it could be a Cabbage Patch Kids / Garbage Pail Kids situation. Personally they're the villains in the Smiling Critters universe. Even Disney makes marketable villains from time to time, or merch of the villiains or things like Descendants where the story is pretty heavily focused on villains and also has a ton of merch.

But either way. I'm not saying the Nightmare Critters ARE FOR SURE made by playtime co and not just a nickname for ruined Smiling Critters or something. I can't prove that. But the idea that a toy company wouldn't make a toy line called "Nightmare Critters", esp in the late 80's/early 90's...that argument just doesn't hold water.

[angelxd-3303]

Welp, time to add the plethora of toys from this most recent chapter to my list of "children adopted because Angel was sad"

⚠️Spoilers for Poppy Playtime chapter 4⚠️

First of all: MY BABY???

Look at my son(s)!!!!! I've been losing my mind over this lump of depressed playdoh for weeks now!

Yarnabyyyyy!!! Look at him faaaaaccceeee!!!! I love him so muchhh!

Don't even get me started on the Nightmare Critters, bigger body Hoppy, and KISSY?!?!!!??

WHO HURT YOU, MY SWEET GIRL?!?!?

I will throw hands. Now.

Also, Poppy can kiss my rear for leaving Kissy behind, how dare you, you Cabbage Patch Kids knockoff Annabelle lookin' mf with the eyes that make you look like you tried co-starring in Iron Lung and made the same mistake Mark did, how DARE-

Ahem.

Anyways.

I have like 20 new fictional children, and more poppy playtime fanart to come. And before I forget:

JUSTICE FOR PIANOSAURUS!!!

[ann1e-on-earth]

Yaelokre modern AU!!!

(Part one)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cole:

-GAD

-Probably would listen to The Crane Wives

-SUCH an introvert. Literally barely interacts with their classmates.

-7th/8th grade

-Has amazing English grades

-Won a poetry contest once and their guardian tells everyone about how “their adopted child is sooo smart” and embarrasses the crap out of Cole 😭

“[name] you’re embarrassing me..”

-If anyone remembers that one dude who kind of fostered young Cole from when Meadowlark was in earlier development, I feel like they’d live with them

-Theatre kid. 100%.

-Insecure about their face and hair

-Wears a lot of big hoodies and baggy jeans, for comfort and to not call attention to themself

-They’d LOVE minecraft. They’d play it with the other Lark kids all the time. They redesigned a village and it took them a month but they were so proud of it, then Kingsley burnt the whole village down and Cole didn’t talk to them for 3 days

-Its bed is a literal nest of 10000 blankets and a bunch of stuffed animals that they got a thrift shop

-They’d go to therapy for their anxiety

-Is allowed to have TikTok and stuff but they’re scared that if they posted or commented something they’d get bullied online or smth 😭

-Very big Anne with an E fan. Watches it with Clémmie and alone. Cried multiple times.

-Hates baking competition shows because they stress them the fuck out

-Also hates horror movies, games, etc

-Listens to rain sounds to help them sleep

Clémentine:

-Lives with their mother because in a modern AU they probably wouldn’t have been able to run away due to missing child protocols

-7th grade

-WhatsApp, Phone tracker, Safari. That’s it

-Would’ve loved Annie (the musical)

-LOVES LOVES LOVES DISNEY

-Also a theatre kid

-Their mom doesn’t know that they like Cole (She’d be okay with it I think but she wouldn’t exactly want Clém dating people yet if that makes sense?)

-Sooo good at math. Their math teacher voluntold them to be a tutor for other kids

-Absolutely adored Claire’s as a younger kid. ADORED.

-They secretly downloaded Discord on their phone without asking their mother and feel guilty every day for it

-Their mother is on the PTA and constantly complains about everything wrong with the school

-At school they wear a lot of sweater vests, long-ish skirts, headbands, and really plain shoes (Or Sketchers for gym) but at home they can wear more comfortable clothes

-Needs to beg their mom to let them go to a sleepover (or even a walk by themself)

-TERRIFIED OF CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS.

