#continuing in the tags bc i dont wanna ramble in the post but

[hot-coffemilk]

I was having a good day so far

[pup-pee]

ur bartkon art legendary

TYSMM!!!!! IM GLAD U LIKE ITT!!!!! <33

heres a silly sketch i prolly wont color :3

[duskythesomething]

ahh our new song is at like 138 bpm for a good chunk of it and while that’s not bad at all i’m listening to it online and oof? i get so lost and confused so easily, learning this is gon be fun. :/

at least our star wars song is hella hella fun!! i finally get to play bass drum like i’ve dreamed of and it’s not very hard and it means i get to stand around with my crush in class while he’s on snare!!

[erasethenoise]

.

[pandemique]

your art is so pretty ;-; it makes my day seeing it.. can i ask, did it take a long time to get your art to where it is now? and was it a hard process? i wanna get better at art but i dont know how ;-; call me aku! i think ill be asking alot/praising you about your art lol

aku thank u sm ;v; i’m really touched..

um shhshshs to be fully honest i started drawing last december-ish...... just for this blog because of brainrot lmaOoo.... i think that’s kinda obvious if u scroll through my #demi doodles tag and see my sad first posts :’D

although!!! i did tryhard middle school art class a long time ago and i vouch, if u really get into it, u can learn a lot :> i think starting early even when i didnt continue painting afterwards still means a lot, bc since then i always saw art with a more critical & appreciative eye and i guess i still learned through osmosis?? LOL

that being said, the bulk of my learning really was done these past lovely brainrotty months, so don’t sweat it if u start late :) my dad is 58 now and my recent enthusiasm in doodling afflicted him too so now we’re learning together <333 and i adore what he makes already

i made a tutorial for my own painting style here aku nonnie, but there’s so many other resources available online elsewhere for learning too :> here’s my own personal tips for quick improvement below the cut ‼️

firstly i am seconding the ‘general painting tips’ section of the tutorial i linked :>

particularly about which fundamental concepts of art/drawing that u should really explore if u wanna improve quickly! (ex. for drawing humans, learning proportion and gesture is much more useful than detailed anatomy!)

focused practices on areas of art u wanna improve in >>>>>

figure out precisely where u need to improve and focus on solving those issues. smth i like to do is to doodle without reference, find similarly-composed but much nicer art that does the specific thing really well, and then compare & analyze what i’m missing or could do better

in general, looking at other people’s art that u like and figuring out what exactly u like abt it is great! at least thats how i improved in the years i didnt even touch a sketchbook

VARY the art u make as much as possible! even if u have a certain favorite style, in the learning process its important to explore as much as possible. this includes varying the subject matter (draw hoomans a lot? try nature or backgrounds!), the art styles (realism is important to try! but so is stylization!!), the media (i learned SO much so fast when i switched from traditional to digital!), and more!!

comics helped me bc i was forced to make things i don’t naturally love to, like those damn flowers T_T in general incorporating things u need to focus on into projects u love (comics for me, maybe character design for u?) is a great cheat to making the process seem easy :>

ask for feedback!!!!!!

use MANY references every time u draw!!!!!

but ofc nothing beats drawing often. its okay to just draw what u like so u can keep going—i’m personally 100% brainrot fuelled and it did me wonders lol. in the end putting in the hours is what will give u a strong grasp, and its also what u need to develop a style. frequent ‘disposable’ but thoughtful doodles >>>> sparse ‘masterpieces’

be kind to your art. know it is already amazing now, but you WILL keep improving. i believe in you

that’s all i got off the top of my head! it seems kinda overwhelming when i ramble about it this way lol i’m sorry :’> but these are all just lighthearted tips to make drawing more fun! in the end, what’s important is that you are having fun creating. brainrot and tumblr is DEFINITELY my secret :) good luck aku i’m rooting for you!

