#converting to Judaism

[jewishconvertthings]

Something I feel like I don't frequently see covered as a "basic thing to learn as a conversion student" is bentching after meals, particularly the out-loud singing elaborate sort of bentching that occurs in Jewish groups on Shabbat.

The first time I ever experienced this it was quite a surprise, to say the least.

This was probably circa fall 2016 at my first (blended Reform and traditional egalitarian) shul, and I'd just survived a full traditional egalitarian service and the social awkwardness that was the kiddush afterwards for me at a time when I was so painfully shy.

I thought I was safe. That I was in the clear. That I would be leaving in a few minutes to take deep breaths in my car and start the twenty minute drive home.

Oh no, chaverim. I was not.

Alexis (*not her real name) says in a mild-mannered tone, "oh hey, we should probably bentch - we haven't done that in a while," and there is murmured agreement.

Suddenly, a minimum of six more people, but probably more like a full minyan surround the table I'm sitting at (no escape now lads) and start passing out small paperback and careworn siddurim I would later learn are called bentchers. Everyone turns to a page in the middle of the book that they obviously know already and immediately burst into robust, hearty singing, complete with several people banging on the table to keep time.

(This all happening around me. Surround sound. I was as shy and quiet as a church mouse at that particular moment in my life. I must have looked hilariously bewildered.)

This whole situation takes a solid 10 - 15 minutes, and every time I thought they had reached the conclusion, there was another paragraph. Finally, it was done at which point the books are all kissed, hurriedly scooped up, and squirreled away to wherever they'd materialized from in the first place, and everyone abruptly dispersed. If you've ever wondered what it feels like to be a character living in a musical who doesn't know they're living in a musical, wonder no more.

Anyway.... as amusing as that all is in hindsight, if you would prefer to *not* be caught quite so off-guard, here is a wonderful resource for learning to bentch:

The rest of the album is great too and covers a lot of these ubiquitous parts of Shabbat davening outside of strictly services like kiddush in the evening and morning, eishet chayil, shalom aleichem, havdala, etc., and the whole thing can be found on YouTube.

Here are another couple bentching resources:

[myjewishjourney]

i’m feelin’ a lot of emotions right now and it’s for such a silly reason but i’m sharing anyway.

so here’s me talking about the rebecca american girl series

so i was having a tough day so i decided i would read an american girl doll book. i recently acquired the first three rebecca books (well, i had the first but i found the other two at a thrift store and wanted them so i got them)

for the uninitiated, the american girl books are children’s historical fiction that have dolls that go with each character. rebecca rubin was the american girl doll who’s story is set in 1914. she is a russian american jew from an immigrant family living in new york city. if you’ve never read an american girl book, they also have a section at the end explaining the real history of whatever the girl was dealing with in the book/her time period and a glossary that would have historical words a modern kid might not know and words in other languages if they were used (primarily yiddish in this case). anyway, that’s not the point of this post.

boy let me tell you that reading her first book brought back a lot of memories for me of reading it as a child. the first book has a big focus on shabbat. rebecca is nine and she really wants to be able to light the shabbat candles but her family won’t let her so instead, she seeks to buy her own candlesticks. and i just was flooded with a memory of reading this for the first time as an eight~ year old child and learning so much about judaism that i had never been taught before. i remember reading it and learning about shabbat and lighting candles every friday and thinking, ‘wow, that sounds so cool.’ i remember eagerly flipping to the glossary in the back to find out what each yiddish word meant. i remember reading it and yearning for something i couldn’t voice. i shared this with my mom and she was surprised and told me i used to go to shabbat dinner a lot at a family friend’s as a little kid but i don’t remember that. what i do remember is rebecca rubin and learning about judaism beyond just chanukah and bar mitzvahs for the first time in my memory. and so i read this book as a 20 year old who has now spent over a year of their life studying judaism and incorporating it into their life and imaging their fully jewish future and i just. i feel a kinship with a fictional rebecca, impatient to be able to light shabbat candles for the first time, despite the fact that i do light my own shabbat candles. i feel a kinship with rebecca as she taps on the challah to see if it’s finished. i feel a kinship with rebecca in book three as she struggles with being told that christmas is an american holiday and she should celebrate it, despite the fact it is not her holiday. and i know these books probably meant even more to the kids growing up jewish who got to experience reading it as a kid and saying “a character like me!”

things have come full circle; i no longer yearn for something i do not understood. i now have a word for it and a place in it. it was judaism i longed for and before i know it, i will proudly be able to call myself jewish.

thank you, rebecca rubin.

[boreal-sea]

since online judaism courses aren't really sanctioned by any jewish movement due to the nature of conversion, it's important to note that most synagogues host their own intro to judaism courses (or are officially connected to somewhere that does)! they'll be specific to the movement you're converting under and the local community! the rabbi you chose to work with will be able to guide you in the right direction ❤️

Yeah, I'm trying to find something in person but none of the local synagogues have what looks like an intro class on their sites... But I'm going to call, because maybe I can take some of their other courses, or maybe they have those courses, they're just unlisted!

[rainbow-femme]

So I met a guy at my synagogue a few weeks ago, he was pointed in my direction because people know I’m finishing my conversion and he said he was considering it.