“Hey clém look at this doll”

“Get it away GET IT AWAY KILL IT KILL IT”

-Loves Calico Critters

-would listen to Melanie Martinez (before the allegations), big fan of PORTALS

Peregrine:

-Just for this AU I think they’d be Kingsley’s older cousin (YES IK IT ISN’T CANON, IT’S AN AU) and would live with Kingsley and Tita Amara because their parents suck.

-8th grade

-Hates most people, their friends and Tita Amara being the exception

-Gets pretty good grades!

-Also a theatre kid because let’s be honest all of them are

-DETESTS BRAINROT.

-They have a phone but really only use it to message people and maybe watch shows

-It’d love Stranger Things.

-Drinks so much coffee, like an unhealthy amount of coffee

“Peregrine, not to.. bother, but isn’t that your 7th cup??”

“*slams cup down* YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, TITA AMARA!”

-Calls Cole ��Coleslaw”

-Radiohead fan.

-Wears jeans, sweaters, and boots everywhere. Pretty much like Cole but less “Please don’t look at me” and more “Look at me the wrong way and I will kill you”

Kingsley:

-Lives with Tita Amara and Perrine

-6th grade

-Met Cole and Clémmie through Peregrine+From drama club

-Pretty social, not like, super popular but everyone gets along well with them and whatever

-DRAMA CLUBBBB

-Loves making jokes about brainrot to bug Peregrine because they think it’s funny

-NOT AN iPAD KID!!!!!! They do own an iPad but they also touch grass and eat dirt and whatnot 💔💔

-When they are actually on their iPad, they play dress to impress with Clémmie

“Vote me 5 stars or else I’m telling Enaïs about your Science test grade”

-Has one of those ant hill farm things in their room

-I think it’d like old (90s-early 2000s) SpongeBob? Like when it was actually funny

-Wears literally whatever. As long as it’s clean and comfortable, they’ll wear it.

-SUCH mixed music taste. One minute they’re listening to Katy Perry and the next they’re listening to some random artist that nobody has ever heard of from 1960 something who died in the 90s and released one album in their whole career

-They get okay grades in all classes but are amazing at Science and Gym. Science because they like learning about the rock cycle or whatever and Gym because they have an insane amount of energy

EDIT!!!!:

So apparently the only middle school aged one is Perrine? (Kingsley being 9, Cole and Clém being 10-11) sorry about that 🥲

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

how does blanche pay his bills 😔😔

no fr tho where does this guy earn money ??

Tw: gore, violence

Despite having a mostly vegetarian diet, Blanche is scarily good at butchering animals, especially mammals. He knows where all the joints are, the right places to cut, and the correct technique to extract all the pieces whole. You thought that he obtained his skills from eating his chickens, but he would rather let them die from natural causes than slaughter them himself. It was rather strange to see him opening up a bag of store-bought raw chicken whenever you told him you were craving for some, while you knew he owns a coop full of those noisy fuckers a few minutes walk away.

He has no qualms about killing and butchering rabbits if you're craving for them. Blanche sees them as pests, munching on his precious lettuces and cabbages, it is scary how he has no hesitation while impaling those fuzzy little creatures with a kitchen knife. You wouldn't know this fact without having a suitable personality for it; as in, you will have to be cold and uncaring towards cute critters in general. If you have a big heart and a tendency to cry when living beings are hurt, you wouldn't know Blanche is a bunny killer.

Similarly, if your humanity is still intact, you wouldn't know that he is a serial killer and an organ harvester. The victims that he didn't beat into a bloody pulp are cut up into individual pieces and have their organs prepared and preserved in wet ice. Blanche's knowledge isn't only localized to creative endeavors or gardening, he also has a deep reservoir containing all things biology. Especially humans. He also has a good grasp of the value of organs in the black market, negotiating with his usually desperate or depraved customers to give him the highest payout possible.

How he sells them is interesting to learn; he would sell them through the internet. Blanche is well-versed with this shiny new modern toy enough to evade authorities for decades. Those who tried to trick him and lure Blanche into a trap were turned into piles of fresh organs for him to sell. And there is no shortage of those idiots who tried to best Blanche at his own game. Well, it isn't really a game, all he wanted was to make some extra cash for him to spend on you. He isn't in it for the power, notoriety, or anything.