[inosukeslefttoe]

WHATS UP SHAWTIES YA GIRL IS BACK TO RAMBLING ABOUT RANDOM ANIME SHIT B) sadly its not about danganronpa this time even though i DID start playing it again recently :D I rlly had to take a break after trial 2 of v2 bc ... holy shit that hurt so much i dont even wanna think about it bc i WILL cry... and then trail 3 just seemed so ?? lackluster?? and it hardly made sense to me ?? so now im just feeling a little eh towards it atm but i am excited for whenever i get to the next trail :)

ANYWAYS... my lovely friend got me into MILGRAM or the Milgram Project on youtube and god DAMN that shit is bussin !!! i wanna make posts about my thoughts on each character but i actually might make a google doc of them first so i can frequently add onto my thoughts and shit and get things organized as my research continues you feel? i have zero coherent thought trains happening its just ... a big mess of noise and excitement right now.. BUT i would just like to say that so far my fav characters are mahiru, mu and haruka bc they just... *chef kiss* hit different B) maybe bc theyre mentally ill lmao B) 

YEAH BUT THIS WHOLE THING IS SO COOL AND i strongly believe that each of these characters is innocent bc yknow... literally the name of the whole project should give that away first read right ?? like sure the ones who see themselves as guilty are gonna seem more guilty ,, and sure the sweet cute characters are gonna get voted innocent more often bc theyre more likable,,, but bitch all these mfs are innocent no matter how much i dont like them and i will live by that. 

im just super excited to get more into this and ive been following tags on here and instagram and joining servers in discord so i can read everyone elses thoughts and get access to translated stuff for my small brain to understand ,, and just seeing all the different perspectives on things :D but yeah if ur into this milgram shit and know good accounts to follow/would like me to view ur blog and thoughts on it PLS hmu 

[babysizedfics]

okay okay please write a hc post about Roman and Virgil managing Thomas's romance life together and it being another one of Their Things, that Logan and Patton barely really participate in? Like I can see them all happy and excited to do this, and Roman reassuring Virgil constantly that he's okay and that they can do this? like idk man I wanna see your thoughts on this. - 🐇

okokokokokokokokok i LOVE this ask thank u!!! i actually ran away with this a lot im sorry but im just LOVING THIS EPISODE SO MUCH so here is the l/b rendition of what happens after!!

so roman and vee actually cant talk coherently for a whole day after they are just so happy!! squealing and giggling! and logan and patton are so shocked by how excited they are but like in the surprised laughter way, they see their boys jumping up and down and rambling and smiling so big and it makes them so happy to see!!

for that evening ro and vee are just ECSTATIC and virgil gets so excited that he loses his voice and goes mute and can only happy flap and squeak and laugh and hum and roman gets so excited that he has WAY TOO MUCH energy and goes for an hour long impromptu run - which logan joins him on because he is worried roman will get so excited he will run off track and get lost !!

and while lo and ro are running and logan is marvelling at how roman manages to run for five mins straight AND not stop talking the whole time, patton is with vee and vee cant talk he can only bounce and squeal and so patton just bounces with him!! they hold hands and jump! he hardly knows what theyre so excited about but of course hes gonna catch the excitement its so contagious!! so they bounce and giggle and pretty soon vee regresses into the most playful excitable little baby

and logan and roman return and roman is still excitedly rambling and logan is chuckling through his breathlessness because actually it was pretty hard to keep up with roman - then ro sees that vee has regressed and INSTANTLY goes into kiddo mode and they have the most fun filled excited happy evening where the boys are just so so so giggly and theres lots of games and bouncing and tickling

the next day they manage to calm down a bit and think and roman realises that maybe flirting and romance hasnt worked in the past bc he was mainly working alone and it is a big job to handle for just one side and it has such a big effect on thomas' mental state that maybe he needs some assistance

and he approaches virgils room and finds him laying face down on his bed with his face in a pillow - roman would be worried that he was crying but he could see virgil was kicking his feet against each other too and roman smiles and 'still thinking about it?'

virgils head pops up from the pillow with the BIGGEST smile and says 'DUH of course i am!'

