#curious to see the directions my thoughts go as they examine this novel situation.

[neverendingford]

.

[purplesauris]

The Heart Wants

"I want you to meet my family."

Din wants to show Luke off to his family- whether that be his found family or anyone else.

Read it on AO3 here!

“I want you to meet my family.” Din watches him, beskar helmet reflecting the sunset from the window as he leans back in his chair.

Luke’s hands still in the air, Grogu floating above him, and he looks toward Din. “Pardon?”

A trickle of discomfort curls around Luke’s throat, a soft wispy thing, and he lowers Grogu from the air, ignoring the disappointed coo the child lets out as Din’s shoulders slump. He instead draws one of Grogu’s toys closer, making it dance through the air to keep him occupied as Din clears his throat. “If you want. They’ve asked to meet you when I go out next.”

“They’ve asked for me?” Luke doesn’t want to seem overly eager, but judging by the way Din’s head turns just slightly, unable to look at him, he’s blushing inside his helmet. “You talk about me.”

“You’re training my son.” Din croaks, as if that’s excuse enough. 

“We’re dating.” Luke can’t help the grin that spreads over his face, laughing when Din shuffles in his seat and mumbles something uncouth under his breath. It’s enough for the modulator to pick up, but not enough to be heard clearly, so it sounds like static cracking through. “When were you thinking?” Luke says instead, giving Din a way out of his flustered revelation. 

“When it’s better to bring Grogu along.” 

Luke’s mind whirls immediately at the thought, and he glances down at the small green child tucked in his lap. Words bubble up from him before he can trap them behind his teeth, shove them back down, and Luke’s gaze is firmly locked on the toy he sends sailing through the air in wilder and wilder loops and spins. 

“I can bring him to my sister, she’s- like me, and will know how to care for him.” 

“On Coruscant? The capital of the Galaxy?” Luke winces at the way that sounds, but something niggles at the back of his mind, and he squints in Din’s direction.

“How do you know where she is?”

Now it’s Din’s turn to wince, though the subtle shift of his body is much less noticeable than Luke’s; only caught because Luke knows every dip and stretch of muscle. 

“I keep track.” Din mutters, as if just admitting that is something wrong, ugly. Luke finds it frustratingly endearing, the level of awareness that Din has for everything and everyone; it only lends to the fact that Din’s strength lies not just in his fighting skills, but in the simple fact that Din is smart. 

He’s devilishly clever, wildly pragmatic when he needs to be and endlessly creative. Every time that Luke thinks he finds him, truly sees him another layer is pulled back, revealing more and more of the man beneath the armor. Of the clever, kind man whose spirit called to him in the moments between their words. 

“I know it’s not ideal, but…” Luke glances over at him, willing him to understand without Luke having to continue, and to Luke’s continued delight Din dips his head- finishing Luke’s thought. 

“I trust you, Luke. Not sure I do her, but if she’s like you…” 

“Ah, she’s better, actually. Much more adjusted.” Din huffs a laugh, metallic and low, and Luke revels in the sound and faint feeling of warmth wafting off of Din. “If we have her babysit, when were you thinking? Next supply run?”

“Mmm. Probably." 

Luke purses his lips, thinking about how far Leia is from him, and even with him flying solo it’s going to be a tight turn around if they want to be on time.

“Okay. I’ll have to leave a couple days early, to get him there and get back.”

“Alone?” Curious, Din sits forward in his chair, as if the thought of being left behind is a novel idea. 

“It’ll be easier for me to get in and out of the city without a big scary Mando following me around.” Din snorts at that, but judging by the way that he sits back he has no argument. Not yet, at least. Luke can practically hear the gears grinding in Din’s head, turning his words over and over to examine every bump and crack. “The x-wing only fits one anyhow.”

“You’ll meet me back here?”

“Of course. After all, I want to fly the Crest too.” His grin answers Din’s groan, and he feels a thrill go down his spine when Din doesn't automatically tell him no. He might not get to this time, but he's a patient man, and with enough convincing Din will let him do almost anything. 

Almost.

"Tell me about her?" 

Luke leans back on his hands, letting the toy drop and nodding at Grogu. Grogu grumbles unhappily, but the toy begins a shaky maneuver into the air, Grogu's little hands raising while Luke begins to talk. "Her name is Leia, but you knew that already. She's a senator for the new republic."

"What's she like?"

"She's brave, smart as a tack. Doesn't take shit from anyone." Luke's eyes burn, and he presses a hand to his forehead, stupidly emotional. "I didn't know her when I was a child- I grew up on Tatooine while she grew up a princess on Alderaan. We met during the Rebellion: she was a prisoner on the death star and Han and I rescued her."

"Han?"

"Solo. Her husband. He was a smuggler I hired who kind of got sucked into helping the rebellion."

Talking about the rebellion always made something slimy and panicked crawl through his veins, but if there was one thing he'd mastered long ago it was pushing those feelings back. His meditation had helped, the little training he had with Yoda had helped, and most days, alone with Din or Grogu or Artoo, he could breathe. But there were moments of silence, of stillness when Luke's right arm ached and all that he'd done came crawling back to the surface. When he laid in bed, Din asleep beside him, and wished he were anyone else. The thoughts drag at him like an anchor against the sandy bottom of the ocean, and Luke finds himself set adrift, the room around him fading in and out of focus. 

This is not the time to be doing so. 

Luke tries, really he does, to draw himself back in, to crawl from the ugly sprawling thoughts in his mind, but he hears a low scraping sound that’s so much like metal debris against the side of his x wing that he flinches. There’s a rattle to his left, the dropping of something heavy, and then a weight settles against his back, tucking into the crook of his neck and gripping around him. 

Luke’s first instinct is to shove away from it, to fight his way out, but soft fingers catch at the edge of his shirt, smoothing along his abdomen, and Luke releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The touch is hesitant at first, as if afraid, but when Luke doesn’t do anything past dragging in low, shuddering breaths it grows bolder. If he were here, truly focused, he’d make a joke, something to diffuse the situation, but instead he shakes as a palm slides under his shirt and presses flat over his chest, nestled above his heart. Luke focuses on the pulse he senses in the man’s palms instead of his own, the warmth of skin on skin contact. 

Badum. Badum. Badum.

Slow and even- calm in the midst of a storm. Luke tilts his head back, gasping in a breath, and metal digs into the back of his head, cold and hard. A pauldron. Luke recognises the ridged edge to it, recognizes the soft scrape of facial hair against his neck when Din presses closer, breaths light and hand held to Luke’s chest. 

“Take a breath. Hold it.” Luke follows the command on instinct alone, chest expanding under hand and stopping, full to bursting until Din’s voice, soft and so unlike his visage, speaks again. “Release. Slowly.”

Luke follows that instruction to the letter, letting the air seep from his lips until he feels empty, hollowed out and aching to take a breath. Din works him through ten more breaths, until he’s breathing without waiting for Din’s quiet command and his hand finds Din’s, clutching at his fingers in an effort to keep himself grounded. 

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, grief rising in his throat like a beast ready to kill, and Din’s voice vibrates across his back from where Luke is pressed back into his arms. 

“I know.” Somehow, his simple acknowledgement, his acceptance, is what breaks Luke. He feels a sob clatter out of him, low and weak, and Din’s head turns, forehead pressing against Luke’s temple. Din holds him tight and Luke allows himself to be held, shaking and weak, until his tears and his panic finally ebb, drawn back into the little box he keeps under such careful lock and key. In his lap Grogu’s big brown eyes are shiny with tears, and when Luke turns his head, bumping his forehead against Din’s he finds his mandalorian in a similar state. 

“I’m sorry.” Luke says again, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and Din’s free hand comes up, dashing away the wetness that clings to Din’s lashes like morning dew. Din doesn’t stop at himself, thumb wiping at the trails on Luke’s cheeks before drawing Grogu up. Luke’s hands come up to steady the child against his chest as Grogu’s little head tucks under his chin, and Luke leans heavily back against Din’s chest. 

They sit there for a while, breathing and holding each other close until Grogu’s breaths even out and his snores kick up, Luke only half fighting the heaviness in his own eyelids. It seems easier to fall asleep than address this fragile, marred thing, but Din always seems to be one step ahead of him, hand slipping from his chest as both arms move to rest around Luke’s middle instead, a warm cage that Luke doesn’t want to leave. 

“Sleep, Luke. You don’t get nearly enough. Let me watch over you.” Luke wants to point out that they’re in the middle of the living room, but Din’s chest rumbles against his back as he makes a soft noise, nosing at his cheek and placing a soft, reverent kiss to the curved edge of Luke’s jaw. Luke allows himself to drift off in Din’s arms, sinking into the darkness behind his eyelids without a fight. 

Luke wakes up in bed screaming.

He looks around, eyes wild, trying to find the source of the agony coursing through him, but there isn't any. Luke sucks in two harsh breaths, fighting against the instinctive panic, and he looks down at his right hand, fingers twitching madly and whole arm quaking. When he tries to move his arm another razor edged wave of feeling scrapes along his nerves, and he bites back another scream. “Fuck-”

“Here.” Luke’s head snaps up toward the doorway as Din’s lithe form slips through, walking with measured steps until he sinks down onto the edge of the bed by Luke’s hip. He reaches out, hands gentle as he takes Luke’s hand in his. Even that movement is too much, too rough, but Din thumbs at the line where his wrist connects, edging along the hard line of the cybernetics underneath the skin. Din almost seems to be searching for something, and Luke wants to ask him what, but Din’s thumb digs in suddenly and Luke feels a pop in his wrist. Sensation shorts out of his arm immediately, fingers twitching for a moment before going limp. Luke is able to focus more on his breathing and collecting his thoughts with Din having done… whatever it is he did, and eventually Luke finds his voice. 

“How did you...” 

Din’s eyes flick up toward him, near black in the dim light coming from the hallway, and so filled with warmth that Luke feels like he’s a spark away from going up in flames. 

“You’ve done it before.”

“I know I have, but how did you know to-” Luke’s mouth snaps shut at the realization that he knows the answer to the question. He didn’t realize he’d ever done it in front of Din. He’d spent months tinkering with his hand after the medics on the Redemption had installed it, and he’d installed what some might call a kill switch. It was small, near impossible to trigger unless you knew exactly how and where it was, and Luke had done it out of sheer desperation to have some way to make the pain stop. 

“You've only used it one other time.” Din says, looking down at Luke’s hand and thumb smoothing over his inner wrist. “But you were in pain then too.”

“It bothers me.” Luke expects the shame that comes with talking about his hand, but Din lifts it higher and places a kiss onto the deadened palm. Luke wishes desperately that he could feel it, if only for an instant, but his want is written plain across his body. It has to be, because there’s no other way he can explain away to himself the way that Din gathers his other hand, lips soft and gentle on the palm. Luke presses the fingertips of his good hand into the skin of Din’s cheek, holding him there, and Din’s eyes shut, turning just slightly to bump his nose against the meat of Luke’s thumb and smile against his skin. 

“You don’t have to hide when it does.”

“I have obligations.” Luke protests, sinking away from the casual way that Din reminds him that he’s a man. Just a man, beneath everything. “I can’t just- turn my hand off when it suits me.”

“Are you useless without your right hand?”

“No, but-” 

“Can you still teach, still work your plants and tinker with Artoo?”

“Yes, but-” Luke feels like a moon cracked into jagged pieces, pulled in all directions by the gravity of Din’s eyes, of his careful, thought out words. 

“You are allowed to want to stop hurting.” Luke physically recoils at the words, letting them slam into his chest and bury deep. Luke draws in one breath, then two, then three, trembling in bed as Din holds his hand and presses his face, his skin against Luke’s palm and seems content never to move away. “I want this, Luke. Let me shoulder some of the burden for once.” 

“What if it’s too much?” Luke’s voice is weak, timid, and Din’s expression softens, eyelids drooping and corners of his mouth tugging into a sad, quiet smile. 

“Then I’ll complain. Loudly.” That draws a thick, startled laugh out of Luke, and he watches the way that Din’s smile warms into something fond and affectionate. 

“Promise?” 

“I can start now.” Luke laughs again, disbelieving, and Din chuckles along with him, tilting his head as Luke leans forward, shifting the hand on Din’s cheek so that he can kiss him easier. Din pulls back after a moment, humming softly and brushing his lips against Luke’s more for the sensation than anything else. “I just got Grogu back to sleep. Do I need to sing you to sleep too?”

“I don’t think your singing would have that same affect on me.” 

“I’m pretty good.” Din points out, cracking a smile when Luke pushes against his cheek, choosing instead to flop back against the bed. 

“I would just stay awake to hear it.” Din nods as if that’s a perfectly acceptable answer, and when Luke opens an arm Din doesn’t hesitate to crawl into bed beside him. Luke has always loved that for all of Din’s brute strength and aggressiveness he sleeps curled tight, knees up close to his chest to block anyone from getting at the soft expanse of his belly. It took waking up to knees in his ribs more times than he could count to adjust to the way that Din slept, to coax him into spreading out and taking up space. 

Din does it now without question, hooking a leg up over Luke’s to press it into the space between Luke’s thighs, arm tossed over Luke’s ribs and face tucked against Luke’s neck. The feeling of Din’s breath on his neck, slow and even, is what allows Luke to finally drift off again, Din holding his deadening hand gently.

                                                         -*-

He manages to reorient himself by the time he calls Leia, scrambling and rescrambling the feed to ensure that whoever might have been listening were thrown off. Leia’s face is fuzzy at first, buzzing with her movement, but she’s grinning at the sight of Luke.

“Luke.”

“Hey Lee.” Luke grins when Leia scoffs at the nickname, the same reaction he’s gotten since he first tried it out and decided it was going to stay. "I have a favor to ask you."

"Would that favor involve childcare?" Leia's expression is impassive, but when Luke grimaces, rubbing the back of his neck he sees her crack a smile. "I can hear your intentions from here."

"It would only be a couple days, and you could get to know him!"

"He's your student."

"I know, I know, but it's too dangerous to bring him back to Nevarro and-"

"Why are you going to Nevarro?" Leia's eyes narrow, brow arching when Luke's cheeks flush with color. He very pointedly looks away for a moment, drawing in a couple of deep breaths before Leia's grin turns shark like. "You met someone."

"It's-" Luke goes to say that it's complicated, but Leia's eyes widen comically at something in the background, and Luke turns just in time for Din to dip down, bumping his helmet against Luke's forehead. Luke presses up into the touch, smiling, before remembering himself and pulling back, cheeks positively red now. Din's attention turns to the holo, head tilting just so, and Luke feels the instant that Din realizes what he's done. "Leia, this is my partner, Din. Din, this is my sister, Senator Leia Organa."

"Senator." Din dips his head as a courtesy, and Luke watches as Leia does the same.

"Mand'alor." Luke hears Din groan quietly, too soft for the holo to hear, and he snickers, ignoring the elbow that gets him in his side. Really, by now Din should be used to the title and people's knowledge of who he is, but somehow it comes as a shock to him every time. Leia straightens in her chair, and though nothing has really changed Luke can see the polite mask that falls into place. "If you truly don't have anywhere else, I'll take him." Luke grins, glancing at Din. "But only for three days. I do have obligations here that a child would disrupt." 

Luke nods his head in agreement, pressing his lips together in a miserable attempt to hide his grin. "Right so uh, I'll see you in a couple days?"

"Don't forget anything." Leia warns, Luke laughing. "And Luke? You have questions to answer." 

Leia doesn't let Luke reply before the holo goes dead, and Luke sits back, peering at Din. "Well, that could have gone worse. If you hadn't appeared I expected to lose my hearing."

"Would it have been that bad?"

"She locked me in my room for three days the last time I lied to her." Din pauses, head tilting, and Luke is surprised and delighted when Din laughs, a full bodied sound that makes Luke smirk. 

"I like her more already."

"Good! Because she's going to make us visit sooner or later."

“Make us?”

“You don’t get to say no to Leia.” Luke knows that from experience: sooner or later Leia is going to drag them to Coruscant for something, and it’s only a matter of time. 

Din hums from behind his helmet, reaching out to play with the sleeve of Luke’s robe. “If I tried?”

“She might put a bounty out on you.” Luke deapans, face carefully arranged into a blank expression that breaks when Din shakes his head and shoves at his shoulder. Luke scoops the holo up off of the counter, turning as Din catches his waist, holding him still. Luke raises a brow, lips quirking, and watches with obvious interest as Din reaches back to unlock and slip his helmet off.

Seeing Din's face is just as breathtaking as it was the first time so many months ago, and Luke's heart swells with affection. Din is handsome- not in a drop dead, unrealistic kind of way, but in a softer, grounded way that makes Luke's heart go wild in his chest whenever he gets a peek. Luke is so used to reading the lines of Din's body, of trying not to read him but reading his emotions anyway that when Din's connection opens Luke temporarily goes blind with the feelings that wash over him.

The rush of their connection powers through him, making Luke slap a hand onto the counter as a laugh bubbles up in his throat. Din's amusement, his care and his love sweep through him, leaving him warm and fuzzy, but other feelings worm their way in as well. He can acutely recognize the worry and fear, the anxiety that makes a mess of Din’s thoughts when he thinks of Grogu being so out of his reach. It’s intimate- madly so, and Luke finds himself tipping forward, clanking their foreheads together uncomfortably and reaching to cup the back of Din’s neck. 

“I don’t want you to go.” Din begins, voice choked, and Luke leans in harder, fingers digging into the nape of Din’s neck. “But I know you’ll be safe.”

“I’ll hurry.” Luke whispers, bumping his nose against Din’s and brushing their lips together. Din makes a soft, wounded sound, tilting his head to kiss Luke firm and slow. Luke feels Din’s connection go flimsy, and Luke lets his hold on the other end go, Din’s emotions wrapping back around him like a cloak. It’s easier to handle this way, but Luke craves the connection at the same time. 

Din pulls away, reluctance in every muscle of his body, and Luke hums, leaning back to look him over. Din’s eyes are watery, tears gathering, and Luke loves how expressive Din can’t help but be. Luke bumps their foreheads together one more time before he steps out of Din’s arms, going to get his things and gather up what Leia will need for Grogu’s stay. Once he’s gathered enough toys and things to keep the youngling occupied Luke pads back into the living room, scooping Grogu up into his arms and grinning when little claws tug at his robes. 

“We’re gonna go visit someone special. Can you say bye to your buir?” Luke hears Din give a choked off noise akin to a gasp, and when he turns to Din the other man is staring at him with unabashed surprise. As if he never expected to be called that. 

Grogu coos happily, reaching his little hand out, and Din steps forward, tilting his head down to place a soft kiss on Grogu’s fuzzy head. “Be good, ad’ika, no causing problems.” 

The child tilts his head, as if he’s asking could I ever? and Din gives him an unimpressed look. Luke whistles sharply and Artoo whirls out from the other room, beeping and whistling merrily. “Ready to go, Artoo?” Din walks them to where their ships are nestled close together, the x wing covered in a layer of dust from Din’s takeoffs. Artoo speeds ahead of them, lining himself up and lifting up into his spot. He slots in easily and Luke grins when the x-wing roars to life. The vibrations from the engine pulse through Luke and he feels giddy all over again: he hasn’t flown since Grogu came under his care, and he desperately misses it. 

The cockpit swings up and open with a pneumatic hiss, the ladder sliding down for easier access, and Luke pauses at the bottom, turning back to Din. He looks at him one last time, not because he won’t see him again but purely because he wants to look, and Din’s answering smile is encouraging. Luke realizes with a jolt he’s projecting a little strongly, and he grins sheepishly, dimming himself down despite the way that Grogu giggles at Luke’s infectious eagerness. “Come back safe.”

“Nothing could stop me from coming home.” Luke promises, staring at the way Din’s lips twitch, color flushing the tips of his ears and brown eyes sparkling. It’s so ridiculously attractive that Luke almost stumbles hoisting himself up into the cockpit. It isn’t until Luke has his headset on, Grogu safely in his lap and yolk in his hands that Luke clears his mind. Din’s ship is a little close to his, wings overshadowing Luke’s vessel, but Luke maneuvers himself smoothly away from the Crest and circles into the air, rising higher and higher, leaving Din among the greenery of the planet. 

Grogu stays firmly in Luke’s lap until they break through the atmosphere, but once the sharp nose of the x-wing cuts through and vaults them into space Grogu perks up, crawling to peer out of the cockpit window. “Alright Artoo, next stop Coruscant.” 

Artoo beeps affirmatively through the comms and Luke watches the coordinates flash through his display, Luke turning himself in the right direction and increasing his speed. Grogu squeals in delight at the stars rushing past, and Luke braces Grogu’s little body as they slip into hyperspace, stomach dropping momentarily as his body adjusts to the drag and Grogu’s wide eyes take in the smears of blue and white that scramble past them. 

“You’re gonna love Leia. She’ll spoil the devil out of you, little womp rat.” Grogu turns, crooning, and Luke smiles. “Just for a couple days, then you’ll be back with your buir and I.” 

Luke doesn’t dare call himself a parent, not with what Din and Grogu went through together, not yet, but calling Din Grogu’s father? That feels right, like breathing after breaking the surface of the water, and Luke knows Din has been his father far longer than he ever realized. 

                                                          -*-

Coruscant is as huge and sprawling as he remembers it, stinking of artificial ozone and smog. No one is there to meet him at the landing pad, but Luke is grateful for the chance to slip into the city anonymously. He tucks Grogu a bit deeper into the sling strapped across his chest and pulls his hood up, letting the dark fold of fabric obscure his face and cover the lightsaber hanging at his belt. He won’t need it in the city if he’s lucky, and Luke dives headfirst into the chaos of the city.

The electronics hum around him, sharp and bright, and Luke feels Grogu’s overstimulation rising in him, a surge of panic and anxiety. Luke tries to push some of his hard earned calm onto Grogu, smiling under the hood when Grogu relaxes, gurgling happily and sinking into the sling to nestle against Luke’s chest instead. Luke rests his hand against Grogu’s little form, both to protect and comfort him, and Luke makes a beeline for Leia’s home. He’s a half hour early, having made good time in hyperspace, and he’s itching to get inside and see his sister. 

Leia's house is on one of the upper levels, closer to the Senate building, and Luke has to take two separate speeder lifts just to get to the top. Speeders whiz and race past him, going in every direction, and Luke wonders what it would be like to try and fly through the heart of the city: how many speeders he'd be able to avoid before finally wrecking. That thought process will only get him in trouble though, so Luke pushes it away and instead focuses on hopping out of the speeder, robes whipping back at the air that rushes from the pit of the city. Luke stops in front of Leia's building, taking a deep breath and battening down the waves of the force that swirl around him, arranging them into something neater, more easily managed. Only once he's gotten himself into something resembling the normal calm demeanor he's praised for does Luke knock on the door. 

The door swings open, revealing an older man with dark brown hair, who smirks at him. "Hey kid."

"Hi Han. Leia home?"

"Nah, off on some Senate errand. Told me not to let you run away though. That your kid?"

Han motions toward the bundle on Luke's chest as he steps away from the door, Luke ducking inside and brushing the hood off his head only once the door has shut. 

"My student, yes. Did Leia say how long she'd be?" He looks around while Han closes the door- the house is clean, immaculately so,  but if he knows his sister, which he does, she spends about as much time here as Luke spends on Tatooine. Which isn't much anymore, if he can help it. 

"Aww, don't want to hang out? I'm starting to think you don't love me anymore." Han's grin is easy and genuine and makes Luke roll his eyes.

"I just don't have much time before I have to leave. It's a tight turn around."

"Then you'd better speak fast." Luke jumps at the sound of Leia's voice, and he turns, watching as she slinks down the stairs, dressed in a cream suit that flatters her figure. Luke scowls when Han laughs at him, but Leia is sweeping him up into a tight hug that Luke stoops down to accept, pressing his cheek to hers but keeping his chest carefully angled away. Grogu squirms against his chest, curious, and Luke pulls back, letting the child poke his head out.

