#connor brashier imagines

[connordavidscamera]

The (Not So) Good Ol’ Days | Connor Brashier

A/n: This chapter has literally been ready since March and I keep forgetting to post it when I come on here, but anyway, here it is after a very long wait. So sorry about that.

Summary: After Connor’s ex shows up randomly, y/n starts having doubts about her relationship with Connor, but they boys are there to reassure her.

Warnings: angst, obviously. It’s not me if it’s not angsty

Word count: 6.8k

***

I think I’ve stopped breathing. Because I’m standing here watching the only man I’ve ever loved stand in front of the only other girl in the world that has had him the same way I have. I’m suddenly back in high school, watching from the sidelines as Connor loves and cares for another girl in a way I had only wished he would love and care for me. 

The first couple of weeks were hard. It was difficult to figure out what I could and couldn’t do anymore now that Connor had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who isn’t me. Things between Connor and I didn’t fully change immediately. It was gradual, and to anyone else it probably wasn’t even noticeable, but for me it was. It started with a side hug when he slid into the seat next to me. Then a nudge, then nothing but a “hey.” Then it became a thing where he had me scoot over so McKenzie could sit with us. Then they started to get to our seat before me, causing me to have to sit in front of them.

I’d sit there and have to watch them hold hands over the table, and kiss. I’d have to watch him move her hair out of her face, and her play with the tufts of hair on the back of his neck. I’d watch her laugh at everything he said, and him hold onto every word she said. It was torture, but I was learning to live with it. That is until she approached me one day before class.

It was very much a coming of age, teen rom-com movie moment. I was in the bathroom, washing my hands when she came in. I forced a smile, same as I always did when I saw her. She did the same. 

“Y/n, just the person I wanted to see. I was hoping you’d be here.”

“McKenzie,” I nod. “What can I do for you?”

She looks into the mirror, adjusting her ponytail so it sits higher on the top of her head. “Well, I’m glad you asked. I want you to stop hanging out with Connor.”

“Excuse me?” I turn off the water, facing her, but reaching for a paper towel. 

“I want you to stop hanging out with him. I don’t know what your relationship is or was before I came along, but I don’t like it. I don’t like how close you two are.”

“Um, he’s my best friend.”

“Mhm, and I know you like him.”

“Uh, McKenzie, I don’t know where you heard that, but-”

“Oh, it’s obvious, don’t play dumb. Everyone knows you have a thing for him, except for him and it’s going to stay that way because I’m his girlfriend now, not you. So that hanging out alone that you used to do, isn’t gonna happen anymore. If all four of you are together, expect me there too. And don’t even think about sitting next to Connor when you do go out together.”

“Does Connor know that you’re in here telling me this? Because I don’t think he’d be okay with it.”

She rolls her eyes, “Oh, I’ll be telling him the same thing. Don’t worry about that.”

I toss the paper towels in the trash and look at her, my arms folded over my chest. “I’m sorry, and what are you getting out of this? Like what is your end result?”

“To have you out of the picture,” she says matter-of-factly.

“Okay, but… he and I have the same friends. And we have for years. I highly doubt that he’s gonna let some girl that he’s only been dating  for three weeks come in here and disrupt his life like that.”

“Connor does whatever I want him to do. And if I tell him that I don’t want you around, he’s going to make it happen.”

“But-”

“Look, I don’t have time to explain this more. Just stay away from Connor, okay? That’s it.”

I don’t respond, but she takes that as one. 

“Okay, perfect. Well, I’ll see you in class. I’m so glad we were able to have this talk.”

I watch her leave the bathroom, but I don’t leave. I lean back against the bathroom sink and take in everything she just said. Surely Connor wouldn’t go for this. I mean, we’ve been friends forever. He wouldn’t just cast me to the side because he has a girlfriend. 

But… isn’t that what he’s doing now? Pushing me to the side to make room for her.

“What are you doing here?” Connor asks. “Last I heard, you’d moved to Arizona.”

McKenzie nods, smiling that same perfectly straight, shimmering smile that she always did in high school. It’s crazy how some things never change. Like the look she’s giving him - I don’t know how a look can convey possession, but hers does. Hers says that she still has him. That he’s still her “Connor Bug” despite them having broken up over three years ago. 

“Yeah, I did. I’m going to school there, but my friend, Cammy - you remember Cammy, right? She goes to school here, so I thought I’d come visit for a little while. I didn’t realize you go here, too.” She looks over to where Shawn and Brian are - which just happens to be who I’m currently hiding behind. 

“Shawn, Brian! It’s so good to see you guys again!”

They both nod in acknowledgement. “Hey,” they say.

Brian reaches behind him and finds my hand, squeezing it reassuringly, telling me just what I need to hear - they’ve got me. They always do.

Friday nights look a little different now. For the past three weeks, I have opted out of my usual Friday night plans with the boys. It’s been pretty much the same since middle school. We go to the diner down the street from the school (they have the best milkshakes in the state, you can’t convince me otherwise), and then we either go watch a really bad movie - or rent one  - or we go to the park and we play on the playground until it gets dark. After that we grab pizza or chinese food and head to whoever’s house we feel like crashing at that night. Our parents are well versed in our plans, so it was no surprise that mine questioned me when I said I wasn’t going that first week. 

Shawn and Brian did too, but all I had to say was that I was having really bad period cramps and they were done with the conversation. Connor didn’t even ask why I didn’t go - I actually doubt he noticed with how intune he is with McKenzie. (And by intune I mean they’re practically swallowing each other anytime I’m around, so if they even came up long enough for air, I know he didn’t notice.)

The second week, Shawn and Brian gave me a sympathetic look. I think Shawn was starting to understand why I wasn’t going at that point, given the fact that I had also started opting out of eating lunch with them. I told them that I was tutoring, but really I was sitting in the far corner of the library, reading, hoping they wouldn’t come looking for me. Thankfully they didn’t. At least not during the day.

I’m sitting in my room, curled under my blankets, just hoping that sleep will take over so that I don’t have to address for the third time this month why I'm not going out with the guys today. However, about forty minutes into cowering under the blankets, my bedroom door opens. The lack of knocking tells me exactly who it is.

“Alright, sit up. We’re watching movies.”

“What?” I peek out from under the covers to see Shawn and Brian sitting on the edge of my bed. They have pizza and movies in their hands, as well as all of our favorite junk food. “What are you guys doing here?”

“I told you,” Shawn says, setting the pizza box beside me before taking off his shoes to put near the door. “We’re watching movies.”

“Yeah, but aren’t you guys supposed to be at the diner?”  I sit up, making room for them on the bed. 

“If you’re not there then we don’t want to be either.”

“But…”  I shake my head. I know that it’s better to just go with it than to argue with them. “Is Connor coming?”

They share a look between each other and Brian shakes his head. “No. Not tonight. Shawn and I thought it would be fun to have it be just the three of us tonight. For old time’s sake.”

I nod once, “Oh, right. Sure. That’s good.” I clear my throat and scoot back on the bed, “Well then let’s put in a movie. What are we watching?”

McKenzie looks between them, making eye contact with me, and that smile that she has for everyone else changes. It’s now tight-lipped and forced, fake. “Y/n. I see you’re still hanging around my Connor Bug, huh?”

“I’m not your Connor Bug, Kenz.”

Kenz. The nickname rolls off his tongue so easily and I hate it.

She shrugs, ignoring Connor’s comment. “Why are you hiding? You’re not happy to see me?” She frowns. “Well that hurts my feelings.”

She’s challenging me. It’s what she’s always done. It’s how she got me to stop hanging around Connor alone - or at all for a period of time. But I’m not the same person I was back then. I wouldn’t stick up for myself then, but I sure the hell would now. 

I hum and squeeze Brian’s hand before making my way between him and Shawn. “Well to hurt feelings, you have to have them, don’t you, McKenzie?”

Shawn sucks in a breath beside me.

She chuckles softly. “Oh, come on. We can put all of that petty stuff behind us, right? It’s been years.”

“You’re right,” I nod. “It has been. So you know it’s been three years since you and Connor broke up, right?”

“I’m aware,” she nods, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Good,” I nod too, mimicking her stance. “So then you also know that a lot can change in that time, right?”

“I guess so. What are we doing? Playing twenty questions?”

“Well you were always one for games.” I take a step forward, arms still crossed. I will not back down.  I will not let her ruin what I have worked so hard to build. “So let me ask you something then. If it’s been three years, what makes you think he’s still single?”

“Are you telling me he isn’t?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. He and I are together now, in case you were wondering.”

She stares daggers at me and then at Connor. "You're joking."

Connor shakes his head. "Nope. Four months."

"Oh!" She laughs. "So it's not serious then."

"We also live together," I tell her. "Although whether or not we were dating for four months, four weeks, four days, that shouldn't really matter." I make my way back over to Connor, who puts his arm around my waist instinctively. "We’re together and I'd appreciate it if you didn’t try to flirt with my boyfriend."

"Well it looks like things really have changed, huh?"

"Yeah, but you haven’t."

"You know it's not gonna last, right? You're just a fluke. He needs to get it out of his syst-"

"Enough, McKenzie! Fuck, just stop!" Connor exclaims. "Look, I'm sorry I ended things the way I did in high school, but we weren't right for each other. You were horrible to my friends, you manipulated me into hurting the most important person in the world to me. You just wanted to boss me around. Sure there were some good moments, but those didn't outweigh all the hurt and pain you caused. Now you can be mad or jealous or whatever the fuck it is that you are right now, but it doesn't change anything. I'm with y/n. I'm in love with y/n, and we're happy, so just leave us alone."

She stands there, speechless. I’ve never seen her speechless before and I like it. But it doesn't last long. She plasters on the smile reserved just for me and nods. “Okay. Well, just so you know,” she says, but she’s only saying it to me, despite our group of friends around us, “whatever you two do in bed together, he learned from doing it with me. If it’s the best head you’ve ever received, I taught him everything he knows. Have a good night.” She pushes past us and I chuckle, turning in Connor’s arm to lunge at her, but he quickly pulls me back.

“Let go of me, I’m gonna rip out those ugly extensions,” I seeth, still reaching for her as Connor and now Shawn and Brian are practically dragging me to the car. 

“While we would love to see it, that’s not gonna happen,” Brian says, opening the passenger side door.

“Fine, then let me break her nose. Give her an excuse to get that nose job she was always whining about.”

Shawn laughs from beside me as he bends down to grab me from behind my thighs and shove me in his Jeep, despite me still resisting. Connor’s walking to the other side of the car to turn it on. “Well that’s very thoughtful of you,” Shawn says, biting back another laugh. “But we’re gonna hold off on that.”

I’ve just now realized that Alessia and Liv are still with us, following us to the car, getting a front row seat to my crazy. They weren’t around when Connor and McKenzie dated, and for the most part, they knew little to nothing about the relationship. All they knew was what I had written in the songs I wrote with Shawn, and even then it was only about how I was feeling, and less so about her and their relationship. 

I scoff and fall back against the seat, my head thrown back in frustration. Shawn pulls at the seatbelt and Connor takes it from him to buckle me in. “I can buckle my own seatbelt,” I grumble.

Connor smooths my hair back, “I know you can, baby. We just want to help.”

“Then get me out of here.”

“Okay,” he nods. “Shawn, can I take your-”

“No,” I shake my head. “I want Shawn to drive.”

“What?”

I take in a deep breath and shut my eyes tight. “Bub, I love you. But right now if I look at you, I’ll see her and I’ll end up being upset with you. I don’t want to be upset with you, so just, please.”

He sighs, “Okay. I’ll ride back with Brian.” He shifts and kisses my temple gently. “I love you,” he says quietly.

“I love you,” I say back.

—

“Hey, Shawn?” I say quietly after we’ve been sitting in silence for the first five minutes of the drive.

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what prompted their breakup? Like why he suddenly went from being so in love with her to not wanting anything to do with her in the span of like two days.”

He sighs, “Y/n, I don’t think this is a good conversation to have with me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t speak for him. I know, from my perspective, what happened, but I don’t know what he was thinking at the time.”

“Well, then from your perspective, what happened?”

He turns on his signal light, merging lanes. “I know that Brian had to talk to him about how McKenzie was treating you.”

“Brian talked to him about that?”

Shawn nods, “Yeah. Connor came up to us about a month after you, me, and him started hanging out by ourselves. Asked him what the deal was. Why we weren’t inviting him out anymore, why we didn’t sit with him and her at lunch, why you would barely even look at him anymore. I don’t remember exactly what Brian said because obviously it was years ago. But it was something along the lines of how she treated you like trash and we were tired of sitting around and letting it happen, so we decided to just distance ourselves. If he wanted to hang out with us, he still could, but he had to do so without her.

“And, I mean, you know what happened after that. They broke up like a month later, right, and things were back to normal. As they should have been.”

“Normal is a relative term.”

He chuckles, “Okay, yeah. It took a while there, but you guys worked through it, and you’re here now. So just think about that. After all of that, you’re here now. You’re together. You’re in love. All is right in the world.”

“Why didn’t y’all ever tell me that y’all talked to him about what was happening?”

Shawn sighs, “I guess we didn’t want to hurt you even more. You were already in a world of pain at the time, and we knew bringing him up would only make it worse. Hell, we were scared to even let him start hanging out with us again because we didn’t want you to freak out and leave.”

I look down at my hands, “It was a really bad time, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It was. Brian and I hated seeing you in so much pain. We hated that we couldn’t do anything about it. No matter how much we really wanted to, we couldn’t fill that Connor-shaped hole in your life.”

“But you tried,”  I reach for his hand, squeezing it three times. “I never told you guys thank you for that.”

“There was no need to. We just wanted to be there for you.”

Connor leaves me alone for the most part when we get home. Well, all the guys do. They know I need a moment to process everything that just happened. You know like the fact that Connor just told me he loved me for the first time, and wrote a song about me, and then his fucking ex-girlfriend just showed up out of nowhere and ruined the whole night. I’m sitting on my bed, my knees pulled up to my chest as I stare at the photos on my wall. I still haven’t changed out of my clothes yet. 

A knock sounds from my door and it opens before I can tell them to come in. It’s Brian.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Just came to check on you. You alright?”

I shrug, but usher him in. “Sit down with me?”

He nods and steps in, closing the door behind him. “What’s up?”

“When we were in the car, Shawn told me that you had a conversation with Connor before he and McKenzie broke up. About me. And the way she treated me.”

Brian sucks in a breath but nods anyway. “Yeah, I did.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

He sighs, “Y/n, I don’t-”

“Please?”

He relents, “Okay. Well Shawn and I were at my locker, I don’t remember what we were talking about. Doesn’t really matter, I guess. He just showed up like he would any other day, except this time he was mad.”

“Yo, what the actual fuck?”

“Excuse me?” Brian rears back.

“Like, what? Are you kicking me out of the group or something? You’re barely talking to me, Shawn’s always busy when I ask to hang out, and y/n hasn’t even looked at me in weeks.”

Brian and Shawn share a knowing look, and Shawn shrugs. “We’d invite you if we knew it was just you.”

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means we aren’t the biggest fans of your girlfriend,” he shrugs. “And you can’t tell us that it’s because we don’t know her. We know enough. We know her and we don’t like her. So, if you want to hang out, great, but don’t bring her with you.”

Connor scoffs, “She’s my girlfriend, Brian. I want to spend time with her.”

