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mickstart · 4 years

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what do you think are some iconic/memorable schumi moments? i just got into f1 and would like to know more about him bc somehow i can’t really find anything like that about him.... just stats which are incredibly impressive but i can’t find anything about how he behaved or just anything about his personality..... thanks <3

:) Hi anon, thank you for unleashing the beast.

Ok I love you for asking me this thank you SO MUCH. Welcome to the circus I’m glad you’re here! Also yeah, Schumi is often talked about in terms of statistics and not as a human, Which is a shame bc like! Schumi is fascinating and the dynamics on the grid in late 90s F1 is so much fun! Also, this is mainly going to be late 90s -> early 2010s stuff bc I was born in 98 so uhhh I didn’t properly witness ANY 90s stuff and had to learn about it.

OK so I got super carried away but I’ve divided this into 3 sections: Drives/races that I think showcase some of his talents, human moments we need to talk about more, and Chaotic Little Bitch moments. The key thing to remember w/ Schumi is that he personally tends to be nice but as soon as you put him in a competition, Bastard Mode activates like a cat’s pupils going wide.

I am so sorry for the following short essay. Also some crashes are briefly mentioned but only ones with absolutely no injuries and there’s no details.

Chaotic Little Bitch Moments

Schumi debuted as a SUBSTITUTE driver for Jordan when one of their drivers was in police custody (yes. really.) The highest a Jordan had qualified all year was 10th and in his DEBUT at SPA, one of the toughest tracks, in the middle of the season, Schumi qualified that Jordan 7th! THEN his clutch failed before the first lap was even complete, but Benetton and Jordan WENT TO COURT to fight each other to sign him for their team before the next race in Monza. He couldn’t debut normally he HAD to cause a scene and set the tone.

The Red Strings of Fate: He qualified 7th, his iconic 7 starred helmet, his first victory next year was ALSO at Spa - his first complete race would be at Monza, Ferrari Holy Ground, and he finished 5th which 👀 1) he was immediately racing with The Greats. 2) Mr 5 Championships With Ferrari.

Winning a race by taking a stop and go penalty on the last lap, crossing the finish line in the pits, and making such a complicated argument about said penalty that in a hearing that was SUPPOSED to be Mclaren protesting the race result the stewards scrapped the entire penalty and the 3 who awarded it handed in their licenses??? Iconic.

Austria 2002 where Rubens was ordered to give the win to Michael. And then Michael fucking made him stand on the top step on the podium like “oh no no no RUBENS deserves this” and made a big SHOW out of it and its like “Michael stop you’re not making it heartwarming you’re making it WORSE Michael STOP” The Tension of germany 2010 podium VS the theatricality of THIS podium.

Team orders were banned because of this which also makes this indirectly responsible for Fernando Is Faster Than You having to be a coded message. You can’t escape him,

Blocking Alonso in Monaco qualifying and then, years later in 2010, overtaking Alonso technically illegally at Monaco (the race was ending under safety car, but the safety car doesn’t lead them over the line it pits and they’d crossed the safety car line and the regulations were NOT specific about the rules) and getting a 20 second penalty bc Damon Hill was a steward. Haunting FERNANDO specifically at Monaco like the ghost of christmas past? Getting a harsh penalty because ANOTHER driver he’d fucked over was a steward? Forcing the FIA to rewrite the rulebook to account for his nonsense when he was in his FOURTIES? I don’t know another chaos king.

Winning the 1995 championship by crashing into Damon Hill, getting AWAY with it for some reason, and then trying to do the same thing in 1997 to Villeneuve, failing to do so and simply rebounding off of him harmlessly, almost COMICALLY, and beaching his own car in a gravel trap at which point the FIA said “I have had ENOUGH of you Wacky Races Man!” and disqualified him from the entire championship

Forcing Mika off the track so bad at Spa 2000 that Mika realized the only way he was gonna be able to get past him was to re-invent the overtake and go for it whilst they were passing a backmarker. (The overtake itself is at 2:05 in the video but the build up to it is Important bc the key part it’s not just badass, it only happened bc Mika knew who he was dealing with.)