'me too!!' roman giggles and jumps onto virgils bed beside him to lie down and kicks his feet against the mattress excitedly 'ahhhhh!' he squeals

'ahhhh!!' virgil echoes

after a trifle more gay screaming they calm and are sat shoulder to shoulder against the headboard and virgil is shaking jiji in his hands to help stim and roman is stroking a little giraffe plushie vee has and roman brings it up that he is planning on texting nico this morning

virgil smiles bigger and clutches the toy to his cheat 'oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh yes go for it please please please-'

'hang on!' roman giggles 'im telling you because i thought maybe you would wanna help!'

for the first time since they left the mall yesterday virgils smile drops

'virgil' roman starts, but vee so quickly cuts him off

'i can't, im gonna mess it up! whenever im in charge of somthing i just panic and ruin everyth--'

'you wont be fully in charge, we'll share that role!'

'i-' virgil hesitates 'i dunno...'

roman sighs, then a determinstion comes over him and he sits taller and asks 'who pushed thomas to chase after nico?'

the tiniest little smile twists the corner of virgils mouth, but he scratches his cheek to hide it and when his hand lowers its gone 'that wasnt even a-'

'who pushed thomas to chase after nico?' roman repeats, smiling and poking virgils shoulder

vee bites his lip and pulls jiji up to hi chin 'mmnmn'

'i cant hear it' roman insists, twisting on the bed to face virgil directly. he makes a bold move and even reaches out to gently push virgils chin up so he looks at him. theres happiness dancing in virgils eyes WHICH ARE SURROUNDED BY GLITTERY PURPLE EYESHADOW IN CASE ANYONE FORGOT

'i did' virgil mumbles, followed by a muffled giggly because holy moly he actually did that!!

'and thats why youre my new romantic coworker' roman says very proudly, beaming ear to ear, though he hastily adds 'if you want to!'

virgil considers it, bites his lip, strokes jiji, then his smile practicaly lights up the whole room 'yes!'

and they learn a lot from each other by working together! in this au virgil and patton are the only ones who dont have designated working days, their work is reactionary more than anything, they dont have to create ideas or file information like the others, they just react as and when needed dependeing on what thimas experiences. but working with roman is virgils first experience having a sort of routine with work - every tuesday is romance planning!

they leave it flexible of course on account of both of their neurodivergency and allowing room to push the day back if one or both of them are little, but the predictability is actually something that virgil rlly appreciates and looks forward to every week!

and roman learns ways of reeling in his more extreme ideas and being able to apply a sense of realism to his plans! plus it helps him a ton to be able to talk about ideas and get them out, it helps organise them in his mind - and virgil constantly telling him how great he is at what he does does absolute wonders for romans self esteem too

shoot im out of words bc i just got excited about the episode again ahhhhhh gonna tag this as to be continued!!!!

[doyouevenshipbr0]

omggg ok so my tumblr literally does not let me reply to ppl it is the most annoying thing everrrrr😅😅!!! and imma keep this out of the gr*via tag just bc at this point its rly just me rambling. but on my original post i saw ppl disagreeing w me so i just wanted to reply???? but i cant reply so???????? im just gonna post??? so if u see this then u see this and of u dont u dont!

1. someone asked “how is wendy sexualized” thinking i meant in this chapter but i wasnt referring to this chap!!! i can see why ppl would think that is what i meant tho! just overall mashima has her in skimpy outfits, draws her in like super suggestive poses, and during fights her clothes get ripped in like a sexual way idk... and also mest has a crush on her which is just fucking weird. im not a prude yall im really not but wendy is very clearly a girl/preteen (id guess shes like 12-14) like sexualizing her is not cool lol idc what anyone says.

2. i understand fanservice is a classic in anime and in fairy tail which i pointed out multiple times. but as i said, i PERSONALLY do not like it when its overdone/pushed to an extreme. which fairy tail does. a LOT. normally i literally never say anything ab this but this ONE TIME i wanted to mention it! sue me!

3. someone also said something along the lines of “no one said anything ab gray’s butt showing in the last chap. the boys and girls equally have fan service” and. ok. come ON. that is simply not true!!! gray has his stripping habit and the boys do get their share of fan service yes!!! but the boys are NOT sexualized nearly as much as the girls are in ft. and the reason no one said anything ab gray’s bare ass is bc the boys being sexualized is not as repetitive or as prominent as the girls. and again, this is literally the ONE INSTANCE i have said anything ab ft fan service. after 6 yrs of being in this fandom this is the one time i mentioned it. come on yall give me some credit.