Back then, he would have done his business through word of mouth, or even through phone calls. Getting a solid customer base was much harder but easier to hide from the law since Blanche had a lot more experience in pre-internet days. But he has enough luck and skill to become famous yet undetectable in cyberspace.

He understands his market very well. The majority of his sales come from patients who are willing to do anything it takes to get that transplant, but there is a handful who buy them for personal consumption. Blanche would sell organs that aren't as fresh or somewhat diseased to the former, as they're desperate enough to take almost anything. Cannibals would normally demand the best quality, Blanche isn't one to complain. They have the funds to afford them.

All this while you thought he earned his money through back-breaking hard work from his youth. You asked him what he did for a living back then, he described a life with no fun, only becoming a slave to his numerous employers, doing jobs that are as menial as paperwork, or as life-threatening as hacking a tree with a blunt axe until it falls. It made sense how he has this much money until now, it sounded like he doesn't even go home to sleep, eat or sleep. He does that at whatever workplace he was in at the time.

While there are some truths to that, he cannot deny that his organ harvesting business was what bought him the comfortable and romantic lifestyle he could only dream of achieving in his early years. He wasted away years being tormented by constant work, but that wasn't what allowed him to garden, knit and bake freely to his heart's content. Blanche's horrific crimes did.

[gardening-guy]

garden update || 10/25/24 🌿🏡🥰🌱

see that very nice-looking raised bed on the bottom right? THAT'S NEWWWW!!! i just set these two new raised beds up yesterday with a dear friend who's been staying the night over the past few days!! yippee!! 🎉 i've been showing this friend of mine how to garden and letting them learn in my backyard. we've only done flowering plants so far as well as planting dill & cilantro seeds -- so yesterday, i decided it was time to learn about crops!

we sowed seeds for walking egyptian onions, broccoli de cicco, dill, and cilantro; but i plan on also teaching them how to transplant so we'll also transplant in more kale, cabbage, and hopefully chinese pink celery! this'll be a very full & very productive raised bed, i hope!

i also have a few pictures of the progress in the greenhouse box!

the seedlings are all steadily coming along! i do need to sow a LOT more chinese pink celery seeds, so i'll do that once i finally get another bag of soil (i already need 2 more for potting houseplant props, 4 more for my last raised garden bed, and probably 2 more for future seedlings -- augh my budget is so fucked).

currently in the greenhouse box, i have 8 chinese pink celery, 15 cilantro, 3 copenhagen market cabbage, 3 blue-curled scotch kale, and 3 dill. (holy shit so much cilantro, they're going to be gifts for friends!!) i plan on transplanting the kale, cabbage, & pink celery all into the raised beds, i'm just waiting for them to grow up a bit more unfortunately.

i also have photos of some of the flowering plants in the raised beds from today! i use an app on my phone called planta to keep track of all my plants, and once a month, i like to upload photos & notes as a monthly plant progress report. it does get pretty daunting, seeing allllll the tasks that i have to do daily in the app, but i slowly make my way through it! i'm one of those people who just really likes recording & organizing stuff, especially hobbies like reading, gardening, writing, working out, et cetera. i've got apps/websites for most of them!

the butterfly milkweed, bee balm, and coneflowers are steadily going dormant for the cold seasons -- i really really hope they survive and thrive in the spring!!! i'm proud to say i've been a lot better about remembering to prune my chrysanthemums and they definitely look a lot happier (especially compared to last fall's mums)! that coleus is inevitably going to die off, i've accepted it since they're not really meant for outdoors especially in the ground. my lithodora is looking alright (hopefully will bloom again in the spring), my gerbera daisies are looking gorgeous, and the petunias are doing alright (yet are looking a bit... scattered, i suppose).