Spa 1998 was a Ridiculously Chaotic race it truly was the Mugello 2020 of its year, and after a crash at the start that took out almost the entire grid Schumi accidentally collided with Coulthard later in the race. (The teams used to have a spare car at every race then, so the race was able to continue after a restart.) This wasn’t a racing thing, Coulthard was getting lapped. So something in Schumi SNAPS, and he storms down the pitlane and tries to fight Coulthard while the mclaren and ferrari mechanics both hold him back and finally drag him away. He projected into the future, saw Coulthard was gonna talk non-stop shit about Seb, and acted accordingly.

Monaco 2012 Pole don’t talk to me about this I still can’t believe the audacity of this man to get the only pole of his comeback, at MONACO, at the ONE RACE where he had a 5 place grid penalty to take!!

In general, I know Cheating Bad but. I HAVE to admire the brainpower it must take to have the rulebook so memorized that whilst driving an F1 car Schumi could spot a loophole the size of the eye of a needle and then dance through it, forcing the FIA to add ANOTHER page to the rule book specially for him bc nobody else even REALISED that loophole existed.

Human Moments

A quick rant about Mika and Schumi’s entire friendship. After Spa 2000 Mika goes up to Michael, says something like “Don’t ever do that again” then they’re friends again. They had this mutual understanding that Racing was not Reality. This goes all the way back to their F3 days they were rivals AND friends for their entire career. They truly were the Sewis of the era if Sebastian was like 50% more evil. Their entire dynamic is “You’re the only motherfucker in this pit lane who can handle me”. Schumi would do some bullshit and every other driver would throw up their hands in frustration and Mika would just go “Okay” and drive better to put him in his place bc he was the only one who could keep up, and Schumi very visibly LOVED that he’s grinning after Mika owns his entire ass with that overtake at Spa. They were unstoppable force meets immovable object and I’m so sad their rivalry isn’t more talked about bc the way Mika is the only driver who can get him to behave like a normal human being is SO entertaining.

This is a sad one so I won’t link it but he started crying in the 2000 Monza press-conference with his brother and Mika when he equaled one of Senna’s records. The press kept trying to ask questions about it and Mika just has this death grip on his shoulder and tries to get them to stop or let them take a break and it’s so sad but also important to know about.

Once said he didn’t want Mick to race in F1 bc the pressure of his name would put Mick under so much stress and he wanted his son to be happy. (He fully supported Mick in his endeavors! But only after making absolutely sure it was what Mick wanted, and making sure he knew he could just race for fun if he wanted and it didn’t have to be F1)

This whole interview just after Mick was born with the Schumacher family. Special shout out to Gina on his head the entire video and also Corinna talking to the press while Michael is captivated by Mick. Me too Michael.

Once allegedly pleaded to take a stray kitten home from the track?

I reblogged this yesterday but. Sticking like glue to Sebastian at an F1 test and immediately being like “This is my new son he’s gonna go far”. There’s a lot of pictures out there also of Michael being a guest at the karting races Seb went to as a kid and baby Seb visibly losing his fucking mind at being given a trophy by his idol. Every day of my life I think about him trying to ruffle Seb’s hair through his helmet at Brazil 2012

WInning the championship in 2000. Him thanking the entire team individually and pausing mid-celebration to kiss his wife Corinna so tenderly it’s in the F1 opening. Also, the way it literally cuts from the rest of McLaren looking like they’re attending a funeral to Mika grinning at him and hugging him fucking SENDSSSSS me.

Schumi was a little shit in all the 2010-12 press conferences like, lowering Lewis’ chair, playing with a microphone wire, but ESPECIALLY corrupting baby Seb and getting him to mess with Nico Rosberg.

