#crossing my arms tapping my foot still waiting on this special episode

[sassy-ahsoka-tano]

A Birthday Surprise

Character/Fandom: Austin Butler

Requested: yes - nonnies!

Prompt: It's your birthday, right? You're sure it is, but it's not like your boyfriend, Austin, to forget. He's been gone all day, and you're starting to get frustrated, until he returns with about a gazillion surprises for you.

TW: None!

Rating: Pg   ||     Word Count: 3083

A/N: "mx" is a gender neutral term, so you can fill it in with whatever you identify as! this was gonna be a blurb originally but it really just went off haha 😂 you know it's funny that i write so much for a!elvis but also that all of my remaining requests for austin are smut 💀

🦋 mila

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It’s your birthday. Without a doubt, you are sure. You’ve checked the calendar at least three separate times. It’s definitely today. And although you know it, apparently your boyfriend, Austin, doesn’t.

He’d gotten up that morning, leaned over to kiss you on the cheek, and whispered a quick ‘I love you’ before exiting the apartment. You’d gone back to bed, assuming he was just going to pick up breakfast or something like that. But when you woke up at noon, having overslept something awful, to find him still gone you'd started to get worried. You’d texted him to ask if he was alright.

Good morning sleeping beauty! I’m just fine - running some errands. Be back soon! 💘

You shrug, a tiny smile forming as you wonder if he's picking up something special for your birthday. By the time you've finally dragged yourself out of bed, washed your face, and eaten some lunch, you just really want to relax for a few hours. You click on your favorite show and what starts as a plan to watch an episode or two quickly turns into a bingeing session that lasts until five p.m.

When the last episode of this season ends, you pull out your phone to check the time. You've been so engrossed in the show that you haven't been paying attention and have even forgotten that Austin isn't there. Now you're even more worried. It's been hours since he left this morning.

Just as you lift up your phone to give him a call, it suddenly hits you that you've spent your entire birthday sitting on the couch watching tv. Alone and without the person in the world who you love the most. You check your phone again, seeing no missed texts or calls from Austin and you suddenly feel infuriated with him.

You check his location, something you realize you could have done a lot earlier, and see that he's pulling onto the block. Convenient timing. With a clenched jaw, you angrily switch the tv off and stalk into the kitchen toward the chair closest to the door.

You tap your foot anxiously, your eyes drifting up to the clock on the wall in the kitchen. You heave a sigh, returning to your phone to mindlessly scroll. Your finger flicks up and down on the screen and with each motion, your heart sinks lower and lower. You clench your jaw again to hold back tears. You are not about to be a crying wreck when he comes into that apartment. You place your phone face-down on the counter and cross your arms over your chest.

You can't believe he forgot. Your own birthday. The most important day of the year and the love of your life forgot...

You're only waiting for a minute or two before you hear the door slamming and Austin's footsteps echoing in the hallway. You don't even wait for him to come into view before you lay into him.

"So where have you been all day?" you shout. "I guess you don't know what today is, do you? Huh? It's only the most important day of my life! The only day that matters considering the fact that I wouldn't exist without it!"

You mean to come out with a strong, commanding voice. But, instead, your throat hitches at the end of the sentence. Hot tears start to sting the corner of your eyes as you circle around the corner to confront him.

"I can't believe this, Austin. I can't believe you forgot. After everything that we-"

You stop short when you see him. He's standing in the doorway with a bunch of balloons, a box of chocolates, a stuffed animal, and about a hundred reusable shopping bags tucked under his arm.

"Oh...I-" you mutter, your eyes nervously glancing around as they try to take in and process what you're seeing.

He's staring at you with widened eyes and a hint of fear, maybe?

"Did you think I forgot your birthday?" he asks incredulously, gently dropping the bags down to come over to you. You shut your mouth, biting your tongue and letting a few of the residual tears drip down your cheeks. "Oh, baby, no. Of course, I didn't forget."

He reaches out and pulls you into a big hug, wrapping his strong arms around you. You nestle into his chest, breathing him in. He smells warm and familiar, like that strong spicy cologne he always wears. You reach up to wipe a few tiny tears that are trying to sneak out from your eyes. He releases you ever so gently, moving to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He gently brushes your cheek with his thumb.

"I could never, ever forget your birthday, baby," he says with a small grin. "It's the best day of the entire year because it's the day that you came into the world. Without this day, I couldn't be sitting here with you. With the love of my life."

You smile weakly, sniffing back a little booger that's racing toward the edge of your nostril.

"Well where were you all day?" you ask, sticking your lower lip out. "You left this morning and you've been gone all day, for hours. I spent the whole day alone, by myself."

"Oh I'm so sorry, honey. I didn't mean to be gone for that long. I should have texted you, and I apologize for that. But, I thought maybe you could take some time for yourself today. I'm so stupid. I didn't even think that you might be lonely. I was just thinking you might like some time to do whatever you wanted without me in the way. But that's completely my fault. I should never have been gone for so long. But, if it's any consolation, I was gone all day picking up everything I could possibly think of to make tonight the best night of your life."

"Picking up some things. Like what?" you ask, still playing the pouty face but feeling mostly better now.

"Well, why don't you take these..." he says, reaching behind him to fumble around in one of the shopping bags. He pulls out a little basket stuffed with all kinds of bath treats: bath salts, bath bombs, lotions, perfumes, face masks, anything you could possibly need for a spa-level bath. "...upstairs and enjoy a nice, hot bath. Go ahead and get yourself ready to go out, cause I have another surprise waiting for you."

He leans forward with a sexy smile resting on his face. His eyes flick down to your lips for a quick moment, and he grins. You place the basket on the couch beside you and lean forward, brushing your nose against his. You let your fingers trail onto his thighs, squeezing the skin, as you brush your lips against his plump ones. You feel him breathe in sharply and smirk against your lips. His hand drifts up and onto your neck, his fingers weaving themselves into your hair. He pulls your face firmly against his and you smile into the kiss. When you pull back, you reach over for the basket.

"I think I will. Thank you, baby. Care to join me?" you ask, biting your lip.

"More than anything, but I have birthday duties to attend to," he replies, pressing his lips against the corner of your mouth with a loud pop.

"Suit yourself," you say, excitedly hopping off the couch and bounding up the stairs.

You turn the water on in the tub and light some candles as the water flows into the basin. You drop some of the bath accessories in the tub and climb into the soothing water, closing your eyes and letting the comforting sensation of warm water flow over your skin. You catch your head nodding off to the side once or twice, but you jerk yourself awake each time. This bath is clearly working.

When the water finally grows cold, you hop out and dry off. You reach into the basket, fishing a familiar-looking bottle out from the objects. You smile and giggle as your fingers trace over the words of your favorite scent. Austin remembered. After applying the lotion all over, you walk into the bedroom with your towel loosely wrapped around your body.

Your eyes immediately lock onto some clothes laid out on the bed. Your already pleasant smile grows into a full-on grin as you approach the bed and lay your fingers on the fabric of a brand new pair of jeans. Your favorite cut and brand. Austin has also laid out a shirt in your favorite color and style as well as a pair of shiny white shoes. You have to admit that you're impressed. This is totally an outfit you'd buy yourself. You shrug the clothes on and finish getting ready before hopping down the stairs, in a vastly improved mood. You feel like you're glowing, almost radiantly, in all of your fresh scents and clothes.

When you reach the bottom of the stairs, you see Austin sitting on the couch, scrolling on his phone. You laugh out loud as your eyes take in the space next to him. On coffee table, he'd delicately and expertly arranged a stuffed bear with a little heart, a box of chocolates, your favorite candy, and three or four other surprises all wrapped up in shiny gold packaging.

"Oh Aus," you say, approaching him. He'd also changed into a nice pair of khaki pants and a black polo. You love him in black.

You walk into his arms and he drapes them across your lower back.

"This is so amazing," you continue. "I'm sorry I jumped on you earlier. I should have known that you'd never forget my birthday."

"No, I gave you every reason to think that I had. But I'm glad you like the surprise. I actually have one more that I think you'll like very much," he responds and you quirk an eyebrow. "Are you all ready to go?"

You nod enthusiastically, and he grins widely, taking your hand and grabbing the keys from his pocket. You climb into the car and he hands over the AUX, letting you pick whatever songs you want. You jam out wholeheartedly on the entire way to wherever it is that you're going.

After a short ride, Austin pulls into a parking space at a big warehouse-looking building that you've never seen before. You turn off the music, shooting him a confused expression.

"Where are we, Aus?"

"Come on," is all he says as he hops out and runs over to your side. He opens your door with a bow, gesturing for you to get out. "M'lady."

He takes your hand and you giggle as you step out of the car. He beeps the locks and takes you by the hand, leading you up to the door like a true gentleman. He opens it for you, and you step into a world of darkness.

"Um...Austin, what is this? I can't se-"

"Surprise!!!!"

You jump back and scream as the lights flare on and a chorus of loud voices shout at you. Your hand flies to your chest as you heave a few heavy breaths. Your eyes frantically flick around to see a bunch of people of all genders, ages and sizes cluttered into a small room. As your brain begins to work again and you start recognizing faces, you smile. It's a combination of your best friends, family members, coworkers, and pretty much anyone and everyone that you know.

Your mother approaches, holding out her arms.

"Hi honey! I hope we didn't scare you too badly, but we wanted to do something special for you this year," she says as you hug her tightly.

"Honestly, you scared me pretty bad there. But I'm so happy to see you all here! This is amazing! How long have you had this planned?"

"A few months now, but we couldn't have done anything without Austin," your mom replies, smiling at your boyrfriend. "He helped us set everything up and kept you busy and unsuspecting all day. He planned the entire party from top to bottom."

"Well I was definitely unsuspecting," you say, throwing a glance at Austin who just chuckles.

Your mom whisks you away before you even have a chance to thank everyone. She takes you around to show you the different things they have set up: a whole buffet with all your favorite foods, fresh and steaming; some games, like cornhole and various board games; there's even a photo station with little props.

Your cheeks begin to hurt from your smile as she totes you around to say hello to everyone at the party. By the time she's finally made her rounds with you, you're exhausted. You plop into a chair with a plate full of food and glance around for your boyfriend. Your eyes finally land on him and you smile warmly as you watch him talking with your parents. He nervously pulls at his fingers and bites his lip, his go-to nervous habit.

You make eye contact with him and offer a small but tired smile. He says something quickly to your parents before making his way over to you to pull up a chair next to you.

"How is my birthday mx doing?" he asks, taking your hand and rubbing small comforting circles on the skin.

"It's wonderful, Austin. All of it. I just can't thank you enough."

"Maybe there is one way you could thank me," he responds cheekily, a small mischievous smile spreading across his face. He starts to lean in and so do you.

"Hey, hey! Cousin Y/N, cousin Y/N! Look at my new dinosaur toy!"

You jerk back, turning to face your younger cousin, Max, who's waving a bright green dinosaur toy in your face. You chuckle and take the toy, pretending to inspect it.

"Wow! That's awesome, Max!"

Max turns to Austin, cocking his head before aggressively grabbing Austin's fingers.

"I wanna show you my collection," he says, pulling on Austin's hands You can see Austin's cheeks grow a little red as he tries to resist being pulled along. You giggle, quietly gesturing for him to follow Max. He shoots you a quick plea for help before he allows Max to drag him along.

Once he's been dragged away, you get to work on your food. You haven't realized how hungry you are until you're staring at an empty plate in front of you. You glance up when you're finished and chuckle to yourself when you see Austin sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the ground with Max and a few other of your cousins. He's leaning down with a sweet toothy smile on his face, hopping a tiny plastic dinosaur figure forward on the ground.

"Gather around everyone!!" your mom shouts, startling you. You haven't even realized that she was behind you. "It's time to cut the cake!!"

You throw your face into your hands, feeling heat creep into your cheeks as your mom slides a humongous cake in front of you. It's probably still not big enough to feed everyone in attendance but definitely the biggest cake you've ever seen. Your mom lights the candles on top and then everyone gathers in a circle and begins to sing.

You glance up at the people around you, smiling at the familiar loving faces. You lock eyes with Austin and your heart flutters, filled with a sense of complete contentment. The glow of the candles is casting a warm light on his face, and he looks so handsome in that black polo. He smiles sweetly at you, tilting his head ever so slightly. The singing stops and you take a deep breath to blow the candles out. Everyone claps and your mom cuts the cake.

You chat to your family and friends for about another hour as you all slowly make your way through the cake, Austin sitting next to you and rubbing circles on your back the whole time. Despite your mother's every attempt to get you to take the remaining food and cake home, you manage to make it out with only a few Tupperware containers full of leftovers.

You walk hand-in-hand with Austin and climb into the car together. You can't stop smiling as you drive home, and Austin must have noticed because he reaches over to place a warm hand on your thigh and squeeze it gingerly.

"Good night?" he asks, and you nod enthusiastically. You lean your head against the headrest, tilting it to glance at him.

"Austin, this is the best birthday I've ever had. Thank you. I'm sorry again that I doubted you. I never should have second-guessed your devotion to me. You really outdid yourself tonight."

He says nothing, only smiles and pouts his lips out to blow you a kiss. A few moments of comfortable silence pass before you speak up.

"So, how did it go with the cousins?" you ask chuckling.

Austin blows a breath of air, the force pushing his floppy hair up and down on his forehead. Your smile curls into your cheeks.

"It was nice," he says, squeezing your thigh. "I was nervous to meet your entire family, but I just wanted to show you how much you're loved. How many people's lives you've touched. It was a pleasure and an honor to entertain the cousins. Plus, I have to be honest, Max does have a pretty sweet dinosaur collection."

You laugh as Austin pulls into the driveway. He parks and runs over to your side again to help you out. You shake your head as you take his hand and hop down from the car.

"You don't have to do that every time, you know. The car's not even that far off the ground."

"Anything for the birthday mx."

You place your hand on the doorknob to go into your apartment but stop, turning back to glance at Austin.

"Are there any more surprises I should be worried about? Anyone gonna jump out at me if I open this door?"

Austin just smiles and takes a quick step toward you, laying his hands underneath your legs and swooping you up into his arms. You yelp, clutching onto his soft shirt. He holds you bridal style as he reaches for the door.

"There shouldn't be. But if there is, I'll protect you, love."

You laugh, nuzzling your head into his chest as he walks you both through the door.

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[crankynewt]

Good for a Weekend (Helmut Zemo)

Masterlist

Summary: You were retired, a disgraced Avenger content living the rest of their life out in solitude. But Sam and Bucky's shenanigans dragged you back into the hero life and you found yourself face to face with the man who'd got you into this mess in the first place. The question is, however, is he really who you thought he was? Or are you just as crazy as him?

Pairing: Helmut Zemo x Reader

Warnings: TFAWS Episode 3 Spoilers, Zemo (he's a warning), swearing, mentions of torture and experimenting (past), drinking, Zemo being semi-protective, I think that's it??

Word Count: 3.41k

Author's Note: Biting the bullet and writing this BEFORE Marvel does something to get us to hate him again. Also, ZEMO AND BLANK SPACE WORK SO WELL TOGETHER OMG.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” You murmured, looking at the message from Sam flashing across your phone. Although you had stopped dead in your tracks, the chaos of the bustling streets of London continued around you. You pushed your sunglasses further up your nose, them having fallen down as you were peering at the screen of your burner cell.

‘Need your help in Madripoor ASAP,’ the text read. You weren’t daft, you knew exactly what kind of lawless entropy happened on that Indonesian island and if Sam was asking for your help, that meant he was in some deep shit.

‘I’m retired,’ you replied, glancing over your shoulder out of habit. Although you’d been pardoned after the Berlin incident by the government, you were still a disgraced Avenger in the eyes of the world. All you wanted was to live the rest of your life out in peace, a future without the world-saving you began when you left HYDRA with the Maximoff twins.

You hadn’t chosen to become a human lab rat, tortured and exposed to the mind stone until you could suddenly hear the thoughts of others in your head. Telepathy and telekinesis were not necessarily the kind of special skills that employers wanted to see on a resume, but alas, here you were. Thankfully, however, you'd learned to block them out until necessary to violate people's privacy. Fighting aliens and other superpowered entities, including the people you’d once considered to be your family, were in the past.

‘Please. It’s Bucky,’ Sam messaged again. Those three words were enough to make your blood run cold and your heart stop. Bucky was the reason you were in this mess in the first place, and you would be damned if the ex-assassin was going to fall back into the clutches of evil.

With a sigh, you typed back ‘fine’ and began the trek towards your apartment. Your phone was vibrating again immediately, Sam explaining that they would be picking you up at a small airstrip on the edge of the city.

Three hours later, you were walking along a long, concrete runway, the harsh England wind attacking your body as you pulled your leather jacket tighter around you. Your brows furrowed in confusion at the sight of a civilian jet rather than the military-esque vessels you’d become accustomed to. The steps were awaiting your ascent with an older man stood adjacent to the entrance.

“Ms.(Y/L/N),” he greeted. A thick accent laced his tone, one you couldn’t quite determine from the crackling of age in his voice. German or Russian, most likely, you deduced. Attempting to be polite despite your skepticism, you gave him a tight-lipped smile and handshake before the elder man gestured towards the stairs for you. Entering the jet, you turned right to be met with the familiar faces of Sam and Bucky.

“(Y/N)!” Bucky exclaimed, rising from his seat and embracing you in a hug. He held you tightly against his body, almost as if he wasn’t sure you were really there. The super soldier had taken a liking to you when the two of you stayed in Wakanda during your exile, both of you having a certain understanding of the other due to your shared experiences with HYDRA. The sergeant had become somewhat of a brother to you in your time away together. “What are you doing here?”

“Sam messaged me.” You replied, Barnes’ arms immediately releasing you as he whipped around to face Sam.

“You tattled on me to (Y/N)?” He scoffed. If looks could kill, Sam would have dropped dead from the darkness in Bucky’s orbs.

“Wait, if he’s okay then what am I here for?” You said, shifting your gaze to Sam as you raised a brow.

“You’re here to make sure that he stays in line.” Sam snapped, crossing his arms over his chest as Bucky let out an exasperated ‘Jesus Christ’ under his breath.

“Bucky’s fine, Sam.” You replied, rubbing your face with your hand in annoyance as you glanced at the super-soldier.

“He’s not talking about James.” A new voice sounded from behind you, one both vaguely familiar but also strange. Whipping around, you were met with a face you’d only ever seen through a screen. Zemo.

“What the fuck is he doing out of prison?!” You exclaimed, looking between Sam and Bucky in utter disbelief.

“Bucky broke him out of jail!” Sam exclaimed, pointing a finger towards the super-soldier.

“Sam’s the one who pulled me into this mess!” Bucky pointed back.

“You two morons have reached a whole new level of dumbassery!” You exclaimed, keeping a cautious gaze on Zemo in the corner of your eye. “You broke out the man who ripped apart the Avengers out of jail and you let him do it?! The same man who killed King T’Chaka! Do neither of you remember what T’Challa and the people of Wakanda just did for us after we became enemies of the state?! I cannot believe that you would betray their trust and help this monster to escape!”

You paused for a moment, breathing heavily as you looked at the ashamed faces of Bucky and Sam in front of you.

“I’m sorry to-” You heard Zemo begin, you turned to face him with utter rage shining in your eyes. “No! The grown-ups are talking, you can wait your turn.” You scolded him, almost as you would a child but just a tad harsher. Grown-ups may have also not have been the best choice of words to describe Wilson and Barnes.

“I don’t want any part of this suicide mission!” You snapped at the duo, moving to leave.

Thirty minutes later, however, you were still on the jet, glaring into a pair of brown eyes as the four of you flew through the air. Honestly, you couldn’t believe you were still there, but Sam and Bucky knew you too well and pushed just the right buttons to convince you to stay. Sam needed you to tap into Zemo’s mind if need be to figure out if he was planning on betraying them, and you didn’t want two of the last people you trust getting themselves killed if you could prevent it.

Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum were sitting across from each other, meaning that you got stuck sitting across from the Baron in silence. He shifted uncomfortably under your gaze, the darkness in your (Y/E/C) orbs not sitting well with the man.

“So, you read minds.” He began, rubbing his hands together anxiously. You noted the nervous tick and couldn’t help but feel amused at his discomfort, but your expression never faltered.

“You don’t need to make small talk.” You bit, your icy tone growing colder in every syllable.

“I’m genuinely curious, is all.” He began, pausing his fiddling to brush his hair back only to resume it once more. “It just seems like for someone with your abilities, you’re often an overlooked member of the team. You’re the most powerful, even more so than Maximoff or Banner, perhaps, yet you were never truly an Avenger, were you?”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m retired.” You muttered, ending your glaring to gaze out the window. The way Zemo spoke about you was unsettling, especially considering how he felt about the Avengers. He seemed not to think that you were part of the team, similarly to Bucky, and that brought you a feeling of unease.

“And why is that?” Zemo pushed, your avoidance evidence that he’d struck a chord.

“Why do you care?” You scoffed, looking back at the Sokovian man, both annoyance and exhaustion present in your tone.

“Because I think you’re like me.” He answered, his tone becoming quieter. Zemo didn’t look at you with the same rage you’d seen in footage from 2016, nor with the amusement that he gazed at Bucky and Sam with. No, it was something different, softer and analytical, perhaps. You wanted to peer into his mind for something, anything to figure out what he was thinking, but he would likely feel your prodding into his consciousness. As of now, he didn’t seem to have any plans to betray you guys, and you wouldn’t be the one to give him a reason.

“That’s enough from you.” Bucky interrupted, rising from his seat to switch places with you, his brotherly possessiveness clear as day.

The rest of the flight was uneventful, and Zemo provided the three of you with costumes for the roles you were to play in Madripoor. Yours seemed to have been designed specifically to be horribly uncomfortable, both in feel and the amount of skin that was exposed in the cool evening air. The three of you were making your way towards the glowing city shining in the distance, the nerves in your stomach rising with each step.

“Only an American would assume a fashion-forward Black man looks like a pimp.” Zemo explained in response to Sam’s protests over his own outfit. “You look exactly like the man you’re supposed to be playing. The sophisticated, charming African rake named Conrad Mack, aka the Smiling Tiger.”

“He even has a bad nickname.” Sam said, looking at the picture of Conrad on the phone Zemo had just handed him. “Hell, he does look like me though.”

“And who am I supposed to be playing, exactly?” You questioned, still unsure as to what role you would be playing in this scheme.

“My partner,” Zemo said simply, an amused smile working his way onto his lips.

“What?! No! Nu-uh, I’m not doing that!” You protested, Sam chuckling at your denial of what was probably inevitable.

“Would you rather the alternative of all of us getting slaughtered the second we step foot into the city?” Zemo retorted, still humored by your resistance.

“Fine, but if you try anything I’m going to break your nose.” You gave in.

"I wouldn't expect anything less."

Soon, the four of you were making your way into a bar, Helmut’s arm wrapped tightly around your waist since the second you exited the car in a mock possessiveness. It was all part of the charade, you had to remind yourself, as the Baron kept your side pressed against his snugly.

Making your way up to the counter, the bartender didn’t look impressed to see the group of you there as he made his way over to you.

“Hello,” He began. “Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.”

“His plans changed. We have a business to do, with Selby.” Zemo interjected before Sam could respond.

“The usual?” The bartender ignored Zemo and turned his attention back to Sam, who simply gave a curt nod in response. The bartender turned, grabbing a snake from a jar and slicing it down the underside with a blade. A part of you wanted to cackle, especially seeing Sam stiffen beside you, and you didn’t doubt that Bucky was having to restrain himself as well. Zemo didn’t seem surprised as the bartender pulled who knows what out from the snake and placed it into a glass.

“Smiling Tiger, your favorite.” The Baron commented, the bartender sliding Sam his beverage only to pour two glasses of a different liquor for Zemo and yourself.

“I love these,” Sam said, raising to clink glasses with yourself and the Sokovian man whose arm was still draped around you.

“Cheers, Conrad,” Zemo replied, smiling back at poor Sam. The three of you downed your burning liquor, Sam struggling the most out of the three of you, clearly appalled by the organ at the bottom of his shot. You could see Bucky give a little nod in the corner of your eye, knowing he must be finding this as amusing as you were.

A man soon approached Helmut from behind, tapping him on the shoulder before he turned to face the stranger, shifting you with him. When Zemo felt the little nudge, he immediately pulled you closer to him. You were even tighter against him now, so much so that you had to wrap an arm around him as well to stabilize yourself. It was almost as if he was trying to shield you from the man despite him knowing full well that you can hold your own.

“I got word from on high; you ain’t welcome here.” He spat, getting too close to the two of you for either of your likings. But Zemo kept his air of indifference while you instinctually moved closer into his side. It’s all an act, remember? You have to play the part of the clingy partner who would get frightened at such a rough man threatening you two. Or at least, that’s what you told yourself.

“I have no business with the Power Broker, but if he insists, he can either come and talk to me…” Zemo began, trailing off as he gestured to Bucky.

“New haircut?” The strange man asked Bucky, who merely glowered in response.

“Or bring Selby for a chat.” Zemo finished, this time him being the one to get into the man’s face. Thankfully that was enough to send him away, most likely to Selby or this Power Broker who seems to be Madripoor’s own version of Big Brother.

You could feel Zemo let out a breath that you don’t think he even knew he was holding, giving a quick glance down at you before placing a peck on your temple. For the facade, of course. But what wasn’t fake were the butterflies rise in your stomach, something that you hadn’t felt in a long time. Were you… Flustered?

No, you reminded yourself internally. This was a very bad man holding you close, the same one who killed the former King of Wakanda and ripped your team to shreds. Not only that, but he hated all the Avengers, so why did he seem to like you? It doesn’t matter whether or not he likes you, he’s Zemo. But the more time you spent with him, the more intoxicated you became. He was starting to look more and more like your next mistake, and love is certainly not a game you wanted to be playing with him. Right?

The next thirty or so minutes were a blur. Bucky having to fake being the Winter Soldier to kick a bunch of men’s asses to finally meeting up with Selby, only for Sam to break your cover through a phone call and Selby quickly being shot. The four of you promptly exited the bar, attempting to remain inconspicuous until bounty hunters from all around started shooting at you. Bucky and Sam jumped forward, meanwhile, Zemo darted to the right, dragging you with him as he moved his hand from your waist to interlock your fingers.

You cut through alleyway after alleyway, hiding in the shadows as gunfire echoed around you. Eventually, you managed to catch up with Bucky and Sam, approaching the pair with your hand still in his.

