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ainchase · 5 years

Conversation

very very rough translation of Elesis/LuCiel Epic Quest with Rosso

rosso: everything related to the protection of El is the masters and the priestesses' responsibility. you stay out of it.

ciel:??? dude wtf we

1. restored the el

2. fought against henir zealots

3. saved your fucking ass

rosso: yeah I can see just how ugly everything got if people like you guys were helping out

lu: !@$!@$Y#$%@#$

elesis: okay well w.e we gon go ask denif then

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

rosso: I SAID STAY OUT OF IT

lu: in case you forgot we beat your ass in varnimyr

rosso: yeah it was like 13v1

elesis: Alright, let's say that even someone with a demon's blood can be come master. Why did you become one?

ciel: yeah did you become master cuz you had some ulterior motive with the el or something

rosso: are you fucking kidding me right now

elesis: yeah why do you insist on going to the demon realm all by yourself? you know, other masters had to stay behind and let us go to the demon realm cuz they had to protect the el. you dont look like you care about that

rosso: others can protect the el. I can handle the demon realm by myself.

elesis: why do you want to go alone so bad? what's your hidden agenda?

rosso: what about you guys? why do YOU want to go back to the demon realm so bad? You find me suspicious cuz Im half demon and I want to go back to the demon realm?? How's that any different from you guys

rosso: you guys have a half demon AND a full blown demon. You guys are more suspicious than me

lu: what did you say you lil shit

we went through all that shit for a reason

rosso: Im saying that we did the same for Elrios as well. We did a lot of shit to protect this world

rosso: doing shit to save the world aint a competitive sport

elesis: why are you so fucking uptight

lu: what do you mean? this fucker is just crazy

ciel: I see. if he really meant harm, then he wouldnt be this defensive against us from the start. it's better to back stab when he has our guard lowered

elesis: yeah see how hes like threatening us physically but answering every single one of our questions? its like hes doing doing his bare minimum to make us understand

elesis: you just really want to stop us from going to the demon realm, huh

rosso: gdi

rosso: what makes you think you guys have to go to the demon realm?

elesis: in order to stop the Order and fully restore the El, we need the Dark El.

ciel: You're not entirely wrong. It doesn't necessarily have to be us to find the Dark El.

ciel: but think about it logically. There's no other team that's more suitable for this mission than ESP. Isnt that true?

rosso: I...

elesis: you alone doesnt make a team. You have a ridiculously low success rate if you jump into the battlefield by yourself.

elesis: i mean sometimes you gotta make 5 teams each with 2 people but uhh

rosso: I dont give a shit

elesis: right back at ya, ESP is under the velder kingdom. we dont have to listen to you, a so-called higher up from a kingdom long gone

rosso: that place is an abyss. none of the shit like order and process work there

rosso: wasnt it enough to lose your brother to the el once?

elesis: :tears:

ciel: you talking like we're going to demon realm to die

rosso: look, if everything worked out the way you plan, then the El wouldn't have exploded in the first place

rosso: going to a world where there isnt El or the influence of the Goddess means you have to be prepared for death. You guys have way too many things to lose to do that.

rosso: you have a shit ton of precious things to protect and yet you want to drive yourselves into danger? you've gotta be kidding me

elesis: so what, are you saying youre going to sacrifice yourself in our place cuz you got nothing to lose or something?

rosso: Im just trying to do my damn job, stop making shit up

lu: wait so you been spewing shit to us just so you can--

rosso: --I SAID STOP MAKING SHIT UP

ciel: I mean if youre that worried about us, how about you come with us?

lu: lol if it was something like that, you could've just asked honestly from the beginning. I could've pulled some strings for ya

rosso: I swear Im going to kill you

elesis: well of course I dont want Elsword to involve himself in dangerous things, honestly

rosso: and yet you...

elesis: but this is the path we chose

elesis: a path that I chose

rosso: ...

rosso: I dont give a flying fuck on what path you chose

rosso: if you insist that much on going to the demon realm, then there will come a time when you have to make a decision

rosso: whether you have conviction, act recklessly or not, at the end of the day, if you got something that you have to choose over the other, it'll definitely hold you back

rosso: you didnt want to sacrifice your brother so you dragged him out of the El. Are you trying to die for him?

lu: what

ciel: what are you trying to say

rosso: how much more do I have to explain

ciel: why are you thinking complicated things when they didnt even happen yet

rosso: what

elesis: what

ciel: so youre saying, to go to the demon realm, we have to cut all ties, get rid of all worldly possessions, and jump in there all alone? you can think however you want, but I dont agree with that

ciel: it just looks like youre threatening us, like asking if we're ready to give up our lives for someone else in hopes of stopping us but

ciel: from the moment we decided to get elsword out of el, we already made up our mind

ciel: even if someone's life is on the line like you said, then I'll survive no matter what. Knowing Lu doesn't want me to die, I can't afford to lose my life.

lu: :tears:

rosso: the fk is wrong with you guys

lu: ciel's right

rosso: what

lu: we almost wasted our time worrying about useless shit. You got viscerally upset when I said we have to return to the demon realm to keep a promise

lu: if you think trying to survive is more important than trying to keep a promise, then how come you dont practice what you preach?

lu: dont you also value promises and conviction more?

rosso: Im different. I've been given a power.

elesis: youre so fucking stubborn i cant even

lu: me and ciel are bound by a contract. I might have considered what you said if I wanted to go back to the demon realm just to exact my vengeance.

lu: if something happens to me, I might not be able to save ciel

lu: but I still have to return because someone loyal to me is still there

lu: I mean its kinda meaningless to compare him with ciel, but as long as we've made our promise, winster is my people as well

lu: I forgot, for such a long time, what it's like to lead people, to take care of those who follow you

lu: why do I want to go to the demon realm?

lu: Im returning to reclaim my stolen throne. I will save my people, fulfill their wishes and at times punish them if I must.

lu: who's to stop a lord from returning to her domain to do what is asked of her?

rosso: :glare:

elesis: we already experienced a time when we had to make our choice, like ciel said

elesis: we made up my mind to go through even the most impossible things together

rosso: :rollingeyes: Im an idiot for trying to persuade a group of idiots like you

lu: do you finally feel like explaining things now

rosso: dont get your hopes up. Im only telling you cuz I know you idiots cant use this method

ciel: I think Im slowly getting used to his abrasive tone, after listening to it for so long. Okay, we won't think you've admitted defeat after you were persuaded by us, so just tell us

rosso: listen you little shit

rosso: Alright. Remember when I said I was suppressing the fire el's power with demonic aura?

rosso: the power of fire is much more difficult to control than other elements. there are enough of those who burned to ash because they couldnt withstand its destructive power

rosso: rosso clan was always trying to produce a master of fire, and decided they'll need a new form of power to suppress the power of fire el, for example...

rosso: something completely different from the el's power. Like a demonic energy.

elesis: they did what now

rosso: it's not much of a stretch to say that no one knew anything about demons back then. from their perspective, i was just a kid with a strange power.

rosso: of course I didnt have much as an actual demon, but my intrinsic demonic power was good enough for me to be a subject of their experiments The red eye was transplanted into me, and I was able to control the power of fire.

rosso: ...it wasn't without an accident, but in any case, the power of fire and the demonic aura are constantly at a balance inside of me. When one of them disappears, the other goes rampant

rosso: on the day we all decided to imbue the el shards with our respective element, I was the most problematic one

ciel: I see... from the process of trying to transfer the power of fire into the el shard, the balance between your demonic aura and the power of fire crumbled...

rosso: chaotic continent, missing masters... if they had a rampant half-demon on top of that, Elrios would not look the way it does today

elesis: that's why you went to the demonic realm? so you wouldn't go rampant in elrios???

rosso: /shrug

rosso: as the el exploded, temporal rifts were created all over elrios, sporadically. the phenomena was worse near powerful el shards

rosso: I was able to cross into the demon realm thanks to those rifts. After creating the fire el, I jumped into one of those rifts before I completely lost my sanity

rosso: thats the end of my story. now do you see why I said you cant use this method?

lu: you...

ciel: the priestesses couldnt help you? though theyre not blessed in the combative aspect like masters, I thought theyre the same when it comes to using the power related to the el

rosso: the priestess system was still pretty new at the time. They were busy trying to learn from masters too. Creating the elemental el as inexperienced priestesses is like betting your life on it

elesis: why did you go to that extent? even you couldnt have guaranteed your safety when you jumped into the rift. Are you saying even that was part of your mission?

rosso: hmph, there's no one who can tell me to do that shit

elesis: the tower you were locked away in... didnt have an entrance or an exit, blocked off completely, enough for the power of fire which was trying to return to you could only circle around the tower itself

lu: you locked yourself in so you wouldnt hurt others

rosso: I told you everything you wanted to know, so are you happy now?

elesis: rosso, I really dont want you to go to the demon realm

rosso: are you looking down on me after hearing that sob story?

elesis: no it's not that, I just think I know how much you think its natural for you to sacrifice yourself

elesis: I think I know why Im concerned about you. You are similar to my brother.

elesis: I dont know what happened in the past, but... I think he made that decision because he thought similar things as you once did

elesis: you've sacrificed yourself enough. You banished yourself to protect Elrios. I cant even imagine what it's like to hold out in a prison made to imprison yourself for hundreds of years, but

elesis: elrios stands today thanks to the efforts you guys went through. you can leave it to us now

ciel: we're not as weak as you think we are

lu: I can see why you didnt want to tell us. It wasnt particularly helpful, but thanks anyway

rosso: youre really annoying..

lu: the sentiment is mutual

rosso: now fuck off if you're done talking. I have to do more control training

ciel: youre more diligent than you look

rosso: do you wanna die

lu: it doesnt look like you're completely healed yet

lu: you're having trouble controlling your power without the eye, are you not

elesis: so thats what ventus meant when he said youre training to overcome what you've lost

rosso: that pointy eared fucker

ciel: wait; you were having difficulty controlling? but you fought so well...

rosso: like I said, you guys cant beat me in an even fight

lu: I really hate this guy

#translation #elsword translation #im tired #rosso #master road #you're free to share this but please dont use them to create youtube vids subtitle #2na can do that

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thattimdrakeguy · 5 years

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i'm so sick of this steph worship where you're not allowed to say anything "bad" about her bc dc treated her terribly a long time ago. babs got shot by the joker and led to her being crippled, she was fridged, yet people still say they don't want her in titans related content w/ dick & no one bullies them over that. yet when you say u dont want steph in yj you get called a woman hater & get vaguely threatening tweets about how no proper tim fan should hate her lol.

Tynion is the one to blame for all this, remember that. It makes sense that someone who claims to like Tim Drake, who actually mischaracterizes him beyond repair, is responsible for bringing back an awful relic of the past.

This may be from two separate people, but I’ma be honest. I keep getting so many anti-Steph asks that I just end up repeating myself so many times that people assume I care about this more than I do, and I’m getting bullying inbox messages over it.

I don’t follow this fandom nearly enough to know about the Babs stuff to comment on that either, but having so many Bat-Family members in a Titans show does seem like something annoying.

Acting like you can’t dislike Steph cuz blah, blah, blah, is stupid.

Like fandoms are dumb. They just are. It’s a bunch of nonsense and it gives me headaches.

I’ve been bullied so much over not liking Steph or TimSteph that it makes me not wanna think of her. It brings me anxiety half the time in this fandom.

No ones sexist by default if they don’t like Steph, and no one should have to like any character. Those toxic people gone so far deep into their fandom that they aren’t even being logical anymore.

At this point, unless an ask about her gives me something new to say, I probably won’t answer many Steph asks anymore, for the sake of my sanity and inbox. Not a fan of being bullied.