At first it's just his eyes and ears, staring curiously at Leia, who regards him with open wonder. Luke feels her reach out with the force the same instant Grogu does, and they release twin noises of surprise, Grogu kicking his legs to try and pull himself from the sling.

"Okay okay, no need to kick, here you little womp rat." Luke tugs Grogu free from the sling, depositing him in Leia's arms, who takes him with minimal hesitation. Her eyes are bright and friendly, and she pets a finger along the ridge of Grogu's ear. 

"How did you find him?"

"I didn't. Din did." Leia looks up, keeping Grogu nestled in her arms while she waves for Luke to follow. They head into the living room off the main hallway, Leia sinking onto the couch while Luke remains standing, too tired of sitting to bother settling down. "Grogu can tell you the story- he's much more descriptive."

"I heard that a mandalorian was tearing up the outer rim in search of something. I didn't realize it was him." Leia coos at Grogu, letting him tug on the end of her long braid while cooing back.

"But you know he's Mand'alor?"

"Through word of mouth, mostly, though his reaction confirmed it." Leia looks up at the thought of Din, regarding Luke with something akin to exasperation. "Why didn't you say anything about him?"

"He's a private person."

"I'm your sister."

"You know now don't you?" Leia purses her lips, displeased, but she can't argue against that point, even if she did want to know sooner. Leia opens her mouth to say something just as the clock chirps the new hour, Luke's eyes flying up to check. He holds a hand up, sly smile on his face. "I have an hour before I have to leave again. You get one question about him: how we got together, who he is, or what he's like."

"The last two are the same." Leia points out, frowning. 

"You have two options then." Luke replies, Leia's frown deepening.

"How you two got together?."

Luke's expression goes wistful, and he paces the length of the living while thinking of what he wants to say. 

"I saved him and the child from a squadron of dark troopers on an Imperial cruiser. It's how Din became Mand'alor, actually. He won the Darksaber in a fight against Moff Gideon."

"That isn't how you got together."

"I'm getting there." Luke shoots back, squinting unhappily at Leia until she holds up a hand in a placating gesture. "Din was… unprepared for Grogu to leave. They'd done all this work to save him, to rescue him and I came in and just- well I didn't steal him, Din gave full permission but… he was heartbroken. For a long time I felt echoes of it, and eventually I sent him coordinates to visit. Grogu missed his buir as much as Din must have missed his ad'ika."

"He taught you Mando'a?"

Luke laughs, shaking his head. "I just picked up the important words." Luke's expression sobers, and his hands disappear into the sleeves of his robes, worrying away at the shirt underneath. "I had visions of Din nightly- glimpses of him with friends or alone, but always heading in my direction. When Din finally did land on the planet I couldn't be sure if it was him or another vision."

Luke's voice peters off as he hesitates, but Leia is silent and Luke lets the words come to him faster and faster, flowing past his lips in a tidal wave. "He only stayed a day the first time- but when he came back and he- never left. For Grogu, I knew, at least at first, but denying attachments had never been my strong suit and- he's force sensitive Lee, not that he can use it really, but it drove me half mad with the way he could use it. I didn't- want him to leave after a while. The house seemed too empty and his cooking is much better anyway." 

Luke hears Leia laugh and he finds himself smiling along. "He was the one that kissed me first, actually."

"You've seen his face?"

"We're a clan." Luke replies, voice soft with awe. "But kissing is different- like what you saw over the holo. He doesn't have to remove it, and half the time he doesn't. It was a relief just to know how he felt that night, but he's- brilliant. He's smart and he's funny and he's such a good dad and he's handsome."

"With or without the helmet?"

"Yeah." Leia laughs at the dreamy look that clouds Luke's face, glancing over at the clock. He's already ten minutes past when he was supposed to leave. “I’m… very lucky to have him, and to have Grogu as well.”

“You’re happy.” Leia says, fondness written all over her. “What are you doing that you’re leaving Grogu here?”

“Meeting his family.” Luke breaks from his reverie finally, glancing at the clock before gasping with outrage. “Leia! You did that on purpose!”

“I didn’t do anything.” Leia denies, the spitting image of innocence, and Luke scowls. He jogs over, ducking down to bump his forehead against Grogu’s little head. A clawed hand pats his cheek and Luke leans back, catching his gaze and staring pointedly.

“Be good, Grogu. She isn’t just a normal person, she’s like me. Which means she can tell when you try to use the force to sneak snacks.”

Grogu gurgles in disappointment, obviously displeased, but Leia bounces him a little higher in her arms and he giggles. Luke presses a warm kiss to Leia’s cheek before jogging for the door, waving goodbye and slipping outside. He’s much too impatient to wait for a speeder to take him down a few levels, so Luke does what any person would do.

He jumps off the edge of the city, letting himself plummet faster and faster until he jerks to a stop, the force catching around him like a net. A speeder with a family inside screeches just above his head, and he carefully maneuvers his way back to the level needed, hoisting himself up over the edge and dusting his robes off. All around him people stare at him with wide, confused eyes, but Luke is already slipping from their view before anyone can ask him questions. Artoo whistles happily when Luke comes bounding up to the ship, ignoring the ladder in lieu of hopping lightly, kicking off of the wing and vaulting up into the cockpit. 

Luke shoves the helmet on, securing it under his chin as the cockpit seals around him and Luke gets comfortable. “Alright Artoo, we’ve got time to make up!”

Luke’s hands are barely on the yolk when the ship roars into movement, and Luke allows Artoo to guide them out of the city and into open space before he takes over. He doesn’t have to pilot, Artoo could easily handle it, but Luke hasn’t let Artoo truly fly him anywhere in years. Instead he lets him chart a path and then takes off, following with careful precision and overexaggerated loops just to make his stomach flip and roll with the g force. 

He’s on a crash course for Din, and nothing will be able to stop him.

                                                        -*-

There’s a charlie horse in Luke’s leg that he can’t shake out and he wants to rocket himself into space. He’s been in his cockpit for far too long for his liking, having gone straight there and back, and by the time he slams through the air into the open sky of where he now calls home his knee is jittering anxiously. Luke’s landing is a bit hot but Luke swings the back end of his ship in a wide arc before easing to the ground, touching down and powering down as soon as he’s able to. Luke tugs his helmet off, storing it before popping the hatch to the cockpit, shoving the hatch up and open. He drags in a deep breath of balmy air, eyes closed, before he steps up onto the edge of the cockpit, crouches, and leaps off.

The burn in his muscles is fresh and beautiful and Luke craves it more than anything as he flips and lands in the dirt, laughing to himself. Luke dips into lunge after lunge, moving through defensive stances that intentionally stretch his aching thighs and calves out. He’s so caught up in the rush of being able to move after being in the cockpit so long that he doesn’t notice Din standing in the doorway to the Razor Crest, arms crossed over his chest and whole body tense. When Luke does finally notice him he goes stock still, nearly in the splits, eyes wide.

“Din! How uh, how long have you been there?”

“Long enough to see the flip.” Luke grimaces, straightening up and rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“It was a long flight back.” Luke supplies in defense, Din only humming. He doesn’t move from his spot and neither does Luke at first. “I know I’m a little late, I got caught up talking to Leia and I didn’t notice-”

“I’m not mad.” Din interrupts, Luke’s shoulders sagging in relief, and he takes a few steps toward the ship, stopping at the bottom of the ramp. Din tilts his head down, watching him, and Luke feels something like apprehension or eagerness crawl up his spine. Din’s hard to get a read on at the best of times when he’s actively protecting himself, and Luke still hasn’t gotten used to having to try. Din finally breaks away from his spot by the door, walking down the ramp with heavy, purposeful steps. They’re nearly close enough for Luke to reach out and touch when Din does so first, holding his hand out in an offer. “Are you ready to go?”

“No time to waste, we’re already going to be fashionably late, huh?” Luke turns to Artoo, nodding his head toward the ship. Din doesn’t seem.. Thrilled, but he’s warmed marginally to Artoo, and doesn’t object when Artoo rockets up the ramp and disappears into the ship.

“No time like the present.” Din agrees, Luke taking the other man’s hand, skin sliding along worn leather. Luke allows Din to lead him up the ramp and into the belly of the ship, eyes adjusting to the lighting as the ramp lifts up behind them. 

Luke isn’t quite sure what he expected when he saw the outside of the Razor Crest, but a bounty hunters ship was about it. He can see a carbonite bay tucked near the back, but there aren’t any people encased, and Luke edges away from the contraption with barely concealed anxiety. He’d seen what happened to Han so many years ago and still felt the remnants of his own brush with that fate anytime the weather took a particularly cold turn. Din doesn’t seem to notice Luke’s apprehension about the bay, instead pulling him deeper into the ship itself. He allows Luke to look around the living space; Luke goes straight for the weapons locker, letting it swing open before nosing around. He hems and haws over the selection, and Luke can see Din go still when Luke lifts a particularly powerful rifle, hand smoothing up the barrel as he inspects it.

“You didn’t have this one before.”

“How do you know?”

“Your signature isn’t on it.” Luke replies, grin just slightly unsettling. It’s enough to remind Din that he does have powers, as Din calls them, and he shelves the gun again, giving it a lingering look. He’s going to have to ask Din to let him shoot a couple of them. Din closes the weapons locker while Luke goes to snoop in the sleeping bay, humming when he sees his bag tucked away in one of the cubbies built into the wall. At least Din remembered to grab it. Luke doesn’t pay much attention to the refresher, though it does intrigue him how spacious it seems to be- usually it’s just a  vac tube and maybe a sink, but Din’s is nicer, obviously meant more for comfort than straight efficiency. Once Luke has snooped enough, Din climbs the ladder up into the cockpit, Luke following close on his heels. “Can I fly?”

“Maybe on the way home.” Luke practically bounces out of his seat at the reply, and he tries to be patient and out of the way as Din settles himself in the captain’s chair. Luke watches as Din’s hands slip along the dashboard, flipping switches and pressing buttons in seemingly random orders. Luke has to admit he’s never really flown anything quite like the Crest, and not even the Falcon seemed to have quite so many buttons. Din’s movements are easy and precise, and Luke shouldn’t admit it but watching Din work makes the back of his neck flush. 

Din handles them all like he has a thousand times, and he flips two more switches before the engines whine to life, powering up and shaking Luke’s bones. They’re so much more powerful than the x-wing’s single engine, and Luke feels like he could be shaken out of his chair as Din takes hold of the yolks in front of him. Din doesn’t give him any warning before the ship lifts, easing into the sky. Luke sinks back into his seat, fingers gripping the edges, and watches, eyes on Din’s hands the entire time that they ascend. 

His hands shouldn’t look so lovely around the yolks, really it’s practical and necessary for Din to hold them the way he is, grip firm and tight around them, applying even pressure to guide the ship higher. What isn’t necessary is the way that Din’s thumbs swipe over the tops of them, Luke’s breath hitching in his throat at the sight as he tries miserably not to think about Din’s hands elsewhere. Luke sees Din’s helmet tilt infinitesimally toward him, as if he heard, and Luke has to fight against the urge to cross his legs to hide whatever reaction he may or may not be having. If he does that though Din will definitely know, so Luke leans back in his chair and thinks his purest Jedi thoughts. 

Jedi thoughts turn out to be useless when Din works them through the atmosphere: Luke is used to the drag and jittering of ripping through the layers between space and whatever planet he’s leaving, and he expects the bulk of the Crest to be less than elegant. But when the ship begins to shake Din eases the yolks back, tipping the nose and increasing the throttle in one smooth movement. They slip through like water seeping between a crack in the earth, smooth and uninterrupted, and Luke could kiss Din senseless at the pure artistry in his piloting skills. Luke might think himself an ace pilot, especially with his x-wing, but even he would have struggled with such a smooth exit. 

“You’re good with the yolks.” Luke blurts it out without thinking, slapping a hand over his mouth when he realizes what he’s done. Din’s laugh is honey thick, simmering with heat, and Luke tries very hard to sink back into the seat and disappear. Din doesn’t say anything until they’ve slipped into hyperspace, and it’s only to turn to Luke with a simple command.

“Go shower.”

“Do I stink?” Luke lifts his robe up, but he can’t smell anything other than smog and the lingering scent of Leia’s perfume. 

“No, but I can tell you want to.” Luke pauses, frowning, but he had been lamenting that Din’s ship didn’t seem to have one. “Take your time.”

“You’re sure you don’t want me to wait?” Din shakes his head once and Luke rises from his chair, lingering a moment to watch Din fiddle with the autopilot before slipping back down to the living quarters. As much as he wants to wait or ask Din to join him he does feel gross, and he leaves his clothes in a pile on the cot before slipping into the ‘fresher and letting the door close behind him. It takes him an obtuse moment to figure out that the showerhead is tucked back into the wall when not in use, and another moment of cold shock before he gets the water to heat. 

The hot water is a delight that Luke has sorely missed, and he allows himself to stand under the spray, pounding against his back with surprising pressure. He’s slow to wash himself up, to hurry the process along, but Luke knows there’s limited water and he doesn’t want to use it all lest Din wants a shower later. Alone in the steam of the shower Luke allows his thoughts to drift: Din’s fingers wrapped tight around the yolks, guiding them up and away, Din’s hand on his waist, holding him close in the moments they steal when they can. It’s almost embarrassing to say that he wants Din this way so often- he’s perfectly content to do nothing more than kissing, and it’s honestly never been something Luke thought about in regards to other people.

But there’s something about Din that lights his skin on fire when he sees something he particularly likes, or thinks about the things he wants to ask for but never will. 

Luke turns the shower off, watching the water circle the drain as he uses a small towel to scrub himself dry and wring out his hair. He's still in the 'fresher when he hears Din call for him, and Luke grabs his robe, slipping it on and cinching it at the waist before climbing the ladder. His skin prickles with cold and he probably should have gotten dressed first, but Din never calls for him unless he needs something and Luke is eager to see what he can help with.

"Din?" Luke pokes his head into the cockpit, padding inside on bare feet when Din doesn't answer. Din turns his head once Luke gets close enough, and Luke sees the predatory tilt of Din's head when his eyes sweep over Luke's form. "You needed something?"

"Mm." That… doesn't answer anything really, and Luke raises a brow when Din reaches out, resting his hand on Luke's hip and smoothing his thumb over the line of bone there. Luke tries not to let the touch get to him, but Din's fingers press in gently and he finds himself being tugged forward. He skids a hand against Din's vambrace, trying to brace himself, but Din hauls him forward regardless and Luke finds he very much likes the attention. Din turns the chair so that he's facing Luke, and with another insistent tug Luke finds himself settling into Din's lap, thighs snug around Din's and knees digging into Din's hips. 

"Oh." Luke utters, tongue tied as Din's hands move to brace Luke's waist as the chair swivels back to face the front. Luke can tell from the viewport they're very firmly in hyperspace, but the back of Luke's neck tickles with awareness that in other circumstances someone could see him, perched in Din's lap in only a robe. A robe that Din is toying with, tracing the edges up to where it's draped shut, barely covering him. Luke feels like his skin has caught fire, and he shifts in Din's lap just slightly. 

Din's thigh plates are gone. 

Heat sears down Luke's spine at the heady implication and he tips forward, pressing his forehead to Din's helmet and letting his breath fog the visor. "Din."

"Do you remember what you said," Din begins, voice low and smooth. "The night you found out I could feel you using the force?"

"Which part?" There were a lot of things Luke said, both during and after and in between, but Din's hands slip beneath the robe to trail over his thighs and Luke realizes Din doesn't have gloves on. Din doesn't say anything for a moment, instead smoothing both hands up and down Luke's thighs, pushing the robe away and letting it fall back around Luke's hips. It bares Luke to the cockpit and most embarrassingly to Din, who watches the way that Luke's cock twitches with interest at each touch. "Din." Luke entreats, puffing out a sharp breath when Din's thumbs dig into the junction of hip and thigh, drawing out that wonderful wobbly feeling that makes Luke's stomach clench and thighs jerk underhand. 

"The part about having fun, if I'd asked sooner."

"What am I supposed to be asking for?" Luke is breathless now, eyes wide, and Din uses his hold on Luke to tug him forward, slotting their hips together and letting Luke's weight rest fully against him. Luke's brain shorts out at what he feels because there's no way that shape was there before and Luke never mentioned anything and-

"Oh." Luke says again, voice weak and needy, and Din huffs out a laugh that makes Luke's toes curl. "Din I-"

"Our connection goes both ways." Din whispers, hands wandering as Luke shivers in his lap when the tie to his robe is tugged open, allowing the robe to fall loose around him. "You're most open in your sleep, when you dream about things you think you shouldn't have."

"I shouldn't ask for." Luke corrects softly, teeth catching at his lower lip when Din rolls his hips up. The press of whatever Din has hidden away against Luke's own rapidly growing interest is sublime and Luke barely keeps himself from grinding down. Only the careful way Din watches him keeps him from doing anything too desperate just yet.

"You should ask for it, Luke. I want it too." Luke's heart hammers in his chest at the words, and Din never ceases to amaze him in the steadfast acceptance he shows. The attention that the armored man showers on him, whether they're alone or not. 

"You want to do it… here?"

"You look good against the stars. You belong here, in my lap." Luke can feel his cheeks flush at the compliment but the only thing he can really focus on is the pitiful moan that he lets out at the phrasing. "We can wait until we land, if that makes you more comfortable." 

"Din, I am not leaving your lap."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Luke laughs softly, but Din's hand wraps around him in a gentle, teasing touch and Luke gasps, hips bucking up into Din's fist. "How long were you planning this?"

"A while." Din admits, thumbing at the underside of the head in a way that makes Luke's brain go fuzzy. Luke isn't sure what to do with his hands so he just rests them against Din's chest plate, closing his eyes as Din's hand squeezes lightly around him to draw out a soft whine. He's fully hard now, soft and warm and pliant in Din's lap, and Luke groans when Din pulls his hand back. 

"Wanted to ask you for a while, but I was never- ah- brave enough." Luke can't help the noise that interrupts him when Din grabs his ass, spreading him teasingly as his other hand messes with something behind them Luke can't see. Din hums, goading Luke on, and Luke tries his best to focus. It becomes increasingly hard to do so when a single slick finger rubs absently at his rim, circling the sensitive muscle without dipping in quite yet. Every time Luke goes to speak again Din shifts his fingers, and Luke shudders when Din finally slides a finger in, letting Luke adjust slowly. He finds his voice once the initial teasing is out of the way, eyes shut to help him focus. "I know after some of the stuff we've done it should be easy but ah- mm, you're very good at that-"

Din moves his finger in slow, languid strokes, content to let Luke speak even as a second joins the first. Luke is more than ready for it and he takes it easily, grinding back onto Din's fingers as his head tips back. Din lets Luke fuck himself on his fingers, watching with unabashed interest at the way Luke's thighs flex with each movement. Luke can sense Din's attention more than he can see it, even when he does open his eyes, and he catches a flash of his own eyes in Din's visor, electric blue in the light of hyperspace. "Have you done this while I was away? Touched yourself this way?"

"Yes." Luke isn't afraid to admit it, not now with Din crooking his fingers and bumping against his prostate every other pass. Luke's fingers curl around the edge of Din's armor, holding on for dear life when Din finally gets the angle right and presses up firmly and rubs, Luke's hips shoving back as he keens. "Fuck, Din- it wasn't- good like this."

"No? All that power, and you never once used it on yourself?" Luke shakes his head, whimpering when Din nudges a third finger against him. Luke whispers his agreement, tugging on Din's armor, and he moans when Din's fingers stretch him wide. "You could have. Could have opened yourself up for me, waited patiently till I got home."

"Mhm- Din, please if you keep going I'll-" Heat races through him and even in the cool interior of the Crest Luke feels feverish with want. Din's ministrations don't slow at all, even when Luke's hand drifts to twist in the fabric of Din's cloak at the junction of his neck and shoulder, and Luke is one second away from bursting, whining pathetically and hips grinding back. "Din- Din don't tease, wanna come with you in me-"

"You will." Din promises, and his fingers ease back just enough for Luke to focus on Din's voice. "Can you hang on?"

Luke whimpers, achingly close, but he nods after a second. He can do this much at least, and Din's fingers slowly resume their slow rhythm, though Din pointedly avoids Luke's prostate in favor of spreading his fingers a bit to stretch Luke wider. He groans at the feeling, right hand gripping Din's cloak in a death grip just to have something to hold on to. Din is maddeningly good at this and Luke feels stupid for not having asked sooner, breath catching in his throat when Din finally pulls his fingers out, circling Luke's rim in a final teasing touch before his hand disappears. 

Luke hears the soft pop of a cap and his mind goes blank, hands shooting down to fumble at Din's pants. Din hums a low approving noise that cuts short when Luke finally works the toy free. Luke has no clue how long he's been wearing it or how long Din has sat here with it pressing into his hip. The sight of it though stops Luke short, and he can't help the laugh that bubbles from him: it's green. Obnoxiously so, but when Luke glances up, raising a brow Din shrugs defensively.

"It reminded me of you." 

"Thank you." Luke's voice is sincere, and he can imagine more so than see Din roll his eyes. 

"Don't be a brat."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Mand'alor." Luke laughs again when Din's hand swats at his ass, probably harder than he means, but Luke finds he doesn't mind it terribly, especially when Din's fingers soothes over the red mark it must have left. Luke shuffles himself a bit closer, lifting his hips as Din slicks the length of the toy, watching him. 

"Come here." Luke tries not to seem so eager when he moves closer, though he knows he fails miserably when Din hums quietly. Din's hands settle on Luke's hips, holding him steady, and Luke stops, kneeling above Din's lap and waiting. He doesn't know what he's waiting for until Din nods, tilting his head as Luke reaches to steady the base of the toy. The first initial press makes his hips still, overwhelmed, but Din's thumbs sweep over his hip bones as Luke pants, slowly fitting more and more until he's pressed to Din's lap, trembling. "Okay?"

Luke nods his head frantically, gasping when Din's hips shift: the toy carves deliciously into him, and it's been too long since he had this, since he let someone get close enough to do anything like this. Luke should be embarrassed at the way he moans, but Din pulls back before snapping his hips back up and Luke's vision whites out. He hears Din's own shaky noise in response and that spurs Luke into action, lifting his hips of his own accord and letting Din drag him back down. 

"Din-" Luke doesn't know what to say, brain fried by the way that Din thrusts up into him, but he tips himself back, letting the cold metal of the dashboard dig into the small of his back. He doesn't have the strength to stay sitting up fully, thighs trembling and jerking each time that Din rolls his hips, but the angle is better, tighter and Luke cries out at the first hard slide against his prostate. He braces an elbow back against the panel, robe pooling at his elbows as the other hand shoots out, grabbing blindly for something to hold on to. He feels a button depress under his fingers and Luke swears, but Din doesn't break his stride, hips thrusting up smoothly as he leans over, flipping another switch to fix whatever Luke's wandering hand had done. 

The image of Din piloting while Luke is helpless in his lap makes fire roar through him, and Luke is shamelessly close, chest heaving with his breaths. The edge of the console digs uncomfortably into his back but he arches up and away from it anyway when Din grabs at his hip again and pulls him a bit closer. 

"Careful." Din soothes, a hand sliding down Luke's thigh while the other braces against his side. "You don't want to knock us out of hyperspace."

"That'd be- bad." Luke agrees, though he can't find it in himself to care too terribly much when Din is very warm and very talented with the movements of his hips. Luke glances at Din, wanting desperately to see him, but the muddy image in his beskar makes Luke pause: he stares at the way his skin has gone blotchy, chest and neck red and cock curving up against his hip, and when he spares a glance up his eyes widen. He looks- wrecked, for lack of a better word, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and half lidded, and Luke can't help the way he moans at the thought of Din seeing him this way, fucked out and desperate. Luke suddenly can't take it anymore, doesn't want the barrier, and the force sweeps along Din harder than necessary as Luke pops the lock on his helmet, whimpering. "Off, please, please I wanna-"

"Take it off, Luke." Luke surges forward, pushing off the dash and narrowly avoiding jostling a yolk on the way as he reaches for Din's helmet. It slides up and off without any resistance and Luke doesn't care where it lands as he tosses it toward the direction of the co-pilot's chair. Normally Din would scold him for the mishandling of his beskar but the other man only moans, brown eyes dark and half wild with lust as Luke surges to kiss him. 

