#critical role meta

[ludinusdaleth]

all this talk about liliana being iredeemable has got me thinking about how fandom instantly forgave essek for all he did

the way i got this ask right as i was talking to my friend about almost this exact topic (is that you, kea, or are we all just thinking it)

heres the thing, i get how someone at a superficial level could justify seperating essek from others like himself; hes had among the most screentime. but, and i say this as someone who adores essek, that's.... really the only true leg up he has on others manipulated by ludinus/others against the gods, and it's very easy to notice the discrepancy. i genuinely do not think his story is somehow more valid or compelling than any other in similar shoes; most of them have an extremely close connection to a main character or are one, and they all had or have a chance at hope, to me. i once saw a post that snarked at anyone who would dare to say essek was priveleged and that that's why folk liked him, but, in a way he is: he's a rich man who looks it and is defined in his first moments by his handsomeness. during campaign 2 people wanted astrid gone and assumed she was as villainous as trent when she was essek's exact mirror but on the empire side, just a woman, and "in the way" of shadowgast. when liliana (woman, technically disabled, implied lower class), bor'dor (extremely lower class, man of color), deanna (black woman), frida (played by a man of color, of an oppressed class), & even, i will assume in the future, devexian (ultimate representative of a lower worker class oppressed people), have extremely similar stories or frankly far more valid reasons to be cautious about a god than essek, they're seen as entirely villainous with no possible redeeming quality or point, and are treated with immense scorn. meanwhile when essek starts a war by ensuring his culture's religion cannot be whole, he can easily be accepted by the fanbase, who even lambast the dynasty for daring to have a religion; thus, by their own logic, they are fully agreeing with ludinus (i am well aware of the intricacies of how the dynasty fucks up but, put this into the broader context here compared to how vasselheim is treated).

which is another reason im excited for the aeor arc; it is easy to assume essek will be there, and it will be interesting to see how his extremely blunt, delightedly-smug distaste for godhood (especially the luxon, which, didnt kill aeor like the pantheon did and is innocent in that) is framed in c3's context, and how fans respond to that. will it be entirely glossed over as people seemed to gloss over keyleth's distaste for them? will it be excused because it's cute when a man they see as a twink does it?

[ladyfoxfire]

Going to throw my hat into the “Liliana sucks” arena with this piping hot take: She doesn’t really love Imogen.

She loves the idealized version of Imogen she’s built in her head over 25 years of absolutely no contact with her. She loves the innocent little girl that needs her mommy to protect her from the big bad gods. She loves the daughter who will be grateful to her for all the hard decisions she had to make.

Her denial and self-absorption were enough to protect that ideal of her daughter from actual Imogen begging her to reconsider; she could tell herself that Imogen just didn’t understand what was at stake, or why these hard decisions had to be made.

But Imogen finally crossed a line that Liliana couldn’t reconcile with her idealized little girl, and that’s why Liliana broke so dramatically. Her “daughter” is dead, replaced with a hardened adventurer who’s willing to make her own hard decisions, and isn’t going to thank Liliana for the carnage she and Ludinus have left in their wake.

[deramin2]

Orym's argument against Ludinus Da'leth and the Ruby Vanguard is essentially "The purpose of a system is what it does."

This is a systems theory coined by Stafford Beer around 2001. He posited there is "no point in claiming that the purpose of a system is to do what it constantly fails to do." It does not matter what someone tells you a system does if it does not reliably do that. The things it does consistently do are the actual purpose of the system.

Ludinus (and Liliana) claim the purpose of the Ruby Vanguard's violence is to free Exandria of oppression from the gods. Orym's point is that they have not consistently protected anyone from oppression. They consistently murder innocent people, indoctrinate vulnerable people into doing terrible violence (including children), support a ruling class that dominates the population through mind control and eugenics, and seek to release a predator so terrifying that the warring alien gods and native primordials worked together to seal it away as a threat to both of them.

So the logical conclusion is that the purpose of Ludinus' system is not to free anyone from tyranny, it's to install himself as the tyrant. And it does not matter what Ludinus says it's for or even what he believes it's for. The purpose of a system is what it does. And Orym has been personally and repeatedly victimized by what it does. Why wouldn't he keep reminding them of that?

