#corey cunningham give me a chance

[rottngdeer]

reminder that this man is fine as hell

[toxicanonymity]

Objectification Headcanons

Michael Myers; Corey Cunningham

1.2k words | Gender Neutral / Varied Reader

when Michael Myers is staring out a window, he's broadcasting that he's available for your use. all you have to do is go inside and approach him if you wanna get dicked down. highly recommend.

post-Michael Corey Cunningham? he's basically always open for business. he doesn't even need to broadcast it because everyone knows, and we love him for it.

NSFW 18+ Variety of depravity within.

thx @dark-scape for helping me figure out what to call this lol. Corey tag list: @ethanhoewke

Michael Myers

When you walk in, he'll turn around like so. Guarantee he's already hard by the time you cross the room. Just seeing you turns him on.

If you want to get railed, all you have to do is run your hand over the bulge in his jumpsuit. This activates Classic Michael where he'll fuck you with no mercy.

In Classic Mode, if you want a specific position, you just need to assume that position. Want it against the wall? Stand with your back to the wall. Doggy? Get on all fours.

In Classic Mode, he is relentless. The catch is that you have to cum. If you try to leave before you cum, you might get your throat slit. I wouldn't risk it. For him to come, normally it won't take him long after you, if not instantaneously.

If you need Michael's cock down your throat, all you have to do is get on your knees and be ready for eye-watering face fucking.

To activate Feral Mode, unzip his jumpsuit and let the sleeves hang down. All bets are off now. He may pull your hair, smack your ass, pick you up and switch to different locations.

Feral mode is not for the faint of heart. Michael may get creative. You need to be okay with injuries. You will be bruised at the least.

If you prefer to ride him, grab his bulge more forcefully to activate Sub Mode. He'll walk stiffly and slowly to the nearest comfortable surface and sit or lay down. In this mode, you have to initiate everything, including unzip him. But don't be surprised if he can't help but add some thrusting power. He's human after all.

In Sub Mode, you are free to use his monster cock as a dong. You can impale yourself right away or rub that big veiny masterpiece between your legs for friction. You can do this until you come or impale yourself when you're ready. Feel free to also suck him off for extra rigidity and lube.

You may not under any circumstances remove his mask

You can put him up against the wall and fuck yourself on his rod. He's much better than a suction cup dong.

In sub mode, the catch is that HE has to come. You can't use him and leave him with blue balls.

Bottom Mode isn't guaranteed, but if you want Michael to take a dick or strap-on, strip him all the way down and finger him while you suck his dick first. If he does take it in the ass, be prepared for him to turn the tables violently at some point. There's a small chance he'll slash you, but that just adds to the excitement.

Regardless of what mode you want, you can up the intensity by bringing him someone to slash. The kill will make him rock hard.

Even when he's not staring out a window, you'll learn to recognize that far-off gaze. If you approach him in someone's yard, be ready to put on a show - there won't be time for a change of venue. Beware though, If it turns out he's in hot pursuit and you interrupt him, you might have a bad time.

Corey Cunningham (Post-Michael)

Let's be real, you don't have to catch Corey at a window or even in a trance. Unless he's occupied with a kill, another lover, or Michael, he's open for business.

That being said, poor Corey stared out the window for hours in the Halloween Ends Novelization and no takers noticed. :(

Corey's different modes can be activated verbally and with social cues in addition to touch.

He offers a little more than Michael in some ways - Corey is a kisser, gives head, is much more emotional and expressive than Michael, and is pretty open minded.

To activate Shape Mode, just check Corey out and make it obvious you like what you see. Corey will need to make you his, but he also needs to see you want it. He wants you to need him before he'll whip it out.

His eyes will darken and he'll become extremely seductive and persuasive. He'll grab your head with both hands and kiss you so fucking hard and smooth, you'll swoon. He'll back you into the wall or nearest surface.

He'll gaze into your eyes, put his fingers in your mouth, grind himself on you. His huge hands will roam all over your body until you're begging for his cock, and then he'll tease you with it, humping you, stripping you, rubbing against your dripping sex until you're dying to have him inside you.

An alternate way to activate Shape Corey is to find him at the shop and say your car has a rattle.

If you're a regular, he'll remember what you like.

In Feral Mode, Corey will choke you. He'll bend you over the furniture or take you against the wall. He'll talk dirty to you. He knows his voice drives you crazy. He'll tell you what a slut you are and how good you take his fat dick.

In Sub Mode, Corey will be a whimpering mess. His default will be to get on his knees and desperately nuzzle his head in between your legs, begging you to let him please you and you can instruct him from there.

He is more than happy to give you head. Be sure to give him lots of praise. He will eat pussy like he he's starving. He also eats ass and can slob a good knob.

If you want to suck him off, he'll whine and whimper and beg. But if you tell him to fuck your face, he'll do that too. He will probably narrate the whole time with dirty talk.

If you have Corey lie down or sit down for you to ride him, he'll be very vocal. His groans and moans might send you over the edge on their own. Those big hands will rove. He will not be still.

To activate Bottom Mode - if you want Corey to take a dick or toy - press it against his pants or jumpsuit and firmly drag it along his crack all the way to his balls and he'll eagerly cooperate.

In general, if he says Michael's name at any point, take it as a huge compliment. If you say Michael's name, you might not be able to walk the next day.

Corey Cunningham (Pre-Michael)

Post-Accident, Pre-Michael Corey would have been very hesitant and suspicious that you could even want to use him.

He would get hard, but he wouldn't have the confidence to worship you like the standard Sub Corey.

Turn him on enough and he would end up begging. An example is when he was working at the mall kiosk.

He wouldn't be expressive until he was physically inside you and even then he might be afraid that it's a trick.

I don't think pre-accident Corey would ho around or offer himself up for use, but he could be DTF in the right circumstances.

Corey & Michael

Corey and Michael do NOT have a free use arrangement with each other. Their dynamic is more complicated.

At first, Corey would have considered himself free for Michael's use at any time, but Corey doesn't take rejection well. As time goes on, he lashes out (i.e., taking the mask).

Unfortunately for Corey, Michael is never at his disposal. Corey is always going to be at Michael's mercy for whatever Michael will give him, if anything, at any given time. He may savor the occasional crumb like being permitted to grind himself against Michael's thigh with both of them fully clothed right after a kill.

Anything else is most likely to be situational, catching Michael in the heat of a kill , and may involve a third party.

[hersweetrevenge]

Hi there! <3 I re-watched Halloween Ends yesterday because I was upset and I needed Corey to save me, lmfao, and I wanted to ask you something that I've been wondering about. So, I have no way of getting the novelisation of the movie anytime soon, and you're kinda my only frame of reference for it; so I hope you don't mind me asking you this. When Corey is on his revenge killing spree, he kills those bullies at the mechanic shop. And Ronald is there. And then Ronald comes out to help the kids because of Terry. And only because of that. So, that makes me wonder... Did Corey plan on killing Ronald after he was done with the kids? Is that something that was elaborated on in the novel? Because I keep wondering about that, since Corey pretty much killed everyone that ever wronged him during that night, and Ronald was right there; but Corey didn't kill him (or didn't get the chance to, at least). Terry shot him by accident. But Corey killed his mom, of course. So, it'd make sense if he had at least planned on going after Ronald as well; even though he never actively wronged Corey (only passively, if we look at the way he just sat and watched while Joan abused Corey right in front of him, for example). But more so for completion's sake, y'know? They were on generally good terms, after all. I mean, in your latest post about the novel, you quoted that Ronald is "the loveliest thing" in Corey's life, according to Rohan. So, that makes me wonder all the more. OH, and... I fought with myself to include this point, but anyway- Corey takes the mask off when Ronald comes to help the kids, so that Ronald can see his face and know it's him. And it clearly disarms Ronald immediately and is the reason why Terry accidentally shot him instead of Corey, because he shielded him instinctively. Thus, I keep wondering if Corey meant for that to happen or if he took the mask off in order to assure Ronald that he wasn't actually in danger... It's such a seemingly insignificant thing that I'm thinking about far too much, but it's been bothering me that I don't know, and I was curious if the novel said anything about that at all, or if they just brushed over it there, as well. If they did, I'll just make up my own mind, of course, hdsfdjkfsk Anyway, I'm very sorry for rambling on about this, gosh! I love your blog(s) and everything you have to say about Corey and Rohan, you're awesome!!! Thank you for your detailed posts all the time, they keep me going! Take care! <3

ahhh hi !! thank you so much for sending this ask !! i love talking about this sort of thing more than anything lol and i’m sorry this took a little longer than i expected to reply, i was double checking like every ronald scene in the novel and cross-referencing that with behind-the-scenes details from making of, and re-watching the movie (i didn’t have to do that last one but like you, i needed emotional support from corey too 💗)

WARNING for discussions about (canon-typical) violence, murder, child abuse, abusive households, mentions of suicide and self-harm, and spoilers for the novelisation.

TL;DR – the novelisation does not elaborate on corey's intentions in any huge amount of detail, but it does provide some insight into a few different possibilities for ronald and corey’s relationship and what that would mean for corey's intentions.

general relationship

the novelisation actually gives some really specific details about the cunningham-prevo backstory, but also leaves a lot of aspects vague too.

joan married ronald when corey was 15, and she made it clear to ronald that he would "remain firmly on the sidelines when it came to corey's upbringing" which ronald "gladly" agreed to. so from the very beginning, ronald accepts he isn't going to be an active parent to corey, which maybe means he didn't believe he would do a good job anyway, or maybe he agreed it wasn't his place to parent corey in the same way joan does.

also, corey was already a teenager, he didn't need parenting in the same way a younger child would, which is partly why i think joan waited until corey was older to get remarried, because although being a single parent is difficult, she wouldn't want someone else in the picture as a father-figure for corey.

i don't personally see corey and ronald having a super close relationship, but there are multiple instances that show they are at least comfortable and familiar with each other (in line with what rohan said).

corey had a job before working for ronald, so we know ronald didn't have to give him a job. i hc that corey really wanted to do something stimulating instead of call centre work, and ronald agreed despite joan's grievances over it.

ronald doesn't seem too angry at him for being late, even though it is a regular occurrence (third time in a month).would he be so lenient on anyone who wasn't his stepson?

the gifting of the motorbike is a huge moment of course. that's a big gesture which, in the novelisation, also comes with some stilted bonding when ronald reminiscences that he used to "get laid [...], if you can believe it".

they have their united front moment over dinner when joan is trying to work a reaction out of them and neither gives her what she wants.

a smaller but still significant gesture is that corey uses dumbbells and a pull-up bar in his room to workout, which ronald bought him for christmas. very much feels like an attempt to help corey rebuild his self-confidence.

honestly though, rohan's comment about ronald being the "loveliest" thing in corey's life is probably right, especially as corey's life has been incredibly insular. as the town pariah with an abusive mom, his stepdad being cool about him being late for work is probably one of the best parts of his day.

but then on the other hand, there are moments which do not characterise their relationship very well, including multiple instances of ronald "ignoring" joan's abusive behaviour and not intervening.

to reiterate a previous point: ronald very willingly obliges joan's wishes of not "interfering" with corey's upbringing. her unfounded criticism and distrust of doctors, the school system and anyone other than her taking care of corey should have been a huge red flag (if, of course, any of that behaviour could have been inferred prior to their marriage).

ronald's passivity at being side-lined by his wife, allowing her to continue an unhealthy and unbounded relationship with corey.

when joan is berating corey for "sneaking around" and seeing allyson (the slap/kiss scene), she questions ronald as to whether he knew about the motorcycle, to which ronald stays completely out of it and doesn't answer her, despite her being furious with corey.

however it is a really difficult family dynamic to navigate, with so much nuance. i'm reluctant to say if ronald is a "good" or "bad" stepdad, or whether their father-son relationship is "good" or "bad", simply because their circumstances are so trying and complex. yes, joan has abused corey for a long time, but that abuse also extends to ronald in many ways too, resulting in him allowing (or enabling) joan's abusive behaviour in a flawed attempt to maintain the (toxic) status quo of the household.

did corey intend to kill ronald?

like i mentioned, there isn't any elaboration about corey's intentions in the novel, either through narration or extra dialogue. the scene happens almost exactly as it does in the film, with a few alterations and added background details. it's the surrounding details and plot differences that change my opinion.

i think movie!corey would have killed ronald if he had to. he knew ronald would be at home or at the yard, both of which were places he intended to go (to kill momma and the bullies). i'm not sure he had the same desire to kill ronald as he does the others, especially if he sees ronald in a good light, but to tie up loose ends he might do what is "necessary". i do find it very interesting that he lets ronald see his face though, and i can't decide if that is as a reassurance (he wouldn't kill ronald and ronald should know that) or because it just didn't matter (he's going to kill ronald so even if he sees corey's face, he won't be a liability to worry about).

however, i don't think novel!corey intended to kill ronald. in the novel, despite all of the extensive set-up of joan being abusive and corey's repressed desires to hurt her (and arguably ronald), there's no suggestion that corey planned to go back home as part of his spree and kill joan. if he wasn't going to kill joan after everything she did, i really don't think he'd have plans to kill ronald.

that's not to say there aren't implication in the novel that corey would hurt ronald too. there's a scene after the slap/kiss where corey can hear joan and ronald arguing about him, and once they've gone to bed corey gets a knife and stands outside their room, but ultimately doesn't go in. it isn't specified whether he wants to hurts just joan, or ronald as well.

michael's mask

ahh so when i was re-reading the scrapyard massacre in the novel to try and answer whether corey letting ronald see that it is him was a way of corey saying "you don't have to be scared of me" or even "you should be scared of me", i've come to a different conclusion about the mask.