that's mostly it now for this garden update! i will say my zinnias are still going mighty strong, and i've been seeing soooo many bugs & critters in my tiny lil city suburb garden, and that makes me happy! the stray cats are mostly comfortable with me, the birds love their bird feeders, the squirrels keep taking shits in my raised beds (as well as this one stray cat i call cinnabun), and there's a regular praying mantis in my garden that i am lowkey terrified of (she's just so fucking huge i think she's cool and i respect her but damn she watches me steadily and it's freaky)!

i am potentially going to try to make an arch trellis in the garden with these camping tent poles that i want to repurpose, so maybe that'll be my next big thing? or i do still want to do another greenhouse box once my budget is not as tight (although that's looking like not anytime soon unfortunately) -- we'll see in the future!!

thank you for sticking around this long, and i hope everyone has a wonderful day + weekend!!! :)

[h0t-p1nk-ch33tah-pr1nt]

fuck ass little critter, i found her on the road in a cabbage field

[maybemire]

I suppose it's finally time to introduce Maisie "Twister" Simmons.

Basic info:

she/her

7 years old, birthday is April 27th

implied to be from Nebraska-ish (somewhere along the Missouri River)

Type-1 Diabetic (she can still play, she just has to be careful)

She retired after Backyard Baseball 2005 (rip)

forgot to mention that she's right-handed

(the jersey is inspired by the omaha lancers. also her dad cut her hair weird please don't make fun of her for it)

Other information under the cut (includes general vibes for each of the sports (haven't solidified her stats but i got vibes), misc. info about her, how i think she'd interact with others, etc.)

feel free to inquire more, drop headcanons, whatever you want :)

VIBES FOR STAT SPREADS:

Baseball: Fielding is her strongest, can pitch too if needed. decent power hitter, needs to work on contact. running is fair-ish.

Soccer: please reconsider. might make an ok goalie but.. just don't. decent ball control though

Football: wonderful at catching and throwing (she has some arms on her alright), don't ask her to kick, running and blocking are both alright

Basketball: good handling and defense, not the quickest player there. funny enough, she cannot shoot for her life. it's actually said that she just can't get it down

Hockey: please reconsider she cannot skate for the life of her. she is slipping and sliding everywhere and she's so scared. good shooting and passing though, goalkeeping is ok

GENERAL TRIVIA:

she is heavily effected by low juice, much more than the other kids

her mom is a beekeeper and a total health nut (not in the mean sense, she just wants her and her family to have proper nutrition) "eat what makes your body feel and do well" is her philosophy

she has a pet turtle named Cabbage :)

she's a generally nice kid, although she's a little (a lot) stubborn (often to a fault), absolutely ruthless when playing

does not take being benched well

loves oranges with a passion

I think she'd sound like Molly (from the amazing world of gumball)

RELATIONSHIP THOUGHTS:

Friends with Annie (they bond over a love of critters)

Kinda feels for Reese, Mikey and Kenny due to similar experiences

doesn't really hate anyone, has a mild distaste for Billy Jean, doesn't know why

[ebbing-terror]

The garden was silent, only the rustling of leaves and the occasional chirp of a bird piercing the air. He walked through the well-manicured paths, his eyes scanning the surroundings with a cold, calculating gaze. The vibrant blooms and lush greenery seemed almost lifeless under his shadow. He wore his usual white attire, the jacket flapping slightly with each step, his hands clasped behind his back in a manner that exuded a false sense of calm.

His mind was a tumult of thoughts, replaying the recent events that had unfolded. The encounter with the witch, the revelation of his true nature, and his subsequent defeat were all a blur to him. As he woke up here, as he would keep his hands behind his back, and continue to pace.

As he passed by a fountain, the water's serene flow seemed to mock the chaos within him. The coolness of the evening air did nothing to soothe the burning rage that still simmered beneath the surface.

His once pristine white clothing was stained with the blood of his foes, a stark reminder of the power he had wielded and lost. Each drop of crimson brought with it a wave of regret and anger that surged through his veins, making his fists clench. He had been the epitome of greed, the embodiment of a vice that consumed him. Yet, he had never felt more hollow than he did now, standing in the ruins of what was once his bastion of power.