I and my rabbi gave him some basic advice on getting started, but he’s kind of… Fallen off track

He is apparently converting fully online. Not like a Darshan Yeshiva way where he takes the education part online over months while working with a local rabbi, he said he finished the course in about a week. He also said he picked a Hebrew name but the name isn’t Hebrew, it’s the anglicized version of a name heavily connected to Christianity, and he doesn’t seem to have had any discussion with a rabbi on choosing the name as he said he just picked it after talking to a friend about how he liked the name.

He’s also been making choices that I don’t really see any rabbi backing up so again it feels like he doesn’t really have someone directing him.

He also still talks about things in a very fundamentalist Christian way and again doesn’t seem to have anyone having the complex conversations with him about unlearning cultural Christianity and the complex way Judaism looks at a lot of things he still sees as black and white

Idk I just feel like he’s going about things in a way very few people would consider a real conversion, without having any of the important conversations with a rabbi on how Jewish learning and thinking works, and at some point someone is going to tell him this and it may be in a “you don’t count” way that would hurt his feelings.

I don’t feel like I would be a good person to have that conversation with him, the conversation about what is a right and wrong conversion is complex, but I feel like he should be told and make a more informed decision than he is now so he doesn’t get a rude awakening sometime in the future from someone who tells him he’s not really Jewish when this online class told him he was

[lookingforhashem]

What books/resources would you recommend for someone just starting to learn about Judaism?

Huge disclaimer: I am not Jewish (yet) I am a prospective convert who started my learning journey this year. So I can only give thoughts/advice based on my experience so far. I'll mention this later on but my biggest piece of advice: Talk to a rabbi and connect with your local Jewish community. If you're interested in conversion, things may be different depending on what movement of Judaism you're looking at. Reach out to a rabbi from the specific movement you are looking into.

A non-exhaustive list of books I've found helpful:

Living A Jewish Life by Anita Diamant

Choosing A Jewish LIfe by Anita Diamant

Essential Judaism by George Robinson

Jewish Literacy by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin

For other learning resources:

Parsha Podcasts - these can be great for getting commentary and furthering understanding on the weekly Torah portion. Personally I like Parsha In Progress

MyJewishLearning.com - There are tons of easy to understand articles on various topics surrounding Judaism

An introduction to Judaism class - These are classes typically taught once a week across many weeks about the different basic topics surrounding Judaism. One may be offered through a local synagogue or there may be one online or through a local group that may be recommended by a community near you. I'm taking one offered through the Lappin Foundation which is a Jewish organization in Massachusetts

Above all else, I recommend reaching out to a Jewish community. Find a local synagogue and talk to the rabbi - see what classes or groups they recommend. Group learning is one of the most incredible things.

One of my favorite experiences so far was taking a class about God metaphors through Hebrew College's Open Circle program (community courses open to the public - regardless of religious background, so it was very welcoming to me as someone who isn't Jewish yet). It was taught by a rabbi who has been helping me kinda figure out my journey. The class provoked streams of thought I would have never come up with on my own and sparked my newfound love of text study. Community learning is really incredible.

[ontheroadtojudaism]

Hey I wanted to ask trans and non-binary people who are part of the Conservative/Masorti Denominations about their experiences. I've been having some worries for myself personally.

[moonshoesmoonshoes]

1/11/23

The absolute joy I experienced while throwing away my Christmas socks—knowing I will never have to spend another Christmas the same way ever again—freed me from the last dregs of fear in my mind about converting. I am thrilled to go to synagogue with my friend this Saturday :)

I wanted to go sooner, but I had a plan to visit family for the holidays and I didn’t want that fear looming over my first visit to schul since choosing to convert. Either way, life is easier and less scary now. It’s still hard and I am still so anxious, but I am also stronger now than I was before.

[zookmurnig]

Pics from after going to the mikvah yesterday! I’ll post a couple videos later.

[becomingjuwuish]

Finally put up my mezuzah!

[bookanimeart]

"Take a turn on our space laser!" would be an awesome strategy for converting massive amounts of people to Judaism. The fact that Jews aren't offering that might tip you off to the fact that we don't have one.

[jewishconvertthings]

Is there such a thing as de-conversion?

I found out recently that someone I know who is also a ger and who completed conversion a number of years ago and who last time we were in regular contact was actually quite observant and invested in Jewish identity and community, is now "formally and permanently" walking away from Jewish identity and community.

It's honestly an extremely sad commentary on the way this person has been treated in Jewish community, and there's a lot that could be said about that as well. Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that I do not think that this is this person's fault and that this choice lays bare a lot of ongoing issues with how we marginalize certain identities within Jewish community.

However for the moment, I want to address this concept of walking away. Is this person still Jewish? I think the uncomfortable answer is yes - halachicly if one accepts this person's conversion to begin with, then one must traditionally hold that they are now an apostate rather than a gentile. Of course, on a human level, I would not stress this identity, but that does not make the former less true.