“Who did this to you?” [Ronald] asked. “Him,” Margo said, pointing across the street. Ronald turned to find Corey twenty feet away on the other side of the fence, pulling Michael’s mask over his head. "Corey?" he muttered in disbelief.

the way the novel reads, i think that when corey puts the mask on in front of ronald, it's the first time he puts the mask on at all. if that is the case, it adds a whole other level to the transition between corey's kills as himself (or as the scarecrow) and his kills "as michael".

earlier, billy's sees "corey's shape wearing his prevo jumpsuit". it's fair enough that billy would assume it's corey without seeing his face, because they know that corey is there, but there's no mention of the mask either.

then, the way it describes ronald seeing corey put on the mask doesn't really indicate that corey was making sure ronald saw it was him. he's already "pulling on the mask" by the time ronald looks over at him; he wasn't waiting for ronald to look he was already doing it.

alternatively, the movie shows corey very deliberately stood there, waiting for ronald to see him and recognise him before he puts the mask on. i'm leaning towards it not being a gesture of reassurance but more of a last show of humanity to someone corey cares about -- "it's me, and i appreciate that you always treated me well, but this is the monster they've made me into".

in both versions, ronald jumps up to stop terry shooting corey. whether he was intending to shield corey or was just getting up to try and talk terry down, i think it says a lot about ronald as a character. he has been very passive this whole time, especially in scenes that take place at home, but in this moment he takes an authorative position to try and diffuse the situation. there's a scared kid with a gun, and his own stepson who he's starting to think might have done something awful, but this doesn't have to continue -- they can talk about it and calm down and whatever it is that has happened can be worked out.

[sandy-the-glader]

can we have number 5. “You’re gonna have to be quiet.” w/ corey cunnigham? it gives me hide and seek vibes 😉

I just love this idea so much

Be quiet!

Pre-Accident Corey Cunningham x Fem Reader

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Summary: You and Corey get heated during a game of hide in seek..

Warnings/contains: Smut, semi-public? (Chance of getting caught), (Sub) Corey, (Soft dom) reader, just really fluffy smut, friends to lovers stuff, hair pulling

Word count :1.4k

A/n: Sorry if the format is weird I’m writing part of this on my phone and part on my computer. I took too much time to write this. Also i apologize if this isn’t the best i don’t have a lot of experience with writing smut I'm more of a reader.

“So your telling me….” Corey was crouched down looking at the 10 year old, he was obviously tired. “You don’t want to watch tv, read, play board games, or make snacks. So what do you want to do?” He was slowly losing patience with the child.

You wanted to clean up the house. You guys already had made such a mess around doing all these things. Pillows were flung from off the couch, Shoes were tossed and thrown by the door and even the kitchen. The girls mom ordered pizza before hand for her daughter of course but was also nice enough to get a box for us. So there were cups and plates all over the table. Some still had drinks/Food in them. 

It almost looked like someone threw a frat party rather than a couple of babysitters and a 10 year old.  

You and Corey have been babysitting together since you both were teens around 16 or so. And you’ve been friends for a even longer time. This was something you’d always do together more than separate and alone. Handling certain kids alone is a complete nightmare. I mean for you at least Corey is fantastic with kids it’s insane how he talk’s to them so well. 

It’s just a little temporary job to make money till we find something more permanent. I mean we still ride our bikes to each person’s house we babysit. And besides a more permanent job we still wanna go to collage too. Feels like so much work in so little time. Corey want’s to do some nerdy engineering stuff but, I still really don’t know what I want to do. 

“Hide and seek.” The little girl smiled. You were sat on the floor next to Corey, you smiled at her wholesome face. Corey finally cracked somewhat of a smile considering his small success with making the kid finally make up her mind. Corey could never turn down a game of hide and seek. He’s just too good.

“Come on Corey hide and seek.” You chuckled, both standing up. “What if you count to 30 or so and we go hide?” That would provide a tad bit of time for us to be alone. Babysitting is tiring as hell.

“Okay.” She agreed. She turned around facing a wall and placed her hands over her eyes. She began counting which made you and Corey quickly look for a place to hide. You turned in circles looking all over before you came to a stop when seeing the stairs. You pointed your thumb to the staircase and he nodded of approval before he followed after. You guys take games of hide and seek very seriously.

You both carefully made it upstairs without too loud of a noise. It was easier when you had only socks on to cushion any creak or thump we could have made. You decided the guest room would be a great spot since it was farther away from the stair case and also farther from all the other rooms. You hurried in there and made it to closet. You slide the door to the right and made it in. Corey slipped in right you and smiled with a thumbs up as he closed the door. It was bare. Nothing but extra hangers but at least you and Corey had space. And by space you guys barley had a inch between each other when shoulder to shoulder.

“How long do you think it will take for her to find us? I mean her house is sorta big.” You whispered. That was a pro to some kids you guy’s baby sat. Some family's were rich which meant a better pay and sometimes food like what we got today. We always had kids to baby sit which i was surprised since it’s Haddonfeild. 

 Corey paused for a second to think about the question. You guys were facing each other so you both had more space to even breathe. 

“Maybe 10 minutes depending on how long it takes her to get through the downstairs and then you know all the other rooms up here.” His mind thought out everything even though it may be unnecessary. Corey looked over to you his brown eyes were soft and caring. Easy and gentle. You guys were so close. So close.. Your faces inched closer, and closer. His eyes were now closed and so were yours. 

You don’t know who kissed who first but it didn’t matter. Not baby sitting, Not breathing, all of it didn’t matter. Not right now anyway. All you could do was concentrate on was Corey’s soft pink lips pressed against yours. Like they were meant to be together.

His kisses were messy and rushed. We didn’t have much time anyways. His glasses became fogged and the closet quickly became hot. Your hand quickly reached to tangle with his curls. His hands snaked around to your hips.

Thought’s swarmed your head. Would this ruin our friendship? Would it be awkward? Or would everything work out? 

Corey tried to thrust his hips upward to connect with you but you kept them down which made him let out a whimper against your lips. A feeling went through your body at that moment. You needed to hear those noises again. Your both broke apart breathless.

Pants were quickly discarded along with your sweater you’d worn because of the colder weather approaching. The only thing guarding you from one another was your underwear.

Never in your mind you thought you’d be in a closet fucking your best friend. Considering we didn’t have much time either. You moved his glasses to the top of his head. Him without his glasses was a sight that never failed to be beautiful.

Corey was melting under your gaze. He looked disheveled and messed up already and you’ve barley started. 

“Is this okay?” You whispered into his ear. He let out a sound of agreement. You both traveled to the floor, Corey was on his back looking up at you. You felt like a angel just hovering up over his crotch. You slipped his white boxers off and you moved your underwear to the side. Your hands were pressed against his chest.

Corey wasn’t ready for the amount of pleasure you were about to give him. You slammed down on his cock and he let out a loud choked moan out.

“Shh.. You’re gonna have to be quiet.” You placed a hand over his mouth. “Wouldn’t want her to hear us now would we?” You teased. “Try telling that to her mom.” You laughed before letting out a hissed moan as he hit so deep inside you. You felt him throb inside you. 

Your hands traveled back to his hair giving it a firm tug. You kept bouncing up and down on him making him even more needy than ever.

“Fuck you feel so good.” He moaned quietly this time, from under you as he thrusted his hips upwards to meet you. His moans and whimpers had you wetter than before. He gripped your hips so hard as if you’d leave him. If it was a dream.

He was so unbelievably needy his hips felt like they were moving in their own. Like he has no control. You just felt too damn good.

It didn’t take him long before he felt his orgasm approaching. Corey let out another little array of moans as he started to get closer and closer to the edge.

“You gonna cum for me Corey?” You leaned over to whisper in his ear. Each bounce and each thrust got more and more powerful. You weren’t too far behind. Chasing after your own as well.

“Yes- oh! Yes.” He moaned. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna..” He panted. you bounced until your finally reached your high letting out a small “Fuck…” You removed yourself from his cock and stroked him until he released on his stomach.

You both took heavy breaths in and out. You pressed your forehead to his and gave him a kiss. You felt his lips quirk upwards as he smiled into it.

“Thank you.” He spoke shyly.

“Anytime Corey.” You kissed his cheek.

“Hey core?” you sighed.

“yeah?”

“I love you.” You brushed his hair from out of his face before you grabbed your sweater from the small pile of clothes that has been discarded earlier. He smiled softly at you.

“I love you too.” he kissed your forehead. You both quickly got dressed before she could find you.

After you both got your pants on you heard the girls foot steps rush into the room as if on time. You heard her shuffle through things before she pulled open the closet.

“I found you guys!” She giggled.

“You sure did!” I smiled at her.

“You guys look really red!”

-

Tags: @wolvesandvampires

[wtchystuff]

Dating Corey Cunningham would include… :

I saw Halloween ends and I instantly became attached to Corey. So I wanted to post this for everyone who fell in love with him. And I also want to put it in the record that I’m obsessed with him before everyone becomes obsessed with him

Corey Cunningham x fem!reader

- Him always saying you’re too good for him

- Bandaging his wounds up after he gets jumped

- Playing with his curls

- He always looses his glasses and you always find them for him

- Wearing his clothes. From his leather jacket to his sweaters and flannels

- He always gives you his clothes so you don’t get cold in the changing seasons of Illinois

- Curling up and watching movies together

- Telling off his mom as she gets too controlling over him

- His dad really liking you though

- Motorcycle rides, obviously

- Holding hands wherever you too walk together, mainly so he can keep you close

- You carry a blade on you in case anyone jumps him

- Sitting in the lot while Corey works on cars to keep him company

- He always gets you small gifts whenever he sees something that makes him think of you

- Whenever he has a bad day, you get him chocolate milk and his favorite snacks to make him feel better

- Lots of making out

- He calls you: Angel, baby, babygirl, sweetheart, honey, my love

- His love language is physical touch. He loves cuddling, hugs, small kisses, playing with your fingers, putting an arm around you, everything

- He would much rather spend time with you privately than go out on dates.

- He prefers quieter dates to louder and more public ones. Like going out to dinner or a movie rather than going to a bar together

- You get so protective of him. If anyone looks at him wrong, they get death glares from you

- Whenever he gets jumped, you wish you could kill the person who did it.

