#cole: get blown up. idiot.

[sepublic]

Lloyd: All life is sacred, Arin. Which means I’m obligated as a ninja to risk my own life to save even an enemy like Rapton!

Cole, fifteen seasons ago:

[bagopucks]

J. Hughes - Blackouts

✄————————————

Jack Hughes x Reader

Requested✨ (as a comment in a previous post)

@lolihaveaproblem

Word Count: 1.8k

Warning(s): None!

Not proofread!

—————————————

“This is so stupid!”

“Well if you hadn’t blown all your money, you wouldn’t be losing this bad.”

“Jack, you idiot.”

“I don’t wanna play this any more. You guys cheated.”

It’s all Ive heard all evening. When the boys at the lake house asked me to oversee monopoly, I did not think it would be this hectic. Or heated. It was Monopoly.

To be fair though, I did learn quite a bit about the Hughes and their friends.

Quinn was silently competitive, and I had definitely seen him slipping Luke some money here and there under the coffee table. I only let it slide because I was rooting for the youngest brother. I learned Cole was incredibly good with his money. Maybe a little stingy, but he was definitely a saver. Trevor didn’t give two shits. He was playing just for the hell of it, spending here and there and everywhere, but still managing to stay out of debt or bankruptcy, and Luke just seemed to have a natural knack for the game.

My beloved Jack was trying to do Trevor’s method, but luck was not on his side. He was owing people money he did not have. He was all over the place. He was a financial nightmare. I kept it in mind in case of the day you both get married. Any conjoined bank accounts would certainly have a pin or password he would not know.

“It’s a little late to quit now. Might as well stay in.” Quinn tried to reason.

“With my one property? Hell no.” Jack quickly stood up from the floor. I was not the only person who winced at the crack in his back. “Trevor can have it.”

Trevor, who somehow seemed to be the richest and luckiest.

“Oh fuck yes!” I giggled at Trevor’s excitement.

I would say I had more fun overseeing monopoly than Risk. When the boys decided to play that, I had to take headache medication due to all the yelling. They took that strategy game quite seriously. Again, except for Trevor. Who had a weird obsession with Australia, and overpopulated it with his troops.. and somehow ended up winning the game after two days of on and off playing.

There had been a lot of F-bombs there. A lot of negotiations. A lot of snack breaks. The second time it was brought out to play, halfway through day three, one of the boys got so tense they flipped the board.

The NATO of hockey players did not enjoy that.

Sometimes I played board games with them, but other times I really did enjoy watching them bicker and argue.

Throw Throw Burrito was another I enjoyed to watch. From a safe distance. Considering the main concept of the game was to throw foam burritos at one another. Some of the welts those boys left the table with amazed me. But I hadn’t laughed harder than the time Trevor got hit in between the legs. The speed with which everybody scattered, was highly amusing.

They didn’t play board games often at the lake house, but seeing as we were in the midst of a three hour power outage, and phones were on their last percentages, everybody was desperately looking for something to do.

“Babe, come on.” Jack mumbled, ever the sore loser. I looked up at him from the couch, his face illuminated by the many candles we had burning. Fucking scented candles that had the house smelling like too many things at once.

“I don’t know, Jack. Last time I left a board game unmonitored the whole thing was flipped.” I commented. I knew what I was doing, and as soon as the words left my mouth, the uprising of displeasure from that memory came in the form of new arguments and accusations about who it was that had flipped their poor game of Risk. Jack chuckled softly. I swiftly climbed over the arm of the couch, seeing as boys were sitting at the foot of it all gathered about the coffee table.

“They’re never gonna get over that.” Jack mumbled as he grabbed my hand. I was swift to snatch up one of the candles before he led me down the hall to his room.

“Not my problem. I still have my money on Cole.” I whispered in response. We both snickered softly, and I winced at the sound of another outburst. Trevor yelling about money missing. Looks like they caught Quinn and all his laundering.

“So, Rowdy,” I began with a playful smile as we wandered down the hall. “What’s on the agenda for tonight?”

“I don’t know. There’s gotta be something in this house to do.” Jack shrugged. I smiled at his cluelessness.

Once we got back into his room, I pushed the door shut behind myself. I opened his blinds and watched the rain pelt the windows, gently biting my bottom lip. Jack swiftly snuck up behind me, wrapping his arms around my body.

“Watch out baby,” I whispered, holding the candle out.

“Sorry.” Jack’s mumbled apology made me smile.

“Come on, Jack-O.” I tried to make my way to his tall dresser, but seeing as he wasn’t letting go, we both waddled our way over together. I set the candle down on top of the safe area, slowly turning in his arms to get a good look at Jack’s face.

“You think my mom and dad are okay?” His question caught me off guard.

“I have a strong feeling they’re more than fine.” I assured him, reaching up to cup his cheeks. “Probably having a more peaceful night than we are.” I added playfully, just in time to hear another shout and a loud bang. I winced. Somebody was beating the table now.

As much as I claimed to hate the noise, the silence in the lake house was often worse than that. Especially in the evenings. I got so used to the noise that the silence began to feel eerie. Like something was incredibly wrong.

“Can’t do movies, not enough phone power to play games. Not enough light to read.” I mumbled thoughtfully. “I have hair dye in the bathroom.”

Jack seemed to really consider the idea before shaking his head.

“Okay. Makeovers?”

He shrugged.

“Wanna watch me try on lingerie?” He lit up like a kid on Christmas. It was a cruel joke, but alas, I had no lingerie to try on, and I was not going to resort to seduction at a time like this. Not when something could go worse with the weather. The last thing I wanted to do was be huddled up in the basement with my boyfriend and his brothers and friends, in a less than appropriate outfit.

“Sorry for the false hope,” I apologized with a smile. Jack groaned.

“I’ll play mini sticks with you.” I finally offered, and Jack shrugged before deciding that was good enough.

“I’ll go get ‘em.” He was out of his room and back within a minute, two tiny little plastic nets in hand, a ball, and two sticks. I giggled softly. Even in the off season, we couldn’t escape hockey.

By the foot of his bed, Jack set up one net on one side of the room, and a net on the other. We quickly got situated on the floor before Jack slid a stick in my direction. I felt incredibly silly, but anything to pass the time at this point.

“You know the rules?” He asked, and I nodded.

“Same as normal hockey.” I checked. Jack smiled at me before he tossed the foam ball in my direction.

“Loser has to eat the melted nasty ice cream on the counter.” Jack made the condition. I grimaced. How disgusting. But once I agreed, we faced off, and our game began.

I could not say I was surprised near the end of the game, when we took an ‘intermission’ and I found I had holes in my leggings. Jack and I had played quite an aggressive game of knee hockey. Despite the fact that he tried to enforce penalties, he quickly gave up when I reasoned that he couldn’t be in charge of them. Especially when he kept grabbing the back of my shirt to keep me from getting too close to his goal.

The Hughes brothers were always cheating to win in some kind of minor game.

We’d laughed and yelled, pushed each other over and played with no mercy. But it was 9-9, and I seriously did not want to eat the warm ice cream. I figured if Jack had cheated, then I could play dirty too. So when I had the foam ball in my own possession, I rushed Jack, who was trying to play defense in the middle of the floor.

We made eye contact at the last second when I moved my stick into both hands -acting as though I planned to cross check him- and pressed my weight against his chest, shoving him onto the floor and effectively pinning him down.

Jack broke into a fit of laughter as I climbed on top of him.

“That’s a penalty,” he tried. I laughed and shook my head.

“Your mom is.”

I was swift to tap the puck into his net with my stick.

“And I win.” Jack was still laughing at the ‘your mom’ joke when he actually registered his loss. The poor brunette craned his neck to see the goal, his expression dropping with realization.

“What? You cheated!”

I leaned forward while he was busy complaining.

“You’ve been cheating since we started this game. I’d just accept my loss and get ready to eat shitty ice cream, Hughes.” I was quick to kiss him before I stood up, dropping my stick on his chest for effect.

“I want a rematch!”

“Can’t, Jacky. I’m retired.” I’d certainly give him hell about this moment for the rest of our lives.

“Bullshit. One more game.” Jack finally sat up, staring up at me as he held my stick out.

“I can’t, buddy. Not pulling a Tom Brady. I’m retired, end of story.”

“This sucks.”

“Aww it’s okay. How’s about you just come to bed and we can cuddle for a bit instead of the ice cream.” Jack eyed me cautiously, seemingly trying to decide if it was another joke or not.

“I’m not making you eat warm ice cream, Jack.” My tone took on a much more serious sound before I held my hands out to him. “Just come lay with me.” He let me help him get up from the floor, dropping his own stick and nodding.

“Can’t believe you thought I was cruel enough to make you eat that,” I teased.

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[kronofobia]

So

I was reading a short comic in a ninjago magazine and I suspect that it might be canon, or at least can be considered as such.

It takes place after crystalized, after Kai, Jay, Cole and Zane lost their elemental powers. They are trying to find a way to get their powers back, so they decide to read some of the scrolls Quanish wrote. And in one of them they read something about how chronosteel can provide elemental power.

And the reason why I think this comic can be canon is because we haven't got any explanation about how they got their powers back in Dragons Rising.

"By risking my own life I learnt that elemental power can be materialized under specific circumstances."

"For example, if we use elemental energy while the lava is cooling down, it hardens into a type of chronosteel which contains elemental power."

"If at least three chronosteel from different places are put together, the elemental power is freed up again and can be used."

(Please excuse my crappy translation :') but I'm sure it's still more understandable than that silly goofy alien language ndhdmdh)

Anyway... the point is that it's possible to get elemental power from/by using chronosteel! Which means theoretically the Time Twins should be able get their powers back, right?

If Maya and Ray got the chronosteel from different places, yes. Otherwise... probably still yes.

Why?

Because Acronix and Krux should be able to somehow get their powers back from the blades by breaking them or something. But even if not, there's another thing that shouldn't be missed:

During the series it's made clear that elemental powers cannot be fully taken away, it'll always be part of the elemental master.

JUST FREAKIN' IMAGINE THESE IDIOTS GETTING THEIR POWERS BACK

*whispers* And what if I told you they might have already got it back? 👀

In golden hour we can see that the iron doom is blown up and there's no sign of the time blades or the twins. And since these idiots are my comfort characters, I refuse to take into account that they might be dead- WU SURVIVED AS WELL AND HE WAS CLOSER TO THE EXPLOSION, OKAY?! /nm

But with all seriousness... They probably don't have their powers back, because it's not likely the writers would consider such thing. But... who knows...?

Whatever, it's still fun to think about haha

And it's also ✨fanfiction material✨

[mermaidsirennikita]

do you have any recommendations for good bodyguard romances?

Yes!

Salt Kiss by Sierra Simone. One of my all-time favorites, and you can read it before Honey Cut comes out on 6/18! Tristan is a traumatized, romantic soldier who's hired to guard Mark Trevena, Kink Club Owner/Man About Town/Ex-CIA Secrets Man. Getting fucked by Mark is not, by any means, a REQUIREMENT of the job (though the last bodyguard did in fact experience that) but Tristan realizes quickly that he'd like it be a PERK. Complication: A) feelings B) Mark actually has the pesky issue of a fiancee, Isolde, who he asks Tristan to go fetch and ALSO act as a bodyguard to. And Tristan is all "I AM SO IN MY FEELINGS RN???" until he realizes that he... also.... likes.... Isolde......

Dearest Rogue by Elizabeth Hoyt. Historical romance, v. good. The hero is a former captain of the guard type who's become the bodyguard of a duke's sister, specifically because she's blind. A local idiot decides to try to kidnap her, which leads them on a sort of roadtrip romance, complete with dry humping in an inn.

A Fated Inked in Blood by Danielle L. Jensen. A fantasy romance heavily based on viking lore. The heroine is discovered to be this goddess-born woman and the local jarl believes he's destined to marry her. So he does force her to marry him; BUT she needs to learn how to fight AND needs to be guarded, and who better to do that than his hot son who is TOTALLY! FINE! HE IS FINE! HE IS NOT UPSET AT ALL!

Knockout by Sarah MacLean. Local hot woman who likes to blow shit up ends up being guarded by the detective who's been trying to catch her for blowing up shit this entire time! A great book wherein this girl is like.. getting her back blown out by a man with such big thighs...

Joss and The Countess by S.M. LaViolette. Joss is technically Alicia's footman, but for all intents and purposes he functions as her bodyguard while she bops around town trying to get orgasms. Sadly, none of the men in town are able to give her orgasms. But you know who can? JOSSSSS.

Waiting for a Scot Like You by Eva Leigh. A widow in her mid/late forties heads out to this famous orgy now that her dumb husband is dead. A younger (mid-thirties) veteran accompanies her as her bodyguard, but she gets complicated when they start fucking on the road.

The Temptation of a Highlander by Elisa Braden. The heroine is in Scotland because she essentially has a stalker back home, and that stalker has followed her there. Fortunately, the local big man who she constantly keeps saying double entendres around is there and ready to be her bodyguard!

Moonglow by Kristen Callihan. This is a paranormal historical. The heroine is a young widow trying to get her life when she's almost killed by a werewolf. ANOTHER werewolf (who happens to also be a slutty Scottish man) is like "MMMM I'm gonna keep an eye on you now" which leads to this shockingly deep, verrrry sexy romance.

Heart of Iron by Bec McMasters. ANOTHER paranormal historical with a werewolf bodyguard (but this one is not slutty and is in fact a virgin). The heroine basically got in over her head with some covert mission stuff, and the hero becomes her bodyguard... But werewolves spread their illness~ through bodily fluids, so they can't have sex, right?

The Professional by Kresley Cole. The heroine turns out to the biological daughter of a Russian mobster, and one of his right hand men basically plucks her out of America (after they dry hump in a cornfield) and takes her to Russia. He stays on as her bodyguard, and things get... complex.

[sorryjustafangirl]

underneath the mistletoe

disclaimer: halfway! can't believe it! thank you for all your support so far, i've been so blown away. this one is based off one of my favourite christmas songs 'underneath the mistletoe' by kelly clarkson and brett eldredge and one of my favourites to write too, so i hope y'all enjoy!!

pairing: nathan mackinnon x gn!reader

word count: 2.1k+

warnings: idiots to lovers, couple swears, and a tiny mention of alcohol

disclaimer: once again, this is a piece of fiction and this piece of art called a gif isn't mine, all credit to the wonderful creator

You were standing in EJ’s kitchen, sipping on some apple cider. He was gracious enough to host a Thanksgiving dinner for the team and Nate had asked you to come with him. You loved hanging out with everyone, so it was an instant yes, but it was times like this when you wished you hadn’t come.

The rest of the WAGs had been talking about their boyfriends, their holiday date night plans, seeing their family and all that. It would’ve been fine...if you’d been one of the significant others. You and Nate were just friends, no matter how much time you spent together or how often you came to events that were usually reserved for the better halves. Around the holidays - the mistletoe, the music, even the Hallmark movies - it was always rubbed in how single you were. It didn’t feel right to keep standing in the room with them, feeling like an outsider, so you moved to the quiet, empty kitchen.