“And that’s great. You can totally do that, and you should. But don’t make us spend our time with her when it’s just supposed to be us four. We’re not dating her, we’re not asking for her. We’re asking for you.”

“I don’t get why you don’t like her? Like what’s the big deal?”

Brian shakes his head, “The big deal, Connor? She’s a bitch. And you can be mad at me for saying that, but holy fuck. Do you see the way she is with y/n? She’s so rude to her, it’s not even funny, but you go blind or deaf when she’s around. I mean, the last time we all hung out, y/n left almost in fucking tears and you didn’t do anything about it like you normally would. Your girlfriend hates your best friend.”

“That’s not true.”

“Not me, not Shawn. Y/n. Everyone knows that you two are best friends, but you’ve totally dropped her since McKenzie came around. I mean, you make your own decisions, that’s cool. But you can’t force that relationship on me and Shawn. We know where our priorities lie, and we know who’s important, and that’s y/n. She’s one of the most important people in our lives, and she used to be the most important person to you. But it’s clear that things have changed. It was just the three of us before and if it has to be that way now, then I guess that’s how it is. We’ll pick her every time. I guess the question is, will you?”

Brian shrugs, “He chose you. It just took him a while.”

I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder. “I hate that I made you choose.”

Brian sighs and takes my hand, “You didn’t. We did that on our own. You’re important to us and you were hurt by the one person you thought would never hurt you. The one person we thought would never hurt you. There’s no chance we weren’t gonna be on your side.”

“Y’all are always protecting me.”

“It’s our job, hon. Now, I think you need to go talk to Connor. He’s been pacing since we got back, he’s creating a draft,” he jokes. 

I shake my head with a soft laugh, “I thought it was a little chilly.”

He squeezes the back of my hand, “There’s our girl. You want me to call him in?”

“No, I want to change first. I’ll go talk to him in a minute.”

“Promise?” He holds his pinky finger out.

I lock our fingers, “I promise.”

“Okay,” he presses a kiss to the top of my head and stands up.

I wait a couple minutes after he leaves the room before I’m able to pull myself up and change into my pajamas. I find one of Connor’s softest shirts in my drawer and throw it on with a pair of shorts that I find thrown in there. I go to the bathroom to take off my makeup before going to Connor’s room.

He’s sitting at the edge of his bed, biting his nails and shaking his leg with all the lights off except for the lamp by his bed. I sigh and knock on the open door. “Hey, can I come in?”

He looks up at me with wide eyes, “Pretty girl,” he sighs. “C’mere,” he motions me in with both arms and stands up. I’ve barely made it two steps in before he’s wrapping me in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know she was gonna be there, I promise. I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. You are the most important person to me and I-”

“Shh,” I shush into his neck. “I know. I know, baby. Just calm down. You don’t have to apologize. Let’s just go to bed, okay?”

“Are you sure?”

I nod, “It’s been a long night. Let’s sleep it off. Is that okay?” I ask, threading my fingers through his hair.

“Yeah,” he nods. “That’s good. C’mon. Come lay on me.” He kicks his door shut and then walks us back to his bed where he falls down first, allowing me to lay beside him. We shuffle until we’re at the top of the bed, sliding under the covers. He pulls me to his chest and we just stay like this until sleep finally takes over. I wish it didn’t. 

We’re sitting at the beach, all four of us, because it’s been that way again for the past few weeks. Connor broke up with McKenzie, and since then he’s started hanging out with us again. The boys asked me if it was okay, first, but I couldn’t say no. I missed him. I wanted him back too. However, it’s very clear that things aren’t the same. 

Despite him apologizing to me and us hanging out alone for the first time in almost seven months, I couldn’t make it seem like everything was just perfect because it wasn’t. Yes, he was back, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still hurt by what happened. 

So, if this was any other time than now, I would be burrowing into his hoodie instead of Shawn’s. I would be resting my head on his shoulder instead of Brian’s. I would be leaning into him and I wouldn’t think twice about it. But now, I feel like I have to think eight times about everything that I do around him. 

He’s peering at me now, but he won’t say anything. He doesn’t say much at all the rest of the time we’re here actually. 

“Hey, Bri and I are gonna play fifa at his place, you in?” Shawn asks him, his arm around my shoulders as we walk toward our cars. 

“Um, no. I have an English paper that I have to get done, so I’ll just see you guys on Monday.”

The boys nod and start to head toward Shawn’s Jeep where we all rode together, except for Connor because he was running late. I watch as Connor gets in his car and slams his head against the steering wheel. I move out of Shawn’s grasp, “Hey, I’m gonna catch a ride home with him. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“Are you sure?” Brian asks.

I nod, “Yeah. Love you guys,” I pat both of their sides and rush to Connor’s car. I open the passenger side door and slide in before he even has time to process what’s happening. ��Okay, what the hell is going on right now? Why did you just lie to them? We don’t have a paper due.”

When he looks over at me, I see the tears in his eyes and I crumble. “I can’t,” he shakes his head. “I can’t keep pretending like everything’s fine when it’s not. Nothing’s fine anymore. I feel like everything is slipping right out of my fingers. I don’t want to play fifa with the guys, or go out and film. I want to spend time with you. I want to go out and play mini golf because you suck at it, but you still somehow win every time. I want to sit next to you instead of in front of you because you feel so far away when you’re in front of me. I want you to lean on me, trust me. Wear my hoodie when you get cold. I want my best friend back. I want my girl back,” he shakes his head and wipes at his tears.

“So yeah, I lied to them, but I just need a damn moment to take in the fact that I’ve lost you.”

I look down at my hands, nodding slowly. “I’d like my best friend back too. But I don’t know what’s okay anymore. I didn’t have you to lean on for six months. Six fucking months. I had to go through everything alone because try as they might, Shawn and Brian aren’t you. They don’t know how to help me the way you do. You didn’t lose me, Connor. I was right fucking here the whole time. But I lost you. So, I’m sorry that I can’t just lean on you like I used to, but I’m scared you’re gonna disappear again.”

He nods, sniffling. “I know, but it feels like I’m losing you right now. Because you’re right here but you’re not y/n. And I know that’s my fault, and I’m so sorry for putting you through all of this. I just, I don’t know how I let it get this far.”

“You’re not losing me,” I respond quietly. “But you can’t just expect everything to go back to the way it was the second you said you’ve broken things off with her. You know I don’t work like that. I would love to lean on you, Connor. I would love to fall asleep with you when we watch movies. I’d love to wear your jacket instead of Shawn’s, but I don’t know if it’s okay anymore. I don’t know where our friendship becomes too much, where it crosses a line.”

He nods again, “I want you to do those things so badly, but I get it. I want you to be comfortable with what you’re doing, so I guess, if we need to start fresh then that’s what we’ll do.”

I sigh and drum my fingers on the inside of my wrist, a nervous tick I picked up a few years ago. “I just want to be Connor and y/n again.”

He reaches over and takes my hand in his, rubbing over my knuckles with his thumb. “I wanna be Connor and y/n again too.”

I close my eyes tight and squeeze his hand, “I’m terrified that you’re gonna leave me again.”

“Never again. I promise.”

“Don’t promise,” I suck in a breath, “promises can be broken.”

I jolt awake, holding my chest. Connor’s quick to sit up behind me. “Hey, hey what happened?”

I shake my head, pushing my hair out of my face. “Nothing. Nothing, I just… can memories be dreams?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” he yawns. “What did you dream about?”

I shut my eyes tight, “Just a really bad time in my life. Nothing to worry about.”

“Are you okay?”

I nod, “Yeah. Let’s just go back to sleep.”

—

I wait for her to fall back to sleep. She asked me if memories can be dreams and I’m wondering the same thing. Because the dream I just woke up from was anything but. 

“Smash or pass? Really? What are we thirteen?” I ask when our group gathers into a circle around the coffee table. My parents are out of town for the weekend, so I thought I’d have a small get together. It was just about twenty of us, but there was enough alcohol to serve a party of fifty. But now, there’s only six of us left. Shawn, Brian, y/n, me, Sam and Matt. We’ve all been drinking, so we’re all staying here for the night. Y/n’s drank the most probably. 

Until today, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her drink. She’s usually the responsible one of us. I guess since we didn’t plan on leaving, she didn’t have to be tonight. I’m watching her carefully. 

“Don’t be such a downer. It’ll be fun. Y/n, we’ll start with you. Do you want a guy or girl?” Matt asks.

She shrugs, resting her chin in her hand on the table. “Doesn’t matter. Surprise me.”

“Ooh, okay. How about that girl from Pitch Perfect. Hailee something?”

“Steinfeld?” she asks. 

“Yes! Her! Smash or pass?”

She doesn’t even hesitate, “Smash. 100%.”

“Really? Interesting,” he nods.

“Are you saying she’s not a smash? Because you’d be wrong.”

“Oh, no. Totally a smash.” 

This goes on for a while, throwing out different celebrities until Sam gets a bright idea. “Okay, let’s make it interesting. People we know.”

I go to protest, but everyone nods. “Y/n, you’re up. Smash or pass with Brian.”

“Pass,” she says instantly.

He gasps, “Hey! Rude! At least act like you’re considering it.”

She holds her hand out to him, her eyes squinting, her head bobbing a little because she’s five drinks in, and I’m pretty sure all her drinks had at least two shots in them. “Not because you’re not attractive. Don’t get your panties in a twist. S’cause you’re like my brother. I wouldn’t fuck my brother, that’s disgusting.”

“Alright, in another universe then?” Matt asks, but I don’t really want to know the -

“No. There’s just no attraction there. He’d try to tell me what to do and I’d bite his head off.”

“Ha,” Shawn laughs. “Which one?"

“I think you know,” she sips her drink but frowns when she finds it’s empty. “Oh, sad,” she looks in her cup with furrowed brows. “I’m getting another.”

“Ah, I think you’re done,” Brian argues. “That’s five.”

“Don’t kill my buzz just because I said I wouldn’t have sex with you,” she slurs.

“No, honey, I think he’s right. You’ve had a lot tonight,” Shawn agrees. 

I don’t know what to say because I think she’s had a lot too, but I’ve never been with her when she drinks. I guess her drinking habits are new. 

“I think you both suck, and since I’m not driving, I’m having another.”

They both sigh and look to me for help. She and I still aren’t back to where we were before, but we’re at least better than we were on the beach a few weeks ago. “Y/n, at least get some water to drink too.”

She frowns but nods, “Fine. I’ll be back, keep playing.” She staggers off, barely able to keep her balance. 

I sigh, “When did she start drinking like this?”

Shawn gives me that look. The one that says “take a wild guess,” and I know my answer then. When Kenz and I started dating. 

“Right,” I nod. “Got it.” She comes back, a water bottle in one hand and whatever concoction she just made up now. 

“Okay, who’s next?” she asks. We go around again until it’s her turn. 

“Shawny boy here, smash or pass?”

She looks him over and huffs, “Pass. In another universe where I didn’t know everything about him, smash.”

I clench my jaw, but Shawn just laughs. She’s drunk, I tell myself. It doesn’t mean anything. Except don’t people say that drunk words are sober thoughts? The next round takes a little longer, and by the time it gets back to her, she’s falling asleep on Shawn’s shoulder. 

“Hey, Con, can you help me get her to your room? She’s about to pass out and I’d rather not leave her here on the floor all night.”

I nod, “Yeah, no problem.” I stand up and Shawn puts her arm around my shoulders and I hold onto her waist while he stands, taking place on her other side. 

“Y/n, one more,” Matt says. 

“M’kay,” she nods. 

“Connor, smash or pass?”

"Dude," I start to protest, but she answers quickly and definitively. 

“Fucking smash,” she shakes her head. “A million goddamn times.”

Matt and Will laugh, but the rest of us stay silent, especially me. 

“Okay, let’s get you to bed,” I say, walking her up the steps. We get her to the room and on the bed. I walk over to my dresser to get her some clothes. 

“Is she sober enough to change on her own?”

Shawn shakes his head. “Gimme. I got it. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to change her.”

“She’s been drinking like this for a while?” I question, going to my bathroom to grab the makeup remover I have stowed away for her for when she stays the night.

“Yeah,” he nods, pulling my shirt over her head. 

“Shawn?” she whines, her voice cracking. 

“Yeah, honey?”

“Why doesn’t he want me?” She whimpers, “Why am I not good enough for him?”

I rear back like she’s hit me. What? Who is she talking about? It's not me, right?

Shawn sighs deeply, "You are, baby. You’re enough," he assures her and then looks up at me. "Give me a second with her?"

I don't want to leave her because I want to know who she's talking about, but my heart doesn't. So I nod and leave the room, shutting the door behind me. I slide down to the floor and rest my head in my hands, waiting for him to come back out.

He does ten minutes later and I look up at him, defeated. "She thinks I don't want her."

He gives me a sad smile, "She's just drunk. She gets like this when she drinks."

"Drunk words are sober thoughts," I shake my head. "I can't believe I've made her think she's not good enough. That I don’t want her? I want her every day, Shawn. I always have."

He doesn't say anything except, "She’s asking for you."

I get up in a heartbeat and walk into the room. "You need something, love?" I ask gently, sitting beside her on the bed.

She looks at me with her half closed eyes and an extreme pout on her lips. "Will you lay with me? Sleep with me tonight?"

I nod, "Anything you want, it’s yours. Let me go get your water. I need you to drink it before you fall asleep, okay?” I push her hair out of her face and let my fingers trace over her cheek.

“Okay, bubba. Whatever you want,” she hums. “Hurry back.”

I let my hand linger for a moment before I get up to go downstairs. The boys are still just sitting around the table, laughing, fooling around. Brian and Shawn look up at me when they hear me. 

“Is she okay? Does she need anything?” Brian asks.

I point to the water that’s sitting by Shawn’s elbow. “I just need her water. I’m gonna go lay down with her.”

“Just lay down?” Matt wiggles his eyebrows, earning a punch in the arm from Brian.

“Shut up. She’s drunk, he wouldn’t do that,” he points to me. “You won’t touch her.”

“You know I would never do that,” I shake my head. “I’m just gonna hold her until she falls asleep. And this,” I gesture to the group, “this game never happened. Not a single one of you will bring up what happened tonight. I don’t want her to be embarrassed.”

“So, what? You’re just gonna pretend it didn’t happen?”

“That’s exactly what I’m gonna do,” I sigh, “There’s extra blankets and pillows in the closet down the hall. Make yourselves comfortable, I’m going back upstairs to lay with her.” I don’t wait for anyone to say anything because honestly, I don’t care what they have to say about it.

I walk back into the room to find her sitting against the bed frame, a picture frame in her hand. 

“Whatcha looking at, pretty girl?” I ask her, closing the door behind me.

She turns the picture to face me. It’s a photo of the two of us from last summer. I’m leaning against her, my eyes closed, face scrunched, flipping off the camera. Her arms are around my bare chest and she’s licking my cheek. I promptly tackled her after the photo was taken. “This was my favorite day.”

I hum, sitting next to her. “Mine too. Here,” I hold the bottle out to her. “I need you to drink the whole thing.”

She nods, setting the picture back down on the nightstand. There’s still a lot of photos of her in here despite McKenzie telling me to take them down. The one she just had was hidden in my drawer, but I refused to take the other ones down because they had the boys in them too. She takes a few sips, successfully downing half the bottle before handing it back to me, resting her head on my shoulder. 