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imaginethisbts · 7 years

Text

it takes two to make a thing go right (dogboy hybrid au) pt. 1

Rated: M

Warning: Dom themes, possessive behavior, knotting, excessive oral sex, rough sex.

Summary: What’s better than one dogboy lover? Two dogboy lovers. But when Tae and Jungkook seem unusually clingy, it can only mean one thing. That time of the month has snuck up on you and your dogboy lovers do not want to share.

Note: jungkook is mean to taehyung in this cuz hes the dom alpha and taehyung tests his dominance too much =( but the smut is filthy and nasty lmfaoo. also i apologize in advance if the writing is a little weird and random in some spots. ive written on this story while being terribly exhausted, and then while being drunk, sad and mad. lol what im trying to say is i wrote parts of this story in numerous states of mind! oh and yes theres gonna be a second part to this so plz dont ask ill get it out asap. enjoy my loves!

Words: 8.4k

Since the dishes in the sink had gotten dangerously high from neglect, you thought you'd finally set up shop in the kitchen and try to tackle the giant mess. With your laptop sitting up on the bar in front of you playing Bob’s Burgers on Hulu and your big glass of lemonade set to the side, you were totally prepared to spend some time here at the sink.

The reason for there being so many dirty dishes was because living with two male hybrids was like living with two bottomless pits when it came to food. They ate so much, and did not understand the concept of reusing dishes under any circumstances. Every time they ate, it was a new dish being used, no matter how many times you tried to explain to them that their glasses could at least be used more than once.

They were utterly clueless.

Glancing over the top of your lap top into the living room, you saw Jungkook and Taehyung sitting on the edge of the couch, controllers clutched in their hands as they stared intently at the screen in front of them. You huffed a sigh of relief at them finally seeming to be content, returning your attention back to the task at hand.

The past couple of days they had been unbelievably clingy, begging for your attention constantly and not allowing you to get anything productive done at home. Finally after having enough of their constant pestering, you broke down this morning and went to the store to buy them a new videogame for the PS4.

And so far, that had done the trick at distracting them so you could get some work done, but you could only hope it would last.

After you filled the dishwasher up, you started the cleaning cycle on it and continued hand cleaning the left over dishes you couldn't fit into the machine. That was, until you suddenly heard an argument break out in the living room, their voices getting louder as one accused the other of cheating and the other heatedly denying.

You leaned your head back and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath to try and keep your sanity from slipping away. Should have known the peace wouldn't last long.

Most of the time you tried to let them work out their problems alone without interfering, since they were grown adults after all, but sometimes that just wasn't the best idea.

Like now, when you heard Jungkook's deep growl reverberate through the air.

You knew from past experiences that that sound was bad news, so you quickly turned the faucet off and grabbed your dish towel, making your way into the living room to break up the fight as you wiped your hands off.

The sight that awaited you was nothing if not expected, but it never failed to surprise you at the same time.

"Get off!" Taehyung shouted and squirmed, currently being pushed head first into the couch by Jungkook, who was positioned on top of Taehyung, growling and snapping at the other's neck in warning.

Taehyung snarled in defense, squirming and trying to get Jungkook off of him, but the other hybrid was just so much stronger, making the feat almost impossible. It wasn't until Jungkook bucked his hips into Taehyung, in their strange way of showing dominance, that Taehyung finally collapsed to the couch and bared his throat, whining in submission.

Jungkook huffed, bending down to nose at Taehyung's neck and then nip at it, causing the smaller hybrid to whimper. "You cheated. Admit it."

"But I didn't," Taehyung whined desperately and Jungkook's deep growl sounded again, and that's when you realized you had just been standing there watching and that now was a good time to make yourself known.

"Stop it. Jungkook, get off of him now." You jumped into action, grabbing Jungkook's upper arm and trying to pull him off of Taehyung, but Jungkook snapped his head towards you and growled in warning. It only lasted for a moment however, because when he realized it was you, he whined lowly in his throat, licking your hand as an apology and climbing off of Taehyung to sit back on the couch.

Taehyung scrambled to sit up once Jungkook was off of him. His ears were flat amidst his hair and he curled slightly into himself, looking at you with sad, literal puppy dog eyes.

God, you wanted to cuddle him so badly right now, but you knew you had to whip things back into shape real quick.

You placed your hands angrily on your hips and huffed in irritation, glaring down at both of them. "Are you serious guys? Can you really not play nicely with each other?"

They both looked guilty now with their flat ears and lowered heads. You once asked them what their least favorite thing in the world was, and their answer was whenever you scolded them.

Hybrid worlds were not very wide and mostly always revolved around their master, lover, or caregiver.

"Since you two don't know how to play nicely, I guess I'll have to sit here and supervise you like children." You told them rather annoyed, planting yourself right in the middle of them on the couch. Immediately, the two of them flocked to you like a magnet. Jungkook went for your neck, nosing at a spot before licking it, scenting you so you smelt like him. Taehyung hugged your arm and rubbed his cheek into your hair, his own way of scenting you.

The video game was suddenly forgotten and they weren't at each other's throats for the time being. This wasn't exactly the solution you were going for, but hey, it was a solution nonetheless.

Life with two hybrids was.... interesting, to say the very least.

And there were somethings you felt like you would never quite get used to.

For example, you don't think you could ever get used to the way Jungkook and Taehyung had to assert dominance over one another. Which, by the way, was by mounting the other one (fully clothed, of course) and giving a few thrusts into the other's behind while growling deeply and biting (not hard) into the other's neck.

Like what Jungkook just did to Taehyung over the video game debacle.

Jungkook was the worst one, and definitely the most dominate between him and Taehyung. He was never afraid to display that dominance either, like when they were playing together, arguing over something, and most importantly, when it came to you.

You never understood why one of them had to be above the other, but then again, there was a lot of things you didn't understand, giving the fact that they were half dogs.

Taehyung has tried to assert dominace over Jungkook in the past, but each and every time has led to a huge fight that you had to get into the middle of and break up. One of the times, Jungkook was so out of his mind with anger, he accidentally bit your arm hard enough to draw blood when you had thrown it out in a haste to get him away from Taehyung.

He had felt so bad, that the next few days after the incident, he wouldn't leave your side, whining in regret and licking your wound diligently. His saliva, being part dog, had helped the bite mark heal more quickly, and for that, you were grateful.

After a while of living together, harmony eventually fell between the three of you and Taehyung accepted his role as the submissive hybrid. Although every great once in awhile, he'd still try to challenge Jungkook, but it was mostly out of playfulness and Jungkook was always quick to put him back into his place.

Life was difficult living with two hyrbids, even more so with them being your lovers.

Sharing as a concept between the two never went over well, they were possessive by nature to begin with, so it was especially hard for them when they had to share you. Their bitch. You were still getting used to being called that, one half of you still finding it on the demeaning side, but the other half of you finding it strangely arousing.

Right now was a good example of their terrible sharing skills.

Jungkook tried to pull you towards him, snarling at Taehyung and the other just whined, pulling you back.

You felt like a rag-doll between them sometimes.

"Stop it, you guys. You're gonna tear me in two." You rolled your eyes, making to get up and return to the kitchen, but they both let out deep growls at your attempt. Back when you first met them, any growl that came out of their mouth frightened you and you stopped doing whatever it was that elicited that response from them in fear of what would happened. But now, you knew better, and knew that they were literally all bark and no bite. It was all about intimidation for them, and unfortunately, the trick just didn't work on you anymore. "Oh, you don't want to let me go? Okay then, you two are perfectly welcomed to go finish the dirty dishes that are mostly from you anyways."

Of course, their deep intimidating growls quickly turned into high pitched whines as they pawed at your arms.

"Baby," Taehyung whimpered when you continued to try and get up.

You ignored their whining and pleading and freed yourself before standing up from the couch, rolling your eyes once again when they got up after you and followed close behind you back into the kitchen. Like two desperately determined magnets.

A grin snuck across your face, but you willed it away before they saw it and realized you weren't upset with them after all. Sure, they really got on your nerves sometimes, but you couldn't help but to find their excessive affection endearing. After all, it came so naturally to them so it was always completely sincere. You were their entire world, and quite honestly, they were yours.

But you hated when they fought with each other, and despite them being your lovers, you were going to treat this problem like you would with any other bad habit of your... pet dog, for lack of better wording. And punish them by taking away something they enjoyed.

Which was you.

So you continued to ignore them as you returned to the sink, twisting on the faucet and picking up a dish to start scrubbing it clean. It was almost impossible to concentrate when they were nuzzling at your neck, their tongues poking out here and there on your skin, licking fervently and demanding your attention.

Being clingy was a normal thing for them, but this amount was unusual, they were practically frantic. It almost had you wondering if their behavior meant something was arriving.

At the mere thought of it, a shot of anticipation and arousal flew through your body and suddenly you were hyper aware of their big, strong hands tugging on your waist and hips. However, you controlled your hormones, knowing full well that if you let yourself get too worked up they would sense it and really be demanding your attention then. In more ways than one.

Taehyung whined, and you felt him rock his hips into you, knowing that he was trying to get your attention by enticing you.

The action didn't go unnoticed by the other however and Jungkook instantly turned his attention to Taehyung, a deep growl crawling up his throat and he abandoned you in favor of backing the other hybrid up against the counter, teeth bared and ears back in anger.

You huffed in annoyance at the fact another fight was about to break out, so you turned the faucet off once again in order to take care of things. "Stop, stop, stop," you demanded tiredly to Jungkook, but he didn't even acknowledge your words and continued to press into Taehyung's space.

"My bitch." Jungkook spat down at Taehyung, and you were surprised when Taehyung snarled back, challenging Jungkook.

"No," he shoved Jungkook back off of him. "She's fucking not."

Surprise colored your features at how Taehyung was not submitting and you suddenly became anxious, worried what was going to happen now. Nothing good ever came after Taehyung's refusal to submit, because Jungkook hated when his dominance was threatened.

"Guys, look at me," you tried, but they were too busy sizing each other up. "Guys!" You bit your lip, thinking hard on what to do, on how to nip this in the bud before it worsened considerably.

And then an idea popped into your head.

"I-I'll go lay down with you and rub your ears if you please just stop fighting!"

That was one of their grandest weaknesses. Ear rubs.

You almost laughed when you saw Taehyung's tail wag at the prospect of an ear rub despite how he was squared up with Jungkook. Even Jungkook's ears twitched after hearing that, and then they both glanced at you, tails lowering as they started wagging in guilt.

Ear rubs were clearly way more important than a dumb fight.

Reaching out your hands, you smiled softly. "Come on my loves," you knew they loved it when you spoke sweetly to them. It always made them happy. So after that, they eagerly took ahold of your hands and let you lead them out of the kitchen, down the hall and into your shared bedroom.

At least you knocked out most of the dirty dishes. The rest would have to wait a little bit longer, and maybe you'd make Taehyung and Jungkook take care of them.

Once you got into the room, you didn't even have a chance to get on the bed yourself, because Taehyung was nudging you down onto it from behind with a huff. A squeak slipped passed your lips as you caught yourself on your hands in fear of falling face first into the mattress. Heartbeat increasing slightly from the unexpected push.

You huffed out a surprised laugh, looking over your shoulder to lightly scold Taehyung, but the amused look on your face quickly fell when you saw the way Taehyung and Jungkook were looking at you. They stood behind you, eyes dark as they stared down at you like two predators stalking their prey, licking their lips hungrily.

Belatedly, you realized your new position was quite the compromising one. Your face was down and ass was poked out into the air, a delicious and satisfying sight to the two hybrids who kept licking their lips. Jungkook even went as far as to lick his teeth. Their eyes were boring into your ass and when you looked down slightly, you saw the rapidly growing tent in their pants as their obvious arousal began to show.