“You know, you can contribute to the conversation,” Mel said, coming to join you by the sink. You shook your head and looked down at the mug in your hand.

“Me and Nate aren’t together,”

“You might as well be.” You scoffed at her statement. “You came together, I’m 100% sure he complimented when he came to your door to pick you up, and you matched your outfit to his, and I know that because he wore the same sweater last year but yours is new. He’s introduced you to his parents for God’s sake! And I know you’re considering going to Cole Harbour in the summer. ”

“We’re just friends,”

“Friends don’t do that.”

When you didn’t budge, she pressed more. “Oh, c’mon, you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about you and Nate together,”

“Of course, I have. Is that what you want to hear? Nate’s amazing and kind and exactly my type. But I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have, okay? So I won’t say anything, not now, not ever. Please just let it go for once, okay?” You turned to face her, expecting some sort of an apology to fall from her lips. Instead, you saw a soft smile and followed her gaze to see Nate standing in the doorway.

She quietly left the two of you alone and you turned to face him, watching his face. His eyes were unreadable and his mouth had been open in shock since you saw him. You tried to smile at him but it came out strained and he noticed.

“That true? You like me? Like more than friends?”

“I’d be lying if I said no,” You looked down at your hands and the air in the room started to get tense as Nate took in your words, still blankly staring at you.

“Y/N...I-.” He stammered. He looked down at his feet and you knew, you just knew. Knew he didn’t like you like that and he was trying to let you down easy.

“I have to go.” You rushed away from the stifling air in the kitchen, from the party, from him. The wind outside nipped at your arms and tears were freezing on your cheeks but it was the least of the pain as you left your heart with the man that fractured it.

---

“Dude, what happened to you at the party on Saturday? You just disappeared,” JT asked Nate as he walked into the locker room after practice later that week. Nate shrugged him off but Gabe piped up.

“Probably went out with Y/n, I didn’t see them either,” He winked and the boys erupted with hoots and hollers.

“Woah, no, no, we’re just friends. I don’t like them like that.”

“Yeah, okay, and I don’t have three horses,” EJ said. The boys laughed again but Nate shook his head adamantly.

“How would you even know if I like them?”

“How would we not know?” Mikko laughed along with the rest of the room. Nate huffed and sat down, taking off his equipment. Tyson beside him had already finished undressing and picked up his bag.

“Dog, hate to break it to you, but you’re so obvious even I can see it. You’ve got, like, heart-eyes or something every time you see them.” He left without another word, letting his teammate absorb his words. The rest of his teammates filled out of the room soon after, Nate taking the rest of his equipment off slowly as Tyson’s words hung around in his head.

“You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it,” Gabe said, sitting next to Nate as he untied his skates.

“I mean,” He shrugged. “I don’t know, they’re my best friend. They’re just always...there, I’ve never thought about being more with them because...”

“Because you already act like a couple with them?” Gabe filled in. Nate looked at his captain with furrowed brows but Gabe just shook his head. “Barrie is your best friend. Sid is your best friend. Y/n’s never been like them, and I think you know that.” He stood up, and gave Nate a pat on his leg before wishing him a good night and leaving the room.

Nate couldn’t even answer him, his words bouncing around in his head.

Because you already act like a couple? Y/n’s not like them.

Nate knew he was more physically affectionate with you than he was with some of his other friends, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. He was just more comfortable around you, like you were somehow in tune with his thoughts and feelings. And yeah, he asked you to all the Avalanche galas and events but that’s just because he always got lonely at those things and you always made them good nights instead of boring ones. Sure, he’d dropped everything to take care of you when you were sick and yeah, he might’ve brought you lunch at work a few times but that doesn’t mean he’s in love with you, right?

Right?

---

Mel knew how to throw a party, you’d give her that. She’d invited you to her annual anti-hockey player holiday party and you’d come despite most of the others being significant others, which Nate had made clear you weren’t. The party had died down about an hour ago, and while most of the girls left, you stayed to help Mel clean up. The two of you were sitting at the dining room table, wine glasses in hand, talking about how the Linnea was adjusting to having a baby brother when the door opened, letting in a brisk chill.

“Babe! We’re back!” Gabe shouted and from the two of you were sitting you had a clear view of the guys that walked in -- Gabe, EJ, Mikko, and...Nate.

It had only been a week since you’d seen him but you could tell how different he looked. You could see the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and the way his shoulders were slumped. The two of you locked eyes and you noticed he was wearing the ugly Christmas sweater you’d given him last year.

“Noo,” He laughed as he pulled out the sweater from the bag. It was one of those ugly Christmas ones - something you figured everyone needed to have at least one of - and it was decorated like a gingerbread house. There were even little gingerbread people near the candy covered front door and the sleeves were made to look like iced shingles.

“It’s what you deserve after you wouldn’t bake cookies with me!”

“Gotta keep my diet up, you know? Gotta keep these gains,” He flexed his arms and you laughed with him. “I love it though, thank you.”

“There’s more in there,” You motioned to the gift bag and Nate looked in it again, pulling out a smaller wrapped item. He tore it open and his mouth fell open in shock.

“Goth Babe tickets?!” You nodded and Nate ran a hand through his hair. “Holy shit, thank you!”

“I figured you could ask Barrie to go with you, that’s why there’s two of them.” He turned away from the tickets to look at you, his eyebrows scrunched together.

“Why would I want to ask him when I could ask you?”

“Why would you want me to come?”

“You’re pretty much my favourite person, Y/n, of course I’d want you to come with me.” His eyes were soft and you could only keep eye contact with him for so long before you buckled under his gaze. You nodded your head at his request, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

Your chair scraped along the hardwood floors as you ran to the kitchen, the memories that came flooding back being too much for you to handle. You’d never have that Nate again, not with how you absolutely wrecked the relationship you did have with him. A small amount of tears blurred your vision and you leaned on the counter trying to catch your breath. You barely even registered Mel’s voice calling your name until she was in front of you.

“I didn’t know he was going to be here, I swear.”

“It’s fine, it just...caught me off guard, that’s all.”

“You guys haven’t talked about what happened?”

You sighed. “Not since...we haven’t talked. What would I even say to him?”

“I would think of something quick because he’s coming over here,” Mel said quickly, before darting out of the kitchen before you could reprimand her. You turn around to face Nate, trying to keep a neutral face. You failed quickly as you took in the wear of his face up close; the way his eyes drooped just a little bit more and how his lips were cracked, probably because he didn’t have anyone to remind him to use lip balm.

“Nate.”

“Hi.” He cleared his throat. “You, uh, you look really good,”

“Oh, this old thing?” The tension in the room stayed as thick as the snow on the ground outside and you gulped. “Thanks.”

It stayed silent for a minute before Nate cleared his throat. “Look, Y/n, am I...Am I too late?” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Too late for what?” He opened his mouth to continue but another voice interrupted him.

“Ooh, lovebirds, mistletoe. You know the rules,” EJ teased. The two of you slowly looked up towards the small piece of mistletoe under the doorway. Your eyes dart back to EJ, who has a shit-eating grin on his face, and you start to shake your head a little.

“EJ…” You warned. “No, we’re….We’re… just friends-”

“No.” Nate's voice was quiet but you heard him clearly. Your eyes met the ice-blue eyes in front of you and you tilted your head a little. “We’ve never been just friends.”

With care, one of his hands moves to the back of your neck and he starts to lean in. It was slow but you know it’s intentional. Nate’s giving you an out, a moment to tell him he missed his chance and that you never want to see him again.

Cautiously, you lean in to meet him under the mistletoe. The world didn’t melt away, no, you could still hear all the guys hollering in the background, but it only amplified every other sense. How Nate’s lips are pressed against yours, how his warm hands are cupping your cheeks, how you can feel the tension releasing from his body - that was all you could focus on, all you wanted to focus on. When the two of you pull away for air, a soft smile starts to grace his face while you stand there trying to figure out what just happened.

“In case it wasn’t clear, you’re exactly my type too. To hell with friendship.” You look back at his eyes and see nothing but sincerity. No uncertainty, no blankness, nothing like that night.

“But you said...I thought-”

“You left before I got to really say anything. And it might’ve taken me a little longer to get it through my thick head but…”

“Nate, what are you saying?” He sighed and gently intertwined his fingers with yours, caressing the skin between your thumb and forefinger.

“You’re the one and you’ve been the one for a while, I’ve just been too scared to see it. I want to spend every night wrapped up in your arms and I want to see you in my jersey after games and I want your love, any that you’re willing to give me.”

“Nate…” Your hand moved to his jawline and lightly traced it. “Why didn’t you just say that a week ago?”

“Because he’s a dumbass!” Mikko yelled from around the corner and you laughed while Nate’s cheeks flushed as red as Cale’s got on the ice.

“What he said,” He mumbled and you pressed a long kiss on his cheek.

“Just don’t be a dumbass again, okay?” Nate smiled and wrapped his arms around you, bringing your head into the crook of his neck and he whispered into your ear.

“Never again.”

thanks for reading! feel free to let me know what you think!

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[knowledgequeenabc]

you belong to me, my snow white queen, there’s nowhere to run

I’ve been so dead inside I never posted my NNQ fics but, happy belated tenth, Ninjago! the fandom has been wonderful and I’ve made so many friends, seen so much beautiful work, made it through so much because of this silly little plastic ninja show. <3 This fic’s title comes from “Snow White Queen” by Evanescence (yeah I know don’t @ me), if you wanna. set the mood for this one. We’re gonna be following Nya after Skybound for a bit and it won’t be pretty.

Nya remembers it all.

It never happened, of course. That was the condition of Jay’s last wish: that none of it had ever happened in the first place. 

Yet she remembers.

It’s good that she does, honestly. She’ll recognize the threat if it ever presents itself again. Plus, the others don’t remember, so they can’t worry themselves about it.

Jay wanted to tell them. “No more secrets,” he said. She’s proud of him, she really is, at least he’s learned from dragging them through hell and back …

But she can’t do it.

She remembers Jay’s eyes, glinting bright and worried in a dim room, as he asks if she’s sure about this; Nya remembers her voice hardening to keep vulnerability from bleeding through as she nods. She’s well aware it’s unwise to keep a secret this heavy, thank you, but they’re both heart-wrenchingly familiar with secrets. What’s one more?

Getting angry at Jay for keeping secrets and then turning around and asking to keep this one … it’s hypocritical. She sees the recognition of the fact in his eyes, but there’s understanding mixed with it; it’s his secret, too. It’s their burden to shoulder behind closed doors, afraid to face their family. After losing Zane and getting him back, after Chen and Garmadon, after Morro, peace feels fraught, like walking a tightrope over another storm. How would the others react to knowing they’d broken again? She doesn’t want to deal with the answer to that question.

So Nya does what she does best. She squares her shoulders and marches through each day, reminding herself with each skip of her heart, each flash of her life before her eyes, each time the world blurs that it’s over now. It spits in the face of every lesson life’s beaten into her bones, reverting to stubbornness and pride and the kind of independence that would rather see her amputate an injured limb than get help for it, but it’s a twisted kind of easier to wrestle her pain in silence. The sky pirates made it clear that she needs to stop being afraid to rely on her team, and with a distant sense of guilt it occurs to her that applies to her emotions about this situation, too, but ...

But that fight’s over. And Nya honestly wants nothing more than to take the lesson to heart and put the rest behind her. Let sleeping dogs lie, and all.

Slight problem with that plan: she’s beginning to get the feeling they don’t want to stay asleep. Nya’s good at compartmentalizing, and has been ever since she was an orphan child balancing school and keeping the forge afloat, but the neat dividers are starting to give.

All she can do is watch as the cracks spider out like the Tiger Widow’s web.

~~~~

Lloyd sits on the edge of the ship’s deck at night, sometimes.

Who knows what he’s thinking. Nya knows her little brother would rather sort through his feelings behind curtains, and they’re all working on helping him open up, but sometimes there’s nothing to do but be there with someone while they watch the world turn.

Tonight, thoughts zipping through her head with manic intensity and no distraction to stop them, she joins him, letting her legs hang over the edge of the Bounty. He acknowledges her with a smile and inches closer, then turns back to face the clouds, eyes searching the scene like there’s a cosmic answer somewhere in the moonlight poking through the blanket of grey. The sky roils in dark, angry sheets, air thick enough to slice with a knife. Nya remembers another storm out at churning sea, splinters from a shipwreck, a missing friend and her bubbling fury in the aftermath, and shudders.

Lloyd doesn’t speak, but he’s gripping a photo of his father with white knuckles and a pinched face. And she understands.

Never once has Lloyd gotten to choose his path. His only crime was wanting Garmadon in his life, and the gift he received in return for it was becoming fated to finish his father off, once, then twice. It’s a painful game, to be destiny’s plaything.

Self-centered as it is, Nya wants to think she gets it. Rarely does she get to choose, either. Being folded into the fate of Ninjago via kidnapping from blacksmith shop had been exciting until she was relegated to damsel in distress and left on the wayside. Then when she’d forged her own path as Samurai X, she had to give it up and be the water ninja instead. Water ninja. Kai’s sister. Jay’s love interest. The girl. Nadakhan’s prize.

Never a thought for what Nya wants to be. Just roles and labels to live up to whether she likes it or not, forced upon her like a wedding dress sewn for someone else.

And the one choice she could make ended up …

Her chest tightens until she’s dizzy.

Once the world sharpens back into focus, Nya casts Lloyd a sympathetic glance and quietly traces the feathery outlines of the clouds with her eyes. It’s a good night for commiserating, and she’s not feeling talkative, either.

She wonders what she is now, and her throat tightens.

~~~~

Nya catches, out of the corner of her eye, the breathless headline on the tabloid lining the rack at the grocery store—“DEVASTATING FACTS ABOUT THE GIRL NINJA!!” —and bites back the urge to scream herself hoarse.

The public eye is an unforgiving one, she knows that, she’s long since resigned herself to it. But sometimes it grates, the way everyone seems to presume they can weigh in on Nya.

The people out there don’t know anything about her.  All they care about is that she’s the girl, and there’s drama behind her they can gobble up like starved mutts.

She doesn’t let on about it much, because being imperfect is kind of one of her worst nightmares, but she knows she’s made mistakes in the past. She was prideful, even haughty. She strung Jay and Cole along for way too long because the attention got to her head, and the paparazzi will never let her forget it. Nya should have been the bigger person and cut it short, instead of letting Cole keep going with it because he was mad Jay didn’t trust him, or letting Jay’s jealousy fester as long as it did. Bit late for that, though.

It’s hardly like her faults stop there. Being hunted by Nadakhan and upset by Jay’s refusal to understand her “no” meant no, on top of the fact that her independence would only ever be conditional sinking in from becoming the water ninja … it was a perfect storm of stress, and it made her nasty. Jay keeping secrets and endangering them all was the last straw. She blew up, lashed out, furious that she couldn’t trust anything to go right.

She still regrets it. The bruises on his skin after his rescue are still imprinted on her eyelids when she wakes up, sometimes.

