#chowder clef

[thedeskofaltoclef]

Yo, @glassanomaly. The benevolent @raddagher (my favorite artist and creator of my Favorite MTF Agent Perry Baxter. Glory to Raddagher) has already made it.

Chowder Clef Rises.

Bonus Radd-based Clef Art. This image was created years before she met me. She summoned me to this community. I had already been cosplaying in that exact outfit for about a year before I saw this image which is 1:1. This is the most accurate Deskverse Clef on the internet. Down to the whole situation of teeth.

Speaking of Deskverse, in honor of Radd's greatness 166's appearance is 1:1 as well. Check out Radds Tiktok if you want to see more.

Also, If you mother fuckers are not following Radd you are missing out! Art, Life tips, TWO HIT PODCASTS (Find us Alive and Hymns from the Road)

Radd does not get the credit she deserves. Please go follow her. The wiki is also filled with her writing and art.

Please go appreciate Radd

[diristine]

ok so, ive decided to do the impossible endeavor of sorting dr clef’s tales into genres

So far we have:

Dr Clef Beefing With Kids (wins)

Dr Clef Beefing With Kids (loses)

Dr Clef Beefing With Kids (only mentions time in GOC)

Dr Clef beefing specifically with 239

Agent Ukelele Tales

Where he gets to see Meri (implications included)

Where he dies

Where he is thrown into XK Class end of world scenarios and the like

Where he cares

Where he is actually doing his job

Where hes just a guy

Where the tale mentions chowder, cheddar, or its one of those silly alternative timelines

Him having tension with Kondraki

If anyone has any additions to this please let me know

[scp-l4-clef-alto-001]

good day mr author chowder clef here is a cat i found at a restaurant who kept trying to sneak food off of tables. she jumped onto my lap and she was very soft despite her criminal behaviors

A Thief! Guilty!

The sentence is cuddles!

Judge Clof

[handsome-john]

soup for hangovers

this is also something I did not feel like putting on my ao3 but i think its funny enough to collect dust here. vague clefdraki/system clef writing 1000-ish words

-

Kondraki opens his eyes and immediately closes them, half blinded by the glow of the TV. Batman Beyond ended half an hour ago so it’s just been looping the first few seconds of music the DVD menu plays. He swears if he hears that music again he’s actually going to lose it this time. 

He’s laying on his side, sinking into the couch cushions, the arm rest digging into his shoulder. On the other end of the couch is Clef, slumped backwards, his straw hat covering his face, snoring like a lawn mower. He has a dirt brown blanket draped across his lap. With Kondraki’s legs splayed across the couch, he’s in the perfect position to kick Clef off.

“Alto,” Kondraki grunts, kicking him in the stomach. “Hey Clef!” The second kick is enough to knock Kondraki off his precarious balance, sending him tumbling into the floor. The force is enough to rock the house, knocking over the pile of half empty glasses from last night's binge. 

“Huh?” Clef shoots upright, his hat falling into his lap. The fabric pattern on Kondraki’s couch is imprinted into his cheek. 

“I fell…” Kondraki whines, voice muffled by the foreboards. “Ugh… can you help me up? Clef? Cleffy? Cleffles?” He holds up his hand, blindly waving it in the hair. 

“Clef…?” Clef says, voice strange, a drunk man’s impersonation of an American accent. Slowly, he sits up straight, eyes growing wide. “I’m afraid you have me all wrong, my good man, for I am-!” he whips Kondraki blanket around his shoulders like a cape, “The Great and Powerful Chowderclef, Defender of the Night!”

“Well would the great and whatever you said Chowderclef like to help me up.” Kondraki inhales deeply, sucking in the floor dust and dissolving into a coughing fit. “Guh- fuck- ack-!”

“I shall!” Chowderclef says, springing forward fast enough to slam his knees into the coffee table. “For I am helper to all good men!” In one graceless bound, he steps over Kondraki’s prone body and takes his hand. “Rise my friend!” 

“Ugh, what the fuck?” Kondraki steps up, every joint in his legs cracking all at once. He blinks the dust out of his eyes and squints, his nose scrunched. “Isn’t chowder like… like the little purple bitch?”

“We s- wh- what?” 

“The little purple bitch,” Kondraki repeats. 

Chowderclef stares at him, not a single thought behind his glassy eyes. 

“Come on, work with me here.”