You gulped in a mixture of anticipation and desire, trying to keep your hormones under control in fear of them literally pouncing on you. "T-Taehyung," you tried to scold with a shaky voice and then turn over to sit on your butt, but you quickly stopped moving at the sound of the deep growl that resounded from Jungkook.

Another gulp, out of slight fear this time.

"Jungkook, baby," you called sweetly in an attempt for him to lightened up on some of his intensity, and then you tried to turn over again, but he only let out another growl.

"Stay." He demanded, moving closer in behind you, but not without Taehyung growling in disagreement.

"Jungkook," Taehyung suddenly whined. "I got her like that, not you, so I get her first."

Jungkook seemed like he couldn't care less about Taehyung's misfortune in the slightest, only giving a snarl in response as he manhandled you to where you kneeling on the bed as well, making it to where you were now on all fours.

If the sight of you before was delicious to them, this one now was absolutely mouthwatering.

Not really knowing why since it seemed to be a lost cause now, you still tried to control your hormones. If you went full on unabashedly aroused, the reaction it elicited from the two hybrids was overwhelming and intense, so you tried to keep it as lowkey as possible while you prepared yourself for what was to come.

It was almost humorous how quickly things turned. It went from giving them innocent ear rubs, to giving them something far less innocent.

Your control on your arousal was slipping, especially when you felt the bed dip behind you as Jungkook climbed onto it. Biting your lip, you looked over your shoulder again and just about lost it at the sight of Jungkook. His teeth were bared slightly from a snarl and it was like he couldn't take his eyes off of your ass. Displayed so perfectly for him to take as he pleased.

It was a total lost cause when you felt a gush of wetness leak out of you onto your panties. There was no holding your hormones back now. And you knew it was now clouding the air when the two hybrids suddenly took a deep breath. Taehyung began to whine frantically, tail wagging as he paced behind Jungkook, wanting so badly to get to you, but knowing he couldn't because of the other hybrid.

Jungkook chose to mount you then, positioning himself to where he was over you and the large and prominent bulge in his pants was now pressed right up against your ass.

You let out a shaky breath, stomach twisting in a burning ball of arousal.

Taehyung tried to slowly get onto the end of the bed, but Jungkook turned on him and growled, making him back away with a whine.

You would scold Jungkook in times like this, and tell him to share you with Taehyung, but Jungkook's possessiveness in this setting was admittedly a guilty pleasure of yours. It made you feel so wanted and desired on such a filthy level - plus, Jungkook always shared in the end. After he got off inside of you, he'd let Taehyung have his turn, so you didn't feel too bad.

But one thing that was even better than letting Jungkook just have at you, was making Jungkook work for it. He always got so riled up, that when he finally got you, he was fucking ruthless. Which you loved.

So when you felt him tugging your tight lounge shorts down, you quickly flipped yourself over to where you were sitting on your butt, a breathless laugh tumbling out.

Jungkook huffed in irritation, immediately going for your hips to just flip you back over, but you moved back away from him until you were up at the pillows. The grin on your face couldn't be helped, this was too much fun. He stared at you for a moment, frowning, before he made to move towards you.

"Nah-ah-ah," you waved a finger at him, lifting your foot up to press against his chest, halting him from coming closer. "You haven't been a very good boy today Kookie, so why should I let you have me?"

Jungkook bent down and licked at your ankle with a whine, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes. "Please," he pleaded, lowering his hand to grab at his aching cock through his pants. His hips jumped from the friction of his own hand.

"Please isn't an answer, Kookie," you were tempted to tease him by letting Taehyung come get you, but you knew that wasn't a smart idea. Things could turn seriously violent then.

Speaking of Taehyung, he carefully and slowly tried to get onto the bed again and Jungkook was too distracted by trying to get you to surrender to notice his movements. So by the time Taehyung was up onto the bed and moving closer to you, it was too late for Jungkook to get him off of the bed.

Now, you had two eager hybrids in front of you, that were very much aroused and with very little patience.

You smirked, deciding to turn this little game up a notch or two. With your left hand, you slowly smoothed it down your stomach until you got to the waistband of your shorts. Taehyung and Jungkook were completely still, watching your hand intently with their ears perked up.

You bit your lip to try and contain the grin threatening to spread across your face but it was a futile attempt. When your fingers slipped passed your waistband, you caught sight of their tails begin to wag in anticipation and impatience. You dipped two of your fingers between your folds and then slowly slipped your hand back out with a pop of your waistband. Lifting your fingers into the air, Taehyung and Jungkook followed the movement closely, their tongue coming out to lick their lips.

It was Taehyung who first tried to lean in to steal a lick, but you simply pulled your hand back and with your other one you placed it against his chest to halt his movements.

"No." You firmly said, and Taehyung sat back with a whimper, rubbing his head against Jungkook's shoulder, in which the other hybrid just turned his head and licked Taehyung's cheek quickly in acknowledgment.

"I want you," Taehyung whined, licking his lips again when you brushed the two wet fingers against each other.

You sighed, stomach twisting in a sharp pang of arousal at how utterly desperate they were to have you.

"You want me?" You cooed at them, and they suddenly became frantic, tails wagging and their heads nodding in agreement. "If you get me, what will you do with me?"

"Breed you." Jungkook said immediately with a growl, puffing his chest out slightly and your foot slid off of him, making your leg fall back down onto the mattress. He stayed put though, despite the lack of barrier now.

You almost moaned at his answer, becoming even wetter and thinking of how amazing it'll feel to eventually have Jungkook's thick cock inside of you - pinning you to the bed as he pounds you senselessly.

Some might say this was down right cruel, but you parted your legs, again gaining their undivded attention as they waited for what was next, and then smoothed your hand down onto your clothed center, patting it lightly.

"You wanna fill me up, Kookie?"

A shiver of excitement shot up your spine at the growl your words elicted from Jungkook deep within his chest. He tried to move to get in between your legs, but you quickly shut them before he had the chance, giving him a smirk and another wave of your finger.

"Did I tell you you could come touch me?" You asked him, but he just puffed a breath out of his nose in utter annoyance. Clearly growing tired of your little games.

But that's exactly what you wanted.

You were so caught up in Jungkook however, you failed to notice Taehyung who had moved in enough to gingerly stick his tongue out and lick at your two fingers that were still damp with your arousal. Honestly, you didn't have the heart to shoo him away, so you allowed him to frantically lick your fingers clean. His ears were laid back in fear of you scolding him, but you just stared at his skillfull tongue, at the way it curled around your fingers and lapped deliciously.

Suddenly an idea popped into your head and you pulled your hand away, much to Taehyung's disappointent, but you didn't care because you were about to give him something so much better.

They watched you curiously, wondering what you were doing, but when they saw you lift your hips off of the bed to start tugging your lounge shorts down, they immediately started whining in anticipation. You dropped your hips, telling them to behave and be patient as you slowly slid the shorts down your legs, taking your time and teasing them as much as you could.

After you slipped your feet out of them, you made sure to keep your legs pressed together for the time being.

"Mm," you bit your lip, gazing up at them with hooded eyes. "Do my babies want a little treat?" You gave them a little preview by spreading your legs slightly, just enough for them to catch a glimpse of your deliciousness in-between and then closing them again.

They about fucking lost it.

You couldn't even try to keep them out, because Jungkook was promptly forcing your legs apart with his impressive strength and making room for himself between them. Taehyung grabbed your leg, pulling it up and outwards so he could have room too, but Jungkook had different thoughts on that.

He growled deeply at Taehyung to back away from what was his, but the other hybrid just lowered his ears to make himself look non-threatening and Jungkook decided to just not worry about it anymore. Everyone here knew whose bitch you were and who would be breeding you first.

Your legs were spread wide, exposing your glistening swollen center that looked absolutely irresitable to the two hybrids.

Yet something was holding them back, like they were so strung-out they couldn't even get themselves to actually taste you. So you ran two fingers through your wetness again and then lifted your hand into the air for them. They almost bumped heads in their haste to lick your fingers, both of them whimpering at the amazing taste.

You became even wetter when they started licking into each others mouths in an attempt to find more, having cleaned your fingers completely of the sweetness.

God, it was erotic and unbelievably hot. You were truly blessed to have two hybrids as lovers.

"You want more babies?" You cooed at them, patting the source of it all to get their attention.

Unrestrained now that he had a taste, Jungkook was the first to dive in, burying his face into your pussy and going to town with his tongue. They weren't the only ones having been strung-out, so after finally getting stimulation down there and rough stimulation at that, your stomach twisted in a vicious knot, heat blazing through your core.

"Oh God, Kookie," you moaned in a high pitch, thighs trembling from the ruthless stimulation of his frantic tongue. You tangled your hand in his hair, stuck between wanting to move away from the sharp pleasure or move even closer in search for a delicious release in the future.

Taehyung carefully moved in, trying to find a good angle for his head and he ended up just pressing in beside Jungkook and licking whatever part of skin he could reach, which happened to be crease where your leg met your pelvis. Jungkook was quite frankly hogging the good stuff.

A possessive growl ripped from Jungkook's chest at Taehyung's proximity, but he was way too enthralled in the taste of you to press the matter any further. He moved down a bit and shoved his tongue into your entrance, licking deeply, as far as he could go and your eyes almost rolled back into your head at the sheer pleasure. Especially because after he did that, Taehyung took advantage of the space and angled his head to where he was lapping at your clit.

You've had previous lovers. Quite a few before the two hybrids came along. But none of them could even compare to Taehyung and Jungkook in bed. Looking down, and seeing both of their heads between your legs and knowing that they wanted to be there, made you throw your head back and moan as you shifted your hips in pleasure. Some of your old lovers wouldn't even eat you out (they didn't last very long), and the others that did only did it out of obligation.

But Jungkook and Taehyung genuinely loved eating you out, the taste of you utterly addictive to them.

A rush of heat headed south when you watched Taehyung begin humping Junkook's leg in search of friction, a whine escaping his throat.

Jungkook, seeing it as Taehyung trying to assert dominance over him, reluctantly pulled his mouth away from you in order to bare his teeth and growl at the other hybrid. Taehyung completely ignored him, taking this opportunity to really dive into you now that Jungkook had pulled back a bit and he continued to rock his hips into the other, enjoying the friction it was granting.

"Jungkook," you moaned out when you saw him make a move to probably tackle Taehyung, but you caught his attention just in time. "No." You tried to sound firm when he looked up at you, but your voice wavered from the extreme pleasure Taehyung was currently giving you.

The black haired hybrid chose to ignore you, turning his attention back to Taehyung with a dangerous growl.

"Jungkook!" You snapped at him this time, desperately trying to keep your wits when Taehyung threatened to completely sweep you away in utter bliss. His tongue was currently lapping at your entrance while his nose rubbed unintentionally against your clit. It all felt so fucking amazing and you wanted to lose yourself to it, but you couldn't let Jungkook attack him.

Jungkook looked up at you again, huffing in irritation, but you held his gaze steadily.

"Come up here," you told him, and he glanced at Taehyung for a moment before looking back at you with a whine. "Come on, Jungkook."

So he stole one last lick on your inner thigh before he moved up your body, licking across your nipple on his way up. You gripped his jaw then, pulling his head up to yours and smashing your mouths together.

For a moment, you actually kissed, mouths moving together like well-oiled engine. But it didn't take long until Jungkook was shoving his tongue passed your lips and licking frantically at the wet cavern. You moaned into his mouth at the taste of yourself on his tongue and then shifted your hips when Taehyung began pressing forward in order to lick as deeply as possible into your entrance.