- He’s definitely a hufflepuff

- Cute couple Halloween costumes but not generic

- He keeps a picture of you in his pocket and somewhere on his motorcycle. You keep a picture of him in your phone case or your wallet

- Sweet texts to remind you he loves you

- You text him to get home safe and that you need him there with you to encourage him to be careful

- Dancing to the radio like dorks in the kitchen

- In the bedroom he is so sweet and loving

- Worshiping you every chance he gets

- He loves you being on top

- Definitely marks you with love bites or with hickeys

- Cuddling is always a must after and lots of pillow talk

- He always asks “What do you like?” Or “how do you like it?”

- Giving him a bracelet to remind him of you

- Wearing his rings

- He always will fix your car. Making house calls

- But he does expect “payment”

- Which you happily give him

- Going on long drives then making out in your car

- Him: “If Micheal comes back, I promise I will protect you from him.”

Maybe I’ll post some imagines if you guys want me to as well

[sochawrites]

Ok Corey Cunningham one-shot with an s/o who is also a serial killer on the run looking for a new start. Working at a new job as the towns new librarian. So when they come across Corey ,while trying to get some gas and snacks, with the cut in his hand they already know what to do to patch him up with the first aid kit in their car. Corey just looked so cute, they couldn't resist so maybe some stalking here and there couldn't hurt. So imagine to their surprise to finding out that someone was stalking the stalker. The stalker's stalker is just as obsessed as they are so as a gift reader sends Corey a heart(like a human heart) and in return he gives them the knife he first killed someone with. And they both leave secret little love letters for each other bc they're both so shy around another.

Imma try, but I think I died inside a little while writing this, since it got to over 1800 words and it's finals week, not that I have any chance at having any reasonable results either way... Anyways, hope you'll enjoy this attempt of mine! ^^

Fascination

Corey Cunningham x serial killer!reader

The people here were different from what you were used to, always looking behind their shoulders, triple locking their doors and whatnot. If you were not trying to leave your old life behind, you'd take their awareness as a personal challenge. You of course knew why they all acted that way, news about Michael Myers spread like wildfire everywhere at that time, which is why Haddonfield was perfect for you. 

With a serial killer still lurking around, if you ever felt the need, you'd just have to match his style, which wasn't as easy as one may have thought, he had an almost artistic execution, but not many people seemed to notice. 

The quiet library helped you cease your longing for bloodshed, since the only people coming in nowadays were old people, and they were out of your preferred age group. They were a nice source of information on the other hand, way better than the news reports, always remembering some interesting backstories. You learned about many people that way, and you were most interested in learning about Laurie Strode and her granddaughter, Allyson. They both had a strong survival instinct in them, they'd be fun to break.

So it might have been just a pure coincidence that you were at the same gas stop as Strode, at the very same time. You were ready to go inside too when a little commotion grabbed your attention. A bunch of band kids ganging up on some guy? Oh, how have the times changed...

"Hey! Get away from him!" you scolded the kids. One of them stopped what he was doing, just to look at you venomously, "Can't you see we're having just a little fun moment here? Go away". You wanted to add that kid to your list so, so much, but you had to control yourself. "Don't use that tone on me, kid. Scatter or I'm telling your grandparents." their baffled expressions were enough to bring a smile to your face, "That's right, I know them. So, what will it be?".

You barely finished your line, before the kids were exchanging looks, and running away, inside the store and out of your earshot. "Goddamn kids, I swear they are getting worse every year." you mumbled, just so the guy on the ground could hear you and turned to him, "You good?".

"I've been better..." he reached for his wrist, squeezing it hard. You tilted your head at the motion, but a quick look at the ground answered the unsaid question for you. You were never one to help people, quite the opposite, really, but an idea emerged in your mind. 

Laurie had always looked at you in a way you could only call recognition as if deep down she know who you were. It made your blood boil. How could she know? You were trying so hard! But maybe seeing you helping someone would change her mind slightly.

"Let me see..." you cooed at the stranger, gently taking his hand and pulling it closer to you. There was some glass stuck in his palm, along with some plain cuts. It looked painful, but at the end of the day, you've... seen worse. "I've got some aid kit in my car... If you want me to help, that is." he simply nodded and pulled himself up, only now letting you have a good look at his face. He looked weirdly familiar... and cute. 

It wasn't until he was seated at the edge of your trunk with you dissecting his wounds that the realization hit you, "Sorry if I'm a bit probing, but aren't you Corey Cunningham?". The stranger has visibly stiffened, confirming your suspicions. "Oh, don't worry, I'm the last person who'd ostracize you."

Small talk was never your forte, but this guy, this Corey, he was... intriguing, so you tried to conversate while you patched him up, eventually going as far as offering him a ride home, Laurie long forgotten. He was hesitant to accept but did so after you reassured him a few times that you certainly didn't mind. 

The ride was quiet, your skittish nature finally getting the better of you, and his one wasn't helping the quiet at all. But you already knew all you needed, and if you didn't? You were dead set on finding out more by your old ways. There was something so interesting about him, enough to relit the spark you tried to vanquish.

Your time at work started to go by gradually slower and slower, your body itching to go out and lurk around your new obsession, out of his sight, of course. But today was different, special. You had a little gift prepared for him today. An invitation to a Halloween party, and a cheap plastic mask. The invitation was anonymous, but you couldn't wait to see his surprised face when would find it.

"Well, I certainly didn't expect you here! Corey, how are you?" you cheered at him as if you weren't waiting by the entrance for him ever since you showed up. He smiled at you, happy to see a familiar, non-hateful face, "Could always be better, but thanks for asking, how are you?". You exchanged some pleasantries, which was expected, before you gently took his hand and pulled him towards the bar, "I don't know how about you, but I'm thirsty! Let's get something". 

The night went smoothly, you talked, laughed, danced, and did the little conventionally expected drinking. You could say that you had a blast, that is until you didn't and panic was set in your core. You lost him. You lost Corey! He was right by your side just a moment before. Right there! You mentally pointed and looked around the spot. But now, you couldn't see him anywhere, he wasn't at the bar, he wasn't at the dance floor, he wasn't there! The only place you haven't looked around was the outside. You went out, full of anticipation, anxious to find him there, just to see those darn music kids riding around, but no Corey in sight.

Did he not want to talk to you anymore? Have you said something? Have you done something?

You spend the whole night, day and another night looking for him but ultimately decided to wait for him in the vicinity of his house. He had to go home sooner or later, no? It was long after sunrise when he showed up, looking all beat up, dirty, and visibly distressed. You could hardly contain yourself from running up to him. Was he really there? or was your broken mind playing tricks on your eyes? But why was he... bloody? You didn't dare to get any closer, in fear it truly was only a delusion, and what would you even say to him after he practically ran away from you like Cinderella. How come you didn't think about what you would say to him? You stayed at your spot for a while longer before you decided to leave, but something stopped you. 

The devil's eyes were looking right at you from across the road, hidden behind the dirty, off-white, beaten mask. There was no doubt in your mind, it had to be Michael Myers himself, in broad daylight. When had he shown up? You had a little stare-off before he tilted his head. You had no idea what that meant but something inside you told you to nod. Why? You had no idea, but the shape had seemingly lost interest in you, turning his gaze at the house your shared obsession dwelled. However, your eyes stayed on him. This was fascinating, and you had to know more.

It wasn't long until Michael grew bored of waiting for the boy, and went away. You weren't far behind him, stalking him, or so you thought, you were merely allowed to follow. 

You made your way to the entrance of his nest, there were marks of dragged bodies all over, and a fresh pool of blood smeared towards a weirdly taunt-up tent. Was it a good idea to follow him there? Probably not, and you'd be most likely pushing your luck if you deiced to go any further. But luck was for those who didn't know how to swim through life, so you went in.

The vivid smell was the first thing to reach your senses. Shit, piss and old blood, to normal people it would be a sign to get the hell out of there, you were far from normal though. Michael was, as you expected, standing in something one could hardly call a room, but it was a kind of space. There were piles of weird substances all over, along with rats, dead rats, bones and- Corey's mask! This was something you had to think through. Corey was here, with Michael, and survived, something that was unheard of, although... you were there too...

You settled on going home since Myers would most likely just continue ignoring you in his uncanny way. You turned on both TV, radio and social media, looking for clues. It didn't take long, as the words were flooding all channels and apps. A new killer was on the scene, seen together with the shape, wearing a scarecrow mask. Was this why he was so intriguing to you? Did Michael see the same in him? And was he now his apprentice? "This needs something special"

You would lie to yourself if you said you didn't miss the feeling. The heat, the texture, oh what bliss! The warm heart of a young man in your palms... Now the less enjoyable part – clean up. 

The Allen's house was towering over you, it was starting to look like a ruin. The front doors were unlocked. Corey was lying by the stairs, you could see the dried red liquid beneath him from where the little kid had fallen. He looked so peaceful, you couldn't help but gush over him, and before you knew it, your hand was caressing his cheek. He sleepily leaned into it, it made you smile, and you wanted to live in this moment forever. You couldn't stay, not yet, still feeling awkward, but you hoped the note you left for Corey, together with your gift, would help with your problem. For my scarecrow...

You went lurking outside the house, waiting for the new resident to wake up and leave, leaving free space for you to look around. It took him longer than you expected, waking long after midday, he must be hungry, and not being to go home for food from his mother... you might fetch something for him after you're done here. The box you had placed in front of the doors was gone, put away from prying eyes, but your note was there instead. Except it wasn't just your note anymore. Corey's handwriting was facing you, it was messy but still readable, and it did well to express the rush of emotions he must have felt. You swiftly scanned it over, a smirk forming on your lips. Maybe you wouldn't have to bring anything here with you... Maybe you could take him with you instead, and perhaps slaughter some people together here and there... Oh, you could definitely do some more slaughtering...

[hall0ween-twn]

Hear me out... Corey Cunningham as Jekyll and Hyde.

anon i love you. do you mind me making jekyll/hyde!corey as ghostface!corey bc thats the vibes it gives me.

like jekyll!corey is a shy, straight A student. he's your typical boy next door.

but hyde!corey.. now he's confident. getting away with his kills. always stalking you, calling you late at night and even writes you love letters. hell, he's thought about killing your S/O off so that he has more of a chance to be with you.

.. that's really all i have for jekyll/hyde!corey, for now anyways. sorry i didnt have more to say about this :(((((

[brandnewhuman]

Hi! I can't remember if I've requested a matchup from you before. If I have, you can just ignore me. But if not can I request a slasher matchup please.

I'm an INTP 5w6, demisexual/bi woman. I'm plus sized and 5'9" with 2b hair that is naturally dark/dirty blonde but it's currently dyed deep purple.

I am slightly nearsighted and have glasses, though I tend to forget to wear them. Sometimes "losing" them on my own head.

I have very low self-esteem and a self deprecating, dark and offbeat sense of humor.

I manage to be both touch adverse and touch starved. I have to know and trust someone enough to be comfortable with physical touch. Minor things like a handshake don't typically bother me though, unless I get bad vibes off the other person.

Due to being raised by an entire family of narcissists, whenever I tried to speak they'd interrupt me or complain about me talking too much or too loudly. So I'm usually pretty silent unless you can get me started on something I'm passionate about.

Most of the time when I do speak, my words get muddled up. I especially struggle with words that have R in the middle of them.

I frequently get lost in daydreams. I'm autistic.

If I get hyperfocused on something, I'll go the entire day without remembering to eat or drink anything.

That being said, one of my stims is eating. Particularly foods I call hand to mouth like grapes or m&ms. Which is how I got to be plus sized, though my hypothyroidism certainly doesn't help. So I try to keep myself, particularly my hands, busy.

I like to craft things and bake.

I love going to scare attractions especially the ones that let your opt out of being touched.

I cannot stand the feeling of water on my forearms/elbows. Or when the ends of my sleeves & ends of pants legs get wet.

I'm very clumsy, frequently tripping over my own furniture. (and feet) I will always have at least one bruise on my body and there's less than 50% chance I can tell you how I got it.

I enjoy thinking about theoretical concepts and I tend to be flexible and good at thinking "outside of the box."