“No time for your ramblings! There are succulent soups to precue!” Chowderclef bounds towards the kitchen. In his mind he performs a great leap, sliding over the island, across the countertop, and into the kitchen. Unfortunately he is twenty years too old and two hundred pounds too heavy, so from Kondraki’s perspective he just crawls over the counters while wearing one of his blankets like a cape. 

“Are you fucking deaf or something? Stop shouting!” If this is one of Clef’s bits, then it’s certainly at least mildly more entertaining than his usual ones. “Man, I have a headache.” He’s at least conscious enough to turn off the TV before following Chowderclef. 

“Fear not! For with my skills and your resources, I will produce the perfect cure for all that ails you!” Chowderclef says, pointing a finger towards the sky. Kondraki stares at the ceiling, as if expecting to actually see anything. A single stink bug crawls across the wall. 

“If you wanted food you could’ve just said so. Let me see.” He approaches and opens his cabinets. “I’ve got cream of mushroom… some of that fancy ramen… whatever… this is?” He turns around, cream of mushroom in one hand and unlabelled mystery soup in the other, to see Chowderclef wearing a white chef’s hat. “I don’t have a hat like that. Did you bring that here?”

“A good hero always comes prepared for every situation!” Chowderclef’s eyes lock onto the unlabelled can. “Is that-? Yes of course! I would recognize that anywhere! My one weakness!” He snatches the can up and peels off the lip, revealing it to canned clam chowder. 

“Of wow that's…” Kondraki gags, pinching his nose. “Oh boy, that’s a smell. Can can food go bad? Can can- can canned? Can canned food-” 

Chowderclef slams a pot onto the stovetop. Kondraki blinks, having the strangest uncanny feeling that it’s not one of his pots. The soup wriggles out of the can in one vaguely gelatinous blob. There’s a dungeons and dragons joke Kondraki isn’t sober enough to make. 

“So are you like a superhero right now?” Kondraki asks, still holding his nose. 

“I am a Super Hero!” Chowderclef says, pronouncing it as two distinct words. He runs the can under the sink and adds the water to the soup. “Chowderclef! De-fend-er of the nigh-!”

“Holy shit you are loud! I’m gonna kick your ass if you keep yelling at me!” 

Chowderclef’s oddly jovial grin twists into a tight scowl, far more characteristic of the face he’s wearing. With the blanket draped over his arm, he holds it up to cover half his face. “You dare to challenge me in my own domain?” 

“This is my house. I’m allowed to kick your ass in my own home.”

“You are lucky I am far too honorable to accost a man in his own abode. Or else I would gladly have at thee!” He jabs at Kondraki with a metallic ladle. Okay, now he’s really pulling some of this stuff out of his ass. 

Kondraki holds up his hands in defense. No need for a hangover and a head injury. “Okay, none of that. Just make your soup.” 

Chowderclef smiles. “I am so very glad we could come to an agreement!” 

After letting it come to a low simmer over the flame, the chowder starts to look a little more like something edible. Kondraki lays out two bowls on the counter and Chowderclef beams at him, a little too happy for Kondraki’s comfort. 

“Your service will never be forgotten, my friend!” He says, filling Kondraki’s bowl with his ladle. 

“Okay.”

“You may call on me in your hour of need!” 

“Okay.”

The couch is much more comfortable when it’s sat on correctly. Kondraki stares at the blank TV screen, sipping at the soup. Too salty, he thinks, how is a liquid too salty?

Chowderclef plops down next to him, humming as he eats. Kondraki blinks and in an instant the comedic white chef’s hat becomes Clef’s regular straw hat. Clef gags, spitting the soup back into the bowl. 

“What the fuck is this?” Clef growls, voice back to his usual faux-southern. 

“I dunno man, you’re the one who made it.” 

“Well it tastes like shit.” He drops the bowl on the table and slumps back into the couch, arms crossed over the chest. “Man, I have a headache.”

And neither of them ever brings this up again. 

[stinky-fuck-swag]

Aaand here's the brackets!

Wacky ass formatting, i know- Matchups under the cut, polls will be starting soon!

