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wellntruly · 4 years

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Season 5, CSI Season 5

Laugh at me, but in its fifth season, CBS’s CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is starting to get somewhat more complex than I would like in the sense of getting more difficult to dash off a season-long assessment without having to Get Into It about too much stuff. I mean, here is an incomplete list of things that happen to Season 5:

- Greg becomes a Real Boy CSI - Ecklie returns after a two-season absence, and maliciously splits up the team, causing enduring discord among everyone - Sofia Curtis is suddenly introduced, and after eight appearances over about twice as many episode, just as suddenly disappears - Quentin Tarantino

Belying all this change, the only adjustments to the title sequence are Nick and Greg’s sections, which are wholly replaced while everyone else remains untouched. Greg gets a clip from the S5 premier because I guess they wanted to presage his full shift to the field this season, and Nick’s is presumably adjusted because the first two-thirds of this season is where he has the buzzcut and looks generally somehow...wider....than before. It’s just—it’s the season where Nick looks like a thumb, you know one. Thank god, he grows his hair back out for the last stretch and also seems to let himself like, de-bulk a bit. Meanwhile, unreflected in the credits because who has the time, Greg has, conservatively, at least five distinct hair colors & styles this season. I actually didn’t hate two of them, but one was merely a feature of circumstance so it was only present in one scene.

It’s this more organic chaos that his hair dries into after he and Sara are hauled into an emergency biohazard shower at their crime scene (in I believe this show’s first wholly formalist episode, and thank u for it!! I had a great time with the rewinds).

I included two screenshots here because they capture both front and side views, but also Greg’s light brush to her jumpsuit sleeve after Sara sighs shakily, because alright I’ll Get Into something, and it’s that this season there are three indicators of Greg’s growth: 1. the usual Trial-by-Trauma, 2. whether he has properly affixed his field vest so it doesn’t stick out in the back, 3. if Sara is around

Sara is really great with Greg. She’s been great with Greg since season 2, when he came back shaken after his first trip to the field. I think it’s because Greg is a baby, so her competitiveness she has with the other CSIs never comes into play around him, and then just as a human being he’s so transparent that even Sara Sidle recognizes an opportunity to caretake here. Greg softens Sara, in a good way for characterization. She’s less stressed out around him and so can be more multi-note. They have a fun rapport working together, and they genuinely care about one another, too. Sara always looks out for Greg, which he’s very aware of and loves her for, and so is always right there for her in turn whenever she needs someone.

So, after the first three episodes of this season where Greg’s still being the inattentive lazy punk from S4 who is so bad at fieldwork as to be an active liability, I think they remembered that in the DNA lab he had been characterized as a hard-working weirdo with an almost taxing amount of curious energy, so they switch that back on, pair him with Sara, and send him through the grim experience of his first autopsy for good measure, and the difference from 5x04 on is radical. Suddenly he’s helpful, listening, noticing stuff. He’s finally becoming a good a little CSI!

But, you know this show. They never let him have any large developments without first putting him through it. STEP THROUGH THE CRUCIBLE, GREGGO:

Me, 30 seconds into 5x10, looking at him out here looking sweet and studious in a fucking blazer over a sweater over a button down: “Oh—Young Greg is gonna go sliding headfirst back into being a trauma vector now isn’t he. He’s been all-together too not annoying lately, and that’s what normally protects him...” Me, 90 seconds later, watching Young Greg cowering terrified behind a dumpster as shots ring out: “OH WHO CALLED IT!”

Aannnd after that episode he is deemed ready to finally pass his proficiency exam, in the very next one.

But, in throwing it all at the wall like this, so dramatic is the resulting Greg transformation that by his next horrible experience in 5x18, Sofia (still apparently on the team at this point) comments in a kind voice while he sits sadly thousand-yard-staring in a dark locker room: “Rumor has it you used to be a pretty funny guy. Don’t lose that.” Haha wow, who’s gotten bitch-slapped by the monkey’s paw! It’s CSI Sanders.