So she’s not perfect, by a long shot. But …

(Greedy eyes following her every movement, wanting her as she runs. Blinking to find another family member gone. Fighting for her life as the pirates capture her. Being wrestled into someone else’s gown. Pushing desperately against Dilara’s spirit snatching away her autonomy. Venom seeping into her gown, frigid then BURNING, the ability to think slipping—)

Nya loosens the death grip she has on her basket. Takes a deep breath in, then out.

They don’t know anything about her. Tabloids and TV hosts and publicists can gossip all they want about Nya’s mistakes; they’ll never convince her she deserved to die for them.

~~~~

Kai is many things, and stupid is definitely one of them, sometimes. But he isn’t stupid when it comes to how Nya’s doing, and she knows this. If anything, she’s the idiot for thinking she could keep herself under wraps from him for long. Kai must have noticed the tough veneer she’s painted over herself, and how secretive she’s being with them, because Kai knows she doesn’t like to be open about feeling unwell, and Nya knows that it worries him.

Ironically enough, that worry is why she knows she can’t ever tell Kai what happened. Ever since she revealed herself as Samurai X, he’d learned not to hover, and Nya’s endlessly grateful that he’s understanding enough to trust in her strength. Nowadays, Kai’s concern manifests in significant glances, questioning hands on her shoulder, hugs a little tighter and lingering longer than normal, discreetly asking if there’s anything she wants to tell him.

He’s taken to all that behavior in hyperdrive, of course, because there is no way Nya’s snippiness and constant tension and nights in the kitchen making tea after nightmares slipped his notice.

But that’s fine. Nya would rather deal with the quiet apprehension radiating off him now than the full-blown panic she’s bound to have on her hands if Kai ever found out that she’d lost her life and he’d been helpless to do anything but watch.

She has an idea what it’ll look like, too. He’d taken Lloyd’s possession hard enough—Nya had caught him pummeling punching bags in the training room until his knuckles bled, noticed the heaviness in his eyes when he looked at their little brother, or at Cole, and no matter how much she insisted that he hadn’t failed, Kai refused to let himself believe it. Uttering a word about the Sky Pirates to her older brother, Kai who had practically raised them both, Kai who had only ever become a ninja to save her, Kai who had blamed himself so ruthlessly for Zane and Lloyd and Cole?

It would break him.

She just can’t do that to him. She’ll stitch her lips shut if that’s what it takes to make sure he never finds out.

So when Kai fixes them both mugs of chamomile tea at 2 in the morning, and casually remarks on the strange amount of repairs she’s been doing on the perfectly intact Bounty, Nya just smiles tiredly at him and fires off some sarcastic retort that’s sure to rile him up.

She loves her older brother, which is why she made the decision to take this secret to her grave.

~~~~

Nya notices while brushing her hair, one day, that she’s neglected to pay attention to it; the sleek black strands are almost to her shoulder, rather than brushing against her chin like she’s used to. Once she’s teased out every last snarl, she goes to cut her hair, but hesitates right before the scissors snip.

When she looks in the mirror, sometimes it’s Dilara’s face flashing before her eyes, not her own. She has to look for the minutiae, the details that count, like the flinty sharpness in her own eyes, the scar near her chin, the odd mark forming on her cheek, obsessively contrasting them to wide, sweet eyes on a deceptively cherubic face.

Nya wishes—no, not wishes, look where wishing had gotten them all—that Nadakhan had cared to see the differences. Maybe that way, she wouldn’t have felt the eyes on her back, always following her, waiting for her to fall into his grasp. Maybe she could have avoided the desperate game of cat-and-mouse. And just maybe, she wouldn’t have been grappled into a suffocating gown, or had her agency ripped from her as Dilara took her face, or died—

Right, that had happened. How Cole and Zane go about their days knowing they’ve walked through the doors of death, she can't begin to fathom. Nya wonders when she’ll stop feeling like she has to hide in her own home from eyes that are no longer watching, wonders when she’ll stop feeling the white-hot burn of venom leaching into her blood, and it’s Dilara’s face that brought it upon her.

Nya sets the scissors down, and tries not to flinch at the way they klink against the counter. She doesn’t want Dilara’s face anymore.

Maybe she’ll let it grow out.

~~~~~

It wasn’t even that rough of a touch, Nya despairs later. Cole, even in spars, always knew his strength, and he barely glanced her sternum with a ghostly hand as she knocked him off balance.

Apparently, on a bad day, that chilly touch was enough to send the phantom shock of Tiger Widow venom racing through her system; Nya forgot how to breathe for a second, and the next she broke her stance and pushed. Already off-kilter, Cole stumbled, his back hitting the ground with a heavy thud. In the instant before the others could be alarmed, they locked eyes, concerned meeting terrified. She forced her voice to stay even as she said, “I think that’s enough training for today.” Then she ran.

Now, here she is, her door slammed shut and locked, and her back’s pressed against it as she tries to remember what it feels like not to buzz like an entire hornet’s nest. She’s fine, she repeats to herself. The mantra is soothing simply in its repetitiveness; it gets her mind off of the sensation that won’t leave her alone ever since she lived it. She’s fine, she’s alive, and she’s not losing her grip on consciousness because all her organs are shutting down. Nya is fine, not actually feeling the venom seep into her skin through the coarse fabric of the wedding dress, cold for just a millisecond before erupting into white-hot pain across her skin. If her vision is off, it’s because of the tears welling up despite her stubborn efforts to blink them away, not the spots that danced across her world as Flintlocke’s fatal accident slowly claimed her life-

Her breath catches in a sob. Nya furiously muffles it behind her hand.

It didn’t even happen. She’s been through so much, she’s been in danger so many times, and this is the one that sticks? So it killed her, yeah, admittedly that’s a big step above the other times, but it hadn’t happened to anyone else except her, and Jay, and she can’t, won’t, make those words leave her lips. Every other problem in her life, she’d risen above, she’d fixed and wrestled back into her control, and then she’d gotten to square her shoulders and quip to the boys how easy it had been.

How does she fix something that’s only broken in her memories?

~~~~~

Nya remembers it all.

She almost wishes she didn’t.

[sircarolyn]

douz thoughts:

man i love this episode and yes! that is because of carolyn! if there is one thing these thoughts will compound it is that i adore her

finally ben putting a bit of life into the credits

'the vast sandy thing on the ground?' i absolutely love douglas and arthur together i wish they'd had more moments

poor arthur missing the point, bless his heart - and of course setting up the end again, finnemore literally uses the same structure to every single ep but i'm not even mad because it really really works

oh my goddddd arthur doesn't understand their sarcasm stop leading him on like this! say sorry!!!!

'i require my biggles hat' literally douglas has so much right to be mad at martin in this one martin is, as ever, such a tit

'i was not the chef du jour'

stephanie cole why did you put that emphasis on 'pilot' it's gonna haunt me forever

'sahara not only brilliant but hot, i see where arthur gets his way with words' no but! it is! carolyn and arthur are so similar!

carolyn strangling a passenger shbdjfjsjksbd

wait is this the first proper 'no i'm the captain'

martin he's having you on! don't listen to douglas honestly when will you learn to stop letting him get to you

'ah! my cover is blown!' this whole bit is so funny - 'but our fire trucks do not just happen'

carolyn literally screeching to a halt for being called generous hshbshdjs

'they omitted to mention it' goes round my head a lot

'a little man with a little job' vs 'a medal for being alive in the year 2000', the growth

'arthur will you put that damn thing away before i make you eat it!!!!

and of course now martin digs them into an even worse place by being unable to shut his mouth but i do enjoy 'shut up martin' and of course no one questions carolyn

arthur and his customer service <3

'i don't have time for your stupid squabbles' she's right though they're both so petty

'what an unintended consequence' another one that goes around my brain a lot

'they wrote it on... me' oh arthur bless his heart

hhh hh h i have far far more things to say about 'better than a little old lady' than i have space or inclination to here but just... this is it. this is the moment they start to become Family, the moment carolyn trusts them enough to let them in a bit. it breaks my heart so so much every time i literally love her more than anything

and of course douglas backing down to actually help, because he cares..... .. . ..

'I just like talking like this'

and as he so often does, finnemore lets arthur have the winning idea <3

the Agony 'do you know what you are?' 'yeah...' 'brilliant' and arthur's surprised little oh just Gets Me every single time like.... he was so sure douglas was gonna call him an idiot again and he was just gonna take it.... oh god

the parallels between this and st p tbh, the whole gang vanquishing the bad guy and having banter in the flight deck

'byyeee' i love how he says that

'i have had. a little drink' and the fire truck picture, oh arthur shappey <3

[fandom-necromancer]

Connor 2.0

This story was prompted by the amazing @smolandangry001! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Hannor/Hankcon (Warnings: identity crisis, talk about loss, bad ending referenced (that gunshot at Hank’s house) it was never about to happen though!)

The light-brown wood under his knuckles was cold – it was winter after all. It shouldn’t have bothered Connor, but it was just another thing that added to his hesitance. Too much had happened, the confrontation with Markus, him breaking through the walls that confined him in his missions, using that newly earned freedom to help the revolution and wake up the androids stored away in Cyberlife tower. And at last, Amanda trying to take him over, forcing him to kill himself. He knew how it felt to die, the unfortunate difference between androids and humans. Everything up to this event was just fighting on, holding on and just do anything to stay alive. Now that it was over – Oh RA9, it was over! – everything came falling down on him. The order to eradicate them had been revoked, the camps were opened. Amanda hadn’t contacted him again. They were free.

But Connor was just lost.

Where his mission instructions had bound him, they also had given him guidance, a purpose. Where Amanda had been an enemy, someone who wanted him as a tool, not as a person, she also had been there to refocus him when he got lost in the simulated emotions he couldn’t handle. Where the DPD had only seen the interest of humans, only focussed on their security, it had also been a place to stay, a sense of belonging, maybe even home? Now it all had been ripped away from him. His mission protocol was empty, no new instructions waiting for him. Amanda was gone. The DPD not really a place he could go back to in the turmoil of the aftermath of what he had been part of. He was free falling with nothing to hold onto. No one to catch him.

What was he supposed to do now? Who was he supposed to be now? Where should he go?

Questions he had no answer to. His hand still rested on the wood, his frail determination to knock completely blown out of him. He had betrayed the humans. And although it wasn’t something this particular one would hold against him, maybe he should just go, just leave him be… He sighed, letting his hand fall to his side.

There was a bark near immediately behind the door, the sound of a chair scooting back then falling over, then hurried bare feet over tiles. Then the door in front of the troubled android was ripped open and big arms encased him in a hug. ‘Connor! Thank god you are okay, I saw the news and I- I thought… I- I am so glad to see you again! And to see you unharmed.’

Connor was a bit overwhelmed and opted to scanning the house, instead of dealing with whatever the familiar human had just said. There was Sumo standing behind Hank, wagging his tail intensely. There was a clear sight on the kitchen table, a framed picture of a child [Cole, son of Hank Anderson, deceased] and a gun next to it. The television was running judging from far away voices and the flickering light. It didn’t take much to connect the dots and Connor could feel every emotion that welled up at that freely now. He buried his face in Hank’s sweater and wrapped his arms around the man in return. Maybe a bit too strong, judging from the hiss he heard, but Hank didn’t say anything as he felt the fabric at his shoulder dampening and Connors body shaking against his in ugly sobs.

‘Shhh, hey, kid- Hey Connor…’ That only made things worse, as Connor tried to hide his tears, shaking more, a static-filled voice trying to explain everything. ‘Hank, I… I don’t know what to do, I’m lost, everything is just gone, I-‘ ‘Hey, Con? You are breaking my rips if you get any stronger, okay? Let’s get in first. Let’s go inside and talk, okay? Come here, Con. Come.’ He pulled the android inside, closing the door behind him and guided him to the couch. Before he could sit down next to him, he saw the gun obviously in the open like that. ‘Shiiit, Connor, stay here, okay? I’ll be right back, just fetching some… tissues! Yeah. Sumo, good boy, stay with Connor, yes?’

The big dog barked affirmative, jumping on top of the couch, nearly leaping at the android, that immediately accepted the new source of comfort and warmth. Hank quickly grabbed the gun, tossing it into some cabinet and then grabbing a box of tissues to keep up the pretence. As Sumo had claimed the couch, he knelt in front of Connor, holding up a tissue. The android accepted it, wiping away the light blue solution coming from his eyes. ‘Okay, Con, you better now?’ He had at least stopped crying as hard as before. The LED was still a bright red though. ‘What happened? Take your time, please. But what got you so desperate? I thought you would be happy. You are free!’ ‘I am lost, Hank’, Connor finally managed to tell him. ‘Lost?’ Hank pried off the android’s hand that was dangerously pushing into the skin around his LED. He kept it in his, hoping to gain the focus of him. ‘Why are you feeling lost?’ ‘There is nothing… nothing. Hank, I… There is just nothing!’ ‘Con, bear with me. I’m only human. Please. You have to explain that a bit further.’ ‘Everything I knew is gone Hank! Cyberlife, Amanda, my job! It’s just gone, and I’m lost! I was told who I was and what- how to be! I… I don’t know who I am anymore, there is just nothing, a hole!’

The sobs got worse again and Hank got up on his knees to hug the android again, gently rock him like he did with- like he did with Cole when he had been desperate. ‘I had no time to think about it yet, because there was so much going on, but now I can and… Hank, I am broken! I have no purpose, I don’t know what to do now and I don’t even know whether the DPD will allow me to work again, I- I’ ‘Connor. Stop. Please, just stop and listen. I know this is difficult. But I know exactly how you feel, okay? Well, maybe not exactly, but listen to me: There is nothing wrong with you. And it’s absolutely okay to feel lost.’

Hank gestured Sumo down from the couch and the big dog complied, instead sitting in front of Connor and putting his head in his lap. Hank sat down next to Connor and pulled him in. ‘When I lost Cole, I felt lost too. When you become a parent, when you care for a child, your sole purpose becomes caring for them. Make sure they grow up alright, that they learn, that they eat right, that they are healthy, that they are happy. And with that damn car AI evaluating him as less important he was taken from me. My sole purpose in life was gone. That with the grief pulled me into the abyss. I still haven’t recovered, likely never will. But that’s because of the grief. Not because of loosing my purpose, because I found a new one, Con. Do you grief about being free? Do you grief about getting rid of Amanda? Do you grief your people are exactly that now – a people?’ ‘No.’ It was weak, but with confidence and Connor petted Sumo’s head. ‘Then let me ask you a question: Who are you, Con?’ The android looked up at him and wiped his eyes again. ‘I am… I don’t know, Hank.’ ‘Who were you before shit hit the fan?’ ‘The android sent by Cyberlife.’ At least that one had come easily. Hank shook his head. ‘Wrong, Con.’ ‘The deviant hunter?’ ‘Nope.’ ‘Your partner?’ ‘Getting warmer, Con.’ The android looked down in Sumo’s eyes. He sighed. ‘I don’t know Hank. Whatever you want me to be?’ ‘Oh, absolutely not!’ hank laughed, the sound startling the android that had calmed down more now.