He’s just GOOFY! Like I refuse to let him be remembered as a terrifying force of nature he was so goofy kind of similarly to Seb. PLEASE watch this incredibly awkward interview he did with Coulthard on a golf buggy where they both had to pretend they hadn’t thought about murdering each other at least once. I think Sky F1 should force Brocedes to do this when covid’s over. “Do you mind if I drive?” “Yes.”

EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE I forgot the 1999 Canada press conference where Eddie Irvine and Mika Hakkinen get into a water fight and Schumi immediately grabs a towel and hides behind it and is like “I had NOTHING to do with it” 🥺 adorable, actually

A lot of people at Ferrari, including Rob Smedley (who was on the other side of the garage with Felipe Massa so not in his inner circle) have said that a lot of the success of the team came from Schumi’s LEADERSHIP more than anything, that he’d make the team get together to bond all the time. When Schumi moved to Ferrari in 1996 they were NOT dominant. He did the same thing Lewis did - went to a team that everybody said would be a huge mistake and helped build them up behind the scenes.

THIS bit of the Canada 2011 Rewind where his engineer gives him the strategy and he’s like “... OkaAaAaAay?” and then when it turns out to be the wrong strategy he cheerfully tells them it’s too late. Little shit.

Speaking of Mercedes I also wanna say that like. They were a MESS in 2012 and his car DNF’d because of a failing on their part MULTIPLE times. (In Canada qualifying his DRS was stuck open and they couldn’t close it.) He did not say a single bad word about them EVER even though the press used this to attack him non-stop as washed-up and bad without Ferrari to cheat for him. At Ferrari he was the exact same with the team, any bastard antics Schumi had for his rivals did not extend to the engineers and crew.

OK this one is soured bc Top Gear is trash BUT if you were like, a kid in England who followed motorsports? Schumi’s fake reveal as The Stig on Top Gear was like the coolest, sickest thing,

Please view this image of Schumi and Mika when they were young and stupid

Iconic Races

ok so I have limited myself to a few races that show off some of his key strengths!

Hungary 1998 / France 2004 - STRATEGY/SPEED - Schumi switched to a 3 stop strategy in 98 and a FOUR STOP strategy in 04 and won both races. In order for the strategy call to work he’d have to basically make every single lap a qualifying style ‘flying lap’ and you best fucking believe he DID THAT. God I fucking miss when Ferrari was the king of strategy.

Argentina 1998 - has it all. Talent, battling Mika, pit lane mind games with mclaren, and bullying coulthard xxx

Spain 1996 / a majority of the wet races - RAIN - One of Schumi’s nicknames was Rain Master bc he was so fucking good in the wet. If it started raining and you were a Schumi stan you were cackling evilly before the red lights even went out. I single out 1996 bc it was his first win for Ferrari and it was unexpected but in most wet races, even Canada 2011 post comeback, you can see Schumi thriving.

Malaysia 1999 - Schumi missed pretty much the entire second half of the season with a broken leg, came back for the last 2 races with everybody murmuring about whether he would struggle, and immediately put the Ferrari on pole. Also worth noting is that he was the number 2 driver for these 2 races bc his teammate Irvine was fighting Mika for the championship and he went along with that without complaint, allowing Ferrari to win the constructor’s championship if not the driver’s.

Monza 2002, 03, 04, or 06 just because it has the energy of the tifosi kneeling at the feet of an idol to their red god.

Brazil 2006 - Fuck All Y’all - Schumi’s last race for Ferrari. He got a puncture and ended up almost lapped, and then drove his way back from that to 4th bc he couldn’t go out without reminding us he’s a bad bitch.

Monza 2012 - Defending - Don’t tell F1 Twitter that there’s actual footage of Lewis and Michael having a genuine lengthy battle on track but DO watch Michael defending like a motherfucker and Lewis breathing down his neck for half the race we need to talk about this more.