I'm very much conflict averse but will jump into a confrontation if someone is messing with someone I care about. Or if my anxiety causes me to snap.

For a lot of things it's rare for me to have actual favorites. One day I may prefer ethereal wave music and the next I'll be more in the mood for 80s rock. I usually have a top 3, 5 or 10 but no absolute favorites. And this goes for all sorts of things, food, movies etc.

My 'fashion' sense is somewhere between Green Academia and Feralcore.

I adore animals, especially the kinds that are less liked by society. Possums, snakes etc. Though I also love cats and currently have a cat. I would have more if I could. I handraised him, bottlefed him after rescuing him. He's 10, spoiled rotten and I defy anyone to tell me he isn't my child.

I struggle with driving cars but motorcycles or scooters, I can drive like a bat out of hell.

I paired you up with...

♡ Corey Cunningham ♡

Look, i even search up for his mbti AND ITS THE SAME AS YOURS SO ITS MEANT TO BE.

Hated by many, loved by few our infamous peepaw bully is definitely the type of person for you. He's just so sweet ans awkward and dudhsjsjsj LOOK AT HIS STUPID ADORABLE FACE

He would either be good at reminding you to wear your glasses or not. Like I personally have to wear glasses all the time so i tend to forget i have them on, its almost like a natural thing for me so i just assume it is the same for everyone. Corey here got the glasses=loser no glasses=hot and evil treatment so idk idk. I do think he will try his best to help you keep your eyesight as healthy as possible.

Bc of the physical touch thing i was actually about to give you Michael but i thought it wouldn't really be that helpful to your cause. Corey is shy and definitely wants to avoid people feeling uncomfortable around him, like he's sick of it fr. So unless you don't permission he's not going to do anything on his own. Plus like i said, he's too shy to be that bold so yeah. And he can relate to what you feel about physical touch cause ever since the incident, all that harassment and physical aggression has left him quite stiff about getting touched in general.

He would be mildly concern about your self-deprecating jokes and wouldn't really know if he should laugh or not. Like he genuinely doesn't understand why would say such things about yourself cause it makes him kind of sad since he thinks you're the best person in the entire world. Like he gets that one can be self-conscious about the looks and would try to help you with that cause he genuinely finds you so beautiful, but if you talk negatively about yourself in terms of personality ecc he would be very confused and kind of hurt for you. You're so nice and wholesome in his eyes

He would never, ever, interrupt you while you're talking. In fact he much prefers to listen to you while you talk about your favourite things, he finds so lovely you trust him enough to share with him your interests. He knows how it feels to be talked over so he would never dream of doing that to you specially if you're talking about something you love.

(Btw if it makes you feel better about the r thing i too have a problem to pronounce words with too many s's.)

Bro knows how is it when you get lost in something for so long you even forget to basic human necessities so he's always there to bring you snacks or water if you need it or to remind you to take breaks. Maybe he tries to not just straight up tell you to stop doing what you're doing but he like tells you to talk about it with him so you can actually take a break and he gets to hear you talk.

Please teach him how to bake, he would love to spend time baking with you. And in exchange, since you like crafting ecc, he can teach you things about cars and show you how to fix some things.

If you're clumsy this man is worse. Lucky for you, if you two are together and he sees you're about to get hurt on time he will 100% catch you before you do it. Hurting himself in process but who cares, you're safe so that's all that matters broski

I really think that you being able to be open minded is something corey would appreciate so much. He would need someone who can understand him and what has happened to him and on top of that someone to talk with without being scared of coming off as weird. He's that type of guy who really enjoys deep convos and having dialogues with someone he likes about interesting things and concepts so yeah expect late night chats with him about random and philosophical things

PROTECT THE BOY, I REPEAT PROTECT THE BOY. he kinda the same as you when it comes to conflict, like in the movie he had no problem in standing up for Allison so he will 100% do that with you as well. He may not be the best at defending himself but he wont tolerate people bothering you

Maybe both of you being indecisive about things might be a problem but the way i see it maybe it would help him getting the confidence to choose when and what he wants to do for once. He is a very thoughtful guy so he will always keep in mind what you might appreciate when suggesting things to eat, do ecc

BRO HE LOVES CATS, HE LOVES ANY ANIMAL AND WILL 100% PET ANYTHING THAT LOOKS REMOTELY CUTE TO HIM. He will spoil your cat too at some point so be prepared

Good thing you like motorcycles cause that's all this babe drives all the time. Gives him that hint of badboy he wouldn't be able to pull otherwise. Will definitely trust you to drive anything his and if you're the type of person who likes adrenaline rushes then good news for you cause I genuinely think he loves them too. Like from time to time just for funsies and to blow some steam off when he's too stressed

I hope you like it broski, i know corey is not super loved ecc but i tried my best to show you all his likeable sides ^^

Song recommendation time!!

[chriscdcase95]

My thoughts on “Halloween Ends” that no one asked for...

I normally don’t do reviews and such on my blog, but I watched Halloween Ends last week and have been meaning to get my thoughts out there. The following is copy pasted from a post I already did on reddit, with a few editions.

Ultimately I liked it even if it was a step down from 2018.

I hold Ends and Kills in about the same regard but on opposite sides; one being an all out slasher rampage for Michael, while Ends was more character focused slow burn; and in that “character driven drama” regard ? Ends did it better than H20.

Spoiler talk below.

I liked seeing a Laurie who tried to move on from her trauma...even if it was a little jarring after Kills cliffhanger, but y'know ? IRL issues, what are you gonna do ? It's probably my favorite of JLC's performances, since 2018. 

I still liked to see Laurie trying to move on with her life, even with her failures and losses. Especially since I was honestly expecting Laurie to go TLJ!Luke following Kills ending.

I see some people making Allyson out to be this total a bitch in this movie, but I didn't really see it. 

Actually I kind of expected Allyson to have more anger and resentment issues following Kills; the Allyson we see in Ends is a lot more tame compared to where I thought she'd go; rebellious tomboy/total Chloe Price type, probably in the same place Laurie was in 2018.

I actually liked Allyson trying to cope with her trauma in her own way, while not completely ignoring it. Having seen and written characters coping with trauma similarly, I can totally see Allyson making poor relationship choices, such as overlooking Corey's red flags.

Speaking of Corey Cunningham ? Loved his character and was almost sad to see him go. He made for a great villain with a tragic arc; a genuinely good person going down this path due to a tragic mistake, that wasn't even his fault. And when he finally went full slasher, I'll admit, his kills were some of my favorites.

Now am I upset that Corey overshadowed Michael ? Nah, not really. When introducing a new secondary villain trying to take the mantle of “The Shape”, I'd say you gotta give them some time to shine. 

If Ends was just Michael going on another rampage throughout, it'd be the same song and dance as the 2018 and Kills. Which if you ask me would be pretty boring. Besides, Michael at least had more of a presence - and more to do in this film - than in he did H20. 

H20!Michael spent that movie travelling across, and was ragdolled in a single fight. This Michael is kind of wear I see him going after 2018 and Kills - with his injuries and age catching up to him - what’s H20!Michael’s excuse ?

If I had one gripe with the movie, is that the Corey storyline felt like it was trying to tell the story of two movies in one; same gripe I had with Rise of Skywalker. But it wasn't that big an issue for me. 

Then again, Curse was one of my long time favorites in the old sequels, so maybe I'm not the best at judging them /j. I don't know, maybe I'm easy to please; the only slasher movie to genuinely disappoint me this year was the new TCM and Jeepers Creepers.

Anyways, I’m decently satisfied with being Michael and Laurie’s send off; but as John Carpenter said, as long as there’s money to be made, it’s unlikely this’ll be the last Halloween movie altogether. 

Danielle Harris expressed interest in coming back to the series, and I wouldn't mind a continuation of the Jamie Lloyd timeline. There's two ways I can see it going.

1. A movie that ignores 5-6, and with an adult Jamie being the focus, and giving  Danielle Harris a better send off. 

Though on one hand, I don't like the idea of Jamie becoming the next Shape; on the other hand, the kind of story I would give an adult Jamie would be to repetitive of 2018!Laurie's story.

2. This one was a story idea I was working on a couple years back, but a Thorn Trilogy/H20 timeline merger, with Steven Lloyd as the protagonist. Though I don't think it would work as a movie, if I got the chance, I would probably make it novel or something.

----

Also, a fun fact also comparing Ends to H20 ? While Jamie Lee Curtis proposed H20 with the intent of killing Michael off, at the time there was a studio claus that prohibited them from definitively killing Michael - the reason we Halloween Resurrection was because of this claus.

One of their original ideas was that Michael in H20 wasn't the real Michael, but an obsessed fanboy who dawned his mask. They scrapped that idea, I think because they didn’t want to piggyback off of Scream, like a lot of late 90′s slashers were doing. I’m guessing this idea was repackaged with Corey Cunningam.

Honestly, if I were to write some kind of Halloween/Scream crossover fic, Corey’s storyline is probably were I’d take it (though I’d probably try to pair Allyson off with Scream 2022′s Sam, cuz I’m shipping trash like that)

[simplylove101]

2023 Horror Challenge: [18/?]

↳“I do not fear you!"

"You will.“ The Last Voyage of Demeter (2023) dir. André Øvredal

Plot: A crew sailing from Varna (Bulgaria) by the Black Sea to England find that they are carrying very dangerous cargo.

Starring: Corey Hawkins, Aisling Franciosi, Liam Cunningham & David Dastmalchian

Oh boy, another one where I tried going into it with an open mind but it was so hard once it really got going. It was very much an execution thing with this one for me. It just felt so confined with the concept of it being on the ship, which I very much get was the whole thing of being stuck with Dracula terrorizing the crew. But I found myself not caring much at all and wanting to stop watching. Part of that was those damn diary entry voiceovers that would have me straight-out zoning out because it felt grating. And there wasn't a lot for me to make me care about the characters. Now, I will say I think the strongest part was Dracula's presence when he got to be on screen since he was creepy enough and they certainly delivered on the brutality that came with that character being involved. So there's some creepy enough moments and it does end in a way where I figured they were wanting to set up a sequel since this is very much a contained story within the bigger story of Dracula, but well the movie completely bombed at the theaters... So, honestly, not very likely to happen. I did wanna give this movie a chance though because Øvredal has a decent enough filmography. I rather like Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, and in more recent years, I can appreciate The Autopsy of Jane Doe for what it is. Definitely plan to check out Troll Hunter eventually as well since I've heard good things. But yeah, this one certainly turned out not to be the movie for me at all. Which was a shame but that's just how I feel unfortunately.

[wherepoetswentodie]

This is a thing I’m working on that will not see the light of day for ages because I feel guilty for being bad at updating and also this seems to be the only thing my brain likes to write at the minute so

----

Connor McKinley did not see the point in health class, virtual baby dolls (that might have been possessed by Satan himself, or at least a close friend) and going to BYU in the fall. What he was going to do, however, was go to health class, look after a virtual baby doll (that might have been possessed by Satan himself, or at least a close friend) and pretend he was going to BYU when (if) his parents asked, but actually get into the University of Michigan. 

But as he sat in health class - a class of six people, so he wasn’t sure it could even be called a class - he was beginning to think that maybe he’d prefer to be at BYU. Which may or may not have been a death sentence for him. He had never quite worked out how homophobic it really was and  hoped that he never would have to. 

“Do you think this teacher is ever going to turn up?” Nabulungi, his best friend and ‘girlfriend’ when his aunties were curious, asked. 

“I hope not,” Connor sighed, “I don’t trust babies,” 

“They’re not real babies,” 

“Somehow that makes it worse,” 

He glanced around the class, trying to remember if anyone there had ever thrown homophobic abuse his way. Chris Thomas and James Church definitely hadn’t, considering they were his best friends and Chris was practically sat in James’ lap. He looked towards the back of the room and immediately groaned, shocked that he hadn’t heard Arnold Cunningham before he’d seen him. Or maybe his best friend, and unfortunately attractive republican, Kevin Price had finally worked out how to keep him quiet. 