“Well this is too perfect.” A female voice interrupted your mini-reunion, Sharon Carter emerging from the shadows as she ripped down her hood, gun fixated on Zemo.

“Drop it Zemo,” She started, Zemo raising his gun-holding hand before lowering the weapon to the ground. “You cost me everything.”

“Sharon, wait.” You reasoned, raising your hand as you slowly backed up.

“What, are you his lover now? His sugar baby or some shit?” She badgered you, causing your eyes to widen as you only just remembered that you were still holding his hand. You quickly dropped it, raising it to match your other arm as Zemo sent you a look that you couldn’t decipher. Oh, how desperately you wanted to look into his mind, but the little bit of sanity left in you told you to leave it be.

“Someone recreated the super-soldier serum and Zemo had a lead,” Sam explained.

“That explains why you guys are here. And Selby’s dead.” Sharon replied, gun still pointed at your group.

“So what are you doing here?” Bucky questioned the blonde.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass so that you could save his ass from his ass and became a criminal with their ass.” She explained, pointing the gun at each mention of whoever's ass it was that turn. “Unlike you, I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up, so, I’m off the grid in Madripoor.”

“Hey, don’t blow that smoke. I was on the run, too.” Sam rebutted Sharon’s complaints.

“Was. Is. Big difference. I don’t speak to my family anymore - I can’t. My own father doesn’t know where I am.”

“Listen…” You began. “Sharon, we need your help, the former agent only laughing in response. “Please.”

“This isn’t over.” She conceded, shaking her head at you. “I have a place in High Town, you should be safe there for a while.”

Sharon’s place was definitely nicer than yours is now, and you’re not even on the run anymore. She, thankfully, had a change of clothes for you to slip into, the soft material much a welcome relief from the tortuous item Zemo had you wearing.

While you were waiting for Sharon’s guests to begin arriving for whatever event would soon be taking place downstairs, everybody slowly filtered out of the room until it was only Zemo and yourself remaining.

“Can I ask you a question?” You spoke up, breaking the silence from your spot on the sofa as you glanced towards the Baron seated across the room.

“Ask away.” He smiled, taking a sip from the amber liquid in his glass.

“What did you mean earlier, when you said we were the same.” Your voice was quiet now, so much so that you weren’t sure if he’d even heard you. That is until he got up from his seat and slowly walked towards you.

“I never wanted to tear the Avengers apart, not until they killed my family. Destroyed my city… Sure, I didn’t like them, but I didn’t want to destroy them. It was all about vengeance.” He began, sitting beside you on the yellow fabric. “For you, it was HYDRA who ruined your life. You joined the Avengers because it was where the last people you had left were going and it was the easiest way for you to ensure the organization was destroyed. You never wanted the idolization that came with being a hero, and it was clear when your work was done that you had no desire to keep going. Everything that came after the Sokovia Accords was out of survival.”

“I’m not saying you're right,” you began, “but what would that make me, then? Insane? Cause that seems to be the running theory.”

“You’re not crazy, despite how rumors fly. Neither am I, really.” He began, eliciting a small smile from you at the last bit he added. “You’re a fighter, someone doing whatever it takes to get their agenda done. Whether that means breaking the law or joining the Avengers, nothing will stop you once you put your mind to it - it’s one of the things I admire about you.”

You pursed your lips as you focused on the amber fluid floating in its crystalline home, him taking another sip of the burning liquid. Your gaze shifted back to his face, and oh god, look at that face. Maybe it was the liquor in your system already or maybe your last bit of sanity was finally escaping your mind, but suddenly his past didn’t seem to matter anymore. You had plenty of red on your ledger as well, and the more he spoke the more you began to sympathize with him.

“So you admire me?” You smirked, crossing your arms as you tilted your head slightly to the right playfully.

“Why don’t you look into my mind and tell me?” He replied. Reaching out, you gently placed your fingers against his temple as you gazed into his consciousness. Flashes of magic and madness, ideas of a love that could be forever or go down in flames. You didn’t go searching deeper, because your own mind was racing. Would pursuing this be worth all the pain that could very well follow? No, not could, would. You’d be betraying your former teammates, but what did that matter much anymore.

Rather than pulling your hand away, you placed your lips gently on his, tentatively, even. He tasted of expensive liquor and a hint of peppermint, and you found yourself intoxicated. The kiss ended far too soon for your liking, him pulling away so his brown orbs could gaze into your own.

“So… What do you say?” He asked, cupping your cheek in his hand, you place your own over top of his.

“Why not?” You smiled back, reconnecting your lips to his.

“I can make the bad guys good for a weekend.”

Taglist:

@fanfictionedagain @lam-ila @b0nnyzz @haydieenzzibug @cyanide-mustard @duchess-of-new-shire @the-chocoholic-writer @milenadixon @real-fbi @golddenlioness

[boldlyvoid]

Spencer and fem!reader have been together for a decade, married for five. They got married right after the Justin Mills episode, she proposed cause she almost lost him. He proposed to her once he got out and she had no idea he was going to. Anyway I got off on a tangent sorry I have ADHD. But anyway so part of Spencer was scared she’d leave him while he was in prison, which of course she never would. Not only because they have a three year old daughter. She of course doesn’t, and they’re both there to greet him when he’s released eighty-four days later. She’d been using porn to pleasure herself while he was gone, but it wasn’t nearly the same. He’s been so pent up that he jumps her the second they get back to his apartment. Needless to say, she wasn’t expecting him to be even more dominant when he got out of prison than he had started to be when he went in.

so i changed it up a bit, she hasn't had an orgasm since he left. she's so touch starved becasue she cant even hold his hand at visiting hours and they both can't help but fuck the second she tell's him they're bringing him home.

word count: 1.4K

cw: unprotected sex, dirty talk, daddy kink, dom!spencer, wall fucking, public sex, creampies, talk of pregnancy, touch starved reader and spencer, canon typical violence, references to PTSD, (I hope I got it all)

She’s anxiously tapping her foot, she’s been awake for 48 hours now, she hasn’t seen her daughter in just as long, and her husband even longer.

84 days to be exact.

She feels like she’s going to explode, she misses him so intensely and if he doesn’t come home now, she might never see him again. His mother is missing, he stabbed himself to stay safe in prison, he might not come home. again.

In the 10 years that she’s been with Spencer, he’s almost died 3 times. she thought that was the extent of her worry for her husband's safety... then he went missing, then he was arrested in Mexico and now he’s in prison fighting for his life.

She has her head in her hands, curled into a ball on the briefing room sofa, trying desperately to get her mind to stop saying he’s dead, they’re going to kill him, you’re too late. Over and over and over, the thoughts are so intense she almost doesn’t hear Emily call in and tell them to go get him.

It’s time to bring him home.

She stands faster than before. Faster than when they found the cemetery. Faster than when he almost coded in the ambulance from the anthrax he was exposed to. The only time it rivals is when the doctors came out and said they stopped the bleeding, 2 weeks before they eloped, 9 weeks into a pregnancy they were trying to hide from the team.

She always finds herself rushing to his side, fearing the worst but never has she been this close to the edge. She’s on the plane with JJ, Luke and Penelope faster than she’s ever moved before. Leg still bouncing as she sits, trying her best to stay awake, but her adrenaline is making her dizzy.

“Y/N,” JJ whispers from across the table, “he’s okay.”

“I know,” she whispers back. “That’s not why I’m nervous.”

“Why are you?”

She turns and sees Penelope and Luke arguing in the back, flirting way too much to eavesdrop, she takes a deep breath.

“I haven’t touched him in 3 months,” she whispers. “You guys may not think he’s a touchy person, but I haven’t slept. I don’t know how to sleep without him beside me. I haven’t had a real hug in forever…” a tear falls down her cheek.

She shakes her head, it’s been so unbelievably hard to be separated from him and she’s kept her composure this long. “I haven’t even been able to touch myself.”

She’s ashamed but JJ doesn’t budge, she simply tilts her head to the side in sympathy, “oh honey, he might be really distant, you have to prepare for him to continue to not touch you, or he might not leave your side and drive your crazy. I’m not sure how he’ll react but I know it’s not going to be easy.”

She nods, releasing a shaky breath and pretending that it’s not making her more anxious, “I know.” She finally breaks, sobbing and hiding her face behind her hands. “I’m sorry.”

JJ gets up and moves around the table, rubbing her hand over her back and shushing her, “you can tell him. You can go in and have a few minutes alone with him, Penelope and I will wait in the hallway.”

“I just want a hug,” she whispers, “I’m not going to fuck my husband in a prison.”

��Bundy did it,” Luke replies from the back of the plane because of course, they were listening in. “Plus, I don’t think he’s going to be comfortable enough to do that yet, I think his mind is on saving his mother.”

“Exactly,” Y/N rationalizes it, even if all she can picture is him bending her over that table that she wasn’t allowed to cross.

Sometimes the prison was so intimidating for her that she felt like she wasn’t even allowed to look at him. It was easier for her to send letters, they corresponded regularly. She knew everything, on a level the team didn’t, she knew just how hurt he was in there and she was already preparing for his recovery.

She has a binder in her purse, it has every resource he’ll ever need. Random information pamphlets for him to read on the way home and his sponsor's number. She got it from the VA, taking a special trip with Luke to ask the men there what they wish they had when they came home from Afghanistan, how they coped with PTSD and what they wish their partners knew beforehand. She’s as prepared as she could be.

But nothing prepares her for the look on his face when she opens the door. The guard steps aside and JJ closes the door as soon as Y/N is safely inside the room with him, she just cries.

“Is my mom okay?” He panic, “who’s watching Elly?”

“Spence,” she walks up to him, “we’re taking you home.”

“What?” His face drops, he turns as white as a ghost like he’s hallucinating and doesn’t believe what he hears.

She simply nods and throws her arms around him, holding him tighter than ever before, he holds her just as tight. She can’t breathe, he’s holding her too tight and then he’s picking her up and sitting her on the table, kissing her neck and down her shirt and she can’t help herself from leaning back and attempting to unbutton his jeans.

He pushes her skirt up and pulls her panties to the side, roughly kissing her as she stokes him a few times before wrapping her legs around him and bringing him inside. His beard is longer than it’s ever been, scratching at her skin as he explores her, she can’t believe they’re actually doing this but it feels too good for her to even say a single word.

“God, I’ve missed your sweet cunt,” he grunts in her ear, picking her up and turning them. He presses her against the brick wall, holding her with a strength he’s never had before, and fucking into her with intent.

“I haven’t cum in 90 days,” she says between pants, wanting him to praise her.

“So that’s why you’re such a desperate slut? I’ve made you into a whore over the last 10 years, haven’t I?”

“Yes sir,” she replies on instinct, they’ve tried having him be more dominating but it never really worked out in their favour… this however, this is more than that.

This is primal.

He bites her shoulder, over her shirt and making the fabric wet, grunting as he fucks her, he’s like an animal. It’s incredibly hot, she’s so deprived she almost cums but she holds off, “please?” She begs, wanting his permission for the first time in months.

“Please what?”

“Please can I cum?” she cries, actually tears fall down her cheeks from the frustration, months of anticipation bursting at the seams, “please, daddy?”

“Ugh,” he lays his forehead on her shoulder and fucks into her harder, rubbing her clit with his thumb. “Cum baby, come on daddy’s cock, you depraved little whore.”

She tosses her head back against the wall, it’s going to hurt later but her orgasm is so intense she barely even feels real. She’s floating there as she grips his shoulders and her legs hold him close to her. He stills as he cums, filling her up, they both sigh at the same time.

Sliding to the floor, she’s still wrapped around him, cock inside her as they hold each other. Faces buried in the other's neck, they try to come down but all they can do is run their hands over each other's bodies, appreciating the fact they’re allowed to hold one another in this stupid room again, no one is going to yell at her for holding his hand or passing him a bracelet from their kid.

They hear a knock on the window and that’s their queue to get presentable again. She feels a little gross, but this is the closest she’s felt to him in forever. Carrying a part of him inside of her was her favourite thing in the world, all she could hope for was another little one to be the glorious result of this terrible situation.

[lesmond-sycamore]

Scavenger Hunts

Words: 1971

ao3 link Summary:  Ivor, Harper, Jack, and Nurm have been given scavenger hunt lists by Petra and Jesse, but why? Notes: LOOK I KNOW IT'S PAST 12 AM BUT IT'S TECHNICALLY 10 PM PACIFIC TIME. I HAD WORK. Anyways, enjoy!

“You know, I’m starting to get tired of this wild fox chase.” Jack groaned as he fumbled with the piece of paper that would lead him to a “secret prize, in three weeks (which was, of course, today) only” as stated by Petra in her correspondence a few weeks prior. Nurm hummed lazily in response as he continued to mark locations on his map, unaffected by the stress of figuring out the answers to the clues to the scavenger hunt Petra had created for the two. Jack sighed, “I know, I know, but it’s been months since the last time we’ve seen her, Nurmie. I’m just- I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t be worried about her, but you how I am. I miss her, we haven’t gotten to see her all day because of this stupid scavenger hunt, and I have no clue when’s the next time she’ll be in town, an-” Nurm grumbled at Jack, indicating that he needed to just calm down for a second. Jack sighed once again to calm down his nerves. He might’ve been overreacting a bit.

Jack glanced at the pumpkin and enderpearl he had already gathered. “I just don’t see the point of this. Petra’s never done anything like this before. Why today? Do you think they found something while they were out adventuring and wanted to create hype to impress us?” Jack paused, then smiled fondly at the thought. “Doesn’t she know we’re already proud of her?”

Nurm hummed in agreement, Of course she does. She might just want to shake things up, although I will say that today-, Nurm trailed off. Jack stared at his husband for a moment, waiting for him to continue, but when he went back to studying his map of Beacontown, Jack realized he had no intention of picking up where he left off. Was today special?

=========================================================================

“Ivor, seriously? You haven’t seen Jesse in months and you’re going to go dressed like you robbed a zombie villager?” Haper asked a very, very frantic Ivor who was currently wearing nothing but a (well-loved) bathrobe and hopping on one leg as he struggled to put on his shoe.

Ivor finished putting on his shoe and glanced down to his attire. “What? Both of you have already seen me in my underwear! I don’t think my bathrobe’s going to kill them considering how everything… and everyone… that’s already tried has failed. Including me. Twice.”

“Still. We have to go into town to do this… scavenger hunt? What’s that all about?” Harper asked, pulling a quill out from behind her ear in preparation, studying the list in front of her. “What the heck is a ‘block of a cheated deal?’ Does that mean anything to you?” she asked as she scrunched her face in confusion.

Ivor hummed in concentration as he collected his potions (you could never be too careful) as he mulled over the question. He planted a quick peck on Harper’s cheek as he began to walk towards the door. “I think I have an idea of what that means,” he stated with a wink as he made his way out the door, ready to solve the puzzle he had been presented.

“But you apparently still have no idea how to dress. Change into something decent if you’re going to been perceived by strangers, love,” Harper punctuated with a face palm, failing to hide the smile creeping on her lips.

=========================================================================

“Looks like we’ve got most of the items, Nurmie. I hate to say it, but I think I’m actually pretty good at this. Looks like my adventurer’s intuition still runs in my veins. That or I’m still plain awesome,” Jack boasted as they made their back to Jack and Nurm’s Adventure Emporium to have a quick break and focus on the last item on the list, items in hand. “Although… I still don’t know what we’re supposed to do with all of these things.” Jack glanced over each item: an enderpearl, a stack of snowballs, a few baked potatoes, a sponge, a couple of pieces of zombie flesh, and a pumpkin. He hoped the quantities didn’t matter too much, because he lost all of his enderpearls when his shop was ransacked during Romeo’s reign in Beacontown and the price of a stack was not cheap.

Nurm rolled his eyes at his husband’s gloating. Jack playfully nudged the cartographer in the arm and scoffed in fake offense. Jack continued to walk and study the items he was currently carrying until he realized that the villager’s footsteps had ceased. Jack turned his head to look at Nurm with confusion at the random stop, until Nurm spoke. Jack, is that…? The villager gestured in front of them and tilted his head. Jack followed his gaze to find… Ivor and Harper outside the Adventure Emporium. What were they doing here?

=========================================================================

“Ivor! Harper! Hey!” someone shouted to the couple. The two spun around to find… Jack and Nurm! Perfect timing! The retired adventurer jogged up to the two and shook their hands in greeting.

“Jack, it’s been forever!” Ivor exclaimed. “How’s Petra? I know she and Jesse are supposed to be in town today.”

Jack sighed and shook his head. “We haven’t seen her at all today. She gave us this list of items that we’ve had to find, but we’re confused on what the last one means. How’s Jesse?” “I’m afraid we’re in a similar situation ourselves,” Harper stated plainly. “We’re almost done, though. It’s weird, all of these items are so… seemingly unrelated. Do you think they have any connection?” She nodded down at her own items: a block of redstone, an assortment of stained glass, an iron axe, a block of lapis, a few fireworks, and some soul sand. “We had to solve a bunch of crazy riddles to find the items we were looking for.”

“Sounds exactly like we were doing,” Jack stated as he showed the other couple his own items. “Did Jesse put you up to this?”

Ivor studied the items in Jack’s hands for a moment and then flicked his eyes up to meet Jack’s. “Yes, that’s correct. I’m assuming Petra did the same to you?”

“Correct you are, my friend.” Jack answered. He put the items back in his inventory before gesturing to the two of them and then to the building. “I see that you’re standing outside our shop. Is there something you need?” he inquired.

Harper spoke up. “There is, actually. I’m not well-versed in anything non-mesa related, and Ivor thinks the final clue has something to do with adventuring. Do you know what item the clue ‘the big finale let you soar’ is hinting at?”

Jack grinned. “I think I have an idea.”

=========================================================================

“I appreciate your help very much, Jack,” Harper thanked the retired adventurer as he handed her the second-to-last item on her and Ivor’s list: the elytra Jesse used to fly to the tower from the Admin episode.

“It's no problem. Now if only Petra could tell us what our last clue means. Nurm and I have been trying for the past few hours to crack it, to no avail,” Jack admitted with a defeated tone.

“What is it? We might be able to help. Actually, we've been scratching our darn heads at our own final clue. I don't have the slightest idea what ‘where it all began’ could be in reference to.”

“Ours is similar. ‘The first unhelping hand?’”

Ivor crossed his arms and closed his eyes in thought, lightly tapping his foot and humming. Nurm did the same, and slightly bit his lip. Harper chose to unconsciously chew on her quill, resulting in her gagging slightly when she got a mouthful of feather instead of the wood of her normal pencil and blushing, hoping no one else saw her do it. Jack opted to spread both lists and all items out on a nearby table and study them intently.

After a few minutes of silence, Nurm chirped and all eyes fell on him. Jack listened intently to what he had to say. Jack, think about our adventure all those months ago and look at the items we've gotten so far. Do you see a coincidence?

Jack glanced at the items and the lists. “Yeah... yeah! The sponge for the Sea Temple, the snowballs for the Icy Palace of Doom, the zombie flesh for the Sunshine institute, I think the pumpkin is for the golems everywhere, the enderpearl for the giant enderman, and the potatoes for that stupid password! Ugh, I cannot believe it took me this long to realize what they had in common. Harper, Ivor, are your items similar?”

Ivor dashed over to the table “Why yes! Of course! How could I have been so blind? These items line up perfectly with the many adventure I had with Jesse! Could this mean...?” Everyone watches Ivor study he and Harper’s list in anticipation. “I think I know what ‘where it all began’ is! The ender dragon egg! Without that, I would have never created the Witherstorm, and Jesse would've never saved the world and I would’ve never gone on those many adventures!”

“And I would still be in Crown Mesa, trying to avoid being chipped,” Harper commented with a sad tone in her voice.

Ivor nodded. “And I would’ve never…” he trailed off, eyes finding the floor the most interesting place to look at at the moment.

Jack gave an acknowledging grunt and closed his eyes “In that case, do you think that ‘unhelping hand’ could be the Ad- Romeo’s gauntlet Jesse found that made them and Petra seek us out in the first place?” Nurm nodded in agreement. Jack opened his eyes and grinned. “Well, I think we all know where those two items are.”

Everyone looked between each other and then spoke in unison. “The Order Hall.”

=========================================================================

“What happened to all the darn lights in this place? I thought this place was supposed to be ninety-percent windows? I’m not going crazy, right?... right?” Harper asked as the group walked inside the Order Hall, treading carefully in the unusual darkness that was only broken by the light cast through the open door.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been here, Harper. Radar was left in charge after Jesse took off too seek out adventure with Petra and that llama. Maybe the man just has… peculiar taste. I did build my lab inside the Farlands myself, you know,” Ivor commented.

The group continued to trudge quietly through the Order Hall, careful not to trip over anything or anyone. After a few steps, the group heard a click, and Ivor, Harper, and Jack each drew their swords they carried for protection. Jack spoke up in a whisper “Quickly, get behind me” and the rest followed the instruction as best they could.

Everyone tensed, their breaths held, frantically glancing around the room, searching for any signs of life. It felt like an eternity, but only a few seconds after the click, the sounds of retracting pistons could be heard all around the four. Jack shuffled, preparing himself for any potential attacks, survival instincts kicking in action, ready to do what it took to protect his friends and husband, he-

The pistons finished retracting, leaving the Order Hall basked in the evening sky’s light. All four members of the group blinked at the brightness, adjusting their eyes. Once they could see again, their sight was filled with a few things: Jesse holding the ender dragon’s egg, Petra holding the Sea Temple gauntlet, a giant table full of food between the two New Order members, and Lluna in an (admittedly adorable) chef hat behind the table. Ivor, Harper, Jack, and Nurm stood in stunned confusion, until Petra and Jesse broke the silence with giant grins on their faces.

“Happy Father’s Day!”

[angelkurenai]

Impossible - Dean Winchester x Reader (French Mistake AU)

Title: Impossible

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: Imagine finding out that the two dogs you adopted were Dean and Sam from Supernatural, cursed by a witch and transported to your universe. You spend a long time with them, only for Dean to fall in love with you and to feel torn when he gets back to his human form between staying with you and leaving.

“Boys, I'm home!”

If someone had told you that this would be your life then... you would have totally believed them. Coming home from your part-time job to your own apartment, about to watch the newest episode of Supernatural and savor your favorite pie and burgers which you had just bought, and above all to your two most favorite boys in the world which also happened to be your dogs seemed like the life you actually wanted and got. Speaking of which-

“Sammy!” you grinned as the Australian Sheppard happily made his way from the kitchen towards you. You knelt and he rested his paws on your legs to push himself upwards and lick your cheek before continuing to lick your hands. You giggled, rubbing his head and back, happy to see him wagging his tail. Although he didn't get as excited as your other dog did – oh that one was the epitome of a happy dog, the past couple weeks he had not been feeling well and you were trying your best to make him happy, so it made you feel better to see him go back to his old self.

“How's my boy today? Feelin' any better?” you got a bark in return, and you wrapped your arms around the big dog in a warm hug “I hope that's a yes. Don't worry, big guy, I'm here for you. I've got your favorite treats and after the newest episode of Supernatural we're gonna watch your favorite movie too, ok?” another bark, certainly more cheerful and pulling away you grinned at him “That's my boy. It seems like you and Sam Winchester do really have more things in common than I thought.” you kissed the top of his head “Don't worry, everything will go alright, promise!” you grinned, getting back up on your feet.

You took off your shoes and jacket, looking all around the place with a frown “Hey Sam, where is Dean?”

Usually when you came back from work the second you'd open the door, the German Sheppard was the first thing you saw before your own house. He'd be jumping, practically pushing the door open, and while standing on his two feet he'd be licking the heaven out of you. On many occasions he had knocked you over because of his excitement. Well, at least you could say that Dean Winchester - at least a version of him? - was peppering you with kiss while eagerly awaiting your return every day from work. That was something.

However it didn't seem this would be the case this time. It struck you as off when you didn't hear his happy barking but you thought he had not heard you. However, you actually started to worry when you heard a loud sound come from your kitchen, of something breaking. Your eye widened and before you could realize it, you were making your way towards it in a heartbeat. Nobody could have certainly prepared you for what was to come, though, and just as surprisingly a giggle escaped your lips.

“And what do you think you're doing there mister?” you placed your hands on your hips, raising an eyebrow and trying to look as stern as you possibly could; but it was impossible with how adorable he looked while trying to hide the mess he'd made and attempted to look innocent but was clearly guilty.

A small whine came from him as you looked around, taking the scene in front of you. Both the pies you'd bought not a day ago were gone, some leftover burgers and fries gone as well, some noodles and milk spilled on the floor. There were two plastic bottles of water on the floor as well next to the glass you'd just heard break, no wonder having knocked it over the counter. The door of the fridge was still slightly ajar, no wonder him having tried to close it and cover up for the mess he'd made but not fully succeeding. Which would explain how he had not rushed to greet you.

“Dean?” you asked accusingly, voice stern “Did you do all this?” you wouldn't need a verbal answer even if he could give it to you, there was still some filling on his nose from how messily he'd eaten it, but him avoiding eye-contact was more proof too “Dean, look at me.” you said sternly and after a long pause he looked up and gave you a small, cute bark “Oh don't try to play innocent on me. Did you do that?”

His eyes were immediately cast down as he tried to push with his paw one of th empty pie contains under a chair and out of your view but it didn't work as you took a step forward, crossing your arms over your chest “Dean, look at me. Did you cause the mess? Did you eat the pies?” well, he did have more in common with the human Dean after all.

“This is why you didn't come to greet me huh? You were trying to cover up for the mess you'd made.” you said with a raised eyebrow and he let a small whine escape him, he slowly laid down to show his belly as a sign of obedience but you still remained stern, or at least did your damn best to keep a straight face “Oh now you're trying to pull that off huh? You did this hm? Even though I told you to stay away from the pies.”

You tapped your foot, face stern and firm despite how hard it was. He had lowered his ears, his eyes big and pleading – a special bright and beautiful shade of green that looked identical to the man he was named after – soft barks and whining leaving his lips as he wagged his tail. When he saw you weren't caving in, he got up on his feet and made his way to you, nudging on your hip with his head and on your leg with his paw.

“Oh you're apologizing now hm?” you raised an eyebrow “You think those pretty eyes will do it again this time?” you remained as stoic as you possibly could, already having gotten the message across. To say that Sam and Dean were the smartest dogs you'd met in your entire life would be a great understatement, they were so much more than that. Sometimes it felt like you were talking to yourself and you shouldn't expect a reaction, much less answer, from any of them; and yet they always did something to prove you wrong by giving you a sign they understood everything. Or it was probably your own wishful thinking.