Add onto that, the Ruby Vanguard is a death cult. They lure people in with believable lies. They use propaganda to control how people view them and to convince people to support them. Liliana has been groomed into a true believer who genuinely thinks what she has been told is true and that Ludinus' system does what he says it will. She has been convincing other people of this for years. Not because she's an inherently bad person but because everyone generally tries to convince others that what we believe is true. It is actually dangerous to let a cultist try to talk you into the cult's perspective. That's why Orym shuts it down.

Orym was already on edge but it's fully in a breakdown after FCG's sacrifice. One more iteration of Ludinus' system consistently murdering the people he loves. But he still told Imogen he wants her to have a good relationship with her mom again. He wants Liliana to make it through the other side of this. But that has to involve consistently stating the reality of what's happening against what she believes.

Ludinus believes in the rapture of the revolution. Burn everything to the ground on a fundamental level and a new perfect society will grow, with him to guide it. The reality is that kind of power vacuum consistently leads to horrific violence and conditions often get much, much worse. Especially for vulnerable people, who often do not survive. A lot about the gods' relationships to mortals probably needs to change, but this an incredibly dangerous gamble to fix it.

The purpose of a system is what it does. Any suggestion otherwise is cold comfort to Orym's family in the ground.

[vethbrenatto]

time for me to reminisce on caleb widogast. not the man. the name.

how it was just one of a ton of aliases that bren aldric ermendrud used. it didn’t mean anything. if it was any other day he would’ve changed it the next day. but it was the day he met his best friend in a prison cell, so the name stayed.

and then it was the name he had when he met the rest of his friends that would become his family. it became his name because it was the name that the people who cared for him would use.

bren was never a deadname, becoming “caleb” was never any great show of choice. it was just a name that he happened to have on a particular day. the people that loved him made that his name.

[wenamedthedogkylo]

I already said this in my other post but this really deserves to stand on its own and honestly I'm crying over it so it has to get written down somewhere, but when Bor'Dor took a pull from Ashton's pipe, the smoke turned into an image of him shooting a Fire Bolt at the janky, creepy, lovingly set up dummy that the Hells had made for him. The target that his own targets made out of admiration for him, out of affection, out of genuinely wanting to see him grow his potential.

Ashton's pipe showed that the greatest, most heroic moment of Bor'Dor's life was casting Fire Bolt at that target, and getting to celebrate it with the rest of the Hells. It was feeling accepted for the first time in his life. Feeling respected. Feeling like he belonged, like he and his magic belonged and weren't some horrible, dangerous thing that they would fear him for or would have a temple come and cart him away for.

These people—who he somehow either followed across an ocean or luckily ran into—who he specifically stayed with because he intended to kill them for sabotaging the Ruby Vanguard's plans. For killing "his friends" in Marquet.

These people were the ones he finally felt accepted by. Not the Ruby Vanguard.

He gave Ashton the first piece of mental relief and relaxation they'd felt in years, maybe ever. He gave them jerky, and made them fruit leather, and caught a little fish and had Prism Enlarge it to make sure they could eat. Was he telling himself it was just to ingratiate himself to them, to get closer so the knife would be easier to twist? When did ingratiating himself become "I wanted you to like me"? Did he have to keep convincing himself it was all part of the plan, that he didn't really like them, that he didn't want to keep them alive but he had to to get his revenge, that he could let them die at any moment and this wasn't just him getting attached because how could he get attached to people he meant to kill?

Did Bor'Dor realize, in the moment that he decided to try killing them in that cave, that the Vanguard had only ever seen him as a weapon? That his "friends" who'd died in Marquet (he'd watched Ashton throw some of their bodies out of the Hole just days ago) wouldn't have sought revenge for his death the same way, because he was nothing more than a tool for one man's schemes? Did he realize he had more in common with Orym who'd lost all his loved ones to Ludinus and Otohan and the Vanguard—with Laudna and her myriad of terrifying, beautiful magical gifts and her desire to do good with them—than he'd ever had in common with anyone in the Vanguard?