“Did you take down all your photos of her?” she asks quietly.

“No,” I shake my head. “There was no need. I never had any hung up.”

“Why not? I bet that made her mad.”

It did. “Doesn’t matter,” I turn my head to kiss her forehead. 

She shifts and wraps an arm around my torso, we haven’t cuddled like this in a long time, and I wish it were under different circumstances, but I’ll take what I can get now. A few moments of silence pass before I feel her body slump next to mine. She’s out like a light. 

I sigh and lean down, kissing her forehead once again. “You’re enough, baby. I want you. I always want you. And I’m gonna show you every single day for the rest of our lives.”

***

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[bubbashawn]

Honey

author: Here’s my first completed request!! Also this is day 7 or 8 of me posting in a row so I’m patting myself on the back. Hope y’all like it and yes it mentions the “pr” stunt w/ Camila so don’t attack me

synopsis: You overhear something you should’ve known all along. But why does Shawn care? He’s the one who threw 5 years away. Throw in a New Year’s Eve Party and everything is bound to go haywire.

warning: requested by anon. Forgive me I swore lol but really it falls in my brand so 2k of angst to fluff :)

“Baby, I love you.”

“Yeah well maybe you should’ve thought about that before Miami!”

“It’s all a PR stunt, Y/N. I don’t get it! Why is this such a big deal to you? That all means shit to me! You know that!”

“Because you didn’t tell me, Shawn,” your eyes started watering but you ignored them, “because I had to explain to my family why your tongue was down some other girls throat and I didn’t know how to because you didn’t tell me!”

Shawn knew a fake relationship would go haywire, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to love you right if he was pretending to love some other girl. Shawn knew what would happen and yet here he was. Standing, begging, in front of you to stay with him because he didn’t think he could ever lose you.

“Honey, you know I love you.”

“Saying I love you isn’t going to fucking fix anything!”

It was true. He loved you so much that he didn’t consider that you’d end things, not when you were so in love with each other. His stupid ego was causing havoc while you cried in his kitchen with your key resting on his counter.

You loved him too much. This hurt too much.

You had that key since he first bought his condo, he remembered the two of you moving him out of his family home. You also used to have a key for there. The two of you had met back in Pickering before Handwritten, before Vine even and your relationship had guided the two of you through your rising fame. You were the one constant in his life, his love for you the only thing keeping him grounded through it all.

“I’m done. I won’t be made a fool and the paparazzi probably will be here soon, so I’m just going to leave.”

“Y/N…”

“Bye Shawn, have a nice life.”

You felt arms shift around your waist and your eyes snapped open. It was just a dream. Except it wasn’t because it wasn’t Shawn’s arms wrapped around you or his cologne covered pillow your head rested on. It was your boyfriend’s.

Not Shawn’s.

Collin must have noticed you shift in his bed because his crystal eyes were staring down at you. He had the sharpest blue eyes you had ever seen, a stark contrast to the familiar hazel.

Collin Bradford had been perfect.

He was what any girl like you could dream of. He wasn’t famous which was foremost the best because you didn’t have to deal with a rivalry about who’s better. He understood your strange hours and never complained about the red carpets or photographers. He was happy to let you take the spotlight. ENews was obsessed with him, not that you blamed them, Collin was by far the most attractive man you had been with since Shawn.

Collin Bradford had been perfect, until he wasn’t.

Once he got comfortable in the relationship he started letting all the new attention get to his head. He became flirty and arrogant. He was the golden boy of Hollywood and he always claimed to love you, so you let him stay in your life. When the cheating scandal happened you let him back in. And the 2 after that. Funny how you let him make you seem like a fool when you’d broken Shawn’s heart for the same reason.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. What time is it?”

“Almost 6. Do you need to get up?”

“Mmm,” you hummed in agreement, “I’ve got that interview with Spanish Vogue in three hours.”

Carol, your stylist, would kill you if you weren’t sitting in front of her within the next hour. You rose to your feet ignoring the ache that Shawn always massaged out of your back.

“Want an espresso?”

“No, don’t bother,” you smiled back at him, “let at least one of you enjoy a morning in bed.”

“Want to get me one?”

“Sure thing.”

“You’re the best Baby,” his face was hidden in his phone before you could say another word. That was his way of saying he’s done with this conversation.

You walked out of the bedroom and hurried to make your boyfriend his drink before scurrying back to place it by his head. He didn’t acknowledge you.

“We have Hailey Bieber’s New Year’s Eve Party tonight. You still want to come?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there.”

You were out the door by 6:10, accustomed to the tight schedule. It was two and a half hours when you noticed a 6’2” frame with curly hair towering over you. You didn’t dare look up until you saw his swallow tattoo emitting an unwanted gasp from your throat. Carol looked at you weirdly but your eyes were trained on pointed Chelsea boots that were hesitantly shuffling towards your seated figure.

“Y/N,” he sounded the same, honey smooth like the rest of him, “Y/N?”

Your gaze lifted from the ground where he stood, up his body and past the undone buttons of his shirt until you stopped on the hazel eyes from your distant memories.

“Hey.”

“Wow, Hi,” he was staring, “it’s been what, 2 years?”

“Just about. 2 years at the end of next month.”

Shawn didn’t pay attention to the nervous quake in your voice and if he did he didn’t make any moves to soothe your mind. He just remained mere feet away and looking down at you.

You hated that you could see the love behind his irises. He had put you through so much even after you left. Shawn hadn’t broken up with Camila for another 8 months after yours. That’s why you didn’t run back to him.

“Wha-what’re you doing here?”

“Oh, um I have an interview about my new work.”

“I heard about that. Congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks.”

He was still staring and watched you shift off the chair to stand before him. Shawn wasn’t paying mind to how close you two actually were until the air between you was mixing. You took his breath away, literally.

“Are you still with that asshole, Charles?”

“Charles? You mean Collin?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Then yes, yes I am.”

“Why? Didn’t he cheat on you?”

“Keeping tabs on me?”

He was growing frustrated with your stubbornness.

“Believe it or not, I still love you, Y/N. And I hate seeing you get hurt, especially by some guy who doesn’t deserve you!”

“And who deserves me? You? Shawn, the whole reason I was in this relationship to start was to get you out of my head,” your eyes were tearing up just like that night years ago, “because believe it or not, you hurt me first.”

Carol, bless her soul, gave an apologetic smile towards Shawn for interrupting your conversation and began walking you towards your interview.

“Honey, you okay?”

You nodded your head trying to piece your mind together before some poor interviewer talked to you.

“It was hard not to listen in,” she smiled softly, “but if you want my thoughts, I think he was telling the truth.”

You looked into her eyes searching for answers that you already knew.

“He loves you, Y/N, and I think you love him too.”

With one final look to make sure her observations got through to you, Carol opened the door and guided you towards your manager.

The interview went fine and before you know it, it was over. You spaced out one too many times, you were sure, but it was over and done with. A photo shoot followed so you would have a cover image on Spanish Vogue and before you knew it the sun was setting.

After a long day filled with too many people and the run-in with Shawn, the last thing on your mind was New Years. You had honestly forgotten about it until you got a slew of texts all talking about the plans for the evening. Everyone was going to show up around 10 and the night would progress from there.

You, however, wouldn’t leave the Vogue building until 11:20.

“Your dress is in the car so you’ll have to change in the back which is why I made sure the car would have a partition. And Collin can help you, okay?”

Collin would not be helping if you had a say in anything.

“Thank you, Carol, enjoy the holiday!”

“You too.”

You slipped into the Bentley waiting by the glass doors ignoring the flashes of cameras. And quickly pulled your dress from the door before turning to your boyfriend expectantly.

“Go up to the passenger seat.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen you strip before,” he chuckled, eyeing the silky minidress in your hand, “is that even a full dress? Like I’m actually going to let you walk out of here in that.”

“Go to the fucking front and you haven’t had a worthy opinion about anything in the last 8 months because you cheated on me so get out.”

He glared at you but didn’t have any excuse. What could he say to you? Sorry? Collin hopped out ignoring the questions and the shouts about his scandals and sat in the front next to your driver. He glowered even more, if that’s possible, when the divider screen went up.

The party was in full blast by the time you had arrived. With only ten minutes until midnight everyone was bustling to reach their lover or any stranger with a decent pair of lips. Everyone was drunk, and if not absolutely hammered then tipsy. Not one person was standing without leaning on something for support.

“Collin, I’m ge-”

Your boyfriend who was minutes ago standing behind you was now leaning against the kitchen counter between some pretty girl’s thighs. His lips sipping from her solo cup before latching on her neck. Shocker.

Shawn was surely the only person aware of his surroundings and though no one else paid mind to you slipping into the party looking absolutely gorgeous except him. No one noticed the asshole behind you sneaking off to fuck some model. No one noticed your unsurprised yet hurt expression.

No one noticed except him.

He’d be lying to say he hadn’t been watching the front door since he arrived, looking for your familiar face. He was elated when you walked through the door because despite the fact that every time you two spoke it resulted in a fight, he still missed you. Had Shawn been a man with any common sense he would’ve shut down the whole pr relationship concept before it even became a possibility. But he hadn’t and then he lost the most important person in his life.

10

He made his way through the crowd offering friendly greetings to the drunk party goers before he was standing feet away from you again.

9

This time however your eyes didn’t shy away like they had earlier that day. No, they watched his gaze flicker across your entire being drinking you in.

8

“Hi,” your voice was breathless.

7

“Hey,” his hands found your waist.

6

“Are you drunk?”

5

“No,” he smiled before repeating your question back at you, already knowing the answer.

4

“Are you drunk?”

3

“No.”

2

“Good.”

1

Shawn’s lips were pressed against your own and he tasted the same as when he was 16. It was like his eyes, pure honey, just so undeniably sweet. You wondered how you didn’t wander back to him like an addict during your 2 years of deprivation.

“Happy New Years, Baby.”

His mouth latched to yours again not wanting to pull apart longer than he had to.

“We still,” you whimpered when your lips separated again as he looked down at you, “we still have to talk about this. About us.”

“As long as there is an us, I’ll talk to you forever. And you have to break things off with that asshole.”

“Mmhmm,” you hummed against his lips.

“You’re my honey. You’re my sweet, sweet honey.”

“You sure you aren’t drunk?”

“Not drunk,” he couldn’t help but smile against your lips, “just happy. Really fucking happy.”

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[wannabedonnasheridan]

wrote this a couple months ago and simply couldn't keep this just for myself. By the way, that's probably the first and last time i'm writing. Who knows?

Thanks to Connor Brashier for being himself and to the Mamma Mia movies for making me want such an amazing life.

*english os not my first language, sorry for any mistakes!*

FLUFF - based on an amazing dream :)

°•°•°

"Lay all your looooove oooooon meeeeeee" I sing at the top of my lungs. "What are you singing, bubs?" Connor asks me, coming from our bedroom only on his shorts. "Lay all your love on me, by ABBA. But the version from the Mamma Mia movie, so it's a duet. Mind joining me on this little karaoke moment?" I say, putting my arms around his neck "You know I'd love to continue listening to your beautiful voice, but I'm afraid I don't know the rest of your song" he answers me, which makes me pull away from our little hug and look straight into his eyes with a confused expression. "What do you mean 'I don't know the song'? They sang in Mamma Mia" "Okay, but why do I have to know a song from a movie I've never watched before?" he tells me, making me stare at him, shocked. "You've never seen Mamma Mia?" I ask, confusion running through my head. "Well no... what's the big deal about it?" he says, chuckling lightly at my facial expression "Except for the fact it's one of the best musicals ever made and one of your 2 years girlfriend's favorite movie? Nah, nothing much." I exclaim, causing him to become confused suddenly. "Oh, I knew you like it, but not so much" he scratches the back of his neck, probably not knowing how to react over my little 'show' "Oh lord, I failed as a girlfriend..." I whisper disappointed. "Obviously not bub... you are perfect for me. I love you despise everything" Connor says, approaching me. He pecks my lips and engulfes me into a hug. "Wait" I suddenly said, looking into his eyes "if you haven't watched mamma mia yet, lets change it now for our relationship's sake! Go pop some popcorn and grab some drinks, I'm gonna put on the movie!" I exclaim. He soon makes his way to the couch with our snacks so we can start watching it. "Prepare yourself, your life will never be the same!" I smirk slightly, making him laugh "If you say so..." he says and kisses the top of my head. I press start and the movie begins. After its two hours of duration, Connor and I are cuddled on the couch still amazed by what we've seen. "Sooooo..." I sit up and start " what do you think?" "It's a really good movie, actually" he says, looking at me "the songs, the performances and the storie are really creative and fit a lot together. But in the end we don't know who is Sophie's dad? I wanted to know SO MUCH." "Yeah, we don't know who is the real father, but let's analyse: she wanted her dad and found three possibilities that she loved. Why would she need a physical comprovation of something that was already great to her?" "That's true... oh also: she didn't marry Sky? Wasn't it the thing she wanted, like, the most?" "She ends up not marrying Sky because they decided to live their lives together and explore the world before they became a real couple. That's actually really nice to think about" I say, closing my eyes to think "You decide not to do something so responsible and end up having more teenager years. It's a great situation." I finish my own thought and see him admiring me. "What?" "Nothing, just thinking how you drift off talking about your perspective of the movie. It means a lot to you, doesn't it? he asks, holding my hand "It does... to be honest, I wanted to be Sophie when I was little. I was 8 by the time the movie came out, so I got amazed by how soon she found and decided to travel around the world with her love. It still buzzes me sometimes, how lucky she is. Lived in Greece, litteraly PARADISE, found love, didn't marry him but decided to realise her dream accompanied by him. I would do the same, except I would also want the marriage part" i say and chuckle a little. We stay quiet for a few seconds, Connor holding my hand and with a serious expression. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts. "Marry me" he says, out of nowhere. "Excuse me?" I say shocked and confused by the sudden action. "You want to have a life like Sophie, right? Then marry me. Marry me and we will travel around the world together, as a real couple" he calmly says, still sitting cross legged in front of me. "Yeah, but

I can wait until you're ready too. You don't have to do this just because of a stupid and old dream." I tell him, being honest from the bottom of my heart. I knew C was the one, but what if he wasn't so sure? "Bubs, this is not stupid. If you want or wanted to, it's important to me. I know you're the one and that someday I want to be able to call you my wife." he drops to one knee and grabs both of my hands "Make me the happiest and luckiest man on earth and marry me." "Connor..." i say, trying to keep my tears away "we are just so young! I am not saying I don't want to because trust me, I do. I mean, we are finishing college and your work with Shawn is just getting started. Maybe we should simply wait some years. I don't mind." I state. Connor thinks for a minute and stares at me again. "But I do mind. Bubs, I will eternally want and try to do whatever makes your beautiful smile appears on your pretty face" he cups my cheeks "If college is the problem, let's just wait until it ends: you graduate next year, we have a whole year to prepare. Then, we are gonna spend the next year travelling and meeting the world, no jobs and no worries. Shawn and our friends will be waiting for us, I guarantee you. So what do you say?" I think for some seconds and realize that the chance of realizing one of my biggest dreams with the boy I loved the most was face to face to me. I guess it's pretty obvious. "Yes. A thousand times yes!" I smile and hug Connor tightly "So, are we enganged yet?" "Not yet, I have to do something more special and beautiful, after all that's what you deserve." He says while grabs both of my hands again "Right after you graduate, I am gonna drop to one knee and propose properly. I promise." "That's okay with me, my soon to be husband" i whisper the last part in his ear, feeling his neck shiver under my hands. "Okay, I guess that's my favorite nickname ever" C says while pushes my to the couch and lies on me. A little squish of surprise leaves my mouth, and i start laughing. "C, we still have to watch the second movie" i say and try to get up, but he pushes me to the couch once more "Con, I am serious, let me put the DVD. I haven't seen young Donna's journey in ages" i tell him, making him laugh at my seriousness. "Okay, i'll let you go my soon to be wife." I put the DVD on and hop into the couch on top of Connor. He wraps his arms around my hips and kisses my temple gently. "I love you bubs" he whispers. "I love you more C." I whisper back, pecking his lips. The movie starts and, after some minutes, I hear Connor calling my name. "Yes, bubs?" I say, turning my head to face him. "Do Sophie and Sky end up having a baby after their trip? Because I would enjoy exercising for one a couple of days during our trip. Every night, maybe?" I keep looking at him with an interrogative expression, but when i get what he had just said, I can't help but roll my eyes and laugh. "You're impossible!"