“You know what? I don't even wanna know.” you sighed at those puppy eyes “How you managed to open the fridge in the first place is remarkable as it is.” the second the smile formed on your lips his ears perked up. A yelp left your lips when he jumped up and, as per usual, knocked you over. With most of his weight on top of you he started licking you like there was no tomorrow, his tail wagging so fast you could barely see it. Uncontrollable laughter left your lips as he wiggled and tried to nuzzle his nose in the crook of your neck, licking even your jaw and neck in the meanwhile.

“Alright, alright! Dean. Dean!” you squealed, laughing and rubbing his sides and belly “Dean, alright- enough kisses, please, I'm about to get an overdose!”

It took a full minute, and a small bark from Sam you were pretty sure you heard, for him to pull back. He made sure to give you a another lick over the lips, making you laugh as you tried to clean yourself, but certainly not complain.

“Ok ok I sure missed you too, buddy.” you giggled, kissing the top of his head, earning a grin from him - or what you could at least describe as that “Why don't you go and spend some time with Sammy while I clean up the mess you've made? I'll be back with food for you two soon.” you both knew you could never stay mad for too long at him and you were 100% sure he took advantage of it.

He gave you a happy bark and did as told.

~*~

“No, Dean, wait.” you said, ignoring the whining at the other side of the door or how he scratched on it; asking to be let in “Stay” you said patiently, hooking on your bra. But before you could take hold of your shorts, you heard more effort from the other side of the door before the handle shifted and, after a try or two, the door was pushed open, allowing the big German Sheppard to enter.

“Dean!” you nearly screamed, but you didn't know what you were more surprised at. The fact that he managed to open the door, he had done that before, or walked in on while you were getting dressed, got comfortable on your bed and grinned at you, he had again done that before “You perv.” you grabbed a pillow and threw at him, which he effectively caught in his mouth and played with it.

“Don't tear it to pieces.” you said with a chuckle, shaking your head but grabbing your shorts and a T-shirt and wearing them “Getting comfy, ain't ya?” you grinned, making your way to your side of the bed. It had long ago been established as this.

You had found Sam and Dean a little over a year ago, abandoned by the side of the road and in a terrible condition. You couldn't bring yourself to just walk by and, despite how hard you knew it would be (for a person that could barely make ends meet, was all the time busy with work and barely had enough space in the apartment for herself), you immediately gathered them and took them to the vet. Beaten, bruised and malnourished as they were on the road for a couple of days without any food or water, you just felt your heart break for them. They needed someone to give them their fullest of attention to heal and get them back on their feet and as hard as it was for you, it was hardest to let someone else take care of them, so you took up the opportunity.

And just like that, a little over a year later, you'd grown to love them so much you couldn't say goodbye to them. They had become your family, much like the fandom of the show the characters of which they were named after. And it was no coincidence because they were identical to Sam and Dean Winchester in any way possible.

“Wait- where's Sammy?” you looked around when you didn't spot the Australian Sheppard near you, only to peak through the door and find him in the living room sleeping next to his favorite book. You couldn't tell why you'd find him in this state so often lately, because there was no chance he could read a book (even if you'd once or twice caught him looking at pages), but you weren't going to complain if it calmed him down.

“Seems like it's just you and me tonight, buddy.” you yawned, making your way back to your bed, a sigh of content leaving your lips “But I'm telling you-” you got under the blankets, Dean wiggling his way in as well “No Supernatural tonight as much as I'd love it, I'm beat. We'll watch the new episode tomorrow as much as my heart breaks a little over that.” you layed your head on the pillow, your eyes closing for a second “Oh wouldn't I give everything to see Dean Winchester now.” you mumbled “Gosh, would I give everything to see him for real. Just for a hug, just for a sincere thank you for everything he's done for me without even knowing it. Just to let him know... how much worth it he is. I would be the luckiest girl on Earth if I got that chance.”

The show had a special place in your heart, Dean even more so than anyone else. And your dogs very well knew the fact.

You heard Dean bark but couldn't bring yourself to open your eyes as you hummed and snuggled to his side “Yeah, I love you too buddy. I know, you've got his spark, but Dean is Dean.” you whispered, wrapping and arm around him as he cuddled more with you with another lower bark “Mhm don't get jealous, big boy, or possessive, that's totally different. He's Dean Winchester... he's special.”

The last thing you remembered was his body rumbling softly with a bark that never came, before sleep finally enveloped you.

~*~

The first thing you realized when you were pulled slightly out of the darkness of your sleep was the warm body wrapped around you. And even more the lack of warm fur but presence of soft and smooth skin, human skin.

You heard a small although deep and rough groan from beside you. The surface that your head was laying on rumbled softly, earning a small hum from you, but you were too sleepy to realize it wasn't your pillow. You snuggled to the person's side even more, a pair of big and strong arms around your waist made you feel secure and cared for. You heard more sounds, shuffling of your bed sheets, followed by some murmuring and grumbling. It was all in a whispered voice so whoever the person was, they didn't want to wake you up. Your mind however was so fogged up and laced by sleep that it didn't even occur to you to think, in the first place, how someone had found their way into your bed.

And, in all honesty, whatever ability you had – during such a time – to think vanished into thin air when you slowly opened your eyes and saw who the person really was. You blinked slightly, your vision blurry as you struggled to keep your eyes open. It was hard, you could barely understand what was happening in the whole darkness of your room; but even the soft light of the moon outside was enough and you caught yourself smiling when your eyes met those breathtaking green orbs.

“Dean?” you whispered in a low and sleepy voice, the man freezing in his spot. His eyes were wide and it seemed as if he was holding his breath as if he was scared for some reason. “Dean... You're here.” you added in a whisper, your smile growing as you wrapped your arm around his middle as well.

“H-hey sweetheart.” he finally forced out, his voice deep, the nervousness crystal clear. His breathing was heavy and you could hear his heart was racing inside his chest, but you still cuddled more with him, the feeling of his soft skin against your cheek making you smile to yourself again.

“You're a little tense.” you murmured in a small voice “Why?” it was so innocent and simple, as you looked up at him with pouting lips, but it made his heart skip another bit.

“I-” he frowned, licking his lips as he kept opening and closing his mouth with an adorably perplexed look on his face.

“D?” you questioned.

He sucked in a breath, clearing his throat before he forced out a laugh that came out nervous “Well, I'm naked for starters.” he tried to give you a smile but it was awkward and it died out very soon.

“Hmh” you hummed, licking your lips before you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck “But you're a good naked... as far as I've seen at least.” the giggle that left your lips made his pull into a boyish grin.

“Well, now I'm naked naked. But-” he took in a small breath “Glad you think so.” he whispered, licking his lips that felt so dry, his smile fluttering as a look of awe took place. It never seased to amaze him just how beautiful you were when you were peacefully sleeping next to him, even if he had to be walking on four and you didn't even realize he was more than just a dog that bloody witch had turned him into.

He slowly brought a hand to your cheek, feeling such relief and peace by being able to touch your cheek like any normal human, tucking away a few stray strands when your eyes fluttered close. But it only lasted a moment because as he rubbed his thumb on your cheek, they opened again and you watched him with a sleepy smile and hazy eyes.

“It's so good to see you smile.” you whispered, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek.

Dean tried his best to ignore the crazy leap his heart did and as hard as it was, he forced himself to keep his voice even and his face straight yet gentle “Go back to sleep, princess, you're gonna need it.”

“No” an adorable, to him at least, whine left your lips “No, I don't- I dont' want to, Dean. I just... I want to keep seeing you smile. I just want to keep seeing you calm and relaxed, just lemme please.”

“(Y/n)” the lump in his throat was hard to swallow and with you wrapped around him, the effort to breathe became a struggle.

“Gosh, you should smile more often, it looks amazing on you. You deserve to smile, D. You deserve to be happy, to becalm. You deserve so much... you deserve the world.” you tried to emphasize on each word as much as you could.

“Trust me...” he let out a shaky breath “I'd be the happiest man on the world if I could just have you.”

You smiled, the kind of smile that had made him fall for you. He had long ago come to terms with the fact that he didn't just see you as a friend, or the girl who took care of them when they couldn't fend for themselves or even the chick he'd hit on if he was human from the first moment he met. Sure, he would be drawn to you from the first second – and he had been, because he was fully conscious all this time of everything around him – but after a year he realized that you were much more important to him than any of that. He had feelings for you.

“You deserve so much more. You should have it, you... You're worth so much, Dean.” your arm sneaked around his neck “Gosh, I wish so bad you could know it. I wish so bad I could let you know it... I could show you how good you truly are, Dean. How much good you've really done. How much you mean to me.”

“I know.” he breathed out, the words sounding foreign in his lips for such a subject, but having gotten to know how you saw and thought of him over the past year had made him feel all sorts of things he had not had the chance to before “Believe me, princess, I really know.”

His chest felt as if it was on fire but despite every cell in his body screaming differently at him, as he leaned in, he kissed your forehead. His eyes fluttered shut and a sigh of content left his lips, the lips which lingered on your forehead for longer than appropriate. And then came the hardest of it all “Go to sleep, (Y/n). When you wake up... everything will be better.”

And it would be better because he'd be gone, leaving you to live a normal life away from the horror, pain and death that haunted him. Leaving you... behind. And that felt like a stab to the chest.

“No” came a soft protest and he looked down at you with a deep frown “No I- I don't want to go to sleep. I don't wanna close my eyes cause if I- if I do then you'll be gone and I'll be back to reality. And I don't want it.”

“Wh-what are you-”

“I just want...” you trailed off, your lips parted as you watched him for a full minute. His eyes moved back and forth, eyebrows softly furrowed together before he heard you take in a small breath and lean in to press your lips to his. His eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up in shock.

He took in a shaky breath as your lips moved against his, soft, sweet and timid yet still with a boldness and surge of courage that all in all knocked all air out of his lungs. His eyes fluttered shut and despite every ounce of logic in him, every fiber in his body told him to kiss back and he did. His lips moved slowly against yours, savoring the moment he knew and feared wouldn't last long. He felt your arms wrap around his shoulders, one hand coming up to rest on the back of his neck as you deepened the kiss. He instinctively tightened his hold on your waist, bringing you as close as possible to himself as he could. He needed it worse than he needed the air to breathe.

His fingers danced with the hem of your shirt, the second his thumb brushed over the skin of your hip his heart did a jump. His gasp was synchronised with you licking his lower lip. He didn't even realize it when you moved so that you were laying beneath him, his body too seemingly having a mind of its own. He felt you wrap your legs around his waist and the shivers of excitement rush down his spine.

But logic and even more the need to protect you and care for you was bigger so as much as it hurt he pulled away from you with a small groan. He heard you let out a sound of protest and despite how hard it was to watch the rise and fall of your chest along with your kiss-swollen lips, he said “(Y/n)... close your eyes, sweetheart. Go to sleep. Please.” it was a plea for you to stop this because he didn't have the strength to.

“But I don't want to.” you whispered, bring your hand to cup his cheek “If I close my eyes you'll... you'll leave.” his breath got caught in his throat, fearing you knew what he had to inevitably do “I'll close my eyes and when I wake up you'll be gone but I- I don't want you to leave, Dean. Please don't leave me, I need you.”

“It's-” his mouth felt dry and he already felt terrible, so instead he said “I'll never leave you, princess.” he whispered, leaning in to press his lips to yours in a sweet kiss. He felt your lips pull into a small smile.

You kissed back before he pulled away, only a couple inches mind you though “I know you won't... I just don't want to wake up. I rarely have dreams, much less of you. I want to make this last as long as possible.”

“Dreams?” he frowned until it dawned on him. You didn't think this was real, you thought you were still sleeping and that this was all just a dream, of course. That would at least make more sense than your favorite fictional character from your favorite TV show being real and on top of that being turned into a dog, thrown into your universe, which you took in to take care of and adopted.

“Don't worry, baby girl.” he breathed out, smiling although sadly “I'll be here, just close your eyes. You're tired.” he said softly,moving to lay on his side again and tucking you next to him, kissing the top of your head which you rested on his shoulder.

“I don't want to...” you mumbled sleepily.

“Ssshh just sleep.” he said softly, watching you without another sound as you fought but your eyes fluttered shut anyway.

“I don't...” you only trailed off, losing the fight against sleep only a couple seconds later. He heard your breathing slow down and become even. He smiled, although it was bittersweet, not moving an inch so as not to wake you up.

Sleep wasn't bound to overtake him, like you, though. Deep down he wished it would, maybe then he'd have an excuse to let you know of his existence and above all stay for as long as that was supposed to be. But his heart sank when he heard the footstep at the other side of the door, and there was only person that could be there.

“Dean?” Sam's voice whispered, pushing the door slightly open.

Dean tried his best to swallow over the lump in his throat and tear his eyes away from you to look at his brother, thankfully fully clothed, standing in the doorway and squinting at him “Dean are you awake? Are you- are you back to yourself again?”

A heavy sigh left his lips “Yes and be quiet, you're gonna wake her up. I'll be there in a minute. Just... give me a minute, that's all I need.” it was a lie, he needed a lifetime with you and it would still not be enough, but at the moment that was all he could get.

Sam frowned for a second but clearing his throat, he nodded his head in understand “I'll- I'll leave a couple clothes here, alright? Just... hurry.”

Dean could even hear it in his brother's voice, a bitterness and sympathy; understanding even for his struggle and pain. The door closed softly behind Sam and the older Winchester just focused on the soft rise of your chest instead of the seconds ticking by, until the time to finally came.

As much as it hurt him he took a deep breath and did what he had to do. Knowing that the longer he stayed the harder it was going to be on him, he decided he should just man up and pry himself off you. It was hard, not just because of his feelings, but because you insisted to snuggle even closer to him and your grip around him was firm. It was nearly impossible pulling away, freezing more times than he realized whenever you'd shift or let out a small whine, but in the end he managed to get off the bed.

Pulling the clothes Sam had left for him on the chair he paused for a moment. He looked at you, even though he knew he shouldn't, holding his breath. He struggled with everything in him, against ever instinct and want, to not lean in and kiss you at the moment or even touch your cheek one last time because he knew he risked waking you up and that was something he couldn't afford.

Shaking his head he took a deep breath and with fast steps exited the room before he could regret it.

“You ok?” Sam asked softly, their eyes meeting but Dean clenched his jaw.

“Just freaking peachy.” he muttered, dragging a hand down his face.

“Dean” the younger man sighed nonetheless, seeing more than his brother let out “You know we don't have another option.”

“Yeah, yeah I know. She doesn't deserve to be dragged in all this, I've heard it before... And I agree.” he said sharply, clenching his fists as Sam nodded his head sadly. Dean's frown only got deeper when he took notice of what he was really wearing.

“Did you seriously give me her ex's clothes?” or maybe he needed a change of subject.

“They are all her ex's clothes, Dean. Be thankful he had forgotten some and she kept them in the closet otherwise we'd have nothing to wear.” Sam shrugged, ignoring the glare Dean gave him “Besides, Dean, just because you didn't like that dude to the point you bit him-” he snickered, and at that Dean looked more proud than offended “Doesn't mean we have another choice.”

“Yeah, well-” Dean gave him a smug grin, defence mechanism “Guilty. But didn't you see the way he broke her heart? He did deserved it. He was a jerk and I was right!”

“Not you were jealous. That's different.” he pointed with a small smirk “It wouldn't matter if the guy was perfect, either. You'd still hate his guts.”

“Still, I ended up being right when he did hurt her the way I predicted.” he shrugged again “Good thing she had Dean to cheer her up though.”

“Yeah, on the screen of her TV.” Sam pointed out, making reality crash down on him again, and clearing his throat he added “You know... we need to get going, before she wakes. Find a way to contact Cas.”

“Yeah I understand.” the smile fell as he chewed on his lower lip, taking another step away from the door of your bedroom “It was good while it lasted, though huh?” he asked with a half smile that fell all-too-soon.

“Ye-yeah I... I guess.” Sam frowned but pursed his lips, understanding very well how bitter and sad it was. Sure, there was a hint of relief that they'd finally be back, they had at least many more chances as humans too, because being away and helpless from their lives had taken a toll on both of them; Sam above all.

“I mean I-” Dean licked his lips, sure not all of it had been good because they had to be away from the people they cared for and called family, they had almost lost their minds thinking that it could never be undone but in the end what he felt here, the small heaven he found in your apartment with you was something he had only dreamed of in his wildest dreams at that “I miss them all too, but I just- what we got here we could never have. And I ain't one for the perfect life but this-” his eyes roamed the place, lip drawn between his teeth “It was good here, real good. And she was-” a small breathe left his lips that stayed parted.

Sam was frowning until realization hit him with something he doubted even his own brother could see, and his eyebrows raised, back straightening “Dean”

The older Winchester blinked, gathering his thoughts before willing himself to be strong “I'm ok. It doesn't matter now.” he dragged a hand down his face “We uh-” he already started making towards the door of the apartment “We should get going huh?”

“Dean” Sam said softly, eyes filled with sadness. But Dean wouldn't dare meet them.

“She could wake up any moment now.”

“Dean”

“Come on, Sam. We need to find a way back too. People can't see us moping around like-”

“Dean” it was more firm, forcing Dean to look at him with a clenched jaw “Are you-” he huffed slightly “Are you sure about this?”

“I-” he hesitated, chest puffing out before he shook his head “Yes, can we leave now?”

“I don't- I don't mean if it's the right thing. I know it is. I- I mean-” he looked him straight in the eyes “I mean, are you sure this is what you want?”

His words ran deeper than he expected, his eyes finding the door of your bedroom again. He held his breath for a second before his shoulders just slumped and his eyes lowered. Sam didn't need a verbal answer after that.

[heartofether]

The Vast & Starlit Special: Part Three - The Love of Friday Jones and Lord Jensen TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

VAL

Hey there! Val here to let you know that this is part three, the final part in our Vast & Starlit special. If you haven’t listened to the first two parts already, please go do that first, as we recorded this all in one session, and it will make a lot more sense if you listen to them in order. Thank you so much for listening, and enjoy the episode!

[MUSIC PLAYS FOR A FEW SECONDS BEFORE FADING OUT.]

VAL

[OVERLAPPING THE MUSIC’S END] Right, so um…so Honey kind of like, cautiously steps towards Jensen, now—now with this new knowledge that he has a gun.

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

[OVERLAPPING] Mmhm.

VAL

[CONT.] And says,

HONEY

[NERVOUSLY] Hey there, chap. Um…how ya’ been?

JENSEN

Hi there, Honey! I have a gun now!

[SNICKERING.]

HONEY

I heard, I heard. Are you enjoying it?

JENSEN

I haven’t done anything with it yet. Would you like to see me try it out?

HONEY

Is—um, no. No. I think this is actually quite a good—

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? I really—

HONEY

[OVERLAPPING] I’m sure. I think you should save your ammo for an emergency. I think right now, we are just relaxing. This is a good position to be in, and nothing, nothing is wrong.

So, you know how, um…everything’s wrong and our ship has no fuel?

JENSEN

Yeah. Well, I didn’t notice there was anything wrong with it. I knew we were out of fuel, but there’s something wrong? What’s wrong?

HONEY

That—well, the fuel is kind of what’s wrong. Um. Because no fuel—

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] Oh. Well, I sort of understand. You want to drink it as well?

[A BEAT.]

HONEY

No. No, I’m of a different taste. I don’t…well, um. You know, if we don’t have any fuel, then we can’t really go anywhere, now, can we? And then, you know, we run out of food—

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING, SAYS SOMETHING UNCLEAR.]

HONEY

What was that?

[A BEAT.]

HONEY

Right. Well, anyways, no fuel, no food, no visiting our loved ones, and no, no nothing.

JENSEN

Wh—you have loved ones? What’s a loved one?

[SNICKERING.]

HONEY

Well.

JENSEN

What is that?

HONEY

I mean, that’s something to be sorted out later. Um, I think, I think—you know, once we have enough fuel to travel, I think I know what I will be doing. but um…

[SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH.] Anyways, right now, our idea: your wife and I, um…we have discussed, and we think it would be a kind gesture to clean out Atticus’s ball pit for them to, you know, play around in. And that would help with the love—

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] You’ve been talking to my wife?

HONEY

[STUTTERING] Just in a nice, you know, platonic way. Just, you know, chatting as one does.

JENSEN

I don’t believe you.

LAUREN

Dangerous!

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

Jensen has a gun. [A BEAT.] And retrieves the gun.

VAL

Um, Honey- Honey like puts her hands up and she’s like-

HONEY

Now- now I don’t think- I don’t think we have to go there. How bout- how bout this: How bout you go talk to your wife about it. I imagine you’ll trust her opinion a lot more than mine and-

JENSEN

Who trusts their wife’s opinion? You’re a very confusing person, Honey.

[QUIET LAUGHTER]

HONEY

Now I see why, um, why… You know what? Nevermind. I don’t want to add any fuel to the fire- um… So- I listen, I don’t have to talk to your wife again for some time if you would just-

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] Ever.

HONEY

If you will just help us clean the ball pit for Atticus. We can be on our way.

JENSEN

How is that going to- how is that going to help me at all? If I clean the ball pit, what does that do for me?

HONEY

Well that’s a great question! First of all: the ship will have fuel, which is good because then we won’t die. Um, but also, this isn’t just my idea, this is also Friday’s idea. So I think- I think if you help us, your wife will actually be quite pleased. Um, she’ll be quite happy you’re helping out-

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] My wife is never pleased.

HONEY

What was that?

JENSEN

My wife is never pleased.

HONEY

Well maybe she could be! You don’t know.

JENSEN

You think you know my wife better than I do?

HONEY

No, I don’t.

LUKA

Dangerous again.

[LAUGHTER]

VAL

Honey’s gonna die.

[MORE LAUGHTER]

LUKA

In my mind, um, no matter what happens, “Dangerous” is always in quotes in this situation because I don’t think, uh, Jensen knows how to turn the safety off.

LAUREN

Uh huh.

VAL

Yeah, that’s true, um.

LUKA

It’s only perceived danger, it’s not actual.

VAL

Honey says:

HONEY

Okay, okay, um. We don’t- listen. This isn’t- this isn’t about your marriage, this isn't about your wife, this is about Atticus. Right? And um, this is about not dying in a horrific spaceship crash, right? Um, so I think that if we just do this one thing, just clean out the ball pit, we can move on. And it’ll all be okay! And you- you will not need to use that- that gun right now. Right?

JENSEN

Well, can I- can I tell you something, Honey?

HONEY

Go ahead.

JESSE

And he kind of like switches his posture a little bit to match Friday’s, and he goes:

JENSEN

[IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT] This here? I love this gun. It sure is a shiny, shiny gun, Honey. Um-

HONEY

[OVERLAPPING] It is, isn't it.

JENSEN

And you know, uh, I can do a lot of things with this gun.

HONEY

I imagine.

JENSEN

Yeah.

HONEY

But- but you don’t have to. You know that, right?

JENSEN

[LONG SIGH] I think I do, though.

HONEY

I- I don’t see- what good would you get out of it? One less- the fuel would go down for sure, right? If you kill me, the fuel will go down for sure. That is one less person.

SHIP

[OVERLAPPING] That is correct.

HONEY

What was that?

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] Well, Honey-

SHIP

That is correct.

[VAL LAUGHS]

JENSEN

Well, Honey, I have so much love stored- stored in me. And if this- if this is like- right. Have you ever played a video game, Honey?

HONEY

I um, my kids have, yes. I’m aware of them.

JENSEN

Okay. If I kill you and I just go and I stand on your dead body I will- I will- all of your experience points will come to me. So I’ll get all of the love in you and it comes to me. I get all the love. Right?

HONEY

Ship, is that correct?

LUKA

[CHOKING BACK LAUGHTER] No comment.

HONEY

Well we can’t- we can’t quite prove that, so I think it’s the safer bet for now if we just, you know, clean the ball pit, maybe, no death maybe for now?

JENSEN

[SIGHS AGAIN] Honey, can I tell you a secret before I kill you?

HONEY

I mean if the secret is followed by me dying, then no.

JENSEN

Well here’s my secret for you anyways before I kill you. I’ve never cleaned anything ever in my life. I don’t know how to do it.

HONEY

Will you at least stand there and watch while we do it? Just to help with the little percent thing? I don’t want to die.

JENSEN

Alright you convinced me. Only! Only, only, if after- after we finish, I will only agree to do this if afterwards, I get to shoot somebody. With my gun.

HONEY

Does it have to be a fatal shot? Can you shoot like in the foot or something?

JENSEN

I kind of want- can I be honest with you, Honey?

HONEY

Go right ahead.

JENSEN

Alright. I really want to just shoot the wall of this spaceship and see what happens.

HONEY

I mean- I don’t think that would be very good for it. I don’t think the ship would appreciate that, but I mean. I’d rather you shoot the ship and not me if that counts for anything?

JESSE

He sits there, and he like [THROUGH LAUGHTER] He like puts the gun in his pocket and he crosses his arms and he very like, animatedly taps his foot and thinks for a second. And he’s like:

JENSEN

Well, as long as I get to… Wait. Okay, I just got an idea, Honey. Can I- can I surprise you with something really quick?

HONEY

I guess?

JESSE

Okay, he picks up the gun.

VAL

Oh god.

JESSE

Um, and then he- oh I thought somebody was gonna call danger, I didn’t- I don’t know what I’m gonna do-

LAUREN

[OVERLAPPING] Both. Both.

JESSE

Both?

LUKA

Both. Okay, so that- Lauren you just have to tell them how they failed.

LAUREN

Um, the safety was, in fact, off, and it was- ah- aimed at the wall, but the safety was off.

JENSEN

Well, drat.

HONEY

Bloody hell.

LUKA

[THROUGH LAUGHTER] Scene!

[EVERYONE LAUGHS]

LUKA

I think everyone- I think the three of you meeting in the ball pit. Atticus is off doing something, I dunno what.

VAL

Yeah…

LUKA

I think you three in- in the ball pit room.

LAUREN

Wait a minute- wait a minute. You said someone could do- you said someone could do a scene on their own?

LUKA

Um, yeah. If someone calls it- Actually, you know what? Can we have a little bit of Friday monologue time while this scene is happening.

LAUREN

No that’s not what I meant!