He cups Din's neck with one hand, the other burying in his hair and tugging as Din fucks up into him, hips stuttering when Luke laps into his mouth, tasting the noises he lets out. Luke can feel his own release boiling just under his skin and he drags the force along the length of Din's back, delighting in the shudder and gasp that earns him. Luke doesn't miss the small brush of an electronic, so quiet compared to the rest of the ship that Luke's curiosity is peaked. Luke reaches out, turning the little device on and pulling back when Din's hips jerk hard up into him, losing their rhythm completely. Luke watches the way that Din's eyelids flutter, and Luke grins, using a bit of help from the force to ratchet the power in the device up a notch. Din whines his name, breathless, and Luke grinds his hips down, panting and edged in sweat. 

"Don't wanna come alone."

"Fuck- you could have warned me."

"Didn't know it was there." Luke shrugs, as if it were Din’s fault for not telling him, and Luke gasps when Din finds his rhythm again, hard and fast. Luke doesn’t bother trying to talk anymore because each thrust punches weak, needy moans from his lips and he’s so close his thighs are starting to go numb. Luke knows that he could come just like this, fucked open and mind hazy with bliss, but he bumps his forehead against Din’s, leaning heavily against him as his hips cant up, changing the angle and keening when Din hits his prostate head on. 

Luke is dizzyingly, staggeringly close and he doesn’t know how much longer he’s going to be able to hold on. Din’s hands are bruising on his hips, dragging him down with each sharp thrust and Luke is helplessly in love with the way that Din’s eyebrows scrunch, thighs twitching under Luke’s as sweet moans drift from his lips when Luke quiets long enough to hear them. Luke lets his normal, tight control on the force loosen now, letting all that he feels rush around him, filling the cockpit with battering waves of energy. He feels Din quake underneath him at the feeling and Luke dips to kiss Din’s neck, trailing his lips up in a slow arc until his cheek presses to Din’s, Luke moaning softly into Din’s ear and smiling when Din grips his hips harder.

Luke can feel a wave building higher and higher in Din, raging and powerful and Luke wants to drown. He wants so badly that he doesn’t think he could stop the way Din’s own emotions batter him, and their pleasure twines together so closely that Luke doesn’t know how he’s going to untangle them again. 

Luke isn’t sure who comes first- him or Din. 

All he knows is that Din is entirely too good to him, a hand snaking between them to take him in hand and stroke him in time with the movement of their hips. Luke shakes apart in Din’s lap, pressing his face into Din’s hair and riding out the shocks that skitter along his nerves, lighting him up from within as Din ruts his hips up, whining low in his throat until Luke gets the memo and turns the vibe off with a twitch of his fingers. Din sags in relief underneath him, chest rising and falling with his ragged breaths, and Luke can feel the mess he’s made of Din’s beskar smearing against his stomach. Luke sits heavy in Din’s lap, unwilling to move away quite yet as he regains feeling in his legs while Din’s hand wanders from his hip, petting across the small of his back and tracing the bumps of his spine up and down in a soothing motion. 

Luke is groggy, half heartedly tugging at the strings of the force around him to arrange them into something more easily worked when Din turns his head, kissing his jaw and smiling against his skin. 

“What?” Luke questions, tilting his head to the side to allow Din to leave warm, open mouthed kisses along his neck just for the sake of touching him. 

“Nothing.” Din’s voice is far too light, too casual, and Luke brings his hand up, snapping his fingers as the vibe thrums to life. Din jerks, swearing, and Luke snaps his fingers again, groaning when Din bites his neck in retaliation. “You’re being a brat.”

“You didn’t say how long I had to be good.” Luke says, lips curling in a self satisfied smile when Din snorts against his neck, resuming his ministrations. 

It’s a minute before Din stops long enough to talk, and by then Luke is able to lift himself up and off the toy, settling in Din’s lap again. “I’m just- happy.”

“Mm, no need to hide that.” Luke sits back on his haunches, ignoring the way his thighs protest the movement as he looks Din over, smoothing his hair away from his forehead. Luke traces his fingertips across Din’s forehead, over his temple before cupping Din’s cheek and sweeping his thumb over Din’s lips. “I am too.”

Luke watches the way that Din’s eyes sparkle, lips quirking into a small, pleased smile that Luke knows he doesn’t know how to hide. Luke finds himself smiling too, just to see Din’s grow at the sight, and Luke tips forward to place a soft kiss on his lips, the curve of Din’s smile soft underneath his lips. Din’s hand stills against the small of his back, pressing him a bit closer as Din tilts his head, slotting their lips together easier and sighing softly. Luke keeps his eyes open for a moment more just to see the soft, relaxed way that Din’s eyes slip shut, the way his head tilts just so to kiss him easier. Luke closes his eyes, letting his other senses take over as his skin pricks underneath Din’s palm, hypersensitive to each touch. Kissing Din is a luxury that Luke gladly takes as much of as he can, and he only pulls back when his skin begins to stick to Din’s beskar.

“As much as I could sit here forever, I think I could use another shower.” Din hums noncommittally, but Luke swings from his lap in one graceful movement that ends in his knees buckling, hand shooting out wildly to grab the edge of the dashboard as he laughs. “Ah, maybe I’ll just wait here.” 

“Something wrong?” Din questions, head tilting as he turns in his chair, watching the way that Luke leans against the console. The bright eyed glare he levels over his shoulder is scathing and Luke scoffs in annoyance when Din’s smug smile only grows. 

“No, not at all, just waiting for you.”

“I’ll follow behind.” Luke locks eyes with him, blue against brown, and it’s ultimately Luke who wins, Din unused to prolonged eye contact and Luke too stubborn to look away. Luke shoves away from the console, heading for the door and down the ladder into the sleeping bay before his legs can decide to give out on him again. He makes it down the ladder with only minor struggle, and Din is right behind him, nearly at the bottom when Luke snaps his fingers.

Luke watches Din’s back go rigid as his knees go weak, and he watches in smug satisfaction as Din’s knees hit the floor at the bottom of the ladder, bare hands tight around the rungs bolted into the wall. “Something wrong?” Luke parrots, leaning back against the doorframe for the refresher as Din hauls himself up using the strength of his arms. Din’s eyes are lava hot, black in the fluorescents of the ship, but Luke raises a brow as Din stands there, shaking. 

“Turn it off.” Din’s voice is rough in his throat, but Luke catches the pleading, desperate edge to it because he crooks his finger in a come hither motion. Din doesn’t move for a moment and Luke thinks that he’s misjudged, but then Din shoves away from the ladder and storms over to him, beskar digging in uncomfortably as Din presses him bodily back against the wall. “Turn it off, Luke.”

“In a minute.” 

“Luke-” Din’s voice finally cracks and Luke makes that same crooking motion with his finger, gripping Din’s bicep to keep him from collapsing as the vibrations grow in intensity. Luke drinks in the way that Din’s eyes go distant, lips parting as a soft moan falls from his mouth as his brow furrows. He hangs his head, hands gripping uselessly at Luke’s robe as his hips jerk. It doesn’t take long, not with the way that Luke keeps ratcheting up the intensity before Din is shaking in Luke’s arms, moaning desperately and only just keeping himself standing as an orgasm washes over him. Luke presses a kiss into his hair as he dims the intensity slowly until finally turning the vibe off, letting Din stand in his arms, shaking against him and forehead pressed to Luke’s collar bone. “You’re awful.” Din says eventually, though there’s no venom in his voice. 

“I’ve been told that once or twice.” Luke agrees, hands skimming over Din’s armor to release the clasps and slip the pieces off one by one. By the time he’s got Din in his clothes Din seems more inclined to help, and he wiggles out of his shirt and pants, shucking the underwear with the toy off. “Shower?”

“Sleep.” Din argues, voice groggy. Luke waves for Din to go crawl into bed and Din doesn't argue, collapsing onto the cot without bothering to get into pajamas. Luke takes another quick shower, ass and thighs sticky from the lube, and then spends a bit washing the front of Din's chest plate so that Din won't forget in the morning. Only once he's gotten everything set does he duck into the sleeping bay, crawling over Din and using a sweep of his hand to close the bay off from anyone's sight. He won't sleep, not with them in hyperspace, but Din grabs for him greedily in his sleep, tucking his head under Luke's chin and causing the other man to smile and wrap an arm around him. Din's greatest strength seems to lie in passing out immediately after sex, and Luke wishes sometimes he could follow, but his brain won't shut down.

All he can think about is the way Din's hands had held him so tight, the way it had felt to be fucked in the captain's chair on display for Din and Din only. Luke has never been one to run toward being known, but Din looking at him, brown eyes soft and molten with lust made Luke want to bear himself in the hopes that Din would never look away. Din somehow manages to surprise him in some way each and every day, and Luke looks forward to the unknown more and more each day. Despite his own reservations about sleeping during hyperspace he will meditate, and he allows his mind to empty, thoughts scattering.

                                                       -*-

Din wakes up only a short time after Luke has drifted off. 

At first he forgets where they are, but the cot in the ship is small and slightly lumpy and Luke is smashed against his side. Din doesn’t care too terribly much that every inch of them is touching in some way, reveling in the easy contact and the way Luke’s arm remains a constant heavy weight over his ribs. Luke’s hair tickles at his nose and he brings a hand up to push it away from his face, freezing when Luke shifts and mumbles something under his breath. 

“Luke?” Din doesn’t want to wake him, but he doesn’t feel like he’s sleeping and when Luke shifts, humming quietly Din knows it was the right call. “We’ll drop out of hyperspace soon.”

“How soon?” Luke’s voice is groggy, half asleep, and Din almost chokes on the affection that swells up inside him. 

“Have to go up to see. You’re trapping me.”

“Mm.” Luke makes a noise of agreement but doesn’t move his arm, instead hugging Din a bit tighter and sighing happily. Din allows the cuddles for a minute more before shoving at Luke’s hip lightly, recoiling when Luke’s lips part in a pained gasp as Luke rolls onto his back, drawing away. Din sits up so fast that dizziness slams into his skull as he drifts careful hands over Luke’s stomach and sides, Luke protesting. “Din, I’m fine, stop fussing-”

“That,” Din says quietly, voice trembling, “Was not an okay sound.” 

Din watches as Luke sits himself up, narrowly avoiding knocking their heads together as he tosses the blanket back to show Din that he’s fine. But- he’s not. Bruises bloom over his hips in splotchy lines and curves, and Din’s hands clench into fists. He should feel shame: he knows it in the back of his mind, that hurting Luke this way, leaving these kinds of marks is unacceptable, but Din reaches forward, sliding his hand over them lightly and lining his fingers up to each purple bruise. His hand settles comfortably on Luke’s hip and Din can feel his cheeks burning.

“I told you I was fine.” Luke insists, though his voice has gone soft and breathy as Din pulls back to sweep his fingers over the marks. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t.” Din looks up, frowning, and Luke smiles, sheepish. “Okay, so they’re sore, but I like them.”

Din comes up short at that: he doesn’t really see a reason to be upset if Luke likes them, and Din has to admit they do look rather fetching against the pale ivory of Luke’s skin. Din smoothes a hand over them again, pressing lightly and watching the way that Luke’s hips twitch, a rueful smile spreading across his face.

“Don’t start things you can't finish.” 

Din hums, thoughtful, and dips to kiss the Jedi, a thrill going down his spine when Luke presses up against him. Luke’s hand comes up to cup the back of his neck but Din pulls back, kissing the tip of his nose and slipping out of bed. Luke groans loudly, annoyed, but Din only chuckles, moving to find his clothes and pull them on. He’s expecting to have to clean off his beskar but he’s pleasantly surprised when it shines dully in the light, clean of the mess they made a few hours ago. Once he’s armored again he hauls himself up the ladder, ducking into the cockpit and scooping his helmet up off the floor.

The display in front of him glows softly and when Din looks he’s surprised to find that they’re only minutes from dropping out of hyperspace. He slept longer than he expected. “Drop in five.” He calls, listening as Luke bangs around in the sleeping area below. Din isn’t worried about him going flying, Luke can handle himself, but he doesn’t want to cause anymore bruises if he can help it. He takes hold of the yolks when the computer beeps, guiding them through and down out of hyperspace as smoothly as he can, letting his body sag back against the chair as the ship slows around him. The drag of leaving hyperspace always disorients him for a minute, but he’s long trained himself to push through the dizziness to guide himself down toward the planet in question. 

Nevarro’s atmosphere blooms hot around the nose of his ship as he plummets through, sweeping down through the clouds and dipping low over the dark sand and familiar rivers of lava that warm the flats. Din expects Luke to join him up in the cockpit, but he’s still fumbling around down below and Din isn’t going to call him up if he’s busy. It gives him time to worry privately about their meeting- Luke isn’t meeting his convert, not since they scattered to the wind: He’s meeting arguably the most important people in his life- all the ones who helped guide him toward the path he’s on now and kept him on it even when he was teetering on the edge, ready to fall off. It takes a minute to find a spot in the port clear enough for him to land, and he lowers them carefully, touching down with little more than a bump before switching off the control panel and snatching the steering chip out of it.

Din drops down the ladder easily, knees dipping to absorb the shock as he peers around. He finally catches sight of the door to the cargo bay open and heads that way, padding down the ramp and glancing around. He spots Luke’s blonde head of hair a few paces away, peering curiously up at the twin suns that light the sky. Din stops short at the bottom of the ramp, heart stuttering in his chest at the sight of him. The cloak around Luke’s shoulders is white- soft and plush looking and far too warm for the climate of Nevarro. When Luke turns, smiling, Din loses his breath at the sight of him, blue eyes bright against the stark snow white contrast of his clothes. They’re simple, pants and a form fitted long sleeve and boots, but the way the cloak hangs across his front like a cowl before draping over one shoulder flatters the slim angle of his shoulders and hips. 

“What are you wearing?” Din feels stupid instantly at the question, but the lightest color he’s ever worn is tan, and Din’s eyes flick down to the dark sooty dirt that’s bound to stain the bottom of the cloak. 

“Thought I should look nice.” Luke answers, shrugging his shoulders and smiling, just a shy quirk of his lips. His cheeks are pink and the white makes his skin look tanner, warm and flushed and Din can’t seem to formulate an intelligent reply. “Din?”

“Hm?”

Luke’s grin is pleased, affectionate as he beckons Din forward. The ramp rises behind him when Din finally steps off and walks forward, taking Luke’s outstretched hand. Luke’s right hand is clad in a white glove to match and Din worries his old leather is going to ruin it, but Luke doesn’t seem to care, smiling the way he is. “You have to lead. I don’t know where we’re going.”

“Oh. Right.” Din shakes his head to clear it, leading them away from the Crest and through the arch that guards the entrance to the town proper. Din moves through the crowd the way he has a thousand times, dragging a wide-eyed Luke along behind him. Din knows the town is safer than ever, but Luke’s child-like wonder is a neon sign for them to get robbed and Din ushers him along through the streets, ducking into an alley and heading for an unmarked door. He knocks twice and kicks the bottom once, Luke raising a brow and snickering when the door slips open. Din ducks inside, mindful of the low threshold, and Luke follows behind, glancing around the room. 

It’s mostly empty with a kitchenette tucked in one corner with a huge table dominating most of the space. There are a couple of couches that are devoid of people, and Din feels himself relax a bit. 

“You’re late!” A feminine voice calls, Din turning toward the sound and snorting when Cara comes striding up. She hasn’t changed out of her armor, and Din can see the gold of her badge heavy on her hip. Cara stops at the sight of Luke, whistling and raising a brow. “Dressed to impress, Jedi?”

“Always.” Luke says, grinning. “Marshal now, eh?” 

Cara’s hand strays to the badge, tracing over it, and Din can feel the pride radiating from her. “Was about time I went straight.”

Luke’s brows go up at the phrasing and that draws a laugh out of Cara, Din glancing between the two of them. For all Cara’s talk of Luke being New Republic she doesn’t seem very worried, at least not now with the badge on her hip. “It suits you. Bossing people around.” 

Cara rolls her eyes and reaches out to swat Luke’s shoulder, the man in question reaching up to brush at his cloak as if she’d gotten dirt on it. A new voice chimes in, quiet and brash, and Din’s hand nearly goes for his pistol on instinct before he recognizes it.  

“Stop hogging the Jedi, Cara. Some of us actually want to meet him.” Din inclines his head toward the asian woman, said woman nodding back before holding her hand out. Luke shakes it, barely reacting when Din knows she’s squeezing as hard as she can. She’s holding the wrong hand to intimidate with, because Luke squeezes back, mechanical hand whirring softly in Din’s receiver as the woman’s lips twitch. “Fennec Shand. Din’s told us a lot about you.”

“Terrible, gritty things I hope.” Fennec pauses, blinking for a moment before a small smile colors her face. “Luke Skywalker. Din has been willfully vague about most of you.”

Fennec nods, tilting her head, and her grin is sharklike when she glances at Din. “For good reason. Speaking of good reasons… Cara, care to join me in hunting down enough cups for all of us?”

“You brought Spotchka?” 

“It’s a party, isn’t it?” Cara and Fennec link arms as they head to raid the cupboards of the kitchenette and Luke turns to Din, nodding his head toward them. There’s a question in him that Din finds entirely predictable and Din nods. 

“Since you saved us on the cruiser.”

“Interesting. They’re a good match.” Luke glances back over at the two women who bow their heads together, whispering and occasionally glancing back at them before snickering and looking away again. “So, I know this can’t be it, or you wouldn’t be so nervous.”

“We’re waiting on two others.”

“And are they the ones I need to impress?”

“You don’t have to impress anyone.” Luke hums, unconvinced, and Din grimaces in his helmet. Okay, so the only person he’s actually worried about is Boba- the man doesn’t know when to shut his mouth and has an ego a parsec long and Luke is so willfully neutral that Din doesn’t know what will happen. “They’re just- rougher.”

“Is it because I’m from Tatooine?” A new voice, laced with a drawl and smooth as molasses chimes in, and Din makes sure not to let himself rock forward when a hand claps across his back. “Good to see you again Mando. Who’s this?”

“Luke. My partner.” Din can feel his cheeks flush at the phrasing, astounded at calling him that, and he looks the silver haired man over, tilting his head. “You knew he was coming.”

“Didn’t know he was from Tatooine.” the taller man grins easily, looking over toward Luke with an appraising look in his eyes.

“You know I’m from Tatooine?” Luke chimes in, voice amused and curious all in one. "Though, I suppose most people do."

"Nah, you walk like you belong on sand." 

"Excuse me?" Din watches Luke's brows go up in surprise, and he thinks that Luke might be offended until he laughs, stunned and cheerful and reaches to shake hands. "I haven't heard someone tell me that in years. Your name?"

"Cobb. Cobb Vanth."

"Mm, the Marshal of Nothing." Cobb smirks at that, nodding his head and trying not to seem so pleased. "You fly here on your own?"

"Nah, I leave the piloting to the experts. Hitched a ride on the Slave I."

"Yeesh, quite a name." Din freezes when he hears the soft, near silent steps of another hunter, and he watches as Boba Fett slips his helmet off, faint amusement in his eyes.

"It was my fathers." Luke turns toward the new voice, smile on his face, and Din watches in shock as Luke's face cycles through a plethora of emotions. Curiosity, anticipation, confusion, wild sweeping rage, cool acceptance, all before settling on careful, painted on indifference. A mask Din knows his Jedi training has supplied him with. Din glances at Boba, who's primed and ready for the normal comments he gets about his father or lack thereof, but Luke doesn't go for the low blow. Din stares in open confusion as Luke holds his hand out, shaking Boba's and tilting his head. The movement is predatory and dangerous and Din shouldn't find it attractive, but the brittle, sharp smile Luke plasters on only makes it worse. 

"Fett. The scars are new."

"Skywalker." Din watches Boba's grip tighten for a moment before he lets go, lips twitching. "The hand is new."

Boba says it easily, sympathetically, but Din catches the razor edge and he knows Luke does too. Luke only flashes that same sharp smile as before, shrugging his shoulders and dropping his hand. "No one gets through a war without a few scars. Is that sarlacc still kicking?"

"Is your father?" Din's vision goes blurry with the blinding, all encompassing fury that billows from Luke in enough of a wave to make his cloak rustle, and when Din sneaks a look around the room everyone is wide eyed and fearful, even normally rock solid Fennec. The emotion is there and gone faster than Din can blink, and Luke sniffs haughtily, looking Boba up and down once. 

"No. Much like the emperor and the death stars, he's been gone for years." Ah. The threat stitched so finely in Luke's casual words lance right through Din and he's suddenly very hot underneath all the armor and slightly ashamed at that fact. Din looks between the two, everyone up on pins and needles, but then Boba laughs, skirting around Luke and moving to stake a claim at the table, helmet placed in front of him like a shield. No one is sure what they should do, but then Luke moves, going and sweeping into the chair directly across from Boba as Din follows suit. He sits to Luke's right, Cobb on his left and the ladies on either side of Boba. It feels like a protection deal, a meeting between two rivals, and Din was not expecting the night to go this way. 

"So I'm going to assume y'all know each other. But I don't, so Luke," Cobb turns hazel eyes on him and Din watches the way Luke softens, lips quirking as he nods for Cobb to go on. "What'd you do on Tatooine?"

"Besides pod racing and shooting?" Cobb nods, smirking, and Luke leans back in his chair, fingers steepled in front of him. "My aunt and uncle who raised me were moisture farmers."

"Tough job. They raise you your whole life?"

"Just about. I was nineteen when I left home with my first Jedi Master, Ben. I met Han and Leia shortly after, and then joined the Rebellion."

"And wreaked havoc." Cara pipes in, Luke smiling sheepishly and shrugging his shoulders.

"I'd never left Tatooine before. Could hardly blame me if I was a little reckless in my ah, pursuits." Care snorts, pouring a glass of Spotchka for everyone and sliding the cups toward them. Din catches his, but he isn't going to drink it and they all know it. Instead he rolls the glass between his hands, watching as Luke downs his and then trades their glasses, letting Din fiddle with the now empty glass while he throws back Din's drink. No one blinks at the silent arrangement, though Boba watches, head tipped to one side. 

"Was one of your pursuits to plunge the galaxy into chaos?"

"Only partially." Luke replies coolly, carefully letting go of the glass with his right hand to drop his hand onto Din's thigh plate instead. The metal won't shatter like the glass will, and Din doesn't say a word when Luke's hand trembles on his thigh. "What were your pursuits, Boba Fett? Working for Jabba and the Empire?"

"Money talks." Boba's voice is careful, threaded with warning, but Luke smiles charmingly, blue eyes glittering, and Din listens as everyone takes a collective breath and holds it. 

"And I'm sure it's speaking to you now. Tell me, does Jabba's throne seem a bit big for you? It seemed rather uncomfortable last time I was there." Din watches in amazement as Boba's expression shutters, eyes narrowed, and he can't help the laugh that bubbles out of him. It's such a startling sound that the rest of the group join in after a moment, and Din shakes his head. 

"Like a couple of rabid jawas." Cobb murmurs, hiding his grin behind his glass and holding it out for a refill when Cara swishes the bottle invitingly. Luke does the same but allows Din to hold on to his empty glass, this time sipping slowly at the fluorescent blue liquid. 

Fennec sits back in her chair, eyes carefully neutral but a smirk on her face. "No wonder you fell for him, Mando. He doesn't pull punches."