°•°•°

[shawnpetermuffins]

Finding Courage

A/n: Originally I was gonna post this as a 12k fic, but then I decided I wanted to change it a bit, so here’s part two of  We Were Us (This is predominantly a Connor chapter. We’ll get to Shawn as the series goes on.)

Summary: things aren’t going the way you planned, and Connor is here to help.

Warnings: I think maybe angst

Word count: 2.8k

***

“You okay?” Connor asks after I’ve cried on his shoulder the majority of the movie. Neither of us were paying attention, me for very obvious reasons, and Connor because he was trying like hell to console me; whispering sweet nothings in my ear, telling me that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to believe him, I really did. I wanted to stop hurting, even if it’s only been just over an hour since Shawn and I broke up.

“I will be,” I say, repeating what he’s already told me so many times.

He sighs and draws a cross over the nape of my neck, three times. It’s all he knew how to do to calm me even just a little bit. When I was younger and would have anxiety in public, I would always draw a cross on my palm until I felt like I could breathe again. I found that focusing on what my fingers were doing rather than the loud noise surrounding me tended to help. Connor knew that, and was always ready to help me when I needed it. And clearly I needed it now. “What can I get you? Anything?”

I shake my head, “I think I need to go lay down.”

“Okay,” he nods. “The bed is made up for you. And I’m just down the hall if you need me. You need to crawl in bed with me, you do it.”

I smile half heartedly and press a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t deserve to have you, Connor.”

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true. You’ve been there for me through everything. I wouldn’t make it through this without you.”

“I don’t believe that,” he wipes at my tear stained face, a little mascara coming off on his thumbs. “You’re the strongest girl I know. You don’t need me, but I’m here. I’m here for you through anything. I promise.”

“Have I told you that you’re my best friend?”

“Only every day.”

I nod, “Good. I just want to make sure you know.”

“I do. Now, go get some sleep, honey.”

“But I should help you put this up.”

“It can wait until tomorrow. Go.”

“So bossy,” I mumble, slipping from under the blanket that covered us.

“Only when I need to be.”

I don’t sleep well… or at all really. I toss and turn most of the night, replaying the night in my head. He felt bad that he had to go on tour again. He knew how much of a strain it put on us last time and he wanted to make this easier. But I couldn’t let him. My heart couldn’t take another eight months of tour, another eight months without him. I couldn’t just up and leave like he wanted me to, like I wanted to. I had things that I needed to attend to here and we both knew that. He couldn’t put his life on hold just like I couldn’t for him. But he wanted to make it work with us. He was trying. So why did I fight it so hard. Why did I insist on breaking it off? Shawn thought that things were okay. He thought things were well enough that he wrote a whole ass album about me.

Oh god, the album.

I jump out of bed and dig in my purse for the flash drive. I didn’t bring my computer, but Connor had his in his room. I tiptoe in and see he’s sleeping peacefully on his stomach, one arm under his head. I watch his bare back rise and fall for a minute, tracking his breathing because his face is mostly in the pillow, and I’m worried he might suffocate. (He doesn’t know that every time we’ve spent the night together, I’ve spent most of my night making sure he’s breathing, but that’s not for him to know. I just want to make sure he’s okay.) I’d hate to wake him, but I have to do this and I have to do it now or it’s going to drive me crazy.

“Connor,” I whisper from the doorway, but he doesn’t stir. I sigh and walk in a little more. “Connor,” I say a little louder. Still nothing. “Jesus. Connor,” I kneel beside his bed and poke his side. “Con, wake up.”

“Mmm…” he grumbles.

“Brash.”

“Hmm?”

“Wake up, I need you.”

His eyes open when he finally registers that it’s me. “Y/n. What’s wrong, honey?”

“I need to use your computer.”

He sits up, rubbing his eyes. “On the desk,” he points, his voice still heavy with sleep.

I move to get it and set it in his lap. He opens it with a yawn types in his password as I sit down next to him.

“So why’d you need my computer?” He asks, handing me the laptop.

I hold up the flash drive. “Shawn gave me the album.”

“He did what?”

“This is every song on the album. I haven’t listened to it. He was gonna show me after dinner but well… And I don’t think I can listen to this alone.”

Even in his sleepy state, I can see the sympathy in his eyes and a large part of me hates it. Hates that anyone is seeing me like this. But it’s him and I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed in front of him. “Okay, put it in.”

I nod and insert the flash drive with shaky hands. I wait for the window to pop up, and there, in front of me are fourteen audio files. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe as I press play before I have the chance to talk myself out of it. The opening notes fill the room and I close my eyes, trying like hell not to let myself break from just the soft strum of his guitar. It’s already so roughly Shawn and I think I might lose it before his voice even –

And there is it. That voice I fell in love with so many years ago. The voice of the man that I was convinced I would spend my life with.

“Y/n, breathe.” He places his hand over mine and turns it over, once again drawing a cross on my skin. “I’m here.”

We make it through three songs – well, if you call me sobbing on Connor’s bare shoulder, “making it through.” It’s when the lyrics start on the fourth that I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I make it only twenty-three seconds in before I’m rushing to the bathroom, my best friend hot on my tail.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble, sitting back against the bathtub after emptying the contents of my stomach.

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay. Maybe, we should take this one day at a time, yeah? We can listen to the rest of the album later.”

I shake my head, “It’s not the album. This has been happening for a few days. It might just be some type stomach bug or something.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I have medicine in the cabinet.”

“No, Connor, you’re already doing too much for me.”

“It doesn’t matter what I’m doing for you. When are you going to understand that? I’m going to do whatever I need to do for you. That’s what I’m here for.” He moves from beside me and goes to the cabinet under the sink. “What are your symptoms?”

“Just nauseous. Little tired, but I haven’t really been sleeping much.”

He digs through the container of the meds and I can’t help but laugh a little. “You run some drug cartel I don’t know about?”

He hums, “Hey, traveling a lot fucks with your immune system. I have to be prepared. I have something for everything.”

“You sound just like my mom.”

“Yeah, well. She’s taught me a lot.”

“She asked about you the other day. She wants you to come over for dinner sometime soon.”

He smiles, “I’ll call her tomorrow to set something up.” He pulls a bottle out, reading over the description on the side. “This should work for you.” He pops the cap and pours two capsules into his hand.

---

“Well… It wasn’t a stomach bug.”

“What is it? Are you dying?” Connor opens the fridge, “Beer?”

“No thanks.”

He hums, twisting the lid off his bottle and handing me a water. “This must be serious. You’re not drinking.” He brings the glass up to his lips.

“Yeah, well. You can’t drink when you’re pregnant.”

He coughs, spitting his beer into the sink. “I’m sorry. You’re what?”

“No, you heard right. I’m pregnant.”

“But I thought you said-”

“Hey, sex was the only thing we were still good at.”

He shudders, “Too much information.”

I shrug, “Sorry.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Pretend it’s not happening?”

“Y/n?”

“What? I can’t tell him, Connor!”

“Why not?”

“Hello! He’s Shawn fucking Mendes. I can’t just spring a baby on him. Not with this new album coming out. Not with his tour next year. He can’t just put it all on hold. And the media will have a field day. ‘Shawn Mendes and ex-girlfriend: pregnant? Twins? Is it his?’ He doesn’t need to go through that. I don’t need to go through that.”

“Y/n, he’s the father. He deserves to know. You can’t just keep it from him because of his career.”

“Why not? We’re not gonna be seeing each other anymore.”

“Um, hi. I still work for him!”

“Oh. Oh. Oh, god,” I run my hands over my face. “I completely forgot you were going on tour with him again. Fuck!”

He sighs and comes to my side, “Y/n.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Connor.” I sniffle.

“Come here,” he takes my hands from my face and wraps my arms around his torso. I let out a shuddery breath. “Hey, listen to me. It’s okay. We are going to get through this. You can tell him when you’re ready. And until then, I’m here. I’m here always. You know that.”

I sigh, “I’m scared.”

“You don’t have to be. I’ll help you. I’ll help you through everything. I mean it, you and I are in this together.”

“But it’s not your problem.”

“You are my problem,” he winces, “And yes, I know how bad that sounds. But… okay. Look at me,” he pulls away just far enough to see my face. “You don’t have to tell him yet. But you do have to tell him eventually. And when you tell him, I’ll be there right by your side. I’m not leaving you. Not now. Not ever. That baby,” he looks down at my stomach and then back to my eyes, “It’s gonna have you and me. I’m gonna be that really cool uncle the kid runs to when he’s in trouble.”

“You think I’m having a boy?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood because it’s already starting to get too emotional and I can’t handle it.

He takes that as his signal and smiles, pulling away from me. “I mean, I hope it is. That would be a fun time. I can teach him all the things I know. You know, how to be a lady killer, travel around the world and get thousands of girls screaming his name every night.”

“And if it’s a girl? What is Uncle Connor going to teach her?”

“That she’s not allowed to date until she’s at least thirty-five.”

It’s my turn to laugh. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, but either way, I’m teaching them about photography and video and surfing. That kid is going to be so loved, y/n. And they have me just like you do.”

I take in a deep breath. “Thank you,” I whisper.

---

“Connor, can you rub my back?” I ask, shifting on the couch, trying to find a better angle.

“Yeah, where?”

“Like right above the small of my back,” I reach my arm around myself to point and soon his warm hands meet my skin and I already feel relieved. “Oh, god. Thank you.”

“So, your doctor’s appointment is next week, right?”

I nod, “Yeah, Tuesday at three.”

“You want me to come with?”

“No.”

“Why not? I feel like I should be there when you find out what we’re having.”

I don’t correct him on the ‘we’ even though we both know this baby isn’t his. Which makes me think of the baby’s father and how I’m about to find out what we’re having and he still doesn’t even know that we’re having one. “Because you have to work. It’s the same time as your meeting with Shawn and the crew.”

He sighs, “You know I can tell him I’m out, if it makes you feel better about it.”

“No, Connor. We’ve talked about this. You’re not quitting because of me. You go and you do your job. It’s what you’re good at, and I am so proud of you.”

“Did he text you for the release?”

“Yeah,” I say quietly, remembering how I cried for an hour before I was able to text him back with a single ‘congratulations.’

“And?”

“And I listened to the rest of it... I hate that I love it.”

“You know it’s okay to miss him. Especially right now.”

“I know.” I pull away from him, playing with the hem of my shirt.

“You still haven’t told him.”

“I know,” I say again, deflating. “I will.”

“When?”

“I was thinking maybe in ten years?”

“Y/n,” he says with a stern look.

“Connor, please.”

“And what am I going to tell him when you call me telling me you’re in labor in six months.”

“We can handle it then.”

He shakes his head, “You know that’s not gonna work. You’ve got to tell him. And soon. It’s not just him it’ll effect. Karen, Manny, Aaliyah. They deserve to know too.”

I close my eyes. I hadn’t even thought about how it would affect them. “You’re right. Can we just? Wait another week? Know what I’m having first. And then I’ll tell him.”

“It’s already been four months… I guess a week won’t hurt.”

“Speaking of four months. I’ve been looking for a place, and I think I found one. It’s not too far from here and I mean, the rent is kinda a lot, but I think it’ll work.”

“Why are you looking for a place?”

I furrow my brows at him. “What do you mean? I have to move out at some point, Con. You know that?”

“Well, I mean, I guess. But you don’t have to move out right now. I like coming home to you. It’s nice. Familiar. Reminds me of the nights I’d spend at your house when we were kids. You know when your mom would make us those really rich chocolate chip cookies and we’d sneak them to your room before bed. But now it’s like that every night. Especially now that your cravings are starting.”

I smile softly, “Well I like coming home to you, too. But come on. You didn’t sign up for a baby. Plus, I’m not even paying rent. I’m sleeping in your guest room because I broke up with my boyfriend. This isn’t exactly the ideal living situation for you, bub.”

“Sure, but I don’t mind. I like having you here. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the random hundred and fifty dollars showing up in my wallet every time you get paid. Which by the way, I’m not spending.”

“Connor, I have to pay you back somehow.”

“No, you don’t. And I won’t tell you again. So anyway, the money isn’t being spent, but it is being put to good use. I started a college fund for the baby.”

“You what?”

“Yeah. Or I guess it could be used as bail money if it ever comes to that. But I don’t know. I just wanted to do something for them.”

“But why?”

“Because they’re part of you. Which means they’re part of me too.”

I can’t say anything. I don’t think anything will be good enough.

“So,” he says a while later. “We should start thinking about names.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, I’ll start. If it’s a boy I think we should name him Connor.”

I chuckle, “No.”

“Come on, it’s a good name.”

“It’s your name.”

“Exactly.”

“No. Next.”

“Okay fine. What do you think then?”

“Brandon.”

“No. Too basic. How about Tanner?”

“No. Patrick?”

He shakes his head.

“Okay, well then let’s think girl names. Because, yes, that is a possibility.”

He sighs, “Girl names. Okay. You have anything in mind?”

“Rachel?”

“Eh, I’m not feeling it.”

“Okay, then how about Kendall?”

“How about Mae?”

Mae. “I like it.” Mae Mendes. Mendes. “Hey, Connor?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think it’s okay if I give the baby Shawn’s last name?”

I don’t look at him when he answers, but I know him well enough to know he’s biting the inside of his cheek. “I think he’d like that very much.”

***

Permanent tag: @soyalimoncada-blog @tinycertain @magcon7280 @daisyangei @devilmendes @babybrash @fallinallincurls @sunrisebrashx @sinceweremutual @myyohmyuohmyy @perfectly-mendess @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @baroness-alison @lostinmendess @linanilssonfurberg @luvluvxx @mariamuses @shawnieeboyy

Shawn tag: @ilumxna

*bold wouldn’t let me tag

** this is my new tag list!! If you were on my previous one and wish to still be tagged let me know! If you wish to be added or removed also let me know!!

[euphoria-svt]

Used to This

A/N: to make up for the last one, here’s a very soft and fluffy fic!

————————————————————

Word count: 1.8k -ish

Connor’s hand made its way to your side of the bed; desperately wanting to hold you close. His eyes were still shut and he was half asleep, so when he felt the cold sheet instead of your body, he became fully awake.