LUKA

You just reminded me.

[SOUNDS OF LAUGHTER AND ALSO LAUREN’S DISTRESS]

LUKA

It doesn’t have to be long. I won’t make you suffer.

LAUREN

Okay, I’ll do it. Um, where are- can I get a- can I get an update on where we are?

LUKA

Why don’t you start on the bridge. Just- just waiting for something to happen.

LAUREN

While those two were talking?

LUKA

Were they- did I say they were on the bridge? I think you’re in the Homestuck bathroom. Calming yourself down.

VAL

Is Homestuck- wait okay I thought-

LUKA

Yeah, there’s two. There’s two. It’s the Sharpie bathroom.

VAL

Oh, okay. I thought Homestuck was the shooting range still.

LAUREN

Yeah, so did I.

LUKA

Oh-well-maybe- why can’t it be both?

VAL

That’s true, that’s true.

LAUREN

Alright.

FRIDAY

[PREPARING HERSELF] Alright. Okay. You’re used to cleaning up other people’s shit, but never this literally, huh? Alright.

[SHE CLAPS HER HANDS TOGETHER, TAKING A DEEP BREATH.]

FRIDAY

So you’ve got your husband. He’s got a gun.

LAUREN

Can I swear?

[UNSEEN NODDING.]

LAUREN

Okay. [SHE LAUGHS.] Um. [MORE LAUGHTER.] Sorry. That hit me really, really on a delay.

LUKA

[VOICE CRACKING] You’re okay.

[LAUGHTER.]

FRIDAY

So you’ve got your husband. He’s got a gun. That is never a good combination, and he has also notably never cleaned anything the entire time we’ve been married.

[SHE SIGHS DEEPLY.] It’s great, it’s great. Ship that runs on love! You know, really was not gambling on that one. [SHE SIGHS AGAIN.] Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okay.

So, you can clean the Space God knows what out of the ballpit. Thank you, Honey, for not checking on that. [SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH.] And we can keep flying. We can fix…a marriage if not mine and Jensen’s. Who knows? Because, you know, it can only—you, you can only do—you can only live so many bottles of detergent.

[OVERLAPPING LAUGHTER.]

FRIDAY

[CONT.] Okay. So you’re gonna go down there, you’re gonna [HESITANTLY] clean the ballpit, just like cleanin’ out the stalls. Just like cleaning up the cows. It’s just exactly like that. It’s not any different. At all. There’s nothing to be worried about.

LUKA

Scene.

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

Okay.

JESSE

Oh wait, I was gonna do something!

[OVERLAPPING CHEERING, FOR SOME REASON?]

LUKA

Oh. Jes, you can take it if you want.

JESSE

Alright, I was gonna say Dangerous.

[A BEAT.]

LAUREN

[CONFUSED] Okay—

LUKA

[LAUGHING] In what way?

JESSE

Your superpowers act up!

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

Oh no!

LUKA

I forgot about Friday’s superpowers!

FRIDAY

Oh no! Not my—my fire hands! Oh!

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

VAL

Good news: The ship is made out of glass.

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

LUKA

Does—alright. Jes, are you ending the scene on, “Oh no, Friday’s fire hands?”

LAUREN

No, I thought Val said something and then my computer glitched out.

JESSE

[OVERLAPPING, TO LUKA] I guess.

LUKA

Okay, Jes, so, your turn.

[OVERLAPPING LAUGHTER.]

JESSE

Okay, so, I want to do a scene between, um—I wanna do—

LAUREN

[OVERLAPPING] What is even—

JESSE

[CONT.] I want, I want Jensen to go to Atticus before he cleans the pit.

LUKA

Okay. Where?

JESSE

Uh, superwholock.

LUKA

I’m in the superwholock corner?

JESSE

Yeah.

JENSEN

Hello, Atticus.

ATTICUS

Hi, dipshit.

[LAUGHTER.]

JENSEN

Alright, well, I was—I was, I came here to warn you about something I thought you might need to know about.

ATTICUS

Warn me?

JENSEN

Yes, funny boy, warn you.

ATTICUS

Warn me?

JENSEN

Yes.

ATTICUS

Who’s the funny boy now? There’s nothing wrong with this ship. I thought you and Friday were gonna go down, down to engineering ‘n’ take care of it.

[LAUGHTER.]

JENSEN

“Go down?” No, no! How—how explicit of you, funny boy. No, I was going to come and warn you that your, your private sanctum, your very special little place on the ship where you like to bathe in feces, they’re going to clean it.

[LAUGHTER.]

ATTICUS

I—now listen. Now you listen here, little man.

JENSEN

Alright. I’m listening.

ATTICUS

[LOWLY] I might have had that alpha-beta-omega kinning scandal, but that does not mean I like to roll around in feces.

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

Oh, no!

JENSEN

Well, it’s what you’ve been doing this whole time, mate.

ATTICUS

What do you mean?

JENSEN

What do you mean what do I mean?

[MORE OVERLAPPING LAUGHTER.]

ATTICUS

[STUTTERING] I, I don’t have the faintest clue what you’re speaking about.

JENSEN

Alright. Well. Alright, sit down.

JESSE

I place my hand on—

ATTICUS

[OVERLAPPING] I—I am sitting. I am already sitting in the corner.

JESSE

[CONT.] I place my hand on their shoulder, and I get down on a knee beside them.

ATTICUS

[OVERLAPPING] Oh no. Oh.

JENSEN

Listen here, funny boy, I—

ATTICUS

Honey boy?

JENSEN

Funny boy.

ATTICUS

Oh. I misheard that one.

[GIGGLING.]

JENSEN

Right. Sometimes, in life, we hear things that make us upset. Right?

ATTICUS

Yes. I know. I, I said a lot of those things live on-air.

[SNICKERING.]

JENSEN

Yes. Right.

ATTICUS

[OVERLAPPING] You know, when they…when they legalized reading again? That hurt a lot of people’s feelings, and I decided I had to take that into my own hands.

JENSEN

I know, I know. Anyways—

ATTICUS

[VOICE CRACKING THROUGH TEARS] I haven’t touched a firework in so long, Lord Jensen.

[OVERLAPPING LAUGHTER.]

JENSEN

I’m not putting up with this. I came here to tell you some things, and I don’t want you crying on my arm. This is the finest silk. Alright?

ATTICUS

[STILL CRYING] No it isn’t.

[LAUGHTER.]

ATTICUS

[CONT.] It’s really scratchy.

JENSEN

Wow. I have a gun.

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

ATTICUS

[NO LONGER CRYING] Oh. Yeah, alright, um.

LAUREN

[THROUGH LAUGHTER] This is going so wrong so quickly.

ATTICUS

Okay.

JENSEN

Are you gonna let me talk, or does my gun need to do the talking?

ATTICUS

[OVERLAPPING] Yes. I don’t think you can use that, but I’ll be quiet now.

JENSEN

You’re walking on thin ice, mate.

[HE TAKES A DEEP BREATH.] Right, so. Sometimes, in life, people say things that make us upset that we may not agree with.

ATTICUS

Like when you came in here and said “hello?”

JENSEN

[SHAKILY] Do I need to remind you of the gun that I—

ATTICUS

[FRANTIC] That was a funny bit. Uh, you can, you can keep going. I was not—because, I was joking. That was, that was a joke, that was—

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] Sure you were, funny boy.

ATTICUS

[CONT.] That was a joke.

JENSEN

Should I nickname you “unfunny boy?” Because I’m not laughing at all here.

ATTICUS

No! No, I like it! I like it. I was—no, it was a bit. It was a bit, it was a bit. I believe you. You have a gun.

JENSEN

Mmhm. Right. So, we hear things that we don’t agree with that make us unhappy, so sometimes, we choose to deny them. Right now is not the time to do the denying.

ATTICUS

Okay.

JENSEN

So I need to tell you that it’s okay to like to roll around in feces.

ATTICUS

[THROUGH GRITTED TEETH] I don’t like to roll around in feces.

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING, CONT.] What’s not okay is lying about it.

ATTICUS

I don’t roll around in feces!

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

[VOICE CRACKING] Guys!

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

JENSEN

[WARNING] Atticus.

ATTICUS

I am offended.

[LAUGHTER.]

ATTICUS

Listen, I can take—I can take being called any number of kinnie things on my radio. This I will not stand for.

JENSEN

What are you talking about?

ATTICUS

I have been—I have been called…I have been called a Daniel Jacobi kin in my life.

[LAUGHTER.]

ATTICUS

[CONT.] I can take that one. I would never—knowingly—roll around in shit.

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

JENSEN

[SIGHING] Now, listen, listen, Atticus. Have you ever heard of a thing called sinning?

ATTICUS

I—that—like kinning with an ‘s?’

[A LONG PAUSE, FOLLOWED BY SNICKERING.]

ATTICUS

So like kinning with an ‘s.’ Got it.

VAL

[THROUGH LAUGHTER.] That was such a long pause of silence. What the fuck?

[LAUGHTER.]

JENSEN

Sometimes, we need to take a step back, and realize that lying is a sin.

ATTICUS

Like…okay.

JENSEN

I, I came here to make you feel better because I know they’re about to destroy your omega home full of feces. If you want to—

ATTICUS

[HUSHED, THROUGH GRITTED TEETH] I am not an omega.

[LOW GIGGLING FOR A FEW MOMENTS.]

LUKA

[THROUGH LAUGHTER.] Why is nobody stopping this scene?

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

‘Cause I don’t know if it—it has no end in sight to this!

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

LUKA

I can’t believe Jes decided for my character that they like to roll around in shit.

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

[THROUGH LAUGHTER] I can’t.

JENSEN

Atticus.

ATTICUS

Yes, small man?

JESSE

I cock the gun.

[LAUGHTER.]

VAL

Dangerous.

ATTICUS

[OVERLAPPING, SARCASTIC] Wow, that’s impressive.

LAUREN

Oh, Val called Dangerous.

VAL

Um, I think, I think, um—Jensen tries to cock the gun too hard, and it hurts his hand real bad.

JENSEN

[CRYING] Oh, my god!

LAUREN

[OVERLAPPING] Can I play the ship?

LUKA

Yeah.

LAUREN

‘Cause there is one piece of this that we have forgotten about. Um, but continue.

JENSEN

[STILL SOBBING] Oh my god. My beautiful hand.

LUKA

[OVERLAPPING] Okay, go ahead.

JENSEN

My beautiful hand.

ATTICUS

Well that’s what happens when you cock a gun at a person.

SHIP

Breach in lower deck. Breach in lower deck. Bullet hole detected.

ATTICUS

What is on the- uh-

LAUREN

There was- the safety was off and it was aimed at the wall and there was an oh shit moment. I assume that’s what it was. If we want- if we want to say that wasn’t it we can cut it out. But.

LUKA

I assumed the safety was on and he didn’t know how to turn it off.

LAUREN

No. It was off.

VAL

No the safety- yeah and Jensen shot the wall.

LAUREN

Yeah. The glass wall.

LUKA

Oh.

ATTICUS

Now- now little man, what did you do with your gun?

JENSEN

I didn’t do anything with my gun. Nobody let me. People like you- people who like to hurt my beautiful beautiful man-hands.

ATTICUS

Now, I’m gonna say this one more time. What did you do with your- what did you do with your gun? And why is the ship yelling at us about it? What did you do with your guna dn why is the ship yelling at us about it?

SHIP

Jensen shot a hole in the glass wall of the ship.

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] Why do you-

ATTICUS

You did what?

JENSEN

Why would you believe a robot over me? Your best friend.

SHIP

That’s rude.

ATTICUS

We’re best friends? Hey- be nice to her.

JENSEN

Yes we’re best friends.

ATTICUS

Kisses to the ship. Mwah.

JENSEN

Who else are you talking to, Atticus?

SHIP

Hello. I am Atticus’ best friend. The ship./

ATTICUS

[OVERLAPPING] She’s talking to us! Yeah! Yeah! We’re tight.

VAL

It always goes back to The Mechanisms.

[LAUREN LAUGHING]

LUKA

It always goes back to them.

SHIP

I have in fact seen Atticus do the unspeakable ball pit things.

ATTICUS

No no no! Hey! I'm gonna revoke your best friend privileges.

SHIP

You don’t have that power over me.

JENSEN

No, no. Ship- ship keep talking. Ship keep talking.

SHIP

There is a breach in oxygen on the lower level.

ATTICUS

We are going down to the lower level.

JENSEN

I don’t need oxygen-

LAUREN

End.

[LAUGHTER]

LUKA

I just remembered I’m a fish person.

LAUREN

Swimming in shit. Nooo. Okay so I called the end uh-

LUKA

That makes it a lot worse. So you get to decide what happens next.

LAUREN

Let me think on that for a second buddy cause I have to go in like twenty five minutes. Um.

LUKA

Yeah.

VAL

I think this is the climax.

LAUREN

This is the climax. I think they all need to go down to the-

LUKA

And save themselves together-

LAUREN

And do a power of friendship to save the oxygen supply and it’s gonna be such a bonding moment that it will fix it.

LUKA

Yeah! Well let’s see how this goes.

LAUREN

It’s definitely gonna go great.

VAL

Alright so this is all of us?

LAUREN

So everyone, yes.

VAL

Alright.

ATTICUS

Now, what in Radio God’s name?

FRIDAY

Jensen?

HONEY

I- to be fair, I told him- I told him he shouldn’t use the gun. I said he shouldn’t!

FRIDAY

I shouldn’t have given him the gun. But he should know not to shoot a damn hole in the wall, Jensen!

ATTICUS

You taught him how to use a gun?

FRIDAY

Of course I’ve taught my partner in crime how to use a gun. What, you think it’s- get his- little fancy boy-

[BREAK OF LAUGHTER]

FRIDAY CONT.

His fancy boy safety scissors out? And rob a bank?

ATTICUS

Yeah!

FRIDAY

Well you try that.

ATTICUS

Well he’s got three raccoons, I thought that would be enough!

FRIDAY

They’re not like feral attack raccoons. Don’t be ridiculous, only cows are useful that way.

ATTICUS

Don’t be-

HONEY

Okay guys? Okay guys. I- okay I. I think that we should focus. Cause I know- I know not all of us here breathe oxygen. I do. Um.

ATTICUS

I- occasionally I partake.

HONEY

Is it like a drug to you? It’s like a party thing to you?

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] That’s below me.

ATTICUS

No, no. I- that was a bit. Like fish do breathe oxygen. I’m a little special, uh, I’ve got extra parts to breathe. But like I do breathe oxygen.

HONEY

Right, right. Alright.

ATTICUS

That was a joke. Sometimes I’m too deadpan?

HONEY

Is that why you got arrested? No- no I won’t add fuel to the fire.

ATTICUS

No I got arrested for setting off fireworks in a library. Um.

HONEY

I thought that was a joke. You actually-

ATTICUS

I don’t believe in reading.

[STIFLED LAUGHTER]

HONEY

Well, okay. I don’t- I don’t think we have time to argue over this.

FRIDAY

We gotta tape up the hole or something.

HONEY

We can talk about- we can talk about books later.

ATTICUS

Do we have duct tape? Would that work?

FRIDAY

Uhh, better than nothing until we find an alternative, uhh...anyone see duct tape around here? All I know is we’ve got a ton of flour.

[ATTICUS BEGINS SAYING SOMETHING, BUT IS CUT OFF.]

JESSE

I step away—I step away from the party for a moment, and I lean on my knees on the floor. And I take my hat off.

JENSEN

[HE SIGHS SADLY.] Wet ‘n’ Wild, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for your whole life.

ATTICUS

[HUSHED] Are you about to shove your raccoon into the hole?

[LAUGHTER.]

JESSE

And I go,

JENSEN

[CRYING] I know this is going to be really hard for me. [HE SNIFFLES.] As well as your two siblings—

ATTICUS

[A SHARP WHISPER] He’s about to shove his raccoon into that hole!

JENSEN

[CONT, STILL CRYING] —that I don’t remember the names of.

LUKA

Jeremy and Vivian.

[LAUGHTER.]

SHIP

Vivian and Jeremy.

[MORE LAUGHTER FOR A BEAT.]

JENSEN

But, in the name of everything, I think you need to save the day, Wet ‘N’ Wild. Can you do that for me?

[JESSE IMITATES A RACCOON NOISE.]

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

Mercutio?

JESSE

I don’t know how raccoons sound.

[LUKA IMITATES A RACOON, MORE OF A GENTLE COO THAN JESSE’S SHRIEK.]

JESSE

So, I give my raccoon a—what were you about to do, Luka?

LUKA

Oh, I just made a little— [RACCOON BLIP.]

JESSE

Oh.

LUKA

I don’t think that’s what raccoons sound like.

LAUREN

[OVERLAPPING] Maybe a space raccoon does.

JESSE

So I lean in—

LUKA

[TO LAUREN] Maybe a space raccoon does.

JESSE

So, I get up, and I walk towards the team again in silence. Without speaking a word to anybody, I stand in front of the hole, and you guys see my look at my hat again. And you see me lean into my hat, and I kiss my raccoon sweetly on the lips.

LAUREN

[HIGH-PITCHED, A BIT SHOCKED] On the mouth?

JESSE

And, then I shove it—

LAUREN

[OVERLAPPING, CONT] That you kiss your wife with?

JESSE

Oh.

[LAUGHTER.]

JESSE

I shove my raccoon in the hole.

SHIP

Breach secured.

[OVERLAPPING LAUGHTER.]

FRIDAY

[SHOCKED] Jensen...did you just sacrifice Wet ‘n’ Wild to save our lives?

JENSEN

[CRYING] I did. I— [HE SOBS SOME MORE.]

ATTICUS

Uh, I think, at the end of the day though? So this thing runs on love, right? I—

LUKA

Oh, I should probably—[NARRATION] You start moving again. Just very slowly. Through the void of space. You start moving very slowly.

And now I’m going to get back into what I was saying.

ATTICUS

You know, you—you fixed the hole in the—we got a—we’re moving again.

[JENSEN CONTINUES QUIETLY CRYING IN THE BACKGROUND.]

ATTICUS

[CONT.] But I’m gonna be honest, Jensen, I still don’t like you. I—I don’t even think it was me.

[AS ATTICUS TALKS, JENSEN CRIES LOUDER.]

ATTICUS

I don’t think I contributed a single bit of that fuel. The love that you and Wet ‘n’ Wild shared—

JENSEN

How—how dare you.

ATTICUS

It’s really admirable.

JENSEN

How, how dare you—

[STAMMERING AS THE TWO TALK OVER EACH OTHER.]

ATTICUS

No, I’m not saying it as a mean thing. You and Wet ‘n’ Wild just saved our lives!

JENSEN

[VOICE CRACKING FROM TEARS] You called me Jensen.

ATTICUS

...Lord? Wh—do you prefer “little man?”

JENSEN

Only my best friends can call me Jensen, and you said you didn’t want to be my best friend anymore. So I would prefer you refer to me as Lord Jensen Jarvis Aloisias Augustine Maximillian Rupert Edmund Cedric von Marius Desmond Constantine Remington III.

ATTICUS

Okay, little man, little man, I was trying to have a nice moment with Wet ‘n’ Wild in your final moments, but I can see that that’s not going to happen.

[OVERLAPPING, JENSEN SOBS LOUDLY.]

VAL

Honey—Honey, like, interjects, and like, puts a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, and is like,

HONEY

Well, listen, I’ve lost things before, too, and I think—I think that was very brave of you! And you know what? [STUTTERING SO BAD YOU GUYS] Um, I um, I think I admire your courage! And, you know, maybe this has taught me that I don’t need to um...justify myself to my ex-wife, um, Maple Sierup, um, I don’t think—

[LAUGHTER.]

VAL

I forgot to drop her name. The wife’s name is Maple Sierup. They’re both, they’re both, um, sweet syrups. Anyways,

HONEY

And you know, maybe I don’t need to go back to my ex-wife! Maybe, you know, maybe we have something here—[BREAKING] Is the ship speeding up at all? Is this doing anything?

LUKA

Yes.

LAUREN

The ship is speeding up, and Friday, um, her eye catches a roll of duct tape that is sitting in the corner of this section and then kind of looks over at like, the raccoon gasping out its last.

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

[CONT.] And just sort of kicks it away, and looks over at her, at her husband.

[JENSEN IS HEARD WEEPING.]

FRIDAY

[SINCERE] You didn’t have to do that, Jensen.

JENSEN

I did.

FRIDAY

I appreciate it.

JENSEN

We would have died.

FRIDAY

[SHAKILY] I mean, you really didn’t have to...jump straight to the raccoon cork, but, in other words—

[OVERLAPPING LAUGHTER.]

FRIDAY

You—it takes a lot of love to do that.

JENSEN

[OVERLAPPING] Can I tell you a secret, darling?

FRIDAY

Always.

JENSEN

Can I tell you a secret, darling?

FRIDAY

[STRONGER THAN BEFORE] Always.

JENSEN

I used to have four raccoons.

[A BEAT.]

FRIDAY

Jensen? What, what happened to the—I didn’t know about this fourth one. We’ve been married quite a few times. What happened to that raccoon?

[JENSEN SOBS FOR A MOMENT.]

FRIDAY

[QUIETLY] Jensen.

JENSEN

Remember that one time, on our nineteenth divorce, when you threw me out of the house and you told me to sleep in the void of space?

FRIDAY

Yeah. I remember.

JENSEN

[HE SNIFFLES.] I was so heartbroken, and you left me out there for so long, that in my grief— [HE STARTS TO SOB AGAIN.]

FRIDAY

Jensen?

JENSEN

In my grief, I tried to wed myself to the raccoon, but before I could, a miniature black hole came up and swallowed him whole. Just a little one! Only big enough to fit a raccoon!

[LAUGHTER, OVERLAPPED WITH JENSEN SOBBING.]

FRIDAY

There, there—

[JENSEN SOBS SOME MORE.]

FRIDAY

Honey, Jensen, bring it in. Bring it in here, baby.

[JENSEN SNIFFLES.]

LUKA

And as you move in to hug, and you see planets in the distance—I’m trying to make this really pretty.

[LAUGHTER.]

LUKA

I don’t know why. We just shoved a racoon into—into a glass hole.

[MORE LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

[THROUGH LAUGHTER] And saved the day!

LUKA

But, the day has been saved, and you are zooming off through the stars.

[A PAUSE AS EVERYONE PROCESSES WHAT THEY’VE DONE.]

LAUREN

That went to so many places!

LUKA

Yeah, that did not go a single place that I expected it to go.

JESSE

My guy was supposed to be fancy, and like—

LUKA

You made—

[LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

There was a lot of very, like, Quentin Tarantino dialogue happening. Um.

VAL

I don’t know what I was expecting from this, but it wasn’t that.

LUKA

[OVERLAPPING] It wasn’t that!

VAL

Um, so I guess we should—

JESSE

[OVERLAPPING] I’m very excited for whoever has to make the transcript for this.

[LOL HEY GUYS.]

LUKA

I was thinking about that about halfway in.

LAUREN

[OVERLAPPING] No.

VAL

Yeah, no, I’m really scared of it.

LUKA

That’s gonna be a joint effort, I think.

Um, that—if you made it to the end, I hope you enjoyed it.

[LAUGHTER.]

LUKA

I did. [A BEAT.] See, that was said very hesitantly.

[MORE OVERLAPPING LAUGHTER.]

LAUREN

But, we did have fun. I had fun!

VAL

Yeah, same.

LUKA

[OVERLAPPING] Didn’t go a single place I assumed it would when I set out with the idea of “our engine is maybe broken,” but you know what? This works as well.

JESSE

[SINGING] “That’s the power of love.”

LAUREN

[SINGING] “That’s the power of love.” I don’t wanna get copyrighted by Huey Lewis and the News.

[LAUGHTER.]

VAL

Alright, so um, we’re gonna have the link to get the game in the episode description. Luka, I don’t know if you wanna add onto that at all.

LUKA

Um, I can—I can name drop again. So again, this is Vast & Starlit by Epidiah Ravichol, and we will be, again, linking it in the description.

VAL

Yeah! Um, so, just some official podcast things. Season two of The Heart of Ether is coming out August 13th.

[CHEERING.]

VAL

[CONT.] This is some of our bonus content in-between then. Um, our first trailer should be out by the time this comes out. We have a second trailer coming out, I don’t know if that will be out by then. [IT IS NOT]

But anyways, if you want to help support us, you can always talk about the show using #HeartofEtherPod. You can support us on—you can buy us a coffee, you can buy our teas from Adaigo Teas. You can follow us on Twitter and Tumblr @heartofether. And this was a lot of fun, and we are very much looking forward to season two. So, thank you for listening!

LAUREN

Thank you guys!

ALL

Bye!

[THE INTRO MUSIC PLAYS FOR A BIT BEFORE OUTRO MUSIC & CREDITS PLAY.]

[wxlfstxrx]

My Love (Chapter Two)

I gotta admit, I don't really speak French, so thank you to @slytherinqween for helping me out with translations!! I was so nervous to write this, but I hope you guys like it. Special thanks to @gaeilgelupin and @lumxsmywxrld​ for dealing with my anxious ramblings about this fic the past few days <3 and of course @lumosinlove​ for answering questions I had!! :)

Song in this chapter is Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens. Sorry, the actual song that inspired this fic will only come in the next chapter HAHAHA.

-------------------

“Uhh, Harz, are you alright?”

Finn turned his head and found a pair of concerned baby blue eyes staring at him from around the corner of the entryway. He swallowed once, twice, and not trusting his own voice, he shook his head. He turned back and thumped his head against the door again before flipping over and sliding down onto the cold floor. 

Leo’s shadow loomed over him as he approached, crouching before him in a perfect Asian squat that would’ve been comical had he not felt so utterly torn apart at that moment.

“You wanna talk about it?” Leo tried to keep his tone light, but the slight waver in his voice at the sight of his flatmate betrayed him.

“No, yes, I don’t know,” Finn choked out. “I’m sorry, you should go eat if you’re hungry, yeah?”

“Ahh, you know I was just teasing you about the book thing, hmm?” Leo ducked his head to try to get Finn to look at him but he was staring at his hands, which he was wringing together desperately. Anything to distract him, to prevent himself from crumbling completely. 

He nodded, biting his lip hard to stop himself from making a sound as the tears slipped down his cheeks. He pulled his knees up to his chest and folded his arms on top of them, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. He was shivering, whether from the cold or the overwhelming emotions he couldn’t tell, but he curled up tighter into himself as he finally gave in to his emotions. He burst into heaving sobs, the pain in his chest agonising as he thought of the boy he loved walking out of the door just minutes ago.