"Mm." Din doesn't say much, but the thought pleases him greatly and he glances over at Luke. He finds the man watching him back, eyes soft and none of his rage present in the pale blue of his eyes. Din looks away before he gets lost and loses his train of thought, and he glances around the room. "Any questions for them, Luke?"

Luke perks up at the chance to ask now, nodding. "Plenty. Fennec, you work for Boba?" 

"I do." She agrees, shifting in her chair and eyes carefully guarded. "He saved my life."

"Noble. What did you do before?"

"Odd jobs. Contracts, cleaning. The works." Luke hums, somehow not surprised, and Fennec quirks a thin brow. "What else?"

"How'd you meet Din?" Fennec glances at Din, as if asking his permission, and Din nods. He figured Luke would ask, and he doesn't particularly care so long as they don't say anything too embarrassing. 

"He tried to kill me. Well, that's not strictly correct. He was helping a fellow guild member try to bring my bounty in, but the dumbass shot me and went after Mando."

"At your coaxing." Din interrupts, frowning, but Fennec only laughs and shrugs.

"I may or may not have convinced the kid that Mando was worth more of a bounty."

"And you, Cara? What's your story?" Cara perks up beside Boba, nursing her drink and mulling the question over.

"We tried to camp out on the same backwater shithole."

"That's it?" Luke raises a brow and looks at Din. Din shifts in his seat, spinning his cup and shrugging a shoulder. 

"We might have taken down a band of raiders and an AT-ST that was troubling a krill fishing village. The raiders had been stealing the krill to distill their own Spotchka, but were doing a pretty poor job." Cara says, grinning. "There was a lady that was sweet on Din, almost got him to settle down too."

"Omera." Luke says, and both Cara and Din look over to find him smiling, head tipped to the side. "Grogu talked about her and her daughter. He said you liked her too."

"That was- a long time ago." Din isn't quite sure why he's explaining himself, but Luke hums low in his throat. Luke's fingers drum over Din's thigh in a comforting rhythm, even as the rest of the group watch them. 

"If people falling in love with you bothered me I'd have a lot of anger." Din feels his shoulders slumping, relief flooding him, and Luke winks at him before glancing at Cobb. "Now your story, cowboy, I do know."

"Oh ya do? Well, I guess you don't need me to explain then."

"Well, I wouldn't mind hearing your voice." Cobb laughs, shaking his head, and Din rolls his eyes. Cobb swirls his glass, letting the blue liquid inside nearly splash over his fingers. 

"Mando was looking for others of his kind, and I was just about the only fella in armor anyone had heard of. He just about killed me when he saw me in the armor."

"Left it reeking of cologne, too." Boba interrupts, Cobb chuckling and taking a slow sip of his drink. 

"Some of us care about our appearance, big boy." Din wrinkles his nose at the nickname but Boba only rolls his eyes. Din watches Luke's eyes flick back and forth between Cobb and Boba, a smile growing on his face. 

"You lost your armor, and Cobb wore it? Oh, that's fantastic." 

"Temporarily."

"Sorry, not funny. Moving on." Luke definitely isn't sorry, Din can tell by the smile he's struggling to hold back, but Boba only rolls his eyes before motioning for Cobb to continue. 

I traded the armor for his help in taking down the krayt dragon that was plaguing Mos Pelgo.” Luke’s brows go up despite already knowing the story, and he turns his body more toward Cobb, listening. “Din here let himself get eaten to get the cattle loaded with bombs into the damn thing. We lost a bunch of good people in the fight.”

“From the acid. Grogu remembered the smell, and Din covered in it.” Luke’s nose wrinkles remembering that particular memory Grogu had pushed onto him. “You met them all through fighting. Why am I not surprised?”

Din shrugs again, as if it’s the only thing he can do. “That’s how I meet people.”

“What about you, Luke?” Luke turns toward Fennec, who looks like she’s about to make a bad decision. Din sits up, frowning, and tries to silence her with a kick to the shin under the table. She isn’t deterred, and instead jerks her head toward Boba. “You two have history. Did you know Boba was Mando’s best friend?”

“No, I didn’t. But who Din is friends with doesn’t affect me.” Din could kiss him at the smooth, graceful answer, and he kicks Fennec again when she opens her mouth to speak. It still doesn’t stop her.

“How did you and Boba meet?” 

The room goes silent once the question is out, and even Boba has the good sense to look uncomfortable, shifting in his chair as Luke leans forward with singular focus. He braces his elbows on the table, folding his hands under his chin as he levels a long look at Fennec. Din quakes in his chair at the roiling, raging storm that boils under Luke’s skin, so lacking in color or light or anything that Din knows what it is. Recognizes it from the same ugly, sweet pull of the emotions within his blade. 

“Luke-” Din murmurs, trying to draw his attention away. Luke doesn’t seem to hear him.

“He tried to capture me to bring me into the Empire when I went to my mentor’s house. He also captured my brother in law, froze him in carbonite, and nearly killed us when he got him back.” It- doesn't sound like much to half of them sitting at the table, but Din reaches up, touching the soft underside of Luke’s upper arm, trying to draw him from whatever memories have snagged him. “Do you know,” Luke says, voice shaking, “How terrifying it is to fight blind with almost no basic knowledge of how to fight?”

“Not really.” Fennec says softly. Din had blinded her, true, but she was in her prime- untouchable at the time. Luke stares unblinkingly for a moment more before he abruptly stands, turning to Din and dipping down. Din blinks when Luke presses their foreheads together, asking a question, Din nodding when Luke pulls away and slips from the room out into the alley beyond the door. The door seals behind him, beeping as the lock clicks, and Din sits in the middle of his friends, all with varying degrees of confusion and worry on their faces. 

“He needs a minute.”

“I’ve never seen a Jedi get upset like that.” Cara muses, fingers worrying at the decorated bottom of her glass. 

“He’s a person. Everyone gets upset when people don’t know how to stop pushing.” The glare that Din levels on Fennec doesn’t go unnoticed, and she grimaces, slumping back in her chair. “He likes you all, and he wants you to like him.”

“Oh, does he? Couldn’t tell.” Fennec mumbles, wincing when Din’s third kick lands harder than all the others. 

“He isn’t going to let you dig up every ghost in his closet, Shand.” Cobb says, glancing toward Din and then toward the door. “We all have things we would rather forget.”

Fennec softens at that, sighing heavily and standing from her chair. Din knows what she’s going to do before she says anything and he holds a hand up to stop her. “Just wait.”

“I was an ass.”

“You were. Now be nice and open the door.” Fennec looks at him, bewildered, but there’s a faint tap on the door and Din hums. Fennec goes to unlock it, stepping back and out of the way as Luke slips past her again. He looks as unruffled as when they first came in, and Din turns in his chair just to watch the muscles in Luke’s thighs shift under the white of his pants. Din leans his head back, anticipating the way that Luke leans down, cupping the back of his neck and smushing his forehead to Din’s helmet. He stays there for a moment, breathing, and Din’s hand comes up to cup Luke’s cheek, not caring that they have an audience. 

“That is weirdly cute. Mando, is that really how you guys kiss?” Din makes a low sound in his throat, something distinctly annoyed, and Cara laughs, Din lingering in the same position for a moment even when Luke pulls away. 

“We just had sex in front of you. Surprise.” Din jerks in his chair, head whipping to stare at Luke, but he’s grinning, brow raised as Cara stares, dumbfounded. She doesn’t know if he’s lying or not, but surprisingly it’s Boba that laughs, deep and from his core, covering his eyes with a hand and leaning back in his chair. Luke’s smile doesn’t dim this time, though something in his eyes flickers momentarily, but then Cobb is laughing too, slapping the table in front of him and rocking back in his chair. Din can hear Fennec snickering behind him, still standing, and Cara’s cheeks flush, outrage and embarrassment twisting her face.

“That is not funny.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” Luke folds his hands in front of him, instantly the picture of a solemn Jedi. It only lasts a second before the facade cracks, Luke’s eyes twinkling with mirth as he snorts, choking back a laugh. Din’s heart soars in his chest at all his friends laughing, at Luke standing tall and proud among them, glowing like the brightest star in Din’s universe. 

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy! I am curious about your take on how Jikook are edited in the behind the scenes clips since October (such as the ones for the Life Goes on music video, ABC Holiday Dynamite, and the Japan one (search on youtube for BTS japan shoot || behind the scene of Japan)). Do you think Jikook are interacting less, being just friends, being more professional, or is BigHit editing their interactions out? It just seems so different from the ones before Oct (FILA, Dynamite MV, Season's Greetings 2021)

Huh???😲😲😲

BigHit is doing what what now?😥

Do you mean that as a fact or theory?🤔

Why though?👀 They are not Tae Kook? 😥

There's Bangtan video of Jimin with his third leg dangling loose in the air somewhere on the internet, I don't think BigHit is that savvy.

Lmho. I mean I see what you mean but they are editors and cutting is what they do for a living. But this is Jikook sis. I don't see BigHit's incentive for 'cutting' Jikook's moments and you shouldn't assume that-

Unless...

You don't think Jikook's been groping eachother homoerotically on set lately have you? Cos, chile I'll believe that! I don't trust Jikook anywhere near eachother's vicinity and personal space.

I've seen enough to traumatize the devil himself. Chilee. Lol.

Bighit, in recent times, mostly tend to cut scenes and moments if they are a bit risqué. Like JK shoving his butt in Jimin's groin face, sliding his hands down Tae's chest...

Often times too they cut moments if its redundant. If a part of a scene is already in the main content they don't bother showing it in the behind scenes. From my observation.

When an interaction is awkward they skip it too, I feel. I mean I am still waiting to see JK touching all over Jimin and feeling him up in Run 106- honey, I'll pay to watch that shit with my kidneys. Lol.

Often too they save some scenes for memories or some other shit that they use all those pent up footages for. Lol.

BigHit is a business, they produce content that per their research and analytics garners more engagement, audience retention and a whole other metrics. They put a lot of creativity into what they do as creatives and artists- I mean if the baby noises is anything to go by. Those bites are tired!

But often times too, they're tired and they're lazy, and they just put anything together and toss it out there without giving it much thought- isn't that how they leave Jin or Tae out of packages, how certain Jikook moments that should have never made it into screen time ended up in screen time- how JM's third leg made it to the internet? They should have cut that shit before uploading it with those subtitles and yet here we are.

I think people give BigHit too much credit- talking about JK shouldn't gay panic and run away from certain moments with JM if he knows BigHit editors are going to cut those moments.... JM's dixk begs to differ. Chilee, Jimin you should have just worn pants. Can't trust these phony ass editors my guy.

The editing is really not a big deal. Not to me. But I love your question anyway. Especially the bits about what's different about Jikook and the content BigHit has been putting out since October.

Well something sure did go down in October, I don't care what anybody says.

I keep saying BigHit banks on the bond and intimacy of the boys, and the boys are more than happy to showcase their bond for the cameras just as Tae said and confirmed in a recent interview- Tuktukkers y'all did an Oopsie on the whole Taekook don't like to show their bond on cameras! Lol

Tae said it himself not me- he lives to showcase his bond with the other members. *where is my skull head emoji. Lmho.

I think what has changed since JM's birthday in October to now, to me where BigHit is concerned, is the general marketing strategy of the company.

It seems to me the company is adopting a marketing module opposite of the strategy they had been using before the pandemic. I think I've talked about this though...

Hate to say I said it, but I said it. Lol.

They are limiting access to the boys to drive sales as and when. BTS dominates the internet and have amassed greater reach and attention partly due to the free content they put out on the internet. But those were never monitised- not in a direct or significant way.

In the wake of the virus, they've had to monetize their online presence. A single tweet from their Twitter account is a phone brand promotion as I pointed out in past posts. There's been an increase in their sponsorship collaborations, in Soop and many of the content they've put up this year. They even turned on ads on their YT channels it seems.

Like I've been saying, this situation is global and novel, they are going to experiment with means and methods till they find that sweet spot and that is what I feel we are experiencing- amongst other things.

Unfortunately for us, our access to Jikook is gonna take a hit like I said before because the numbers are in their favor. I mean go to their YouTube page and see the metrics for yourself.

Jikook's holiday remix pulls way ahead of their counterparts. If their going to monetize any ship brand in BTS it's Jikooks. Trust. But that doesn't mean any ship in BTS is spared.

Someone asked me a while back, when I talked about this, whether all these changes the company was going through was going to affect the way Jikook interact on camera and I couldn't answer that with conviction then.

But I mean we are seeing a subtle, if not drastic change in the way Jikook interact with eachother and with their glass closet.

What that means for us, I think, is the company is going to choose when and where to show us content and certain interactions but that doesn't mean Jikook aren't interacting- know what I mean? I mean they have them. The juicy moments that's gonna make us slap our mamas. BigHit has it all. They are just gonna save it for as and when based on their marketing strategy, if you know what I mean.

I mean we all saw that blackswan performance, we all saw the holiday remix performance etc.

And you are right about the less interactions post October and I've shared my thoughts on it so I won't go into it. But I will state again that they are not broken up either, not to me. Lol.

I think we need to examine what interacting less means. To me, I consider Jikook interacting less if they have an opportunity to interact and they don't interact in a way that is usual of them.

Majority of the content we've gotten in recent times are pretty much very official contents, interviews, etc. The entire BE era, as I said is not about Jikook or even BigHit.

It's about BTS, all seven and Jikook can't monopolize the shine like they tend to do in other BigHit marketed contents in my opinion.

Jimin tried to be funny and chill in the dynamite mv and RM nearly went ninja turtle on his ass when he called him out for not taking things seriously enough during the shoot- Left to grandpa Joonie, the kids will sleep at five. Lol.

Seriously though, there is a huge gap between what BTS views as marketing and marketable and what Jikook or even BigHit views as marketing, in my opinion. And conversations like that between RM and Jimin goes to prove it.

Another interesting thing about this whole marketing approach is how BigHit isn't substituting any other particular pair in Jikook's stead. I see them giving equal screan time to the individual members- well not in a technical sense but I think you know what I mean.

Are Jikook required to be professional in certain situations, absolutely. And in previous years, I think they took too many liberties with it. But as I said, now more than ever they are learning and need to learn to read the room because they wouldn't be able to get away with much if they don't.

BE is a self produced project, after Soop- after when they were isolated to help them bond and repair fractures in their bond. If there were anything they were not happy with that led to Soop, trust that they are going to fix it post Soop and it's going to reflect in every sphere of their interactions.

RM for example has chilled on his monitoring and censorship of Jikook, Jikook have been pretty considerate of the group and have tried not to do anything to have RM pop a vein, Tae has been stepping up too- with the members going out their way to praise him and push him to the fore front of the group unlike in previous years *cough cough I don't want trouble but chilee.

I mean Jimin pointed it out in the Be behind when he said Tae was working hard and putting his best foot forward because the members had been showering him with lots of compliments in recent times and he wasn't kidding.

In the LGO comeback live, RM praised Tae for working hard forgetting it wasn't just Tae and JM's reaction was telling. Of course he backpedaled to compliment JM too.

Suga did the same thing in the Be behind video when he was talking about JM and praising him- I mean it's Suga and his Jimin, uWu. But then he too backpedaled to compliment Tae when he realized what he was doing and I was like CAN SOMEONE PRAISE KOOKIE TOO PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Lol.

Anywho, the company is equally chilling on their Jikook agenda which I have speculated on several ttimes so won't get into- it's all so very kumbaya and God, I hate it. Lol.

Give me the chaos goddammit!

I feel Jlkook loosen up in contents that aren't like super official business moments and that's when you see their domesticity. Lol.

You see them having their me time in the background of some of the content, and in one of the interviews where they were sat a good feet apart but they kept moving closer and closer till eventually after their lunch break cut, they were sat very close to each other.

I'm not a fan of the cameras being shove in their faces during their private moments- Kookie certainly doesn't appreciate that either.

But they are working for a living nonetheless and making content is what they do for a living. So we are definitely gonna get the content from them alright, the fanservice, the organic moments passed off as fanservice, the moments that should never make it to screen- all nine. Lol.

We are just not going to get them in a way we are accustomed to. And it certainly doesn't help that they are each on their own personal growth journeys- gradually disconnecting from their fanbase, I mean Jk's been long gone duh, and Jimin did say he has come to the realization not everyone in the fandom loves him and he is learning to react less strongly to them; which to me translates as bye bitches you don't deserve me. Lol.

I mean dude didn't bother posting for new year this year- y'all Jimin is done with our ass. We might as well pack our bags and join him in Kookie's Casa. I call dibs on the broom closet under the stairs. Lol.

Jikook gets called fanservice and other creepy slurs in this fandom but people forget all of this is their choice too. They choose, are choosing to share all the bits of them they share with us, with us. Inspite of all the hate and insults, they choose to do that- if they did it for the fanservice don't you think they would have called a time out on it long ago because it's not worth it?

I hate it here.

I guess what I'm saying is, you are right about these observations you've made and some of the things you've pointed out are facts.

But we have talked about all of that so it really shouldn't be anything new? Kindly check my previous posts. I think I shared my point of view on what I think is going on with Jikook, BigHit and BTS.

Other than those, I don't think there is anything major up with Jikook honestly. I keep saying I don't think they are broken up. I don't see either of them closed off, emotionally open to connecting with the others.

If anything I said I feel Jimin is falling in love all over again with Kook. I mean when he looks at him he looks to me as if he is seeing Kook in a different light.

And it's funny how all through out 2020 he kept reiterating how his friends and family and relationships were important to him, shading the ef out of Kook during the Japan Stay Gold promos claiming his relationships were important to him and was what was Gold in his life.

He even went on to talk about picking an accent spending time around his friends and talking with his friends around his birthday but suddenly in the Be behind scenes he was talking about how he's come to the realization BTS is his only true friends and how friends come and go.

Clearly he's had an epiphany of a sort and has been through something post his birthday that has him setting his priorities straight in the aftermath.

In his Weverse magazine, he mentioned how he's recently discovered something about himself, about how he loves to be loved. He then went on to clarify that when during festa he talked about having a desire to perform with the members for a long that that he meant to say he wanted to be with them for a very long time.

But then JK said Jimin said that bit to him first. And if this is the interpretation Jimin is giving to that statement then- one plus one is two honey. Numbers don't lie.

Dude don whispered those sweet empty nothings in JK's ear telling him he wants to be with him for a very long time and shit.

And now homeboy out here setting up roots in gay boulevard. I don't think their well is drying up any time soon. Lol.

They are in a honeymoon phase again and they are not showing us. Stingy bastards! Lol

And when JK said to JM in response, that BTS is his home- wow. He really said that...

He is Jimin's home. Literally. Please, my heartu😭

Jikook is real. Please support them.

Signed,

GOLDY

[jedi-order-apologist]

Hello there! Could you maybe put together small SW novels recommendation list? You reference books often and I assume you can suggest a few good ones that shed light/give more insight into the Jedi culture. Thank you for your blog and have a good day 💗

Thank you! I hope you have a good day too.

I actually haven’t read that many Star Wars books, all things considered - there are a lot, and I’ve barely scratched the surface of the prequel era stuff, let alone the rest of the franchise. I only recently started getting into the books, and there’s probably a lot more really good ones out there that I just haven’t had the chance to get to yet.

What I could do is go through what I have read and give my opinions on those. So far, in no particular order, I’ve read:

- The novelizations for the prequels and some of the original novelizations for the OT. More on my thoughts on those here (and specifically for the ROTS novelization here), but in summary: TPM novelization is a bit weak, AOTC novelization is decent and really helped sell the romance to me in a way the film fell flat for me, ROTS novelization is nothing short of phenomenal, ROTJ novelization is also pretty good, I don’t remember the ESB novelization enough to say anything on it, and I never read the ANH (or technically just Star Wars) novelization. I’d say they’re worth checking out at least once.

- Shatterpoint. I really like this one, it deals a lot with Mace struggling with the dark side, and it captures the idea of falling to the dark side as something rooted in defeatism, which really resonates with my interpretation. There’s quite a bit of discussion of Jedi philosophy and why they do and believe the things they do (or at least how Mace Windu sees it) - I’ve cited it before in my meta because I think it lays out pretty well why they resist the dark side. It also deals a lot with the costs of war - especially psychologically. There’s also a decent element of Jedi as family through the father-daughter relationship of Mace and Depa. On top of all of that, it’s very well written (same author as the ROTS novelization). I strongly recommend this one, though be warned that it is a very heavy, brutal book - oh, it’s not completely bleak, and it has it’s moments of humor, but it is not a happy story. It ends in victory, both in the immediate situation, and with Mace coming to terms with some of what he’d been struggling with, but I wouldn’t call it a happy ending, more that…well, as Mace says, he’s the last one standing.

- Yoda: Dark Rendezvous. I read this one most recently, and I made a long post on why I absolutely loved it. It’s not perfect but I think it’s the best portrayal of the Jedi in the books that I’ve come across so far - this book really goes hard on the “Jedi as family” idea, which I love, and there are really good conversations on (and inspiring examples of resisting) the dark side, and working through but not giving into grief. Everyone should read this book, it shows the Jedi as an inspiring people with so much tenacity and compassion, doing their best. And it eviscerates every bit of nonsense about the Jedi (and especially Yoda) being “emotionless” or “loveless”- it’s full of amazing passages that are absolutely perfect responses to these notions, direct refutations of them even (as well as refutations about the idea of the dark side having any kind of merit at all) because they get slung around in the story by a lot of the characters. If I could only pick one Star Wars book to suggest someone read, it would be this one, absolutely.

- Kenobi. Do you like Westerns and a sad Obi-Wan with a chronic hero syndrome that doesn’t help him with the whole ‘staying under the radar’ thing? If yes, you will probably like this book. It doesn’t really get much into Jedi culture, since…well, they’re dead, and most of the book is written from an outside perspective, not Obi-Wan’s. I think that was a good choice, because while he’s understandably going to be very sad during this time (it takes place during his very early days on Tatooine), constant exposure to that, in my opinion, would overdo it and wear out the audience. So the outside perspective of how sad and weird he is, where the characters don’t understand the context behind his behavior, but the audience does, works really well. I have some issues with it - for instance, while it’s kind of hilarious how much everyone wants to jump his bones in this book, I do wish that they’d kept the chemistry between Obi-Wan and Annileen strictly platonic (and the language around romance in this book rubs me the wrong way). And how people find out his last name is a bit contrived. But it’s a decent read that I’d recommend.

- Jedi Apprentice (series). I’d recommend this with the caveat that you have to go into it keeping in mind that it’s written for younger readers. Which absolutely does NOT mean it’s all fluff and sunshine and rainbows, very far from it (I call this series “Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Collection of Childhood Trauma” for some very good reasons, and the fact that he tries to sacrifice himself to suicide-bomb a door open with the slave collar wrapped around his neck before he even gets taken on as a padawan is just one of them), but there’s a lot of stuff that…doesn’t feel like it was explored fully to an adult reader’s satisfaction. It has a lot of the usual kind of fridge logic that often comes into play with kids’ media, and while it was written to be favorable towards the Jedi, that fridge stuff gets taken by fandom as reasons to criticize the Jedi quite often. More on that here.

- Cloak of Deception. This one’s…okay? It does spend quite a bit of time with the Jedi, but it feels pretty surface level. Luceno’s strength is in the fantasy space politics; for whatever reason his character interactions always fall flat for me, though I’m not sure if I can articulate why they’re so unsatisfying to me outside of a handful of good moments. But if you’re looking for a look into the politics leading up to TPM (or at least, Legends take on it), this is (one of) the books to look at. I say one of because I actually read Darth Plagueis first, and there is a bit of overlap.

- The Approaching Storm. This is the lead-in book to AOTC. It does a decent job with a look at the Jedi, I think, with a few snags (Barriss straight-up heals brain damage/mental illness to the point of complete personality changes, which seems way outside Jedi abilities to me, and there’s a bit of “maybe we shouldn’t take people from their families” angle instead of the Jedi as family angle). Also for some reason it refers to Barriss and Luminara as humans. And while the book tells us a lot about how important it is that the Jedi negotiate this conflict, most of their actual obstacles are getting places, with the negotiation itself getting glossed over. But it was a decent read, I think.