Alright one more thing here that I’ve just been thinking about lately, in light of how they were evidently easily this show’s most popular ship: Back in season 2 at that bus crash, Grissom had handed Greg to Nick for safekeeping, which made perfect sense because we already enjoyed them as a pair from all the times Nick would be sent to DNA to pick up whatever results and lines Greg had for him that day. But after season 3, those two have baaasically not interacted. I’ve been a little surprised! Of course part of this would be due to how starting in 5x09, Catherine is supervising Warrick and Nick on the swing team, (generally) working separate cases from Grissom’s team of Sara and Greg. But that wouldn’t explain the entirety of season 4, and it also doesn’t hold when you consider that being on a different shift does not remotely stop Warrick from having this little thread where he’s trying to make sure their paths overlap so he can check in on Greg in person after his most recent scary situation.

However, one explanation for all of this could be that Nick really hasn’t had much personal stuff to do at all these last couple seasons. When it comes to anything besides just doing his job, Nick Stokes has felt a little underutilized lately. Which is why we can be very grateful that someone else thought so, too.

Which brings us to: ‘Grave Danger’ Round 2!! In context!! There are so many…fucking interludes in this, Quentin. Nearly the whole second act of Part 1, seven straight minutes, is just Various Characters Hanging Out, No Plot Relevance. For that alone we could declare that filmbro auteur Quentin Tarantino straight-up wrote CSI fanfiction. It is: SUCH an emotionally porny joy. Catherine gets to walk in with a leather duffel bag full of a million dollars cash and drop it *thunk* on a table. The villain sinisterly asks Grissom, “What does Nick Stokes mean to you?” There’s a whole scene where Warrick, Greg, and Catherine are just in a three-way stress spiral over Nick in one of the greater Las Vegas area’s many pockmarked corrugated tin structures. George Eads gets to spend like half an episode with his voice frayed & breaking on every line. Eventually Grissom and Warrick are just down in a hole gentling him with their hands while softly begging him to stay lying down as he clutches at them and nods and cries. TARANTINO’S BEST WORK. Yes I have seen Once Upon A Time In Hollywood; that’s why I say it.

⭐ Notable Guest Stars ⭐ - Aisha Tyler as a new regular cast member, playing Greg’s replacement DNA analyst, Mia (the one who actually lasts more than one day) - America Ferrera - a fourth Desperate Housewives actor - baby girls Kate Mara and River Tam - NANA VISITOR, second Star Trek DS9 actor, also I screamed! - Jason Segel, Jason Segel, and Jason Segel---a three-time recurring fingerprint tech, who the fuck knew

Her?

- John Krasinski, whose role I’ve previously described but it’s worth repeating: a stoner who just wants to go to dental school - Misha Collins as a Russian beauty parlor receptionist, an amount of context & accent it took me so long to eat my way through that I didn’t recognize him until the second time we saw him. And given that the only thing I have “seen” Misha Collins in was when he was a guest voice on a radio play, I actually think I deserve some credit for even getting there at all. - Park Ranger Jane Lynch. 7 feet tall, wearing one of those wide-brimmed hats.. - a single episode containing Stephen Baldwin, and Wil Wheaton, and one of the Jason Segel appearances

Name Data Cont’d - This season introduces ‘Super Dave’, with two from Nick and one from Warrick - Nick calls him Rick twice more, and in turn, starts getting Nicky from Warrick! Warrick first calls him Nicky over the phone when he’s in Los Angeles with Brass (whose old partner/flame now working in the LAPD calls him Jimmy, god I love the eastern seaboard). Then Warrick and Catherine—this season’s reigning Mayor of Nickytown—hardly call him anything else during the duration of ‘Grave Danger’, of course a famous one for Nick-names. - In a courtroom, the lil prosecutor trying so hard to prevent this train he can tell is about to run off the rails from doing just that, desperately calls him ‘Doctor Grissom’ - Doctor Grissom calls Ecklie ‘Conrad’ - After his boss uses his first name for the first time, Hodges hopefully returns a ‘Gil’ after he’s already started walking away - Meanwhile, at one point Nick walks into Trace and quotes “Talk to me, Goose”—to Hodges, really Nick? - But maybe the most curious incident in nicknames this season, is that early on Brass walks up on Sara and Greg and addresses them as “Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson,” respectively, and here’s the thing: this is not in the episode with the Arthur Conan Doyle re-enactors. Brass is in fact happily reprising ‘Doctor Watson’ for young Sanders seven episodes later over the DB in tweed whose case is serving as his final proficiency.