“Mon dieu,” Leo exhaled shakily as he watched Finn break apart, his heart squeezing tightly. He let his knees fall on the ground, ignoring the coldness of the marbled tiles as he placed his hand on Finn’s arm hesitantly. “C’mere, Harz, c’mere.”

He gently pried Finn’s hands away from himself, and pulled him up slightly so he was sitting on his heels, knees between Leo’s, and wrapped his arms around the still crying boy. Finn barely registered the light threading of fingers through his hair, pushing his curls away from his forehead, and the hand that was soothingly rubbing circles on his back as he buried his face in Leo’s soft cotton tee.

“Je suis là, hmm Harz? Cry it out, it’s okay,” Leo whispered into Finn’s ear as he held him tighter. “Je suis là, I’ve got you.”

******

Finn wasn’t sure how much time had passed before his knees started hurting, and he resigned himself to standing up, tugging Leo up with him. His legs were wobbly and he just stood there for a moment, clutching onto Leo’s arms. 

Wordlessly, he broke apart and nodded his head towards the bathroom, not waiting for a response as he shuffled out of the freezing entryway, sniffling. As he shut the door with a click, he heard Leo moving towards the kitchen to heat up their already cold dinner. 

He braced his hands on the edge of the sink, looking at his quickly bruising knuckles under the bright white light. Lifting his gaze to the mirror on the wall in front of him, he gasped softly. He looked a right mess. His face was blotchy and red, almost completely hiding the freckles littered over his cheeks and nose. His eyes were puffy and swollen, and the bright amber was muted into a dull brown. His lips had been bitten raw and his hair was sticking up in all directions, even more untameable than Pots’. 

Staring at his reflection, he bit back another sob as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. His vision swam. He lifted a palm to clamp down over his mouth and another to his chest, pressing in as hard as he could. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to calm down.

After several minutes of heavy breathing, he turned on the tap and splashed cold water on his face, again and again until he felt his fringe dripping wet. He lifted his thin singlet to dry his face clumsily, not caring that it got damp, and unlocked the bathroom door. 

When he approached the table, he saw that Leo had reheated their takeout and was seated on one of the chairs, plate empty in front of him. His legs were crossed on the chair and his right elbow was resting on the table, his head leaning into his palm. With his left hand, he was using his phone seemingly casually, but the way his right hand was roughly carding through his messy sandy hair, as well as his tense shoulders told Finn otherwise.

He took the seat opposite Leo’s, and the younger boy placed his phone face down on the table. His furrowed brows and darting eyes sent a wave of guilt cascading through Finn, and he attempted a smile, which was frankly more of a fractional upwards pull at the corner of his mouth. Still, Leo’s pursed lips softened into a smile, and he nodded at Finn, scooping some food onto the redhead’s plate, for which he nodded in thanks. 

“Eat, Harz.”

They ate in almost complete silence, save for Leo’s Spotify playlist that was playing through the speaker on top of the television console. As Mystery of Love wafted from the living room through the apartment, Finn whispered a barely audible “Thanks, Leo”. He received a glass of whiskey on the rocks from across the table in response.

“Aren’t drinking, are you, big boy?” He raised an eyebrow at the other boy, pointedly looking at the identical glass in his hand. “You know you aren’t legal yet.”

Leo leaned forward and smirked, “At least I can hold my liquor better than you, big boy.”

Finn couldn’t help but break into a smile at Leo’s cheek and raised his glass to meet his, finding some comfort in the soft clink that followed.

“It’s… It’s alright if you don’t wanna talk about it, yeah? We can, you know, put on a movie, or you can go have an early night if you want to,” Leo suggested a few minutes later, through a mouthful of spaghetti. He swallowed before continuing, “On me doit pas parler de cela maintenant.” 

Finn gave Leo a withering look, while secretly trying to control the rising hormones in him from hearing Leo speak his first language, “You know I don’t speak French.”

Leo hid his bashful smile behind his glass. “We don’t have to talk about it now.”

Finn’s features relaxed and he gave a weak smile, shrugging and returning his gaze to his spaghetti, prodding it with his fork.

Conversation flowed slightly easier between the two boys after that, though Leo tactfully avoided mentioning Logan or the events from earlier that evening.

After their usual routine of washing up, they retreated to the couch to watch Sherlock on Finn’s Netflix account, clutching their glasses of whiskey. Despite the fact that they actually had a decently sized couch, Finn realised that Leo had planted himself at a decently close proximity to him, although they didn’t actually have any contact between them.

Not even ten minutes into the episode, Finn struggled to stay focused, mind drifting to the events that had transpired just two hours ago.

If he hadn’t known for sure earlier before he had kissed Logan, he knew for sure now what the other boy meant to him. The ball of fire that blazed within him at the thought of Logan collided harshly with the shards of ice that pierced his chest when he had left, and Finn knew for sure that with everything he had, he loved the boy with the mahogany curls, often squashed flat under a cap, with the lopsided grin that appeared whenever they were laughing at some inside joke, with the green eyes that reminded him of glimmering emeralds, especially when they caught the sunlight.

Breaking out of his trance for a moment, he glanced surreptitiously at Leo from the corner of his eyes, and found that he was staring right back.

He shifted his gaze back to the television, heart pounding. Was Logan right, then? Did Leo really have feelings for him? I— I see the way he looks at you too, you know? Was this what he had meant? 

Leo had only ever been a teammate to him. Nothing more than friendly. At least, that’s what he had thought.

Suddenly, all the times he had happened to catch Leo’s eye before the other boy turned away quickly made sense. All the times in the locker rooms after games that he had injured himself, and Leo was always hovering nearby, with Logan as Remus assessed his injuries. All the times on the ice, as Finn and Logan had behaved their usual boisterous selves, and Leo had just watched on silently. It all sort of made sense in that moment. 

Leo had moved into Finn’s apartment only recently, when he had secretly admitted to not having enough savings to stay in a hotel, as most rookies usually did. Finn all but grabbed Leo’s bags and drove them to his place after training that day. He simply couldn’t allow the baby of their team to be homeless, not on his watch. Since then, these incidents had occurred more frequently, and Finn had felt some sort of unspoken tension between the two of them, although for the life of him he couldn’t understand why. 

They had developed a comfortable routine, and sometimes while doing the dishes together, Leo’s hands would brush his as they passed the dishes between them to be dried and kept. Other times, they’d be watching shows on the television, not unlike what they were doing then, and Leo would sit less than a foot away from him, propping his feet up on the small coffee table in front of them, ankles crossed. More times than he could count, Finn had fallen asleep on the couch, and woken up in the mornings to a blanket draped over him, and his phone plugged into his charger on top of the television console. 

Finn had always just assumed that Leo was being his usual friendly self, and repaying him back for giving him a roof over his head. Then again, now that he thought about it, it was strikingly obvious. 

He supposed he should’ve been shocked, and perhaps a tad awkward or uncomfortable, but he realised with a start that a violent blush had spread through his face. He brought a hand up to his cheek, feeling its warmth. He quickly picked up his forgotten glass on the coffee table and lifted it to his lips.

Leo tore his gaze away from the television screen to glance at him, and quirked an eyebrow. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Finn choked on his big gulp of his drink, pounding his fist into his chest to alleviate the sudden burning sensation spreading through him. 

Coughing a few times, he got off the couch and stepped over Leo’s feet carefully, heading to the kitchen to get two glasses of water. He returned back to the couch, offering Leo a glass, who took it appreciatively.

The blonde boy paused the episode of Sherlock, but stayed silent, giving him time to organise his thoughts. 

“I—” Finn started, then paused again, taking a sip of water to calm his nerves. “I don’t know,” sigh, “it’s just, things with— with Logan, y’know? I can barely comprehend what he…what’s going on. Sometimes he acts all interested in girls that we meet at parties, drapes himself all over them and dances with them, yeah? But then sometimes, he— Sometimes it seems like there’s something there. I don’t know.”

He paused in his tirade and hung his head, feeling embarrassed and very, very guilty for confiding in Leo about Logan, especially now knowing that the other boy had taken interest in him. 

He shook his head, mumbling, “I’m sorry. I don’t think you’d want to hear all this. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

There was a pause, and then, “Harz, mon chéri… I— god.” Finn turned his head slowly to see Leo lean against the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling.

Finn watched Leo’s blonde hair falling over his blue eyes, like sandy shores taming the crashing waves of the ocean. He watched his long lashes flutter as he blinked against the harsh light above them, watched as he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, following the lines and planes of his still boyish but increasingly maturing features down, down to his exposed neck. He watched the rise and fall of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, and then the shaky rise and fall of his chest.

Leo was beautiful. Try as he might, Finn couldn’t deny his feelings for the younger boy.

“You… You love him, don’t you?” Leo lolled his head to the side, still resting on the back of the couch but now looking directly at Finn. He could see the pain in his eyes, clear as day.

“Yeah,” came his reply, instantly, but so soft that he wasn’t sure Leo actually heard it, until he heard the other boy’s exhale.

“Oui, oui… I guessed so,” Leo smiled sadly. “I just… I— I get it.”

“Nutty, I… You… You’re wonderful. You’re so, so kind, and so, so funny. God, you make me laugh so much. You— You take care of me, though I’m the one almost turning twenty-one here,” Leo chuckled wetly as Finn snorted, his lips pulling into a small smile. “Really, I used to be… I used to be lonely before you moved in, y’know? It was a mess between— between Lo and I. I was so happy when he got drafted, and then— then he chose to stay with Dumo, and I was… Well. But then, you came up to me one day, saying you needed a place to stay,” Finn smiled at the memory, “And I was so happy to have you move in. I wouldn’t have wished for it to be anyone else.” 

He looked up from his lap, and saw Leo seated cross legged on the couch, facing him. His eyes were bright with tears, but he held them back, staring back unwaveringly.

“But… But you don’t like me, oui?” Leo looked so heartbroken that Finn wanted to… He didn’t know what he wanted to do, but he wanted to make the pain go away, somehow. But how could he help Leo, if he didn’t even know how to fix the gaping hole in his own heart? Leo lifted his chin, almost challengingly, “I’m not stupid, I know where this is going.”

“No, but… But here’s the thing. I do,” Finn whispered, unable to meet Leo’s gaze. He just kept wringing his hands together in his lap, digging his nails into his skin hard enough to leave crescent shaped marks. “I like you.”

“Hein?”

“You’re right. Logan and I go way back. We’ve been best friends for four years, and— and I’ve loved him since I met him. But you, Nut,” Finn ran his fingers through his own auburn hair, “You are— I can’t stop thinking about you. Leo,” The other boy’s breath hitched, “Why does something that seems so wrong, feel so so right? Am I wrong? Am I… Am I wrong for feeling this way? Why can’t I get you out of my head?”

Finn stared at Leo with such an intensity, his huge amber eyes searching with desperation for some sort of answer, that Leo couldn’t help himself.

“Oh, Finn,” He pulled the shorter boy into an embrace, inhaling deeply and catching the faint scent of his shampoo. Finn was tucked into Leo’s chest, with his legs resting on top of Leo’s left thigh and dangling over the edge of the couch. Leo’s right leg was bent at an angle, squished awkwardly between the back of the couch and Finn’s back.

Despite the uncomfortable position they were in, they stayed that way for a while, neither of them wanting to break apart.

“Harz,” Leo’s voice was soft, buried in Finn’s red locks, “I… Since I joined the Lions, it was always you. You have no idea, mon chéri. I was drawn to you instantly. Your flaming red hair, your ridiculous game traditions, the way you can’t hold your liquor to save your fucking life.”

Both boys snorted at that.

“I never… I never dared to tell you. Especially when you offered me a place to stay. I couldn’t fuck that up by letting my feelings run wild. I didn’t even— I didn’t even know if you swung the same way, yeah? I was so afraid. But then I saw the way you’d look at Tremzy when you thought nobody was looking. I saw. And it ruined me, but then sometimes you acted… I wondered. I wondered if I’d ever have a chance. I wondered about what it’d be like if you gave me a chance.”

Leo’s hand stilled in Finn’s hair, simply holding him for several heartbeats. Eventually, he sighed, dropping his hands to Finn’s shoulders and pushing him back slightly, holding him at arm’s length, so they could look each other in the eyes.

“Finn, there’s nothing wrong with having feelings for two people at the same time. At least, not completely, not exactly,” He shrugged, “I think that… I think it’s perfectly reasonable. As long as there’s proper— y’know, communication, between the involved parties, and there’s some sort of consensus or compromise, hmm? Communication and understanding are always key, for sure.”

Leo smiled fondly at Finn, and he felt the ice in his heart melt.

“Love is love, is what I always believe in. If you have feelings for two people at the same time, so be it. But do things the right way, oui? There’s always something worth fighting for.”

It was only much later that night that Finn managed to fall asleep, Leo’s words and Mystery of Love resounding in his ears.

******

The sound of his phone ringing on his nightstand woke Finn up abruptly in the middle of a particularly strange dream. Rubbing his eyes, he pushed himself up on one elbow and leaned over, wincing as he felt his back crack.

Hoping that the ringing wasn’t too loud that it would wake Leo up in the next room, he unplugged his phone from the charger, eyes still half-closed. It was five forty-eight in the morning. What on earth…? Finn hit the answer button.

“‘Lo?” His voice was raspy, a combination of the crying, whiskey and sleep. How wonderful.

“Harzy, have you seen Logan?” Dumo’s worried voice crackled through the phone. “Is he with you?”

“Nnnnnnnnnnnngh… No, he isn’t,” Finn said through a yawn, “Why? Didn’t he go home last night?”

“I don’t know, Katie’s sick so we all went to bed early. Usually he lets himself in— he’s got a key, but he’s not in the basement and his room is a mess,” Dumo scoffed, “Well, more of a mess than it usually is anyway. He’s upturned his entire wardrobe.”

“Mmmmmm…. Maybe he went out for a run?” He yawned again. He wouldn’t put it past Logan to be running laps around the block at this time of the morning. Back when they were in Harvard, he would be woken up by Logan at the crack of dawn daily to run with him before classes. Gotta keep in shape, Harz. Not everyone’s blessed with a naturally sexy body, you know? He had rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to respond with a snarky comment, until he had seen Logan’s eyes roaming over his body. That had shut him right up. 

“I don’t know, mon gars, something seems off here,” There was a shuffling sound over on Dumo’s end of the phone, as though he were looking through Logan’s room. Finn found himself drifting back to sleep, though a nagging thought in his mind prevented him from falling asleep completely.

Without warning, Dumo let out a curse in French, loud enough for Finn to jerk away from the phone, hitting his head on his headboard in the process.

“Ow…. What is it, Dumo?”

“His passport is gone. He left.”

[chanceuseladynoire]

Snow Angel

I started posting my fourth work. You can read it on AO3 here.

Rating:General Audiences 

Category: F/M 

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug 

Relationship: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug 

Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire, Nino Lahiffe, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Alix Kubdel | Bunnyx, Tikki, Plagg 

Additional Tags: Time Shenanigans, aged-up, Fluff, Angst, Kidnapping, Searching, Getting help from unlikely places, Adrien has gone a little crazy, Adrien is in denial, lost kitty, Bunnyx _really _needs to get a lock for her burrow, Miraculous Wish, Relationship Advice, Worried Friends and Family, Season 3 Spoilers, Chat Blanc Episode Spoilers - Freeform

Summary: Where is Marinette? It is a popular question this morning and Adrien is starting to worry. The 17-year-old lycée student (and teen heart-throb supermodel) can't do anything about it, but perhaps a certain cat-themed superhero can pick up her trail.

*Warning: Season 3 Spoilers Ahead*

Chapter 1: Missing

Adrien dropped his school bag next to his usual desk, took his seat, and waited for class to start. He scrolled through his calendar on his phone. Only three photoshoots this week, and the regular piano, fencing and Chinese practices. A chemistry quiz today, history paper due on Friday. It was actually shaping up to be a pretty light week. He might be able to sneak in a few more patrols with Ladybug.

Or perhaps get Marinette to slip one of Paris’ favorite heroes a few cookies on her balcony. Either option sounded fine to him.

Speaking of Marinette, where was she? Class was going to start in two minutes. She’d been making a special effort to squeak into class five minutes before the final bell since starting their second year of lycée and no longer having the luxury of living across the street from school. She probably overslept again.

The seconds ticked by. The bell rang. The history class started. The desk next to Adrien remained empty.

He didn’t start to worry until class ended and there was still no sign of the bluenette. Adrien hoped she wasn’t ill. She had seemed fine yesterday.

He could text her and ask if she was okay, but he felt that might be overstepping. Besides, he didn’t want to disturb her if she was feeling unwell. He decided to try the next best thing to messaging Marinette directly.

[Adrien] Hey. Have you heard from Marinette this morning? She wasn’t in class.

A reply popped up almost instantly.

[Alya] I haven’t. Give me a sec.

Adrien pocketed his phone and walked down the hall to his calculous class. He set his phone on his desk and unpacked his tablet and stylus. The phone’s screen lit up a minute before the bell rang.

[Alya] She’s not answering her phone. I’ll try the bakery next.

[Adrien] Thanks. Class is about to start. I’ll check back in with you later.

Adrien pushed the budding sense of unease away as the teacher began lecturing about integrals.

With his math class over, Adrien once again packed up to move to classical world literature. They were studying Shakespeare’s sonnets. He was gleaning so much glorious material for Chat Noir to use later. It was almost better than his Sunday night ritual of scouring the internet for new cat puns and memes. Almost.

Adrien did his best not to bump into anyone on the stairs as he headed down to his next classroom with his attention focused on his phone.

He had received six new texts and a missed call in the last hour.

[Alya] I talked to Sabine. She hasn’t seen Marinette since last night.

[Alya] She assumed that she just missed her leaving this morning.

[Alya] Mari still isn’t answering her phone.

[Alya] She wasn’t in our French class last period.

[Alya] Let me know when you see her. Okay?

That uneasy feeling from earlier had lodged itself in the pit of his stomach and was growing.

He typed a quick promise to Alya that he would notify her when he saw their friend.

The missed call and sixth text were from Mme. Cheng.

Adrien rounded the last step and stopped out of the flow of traffic before opening the text. The squirming feeling in his gut was getting worse.

[Mama Cheng] Have you seen Marinette this morning? Alya just called and no one seems to have seen her since last night. Tom and I are starting to worry.

Adrien failed to notice his foot tapping out a nervous staccato against the floor tiles.

[Adrien] I haven’t seen her this morning either. I will have her call you the minute I do.

He pressed ‘send,’ hoping that his optimism in stating ‘when’ not ‘if’ he sees Marinette was not unfounded. He didn’t want to start thinking that way.

He stood there, staring at his phone, trying to decide what to do, as the halls emptied and the next period of classes began. He felt Plagg start nudging his hip from inside his book bag. It was the final push he needed.

Adrien hurriedly stopped by the school nurse and told her that he wasn’t feeling well and asked to be excused from his classes for the rest of the day.

The nurse took one look at his pale face and agreed to let the rest of his teachers know of his absence. Having a reputation for being a model student had its advantages.

Adrien walked out the front doors of the school as quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself. As soon as he had the freedom of the pavement outside, he ran to the shadows of the nearest alleyway.

Usually Plagg talked to Adrien from wherever he was lounging at the time, but as soon as they were hidden from view, the kwami of destruction phased through the bag and floated at eye level. His tail was flicking back and forth agitatedly. He crossed his stubby arms over his chest and narrowed his toxic green eyes at his holder.

“Well, what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?” Plagg drawled exasperatedly, but Adrien could read the subtext after four years of partnership. His kwami was worried.

He finally had a name for that feeling crawling its way up from his stomach and grasping at his throat now. Fear. It was definitely fear.

“Plagg, claws out!”

----------

Five minutes later Chat Noir landed on Marinette’s balcony with a soft flump.

Nothing looked out of place, but something... wasn’t quite right. Chat couldn’t quite put his claw on it just yet.

He moved the information to the back of his mind to let his subconscious work out whatever it was. His attention turned to the skylight hatch leading to his friend’s bedroom. He eased the door open and poked his head inside.

Still nothing seemed amiss. Her bed was unmade (not uncommon with how quickly she usually needed to leave for school after hitting snooze on her alarm four times). Bits of pink fabric were strewn across her sewing desk and pinned to the dress form in the corner. Pictures of her friends were taped to the walls. It all looked perfectly normal for her room.

Chat Noir dropped onto the loft, careful to land next to the bed to keep his boots from dirtying her bedding. That’s when it hit him—the thing that was out of place.

There was an unfamiliar scent in Marinette’s room.

He sniffed around the bed. It smelled mostly of pleasant things that he associated with the young designer, like vanilla and sugar. Underneath the comforting scents was another, unfamiliar one.

Chat Noir wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. It smelled... cold. It was like the sharp sting of ice on a bitterly cold day when the wind bites at your ears and nose and burns your cheeks with snowflakes like shards of glass. The scent stood out in sharp contrast to Marinette who smelled like everything warm and comforting.

He took a few minutes to sniff around the rest of her room. He didn’t pick up the foreign scent anywhere except near the bed. He did find Marinette’s phone under her bed. It was on silent and the battery was nearly dead. She had forty-six missed calls and messages. Chat was willing to bet that most of them were from Alya.

He left the phone where it was and pulled himself back up to the balcony.

The icy scent was on the edge of the hatch door. He also smelled it on one of the many potted plants surrounding Marinette’s oasis. Whoever it was must have brushed against the leaves.

The intruder had entered through the skylight from the balcony, just as Chat Noir had.

A string of events started taking shape in his mind. He didn’t like where they led.

A stranger had come to Marinette’s balcony, let themselves into her room, and taken the girl from her bed.

Someone had kidnapped Marinette.

----------

Chat Noir spent the rest of the afternoon sniffing around rooftops near the Dupain-Cheng bakery in an ever expanding radius. From time to time he dropped to ground level as well, but that didn’t seem right for some reason and he inevitably returned to the roofs.

After a few hours, he got lucky. (No one was more surprised than him since good luck was not his forte.)

Someone in a building to the south had left a pool towel hanging out to dry on a balcony railing. A brush of odor on the colorful material matched the one locked in Chat’s scent memory.

He continued searching to the south. He had never put so much effort into tracking before. Why hadn’t he thought to practice before now?

An hour later, he found his next clue. He followed the scent along a straight line of roofs at a full run on all fours. Chat’s mind presented him with two pieces of information as his claws dug into the roof tiles and his legs propelled him forward.

First, the scent was getting harder to follow as more time passed. Second, Chat knew of only three groups who took routes like this. None were great options.

He slid to a stop at the end of the roof line and stood easily on the edge. His breathing was labored and he could feel his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. Anxiety and exertion were flooding his system with adrenaline. Chat’s tail twitched behind him just as Plagg’s had before transforming that afternoon. A low growl slipped past his clenched teeth.

He’d lost the trail.

Chat needed help. He opened the map feature on his baton and searched for Ladybug’s icon. She wasn’t there. It was a long shot anyway. They usually weren’t transformed this time of day unless there was an Akuma attack. Fortunately he hadn’t had to deal with one of those today. Chat could only handle one crisis at a time.

He switched his baton to phone mode and called his partner. It went to voicemail.

“Ladybug, I’ve got a bit of a situation here. Do you remember Marinette Dupain-Cheng? I think she may be a friend of yours, but that’s not important right now.”

He did his best to keep the strain out of his voice. Ladybug didn’t want an update on his emotional state. She only wanted cold, hard facts.

“Look, I think she’s been kidnapped. No one has seen her all day. I went by her house to check if I could find anything and picked up an unfamiliar scent. I’m tracking it south through the fifth arrondissement right now. And, LB, I’m tracking it across the roofs. We might be looking at an akuma or sentimonster, though it’s been pretty quiet for one of Hawkmoth’s games. There’s a possibility it might be a—another miraculous holder.”

He paused for a moment to let that sink in.

“Anyway, call me when you get this. I’m going to keep looking. Bye.”

Chat Noir ended the call and continued his pursuit.

Frustration outweighed his anxiety hours later as the sun started to set beyond the Paris skyline. He hadn’t been able to pick up the trail again. He tracked it as far as he could, but he lost it.

He groaned as he slid down a brick wall protruding from the roof he was currently on. He sat on the plaster and released his transformation. A crackle of bright green energy washed over his body and Plagg sprang from the ring. Adrien handed him a piece of Camembert before the grumpy little cat could ask.

“How’s it going, kid?” Plagg asked, then tossed the chunk of smelly cheese in the air and swallowed it whole. Normally with him it was eat first, ask questions later.

“I lost the trail.” Adrien thunked his head against the bricks behind him. The small pain this caused was a slight comfort in the face of Adrien’s disgust with his tracking skills.

“I know, kid. But, honestly, you did great. It wasn’t an easy scent to find. I’m impressed that you were able to follow it this far.”

If Plagg was trying to comfort him and willingly handing out compliments, it really was the end of days.

Adrien appraised his old friend. “You’re really worried about her, aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question.

Plagg stared off to the south. Adrien was sure the little glutton had heard him, but was declining to comment.

Plagg had always seemed partial to Marinette. Adrien didn’t know why. His kwami had never met the girl, but he did seem to bring her up more than Adrien’s other friends.

“Let’s go, kid. There’s nothing more we can do tonight, and I’m sure Pantsuit is wondering where you are by now.”

Adrien pushed himself to his feet. He had no idea what he was going to tell Nathalie, but he didn’t really care right now. Maybe he would do something crazy and try telling her the truth that one of his friends was missing and he had been out all day looking for her. Telling Nathalie the truth. He scoffed. There was a concept.

“Plagg, claws out.”

[sorceress-coffee]

Trollhunters Episode 8

Adventures in Trollsitting! Special thanks to @insanity6666 for the lovely idea of making the newest OC addition to the story a changeling! I will be posting drawings of Eemeli as a human and Troll after finals! Thank you to everyone who reads these, I have a lot of fun writing them!

Episode 1

Episode 7

Episode 9

     I awoke to the sound of a foghorn, my alarm. I groaned trying to roll over but I was pinned down by something heavy sitting on my waist. My bed began to shift under me. I was confused until I decided to finally open my eyes, coming face to face with blue stone. My brow furrowed before I recalled the events and shock of last night. Draal was subbing in for my bed so he could keep an eye on me last night. I nuzzle under his chin as he sat up, seeing that the heavy object I was pinned under happened to be his arm.