- Labyrinth of Evil. This is another Luceno book, this time for leading up to ROTS. The character interactions worked a little better here - or at least they had more of their moments - Anakin basically going “Marriage what marriage I don’t see a marriage” in front of Obi-Wan was pretty damn funny…and everyone knows the “infinite sadness” line that follows off of that. I’ll be curious as to what the current continuity gives us for what set off the invasion of Coruscant, because this (as part of Legends) gave us a pretty good reason for it. I’d recommend it, again, for the examination of the political situation, and there’s some decent action in here too. There’s a few insights into the Jedi but it’s hit or miss whether I agree with them, and they’re not the focus.

- Darth Plagueis. This one’s probably the best of Luceno’s books (that I’ve read), but it’s not Jedi-friendly. Most of that’s because, well…it’s from the Sith’s perspective, so they’re not going to be very pro-Jedi. I’m mostly okay with that because a lot of their criticism of the Jedi is very clearly coming from an obviously bad faith position (”the Jedi let the Republic decay” the Sith say as they devour a man’s heart and talk about how the Sith need to make all the problems of the Republic worse), although there’s one scene at the end that I really don’t like because it appears to really claim that the Jedi would’ve told Anakin to never talk about his mother, which doesn’t match up with, well, AOTC, for one thing, or just my impression of them in general. But what this book does do well is a look at how the Sith influenced the political situation, and a lot of midichlorian lore (seriously, this book feels like a middle finger to prequel hate - “oh you thought the fantasy space politics were boring? You thought midichlorians were stupid? Here’s why you’re wrong”). Luceno’s way of doing character interactions actually serves this book really well, because the Sith are able to be written as the focus characters without making them sympathetic in the least. If you’re looking to get invested in characters, probably not the book for you, but if you’re looking for fantasy space politics, it’s pretty good.

- Rogue Planet. This one has a good interpretation of the Jedi, I think, though you do have to contend with the “written before AOTC” issue of authors not realizing that Jedi weren’t supposed to get married and have children. But I liked the look at how they handled discipline - Anakin gets in trouble, and he’s brought before the Council, and the whole process is about questioning him to get him to realize and admit what he did wrong, not punishment. They then make the decision to redirect his energy into something productive by sending him and Obi-Wan on a mission. Also, Anakin sees a Jedi therapist at the end of this book, so it’s a good one to throw back at anyone who claims that the Jedi never helped him or that the Jedi don’t do therapy. But…plot-wise…it’s a little weak, mostly in that not much is resolved because it’s mostly setting up for stuff that won’t pay off until much, much further down the line (as in, whenever the Yuuzhan-Vong show up). The ship-growing thing was cool though.

- Wild Space. If you’re looking for a ridiculously dramatic Obi-Wan whump fic that’s one step away from sticking Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padmé, and Bail in a foursome, this is the book for you. If you’re looking for things like accurate characterization, an interpretation of the Jedi consistent with the films, believable interpersonal communication, or an actual plot…you will be sorely disappointed by this book.

- Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth. This is the sequel to Wild Space. It has a second part, Clone Wars Gambit: Siege, which I have not been able to bring myself to read, which probably tells you all you need to know about my thoughts on the first one, though you can read more about them here. In short, I strongly do not recommend this book at all, and find it to be pretty terrible characterization (even though it’s played for sympathy) of the Jedi and especially Obi-Wan. Wild Space at least has absurdity going for it. Stealth does not.

And that’s it! That’s all I’ve read so far. I’m sure not everyone will agree with my opinions, but in terms of my personal recommendations/non-recommendations, this is what I have.

[gadgetgirl71]

Top Ten Tuesday 16 March 2021

Welcome to this weeks Top Ten Tuesday. Originally created by The Broke & The Bookish, which is now hosted by Jana @ That Artsy Reader Girl. Each week it features a book or literary themed category. This weeks prompt is:

Books On My Spring 2021 TBR

Girl in the Walls (ARC)

Synopsis: Girl in the Walls is a story of overcoming grief, of unconventional friendships and learning that we shouldn’t always fear what we don’t understand. It is about understanding the difference between a house and a home and what it means to lose both. She doesn’t exist. She can’t exist. Elise knows every inch of the house. She knows which boards will creak. She knows where the gaps are in the walls. She knows which parts can take her in, hide her away. It’s home, after all. The home her parents made for her. And home is where you stay, no matter what. Eddie is a teenager now, almost a grown-up. He must no longer believe in the girl he sometimes sees our of the corner of his eye. He needs her to disappear. But when his fierce older brother senses her, too, they are faced with the question of how to get rid of someone they aren’t sure even exists. And, if they cast her out, what other threats might they invite into their home?

Pages: 323, Publication Date: 18 March 2021

The Best Things (ARC)

Synopsis: Warm, funny, life-affirming and true, The Best Things is the joyous debut novel from much-loved comedian, writer, actor and presenter Mel Giedroyc.

It’s the story of a family who lose everything, only to find themselves, and each other, along the way.

Sally and Frank Parker have it all.

Then one day, because of Frank, they don’t.

As the bailiffs move in and the money runs out, Sally realises that she and her children don’t have a clue about how to survive.

Or do they?

The Parkers are about to discover that the best things in life aren’t things at all.

Pages: 432, Publication Date: 1 April 2021

The Dictionary of Lost Words (ARC)

Synopsis: In 1901, the word ‘Bondmaid’ was discovered missing from the Oxford English Dictionary. This is the story of the girl who stole it.

Esme is born into a world of words. Motherless and irrepressibly curious, she spends her childhood in the ‘Scriptorium’, a garden shed in Oxford where her father and a team of dedicated lexicographers are collecting words for the very first Oxford English Dictionary. Esme’s place is beneath the sorting table, unseen and unheard. One day a slip of paper containing the word ‘bondmaid’ flutters to the floor. Esme rescues the slip and stashes it in an old wooden case that belongs to her friend, Lizzie, a young servant in the big house. Esme begins to collect other words from the Scriptorium that are misplaced, discarded or have been neglected by the dictionary men. They help her make sense of the world.

Over time, Esme realises that some words are considered more important than others, and that words and meanings relating to women’s experiences often go unrecorded. While she dedicates her life to the Oxford English Dictionary, secretly, she begins to collect words for another dictionary: The Dictionary of Lost Words.

Set when the women’s suffrage movement was at its height and the Great War loomed, The Dictionary of Lost Words reveals a lost narrative, hidden between the lines of a history written by men. It’s a delightful, lyrical and deeply thought-provoking celebration of words, and the power of language to shape the world and our experience of it.

Pages: 384, Publication Date: 8 April 2021

The Summer Job (ARC)

Synopsis: Have you ever imagined running away from your life?

Well Birdy Finch didn’t just imagine it. She did it. Which might’ve been an error. And the life she’s run into? Her best friend, Heather’s.

The only problem is, she hasn’t told Heather. Actually there are a few other problems…

Can Birdy carry off a summer at a luxury Scottish hotel pretending to be her best friend (who incidentally is a world-class wine expert)?

And can she stop herself from falling for the first man she’s ever actually liked (but who thinks she’s someone else)?

A snort-out-loud romcom for fans of The Flatshare.

Pages: 352, Publication Date: 15 April 2021

Cunning Woman (ARC)

Synopsis: Lee is a magnetic new voice in historical fiction and CUNNING WOMEN is sure to be loved by fans of The Essex Serpent and The Mercies.

Spring of 1620 in a Lancashire fishing community and the memory of the slaughter at Pendle is tight around the neck of Sarah Haworth. A birthmark reveals that Sarah, like her mother, is a witch. Torn between yearning for an ordinary life and desire to discover what dark power she might possess, Sarah’s one hope is that her young sister Annie will be spared this fate.

The Haworth family eke out a meagre existence in the old plague village adjoining a God-fearing community presided over by a seedy magistrate. A society built upon looking the other way, the villagers’ godliness is merely a veneer. But the Haworth women, with their salves and poultices, are judged the real threat to morality.

When Sarah meets lonely farmer’s son Daniel, she begins to dream of a better future. Daniel is in thrall to the wild girl with storms in her eyes, but their bond is tested when a zealous new magistrate vows to root out sins and sinners. In a frenzy of fear and fury, the community begins to turn on one another, and it’s not long before they direct their gaze towards the old plague village … and does Daniel trust that the power Sarah wields over him is truly love, or could it be mere sorcery?

Pages: 332, Publication Date: 22 April 2021

Lost Property (ARC)

Synopsis: Dot Watson has lost her way. Twelve years ago her life veered off course, and the guilt over what happened still haunts her. Before then she was living in Paris, forging an exciting career; now her time is spent visiting her mother’s care home, fielding interfering calls from her sister and working at the London Transport Lost Property office, diligently cataloguing items as misplaced as herself. But when elderly Mr Appleby arrives in search of his late wife’s purse, his grief stirs something in Dot. Determined to help, she sets off on a mission – one that could start to heal Dot’s own loss and let her find where she belongs once more…

The Perfect Life (ARC)

Synopsis: HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE SOMEONE ELSE? Vanessa has always found it easy to pretend to be somebody different, somebody better. When things get tough in her real life, all she has to do is throw on some nicer clothes, adopt a new accent and she can escape. That’s how it started: looking round houses she couldn’t possibly afford. Harmless fun really. Until it wasn’t. Because a man who lived in one of those houses is dead. And everyone thinks Vanessa killed him…

Pages: 400, Publication Date: 5 August 2021

The Summer Villa (ARC)

Synopsis: Three women. One summer reunion. Secrets will be revealed…

Villa Dolce Vita, a rambling stone house on the Amalfi Coast, sits high above the Gulf of Naples amid dappled lemon groves and fragrant, tumbling bougainvillea. Kim, Colette and Annie all came to the villa in need of escape and in the process forged an unlikely friendship.

Now, years later, Kim has transformed the crumbling house into a luxury retreat and has invited her friends back for the summer to celebrate.

But as friendships are rekindled under the Italian sun, secrets buried in the past will come to light, and not everyone is happy that the three friends are reuniting… Each woman will have things to face up to if they are all to find true happiness and fully embrace the sweet life.

Pages: 384, Publication Date: 8 August 2019

Trusting Taylor (Silverstone #2)

Synopsis: Former military man turned government assassin Kellan “Eagle” Trowbridge isn’t looking for love. He’d rather keep his head down at his cover job as an employee of Silverstone Towing. That all changes, however, when he meets Taylor Cardin.

Beautiful, smart, and witty Taylor instantly falls for the mysterious tow truck driver, who comforts her both in the aftermath of the car crash she sees firsthand and when the police dismiss her as a credible witness because of her prosopagnosia, or face blindness. Eagle, on the other hand, can remember every person he’s ever met—and the two counterparts forge an immediate connection. But someone else is just as intrigued by Taylor’s unique condition as Eagle is…and his intentions are downright deadly.

Soon, Eagle and Taylor are too caught up in each other to see the danger that’s approaching. But as time runs out, they’ll discover their love isn’t the only thing fighting to survive.

Pages: 278, Publication Date: 2 March 2021

Ransom (Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team)

Synopsis: A new series from the author of the Moonshine Task Force Series! Laurel Springs, AL is about to be hotter than a mid-August thunderstorm. When the Moonshine Task Force is absorbed into a new entity, Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team (LSERT) new faces come to town, new love is born, old love is found again, and there’s a plethora of drama and romance happening all over the tri-county area. LSERT puts police, firefighters, nurses, doctors, K-9 handlers, and EMT’s all in harm’s way as they work to keep the area safe from any threat. Emotions run high, passions ignite. Come with me, back to Laurel Springs, in what’s sure to be a wild ride! Ransom Thompson For years I’ve wanted two things – to be a member of the Moonshine Task Force and to be the man Stella Kepler can’t live without. One out of two isn’t bad, or so I tell myself. Being the only K-9 handler for The MTF presents its own share of obstacles, but me and Rambo? We make it work. Life is status quo, until I’m called in to help with what appears to be a hostage situation and Stella is right in the middle of it. This is my one chance, and I’m not going to blow it. Stella Kepler When I’m stuck in an examination room holding a hurt woman and a man with a gun, I do the only thing I can. I sneak out, call 911 and hope help comes quickly. It does. In the form of Ransom Thompson. He and I have known each other since we were babies. Our mother’s are friends, our dad’s work together, and we’ve always been friends. Only, the last few months I’ve started to notice things. How mature he is, how alpha he can be, the chiseled six-pack, and the abundance of ink spreading across his body. When I offer to cook him dinner for saving me, neither one of us know how that one moment will change the course of the rest of our lives.

Pages: 227, Publication Date: 5 January 2019

Until next week.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Getaway

This is for a request made @sathlens I hope that you like it <3 Please let me know what you guys think in the reblogs/comments! 💜

Warnings: noncon sex (oral and intercourse). This is dark!(nomad)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: The reader is away on vacation and finds something, or someone, in the woods.

Note: So in my head, to make this work, after Civil War, Steve’s kinda running around on his own. He was on a mission and got separated from the team. He’s found himself in the middle of nowhere but no alone. 

Anyways, hope you all enjoy some scurry Steve and let me know what you think as always. Love ya <3

---

It had been a few years since your last real vacation. Well ever, because who could really count that disastrous road trip as a vacation. Time away from it all; stress, work, your boyfriend. You loved him but you didn’t realize how much you needed time to just be you. A girl’s week on the northern shores was nothing to complain about and you were ready to take full advantage of the serenity. The isolation.

You deposited your cars at the docks and climbed aboard the small boat, crammed in with the luggage of four other girls, plus the girls themselves. It was Kaya’s family cottage, concealed by thick pine, aspens, and spectrum of fragrant foliage. After hours of driving, the sun was well into its descent and it was a race against daylight before the pearly ripples turning dark and foreboding.

You watched the shoreline come into sight. A small dock where you could see yourself sunbathing, a carpet of twigs and dirt turned to grass the further you ascended, the wooden deck that fronted the cottage peeked out from between the crowd of trees. A small stream trickled away from the dock; a small finger off the greater lake. You smelled the purity; the unfiltered wild. It was refreshing after the filth of the city.

After you docked, it took a couple trips up and down the trail to unload all the bags, and the two large coolers of assorted goodies. One was filled with all varieties of alcohol with more stored warm in a box. The other contained the more important staples; bacon, sausages, tofu, milk, eggs. Enough to feed your small army until another boat trip was made to the closest town.

Kaya claimed the master bedroom; your sister, Gia, and you shared the bunk beds across from those occupied by Camile and Milani, while Coretta took the fold-out sofa. All were situated by nightfall and cans were opened as sausages grilled on the stove. With the generator awaking from its seasonal sleep and the cabin groaning in welcome, you settled in for a late night of cards and rowdiness.

The first morning greeted you in a golden dawn. You drank your coffee on the dock and spent most of daylight reading a book in the sun. The hours were punctuated by empty cans and drained bottles. You fed your buzz enough to relax and lose yourself in the natural lull of the lake. After dinner, you tried your hand at fishing and after an accidental dunk into the stream, you returned with the other girls to the cabin. Drinking games to end the night; one in which you did not reach your bunk, awaking at the table in shame.

The next day, the rest of the girls wanted a trip to the waterfall. The thought was enticing but your stomach grumbled from your previous day’s excess and you hoped the painkillers would help ease your hangover. You had several more days at the retreat, you could go tomorrow.  You helped clean the dishes from breakfast and bid the girls farewell as they boarded the boat for the opposite shore.

A day alone would be nice. You had never minded solitude. In fact, you had hoped for it. The idea of being trapped in a small cabin with half a dozen others had been intimidating. You had trouble enough with just your boyfriend in your cell-like apartment. You watched them roar across the lake, the engine fading to a distant whir until the noises of birds and critters were the only left. You hung your legs off the dock as you dipped your toes into the water and basked in the ambiance. The soft ripples eased the stone set in your forehead.

You pulled your feet up after a while and went to grab your book from the kitchen table. You changed into your bathing suit and grabbed your sunscreen. The sun was strong today. You opened a can of cider and sat in the low deck chair as you opened the novel and delved into fantasy. A sword shining in the dark; a gloom most sinister on the rise.

The water and summer breeze mixed to lend a calming vibrance to the dock. You eased deeper into the chair and listened to the occasional flick of a fish’s tail as it ventured close to the surface. You sighed and rested your book across your chest as you leaned your head back. It had been what, an hour since they left. You loved how time seemed to slow down here. How you could just be; not think.

Your eyes popped open as you heard a distant rustle in the trees. You shrugged and set aside your book to sip on your cider. You had seen a deer earlier that day, some other critters hung around when they thought no one was looking. Near the outhouse, you had even thought you saw wildcat. Kaya said it was possible but not likely.

Another rustle. The snap of a twig. You drained half your tall boy and peered around your chair up into the trees. Whatever it was, it would scare itself away. You stood and stretched in the sunlight. You went to the edge of the dock and onto the large flat rocks that led to the water. You dipped down into the shallows and squeaked at the chill. Your body attuned to the temperature and you ducked your head under, rising with a gasp. It was nice. Revitalizing. Your headache started to slake away.

You heard the jostle of leaves and again glanced towards the forest. It did sound so much like there were footsteps out there. You tried to laugh at yourself but the shiver that went up your spine kept your self-deprivation at bay. You made your way back to the rocks and climbed up on the dock. You took the towel from the back of your chair and rubbed your hair and body as dry as you could. You let the towel fall across the arm of the chair and slipped on your sandals as you followed what you were certain weren’t footsteps. There was no one else here. You were alone. Of that you were sure. There was no way anyone else could have stumbled upon this little hideaway.

You didn’t bother calling out. You were quite convinced it was only a confused deer. Or an overly zealous rabbit. You walked up past the outhouses and the noise stopped. You exhaled but stared through the trees. You were still curious about what had caused such a ruckus. You saw no sign of flight. The sound had just died. It was almost eerie.

Assure yourself it was nothing and you could return to your book. You sighed at yourself and wandered into the brush. A chipmunk here, a woodpecker above, several other avian calls through the trees. You glanced around at nothing more than leaves and bark. You were definitely psyching yourself out. You finally laughed and turned back.

You cried out in surprise at the figure that waited behind you. Your yelp was smothered as his hand went over your mouth and he saved you from falling out of your sandals. You pushed against the tall man in your terror and confusion. He pressed his palm tighter to your lips and you silenced your murmurs as he shushed. He held you against him, his dark clothing rough against your bare stomach.

“Quiet,” He warned gruffly and carefully removed pressure from his palm.

He watched you as he lowered his hand and you stared up at him with wide eyes. Even if you screamed, it would be muffled by the branches above and none were anywhere close enough to hear. He released you and stepped back. He leaned against a tree and wiped the blood from the corner of his lips. As you got a good look at him, you realized he was injured. A man of poorer stature would not be standing.

He pushed himself straight and growled as he examined the blood on his fingertips. It was dry; flecks scratched from his flesh. His wounds were at least a few hours old. You hoped that meant they had not been dealt near here. He reached out and grabbed your shoulder firmly. Your body went stiff as he guided you past him, back in the direction you had come.

“You have a place around here,” He said. His tone was steely, his fingers left your skin tender as he rescinded his hand. “Show me.”

“How did you get here?” You asked as you wove along the path, past the outhouses and towards the back steps.

“No questions,” He retorted, “Are there others here?”

“No,” You answered, uncertain. “Well, not right now. They’re at the waterfall. Across the lake...they’ll be back soon.”

“Will they?” He sounded doubtful at your last-minute addition. “It’s barely noon. I’m sure they’ll want to enjoy the sun.”

You swallowed and remained silent. He wasn’t going to answer your questions; only discern your lies. He marched you up the steps and you opened the screen door. He caught it behind you and followed you inside. 

“Any weapon?” He nudged you against the counter as he looked around. “I’ll find them and I can promise you, I can wield them better than you.”

“Just a flare gun…” Kaya’s family weren’t the hunting types. The most dangerous possession they had were fishing knives and those were down in the shed. “Just beside the fireplace in the next room.”

He nodded and pushed past you. He opened and closed each drawer. He huffed and neared the round table. A few half-empty cans remained from the night before and the deck of cards in a crooked pile. He pulled out a chair and sat heavily.

His dirty blonde hair hung in sweaty knots around his face, his thick beard a shade darker. His narrow blue eyes shone beneath long lashes as they never stopped searching. He wore a dark blue uniform; some sort of combat suit. A harness stretched across his broad chest and the belt around his waist was lined with several pouches. His boots were worn and covered in grime and what looked to be even more blood. There was more crimson along his shoulders, small cuts along the corner of his lips and top of his forehead. You could guess that he had won the fight, even if he had taken a few blows himself.

“Well, you got a first aid kit or something?” He asked as he planted his elbow on the table. “Something stronger than…” He lifted an empty canned cocktail and eyed the label, “Whatever this is.”

“In there,” You pointed to the cooler by the door. “The kit is just…” You moved slowly, afraid that you might provoke him. When he had grabbed you in the woods, you had felt his strength. Even in his state, he could easily overpower you. “Over here.”

You crossed to the table just inside the living room; the space divided by the change in flooring. He watched as you opened the slatted door beneath and pulled out the metal box. It looked to be right out of the seventies. It must have been as old as the cabin. The man stood as you set the kit on the table and he kicked open the cooler. He bent and grabbed the bottle of gin you hadn’t yet uncorked. He resumed his seat and placed the bottle down beside him.

He dragged the box over to him and undid the metal clasp. He stirred through the contents and pulled out gauze and the small bottle of peroxide. Then he fished around for a spool and a curved needle. They looked like they’d never been used. That was reassuring. He shifted in his chair and pulled off his fingerless gloves. Next he pointedly loosed the buckles of his harness and slipped it past his arms with a pained grunt. He piled each piece on the tabletop between the cans and the open first aid kit.

You began to back away as he tugged at the hem of his shirt and he paused. He looked up at you and shook his head. He kicked another chair towards you, “Sit.” Your throat contracted and you obeyed. Despite the hot air trapped beneath the sun-cooked roof of the cabin, you felt ice in your veins.

You sat and he finished stripping himself of the sweat-stained shirt. His chest and torso were laced with thick muscles, his right shoulder gashed and bloody. You watched his bulging arms as he reached over to grab the gauze and peroxide. You had never scene a man in such peak condition. Not outside the television screen. The power which lay in his form kept you from admiration. It was more intimidation.

You watched as he cleaned his wound. He hissed through gritted teeth as he touched his tender flesh and blood flaked away. He dumped the reddened gauze on the table. He unscrewed the cap of the gin and drank heavily before he reached for the needle. He sterilized the metal in peroxide before he began the agonizing work. You wanted to look away but you didn’t want to seem weaker than you so obviously were. The only sign of his discomfort was the tic in his jaw.

Time dragged by as he wove the stitches. He glanced up at you when he finished, his brow lifted and he tilted his head. He was surprised that you hadn’t looked away. Then you did. You didn’t like the weight of his eyes on you. There was something behind them. The crystal-like irises could not disguise the darkness beneath. This man had been good once but now...something had corrupted him.

You listened as he cleaned the needle and wound up the thread. He packed it up with the unused gauze and closed the box with a click. The gin swished as he lifted the bottle and swigged. You kept your gaze averted until a speck entered the bottom of your vision. You turned to look at the short neck of the bottle. He held it out to you with a staunch look. You bit your cheek and accepted it.

You took a small sip and handed it back. He gulped again and pushed his shoulders back as he looked around. “How many of you are there?” He asked.

“Five,” You answered in a half whisper.

“All girls?” He passed the bottle back. Another small drink; your stomach was sinking and the alcohol wasn’t helping.

“Yes,” You should’ve lied but you suspected he already knew.