Featured Music There was this two-part running joke this season about Mia listening to an Avril Lavigne CD that she claims Greg left behind in the DNA lab—Warrick suggests she try Nina Simone. But otherwise I think the biggest musical moment was the pristinely 2004 use of U2’s ‘Vertigo’. Wow that takes me back. Oh also, forgot to mention last season’s also very au courant pull, Jet’s ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’

INTERIOR: Forever Baby, a store that sells pacifiers, ~playpens~, etc For Adults Saleswoman, turning to Nick: “Well, aren’t you lucky! To have such a nice daddy!” Grissom: :) Nick: … Me: Y’know what—

There’s been no more juice since season 2 :(, but now sometimes people will sip with scotch with Brass in his office after a case is wrapped. And by people I mean only Gil or Catherine so far, but I really enjoy this concept.

Does Poncho here have the best Spanish of the group, is that why there’s a case in the local Latinx community where eventually it seems the whole thing has just been handed over to him and Detective Vega. Incidentally, missed you, Vega! They’ve added some new officers in homicide to fill in for Lockwood, RIP, and O’Reilly, vanishéd, and I have No affection for either Detective Marc Murphy or Detective The Other One.

Spare observations: - 5x12 was the first time I ever recognized hearing a PA system overhead in the crime lab - One of the end credits in the episode with the bear reads “Bart the Bear: The Bear” - La Perla brand lingerie has been name-dropped twice so far this series - The lab’s password for online forensics journals they’ve subscribed to is “Margaritaville"

Things David Has Been Fully Ready To Believe In Until Proven Otherwise - Vampires - Aliens - Aliens, sub-category: Crop Circles

More hilarious night sky VFX from my best friend the CSI program

BOOTS. Also STRIDE.

Collected Brass Quips, Round Whatever

man: [slams a door in their face] Brass, brightly: “I thought that went well.”

Brass to this white kid using AAVE: “Yeah *a’ight*, One Cent. Let’s go.”

“Bet it’s tough to turn a folie á deux into a menage á trois, n’est-ce pas?” Brass?!

reassuringly after he asks this freshman if he was doing his floormate’s Spanish homework for him: “Look, it’s not the Spanish Inquisition.”

#to be continued #CSI

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thewhumpproject · 8 years

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Crime Shows Whump Catalogue (WIP)

Crime/Cop/Detective/Investigative dramas/whodunnits/Murder mysteries/whatever you want to call them. Incomplete and will be updated as I write it all up.

NCIS - DiNozzo:

Found this halfway through making this list. Goes as far as 8x15. Has every little thing [x]

1x20 – Drugged, kidnapped

2x22 – Plague

2x23 – Still lowkey weak from Plague, gets almost blown up and ‘collapses’, continues to need rest

3x08 – Tied to a chair (w/ Ziva) and punched

3x12 – ‘Shot’ (scratched) in arm

3x16 – Injures ankle

3x23 – Bloody nose

4x04 – Knocked out

6x24 – Fight, breaks arm

6x25 – Still has broken arm, gets tackled by Ziva

9x01 – Shot in head, amnesia

10x21/22 – Car crash, unconscious, cut nose (Ziva hurt more these eps)

NCIS: LA – G. Callen:

[NCIS 6x23] – Shot multiple times

1x08 - Hit over head/‘concussion’

4x01 – Captured, beaten

4x20 - Poisoned

5x04 – Thrown/knocked out by explosion

6x12 – Exposed to ‘deadly’ virus

7x01- Tased (tasered? Shot with a Taser? ...Mildly electrocuted)

8x24 - Shot in vest

NCIS: NOLA – Christopher Lasalle

1x15 – Gassed/high

1x22 – Shocky (emotionally)

2x02 – Shot in Kevlar

JAG – Harmon Rabb:

1x20 – Captured, tied up, drugged, interrogated

2x03 – Head injury, blinded

2x13 – Hit by car, nasty gash, ligament damage, slight concussion

2x14 – Knocked out, hits head again

3x01 – Deteriorating concussion

4x01 – [After ejecting from plane, wakes up in a tree] Knocked out

7x01 – Head injury, severely hypothermic, amnesia

9x01 – Knocked out in plane crash, head injury

Criminal Minds – Spencer Reid:

An in-depth breakdown [x]

1x06 – Hostage, kicked

2x15 – Kidnap, torture, drugged (begins drug addiction arc)

4x24 – Anthrax

5x01 – Shot in leg (covers actor’s own injury) on crutches in further episodes

6x12 – Headaches (storyarc that sort of fizzles out)

9x23 – Shot in neck

Derek Morgan:

4x18 – Tackled through window, knocked out

5x23 – Knocked out, tied up

9x23 – Shot in arm

11x16 – [11x15, drugged and kidnapped] drugged, tortured, chemical burns

Chicago PD – Antonio Dawson:

[Chicago Fire 1x13 – shot. 1x14 – Shooting aftermath]

1x13 – Shot

1x14 – Shooting aftermath, hospital

Jay Halstead:

3x01 - Torture

CSI:NY – Don Flack

2x24 – Explosion

6x08 - Beaten up

Mac Taylor:

4x10 - Knocked out, drugged, kidnapped

8x18 - Shot

Danny Messer:

6x01 - Shot

CSI (Las Vegas) – Nick Stokes:

2x19 – Pushed out window

5x25 – Buried alive

Greg Sanders:

3x22 - Caught in explosion, hospital

7x04 – Beaten up

Numb3rs - Don Eppes

1x02 - Shot

2x24 - Drugged

5x20 - Stabbed

Hawaii 5-0 – Steve McGarrett:

1x01 - Fight

1x20 – Falls off cliff, head injury, broken arm

2x01 – Stabbed, collapses off-screen

2x10 – Captured, tortured

2x16 – Hit by car

4x08 – Shot in arm

4x19 – Trapped in building collapse

4x21 – Captured, beaten, tortured

5x01 – Shot in leg

5x07 – Gassed, drugged, tortured

5x13 – Car crash

6x06 – Fight

6x17 - Gassed

6x25 – Shot on a plane

7x01 – Continuing issues from liver transplant

7x04 – Stabbed (but apaaaarently he’s too tough for being stabbed in the back with a kitchen knife to do more than be momentarily inconvenienced)

7x25 - Peaky, turns out he has radiation poisoning

Danny Williams:

1x01 – Bullet grazed arm

1x23 – Sarin poisoning

3x10 - Shot

4x19 – Trapped in building collapse, impaled

5x16 - Stabbed

6x17 - Gassed

6x25 – Donates some liver

Lethal Weapon – Martin Riggs:

[Emotional whump like every episode especially the first half of the season]

1x01 – Shot twice, shoulder + foot

1x02 – Bar fight, black eye, crashes through window from building across street,

1x03 – Cattle prod-ed

1x04 – Fight

1x07 – Hit by car door, tortured,

1x10 - Drugged

1x12 – Almost drowns

1x13 - Shot with nail gun

1x16 – Angsty, smashes head into mirror

Quantico – Ryan Booth:

1x01? - Shot

1x07 – Shot

1x08 – Continued from shooting

1x09 – Tortured

Bones – Seeley Booth:

1x15 – Explosion

2x18 – Knocked out, tied to chair, beaten

3x05 – Shot in leg

3x08 – Car crash/explosion (Bones in car too)

3x14 – Shot and ‘dies’

4x13 – Breaks his hand punching someone, knocked out, concussion

4x14 – Kidnapped, trapped in box then on ship, hallucinating, explosion

4x25 – Hallucinations

4x26 – Brain surgery, coma

5x10 – Explosion

9x24 – Shot

11x01 – Shot

Graceland – Mike:

1x09 – Stabbed

1x10 – Continued stab wound, attacked

2x01 – Tortured

2x13 – Shot, suffocated

3x01 – Continued shooting injuries (drug addiction arc begins)

3x07 – Drug withdrawal, sweats, vomiting, delirious, ice bath

Rush – Michael:

1x09 – Car crash, knocked out

1x10 – Head injury

2x10 – Captured

3x07 – MMA fight, nasty fight later (attempted eye-gouging involved)

3x15 – Tumbles down hillside

3x22 – Speared

4x06 – Knocked out (beginning of story arc to 4x08)

4x07 – Kidnapped, head injury, shot

4x08 – Coma hospital scenes

Josh:

1x04 – Hit on head, collapses

1x06 – Smoke inhalation

2x08 – Shot in leg

2x11 – Kneed by suspect

3x09 – Fight, stabbed, injures arm/shoulder, hospitalised

3x14 – Falls through ceiling, dazed for a second, shot (in vest)

4x06 – Fight

4x11 – Comes to on a boat, shot, falls overboard

Lawson:

2x01 – Caught near explosion, minor head injury

3x17 – Hit by a car

4x12 – Hit on head

Christian:

3x19 – Knocked out

Dom:

1x10 – Caught in explosion, hospitalised for head trauma

2x18 – Glass in face

Grace:

1x04 – Hit in face

1x10 – Caught in explosion, collapses, hospitalised

Stella:

1x03 – Shot in vest

New Blood: Stefan –

1x02 (Case 1, Part 2) – Drugged

1x03 – Caught in explosion

1x04 (Case 2, Part 1) – Dog bite, drunk, punched

1x05 - Knocked out, strung up

1x06 (Case 3, Part 1) – Car crash (tbc)

1x07 – Fight, car crash, thrown by explosion

Arrash:

1x03 – Caught in explosion

1x04 – Kicked in the nads, drunk

1x05 - Knocked out, strung up, punched

1x06 – Car crash (tbc), hit, thrown to ground

1x07 – Fight, car crash, thrown by explosion

The Glades – Jim Longworth:

1x01 – Alligator bite

2x01 – Dog bite

2x08 – Snake bite

2x11 – Fight – sand in eyes, knocked out, attempted drowning

4x13 – Shot (cliffhanger, last episode)

The Finder – Walter Sherman:

1z12 – Shot (fine, later complications: subdural hematoma)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Jake Peralta:

1x06 – Concussion from falling from ceiling

2x13 - Exercises, flops to the ground

2x19 - Kidnapped

2x20 – Falls through car sunroof, various broken and bruised bones, later hit by car, hospitalised

3x10 - Knocked out

3x16 - Knocked out

4x01 - Run over by go-kart

4x02 - Fight

4x03 - Hostage, shot in leg

4x04 - cont. shooting recovery (cane)

4x17 – Hungover, mentions that he might have injured his ribs

Psych – Shawn Spencer:

3x11 – Knocked out

4x09 – Shot

5x04 – Barely poisoned

6x13 – Appendix burst

7x08 – Head injury, concussion

Endeavour – Morse:

0x01 – Faints

1x02 – Stabbed

1x04 – Shot

2x01 – Knocked out, tied up, beaten up

2x02 – Falls through floor

4x02 – Drugged

4x04 – Head/ear injury from grenade

Lewis – James Hathaway:

2x03 – Drugged, trapped in fire, caught in explosion

4x01 - Shot

5x04 – Mild arsenic poisoning

7x01 – Whiplash

Midsomer Murders – Ben Jones:

15x02 – Knocked out, tied up, concussion

19x03 – Knocked out, tied up

Grimm – Nick Burkhardt:

1x01 - Injected with a toxin, collapses

1x08 – Brutal fight

2x13 – Drinks a potion, stomach pains, collapse

2x15 - Blinded

3x01 – Zombified, enraged and gets into fights

3x02 – Continued ‘zombification’, fights as his pals try to capture him, injected with painful cure

4x02 – Sudden headache

4x06 – Sudden headache develops into general weakness gets worse over time

5x21/22 – Fight, torture, hallucination, shot

6x04 – Lightheaded for a moment

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