As he turned on his heels and continued to pace back and forth, true everything looked bigger, but he felt so pissed off with everything that has happened, as he kept his eyes closed, spins around again and continues to walk back and forth as he paces.

Lynn would wander about the garden, looking up to the sky swashed with vivid hues of twilight. The air was cooling as the night began it's decent upon the proud kingdom she invaded. The girl was little more than a pesky marmot in the garden, shuffling around and eating to her hearts content. After the trees were picked clean of pears she started on the tomatoes. Then the carrots. And the cabbage....

After having her fill of fruits and vegetables Lynn exploded the intricate paths of the garden, observing the creatures that made their home there. Eventually the gray cobblestone lead her to a round fountain spouting with crystal clear water. Just as Lynn was rolling up the ends of her pants to dip her legs in a gentle motion caught her attention.

Her eyes shifted in the direction, finding a very odd sight.

A cat was standing on his hind legs, front paws tucked behind his back..And he was wearing clothes!!

Lynn breathed a chuckle at the funny display. Had the kitty been trained to do such things? It wasn't natural at all.

The girl pittered over, her movements silent now that she was bare foot. She snuck up on the feline and scooped him up.

"Who did this to you??" She inquired as if expecting the cat to respond.

"Kitties don't wear clothes." And they don't walk around on two legs either!

Right away, Lynn stripped the cat, starting with his teeny boots, then his pants, cradling him like a baby to undo each gold button of his coat before freeing the critter from his lavish prison. Those clothes must be uncomfy!

"There." Lynn gently placed the cat down the right way, on all four paws and stroked his bare back. "Doesn't that feel better?"

The girl knelt down, petting the ivory kitty some more.

"You sure looked silly all dressed up like that!

Look at him now, naked as a cat should be!

[maniculum]

Bestiaryposting -- Miscellaneous "Worms"

As a reminder, all previous entries in this series can be found at https://maniculum.tumblr.com/bestiaryposting .

Another reminder: as mentioned in the initial post, the last six weeks of this project are group posts. Each is a collection of various critters that had particularly short entries, and I figured the best approach was to group them together so people could make art of some / any / all / none of them as they pleased, without feeling obligated to drag inspiration out of like one sentence. (Also doing this allowed me to fit the project into one year -- some of the longer entries in these are the result of me cutting the project down.)

Lenggalgak

The Lenggalgak is a worm of the air, and gets its name from the fact that it lives on air; it draws out long threads from its small body, and devotes itself continually to spinning its web, never ceasing to toil, constantly suffering loss in its art.

Khrezaroth

The land-based Khrezaroth is so called from its large number of feet; rolled up in a ball, it swells in pitchers.

Phlerotger

The Phlerotger, a water worm, is so called because it sucks blood, and takes by surprise anyone who is drinking water. When it slides down the throat or adheres to any other part of the body, it drains the blood and when it can hold no more, it vomits what it has already swallowed in order to start sucking fresh blood again.

Logkashgae

The Logkashgae is a land worm, to be classed rather with worms than snakes; it is armed with a sting, and from that it gets its Greek name, because it sticks its tail into its victim and spreads the poison through the bow-shaped wound. It is a characteristic of the Logkashgae, that it will not sting the palm of the hand.

Burlebroth

The Burlebroth is a leaf worm; from the threads it weaves, we make silk. It gets its name because it empties itself when it makes thread and only air is left inside its body.

Kholruntae

The Kholruntae is a leaf worm, often found enveloped in a cabbage or a vine; it gets its name from [redacted]. It folds itself up and does not fly about like the locust, which hurries from place to place, in all directions, leaving things half-eaten, but stays amid the fruit that is destined to be destroyed and, munching slowly, consumes everything.

Shmigwanog

The Greeks call the wood worm [redacted] because they eat by gnawing their way into wood. We call them Shmigwanog, for in Latin that is the name given to wood worms, which are hatched from trees felled at the wrong season.

Feabladtae

The Feabladtae is a worm associated with dogs, so called because it sticks to their ears.

Remember to tag posts with either the names of the critters you picked from the group and/or simply "maniculum miscellaneousworms" so folks can find them.