(note: i know nothing about like. 80% of these characters. if their names or where theyre from is incorrect, just lmk cuz i have NOO IDEAA) also i am fully aware of every mistake made in this bracket. whoops

BRACKET A, SIDE A

Henry Oak (Dungeons and Daddies) VS Normal Oak (Dungeons and Daddies season 2

Zora Salazar (Epithet Erased) VS Stink (Epithet Erased)

Anders (Dragon Age) VS Isabela (Dragon Age)

Deandra the new girl (Most Popular Girls in School) VS Peach (real life)

Randy Jade (Dialtown) VS Phonegingi (Dialtown)

Stunky (Pokemon) VS Stinkeye (Yo-kai Watch)

Reigen Arataka (Mob Psycho 100) VS Dimple (Mob Psycho 100)

Moonbeam McSwine (Li'l Abner) VS Marc Spector (Marvel Comics)

Link (BOTW) VS Lt. Columbo (Columbo)

Yoda (Star Wars) VS Shaggy (Scooby Doo)

Dob the Half Orc Bard (Oxventure Dungeons and Dragons) VS Caleb Widogast (Critical Role campaign 2)

Shinjiro Aragaki (Persona 3) VS Ryuji Sakamoto (Persona 5)

Gyro Zepelli (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure) VS Guido Mista (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Tokkori (Kirby right back at ya) VS Jotaro Kujo (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Elon Musk (real life. sadly) VS Berdly (Deltarune)

Spamton G. Spamton (Deltarune) VS Susie (Deltarune)

BRACKET A, SIDE B

The Great Mighty Poo (Conker) VS The Poop Smith (Homestar Runner)

Michael Afton (Five Nights at Freddy’s) VS Springtrap (Five Nights at Freddy’s)

Manjoume Jun/Chazz Princeton (Yu-Gi-Oh! GX) VS Datz Are'bal (Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice)

Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) VS Humans in general (Star Trek)

Captain Rockhopper (Club Penguin) VS King Micah of Bright Moon (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Frank Gallagher (Shameless) VS Remus Sanders (Sanders Sides)

The Riddler (Batman: Arkham Knight) VS Power (Chainsaw Man)

Charlie Kelly (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) VS Every Dog (real life)

c!Technoblade (Dream SMP) VS c!Wilbur Soot (Dream SMP)

Harrier Du Bois (Disco Elysium) VS Bruno Madrigal (Encanto)

Submitters Brother (real life) VS Prosperity Redding (The Dreadful Tale of Prosper Redding)

Izutsumi (Dungeon Meshi) VS Goobleck (Just Roll With It)

Enoch O'Connor (Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children) VS Smores (real life)

Lady Macbeth (Macbeth) VS Erik (The Phantom of the Opera (Andrew Lloyd Webber musical & movie))

The Voters (Tumblr) VS Equius Zahhak (Homestuck)

Rotten Apple (Showvember) VS Loki (real life)

BRACKET B, SIDE A

Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes) VS Smudge (Cascão) (Monica’s Team (Turma da Monica))

Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street) VS Stinky Pete (Toy Story 2)

Toko Fukawa (Danganronpa) VS L (Death Note)

Stink Bomb (Skylanders: SWAP Force) VS Slugcat (Rain World)

Thorfinn (Vinland Saga) VS Vice (Kamen Rider Revice)

Dr. Iceberg (SCP Foundation) VS Dr. Alto Clef (SCP Foundation)

Ash Ketchum (Pokemon) VS Doug Eiffel (Wolf 359)

Estinien Wyrmblood (Final Fantasy XIV) VS Alphinaud Leveilleur (Final Fantasy XIV)

Raphael Hamato (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) VS Gobber (How To Train Your Dragon)

Keaton (Fire Emblem Fates) VS Sniper (Team Fortress 2)

Bill Lenz (Black Christmas 1974) VS Stinkor (Masters of the Universe)

The Sewer Urchin (The Tick (1994 Animated Series)) VS Macaque (Lego Monkie Kid)

Barfbat (Ward (Parahumans series)) VS Kevin (Synthesizer V)

Yellowfang (Warrior Cats) VS Big Mac (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Heppokomaru (Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo) VS Captain 3 (Splatoon 3)

Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls) VS Linus (Stardew Valley)

BRACKET B, SIDE B

Jeong-Jeong (Avatar: The Last Airbender) VS Pigpen (Peanuts)

Beelzebub (Good Omens) VS Stinkfly (Ben 10)C

Hiravias (Pillars of Eternity) VS Chell (Portal)

Murdoc Niccals (Gorillaz) VS Bacterian (Dragon Ball)

Captain K'nuckles (The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack) VS Kimchi (Chowder)

Stinky (Moomins) VS Stinky (Animal Crossing)

Mitchell Shephard (Hunt Down the Freeman) VS Melly Plinius (Identity V)

Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece) VS Yato (Noragami)

THAT FUCKING THING IN YOUR BANNER (my banner lol) VS Harold (Fallout 1, 2, and 3)