“Didn’t know you were still here,” He took the bottle back and drank again. He set it on the table as he turned his chair and leaned forward. His blue eyes held yours. “Was hoping to hang back and sneak in and out. Maybe steal a few pieces of bacon if you hadn’t ate it all.”

“I won’t tell,” You said in a small voice, “You can still go. Take whatever you want.”

“Aren’t you curious about what happened?” He leaned his elbows on his knees as he gauged your expression.

“I think the less I know, the better,” You replied grimly.

His eyebrows shot up and his lips twitched. “Smart,” He sat up and his chest rose and fell as he exhaled. “You should’ve gone with your friends.”

“I should’ve,” You agreed. “You were watching us then?”

“Watching you.” He countered. “You were talking to yourself when you came out to the dump the dishwater.”

You recalled how you had in fact been muttering to yourself as you tipped the large steel basin over the side of the porch. It meant he had been close enough to hear you. He had been lurking in the trees for at least several hours. You nodded. Your voice was trapped in your chest.

“Have a drink.” He took the bottle and held it out to you again. You looked down in defeat and numbly accepted the gin. You raised it to your lips carefully. “A real one.” He pushed up the bottom of the bottle and forced you to gulp back the searing alcohol until you choked. He grabbed the gin and put it back on the table as you grasped at your throat.

When you recovered, you looked up at him. There was a frightening confidence to his gaze. “You can take the gin...there’s more bacon in the fridge and--”

“I don’t want it. Gin doesn’t affect me that much. Not very hungry anymore,” His features set as his pupils dilated. “Well, in a manner of speaking.”

“My friends--”

“Have got five, six hours before they need to start their boat and head back.” He said evenly. “It’s summer, they might have even longer. At least eight hours before dusk. I’d say we’ve got all the time in the world.” His tongue poked out between his lips as a smirk spread across his face. “You and me. All alone.”

You swore your heart stopped. You stood but he was faster. He shoved you back to your chair, his hands on your shoulders as he loomed over you. His nose was only inches from yours. “How far do you think you’ll get?” You blinked. Resignation shadowed your face and you knew he could see it. He could feel it as your shoulders fell. “It’s a vacation, isn’t it?”

He stood straight and his hands ran along the front of his belt. His fingers deftly unbuckled the leather and you looked to the wall. You listened to the metal as it clinked and the zipper of his pants as it descended. Your fingers sank into your thighs without thinking. The brush of fabric, the movement in the corner of your eyes, his breath steady and determined with his movements.

His hand was on your chin as he forced your head straight. You closed your eyes and his fingers squeezed harder. He could break your jaw with a single pinch. “Look at me,” Your eyes opened and you kept them aimed up at his face. He had his cock out, you could see it at the edge of your vision, smell it even. The odor of sweat and something else. Of him; dusky. “Just you girls up here...must be boring.”

Your nostrils flared as your fear melded with anger. Then shame. You thought of your boyfriend waiting for you back home. You had felt bad enough going away without him. Now look at you. It might not be of your own volition but you weren’t fighting it much were you.

“I don’t want to tie you to the chair.” He warned. “But I saw the rope in the drawer and it wouldn’t be hard. So stop that little mind of yours from running astray and open up.”

You did as he said. Your lips parted mechanically as his hand moved to cradle your cheek. His fingers spread and he gripped the side of your head as he pressed his cock to your lips. Slowly he pushed further and you couldn’t look him in the eye. You lowered your gaze so that you stared at the trail of hair along his pelvis. He sank deeper until he poked at your throat and you struggled to take more of him. He was bigger than your boyfriend. Much bigger.

“It’s been about a month since I’ve talked to someone else.” He spoke as he forced himself down your throat and you pushed against his thighs. You were at the edge of your seat as you tried not to gag. “Been running. Fighting.” He pulled back and then back in. He worked himself in and out as he urged you to accept more. “Lonely.”

Your eyes rolled back and your lids finally closed. You slapped at his thighs as he kept his motion steady, slowly building his speed. The room filled with the sound of his cock sliding in an out of your throat. Slobber spread across your lips and up his shaft. Your nails dug into his skin as he held your head between his hands. Your head spun as you were suffocated by the gin and his relentless fucking.

You were just about to fall out of the chair when he pulled out. He held onto your head with one hand as he stroked himself with the other. “Open.” He commanded and you kept your lips as you were as he tilted your chin. Erratic ribbons shot along your tongue and around your mouth. You waited until he finished and at last released you.

“Swallow.” His voice was smoky as he stared down at you. You closed your mouth and urged yourself to do as he said. His cum slid down your ragged throat with a painful gulp. “Strip.”

There was something about his tone, the way he ordered you around, that told you he was used to being in charge. You rose and stiffly untied the neck of your bathing suit top. The cups fell forward and you undid the back as well. You tossed away the bra and braced yourself as your fingers slid under the waist of your bottom. You bent and drew them down in one swoop. You stood straight as you stepped out of it.

“Turn around,” He twirled his finger in the air. His cock hung out of his pants without shame and you turned to hide your stray eyes. He looked even bigger than he felt. “On the chair. On your knees.” You approached the wooden chair and got up on your knees. He growled in approval as he came up behind you. “Do you swallow your boyfriend’s cum?”

“How--” You stopped yourself and bit your cheek instead.

“I heard you mention him to your friend. Something about him working too much. Wasn’t really listening.” His hands came up on either side of your head and brushed through your hair. He dragged his nails over your scalp and you resisted a shiver. “So, do you?”

You shook your head. You couldn’t have spoken if you tried. He gave a soft chuckle as his hands settled on your shoulders and kneaded them. His fingers then danced down your shoulder blades and along the curves of your body. He cupped your ass in his large hands; his palms calloused and rough. He pulled the cheeks apart and pushed them back together.

“Should I feel special then?” He teased. You sucked in your lip as he slipped one hand below your ass. He felt around and you closed your eyes as you felt your wetness at the same time he did. “Maybe less work and more play for you.”

“Shut up,” You whispered, “Just shut up.”

He slapped your ass so hard you fell against the back of the chair. “Too bad he’s not here to see how it’s done.” He continued. “Hmm? He could probably use some pointers if your quivering like this.”

You wrapped your fingers around the back of the chair. You clung to the top bar as you clamped your lips together. He felt around with his fingers until he found your entrance. He pushed inside with two fingers and you bit down. He added a third and you squirmed. He roughly worked in and out of you as he slid his cock down between your cheeks.

He pulled his fingers out and pressed on your lower back, your juices spreading across your skin. You arched your back as he lined his cock up with your entrance and you exhaled slowly. As he pushed inside you couldn’t help the whimper. The signal of your surrender as you hung your head. With every inch, you leaned forward, aiding his delve inside. When he bottomed out, he sighed. He slapped your ass with both hands and bucked his hips, poking your cervix sharply.

At first, his thrusts were slow, as if to allow your body to adjust. Your walls strained against him, aching as he stretched you to your limit. You grunted as you tried to withhold your moans. His hand slid up your back and his fingers wrapped around your shoulder as he curved your back further. He slipped out of you so that only his head remained and paused.

He slammed into you and you cried out as you slumped against the back of the chair entirely. Your breath picked up as his thrusts turned sharp; rough. He was done playing nice. The chair creaked and wobbled beneath you as he threatened to fuck it to splinters. You held on as you feared its collapse. His other hand was on your hip as he rutted into you like an animal. The grunts and snarls which rose from him assured you of nothing else. This was a man unhinged. A man who had left his humanity far behind.

Your walls clung to him, pulsed around him as you felt the bloom. The sudden surge and your head flung back. His fingertips dug into your shoulder as his pelvis clapped against your ass. You whined as your orgasm flowed through you and shattered the last of your strength. You spasmed against him. You dropped your head down and leaned it against the back of the chair as you chased the breath that had whisked from your lungs. You could barely keep yourself from crumpling to the floor.

The chair almost tipped as he pulled out of you suddenly. He drew you off your knees and turned you to face him. He swiped the empty cans, the bottle of gin, and the first aid kit from the table with his arm. He grabbed you and lifted you so easily your head spun. You landed on your back atop the wood and he was quick to move between your legs. His hands went to your thighs as he pushed your legs up as far as they would go. He entered without delay, even deeper than before.

His blue eyes glided up your body and watched the twitch of your cheek as you tried to restrain the pleasure soaring through you. His gaze retreated as he smirked and he pressed his thumb to your clit. You moaned and reached to latch onto the edge of the table as he resumed his former rhythm. There was no patience left in him. He pounded into you so that the table shook and your body added to its tremble.

You swore as another orgasm tore through you. Your legs were flush to his torso as he grabbed onto your thighs and held you close. He rocked his hips into you in violent thrusts. Your ass was almost off the table as he bit his lips and threw his head back. His strokes turned spastic and he slowed as he came. His heat seeped through you as he buried himself as deep as he could.

You shuddered as he let your legs fall around him and your chest beat a melody. You lay prone across the table and he removed himself after a moment. He huffed and fell back into the chair. He was still hard but fatigue lined his eyes and hung from his broad shoulders. You raised your head as you sensed his gaze. He watched as his cum leaked from between your legs and you pushed your thighs together as you sat up.

“Come on,” He patted his thigh and held the base of his cock with his other hand, “Might as well have some fun while your friends have their own, huh?”

+

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[ghostlyshylee]

Nightmares

(Pre-story note, I originally posted this on DeviantArt back in 2016. I would love to write again and share my ideas with people. This is technically my first fiction so it may be a bit rough around the edges so let me know how you feel, any criticism welcomed!)

[Lee: Naruto - Ler: Kakashi; platonic]

———–

It was another usual day of training for squad 7, Naruto butting heads with Sasuke and Sakura getting on the blonde’s case. “Alright everyone that’s enough training for one afternoon.” Said Kakashi exhausted from Naruto constantly bickering with Sasuke. “Aw man! But I’m not even tired yet!” Naruto argued. “Hmph, you look pretty tired to me.” Retorted Sasuke sarcastically. Naruto was about to go at it again but was interrupted by one annoyed Sakura. “Naruto why don’t you just give it a rest already?!” She stressed. “Man why’s everyone always on HIS side?” Naruto pouted. Kakashi sighed at his squad while putting away his latest romance novel. “Well I don’t know about you three but I’m starving so how ‘bout I treat you all to some lunch to reward your recent hard work?” Everyone’s face lit up at the offer, Naruto’s in particular. “Alright! Can we eat at Ichiraku’s? Please??” Naruto asked eagerly. “Why does it always have to be Ichiraku’s?” Sighed Sakura. “Because Ichiraku’s is the best!” Stated Naruto like it was the most obvious fact ever. I really don’t mind where we eat.“ Added Kakashi. "I guess there’s no choice.” Said Sakura. “Whatever.” Said Sasuke not really caring where he ate either.

-Some Time Later-

*Sluurrrp*

“…ahh! That hit the spot!” Exclaimed Naruto satisfied with his third bowl. Sasuke casually wiped his mouth as Sakura finished her bowl. “Nothing beats Ichiraku’s ramen!” Said Naruto. “Here’s what we owe you.” Said Kakashi handing over the ryo. “Well I’m heading home everyone, thank you for luch Kakashi sensei.” Said Sakura readying herself to leave. “Alright then see ya, stay safe.” Kakashi said as he waved her goodbye. “Well no use for me to hang around here so I guess I’m off too.” Said Sasuke while hopping from his seat. “Thanks for the food Kakashi.” He said as he walked out of the ramen shop, Kakashi nodding in response. After a few minutes passed Kakashi began to lean back onto the bar, a bit lost in thought while Naruto patted his stomach satisfied. Kakashi’s eyes had begun to wonder and eventually ended up on Naruto’s stomach. “Hmm, the nine tails.” Kakashi thought to himself.  "Wonder how that seal has been holding up.“ "Eh, something wrong sensei..? "Naruto asked curiously. "Hmm? Oh, it’s nothing.” Kakashi said while looking fowards. “Well… actually there is something Naruto.” Naruto sat up at full attention. “What is it?” Kakashi paused for a moment. “I was wondering about your seal.” Naruto looked at him a bit confused but then realized what he meant by “seal”. “Oh, it’s coming along OK I guess…” Kakashi looked at him with a questioning look. “Just OK? He asked. "Well…” Naruto started. “Do you want to talk about it in private?” Kakashi asked with a hint of concern. “Sure I guess..” Replied Naruto a little anxious. “Alright, let’s head back to the training grounds then.” Said Kakashi. They both got up and thanked Ichiraku for the meal then left for the training grounds.

Some time had passed since they went to eat for the sun was starting to set and the sky was quite orange. “So, what seems to be the problem?” Asked Kakashi as they both got comfortable on the grass. “Well, ever since that fight with Haku I’ve been having these weird dreams.” Said a Naruto, sounding a bit uncertain. “Weird dreams?” Asked Kakashi. “Not really dreams … they’re more like nightmares.” Naruto said looking tense. “Tell me Naruto, what happens in these nightmares?” Asked Kakashi. “Well it’s hard to explain but I would wake up in a cave, but I’m still asleep and some reason it just stinks so bad in there.” Explained Naruto. “And I would try to find my way out but I keep running in circles but then I’d finally find a straight path that always leads me to a cage.” Said Naruto. “A cage?” Asked Kakashi worried. “Yeah, a giant cage. It’s so weird but like there’s always some kind of monster in the cage calling my name, telling me to come closer… it’s just so creepy.” Said Naruto staring into his legs. “I wish the nightmare would stop but it’s been happening every night ever since that fight.” Naruto said with a hint of sadness and defeat. Kakashi put his hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him.

“Maybe I should take a look at your seal.” Naruto was a bit suprised by the suggestion and eyed his sensei with a bit of confusion. “Oh, uh alright.” Kakashi motioned for Naruto to stand. “Alright, remove your jacket.” Kakashi pointed out and Naruto did as instructed. “Ok now what?” Asked Naruto, admittedly a bit nervous but also curious. “Now I need you to come closer so I can examine the seal.” Stated Kakashi. “Right.” Said Naruto as he moved close enough for Kakashi to examine. “Alright I’m going to lift your shirt up a little.” He lifted his shirt revealing the seal, Naruto held it in place to make it easier for him. Kakashi then proceeded to lightly trace the seal markings. “So it seems nothing’s been changed yet, that’s a relief.” He thought to himself while continuing to examine Naruto. While thinking to himself he was snapped back to reality by Naruto suppressing what sounded like… giggles? He looked up at Naruto to see a large smile across his face. “Hmm” He mused. “What’s wrong Naruto?” Asking curiously, already having a pretty good idea. “It kind of tickles when you do that.” He replied. “Tickles, huh?” Asked Kakashi a bit mischievously. A thought came to him, giving him a cruel idea.

“This might be a bit fun.” He thought to himself, a playful look in his showing eye. In an instant, Naruto found himself in a headlocked position, bringing him to his knees. “K-Kakashi sensei?!” Stammered Naruto, uncertain of what just happened. Instead of replying, Kakashi simply glided his free hand over the seal. “Ka-hah kashi-heheheh sen-henseiheheh!!” Kakashi simply smirked and increased his pacing. “N-no! Stah-hahaha sto-hop! Pleasheheheseee!! Why are you, hahahahah!! Doing-hing thi-hiseheheh?!”

“I’m simply testing that seal of yours.” Kakashi replied casually. “Nohoho! Na-hahat like this!!” Kakashi just shruged and began to pick up his pace while tickling a bit harder. Bwahahahah!! Nahaha! St-stohahahap! Hahahahaha!“ As the tickling continued Kakashi decided to take a different direction. "Ahahahahahahaha! W-what’re youhohoho-” He cut himself off with a squeak as Kakashi assaulted his pits next. “AHahaha!! Nahahahahahah! It’s tohohoho much! Plea- *squeak* don’t!!” Kakashi hearing Naruto’s squeaks continues the rough house on his pits. Ah-HAH!! IS THIS REALLY HELPING?!“ Screamed Naruto. Kakashi being entertained and not wanting to let up, devised a new idea. Kakashi let up on the headlock, immediately after Naruto nearly doubled over on the ground from the extensive "inspection”. “I-is is over?” Asked Naruto catching his breath. “Nope.” Kakashi simply replied.

Taking advantage of his student’s exhausted state, Kakashi pulled Naruto into his lap, grabbing both of his wrists. “No… heheh no!” Naruto began to realize his situation. “Come now Naruto, it requires a great deal of inspection to make sure one’s seal is holding up.” Kakashi said trying to sound serious but coming across as a bit cheeky. “Besides, I’d say you needed bit of cheering up having such nightmares.” “But I don’t need to be cheered up, I’m fine!” Naruto forced an almost painful smile on his face. “Mmmm I don’t buy it.” Said Kakashi as he suddenly drove his finers into Naruto’s left ribcage, this of course driving Naruto into hysterics. “MUAHAHAHA!! N-HAHA NO!! KAHAHA KASHIHEHEHEH!!” “Yes?” Kakashi said speaking over Naruto’s laughter. “STAHAHAHAHAPAHAHA!! PLEAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Naruto screamed. “Hmm…” Kakashi mused while doing a spider crawl motion on his right rib. “YOUHORHOR KILLEHEHENING MEHEHEHEH!!” Kakashi looked at Naruto faking a shocked expression. “So it seems I am.” Kakashi decided to let up on the poor boy and Naruto took this time to breath some much needed air.

“Heh..heh… that was awful” Naruto breathlessly exclaimed. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” Kakashi smiled, Naruto’s wrists still in hand. A good few minutes passed by while Naruto caught his breath, he was about to question why he was still being held captive in his sensei’s lap only to be swiftly cut off with a loud and wet sound. Naruto taken by complete surprise (and tickly sensations) shrieked. “NAHAHA-BWAHAHA AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I C-CAHAHAN’T TAHAHAKE THIHIHIHIHISSSSS!!!” Naruto unable to form sentences right suffered through what seemed like endless raspberries.  Five long minutes later Kakashi finally let up and Naruto was a gasping mess, his face had reddened with the amount of harsh tickling and Kakashi could see tears taking form. “Well looks like I DID go overboard…” Naruto looked at Kakashi angrily, or would’ve appeared that way if there wasn’t a huge smile plastered to his face.

“You… you-hoo jerherherk…” “I try.” Smiled Kakashi. A few minutes go by as Naruto’s coloration finally returned back to normal and was finally able to get up out of Kakashi’s grasp. “Man, that was still a really jerk move!” Puffed Naruto at Kakashi. “Hmm I wonder what Sasuke and Sakura would think of this?”  Mused Kakashi. “WHAT?!! YOU’RE NOT TELLIN’ THEM ARE YOU?!” Panicked Naruto. “Calm down Naruto, I’m just pulling your leg.” Kakashi said, letting out a small chuckle. “Right…” Naruto said, still a bit embarrassed about it. “Naruto..” “Wh-what is it?” He asked. If anything actually does happen with your seal come and tell me, ok?“ Kakashi said while ruffling Naruto’s hair. "Yeah ok.” Kakashi made up to Naruto with some more ramen later that night for the extensive “examining” and Naruto didn’t really mind.

-Later that night-

Naruto had just gotten home from his second ramen run with Kakashi. “Man, finally home!” Naruto said exhausted from prior events. “What a day…” He said to himself as he plopped down on his bed, too exhausted to shower even, to be infact he was happy to go to sleep for he didn’t feel afraid of the nightmare anymore.

[thepaperdollsseries]

SNEAK PEEK - Love Like Crazy

Our new novel Love Like Crazy is the story of Charli and Laura, two girls that become roommates at the exclusive all girls boarding school, Hanover. Charli is a perfect Hanover girl; pretty, soccer star, and never breaks the rules. Laura is an accidental bad girl that’s sent to Hanover by her disapproving parents.  I saw Laura up in the stands and I kept looking up. She’d come down on her own. I was surprised when I first saw her. It was more fuel for the rumors that had started. It didn’t bother me, quite the opposite. 

I didn’t examine how I felt about it. I just let it go. I liked Laura and the mystery of her past was intriguing. I wanted to know why she was here but letting her tell me in her own time was important. I could tell. 

When coach dismissed us I ran up in the bleachers and sat down next to her. I was tired but energized from the exercise. She was adorable up here all on her own with empty bleachers surrounding her. 

“Hey, watcha reading?” I asked. 

“One of the assignments for Ms. Rosewell’s class,” she said. “I kinda love it. Makes the last book I was reading really look like crap.” She set her reader down beside her and turned to examine me. “You’re really good. You never told me that.”

“Ah, I’m pretty good,” I corrected. “Good enough for a scholarship hopefully but it’s not remarkable.”

I put my hands between my knees. The cold was setting in now that I wasn’t moving. I saw Abby walking up the bleachers towards us and glanced over at Laura. 

"You want this?” Laura asked, taking my hoodie from off of her arms. The fabric slid off of her easily as she moved to hand it over to me, it was warm.

“No, you keep it. I’m gonna shower soon and head back to dinner. I just wanted to say hi,” I told her. 

Abby stopped on the stairs and waved. 

“Hey Laura, how’s it going?” Abby asked.

“Hey Abby. It’s good. You guys looked really great down there.” Laura was always nice to everyone but she tended to keep to herself whenever possible. 

“Thanks, I just wanted to say hi and apologize for my girlfriend’s ridiculousness. Honestly, she didn’t mean to start any drama. She just has that too much gene and it gets the better of her. You’re always welcome to eat or hang out with us.”

"Ahh, it’s fine,” Laura laughed it off. 

“I’ll see you guys later. I’m all icky. I can’t wait to shower,” Abby said. 

I just sat there smiling and being grateful that I had Abby around. 

“I need a shower too so I’ll go with,” I said and stood up. I looked back at Laura. “I’ll see you at dinner?" 

Abby was already down at the bottom of the bleachers and out of earshot so I reached out and put my hand on Laura’s arm. 

"We can find a quiet place to sit by ourselves if you want.” 

I felt her hand touch on mine. "Aw, I don’t wanna take you from your friends. I’ll just go and grab something now,” she said honestly. “Are you gonna be busy after?”

“Okay,” I said. 

I kept my face even and tried not to show anything. I’d rather have just had dinner with her but I knew she probably wanted to go alone. 

“No,” I said. “No plans. I was just going to go back to the room after.” 

"Nice,” Laura smiled softly. “Go on. You’re cold,” she nudged me. “I’ll see you soon.”

It was windy and it would probably storm tonight. I laughed and jogged down the bleachers, hurrying along to warm up. 

We had plans for tomorrow and that was what I was looking forward to most. Hanging out tonight would be fun though. We could talk and chill in the room. The hall wouldn’t get too rowdy since Serena was in all weekend. 

I liked the quiet nights. Occasionally, I liked to let off the tension with my friends but I was a bit of a loner after all the forced socialization of school, meetings, and practice. Rarely, could you be alone at Hanover. 

I finished up my shower quickly and changed back to my uniform. I’d beat everyone out of the locker room so I knew I might have a chance to catch Laura at the dining hall. 

At first, when I didn’t see her, I was a little bummed but then I felt my phone vibrate. Laura had sent me a picture of her meal at a table tucked away just outside near one of the large decorative outdoor fireplaces. She’d gone full out for once, getting the hot food which she never did. My portable speaker sat nearby and she had her thermos with her which I knew was filled with instant coffee that she probably doctored up to be tolerable. 

It said in a text beneath the picture: surviving the night. It was already pretty dark out and her food shone brightly beneath the flash from her camera.  The yellowing lamp posts that sparsely lined our walkways at night could hardly compete.

I rushed into the dining hall and got in line. It was the normal line but it seemed to take forever to get down to the end. I took the pasta dish and a bottle of water. 

It wasn’t hard to find her. She was sitting exactly where the picture showed me. She was smiling at me and I just stood there, like a dork, smiling back. 

“This is awesome,” I said. 

“I know, you came,” she laughed, pulling a chair out close to her so I could sit right next to her and be closer to the heat. “Come on, sit. I made you coffee to warm you up.”

