#cokeisbadforyou

[majorsandminorsoflife]

Nine.

Nine is the number of selfies it took me before I found one that I could probably share with the public. 

This is how I look in my most natural state - out of bed, threw my hair up in a bun, washed my faced. No make-up, messy hair, all flaws revealed. The number of photos required before I was satisfied with one really shows how insecure I am.

This post is triggered by a chat I had with a mate last night. We were just casually chatting about relationships, why we weren’t in one, and what we were looking for. I had had a few drinks before this, so I decided to share one of my fantasies (yes, sexual) with him. Then, we got onto the topic of sugar coating things, and I said I was not a sugar-coater at all. He replied with if I wanted my fantasies fulfilled, I would need to learn to sugar coat things because , and I quote, ‘your face sure ain’t gonna help you in that department’.

I was a bit thrown back at first. I thought maybe I was just misinterpreting what he meant and he didn’t mean to say that I was ugly at all. But on second thoughts, he has had a history of making comments like that to me about other people, so I’m pretty sure he meant what I initially thought he meant.

I was actually having a pretty good night last night. I had drinks with friends, so I had dressed up a little, and was generally feeling more okay than usual about myself. I know that I wasn’t blessed with a pretty face but I try to work with what I have. His comment upset me a little, but the thing that upset and frustrated me the most wasn’t that he thought I was ugly, but the fact that he thought it was okay to tell me that. 

I am all for constructive criticism, but telling that my face is ugly is not constructive at all! How will that make me change? Am I suppose to be applying more make-up to cover my flaws, get cosmetic surgery so I can have higher cheekbones, slimmer jawline, higher nose  bridge? 

On the topic of constructive criticism, I have been wondering whether I should tell him how this made me feel. I think he might take as a form of defensiveness, but I really do mean well when I want to tell him that he needs to think before he speaks. It is okay for him to think that I am ugly, but I think it’s really not okay for him to tell me. We live in a society where the media is constantly telling us (despite all the positive body image campaigns) that we are not good enough, not beautiful enough, and that we need to make changes to get to get what we want. Do you really think we are not already telling ourselves that? I, certainly, do not need another external force telling me that my face isn’t good enough! 

After writing all this up, I feel as though I have already voiced my frustration, so maybe there is not need for me to bring this up with him. But as a friend, I also think it’s important for us to point out things that should, and can be, changed. My face is not one of them LOL.

What do you think?

On a totally unrelated note, the screw on my violin bow is starting to get some rust build-up, making it hard for my to tighten it. My violin teacher suggested me to use Coke to remove the tarnish. If Coke can be used as a cleaning product, imagine what it is doing to your body! Quit the Coke, kids. :)

[goodwillemo]

cokeisbadforyou replied to your photo: Hi I’m bored and on the floor for no apparent...

The broom.

Notice anything wrapped around my lower half?

[goodwillemo]

cokeisbadforyou replied to your post: Wait, Robbie’s gay? DD: I’m so sry. 3

XD

Dude, Robbie. Did you know that you're gay? Man, this will greatly impact my sex life.

[goodwillemo]

So, do any of you think your boyfriend is the cutest thing in the world?

Yeah, think again.

[goodwillemo]

Yesterday was the most wonderful day of my life.

I met Robbie. I. Met. Robbie. I remember waking up so nervous. I mean, meeting the person you love is very nerve wracking. That two hour car ride to his house was probably the longest of my life. I was so impatient/terrified/excited. It was just a ball of mixed emotions. However, the second I pulled up to his house and saw that beautiful human being that I call mine sitting on the porch waiting for me, all of that went away. All those mixed emotions that I was feeling all went away and transformed into utter happiness. I ran up to his house and he picked me up and spun me around while we were hugging. I felt so much love in that moment it is unreal.

Then after that, my mom made us go to the Tabasco factory with them. We really didn't want to go but we did not care as long as we were together. The car ride over there was amazing. I sat close to him. I felt his soft hands. I gave him all the little surprises that I brought him. So when we got to the factory, we made the best of it. We bought two waters and some chips and sat on the picnic tables. We were talking and laughing at everything. He mixed out waters and called it a 'love potion'. He's so silly.

Then after a while he put his arm around me. We said our first "I love you"s in person. It was beautiful. Then we decided to be cliche as hell rolled down a hill, laughing like kids the entire time. Then we laid down in the grass together. Then we laid down on the picnic tables together and laughed at these old bikers. I had so much fun with him. Then my parents went to eat at a restaurant that was close to his house. So, we walked back. On the way there we held hands and he showed me around his little town. We kept looking at our reflections in the store windows. It made me realize how nice we look together. I love it.

We finally got back to his house. He played guitar for me. We ate lunch in his dining room and shared a Mountain Dew. Then he showed me his room. I don't know why it meant so much to me, but it did. Then we went to sit in his front room on the couch. I don't think I could explain it to you, but we somehow were intertwined in this little ball-type thing. I has my face against his neck. I had never felt more loved in all my life.

Then we saw my mom pull up. We were standing. We realized that this was our last moment alone for a while. Our eyes locked, and he kissed me. Then we fell onto the couch while still kissing. 

You know how in moves, they have those 'fireworks', or whatever? Yeah, those actually exist. I got to take his first kiss. 

Driving away was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I was so elated that I could not allow myself to be sad.

That night when he called, we talked for five hours about that day, and how it could not get anymore perfect.

I admitted that I was in love with him. He told me that he has fallen in love with me as well. I started crying. 

I really am in love. I feel young and naive for saying that, but if this is not love I have no idea what is. We are so perfect for each other. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with the most perfect person alive. 

I love you.

[goodwillemo]

who is the most attractive person you follow?

Arghh. There's so many.http://cokeisbadforyou.tumblr.com

http://weepingwinter.tumblr.com/

http://distinctmemory.tumblr.com

http://thegreatdecidewhentheydie.tumblr.com

http://platypusface.tumblr.com/

http://deafearstohisname.tumblr.com

http://weallareloved.tumblr.com

http://denyross.tumblr.com

There's more I just don't feel like putting them all.

[goodwillemo]

Oh my god.

Holy shit.

I'm meeting Robbie on Saturday. My mom is taking me an hour and a half away to go see him. I am freaking out.

I get to take his first kiss and hold him and all that cute cliche shit. 

I am ecstatic.

[goodwillemo]

This is a song I wrote for Robbie. Yes, I know, it's cheesy and bad, but c'mon it's my first song I ever wrote. Give me a break.

Also I wanted to write Robbie a song because I love him more than anything, and stuff.

[goodwillemo]

Robbie: I'm so ugly.

Me: Robbie, it is too early for you to be annoying me like that.

Robbie: It's like 11:00 AM.

Me: and your point is?

Robbie: Uhm, I love you?

xD

[goodwillemo]

Holy shit look what Robbie covered for me. Oh my god.