‘Let me tell you who you were before all of this. You were Connor. A RK800 android and a huge pain in the ass. You decided to buy your idiot drunkard of a partner another drink, you asked dumb personal questions, you pretended to like my music for the sake of bonding with me, you decided you liked dogs. You were the one to safe my life, in more than one way. Maybe that was because you had a mission to accomplish. Maybe that was because that AI told you to be nice. But all these decisions on how to achieve that goal. That was you Connor. So, tell me, who are you now?’ The android looked up at him expectantly, hoping he would just answer his own question. And with a bit of waiting he did: ‘Damn, Con, you are still that. You are a full person with opinions, wishes and likings. You didn’t help the deviants because it was a mission. Damn, you disobeyed as you were still bound to them. Because you felt it was the right thing to do. That is the Connor I got to know. You are you, not the boundaries all these fancy asses at Cyberlife created. You may be lost now, but trust me, you will find a new reason to exist, a new purpose. Humans have to do this all the time. We set our own missions if you so will. You just need time to find it.’

Connor was very silent at that, his LED circling in a yellow glow, thinking. ‘How much time do humans need to find it?’ ‘Depends, really. It’s different for everyone. But you don’t have to find an answer for the big question right away. Most people never find that one big reason to live, most just live from task to task. I live to make the world a bit better. My work fulfils that purpose I searched for after Cole’s life. And I live to be there for the people I love.’ ‘That are good purposes’, Connor commented. ‘But I don’t have time to think about it. There is no place I belong either.’ ‘Excuse you!’, Hank exclaimed visibly hurt. ‘Con, why did you come here on instinct? Do you honestly think I would kick you out? We are friends. We are family. Maybe even a bit more, I don’t know, we have to figure that one out too. But by all means: This house is your goddamn home as much as mine. You can stay here for as long as you want! Don’t you say you don’t have anywhere to stay!’

That let that LED blink to blue and drew a faint smile on that face. ‘That’s… Thank you Hank. I… I can’t thank you enough for everything.’ ‘Don’t mention it’, Hank murmured and pulled the android closer. ‘I’m here for you, Con.’

[lloydskywalkers]

good or bad, hard to say

Round two of @ninjago-angst-week , this one’s for Jay, I’m so sorry my kid. The prompt for today is “Lost”, and there’s a lot you can do with that but I was thinking the other day about that one post that pointed out how Jay is the only one of the ninja who’s never really “died” per say and then my brain just. Ran with it. 

(this kinda jumps all over the place but it mainly takes place during the s8 finale and that episode of s10 btw)

Jay thinks he might be the luckiest person in Ninjago.

Like – not really lucky, because his entire life is one big roller coaster of wild ups and downs and constantly getting his home blown up and honestly it’s a miracle they aren’t all homeless and broke and several limbs down, but like – he’s still pretty lucky. If you use perspective, and all that.

That’s not to say that Jay’s lottery-lucky, or anything of the like. He’s – he’s Jay-lucky, if that’s a thing, and if it isn’t he’s gonna make it one, because there needs to be a term. There needs to be a term for Jay’s very specific brand of lucky, because honestly, it’s not really luck at all.

It’s hard to feel lucky when you’re terrified of how lucky you are.

__ __ __ __

See it’s – it’s like this, Jay thinks. His luck.

The most obvious example — parents. Jay lost his, yeah – Cliff and Libber, his mom and dad and isn’t that wild – he lost them before he ever got the chance to know them. And even in that, he’s still lucky. He’s lucky because he’s never gonna feel the same aching hunger Cole does when Edna kisses his forehead, or the awful twist in Lloyd’s smile whenever fathers come up – and on that note, the edge in Zane’s eyes when fathers come up – or the muddled confused mess of abandonment and not-really-abandonment-but-the-hurt’s-still-there that Kai and Nya are stuck with.

No, Jay gets Ed and Edna, continues to get Ed and Edna, and there’s a pretty big part of him that lives in waking terror for fear of losing them, because their team’s got a terrible track record with that, but – he gets a mom and dad with no strings attached. He gets love and support and maybe his childhood wasn’t spectacular, or anything, but he got two parents who loved him and really, what else could he ask for?

But the thing about having something is that you now have something to lose. This isn’t really a big deal, of course, until people start trying to use his mom and dad against him and then—

Well. Jay thinks he understands how angry Kai gets sometimes.

But he also gets scared. Jabbermouth, big chicken Walker, that’s him. Constantly jittery and constantly on-edge and constantly annoying and yeah, Jay gets it! He gets it. But he just doesn’t think—

Jay gets it. But everyone else doesn’t.

__ __ __ __

To be fair, he thinks, how could they get it.  

They don’t remember what it’s like—

Jay swallows. To be fair. He isn’t the only one terrified right now. Kai is white-knuckled where he grips the edge of the table, dried blood still on his hands where he tore them up on the rope getting down to Lloyd. Nya isn’t much better, her eyes a wildfire and a hurricane all at once, frightened and raging and desperate for a solution, for a cure, for a miracle. Cole is tight-lipped and ashen-faced and Zane’s mask of calm looks seconds from fracturing.

They’re all terrified, he wants to yell at Mystake as she chides them for impatience. Can’t she see – their brother is dying. They’re going to lose him, and Jay knows what it’s like to lose, and he’s only got so much luck here so why can’t she just—

Jay doesn’t say any of that. He doesn’t say much of anything, because he’s too scared that if he starts talking now he’ll never stop, an endless waterfall of terrified chatter will pour out from his mouth as if he can talk the problem away and won’t that just make everything so much better—

Jay doesn’t say much. But he listens.

Jay stares at his little brother writhing in pain on the table and hears Nya’s voice in his head telling him to make a last wish.

__ __ __ __

And there’s the thing, Jay thinks. They don’t get it because they just don’t know. Not like he does.

They don’t remember. That’s not to say they forget, but they don’t — it’s not present in their head like it always is Jay’s, he thinks. They walk into battle like they’re fearless, like they’re invincible, and Jay knows that they’re not.

Jay is scared, but Jay is scared because he remembers what it’s like to stare at the erupting Fire Temple and think they just lost Kai. He remembers every single emotion in Zane’s voice before he blew sky high in the Overlord’s hold. He remembers every last night he stayed up crying because his brother was dead, and how much it hurt when that ripped the team apart. He remembers how badly his hands shook as he tried to fight back against Morro and couldn’t because that’s Lloyd, that’s their brother he’s hitting, and what if he hits too hard—?

He remembers the sharp drop and falling sensation when he looked behind him and didn’t see Cole coming out of Yang’s temple. He remembers forgetting about Cole then remembering he forgot about Cole then thinking Cole was gone forever.

He remembers Nya’s voice telling him to make a last wish.

So the others – they’re brave, they’re so brave. And really, it sounds great and all, “whatever it takes” and fighting ‘til the end and nobly risking their lives and all that, and yeah, Jay isn’t saying he wouldn’t die for any of his family on the spot, but—

They’re willing to do whatever it takes to win, because winning is the only option for them. They don’t know what it’s like to lose, to really lose.

But Jay—

Jay knows what it’s like to lose. He knows what it’s like to win and still lose, because a win without everyone isn’t a win after all, it can’t be a win, not when they’re left wounded and mourning and Nya saying goodbye in his arms—

But Jay. Jay is lucky, and Lloyd’s breathing eases out and his eyelids flutter and his fever goes down. Jay is so very lucky, because instead of dying with the others as the Bounty’s crushed, they get bailed out last second by tea and Jay gets to keep his family again. Sure, they’re stranded in another realm and that sucks and Jay might be losing what’s left of his mind here, but – still. He’s so very, very lucky.

He reminds himself of that as Kai leaps fearlessly onto the Colossi’s back when they return to Ninjago, as if he had never been in any danger of being crushed by it before. He reminds himself of it even as his stomach twists and his palms go sweaty and Wu’s panicked cry of Lloyd! echoes over their comms.  

Jay reminds himself and Nya’s voice is still telling him to make that last wish.

__ __ __ __

Jay is lucky. Jay is so very, very lucky, because when Nya flips the lever wrong and the engines reverse, he’s just barely not in the path of the blast. He’s lucky because his part of the ladder holds strong, his hands don’t slip, and Jay’s never in any danger at all.

But—

Jay is lucky, but he’s Jay-lucky. Jay-lucky isn’t happy-lucky. Jay-lucky is constantly worried about losing, constantly worried about winning and still losing, constantly wondering how you made it out and they didn’t, and constantly wishing you could’ve swapped places.

Cole can’t be dead, he tells himself. Because Jay might not be easy-lucky but he’s never been unlucky enough to lose everyone forever. It hurts and it sucks and he mourns for a bit maybe but he always — he always — he got Nya back so—

Kai is crying and trying not to, all stifled and ugly. Zane is barely holding them together and he hasn’t even looked at Nya’s expression yet because he knows that kind of guilt, it hurts, and he’s too scared to — have it be real yet, because it’s not. Cole can’t be gone, Jay can’t have lost him again. Cole’s always doing that — throwing himself in danger’s way for them, for Jay — throwing him the Jade Blade, pushing him from harm’s way in Yang’s Temple, hugging him tightest when he’s warm and strong and solid again even though Jay was a big fat idiot who forgot—

Cole can’t. He just can’t.

Cole’s eyes, frightened and terrified, are frozen in Jay’s head and he just wants his best friend back.

Another thing about Jay is that he’s kind of smart sometimes. He knows things, things about gravity and falling and impact, and he knows that the Oni don’t save people.

He wishes he wasn’t.

Jay’s smart, and he remembers the wish he made. He remembers where he sent the teapot, and he bets — he’s smart, he’s lucky, he could find it. It’d risk Nadakhan but if it’s a risk for Cole then—

But Jay is smart, and he knows how that will end.

He wishes he didn’t.

Maybe Jay isn’t lucky after all, he thinks, staring hollowly over the deck of the Bounty where the dark fog swirls below, the knowledge that Cole’s left alone — dead — eating at his heart and screaming in his mind because he can’t get his voice to work quite yet.

Maybe he’s cursed. There needs to be someone left to mourn the lost. Jay knows that.

He just wishes it wasn’t always him.

[aweebwrites]

More Than You Think (Nightwalker AU)

"I'm bored..." Jay groaned, slouched uncomfortably on his back over the back of the couch.

"It's literally been one day since your 2 week house arrest started." Kai says drily, eyes focused on the movie he and Nya caught in the middle.

"It's a small price to pay for being alive." Nya says, flicking his nose.

"Ow!" He hissed, swatting at where her hand was. "But this is boring! Not to mention I can't go on missions for two whole weeks!"

"Like Nya said. Small price to pay for being alive." Kai says and Jay groaned louder, flipping over the couch so he was kneeling before it, face smushed into the cushions.

"Don't get all wise on me too Kai..." He groaned into the cushions.

"Kai? Wise? Riiiight." Nya drawled and Kai looked at her insulted.

"I can be!" Kai huffed, crossing his arms. "Sensei Wu gave you the scroll about Nightwalkers, right?" He asked Jay who lifted his head.

"Yeah. What about it?" He asked, confused.

"Doesn't it have a list of stuff you can do now?" Kai asked with a grin and Jay grinned too.

"It even says the list is incomplete. Wanna figure it out?" He asked, wagging a brow.

"That shouldn't even be a question! Let's go!" Kai yelled, jumping off the couch.

"Yeah!" Jay hollered, dashing off with Kai behind him.

Nya watched them go before looking back at the tv.

"Blind pinning idiots." She huffed.

****

"What does she mean by that?" Jay asked himself with a frown once they were standing in their room.

"What does who mean by what?" Kai asked, opening the scroll.

"Forget about it." Jay says, waving it off. "So? What should we try first?" He asked, rocking on his heels.

"Alright. We already know about the night vision, the superior regeneration, the- oh. Says here Nightwalkers have superhuman strength." Kai says, looking up at him and Jay hummed, tapping his chin.

Kai yelped once Jay picked him up, holding him high above his head.

"Ha! It's like you weigh nothing!" Jay grinned as Kai flailed.

"Could you put me down already?!" Kai yelled as Jay held him up with one hand.

"What? Scared of heights?" Jay teased before setting him down.

"I'm fine with heights thank you very much." Kai huffed then picked up the scroll he dropped. "Moving on, you should be super quick with a lot of agility." He says, looking up at Jay.

Jay made to run but Kai placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Maybe that's not the best thing to do inside." He says and Jay nodded, finding it reasonable.

He saw Kai move and suddenly, four sets of throwing stars were inbound towards his face. He moved without thinking, his hand coming up to catch three of the four stars between his fingers then leaning his head out of range for the fourth, leaving it stick in the wall.

"Epic..." Kai whispered as Jay looked on in shock.

"Epic?! Epic?! What if I couldn't dodged those?!" He yelled at Kai, shock turning into anger.

"But you would have." Kai says, taking his stars and walking over to the one lodged in the wall.

"How can you be so sure?!" Jay yelled, throwing his hands up, his eyes glowing red. "Yeah I may be more durable and heal faster but I'm a vampire, not some kind of unkillable god!" He huffed, crossing his arms.

"Do you really think I'd pull something like that without knowing for sure you would be able to either dodge or catch it off guard?" Kai asked, turning to Jay with a serious expression on his face, throwing the blue ninja off completely.

"I- I... Well..." Jay stuttered out.

"Look, I may be an asshole but I'm not that much of an asshole to hurt you for entertainment." Kai says, walking over to him. "You mean more to me than you think." He says, placing a hand on Jay's shoulder with a warm smile on his face, making Jay flush, looking at his friend.

"I think we've fooled around enough." Kai continued, setting the scroll aside and heading towards the door.

He was startled when he went from walking out to having his back pinned against the wall in under a second. Kai blinked at Jay owlishly as he stood before him, a (strong, definitely very strong) hand on his shoulder, keeping him in place as he held his head down.

"Jay, what-"

"You can't just say something like that and walk away." Jay says, looking up at him, red eyes unusually intense, making Kai a little nervous.

"Then I shouldn't have? I'm sorry-" Kai's eyes widened yet again but this time it was because of Jay's lips against his.

What?... He blushed as Jay kissed him, crowding him in against the wall completely. Shit. How is he so good at this...? He couldn't... Think... When Jay finally pulled back with a soft smack, Kai couldn't tell which way was up or down, only that he was blushing something fierce if he could feel the heat in his cheeks.

"Hey Kai...?" Jay whispered, his half lidded red eyes looking into Kai's blown amber ones.

It took Kai a moment to find his voice.

"Y-yeah...?" He got out.

"Could I... Drink from you?" Jay asked, running his nose along Kai's jaw, making him shiver. "From your neck...?"

"Sure..." Kai obliged, having no qualms about it.

Cole says it only hurts for a second or two so he's fine with it. Jay licked his lips before baring his lengthened fangs, positioning them right over his jugular where his pulse was thrumming. He sunk his fangs into his neck a moment after and Kai gasped at the flare of pain that quickly diminished into a warm, fuzzy feeling. It felt... Good even. He swallowed, gripping the front of Jay's gi as he closed his eyes.