Jungkook was half-way hovering over you now, resting his weight on his hip and in the perfect position for you to reach down into his pants and take his impossibly hard cock into your hand. Immediately, before you could even move your hand, he was bucking his hips into the tight grip in search of relief.

Taehyung had also moved to where his hips were straddling your leg slightly so he could start rubbing his clothed cock against you.

Now, they were both rocking their hips into you for relief and the motions were driving you abolustely insane. They made you feel so dirty and used and suddenly, you wanted to flip yourself over and let them have at you. Let them pound your ass until you were turned into a crying, screaming mess.

"'Wanna breed you," Jungkook murmured into your mouth gruffly, trying so hard to fuck into your hand roughly for some satisfaction, but there was no way he was going to get any in this position. He needed to be inside of you, with your tight wet heat suctioned around him.

"Yeah?" You moaned in between his incessant licks and kisses. "Wanna breed me, baby? Wanna fill me up and knot me?"

The filthy questions earned you a growl from Jungkook and he nipped at your bottom lip sharply, making you wince slightly as your eyebrows knitted together.

"Turn over. Want that ass in the air for me." He pulled away, giving you room to obey. "Gonna fuck my bitch so good. Fill her up with my pups." He was almost talking to himself at this point, so ready to fuck you as he quickly removed his pants and jerked his shirt over his head.

The only problem though was Taehyung, who was still languidly licking at you and rubbing himself against your leg. In his own little world. But when you made the move to turn over, he immediately caught on to what you were doing and sat back in excitement. His tail wagging as he rushed to remove his clothing.

Getting onto your knees and resting your weight on your forearms was an easy enough task. But it's the chaos that followed the action, where it all turned difficult.

Taehyung tried to move in behind you out of instinct, but a vicious growl tore from Jungkook's chest and he jumped to intercept the other's movement. With his brute strength, Jungkook wrestled and pinned Taehyung to the bed by his shoulders, growling and snapping in warning less than an inch away from his neck.

"My bitch, do you understand me? Stay the fuck away from her." Jungkook snarled, and even being human you could almost feel the domineering, intimidating pheromones that were echoing off of his body, so you could only imagine how affected Taehyung was by them. If you weren't in the bedroom with your ass in the air, you would stand up for Tae, but you knew better than to get into the middle of what was going on. When it came to breeding, Jungkook's word was law. He got first go.

Taehyung was positively terrified, ears flattened into his hair and eyes squeezed shut with his neck bared in submission. He whined in fear. "You don't touch until I say you can touch. And that won't be until after I pump her full and knot her up, so know your fucking place." And just to drive his point home and really get Taehyung to listen, Jungkook opened his mouth and rested his canines on the thin skin of Taehyung's neck. A dangerous warning. And then he removed them, snarling once more as he backed up off of the other hybrid and turned his attention back to what mattered.

You.

Jungkook sniffed at the air and then let out a satisfied huff when he smelt your arousal, the tantalizing aroma going straight to his cock and making it throb as he moved into position behind you.

You shuddered in anticipation when you felt the weight and heat of his body behind you and it was no surprise when you felt his strong hands grip your hips and begin jostling your body into his desired position. When he was done there was a deep arch in your back and your ass was poised perfectly in the air for him and it delighted you knowing how badly the sight probably drove him insane.

Seeing you completely offering yourself up to him, like his good little bitch. Your stomach twisted fiercely when he growled in approval at the sight of you and began lining his cock up with your entrance. Before he pushed in, he looked over his shoulder back at Taehyung and snarled, not even liking the other hybrid to be so close, but he was too desperate to be inside of you to care much about it.

As he pushed in, you bit your lip and held your breath, hand clutching the sheets in front of you in order to keep yourself grounded. The intense stretch of his girth stung, but it was expected and you knew it wouldn't last long. As soon as he would start thrusting, your body would adjust and open up perfectly for him, accepting his thickness eagerly.

"Fuck," you squeaked out breathlessly when he bottomed out with a thump and you listened to him breathe heavily through his nose behind you, most likely taking in this moment and gathering himself before he began plowing into you.

Jungkook draped himself over you, nuzzling through your hair in order to find your ear. For a moment he just breathed into it, making your heart beat frantically in your chest out of anticipation on what he was going to do next, and then he poked his tongue out to lave over it before tugging the lobe between his teeth with a growl.

"So wet and tight, my bitch feels so good," and he emphasized the last word with a deliberate roll of his hips that ended with a firm smack into your ass. The feeling was absolutely delicious.

And before you knew it, his hips began moving in a consistent motion. Quick little thrusts that you knew would only build in intensity over time. But right now, they were small and almost soft, yet had enough speed to have your ass jiggling every time his hips met it.

You could hear Taehyung behind you whining and moving around on the bed aimlessly, not knowing what to do with himself and the unbearable urge to fuck. You wanted to feel bad for him, but the steady, perfectly consistent rhythm of Jungkook's thrusts wouldn't allow you. You were already so fucking gone. The way Jungkook was fucking you right now could get you to cum without you even thinking about having to touch your clit. That's how good it was.

Jungkook reached underneath you and slipped one of his hands up your stomach all the way up to your breast, squeezing it and then tweaking the nipple with his fingers. "Perfect tits, baby. Can't wait to see 'em all full and leaking of milk for our pups." He growled dangerously then, his thrusts intensifying, shifting to the next level effortlessly.

"Yes, Kookie," you moaned out loudly, clenching around his cock from the filthy words shamelessly tumbling out of his mouth.

Honestly, you were pretty sure it wasn't possible for you to get pregnant by them, which was why you never worried about condoms or birth control. It's not like you were positively for certain, but you just figured since you were technically different species, you wouldn't be biologically compatible like that. But you had to admit, one of your deepest, darkest filthiest fantasies was quitting your job and just staying with your ass in the air all day everyday for them to take turns breeding you over and over again. Being their personal little pup-maker, like they'd probably love for you to be.

But that was a fantasy, and you tried to keep the sex with them under control because they were pretty much always horny and would be perfectly happy just spending their whole day fucking you. The instinct to reproduce was strong within them and always present, making it hard for them to see you in an innocent light sometimes. Like when you'd bend over to pick something up or tie your shoe, they'd see it as an opportunity to mount you from behind. Or when you'd be their little spoon while cuddling, they would be hyper-aware of their crotch pressed up against your ass and then get aroused and try to have sex.

Don't get you wrong though, you were a young healthy woman with a strong sex drive of your own that had no problems indulging two handsome hybrid's insatiable obsession. But sometimes, you had to be rational and refuse them or else you'd never get anything done throughout the day.

This time of the month however, when your ovulation cycle began to run its course, you knew that you had to surrender yourself to their incessant desire, at least until after it wasn't so strong to them. Because one time during one of your ovulation cycles you had a bad cold and did not feel like having sex at all, so you rejected all of their advances and quickly found out that it was physically painful for them when they could feel such a strong urge and pull towards you but couldn't do anything about it. It was so unbearable in fact that you ordered and expressed shipped from the internet a pheromone mask, a spray that you spritzed all over your body and masked the strong scent that you were sending out to Jungkook and Taehyung. It helped eased the sexual urge for them, but they were still clingy and didn't leave your side throughout the whole cycle.

You still had that spray, and kept it for emergencies, but you chose to deal with your cycle naturally most of the time and let them fuck you like they wanted. It was easier to just let it happen, rather than make sure you put the spray on again every hour to keep it effective. Plus, you really had no issues about dealing with it naturally when you could. And it was a Friday, so you had the next two days off and were free to spend them right here in this very bed if need be.

Your train of thought suddenly rerouted back to the present when Jungkook sat back onto his heels and gripped your hips in his strong hold, before pounding into you harder than before. Driving his hips into you with the sole purpose to get himself off and fill you up to the brim with his seed and knot.

You gasped, mouth hanging open in a silent scream and you gripped the covers beneath you, pulling up on them before pressing your forehead into the mattress. You were so wrecked beyond basic thought, that you didn't even notice Taehyung was now beside you. Glancing over at him, you saw him staring intently at where you and Jungkook were connected, the wet and sloppy sight of Jungkook's cock pistoning in and out of you and the obvious stretch you were having to endure in order to accommodate him. Taehyung's hand was wrapped around his cock, so tightly that his knuckles were white and he whined, frowning.

"T-Tae," you tried to speak, but Jungkook was fucking you so roughly your whole body was jostling with his thrusts and making it hard to even get a word out.

Taehyung's ears twitched at the sound of his name, but he couldn't pull his eyes away from the sight they were glued on.

You wanted to jerk him off, taking pity on him, but when you began reaching back for his cock, Jungkook growled in disapproval and suddenly draped himself back over your body. One hand holding his weight up on the bed and the other going to rest on your stomach.

He pressed his hand into your lower stomach and growled lowly in your ear. The pressure was tantalizing, emphasing the feel of his cock rubbing against your walls from within.

"My pups are gonna be in here. Mine, you're my bitch." He decided to remind you once again and the sharpest stab of arousal made your stomach clench from the reminder, and it was also that moment when you felt the familiar sting down at your entrance. The tell tale sensation of his knot beginning to form.

It was that added stretch whenever he would shove his knot passed your entrance and then pull it back out. It would catch on your entrance the more it grew but he would just thrust especially hard to fit it in and then yank his hips back to pop it back out and repeat the process.

This was the part where it was clear you were not made to take a hybrid's cock, even though whenever you'd voice that realization, Jungkook and Taehyung were quick to assure you that whenever you got pregnant with their pups they would be able to fit through your vagina so technically their knot should be no problem for you to handle.

Needless to say, even if that was true, it was definitely easier said than done.

"Jungkook!" You cried out, feeling that familiar urge to tap out as you buried your face in the covers. But despite the pain, your stomach still swirled warmly in the direction of a release and oddly enough, the arousal and pain blended into something delicious and overwhelming.

And then, Jungkook gave the hardest thrust yet and popped his knot into your entrance, the action causing you to gasp sharply. But you knew this time, it was in you to stay. Because Jungkook didn't try to yank his hips back like before, instead he grind into you with a purpose, hips flushed with your ass.

The swirling warmth in the pit of your stomach began to intensify at how full you felt, and not to mention you could feel the way his knot rubbed snugly against your walls and hitting every sugary spot you could imagine.

No human man could ever make you feel this way.

And just the thought of that, coupled with the incredible feeling of being filled to the brim, was enough to send you spiraling into the most sweetest high. The feeling of heaven flushing throughout your limbs and caressing your stomach and lower back, making your toes curl and mouth pop open as you welcomed it with fervor.

The sensation of your walls clenching and clenching and your thighs quivering in an attempt to keep yourself up was what finally coaxed Jungkook into coming. Releasing his thick seed deep within you as his chest rumbled with a deep content growl, his face nuzzling into your temple and hips continuing to move in small little grind to milk himself dry inside of you.

There was so much cum, he was still releasing into you and it always amazed you how completely stuffed you were afterwards. Filled up completely by Jungkook, every inch inside of you.

"Fuck," you whimpered, letting out a shaky breath and the small little noise made Jungkook wrap both arms around your middle in an attempt to comfort you as he lapped at your face, but you were now supporting both of your weight and you let out a helpless noise at the pressure on your upper body. "Jungkook, please you're squishing me,"

And he gave you one last lick before placing his hands back onto the bed and picking his weight up off of you.

You looked back over your shoulder at him, wondering what he looked like after such an intense fuck since you basically never had sex facing each other. You always had to be on your hands and knees, in the proper breeding position, Taehyung and Jungkook proclaimed.