He opens his eyes and frowned when he was met with an empty space instead of his wife. Wife. He still couldn’t believe that he gets to call someone his wife. A wife to wake up to everyday and love for the rest of his life. He’s able to walk down the street with her and introduce her to everyone “Hi, this is my wife. Isn’t she amazing?”

Connor sits up and stretches his arms. He leans over to grab his phone, when he noticed a yellow post-it note resting beside the device.

breakfast is waiting for you when you decide to get up sleepyhead x

After washing up, Connor made his way out of their bedroom and down the stairs towards the kitchen, where you probably were. He could already smell the heavenly food from the top of the stairs that made his stomach grumble.

Since it’s only been a few days since they moved in, there were moving boxes everywhere and the house was still pretty bare, besides the basic furniture; bed, couch, dining table, chairs.

“No peeking!”

“Connor, you put a blindfold over my eyes” You stated, rolling your eyes playfully, even though he couldn’t see you “How can I take a peek?”

“Just making sure, baby”

“Where even are we?” You whined as you gripped tightly onto his hand “When can I take this stupid blindfold off”

“Be patient, woman” He laughs and quietly opened the front door, carefully leading you in without tripping you “It’s just a few more steps and I’ll untie the blindfold on you”

“Are you going to kill me?” You asked seriously “Is this why we were driving for so long? You’re going to dispose my body somewhere far away so no one can find my body?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do” He answered sarcastically “I told you I loved you and asked you to marry me because I want to murder you”

Once they reached the specific area, Connor stopped her in the middle of the room “Okay, stop” He ordered “I’m going to take it off but keep your eyes closed, you hear me?”

“So bossy” You teased; yelping when you felt his fingers poking your side “Okay, okay I will!”

“Okay and open!”

When you opened your eyes, the first thing you noticed was the sight of a giant window with no curtains.  As you look around the room, you grew more confused as to why Connor took you to an empty house.

“Why are we here?” You asked confusingly “What is this place?”

Connor laughs softly, nodding his head towards the direction of the giant bouquet of roses resting against the wall with a purple envelope leaning against it “Read the letter if you want to know”

Still stunned, you slowly walk towards it and picked up the envelope first. Tearing it open, you found a neatly folded handwritten letter.

Do you remember when you asked me a few years ago; where do I see myself in 10 years?

I told you I’d like to think I’d be married by then, and even though I never said it out loud, my heart hoped it would be you. I told you I’d save up enough money to buy a new house for my family; one with a big backyard so the kids would have an area to play football and have tea parties. I’d build a tree house for them so we could see the stars better at night.

The house would be big enough to fit a family of 4 because I always wanted a boy and a girl, but I’d definitely not complain if there were more kids to come, it just means I’d have to find a bigger house. There would be enough rooms to have a study, a nursery and a playroom. I’d also want one of the rooms to just be filled with memories all over the wall.

And do you remember what I told you when I proposed to you? I told you I’d take care of you in sickness and in health, provide you with only the best because it’s what you deserve, baby.

So, this marks a new chapter of our lives.

You turned around, with tears in your eyes, to see Connor standing before you with a huge smile on his face. “This place…”

“Is ours” Connor confirmed “I bought it”

“You said we were going to wait at least 6 months after the wedding to start looking for a place!” You said “I told you your apartment was fine, baby. There’s enough space for the both of you.   We don’t have to rush into finding a new place”

“Well, that’s too late now” He laughs and reaches out for your hand, pulling you close to him “You’re going to be my wife soon and you’re going to put up with me for the rest of our lives, I figured this place was a decent place to start”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling softly “It’s not like I’m forced to be put up with you forever, you know? I agreed to love you and stay by your side, no matter how dorky you get or how much you love to annoy me when I’m doing my work”

“And that’s all I want” Connor presses his forehead against yours “To make this feel like home, to raise our kids in this house, to grow old together, everything you want to do… As long as I’m with you”

Soft music was playing from your portable speaker as Connor watched you work at the stove. He leaned against the door and watched as you stir the pan while singing along softly to the background music, while dressed in nothing but his hoodie.

He sneaked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, chuckling when you let out a squealed in surprise.

“You’re cooking?” Connor asked, resting his chin on your shoulder as he watched the scrambled eggs in the pan “That’s it. I’m officially in paradise”

“Don’t exaggerate, mister” You rolled your eyes playfully, turning your head to press a swift kiss to his cheek “Did you sleep well?”

“As usual” He sighs happily “You know, I could really get used to this. Seeing you cook in my hoodie everyday”

“You and me both” You said “Your hoodies are the comfiest thing in our closet”

“We could totally burn all your dresses” Connor nodded “I’m never going to complain if all you want to wear is my hoodie”

When the music switched, Connor reached over to turn off the stove. You look at him confusingly as he grabbed your hand and turned you around “What are you doing?”

“Wanna dance with you” He stated the obvious, pulling you towards the middle of the kitchen “This is our song”

“Babe, you’ve basically declared any love song as our song” You giggled and wrapped your arms around his neck, swaying slowly to the music.

“Well then, all of them are our song” Connor argued back “I don’t care, I make the rules”

“Alright, whatever you say” You smiled.

“Lucky I’m in love with my best friend, lucky to have been where I have been” Connor sings along while he twirled you “Lucky to be coming home again”

“You should sing more” You commented and rested your head against his shoulder “It’s my favourite sound in the world”

“You know you’re the only one I’d sing to, baby” He chuckled.

When the song ends, you were going to move back to the stove but Connor had other plans.

“Where are we going? I was in the middle of making breakfast!” You whined as Connor pulled you out of the kitchen.

“I need to show you something first before breakfast” Connor grinned “I’ve been keeping it a surprise from you”

“Is our marriage going to based on you constantly giving me surprises?”

“Pretty much”

He led you to room down the hallway; the only room you haven’t seen because it was locked and when you asked Connor, he’d always shrug you off with a “I’ll let you see it soon”.

You raised an eyebrow curiously as you stood in front of the door “You’re finally going to let me see what body you’re hiding behind this door?”

Connor shook his head, snickering “Yeah, so make sure you don’t pass out or anything”

“I mean I make no promises…”

“This was the only room that I could finish doing just before we moved in” He said “And I really hope you like how it turned out”

When he opened the door and revealed the door to you, your jaws dropped in shock. The room wasn’t that big, probably the smallest out of all the rooms in the house but it was fully decorated and complete. He had the room painted grey, your favourite colour.

Connor knew how much of a makeup freak you were and always complained about not having enough space of everything, but never would you thought he would build you your own makeup room.

“You did all this?” You asked stunned, looking around the room then to him as he leaned against the door “How did you-,”

“Shawn and Bri helped out a little” He answered, before thinking about his answer “Actually not really. They just annoyed the shit out of me while I got to work”

“Con, this is so beautiful” You muttered as you ran your fingers across the white vanity “I can’t believe you did this for me”

You felt him standing behind you, with his arms wrapped around your person “I told you I’d do anything for you” He muttered, pressing a soft kiss to your hair “Plus, I figured you needed space for all your makeup so I’m hoping this is enough”

You turn around in his grip, smiling at him “You’re the best, you know that? This must have taken you ages! Is that why you kept saying you were going to Shawn’s for fifa?”

Connor nodded and smiled sheepishly “More or less”

And that’s when you noticed the big frame hanging on the wall by the window that made you gasped. You pushed Connor away softly and trailed towards it.

You didn’t think you were going to see the official wedding photos from the photographer for another couple of days but this one; the one that you and Connor took outside the Church under the big tree, was hanging perfectly on the wall.

On the frame, engraved at the bottom was marry me, today and everyday

That was your ‘official song’, the first song you danced as a married couple.

“Had to wait for that to arrive last night before I showed you the room” Connor chuckled from behind you.

You turn around and pulled him in a tight hug “I love you” You mumbled against his neck “Today, tomorrow, every day”

“You better” Connor teased as he rubbed your back comfortingly “You made a vow to me, miss”

————————————————————

Please reblog or leave a comment! ❤️

x rina

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[mikrowrites]

Boats, Best Friends, and Burgers

Shawn Mendes x Reader

A girl with walls up against boys meets a boy at a party who whisks her into his world. Maybe love isn’t a distraction after all.

Y/N never considered herself naive nor trusting. She prided herself on how she kept to herself and protected her heart, unlike her college roommate or her friends who would throw themselves at boys when they do much as smiled or grasped their hand. No, Y/N would not destroy herself like that.

She had college, a tiring feat that would absolutely be even more deteriorated with the addition of a boyfriend, and Y/N liked being by herself, it gave her a peace and quiet without obligations. Y/N did not need the distraction of a relationship at all.

But that damn boat party changed everything.

“Y/N!” Connor shouted through the kitchen, his voice laced with despiration and a hint of whining. “You can’t just rot away in your apartment forever!”

“Mmm, I can and will.” Y/N lashed back, taking another drink from her bottle of Gatorade. She and Connor had been friends since Pre-K, the boy seemingly insisting on filling some big brother role (ironic, since Y/N was two months older than him). “You know I don’t do parties.”

Connor scoffed, shaking his head. “It wouldn’t kill you to do one! I’m only back in LA for a week before tour starts again, I want to spend time with my best friend.”

“You can. With pizza. And a movie. On the couch. Not on some boat out on the bay with hormone-ridden girls and boys reeking of testosterone.” Y/N reasoned, Connor grasping Y/N’s arms.

“Please. Just this one party. We go for an hour, and if you want to leave we’ll leave.” He begged.

Y/N let out a flamboyant groan, pouting her lips. “Fine! Fine. One hour.”

Connor let out a whoop, throwing his fists in the air. Y/N shook her head, hoping she’d suddenly contract a case of tuberculosis or the bubonic plague, both of which, in her opinion, would be a far more pleasant ordeal than that party.

Hours later Connor dragged Y/N onto the boat, the loud music and squealing of drunken girls flooding her senses. She turned to Connor about to beg if they could leave, but he gave her a rather pointed look, silencing that suggestion.

Y/N was definitely not dressed for the occasion. Boys dressed in the ugliest Hawaiian shirts and swim trunks, girls in tiny skirts and booty shorts with crop tops or bikinis. Y/N merely wore a pair of bermuda shorts and a John Mayer concert shirt from the summer.

Y/N slowly pushed through the crowd with her extroverted best friend, Connor shouting out and walking over to some friends. Y/N looked around, the ideas of Jell-O shots and grinding circles quickly becoming rather unappealing to her.

She soon caught sight of paradise! Alas! A island amongst the turbulent throng of sexual desires and rising blood sugar. An empty corner, back at the end of the boat. Y/N made a beeline there, humming with satisfaction as she was separated from the rioting mess.

Y/N leaned her elbows on the railing and looked out at the pinkish sunset over the city, closing her eyes and inhaling the salty breeze.

“Oh, shit.”

Her eyes snapped open and Y/N turned, seeing a tall curly haired boy standing a few feet from her. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see this corner was taken.”

Y/N nodded. “Yup. I’ve been here fifteen minutes and I’m pretty sure by the twenty mark I might start twerking or doing body shots off the lifeguard.”

The boy laughed, his fingers figeting nervously. “Not if I beat you to suddenly ripping my shirt off and seducing five girls at once.”

It was Y/N’s turn to laugh, her mind sending off sirens and screaming RUN AWAY! but she just couldn’t.

“I’d rather jump first.” She sighed.

“Oh God, me too. I’m so sick of these people.” He gasped out, leaning on the railing next to her. “One more girl pulls at my hair again and I’m going to have a mental breakdown buzz cut.”

Y/N smiled, holding out her hand. “Y/N.”

“Shawn.” He grinned, encasing Y/N’s hand in his giant one, shaking it firmly. “Nice to have someone who has a BAC of 0.0.”

“Maybe not. Perhaps they sweat it all off and it fumes. Maybe it’s like a second hand high, we’re just second hand drunk.” Y/N mused.

“Maybe.” Shawn agreed. “How’d you even get here? If you mind me asking, since you obviously don’t want to be here.”

Y/N let out a scoff of laughter. “My idiot best friend. He dragged me here out of guilt. He travels a lot, we don’t see each other much. You?”

“Friend as well. I’m traveling a lot too, said we needed to “wind down” I guess. Fucking Brashier...” Shawn muttered.

Y/N turned to Shawn, raising her eyebrows. “Brashier? Did you say Brashier?”

“Yeah. Why?” Shawn questioned.

“Oh my gosh...” Y/N laughed. “Connor dragged you here too.”

Shawn stared at her in confusion for a moment before bursting into laughter. “No way! You’re THE Y/N! Connor talks about you all the time!”

“Only good things I suppose.” Y/N responded.

Shawn shrugged, Y/N laughing and slapping him lightly on the arm. “That must make you Shawn Mendes, international pop superstar. Very impressive.”

He smiled, leaning back against the railing. “I guess I am. And you’re the Y/N who fell of a two story roof.”

“He did not—I gonna kill him!” Y/N gasped, the two laughing.

The night drifted on, the sky dark and glistening with stars as the two talked for hours. Y/N remembered clearly writing her number on his wrist before Connor took her home, herself wanting to slap the smug grin off the boy’s face.

Texts with Shawn became phone calls and FaceTimes, and soon dates. Y/N was tripping and falling so fucking deep for him. They stayed in contact during his European tour, him practically begging her to come with him on his North American tour. “You’re my anchor!” He exclaimed over the phone, Y/N blushing insanely. “You keep me grounded.”

So the playful shoves became the interlacing of hands, the smack talk over games of Mariokart became sweet pecks on cheeks. Y/N took a gap year off to follow him across the continent, because if he had breaken down the walls she spent so long building he was worth it.

The North American tour had wrapped up after many months, Y/N and Shawn enjoying lunch together before he had to leave for Asia. They devoured their burgers, laughing and talking while they basked in the time they had left.

Y/N had just finished her pickle-ketchup-cheddar burger when Shawn smiled up at her.

“Y/N L/N, I think I’m in love with you.”

Y/N looked up in surprise, Shawn leaning over the table with a smile. “Y/N, I know I am in love with you. And I need you to know it.”

She felt her heart race, a grin gracing her features. “Shawn Mendes, you somehow got me to love you too. No other man can boast as much.”

He smiled so bright grasping her hand as he leaned over the table, running his fingers through her hair as he connected his lips with hers.

Y/N deepened into the kiss, wanting nothing more but to melt into him and never end the sweet euphoria clouding her brain.

But, with the disdain of suffocation, they pulled away gasping for air. Y/N leaned her forehead against his.

Shawn laughed. “Boats, best friends, and burgers.”

“Best way into a girl’s heart.” Y/N whispered, grinning before grabbing either side of his face and crashing her lips against his again.

[keyragsworld]

🥺THIS MAN IS PERFECT CHANGE MY MIND

[honestlyimstilllivinginthe90s]

If I was on death row, my last meal would be Connor Brashier's voice.

[countryclubrafe]

See this? My MEN.

[softiecaro]

MISTLETOE

Summary: Where Y/N is part of the Shawn Mendes tour staff. Everyone’s in Miami, where the last show was before Christmas, but something ruins the plans of everyone who wants to spend the holidays with their families. Camila's mother invites them all to spend Christmas at her house and they accept. Shawn and the others start a plan to reunite Connor and Y / N.

Warnings: English is not my native language so I apologize if there are mistakes.