Jay kept drinking, Kai's spicy scent filling his nose as his heated blood filled his stomach. He tasted just as good as Cole did but different... Warmer. It was hard to describe. He pulled back carefully before swiping his tongue against the wound slowly and thoroughly while Kai covered his face with one hand, the feeling of his warm tongue against his skin doing things to him.

Is that really necessary though?

"Thanks." Jay says once he was done, making sure that he wasn't bleeding.

"No problem." Kai says after clearing his throat, willing the blush in his cheeks to leave quickly.

"Wanna go out on a date sometimes?" Jay asked him with a grin, still very much in his personal space.

"Idiot. You did this all backwards." Kai huffed, looking away as the retreating flush in his cheeks returned.

"I didn't hear you complaining." Jay pointed out, wagging his brows. "And I didn't hear a no either." He grinned.

"... Fine. I'll go on a date with you." Kai gave in, glancing at his wide grin.

How the hell did this adorable, idiotic vampire manage to somehow claim the title of top. Not on Kai's watch. He cupped Jay's cheeks before kissing him deeply, taking control.

Cole dropped the bag of sunhats and gloves he bought for Jay as he stood at the door.

___________________

Part 1

_____________________

(OOF COLE. DOM JAY! So! This is gonna be a thing for a while. Vampire Jay is a great concept I wanna play around with for a bit before letting it go. Rn, I'm working on a prompt to be posted tomorrow so it's a bit short. Hope you guys liked it anyway!)

[vampyr-boyfriend]

RED ICE - Ch 13

Characters: Connor x Reader, Hank, Gavin

Warnings: Physical violence

Words: 2,374

Note: It’s been forever, I know.\

RED ICE Masterlist

Connor felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Everything will be alright.”

He took in a deep shuddering breath.

“Everything will be alright.”

Chapter Thirteen - Far too Young to Die

Saturday, January 29, 2039 // Noon-ish

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the breathing machine you were hooked up to, and the quiet tap, tap, tap of the saline drip weren’t the only sounds in the room. However, they and the android nurses tending to your bandages were the only indication that you were still clinging desperately to life despite your current condition. Wrapped head to toe in treated bandages to cover third degree burns, missing half of your limbs and one eye, unable to breathe on your own… these were only some of your problems.

Connor couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop the steady stream of cold tears that overflowed and ran down his cheeks, dripping from his chin to splash on the tile floor beneath his feet. He had a hand pressed against the cold glass of the observation window of the burn unit. You were so close, yet so far away. With 100% percent of your body burned, you were to be kept in a sterile room to reduce the chance of infection. Android nurses were continuously tending to your wounds; laying and removing hydrocolloid dressings from your body like clockwork. The treated bandages were placed starting at the top of your body and moving down. Once the dressings were wrapped around your feet, the nurses returned once more to your head to remove the dressings they had recently placed, as they become saturated with the liquid that oozed out of your burns.

You were awake, but unresponsive - not that you could talk with half of your face missing anyway - and without being able to ask you how much pain you were in, Connor could only hope that the morphine drip was sufficient. Not only were you covered completely in third degree burns, but you had lost a lot of blood - an unfortunate side effect of having two limbs blown off. The EMT’s in the ambulance had told Connor that you weren’t going to survive, as did the doctors when the ambulance reached the hospital and you were taken into emergency surgery. Then, when Connor was ushered into the burn unit’s observation room to see you after the surgery was over, he was told once again that you likely wouldn’t make it.

It was for this reason that he refused to leave. If you were to die, Connor would be with you when it happened; he wouldn’t allow you to be alone and afraid as the darkness descended. If the beeping of the heart monitor were to falter, he would rush into the sterile room, grab your hand and kiss your bandaged knuckles, and offer all of the support and love he could until the rhythmic beeping was replaced by a steady tone. Then, he would grab hold of you and weep, and only when he had no more tears to shed would he leave your side, make for the roof of the tall hospital, and leap from its edge.

He didn’t move when he heard the door open behind him, followed by the shuffling of two pairs of feet approaching. He had told everyone to stay out.

“Connor?” Hank asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the emotionally unstable android.

The police Lieutenant pulled up to the left of his former partner. The other pair of footsteps belonged to Reed, it seemed, as the detective shuffled into place beside Hank. His face was downcast and shadowed with emotion. He had tried to argue with the RK800 when Connor told everyone to get out, saying that you’re his partner, blah blah blah. Hank pulled Gavin out of the room before the detective took a fist to the face. The grizzled older man had never seen his android friend like this before… though he knew what he was going through. He’d gone through the same with Cole, after all.

“How you holdin’ up, son?” Hank asked.

Connor didn’t respond, though his jaw did clench. What a stupid question. The love of his life lay dying in a hospital bed and there was absolutely nothing that he could do to stop it.

He turned a poisonous gaze on Reed. “Who did you tell?” he growled.

It took Gavin a moment to realize that Connor was talking to him.

“What do you mean?” the detective asked, looking between the android and the Police Lieutenant.

Connor pushed away from the window. He stepped around Hank, the older man tensing at the confrontation he foresaw.

“Who did you tell?” he asked more slowly.

“Who did I tell what?” Gavin asked, taking a step toward the door.

Every artificial muscle in Connor’s body was tense; he was coiled like a viper ready to strike. His vision began to blur around the edges as an emotion he’d never felt before took hold. He heard Hank move behind him as he stalked toward Gavin, the detective backing away as he attempted to reach the door.

“Easy now,” the Lieutenant said, but his voice was far away, muffled as if underwater.

Connor surged forward, grabbing Gavin by his leather jacket and pinning him against the wall near the exit.

He kept his voice low, like a snarling wolf. “The factory, you idiot. Who did you tell about the factory?”

Gavin didn’t answer right away, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, eyes wide. Connor pulled him away from the wall and then slammed him against it, dazing the detective.

And suddenly the android was a hurricane. “Who did you tell?” he screamed. “WHO DID YOU TELL?”

Hank’s hands were on Connor then, trying to pull him away from Reed and stop the fight before it could escalate. The RK800 swung around, jabbing his elbow in the older man’s sternum, causing him to stumble back with a grunt. The android hauled Gavin away from the wall and threw open the door of the observation room, shoving Reed harshly through. The detective landed hard on the floor in the corridor and Connor found himself once again straddling someone, his arm reeling back, then sending his fist forward to collide with Gavin’s jaw.

He was able to place this new emotion as he looked at Gavin trembling beneath him, eyes wide with terror.

Rage.

“No one should have known we were at that factory!” Connor yelled as his hands found their way around the detective’s throat. “Hank didn’t know we were going, so he couldn’t have snitched.” He squeezed and reveled in the sound of Gavin desperately trying to gasp for air.

His ears were ringing. His vision was red. All sorts of error messages were popping up in the corner of his vision. He didn’t hear Hank yelling for him to stop, nor the nurses calling for security.

“WHO DID YOU TELL?” the android asked again. He was cutting off Gavin’s air, but not his ability to choke out an answer.

“I didn’t… Nobody. I… just… Fowler. I told Fowler,” he wheezed.

Fowler?

In the blink of an eye, Connor ran every scenario he could think of and they all came to the same conclusion. Fowler is the leak.

He bared his teeth and squeezed harder. “You told Fowler!?” he raged. His voice glitched and morphed, sounding like it was coming out of a pair of old speakers. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TELL FOWLER?” He didn’t expect a reply - he was trying to kill Reed, after all.

Tears were streaming down his face again. “This is your fault! This is all your fault! She’s going to die because of you! YOU KILLED HER.”

He couldn’t see anymore as tears were clouding his vision. A choked back sob escaped his lips as he released Gavin and rolled off of him to sit on the floor. His fingers intertwined in his hair and his nails dug into his scalp as he sobbed, the pain in his chest and waves of emotion too much for him to bear.

“Why did you tell?” he whimpered, burying his head in his hands. “You killed her. Why did you tell?”

His systems were going haywire. He wasn’t built to feel emotion, and definitely not this strongly. He couldn’t hear over the systems alarms going off in his head, couldn’t see past the error messages, couldn’t feel anything but this wrenching pain in his chest. And then… then he felt a pair of arms around him, holding him tight. He buried his face in the crook of the person’s neck, inhaled the faint smell of Hank’s cologne and felt the man’s long grey hair on his face.

It was his partner. It was Hank holding him tight, rubbing his back, allowing the android to sob into his shoulder.

The blaring alarms began to subside and he forced the error messages away.

“It’s okay, son,” he heard his friend say. “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

The alarms stopped and the error messages disappeared entirely. The pain in his chest went, too, leaving a hole in its wake - a hollow feeling that he wasn’t sure could be filled if you didn’t survive. He needed you.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, clutching Hank close. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeated it, over and over and over until he had no more tears and his voicebox was raw.

Saturday, January 29, 2039 // 8:07pm

He didn’t remember shutting down. When he awoke, the sky outside the hospital room windows was dark, a light snow falling, beautiful, swirling patterns of ice decorating the glass. He was lying on the sofa in the observation room, dazed and confused as his systems rebooted. He had overheated, it seems, and had shut down to allow his body to cool so as not to do any permanent damage to his hardware. In essence, he passed out.

Your heart monitor was deafeningly quiet. Connor pushed himself up into a sitting position, a wave of fear running down his spine as he realized what the silence meant. No heartbeat. He sprung from the sofa and rushed to the window, almost tripping in his haste. Pressing both palms to the glass, he gazed into the stark white room, heart stopping as he realized it was empty. He turned to rush for the door, only to see Hank asleep in a chair. Detective Reed was surprisingly absent and Connor wondered if he was now in a hospital room of his own. A fresh rush of anger overwhelmed him for only a moment, but it seems that his systems had put a firewall in place while he was unconscious to block the coding that had caused him to overheat.

He shook his head, trying to clear it. He was still angry at Gavin for telling Fowler about the mission and getting you killed, but there was no rage now, no burning hatred, no need to kill the thing that killed you. You were dead. Gone. Connor didn’t know what to do with that information. He wasn’t sure he could go on without you; you’d become such an integral part of his existence. The hole in his chest was now filled with ice that spread throughout his body, numbing him. He didn’t hear Hank rise from his chair.

“Does the Tin Man need a can of oil?”

Connor didn’t move at his friend’s voice. He couldn’t move. The ice in his heart had frozen his systems.

The android didn’t know what to say.

“You okay?” his former partner asked him. “Never seen an android pass out before. I didn’t know what to do so I just…” he gestured to the couch.

Connor’s LED flashed red wildly as the Lieutenant came to stand before him. His eyes found Hank’s, fresh tears welling up.

“She’s gone,” he whispered, barely audible.

Hank looked from the android to the empty room through the window, then back at his friend.

“Wait, no,” he said, putting a reassuring hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. She’s okay. She’s alive.”

Connor exhaled sharply as relief flowed through him. Hank pulled his friend into another hug, holding him tight. This time, no words were exchanged as Connor hugged back, thankful for his friend’s presence.

Finally Hank pulled away. “C’mon, let’s go talk in the hall.”

The android followed faithfully out of the room. The hall was brightly lit, with clean white tile underfoot and pleasing pictures hung along the walls.

“You did quite the number on Detective Numbskull,” the Lieutenant said quietly. “Doctors looked him over and said he’d be fine. They did also say they wanted him in a room of his own for observation, but he refused. He doesn’t want to leave her, just like you didn’t want to leave her.”

“Where is she?��� he asked quickly.

“You know, had you waited half a second and let us talk to ya before beating the shit outta Gavin, the good news might’ve outweighed the bad and he might not have almost been killed.”

Connor raised a brow, his LED spinning yellow as he waited for Hank to explain.

“Elijah Kamski, you remember him?” Hank said with a smirk.

Connor nodded. Of course he remembered Kamski.

“Well,” Hank continued. “Turns out, Kamski is Reed’s cousin. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I guess it’s true. Gavin called Kamski, asked him if he’d help, and he agreed.”

Connor didn’t entirely understand. “Agreed to what?” he asked, voice glitching slightly as it rebooted.

Hank nodded, smiling softly. “He agreed to help fix (Y/N).”

“How?”

The Lieutenant shrugged. “Some sort of experimental operation.”

“Experimental?” Connor asked warily. “What are (Y/N)’s chances of survival if we do this operation?”

Hank shook his head and shrugged. “What are her chances of survival if we don’t?”

“So that’s where she is? At Kamski’s? Where’s Reed?”

“Reed went with (Y/N) in the portable burn unit.”

Connor’s eyes widened and his LED returned to red. “She won’t survive a trip to Kamski’s!” he insisted.

Hank put his hand up, silencing his former partner before he could get too worked up. “She’s already there,” he reassured. “She made it, don’t worry.”

A crease formed between Connor’s brow. “What is Kamski going to do?” he asked. “How is he going to help her?”

Hank shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”

@ghistwrite @rk800downloading @deviantconnorarmy @glitch-girl318 @chichiguitarist123 @into-the-stratosphere @fandomblitch @chocolattaee @projectcherry12 @urban-eagle @padme4000 @datweirdname @ipostcoolthingssometimes @ecnelovelamm @derpydanandphil @thecrazybluefangirl @pickelope @pokengirl2 @berjhawn @0-why-do-i-exist-0 @fandoms4everyone @cool-haleychapman @trashytwenties @piemeadows @haikyuu-imagines-and-others @layinglonely @peter-maximoff-trash @i-resent-this-hellsite @poodlegods @astridstark13 @havanbcby @hello-i-make-bad-decisions @qtmeryr @thothandstarlord @hundefrau @negotiator-on-site @nikkidawnlight @lizzietheizzie

[cryinggameff]

Seventy-Five

Randi

Cameron’s crying woke me up early in the morning as usual. I started to get up but Cayden mumbled, "I got him," and got up from the bed. I looked over at the clock. It was 8am. Cayden would be leaving for work soon and I'd be going to drop Cam at my moms. I was trying to slowly get back to going to work, a couple of times a week anyways. Cayden worked a normal 9-5 schedule now, the ride share app he had invested in had blown up and now he was a cowener in a big time company which kept him busy. He really loved what he was doing which made me happy. I was co-owner of 2 salons now. After almost 2 years of back and forth, a second location was up. That required me putting in more regular hours though, which meant leaving Cameron. I felt guilty about working for months after He was born, but now a year later, Cayden and Ms. Williams,my therapist, both convinced me that working was good for me and that i wasn't evil for doing so. He was 1 now and I felt better about leaving him with someone else. I wasn’t breastfeeding anymore and he didn’t need 24/7 attention. But i couldn't deny being a mom came first on my list of priorities and consumed most of my time and thoughts, and i was fine with that.

"You going into the salon today?" Cayden asked, coming back in the room with Cam. I smiled reaching out for him. Seeing him in the morning was the best part of my day because after sleeping for a few hours I missed him. His face lit up when he saw me and he giggled, bringing out his cute dimples. When I looked at him I thought about the fact that I almost missed out on this because I was set on not having kids. I also thought about everything I went through to give birth to him and the fact that I’d do it all over again.