Valencia 2012 - This isn’t necessarily anything special but I cried in my living room over the only podium of his comeback so it goes on here. It doesn’t have the same impact if you haven’t been watching him struggle with the car for years, DNF-ing from car failure most of 2012, and having BBC F1 telling you he’s washed up every single weekend, but you can just enjoy one of the best drives of FERNANDO’S entire career as he DRAGS that Ferrari by its hair to a home grand prix win and then watch the crowds embrace him like jesus and also Schumi being happy on the podium. Also, the very start of this clip from the press conference: him forgetting what language he’s supposed to be speaking

Basically, Schumi was a hyper-competitive ambitious bitch who turned into a goofball as soon as he switched the engine off. This is by NO MEANS everything if I was making an exhaustive best races guide I’d do more research and another post but I hope this is what you were looking for?? THANK YOU SO MUCH for letting me go MAXIMUM SPECIAL INTEREST and I apologize.

#asks #Schumi #Mika #Alonso #long post #god I'm so fucking sorry #Anonymous #This is not comprehensive bc I didn't want to accidentally turn this into a whole research project especially if you're new to it!

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blueares · 3 years

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Ruination Rewrite: Bilgewater

Bilgewater Part I

The next day, you step into the map room to find that all the Sentinels have already gathered… All but one.

“Where’s Jayce?”

“Aren’t we missing somebody?”

Jayce: “Sorry for the wait, everyone. It took longer than I thought, but the Mercury Hammer MK II is ready to go.”

Gwen: “My goodness! That’s quite the contraption you’ve made, Mr. Hammer.”

Lucian: “Hot damn, you really pulled it off? Hextech plus Relicstone… Think you could upgrade one of my guns, son?”

Jayce: “If I had a proper lap here, maybe. That said, the MK II is still in its experimental phases. I’ll need to test it out in the field to get more conclusive data.”

“Uh, that thing won’t explode, right?”

“So you don’t even know if it works?”

Jayce: “I wouldn’t expect you to understand. I just need some targets to test this baby out on.”

Senna: “Then I guess you’re in luck. If there are no objections, our next stop is Buhru in the Blue Flame Isles. We were in contact with the Sentinel outpost there when it fell, but with any luck, Fetu and his allies may have survived.”

“No objections here, ma’am!”

“Destination set! Next stop: the Blue Flame Isles!”

In a flash, the Wayfinder brings you to Buhru, where you quickly find that the Sentinel Outpost stands in ruins. You look around briefly, hoping for some sign of Fetu, but to no avail.

Riven: “Doesn’t look like anyone’s here.”

Lucian: “Plenty of Mist, though. The fetter’s bound to be around here, somewhere.”

You peer out across the ocean toward the neighboring isles, hoping for some clue as to what direction the Black Mist is heading. As you search, you hear stones skidding behind you, as well as the cocking of a gun.

???: “Nobody move!”

You wheel around to see a scruffy-looking man with a sizable, double-barreled cannon staring you down.

???: “Well well, looks like I finally caught the perpetrators in the act.”

“Perpetrators? Whatever you think we’ve done, we’re innocent!”

“Uh, I think there’s been some kind of misunderstanding…”

Graves: “Uh huh. You really think it’s that ease to pull one over on Malcom Graves? Only one man I know who can make a whole group of people appear in an instant. So…”

Graves casually places a cigar in his mouth, his shotgun leveled at you the entire time.

Graves: “I’m gonna give you all one chance to fess up ‘fore I blow ya into the water. Where the hell is Twisted Fate!?”

Bilgewater Part II

“Twisted Fate? That’s a dumb name.”

“Twisted Fate? That’s an awesome name!”

Graves response 1: “That’s what I keep tellin’ him, but… Oh no, you’re not gonna distract me that easy.”

Graves response 2: “…Son, you got a lot to learn, not that you’ll have the chance if ya don’t fess up!”

Diana: “We know no one by that name. It was the Wayfinder’s light that brought us here.”

Graves: “The what now? Now you’re just makin’ up-”

Graves is cut short as the sound of wagon wheels suddenly fills the air, accompanied by the sound of inhuman growling.