Is that part of why he just tried to run?

It didn't have to be this way!

Bor'Dor healed most of the group right after fighting the Taker. He knew that his Vitriolic Sphere probably wouldn't kill all of them, that they had health potions and could recover. He just needed to get away. Get away so that they couldn't come after him, and he didn't have to see how he'd hurt the only people who'd welcomed him into their hearts in years, and he could tell himself that maybe they did die and he'd fulfilled his mission, and could tell himself too that maybe they didn't die and he hadn't actually killed his only real friends in the world.

I saw you! In Marquet! You murdered my friends!

Was he really still angry at the Hells for killing Ruby Vanguard members? Or was he trying desperately to fight back against how much they cared about him? How much they had genuinely reached out and taken him in? How much it was going to hurt him to hurt them? Was he trying to cling to his original purpose, so that he could ignore how much it hurt to kill the first people who'd seen his magic and said "you're amazing" and meant it? Who'd said "can I try something", "what else can you do", "it's nice to know I'm not alone, because you're in the same boat as me"?

And when he gave up... when he didn't try to fight back... when he begged for the end because there was no point anymore...

The Vanguard wasn't enough to stay alive for. And he'd just betrayed the only people who'd ever completely accepted him. There was no point anymore. No point in fighting. No point in living. He was done. He'd had enough.

Bor'Dor Dog'Son deserves his peace. I'm glad he got it.

[aeoris4lovers]

the quiet tragedy of verin being the one who never quite made it out.

for most of their lives, essek was the one who was entrenched in expectations, in the politics of their den. while verin was stationed far from the heart of the dynasty, ostensibly free from the eyes of his elders, essek was sitting beside their mother in court and speaking before the queen. and it made sense, because essek had always been better at all of it — the posturing, the sweet-talking, the ladder-climbing. his brother the black sleep was still his brother the prodigy; his brother the heretic was still his brother the shadowhand.

but then, essek meets new people and they get through to him and change him and make him softer, make him better (and why them? what is it about them, that they could do what verin never could?) and he runs. he gives up the title and the status and the power and leaves it all (leaves verin) behind.

suddenly, verin is the lone newsoul of den thelyss, the one with all eyes on him, with the expectations meant for two brothers falling squarely on his shoulders and only his in the absence of their other target. he is still the youngest of his den, the one they all watch and wait to be disappointed by, but there is no one to share that burden with anymore and all at once it becomes painfully clear that distance never really was freedom.

essek has a family, then — not a den but a family, with love and trust and care and warmth and all the things essek once called verin childish for craving — and a welcoming home to go to with someone who loves him waiting there and a garden in the front yard, and verin is left still fighting demons under the banner of a god (of a family, of a home) he only half-believes in.

and maybe they see each other more often then. maybe bazzoxan is remote enough that it’s safe for essek to visit in disguise. maybe essek’s friends come too and are kind enough to offer a taste of what essek has now and verin can almost believe it’s his too. maybe essek doesn’t even fight it anymore when verin insists on hugging him. but how much can that really fix? how much can it really change?

an unloved man leaves no one behind when he finally makes a better life for himself, but essek was never an unloved man. not really.

[caeslxys]

Zephrah actively postpones ruidusborn births. It is believed that the actual number of ruidusborn in exandrian history is much larger than has been officially recorded because the stigma of it was so intense that people lied about it. Alyxian, one of the few recorded ruidusborn heroes of the calamity who received direct blessings from three different prime deities (our very own Changebringer, the Archheart, and the Moonweaver) , has been all but forgotten (read: likely erased) by history.

The Archive of knowledge that revealed the truth of Predathos and Ruidus was never some forgotten thing—it was intentionally hidden by the elites in Vasselheim. And we have no idea how long they have been operating with that knowledge. We have no idea what they have been doing with that knowledge, what silent wars have been waging for years or decades or centuries. But we saw what they were willing to do, in Hearthdell. We saw the violence and suppression they were willing to commit. We saw the pettiness of the exandrian pantheon in the Dawnfather’s response to Deanna’s: “Are you worth saving?”. In the Changebringer’s manipulative change of course in her pleas to FCG. In the Wildmother’s rejection of Opal. In the knowledge we have that Imogen spent so much of her miserable time in Gelvaan begging the gods to aid her to no avail—just for Kord to reach out only to demand that she not let them down.