     Draal chucked at the gesture, handing me my blaring phone. “Good morning, does it always make that awful noise?” He huffed through his nose, rattling the ring in a disgruntled manner at the alarm.

     I smiled turning the alarm off, yawning as I snuggled up to him more, still tired. “Only when I need to be awake at a certain time. Jim, Toby and I are supposed to head to Trollmarket this morning. I need to speak with Vendel about armor designs.” I paused thinking over last night, “Sorry for… worrying you.”

     Draal nodded as I spoke of going to Trollmarket with Toby and Jim, peering down at me in confusion when I apologized. “You are my mate; it is now my duty to worry for you and take care of you.” He smiled, nuzzling my jaw with his nose. “It is not something you need to apologize for. The news last night was a ‘shock’ as Jim put it.”

     I smiled softly, hugging around his neck. “Thank you for watching over me then.” I pulled back, stretching before getting up. “For a being of living stone, you’re pretty comfortable as a bed.” I teased, heading upstairs with Draal, going up to the second floor to my room.

     Draal followed close, stepping into my room for the first time since he threw Nomura out of my window his first night here. He sniffed over the desk with a canvas about 5 feet tall and 3 feet wide leaning against it, with various spray paint canisters laying around. “What is this?” He asked, nudging the canvas with the beginnings of a dark figure in bright green and blue swirls.

     I was digging through my closet for a change of clothes, peeking out to see what he was asking about, I grinned. “That’s a piece I’m working on for an art show, it’s later on in the year but I’ve been working on it since the beginning of the school year. I’m hoping to be the first spray painter accepted into the show!” I pulled on black leggings covered in the same green and blue paint on the canvas and a black long sleeve with a silver spaceship on it. “Do you think I have a chance?”

     Draal chuckled, looking over the picture closely. “Human’s are… moronic, usually, but they’d be blind to turn this away, who is in the painting?” He traced the swirls of blue paint.

     “I’m not sure actually, it’s a scene I’ve dreamt about a lot growing up. He shows up a lot in them so I don’t know if it’s a tv character or someone I’ve met a long time ago and forgotten about. Usually, there’s a person wearing blue too, but I haven’t figured how to draw them yet.” I explained, standing next to Draal, staring at the painting.

     Draal hummed, tilted his head hearing a thud from Jim’s room. “Our Trollhunter has been bested by his bed it seems.” He smirked, waiting by the door as I grabbed my school stuff before heading out with him.

     I checked mom’s room to make sure she left for the day before going to Jim’s door, knocking. “Jim? You okay in there?”

     Jim groaned from behind the door. Loud shuffling could be head before he opened the door, yawning. “Morning River, morning Draal.” He greeted, trudging past us. “Remind me to never let Blinky talk us into visiting before school.”

     “We both know that’s not going to happen,” I smirked, following Jim downstairs, Draal right behind us.

     Jim nodded, grabbing his bag off of the banister, “Yeah, he can talk anyone into anything.”

     Draal laughed, shaking his head. “He’s not used to a Trollhunter that needs to sleep either. You’ll get used to it.”

Jim smiled up at Draal, “I hope so. You gonna be good on your own?” He asked, glancing between Draal and me.

     “I will be looking for Killahead Bridge while you attend your training and learning dungeon,” Draal smirked, content with his job for now. “I will return by the time your mother returns to guard her and the house.”

     Jim nodded, pausing to tilt his head in confusion, “Learning dungeon?”

     I laughed, “School, he means school.” I explained, realization crossing Jim’s face as he laughed.

     Draal nudged my cheek with his brow, “You don’t want to keep Vendel, or the fleshbag Tobias,” he nods to the window where we see Toby yawning, tapping his foot impatiently as he waits for us.

     I chuckle, pressing my brow to Draal’s before heading out with Jim, “Bye, Draal! We’ll see you later!”

     Toby waved to Draal as we left, snickering at me, “You’ve gotten comfy having Draal live with you.” He remarks, trying to tease.

     Jim shakes his head, chuckling, “Why wouldn’t she be comfortable with Draal there? They act like a married couple already!” He snickered as we headed into town for breakfast at Stuart’s Taco Truck, before going to Trollmarket.

     I smirked at both of them, rolling my eyes at the obvious teasing, “Seeing as he’s the equivalent of my fiancé, yeah, of course, I’m comfortable with him living with us. I’m surprised you’re not uncomfortable.” I remarked to Jim, elbowing him.

     Jim shrugged, “Draal’s like a brother already, he fits right in with us. Besides, like I told you, as long as you’re happy, I won’t have a reason to use Daylight,” he snarked back to me, joking about using Daylight. He would never use the sword on Draal.

     Stuart opened the Taco Truck window as we approached, “Morning my best customers! How was your date River?” He asked, starting on the breakfast burritos, knowing our usual orders.

     “Date?” Jim and Toby asked in unison, turning to me.

     I laughed, shrugging a bit, “I picked up tacos and burritos for Draal and me, Stuart put two and two together. It was great, he actually enjoyed raiding the scrap yard with me!” I grinned leaning against the window to converse with Stuart as he cooked.

     He laughed, wrapping the burritos, “Now that sounds like a keeper to me! Find anything good?” He asked, handing the bag to Toby as Jim paid. He still owed Toby from the fight with Draal.

     I nodded, “Yup, I found some old tech I’ll bring to the shop next time it’s open.”

     “Thanks! River, Boys have a good day,” Stuarts waved us off with a grin.

     Jim shook his head, “You make some really weird friends. Not that they’re weird, it’s just who you end up making friends with isn’t the usual for a high schooler,” He corrected quickly as I gave him the side-eye of disapproval.

     “You’re telling the non-human dating a troll, that who she makes friends with isn’t typical?” I asked, smirking to Jim as Toby handed out the breakfast burritos. I tore into mine quickly, waiting for an answer.

     Jim floundered for a response as Toby snickered, unwrapping his burrito, “You walked right into that one Jimbo.” He teased, biting into his burrito.

     Jim huffed, eating his food while sulking a bit. I paused outside of the Vespa shop, “Hey, Jim. Aren’t these the Vespa’s you’ve been drooling over?” I asked, finishing off my food.

     Jim whistled, stopping next to me, fighting the urge to drool over it. “Vespa 300 GTS Super. Single-cylinder. Catalyzed four-stroke Quasar engine,” he sighed. “Can you imagine me going down the road on that? Wind whipping through my hair, Claire holding tight to my back,” he trailed off, lost in his head.

     I rolled my eyes as Toby sighed, “Me, cruising in the sidecar next to you,” he spoke, interrupting Jim’s fantasy.

     I shook my head, snickering at Jim’s disgruntled look directed at Toby. “Tobes, that’s for a motorcycle,” I remarked.

     Toby pouts towards me before seeing Jim’s look, “Oh. You imagined you and Claire alone, didn’t you?” He asked Jim with a sheepish smile.

     “We both know the odds of mom getting you a Vespa for your 16th birthday.” I sighed, knowing Jim was hoping for one.

     “Only slightly worse than me winning the lottery and buying it myself, but still slightly better than you getting a motorcycle for your 18th birthday.” He snickered, teasing me back. I grinned ruffling his hair at the remark. Jim whacked my hand away glancing at the window, frowning. “Did you see that?” He asked, turning to quickly to see a goblin on a powerline holding a bundle.

     I turned, following his eyes, barring my teeth slightly, “Goblin!” I yelled as Jim and I took off after it.

     “What?!” Toby yelled, having looked at the window instead of the power line, groaning as he sees Jim and I running, “It’s just a bird!” He yelled after us, trying to catch up.

     “It’s a goblin, with a baby!” Jim yelled back to Toby, seeing little baby arms poking out of the bundle the goblin was holding, gripping a rabbit plushie.

     Jim and I followed the goblin to the alley behind Alex’s game shop, “Dead end.” I growled, heading to the back looking for a way up to the roof.

     Jim knelt behind me, picking up the rabbit plushie the baby had been holding. Toby finally caught up to us, trying to catch his breath. “Come on guys, it’s just a bird!” He groaned, not having seen the goblin at all. “Chill out guys, this Trollhunting is making you hallucinate,” He tried to reason, clasping Jim’s shoulder.

     “Two people don’t hallucinate the same thing at the same time,” I quipped back, frowning as I couldn’t find a way up, losing the goblin and baby. Sighing as I turned back to the boys. “The baby was holding that.” I nod to the bunny in Jim’s hands.

     “What would a goblin want with a baby?” Toby asked, shaking his head. Though his tone was filled with disbelief, he was obviously worried in the case it was an actual baby.

     Jim frowned, examining the rabbit plushie, “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.” He headed out of the alley, Toby and I following close. “Blinky should have an idea why, let’s get to Trollmarket,” he spoke, leading us to the canals quickly.

     I took out the horngazel, opening the entrance quickly, heading down to Blinky’s library with the boys. “I have to go see Vendel. I have my alarm set so I’ll come get you for school.” I waved to the boys before running to Vendel’s study. Steeling myself as I walked in, not having seen Vendel since I left Trollmarket with Draal. “Morning Master Ven-” I cut my greeting seeing Vendel.

     Vendel was facing the entrance of his study, gemstone staff pointed at me, “You’ve missed three days of training, run off with a disgraced troll after courting him in front of every troll in Trollmarket, and all you have to say is ‘Good morning?’” He scolded me, sounding like a disappointed parent.

     I winced, bowing my head slightly, feeling like a small child, “I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcomed back after everyone’s reaction to that…” I admitted, rubbing my arm. Not used to being scolded.

     Vendel sighed, lowering the staff, “You are my charge, of course, you’re still welcomed here… though I’ll be surprised if no one says anything about the display after the fight.” He shook his head, sitting at a stone table, gesturing me to the seat next to him.

     I sat quickly, snarling a bit, “If they want to speak ill of Draal they can fight me.”

     Vendel laughed, in a better mood after getting the scolding out of the way, “I shouldn’t be surprised considering your lineage.” He pats the top of my head with his large hand, as one would a child.

     I pout at the patting before I furrow my brow, registering his words, “Did you… You knew I was related to Merlin?” I asked, looking up at him from under his hand.

     Vendel hummed, realizing I hadn’t known from the confusion on my face. “I forget there is much you don’t know yet,” he sighed, pulling over a volume of ‘A Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore’ opening to a page with an illustration of a woman clad in armor, holding an ax. She was surrounded in swirls of blue and white, similar to the painting I was working on. “This is Lady Ganieda, Merlin’s sister,” Vendel pushed the book closer to me, “Your mother I presume, from your magic.”

     I studied the picture closely, smiling softly, “She could wield daylight?” I asked, looking to Vendel as he hummed in answer. “Then, you knew I could too?”

     Vendel nodded, “I could tell from the burns on your hands when we met. That is why I am so insistent on training you. If you befriended trolls, as you have, and remained untrained…” he trailed off, shaking his head sadly.

     “The Forge wall I shattered could’ve been a friend,” I concluded, looking back to the picture. “I’m glad I finally have a picture to relate to her, I’ve never seen her before.” I smiled, running my fingers over the armor in the picture, pausing on the shoulder plates. “I want to design something similar, and since my arms and shoulders get hit the most, maybe I should make those pieces a priority.”

     Vendel smiled softly, nodding. “Take the book, uses it as a reference for your armor.” He spoke, placing his hand on my shoulder, “I’ll see if we have any more pictures of Lady Ganieda, you should have them after all.”

     I smiled hugging Vendel, “Thank you Master Vendel, I really appreciate this.”

     Vendel smiled softly, hugging me, “Of course,” he jolted as my phone alarm began to sound, looking at me confused, poking at my frame trying to find the source of the noise.

     I laugh pulling my phone out to turn it off. “Sorry, it’s time for me to get the boys and head to school. I’ll see you soon with plans for the armor.” I grinned, hugging him again before taking the book and running off to get Toby and Jim from the Forge.

     As we walked to school, Jim explained what Blinky told them about changelings being replaced with babies and growing up in the human world. We paused at the lockers, still hugging the book to my chest as I open my locker to put it away for now. “So, we have to find out which baby is missing?” I asked, tucking the book away, and grabbing my paint for art class, closing the locker.

     Jim nodded pulling the rabbit out, sighing. “I am going to find out who it belongs to and when I do-”

     Toby interrupted Jim, grabbing his shoulder, “Maybe you didn’t see what you thought you saw. You’ve been spending so much time in Trollmarket, maybe your minds are playing tricks on you.” He suggested, looking between Jim and me.

     Jim frowned, looking at the rabbit, leaning back against his locker, “Maybe you’re right,” he conceded to Toby making me groan, refusing to believe we hallucinated a goblin kidnapping a baby.

     “You have Suzy Snooze?” Claire’s voice startled the three of us as she approached, gesturing to the stuffed rabbit. “My brother’s bunny, I’ve been looking all over for him.”

     Jim handed her the bunny, “You’ve been looking for this?” He asked her, worry etched over his face.

     “Yeah,” she smiled, taking the bunny. “He’s been acting weird without it. Where did you find it?” She asked us, confused that we had it.

     “We found it in the alley behind Alex’s Game Shop,” I spoke up, worried for her baby brother.

     “What do you mean, he hasn’t been himself? Exactly how has he been acting?” Jim asked quickly, mind racing to changelings.

     “Easy, Jim.” Toby grabbed his shoulder, holding him back a bit. Turning to Claire, trying to play it off. “Always concerned about the children, but just for clarification, are we super sure this is his? I mean you could probably pick this up at, like, any store,” He asked, hopefully.

     Claire smile shaking her head, “I think I know the stuffed bunny I grew up with,” she answered to Toby. Mary ran up to Claire, yelling her name. She paused to catch her breath and began to explain that she wasn’t available to babysit Enrique for her tonight.

     Jim began to freak out as they talked, whispering to Toby and me, “She doesn’t know her brother is missing because he’s been switched with a changeling!” He waved to Claire, quickly interrupting the girls’ argument, “I can babysit for you,” he offered.

     “Tonight?” Claire asked, grinning. “Really? You would? Wait,” she paused, eyeing Jim, “have you ever babysat before?”

     “Uh, yeah,” Jim answered quickly, “Yeah, no. They call me ‘Jim the Baby-Handed,’” he remarked, using Bagdwella’s insult from when Chomsky stole his amulet.

     I snickered, turning to stand next to Claire, patting her shoulder, “He’s great with kids, a real ‘mother hen’,” I joked, earning a laugh from Claire and Mary.

     “Oh, my gosh, you’re a life-saver. I could kiss you.” She grinned, leaning up to kiss Jim on his cheek, “Come by my house at seven, no sooner. Thank you, Jim. Thank you,” She waved to us, heading off with Mary as the bell rang.

     “Time to go, I’ll see you two later. Try to behave.” I smirked, running right into someone. The impact strong enough to knock me on my rear, paint rolling out of my bag. I groaned shaking my head.

     “I’m so sorry,” a thick accent spoke in front of me. I look up to see a hand extended towards me, connected to a blonde male with dark blue eyes.

     I blink, staring at the hand for a moment before taking it, “No, I’m sorry for running into you,” I apologized as he helped me up, “I should’ve been watching where I was going. I’m River, I don’t think I’ve seen you before?” I asked.

     “Eemeli,” He introduced, picking up the paint that rolled from my bag, handing it to me. “I saw you had paint and figured you must be in an art class, I just transferred here and I’m a bit lost.” He admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

     Jim and Toby exchanged looks before waving to me, running to class. I nodded, “Sure, which class are you looking for, Eemeli?” I asked, waving for him to follow me as I headed to the art classes.

     “Ms. Harper?” Eemeli asked, reading off the schedule in his hands.

     I grinned, “Oh, you’ll be in my class then!” Quickly guiding the way, we walked into Ms. Harper’s class with only three other students.

     “Where are the rest?” Eemeli asked, gesturing to the mostly empty room, confused.

     “Ms. Harper tends to scare students off wither her… eccentricities. She’s amazing once you get used to her though, this will be the fourth year I’ve had her.” I explained grinning as Ms. Harper walked in, wearing a dress covered in paint and a neon yellow sweater.

     “Good morning class!” She greeted enthusiastically, pausing when she sees Eemeli, she grabs his shoulders, grinning, “You must be my new student. Oh, I’m so glad you’ll be joining us,” She turned to face me, “Ah, I see you’ve met River, care now, she bites.” She teased, letting Eemeli go. “What medium do you use?” She asked Eemeli.

     Eemeli looked like a deer caught in headlights, looking from Ms. Harper to me. I smiled softly, “She wants to know what kind of art you do.”

     He nodded, recovering his composure. “I, uh… I work with metal. Sculpting.” He spoke quickly.

     Ms. Harper hummed, hands on her hips as she tilted her head in thought. “River, are you still storing metal here from last year’s project?” She turned to me, a hopeful glint in her eye.

     “Of course! It’s in with the theater equipment.” I confirmed, “How about you and I go get it so you start working on something?” I asked, turning to Eemeli.

     “Wonderful idea River, just grab the hall pass,” She waved to a paint pallet hanging by the door.

     Eemeli grabbed the pallet as we walked out of the class, waiting till we were a good distance from the class before speaking, “I see what you mean, she’s very… excitable?” He tilted his head.

     I laughed nodding, “Yup, she’s also very involved in projects, so just to warn, she will hover,” I shook my head, heading into the theater storage room, “The metal should be back here.” I called, moving props out of the way.

     Eemeli helped me dig till we reached the metal, “I’ll grab a-” he began as I lifted a large portion of the metal onto my shoulder, “cart… or not.” He chuckled, picking up the rest of the metal, “You are stronger than you look.” He comments.

     I pause, looking at the amount of metal, chuckling nervously, “I, uh… train a lot?” I tried to state but it came off as a question.

     “I can tell.” He smirked, heading out of the storage. “What do you train for? Sports? Fighting?”

     “Well, it’s fighting I guess, but it’s for fun,” I explained quickly, following after him before taking the lead back to class.

     “We should spar,” He grinned, looking over the metal to me.

     “Spar?” I asked, worried about doing actual damage to him since I was used to sparring with Draal. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

     He chuckled, “Oh? Scared you won’t get a hit in?” Eemeli asked, his smirk growing.

     I huffed, leveling him with a stubborn stare, “No, you might be leaving with a few breaks if we spar is all.” I snarked, bantering with him as we entered the class, setting the metal down.

     “Now I really want to spar, I need to know if you can make good on that,” he grinned getting to work on sorting the metal.

     I smirked back, grabbing my paint as I head to my canvas near him. “I can, and will. You’re on Eemeli.”

     We continued teasing and goading each other about the spar till the bell rang.

     Ms. Harper approached us grinning, “I’m so glad you’re making friends. River, why don’t you work with Eemeli on the group projects this year? I know you prefer to work alone since most students don’t fit with your medium...” She trailed off.

     I look to the structure Eemeli began shaping during class. “Well, that would depend on if he wanted to work with me. I don’t mind.” I answered, putting my paint away.

     “Splendid, Eemeli,” She called to him, waving him over.

     Eemeli set the metal pieces he was working with down, approaching Ms. Harper cautiously, “Yes ma’am?” He asked, a bit nervous about Ms. Harper.

     “Each year my students collaborate in groups on a piece, I was hoping that maybe you and River would collaborate this year?” She asked hopefully, leaning in as she awaited his answer.

     “Of course,” Eemeli grinned, “with metal sculpting and spray paint we could make an amazing piece this year.” He turned to me, excited about the project.

     “Awesome,” I returned his grin, excited to have a partner that didn’t sneer at spray painting. “Why don’t you come over after classes today and we can start planning it?” I asked, walking out of the class with him.

     He nodded quickly, “Sounds like a plan,” he paused, looking over his schedule, “Do we have anything else together?” He asked, handing me the schedule.

     I looked it over quickly, “Looks like your last class with Strickler,” I smiled, “You’ll like him, nowhere near as excitable as Ms. Harper, but he’s really nice. Do you need help finding your other classes?” I asked, handing the schedule to him.

     “No, I saw my next class on the way here this morning, I’ll see you in Strickler’s class,” he grinned, heading off to his next class with a wave.

     I returned the wave before running to Spanish with Senor Uhl, trying to will the day to go by faster.

     Once the last class rolled around, Eemeli was introduced. Stickler sat him behind Jim, next to me.

     “Hello partner,” He greeted, whispering as Strickler began teaching.

     I chuckle, nodding to the front for him to pay attention, “Hello to you too, don’t get too distracted, I’ve already got one boy drooling off over here.” I remarked, nodding to Jim, hand still on his cheek where Claire kissed him.

     “Has he been that way all day?” Eemeli asked, having seen the exchange at the lockers.

     Toby looked back to Eemeli and me before looking at Jim, “This is actually an improvement…” he sighed, shaking his head slightly. “I’m Toby by the way. Drooly here is Jim, River’s brother.” He introduced himself and Jim.

     “Eemeli,” He nodded, to Toby.

     “Cool accent, where did you transfer from?” Toby asked, trying to keep the conversation quiet as Strickler was either unaware or ignoring us so Eemeli could become acquainted with the students.

     “I’m from Finland, moved here to live with my uncle,” He offered, tuning back into class.

     We stayed focused on the class until the final bell rang. I stretched, shaking my wrist out from the amount of writing. “Ready to head out?” I asked Eemeli as I packed up.

     Jim snapped out of his day, turning to me, “Head out?” He asked confused, jumping slightly as he noticed Eemeli sitting behind him, “Oh, uh… Hi, I’m Jim,” he held his hand out to Eemeli, smiling.

     Eemeli grinned, shaking his hand, “Eemeli,” he offered, amused that Jim completely missed everything. Toby shook his head at Jim.

     Jim looked to me, confused again, “Where are we going?”

     “Eemeli and I were partnered for the group art project so I was asking him if he was ready to come over to start planning it,” I explained, smirking at Jim.

     “Oh,” Jim laughed, “Don’t you usually do that on your own?” He asked, shoving his notebook in his bag as we left to the lockers.

     I nodded, switching the paint out for the troll lore book, hugging it again, “Yup, but Eemeli here is a metal sculptor and agreed to work with me on something.”

     Eemeli grinned, interjecting, “I’m actually looking forward to this project, I’ve never painted my works before this, so I can’t wait to see what we make together.” His grin turning into a smirk as he emphasized making something together.

     Toby and Jim exchanged glances, Jim speaking up, “So, uh, isn’t your boyfriend visiting today?” He asked quickly, glancing at Eemeli.

     I looked at Jim confused, unsure why he was bringing Draal up, “Oh…” My eyes widen realizing I couldn’t bring Eemeli in without letting Draal know someone else would be in the house. “I’m so sorry, Eemeli, I got really excited to plan this project, it slipped my mind.”

     Eemeli smiled shaking his head, “It’s not a problem, we can start planning it in class tomorrow. I’ll see you later.” He hugged me, side-eyeing Jim as he walked by, throwing him a smirk.

     Jim shook his head slightly, hoping he was just seeing things. “That could have been dangerous.” He remarked as we headed home.

     I groaned, nodding “I know, what if Draal thought Eemeli was someone sneaking in or trespassing. Not to mention that could drag Eemeli into this craziness,” I sighed.

     Toby looked at me confused, “Are you serious?” He asked me, pausing near the house, “I’m more worried about finding out if Draal’s the jealous type, he could snap Eemeli in two.”

     I furrowed my brow, looking between Toby and Jim, “Jealous type? Am I missing something here?”

     “Okay, I know we joke about you being dense, but you honestly can’t tell me you didn’t notice that?” Jim exclaimed, gesturing in the general direction of the school.

     “Notice what?” I asked exasperated at the situation.

     Toby sighed, grabbing Jim’s shoulder, “Maybe we should leave it be, it’s not like anything’s going to happen.” He spoke.

     Jim sighed, “Yeah, it’s probably nothing River, sorry. I think I’m just on edge from this morning.”

     I smiled, nodding, “It’s okay, I don’t know what’s okay, but it is.” I shook my head, going inside. “Have fun at Claire’s tonight!” I called, heading straight for the basement.

     Walking down I grin seeing Draal stuffing some pillows, I set my bag next to the stairs. As I approached, Draal’s nose twitches, sniffing the air as he looks at me confused.

     I frowned, “Draal? What’s wrong?”

     He got up, sniffing close to me, “New scent.” He growled softly, picking me up.

     I looked up at him confused, not sure what he was doing. “Uh, Draal? What’s going on?”

     He sat down where he was, nuzzling his nose against my neck. “You have a new scent on you, it’s unsettling.” He huffed, smelling Eemeli.

     “Oh, that!” I laughed, “There’s a new guy in school, my art teacher paired us up to work on a project. I needed to talk to you about that. He might be coming over to plan it here,” I explained, petting Draal’s horns as he continued to scent me.

     Draal growled, “Why did he scent you?” He asked, purring at the petting.

     “Uh Draal, he’s a human, he doesn’t know what scenting is. All he did was hug me as he left. No courting gestures.” I smiled softly at the purring. Hopefully calming his irritation.

     Draal hummed, considering my explanation, “Does he have to come here?” he asked after a moment, uncomfortable with the idea of an unknown male hanging around, human or not.

     I chuckled, “Well, I figure it’s better than working somewhere else, at least I have control over this space.” Draal tilted his head in confusion at my statement, making me grin, “I can kick him out of the house whenever I want or need to. Though it should only be once or twice, we’ll be working on the actual project in class. This is just for planning.” I explained.

     Draal hummed, nodding. “Then I am okay with this. Though, human or not, it’s unsettling that he was able to scent you, you hug the Toby fleshbag and this never happens.”

     I tilt my head thinking, “Maybe it’s cologne or body spray? Something that would affect someone’s scent and cling to other people they come in contact with?”

     Draal considered this, sniffing again, satisfied with his removal of the scent. “I suppose it’s possible,” he conceded. He looked up at the ceiling of the basement, realizing it was silent beside us. “Are Jim and Toby out?”

     I nod, snuggling in his hold now that he was finished scenting, “Toby is introducing Aaarrrgghh to his new home since he’ll be protecting Toby’s home with the rise in changeling activity, and Jim is heading to Claire’s house to babysit her baby brother, who we believe has been switched with a changeling.” I explained, tracing the markings on Draal’s arms as I spoke.