Connor might have actually tried to talk to him if it weren’t for the fact that his dad was the (incredibly homophobic) Governor of Utah

“Arnold Cunningham is in this class,” Connor muttered to Nabulungi who immediately brightened up and turned around to grin at him. 

“He’s cute,” she whispered. 

“No.” Connor said, “Nabulungi. No. Don’t. No. Don’t even look at me. I can’t believe - him? You think he’s cute?” 

Nabulungi rolled her eyes and suddenly had a coughing fit that sounded an awful lot like “Steve Blade,”. Connor tutted and turned back to the front of class, if not just so he could pretend that his best friend didn’t have a crush on Arnold Cunningham of all people. He thought that he’d be able to deal with her liking Kevin, and that would probably come with a healthy dosage of hate crimes for all involved. 

“You know if the teacher doesn’t turn up in 15 minutes we’re legally allowed to leave,” Arnold piped up. 

Connor rolled his eyes and Nabulungi had the nerve to laugh and turn around to talk to him. Deciding that he should try and stop her before things got too serious, Connor turned around, only to lock eyes with Kevin who was looking between Nabulungi and Arnold like he’d never seen them before. Or maybe he was just shocked that someone was actually showing interest in Arnold. Perhaps he was just glad to find someone who might take Arnold off his hands. Connor had never really understood why the two of them were friends. 

“You know Naba likes Arnold?” Connor whispered to Chris and James. 

James frowned at him, “Who do you think she was out with when she couldn’t come out with us last weekend?” 

Connor gaped at him, “Seriously? Are they - Are they dating?” 

“I hate you,” Chris said, “Do you ever listen to any of us? That was their first date!” 

“I thought she was joking,” Connor muttered, slumping in his seat and trying to block out the sounds of his best friend flirting with someone who dressed up as Luke Skywalker when he went to Comic-Con. 

God, he hoped that Nabulungi wasn’t going to start going to Comic-Con with him. He was pretty sure that he’d have to stage an intervention. A little bit like the one that she had staged for Chris after his sugar addiction had stopped being a cute personality trait and had become a genuine health concern. 

“Did you ask me to take this class because of Arnold?” Connor asked quietly. 

“No, I asked you because someone needed another class to graduate or someone won’t be tap dancing around Michigan next year,” 

“Are you going to Michigan, buddy? So’s Kevin!” Arnold said excitedly. 

Connor froze and turned around to look at Kevin, who’s eyes were also wide, “University of Michigan or Michigan State?” 

“University of Michigan,” Kevin said quietly, “You?” 

“Same,” Connor mumbled, “I’m guessing you’re not doing musical theatre?” 

“Probably economics. Or business. Or whatever else it is republicans do,” Chris said, “Oppress minorities?” 

Before Kevin could argue back, presumably to tell them that he wasn’t going to be majoring in oppressing minorities because Connor didn’t think that was a valid major (if it was, he was definitely going to the wrong university), the door opened and their teacher, Mr. Name-Connor-Couldn’t- Be -Bothered- To- Learn walked in. 

And even though Connor wasn’t going to bother to learn his name, he was thankful that he was their teacher. He was old, and retiring that year, which meant that he was long passed caring about actually teaching and would most likely pass them all without even looking over any of their work. They had basically signed up for another free period, and Connor was already planning on using this hour to work on his book and maybe even convince James to take some new headshots for him. Surely looking after a fake baby doll wasn’t going to be that hard. There was probably an off button that Connor was more than prepared to utilise. 

“Get in pairs,” the teacher grumbled at them, “I don’t care who,” 

Connor turned to Nabulungi with the intent to ask if she would grant him the honour of being the mother of his baby, just as she turned to Arnold to ask if he would be the father of her baby. He watched in horror as Arnold gleefully nodded his head and proceeded to stand behind Connor’s chair in a way that he understood meant ‘Please move’. 

“Chris,” Connor said quickly, “Wanna-” 

“No can do, buddy!” Chris said brightly, “Price needs a partner though,”  

“I hate you both,” Connor told them before sitting in the seat that Arnold had previously. 

The fact that Kevin didn’t seem all too excited about their predicament didn’t make Connor feel much better. Sure, he didn’t want to partnered with Kevin, but that was because he didn’t want to work with a raging homophobe and Kevin probably didn’t want to be partnered with him because he didn’t want to work with a raging homosexual. 

Not that Connor really thought that he was a raging homosexual, but he had long since learned that homophobic republicans (Governor Price sprang to mind), didn’t see a difference between the tiny pride pin that Connor dared pin to his jackets and the Drag Queens that worked in gay bars. It was oddly progressive, in a way. 

“Can you at least pretend to not hate me?” Kevin asked, “It’s not my fault Arnold’s dating your best friend,” 

Connor rolled his eyes, “Can you actually not hate me? It’s not my fault I’m gay,” 

Kevin glared at him for a second before he stood up to go and grab a baby off Mr. What's-His-Face’s desk. He completely bypassed the lone ginger baby in favour of one with dark hair, which Connor took as the first hate crime of the project. Perhaps he could do a second, smaller project on the side where he kept a tally of how many hate crimes Kevin committed over the next week. 

And when Mr. Name-Connor-Really-Should-Learn told them that they would have to stay over at each other's houses in an attempt to really drive home the experience of parenthood, Connor predicted that the final total of hate crimes would be a lot. 

“Sir?” Kevin said, sticking his hand in the air, “Why do we have to stay at each other's houses?” 

“Because, Callum, we don’t want to encourage single parenthood,” 

“My names Kevin,” he said impatiently, “But you’ll encourage gay parenthood?” 

“He didn’t mean it like that!” Arnold said quickly, turning around to glare furiously at his best friend, “He just - He meant...He meant from like a Mormon point of view,” 

“So still a homophobic point of view?” James asked lightly, “I’m not gonna sit and listen to him whilst he constantly attacks who I am!” 

“I wasn’t attacking you,” Kevin snapped, “I’m just - my dad would-” 

“-kill us all given the chance?” Chris said. 

“My dad wouldn’t like it if he knew!” Kevin said quickly. 

“Don’t tell him, Corey. What do you think he’s gonna do? Kill you?” Mr. Connor-Wanted-To-Say-Brown said, “You’re practically an adult, sort it out yourself,” 

Connor sighed and slumped in his chair, glaring down at his desk. He wasn’t sure what was worse; spending a week with Kevin at his own house with his homophobic parents, or spending a week with Kevin and his homophobic parents at their house. Both seemed equally as bad and a very good excuse to throw himself in front of the school bus. 

“You’re not staying at my house,” Kevin said quickly. 

“Cute that you think I want to stay there,” Connor said, “I’ll give you a ride home,” 

“I’m at swim practice after school so I’ll meet you there,” 

“I have rehearsal,” Connor said, “I’ll meet you at my car. It’s the-” 

“I know what your car is,” 

“Oh,” Connor said with a frown, “Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll...I’ll see you later,” 

--------

“Do you think I could steal this dress once we’re done?” Nabulungi asked, twirling around in her Belle dress. 

“When are you ever gonna wear a bright yellow ball gown again?” 

Nabulungi shrugged, “Target?” 

Connor snorted and turned to stare at himself in the mirror. Playing the Beast was fun, but the costume certainly wasn’t. He blew some fur out of his mouth and turned to glower at Nabulungi, as though his quite terrible costume was all her fault. 

“I’m uncomfortable,” he said, taking the mask off and dropping it onto a chair, “It’s really annoying that I can’t turn into the Prince halfway through instead,” 

“That defeats the point of the show though. She falls in love with him when he’s a beast, not when he’s a Prince,” 

Connor scrunched his face up, “That feels illegal,”

“It’s not real,” she reminded him. 

“Never realised that, thanks,” he muttered, eyes darting around the room until they came to stop where they always did: on Steve Blade. 

When talking to any of his friends, Connor assured him that he was very much over Steve Blade and was not at all bitter about the way that everything ended. In reality, he was very much not over Steve Blade and was extremely bitter about the way everything ended. It made playing the Beast opposite his Gaston extremely easy; their fight scene never felt forced and Connor felt like he didn’t need claws to rip his head off. Spite was enough. 

Nabulungi tutted when she saw where he was looking and punched his arm. 

“No.” she said, “Stop thinking about Steve Blade!” 

“I’m not!” Connor exclaimed before very casually adding, “He text me last night,” 

“If you text him back-“ 

“I didn’t,” Connor said, lying effortlessly, “I ignored him. I’m not gonna go back to him,” 

Nabulungi huffed a little, “Good. He got what he wanted from you,”

“My virginity?” 

“Yes,” Nabulungi said bluntly. 

Connor sighed and turned away from Steve, thankful that he hadn’t done anything that suggested they had been talking for most of the previous night. Though that might have been because he was terrified of Nabulungi, Chris and James and didn’t want to get on the wrong side of them. (Again). 

Not that Connor himself wasn’t scared of his friends, sometimes. Especially where Steve Blade was concerned. Still, there was nothing quite as terrifying as an extremely irate Stage Manager in the form of Chris Thomas. The only person he hadn’t shouted at all day was James, even though he was extremely behind in his set painting duties. Connor had gotten one entrance wrong and Chris had described, in great detail, how he was gonna murder him. 

“Oh my god,” Nabulungi said in a hushed voice, “Did you know Elizabeth was still choreographing?” 

“Huh?” Connor said, “I thought someone else had taken over. Chris said she was too ill,” 

“Well, she's here,” 

Connor glanced over at the door and unintentionally winced as Chris wheeled his twin sister in. She looked worse than the last time he had seen her, and even then he had found it too difficult to look at her. 

The school had invited her back to choreograph the show (an unspoken “one last time” hanging in the air), and she had gotten through the first two weeks of rehearsal before she had to leave. Now, with only one week to go before their first performance, having her come back seemed pointless. As he thought about it, Connor realised it only seemed pointless to him because he (hopefully) had more shows in his future. It was very unlikely she had any. 

“Hey, Liz!” Connor said cheerfully as Chris wheeled her over, “How are you?” 

“Dying,” she said bluntly. 

Connor froze, immediately looking up to Chris for some help. Elizabeth laughed and rolled her eyes. 

“It was a joke,” she said, “Sort of. How are you finding the choreography?” 

“Fine,” Connor said quickly, happy to steer the conversation away from death, “Yeah, fine,” 

“‘Fine’ unless we’re talking about Tale as Old as Time,” Nabulungi said, “Which is really all he needs to do,” 

“Drop me in it, why don’t you?” Connor muttered. 

Admittedly, Connor was terrible at ballroom dancing. If he wasn’t tripping over his own feet, he was tripping over Nabulungi’s feet and if he wasn’t tripping over Nabulungi’s feet he was tripping over her dress. It only served as a reminder that he probably shouldn’t have been playing the Beast. He would have been more than happy with the ensemble, or maybe LeFou at a stretch, but Nabulungi had convinced him to audition for the lead, just because they’d probably never have a chance to play opposite each other again. 

“I prefer tap dancing,” Connor said after Nabulungi had finished explaining that the rather large bruise on her thigh was a result of Connor falling right on top of her when he had tried to pick her up. 

“Come on, then,” Elizabeth sighed, slowing getting to her feet, “I’ll help you,” 

“Uh, what are you doing?” Chris asked. 

“Teaching Connor how to dance, why?” she asked, taking Connor’s hand. 

“You can’t! The Doctor said that-“ 

“-I still have 6 months,” she reminded him, “What’s one ballroom dance going to do?” 

“Drop her, and I’ll kill you,” Chris snapped, before rushing off to snap at the poor lighting techs. 

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at the back of Chris’ head as she placed Connor’s hand on her waist and began counting him through the steps. It was a lot easier, being taught by someone who actually knew what they were doing (the new choreographer had not offered much help outside of ‘smile!’). 