Olaf: “Wait! Something approaches!”

Graves: “Ah hell, he’s back!”

Suddenly, a shadow passes over you and the other Sentinels. You gaze up to witness something that defies belief: an undead warrior riding through the air on a chariot pulled by a trio of spectral sharks.

Lucian: “…You have got to be kidding me.”

Jayce: “Heads up! That thing’s coming right for us!”

Sure enough, the charioteer turns around and makes a divebomb right for your group. At Senna’s command, the Sentinels open fire, causing the spectral sharks to turn and slam into the ruins. The charioteer soon loses control and finds himself being dragged back out to sea, vanishing into the Black Mist.

Graves: “Well I’ll be… That bastard’s been followin’ me for days, but he didn’t so much as flinch when I shot at him! You all, though… You actually managed to scare him off!”

“We’re Sentinels. It’s what we do.”

“Our guns are better than yours.”

Shen: “We haven’t the time to boast. We must find the fetter as soon as possible.”

Graves: “Now hold on a damn minute! You lot still haven’t told me where my partner is!”

Vayne: “Don’t know, don’t care. You’re outnumbered and outgunned, so I’d suggest you get out of the way before we BLOW you into ocean.”

Gwen: “I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Scruffy. I do wish we could help you find your friend, but we… Oh!”

As Gwen approaches Graves, a familiar light emanates from her chest. That same begins to shine from an item on Graves’ belt. Perplexed, Graves unhooks the item in question to reveal a silver handbell that resonates with Gwen and Senna.

Graves: “What in tarnation?”

“It’s the fetter!”

“He’s got it!”

Jayce: “Huh. That was surprisingly easy.”

The Sentinels quickly advance on Graves, who tries to keep you at bay by raising his shotgun.

Graves: “Now hold on a minute. I’ve still got a lot of questions for you all, and- What the!?”

A familiar shadow appears behind Graves and snatches the bell from his hand.

Vex: “I’ll just be taking that.”

Vex turns and begins running further inland, fetter in hand.

Graves: “Hey! Come back here you little rodent!”

Senna: “She’s got the fetter! Sentinels, after her!”

Bilgewater Part III

The Sentinels give chase through the thick vegetation of Buhru, pushing through the undead that try to hinder their path. Vex and her shadow remain a step ahead, getting further and further away despite your best efforts.

Graves: *Pant. Pant.* “Get back here with my meal ticket, ya little rascal!”

Vayne: “Why is he still here?”

Senna: “Nevermind him! Just don’t lose sight the fetter!”

Graves: “This is why I hate yordles!”

“Shen, can’t you do something?”

“Jayce, can’t you do something?”

Shen (if option 1 is picked): “Something in this land is barring my entry to the Spirit Realm! We will have to pursue on foot!”

Jayce (if option 2 is picked): “Sorry, I used up my last Acceleration Gate back in Viktor’s lab! Haven’t had a chance to make more!”

With no other options, you continue to follow Vex on foot. Finally, you see her racing up a flight of stone stairs toward before vanishing from sight. By the time you reach the top of the stairs, all that awaits you is an empty village.

Riven: “Where did she go!?”

Lucian: “Damn it… We lost her.”

Senna: “She can’t have gotten far! Spread out and search for her!”

On Senna’s command, you and the other Sentinels fan out across the village, searching through the remnants of homes for any trace of Vex and the fetter.

Graves: “Tch. No sign of the furball anywhere. It’s just like Tobias always says: don’t mess with yordles.”

“Tobias? You mean Twisted Fate?”

“Why are you following me?”

Graves response 1: “Yup. Tobias Felix. Better known, for better or worse, as Twisted Fate. But, uh, you didn’t hear his real name from me, got it?”

Graves response 2: “Well, given my prior experience with yordles, I’m thinkin’ you could use the backup.” (Better you get turned into a frog this time instead of me, kid.)