Liliana’s point that Vasselheim and the other faithful elite of the world will hunt ruidusborn down to negate even the potential of this happening again isn’t new, it isn’t something this solstice and the machinations surrounding it caused, and it isn’t some unsubstantiated, fearful claim—it has been happening.

The vanguard—and Liliana—are unequivocally wrong in their means. But can you really fault them in their desire? Can you really fault the conclusions they have drawn from the experiences they have lived? If you spend your entire life being rejected by the people and the pantheon of your world for means you could not possibly control, would you not seek out someone and somewhere that would accept you? And if you found it, if some being that has been connected with you your whole life welcomed you home and wrapped you in an embrace that felt like your mother’s and says that it is starving; well, aren’t you, too?

There is likely a holy war brewing. At the end of it all, is it truly the sole fault of the people and not the organizations and society that expelled them?

[nellasbookplanet]

Much as it would’ve been interesting to see Ashton carry both shards, I think that there could’ve been no harder wake up call for them than to try to absorb it, survive, and still be rejected. Had he died obviously he would’ve learned nothing because he would be busy being dead (and his ghost would probably dig deeper into a 'that’s typical nothing good ever happens to me' mentality). Had he lived and successfully absorbed the shard, he would’ve felt validated and correct in his decision, no matter how angry everyone was or how close he came to dying.

But surviving and failing? He can’t claim the universe is uniquely out to get him and revel in a justified anger and resentment, because he survived against impossible odds. But he also can’t feel like he was in the right. Lately he's been bouncing between 'I'm not owed anything and the gods hate me specifically' and 'this is my fate and birth right and what I'm owed', but this result supports neither of those extremes. The gods don’t hate him and aren’t uniquely out to get him. He isn’t special and chosen and meant to carry all the power that he wants. He's just a guy, and he fucked up. I feel like this is forcing him to see the role he himself has played in his own misery, and is setting him up to grow beyond the arrogance, entitlement and resentment that led him to try and take the shard to begin with and has given rise to his vocal dislike of the gods. Maybe it’s even setting him up for a Luxon arc, as that would let him embrace the chaos that has saved him instead of the past and blood ties he went looking for, and to work through his feelings regarding the gods without having to work with the main pantheon (that may be too much for his pride).

[sassy-cass-16]

all the absolutely unhinged instructions and Liam/Orym stress-commands while travis was moving the piece

vs travis taking the lead on laura's turn and just so gently telling her where she needs to move the thing with ZERO chetney input

the cast is so much better at communication than bell's hells lmaooo

[tangent101]

Laudna, Delilah, and Imogen...

I've noticed something of late. Do you remember when Laudna put down Bor'Dor, and the mourning veil covered Laudna's face once more? The dread heartbeat of Delilah was awakened and Laudna was so scared she'd reconnected to Delilah. She was petrified about this... and felt ashamed of how she'd "failed" her friends.

But the Veil hasn't returned. Marisha doesn't describe the mourning veil in her next incarnations of her Form of Dread. And I think there is a very important reason for this: Imogen. More specifically, Imogen admitted to Laudna that she loved her. And after Laudna admitted to Imogen what had happened with Bor'Dor, not only did Imogen defend Laudna's actions, but she continued to love her.

I honestly think that Marisha was planning on having Laudna backslide with the mourning veil and a greater connection to Delilah once more. But Laura derailed that train with four simple words: Can I kiss you? At that moment, she had Imogen admit that she loved a woman who thought herself unlovable. And that woman realized that she can feel love in return. She realized that she has fallen in love with Imogen and will break the world for her.

We're talking about a girl who flung herself and Imogen off of a tower to escape a demon... and then promptly threw herself over Imogen's unconscious body to protect her from the demon when it chased after them. She's willing to die to save Imogen. And I suspect she's also willing to live for Imogen's sake. (Because anyone can die for someone else. It takes real strength to choose to live for someone.)