“You are good at this,” she told him once the song had ended, “All you need is more confidence in yourself,” 

“I don’t think ballroom dancing is my thing,” Connor sighed, “and also not dressed like this,” 

“Dancing is your thing, Connor,” she said firmly, holding onto his arm as she, if possible, grew paler, “By the time you finish college, you’ll be top of your game,” 

Connor smiled and helped her back to her chair, hoping that Chris wasn’t going to commit a crime because he had tired her out. Not that Connor could blame him for being so overprotective; he couldn’t imagine watching his siblings slowly die, and he didn’t even like them that much. 

“You didn’t have to be here,” Connor said, sitting next to her and watching a run through of Gaston. 

“I know, but Christopher can’t say no to me anymore,” she said, “and he always drives me to McDonalds afterwards. Plus-“ she broke off suddenly, frowning, “I can hear a baby crying,” 

“Wha - oh, shit,” 

Connor jumped to his feet and hurried underneath the bleachers. He had hidden Brigham the baby underneath there in the hopes that he wouldn’t be too loud. Kevin had point blank refused to take him to swim practice, and Connor was starting to think that he would be learning what it was going to be like to be a single dad. 

“Sorry,” Connor said, awkwardly rocking the doll, “It’s my baby,” 

“Health class?” she asked. 

“Yep,” Connor said miserably, “He’s called Brigham,” 

“Who’s your partner? Naba?” 

Connor scoffed, “I wish. No, it’s Kevin Price,” 

“The Governor's son?” 

“Yeah...” 

She stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter, “I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny but - oh, sweetie. Are they still doing the thing where you have to stay with your partner?” 

Connor sighed and nodded, “I’m not going over to his house. Lord knows I don’t need to meet Governor Price,” 

“So...he’s going to yours?” she asked in a small voice. 

“It’ll be fine,” Connor said hurriedly, “My parents don’t need to know,”

When Connor finally got out of rehearsal and spotted Kevin awkwardly hovering by his car, he thought that his parents probably wouldn’t be too angry if Kevin was the boy he brought home. As this thought crossed his mind, he remembered exactly who his parents were and what they expected of him. They’d probably get angry if Joseph Smith himself was the boy he brought home. 

Not that Connor would want to bring Joseph Smith home. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to deal with the whole Prophet thing. 

“How are we gonna bring him home?” Kevin asked. 

“I don’t know. He’s a doll. We’ll just put him in the back,” 

Kevin tutted, “You can’t drive a baby home like that! I’ll hold him,” 

“You know he’s not a real baby, right?” Connor asked slowly. 

“I’ve never failed a class in my life, and you’re not about to make me,” Kevin snapped, taking Brigham into his arms. 

“Alright, chill,” Connor muttered, “It’s not that deep,” 

Kevin spent the majority of the car journey to Connor’s house glowering out of the window, Brigham held tightly in his arms. If it weren’t for the fact that Kevin was also male, it might have been the closest that Connor ever got to being straight. He had lost count of the amount of couples he had seen (mainly at Church), who so obviously resented each other but had had a child together so that they could live up to the Mormon standard.

It was probably the life that Kevin was going to live, and Connor felt sorry for him until he realised that he was homophobic and suddenly couldn’t care less. 

As soon as Connor pulled up outside of his house, his mouth went dry and his palms became sweaty. This was not at all unusual, but it was even worse with Kevin being there with him. 

Taking a deep breath, Connor got out of the car and waited for Kevin to do the same. He was taking an awfully long time, holding Brigham close to his chest as he carefully got out, and Connor wasn’t sure he could last a whole week without committing a felony. Or if Kevin could last a whole week without committing a hate crime. 

“Are you gonna come in?” Kevin asked. 

Connor’s neck snapped up to face Kevin, who was standing on the front porch. 

“Get off there!” Connor hissed, lurching forward to grab his arm and yank him backwards. 

“Watch the baby!” Kevin yelled. 

“Shush!” Connor whispered, glancing up at the house and dragging Kevin around the side of the house when he saw someone inside - probably his mom - start to pull the curtains back, “Don’t yell!” 

Kevin frowned at him, “What the heck is your problem, McKinley?” 

“How long have you got?” Connor muttered. 

He walked around the back of the house to where the basement door was, quickly unlocking it and shoving Kevin through it before one of his parents made an appearance in the back garden. And he couldn’t help but curse his best friends, because it would have been beyond easier to have just moved in with Naba or Chris for a week. 

Kevin stood awkwardly in the middle of the middle room and it suddenly occurred to Connor that he was probably used to places that were more...grand. 

“Is there a reason we’re in your basement?” Kevin asked, “Are you going to murder me?” 

Connor tutted and walked over to his makeshift kitchen (a mini-fridge, kettle, toaster, microwave and mini-grill on top of his chest of drawers), beginning to make his usual after school snack of two Poptarts and a can of Redbull. If this was also occasionally his dinner, no one needed to know. 

“Do you want anything?” Connor asked. 

Kevin shook his head as he gently laid Brigham on Connor’s bed, “I brought something,” 

“You don’t trust my cooking?” 

“I follow a strict diet,” Kevin said, “I’m a swimmer, remember?” 

“Oh, yeah...” Connor muttered, dropping down onto one of the beanbags that Mr and Mrs Thomas were kind enough to donate to him, “There’s an airbed for you. I’ll blow it up later,” 

Kevin nodded and perched on the edge of Connor’s bed, his eyes darting around the room. Connor picked at his Poptart, feeling increasingly awkward. He would suggest that Kevin stay at his own house and lie to Mr. Teacher-That-Connor-Would-Probably-Never-Know-The-Name-Of, but he had a feeling that Kevin was not one to ever break the rules. 

“Why are we actually in the basement?” Kevin asked, “Shouldn’t you tell your parents your home? And that I’m here?” 

“No,” Connor said, “If it were up to them, I wouldn’t be in the house,” 

“Um...” 

“I’m gay, they don’t like it, they moved me into the basement because it makes them feel less guilty than if they actually kicked me out,” Connor shrugged, “on the rare occasion that I do actually see them, they remind me that once I’ve left for college, that’s it. I’m out, for good,” 

Kevin stared at him, his mouth hanging open. Connor clenched his jaw and looked back down at his Poptarts, wondering if there was a worst person to have this conversation with. He didn’t even like talking about it to his friends, never mind someone he barely knew and who definitely hated him in the same way that his parents did. 

Thankfully, Brigham started wailing and Kevin was too distracted to ask Connor anymore questions.

 It was definitely going to be the longest week of his life. 

[usnewsaggregator-blog]

Fantasy Football: Week 8 waiver wire pickups

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Fantasy Football: Week 8 waiver wire pickups

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REMINDER: Fantasy Football Week 8 waiver wire pickups are going to be more quick-hitting since no one likes reading for more than two minutes.

Second reminder: I’m using dollars out of a 100-dollar budget the rest of the way. Percentages at this time of the year are tougher given remaining budgets, and you know your league best. If it’s an aggressive league, you may have to spend more or vice versa.

Week 8 Waiver Wire Pickups: QBs – Quarterback Streamers

Tyrod Taylor, BUF (58%) – Taylor proved once again why he’s among the safest options when it comes to streaming quarterbacks. A 30-point game isn’t part of his appeal, but putting up enough rushing to total 15-20 points nearly every week is… especially against the Raiders.

Andy Dalton, CIN (55%) – Dalton hasn’t been great this year, but he is averaging 22 points per game over his last four with nine touchdowns. This week, the Bengals host the Colts, and it’s a matchup that gives Dalton a chance to repeat his Week 4 performance.

Josh McCown, NYJ (12%) – This just in, but McCown is actually a pretty good Fantasy quarterback. McCown has 15-plus points in all but one game and 27.8 and 28.6 in the last two games. The Jets host the Falcons this week, giving McCown the potential for his third straight high-20s score.

Josh McCown has a favorable matchup against the Falcons this week.

(Rob Foldy/Getty Images)

DON’T: Matt Moore, MIA (0%) – Moore is an aggressive downfield thrower similar to Jay Cutler, but the Dolphins head to Baltimore in a short week. The Ravens have held every quarterback under 15 points except for Blake Bortles in that London bonanza. In fact, Bortles was the only quarterback to throw for multiple touchdowns against the Ravens. As for Jacoby Brissett (13%), he’s a dicey option in Cincinnati, and Case Keenum (9%) is headed to London now – that always adds a bit of risk.

Week 8 Waiver Wire Pickups: RBs

LAST CHANCE: Dion Lewis, NE (29%) – Normally, I put a player in the “last chance” section as their ownership tops 40 percent and make for an obvious addition. In Lewis’ case, I just don’t want to talk about Patriots running backs anymore. The only one that you can “trust” is James White in PPR, but Lewis is leading the way (for now) and will have use during the byes (until Bill Belichick benches him for Rex Burkhead just because).

FAB Dollars: $15-20

Marlon Mack, IND (40%) – The shift is happening, as Mack out-snapped Frank Gore last week 33 to 22. Mack is obviously more explosive at this point with Gore averaging just 3.4 yards per carry, a career low.

FAB Dollars: $15

DeAndre Washington and Jalen Richard, OAK (3%, 11%) – Marshawn Lynch looked to be hopped up on Mountain Dew and Skittles, as he ran off the sideline to push and shove some people, including a referee. With Lynch suspended a game, Washington and Richard are must-adds for RB-need owners. Washington will likely see the higher use in the split, but Richard also has some appeal, especially in PPR leagues. Just be forewarned that both are likely one-week options, as Lynch will create a committee headache when back.

FAB Dollars: $10-15

Latavius Murray, MIN (41%) – Jerick McKinnon is still the running back to own in Minnesota, but as seen, Murray has some upside, especially if the Vikings are using a more traditional, between-the-tackles run game.

FAB Dollars: $10-15

Wendell Smallwood can help out RB-needy teams.

(Elsa/Getty Images)

Wendell Smallwood, PHI (40%) – The 49ers run defense is basically non-existent. Ezekiel Elliott helps skew the numbers, but it was the second time a running back has topped 30 Fantasy points against the 49ers (Todd Gurley, Week 3). The 49ers have allowed six other double-digit performances with two more reaching that level in PPR scoring. Smallwood shares enough of the work with LeGarrette Blount to have Flex value in a gravy matchup.

FAB Dollars: $10-15

Chris Ivory, JAX (55%) – Leonard Fournette is expected back after the bye, but as mentioned last week, Ivory still has plenty left to offer. If Fournette were to have a setback or miss more time, Ivory would be right back in the RB2 conversation.

FAB Dollars: $5-10

FOR THE FUTURE: Handcuffs – Darren McFadden, DAL; D’Onta Foreman, HOU; Matt Breida, SF; Austin Ekeler, LAC; Devontae Booker, DEN; James Conner, PIT; Wayne Gallman, NYG; Mike Tolbert, BUF; Akeem Hunt, KC; Malcolm Brown, LAR

Week 8 Waiver Wire Pickups: WRs

LAST CHANCE: Cooper Kupp and Robert Woods, LAR (42%, 37%) – Similar to Todd Gurley last year, when can we finally say that Sammy Watkins is a lost cause. Both Kupp and Woods have been more productive and reliable than Watkins has. Woods is actually one of the most-consistent receivers of late, despite the low ceiling. Kupp is more boom or bust, but he is seeing good volume in the red zone. Both need to be owned and even started… at least over Watkins.

FAB Dollars: $15-20

Marvin Jones and Kenny Golladay, DET (62%, 15%) – Jones was here last week, and this is a friendly reminder to grab him if out there. Make sure you pick up Golladay too, as while he was overrated to start the season, Golladay is still a nice red zone presence. If Golden Tate is out (sounds likely) Golladay is startable in most formats as the Lions No. 2 receiver.

FAB Dollars: $25-30 for Jones, $20 for Golladay

Corey Davis, TEN (25%) – Reports have Davis returning after the Titans bye. Davis was the most talented receiver in the draft and has Terrell Owens ability. If healthy, he’s the best receiver on the team and is exceptionally talented. Grab Davis if available!