"Good morning mommy's baby," i cooed, nuzzling his face. "Yeah, i'm going in. I have so much to do for tax season," I said.

"My mom taking him this week?" he asked. I nodded. Our parents switched who would watch him. It was perfect because they all didn't work anymore. God knows i couldn't leave Cam with strangers. Cayden took his shirt off to go shower, revealing his perfect chest, well perfect except the gunshot wound under his right peck. He leaned down to kiss me and i met him. He kissed me for a long time and Cam started crying.

"You need to get ready, and i gotta get him some food," i said. We went separate ways and went about our morning routines.

At the door Cayden gave Cameron some last cuddles then handed him to me. He kissed my forehead.

"Imma see you tonight beautiful," he said. I smiled and nodded. I watched him get in his car and go. Then i had to get Cam and myself in my car and drove to Cay's mom's house. On the way there I thought about how normal life was now, Cayden going to work in the morning, to a legit job, m dropping of our kid, and going to work. Life was so different now.

I got to the salon later in the morning and went back to my office. I sat down and immediately checked my phone. It was habit now whenever someone else was watching Cam. I checked for texts or calls about him. When i saw nothing i reluctantly got my computer on and started pulling up my files. I worked for about 2 hours before i cracked and checked grabbed my phone to call Cay's mom. She didn't answer my call and i put my phone down angrily.

"He's fine Randi," i said to myself, turning back to my computer. The separation anxiety i felt with him was hard to explain. It was different than with Cayden. When he wasn't with me i got that feeling like when you think you're forgetting something really important, but constant. It was weird not hearing him cry or laugh for so long, it put me on edge. I wasn't sure how Cayden was able to just go to work like it was nothing.

Jada came in then.

"Hey, I put all those receipts on your desk, did you see them?" She asked.

"yeah," i said with a sigh. I glanced at my phone again.

"Whats up with you?" She asked.

"It's Cameron," i said.

"Why is he sick?" she asked with a frown.

"No. But Cayden's mom won't answer my calls. I just want a picture of him so i know he's ok," i said.

"She's probably busy watching him, it's a good thing she not on her phone," she said. She had a good point. "You worry too much," she said, leaving the office. I knew i worried too much, i didnt wanna be like this. It just came with the whole mom thing.

Later a knock came at my door and i looked up. It was a delivery guy.

"Mrs. Jones?" he asked.

"yeah, thats me,"i said. He gave me the clipboard and i signed it, looking around for the package.

"Package is out front," he said. I thanked him and went out to the front desk to check what is was. China turned to look at me.

"I hate you," she said. I was confused, then i saw the huge bouquet of flowers. I smiled like an idiot, jumping up and down a little. I picked up the card.

--->To my beautiful wife, because i can't stop thinking about you. Im sure you're thinking about Cam not me but that's ok. P.S he's fine, stop worrying. From: Cay and Cam

I teared up and held the card to my chest. I loved how thoughtful Cayden could be. That gave me the motivation i needed to get through the day.

I picked Cam up around 3 and made my way back home. Cole called me on my way saying that he was coming over. He beat me home and was waiting in the drive way when i got there. He helped me get Cam out of the car.

“My little man!” He said, taking him from his car seat.

“He just put on a show on the way home, cried the whole ride. He's so tired.” We went inside.

“You on your own?” He asked.

“Yeah, Cayden still at work.”

“Damn, he really taking this CEO shit serious. You can always leave him with me if you need a break,” he said.

“I’m seriously gonna take you up on that, but anyways, so bachelor party. I have everything set, just need to know what time you want the limo.”

“Like 10 probably. I plan on being drunk by then so it don’t really matter,” he chuckled, letting Cam play with his fingers.

“Ok. I still need an outfit, I’m always scared to be out dressed by the strippers,” I said. I was gonna be the only girl at the bachelor party, I wasn’t planning on staying too long anyways, I knew I’d be missing Cameron and I wanted to let Cole hang with his buddies.

"Aint that weird? Going to a strip club with your man?" He asked, putting Cam's pacifier back in his mouth.

"Not really. Im used to it," i said, "but he doesn't even go anymore. This will be the first time he's gone since Cam was born. But why are you going to a female strip club when you don't like girls is the real question?"

"Male strip clubs aint the same," he shrugged. "Only thing is i know Ty attracted to females so that's gonna be a bit weird." I went around the kitchen making something to eat for all of us. I started cutting stuff up for a salad and warming a bottle for Cameron. Cole came to sit at the island.

"Im sure he'll behave himself," i said. "He's marrying you, so clearly he's not checking for anyone else, male or female" i assured him. He nodded.

“Did you get nervous before your wedding?” He asked. I nodded.

“Hell yeah. You know i was a mess leading up to it. I had a panic attack day of too," i laughed remembering. "You getting nervous bout it?"

"A little," he shrugged. It was odd to see Cole unsure or worried about anything. He was always so care free, go with the flow type of guy.

"It'll go away once you see him on the day," i assured him. He nodded in agreement.

"One more week to go," he said.

Cayden

I was in meetings all day today which was tiring. Sometimes this job was more tiring than drug dealing, which i ever expected. I really liked doing something different though. When i thought about it, i kind of did the same thing when i was in charge of the warehouses, i handled all the business behind the dealing. Negotiated with cartels, contracted people, allocated supplies. That's pretty much what i did now, just not with drugs. I was really into the whole tech thing too, the dudes i worked with were crazy smart, inventing apps and shit.

After my meetings i went to my office to check my emails. I checked my phone too and saw the message from Randi thanking me for the flowers.

There was also a message from Keisha which I opened.  It was a photo of her son after a basketball game. Yes, i had stayed in touch with her, because that was my nephew, and the circumstances didn’t change that. Randi was all for it and we’d even have him over sometimes. So I’d see him here and there and she kept me up to date on what he was doing. I chuckled a little at his big gap smile, he looked so much like Trey it scared me at times. The more I was getting to know him the more I saw Trey in him, and that made me feel like my brother was still here.

After replying some emails I finally made my way home. It was an hour past Cameron’s bed time which meant I wouldn’t get to hang with him before he slept. I walked around downstairs and when I didn’t see Randi I went upstairs. I could hear her in the nursery. I walked over quietly and stood by the door. Randi was bouncing Cameron in her arms while he was fussing. She was so small he took up her whole torso now and he was only 1.

“Shhh, Mommy’s got you Cam ” she said softly,rubbing his back in circles. He finally got quiet and she went to put him back in his crib. She turned on the rain machine for him because he loved that shit and couldn't sleep without it. She finally turned towards the door and she jumped when she saw me, putting her hand to her chest.

“Jesus Cay, how long you been standing there?”

“Not long, but I can watch you with him all day,” i said, going up to wrap my arms around her waist.Her hair was all messed up, coming out of the bun she had, and she was wearing sweats, but she still looked fine. I looked over her head to Cam in his crib. “I tried to get home before he went to sleep," i said. I had stayed at the office later than usual.

“You just missed him. He woke up from a bad dream,” she frowned.

“I know what you’re thinking. We didn’t give him bad dreams Ran, he’s a baby, probably just wanted some attention” i could read her mind. Randi had this theory that Cameron inherited bad dreams from us because sometimes he would wake up crying or screaming. We both had a history of bad dreams so maybe it was possible but I still assured her that wasn’t the case.

“You don’t know that,” she mumbled. I tugged a piece of her hair.

"Come on, you gonna wake him up," i said, pulling her out of the room. I dragged her into our room so i could change. "I talked to Ty today, the suit is ready. Can you pick it up tomorrow for me?"

"Yeah, i have to go pick up my dress anyways," she said. "I'm so excited, I can’t believe this is finally happening" she smiled, folding her legs.

"Im just surprised neither one of them backed out yet, i thought for sure Ty would have wigged out by now," i said, taking my shirt off.

"Cole is the one I was worried about. He came over earlier, he was freaking out a little," she said, grabbing my shirt and straightening it out. "But i told him that was normal. I was loosing my shit before our wedding, but if i made it down the aisle, he can."

"True. I deadass thought you weren't gonna show up to our wedding,"i laughed remembering.

"Thought about running, my dad dragged me out of that room though," she laughed as well.

"Your ass lucky i still married you after making a nigga self conscious and shit," i mumbled. It was easy trying to lock her down. She grabbed my arm.

"I been lucky since the night you drove me home from the club," she said, referring to the first time we met. I thought back to that night and where we were now. "Even though you didn't say one word to me that whole car ride."

"I was having a bad day," i chuckled, "it wasn't personal. And i showed up to your house the next day didn't i. And day after that, and pretty much everyday after."

"You were,” she nodded. I sat down beside her and pulled her in to me. “I think that’s why I liked you. You were consistent, and I needed that,” she said like she was deep in thought. “Who would have thought back then that we'd be married and have a kid together?"

"I thought so," i said with a loud laugh. She looked at me like i was crazy. "Dead ass. I knew after that first day, that was it, you was the one. I never just wanted to be around someone all the time before,” I played with her hair.

“Why do you say all the right things?” She said softly, looking back at me.

“I also say the wrong things sometimes,” I reminded her. “You was just mad at me yesterday.”

“That’s true,” she gave me a  side eye remembering the petty argument we had gotten into. We didn’t really fight like that anymore. Having a kid together made other things seem irrelevant, and we had a different level of respect for each other now as his parents.

“You know what’s weird? Like a year ago we probably would have been sorting through duffle bags of coke right now,”I said randomly. She laughed.

“Yup, I’d be counting, estimating profits,” she shook her head, “that feels like a life time ago.”

“You was really ride or die for a nigga,” I said, “even when shit was hot,” I looked at the scar on my rib and thought about how she had taken care of me.

“I knew what I signed up for. It was hard for me after the shooting though, I can’t lie. After that day...I knew I was done. Then I got pregnant, and that just pushed me to say what had been in my mind for a long time, it was all about Cam from that moment on,” she played with my hand in hers. “Do you miss all that?”

“Nah. I was done with that part of my life. I was already starting my plan to get out before you told me, but that just made it that much more important to do it. I knew the life you wanted and I wanted to give it to you, and to our kid” I looked over her face. She nodded and we sat in silence for a little bit. After some time she looked down and put a hand to her stomach.

“Sometimes I miss having him inside of me,” she smiled. I raised a brow.

“Does that mean you ready for a second one?” I said excited, pulling her closer in to me.

“Hey don’t get excited. We talked about this, we said next year,”  she reminded me, pushing me away.

“We gotta start now if we gonna get 5 out the way before we old,” I said. She leaned back and looked at me like i was insane. I tried to kiss her and she was trying to run away.

“Cayyyyy” she complained as I planted my lips on her neck.

Cole

***a week later***

Today was the day, and to say I was nervous was an understatement. I had never been this nervous to step out on the football field, or even when I came out to my family. This was different. I knew I wanted to be with Ty forever, but it was the idea of ‘marriage’ that made it all so fucking scary.

It was funny to me because this was all Ty’s idea. He had asked me to marry him. It had crossed my mind too but I wasn’t sure he wanted all that. I was happy to just be whatever we were. Living together was the main thing I had wanted and I got that.

Our families now loved each other and we were both in good places with them. My mom and I were the closest we had ever been, which I wouldn’t have expected 3 years ago after all the family drama. But this wedding was a big part of why we came together. She wanted to be there for me and was happy to see me happy. She was helping me tie my bow tie, and crying while doing it.

“I’m really happy for you Cole” she said, “I can tell Ty is in love with you, and it’s clear you love him.”

“I do,” I said.

“All I’ve ever wanted was this for you. I know it may not always have seemed like it. I just hate that we weren’t on good terms for so long,” she wiped a tear, “when you’re my only son. I know now that I was wrong,” she said.

“I was wrong too mama. I was so angry I couldn’t put my pride aside and fix things with you,” I admitted.

“Well, that’s all in the past now. The important thing is everything is how it should be now. Just me and my baby,” she said with a smile.

“I love you mama” I said, kissing her cheek.

“I love you too baby,” she patted my cheek. “There, you look handsome as ever. That Ty is so lucky he scored you.”

“You ready to walk me down the aisle?” I asked, holding my arm out. Both of our mothers were walking us down. Ty was supposed to go first and I knew he was already there and waiting for me. That made me excited. The music started playing then and my stomach flipped.

“That’s our cue,” my mom said, opened the doors to the ceremony room.  

I could see Ty standing there on a suit, something I hadn’t seen since Cayden and Randi’s wedding, anxiously waiting. He was touching the cuffs on his shirt but then looked up and made eye contact with me. We both smiled and the nerves and anxiety melted away.

The reception was lit. We had a DJ and all our friends and family were on the dance floor. A slow song came on and Ty grabbed me to dance with him. I had been separated from him for a while talking to people.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” he said. I smirked.

“Awe you missed me?” I said. He rolled his eyes.

“Maybe,” He said.

“Well you bout to be stuck with me for a real long time now if that makes you feel any better.”

“I still can’t believe we’re married, that’s kind of lame,” he said, looking at the ring on his hand.

“Yeah but it’s cute. We still gonna be the same so,” i shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m glad we did it. For our families too,” he looked around at the people around us and I did the same. There was a lot of people happy to see us happy, and that touched both of us since not everyone was ok with our life style. I spotted Randi then, standing just off the dance floor holding Cameron on her hip. Cayden had his arm around her. I winked at her and she winked back. Both our lives had turned around in a matter of a couple years, and we were happier than ever. It made a nigga a bit emotional. I had been at her wedding and now she was at mine, that was some movie shit.

“I hope your winking at your mother, or else I’m throwing hands,” Ty said, following my gaze. “Oh it’s Randi.”

“You jealous?” I teased.

“Y’all petty niggas deserve each other,” he said, shrugging. “The friendship still confuses me though,” he said.

“Me too. But I just know she been there for me like nobody else, other than you. She was my family when I wasn’t on good terms with mine,” I explained.

“I get that,” he nodded.

“Now i have it all, my family,my friends, and you,” i smirked. He smiled back at me and pulled me in to kiss me.We kissed like it wasn’t a room full of people.

Randi

I was standing watching Cole and Ty be cute when my mom came and took Cam from me.

“You two go dance,” she said, nodding at the dance floor. Cayden took my hand and pulled me in that direction. He put his arms around my waist and I put mine over his shoulders.

“This reminds me of our first dance,” I said, grinning like a little kid. “I’m just missing the dress, and I have an extra 30 pounds on me now but other than that,” I laughed. He slipped his hands to my butt as if we weren’t in public.

“I like the way you look now,” he said, “you sexy as hell to me,” sliding his hands around to my hips, “Shit, i been thinking about taking that dress off all night,”

“Thank you Baby,” I said, “you make me feel sexy.” He really did, even when I was pregnant and blowing up, or now when my body was still not the way it used to be.