The sight nearly made you orgasm all over again. Sweat soaked his hairline and was dripping down the sides of his face, coupled with hooded eyes and parted lips as he breathed heavily from the previous exertion. There was a slight furrow between his eyebrows, making him look like the sexiest thing you've ever witnessed. And as if the whole thing couldn't get better, he tilted his head back slightly and sniffed at the air, hips twitching afterwards.

"Smells good. Just like it always does when my bitch gets bred."

You moaned, feeling fucking aroused all over again because of Jungkook and his damn filthy, blatant words.

When you propped yourself up back onto your elbows, your sore knees were brought to your attention and you were just about to ask Jungkook if he could arrange you two on your sides like usual but thats when you suddenly felt something.

Something little and faint down at your entrance, that was there and gone within a quick second.

Jungkook suddenly went tense above you and then you felt it again. This time, you realized it was wet and warm, prodding and swiping around the area tentatively.

"Taehyung," you suddenly said with a shaky exhale. Not asking for his attention, but just voicing your realization that the odd sensation was him.

He was positioned behind you and Jungkook, head angled between your legs in order to lap around your sensitive center. He always did this after Jungkook knotted you, enjoying the new juices that your climaxes provided while also offering his numbing/healing saliva. Aiding with any soreness you felt, but it was mainly for Jungkook. Whenever you couldn't feel Taehyung's tongue, you knew he had veered off to the base of Jungkook's cock and was licking at the little part of his knot that could be seen from inside of your vagina. Their knots were always sensitive and sore afterwards so they would help each other out and lick them to ease the dull ache since they couldn't reach their own.

Jungkook released a deep breath, his body seeming to relax along with it. He crowded you forwards and then dropped his weight down onto his hip on the mattress, moving the two of you so you would be on your sides.

Taehyung whined at the loss, trying to follow the irresistible taste and Jungkook just rolled his eyes tiredly when he got you both situated and then he slipped his hand under your inner thigh so he could heft your leg into the air that way for Taehyung. The eldest hybrid re-positioned himself and dove back in, licking at you both once more eagerly.

You were so exhausted all of the sudden, Jungkook always did a number on you when you fucked. It was go big or go home for him all the time when it came to sex, which you had no complaints about whatsoever. But golly, it sure tired you out.

Practically numb to Taehyung's tongue at this point, you just rested your head on the pillow and gazed tiredly down at him working, enjoying the feeling of both of your lovers so close to you.

And before you knew it, your eyes were slipping closed and the last thing you remembered before dozing off was Jungkook growling softly and easing your leg down, telling Taehyung to let you rest.

You awoke to the sun shining straight into your eyes and you moaned, turning your head away from the light. But the innocent morning sunlight was definitely not what roused you from sleep, and quite frankly, not what made you moan either.

Opening one eye and peeking down, you saw a mop of brown hair between your legs, fluffy ears perked up.

"Taehyung," you whispered, biting your lip and frowning at the over-sensitivity of his tongue lapping at your clit.

Realizing you were awake, he looked up at you and his tail began to wag in excitement. He pulled himself up, whining and your eyes fell to the large bulge in his pajama pants.

His hips stuttered, seeking out friction.

"Please, before Jungkook wakes up," he pleaded desperately, giving you the literal puppy dog eyes as the cherry on top.

You yawned, stretching your muscles and wondering how the hell you allowed those eyes to have such a strong effect on you as you rolled over onto your knees. You kept your head on the pillow, hugging it and closing your eyes, feeling Taehyung moving around behind you.

Good morning world, you thought humorously as you arched your back and poked your ass into the air.

#jungkook scenarios #taehyung scenarios #jungkook smut #taehyung smut #bts scenarios #bts hybrid #dogboy!tae #dogboy!jungkook #itttmttgr

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mangkochi · 6 years

Text

In this cold morning, i’m surfing to someone’s page, a very long scrolling. Reading all the things i missed during my absent.

Oh this friend never failed to amaze me,indeed. Her writings are always beautiful and i always love them.

But,

After reading some of her thought,her feeling,and her scream in this hospital, then i realize seems like im so careless to my own friend.

Couple years ago, it’s been so long, we used to do a lot of things together,like A LOT. She’s the one who taught me so many things i never knew before,about how to be a better person in our Creator side. I learnt so much and i was very happy at that time. Every week we exchanged what we had memorized from the holy book. Felt like she’s such an angel sent to me.

Unfortunately,this weak soul betrayed the angel. As time went by and we began to be “busy” with life, with many things that made us so rarely to meet ,visit, and tell story to each other, i’ve realized that i’ve betrayed her.

Couple times we tried to make it again by the promise to start all over the things, but yes i was such a liar and betrayer who always avoid my own promise. Cuz what? I was just in my lowest mode of creature. Honestly, what made me like that was because i was really in depression and i lost all my sanity to everything. And that had consumed all my desire to learn,and in fact disturbing my belief. I was that low, i know. But i couldnt tell anyone,including her, what’s really inside me. And i chose to avoid all things that i thought only burden me. And chose everything that i thought would make me feel happy,feel wanted. I was so surrended by what we call social desirability . Becuase i was dumped and i thought i had to follow all the trend that could make me seen by the world more. Becuase i was so wrong by the concept how to get up . Because i had failed The Great’s test on me. Because satan succeeded to take over my sanity. And that’s how i betrayed her, my dearest friend.

How is me rite now? Oh some day ago i thought i’ve been cured. That’s why i made the “Hai Again” post. Turn out that’s just couple of bs paragraphs. Im still in this lowest mode,and dont know how to escape.

But hey this post supposed to be abt her, not about me haha omg im sorry.

All i knew all this time is she’s so fine,happy,doing all the things well as usual,and kept away from sadness. Not like me. But after read some of her posts i was a lil bit shocked that this dear friend seems felt some sadness and/or loneliness. Altho maybe not as deep as me because i know she has a lot of amazing angel-like-friends out there and she’s liked by so many ppl. Idk if those posts is her true feeling or just bunch of beautiful phrase from her good skill in writing. But whatever im just afraid that she did feeling sad and lonely. I do have some hypothesis becuase i knew some secret she told me some times ago. But that’s just hypothesis, i aint have the courage to ask becuase maybe she’ll feel uncomfortable. Yeah Sometimes ppl has problem that they wont tell to anyone. Or maybe im just wrong about all the hypothesis hahaha. And the time is just not okay because we r in the middle of a big fight with our big task rite now 😂 please pray for us.

I know the feeling how we felt so sad and powerless or lonely but cant tell every single one in this planet. Beacuse i feel it all the time. So , i wont blame her why she didnt tell me because i never told her too. It just , feels like a pity that we cant help each other, tho i thought she’s one of my bestfriend (idk how she thought of me tho hehe).

There’s so many reason why we felt lonely and sad altho we surrounded by many friends. Feels like no one will understand and the fear of ppl’s judgement. Sometimes it just has no exact reason. It’s such a desease. Or it’s just one of phase in life. We,in our twenties, is having a quarter life crisis rite now.

Sigh,this post has no plot 🤦🏻‍♀️ im sorry im not good at writing 🙄

What im trying to say, maybe she will read this, i hope you can get up from all things the possibly make you sad,whatever it is. You are strong i believe. Dont be sad. It’s okay to be sad but never let it win over you. Never be like me. And i hope you can help me when you are done with your problem:”) .

I miss you so much. I’m so far awaaaaaay from all the goodness we had been through in the past. I’m so sad that i had failed it. I really really wish i could turn back the time,but nah,wishing such a thing is just useless. I wish i could help myself get up from all of this back to what i supposed to be as a creature of The Creator,like what you had taught me.

Just know this, I hope you will always be happy and healthy and kept away from all bad and sad things in this world. You deserve all the love and happiness ^^

Fighting my friend! Ily. Hehe.

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odds0cks · 7 years

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Me too

TW: Rape, Sexual assault, victim blaming, mental health, self harm, alcoholism

I need to talk about rape and sexual assault. There never seems a “right moment” to post this but what with everything in the media right now, I figured now is the time.

For three years this has been eating me up inside. It has impacted my mental health and my physical health. I have developed a drinking problem since this happened and frankly, either I do this now or I’m going to be found dead in a gutter somewhere.

It is important to me to share my story. Women all over the world suffer in silence because the are too afraid that their perpetrators will retaliate. In some countries, some rape survivors are punished for having been subjected to such a horrific ordeal and let me tell you, surviving rape is horrific!

The last time I was raped was in 2014. The perpetrator wasn’t a stranger in some dark alley. He didn't force me. He didn’t attack me. Quite the opposite in fact. He was a trusted friend of many years who took advantage of me when I was at my most vulnerable.

Before the incident, I had had a particularly rough year. I had to move house, I had split with my partner, I lost my job and I had to leave uni. My mental health was not good. I had been rather looking forward to my 30th birthday. It was supposed to be one of those milestones you know? I had been planning my party for a long time. It was going to be a stupidly over the top ridiculous princess party. I had never been a princess, the idea of it repulsed me. However, I wanted to try it. Just once. I had invited more than 45 people to my party and was receiving plenty of “yes” responses. I was excited! I’ve never been particularly keen on birthdays and I thought this could change how I felt about them. It did. Just not in the way I had hoped!

By the time my birthday came, I’d had lots of “I’m sorry but…” messages. People couldn’t make my party. There were reasons/excuses. I was sad. After everything I had been through, my party was more than just a birthday celebration. It was a celebration of surviving. A celebration of riding out one of the darkest storms I had ever encountered.

Regardless of being let down by so many people, I decided to go ahead with my party anyway. After all, I had paid for it!

I had spent the day of my party getting stuff sorted. I tried to hide how shitty I felt by drinking. I couldn’t tell you the exact amount of alcohol I had consumed but it was a lot. Even by my own standards! By the time I left my mums to get to the venue I was extremely drunk. I don’t remember much of what happened. I know that only 4 of my friends, my mum, my aunty, their friend, my sister and her friend came. That was it. A party I had spent two years and more than £200 on was attended by a total of 9 people. Imagine just for a second how that feels. I have an exceptionally large family. Many of whom were invited. Only 3 family members came. Sure, they had their reasons (excuses) as to why they couldn’t (didn’t want to) come. Clearly it wasn’t as important to them as it was to me. That’s fine, you know? Not everyone has to value things in the same way. So how did I deal with being let down on such a huge scale? I got even more drunk!

I asked some of the people who were in attendance about how drunk I was. Just in case my brain had me exaggerating. Here’s the conversation:

Thanks everyone for agreeing to take part in this chat for me and my sanity. I know that my 30th was a long time ago but if anyone can recall anything from that day/night I would be most grateful. If we could just stick to that day/night and not anything that happened after I would be super grateful. Also, it may help jog memories if you have anything in Facebook for that date (29 Nov 2014). Take your time. Again, thank you.