Barik of the Stone Shields (Tyranny) VS Samuel Gladiator (Yandere High School (minecraft roleplay))

John Hart (Torchwood) VS Orochimaru (Naruto)

Dung Defender/Ogrim (Hollow Knight) VS Zane (Borderlands)

Pumbaa (The Lion King) VS Enki (Fear and Hunger)

Goro Majima (Yakuza) VS Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy)

Finn Mertins (Farmworld) (Adventure Time) VS John Doe (John Doe / John Doe+)

Dipper Pines (Gravity Falls) VS Ed Sheeran (ginger people fandom)

[girldraki]

playing gay fucking chicken with the question of whether or not we have an impending chowderclef facet. clef really wants to look at chowder recipes but that’s honestly less of an indicator than you’d think

[silverskruff]

If I recall correctly, theirs a lol!Foundation article called Chowder Clef that you might want to read!

Imagine if Ukulele had a freakish little love for American food.

Do yourself a favor and think of him eating Southern BBQ. Louisiana Crab Boil. give him Biscuits and Gravy. Give him a hamburger, go on. its enrichment for him. Jell-O, Clam Chowder.

This is a 20-25 year old British man, you can't tell me spices wouldn't either kill him or make him ascend. Give him spicy food.

[finiffy]

CHOWDERCLEF #1 SCP SEXYMAN 2K23!! CHOWDERSWEEP NOW!!!!

CHOWDERCLEF SEXYMAN!!!!

GOD RAISIN THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD THANK YOUR FOR YOUR HARD WORK ON CHOWDER PROPAGANDA o7

[wyvolf]

I mean yeah, I get why, but this is super extreme, really ablist, and generally shitty. Like, people are entitled to their opinions, but that doesn't mean they're entitled to harass people for having other opinions. Would be great if everyone could just agree to disagree and stay in their lane.

Very much so.

But I feel they’ll very much stay on their crusader path so I recommend blocking.

[hisclockworkservants]

clef bun eating clam chowder?

[thedeskofaltoclef]

In less than an hour, it happens. I have been studying and researching the character of Alto Clef for over four years to the point I should have a doctorate in it.

Let's do this guys! The most lore accurate Alto Clef will be revealed from SCP Infohazard. Let's do this!

[scpwiki-official]

normal clef is a beanie baby while chowder!dry clef is a webkinz

[tspultradeluxe]

Chowder dryclef is not even a clef he’s a wet cat

[mushroomjeremy]

SCP but as Food v1

I was going to make these into warm up sketches to practice drawing food, but feel like sharing. Here are some weird version of a small collection of SCP as food. It's a small mix between anomalies made it to food or just food vaguely based on them.

~~~

I'm a sucker for keys so here's the ones useful for this post. If some of these are null squares theres nothing I can do.

How it written:

🤍- Havent written up yet/vague idea

💗- Detailed recipes

👑 - Either the foods is to much food or to many different foods

🔧 - Self Assembly 

Type:

🍞- Bakery

🥩 - Grilled

🥣- Soup 

🍨 - Dessert

🍬- Candy

🥗- Salads

🥤- Drink

🥃- Alcohol

🍶- Condiment

Diet:

🐜- Arthropods/Insects

🥬- Vegetarian 

🍖- Meat

🐟- Fish

Taste:

🔥- Spicy

🍯- Sweet

Ingredients:

🧀 - Cheese

☢ - Blood/raw meat/raw egg/fermentation are an ingredient

🧭 - Exotic aka made of stuff real hard to get or just don't exist (examples being tree syrups not from maples, raw reindeer meat, anomalous item themselves, ect.)

~~~

SCP 001 The Scarlet King 🤍 ☢👑

A full table of 3 full seven course meals, one for each law (Blood, Howling, Concrete) Law of Blood food probably has blood, something that make the food offly red like beets, and spicy. Law of Concrete is stuff that just powders or looks like a brick or both. Law of Howling is going to be tricky.

SCP 009 🧭🥤🍯

Red ice cherry slushie

SCP 058 🍖🔥🥩

Spicy grilled beef heart with sauteed onions and red chimichurri sauce

SCP 111 🧭🐜 🔥

Spicy dragon snail escargot

Scp 166 ☢🧭🥗🍖

Reindeer carpaccio salad

SCP 999 💗🍞🍨🍯

Tart layered with jam, whip cream, and orange jello topped with a candied blood orange

SCP 1489 🤍

Mutton fusilli bucati pasta dish with a grey or black coloring to it

SCP 2317 🥤🔧 

Self-brewing cinnamon hazelnut coffee on hot salt (like Turkish coffee)

SCP 2360 🤍🍞🥤

Oil/metal looking doritos, drip, and energy drink (GFuel offbrand)

SCP 3001 💗🍬🥬

Large pomegranate boba pearl encased in a hard candy shell topped with black cherry carmel drizzle

SCP 3301 🍨🔧

Gingerbread house kit that makes a small world map.