“You’re awesome. Thank you!” I sat down and slid my tray into the table beside me. “Coffee sounds great and this is perfect.”

“It’s nice,” Laura said. “They don’t usually light these fires. I’d never seen it before.”

“Yeah, they should do it more often. They’re always lit around Christmas but for some reason they don’t keep it up.”

"There’s gonna be a storm soon. I just got a weather update. Vic wants to go to the beach and watch the lightning,” Laura said. “I think I’d rather stay in with you tonight. Watch a movie or read or something. If you have plans though that’s cool.”

“My plan is to do whatever you want to do. We could watch some movies or something. You pick one and I’ll pick one. We could just hang out and read too. I’m down for anything,” I said. 

It sounded perfect. It was all that I wanted. 

Laura laughed and blushed. I think I surprised her. “What do you usually do?”

She opened the coffee and drank some before putting it over in front of me to get me to drink. 

I took the coffee and took a sip. 

“You made this so much better. You’re like a coffee genius,” I said before having another drink. 

I handed the coffee back and reached for some of the garlic bread on my plate. 

“Usually, I just read or go for a walk. Sometimes I binge Netflix,” I said. 

“Alone?” She asked, curious.

“Yeah, usually. Once Abby and Lindsey started dating they spend time by themselves. I got used to being alone,” I explained. 

“Were you sad,” she asked honestly. 

“Not really. I like hanging out with them how we do now. It’s been nice to have time to read and chill. My friends like going out and doing things when they can. That’s nice. It’s hard to be the third wheel with a couple sometimes.” 

I took a bite of my pasta and nudged her with my elbow. 

"What about you? What do you do in your downtime at home?”

“Uhh, I leave,” she smiled. “Or Vic sneaks in. Or we text and call if I’m trapped but that hardly ever happens,” she sighed. “Or I lay there and feel anxious and hate myself. Hanover is really extreme for me,” she ate her food sadly. “There wasn’t exactly a warning for this. No progression leading up to it. I used to be pretty free.”

“So, you and Vic went out a lot?” I asked. 

“We were always out,” Laura said. “Even if it was just to be alone together in her car. Away from our families. Away from everyone… Couldn’t exactly breathe anywhere else.”

“You don’t like being at home?” I asked. 

“It’s okay if no one else is there. Me and Vic locked up in my room. But someone else is usually home so no. I sneak out, mostly.”

“You and Vic are really close,” I observed. 

I brought my bowl closer and ate some more. 

“Closer than anyone,” Laura said. 

“Like sisters?” I asked. 

It sounded like more to me, like something more than friends. That thought made me sad for no reason. 

“I’ve never had a sister,” she shrugged. “But I dunno. I have a brother and we’re closer than that. My family doesn’t understand me. Only Vic does.”

She leaned back in her chair and drank some more of her coffee. “Or maybe she doesn’t and I just choose her,” she zoned out.

“I’m sure she does. It’s hard to get close to someone without understanding them. At least on some levels.”

Laura stared off into the night. When she snapped out of it she smiled at me. "She at least tries,” she confessed. “No one else does that.”

“That sucks, It has to make you feel so isolated and alone.” 

"I am isolated and alone,” she smirked up at me and looked around to tease me. “They literally sent me away, Charli. This school doesn’t mean the same thing for you as it does for me.”

“No, I’m sure it’s very different,” I agreed. 

She seemed so sad about it and all I wanted was to make it easier for her. It was an impossible situation and I couldn’t help much. 

“I hope you don’t hate it all though,” I said.

“I don’t,” she said, watching me. “I like you.” Her eye contact was insane sometimes, it was so direct and kind.

I blushed and bit my bottom lip to calm my smile. 

“I like you too,” I replied. I always blushed too much and I could always feel it climbing up my face like a wave.

I looked at her and got caught by her eyes. The way she looked at me was so warm and piercing. I moved a little closer without realizing. I broke the moment and looked down at my pasta. 

“You’re different and I also like that,” I revealed. 

“Different,” she nodded, trying to decide how to take it. “Yeah,” she nodded. “Guess so…”

“No,” I groaned. “I mean, different, in that, I’ve never made friends with someone this quick. I feel like I can actually talk to you and be real. I don’t have to have a face on. You make me comfortable. That’s the different thing about you,” I explained. 

“It’s okay, you can say it,” Laura said. “Everybody says it. There’s something wrong with me. I do stupid things.”

“That’s not what I meant at all,” I said, worried. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You just draw me in and make me feel good.”

I wanted to hide my face. Talking like this made me feel naked. I just hoped she would hear me. 

"I know you didn’t mean it like that,” she comforted. I felt her hand slip onto my thigh beneath the table. “Forget I said it,” she asked. “I’m really bad at this stuff.” A lock of her hair flew into her pink lip gloss and she slipped it away from her lips. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” I said. 

I put my hand on top of hers and let it rest there. It felt right. Her feelings about how people saw her made me sad. She didn’t deserve that. 

She laughed and tears sprang to her eyes but she shrugged them off and smiled through them. “Okay,” she said, obviously not believing it but ready to let it go anyway.

I ate a little more and then gave up on my dinner. Everyone has flaws but from my perspective I hadn’t found any in her. Laura’s self-esteem might need a little work but most of us were guilty of that.

She ate a lot more of her food than usual and kept on relaxing by the heat of the fire with her coffee in hand, taking slow sips. “Wish we had one of these.”

“One of what?” I asked. 

“The fire,” she said, getting all warm and sleepy. 

“Oh, yeah. It’s nice,” I replied. “If we could transport it to our room, it would be even better.”

“I’d sleep too much,” Laura smiled. 

"I’d wake you up,” I said. 

“Rude,” Laura smiled more. 

The wind rushed and took a couple of napkins from us, blowing them out onto the floor near a couple of other people down the way. “Oh shit,” Laura said, getting up and rushing to gather the trash. Once she got the napkins, she walked them to a bin and came back. “Guess that’s our sign,” she chuckled, the stress of the day was coming back to her face. In the night, her eyes stunned when hit by light.

 "Yeah, I guess,“ I sighed and pursed my lips. "I’ll take this inside and we can go back to the dorm.” The awkward feelings were coming on, how to act, how to be.

I stood and picked up my tray. Barely half of my pasta was gone. It wasn’t enough and I’d get hungry later. I took the fork and shoveled more pasta into my mouth. It was cold and tasted so much worse now but I made myself chew and swallow it. 

Laura followed me inside and waited to put her tray up. The little conveyer belt that took away our dirty dishes zoomed around making our trays disappear. 

“Maybe you should get something for later,” Laura said. “You exercise hard.” She touched my hip bone with her fingers, grabbing the nonexistent love handle I could have.

I jumped a little and laughed. I was way too ticklish to handle that. 

“I’ve got stuff in the room that I snatched yesterday at dinner,” I said. 

She was sweet. It made me melt a little and smile. 

“Okay fine,” she said, amused. 

“You gotta stop being cute and sweet. I’m not used to it,” I teased. 

“Uh-oh. Okay, I’ll work on it,” she blushed. I could tell it made her happy to know I liked her.

“Maybe I’ll take you to my favorite breakfast place in the morning,” I suggested. 

“Oh my god, please,” Laura groaned, hugging herself into my back and holding my upper arms. When she decided to touch me it was always effortless. Right now she was leading us out.

It felt good and a certain kind of special that was unfamiliar. She made me smile when I didn’t even realize. 

“They have really good quiche but the best pancakes,” I said. 

“Love pancakes,” Laura mentioned.

“Then you’ll love this place,” I said. 

I took one of her hands and led the way. We fit and I loved the feeling of being like this, carefree and focused on the warm feeling.

I pulled her into our dorm and past all the open doors. A few of the girls looked out and greeted us. I saw that sharp consideration in their eyes. 

Fuck ‘em.

This was the best feeling and I wouldn’t let anyone ruin it with assumptions. 

We closed our door and I immediately started changing. 

“PJ time,” I declared. 

Laura laughed. 

Taking my tip, she moved to the closet beside me and slowly started to change.

I turned and saw her bare back facing me. Looking away would have been polite but I stared, entranced. Her skin was so smooth. I didn’t snap out of it till she turned around. 

I quickly put my shirt on and looked in my closet, pulling out some Hanover joggers and putting them on. 

I grabbed a shirt and threw it towards her. 

“Try this,” I suggested. 

She took the shirt and looked at it. It was a US soccer shirt I’d gotten at one of the development academies freshman year. 

“Thanks,” she smiled over at me. She slipped her bra off and put my shirt on. We danced around each other quietly. Soft breathing and careful hands. “Did you ever have a roommate before me?” She walked to her desk and pulled out her makeup wipes to start in on her skin routine. Step one was to take it all off. No matter what she did, she always made it look second-nature and easy.

“Nope. There was some kind of fluke. The girl I roomed with freshman year dropped out and they never put anyone else in here.” 

“That’s so weird,” Laura said, confused about it. She went along with her routine, getting ready to relax.

"Maybe,” I said. “I’m glad it was you though.” 

The flat screen was between the closets in a little alcove. I retrieved the remote from my nightstand. 

"What do you want to watch?” I asked. 

“Uh… I dunno,” Laura said. “What do you think?”

“Something fun, maybe Love Island. What do you think?” I asked. 

“Love Island?” Laura laughed. “Yeah, okay,” she smiled to herself. “Lets watch Love Island.”

“Hmm, maybe we should push the beds together? Then we can both have a good view of the TV.”

“Yes please,” Laura said. “It’s kinda bad but I’m not used to having a small bed like this. It’s totally lame. They really diminish your quality of life.”

"I know. I have a queen bed at home and this kills me. I’ve literally fallen off of it a lot, in my sleep. Especially, the first year.”

We moved the few things blocking the space between the beds and pushed them together. They were light.

Once the beds were touching I nodded and got in my side. I still had the remote in one of my hands. 

"That’s better,” I said. 

The middle of the combined beds was inviting and that’s where I ended up. I was still on my side but there was enough space on the outside that I was in no danger of falling off now. Laura crawled up her bed and pulled a pillow down for her head. She didn’t try to be far from me, she was really close. The shirt I’d given her was a little long and she never put on pants, instead she pulled her blanket up over her body and laid on her side facing me, cuddling up in the blanket like she was cold. “Oh shit. The light,” she said, realizing she’d forgotten it.

“I’ll get it.” I slid off the bed and walked around to turn it off. “Do you need anything while I’m up. Water or something to eat?”

“I’m good,” she said, resting. Her phone lit up and she ignored it.

I got some water for myself and got back in bed, laying closer to her than before. When I lay back on my pillow my arm brushed her hand.

“You’re cold. Here,” she said, pulling the blanket up so I could get under it.

I took the invitation and then leaned my head over to rest on her shoulder.  I turned on the TV and found the episodes I wanted, pressing play on the first one. 

“Better?” Laura asked, touching my arm beneath the blanket. She let her fingers trail down to find my hand and she played with my fingers sweetly.

“Much, thank you,” I said. 

I moved my fingers against hers, playing back. 

She smiled at me and held my hand, shutting her eyes and breathing normally like she might fall asleep.

“You’re tired. We can sleep if you want,” I offered. 

“I’m okay,” she said. “Feels good to lay down.”

“It does,” I agreed. 

It was especially nice to lay with her though. I focused on the TV and tuned into the ridiculousness. 

I fell asleep after two episodes and Laura checked out even earlier than that. When I woke up in the middle of the night the TV screen saver was flashing on the screen. 

We were cuddled together, much closer than we were before I fell asleep. I turned off the TV with the remote that was sitting by my hand. 

I tried not to move much because I didn’t want to wake her. Laura’s forehead was pushed in against my collarbone and her fingers clutched at my shirt near my side. She was cute and I didn’t want to ruin this feeling of being so close.

I lay my head close to the top of hers and took in the smell of my shirt mixed with her hair. It made me smile as I closed my eyes to go back to sleep.

The next morning I woke first and found myself underneath most of her body. My arms were surrounding her and her nose was now pressed close to my neck. 

It was a little warm and sweaty like anytime two people sleep together but not in a bad way. I closed my eyes again and enjoyed the feeling of her body on mine. She felt so small curled up against my body. Her smell surrounded me and I took it in like a drug. 

I’d rarely cuddled with anyone. After my best friends got together any intimacy there greatly decreased. I didn’t want to get in the middle of anything and Lindsey was a little touchy about it. 

Laura was the perfect size to fit with me. If I didn’t need to use the bathroom, I would have stayed like that and drifted back to sleep. 

I opened my eyes and looked at the time on the clock that sat on my desk. It was already nine. We needed to get going so we could get breakfast. I sighed. Breaking the spell was a sad but necessary thing. 

I untangled myself and got out of bed.

Laura groaned and cuddled into the blanket, burying her face in my pillow as she deeply breathed. “What time is it,” she mumbled.

“Just past nine. I’ll be right back.”

I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste and glanced at her one more time before I left. She was stretching with her eyes closed. I smiled, suppressing the urge to go back and watch her wake. My brain was kind of weird these days. 

“I’ll get up,” her voice ached.

"Okay,” I said, leaving finally. 

I passed closed doors and stopped in the quiet hall before going into the bathroom. I used the toilet first and then brushed my teeth, returning to find her up and sitting on the bed. 

“Did you sleep well?” I asked 

“Way better than I usually do, yeah.” She scoffed a tired laugh. In my absence she’d quickly changed clothes and tied her hair up in a messy bun. She had her phone in her hand and she was staring down on it, scrolling through things. “Vic is pissed,” she laughed. “Guess she thought I died or something.”

“Hmm, did she expect you to call?" 

I changed into black skinny jeans, tossing my joggers on the combined beds and then found a clean bra and a slim white tee. 

"Uh, I think she thought I was joking when I said I was too tired to go out yesterday.” She texted something quickly. “We always go out.”

There wasn’t regret or remorse in her but perhaps some heaviness.

“I can be your witness. You passed out after one episode,” I said. 

Laura laughed and smiled. “Sorry,” she said, a little stressed. “It was comfy.” She got up and gripped her bathroom bag. “I’ll be back,” she said, leaving to use the restroom for a bit.

I sat on the bed and put my worn, black Chuck’s on. I’d take them off once we got to the beach. The feeling of sand on my bare feet would be welcome. I loved that movement and softness mixed with grit. 

When Laura came back I’d brushed my hair and let it hang loose. I kept it up a lot during class and practice. 

She smirked a little and blushed when she saw me. “Okay I think I’m together enough,” she teased, throwing a few things into her bag. Together enough was an understatement. I tried not to stare.

“Nice. We can walk out toward the front gate and catch the bus down the street. It’s not due for fifteen minutes so we’ve got time.”

I grabbed a ball cap and put it on. My beach bag was already by the door. I went to grab it and opened the door. The bus was always how I usually got to the beach because I kinda liked the ride. It didn’t run all the time though. Sometimes I had to uber there or to the store. Today I wanted to give Laura the full experience. 

"You ready for an adventure?” I asked, grinning. 

“With you? Definitely,” Laura said. 

On her way out she grabbed us both waters, then she walked in front of me and waited for me to lock the door. “If I don’t call Vic soon she’s gonna murder me. She’s all upset about so many things. You’d think we’d been apart a year or something.”

She dug her sunglasses out of her bag and put them on.

“Call her while we walk to the bus,” I suggested. 

I locked up and we walked down the hall. By now Serena was up and policing the front door. 

“Morning ladies. Where are you off to?” Serena asked. 

“Oh, just the beach,” I said. 

“Laura, I promised your parents I wouldn’t allow you to go off campus until I was sure you settled in,” Serena said. 

“I swear we’re just going to the beach for a few hours and coming back. Just like usual,” I said. 

“Uh huh, I know you’re responsible, Charlotte. I’m just-" 

"Please,” I begged.

Serena frowned and looked toward the door, considering.  

“Alright, but you better be back by curfew or I’ll be sending you to detention,” she threatened. 

“We will. I swear,” I said. 

I took Laura’s hand and rushed past Serena before she changed her mind. I pushed open the front door and held it open, letting go of Laura’s hand. 

After it closed, I turned to walk towards the entrance to campus. 

“That was close. I was going to riot if she didn’t let us go,” I sighed. 

Laura laughed. “Yeah, I highly doubt that. That’s weird though. My parents never said they asked for that. They even pretended I could come home on the weekends if I wanted to.” She seemed bummed. “Maybe they just knew I’d say no.”

We’d only been outside for a few seconds and the world had already shit on her.

“Serena probably offered it.  She’s like that,” I said. 

“Why would she offer that,” Laura asked, bruised.

“Because she’s a suck up and she thinks she knows what’s best for everyone,” I said. Laura didn’t say anything, she walked along beside me and kept quiet.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Not really,” she said. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“You got it,” I said, taking her hand.

The bus came a few minutes later and we boarded, finding a seat in the back where we could sit close. 

Laura kept her hand in mine but she stared listlessly outside of the window. I watched her for a second and then squeezed her hand. 

“Show me a picture of Vic,” I said. 

“Oh, sure,” she said, taking a deep breath in. She woke up her phone and found a picture to show me. Tan, bleached blonde, tall, and skinny. Vic was at the beach in a bikini and visibly laughing like she was really really happy. Her arm was slung around a guy, equally pretty and tan. “That’s her and Pete,” Laura said, handing her phone to me.

“She’s pretty,” I commented. 

“Yeah,” Laura laughed. “It’s really frustrating.”

“Why is it frustrating?” I asked. 

“I dunno,” Laura shrugged. “It’s just hard. Our friendship is weird.”

“Like it could be more?” I asked. 

“I dunno,” Laura dodged it. “I mean, she’s obviously my favorite person on the planet but…”

“Friendships are different. Abby and I used to be closer and we would stay over in each other’s rooms,” I said. 

“I’ve never had anyone I cared about so much,” Laura said. “Was it like that with Abby?”

“No, it wasn’t. I’ve never had anyone like that besides my family,” I said. 

We were two of the few people riding the bus so we had a lot of space. We still sat close, legs touching and hands still clasped.

“I’m a little jealous of your family,” Laura said.

“They’re pretty cool. I got lucky. All my friends have always loved my mom and dad. Abby visited me for a week in the summer once and she loved it. Her house is ten times fancier than ours and she has actual servants but she didn’t want to leave. We had a good time,” I said. 

“I didn’t say I was jealous of you,” Laura said. “I said I was jealous of them. You love them so much.” She slipped her hand back into mine and held it with both of her hands from the front and the back. “I envy them.”

“Oh! Well, maybe I’ll love you too,” I said.

It slipped out before I really knew what I’d said. It wasn’t bad, I just didn’t know what she would think. 

“Yeah,” Laura laughed. “Maybe… Possibly…” She ruminated on that and then let my hand go. “Sorry,” she smiled. “I’m in a really shitty mood and I wish I wasn’t.” She held the back of her neck in her hands and tried to relax. The result was that she leaned forward over her knees in an uncomfortable position just to deeply breathe.

“Don’t apologize to me. I’m happy we can get out of there and maybe you’ll feel a little better after you eat and we go see the ocean. The ocean always makes me happy.”

“Yeah,” Laura said. “Maybe.”

“Hey, can I do anything?” I asked. 

“No,” Laura said, feeling sad. “I think I’m at a rock bottom moment or something. It’s not you. You’re wonderful. There’s just so much stuff I don’t want to think about right now.”

“Then, let’s think about something else. What’s your favorite food?” I asked. 

“I dunno,” she laughed. 

“Well, mine is kind of weird. You have to promise you won’t laugh,” I said, feigning seriousness. 

“I always laugh,” she reminded. “Just tell me.”

“Ah, I guess I trust you. I am addicted to gummy worms. If I could I’d eat them every day, I would,” I confessed. 

Laura sat up and stared over at me. “Interesting. Iiiii, really don’t think that’s a food.”

“Oh? What is it then?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. 

“Corn syrup,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“And gelatin plus blue 1,” I teased. 

I leaned toward her and pressed our shoulders together. 

“Okay fine, chicken nuggets,” I said. 

“Oh wow. Okay. I get it. You are actually five,” she laughed.

“And a half, you can’t forget the half. It’s important,” I said and stuck my tongue out at her. 

Soon as I did that her fingers quickly found my sides and she tickled me until we both busted up laughing. 

“Oh my god, no!” I was on my side, trying to cover my sides and protect myself. “You found my weakness. Mercy!" 

I leaned back up and let my body go a little too far so that I was almost laying in her lap. 

"That’s just below the belt,” I said, still grinning. 

“Oh fine,” she beamed, stopping it. I felt her arms slip in around my stomach and she hugged me tight. “But you’ve been warned.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” I said. 

I hugged her back and kept her close, loving the ride and her ways. 

“You smell really good,” I commented. 

“Not as good as you,” she said. “Mine’s all artificial.”

She pressed her nose to my shirt sleeve and breathed me in.

“Not true. I can smell you. And mine is a mix of detergent and products. After practice I stink.”

“No you don’t,” she said. 

“What? I’m all sweaty and gross. Do we need to get your sense of smell tested?” I teased. 

“I’ve never seen you gross,” she laughed. “You’re like perfect.”

“No way, I’m not perfect. I have weird ears, I don’t know when to say no to people, and there’s a pimple on my nose,” I complained.

“Don’t know when to say no to people?" 

"It’s just hard for me to say no when people ask for things,” I said. 

“Like… Today?” Laura asked.

“Today? When?” I asked. 

“The beach,” she reminded. “Your secret spot.”

“Oh! No, I wanted to show you. I just want to do stuff with you. It makes me happy,” I said. 

I puzzled over that like a revelation. Something clicked in my head and I forgot to breathe for a second. I pushed it away and focused on holding her and the feeling of her solid breathing body in my arms. 

“That’s really sweet,” she said, leaning back in her chair and absentmindedly rubbing my back.

I shook my head and smiled. 

“You’re just as sweet. I don’t know if you know that. I bet not. You probably think you’re a badass bitch,” I teased.  

“Oh wow,” she laughed. “Yeah, you’re right, that’s all I think all day long,” she teased. 

“I knew it!” I raised my fist in triumph and laughed. “Little did you know that you’re super soft and gooey inside,” I pointed out. 

“Are you calling me fat,” she chuckled. Her hand slipped beneath my shirt and I felt it touching my skin, her nails carefully playing and her palm rubbing methodically.

“You’re definitely not fat,” I insisted. 

Her nails on my skin made me shiver and my breath caught. I tingled all over and closed my eyes. There was no mistaking what was happening to me. 

Fuck. 

Laura sighed and dazed. “I think you’re a miracle,” she whispered. “I don’t even want to think about how bad this week could’ve been if I wasn’t with you.”

“I’m happy I could help,” I said. 

The bus was getting close to our stop. I’d be able to get a little distance and get control of myself. 

“Here we go,” I said. 

The bus stopped with a soft screech and I released her, scooting away and standing up. Slow to rise, Laura followed me. Fingerbeds touched down on my back as we wove our way through the corridor and made it outside.

The restaurant was visible from the bus stop and once the bus moved on we could cross over to walk down the road toward it. 

It was a small place with fresh, modern decor but the prices were really good. I could even afford it with the money my parents sent me every month. 

We went in and were greeted by the owner, Alma. 

“Nice to see you Charli! Give me a hug,” Alma said. 

I walked around the host stand and hugged Alma. All three years I’d been here, I’d come in consistently on the weekends and by now the entire staff knew me. The place was family-owned and run so the same people always worked. 

“This is my friend Laura. Laura this is Alma,” I introduced. 

“Nice to meet you Laura,” Alma said, opening her arms for a hug. 

“Nice to meet you too,” Laura said, buried into Alma’s arms. She hugged her and stepped back to be polite.

Alma was a robust black woman in her fifties with grey wisps of hair escaping from her orderly bun. 