FAB Dollars: $15-20

Josh Doctson, WSH (13%) – It’s happening. Terrelle Pryor was benched in the first half, and Doctson saw his highest snap count of his career. It would be nice to see more targets from Kirk Cousins, but at least Doctson is trending in the right direction, and he’s the most talented receiver the Redskins have.

FAB Dollars: $15-20

Kenny Stills, NYJ (21%) – If Stills’ ownership wasn’t so low, I’d put him in the “last chance” group, but apparently, people continue to dismiss Stills. Once again, Stills outplayed DeVante Parker last year and proved that he’s just as big of a big-play threat. Stills carries more bust potential this week with the matchup, but as mentioned with Moore, there is upside.

FAB Dollars: $15

Mohamed Sanu, ATL (38%) – I’ve always loved me some Snu Snu, and when healthy, Sanu has been quite productive for the Falcons. He’s healthy for now, and Sanu had more targets, receptions and yards in the first half last week, finishing with 10/6/65. The Jets just let Stills and Jarvis Landry – on the arms of Cutler and Moore – to total 20/13/178/3 against them.

Mohamed Sanu is fully healthy now.

(Scott Cunningham/Getty Images)

FAB Dollars: $10-15

Ted Ginn, NO (51%) – Willie Snead will return at some point… we assume… but even so, it’s Coby Fleener’s value that takes the hit, not Ginn’s. Sure, Snead will steal some targets, but as Ginn showed once again, he’s filling Brandin Cooks’ role and is good for about 80 percent of his value.

FAB Dollars: $5-10

JuJu Smith-Schuster, PIT (14%) – Martavis Bryant is practically begging to get out of Pittsburgh. Unfortunately for him, there is little reason for the Steelers to bend. Either way, Smith-Schuster has outplayed Bryant. Complaining, whining or deleting inflammatory tweets isn’t going to get Bryant back in the Steelers good graces.

FAB Dollars: $5-10

Deonte Thompson, BUF (2%) – Jordan Matthews is still the best receiver for the Bills, but due to the offense and Matthews’ injuries, he hasn’t got on track yet. Thompson just signed with the team and immediately caught all four of his targets for 107 yards. The Raiders are right up there with being the weakest against receivers. Thompson is a deep flier.

FAB Dollars: $5

FOR THE FUTURE: Dede Westbrook, JAX (2%) – Westbrook is due back after the bye, and while Allen Hurns and Marqise Lee had solid Week 7 performances, they haven’t been overly impressive or consistent. Westbrook flashed his potential in the preseason and is great at finding open space/being the reliable, middle of the field weapon for his quarterback. He could end up with nice PPR value.

FAB Dollars: $5

DON’T: Travis Benjamin, LAC (5%) – Buy the cake, not the icing. Predicting the Chargers receivers is nearly as difficult as the Patriots running backs. Honestly, they’re worse than the Patriots backs this year, as Benjamin has three double-digit games and four with 3.2 or less, including a goose egg last week.

Week 8 Waiver Wire Pickups: TEs

LAST CHANCE: Jack Doyle, IND (44%) – Doyle has 25 targets in his last three games with only Evan Engram and Zach Ertz having more for tight ends. Additionally, Doyle is tied for fifth in receptions per game during his last three games (last four weeks). Doyle is averaging six catches, just one half reception less per game than Antonio Brown, Jarvis Landry, Christian McCaffrey and James White during that time. Jacoby Brissett is making Doyle a high value in PPR.

FAB Dollars: $10

Benjamin Watson, BAL (13%) – Watson is a pure PPR tight end, but he’s TE15 in that format with 29 receptions in seven games. That’s even with having no involvement in Week 1. Watson doesn’t have a great ceiling, but if you are searching for some help, Watson has at least 8.8 PPR points in all but one game since Week 2.

FAB Dollars: $5-10

George Kittle, SF (22%) – Kittle proved the risk that comes with a rookie tight end and/or a tight end in a woeful offense. After two solid games – in fact Week 5 was pretty great – Kittle had just two targets for one catch and 16 yards. Nevertheless, tight end is thin, and Kittle’s boom is better than most other waiver options.

FAB Dollars: $5

Vernon Davis, WSH (6%) – Jordan Reed is fortunate to finish any game at this point, and even when he produces (like in the Eagles game), Davis still has upside. He’s risky as the TE2 in Washington, but Davis has nice upside, especially if Reed loses a body part.

FAB Dollars: $5

Tyler Kroft, CIN (15%) – Kroft is entirely touchdown reliant, but that’s not terrible news when a team specifically looks for said target during most red zone trips.

FAB Dollars: $5

DON’T: Austin Hooper, ATL and Jared Cook, OAK (59%, 40%) – Hooper’s two games without Mohamed Sanu (Week 4, the Falcons were without Sanu most of the game) saw 16 targets and 12 receptions. The other four games with Sanu? Just seven targets and six receptions. As for Cook, once again he proves to be one of the biggest gambles in Fantasy. If you enjoy gambling, then sure, pick up Cook, as I dare you to predict when his next good game is.

Week 8 Buy Low and Sell High

Buy Low

Matt Ryan, ATL

Ben Roethlisberger, PIT – Showed a bit of promise that the home game splits will return

C.J. Anderson, DEN

Christian McCaffrey, CAR – More for PPR, as he’s on pace for 100 receptions despite poor use

DeMarco Murray, TEN

Joe Mixon, CIN

Ty Montgomery, GB

Keenan Allen, LAC

Demaryius Thomas, DEN

Alshon Jeffery, PHI

Willie Snead, NO

Sell High

Cam Newton, Jerick McKinnon and Cameron Brate (with an O.J. Howard warning) were here last week. Take note.

Derek Carr, OAK – Always been a better real-life quarterback than Fantasy, and people will go gaga after last week

Aaron Jones, GB – Was here last week, and that didn’t work out, but his value is even higher. The Packers offense will be inconsistent with Brett Hundley, and it’s still hard to trust Jones’ weekly volume

Dion Lewis, NE – Yes, you need to pick him up, but if already own, you can also sell high if an owner thinks “this is the Patriots running back to change everything”

Amari Cooper, OAK – His fans already thanked me, but said “can’t wait for him to dominate the second half” at the same time. He’s Brandin Cooks! Inconsistency is their middle names

Tyreek Hill, KC – Look at his game log. Those offering WR1 value ignore the downside

Jarvis Landry, MIA – Is just two touchdowns short of his career best as a rookie and will take a hit when Parker returns

Will Fuller, HOU – Same as last week/reminder: eight catches, five touchdowns… you tell me if you think that’s sustainable

Jordan Reed, WSH – One of the most talented tight ends in football… one of the most injury prone players in football

Droppable

Isaiah Crowell, CLE

Alex Collins, BAL

Matt Forte and Bilal Powell, NYJ

Sammy Watkins, LAR

Terrelle Pryor, WSH

Jaron Brown, ARI

Eric Decker, TEN

Coby Fleener, NO

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[racingtoaredlight]

Another RTARL way too soon NFL first round mock draft 2017

It’s NFL Draft season! Next weekend will be dominated by the NFL Combine, which would be dominated by the troops if they all showed up but will instead be just a bunch of football players hanging out in shorts and t-shirts. I thought it would be fun* to do another mock draft now before the disappointments and surprises that the combine often affords.

I had this whole thing about punching strict Constitutionalists worked out in my head but I lost the urgency of that feeling. This would have been the header image for that post. Forget you ever read this if I get around to doing that post.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Myles Garrett knows what I’m talking about. He’ll be punching Consitutionalists on the reg in Cleveland. Both on the field and, if he’s truly heroic, off the field. But I swear I’m not writing about that now. Just doing an awesome mock draft about all of the awesome matchups that I come up with based on sources** that are proprietary to RTARL. I’m drafting based on perceived team needs and will take credit for direct hits: if I get the right player to the right team, if I get the correct position, if the player drafted is from the same college as the one in the same position on my draft, if the players share a first or last name, if the team drafting is the one I have listed, if there is a trade.

1  Cleveland Browns

Myles Garrett, DL, Texas A&M

He’s the best player and the Browns need everything. It’s sad that he will spend all of his career battling injuries but such is the lot of a Browns.

2  San Francisco 49ers

Deshaun Watson, QB, Clemson

The 49ers will have zero QBs under contract once Colin Kaepernick opts out of his contract (why is that happening, by the way? He won’t get as much money and he won’t start anywhere else.) Watson doesn’t really strike me as an NFL star but I don’t think that even matters at this point for the 49ers. If he can be soul crushingly boring like Alex Smith that’s good enough.

3  Chicago Bears

Jonathan Allen, DL, Alabama

The going theory among people that, no shit, make a living writing about the NFL Draft is that Allen is going to drop closer to the tenth pick. The Bears suck all over and I’m just sticking him here because I forget what they really should do.

4 Jacksonville Jaguars

Leonard Fournette, RB, LSU

The hottest thing in draft blogging is to overvalue Dalvin Cook. I may be blinded by how much I hate Dalvin Cook but I really think his medical profile is going to be a lot worse than people realize. Well, shit, I guess that’s a possibility for Fournette, too. What the fuck ever, it’s the Jaguars.

5 Tennessee Titans

Mike Williams, WR, Clemson

I think the way Williams plays works pretty well with the way Marcus Mariota plays and he’ll be a 100-catch machine in no time.

6  New York Jets

Patrick Mahomes, QB, Texas Tech

From what I’ve seen Mahomes is the consensus fourth QB in the draft but he’s got the best arm and he’s got, in my eyes, the best chance to be a huge bust. If that isn’t a Jets player I don’t know what is.

7  Los Angeles Chargers

Jamal Adams, DB, LSU

If Adams is as good as his recent press then this is the best pick in the draft. I can’t wait to buy a last minute ticket to watch him in front of 20,000 other slightly invested fans playing on a field built for boxing.

8  Carolina Panthers

Corey Davis, WR, Western Michigan

I’m 95% certain the Panthers will not pick a receiver here but it seems like a good fit to me and all I keep hearing about is how shitty the OL prospects are for this draft.

9  Cincinnati Bengals

Malik McDowell, DL, Michigan State

Huge, insanely athletic, maybe not always motivated but awesome when he is. This is a Bengals if ever there was a Bengals.

10  Buffalo Bills

David Njoku, TE, Miami

I’m gonna level with you: I have no idea what any team actually needs. Playing in Buffalo the Bills should just have a bunch of TEs and run some version of the Run & Shoot that involves 5 TEs on the field at all times. Njoku could totally be the Haywood Jeffires of that arrangement.

11  New Orleans Saints

Reuben Foster, LB, Alabama

Back in the late 80s and early 90s the Saints had the best collection of LBs of any team in the NFL and that seems impossible based on every other era in team history. Foster is getting hype that makes me imagine him fitting in with Rickey Jackson, Sam Mills, and Pat Swilling. Is he that good? Who the fuck knows. Aaron Curry was supposed to be the safest pick in NFL history and he sucked horribly.

12  Cleveland Browns

DeShone Kizer, QB, Notre Dame

Kizer is way too good to be held down by the screaming murderer in charge of Notre Dame to hold him down any longer. Hue Jackson will get the most out of him.

13  Arizona Cardinals

Garrett Bolles, OL, Utah

He’s already old which fits in with what the Cardinals are doing as a team.

14 Indianapolis Colts

Forrest Lamp, OL, Western Kentucky

This might actually be the Eagles pick. It’s going to be decided by a coin flip. I like putting Forrest Lamp here because he has a good name and I wanted to write it. The Colts are an Andrew Luck injury away from complete disaster so an OL pick seems likely.

15  Philadelphia Eagles 

Dalvin Cook, RB, FSU

Cook and Wentz can be 8-8 together for years to come.

16  Baltimore Ravens

Marshon Lattimore, CB, Ohio State

I’m totally just pulling names out of the air right now. It seems crazy that there would be no CBs picked until 16 but I didn’t have an OL go until 13. That isn’t happening.

17  Washington Redskins

Quincy Wilson, CB, Florida

Washington needs to find a QB of the future but there isn’t anybody left to rate this highly.

18  Tennessee Titans

Cam Robinson, OL, Alabama

This makes sense, right?