_____________________

From what i can remember i know i turned up at the (VENUE NAME REDACTED), was introduced to a few people, was shown upstairs as there was a disco and people dancing, you were heavily flirting with (NAME REDACTED) to the point it was sexual dancing and i think you were kissing him at some point, i know i didn't want to dance and had to say a few times about it, after that i was downstairs talking to (NAME REDACTED) about random things and you kept making a scene about things, you told me that the DJ was a stripper as well and i didn't want to see it, you start complaining that everyone had to see him strip and i know it really annoyed me because i didn't want to see him strip and i had to tell your firmly about it and then you stopped talking about it, later we were on the stairs, i think we kissed and then you were in shock and went up stairs as everyone had gone, you told me not to follow so i didn't and i went back outside, you came down a little later saying that things happened with you and (NAME REDACTED). After you came downstairs you were in a state not to sure if it was to do with (NAME REDACTED) (FURTHER INFORMATION OMITTED AS NOT RELEVANT)

_____________________

Me and (NAME REDACTED) turned up and you were already extremely drunk and upset about people not turning up. We were hammering the cocktails. You were happy that (NAME REDACTED) had come because you were hoping to rekindle things. There was dancing and yes there was flirting with (NAME REDACTED). You were just Kim drunk, nothing unusual about the way you were behaving, you were trying to have a fun night. At some point I had to give you my bra as your dress ripped, not sure when. I also had to go home in a taxi and get you and (NAME REDACTED) a dress each of mine as yours was so torn up and (NAME REDACTED) had a drink spilt on hers, not sure when in the night this was. (NAME REDACTED) was flirting with you and (NAME REDACTED). We lost (NAME REDACTED) and found her upstairs chatting nerd stuff with (NAME REDACTED). I 'think' we left you and (NAME REDACTED) to clear up some stuff upstairs. You came down a different person. You lost your shit. You were kicking off about everything. You and (NAME REDACTED) did a lot of talking and at some point you were missing and we were all looking for you. Then as (NAME REDACTED) said, he spotted you and let us know where you were. We went on to bar69. My ex turned up and you and (NAME REDACTED) had to sort that situation out. You were drunker than I've ever seen you that night. I've probably missed bits which I will add if they come back to me. This is just what I can remember right now.

_____________________

I can't remember that much to be honest. I remember us turning up I think we were delayed for some reason and getting straight on the drinks because we wanted to make sure you had a blast. i remember talking to (NAME REDACTED) about doctor who for a bit and you (I think) came up and got me. I remember you guys dancing and I remember (NAME REDACTED) not wanting too which pissed you off a bit but you were ok. There was alot of flirting between you and (NAME REDACTED) but there was alot of flirting with everyone he was flirting with me at one stage during the Doctor Who convo. but it seemed to be flirting without intent if that makes sense? I remember being by the canal and you were really upset and not making alot of sense to me but that was down to me being drunk I think. I remember going to the cross foxes but don't remember being in there. I remember walking around looking for you and (NAME REDACTED) saying he had seen you on his way home. i cant really put things into any order because I was stupidly drunk and my memory is atrocious when sober.

_____________________

I cant remember much like i said... just remember u bein upset cuz not many ppl turned up which is understandable! And u were extremely drunk... i must of been drunk aswell cuz dont rememeber goin the foxes but rememeber bein in bar69 then walking home on my own... i remember u disappearin for abit with (NAME REDACTED) .. im sure i went into the toilets aswell and noticed the other toilet door bein shut for ages…

________________________________________________________________

One thing is for certain, that night I was very drunk. Beyond my usual drunk. Too drunk and in such a poor state of mind psychologically that I could not possibly have consented to sex or sexual activity.

I messaged him a few days after the fact and again almost two years later in a bid to salvage the friendship. Below is the correspondence:

__________________________________________

My first message to him:

I have been over Saturdays events repeatedly in my head. I was horrified to wake up and find blood down my legs and bruises that may or may not be related. I have absolutely no recollection of the events from Saturday during my party. I'd sobered somewhat in the aftermath and I can recall some of what happened when my friends and I went up town. Mostly because I had what I can only describe as a breakdown. What I do know is that I was beyond drunk. That much must have been evident to you. When you said that we'd had sex, initially I was mortified. Then I felt shame and embarrassment and now I'm just angry. Despite the fact that we may have already agreed that we would "probably" have sex, I was so beyond drunk that there is no way I could have consented and with you being completely sober you were the one in control and you fully took advantage. Having spent the last 3/4 days in a complete state of shock, I have now come to accept that this was, without question, rape. I had been blaming myself for what happened because a) I had allowed myself to get that drunk and b) it was almost inevitable that we would have sex as is/was the nature of our friendship. However, it is still not ok and in the eyes of the law, that is still rape. Not only have I been absolutely destroyed by this situation, anything that I may have had with (NAME REDACTED) has been completely obliterated. You knew full well how I felt about him. I am aware that I don't have a "conventional" outlook on relationships but it still does not give you or, indeed, anyone else permission to have sex with me when I have no control of my faculties. I am unsure as to what I want to do right now. I have been repeatedly advised to go to the police but I'm not sure that's the right course of action for either of us. One thing I know for sure is that our friendship is well and truly over. Since this happened, I can no longer trust you. I have no faith that this was just a "one off" and that it would "never happen again". Having been in a domestically abusive relationship, those words mean nothing to me. The thing that bothers me the most is your blasé message to me he morning after. "Oh it's a shame you don't remember"! Does that not ring alarm bells for you? Part of me wants to go to the police as I couldn't live with myself if I'd allowed another man to walk free and rape again but part of me knows that I wouldn't be able to cope owing to what happened in my past and my already fragile mental state. I guess that I just want you to say that you know it was wrong. That you did take advantage and that it was rape and not consensual sex.

His reply:

I am really sorry that you feel this way. I could tell you were drunk, but you didn't seem so drunk that I thought you wouldn't be able to remember. You had been coming on to me from the very start of the evening, which given our history did not ring alarm bells for me. When everyone had gone downstairs and it seemed like no one was coming back you climbed onto me and asked me to have sex with you. So I followed you into the toilets and we did. It was not forced and it certainly was not rape. However, looking at it now, as the sober one between us I should have said no to you, but given our history I thought it was what you wanted. I was obviously completely wrong. So for that I am sorry. I can't begin to understand why you would think I would do anything to hurt you, or anyone else. That isn't who I am. But I can see that this has really upset you, and for that I am truly sorry. I am also sorry to lose you as a friend. Goodbye

My message two years on:

It's been almost two years since we last saw each other and we didn't part ways pleasantly. That was not what I wanted. We have been friends and more for a very long time and I valued every asset of our friendship and honestly, I miss it. The reason for writing now is because the past two years have had such a negative impact on my mental health. I Thought I had reached rock bottom but I wasn't even close. I don't want to hit rock bottom. I can't afford to hit rock bottom. Every other aspect of my life seems to be working out but this one thing is looming over me like a rabid beast and threatening to consume me and everything I have worked so hard to create. The problem was not what happened, it was the way things unfolded afterwards. Your reaction hurt and shocked me. I thought, given the nature of our friendship, you would have wanted to talk things through. Try to figure things out together and make things right. I don't know why things played out the way they did. I imagine my accusation was a shock to you. It was a shock to me too. I sought advise from some very close friends before my original message to you and it took me a very long time to actually see that they were right. I don't for one second think that you're a bad person. I never did. What I want is a chance for the to of us to talk about things. Preferably face to face. It may not change things but I know there is a chance which is why I am doing this. I hope to hear from you.

His reply:

Thank you for your message. Before we start anything, I want one thing cleared up, for my own peace of mind. What happened was not rape. This is not me being dismissive. Believe me it haunted me to think I may have done that, I was shocked by the accusation and needed time to process it. I have looked into it, and I know, for certain, that what happened was not rape. Below is an excerpt from UK law. "The question of capacity to consent is particularly relevant when a complainant is intoxicated by alcohol or affected by drugs. In R v Bree [2007] EWCA 256, the Court of Appeal explored the issue of capacity and consent, stating that, if, through drink, or for any other reason, a complainant had temporarily lost her capacity to choose whether to have sexual intercourse, she was not consenting, and subject to the defendant's state of mind, if intercourse took place, that would be rape. However, where a complainant had voluntarily consumed substantial quantities of alcohol, but nevertheless remained capable of choosing whether to have intercourse, and agreed to do so, that would not be rape. Further, they identified that capacity to consent may evaporate well before a complainant becomes unconscious. Whether this is so or not, however, depends on the facts of the case. In cases similar to Bree, prosecutors should carefully consider whether the complainant has the capacity to consent, and ensure that the instructed advocate presents the Crown's case on this basis and, if necessary, reminds the trial judge of the need to assist the jury with the meaning of capacity.

" Being drunk does not preclude you from giving consent. It is only when incapacitated (ie unconscious or incoherent) that consent cannot be given, nor can it be assumed to still be in place even if given before this state occurs. When we had sex you were conscious and coherent the whole time. Consent was given (you basically dragged me into the toilet cubicle). I did not rape you. I would not do that, to you or anyone. That is what hurt me most. I was being attacked and hounded over a serious allegation of something I had not done. I felt closing off was the best course of action. I did not mean to hurt you. I was just protecting myself. I hope you can now see things as I do.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He takes absolutely no responsibility for his actions and made no attempt to fix our friendship. Instead he dumped all of it on my lap and walked away.

Was he right? Was it ok for him to fuck me in the state I was in? The only person who thinks he is right is him. Every other friend/professional/stranger I have discussed this matter with has said he was in the wrong.

According to the law:

The Sexual offences Act 1956 contains no statutory definition of 'consent'. Juries must be told that the word should be given its ordinary meaning, and that there is a difference between 'consent' and 'submission'.

Lack of consent may be demonstrated by:

The complainant's assertion of force or threats;

Evidence that by reason of drink, drugs, sleep, age or mental disability the complainant was unaware of what was occurring and/ or incapable of giving valid consent; or

Evidence that the complainant was deceived as to the identity of the person with whom (s)he had intercourse.

A boy or girl under the age of 16 cannot consent in law, (Archbold 2004, 20-152).

Consent should be carefully considered when deciding not only what offence to charge but also whether it is in the public interest to prosecute. Sometimes consent is given, or appears to be given, but the law does not treat it as effective consent.

Based on the above, I was raped. His rebuttal two years on is taken directly from the CPS website. However, what he fails to add is the final paragraph:

Prosecutors and investigators should consider whether supporting evidence is available to demonstrate that the complainant was so intoxicated that he/she had lost their capacity to consent. For example, evidence from friends, taxi drivers and forensic physicians describing the complainant's intoxicated state may support the prosecution case. In addition, it may be possible to obtain expert evidence in respect of the effects of alcohol/drugs and the effects if they are taken together. Consideration should be given to obtaining an expert's back calculation or the opinion of an expert in human pharmacology in relation to the complainant's level of alcohol/ drugs at the time of the incident.

Based on the summaries provided by other people in attendance that night, I was heavily intoxicated. Surely, any “normal” human being would notice just how intoxicated I was and - being stone cold sober - would refuse to engage in sexual activity with me?

This is what I have been dealing with for the past three years. This is why I’m in the mess that I am in. This is why I can’t go to cabaret shows without feeling his presence there - He was a performer. This is why I have issues with trust right now. This is why I’m always so angry, so frustrated, so depressed. This is why my drinking has spiralled. This is why I am self harming more than ever.

I don’t want sympathy or pity. I don’t want people to tell me that it will be ok. He wasn’t the first person to rape me. You never get over being violated in this way. You just learn to cope. I am hoping that by putting this out in the public sphere, I will be able to move on and start fixing myself.

I also want to challenge the mainstream notion of rape. Rape isn’t always forceful or aggressive. The perpetrator is rarely a stranger. We have this image that has been cultivated by the media. A rapist is a creepy person, staring eyes, physically imposing. This is not always the case.

If you find yourself in this position, just stop and think. If you are completely sober and someone incredibly intoxicated wants to have sex with you, tell them no. If they lash out because you said no, just walk away.

Rape can happen to anyone of any age, gender, sex, sexual orientation, race, religion etc.

Don’t become another statistic.

________________________________________________________________

If anyone is affected by my story or is struggling with their own story, please come and talk to me. Drop me a message on Facebook, ask for my number, ask if we can meet. I have all the time in the world for you because I know what it’s like to have to go through this alone. Please don’t think that you have to keep quiet. Please don’t think that I will judge you. I am here for you and I promise I will listen regardless of your age, sex, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation or sexual history.