A hug from Alma was like warm sunshine. I could never leave here without my mood being high. She and her daughter’s ran the restaurant seven days a week and their love for it showed. 

“You come sit in your booth and we’ll bring out some biscuits,” Alma said. 

She gave me two menus and went off to get our biscuits. The booth I always sat in was in the back, by the window overlooking the cliffs that led to the ocean. 

I slid into one side of the booth and put the menus on the table. 

“I found this place freshman year while I was exploring and loved it right away,” I said. 

“It’s amazing,” Laura said, completely taken by the view. She perched up on the bench cushion, knees elevating her so she could look out. “Wow…”

“Pretty right?” I followed her gaze. “Alma bought it in the late 70’s and her oldest daughter is going to take over someday. I hope you like the food.”

Laura turned to gaze down on me and she shook her head. “You know I like food,” she said, adjusting her position until she was perfectly across from me in the booth. 

Her eyes wandered, taking in the other people eating out together on a Saturday. She bit her bottom lip and seemed distracted. Her phone buzzed and she grumpily looked down on it and shut it off.

“Vic?” I asked. 

Laura looked up at me, a little confused. “Yeah,” she said, softening.

“Do you need to call her?” I asked. 

“I dunno,” Laura said. “She’s mad at me and I kinda don’t want to deal with it right now.”

“Then, don’t,” I smiled. 

Alma came up and put a basket of biscuits on the table.

“Here you are girls. Now, do you know what you want to drink?” She asked.

“I’ll take coffee and water,” I said. 

“Um, iced coffee please,” Laura said. Once Alma left, Laura stole a glance at me and smiled. “So, you come here a lot,” she commented. 

“Every other weekend at least. I’d love to work here in the summer but there’s no way I can stay on campus,” I said. 

“I thought you missed your family though,” Laura said.

“I do but I really want to pay for college myself so I’ve been working in the summer and playing club soccer too,” I said. 

“Wow,” Laura said, dazed. 

“I know, I’m boring,” I joked. 

“You kidding?” Laura asked. “You’re insane. I could never do what you do. That stuff’s all really hard.”

“I’m sure you could. Everyone has strengths.  You just have to find yours,” I commented. 

“That’s the kind of thing really talented people say to not so talented people like me,” Laura teased. “My parents put all their hopes and efforts into Roger so…” Her words trailed off.

“That’s bs, you’ve got talent. Your parents just don’t give you credit.”

Alma came back with our drinks and stood with her order pad ready. 

"What are you having today?” Alma asked. 

“Sorry, I didn’t give you time to look. Did you need more?” I asked Laura. 

“I’ll have the peachy-keen daily pancake special,” Laura said, reading the board on the wall.

“I want the everything omelette and a short stack of banana pancakes, please,” I added. 

“Alright, I’ll put these in,” Alma said, walking away. 

I put cream in my coffee and way too much sugar from the jar and then stirred it before taking a sip. I was gonna crash later but it tasted so good. 

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“I like being with you,” Laura said. 

 "That’s good cause I like being with you too,“ I replied. 

“You’re really genuine,” Laura said. “I’m not used to it.”

"Thanks. That’s probably the best compliment I’ve gotten. You are too, you know. I like that you talk to me about things.”

“I don’t talk to many people like this,” Laura laughed. 

"Why me then?” I wondered. 

“Right place, right time,” Laura said. “Plus, you’re like adorable. It’s kind of hard not to talk to you.”

“You think I’m adorable? Hmm…” I contemplated. "I’m happy to be someone you can talk to. I really am,” I finished. 

“Yeah, you’re gonna drive me nuts,” Laura laughed and groaned. “I like you too much and I can’t keep secrets from you. That’s a recipe for disaster.”

“Or it’s a recipe for amazing things. You should tell me everything. That’s what I want to know,” I said. 

“You say that now,” she joked. Her iced coffee sat before her and she pulled it close to drink from the straw.

“You couldn’t have done anything to make me not want to talk to you,” I said.

“Yeah but you could not like me,” Laura said. “As a person. And that’d be worse.”

“I don’t think so but you could try me,” I suggested. 

One of the other staff dropped off our food and left us to eat. I still watched Laura though, waiting to dig in.

“I could try to ruin our friendship?” She went on. “Yeah, rather not.” Her hands found her silverware and she placed her napkin on her lap and started to eat. I could tell she loved it. She made a face, rolled her eyes, and pointed at her mouth. “Mm. My god…” She mumbled. “Fuck.”

“Right!” I started on my omelette and I couldn’t stop. 

There was silence for awhile as we ate. I finished my food first since I always ate too fast. My mom used to yell at me about it but I couldn’t help it. Food was so good. 

“You’re a little animal,” Laura smirked. I’d gotten used to that smirk. She was constantly amused by me.

“At least I’m a cute animal according to you,” I said and grinned at her. 

“Super true,” Laura said. She ate some more and took her time. “I’m not sure I can finish this. Okay, I know I can’t. Would it be a pain to carry?”

“Nope. We can put it in my bag,” I said.

 I patted the beach bag beside me and smiled. 

“Okay,” she nodded, overwhelmed. 

“If we need to we can Uber back to campus. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go by the grocery store on the way back,” I said. 

“That’s genius actually,” Laura commented. “No pressure though if you wanna meet up with your friends.”

“No, I’d rather hang out with you,” I replied. 

“Why’s that?”

“Because I like you and I’m getting addicted,” I explained. 

I played with my fork and watched her. 

“Addicted to me?” She laughed, surprised.

“Yeah. I like being around you. It makes me want to see you all the time, which sounds crazy probably,” I admitted, looking down and counting the crumbs there. I couldn’t think about what I’d just said. 

“No, that doesn’t sound crazy at all,” Laura comforted. “It might, if I didn’t like you, but. I do, so…” Her voice trailed off.

“I’m glad you don’t think I’m a crazy stalker then,” I laughed. 

“I literally follow you everywhere,” Laura teased. “What are you talking about?”

“I’ve just never made a friend like this,” I told her. “I think about you and hope you’re doing well when we aren’t together.”

"What do you mean?” She smiled, uncomfortable. “You have tons of friends Charli and I can tell you worry about them too. Are you feeling okay,” she teased. “Cause I can get you some aspirin or something.”

“I have some good friends and a lot of acquaintances, which is great. I love my friends. I know I’m being weird. It’s totally cool. I’m sorry,” I babbled. 

“You’re not being weird,” Laura laughed sweetly. “You’re just not making sense.”

“Oh, I don’t even know,” I said. 

“It’s okay. We don’t have to make sense,” she comforted. 

“Good because apparently I can’t find sense. It’s gone,” I said. 

I hummed low and cleared my throat and then drank the rest of my coffee. Alma came back over to look in on us and give me the check. 

I gave her the money and told her to keep the change. We still had the beach ahead of us. That would clear my head and get me out of this confusing headspace. 

“You ready?” I asked. 

I took the box full of her leftover food and put it in my bag. 

“Mhmm,” she nodded. As we got up, a couple walked toward her. To dodge them, she scooted closer to me and clung in against my shoulder.

We walked outside and I pointed us in the direction of the beach. I didn’t say anything. I was already too scared to say what was going on in my mind. 

“I think about you too,” Laura said randomly. A lot of time had gone by but she was still thinking about what I’d said.

“Oh… Really? That’s cool. I mean nice,” I said. 

I wanted to sink into the ground. There were so many feelings going on. Happy that she told me that. Afraid that it wasn’t the same way I thought about her. Wondering what my thoughts about her even meant. 

“Yeah well, I don’t do it to be nice,” Laura said.

I nodded and tried to find words. 

“Why then?”

Were the only two that came to me. 

“You make me feel safe,” Laura said. “I hardly know that feeling…”

It wasn’t what I expected. 

“That’s awesome. I know that’s hard,” I said. 

We made it to the steps that led down to the beach and I bent down, setting my bag on the floor. I untied my shoes and took them off before standing up again. 

I was getting excited. I could hear the waves and smell the water. 

“Harder than you might think,” Laura dazed. 

“Hey,” I said, taking her hand. “You’ve got me.”

Laura searched me and eventually lost her seriousness. She leaned into me and half hugged me. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s touch the water.”

We walked out and stood near the water’s edge. I pulled her along, playing with our chemistry. When the water hit my feet, I grinned and looked over at her. 

“Ooooo,” she shivered, gripping my arm protectively.

 "You want to go in further?“ I asked. 

"What do you think?” She wondered. 

“I think we’ll dry out before we go back,” I said. 

“Okay,” she laughed. “Wait, gimme a second.”

She hurried back to the sand and stripped out of her clothes so she’d just be in her bathing suit. Running back over to me, the wind blowing her hair away from her skin, she looked so happy. 

“Sorry,” she said, taking my hand again and holding it with hers.

“Ah, don’t be,” I said. 

I stared for a second and then shook my head and looked back to the water. 

She was beautiful. 

I watched the dark waves crest and roll in. This was my safe space. 

“Come on,” she laughed. “Before I have a chance to change my mind.”

I reached down to roll my jeans up. I walked in with her and felt the water come up my legs. 

When the waves splashed we jumped and Laura clung onto my body to try and handle the impact from the cold. She clung to my body and screamed a little before laughing. Her fingers clung to the fabric of my t-shirt.

“Holy crap!” My adrenaline roared and I turned, hugging her and laughing with pure joy. “You okay?”

“Uhhh, yeah,” she chuckled and stared at my lips. Her teeth chattered from the cold but she was smiling and watching me close.

Another wave crashed into us and I laughed, putting my hands on her shoulders and reading her emotions. She smiled back at me and I hugged her again, overwhelmed. 

“Sealegs,” she smiled and bit her bottom lip. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

“I’m glad you like it,” I said. My eyes stared down at hers, a magnetic feeling kept me glued.

I pointed down the way. 

“Do you see that big rock arch down the beach?" 

It was barely visible but I knew it was pretty clear in the distance. 

"Yeah,” she said, smiling. “What about it,” she asked, pulling on my shirt to get me to move a little in the water to be closer to her. 

“That’s where I go to read and hang out,” I said. 

“Your spot?” She asked, eyes lighting up.

A strong wave came and knocked into us. Laura clutched onto me and we both ended up falling completely into the rushing wave. Like rapids, the frothing force bowled us over and rolled us together towards the shore. We clung to each other to even survive.

“Shit,” I laughed. The wave was so strong it knocked us all the way back to the shore before pulling away. Laura had her body preseed close to mine, her arms around my waist, fingers clutching the transparent white of my t-shirt. I stared down at her, more packed with feelings than I’d probably ever been. She was practically naked and all glued to me. We both sat now, alone in the sand. My lips touched her forehead and I let a huff of a breath out against her skin, a small laugh, like: how did I even get here? 

“Sorry,” she laughed. “Didn’t mean to attack you.”

“No. No. I uh, I like it,” I stuttered out. My heart beat was so intense that I could feel it pounding inside me: beat, beat, BEATing against my skin.

“Oh, um, yeah,” I laughed to get myself back on that previous thought. “I’ve got towels in the beach bag and a blanket. We can go sit on the rocks or the sand and dry out.”

“Sounds good,” Laura laughed. She stared at me for a while, I stared too. Eventually she peeled herself off of me and started to stand.

I walked toward my stuff and squeezed the water out of my hair. My shirt stuck to my torso like a second skin and my jeans felt heavy. Jogging to my bag, I took a towel out to hand it to Laura.

“There are more in there. I loaded up on beach towels.”

She took the oversized teal cloth and wrapped it around perfect body, covering up. My gaze couldn’t stop now. She’d given me so much permission to stare simply by the way she’d been staring at me, openly liking me.

"What did you think was going to happen?” Laura laughed.

"I’m over-prepared but I figured we could make a big bed of towels and the blanket.” 

"Let’s do it,” she said. 

“Yes ma’am,” I stared back.

Grabbing my bag by the handles and my shoes in my other hand, I walked us both toward the rock arch. It wasn’t a long way but the deep sand made it take a little while. When we got there, I put down the bag on a rock. The arch rose high above us, with a big open area where solid rock used to be. The result was an overhang like a shelter with a wall of rock on one side. 

I took out the blanket, some of the towels, and my phone from the bag. I spread the blanket and put a few towels on top close together for us to lay on. 

My wet shirt was tricky. I wrestled it off and pulled my soaking jeans off. Then I walked over to one of the big rocks surrounding the area. I spread my wet clothes out so that the sun would dry them out.

Laura crawled up on the blanket and watched me a little. She put her sweater in a ball and laid her head down on it, taking her hair down from its wet messy bun.

I lay beside her and covered most of myself with another towel, shivering. 

"I wish we had that fireplace now,” I said. 

“I know,” she laughed. 

“Oh well, we can lay in the sun if we need to get warm. I just love the overhang and how sheltered you are,” I said, looking up at the rock above us. 

“You are one brave girl,” Laura said. “I dunno if I’d be bold enough to come out here alone. And I love it here so… That makes me really sad.”

“I just like exploring,” I panted. “Now, you can come out here whenever you want, with or without me.” 

"I don’t think I can,” Laura said. “I’d only want to come here with you.”

She seemed sleepy and a little serious. 

“Then we’ll come whenever you want,” I said. 

Laura softly smiled at me before looking away.

“No one can find us here,” I said. 

“I love that,” Laura dazed.

“Mmm,” I hummed. I closed my eyes and stretched my arms out above my head. Though it wasn’t the season, the sun was warm enough to be felt. I fell asleep eventually but woke up when Laura got up and walked out into the sun. 

I watched her from where I was, gazing through slitted eyes. I knew I could sleep here for the whole day but I was tuned into her. 

“I’ve got sunblock in the bag,” I said. 

“Oh shit,” she laughed. “Guess I should’ve been wearing that.”

“Sun burns are shitty. I got one last year and regretted my life choices for two weeks.”

"You and all your regret,” she teased. “You trying to mother me?”

“Not unless that’s your thing,” I joked. 

“Uhhhh,” she pretended to think about that. “Verdict’s still out but I don’t think it is.”

“Then no, I’m just trying to selfishly keep you from getting burnt so I can hug you when I want to.”

"Aww, stop,” Laura smiled, all embarrassed by me. “You can always hug me. I’d suffer through the pain.”

“Come here, I’ll help you. There’s no way you can get your back.”

I rolled over and stood up. Laura came back to me and stood patiently. I opened the tube and squeezed some sunblock into my hand. 

I slipped the end of the small tube into my bra strap where it met the cup to keep it safe while I started to apply the sunblock to Laura’s back. 

She stood so still while I rubbed it in, all over. Her pale skin would have burned so quickly if she’d stayed outside her towel for too long. 

"You’re done,” I said, stepping back and taking the tube out to give it to her. “Here’s the rest.”

When she took the tube I went back to my towel and sat down. I did have a need to protect her. Maybe I was being a mom. 

I watched her until her eyes found mine and then I redirected my gaze to the ocean. 

[lcgacyofages-a]

A Duel | Seigfried Drabble

This is a snippet from my novelization attempt which I need to refine and continue. But shortly after the Conclave, Seigfried receives a visitor and not a friendly one.

Seigfried walked among the recruits, helping them better handle their bows and shoot a bit straighter. It was something to keep him busy, something he actually enjoyed. He was patient with them, understanding the stress and difficulty of the situation. They wouldn’t be marksmen right from the start, after all. Everything took time and understanding. And with gentle direction and friendliness, they were catching on quickly.

He looked up from helping on recruit straighten her alignment with the bow, having given her a playful joke and both chuckling. He saw Cullen headed straight for him, feet kicking up snow as he went. Oh boy, he wondered what this meant. He made his way through the recruits, meeting the Commander halfway.

“Cullen, you look especially sullen today,” he joked but didn’t even get a hint of amusement from the younger man. Seigfried gave a sigh, resting his weight on one foot. “What have I done now?”

“We’ve a Lord Trubeau riding into Haven at this moment.” Cullen sounded a mix of serious and curious, raising a brow as he looked at Seigfried. “He demanded to meet with you.”

“Oh, did he? Should we have tea and cookies set up then?”

“What’s this about, Trevelyan?”

Seigfried leaned against the supply table, folding his arms and seeming to think of how to begin. “Well, you see—”

“Trevelyan, you bastard!” The thickly, almost comical Olesian voice shouted over the sound of training.

“I’m sure Lord Trubeau will tell you everything.” Seigfried and Cullen turned their heads to look as the shorter man stomped over to them, clearly insulted by having to come all this way to confront the man. Despite that, Seigfried noted he was dressed to show off his wealth and status, perhaps having changed before stomping out to the training grounds. Even wore one of those ridiculous masks. But Seigfried noticed he looked agile enough, perhaps having trained to be a Chevalier for a time.

“How dare you!” The man sputtered, standing close to Seigfried. He did not move, only looked at the man with a bored gaze. He noticed the loud shouting of the man had drawn the attention of the recruits as well as Cassandra. “You sleep with my wife then run off and do not return to face the consequences!”

“Well, you know, things happen. Like giant explosions which kill my father and brother.” Seigfried shrugged, tilting his head. “But yes let’s focus on your supposedly besmirched honor. It’s definitely more important.”

“Linette was a loyal woman until you waltzed in!”

“Linette was hardly a loyal woman, just a woman kept neatly under your thumb for her family connections,” Seigfried retorted. “Maybe if you acted like a real husband, she may not have sought to bed others.”

This remark clearly flabbergasted the other and Seigfried swore his face was turning red beneath that mask out of anger. He couldn’t entirely be bothered by it, seeming to find it more interesting to observe the other’s reactions. Cullen had a mix of offended, shocked, and borderline amusement on his face. Cassandra seemed more shocked at this revelation and the recruits seemed to mutter and snicker amongst themselves. Something she silenced with a hard glare.

His attention was drawn back at the sharp feeling of a leather glove slapping his cheek. He looked to Lord Trubeau, raising his brows a bit. Sure enough, in the man’s hand was a flimsy glove used to assault Seigfried’s cheek. He knew what was coming next.

“I challenge you to a duel, Seigfried Trevelyan!”

That would be the tenth husband to challenge him to a duel in his life. They all acted the same, really. High and mighty and self assured of their skill. A good joke, as far as Seigfried was concerned. He took a lazy breath, reaching onto the supply table and examining a knight’s glove. Probably Cullen’s. He tossed it in his hand a moment, considering its weight before bringing it up and slapping the lord across the face. There was a resounding gasp among the recruits and Seigfried took great amusement in the mortified looks of Cullen and Cassandra as the nobleman gave a shocked shout, turning in pain and gripping his cheek and slightly shattered mask.

“I accept.” Seigfried’s response caused a roar of laughter from the recruits, who were quickly shushed and scolded by Cassandra and Cullen, being ordered to return to their training. Seigfried thought it was a shame the others weren’t about to let the recruits enjoy the spectacle of the lord making a blighted fool of himself. But he was sure even with their training, they would pay close attention to the exchange.

Seigfried pushed off the table, walking over to the man hurling a slew of curses and insults at him, without a care for who heard. He was sure he was going to cry over the ruined masked later. Typical Orlesian. “So then, what shall the method be? Swords? Archery? Knives? I haven’t all day and would prefer for this to be done quickly.”

“Seigfried, I have to protest on you doing this here and now,” Cullen interjected, walking over to the two men.

“I agree. This is not the time and place,” Cassandra added, giving Seigfried and Trubeau a scathing look. “Your argument should not be made in front of the men!”

“He’s the one who interrupted my training and he’ll keep doing so until he’s, as he would say, satisfied.” Seigfried was nonchalant in his manners, seeming to examine the weapons on hand. “You’d probably prefer the sword...Wouldn’t you, Lord Trubeau?”

“You just—how are you—you hit me with a metal glove and you’re being civil?!”

“Well, I could keep hitting you with the metal glove, but that would get us nowhere, wouldn’t it?” Seigfried took his time, examining a sword and testing how balanced it was. “Although that would be one way to lose a duel...Death by metal glove…”

“The sword would be preferred,” Trubeau grumbled, not wanting to consider another hit by the glove.

“I’ll admit, I’m a little rusty with it,” Seigfried continued, twirling it a bit, “but it’ll do.” He set the sword down and motioned to Trubeau. “You have the right to choose your weapons first.”

“Seigfried, I order you—” Cullen began only to be cut off by Seigfried’s hand on his shoulder.

“Calm down, this won’t take long. The men can continue their training while I deal with this.” He threw a confident smirk at Cullen. “Think of it as training them to fight while there’s a distraction.”

Cassandra raised a hand to her face, giving an annoyed sigh. “Come, Cullen. If he wants to make a fool of himself, allow him.”

“I don’t get a kiss for good luck?” Seigfried’s smirk grew as he saw the red hue rush to Cassandra’s cheeks.

“No! Don’t be ridiculous!” She growled, turning to get back to training.

“Cullen?”

The playful look on Seigfried’s face only caused Cullen to laugh, shaking his head. “You’re on your own, Seigfried.” He waved the other off, following after Cassandra to rouse the recruits to return to training instead of gawking.

“I promise to make this quick!” Seigfried called over his shoulder, seeing Trubeau had chosen his weapons. He looked at the weapons table, giving a low hum as he inspected the swords. Sword and dagger it would be then. The Ferelden blades were a bit heavier built than Orlesian blades, but these were the lighter variety. Seigfried wasn’t surprised Cullen had invested in the Fereldan style. Honestly, it may be an advantage to him. Free Marches styled swords leaned more towards Fereldan, after all.

Seigfried moved to stand opposite of Trubeau, the confident smirk not once leaving his features as he stared down the other man. That only seemed to rile the smaller man up more and he fidgeted as he stood. Seigfried motioned for one of the idle recruits to come over to act as the official.

“So, what are the terms? Is it to the death or just disarm?” Seigfried inquired, setting his sword in the ground and lightly resting his hands on the hilt. “No assistance, obviously, one on one…”

“To the death!” Trubeau sneered. “Unless you are afraid.”

“No, not at all,” Seigfried agreed, raising his sword with a flare of dramatics, obviously mocking the other. “To the death!”

“Is this wise?” Cassandra muttered to Cullen, trying to keep her focus on training the recruits.

“We’ll step in if it gets out of hand,” Cullen remarked, glancing back at them, “but I’m sure Trevelyan can handle it.”

There was an imbalance of tension in the air. Trubeau was more than ready to destroy the other, his body language taunt and angry, ready to pounce at any second. Seigfried’s, though, was at ease. He was idle as he held his sword aloft, disinterested at best. Yet there was a guard if one were to look close enough, a preparedness for the onslaught to come. The tension continued to grow on Trubeau’s side before he finally launched his strike, only for Seigfried to parry it with a precise strike. Trubeau thrusted another strike, only for Seigfried to deflect with his dagger. It soon became a quick motion of Trubeau being the aggressor only for Seigfried to skillfully deflect with a playful smirk.

“He’s purposely agitating him to get him off mark,” Cullen noted, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“He’s very good at that, agitating people,” Cassandra added, “I’m not surprised he’s using it to his strength.”

“Come now, Trubeau, is this why they kicked you out of the Chevalier academy?!” Seigfried taunted, barely avoiding the next enraged strike. It became apparent after a few more parrys Seigfried was becoming bored. In a quick motion, taking Trubeau by surprise due to his previous steps, he twirled the man’s sword with his own, causing it to twist his arm and Seigfried took advantage of the opening to plant a kick low in the man’s abdomen. The move caused Trubeau’s grip to loosen on his sword and Seigfried easily tossed it to the side and knocked the dagger out of his other hand. He stood there, sword to Trubeau’s neck.

“Leave,” he ordered, “and be happy I left you with your life.”

“We said to the death!” Trubeau shouted. “Do not serve me further dishonor!”

“There’s more honor in living than dying,” Seigfried countered, tossing his sword to the side. “We’re done, I’ve got work to do.” He turned his back, giving a nod to some of the troops. “Escort Lord Trubeau to the road out of here and see he doesn’t turn back.”