19  Tampa Bay Buccaneers

O.J. Howard, TE, Alabama

Remember that year the Jets and Giants both wasted first round picks on shitty tight ends? Howard reminds me of Derek Brown.

20  Denver Broncos

Ryan Ramczyk, OL, Wisconsin

I think Ramczyk is having hip surgery but the Broncos are taking an OL in the first round come hell or high water and this is the name that stood out to me from the list of names I was looking at as I wrote this.

21  Detroit Lions

Takkarist McKinley, LB, UCLA

I wanted to give the Lions something nice and I think McKinley is a star.

22  Miami Dolphins

Zach Cunningham, LB, Vanderbilt

The Dolphins seem like the flukiest team in the league and I don’t remember them being very good anywhere but on the defensive line. I might not even be correct about that.

23  New York Giants

John Ross, WR, Washington

Ross could be a great deep threat opposite ODB’s greatness and if they can stay healthy the two of them together could really help the first pick in the 2018 NFL Draft. Is this a good pick or something the Giants would actually do? Probably not. I’m not good at predicting.

24  Oakland Raiders

Soloman Thomas, DL, Stanford

The Raiders need a ton of help on defense and this is theoretically the best draft in a long time to address that side of the ball. Thomas is a top-10 level talent but I think there’s such a glut of front 7 talent that a lot of those guys are going to fall quite a bit.

25  Houston Texans

Budda Baker, S, Washington

I listened to some podcast about the draft that had the Texans taking a QB here and I laughed at the idea of an NFL team being willing to admit so quickly how badly they planned last season. Those same guys described every pick as an interesting situation and made Budda Baker seem like the second coming of Ed Reed. So I’m stealing part of their jive.

26  Seattle Seahawks

Antonio Garcia, OL, Troy

Everybody on the planet expects the Seahawks to draft an OL and then not know how to develop him. I’m picking names out of a hat when it comes to OL guys here, if you weren’t aware.

27  Kansas City Chiefs

Christian McCaffrey, RB, Stanford

I haven’t seen anybody put McCaffrey here but it seems like an awesome fit to me. Andy Reid could put him to good use all over the field.

28  Dallas Cowboys

Haason Redick, EDGE (!!!), Temple

Last year the Cowboys got all of my pre-draft favorites so I’m gonna make that continue and give them one of my favorite players in this draft. Redick is a preposterous athlete who came to college as a cornerback and then grew into a defensive lineman. He’ll probably be more of a linebacker in the pros but he should be a total nightmare in the best of ways wherever he lines up.

29  Green Bay Packers

Teez Tabor, CB, Florida

I listen to / read way too much online scouting. Tabor isn’t falling this far.

30  Pittsburgh Steelers

Jordan Willis, DE, Kansas State

The Steelers also grab a lot of the guys I really like. Year after year they do that, actually, and they mostly don’t end up as good as I expected. Willis is like the platonic ideal of a pass rushing end so expect him to turn into a linebacker somehow in Pittsburgh and get a bunch of sacks in 2021 on his way to a crazy contract in Jacksonville before he gets cut a year later.

31  Atlanta Falcons

Taco Charlton, DE, Michigan

Good lord there are too many good pass rushers in this draft. I don’t see any consensus yet on which ones stack up where but I do know that I don’t really like Charlton as anything more than a space killer in the NFL. He’s big enough and strong enough to not be a sinkhole but I don’t trust him to rack up stats, either. Atlanta needs some guys like this.

32  New England Patriots

Corn Elder, CB, Miami

I have every bit of confidence that Corn is going to come out of the combine with a lot more fans in draft world than he has now. It’s not like he’s a low-rated player but he’s going to test a lot faster than people realize. Did I just make it through the first round without about 20 players that I think should be first rounders? Yes I did.

* stabbing yourself in the eye with a protractor is similarly fun if you’re looking for things to do today

** other mock drafts

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[draftblackboard]

Mock Draft 2.0

The NFL season is almost over as sad as that is it makes me super happy that the draft is slowly approaching. I feel while doing this mock the hardest part comes in the final 12 picks. Free agency will definitely help clear up some questions that are up in the air as to what will teams draft in the first round. 1. Browns: Myles Garrett - DE Texas A&M -Browns need help all over. Garrett is the highest rated player in the draft. They have also expressed interest in trading with the Patriots for there backup QB Jimmy Garoppolo. Meaning they probably have no interest in taking a QB at 1. 2. 49er's: DeShone Kizer - QB Notre Dame -Niners have a new GM and Head coach. Meaning they are going to want to bring in their own quarterback. As to which quarterback will go number one? That question still remains right now. I have Kizer at 1 but Trubisky is still in the mix. 3. Bears: Jonathan Allen - DE/DT Alabama - the Bears are another team that could use a quarterback but rumors have they could trade for Romo or bring in another vet. Allen could be argued as the best prospect in this draft with Garrett. He would make that bears D-line stacked. 4. Jags: Soloman Thomas - DE Stanford - Solomon was argued as a top-10 prospect but after his bowl game where he looked unblockable his stock has rose even more. There is no offensive tackle here the Jacksonville Jaguars could take. They could also use help getting pressure on the quarterback and Thomas could be that guy. 5. Titans: Jamal Adams - S LSU - The top Safety is still between Adams and Hooker. Titans have a big need in there secondary and Adams could be a huge addition to boosting that defense on a young and upcoming team. 6. Jets: Leonard Fournette - RB LSU - though I feel this is a smoke screen by the Jets they have claimed Hackenberg has made tremendous strides as a quarterback. If this is true what they are saying and have recently shot down the idea that they like trubisky they could go with what is considered the best prospect on the board and would feel huge need at running back with fournette who is being compared to the likes of an Adrian Peterson. 7. Chargers: Malik Hooker - S Ohio State - we really just found out hooker is Out 3 to 5 months due to multiple surgeries but is in no danger of missing time as rookie on the field but will not be able to test at the combine or pro day. Hooker could definitely drop because of this but his play on tape has shown he is a ball Hawk and a playmaker and has been compared to Ed Reed. He could still warrent a top 10 pick and the chargers could use a safety since they haven't replaced Weedle. 8. Panthers: Marlon Humphrey - CB Alabama - Panthers still could use a corner to replace the hole left by Josh Norman. Humphrey could be that guy to replace the void in this deep corner class. 9. Bengals: Derek Bennett -DE Tennessee - Between this and the Saints pick at 11, I can easily see the 2 prospects flipped. Both fill nees and are highly rated prospects. Michael Johnson struggled for them at DE and need better talent to pressure the QBs in the physical AFC North. 10. Bills: Mitch Trubisky - QB. North Carolina - Bills need a QB and its obvious. There is talk they could go after Romo but that's a short term bandaid over there pressing need of a franchise QB. Trubisky has a lot to like about him and could be an easy option for the Bills at 10. 11. Saints: Reuben Foster - ILB Alabama -Saint's need help on Defense and Foster is consider a top 10 prospects. Like I said I could see foster gone at 9 as well. Foster is the best linebacker in the draft and something the saints could use. 12. Browns: Marshon Lattimore -CB Ohio State - Browns could go QB here, with Watson on the board. (Though I don't believe he goes or should go till at least 2nd round). Browns have a huge need everywhere and that includes corner. They have drafted corner early and it keeps failing but why not try again? 13. Cardinals: Mike Williams - WR. Clemson -Larry Fitzgerald has said hes coming back for 2017, but he is aging and the others behind him are not as elite as the likes of Williams. Williams is a talent being compared to Andre Johnson. He can pair up and learn from Fitz in his final year and become the teams new #1 threat. 14. Colts: Dalvin Cook - RB. Florida State - Colts need to address the O Line and keep luck healthy. They could take Cam Robinson here and it be smart but with Gore getting older and a chance to add a potential stud RB could make there mouth water. We have seen them pass on the logical choice of the Oline early for weapons. 15. Eagles: Quincy Wilson - CB. Florida - Eagles have a need at corner and Wilson was the best corner in college last year. Still raw he shows a lot of promise to be a stud. With Williams and both RBs gone, corner makes perfect scense and is a huge need. 16. Ravens: Cam Robinson: OT Alabama - Ozzie loves Bama product's and with Wagner becoming a Free Agent. Ravens will look to address the O Line in the first round, 2 years in a row. 17. Redskins: Julius Peppers -S/LB. Michigan - Washington has big needs at the inside on defense. DT, ILB and Safety. They have rumored to want to peruse Bennie Logan at DT this off-season. Peppers is a Saftey/linebacker hybrid and can fill in where ever Washington feels best for the team and fills a need. 18. Titans: Corey Davis - WR. Western Michigan - Titans have a few options at 18. They already grabbed there safety earlier in the draft and could follow that up with a corner here, but corner is deep this year and they can grab a talented one 2nd round. There other big need is a weapon Mariota. Davis is a stud at WR and could be that weapon at wide out they need. 19. Buccaneers: Chris Wormley - DE/DT Michigan - Bucs face some talented QBs in there division and need some help on the DLine next to McCoy. 20. Broncos: Ryan Ramcyzk -OT Wisconsin - Broncos have a huge need at Right Tackle and Ramcyzk is a hard nose football player and excellent tackle. Downside is he is having off-season hip surgery and might now participate at the combine and pro day, but is to talented to not go first round. 21. Lions: Caleb Brantley - DT Florida - Lions are still weak on there interior DLine and has been since they lost Suh and Fairly, Brantly could be the next guy to try to fill that void. 22. Dolphins: Zach Cunningham -LB Vanderbilt - This was a tough choice, dolphins have needs at LB and DE. Cunningham could easily go earlier in draft and I can't have him slip any further. Dolphins have a huge need at linebacker and Cunningham is athletic and could be a great piece for this team. 23. Giants: OJ Howard - TE. ALABAMA - giants have a lot of needs as well and if they do not resign JPP, this pick could change to a pass rusher. Howard has solidified himself as a 1st round talent. Giants don't have much of a great at TE and gives Eli another option on offense. 24. Raiders: Garrett Bolles -OT Utah - Raiders are a great young team and had a really good offensive line but had a weakness at right tackle. Bolles could fill that weakness and make that line even better. 25. Texans: Pat Mahomes -QB Texas A&M -Texans invested a lot of money into Oswiler this past off-season but it has not worked out well. Tom Savage showed some but is he really the anwser too? They could bring in a veteran or draft Mahomes. He has a rocket of an arm and is a fun QB to watch but needs to be developed from a spread offense to NFL offenses. He is being compared to a Derek Carr and everyone is looking for someone like Carr. 26. Seahawks: Taco Charlton - DE Michigan - Seahawks will never pass on another strong Pass rusher to rotate into that defense they love to run. 27. Chiefs: Charles Harris- DE/OLB Missouri - Chiefs have a great defense and great pass rushers but Dee Ford is in his last year of his contract and could demand more money than the chiefs are willing to spend. 28. Cowboys: Tim Williams -DE/OLB Alabama -Williams is tough to decided where he will be drafted with some off the field issues. Cowboys have taken character risk players before and it has helped and hurt them. They need a pass rush on that defense and if they do there homework and think Williams won't be a trouble maker. He has talent to be a force on Defense. 29. Packers: Andrees Jackson - CB. USC - packers secondary was depleted by injuries this year and were exposed multiple times. Jackson is a fun electrifying prospect as a return but is a natural cover corner on Defense. 30. Steelers: Takkarist McKinney - OLB. UCLA -Steelers need to find a new OLB. Jarvis Jones has been a bust and how much longer can we rely on James Harrison to keep playing at such a high level at his age. 31. Patriots: Jalen Tabor - CB. Florida - Logan Ryan is a FA this year and they probably won't sign him with them needing to sign butler soon. Tabor was once the top corner in the draft but has dropped some but still considered a 1st round talent and Belichick brings the most talent out of his players. 32. Falcons: Malik Mcdowells -DE/DT. Michigan's State. - Falcons have been an amazing team this year. There defense continues to improve but could look to improve at the DT position.