You and Graves continue to explore the village together, peeking into abandoned houses and under crumbling serpent statues. Your search yields no results, until…

*BOOM!*

A building further uphill suddenly explodes, starling you and Graves to your feet.

“What was that!?”

“Please tell me there aren’t exploding ghosts here.”

Graves: “No idea, but in my professional experience, runnin’ TOWARD explosions ain’t exactly conventionally wise. That said, conventional wisdom also don’t make much of a profit in Bilgewater. Come on!”

You follow Graves toward the source of the explosion to the burning building. You find Vex laying on the ground, pulling herself out of the fire.

Vex: *Cough* *Wheeze* “WHAT THE HECK!? Did you seriously just try to BLOW ME UP!?”

A figure leans down to snatch the fetter out of Vex’s hand, keeping a gun trained on her the entire time.

???: “I know it’ll take more than THAT to kill a yordle, but your little shadow friend won’t be disturbin’ us for a while, at least. Now then, what have we here…?”

Graves: “Oh hell. Are my eyes playin’ tricks on me? That can’t be…”

???: “Malcolm Graves. Well well, today is just full o’ surprises!”

Graves: “Damn. It IS you. You’re supposed to be dead! Ah, but hell… This is the Mist’s doin’ too, ain’t it? Missy fortune blew you and your ship to the bottom of the ocean!”

???: “Oh I remember, but much like the yordle here, it’ll take more than a few dozen barrels of gunpowder to kill ME.”

“Uh, sorry to interrupt, but I’m gonna need that bell, if you don’t mind.”

“Wow, that was pretty impressive, taking down Vex like that. Now, about the fetter…”

???: “Hmph. What’s this, Graves? Got yourself a new partner? Good. I can send him to the bottom of the sees with ya!”

Graves: “Kid, remember what I said earlier about conventional wisdom? Well, this here’s just plain common sense: you don’t wanna pick a fight with Gangplank.”

Bilgewater Part IV

Gangplank stares you down as the flames burn behind him. Wraiths begin to emerge from the Mist all around you, drawn by the commotion, but seem hesitant to approach. Behind you, the Sentinels race onto the scene, weapons ready.

Lucian: “Rookie, what’s goin’ on?”

“This old pirate took the fetter!”

“This old pirate managed to take down Vex!”

Diana: “Seriously? Maybe we should invite HIM to join us.”

Gangplank: “I’m not interested in joinin’ YOUR crew, girl. I’m getting back my own, and this bell here… This bell’s the key to doing just that.”

Shen: “You know not what you hold. Surrender the fetter, or there will be consequences.”

Olaf: “Don’t just stand around and threaten him! Let’s grab it!”

Vayne: “For once, I agree with this idiot.”

The Sentinels quickly begin to advance on Gangplank, only to find themselves unable to take a single step toward him. Looking down, you see a massive shadow spanning the ground beneath your feet. Vex quickly stands and brushes herself off.

Vex: “Wow. They actually fell for it. You Sentinels are bigger losers than I thought.”

Gangplank: “It’s like I said, Vex: to catch a fish, you just need the right bait.”

“You two are working together?”

“What’s going on here?”

Vex: “Isn’t it obvious? Ugh, whatever. I’m not obligated to explain myself.”

The wraiths begin to close in on you, though your movements are still sluggish thanks to Vex’s shadow. You and the other Sentinels struggle to free yourselves, though you quickly realize that you are completely at Vex’s mercy. Even so, as you look around amongst your allies, you get the sense that someone is missing…

Gangplank: “Don’t get the wrong idea: this is nothing personal. I just need you Sentinels out of the way if I’m to reclaim what’s rightfully mine.”

The wraiths latch onto, their claws digging into your flesh. You can feel them sapping your life force, but just as your vision starts to blur, something lands between Gangplank and Vex: a metal cannister. Suddenly, another explosion knocks the two of them off their feet, causing the shadow beneath you to dissipate.

Graves: “Common sense ain’t exactly my forte either!”