So... yeah. Imogen managed to Laudna-block Delilah. And I'm sure a certain faded soul-fragment of a dread necromancer is gnashing her spiritual teeth because for one moment she had a way to regain control... and that purple-haired horrible person once again managed to spirit Laudna away. =^.^=

Addendum note: It's also curious that Laudna hasn't told any of the others about Delilah. She's admitted it to Ashton, Orym likely figured it out and/or overheard her tell Ashton... but she's not told FCG, Fearne, or Chetney. Just Imogen. It's almost as if she wasn't scared if the others were unhappy with what she did... just Imogen.

And when Imogen said "Bor'Dor deserved it" and not only didn't shun Laudna for possibly awakening Delilah again but was also understanding about Laudna wanting to use Delilah's power against Predathos and at the very end giving her uplifting words suggesting it might be their destiny to fight that power... that was what Laudna needed to hear. It very well may have put Laudna's fears to rest.

[ludinusdaleth]

sam's character, veth, put the core in devexian, and powered him up, and so the first aeormaton since the fall of aeor awoke.

devexian made sure fcg, sam's character, was able to be awoken as he was.

and fcg, using the core inside him, utilized it to save his friends once and for all.

the cycles of this game....

[ladyfoxfire]

I’m curious how Matt’s going to handle the off-screen assassination attempt on Liliana. Obviously, if one or more of the PCs had gone on that mission, he would have played it out and let the dice decide her fate. But since they didn’t, it’s entirely up to him if it succeeds or not.

On the one hand, Liliana being alive makes for juicy conflict with Imogen, and it’s sad to see that plot line end. On the other hand, Matt likes to give the player’s choices consequences, and Imogen chose not to warn her mother or make more than a token effort to change Rashinna’s mind. That choice loses some of its weight if Liliana survives the attack anyway.

Whichever way it goes, it was a great twist, and I’m excited to see how this plays out.

[deramin2]

Laudna going through a spiral about whether Ashton is a bad person because he wanted the power of both shards and did something stupidly dangerous to do it vs. Laudna deliberately feeding Delilah by using Hunger of the Shadow on Bor'Dor and Willmaster Edmuda.

Absolutely love it. Girl please keep projecting your worst fears about yourself and destructive habits on your friends and get scared of them without ever stepping back and assessing your own actions, it is delicious.

Bonus points that Imogen and Laudna are the biggest enablers of each other and not at all inclined to check each other's negative behaviors. Imogen still has a healthy fear about her powers, though, especially right now.

Meanwhile Laudna is still convinced that Orym is fine and the stable one while no one questions how Orym got Hex or that he's willingly using Ludinus' Quintessence Array to drain Edmuda of her life force. A totally normal stable good guy thing to do. Definitely no nosedive here. Although Laudna is irritated at him for pressuring everyone to keep going and not back down, and that he got the Quintessence Array use and not her. (Because again, she is trying to feed her own need for power.)

Somehow Fearne is the only one who's beginning to think they all might be going too far and getting scared, but they're not really listening to her. She saw her potential to become Dark Fearne and actually reevaluated her life. (Even if she's still a chaos being.)

Bell's Hells are great because they're like NPCs who ended up as the B-Team who keeps happening to be in the right place at the right time to be in the middle of all these events leading to this cataclysmic events that are so much bigger than they are. It's FUN that it's happening faster than they can recon with it and they're getting more and more desperate to not go under in a way that is actually making them go under faster.

They're seeing it in each other but not in themselves. That's the tragedy. They're so desperate to win it doesn't matter at what cost anymore. They're all just competing to see who can sacrifice themselves for the cause first while dragging their enemies down with them. They're going to end up being the monsters someone else has to fight, even though they kept trying to do good and fight the darkness.