FURTHER READING

https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/05/alcohol-and-consent-questions/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/is-drunk-sex-considered-rape

https://www.sdcda.org/helping/prevent-rape/price-brochure.pdf

https://news.vice.com/story/when-is-someone-legally-too-drunk-to-consent

https://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/equality/vaw/what_is_consent_v2.pdf

http://sexpression.org.uk/consent-in-sexual-contact/

#me too #me too campaign #rape survivor #my story #rape #survivor

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btscloudy · 7 years

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I got tagged by @mintycoolnessisrelevant (btw if you like voltron, skam, or laughter u should follow her) and thank u ^.^ Rules: tag 20 people you’d like to know better

Nickname: jay

Zodiac sign: Gemini

Height: 5′7

Last Thing You Google: And then there were none, the book i was checking my sanity cuz i swore ive read that book before and turns out yes i have. its good btw if ur looking for a book to read, its pretty classic

Favorite music artist: bts (duh lol)

Song stuck in my head: born singer by bts, idk why it just poped in my head today

Last movie you watched: oh gosh idk...uh....i dont remember, its been a while

What are you wearing right now: grey sweats, green t-shirt, blue hoodie

Why did you choose your URL: was originally jaycloudy, cuz one of my nicknames is jay and i liked jc caylin at the time hence the cloud. Then i changes it to btscloudy when i became a bts blog. weeee story time lol

Do you have any other blogs: nope just this one

What Did Your Last Relationship Teach You: teach me? uh, that its not that hard to let go of someone if ur not that invested. lol that sounds terrible

Religious or Spiritual: nope

Favorite Color: Pink :3 and then pretty much pastel anything

Average Hours Of Sleep: bout 7 on weekdays and 8 or 9 on weekends

Lucky Number: 2, i mean ive always said 2 but it really isnt anything special to me

Favorite characters: chandler from friends, bts fanfic characters lol i dont get out much

How Many Blankets Do you Sleep With: sheet, comforter, blanket, and usually my jacket thrown on top. ..... i get cold

Dream Job: dream, like eating food on camera and getting paid. ik thats like dirty or something but can u imagine just eating, making faces, maybe talking, and getting money. yup. what i actually want to be tho is a physical therapist :)

I’m only gonna tag a few because idk 20 people(idk 5 but):

@fear-humans-not-wolves (i like u), @foreverevereverever (i like u to, ur a cool bean), @minyoong-ii (u seem nice and ur pretty), @awkwardlyjin (we have like never made any contact but i like u and ur blog).

you guys dont have to do it if u dont want to, but i would love to know more about yall :D

#tag #thank u for tagging me babe #mintycoolness #chu~#<was a kiss btw #questions #me

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trippz2ill2ace8itout · 5 years

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🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #4; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