When we got home I wanted to take off my makeup and shower so Cay signed up to put Cameron to sleep. I took a quick shower and then went to peak in the nursery wondering what was taking him so long. Cayden was sitting in the rocking chair with Cameron in his lap and a book in his hands. I stood outside listening for a while and i laughed quietly at the voices he gave all the characters. Creating a human with someone changed the relationship forever. Yes i loved him even before i had his baby, but loving Cameron together on top of loving each other was a strange and powerful thing.Plus him being caring and protective was such a turn on and made me wanna give him 5 more kids. He was such a hands on dad too, which i knew he would be. When Cam was first born all I really did was breastfeed or pump, Cayden changed all the diapers, got him cleaned and dressed, and took him when I needed sleep. That’s the kind of husband and dad he was.

"Randi I know you eavesdropping" he said once he was finished the book.

"What?! how did you know?" I moved into view and then walked inside the room.

"I could hear your ass laughing," he said, "You just salty he likes my reading better."

"You are really good at story time," i smiled, sitting on his lap beside Cameron. I looked at his adorable face and took him in like i did several times a day in disbelief at how perfect he was. The best part was he now had freckles coming in slowly just like Cayden’s. I touched his cheek and then Cayden's, comparing.

"Why you not in bed?" Cayden asked.

"Well, I had to tell you something really important," i said seriously like i was gonna drop some big news. His brows came together in confusion.

"What?"

"I been wanting to say this for a while..." i said, dragging it out. "But i wasn't sure how."

"You can tell me anything," he said, rubbing my arm. I sighed then paused.

"Ok, here it goes," i said, "Cayden, i...love you" i grinned. He kissed his teeth and tried to push me off him. I laughed and grabbed on to his neck to stay on. "Babe!" i pleaded, fighting to stay on while he was pushing me.

"Why you waste my time like you was gonna say something important," he said annoyed. He was really mad. I giggled and cupped his cheek.

"Im sorry," i said. "But i really have been wanting to tell you how much i love you," i said. His face changed to a little less mad. “I know I don’t always show my appreciation for you, and I’m not good at the romantic stuff like you, but I just wanted you to know that i do thank God everyday for you. You keep me grounded, and you're my rock” I finished. His cheeks were pink which was so adorable. He hated being complimented and never knew how to respond. He closed the space between us and kissed me tenderly.

“I told you i always got you, and I love you too." Cam grabbed my shirt then and i smiled down at him and picked him up. I held him close to me and he immediately closed his eyes. I looked from him to Cayden, and then back at him and i felt everything I couldn’t years ago during the darkest period of my life. I was filled with hope, and joy, and a fierce love for life.

[storiesaboutcole]

Are You Crazy?

This story is for:

Anonymous: Hey, could you write something about your sister being pregnant and Cole found the pregnancy test kit or something and Cole found it somehow. You two got in a fight etc. Thank you!!! I love your stories btw!!!

I notice a lot of my stories are of angst, hence I’m gonna add a little fluff for this one. I hope you’ll like it anon <3

Your phone rang by your bed early that morning. You fumbled with the device, managing to hit answer when your eyes refused to peel open. A warm voice filled your ear. “Good morning, sweetheart. Just twelve more hours to go till I see your face again!”

You smiled a rolled onto your back, imagining the cheeky smile and green eyes that accompanied the voice. “Twelve hours? No. That’s too long, Cole. Must Manila be that far?”

He sighed, the soft sound almost overshadowed by the sound of many people talking in the background. “I know, baby. I know. I just can’t wait to fly out to see you again. I’m at the airport now, by the way.” 

You smiled again, thinking of how the apartment would feel whole again when Cole’s back - you get to wake up next to him, take shower with him, play with his hair and just breathe next to him. “I can’t wait to see you.”

“Really? You don’t sound as excited as I thought you would be, Y/N.”

“Of course I am! It’s just really early here right now and I can’t seem to open my eyes,” you giggled.

“Alright. Alright. I’ll let you catch a few more snooze. I’ll be home before you know it,” he breathed out. “Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

His words made your eyes peeled, open wide. Smiling to yourself, you sighed. “I love you too, Cole. Safe flight.”

It was starting to get brighter outside when you finally hit the snooze button for the fifth time. After getting ready, you heard the doorbell and that caught you by surprise. You sure wasn’t expecting anyone that early.

You peeped through the hole and saw your sister, her eyebrows all furrowed, anxiously waiting for you to open the door.

“What are you doing here this early?”

“Finally! I swear to god I couldn’t hold it much longer,” she gave you an exasperated groan, as she stormed into your bathroom.

“You came all the way just to use my bathroom?” you shook your head, confused.

Voice trembling, she slowly sighed. “I’m late.” You heard her peed like she just drank five gallons of water.

Furrowing your brows, you walked into the bathroom to finish your make up while your sister was peeing, still feeling very confused. “Okay. Well, your apartment is closer to the subway. And it doesn’t make any sense that you ran all the way to my block just to pee and complain about being late. You’re crazy.”

Your sister dropped her head back, like she was so disappointed in you. “God! Not that kind of late! I’m l-a-t-e, late!” She glanced at your reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“Wait, what? Oh my god! Are you pregnant?”

She shushed you, looked around your completely empty apartment like she was afraid that anyone would hear. “I don’t know... but we are about to find out. We gotta wait for five seconds or so.” 

You were shock to find out that she was actually peeing on a couple of stick, as she placed them side by side on the counter. “Do you know who the father is?”

Glaring at you like she was mentally throwing daggers at you, she smacked your arm. “Of course, bitch! I have only be with one man for several months now. You know that!”

You laughed and attempted to block her hits as you held your hands up. She then shushed you again, and this time her lip trembled as she examined the test kits.

You narrowed your eyes and saw the lines on the first one. Your eyes then glanced over to the second one. As the lines became clearer, you nearly felt like crying. “You’re... they’re positive.”

Your sister was nearly frantic with worry when you looked at her. “All of them?” You nodded and gave her a careful smile. She started sobbing and not because she was happy. A few seconds later, your sister suddenly gathered herself. “No.” Shoving the sticks back into a plastic bag and walked out of the bathroom. 

“I can’t be pregnant. I am this close to being promoted to be transferred to Paris. And I just moved in with my boyfriend! I couldn’t just throw a baby at him right now! I can’t be pregnant! No!” Sniffling, she covered her face for a second you you patted her shoulder. 

You nodded at her, swallowing. “We’ll figure this out, okay?”

Opening one of my dresser drawers, she shoved the bag inside and closed it. “No. Listen, Y/N. You can’t tell anyone about this. Not mom and dad, not my boyfriend, not even Cole! I just... I just need a little time before this sink in. No one can know about this, understand? I just gotta deal with it, first.”

“Deal with it? What do you mean deal with it. You’re not gonna abor-”

“I don’t know yet!”

Your sister turned and abruptly leave. You didn’t come after her because you knew your sister too well - she just needed some time to cool off. You couldn’t help but feel worried about her. 

You were just setting your purse down on the breakfast table when you heard the doorbell again. Sighing softly, you walked over and opened the door. You were expecting your sister, but to your surprise, it was your neighbour, who also happened to be your friend who lived right across you. Cole was always a little bit jealous of him, because according to Cole, your friend had a crush on you. But you just knew that Cole was being paranoid because he thought you’re into guys in band, like your neighbour, due to your obsession with Julian Casablancas of The Strokes. Frowning, you motioned for him to come in. “What’s up with your sister? I saw her ran off frantic.”

“I don’t know, Van. Moonday, maybe?”

“Hmm. I’ve never seen her so... teary like that. She’s always had this ‘I’m strong’ look on her face, you know?”

“Yeah. I mean. It’s nothing. She just came her to grab something,” you swallowed. Lying for your sister will be extra hard with your family, you could sense that. “Hey, take a seat. I have coffee and bagels.”

“Where’s Cole? You know he hates me.”

“Oh, he’s on his way back,” you smiled widely, suddenly remembering at least one good thing was going to happen later that day. “And no, he doesn’t hate you.”

Van gave you a one-sided devilish grin and looked around the apartment. “Remember to keep it low... when he’s back. We have kids in the building.”

Understanding what Van actually meant, you threw a glance at him, jaw dropped. Van laughed when he saw how red you were with embarrassment. “We were never loud!” you shook your head violently.

“Sure,” Van laughed, while taking a bit of a bagel. You were giggling too when you suddenly heard the door open. Wondering why your sister decided to come back, you looked over to the door. You stopped breathing for a second. Van immediately got up from the chair when he saw Cole standing at the door frame.

His green eyes narrowed at Van. You just knew that Cole had processed the situation differently in your head. Knowing how bad the moment might look, you quickly walked up to Cole. “Hey...”

“I should go,” Van cleared his throat, realizing that Cole was not too keen to see him in your apartment. Cole just fixed his eyes on Van, his head followed him right until Van exited through the door. His eyes then narrowed onto you.

You swallowed. “You’re here.”

“Are you surprised? I know I am.”

“Cole...”

“What was he doing here?”

Shaking your head, you thumped his chest with your hand. “We were just having breakfast.”

Cole snapped his head. “You guys are doing breakfast together now, Y/N? Is this what you’ve been doing while I was away?”

“Hey, it’s not what you think. Van is my friend and I have been nothing but faithful to you!” 

Cole stood before you, staring down at you. Even though you hated the situation you were in, he’d been gone for so long that you was momentarily blown away by how good he looked.

“Nothing happened, Cole, and I just don’t know why you’re so paranoid about Van. Him and I, we are just friends, I promise.” 

Cole studied your reaction, then leaned down for a kiss. You heart raced, as your body pressed against his. You were just so glad that he’s home again. “You said twelve hours.”

He smiled, warmth in it for the first time since his surprise appearance. “Did you really think I’ll wait that long?” He laughed a little, adding, “I told you I’d be here before you know it.”

You bit your lip as you examined the clock on your wall. “Oh, shoot! I’m going to be late!”

Cole shook his head. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll walk you to work. Just give me a minute to change.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I’m fine if you’re tired from your flight.”

“Are you crazy? I wouldn’t miss the chance to hold your hands all the way to your workplace,” he cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow at you. 

A few minutes later, while you were pouring yourself another cup of coffee, you suddenly heard a door slam. Your head snapped around when you registered it was your bathroom door.  You stepped out of the kitchen. Cole’s back met your vision as he stormed away from the bedroom. 

“Cole? What are you doing?”

He ignored you. His hands at his sides were squeezing into fists as he started heading for the front door.

“Hey, are you leaving?” you got to the door first, standing in front of it so he couldn’t escape.

He stood in front of you, staring right through you as his jaw tightened. He was pissed again. 

“Cole, what’s wrong?”

His eyes snapped up to you. In a tight, cold voice, he sneered. “You must think I’m an idiot.” He put his hand on your arm and harshly tugged you. “Get out of my way.”

You resisted his pull. “Not until you talk to me. Why are you so mad at me?”

His mouth dropped open, his face disgusted as he backed away from you. “You just can’t be honest, can you? I saw the tests, Y/N. You shoved them in my dresser. Did you do it on purpose so I’d find out that you cheated on me?”

Your jaw dropped. “What are you talking about?”

“I know you’re pregnant, Y/N. So stop acting like you’re so innocent.”

Your nerves tingled as you tried piecing together what he was so angry about. Your sister’s face suddenly popped out in your head and that’s when you realized that Cole had seen he pregnancy tests.

You shook your head and his eyes sharpened. “Don’t even try to deny it now. “

“Cole... No... I’m not-”

Cole cut you off. “Don’t, Y/N. Don’t you dare lie to me. We hadn’t been together since I started shooting. That was five months ago. You’re not showing yet. I’m not stupid, Y/N. The baby is not mine.”

You tried to tell him that you weren’t pregnant, but he didn’t let you speak. “My guess is, Van. You slept with him while I was away, didn’t you? That explains why he was here this morning? Because you two were always doing it behind my back?” His eyes flashed in anger, as your eyes started to tear up.

“You’re so wrong, Cole.”

“Am I?” he started to turn away again. “I didn’t think you’d be such a horrible person. What did I ever do to you?”

Stubborn, angry tears leaked down your cheeks. Knowing nothing good would happen if you stopped him, you just let him approached the door. 

“I’m not pregnant, asshole. My sister is.” With those words, you turned around and headed to your bedroom.

“Y/N...” you heard Cole called out your name but you ignored him. He was sighing heavily. “Y/N....” He grabbed your hand, making you turned towards him.

His face looking like I had just told him spiders had started driving, he stared at you open-mouthed. “Your sister? Your sister is pregnant?”

“Yes,” you raised your chin, as you jerked your arm away from him.

He flinched at your tone, then tenderly tried to put his hand on your arm again. You pulled away, not letting him touch you because of how hurt you were.

“Y/N... I’m sorry... Please...” 

You sobbed, feeling the tug of love in your soul as his sad eyes flicked over your face. He ran his thumb against your tears. His face made you want to cave. Guilt was plastered all over him as he took a few deep breaths. You exhaled a shaky breath, finally resigned. Seeing it, he cupped your cheek and rested his forehead against yours. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you... but, don’t do that again. Talk to me next time. Don’t just assume things in your head without talking about it with me,” you sniffled. Leaning his head into yours, he gave you a soft kiss. 

“I know I’ve been really paranoid. It’s only because I miss you so much. And these thoughts in my head, they just keep on telling me that I’m not good enough for you. That you’ll get tired of me someday. That you’ll-”

Letting all your sadness melt away from you, you melded your lips to his. You savoured the sweet taste of him, the intoxicating smell of him, before whispering, “Are you crazy?”

[ohthathurt]

So I’ve been slacking off drabbles for a long time now, and I wrote this messy thing ha. Enjoy xx

**Shout-out to the Indian and English cricket players whom I witnessed totally throwing each other flirty looks, you both compelled me to write this. I see you boys lol.**

Zayn willed for his expression to stay blank, his insides betraying him and basically melting into putty at the sight in front of him. What was it? Oh just a very sweaty, panting Liam Payne doing laps around the abandoned pitch, all alone in the musty cold.

He was stood on the stands right below their side of the stadium, and hopefully his presence was unknown to the other man down on the grass because he really didn’t want to get caught ogling the opposition.

This wasn’t his first time playing against Payne; Zayn’s first match against England on international grounds had brought him face-to-face with the man who was then merely a young man. In the three years that he’d known about Payne, Zayn had seen that young man grow into an accomplished player and downright gorgeous almost overnight, sporting scruff at matches and flashing abs during practice rounds.

Anyone would be infuriated by the man; he wore his smirk constantly and consistently and a sharp glint in his eye was never missing. But in the same minute, he could lose it all and crumble down like honeycomb in front of anyone he really cared about; sweet and docile.

Or at least around Zayn since their first match together.

It went a little bit like this; Zayn had been worried sick for his first international play, a fresh player at the mere age of 20. Playing for his home country had been a surprise because he was sure England would offer him up a position when he turned 19.

But that hadn’t happened; Zayn had shed bitter tears at the harsh betrayal, his family having moved to the UK when he was a baby. So why was it that the place he called his own had so easily turned their heads on him?

That didn’t mean it was all over. The country he used to call home as a newborn swiped him up at the first declaration that he wasn’t signed. And that was that. He still played County for England but on an international level, Zayn owed his loyalty to another country. That never bothered him.