4. someone clarified the situation to me (saying gray put juvia in his mouth, not juvia falling into his mouth) which i appreciate!!! but franklyyyyyy that does not effect how i feel ab it lmao. it was a weird scene no matter what way i look at it. and thats that yall!!! cant rly change how i feel lolll :P

also i hate that im making such a big deal out of this??? i just feel like i had to defend myself bc ppl are gonna think im like a hater or troll now when i really just wanna be able to express how im feelingggggg. one time i said gray flirted w lucy before he got close w juvia and i got a good amount of hate for it lolll so yea just wanna clarify bc i dont want that to happen again. still love gr*via. still love gray. still love juvia. but fairy ta*l as a whole... personally have not rly been loving it for the past few yrs if im bein honestttttt

but i stay for the gr*via! and will continue to ride for them:)

[stxrmcatcher]

answer these questions then tag ten blogs you wanna get to know better!

nickname :  gio star   sign :  rawr (it’s leo in lion) height :  yes. 1.50m favourite   music   artist : bro im stuck in my middle school emo phase still and @ creature feature hmu ily last   tv   show   you   watched :  yall watch shows still???? lmao wakfu and i need to continue it dont @ me what   kind   of   stuff   do   you   post :   whatever comes out from my xX_tWiStEd_MiNd_Xx but mostly i tend to go with whatever rp related stuff i can shove in the world yknow??? do   you   have   any   other   blogs  ? :   :^) @infernalpursuit​ is my hub my dudes have fun lmao also my personal is @slightly-gay-pogohammer​ and its a mess follow me for me rambling for three entire hours about rayman why  did   you   choose   your   url  ? : stormcatcher sounded really cool ngl hogwarts   house :   hufflepuff and loyal to all my trans friends. unlike joke karen fight me behind mcdonalds you fart  pokemon   team : give me six gengars and ill be happy tbh. in my dream gymsona self i have two gengars, cofagrigus, mimikyu, chandelure and sinistea beacuse we stan ghost types in this house current team in shield tho is rillaroom, corvinight, dracapult, drednaw, obstagoon and grimmsnarl. big boys gang out there ready to beat up god favourite   colour : blue and red how   many   blankets   do   you   sleep   with  :   0.5 bc i might have only one but i barely sleep under it lately. too hot m8

tagged by: @streetsteel ty ily uwu tagging: damn 10 ppl are a lot uhhhhh @darkestaken @redtoomuchintoit @exvalor @bloodofthecovenants @hnlijiug @valorformed​ @schattenmagier​ and U steal it and tag me lmao

[shhbean]

fuck it! some thoughts on al’s years in xing. if you guys have thoughts or criticisms let me know! i just wanna ramble lmao.

also don’t reblog lmao bc theres a lot of errors in here and its all sporadic and frankly embarrassing

okay so first things first i think in the two year gap between the promised day and the post canon adventures the brothers keep up a correspondence with ling and mei through letters (bc theyre planning this big adventure and its wild that they would show up unannounced even tho i know thats theyre style but als like. mmm dont want lan fan to execute me on sight)

side note! i think of xing as a relatively isolationist country, but with a phone and railway system that operates within itself, not on the outside (its a big country! people need to communicate!) ling is not against isolationism per say, only because drachma and amestris are still very much Major War Torn disasters, however ling puts a big emphasis on assisting refugees and families displaced by war. he also holds relatively frequent council with their bordering countries* *more on this later. but i dont see xing moving away from isolationism until ling is MUCH older. and even then most of their opening up mostly revolves around trade and world aid. 