Now unfettered by Vex’s magic, the Sentinels are free to draw their weapons and retaliate against the onslaught of undead. You feel a sudden revitalizing energy course through your body as Senna drives the wraiths off of you.

Senna: “You alright, Rookie?”

“I’m fine! Thanks!”

“Don’t worry about me! Get the fetter!”

You turn to see Gangplank and Vex quickly scrambling to their feet.

Vex: “Ugh! This is so not cool! You were all supposed to like, fall into despair while getting turned into wraiths!”

Gangplank: “This isn’t over yet! Vex, get me to Bilgewater, and you’ll see their despairing faces yet!”

Vex: “Ugh, you’re not the boss of me… Fine. Guess I don’t have much choice!”

Vex summons her shadow again and conjures a portal in the Mist, through which she and Gangplank beat a hasty retreat.

Jayce: “Damn! They’re getting away!”

Senna: “Not for long! After them, Sentinels!”

On Senna’s orders, you all give chase through the shadowy gateway, diving in one after the order. Finally, you dive in last, finding yourself utterly drenches in darkness as the portal closes behind you…

Bilgewater Part V

You stumble out of the darkness to find yourself assaulted by the most putrid smell you’ve ever experienced. All around you are the remnants of decaying sea creatures, most of which are several times larger than a person.

Gwen: “My word! What is this awful place!?”

Graves: “I’d recognize this homely smell anywhere! This is the Slaughter Docks!”

Vayne: “You’re still here?”

Graves: “Can’t get rid of Malcolm Graves that easy! ‘Sides, divin’ through an ominous portal beats fightin’ a whole pack of undyin’ ghosts on my own… Not that I was really takin’ all that into account at the time.”

“Where’s Gangplank?”

“Where’s Vex?”

Diana: “That cannot have gone far… Look! There they are!”

Diana points to far end of the dock. Sure enough, you see Gangplank and Vex talking at the far end, as well as a third figure…

Viego: “Well done, Captain… And you as well, Vex.”

Riven: “Uh oh.”

Lucian: “Viego!”

Jayce: “THAT’S the Ruined King? Huh. I thought he’d be bigger.”

Olaf: “Aye, but don’t be fooled! He’s a worthy foe, indeed…”

Viego: “Ah, the Sentinels. I see you have survived. No matter. You are far too late to stop me now.”

Senna: “We’ll see about that! Everyone, in formation! This is what we trained for!”

Vex: “Ugh, seriously? Do you guys ever stop? Your whole ‘never say die’ thing is really getting on my nerves.”

Viego: “Unfortunately, I haven’t the time to waste on entertaining you all now, as I did in Ionia. I have simply come to retrieve what is mine and take my leave.”

Viego takes the bell out of Gangplank’s hand and clutches it tight. As he did in Demacia, the Ruined King appears to absorb the power within the fetter, leaving it hollow.

Senna: “Open fire!”

Senna, Lucian, Jayce and Vayne all let loose a volley of Relic light that briefly illuminates the docks. Shortly thereafter, Gwen charges into the fray with Olaf and Riven, surrounding them in Hallowed Mist to keep the wraiths at bay. Shen takes hold if Diana and vanishes into the spirit realm. Moments later, the two of them reappear behind Viego and lash out with their blades while Riven, Gwen and Olaf attempt to catch him in a pincer attack.

Viego raises his blade to deflect the blow Shen and Diana, while Vex summons her shadow to keep the other three at bay.

Viego: “I see you have improved since our last encounter, but it is still not enough!”

With a snap of his fingers, Viego wills the Black Mist into the dead sea beasts littered across the Slaughter Docks. Giants squids, razor fins, and all manner of other creatures roar to unlife as they pry themselves free of their hooks. Soon, the Sentinels find themselves cut off from Viego by the reborn creatures of the deep.

Viego: “Do you see? My influence knows no bounds.”

Gangplank: “Aye, you’re the real deal, alright. And speakin’ of deals, I kept up my end of the bargain: I help you reclaim your queen, you help me take back my throne!”