[vethbrenatto]

breaking all That down a little

honestly c3e78 was just a FASCINATING roleplay episode so i'm doing a little train of thought meta on different people's reactions to the events of c3e77:

most of the group is angry at ashton, obviously. but for different reasons. fcg & imogen seem to carry concern largely for ashton themself and fear his self-harming tendencies. both go in on him directly, but also seem to be the ones who are openly the kindest towards them after they reject the second shard.

conversely, laudna and chetney are mad at ashton for hurting fearne (and in laudna's case, feel specifically betrayed). they both feel his crime is the effect his actions have on others.

which is fascinating, when paired with fearne's reaction, because fearne also blames ashton, but just as heavily blames herself. others like chetney and laudna rage in her honor, but she's mad at herself for going along with it. for making the "wrong" choice. for letting her feelings for ashton cloud her judgment.

and circling back around, we get to what ashton is feeling. regret, sorrow, immediate attempts at amends. but there's something in their conversation with chetney that really got me: when they state that when chetney inevitably fucks up at some point in the future, they will stand by chetney and give support. that he will show grace in that situation.

to which chetney says, just words. which maybe. but it's so in line with what ashton wants- family, belonging, unconditional love. going all the way back to the nobodies, this is what ashton is about. i think he would show grace, and i think he has in situations when others in the party haven't. there's something hard to swallow about the reactions to ashton in this episode, not because they're wrong from the other members of the party, but because in ashton's rebuttal to chetney, it feels like what ashton needs is for someone to say, "you fucked up, but we still love you." which they sort of get around to by the end of the episode, but we're not quite there yet.

insane RP episode, 10/10

[aeoris4lovers]

when caleb is talking to the nein about his past before the dinner with trent, he tells them that in the time he spent under trent, astrid and wulf never wavered in their dedication or willingness. after rereading his origins comic, though, i think he’s wrong. i think there was a pretty significant period of time where eadwulf specifically was having doubts about what they were doing right in front of his eyes.

exhibit a: the bodies

this is the most subtle example of it, but it’s also the earliest and probably represents the very beginnings of whatever doubts were brewing in wulf’s mind.

in both of these instances, there’s a dead or unconscious body on the ground, and wulf is staring at it while bren talks to trent. it’s hard to tell where he’s looking in the second one, but a later frame makes it clear that he’s looking in the direction of a body.

in the first one particularly, he looks to me like he’s visibly upset — his face isn’t as stoic as the others, and his body language looks uncertain, not his usual crossed-arm stance.

these were the moments that first caught my eye. they brought up questions in my mind: what is he thinking? what’s going through his head as he looks at the people they just hurt?

exhibit b: the bath scene

this comes immediately after the second body, and is what confirmed in my mind that wulf definitely isn’t entirely on board with the things they’re being told to do.

he closes the door behind them and just stands with his fist against it. none of them look happy by any means, but it’s clear that he’s upset to a point where even bren and astrid, in the midst of their own feelings, look concerned and go to comfort him.

bren in particular takes a long moment with him before the two of them rejoin astrid. i’ll get into why that — and bren’s role in general — is significant in a moment.

exhibit c: the morning after

this is the most important point in all of this, and the significance of his reaction here really can’t be understated.

in this moment, trent has just drawn their attention to their “memories” of their parents defying the empire. these are, from their point of view, very real and undeniable memories. and yet, the reaction we see here from wulf is one of explicit and absolute rejection.

and he’s not just denying what trent wants him to believe — he’s angry. he’s standing up and slamming a hand on table and raising his voice. doubt has been simmering under the surface in him for a while now, and this is the moment that trent crosses a line. trent has presented something truly unthinkable to him and despite his own memories supporting it, he absolutely cannot believe it. on a very visceral level, he knows it can’t be right.

this moment is significant not only because it confirms beyond a shadow of a doubt that wulf is not completely sure of what they’re doing, but also because we literally never see another student of trent openly defy him like this, nor do we see any volstrucker do so.

let me repeat that: until caleb goes up against him with the nein, eadwulf is the only person we ever see look trent in the eye and say “you’re wrong.” even after all of campaign two, we never see someone actively working under him defy him that explicitly — it’s only caleb, who escaped his control, or people like the nein with no real connection to him. even when astrid acts against him, she does it very quietly and is clearly terrified of those actions being alluded to at the dinner. wulf is the only one we ever see who, while at trent’s mercy, dares to openly and completely reject him.