ed sort of bangs his adventure out west in like a year and a half, because hes kinda. rarin to get back to rush valley and marry winry. al spends about three and a half years in xing bc he has to learn the language AND a brand new form of alchemic science. (with visits back to amestris for. weddings, occasional holidays and meeting his nephew and niece)

when al gets to xing the first thing he notices are 1) the food is incredible (though some of it is spicer than hed realize and amestrian food is blander than he thought)  2) the art and architecture is amazing and beautiful 3) he’s never worn silk before and he privately amends to never make that mistake again 4) ling has two modes Emperor mode and Ling mode (al has been on the receiving end of both 5) lan fan seems much happier 6) mei got taller

side note yes ed and winry have the emperor of xing and his sister, the princess and imperial alkahestrist at their wedding. no no one knows how the fuck to deal with it jfhgkjfdhjk

ling, in order to establish security for clans with less power appoints one family member from each clan to his court. hence why mei becomes imperial alkahestrist at 16. this ruffles a lot of feathers, and lings happy for it. 

in general one of lings biggest projects in his time as emperor is helping the poor and disenfranchised of xing. he has the aristocracy pretty much on its knees all the time. 

al spent so much time in the two years preparing for his trip studying up on xingese culture, tradition, and especially xingese aristocracy because he didnt want to offend an entire culture (he leaves that to ed) only for mei and ling to horrify the entire court by yanking al into a very tight HUG 

ling continues to horrify the court by asking al for advice and counsel in front of everyone lmao

lan fan has other family members! not just fu! she has a whole mom and two younger sisters. lan fan remains ling’s personal gaurd until she turns 20, and then she appointed captain of the guard. she really loves her job and honestly being home has made her 1000% more outgoing and confident (not when shes guarding tho obviously) 

lan fan’s family has their own suite in the palace, for being the yao’s families faithful servants. however once lan fan becomes captain of the guard she insists on sleeping in the barracks (this annoys ling greatly. though he doesn’t say anything)

mei is an INTENSE teacher. not so much izumi level bet she has al wake up at 6 am every day and run arrays for her until shes decided shes satisfied. al does not mind this, he likes watching the sun rise 

al takes awhile to learn xingese. and once he’s finally mastered it he’s better at speaking it than writing it (his script is basically chicken scratch) this sort of impedes his alkahestry lessons too because of a lot of the tomes and books on it are in xingese. a lot of al’s lessons are spent doing translations

jerso and zampano, somehow, pick up xingese stupid fast. al is furious lmao. 

winry and ed and their children (lil 1yr boy sig and actual baby baby girl nina) come out to visit at behest of ling. xing had no established automail program, just a few engineers here and there, so winry worked with him to train a few automail engineers. this becomes one of the only forms of trade that xing has with neighboring countries. an automail material trade agreement was presented by general mustang and signed off by emperor ling and furher grumman. (an eventually, would become a regular commodity of amestris under roy’s rule as furher) 

once his three years of research and study are up al (now 21, keeping track of ages for my benefit, bc this timeline largely exists in my head) heads back to amestris to write his paper and swap notes with ed, and eventually publish a book together. ed somehow earned a fucking PHD in three years while al was away. al is once again, is furious and super proud. (he privately amends to earn his in 2) he convinces mei (now 19) to tag along to help continue her own research on the link between alkahestry and alchemy. ling lets them go and starts a research initiative that funds their travels all over the world. 

mei and al visit scar alot on their travels, and while theyre in ishval they help out the community (doing wonderfully but still needs a hand every once in a while) wherever they can. mei’s always so excited to see scar. lots of hugs and catching up. scar always fixes al a hairy eye when he arrives with mei (note they are very much JUST friends at this point. scar does not care....probably having flashbacks from how quickly ed and winry got together fvjdghjkf) 

they also have tea with the newly promoted brigadier general and his captain every visit. who...share a tent. al and mei make sure not to comment. this does not stop jerso and zampano from commenting. (roy and riza are doing well though, and very much concede their authority to scar and miles on every deciding fact. reparations suits them) 

mei’s 22nd birthday is spent in ressembole where ed and winry and their babies have relocated. pinako (still holdin on strong) watches her great grand babies. ed and winry have alcohol for the first time in 5 years. chaos ensues. al and mei watch he stars and al starts to realize maybe. he might. have a crush. oh well. not going to address that. too much work to do. 

on al’s 27th birthday he has a mild crisis about how old he’s getting. ed, 28 a whole professor, with a third goddamn kid on the way, laughs at his pain. mei (24 now. jesus. im writing this why am i getting whiplash) receives a letter from miles telling her scar, much to humble to admit it, has been made lead representative speaker for ishval. he hints that al should be on the lookout for a letter coming his way. and sure enough, a letter asking if al would like to be the amestrian ambassador to xing arrives at their doorstep. 

and then its back to xing again to get ling to sign off on the order (of course he does) and to get his approval on al and mei’s courtship (re: not engagement. theyre very slow lmao). (that one requires a longer conversation wherein lan fan threatens al with a knife) 

[merry-the-cookie]

HEY GUYS!!!!!!! IM EXCITED!!!!!