     Draal frowned at the mention of a new changeling. “We should go keep an eye out, in case this baby is an impure now.” He stood, letting me sit on his arm. I nod in agreement, making sure my lance was hooked to my belt. Draal left through the basement exit, as I directed him, using my phone’s GPS to find Claire’s house.

     “Alright, we need to exit here, the sunset so we should be good.” I pointed to an exit, “We’re almost there,” I cut off getting a call from Jim. I answered it as Draal exited the sewers. “Jim, are you okay?”

     Jim groaned, “You put it in the diaper bin, didn’t you?” He asked, someone on the other line, “Hey River, Toby is getting another gaggletack, apparently ‘Enrique’ decided to hide the one I brought with me.”

     “I’ll be there soon, Draal and I are close by I’ll help you look for it.” I chuckle, pointing to the Nunez house.

     “Thanks, River, the back door is open.” He hung up, losing sight of ‘Enrique.’

     Draal climbed the fence into the Nunez backyard, entering the house before setting me down.

     I nuzzle under his jaw before heading upstairs to find ‘Enrique’ at the top of the stairs babbling, “Hey there cutie, why don’t you come with me while Jim rifles through your diaper bin?” I cooed, picking him up. “Jim, I’ve got the baby, I’ll be downstairs,” I called out as Jim ran to the bathroom to wash his hands. I head down to Draal, holding the possible changeling out to him, “Look, I found a squish,” I grinned, joking as I cradled him, being careful in case he wasn’t a changeling.

     Draal huffed before sniffing Enrique. “I forget how tiny fleshbags are at first,” he chuckled as Enrique blew raspberries at him.

     I smile, snuggling him, “Are trolls ever tiny?” I asked, sitting on the kitchen counter.

     Draal nodded, poking at Enrique’s stomach, trying to tickle him, “Yes, I was only slightly bigger than this as a whelp.”

     My eyes widen, holding Enrique up, grinning, “I’m trying to picture you all tiny, it’s not working.” I laughed as Toby came running in with the gaggletack.

     “Oh, hey River, Draal.” He greets, “Awe, is this Enrique? Has Jim been a big bad trollhunting-man?” He asked, setting the gaggletack on the counter near my leg.

     Draal snarled, flicking the gaggletack away from me to the end of the counter, leveling Toby with a hard glare.

     Toby wince, realizing what could’ve happened, “Oh, right. Sorry River, I forget those could hurt you too.”

     I waved him off as Jim ran down the stairs, “There you are,” He grabbed Toby’s shoulders, “did you bring it?” He asked as Toby rolled his eyes, pointing to the gaggletack down the counter.

     “Word of warning, don’t get close to River with it, Draal is guarding.” He joked, stepping out of the way of Enrique.

     Jim grabbed the gaggletack, “Can you get him though, it won’t hurt him. I just want to make sure.” He asked Toby.

     Toby nodded as I began to hand Enrique over. When he looked up and saw Toby was taking him, he began to cry, clinging to my arm. “I don’t think that’s happening.” I sighed, pulling Enrique back to me, bouncing him to calm him down. “Just do it while I’m holding him, it’ll just be a small burn if it touches me. I shrugged, Draal growling at the suggestion. “Draal, I can heal myself if I get burned.” I nuzzle his cheek before nodding to Jim.

     “Alright, here we go.” Jim got close and Enrique began to cry harder. I winced as he started climbing up my shoulder. Jim was trying to be careful not to touch me but with Enrique climbing, it was getting difficult.

     “Don’t worry about me and just do it!” I finally yelled, pulling Enrique down in front of me with a firm grip. Jim lunged, hitting Enrique and my hand. I yelped at the burn, trying to keep my hold on Enrique.

     A snarl came from ‘Enrique’, I turned him around, seeing a tiny troll in my hand, “This… is much cuter than Enrique.” I grin, hugging him close.

     “Stupid flesh-thing!” He yelled, swiping at the burn, forcing me to drop him with a yelp.

     I held my burnt and now scratched hand close, glaring down at the tiny green changeling, “You may be cuter, but your attitude sucks.” I growled out, baring my teeth.

     Draal snarled, slamming his fist down as Jim and Toby try to catch ‘Not-Enrique,’ as Toby keeps shouting. Growling still, Draal picks me up, pulling me away from the chase as the house gets destroyed.

     Jim’s phone rang and he answered, finding out that Claire and her parents were on their way home early. “Oh no,” was all he got out as Not-Enrique began to blast music. Utensils were thrown into the back door, we heard Blinky yell to Aaarrrgghh before they broke the door down, chasing after Not-Enrique.

     As Not-Enrique shot peas out of his mouth, Toby drew the fire away from us and Aaarrrgghh punched up into the ceiling, squishing Not-Enrique and catching him on a plate with a smug little grin. He brought Not-Enrique down so he was level with us, Jim approaching him first. “All right, enough! Where’s the bridge?” Jim asked, irritated.

     Not-Enrique sat up on the plate smirking at Jim, “What bridge? London Bridge? I hear it’s falling down.” Aaarrrgghh began to squeeze him, Not-Enrique tried pushing his hand off, “Ow! Fleshbags… no sense of humor,” he sneered.

     “Where is the bridge?” Jim asked again, getting in his face.

     Not-Enrique began to wheeze as Aaarrrgghh squeezed slightly harder. “Give me a break! I don’t know anything. It’s me first day,” he tried to reason.

     Blinky came to stand next to Jim, glaring at Not-Enrique, “Squeeze him till he pops!” He directed to Aaarrrgghh.

     Aaarrrgghh began to squeezes harder, and Not-Enrique finally snapped, shoving his hand away, “Okay, okay, okay!” He yelled, relieved that the pressure was gone. “Can’t blame a guy for looking out for himself.” His ears drooped and he crossed his arms over his chest, “But you can’t tell anyone I told you. I got a pretty sweet deal going here. If the bossman hears I squealed, he’ll feed me to Bular.” Not-Enrique tried to negotiate quickly.

     “Bular’s working with someone else?” Blinky asked confused, only knowing of Nomura until now.

     “Who?” Jim asked, looking to Not-Enrique, “Who is Bular working with?”

     Not-Enrique cleared his throat, stammering, “Oh, er- forget I said anything.”

     A car pulled up out front and we all looked at the windows, “Draal, we gotta go.” I nod to him. He took off out the broken door, carrying me as the others argued over Not-Enrique before leaving him with Jim for now in Enrique form.

     I sighed, seeing Jim get in trouble with the Nunez family. “This complicates things, we can’t do anything with Not-Enrique or the Nunez family will freak out that their baby is missing.”

     “He is missing though.” Draal interrupted, holding the hand I wasn’t sitting on palm up, wanting my injured hand.

     I sighed, placing my hand in his so he could look it over before I healed it, “I know he is, but they don’t…” I began the healing incantation, the wound glowing a soft blue before healing over.

     Draal hummed, checking over my hand again once it was healed. “No more changeling hunting, you keep getting burned,” he frowned, not okay with how tonight was handled.

     “Hey, it was my choice, I told Jim to get it over with because I can heal myself,” I pouted slightly, knowing he was just being protective.

     He paused his steps, nuzzling my cheek, “One day, it won’t be a small burn. What am I to do with you then?”

     “Hmm… let me heal myself because I’m stubborn and never back down from a fight or challenge, which is part of the reason you knew you wanted me as your mate.” I smirked up at him.

     He chuckled, continuing home, “You’re damn stubborn,” he snarked back, grinning.

     “I have an excellent teacher.” I giggled, snuggling in his hold as we make it home. “Can I stay with you again?” I asked, yawning softly.

     Draal chuckled, taking me upstairs, “Change, then we can go sleep.” He yawned, finally to the point that he needs to rest.

     I smile hopping off his arm and running into my room to change into pajama shorts and a tank top. I grab the pillows and blankets off my bed heading out of my room to Draal. “Ready,” I smiled up to him.

     Draal chuckled, scooping me up and heading down to the basement where the finished nest was set up. “I returned early and finished the nest, just in time for resting.” He got in the nest/bed we built, laying back into the pillows.

     I smiled, laying along his chest, keeping my pillows close in case I needed them. “Do you like it?”

     Draal hummed, wrapping my blanket around me, resting his arm over my waist as I curled up. “It’s an excellent nest,” he smiled, nuzzling the top of my head.

     “Good…” I began to nod off, nuzzling his chest as I give in to sleep. “Night Draal, love you.” I smiled, passing out quickly.

     Draal smiled softly, “I love you as well, River.” He chuckled as I passed out, falling asleep as a while himself.

[colitisandme]

It’s no coincidence that ‘stressed’ is ‘desserts’ spelt backwards. That’s what I typically dived towards when I was stressed or sad. Desserts equaled gluttonous happiness. Whenever I was anxious, I ripped into packets, tubs and cake shaped items with joy and frenzy. Desserts and stress were my bed fellows. They were brilliant friends, hogging all the blankets under the duvet of my life, leaving me cold, plump, hyperactive, covered in sugar and shivering, with no cover on me, cursing the fact I didn’t wear fluffy socks to bed. my mind would whirl away like a washing machine. And so, cold and shivering with my hair on end, looking like a deranged Womble, I would end up seeking something sweet to eat. Instantly after the first mouthful, my hair would become less wild, my thoughts would be less chaotic and I would sink into a pile of sugary blissfulness. So when I had to give up sugar, I was, well stressed irronically.

Stress and worry have followed me around my whole life, from when I was in Primary school right up until present day. It has become such a huge part of my existence, I didn’t feel right unless I was worrying about something or constantly going over things in my brain. Not just tangible thoughts. Nope. My worries consisted about serious things that are going on in the world, my finances, my families happiness, the house, husband wellbeing, friends, have I upset anyone? Am I being a good wife? To other thoughts and worries like; Have I locked the door? Have I turned off the tap? To really helpful thoughts and worries like; ‘I am pretty sure I heard a crunch under my foot when I put out the rubbish? ... Why didn’t I turn the light on? Oh my god was that a snail? What if his family are waiting for him to come home. What if, because he never appears, the mum snail becomes an alcoholic, becomes hooked on nettle wine, and the children forgo their education to look after her. Eventually they leave because she’s just too much to handle, and so, alone and drunk, she sings songs about her lost love, while hiccuping and wailing in a nettle wine stupor ... And it will be all my fault.’ So round and round my thoughts and worries went, until I felt like a hamster on a wheel, running and running and going nowhere. I didn’t vocalise these worries. They were all internal. I just couldn’t switch off.

I beat myself up for anything that goes wrong. Nobody need punish me, I do a great job of that myself. Once when I was very young, I decided that the cat simply had too many whiskers that she didn’t need. Even at aged 5, I reasoned I was doing her a favour and she was probably absolutely fed up with having an even number of whiskers on each side. I was sure that if she could speak she would beg me to reduce her grooming time, as she was taking simply ages to preen her whiskers, tell me stories about when she would get laughed at by all the other cats for having rediculous symmetrically numbered and placed whiskers, and longed to remove herself from mediocrity and boredom. Well I certainly didn’t want her to be a laughing stock. Happy to oblige.... *snip* (I probably should have stopped when the cat tried to scrabble away from me, eyes wide with fright as I confidently strode over to her, gleefully, with arms outstretched looking like Edward Scissor Hands, but never the less I was convinced I was doing her a favour.)

I came downstairs clutching a traumatised, angry cat in one hand, and a pair of scissors and newly trimmed whiskers in another. I proudly showed off the new look to my parents. They were not as open to the new aerodynamic moggy as I had hoped, and freaked. I immediately lost it. I sobbed. I apologised over and over to the cat, I tried glueing her whiskers back on, I stroked her, cuddled her, I was convinced I had ruined her life. I was inconsolable. I spent many days after that setting up a makeshift counselling clinic for my cat, where I would stroke her and make sure she knew what a beautiful cat she was and I told her I was sorry that was going to be lob-sided, and struggle getting in to tiny gaps, and try and make up for what I did by taking extra special care of her. My parents didn’t chastise me, because nothing they could do could make me feel any worse than I did. Even at age 5, I worried a lot.

So you can imagine that as adulthood embraced me, just how easily worrying had become a part of me. As natural as breathing. Stressing about everything became normal. Overthinking was critical to my daily life. I lived each day on high alert, in case I needed to jump into action and fix whatever needed fixing, just like I tried to do with the cats whiskers. I am at my best in a crisis, and god knows I have had many to deal with in my life. I love being Superwoman. I love saving the day. But being in this hyper-alert state was not fun and certainly not healthy.

I became ill after a BIG burnout. I had been playing Superwoman for too long. I had been living on the edge for months, I was always stressed, I wasn’t sleeping, I was in pain, I was withdrawing, I was experiencing horrendous brain fog which was really sodding useful as I had just started an incredibly stressful job, where I would drill myself to be perfect and chastise myself for processing information incorrectly. On top of this I was dealing with a managerie of outside issues. Very quickly and surprisingly, (to me as everyone closest to me would describe me as the strongest person they knew,) my health and mental health imploded like a double whammy firework. I did not know it was coming, but oh my god when it did, I was floored. I had never been so ill. I was scared. I knew that I could not continue doing what I was doing. I needed to change my behaviours. I needed to spring clean my brain. I couldn’t turn to sweet treats anymore to relieve that anxiety because cake or sugar would make my bum explode. I needed to find another less ‘caboom, fire in the hole type way’ to manage my anxieties and stress.

IBD forces me to think purely in the present because I have to spend a huge amount of energy simply functioning. I have to stay in the moment. If I worry or think further past a day/ week it becomes impossible, as I am never sure what one day will look like from the other. Stress hugely exacerbates my IBD symptoms. I learnt this very quickly. The more I worried about why the hell my body was being so unco-operative, the worse my body felt and the more angry it got. And with IBD there is a lot to stress over. Finances, health, stigma of having an invisible illness, work, isolation, diet, questions over future plans etc. It’s a big thing to deal with. It’s enormous. So I worried and got worse and worried and got worse. And so eventually, feeling like I had been kicked by a horse, totally hungry, weak, prone to explode, sugar deprived and looking like a bum with eyes, with my wonderful Mum’s encouragement and support, I came across meditation and mindfulness.

Meditation and mindfulness have helped me manage my stress. After phone calls chasing mental health appointments, referrals and cursing the incompetence of Drs, mental health professionals and admin teams, I turn to mindfulness and meditation as a way of calming my mind. It has taught me to accept things, the way they are during the moment because that may change in the next moment, And be in the moment with it. For example, the pain I get with IBD can feel like your belly is being sawn in half. It feels like a group of can can dancers, jig about on my groin, back and stomach wearing high heels, and using exquisite timing and excellent rhythm, stomp on my intestines, causing me to chew my fist in distress. If I use mindfulness and meditation during painful episodes like this (sometimes whilst crossing my eyes, grinding my teeth and chewing the carpet) it helps me not to fight the pain, but to breathe through it and accept it in the present. When I am anxious, Meditation takes my mind away to another focus in a gentle way, and if my mind wonders off like a hyperactive butterfly, it gently brings it back again. It’s not easy. Sometimes it definitely does not work, but sometimes it does. I have learnt to focus on my breathing, I have trained my brain to change each thought. From a time where the thoughts on a day to day basis felt like they were running around my brain on fire, screaming fire engine noises, wearing a bucket on their head, careering into other thoughts who fanned the flames with a manual citing ‘50 ways to put out a fire’ and can’t work the hose, to a calmer place. One where my thoughts can pick flowers, float in a babbling brook, frolic with fluffy animals and where the fire extinguisher is readily available. Because IBD has forced me to strip everything back in my life, there is no room for extreme stress. No room for high anxiety, because it just hurts me. Physically and mentally. Where as before, I would keep my worries to myself because I didn’t like bothering people with them, now I talk about them, accept the things I cannot change, appreciate things in the moment and change the things I can change. So strangely in that way, IBD has probably saved my life. It’s very strange how things work. I am the most ill I have ever been and should be the most stressed I have ever been, but I can’t be, because that would make me even more ill. Don’t get me wrong it’s still a battle. But I try. I try to appreciate every moment. I appreciate every mouthful of food, and take ages eating it, where as before I would thoughtlessly shovel it in.

I start each day with a mantra and meditation, and even though sometimes Its not effective, I can honestly say that practicing Mindfullness and meditation, are the best stress relievers and stress deterrence I have ever had. They are also the best dessert substitute I have ever had, because meditation doesn’t make my jeans bulge, make me act like an over excited toddler at a birthday party or attract an enthusiastic colony of ants who desire to lick my sugary face. So if like me you are a natural worrier, I urge you to not get so stressed out, you end up gnawing on yourself like an Octopus and try it. Doing a little a day may just take the edge off and sometimes just doing that will help deal with things a little more positively. And when we are living with a long term chronic disease like IBD, being positive, even in the face of a huge challenge like this, is everything.

[breeeliss]

[Miraculous Ladybug]: We All Have Our Things

It’s not Christmas anymore, but, screw it! Merry Christmas @fajitasvanitas . I was your Secret Santa for @mlsecretsanta ! Hope you don’t mind me whipping up some platonic OT4 fluff for you (first time writing them to be honest, so I hope I did alright!) Hope you enjoyed your holidays :)

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Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

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Title: We All Have Our Things

Summary: Nino walked around the table, pulled Adrien’s hand, and sat him down at the table. “Don’t even mention it, bro. Now come on, Adrien, eat up. Full day today. Lots to do.”

Adrien frowned. “Oh wait, we’re still doing all that?”

“If by all that you mean glamming the hell out for your birthday party tonight, then yes, we’re still doing that.” 

Aged-up AU where the ot4 all platonically live together

We All Have Our Things

Adrien was actually a terribly deep sleeper. When he was younger, his father actually had to get him a special alarm clock that would blare loud enough to wake him in the mornings for school. He’d kept it all these years until Alya told him to throw it out because she said, word for word, “it sounds like a baby dolphin dying inside of a damn blast furnace!” Which basically meant that Adrien had to schedule all of his college classes after noon so that he’d be able to get up in time for them.

However, Marinette recently managed to find an almost universally effective way of getting him up: her baking.

The going theory, started by Nino, was that it was his body overcompensating for all the sugar he wasn’t allowed to have back when he was a model. Either way, the first thing he realized when he woke up that morning was the smell of fresh croissants with cinnamon and raspberry filling. He blinked his eyes groggily and was met with the sight of Marinette sitting on the edge of his bed, wafting the steam of fresh croissants towards his face.

“You know,” Marinette said, deciding to pluck a croissant up and take a bite. “I have to test this with other baked goods. Would you be willing to subject yourself to experiments involving palmiers?”

Adrien snorted and rubbed his eyes. “Haha, very funny. Ugh, what time is it?”

“Ten in the morning. Nino and I have been up since like eight, and Alya only got up ten minutes before you did. So come on!” She slapped his thigh a few times. “Up, up, up, I have something to show you in the kitchen.”

Adrien groaned and kicked his feet petulantly. “It’s Saturday, Mari, come on!”

“Get. Up.”

It took her shoving all of his blankets into the hallway and threatening to eat the entire plate of croissants by herself for Adrien to pull himself out of bed and head over to the bathroom, pouting the entire way. Marinette smiled sweetly, handed him his toothbrush, and told him she’d be waiting for him in the kitchen. He could hear her turning the radio on and singing from down the hall while he brushed his teeth and fiddled around with his bedhead.

Adrien’s father bought him his own apartment once he got into university and expressed an interest in living on his own. It was a ridiculously ostentatious gift that Adrien didn’t really need, but he knew it would be cruel to refuse something so generous. The only problem was that the place was simply too big — too much space, too many extra rooms, and not enough company. So he asked Nino, Marinette, and Alya to move in with him. Having your friends under the same roof with you was way more appealing than living on your own.

He supposed he really underestimated how desensitized he was to opulence because it took a while to convince them that yes this was happening — “No, there’s no rent it’s paid off,” “Yeah father just...bought it for me,” “No you don’t have to pay me back, seriously, just tell me when you can move in” — but after a year and a half it was by far the best decision the four of them could’ve ever made. Always nice to know that your major support system was waiting at home for you at the end of the day, ready to let you cuddle and vent. He was currently trying to recommend it to everyone he knew.

When he had finished freshening up, he stopped short in the doorway of the kitchen and blinked at the sight of full plates of croissants, muffins, eggs, and fruits covering every inch of the table. The coffee machine was brewing in the background while Nino and Marinette stood behind the table, hunched together with huge smiles on their faces. “Happy Birthday!!”

Adrien gaped at the food, shook his head, and rubbed his eyes again. “Is this real?”

“Very real. Nino even cooked the eggs himself.”

“Turns out,” he smiled victoriously. “I’m not as hopeless as Alya, so point for me.”

Alya shouted from the living room. “Shut up, you jerk, I heard that!”

Adrien struggled for a few more seconds to find the words he wanted to say. “I….guys, you….wow, thanks I mean….this is too sweet, I don’t — ”

Nino walked around the table, pulled Adrien’s hand, and sat him down at the table. “Don’t even mention it, bro. Now come on, Adrien, eat up. Full day today. Lots to do.”

Adrien frowned. “Oh wait, we’re still doing all that?”

“If by all that you mean glamming the hell out for your birthday party tonight, then yes, we’re still doing that.”

Marinette kissed him on the cheek while Nino leaned over to kiss the top of his head. “Come on, stuff your face,” Marinette urged. “Once you eat we’re gonna go.”

Adrien peeked his head around to the living room and saw Alya arched over one of the arms of the couch, her head hanging a few inches off the ground and her chest pushed towards the ceiling. “Um, Al? You want anything?”

“In a sec, just….let me lay here.”

He snorted and accepted the coffee that Nino poured for him. “I told you your back was going to hurt in the morning.”

“What happened?” Marinette asked.

“I fell asleep in Adrien’s bed last night because we were binge watching this anime he wanted me to see. I was all curled up against the headrest and I woke up sore.”

“Oh my God,” Nino groaned. “Is this the ice skating one?”

“Shut up, dude!” Adrien exclaimed. “It was beautiful and it made me cry. Don’t get me started on the animation”

Alya laughed. “It….was actually really good, I’m not going to lie. The opening song is stuck in my effing head though.”

Marinette snorted as she flipped through the arts section of the newspaper. “Nerds.”

“This coming from the girl who has the DVR clogged with reruns of Project Runway Season 2,” Adrien teased.

“I haven’t gotten around to watching it yet!”

“You’ve seen that season five times .”

“Oh, fight me!”

“Okay, but can you guys not actually fight this time?” Nino warned. “Your little wrestling match yesterday had the landlord calling us to make sure the ceiling didn’t cave in.”

Marinette pointed at Adrien. “He called my skills into question!”

“I said you were short ,” Adrien sighed. “That was a statement of fact, not a criticism of your talent. You are wonderful, we’ve been through this.”

“You’re just mad because you bet on Adrien and he lost, Nino!” Alya laughed.

“Shut up,” he grumbled. “Alright, seriously dudes! 24th Birthday Bash! Who’s got the itinerary?”

Marinette gestured to the living room. “That would be Alya.”

“Babe, get your butt over here.”

“My back still hurts!”

Adrien got up from his seat. “I got her.”

He walked over to the couch, easily picked her up bridal style, and carried her over to the kitchen, laughing at her crossed arms and annoyed expression. Adrien planted her down on the chair right next to him and pushed a plate of eggs in front of her. “Eat. And read the schedule.”

She grabbed a fork, stuffed her mouthful with eggs, and pulled out her phone. “Alright, Adrien Agreste 24th Birthday Extravaganza. Mani Pedis at eleven. Haircuts at one. Lunch at three. Alcohol run at five. Back here to get ready at five thirty. Leave by eight. Go crazy at the nightclub until like four, and stumble our way home. Easy.”

“We’re still doing mani pedis?” Nino asked.

“Um, hell yeah we are,” Adrien piped up.

“Agreed, that is non negotiable. Beatrice and Michele are already expecting us,” Marinette said.

Alya shrugged. “I offered to do everyone’s nails, but okay.”

Adrien lifted a finger. “This isn’t just getting your nails done, Alya, it’s an experience .”

Nino raised his hands. “Okay fine, we can have our collective experience . My hair is looking like shit so we have to do haircuts. Birthday boy picks lunch spot and alcohol for the evening?”

“Sounds good to me,” Marinette said. “We’re definitely going to need the two and a half hours to get ready. We were late to my own birthday party because Nino couldn’t pick a freaking tie.”

“I was the DJ , babe,” Nino insisted with a hand on his forehead. “Everyone was gonna be looking at me, I needed to look amazing for your big day, and I did, so all was well.”

Alya chortled through a mouthful of food. “Oh man, thank god we’re going to a club this time. Imagine him getting his equipment together last minute? We’d never get there.”

“Low-key offended and high-key ignoring you. Anyway! You two hurry up and get ready. We’re leaving in half an hour.”

Adrien reached over the table and tapped Alya on the arm. “You wanna watch the last episode again over breakfast?”

Alya jumped up and ran back to Adrien’s room. “I’ll get the laptop.”

It took Marinette locking Adrien’s laptop in her room to get them to stop staring at the screen long enough to actually get them out of the house in time. Much to Alya and Nino’s surprise, Marinette and Adrien were apparently regulars, and the four of them being fifteen minutes late to their appointment didn’t seem to have caused any problems. If anything, two nice young women — the Beatrice and Michele that Marinette had mentioned earlier — already had four chairs empty four them with two other beauticians ready to take care of them all at once.

Nino had one foot soaking and one foot currently in the grip of the beautician who was gently kneading her fingers into the sole of his foot. He gaped at the sight, and turned to the rest of the group. “Dude, what the hell, they give you foot massages?”

Marinette looked up from her phone and stared at Nino. “...duh? That’s half the point. You get a foot soak, they cut your cuticles, shave your calluses, foot and leg massage, exfoliating wrap, buff and file, and color of your choice. And that’s just the pedicure.”

Nino gaped at her and turned to his left towards Adrien. “We barely paid anything for this!”

“Uh, yeah, because Marinette and I aren’t stupid,” Adrien explained. “Saturdays are Couples Discount Days. We do this like every other week.”

“Why didn’t we know this?” Alya asked.

“I asked you to come get a pedicure with me and you didn’t want to,” Marinette accused. “So I took Adrien instead. Besides, you guys always make fun of us for ranting about video games at home, so this is the perfect time to do it.”

Adrien nudged Nino. “And after Marinette took me, I asked you if you wanted to come with me, and you always came up with an excuse. So congratulations. You played yourself.”