bringing his family into it was a step too far. at this point, wulf isn’t just struggling with what they’re being told — he’s absolutely not having it anymore.

so what gives?

we know that he ultimately believes trent enough to kill his parents, and is even the first of the three to do it, so how do we get to that level of agreement from such a powerful moment of anger and denial?

that’s where bren comes in.

looking back at that breakfast scene, we can also see how the other two react to their own memories coming to light.

astrid’s is one of betrayal. she’s confused and struggling to understand why they would do it, but she doesn’t deny it either.

bren’s, on the other hand, is one of defeat. he’s clearly upset, but he’s simultaneously totally certain that what they’re remembering is true. and of course he is — his memory has been impeccable his entire life. why would he start to question it now, even if he doesn’t want to believe what it’s telling him?

bottom line: while astrid clearly also struggles with it and may have her own doubts, though not as strong as wulf’s, bren takes it all in stride and never wavers.

and if there’s one thing we know about wulf, it’s that he trusts his people. throughout his scenes in campaign two, we see him looking to astrid for signs of what to do or say and deferring to her when he’s overwhelmed by or unsure of the situation at hand. when caleb takes his hand at the blooming grove, he follows, and when astrid takes his hand and leads him away, he follows her. where they go, he follows. he trusts them implicitly and he looks to them when he doesn’t know what the right call is.

so what is he going to do in that moment, when his own mind is telling him something that he absolutely can’t believe and he doesn’t know how to reconcile it? he looks to them for guidance.

astrid clearly isn’t in a place to offer much, and hasn’t been. she’s not as lost in doubt as he is, but she’s not certain enough to reassure him either. we can already see that in the bath scene — remember when i said it was significant that bren is the one to stay with wulf while astrid goes off on her own? she wants to comfort him and tries to because she cares about him, but it seems that her conviction isn’t quite strong enough to be a steady base for someone else. and in the breakfast scene, we see that again, with her not openly going against it but still struggling with it in a way bren doesn’t.

bren, on the other hand, is consistently certain that they’re doing the right thing, even when it feels bad. caleb says as much himself when he first tells beau and nott his story: “i was so sure, i was so sure, until i wasn’t.” hearing his parents scream as they die is genuinely the first time he ever has doubts. until that moment, he’s sure. he trusts his mind and he trusts trent and he believes in their cause.

so when he sees wulf struggling with it, what does he do? he offers that certainty, reminds him of why they’re doing what they do, assures him that they’re doing the right thing and he doesn’t have to feel guilty. he’s their rock, the one wulf and astrid can trust to be sure even when their faith is shaken.

and that’s exactly what i think happens in the time between that breakfast and the night they kill their parents: bren sees wulf angry and totally lost trying to make sense of the massive gulf between what he remembers and what he knows to be true, he sees astrid confused and not able to put the pieces together, and he reassures them because he trusts his mind and so do they and he doesn’t want to see them struggle.

and i think astrid needs less convincing, but once she’s sure too and it’s only wulf that can’t accept it, that’s when he starts to think that maybe the unthinkable could really be true. bren is certain of what he remembers and astrid is certain that bren is right, so how can wulf, who trusts and relies on them so much for guidance, not at least entertain the idea that his parents really are traitors? how can he deny it and, in doing so, deny them?

that’s how he can ultimately go and do what he’s told, with such a stern and certain look on his face as he does. because his people were sure that it was the right thing to do, and no matter how strongly he feels that something must be wrong, he trusts them even more than he trusts himself.

that’s not to say that his doubts are completely quelled, though, because there’s still more of this thread that we can follow.

exhibit d: the aftermath

wulf’s move to knock bren out and save astrid is a quick and decisive one in the moment, but it’s clear that he isn’t at all sure if he did the right thing. he talks to trent — explaining himself, maybe even apologizing because he thinks he was wrong — and trent has to stop him and say that no, he was right.

this is significant for two reasons. the first and more obvious of the two is that this shows he’s still in a headspace of questioning what he’s doing almost immediately after doing it. that doubt was quelled long enough to allow him to complete the “exercise”, but not by any means gone for good.