While this is the first person I've seen try to formally walk away, it is not the first time I've seen other gerim drop out of community, become substantially less religious, and/or syncretize it with something else they find more palatable. Even for myself, while I am still a religiously-observant and involved Jew, I have had numerous post-conversion struggles with my Jewish identity. I've definitely had to rethink and reinvent my Jewish self a bit in the wake of these struggles.

Which leads me to why I'm posting about this on this blog: I think most prospective gerim need to do a few things that generally I don't see recommended to them before finalizing their conversion. Because at the end of the day, this is a bell that cannot be un-rung.

Come in to Judaism knowing that it will not only not solve all of your problems, but for every problem it does solve, it will likely create several more. Consider what Judaism and Jewish community do for you, and then consider how you will respond if it stops doing that for you.

Think about exactly how observant you want to be and compare that to how much observance you can realistically maintain with the resources and support network you have. Do they match? If not, is there anything you can do to reconcile them?

How well do you know yourself, and how stable is your mental health and self-identity? How do you handle major shifts in identity? How do you handle the finality of decisions that cannot be undone?

How resilient are you to change, to disappointment, to serious emotional blows? How will you cope if you begin to seriously question your decision to become Jewish? If you begin to regret it?

How will you handle community rejection and/or if you feel like you no longer belong in your specific community? Are you willing to walk away from the community you are currently in if it becomes toxic and do the work to find a Jewish community that does nurture your spirit and actually support you? Are you willing to change your level of observance and still find it meaningful if that is necessary for your mental health and well-being?

I'm certainly not trying to discourage anyone here - far from it. All of these are things that have answers and can be overcome. But you should go in eyes open, and for your own peace of mind and security, you should make sure you have your own answers to them. The good news is that the Jewish community is extremely diverse and there are a huge number of ways to be a Jew that are equally valid. There are lots of good people who have built wonderful communities, and they are usually quite happy to help you on your way. I try to be one of them, so if you have questions I can help with, I will do my best.

[myjewishjourney]

hi! an update post because months have passed and i haven’t really used this account

- i learned how to read hebrew but i don’t really know any vocabulary.

- i finished my 18 week intro to judaism class and i absolutely loved it. i miss it already.

- i’ve had three meetings with my sponsoring rabbi now and i really like working with him and learning from him

- we picked elul and teshuvah as my in depth topic of study. i have a few chapters of the jewish way by rabbi irving greenberg to read before our meeting next month

- i feel really amazing about this. it’s so scary but so exciting and i already feel like i’ve learned so much so i’m excited to learn even more

- i celebrated chanukah a little. i was in the hospital for the first night but i lit the candles and said the blessings most other nights and taught my family how to play dreidel.

- i went to a purim carnival last week and i was going to stay for the megillah reading but it wasn’t at my synagogue and i got really nervous and left early because i was uncomfortable and felt weird.

- i’m going to a seder for passover at a family friend’s house. i’m a really picky eater (autism things) so it’s gonna be hard but i’m determined to eat all of the symbolic foods.

- i lit candles for shabbat for the first time yesterday and said the blessing and shared some challah with a friend, also saying the prayer for that.

- just for fun and to make sure i remember my aleph-bet, i’ve started doing yiddish on duolingo.

- i’ve started instinctively checking all my food for a hechsher label even though i’m not keeping kosher (yet at least) which i think is pretty funny.

- i’ve read some more books but there’s so much more that i want to read. besides not having the time to read, i don’t have the money. wish me luck, y’all.

- i’m gonna start looking into other classes i can take just because all this learning and judaism in general has been my favorite part of the past couple months and i want to learn even more.

- my rabbi and i are starting individual study once a month (as mentioned above) and i just !! ahh only once a month? i mean i totally understand why but i crave more.

- i have a mezuzah and i asked my rabbi and we decided it’ll be a lot more significant to hang it up after the mikvah so i’m keeping it safe for now.

- i’ve told all of my very religious grandparents and most all of the rest of my extended family about my decision and it’s gone surprisingly well. i will say that my grandfather telling me he hopes i come back to catholicism was very reminiscent of him telling me that i could be bi when i came out as a lesbian.

- i haven’t started going to shabbat services yet but i think i’m gonna start in the next few weeks. i’m just really nervous about it.

- i’m really optimistic. everything is just really exciting. i know i already said this but i’m saying it again.

- that’s all i can think about updating on right now but feel free to ask questions!! i love talking about my journey and my progress and anything to do with judaism!

[boreal-sea]

The Rabbi I emailed got back to me!!!!!! We're setting up an appointment to speak!!! AHHHHHH

[rainbow-femme]

I become Jewish tomorrow

[lookingforhashem]

I am not shying away from my complicated relationship with G-d.  I continually pray. I praise G-d, I plead with Them, and a I yell at Them.  However in prayer, service, or any other activity - I don’t think i’ve felt any indication of the divine. I have not ever felt that connection that I’ve heard people speak of.  My lack of connection does not waver my belief, and I am not so self important to believe that I am entitled to that feeling of presence.  But I do yearn for it. 

[called-by-the-shekinah]

Anyone converted from Christianity that i can talk to? I'm panicking because I fear I'll go to hell if I convert.... and I don't even believe in hell.

G-d, anxiety is terrible