Viego: “Hmph. Very well. I am a generous king, and I always keep my word.”

To your horror, Viego plunges his sword through Gangplank’s chest. Black Mist courses around the old pirate, transforming him in the blink of an eye.

Lucian: “Damn it! What’s that old fool doing?”

Gangplank: “I’m reclaiming… WHAT’S MINE!”

Gangplank raises his sword, which ignites with spectral green flame.

Gangplank: “My ship, my crew, my city! Everything Sarah Fortune took from me!”

Suddenly, a massive ship erupts from the ocean behind Gangplank. Its sails are tattered, its hull covered in holes and barnacles, and its crew consisting entirely of spectres.

Graves: “Ah, hell! That’s the Dead Pool! I barely got off that ship alive!”

Gangplank: “Oh yes Graves, I remember. This time, I’ll finish what I started. Volley fire!”

The Dead Pool’s cannons angle upwards and rain down a volley of spectral iron across the Slaughter Docks. At Senna’s command, you and the other Sentinels run for cover within a nearby alcove, while Viego and Vex calmly slip away among the chaos.

Riven: “We’ve got to get out of here!”

Senna: “Damn it, I know! Rookie, get us out of here!”

At Senna’s command, you wind of the Wayfinder and allow its light to carry you all out of danger. The cries of undead sea monsters and the sound of cannonfire fall silent as you stumble back into headquarters.

“That was too close.”

“Is everyone alright?”

Gwen response 1: “Quite right. Although… It seems we have another unexpected guest!”

Gwen response 2: “Everyone seems present and accounted for… Including Mr. Scruffy!”

Graves: *Whistles* “So that’s the Wayfinder doohickey you mentioned? Bet somethin’ like that would go for a lot of money on black market.”

A bolt of light suddenly whizzes past Graves’ head, trimming off a few hairs.

Graves: “YOW!”

Vayne: “Why. Are you. Still here?”

Senna: “Rookie, you’ve gotta start checking your surroundings before you use that Wayfinder.”

“My bad.”

“In my defense, it was a pretty chaotic situation.”

Lucian: “Now hang on. Maybe this ain’t as bad as it looks.”

Senna: “Lucian, please tell me you’re not about suggest what I think you are.”

Lucian: “He DID save our hides back in Buhru.”

Senna: “He’s also an outlaw and a thief. He stole the fetter AND just admitted to wanting to steal the Wayfinder.”

Lucian: “Look, we’ve dealt with worse, and we can’t be too picky when we’re trying to save the world.”

Graves: “Now just hold on a minute. Save the world? Listen, buddy, I ain’t no hero-type. I only came along to keep from getting blow apart by Gangplank or eaten alive by ghost fish. I ain’t plannin’ to stick around.”

“What if we could help you find your missing partner?”

“What if we could help you hide from Gangplank?”

Graves: “…Although, upon reconsiderin’, I hear the hero business is very profitable these days.”

Vayne: “Rookie, for once, could it have hurt to keep your mouth shut?”

Olaf: “Hmph. I like this man. He reminds me of Lokfar!”

Senna: *Sigh* “Alright, fine. Gwen, you know what to do. Just… Keep an eye on him.”

Gwen: “Yes, ma’am!”

Gwen leads Graves further into the Sentinel vault, though Vayne accompanies them to assist in keeping Graves out of trouble. After several minutes, the three finally re-emerged with Vayne pointing her crossbow at Graves’ back.

Vayne: “I caught him eyeing the fetter. Are you sure we can’t just shoot him?”

Graves: “Hey now, I was only lookin’! Out of curiosity, though, how much would ya say that fancy parasol is worth?”

Senna: “I know I’m gonna regret this, but… Come on, Sentinel Graves. Let’s get you sworn in.”

#Ruination Rewrite

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infinite-xerath · 3 years

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Runeterra Retcons: Ruination Episode (Bilgewater)