the second, which i think is the most important to the person he ultimately becomes, is that this is the first time he’s had to look to trent for reassurance.

before this moment, it’s bren and astrid who comfort and reassure him. but now, bren is lost to them and astrid is in no shape to offer any comfort, much less give him the reassurance bren might have. and she might not want to do so even if she could — she wanted to save bren, not leave him behind, and may very well be angry at wulf for the choice he made. so what choice does he have, with neither of them able to support him, but to look to his mentor for reassurance?

and what happens once he gets that reassurance from trent? before, he doubted trent and even openly defied him, but can he continue to do that now?

if he wants to be able to live with himself after, to live with the choice he made and sleep at night, he has to believe that the reassurance trent offered him that night was right — he has to believe that trent’s judgment is right. if trent is lying or just wrong, that means he did the wrong thing that night, and where can he go from there?

that night is a turning point for wulf not just because he took his parents out of the picture, but because he made a decision that ended up forcing him to trust trent to an extent that he really didn’t before.

the new eadwulf

the wulf that we meet in campaign two as an adult is a far cry from the wulf who stood up at that table and said “no, they would never.” he comes across as largely apathetic to and even comfortable with the things they do — it’s just a job for him, not something to overthink or get hung up on. as far as he’s concerned, the lives they take are unfortunate but still necessary sacrifices, just like trent always said.

and if you ask me, his journey to becoming that person, to the doubt and the fire in him being all but completely stomped out, starts with the night he was forced to give up his one source of constant reassurance and finally put his trust in trent instead. everything we see him do to separate himself from his actions, from his belief in fate and his “good soldier” attitude to the drink he has ready after spending time with trent, stems from that moment. he is the way he is when we meet him not because he simply doesn’t care, but because he can no longer afford to.

caleb says they never wavered while he was with them, but i think it’s only because his vision was clouded by his own certainty that he never saw it. he just couldn’t believe that they might not believe in their cause as much as he did because it seemed so right to him, and how could he believe that the people he loved would doubt something so important?

but they did doubt it, especially wulf, and even as an adult, little bits of that stick around in him — he immediately gravitates toward caduceus after caduceus stands up to trent, and as soon as trent isn’t a threat anymore, he’s perfectly content to just stay with caleb (and probably would have if astrid hadn’t pulled him away when she did).

i think, if bren hadn’t been selected for the volstrucker program or just hadn’t been as confident as he was in all of it, it may very well have been eadwulf who found himself standing against trent in the end.

[12pt-times-new-roman]

I fully forgot that I pre-ordered Exquisite Exandria until it arrived this morning, so you know what that means!

time for lore!

The Dawnfather is also the god of time. (pg. 77)

During celebrations, the "vow of Vasselheim" is recited: "we remember and thank the gods who saved us. We honor their magic and practice no other. We remember the hubris that nearly destroyed us. We will never forget again." Vasselheim's culture and/or governance (but not the entirety of Issylra itself) believes that arcane magic was the cause of the Calamity, and refuses to make the mistakes of its ancestors. (pg. 77)

There's a particular sentence that could allude to Gruumsh, the Ruiner having been the one to bring down Aeor: "he drove his spear clean through [Cael Morrow] and into the ground below, detonating a third of the continent in one gigantic strike." Using "clean through" and "detonate" here is reminiscent of Matt's description of the smooth borehole and mile-wide crater in the Genesis Ward. (pg. 102)

The Dwendalian Empire has declared that "divine magic and most religious worship are trickery and deceit." This is why they found the Kryn Dynasty's theocracy so threatening. (pg. 152)

The Cerberus Assembly is referred to as "a pillar of corruption at the heart of a totalitarian government." (pg. 153)

Essek Thelyss is canonically a member of the Mighty Nein. (pg. 154)

After Yasha brought her book of flowers to Zuala's grave, she started her own flower garden with Beau, and the first seeds she planted there were from the Blooming Grove. (pg. 190)

Athodan tried to use gravity magic to reverse the over-ripening of fruit. It failed, but the resulting concoction was used to taunt and celebrate him for months. (pg. 206)