A/N: I know, I know it's been almost a month since Christmas HAHAHAHA, but I had this in my drafts and for some reason I never posted it. 

Remember, the requests are open!

"It's a joke?" Cez asks for the third time on the phone while he keeps an irritated scowl on his face. "Ok, if there is nothing else to do ... ok, thanks, bye"

After a while, he cuts the phone and watches us all before speaking. "Ok guys, this is not easy to say."

"What happen?" Connor asks concerned.

"Our flight was canceled due to bad weather in I don't know where and apparently there is no airline that can take us home in time for Christmas"

"Are you serious?"

"Do you think I'd be kidding about something like that, Sylvie? They said that the flights will be available again in 5 days. ”Everyone sighs in surrender.

"I am very sorry for what happened, I know that everyone wanted to spend Christmas with their families" Sinu, Camila's mother begins to say "But you are all welcome to spend these holidays here, with us" She says referring to Camila, Alejandro, Sofía, Shawn and her.

"That's very nice of you Sinu, but do you think you can feed all of us tomorrow night?" She laughs in response to Cez.

"Of course. Anyway, there are 5 more people, it is nothing, you don’t worry "

It was Cez, Brian, Sylvie, Connor and Y/N who missed their flight, since the rest of the staff had taken flights to different parts that same day, but earlier.

"Then I suppose we will spend this Christmas at the Cabello’s house." Cez ends.

"It will be fun." Y/N says  looking at Camila with a smile.

"Yes, it will be." 

...

At one point in the afternoon, they were all in the living room, except Camila's father who was taking a nap, Y / N who was taking a shower and Connor who was on the phone with his mother.

"So what’s the plan?" Sylvie asks.

"I don't know, but we have to make those two take the first step tonight, or I don't know what I'll do with my life, they stress me out." Brian says exaggeratedly, referring to Y/N and Connor

"I think I have an idea," Sinu exclaims as she leaves the kitchen.

"What? Mom-" Only a few minutes later she comes back with something hidden behind her back "What are you bringing there?” With a bright and proud smile on her face, she shows us a little mistletoe.

"Oh my god, you’re brilliant." Sylvie claps.

...

"So the plan is, at some point in the night, both are under that" Camila ends.

"And finally they will kiss, for goodness sake!" Brian exclaims with his arms in the air.

"Who will kiss?" Connor enters the kitchen suddenly causing us all to panic.

"Nothing, little boy" Brian exclaims quickly while Sinu with a quick movement hides the object that only seconds before had our full attention. "How is your mother? How did she react to the news that her little boy won't be spending christmas at home? " Brian walks over to him and puts one arm around her shoulders, patting her while he ruffles her hair with his other hand.

"Don't call me little boy"

"Hey Tiny, don't get mad, we just play," Shawn says with a laugh as he tightens his grip on Camila's shoulder next to him, who laughs anyway. Connor just rolls his eyes and walks away from Brian.

“What do you all have with giving me such strange nicknames? I don’t like it, at all."

"I don't think any of those are better than the Lemon one, I think it's very original" Y/N he comes down the stairs laughing, his hair wet from the shower she had taken.

"Oh darling, go dry your hair, you can catch a cold." Sinu tells the girl. "Camila, go show him the hair dryer." Camila nods as she gets up from the side of her boyfriend, letting her arm fall on the couch.

Shawn watches Connor and sees him off guard glaring at Y/N coming up the stairs. He sighs and sits next to him.

"Hey, what's up?“

“"Nothing, could you explain to me for the last time why the nickname lemon?”

...

The night of Christmas Eve had already arrived. They were all at the table having dinner while laughing and talking about any topic.

"Can I have the wine, please?" Sylvie exclaims.

Y/ N directs her hand to the wine at the same time as Connor does, making her hands touch.

Y/N thinks everything has been really weird between her and Connor lately. When she met him over a year ago on Shawn's tour, he created a trust in her that she had never felt with anyone. They immediately started talking and became very close. Everyone thought there was something between them, many times their friends teased them about looking like a couple, but they both denied it all those times.

But lately something had changed. Y/N was a friend of touch, she liked to hug her friends in general, and Connor was no exception to her. But lately those touches of best friends that used to be given day to day began to bother her. It made her feel weird. Every time she was near him, she felt butterflies in her stomach.

Lately, Connor was feeling the same.

"Oh my God, can you stop now?" An excited Brian interrupts their thoughts. He takes the bottle of wine and hands it to Sylvie across the table.

"What do you mean? Y/N question, indifferent.

"What do I mean? I mean… ”Brian makes a strange gesture with his hands. "That. That you two do"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Connor says nervously as he takes a sip from his glass.

...

"It is time."

"Will they really do this?" Cez asks laughing.

"Yeah, what makes you think we wouldn't?" Shawn asks.

“I don't know, I thought they were joking. I think both are old enough to make their own decisions and take the first step, they are not little kids "

"They're not little kids, but they're stupid." Sylvie slaps Brian on the shoulder after her comment.

"Besides, we're just giving them a little nudge." Says Sofía, Camila's sister.

"It's just a mistletoe, what if they don't want to kiss, anyway?"

"They must do it, it's a tradition, it's the rules" Sinu tells her husband as she begins to hang the mistletoe on the door that divides the kitchen and the living room. She then she walks into the kitchen with Sofia.

"And you support this Sinu, it can't be." Alejandro tells him, following his wife to the kitchen.

"She is part of us, yes." Camila says proudly.

"Where are they now?" Shawn asks Camila.

"Outside"

"What if they already took the first step?" Cez asks half disinterested.

"I don’t think so". 

"Ok, I'm going to go upstairs, I don't want to see this show" Cez exclaims as he climbs the stairs.

Y / N POV

Connor and I are sitting in the backyard of Camila's house. He rests his head on my legs while I tangle my fingers in his hair.

"You know what? I've been thinking about something lately. " He says as he puts his hand on mine while I continue stroking his hair.

"What’s it?"

"I don't know, it's something that happens when we're together." He responds as he sits up, pulling away from my touch.

"What do you mean?" Is he he is feeling the same as me?

"I've felt a little ... weird"

"Oh ..."

"But not weird in a bad way, if not that ..."

"I think I know what you're talking about." I shyly say without looking at him.

"Seriously?"

"If I…"

"Connor! Can you come here and help me with something ?!" Sylvie's call interrupts me.

Connor and I look toward the house. The boy gets up first, offering his hand to help me up. We both walked inside the house.

"I think the tree star is a bit crooked, can you help me straighten it?" Sylvie says as she climbs on a chair right next to the tree to reach for the object.

"And why couldn't they help you?" Connor says with a frown pointing to the rest of our friends.

"They don't have the same sense of righteousness that you have."

"Sense of righteousness? What the hell are you talking about? "

"Just, just get at the door and let me know when it's right." Connor snorts as he heads for the door, reluctantly. "There’s good?"

"Yes Sylvie, it’s perfectly straight"

Are you sure?" She asks as she moves the object.

"No! Why did you move it? Now is completely leaning to the left "

"And now?"

“It's totally to the right, are you kidding me?

"Come on Connor, do your part a bit."

"Y/N, can you come help me?" I turn to Connor and stands next to him looking at the Christmas tree.

"Move it to the left ... to the right ... a little more to the left again ..."

"There is!" Connor exclaims, raising his arms.

"Perfect, thanks guys. Now could you see if the object above you is straight?"

I look up laughing after the spectacle of straightening the star on the Christmas tree.

A small mistletoe hung over our heads and my breath caught in my throat.

"Did you really plan this?" Connor asks, glancing at me.

"Completely." Brian admits shamelessly.

"Go ahead, pretend we weren't here"

He turns in my direction and I look at him, having to tilt my head up since he’s taller than me.

"Hey"

"Hey" I barely reply. Does he really want to kiss me? Because I do.

"If I want to," he said, as if he could read my mind. "Do you want? ... Would you like us to kiss? I mean, if you don't want to, you really are not obliged, really the mistletoe is nothing more than a stupid tradition, I will understand you completely if you don't want to kiss me-

Quickly I stand on the balls of my feet and cup her cheeks with both hands to bring her lips closer to me. Her lips are warm against mine, the kiss full of emotion and a little shyness. His hands land quietly on my hips, pulling me toward him so I can wrap his arms around your back. His lips move against mine delicately.

"At last! I can't believe it. ”Brian's voice interrupts our moment.

"Did you have to ruin his moment so soon?" Sylvie reprimands him.

"After such a long time ..." Shawn says.

“You have no right to say that. Camila and you took a hundred times longer than them."

[connordavidscamera]

The CONtent is coming back!!

[2000sbitch]

𝓜𝓸𝓶𝓶𝔂'𝓼 𝓑𝓸𝔂

(𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐗 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

𝐀/𝐍:𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐥𝐳

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟒𝟏𝟕

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Josiah you don’t wanna play with mommy and daddy no more?” You asked your 4 year old. “No mama i play with car.” He answered turning back towards his toy cars. 

“I guess it’s just us babe.” Connor laughs

“Yeah i guess it is Brashier.” You say before tossing the foam football back to Connor. 

You admired these small moments with your little family. 

You met Connor when you were both fourteen, both immediately hitting it off having a crazy crush on the other.

But if someone told you back then that in six years you would be happily married with a 4 year old you wouldn’t have believed them. 

You had gotten pregnant with Josiah at seventeen. Both you and Connor kept it a secret from friends and family for a long time before your pregnant belly started showing. 

Both relived when you had nothing but support from both families. 

You were snapped away from your thoughts when the ball hit you right on the eye immediately gasping in pain when the ball poked you in the eyeball. 

“Shit i’m sorry baby you good?” Connor asked rushing towards you placing his hand on your wrist that was covering your eye. 

You were about to answer before you interrupted by josiah who ran over massaging his small hands on your shoulder “Ohh mama what’s wrong?” he asked. 

“I’m okay bub daddy just hit me with the ball on accident.” You smiled.

You didn’t know what he was about to do when he walked over to Connor but when he smacked him on the shoulder you were shocked.

“Don’t hit mama bad daddy!” he scolded Connor. 

“I know Siah it was an accident i promise!” Connor yelled holding his shoulder as if the little smack from his son did any damage.

“Kiss mommy she hurt.” Josiah said grabbing his dad’s face between his palms facing him towards you. 

You met Connor half way as he kissed you. 

“Don’t hit mommy with ball again okay daddy?” Josiah said placing a kiss on both of your and Connor’s cheek. 

“I won’t i’ll be more careful.” Connor laughed.

Josiah walked back to his toys playing.

“He’s such a Mommy’s boy.” Connor whispered before wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you closer. 

“I know but when we have a girl she’s definitely gonna be a daddy’s girl.” You smiled.

“Can we try for a girl tonight?” Connor asked as he placed kisses onto your neck. 

“We certainly will be.” You answered.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Send Requests if you want! <3

[bubbashawn]

Perfect

author: This ask is from so so very long ago but I didn’t know how to write for pregnant!Y/N so I had to figure that one out lol. I did research on pregnancy and now I’m sure my mom had concerns.

synopsis: Shawn just wants to take care of you.

warnings: requested by anon. 1.3k of workaholic!pregnant!Y/N. It’s kinda angsty but ends fluffy because that’s just what I do and that’s just who I am. 😂

Everything hurt but you wouldn’t go home.

You had always been a workaholic and being eight months pregnant didn’t change anything much to your husband’s dissatisfaction. He told you no one would be upset if you took a maternity leave before you gave birth and if they did he would cover it, but you refused to sit around when all your limbs were able. That’s how you found yourself in another argument, same as the ones every other day, about taking some time at home.

“Honey, I just don’t understand why the hospital can’t switch your shifts for someone else? I’m sure your colleagues would be more than happ-”

“It’s not about that, Shawn!”

“Then what is it about? Seriously, Y/N!”

You were a nurse at Toronto Western and technically you should've started your maternity leave two weeks ago, but the idea of not working stressed you out.

Shawn has always been more than happy to pay for you on all fronts but you weren’t that kind of girl. You wanted to work for yourself and help pay for everything from taxes for your shared home in Pickering to paying the check at Monday dinners. You wouldn't let your husband pay for you even if you were carrying his baby.

“I don’t want to not work! I don’t want to feel helpless in the way of money! And I definitely don’t want to depend on you for that sort of thing!”

“Or anything,” your husband basically whispered, a sharp contrast to the yelling.

“What does that even mean?”

You hated to admit it but Shawn was right. Ever since you’d gotten pregnant you wanted to do everything yourself. It’s not like you didn’t trust him but you wanted the sense of control carrying a baby took away. You had told him that and he understood seeing he knew you better than you knew yourself.

“I just, Bub, I just need to be able to do things by myself.”

“But you don’t have to,” he looked at you for the first time that night, his eyes were rimmed with tears, “you are my wife and you are carrying our baby so let me be here with you. I’m here, okay? I know you’ve done things by yourself a lot because of the tours and my crazy schedule but I’m here now.”

“I don’t know how to let go.”

“Let go.”

It sounded stupid, Shawn just saying those words so you’d let go but they worked. He’d always been the one person who’d make you let go and that would never change.

“I’m sorry. I know I should’ve taken leave when I was supposed to but I’ve been so stressed and I threw it all into work.”

“Hey, honey?”

You hummed.

“I love you and I’m going to take care of you, eh?”

You hugged him as best you could. Shawn chuckled as your bulging stomach pressed into his body and your short arms could barely reach around his neck. This was everything you needed, just the tranquil silence of hugging your husband. As you finally let go the ache in your feet came back and the nauseating pain in your head started pushing against you but you let it this time.

“Bubba,” he hummed against your neck, “I’m really nauseous and my feet are tired. Can we go to sleep?”

“Mmm, nope.”

“Shawn, please. I actually can’t stay upright mu-”

“You need to take your vitamin B-6 supplements that I got you last week but still haven’t touched.”

That was true. Shawn had brought home all the pain relievers and at-home remedies he could find but you had brushed it off saying you were fine.

Your husband guided you into the kitchen making sure you were comfortable as he sat you down at the island. He kissed your forehead before going into the cabinet above the fridge and bringing over your supplements and a half full glass of water.

“Slow sips, yeah? If you drink too fast you’ll make it worse.”

You hummed in agreement and Shawn squeezed your hand before disappearing up the stairs. You followed his orders taking slow, small sips and eventually swallowing the pill. You had just shifted from your seat to put the glass in the dishwasher and the bottle back above the fridge when your husband snatched both items from your hand.

“Bub, I could’ve done that.”

“If you bend over or try to reach too high your blood will rush to your head.”

“When did you become an expert?”

He bashfully looked away, suddenly finding his tattooed hand much more interesting than your confused face.

“Itookadadclass,” he spoke so fast you didn’t process the words.

“Shawn?”

“I took a dad class,” he smiled shyly at your shocked features, “I’ve been going for the past couple weeks. I’m not writing a new album because then I’ll have to go on tour and I’m not leaving you alone with our baby. So, instead I used my newfound free time to go to a dad class.”

You couldn’t help but smile at your husband. It didn’t matter that you shut him out, Shawn still did everything in his power to make sure he was prepared for the day you let him in. You felt guilty tears start forming in your waterline.

“Bubba,” his thumbs were stroking your tears away, “I’m sorry for not letting you in. You’ve been nothing but perfect to me and I just keep pushing you away.”