Im posting more news about the keychains!!! aaaah!!! alright so!! ive been working on these 💪🏼💪🏼 and i can finally update you a bit on the situation!! 

Under the cut you’ll have me rambling about the work status for like three paragraphs so you can just skip to where i talk about the technicalities, prices, dates blabla bla. just wanna clarify for now that nothing is set in stone and i don’t have definitive prices yet 

i’m still working out everything and keep in mind it’s my first time doing this!! 

The tag for this on my blog is “keychain stuff”, i dont have the time to do a proper faq page for this im so sorry i cant stress myself even mORE LOL but hey i try to give some info in this very post!

anyway here we go

I have finished the linearts for the five kids!! ✨✨ three of them will have understudies on one side!! here’s an example of the line for the evan keychain! btw i’m sorry about those big watermarks but this project is really important to me so i’m not taking any risks loool i’m gonna work on the colors for those now! ✨✨✨

the larry/cynthia keychain is like, two thirds done lol i have to clean up cynthia’s side but this is the final design for larry!! theres. probably going to be some last minute minor tweaks, the text seems too small/dark to read but hey!!! HE IS DONE!!! 🎉🎉🎉 i had a lot of fun with it, i tried something a little different after dealing with so much lineart fhjsbs

the heidi keychain is also a work in progress!

I don’t want to post too many visuals bc i don’t want to give you false hope and stuff lool i’d rather you be pleasantly surprised than disappointed because it doesn’t live up to your expectations or something fjshsksh 

OK LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

I do not have definitive dates for these,

 since i have to finish the designs first, make the templates and send them to either acornpress or zap creatives or sOMETHING to then actually make them lol

I hope to have finished the designs soon enough, to eventually order the charms…just know that these arent getting here before mid september at best But before i order them i will have to install a shop and open pre-orders!! i shall do that soon too arghghhh

(Pre orders will determine how many i order in and how much of which design depending on which ones are more popular, so that i don’t find myself with too many or not enough of them! (although i intend on ordering as much as i can tbh fhjkshsj) And i know many of you probably already know all of this but i’m writing it down for myself too lOL as i said, first time doing this,,,)

About the prices, 

i don’t want to make them too expensive? but there will be shipping costs since i live in france and i’m gonna have to ship them around the world all by my little self lool

so i’m thinking they will be

around 4/5€ per charm

? i’m still not sure. i don’t want to go above that but i can’t undersell these either. i still have to figure out the shipping added expenses!! but i don’t think it would go over 2 added euros

I don’t actively want to make, like, personal profit out of these? Ordering them can get expensive and my mother is generously letting me do this since i don’t make my own money to pay for it, and i’m so grateful that she encourages me to get myself out there ykno, so mostly i would like to pay her back with the money i would get from selling them! I’m mostly doing this because i really love dear evan hansen and i wanna share that with you guys! The eventual extra money, i would like to invest in like, charity or associations and stuff, since i’d never gotten the opportunity to do that before aaaa i’m excited

Thanks for reading this far!!! And for your continued interest!!! i love you guys aaa i’mso excited to share this with you i’m also very stressed and nervous but excited!!!!!! 💖💖💖