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 55 - Love Shack

Y'all get caught in the rain. Oh look! A barn!

On AO3.

You sleep like the dead. Don’t even remember conking out. Just the part where you wake up to the scent of woodsmoke, tea, and sausages.

Whatever high you were on yesterday is faded. You feel wrecked. Physically, mentally, like you got hit by a bus, dragged along for a mile, and then run through a meat grinder and repackaged into a human shape again.

The sausages don’t look all that appealing.

You sip tea as the others finish eating and packing. Thick clouds fly overhead, edging silver in the sunlight. Must be some strong winds up there. Hopefully, it don’t start to rain.

There ain’t much critters around. Occasional squirrel. The caw of a crow. But the rest is weirdly silent. Or maybe not so weird as the wind shifts and the rot and piss stink of the town washes over y’all.

The goblin camp is about an hour north, Mr. Eloquent said. You’ll have to track back through that village to get to the road.

“I don’t like the look of those clouds,” Gale says.

And if he don’t turn out to be right. Y’all’ve crossed about halfway through the rest of the village when the wind gusts moisture onto your face. Then the first drops fall. You get to hope for about thirty seconds that’s all it’s gonna do.

Then the sky opens and it dumps.

“Ah shit” you say.

“We need to find shelter,” Wyll says. “Storms like this will pass swiftly, but it’ll soak us through in moments.”

Karlach, sizzling as the rain hits her and immediately bursts into steam, lifts her arms and spins in a circle. “Rain! I haven’t seen proper rain in ages! Look! It’s not even blood!”

…huh.

The houses here are all half-collapsed, with no clear way inside. The lot of you jog up the hill, and spot some low building. A shack or a barn. It looks structurally sound.

“That one?” you say.

“That should do,” Wyll says.

Y’all boot-scoot over. The torrent gets worse. Turns the air silver. Water already streams down your face and you sputter to clear your mouth and nose.

The rush of it is so loud, you don’t even notice the sounds until you’re reaching for the doors. A low moaning, like some kinda cow or buffalo lowing for food.

“Did somebody leave their animals—”

Then there’s rhythmic grunting. Too low and…and too snarly to be human, but there’s some kinda words in there and the other…animal? It moans again. Cause that is a moan and your brain finally puts two and two together and sticks the solution into the square hole.

You step back.

“What’s wrong?” Gale says. He has to raise his voice to be heard over the din of the storm.

“Um,” you say.

Something thumps and bangs.

“Go on then,” Astarion’s voice right beside you. You do not jump. He stands a foot away, peering intently at that door. Fucker knows what’s going on in there. “We’re all getting soaked, dear. What are you waiting for?”

Bastard. He makes no move, offers no guidance; just stands there, arms crossed, looking bored.

The rain is cold.

“Fuck,” you say. Brace yourself. Push on them doors.

The scene will haunt you.

An ogre (ogress?) kneels on all floors, flopping tits bare, grass skirt hiked up over her hips. Behind her, some kinda man-wolf thrusts away. They both spot you and Man-Wolf pulls out, covering himself. But not before you get an accidental eyeful.

“Ah!” Gale all but yelps in horror.

“No,” Karlach says.

Shadowheart looks like she just accidentally swallowed a bug.

But Astarion, the fucking shithead, grins like the douchebag he is.

“What…what the hells are you doing here?!” Man-Wolf says, still overing himself. You don’t see no pants anywhere.

It’s not the floppy tits or the sex that gets you. Logically, ogres don’t just sprout out of the ground like cabbages, and sex always looks weird and super undignified to you. But the glimpse you saw of Man-Wolf showed what you assume is an average-sized, humanoid cock. Nothing like, abnormal about it. But that ogress is the height of the barn. And your brain, always the asshole, shoves its way to the front of the line to cut off common sense.

“How does that even work?” you say.

“What the fuck?” Man-Wolf says.

“The, you know, size discrepancy? How’re you even…does she even notice?” You really should stop talking. Ogress scowls and Man-Wolf has real big fangs. But the horror twines around with your scientific curiosity, and all you can think about is how a vet has to shove their whole arm up a cow to do like, bovine ultrasound. Man-Wolf wasn’t arm-sized.