SCP 3739  🧀

Mind Milk™ cottage cheese bowl 

SCP Yeah that one ☢🥣🍖🔥🍶

Spicy blood stew with chuck roast topped with white habanero n pineapple hot sauce

A - Spicy veal sausage. A whole big roll of it.

B - Ghost pepper corn chowder

Dr. Bright 🤍

Place holder to show that a food item based off scp 963 isnt the same as a food item based off Jack Bright himself. Thinking something made with whiskey/moonshine or just straight up a whiskey or moonshine… or both honestly.

Dr. Clef 💗🧭🍞

Three colored waffles (one blue, one green, and a barley one) sandwiched between with coconut sugar glaze than topped with thick corn chowder and unnecessary large amount of Corymbia terminalis sap syrup (I have no idea if that sap is even edible/if you can even tap the tree to get enough to make a syrup)

Lady Agora 🤍🍞 🍨

Blood Cornbread Bread Pudding with red colored custard and honey also maybe some herbs/spices/flowers with some magic meanings.

Pangloss 🤍

Little Diy Hotpot

Children of the Scarlet King🥃🍯

Warm red koolaid with alcohol and clumpy jello also candied blood orange and salty foam topping with sour or cinnamon rimming.

Chr*stian Ministries of America🤍 ☢ (I hate censoring stuff but im really not in the mood for the jesus people that dont know this is a fictional group today, be glad I haven't done the vore jesus one yet)

Can Jeremy not place actual blood in a food for once? It’s harder than you’d think. Thinking blood wine… or that weird communion wafer nachos.

Pope Soap Costk Crosstest 🤍 ☢ 🐟

Spicy raw squid with edible foam, also maybe blood sauce dipping and/or apples/whale blubber

~~~

I hope someone enjoy reading this cursed cookbook of ideas. I think I got pretty creative and most stuff here is edible with some just needing replacement ingredients for unattainable items... except all the blood recipes that can be made just cook your pasteurized blood correctly for your own sake.

[so-you-melted-22]

Check Please SCP!AU:

Dex is a reality bender/Type Green and the GOC is kinda hunting him for sport at this point

Also he is related to the Brights in some fashion (like they’re his cousins or whatever) so he also got hit with whatever the fuck makes this entire family like that and the Foundation has some kind of interest in him too (idk I just wanna build in some casual, old fashioned Adam Bright hate)

Lardo works with Are We Cool Yet? and is well known in the anart-scene, she probably lives in Backdoor Soho or Three Portlands

Shitty probably lives with her

Nursey is an Agent for the Serpents Hand because he just seems like someone who would just absolutely THRIVE in the Wanderers Library

(Alternatively he works for the GOC and has a weird enemies-but-i-also-kinda-am-into-you-thing with Dex, also I think he and Ukulele would not at all get along and I think that’s a fun dynamic (like what Ukulele/Clef later has with Kondraki, u kno??))

Bitty has something to do with Ambrose Restaurants

(Alternatively, he works for the Foundation and is specified in food-related anomalies, also he has pretty much forced Iceberg to be friends with him [i just think they would have a neat dynamic])

Shitty with the UIU?!? Or Ransom & Holster with the UIU?

Wellie the well is an SCP

John Johnson is also an SCP

Jack is literally just some normal guy. He is still a famous hokey player, but he isn’t anomalous or affiliated with any GOI. He is also completely oblivious to all of the anomalous things happening around him. Everyone assumes he is aware of the veil because his boyfriend works with Ambrose/the Foundation and he literally has been to Backdoor Soho, but he is just somehow comically unaware.

Shitty definitely tried to join the Church Of The Broken god at some point (idk is he is still affiliated with them tho)

Chowder works for the Foundation and he is literally the only person there that isn’t absolutely fucked up (no repressed emotions, fucked up family, anomalous abilities or being trapped in the emptiness between universes with only a single lightbulb as company). He still has his family and they just think he works for a weird government program and never question it that much, he works mostly with safe-class anomalies

[scp-l4-clef-alto-001]

What is your favourite kind of soup?

New England Clam Chowder.

 - Clef