“This is ridiculous!” Nino exclaimed. “You guys were keeping this huge secret, and I wasn’t informed of it. Massages! You guys hid massages from me.”

“Nino, you’re the only one who didn’t know they massage you during pedicures,” Alya said.

“You said you didn’t want to come!”

“Because I just do them at home by myself! Didn’t see the point of coming over here and paying for it, but apparently this was bonding time that I didn’t know about.”

One of the workers tapped Adrien’s ankle. “Color, sir?”

Adrien hummed and held his hand up. “A slate color would be nice. Match the blazer I’m wearing.”

“I’ll take a wine color,” Marinette told the beautician working on her. “Some black decals maybe? Whatever you think will look nice.”

Alya blinked. “Um….I guess purple then. Plum.”

“Wait, does that mean I have to pick a color too?” Nino asked.

“Of course” Adrien said. “I would match the bow tie you’re gonna wear.”

“Um...alright, uh….dark blue I guess?”

Nino’s beautician smiled at him. “Very nice choice.”

“Wait a minute!” Alya said suddenly. “Is this why the two of you have ridiculously smooth feet? We were all cuddling on the couch the other day and I was freaking out over how soft they were.”

“I’m telling you, Alya,” Marinette teased. “Come to spa day. Adrien and I leave it on the calendar.”

“God no wonder you guys are gone for hours at a time on Saturdays,” Nino snorted. “Can’t believe you guys have your own thing. Why weren’t we included in the thing?”

“We. Invited. You.”

“Yeah, but had you said it was going to be a thing , I would’ve come.”

“That makes no sense,” Adrien said. “What’s the difference between hanging out and having a thing ?”

“ Things are habitual and important to the week,” Alya pointed out. “We have to be more communicative about these things.”

Marinette and Adrien groaned. “You were both invited!!” they both insisted. Adrien pulled out his phone. “I’m sending a reminder to the group chat. And I’m circling it on the calendar.”

“Okay, wait, what other things do we not know about?” Nino asked. “This is important to the group dynamic.”

“I’m still not even sure what you mean by thing ,” Marinette grumbled.

Alya snapped her fingers. “Oh wait, Mari, we do have a thing. Make-Up Run Mondays.”

“Oh yeah,” Marinette remembered. “Remind me, I need to pick up a palette on the upcoming one.”

Adrien paused. “Wait a minute….Alya and Marinette have a thing?”

Nino clapped his hands to emphasize each word. “Why. Were. We. Not. Invited?”

Marinette furrowed her brows. “We….didn’t think you’d want to come?”

“We’re practically family!” Nino said, arms wide open, nearly smacking Adrien in the face. “We have to do these things as a group.”

Alya rolled her eyes. “Fine. You’re invited to Make-Up Run Mondays. But! You guys have to actually buy something.”

Nino scoffed. “Non issue. Adrien introduced me to the wonders of concealer.”

Adrien nodded wisely. “Good for breakouts.”

Nino sat up straight in his chair, his eyes widening. “Holy shit, I just got an idea.”

“Oh no,” Alya muttered.

He turned to the girls and asked, “Are you guys good at contouring?”

Marinette looked at Alya and they both shrugged. “Decently so. Why?”

Nino tapped Adrien on the arm. “Dude. Just had the best idea. Brace yourself.”

Alya rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe we had to go out and buy makeup for the two of you.”

Nino had his eyes shut, and blindly reached over to pinch Alya in the arm. “You said it yourself. Our skin tones don’t match.”

Marinette poked Nino in the nose and passed a brush over his cheekbones. “Stop moving or it’s going to look messed up. Look at Adrien. Staying perfectly still while Alya works.”

Adrien gave a thumbs up. “Ex-model.”

“Show off.” Nino wrinkled his nose when Marinette ran a different brush down the bridge of his nose. “Wait, what are you doing now?”

Marinette pulled Nino’s chair closer to her. “I did concealer, light powder foundation, and contoured a bit. Now I’m highlighting.”

“This sounds like it’s gonna make me look sexy.”

Alya snorted. “I thought you said your haircut was gonna make you look sexy.”

Nino reached up and slid a hand along the side of his head. “You are correct, mademoiselle.”

Marinette laughed. “Is this going to become a regular thing now? I can’t be doing your makeup every morning, you know.”

“I mean,” Adrien began. “I could give it a shot. I’m no makeup artist, but I picked up a few things from photo shoots.”

“Bro, you’re telling me you can do my makeup?”

“Not as good as Mari or Alya, but I think so.”

“See this is why I love you, man. I think we just made a thing for ourselves.”

Alya tapped Adrien’s cheek with the end of her brush when he started laughing. “No. We’re not starting this again. We killed this at lunch. It’s dead.”

Marinette chuckled, closed her palette, and turned Nino’s head from side to side. “Unfortunately we don’t have the time to honor your eyeshadow requests, but otherwise you’re all done.”

“Yup,” Alya said, slipping all of her brushes back into her makeup bag. “All good here too.”

Nino stood up from the kitchen chair he was sitting in and reached out blindly for Adrien. “Wait, dude, are your eyes closed?”

Adrien nodded. “Yeah, they are.”

“Okay. We’re gonna look at each other on three alright. I wanna be blown away.”

Adrien reached out so that both his hands were resting on Nino’s shoulders and they were standing face to face. “Alright,” he chuckled. “Three. Two. One.”

Marinette and Alya leaned against the kitchen counter and looked on in amusement as Adrien and Nino both opened their eyes at the same time and started laughing uncontrollably at the sight. They both turned their jaws side to side and were beaming more than the two girls had ever remembered seeing them. Adrien squeezed Nino’s upper arms. “Nino….you look hot.”

“No lie?” Nino grinned.

“Yeah man, that contour is working for you.”

Nino stepped back excitedly and struck a pose. “Oh wait, catch me from the side.” He stroked his jaw. “Hot?”

“Definitely hot.”

“I mean, look at you, you have a jawline for days.”

Adrien looked in the reflection of the steel fridge. “Oh man Alya, I look totally different.”

“Oh my god, we are going to look so good rolling into your birthday party. This was such a good idea.”

“Waitwaitwait, I want a selfie. This is going on Instagram.”

“We have to do that model pout you always used to do in shoots!”

Marinette shook her head and grabbed her coat from the back of the chair it was hanging on. “Well. I guess they’re having a moment.”

“I’d leave them be,” Alya said. “Give them their ten minutes and then we can go. They’re excited.”

“Make-Up Run Mondays are going to be a journey from here on out.”

“I dunno. Nino really liked how his manicure came out. Quadruple Spa Day is gonna be a journey.”

Marinette put her hands on her waist. “I need to start sending invites for these things…”

“Hey,” Alya shrugged. “Our Sunshine Prince is happy, so that’s all that matters.”

“That’s true,” Marinette smiled.

Nino and Adrien came over and planted kisses on both girls’ cheeks. “You ladies are miracle workers,” Adrien grinned. “Thank you.”

“We’re well aware,” Alya smirked. “Alright, loves, let’s get moving. We’re behind schedule.”

Nino pulled on his jacket and started swiping around on his phone. “Oh crap, gotta pull out the Get Pumped playlist.”

Adrien rolled his eyes. “God, that’s so dorky.”

“This has been scientifically tested to get you up and excited, my darling boy,” Alya said. “Nino and I constructed it precisely for this reason.”

Marinette raised her hand. “I was the test subject. It’s not too bad, you’ll like it.”

Adrien grabbed his keys and gently shoved his friends out the front door as he locked the apartment behind him. “Fine, but I’m not driving.”

[therealdragu-blog]

TheRealDragU Episode 1, Part 1: The New Students

(This is a fanfiction show about every queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race going to college and getting into fights/struggles/romance/mischief/mysteries, all with some laughs along the way. Enjoy!)

-----

It was a cool summer day in central California, with animals bright as the sun, for once a more quieter city, especially for Cali, and most importantly little traffic, good for one bus of queens.

The front row of the bus had a gloating Aquaria, talking to one of her friends on the phone about her successes after winning, while Miz Cracker right next to her sat looking in the other direction, arms crossed, and probably streaks of steam coming from her head as she’s forced to hear her half-friends talks of money, jewelry, fame and worship. The next seat had the team of Monique Heart and Dusty Ray Bottoms facing each other with quiet whispers of the other girls.

Dusty then asked Monique “Girl, have you seen this part of San Francisco before? I don’t recognize it.” Monique replied “Nope, doesn’t look anything like I’ve seen. All I was told was that we’re all going to a special gig.” Which gave Dusty a confused face into the distance. She looked at Monique again and said “Do you know what the name of the place is?” Monique just nervously shrugged after a wide-eyed look to Dusty. “Do you see something purple outside?” Dusty looked back and said “No.....I’m seeing red.” They both looked out in wonder.

The seat behind them had Yuhua Hamasaki, in a very deep sleep with half of her body on the floor and the other half on the actual seat, and for some reason a 1st grader’s book plastered over her face in the middle pages. Sitting poised next to her, Blair St. Clair, was cross-legged with a small coinpurse in both hands, and staring wide-eyed at Yuhua’s pose and loud snoring.

Next to them was Asia O’Hara and Vanessa “Miss Vanjie” Mateo. Vanjie couldn’t help but notice Asia’s lack of a smile for the entire bus ride, presumably due to her failed butterfly stunt during...that performance. She decided to try to cheer her up by saying “Miss Vanjie?”. Asia only shifted her eyes at her with a dead glare for a few seconds until staring at the floor again. Vanjie reached for her hand as Asia shed a single tear.

Behind them was Monet X Change and Mayhem Miller, both questioning the too long ride like Monique and Dusty. Monet saw Mayhem’s raised eyebrow and said “May-may, don’t you live in California? How come the road’s turning as baron as the fun in this bus right now?” Mayhem responded “This is strange, there’s always buildings in this city, never cacti and sand. I’m sorry, am I seeing pink smoke?” Monet leaned in overlapping Mayhem into the window. “No, I’m seeing orange dust. It’s probably just some erosion.” Granted Monet was skeptical in saying that.

In the back was The Vixen and Kameron Michaels, with Kameron peacefully listening to some light synth-pop on her with her earphones in closed eyes, while Vixen on the window end looking over at the opposite seat in deadlock - Eureka O’Hara looking at her with just as ferocious eyes, while Kalorie Karbdashian Williams in between them shifted her eyes back and forth in worry. She whispered to Eureka “Are you two gonna let this go? It’s been a year.” Eureka whispered back “I’ll let it go when she apologizes” Vixen heard and whispered “When you apologize” Eureka moved her finger across her throat, while Vixen cracked both her gold-covered knuckles. Kalorie wanted to absorb herself into the seat to avoid a possible quarrel, but she couldn’t help but notice the stream of blue and yellow smoke coming from the outside.

Suddenly, when Aquaria stopped talking to her friend, she noticed outside the window “Holy shit, I think it’s snowing!” Cracker looked at Aquaria in a face of disgust and ridiculousness, which quickly turned into bewilderment as soon as she saw over the window. Monet walked over to their seat and said “Snowing?! In California?! My ass!” She scooched over Cracker to look at the window next to Aquaria. Dusty grew concerned and tapped on the seat of the busdriver. “Excuse me. Where in the fuck are you taking us? We’ve been here for 6 hours!” With no reply after a minute, Monique chimed in with her ��Hello?! Do you know how Google Maps works?” Dusty kicked the bus driver seat “HEY!” She finally decided to look over and soon Monique noticed a look of panic in Dusty’s face, as if she’d seen a ghost.

“There’s no one in the fucking seat....” Monique looked over the seat to see an empty driver’s chair and let out a frightening shriek. Vanjie overheard all of this and said, “Are you bitches smokin’ som...” she said until she too noticed the baron seat and almost fainted onto the floor if in wasn’t for the passenger seats she grabbed onto.

Soon everyone on the bus was in shock and terror, with Blair yelling “We’re all gonna crash and die!” She tried to open the bus window but couldn’t manage due to her hands shaking furiously. Cracker pulled her back and said “Are you stupid?! The bus is at 100 miles per hour! What’s happening!” A pink pixel hue over the windshield started forming, which caught Vixen’s eye first. She screams “Look over there! Mayhem, isn’t that the pink you saw?” She replied “Oh my god, it is! Is.... is this Ru or something?” Suddenly, RuPaul herself appeared on the windshield, and all queens froze in a mixture of shock, confusion and somehow relief for some of them.

The holographic Ru calmly told them “Don’t you worry kitty girls, all will be well and good when you get to the college. Be sure you packed everything, you’ll be here a while!” followed by an ecstatic laugh. Everyone looked at each other without a word. Yuhua suddenly woke up and took the book off of her face, and gleefully said “Hi girls! Why’s everyone standing?” Aquaria looked at her in amazement “Were you asleep this whole time?” Yuhua said “I don’t know actually, I think my eyes might’ve been open. Hey, why’s the bus vibrating?” Blair screamed while clamping Yuhua’s shoulder’s “We’re all gonna fucking die!” Eureka slapped Blair across the back of the head and said “calm your ass down! “I think we should just stay in one spot. Ru’s probably not going to kill us after season 10 just finished!” Monique challenged “Then why is she making us go in the speed of Nascar?” Aquaria responded “Maybe just good technology? I haven’t spent my $100,000 yet! There’s no way something bad will happen.” Kameron thought out loud “What did she mean by college?” the other queens looked at each other with the same question

Bursts of rainbow smoke and specks of glitter and confetti cover all the windows. “Are we running over a pride parade? What the fuck is happening?!” Exclaimed Cracker. Suddenly, the bus stopped in a strong halt. Some of the queens fell forward including Eureka landing on Blair, which resulted in Blair letting out a bloodcurdling scream. Monet said “Girl, we’re fine, no one’s dead or maimed or whatever.” Blair shouted “You try being 4 feet tall and crushed by a hippo.” Eureka rebuttled “That’s an elephant to you, sweetie.”

The doors to the bus opened gently, all of the queens walked out slowly in cautious steps, noticing the ground was made of a cloud-like substance. Small specks of rainbow circles, presumably balls of fire stars or possibly streetlights, were barely visible behind waves of fog. The only building in sight was a large castle-like structure, all white, with orange and purple flags on the tips. “What...is this place?” murmured Aquaria as she led the rest of the season 10 sisters with scepter in her land like an Amazonian tribe leader. As they walked up to a 20 foot tall gold gate with red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, white, black, brown and grey diamonds studded into the bars in that same pattern over and over, it suddenly opened, with a grinning RuPaul standing in front of the 100-stair steps of the house.

Asia in a slight yell of panic said to Ru, “What are you doing to us? You’ve sent us to... f-fucking Candyland, and you’ve almost gave us all a heart attack!” Dusty added “Asia’s right, you could’ve just told us about this before we got on a bus that turned into a fucking subway!” Yuhua also added “Specifically a japanese bus - Ru, what’s up?” Ru simply laughed feverishly and explained the story.

She said “You see ladies, there was a little show about turning some regular women into drag queens with the help of my season 1 to 4 sisters. Does anyone remember.... RuPaul’s Drag U?” Kalorie said “Oh yeah, I remember that, it was cancelled because of bad ratings.” RuPaul chuckles and said, “Oh no, I personally cancelled it, and only said it was because of the ratings to keep the secret.” Cracker asked “What secret? Is this the “college” you’re talking about?” Ru responds “Well, I have something to say - I’ve built a set of machines that can take over the world! They’re called the Dragulators, of course! What it is is a set of ray guns that when shot by a gay, can make a straight person do any sort of thing under mind control.......including ending homophobia.”

All the queens stood in shock with whispers from queen to queen. Vanjie asked “So what that got to do with us?” Ru laughed at Vanjie with a subtle wink that only an awkard looking Vanjie and Vixen noticed. Ru said “The issue is, I only have this technology in these guns, and I have no teleporter. Which is why I have my new set of recruits.” Kameron thought and said “Wait, so have the other girls done this?” To which Ru said “Oh, bitch, they’re still doing this! That’s why we have the dorms here!” “You have to stay here for life, with very few contacts to the outside world.”

All of the queens suddenly gasped and thought “Dorms?! For Life?! Sharing a room with another bitch?!?!” Aquaria shouted “You know what, if we’re ending homophobia, I’ll do it. Especially in pride season!” Monique, Eureka, Vixen and Cracker walked up behind Aquaria, Vixen said “As long as we still do performances, I’m going for it!” Monet looked at the 5 as if they lost their mind. She said “Are you crazy? I think I can handle a little dumb homophobic nobody if I don’t have to live in Equestria, who’s with me?” Blair, Mayhem, Vanjie and Dusty all raised a hand, with Dusty saying “True that, I have a husband to see every day, and I’m not losing him, let’s go”

Before any of them could take a step, Ru said “Oh, I guess you wouldn’t be paid then. Monet said “Paid? We’re getting paid for this?” Ru chuckled “How does.......$25,000 a day sound?” Both Kalorie and Aquaria shouted “What?!” with one sounding joyful and one sounding saddening. Ru then asked “Would you do it now? You can still use the internet here you know?” Monet, Blair, Mayhem, Vanjie and Dusty looked at each other with all smirking together. Mayhem turned to Ru and said “We’ll do it! We can take the homesickness, right gals?” They all shouted a reluctant “Yes!”

The remaining 4 - Asia, Kalorie, Kameron and Yuhua - were still on the fence. Kameron said “There’s no way I can do this, I need to see my family, friends and fans all the time. I’m out.” Ru scowled at her and pulled out a small gray box with a big red button on it. She used her other hand to slap as hard as she could. As soon as the four were near the bus, it disintegrated in a gout of rainbow flame. Ru slowly walked to the gate and said “Do you change your mind?” Yuhua let out a big gulp, with Kameron forced to say “Um....Alright, I’ll...we’ll do it, r-right Asia? Kalorie?” Asia and Kalorie nodded in fear. Ru in a millisecond turned to glee and proclaimed “Great! Welcome my girls, to Drag U! I’ll escort you to your dorm-mates!” Vixen shifted her head quickly to Ru and shouted wide-eyed “Did you just say dorm-mates?”

~~~~~TO BE CONTINUED~~~~~

(Hope you enjoyed part 1! Part 2 coming soon!)

[thewanderingmacy]

Budapest

I’m writing from Vienna now, though I only just arrived a few hours. I was in Budapest from May 4th-9th, but I arrived around 5pm on the 4th so it doesn’t really count. 

My bus from Brno to Budapest was an hour late, but I had loose plans for the day (that I actually was thinking of not going through with since they focused a communist museum and I don’t really care for modern history) so I wasn’t heart broken. When I got on the bus, as I always do, I looked for a seat with the most unobstructed window view. I found one and sat down, only to be disrupted by the guy in front of me dancing, bobbing and aggressively flailing his arms around. At first i thought it wouldn’t last long but it lasted a few minutes so I decided, so as not to become suicidal on the ride, to move. He’d pushed his chair back so far that I had to ask him to adjust it so I could get out. I literally was trapped and he was so into his music, he didn’t hear me so I had to tap him and I hate touching strangers. I moved and was free but he kept walking back and forth on the bus, up and down the stairs. At one point, he moved behind me and stay there for an hour. He was a douche. He’d yell out questions, directed at no one, waiting for an answer. He’d yell out questions to me from 3 rows behind. I answered one but ignored the rest because fuck you. They’d be like “are we in Hungary yet?”. Pay attention. It’s not my job to babysit you. I hate him.

But getting into Budapest, on the 5th, I went to the old side of the city (Buda; Pest is the new side, they were merged not too long ago). I took a bus which conveniently dropped me off at the bottom a hill. The thing with all these Medieval cities is that they were positioned on hilly grounds for defense but now, it’s just annoying. So I hiked my ass up there and saw a stunning church, wandered around the surrounding streets (bought a cute postcard!) and got some decent panoramic views of Pest. My /fake/ student card is serving me well but I’m worried now in Austria, they might be more English-y and be able to tell “youth” from “student”. Fingers crossed. I wandered back down and found a Hungarian restaurant. Actually it was a Hungarian-Korean restaurant, which was weird. I got Chicken paprika as that’s a very traditional Hungarian dish, with some noodle soup, for about $6. The chicken came with, what I later learned was thick, oddly shaped pasta, but I couldn’t tell what grain they were, which made for an interesting meal. It was good but the grains freaked me out a bit. Then I journeyed back up to the castle grounds (I later learned they were all on the same hill, ugh), taking a short cut by essentially walking up at an 80 degree angle until I almost died and went to a Hungarian Museum, focusing on the history of Budapest. It had a strange layout and didn’t feel like a traditional museum at all. The entire building, and the surrounding buildings used to be the Buda Castle but they’re obviously not anymore. They’re all museums/libraries. The history museum I was in kind of just had scattered objects from various periods, sometimes with plaques, and sometimes in chronological order. For whatever reason, I was really tired (all that walking up and down, I bet) and caught myself just skimming the words but not actually reading anything. I was trying really hard because central Europe with Holy Roman Empire confuses me (what the hell is an imperial seat? What is Bohemia doing with an Imperial seat? can someone tell me?) and I find I need to understand things to enjoy them but my eyes and brain were failing me. I’d planned to go on a tour that day, but it was supposed to pour all day so I changed my plans. It ended up raining for maybe 5 minutes. After the museum episode, I wondered into a library as I’d vaguely read about it online. Awkwardly, the receptionist told me it was just a modern library so I called it a day (this happened to me again in Budapest later on). 

The second day, it was supposed to pour again and this time no rain fell whatsoever. I started the day by going to St Stephen’s Basilica, which was another very pretty cathedral. Then I wandered looking for some lunch. I ended up getting some sweet gelato (recommended to me by a work friend!). I went searching for an 12:00pm tour but couldn’t find it (some smaller ones don’t run if they don’t get enough prebookings- I wasn’t lost) so I, knowing there was a different company running a tour at 2:30pm, ventured off for a bit. I wanted to properly find lunch and spent a while hunting down a meal. For whatever reason, I constantly crave Japanese and Thai food, but was also looking for Hungarian food to get the experience. I ended up getting Chinese food because it was $3.50. Then I wandered into a very famous Four Seasons hotel (I think it was a palace?) but I just ended up using their internet. Then, I followed the Danube river, saw a WWII memorial on the way, before checking out the very impressive parliament buildings. I shuffled back to the Basilica for the tour. Just as I’d feared, the tour not only took us though Pest, but they took us to the Buda sights I’d seen before. I went anyway, completed it just to complete it as the fact that I never did one in Prague got to me. The tour guide was nice but she more or less would explain what we are seeing and didn’t really go below the surface. By the end of the tour, I was very, very tired. The guide even made a comment. 

The third day, I had plans to do a bit of shopping, check out a park and then go to the largest synagogue in Europe. I made it through some shopping- went to a mainly produce market before ending up in a mall where I had some lunch. Suddenly, I felt really sick though (it wasn’t the food, I was feeling sick as I started eating) and, slowly but surely, made my way back to the hostel. It took me a while because I felt having to sit down. I actually had to do like breathing exercises and whatnot. I made it back in one piece, popped a few pills and a few hours later, I was better (not perfect but better). The synagogue was open til 7pm so, after dropping off some laundry, I checked it out. Tickets were really expensive but I figured, I gotta get my Jew on when I can. I completely walked by it at first and saw the mass graves, memorials and the square that was part of the Jewish ghetto in WWII. Then I found the synagogue and joined a tour of the grounds. I couldn’t tell if the guide wasn’t Jewish or if he didn’t speak English very well because his explanations were worded very cryptically. I was anxious to get back to my laundry but I’m trying out a new thing where I don’t let strangers control my decisions. I don’t know if it’s just me but I often get the urge to act in out of concern for how others will perceive me, out of not wanting to annoy strangers, that sort of thing. Like I was worried about getting back to my laundry so the employee wouldn’t be mad at me for leaving it but then I thought, I paid for this tour, why should i cut it short so that the employee wouldn’t think I’m annoying? Like I’m actively trying to take strangers’ power away from my decisions.

On the last full day in Budapest, I started by walking 30 minutes to a park where an old palace was (though you could only visit it from the outside which I was A-OK with). I took a lot of photos; it was very nice out, another rain forecast that never came true. Then I walked an hour down to the main tourist shopping street. I bought myself some shoes finally! The ones I was working with had holes and were stretched so whenever I lifted my foot, the back would fall out of place. I’m very pleased to have comfortable feet again. I follow the street down to a market, which was closed, before doing my routine stress-search for a place to eat. It took me a while but I found a place and got some salmon pasta. Then, as I promised myself, I went to see a movie. I’m still keeping up my movie in each country plan. I’d originally planned to see this Hungarian film called 1945, and online it said there was a showing with English subtitles but when I got there, couple hours early because I’m an anxious person, the employee told me the subtitled version was playing at a different, farther location. It was actually close to where I’d walked from, along the route from the palace. For whatever reason, I like things to follow a logical route and plan so I found a theatre close to my planned ending point that was playing Guardians of the Galaxy 2 in English so I saw that. It was enjoyable, not as good as the first I’d say but I had a good time. I got popcorn and candy to treat myself as I hadn’t eaten much that day. It was a pretty sold out show. Turns out, Marvel fanboys are everywhere.

Today, I was in Budapest until 3pm so I figured, I still have things I want to see, I can wake up early and get er done. It was a moral battle, let me tell you, as I wanted to sleep but I also knew future me would be mad if I slept so I awoke at 8am (that’s early for me okay) and ventured out to a thermal spa. Budapest is known for their Turkish baths. The one I chose was from the 16th century and was like a dim, stone, interior bath. I’d arrived for the morning special and got into my bathing suit. I read online they’re mandatory because I ain’t doing a nude thing. I got to the pool and, lo and behold, about 70% of the women were at least topless, with a solid 50% full on naked. There were bodies from all walks of life, let me tell you. But I was so relieved that it was just a female pool. I didn’t even know it but I’m glad. I obviously stayed in my suit, I wasn’t about to experience that, but I sat in basically a giant hot tub for 45 minutes with a ton of old naked women. The acoustics in the room were crazy. I kept trying to locate a voice but you couldn’t. It was like a small, domed room. After that adventure, I went back to the market I’d missed the previous day. It was mostly souvenirs and, since it was my last day, I didn’t have much cash on me so I was quick to leave. I played the stress-find a restaurant game again before, 15 minutes before I had to leave for my bus, settling on some goulash soup, a dish I’d been meaning to try for a while.

And 4 hours later, I was in Vienna.

Macy