[elvesofnoldor]

lmao ok its like almost 1am and i gotta sleep but um ok maybe i shouldnt say the bombings “isn’t entirely justified”, cause it isn’t justified. at all. have to say i didnt make that clear, my fault, but at the same time, lol it isnt the point of my posts. anyways, i dont know their trauma, and i make no attempts talking about their trauma. but ive seen documentaries. ghost of people casted on broken radiated stones cause they are pulverized at the centre of a nuclear explosion, horrific scars on survivors’ bodies, the trauma materializing in popular culture in the form of monster--trauma thats probably never gonna be healed. Japanese folks sure arent silent about their trauma and the horrific aftermath of the bombings, and the world listened. you all sure are passionated abt talking abt their trauma, for some reason. that post about gozilla got like 100k notes lmao. ive seen multiple posts about how unjustified the bombings are during my time here.  is it bc u all are into anime and watched grave of fireflies? lol? 

u know i know large size national traumas caused by war...are not comparable, i dont wanna talk abt what happened to nanking, or other places or regions during sino japanese war. its not comparable. but u all think i dont know and i dont care what happened to hiroshima and nagasaki? i know and i cared! for the longest time i didnt know how to feel abt it, any of it. but also im tired of seeing japanese folks using their own trauma to play the victim mentality, positioning themselves as victims of WWII when they 100% aren’t lol. I’m tired of nobody caring about that, since while they are playing victim mentality, Japanese war criminals are being honoured as heroes, the Japanese government still refuses to make a apology about the invasion they wouldn’t retract afterwards, and japanese imperalism is still alive in Japan! japanese history textbooks are imbedded with worrying messages, and dude! i didnt came up with these, people whos gone to Japan and studied Japanese history curriculum did! They are documentaries (in Chinese tho) about how Japanese history textbook refuses to call their invasion of China (and probably other asian countries like korea etc), an “invasion”. There are questions asking the kids if Japan would win against China when the country engage China in a 100 years from now. Not IF there would be an engagement. the premise of the question is that there will be another conflict! 

i said my great grandpa died in nanking massacre. he most likely did. (u know they spread news abt the massacre after it happened, in America. it probably just helped Americans to justify their ultimate engagement with imperial Japan’s military after pearl harbour happened) idk how long, probably two years ago, my mom told me about grandma. she told me that my great grandpa went to Nanking to run some errands, right after he went, grandma and her sisters lost contact with him and the city’s gate shuts down--the massacre begins. My grandpa was never heard of again. My mom said, “we couldn’t even find his body”. There are too many mass graves in nanking, no one could find anybody’s bodies, esp an insignificant person like my great grandpa who isnt a permanent residence of the city. i asked my mom, “so he got killed by the japanese?”. my mom said “well yeah, probably.” so no, im not sure abt it, but i dont have to have a great grandfather dying in the massacre to justify my anger abt the massacre and japan’s continuous denial of the massacre. It’s national pain, it’s national trauma too. However, for a while i actually like to think that he didnt died at the hands of japanese. I thought that, its entirely possible he just abandoned my grandma and his sisters and run away in the middle of chaos. even now, i thought that, maybe i misheard what my mom said. maybe my mom misheard from grandma. a while ago, folks in China were being foolish and boycotting Japanese products. Irrational and unproductive hate tbh, and boycotting Japanese brands only wreck Chinese economy cause none of these products being sold in China are produced in Japan lol. I didn’t wanna be one of these people giving to unproductive hate and irrational anger. but seems like, thats really above me. Anyways, theres a lot of speculations, but what i do know is that grandma had a hard life without the main financial support (my great grandpa) in her life. she lived in poverty all her life, travelled from shanghai all the way to beijing for work. never get the education she deserves, was a factory worker her whole life.  

i thought abt grandma a lot these days. my grandma died on 4th of july, 2006. its been 11 years today (or rather, yesterday, in my time zone). i realize i couldnt even remember much of her voice or face, and that makes me incredibly sad. i was gonna talk abt missing her and about the whole legacy of 2nd sino japanese war during WWII, at one point. But i guess its gonna be today at 1am lol--seems like an awkward time to do that since i just went the fuck off on tumblr dot com lmao. i wanted to go off abt this whole thing for at least a year now tho lmao. hope grandma wouldn’t mind i start thinking about all these after my mom revealed bits of info about her life. i miss her a lot and i wished i could have known her better, but there wasn’t enough time. 

this is a mass of disorganized rambling and i dont even know where to begin to tag triggers for this post.....idk maybe dont read idk