“Ain’t you too small?” you say.

Astarion sputters and spins away.

“I think I’ll wait out in the rain,” Shadowheart says.

“I—you!” Man-Wolf sputters.

“Gragh!” the ogress bellows, and yeah, that’s why you shoulda kept your mouth shut. She glares down at you as she hauls herself up. “Moment over! Passion ruined!”

There’s something underneath her. A splash of color. That’s clothes. That’s a fresh corpse.

“Uh,” Karlach says as the ogress looms over y’all.

Only the big girl don’t lift a foot to squash your guts outta your mouth like a tube of toothpaste. She turns to Man-Wolf. “We go.”

“But, my sweet—” he says. Still don’t got his pants nowhere.

“We go.”

And ogress lumbers right off into the rain, tits swaying, just as the downpour eases up.

Man-Wolf’s ears pin back. He throws you a nasty glare and scurries out after his paramour.

Leaving all you in the barn, which smells weirdly musty.

“That…really happened,” Wyll say. “I’m not hallucinating?”

Astarion, curled into a ball, wheezes.

“I very much wish it were,” Gale says and rubs his eyes.

You stare out after the couple. Ruin a hand down your face. “How does that even work?” Notice the others staring at you. “What?”

“That’s what you’re focused on?” Shadowheart says.

“They’re two entirely different species! They shouldn’t even be compatible! It’d be like…like a dog trying to mount a heifer!”

Karlach actually grimaces. “There’s a visual I didn’t need. Thanks, soldier.”

“But it don’t make sense. You can breed a donkey and a horse because they’re similar enough, but…I mean…that? Is that a thing here?”

Lae’zel ignores the whole conversation to go search the corpse the two were literally fucking over (gross).

“Like,” you say. Your gaze lands on Astarion as he stands and wipes his eyes. “Elves exist, and so do humans, so do y’all have half-and-halves?”

“I’m a half-elf,” Shadowheart says. And oh. Her ears are shorter than Astarion’s. You never really made that connection, huh?

“But that means both species are genetically compatible. And, you know, physically. Is everything here like that? Because that’s fucking weird, y’all. That’d indicate a common ancestor way, way far back, which’d actually make them two closer to a pig mounting a bear—”

Gale claps your shoulder with one hand. And with a pain-filled grimace, says, “While I always appreciate the pursuit of knowledge, even I believe there are limits.”

And…they all look a bit green around the gills.

And you realize it ain’t about the evolutionary or sociological implications of inter-species fucking. You squint. “Are y’all seriously having a collective tizzy cause you saw them fucking?”

Wyll looks like he bit into a lemon.

“You’re not?” Karlach says.

You ain’t never had sex with someone else. You was raised to think that the literal worst thing somebody could do, the filthiest thing somebody could be. It made you disgusting, made you worthless. Then you got to the secular world and learned that not having sex made you a cringey weirdo.

So to spite the both of them, you learned about it. You learned all about it, because fuck the shame, fuck the farmstead, and fuck everybody (but not literally).

They got no idea how funny this conversation is for you. So it’s with a little bit of bravado, a lot a bit of truth, and a dash of gremlin in you that says, “No? It’s just sex?”

“I…think I’ll check the outer perimeter,” Wyll says. And leaves.

You survey the field—Shadowheart and Gale all uneasy, Lae’zel snooping through barrels, and Karlach wincing.

Ha.

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” Astarion clears his throat and tugs his poofy shirt vest down.

You made the man outright wheeze. Your mouth opens, so ready to fall back into the banter of days before. God, it would be so easy to riff off him. He ain’t bothered by the whole display y’all walked in on, and he’d absolutely join you in horrifying the others.

But y’all are keeping distance, ain’t you? You got the keep the walls up. You can’t go around encouraging him. You got to suffocate that ember before it flames, for his sake and yours.

So you only give him a nod, and turn to the others. “Let’s get outta the fuck barn, huh?”

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