“Honey, hey, I chose to do this, alright? I knew you’d want to do this alone but I wasn’t about to let you. So, it’s all in the past, eh? I have a bath running upstairs and then we’ll go to sleep.”

Sure enough, Shawn guided you into the bathroom pulling your scrubs from your swollen skin before undressing himself and slipping into the warm water.

“C’mere,” he made grabby gestures at your big belly, “relax, okay?”

And you did. For the first time in over eight months you felt completely relaxed. Your husband massaged your hips and slid calming strokes up and down your thighs, his silver wedding band leaving a trail of happy goosebumps. Your head laid back against his trained chest as his hands moved up around your belly.

“Shawn?”

“Yes, Baby?”

“Will you sing to me?”

He hesitated and you knew exactly why. About thirteen weeks into your pregnancy you had felt the first kick. According to your doctor, it was earlier than the average who don’t feel any movement until they’re sixteen to twenty five weeks in. It had been because of Shawn.

The two of you had been curled up on his white couch back at his old condo, your laptop sat on his thighs with Zillow pulled up. Shawn and you were looking for your first real home in Pickering. Some people said it was late in their marriage to buy a house but it made sense because your husband hadn’t really settled down yet, still touring the world every other year. His hand had been resting on your bump when he started singing a John Mayer song and the little baby kicked right into his hand.

Shawn never stopped singing around your belly until you were whining about being too sore from all the movement. He kissed you and apologized but didn’t stop singing to your baby whenever he had the chance,

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It won’t, I promise I’ll tell you to stop if it does.”

With a kiss to your cheek he started singing, stopping to giggle as the baby kicked along to the beat. You two stayed there until the water was cold. You had completely forgotten about your cramps.

He pulled an oversized shirt over your head, an outfit you lived in when you were home, before lightly dragging you to your shared bed. You laid on your side, your belly on top of his abdomen, and your chin tucked happily under his.

You fell asleep happier than you had in awhile. Listening to Shawn’s whispers of love.

“You look absolutely perfect to me. I love you, Baby, oh and you too, honey.”

Well, almost whispers of love.

permanent taglist: @wholesomemendes @fallinallincurls @ashwarren32 @mendesficsxbombay @haute-shawn @turtoix @prncsnee @http-isabela

[brianc521]

Connor angst where he makes you not feel worth it

Been awhile since I’ve written for Connor, here you go!

Space | Connor Brashier

Connor’s been extremely busy since he’s come home from tour with Shawn. He’s been almost as busy as he was on tour. 

Collabing with David Dobrik. Connecting with Madison and planning future projects. Filming a music video with Kygo. Meetings with Shawn’s team about new music and the docu from tour. 

You’ve seen him just about as much as you did while he was on tour. The difference being, you share a home, and he is actually home. Well most of the time. While with David he hopped a flight to Vegas and didn’t tell you until after he had arrived. He’s traveled to Canada for meetings and to see Brian. Never once thinking to invite you. 

“I’m busy, what the fuck do you want me to do about it?” He spits, eyes glued to his phone.

You actually wonder if his eyes are still blue, because you can’t remember the last time he looked up from his phone long enough for you to be able to focus on the color. Soon they have to turn into a screen themselves right? 

“Take a break? It is a human thing to do.” You mutter, washing up the dinner dishes. 

“I don’t need to though. You’re just being fucking needy.” 

You look down into the sink, swallowing back the tears trying to escape you. He’s been so moody lately, and you think it’s because he spends all of his time in front of a screen. It has to pent up some energy there, cause mood changes. You just happen to be the constant in his line of fire. 

“No response?” He snides, standing up, thumb tapping at his phone rapidly. “Cool.” He rolls his eyes, turning and walking out of the room. You stare after him, shaking your head. 

What were you still doing here? He obviously doesn’t seem to want you anymore. You can not pinpoint the last time you remember being in bed together at the same time. Or when he touched you last. He’s constantly telling you that you bother him, and get in his way. Now suddenly you’re ‘fucking needy’ for simply wanting to know if he’d be home this weekend. It wasn’t like you were sticking your plans on him, you literally just wanted to know. 

You set the plate you’re holding down, turning the sink off before drying off your hands. You’re over it. At this point you’re more hurt in this relationship than you are happy, so why were you fighting when he isn’t. You’re actually just fighting against him, and you’re tired. 

You pass his office, noticing he left the door open for once. What you don’t see is how he leans over to see you from around his monitor screen. His brows furrow when he watches you wipe your cheek. 

He listens as you reach into the closet and pull your luggage out. He goes back to what he was editing, that is until you walk past again, this time pulling your suitcase behind you. 

His heart stops, and suddenly he can’t remember what you said to him during dinner. He can’t remember how he responded. So he gets up, walking into the hallway as you head to the bedroom. 

“What are you doing?” He asks harshly, stalking after you. 

You don’t respond, you just lug the suitcase up onto your once shared bed. He appears in the doorway when you flip the top up and open. He crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. 

“Are you going on a trip?” He asks, voice so detached almost as if he’s annoyed.

You ignore him, and the sharp pain ripping through your chest as you think about no longer being with him. You turn and open your drawer, pulling out all your panties and bras. You dump them into the bag and turn back for your next drawer. 

“Gonna be gone long enough to need all of those?” He snickers, walking forward and sitting on the bed next to your bag. 

You turn back, and almost stop at how close he is, but continue with all your camisoles and sports bras in hand. You settle them in the bag and make sure there’s room for your shirts and pants, as long as you have the things you need for work this week you can then have the time to figure out how to come back to get the rest of them. 

His face scrunches as he watches you grab every shirt from your shirt drawer, leaving it empty as you hip check it closed. It all starts to click in his brain when you reach for your jeans. 

“Hey,” He says, looking down into your bag and then back up at your heartbroken face. “What’s happening?” He says quickly, reaching for your hands. “What happened? Is everyone okay?” 

It hurts you even more that he thinks you’re packing because someone’s hurt and needs you. Not that you’re hurt and don’t need him anymore. 

You still won’t speak to him as you throw a few pairs of shoes into the bag, turning for a few books. 

“Babe, what’s happening? Talk to me.” He stands, panicking a little. Watching you reach for your books tells him something is seriously wrong. “Where do we need to go? Your Moms? Grandpa?” He flounders, opening his closet and pulling a bag out as well. 

“No Connor,” You croak. Stopping him in his tracks. “You don’t need to go anywhere, I do.” 

“I can’t come?” He asks, stare going hard. 

“No.”

“Care to explain why?” He sets his hands on his hips. 

“Because I’m leaving.” 

“You’re leaving?” 

“I’m leaving you.” You look up at him from under your lashes, scared of his reaction.

“What?” He breathes out, voice so low that if you weren’t so accustomed to everything about him you probably wouldn’t have heard it. 

“I can’t do it anymore.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re unhappy.” 

“Who said that?” He raises his voice, hands going to his hair. You flinch at the movement and turn to keep grabbing things, like your phone charger. 

“You did.” 

“No I didn’t.” 

“You did Connor, earlier when you called me fucking needy. Yesterday when you told me I was bothering you. Last week when I was ‘in the way’ while you were setting up to edit. When you stopped coming to bed. When you started traveling and saw what your life could be. What your life should be. When you realized that I hold you back from what you want.” 

“That’s not fucking true, you’re what I want.” 

“No Connor I’m not. And you’ve made that blatantly clear. So just give me a few minutes to get some essentials and I’ll be out of your way for awhile. And the next time you go out of town, probably this weekend, I’ll come back and get the rest of my things and you’ll have what you want. You just have to give me a little time to pack up my life.” 

His eyes are watering with tears, heart breaking at the fact that he actually made feel like he doesn’t want you. 

“No, I don’t want that. I want your life, here, with me. Please, don’t do this.” 

“You’ll be okay,” You sniffle, turning and jumping at how close he is now. Practically chest to chest. “Me? I’ll learn to be okay, I love you Connor. And if I don’t make you happy anymore then I love you enough to let you go so you can be.” 

“Stop, please.” He sobs, “I don’t want that. I want you, you make me so happy. I’m living the best life I could because I have you. I didn’t mean any of those things. I’ve been stressed out, and so overworked. I don’t even remember saying those things. Please let me make it better.” 

Your shoulders slump as you look at him. He’s crying in a way you’ve never seen before. You’ve been together for years, tears in front of each other have occurred. Usually for him it’s one of two cries. Hold me I’m sad, or, I’m not crying that’s dust in my eye. This though, this is a desperate cry. It’s like he can’t wrap his mind around what’s happening. He’s sobbing, can’t catch his breath as he babbles on and on. 

“I love you, I love you so much. Please, please don’t do this.” 

“Connor,” You coo, bringing a hand to his chest to get him to sit. He wraps his arms around your waist, never wanting to let go. “You need to calm down.” 

“I can’t, I mean you’re leaving me.” He hiccups, rubbing his face on your stomach, leaving tears stains on the fabric of your shirt. 

“I think we need a break.” 

“No.” He whips his head up. “We promised to never do that, we promised.” He whines. 

“We were different when we promised that.” 

“How? How were we different?” 

“We were in love then.” 

His whole world crumbles around his, you watch every muscle in his face frown. “We’re not in love?” He wails. 

“I love you Connor, and I know you love me. But we’re not the same couple we used to be. We don’t try anymore. If you can count this as a hug then I think this is the 2nd time you’ve hugged me since you’ve come home. We don’t try and fight for the other any more. We don’t try to flirt or really show our love because we’ve become reliant on the fact that we do love each other. While what we need is to show the other we care. I’ve failed too, it’s on the both of us. So let’s take some time, give some distance and see if we can find that couple again.”

“I don’t want you to leave, I’ll stay in the guest room if you want space. Just don’t leave.” 

“No Connor, we need more space than that.” 

“Please, I’ll make it better just don’t leave.” 

“I’ll call you in the morning, before I leave for work.” You sigh, prying his hands off and reaching for your suitcase. After getting it zipped up and back on the ground you feel his hand wrap around your wrist.

“Let me take you out tomorrow. A date, like we used to. Let me make you fall in love with me again.” He pleads.

“Okay,” You smile, nodding at him. 

He hesitates, but leans closer. “Can I kiss you?” He whispers. 

You contemplate it, but in the end know you need him too. So you nod and hold back your own cry when his lips touch yours. It’s a kiss you haven’t had in awhile. It’s soft, and slow. Needy and desperate, but all the love you haven’t felt in so long. 

You haven’t even left yet, but the space is working. You know you’ll be back in this room soon enough. This time with your lover with you.

[shawnpetermuffins]

Not Alone (We Were Us iii.)

A/n: this is d r a m a t i c. 

Summary: Shawn finds out.

Warnings: angst, told in two POVs

Word Count: 3.5k

part 1 / part 2

***

Shawn’s POV

“Shawn, hey. It’s great to see you, man.”

“Brashier, I’m so glad you decided to do this tour with us again. I think this is going to be our best one yet. That last one was great, but I want to pull out all the stops with this one.” I clasp and unclasp my hands in front of me on the table.

“Yeah, of course! You just tell me what you’re looking for and I will make sure we get it in the film.”

“Great, yeah.” I fidget in my seat, “But um, before we get into it, I just have to ask… How – how is she?”

“Shawn, I don’t-”

“Please? I won’t ask about her again. I just want to know if she’s doing okay.”

He nods, “She’s doing good. She’s been staying with me since the breakup.”

I take in a deep breath, “Oh. Well that’s good.”

“Yeah.” Connor clears his throat and looks down, rubbing his hands over his jeans.

“So, the project.” He says, finally breaking the unbearable silence.

“Right, the project. Yes. So, I really liked the behind the scenes stuff you’d got. Like not just the before show rituals, but I liked how you included the band more. I really want to do that again. I want to make sure they’re a huge focus in this thing too. Because you know, they’re giving up more than me to do this. They have wives and kids. You know, a family to look after. I just want to see more of them.”

He nods and bites the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, completely understand. I’ll make sure to get more of them. What else?”

I run my hand through my hair. “Well I also want to focus on the fans. We got so many shots of me and them. Like the In My Blood run through, but I want to see them. They’re reactions. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them and I want to showcase that. Really, truly showcase it.”

He opens his mouth to say something but stops when his phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket with a puzzled look. “Sorry, I have to take this.”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

I step out of the room and hold the phone to ear. “Honey? Everything okay?”

Honey? Is he dating somebody?

“Tell me what?”

“It’s a girl?” He chokes out. “Oh my god. That’s – god – Mae is gonna be so loved, love.” He sniffles. “Fuck.”

“Is she healthy? Then that’s all I care about.”

I scratch the back of my neck. Is Connor having a baby? Who with? He never mentioned a girlfriend. I straighten up when he walks back into the room, wiping at his eyes.

“Sorry about that. Where were we?”

“You okay, Brash?”

He chuckles, “I’m so good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, y/n’s having a girl.”

I nod, the words only taking a second to register. “Wait, y/n’s what?” I stand from my seat I must have heard him wrong.

“Oh fuck.” He covers his mouth. “Fuck. I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

“Y/n’s pregnant?”

He doesn’t answer and my fists clench in my lap. I want to hit him.

“Are you the father?”

“Shawn-” I don’t let him finish before I’m rushing out of the room and out of the building to my car. “Shawn, stop!”

“Is she pregnant?” I ask again, furious as I yank my car door open.

“Yes,” he says lowly.

I scoff and duck into my car, turning it on and backing out in just seconds. Pregnant. My ex-girlfriend is pregnant. And it’s my videographer’s baby. I want to kill him. I turn on my blinker and merge onto the highway. I know I shouldn’t do this. I know it’s not my place. Not anymore. But I can’t stop myself from doing this. I pull into his driveway before I know it and part of me is completely devastated to see her car here.

I rush out of the car and knock on the front door, a little more forcefully than I would have liked, but it’s too late now. When she doesn’t answer after ten seconds, I knock again, and that’s when Connor pulls into the driveway. I roll my eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Shawn, stop it. I can explain everything okay?”

“I don’t want to hear it from you, Brashier. I want to hear it from her.” I groan, “God dammit. Why isn’t she opening the door?”

“Fuck, okay. I will let you in, but you have calm down, alright? I can’t let you near her like this.”

“Or what? I’m not going to hurt her… You on the other hand. I’m having a hard time not punching you in the face.”

He sighs, “That’s fair, I guess. Just –” He’s cut off by the door unlocking and opening.

“Shawn? What are – what are you doing here?”

She’s wearing a baggy sweater, making it hard for me to see if she’s even showing. I push past her and into the house, Connor right on my heels.

“Shawn,” Connor pleads.

“I – are you?” I let out a deep breath, “Are you pregnant?”

“What?”

“Are. You. Pregnant.”

“Connor, did you-?”

“I’m sorry. It slipped out. You just told me it was a girl, I wasn’t thinking. I was so happy and I just-”

“I told you I was gonna tell him myself.”

“Can somebody fucking tell me something? Are you pregnant?”

She sighs, and scrubs her hands over her perfect, makeup free face. “Yes.” She says finally.

I thread my fingers through my hair with a bitter laugh. “I’m gonna kill you,” I point to Connor, taking long strides to him “You lying, cheating, piece of shit.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Shawn, stop it!” Y/n steps between us, her hand on my chest. I look down at her, “What are you talking about?”