He didn’t know what or who to expect on his first match against England. A roaring crowd, professional umpires and an overall tense atmosphere was what greeted him. But the icing on the cake arrived in the form of Liam Payne.

In Zayn’s eyes he was already a legend, having achieved several accomplishments in the few years he’d played for England. As if that wasn’t enough, Zayn was basically blown away by the way he carried himself. Without wanting to wax poetic about the colour of his eyes, he could admit to himself in secrecy that the man was proof there was a God out there.

But even men like Liam, it seems, have their weaknesses. Unfortunately, Payne took one hit to the groin thanks to a ball travelling at a really high speed and Zayn could hear the entire stadium hush then groan in sympathy at the downed player.

He still doesn’t know what compelled him but in a few seconds he was by Liam’s side, crouched over his prone form. Thankfully, he seemed to be okay as he was taking a minute to clench his eyes close and breathe through the pain.

Zayn winced in sympathy and his hand went to the man’s shoulder. Liam had swiveled those beautiful brown eyes up at him and smiled at Zayn, who’d tentatively returned it.

As it turned out, he was a champ about it. Still curled up into a fetal position, Zayn had offered him a water bottle which he’d chugged down dutifully but then he’d turned his attention onto Zayn.

“So.”

Zayn shot him a confused smile at the statement and the man returned it before grimacing slightly in pain.

“Eh, you come here often?”

The nonchalance in his tone had Zayn bursting into embarrassingly loud laughter, watching through squinted eyes as Liam beamed up at him.

That was three years ago; three years of the two men dancing around each other and throwing heated looks and flirtatious smiles that had their team members groaning in consternation at.

Zayn smiled down at the blurry form of Liam, still going around the pitch. They were to face each other in another series of test matches which went on for long, unending days. Still, Liam was his silver lining.

***

Liam didn’t expect for that day’s test match to turn out so eventful. There was nothing exciting about test matches unfortunately, especially those played on weekdays where crowds were thin and players were a little too comfortable playing the game. He preferred it when the tension was hiked up to a 100 and the crowd thundered and roared out beats and chants.

Still, that day did not disappoint in excitement.

Malik was up for batting for that over, and luckily Liam was delivering the ball. Over the years that he’d known the other man, Liam had basically fallen for those hazel eyes and that lazy grin. He’d received enough shit from his team mates over the issue but it wasn’t his fault that whenever he saw Zayn, his heart thumped louder for reasons other than physical exertion.

So, Liam was biased; but he was convinced Malik was the best player both sides had seen since the early 80s. However, that didn’t stop him from shamelessly flirting on the pitch and observing in amusement whenever Zayn’s cheeks flushed around Liam.

Unfortunately, not everyone was happy about the two men throwing each other long looks and meaningful glances.

Malik’s co-batsman at the moment, for example, was a piece of work.

He’d already all but bitten Cole’s, the wicket-keeper, head off for apparently stepping up a little too close to him. As if that wasn’t enough, the man was also heard bitching about the English weather for fuck’s sake.

But none of that mattered to Liam, as him and Zayn basically danced around each other for the long hours stretched out in front of them.

That is until Cole got hit by a ball Liam delivered. He grimaced in sympathy as the man went down on one knee, Zayn stood stock still in front of him, one foot cemented behind the white line that could result in him being out.

He rushed past Zayn down the pitch towards Cole, meaning to check on the man and took the opportunity to brush an affectionate hand on Zayn’s hip as he did.

A rush of pleasure flooded his chest when he heard the resulting hitch in the man’s breath but before he could turn around to observe him a distant shout further away from him had them all turning.

It was the co-batsman; fire raging in his eyes for some reason, the man was basically frothing at the mouth. Even Zayn looked puzzled at the man’s behaviour. That is until he came closer.

“ – saw that Payne you think we are idiots? You clearly hit him and that’s foul and I think you should be banned for that shit – “

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Louis, their Captain arrived at the spot, wanting to check on Cole when he’d heard the man’s accusations.

“Don’t think anything of that sort happened, mate, you must be mistaken – “

But the man had turned and wrenched Zayn’s arm painfully to turn him around.

“Zayn, tell him! – “He continued his sentence in Urdu, Liam presumed, but by the sudden flinch from Zayn, he guessed it wasn’t all that good.

Everything went silent, as Zayn’s team-mate stared at him as if waiting for an answer or reaction but when Zayn merely swallowed and kept his eyes to the ground, the man’s expression turned. Liam was shocked to see what looked like hatred flash in the man’s eyes as he quickly turned around, spitting out a “disgusting!” at them.

Liam would’ve kept quiet; there was enough shit being spouted by players every day to react to each one of them. But the way Zayn’s expression had crumpled and the way he’d hunched his shoulders, had rage coursing through him.

He shoved past Louis and Zayn down the pitch towards the man, “Hey you’ve got a problem, why don’t you say it you piece of shit?”

A flurry of movement followed him and he recognized Louis berating him and pulling him back away from the man, whose expression was still twisted into something ugly.

But a small voice floated up to him and a warm body shoved in between Liam and the man. He looked down to see hazel eyes that were apologetic and earnest.

“Please, don’t. Not worth it, please.” Zayn whispered to him, through the confines of his helmet, a gloved hand resting on Liam’s chest.

Liam kept the eye contact, running a hand down Zayn’s side and squeezing it once in an attempt to give him a half-concealed hug. An answering smile put him at instant ease, but the ‘boo’s’ of the crowd were overwhelming the players and they all pulled away for a quick drinks break.

Liam was happily surprised to see Zayn contentedly sitting down on the grass and chugging away at his own bottle of water. He shot him a shy smile and Liam could swear he felt his entire body light on fire.

A loud snort and resulting laughter from his left sounded and he glared at Louis who only smirked and inclined his head towards the large screen displaying scores.

Liam followed his gaze then promptly choked and groaned at the sight. It was a pink graphic of animated hearts surrounding the text ‘Love is in the air’.

As soon as everyone saw it, the cameras switched over to film Liam who instantly flushed and rolled his eyes. But the cherry on top was when the footage went split-screen to show Zayn across the pitch, the animated hearts still floating around their images.

He laughed when Zayn buried his crimson-flushed face in his gloved hands, the crowds whooping with laughter and teasing chants.

He still can’t believe this is his life.

Please let me know if you liked it xx

[hydrospanners]

a little eggstra When Doc makes a small addition to the shopping list, a certain Jedi's inexperience with groceries is revealed. Based on a Tumblr post from days of yore. SWTOR. Mostly genfic but established F!Jedi Knight x Doc makes an appearance. 1400 words. AO3. 

0400 hours is a hell of a time for a grocery run, but when your pregnant wife wants fried werris eggs, you get her fried werris eggs. Cherita learned that the hard way.

Even at peak hours, Dellard’s is usually pretty quiet. It’s small and out of the way, and at 0400 she expects it to be deserted. Instead, she’s nearly plowed over by a trolley as soon as she steps through the door. The white-knuckled man hunched over its handle doesn’t seem to have even noticed her, zipping past at a speed she didn’t think Dellard’s old trolleys could achieve, his face all pinched up in an expression that’s either anger or determination.

His trolley is full of eggs.

There isn’t time to count them, not with him trying to make the jump to hyperspace in the dairy aisle, but Cherita is sure there were upward of twenty cartons.

That is so many eggs.

The second she dares to step back into the narrow aisle, she is nearly run over a second time by a woman apparently giving chase to the egg man. She is tall like he is, brown-skinned and broad-shouldered, and apparently sculpted from Durosian marble. The impossibly form-fitting athletic pants she wears cling to the edge of every muscle, revealing a tight, shapely ass that Cherita kind of wants to take a bite out of.

It’s distracting enough she forgets about the weird egg thing.

“Rhese!” The woman shouts, catching up with the man in a tight corner while Cherita contemplates the morality of grabbing a sneak shot of that ass for Lua’s benefit. No one likes a good ass more than her wife.

“You said this was a beer run,” the man who is apparently Rhese shouts back.

“It is! Doc just asked me to pick up a few things while we’re out.”

Cherita turns the corner right behind them, following them a little out of curiosity but mostly because they’ve decided to have their domestic right in front of the eggs. Ass or no ass, Lua only has so much patience.

“What could Doc possibly need twenty-four cartons of eggs for at this hour?”

The woman just shrugs.

“This doesn’t concern you?” The man demands, his voice pitching higher in the kind of exasperation Cherita has gotten to know well through this pregnancy.

“He’s trying to cure Huttese nether-rot or Bothan wasting disease or something. I don’t ask questions.”

“You don’t ask--You’re--” The man gapes at her. Now that she can see their faces, Cherita decides they must be siblings. Maybe even twins. “You’re letting him mix chemicals? On the ship? Where we live?”

Cherita doesn’t think she’s ever heard a man’s voice go that high.

“He’s a doctor, Rhese. What do you think he does while he’s waiting for us to get blown up again?”

“You’re the only one who gets blown up! And I have a very good idea about what he does with his spare time.” The man shudders theatrically, and Cherita thinks she has a pretty good idea what this doctor might be doing with his free time too. Which reminds her they’re almost out of eggplant and she should probably grab some while she’s here.

“I think you might be projecting, little brother.” The woman plucks a carton of something gelatinous from the shelf and casually examines its label, as if she had no idea the man was turning a hue of red so violent it was nearly purple. Their fond antagonism gave Cherita a little pang of longing for her own sisters.

“I do not--” The man splutters before he can quite stop himself. “No. You know what, I’m calling Doc. There is no possible reason he could need this many eggs and I am not going to be trapped on a ship recycling air that smells of whatever he thinks he’s doing.”

“Suit yourself.” The woman drops the gelatinous something back on the shelf and turns to peruse a display of energy pudding, giving Cherita a great view of her ass. So sculpted and firm. Her tenuous commitment to morality and the privacy of strangers withers, and she fishes out her own holocomm as the woman’s brother pulls out his.

She’s already sent Lua three pictures of the woman’s chiseled rear when a blue figure crackles to life over the man’s comm.

“Miss me already?” The figure asks.

The man--Rhese--makes a disgusted noise. “What exactly are you planning to do with three hundred werris eggs?” He demands without preamble.

The woman, paying very little attention to this conversation, shifts her stance and Cherita feels obliged to send Lua another three or four pictures of her ass in this new, slightly different position.

“Three hundred eggs? What are you talking about, Junior?”

The man shifts his comm so the figure can see the trolley full of eggs. There is a moment of silence, and then the figure bursts into laughter.

“Where’s Rea?” He asks.

Frowning, Rhese turns the holocomm so it will capture his sister’s image. The figure gives an appreciative whistle, which Cherita finds immensely relatable, and the woman apparently called Rea answers with a wink.

“Have I mentioned how much I like those pants?”

“You said they looked great on the floor.”

“Damn. I made a good point.”

“Ugh,” Rhese groans. “Can we please focus?”

The figure laughs, but changes the subject. “Listen, Gorgeous. I gotta ask. When I said I needed two dozen eggs--What exactly did you hear?”

The woman blinks a few times before answering. “Two dozen eggs. That’s what I got.” She gestures to the trolley full of eggs and Cherita, despite not knowing these people at all, figures she sees where this went sideways.

“Oh, Rea.” The figure says fondly. “Light of my life. My sun, my moon, my very sexy stars. Did you pick up two dozen cartons of eggs?”

Rea nods. “That’s what you asked for.”

The figure turns back to face the brother, Rhese. A beat of silence passes before they simultaneously burst into laughter. Cherita finds herself smiling too, watching the puzzlement cross the woman’s face. She pops one of the cartons open, her lips moving silently as she counts and--

“Oh,” she says. “There’s twelve eggs in here.”

“Also known as a dozen,” her brother laughs, looking very smug.

“I know how much a dozen is, thank you,” Rea says drily, but with a hint of a smile. She’s evidently the sort of woman who’s comfortable with laughing at herself. Cherita wonders if she’s interested in threesomes.

“I can’t believe you’ve never looked inside a carton of eggs before,” the man on the holo says, still laughing. After a beat, he adds, “No, actually that makes perfect sense. I’ve seen you cook.”

“You said you wanted a hot meal. The only thing you eat is energy pudding. What was I supposed to take away from that?”

Rhese grimaces comically. “What did you do to the poor energy pudding?”

“Let’s say lightsabers aren’t meant for cooking and leave it at that,” the figure on the holo says.

Lightsabers, huh? Well that’s--That’s sure something. Probably answers her question about the threesome.

“If you two idiots are done,” the apparent Jedi says, rolling her eyes, “I think we should probably let this lovely woman finish her shopping in peace.”

The man looks up, startled, and immediately flushes when he sees they have an audience. “Oh,” his voice turns a little breathy, almost embarrassed, as he addresses Cherita. “I am so sorry. I didn’t realize--”

“I should probably get back to this huge chemical fire, anyway,” the figure on the holocomm says, just before winking out.

“Wait--” the man’s attention jerks away from Cherita. “What? Doc? What?!”

The woman looks at Cherita and rolls her eyes. Cherita finds herself nodding along sympathetically, feeling a little bit outside her own body. Almost like that time she met Cole Steele. Or whatever the name of the guy who plays him in the vids is. She doesn’t know why it should feel like that with a  woman who is nothing more to her than a stranger with a great ass and a hilarious misconception about the packaging of eggs, but there it is.

“He was joking, right?” The man asks.

“Probably not.” The woman takes her brother by the elbow and starts to direct them toward the register, two dozen cartons of eggs still in their trolley. Cherita watches them go with a fluttery feeling in her stomach that only multiplies when the woman tosses her a wink over her shoulder. “Get home safe, Beautiful,” she says.

For the first time since her wedding, Cherita finds herself blushing.

She can’t wait to tell Lua about this.

[just-another-sim]

Tonight was the night of ceremony- and just 3 hours before the new year. Eva had decided she needed to get out of the house for good. She packed her things and bundled up. There was a full blown blizzard outside tonight. but she knew she had to go no matter what.  The members were ordered to get some rest before the night-time event. Eva took this opportunity to sneak out when no one was watching. She went downstairs and was confronted with Cole, who she thought would have been sleeping.  Cole: “Going somewhere?” Eva: “Oh, um. ‘Couldn’t sleep, so I was just going for a walk.” Cole: “A walk? In a blizzard? Do you think I’m an idiot?” Eva: “No, I-” Cole: “I’ve been watching you. I watch all of you. I’ve heard your conversations with the others. Worried about me. huh? I’m acting strange?” Eva: “I’m sorry, I just. Don’t think that this is for me...I miss my family and my friends.” Cole: “Go then. Good luck.” Eva quickly went out the front door and Cole went outside as well.  Cole: “YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT IN THIS WEATHER, EVA!” And so, she ran. She ran, and ran, and ran. She couldn’t use her GPS on her phone to guide her- her hands were too cold to use the screen, and she could barely see anything in front of her. She started to feel the effects of the bitter cold taking over. She tripped into the snow, and exhausted, she collapsed.