“It’s his, isn’t it?”

“What? Mendes is that-”

“You stop talking!” I say to him. “I want to hear it from her.”

“He’s not the father, dickhead. You are.”

“I am?” My harsh demeanor quickly changes as I look down at her. “We’re – we’re having a baby?”

“I’m having a baby.”

“But it’s mine.”

“Yeah, but we’re not together.”

“So what? You were just going to keep this from me? Have my fucking child and not tell me?”

“I was going to tell you!”

“When? Ten years from now?” When she doesn’t answer, I know that’s what she had planned on doing. “That’s my kid, y/n!”

“I know it is! God, I know she is! But what was I supposed to do, Shawn? We’re broken up. It’s not exactly a casual form of conversation. I didn’t really feel like responding to your album release news with a congratulations and ‘hey you’re gonna be a father.’ Okay?”

“No, not okay. I deserved to know about this whether we’re together or not.”

“I didn’t tell you because you have so much going on. The album, the tour. You can’t exactly handle a pregnant ex-girlfriend too.”

“That doesn’t matter!” I seethe. “You can’t keep it away from me. I’ll fight for custody if I have to.”

“Whoa, hey, Shawn. It’s not gonna come down to that.” Connor says, but we both ignore him.  

She crosses her arms over her chest. “You want to fight? Fine. But think about what that would do to your career. Not only would it be everywhere that I’m having a baby, but now it’s a custody battle? Do you really want your child to be forced into the spotlight before they’re even born?! The media is going to tear you apart. Tear me apart. I didn’t sign up for that. And I absolutely do not want that for my baby.”

Our baby. “We can keep it quiet! The media doesn’t have to know.”

She scoffs, “Yeah because it’s that easy. You’re Shawn fucking Mendes. You don’t have privacy anymore. You can’t keep a whole ass baby a secret. A whole fight for custody? Your family has to know, my family has to know, your team has to know. And no offense to your team, but someone is bound to slip and then all hell will break loose. There is no way to do this quietly with you.”

“What do you want me to do then? Quit? Because I will!” I reach for her waist but she retreats, making her way closer to Connor. I don’t know if she does it consciously, but something in me believes that there’s more going on than just friendship between them.

“And do what? Resent me for ruining your career?”

“Look, I’ll take time away from the spotlight and we’ll figure everything out.”

“You can’t! You go on tour next year!”

“I’ll cancel it! We can fix this. Fix us.” I point from me to her and she looks down with sad eyes.

“There’s no us, bubba. Me being pregnant doesn’t change that. A baby doesn’t mean we’re supposed to get back together. It doesn’t mean that. It can’t mean that.”

“Why not? Maybe this is what we needed? This is what was supposed to happen. What’s supposed to bring us back to what we used to be.”

She shakes her head, “No. I can’t be with you like that. Not anymore.”

“But-”

“I wish things were different, but this is what it is, Shawn.”

I feel like the air is being sucked from lungs just like it was months ago when she first said it. “Come on. Please… just come home with me.” I’m on my knees in front of her, pleading. “We can talk about this. We can figure this out. We can be together or not. I just – I have to be part of this baby’s life. It’s a girl? Let me be in her life.”

She sighs and when she looks at Connor, I know that she’s not doing this alone. But it kills me that she’s not doing this with me. “I don’t want to keep you from her. I’ve never wanted that. But I can’t do this right now. Okay? I can’t fight with you about this anymore.” She squats in front of me and takes my face in her hands. “Just give me time. Give me that.”

“How long is that gonna take?” I ask, locking my fingers in hers.

“I don’t know. But it’ll be soon. I’ll call you.”

I sigh, my eyes closed. “Can I – I know this’ll sound stupid,” I remove my hands from hers and look down at her stomach which is now showing just a little bit in her bunched-up sweater. “Can I feel her?”

She chuckles and it’s a sound I didn’t think I was ever going to hear again. “She’s not moving yet, but yeah.” She stands up and lifts her shirt enough for me to see the small bump. My hands reach for her and I rest my head against her stomach, kissing it once.

“We made that?” I ask in disbelief and I knew it was the wrong thing to say because she pulls her shirt down quickly after the words leave my mouth.

“I think it’d be best if you went home now.”

---

Y/n’s POV

I let out a sigh of relief when he’s finally out the door. But the relief is short lived when Connor opens his mouth.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.”

I shake my head, “I don’t want to talk about it. I need to go process all of this. And try to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do about him seeing her once she’s born.”

“Let me help you.”

“No, I need to do this alone.” I walk past him but he grabs my hand, keeping me from going any farther. Neither of us move closer.

“Honey, please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean for it to come out.”

I stare down at his feet and take in a deep breath. “I know. I shouldn’t have asked you to keep this secret in the first place.”

“Y/n/n, please look at me.” The hand not holding mine slips under my chin and he lifts my head. “Please tell me you’re not mad.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

He frowns, “You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not. I’m not mad at you. I promise.” I rest my forehead against his. “I’m mad at myself,” I admit. “I put you in a compromising position and I hate that it came to this. And I’m mad at him for coming at you. I’m mad at him for thinking that I would jump in bed with you the second I leave him. He knows we’re not that way. He knows that. And I’m mad that he would think so little of not just me, but you. You’re his friend, you wouldn’t do that.”

“Hey, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, Connor. But in any case, why should it be his business if I was with you? How does that affect him?”

He shrugs, “Well, I mean. Right now, I get it. He thinks I’m trying to swoop in and take his place as Mae’s father.”

“But you’re not! You’re just – you’re my best friend. You weren’t about to let me do this by myself.”

“And he’ll understand that. In time. But just like you need that time to process, I think he does too. You’ve known for months, but he just found out he’s gonna be a dad. I think you both need time to figure out what’s best for you and the baby.”

“And what if he thinks the best is us getting back together?”

“You still have a say in that. Look, I know you’re not in love with him anymore. But who’s to say that those feelings won’t come back after this?”

“They won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

I sniffle, “Okay. So what do I do if they come back? Do I just up and leave you? Like you haven’t been here for me through this whole thing?”

“Hey, I’ll still be here. And no matter what you choose. I’m gonna support you one million percent. I’m in your corner for the rest of our lives. Get back with him or don’t. Let him fight for custody or don’t. Develop feelings for me or don’t, because let’s face it, now that you’re living with me, it’ll be kinda hard not to fall in love with me.”

I laugh and hit his arm. “Stop it.”

“I’m just saying,” he chuckles, “I know I have that irresistible charm.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot that just wants what’s best for his best friend.”

I nod, pulling away from him. “How many times can I say thank you before it becomes redundant?”

“I think we reached that point many years ago.”

I nod, “I’m gonna go to my room. I have a lot to think about.”

“You want me to call in dinner?”

I check the time on my phone. “It’s still early.”

“I know, just thinking ahead.”

“Yeah. Just not Chinese? I can’t handle the smell.”

“Right, the egg rolls got you last time. I’ve got it.”

“I love you, Connor,” I say and kiss his cheek.

He smiles softly, “I love you too.”

---

“This view is probably my favorite thing in the world,” I tell Shawn, staring out the large window of his living room.

“You’re my favorite view,” he mumbles into my neck, his hands slipping under my shirt.

I roll my eyes, “So cheesy, Mendes.”

���I can’t help it. You make me soft.”

“That is definitely not what you were saying last night,” I tease.

“Hey,” he warns, pinching my side. “You weren’t complaining then.”

“Well, how could I?”

He presses a soft kiss to my temple and then rests his chin on my shoulder. He stares out the window with me, watching the rain hit the ground and rooftops and awnings. “Love?” he says after a short while of silence.

“Hmm?”

“Would it be too scary to talk about the future right now?”

“What about it?”

“Like our future?” he says, his voice timid.

I turn in his arms, “What about our future, rockstar?”

“Do you see us having one?”

I run my fingers over his high cheekbones. “That’s a silly question. Of course, I do.”

“Like getting married? And having kids?”

I nod, “Yeah, those would be some of things I think about.”

“How many?”

“Kids?”

He nods, running his thumb lazily over my hip.

I think it over for a second. “Two. And if those are really good, maybe three. What about you?”

“I don’t care how many we have. As long as I have them with you.” He kisses the tip of my nose and I can’t help but laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“That’s a pretty good answer there.”

“What about getting married?”

“That is something I would like to do,” I answer nonchalantly.

“Me too. But I mean, I guess the real question is: would you take my last name?”

“Absolutely. I mean, just listen to how cute y/n Mendes sounds. I would be a fool not to take it. And you said it yourself, don’t be a fool.”

He laughs, one of those big, hearty laughs that I never get tired of hearing. “Are you always gonna use my lyrics against me?”

“Forever, baby.”

“Hey, so I know that having kids is a very distant thing right now. But we can practice, right?”

I bite my bottom lip, nodding. “I think practicing is a good idea.”

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” Connor comes into view, kneeling by my bedside.

I take in a shuddery breath, and place my hand over his, hoping for the contact to offer me some type of relief, but it doesn’t. I just let out a choked sob and he springs from his spot, wrapping his arms around me the best he can without crushing me and Mae.

“Breathe for me, honey. Come on, in and out. In. One, two, three. And out. One, two, three, four, five.” I do as he instructs and he rubs soothing circles over my back. “Good, again.”

“Connor,” I say softly after I’ve finally centered myself.

“I’m here.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“Be a parent. Co-parent with Shawn.”

“Why?” he asks, but it isn’t accusatory like I’m expecting it to be.

“We talked about kids. Wanting them, raising them. Our kids were gonna have two parents. Two loving parents. We were supposed to do this together. We were supposed to be together, raising her, and now? Now what?”

“You’re still gonna do this. And he’s gonna be part of Mae’s life. You’re gonna love her. He’s gonna love her. I’m gonna love her. This child will not be short on love, okay? You should not feel guilty because you’re not with him.”

“I can’t do this alone. I’m not enough for her.”

“You are not doing this alone, y/n. I’m right here. Shawn’s right there. You aren’t alone in this. I would never let that happen.”

I whimper, falling into his chest. “I’m scared I’ve messed everything up before it’s even happened.”

“You didn’t mess anything up.”

“I should have told him.”

“He knows now.”

“If Shawn fights for custody-”

“If he fights, then let him.”

“But his career. This’ll be everywhere. Every single news outlet will be down his throat. It’s not fair, or right. He can’t do this quietly because of who he is and it’s not fair to him.”

Connor chuckles and I pull back. “Why are you laughing? I’m serious.”

“I know you are. That’s why I can’t help it. You’re not worried about him bringing this to court, you’re worried about what people will think of him. That’s… the most you thing you’ve ever said. He’s not worried about any of that. Why are you?”

“Because he worked hard for what he has. I don’t want anyone thinking less of him because his ex-girlfriend is pregnant. They could spin it around, saying he walked out on us. And if they find out about it and he doesn’t fight, I don’t want them to think he doesn’t care. That he’s doing nothing. I don’t want this to be a bigger deal than it needs to be. He’s had to put up with so much of his life being in the media. He doesn’t need this out there too.”

He sighs and takes the sides of my face before pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “You’re precious, y/n y/l/n.”

“Connor, stop.”

“No, I’m serious. You could be so selfish in a time like this and you’re not. You’re worried about your ex-boyfriend because you don’t want anyone to think less of him.”

I scoff and bring my hand to my lips, biting subconsciously at my nails (A habit that I thought I had kicked years ago), “Why does it suddenly feel like I’m falling headfirst from a thirty-story building.”

He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I’ve got you now, honey. I won’t let you fall.” He stays with me until I fall asleep, murmuring soft nothings into my hair. “You’re gonna be a great mother, y/n. I know you are,” he says quietly.

“Con?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you help me with something.”

“Anything. What is it?”

“Help me figure out this custody thing. I want something fair without the court.”

He places a soft kiss to my forehead, “Okay. Whatever you want.”

***

Thank you for reading! Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

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** if you want to be added to or removed from any of my taglists (Shawn, Connor, Were Were Us, general) just let me know!

[euphoria-svt]

Lessons (Brash Blurb Night #6)

A/N: It’s almost 3am and this came out of no where. Filled with fluff and inspired by this photo. And I hope this doesn’t hurt Tori in some ways.

Word count: 600+

“No, dofus” You laugh as you watched him play the wrong chord “I said G, not A”

“Come on, this is getting frustrating” Connor whined “Can’t we take a nap? I think we deserve a nap”

“Baby, we woke up literally 3 hours ago” You snickered “You really think we should go to sleep again?”

“I mean there’s nothing else to do” He shrugged “It’s not like we can go outside”

“Which is exactly why you’re learning to play!” You nodded your head towards the guitar “Why do you even have it if you don’t know how to play?”

“Dylan gave it to me last year... Plus, I like hearing you play whenever you’re over. It sounds really pretty, you’re really pretty”

You blushed furiously, shooking your head “Alright no need to change the subject, mister. Show me the G chord, bubs”

“Baby, I told you I forgot... Maybe you have to show me again” Connor smiled innocently as he handed you the guitar.

“Alright, fine but this is the last time I’m showing it to you” You chuckled as you took the instrument in your hand “Are you gonna focus this time?”

“Mhm” He hummed as he leaned his back against the headboard “Definitely”

You positioned your fingers to the G chord and strum the strings lightly “See? Like that” You said and lifted your head to see him obviously not paying attention “Connor!” You whined “You said you were going to focus!”

Connor raised his hands defensively and laughed “Sorry, babe! But you can’t expect me to focus when you’ve got such a pretty face”

“You’re unbelievable, Brash” You rolled your eyes playfully and was going to put the guitar aside “If you don’t want to learn then I’m going to get back to my books, bubs”

“No! No!” He was quick to lean up and stop you “Can you play me something?” Connor asked.

You narrowed your eyes at him “Was this your plan all along?”

“Come on, one song!” Connor grinned and reached out to pull you towards him “Then I promise I’ll pay attention when you’re showing me the chords”

“Fine, fine” You smiled as you leaned your back against his chest, with the guitar in your hand “Any requests from the audience?” You ask, tilting your head a little so you could glance at him.

“Anything” He muttered into your hair and wrapped his arms around your waist with your legs tangled up together “Just wanna hear your pretty voice”

You decided on one of your favourites at the moment, before you go by Lewis Capaldi. 

Connor was convinced he has never heard anything more beautiful until he heard you singing. It was the one thing he loved the most and the one thing that calmed him down. 

“You’re singing at our wedding” was what he said 3 minutes later.

You snorted, “Is that your way of asking me to marry you, Brash?”

“Not officially” He shrugged “But it’s gonna happen”

“Why do I have to sing at my own wedding? Can’t we get Shawn to sing instead?”

"But I’d much rather hear you sing, baby”

“Tell you what,” You started, tilting your head up “If you learn how to properly play the guitar, I’ll sing you any song you want. Deal?”

“Deal” Connor answered without hesitation “So, this G chord?”

You rolled your eyes playfully and took his fingers, positioning it properly on the strings “And that’s a G. Now switch to A?”

He shifted his fingers without your help, which made you smile “See? You’re a fast learner!”

Connor laughs, pressing a kiss to your shoulder “That’s because my girlfriend is the best teacher”

“Oh you know what we could do? We could start a band-duo!” You suggested excitingly “I could sing and you’ll play the guitar and we could post videos on YouTube”

“Absolutely not, babe”