🌙🌙🔥🔥facebook, this is part of my life story, this is in the past. Im in no way a harm to myself and others. Thank u. PART FOUR!!!🌟🌟🥀🥀 *SatanslashGod; im gonna pray, i think God is calling me to fufill His duties. I was homeless for the 13th time. I walked the streets for days. I got possessed by God. And i acted out bizarrely insanely dangerously, abnormally, like an animal. I stayed up for 3 days straight. And taking extra of my medication. I had a full blown physcotic break. I didnt kniw my name. I was talking like a baby, waving my arms in the air. I lost all my senses. I forgot how to function. I got admitted to Loma Linda ER, and they took me in right away. I was like nonresponsive. I was an animal, a vegetable. I was dysfunctional. And then they transferred me to Loma Linda BMC. Mental hospital. While i was there i acted out. They put me on concervertaship, i had a hearing, and i saw the judge. It was my over 200th mental hospital. And the judge almost sent me to an institution but i lied, and i got off. Ive been concervered over 5 times. I gor diagnosed with ovee 10+ mental illnesses. Critically/Clinically Insane && The Most High Maitnence Case In The System. When i was 12 i sold my soul to the devil. And i became a bully. And multiple places and people told me that i had a serial killers personality, that she looked into my eyes and said "theres nothing in there" "your untreatable" "your too high maintenance for us to treat" my therapist Thea said ahe waz one step away from conserving me and taken to a state institution. And she said they probably couldn't treat me. Ive been to 215 mental hospitals. And ive been thru it all. I cant tell the difference between God and satan, when i get commands i cant tell the difference. *Richard Enxxellia/Puppoi/Three 7s/SeventyThree6's/UglyBitterSky; Richard gives me paranormal activities. Qualities, which he possesses me to act out dangerously. One example is when i get homoscidal. He decodes the devil into me. He moves certain objects and living things to make me use my 10 senses. As i dissociate to many alternate universes. The darkness takes over me. He decodes demons into me. Decoding me, i have codes, we all do. In NXSP. Rascal/Raskal is my therapy dog. Whos dying of cancer. I hallucinate him everywhere. But i see him as if he was real. And people tell me itz all in my head. Like i have a full blown convo or im playing with him. But my mom and bro tells me hes not in here. Three 7s is where my mania gets out of control. Like i feel like im famous, for the right or wrong reasons. Its all a delusional world. I go out of reality now 100% of the day. And thats not normal. *Bad Mommy-Good Mommy/Duplicates Of People/TwentyStepsForward; __::::TSF was a demon that Johnny hated, but somehow was connected too. So after Me/I, Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/MsSweetInsanityyx" (Me/I/M3/iii) killed him. The reason why Lily "Dancing Fire" was so mad at Izzy was because TSF turned to ashes after Johnny died, (was killed by Izzy) and that made Lily wanna send Izzy to The Ends more, as she tried to follow thru with that plan, but failed. Ever since i killed Johnny, Dancing Fire has become a bigger and more dangerous demon in my head, becoming worse and telling Alvaro to possess me more. So Alvaro && Dancing Fire have gotten worse. After i killed Johnny. __::::Bad Mommy/Good Mommy take toll of my mind. When i was in my drug and alcohol addiction, Bad Mommy got worse, she wears a scar on her face. She abuses me, (in real life she did abuse me mentally and very rarely physically, but this was before i got back into my addiction) after i tried to come home after she kicked me out *again* (while i was homeless for the 13th time) i was on cocaine, meth. Acid, pills, heroin etc etc. I came home and she slammed me against a wall, and called me a whore. Then she "switched" and forgot about it later, it scared me, and she won my trust and forgiveness back by giving me brownies. This went on for awhile. In reality tho. She did call me really offensive names. But she didn't slam me against the wall. I was scared of her and on multiple occasions didn't wanna come home from school. Anyways i dont wanna elaborate on that. __::::Duplicates of people really fucked me up. This waz after me coming home in 2018. I saw duplicates of people i do and don't know. And it scares me. Now it only happens with my therapy dog, Rascal *Cones/Wesley "Presley" Garcia/Mr.OutOfDate; |__::::????::::__| XX_XX __::::????::::__ | | Cones;____Guide me in the right direction. Master Cone. Controlling your slaves and servants. Your fucking with my head, your make me follow your path, as u soar strangely thru the air. Trying to show me a new reality, the Cones are ahead of the other flying objects. Its like your all dancing around me and my reality of a dreamland, a dreamland like reality. You opened my eyes, but also made me more insane. Therez all sorts of shapes, dancing strangly. You made me dissociate more than usual. As i traveled all the universes and galaxies. You did both harm and good for me. Thank u, for opening up my eyes, as im developing my 11th sense, i already have 10 senses. You traumatized me and u saved me. Thank u. Cones and Objects. For becoming a part of me. Cones are non living transitioning to living. But only i can see them. I appreciate you all. All the different breeds and kinds of objects. Theres millions of them. And im glad we crossed paths. I love u my Cone Family🖤🥀🌙🔥 Wesley "Presley" Garcia;____ Dear, Wesley/Presley, Did u Wanna get away, why did u make Johnny so bad, i know u were his master. And i know after u died, Johnny took your place, but i had to kill him, he tortured me and all of NXSP, i just wanna ask, why are u so fucked up? We did nothing to deserve this torture. Thank u for trying ur best with Johnny, but i just wanna let u know, even if u tortured us (made Johnny do it) im still here for u, cus i jyst found out that you didn't torture Johnny. Lily lied. And i should have known. Johnny tortured u, and no one knew, so i apologize for blaming u. Johnny also made up stories about you, that u tortured him. And i just put the pieces together and i realized Johnny started all this. NOT ERIN! Lily is just as bad as Johnny and Alvaro. All 3 of them fucked and traumatized all of us. If there is anything i can do to help. Plz let me know. I wanna save NXSP. Not destroy it. I know ur dead, but i miss u. And i realized you tried to pull/put NXSP back together, now its just pure darkness. Do u mind (&& u dont have to if ur not comfortable with it) send us angels to protect us from harm. Like what Constance used to do. I love u hun, keep fighting, soldier, Sincerely, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez/Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx && im also speaking for my family at NXSP. I love u. Hope u get this message.🖤🥀🌙🔥 Mr.OutOfDate;____ You give me reoccurring dreams and visions of my mom dying. && u made me live thru hell itself. Literally, and u bring me closer and more content with death. I feel like im dying everyday, like literally. I feel my body being tortured by my demons and Satan. Who ive met thru traveling the galaxies and universes. Why? I wanna live, not die. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this. "I wanna become content with living But i feel closer that death My mom is the only thing i have Without her i would already be dead I check her breathing while shes asleep on her bed I just wanna be dead No words left unsaid I feel closer to death everyday And i feel myself fading away Still happens to this day Losing levels of sanity more each day Losing my mind and i cant stay awake Ive been thru hell and torture Trauma, pain and darkness Do we know all the answers? Do we all get possessed by the devil Do we all lose control by the hour Dont die Mom Plz dont go Your my sun Plz dont go Your my reason I sold my soul to the darkness But i cant let my mom go Its hard to explain the love i have for her Its easy to explain why i love her Im becoming closer to death Got this fire in my heart Got this fire in my soul Im not whole, im not ok Maybe ill be ok one day I love u mom, Mr.OutOfDate, Youve come way to date You brought me and made me live thru hell Ive lived thru hell itself. Goodnight my beautiful sunshine Aint nobody dying tonight."-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Were all strangers to ourselves. Its hard to say i love myself, cuz im broken and damaged. I love u mom, ur my everything. Your my sunshine my sunrise and my nighttime. If u die i die. Goodnight. 🖤🥀🌙🔥 *Visions&Hallucinations of Past&Future/ObjectsHavingAForceOnMe; Dancing Fire cordinates it. All 100% of my past flashes in my head at random times. And i cant control it. Id be in a completely different reality. And i use all my 10 intensitied senses for every part of my past. Like i was there again. CODE 203 J REPEAT CODE 203 THIS IS SYSTEM SHUTDOWN X FOLLOW ALL GIVEN PROCATIONS. Lily you need to get the fuck outta here with that shit. SHUT UP CHARLOTTE! Homie, you better back up. Im talking to u, Lily. Well Charlotte imma show Izzy her past right now. OHHHH IS THAT IT LILY THATS WHY UR SHUTTING EVERYTHING DOWN! I miss u Lily, the old u.. Im not feeling to good Lily. Im sorry Lily. IM DONE! When objects look at me, its like im looking in a mirror, and there using codes to take over me && they scare me, for example i can look at a door knob, a window. A sky, a cieling, and i feel like it has a force on me. Like there trying to get inside me. Like i see a chair and i scream cuz its looking right thru me. Heres a lil poem i wrote: "Dont talk to the ceiling It might talk back Taking over me Can u see me Can u hear me Do u get that peculiar feeling Of all the hell im dealing Leave me alone I dont have a stable home I look into ur eyes The pretty silver sky Its looking right thru me Its posessing oh its controlling me Got that strange feeling Are these the Aces that im dealing Your looking right thru me Dont listen to the walls They dont think when they talk Dont run away from fear Dont draw the devil nearer There decoding you my darling There breathing how non living objects should Cuz non living things are just as important As living things, your being cornered Breathe my friend In and out Breathe and shout Theres no way out There surrounding me Im inside my TV This is all a game And i declare you insane Smiles on everybody Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors Smiles on my little baby Nobody needs to ser what goes on behind closed doors. Take control dont let it control you Why are u so blue? Are u in the flumes Ace 8 Break It Down Theres No Way Out Im In The Dark Now Im Just Hellbound The more u try to fight it The stronger it gets I would take my life to save yours Trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 Over 10+ mental illnesses They say your insane Well they did diagnose me critically/clinically insane So play your game, Satan Torture me, im waiting So play your Ace, Aint nobody dying tonight Not in this place Your known as the girl with no face Your pointing me towards my dog days Who am i, good question Fuck me torture me, my new obsession Im used to hell and trauma I know rock bottom Im used to pain and darkness Were all in it for the torture There controlling me There possessing me They arnt living Sonetimes non living things Are more alive than the living Smiles on, everybody Shut them system down Smiles on, everyone Were not going down without a fight."-written by me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Sometimes non living are more living than the living. I deal with this everyday. Stay strong yo. *Flying Objects/DemonsPosssesingMe; **||||** Flying Objects: objects that are non living but act like there living. All non living objects float around and talk and act like the living. Like the taxis, or the furniture or anything thats an object. Starts using there senses, they have more senses than us. Heres a lil thing i wrote about that.;;;; "You take control Sweet little ceiling A dangerous feeling Are we really dreaming Your magic head got me screaming You are demons inside of objects As the tables fly As the staircase sighs Its like a labrynth Were all sentenced Were in a fantasy This isnt reality Wake up. Wake up Torture me plz dont stop Wake up wake up All non living things are living All non living things are living Dont be drifting Dont be living Cuz ur not living No not at all They all have faces They all have bodies They all have senses Dont be scared my love Dont runaway my love Im an animal in a cage I got blinding rage I got bad and good days The chairs are all wrong Smiley is coming back Am i wrong? Am i right? Police on the search for me There not gonna catch me These flying objects are very living They will protect me They will seduce me. Flying objects flying round They dont make a single sound Take me far away"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez **||||** Demons Possessing Me; ??????Different Species if demons come and literallt possess me. I start raising hell ans becoming the demon thats controlling my body. I literally "snap into DeZanity" which is 100% worse than Insanity. I become dangerous, act out strangely unsafely dangerously etc etc. I become worse than satan himself. I walk thru and live thru hell itself. Ive seen hell. Ive literally lived in hell. I become darkness itself. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this; "Falling down to rock bottom Lived inside hell, oh pardon? Did u possess me last night the devil fucked me in the dark light I dont kno what to do Why u feelin blue, My darling my darling They say im acting strange Out of character as u say They say i went completely insane Out of character as they say The darkness controlling me Demons possessing me Im dangerous, im dangerous This aint fun Im always on the run I snapped into DeZanity I lost all my senses Ive died many times Im just fucking senseless As all the species of demons Come inside of me Im a dysfunctional animal Im a dysfunctional animal Who am i, my mind is worse than hell itself The devil puts himself up on the shelf Hes not powerful enough to enter Tryna make these dreams centered Tryna make reality my bitch Dont try. Do, win lose Dont do. Try, lose win Either way. There out to get me Lets change the codes Weve already killed ourselves. So far away from home Im feeling so alone. Im feeling cold Flying around the universes There aint no reverses Imma tell u a secret I am more powerful than the devil Are u gonna run and hide Were committing suicide My name is Izzy, Ace 8 My name is Tyler, Ms_SweetInsanityyx Lets fuck this place up Im here to save and help all non living And living things, im here to save the world I help, care. Love support be there Im by there side no matter what When u fall ill lift u up I help everyone and everything obsessivly Im on the battlefield fighting by yo side Im not in the sidelines Lets get ready to snap back Izzys out for the attack. Goodnight, Drearyyx"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez _____________||||____________ *Dancing Rooms/Past In Vivid Movie-LikeForm; ||||_||||Dancing Rooms; dont talk to the ceiling it might talk back. Im in a dreamscape, traveling thru the galaxies, doors all over the walls, all the stair cases are going in many directions, they keep moving. They dont stop. Each room is something new. Im walking over the stars 🌟 , i see all of these different galaxies. Were midnight racing. Its like im in a Lo-Fi setting. All my dreams turned reality. Im in a wild place. Im soaring thru space. U ever seen the movie Labrynth with David Bowie its like that. I feel so free, racing cars over the stars. Im not in reality. Im escaping. Its like im flying, always flying. Im traveling everywhere. You saved me. Dancing Room. Its like a good trip. Like were in a movie, many kinds of movies. Its a new reality. Im escaping earth. So many colors. So much to see. Im sitting on the sunrise. I turn on Lo-Fi radio (the app is purple) and i do meditation to it. I go to extraordinary places. Thank u Dancing Rooms. ||||_|||| Past In Vivid Like Movie Form; so u kno ive had brutal trauma. Hell, pain, torture, bad experiences occurring 24/7 since 2001-2018, and u read part of my life story. Well theres sone parts u dont kknow, Dancing Fire flashes my past in more than just flashbacksx its in vivid movie form frok beginning to end. But its everyday. And even when im happy i get reminded that it constantly, Dancing Fire aka Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia. Tortures me with it. The more i try to escape it or "put my past in the past" i get reminded of it everyday, from beginning to end. Its not ok. And i also get nightmares everynight that makes me not wanna sleep. Like i could be doing my thing, and out of fucking nowhere here comes the show (vivid movie like form of my past from beginning to end) and i cant escape. People say "leave ur past in the past" uh how am i supposed to do that if i get constantly reminded of it every day. ?? But yet i help care love support fix save be there for everyone and everything obsessivly. And i dont stop. I love helping others, i wanna save and fix all non living and living things. That's what keeps me alive. Someone asks me "what's wrong Izzy. U havent been yourself lately?" i tell them an excuse like "im fine" so imagine this: _Having over 10+ Mental illnesses _Having trauma occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 _being constantly reminded of ur past daily _having 22+ mental breakdowns a day, every day _trying to remain sane _dealing with the present. _never escaping the past _everything combined together times 10+ working all at once _and trying to describe what ur feeling/whats going on/what's wrong, cus u don't know how to explain it _Constantly having demons fuck with ur head _hating myself _having an eating disorder/autism _not kniwing what ur feeling _feeling unwanted and unloved _being tortured, abused, raped most of ur life _not knowing who u are _having no home from 2011-2018 _having no hope _having severe brain damage _being critically/clinically insane _Been thru/experienced mostly every traumatic thing _not wanting pity sympathy or attention _after 2018, the hell never ending, getting worse mentally physically and emotionally _being insecure _dealing and drug addiction/alcoholism (im over 1 year sober _being the blacksheep _being LBGTQ _not wanting to date ever again/hating sex _cant go in public without breaking down _dissociating 99% of the day _explaining yourself to people _my mom being sick. My dogs having cancer _my mom and bro not wanting me home _thinking ur worth nothing _being a prisoner to ur mind _not knowing who u are _Alvaro possessing me _not feeling like ur in ur body/being possessed _paranioa/objects having a force on u _being confused/delusional _everything youve read/heard in all of this story applied to u everyday _acting like ur okay _trying to save. Fix. Love. Care, support, help, be there for everyone and everything obsessivly but not feeling like its good enough _missing my unbio son, Anthony everyday. _not wanting to cry or show emotions _avoiding feeling feelings/being so used to the bad that u cant process the good _not processing things _wanting to end ur life on a daily basis _wanting to self harm/act out on a daily basis _just hating yourself/having trust and anger issues _the rest i cant explain 🌟🔥🌙Hey this is Izzy here, thank u for breathing, for being alive. Im proud of u. Thank u for coming to my TED TALK.🌙🔥 **Another One Of My Suicide Attempts (i was on the online news); My brother and i got into a huge fight. Cuz we were playing pranks on eachother, but around that time i got raped *again* my mom still isnt aware that it. My whole past flashed by in my head vividly. My mom and brother told me they didnt want me home. And i felt like a failure. I was walking on the side of the street and the highway. I self harmed really bad. But i got home and everything else was a blackout. I had 33 breakdowns that day. We were at Farmer Boys. And my mom kept asking if i was "okay" i told her "yes" but i was lying. I had dreams of my granpa dying (hes deceas3d now) and my monmm dying. My mental health got 10 times worse. Leading up to my attempt i got raped again* by 10 people one by one torture, abusing and raping me for about 2 hours. I still havnt told my mom. I came home and i tried to have a "silent suicide attempt" i took 2 bottles of Gabapentin (one of my medications, this ones for anxiety) and they were big bottles, and i took every pill in there. I started fading out and u heard a voice in my head, trying to stop me from dying. I called 911 and told them that i overdosed, they got all my info and told me to stay where i was. There were fire trucks. Ambulances, police cars. They made me drink Charcoal, instead of pumping my stomach. My mom came out && was talking to the officers/AMRs etc. They did there normal procedures and transported me to Corona Regional Medical Center (aka CRC). I had a sitter, or a 1:1, they did their hospital procedures and i got transferred to "The Willows Mental Hospital" (Still CRC but not emergency, just psychiatric) my brother told me i was on the Corona Newspage, descibing my attempt. But not using any names of people. But it showed my house. I stayed on a 52/50 hold. I cant remember clearly exactly how the whole thing happened but im doing the best i can. ________________________________________ 🌙🔥🌟🥀hey its izzy, if anyone needs a prayer lemme know ok. This is something i just wrote, its from my heart. Stay True!!! Keep sharing your story, cuz it matters you matter your life matters YOU MATTER. , thank u for breathing, for continuing and being alive. Ur all Angels, you are a work of art, you just gotta put the peices together. U gotta creaate your art, your story. It doesnt end here tho. Id give my life if it meant all of u become painless, im not a saint. I just wanna be the person to save care love be there for living and non living things. Yea ive had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, but its 2020 in a month. All i want for Christmas is for all yall to be safe and happy. If any of yall need anything, ill be here. Ill be fighting by ur side on the battlegrounds. Im sitting here crying cuz idk how to fix this world. Im proud of u. Even if u didnt wanna be alive today, youve made it another day and youve made it this far. Your doing the best u can. You all make me wanna cry cuz of how amazing u are and how beautiful ur soul is. If ur thinking about taking ur life tonight trust me ive been there. Put ur hand on ur heart, feel that? That's purpose. Your life is a mess right now. Keep looking up. Your someones reason. I wanna save ur life tonight/today. Thank u for ecsisting. I know its dark out, you grow stronger every second. Take ur time. Slow down, take a moment or a few moments. Relax ur whole body, ur gonna be ok. Ur gonna keep fighting. For everyone but mainly for yourself. Im proud of u. Trust me im far from ok. But id do anything if it means everyone else can ok. U are a broken soul. But we will fight, we will win. We will stick together x im here for all yall. Dont go. Its not ur time. I kno it may seem cliche. Bit ur voice matters ur story matters your message matters. YOU MATTER YOUR IMPORTANT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE YOUR ENOUGH YOUR WORTH IT. ! Thank u for being u. This is Izzy here. Keep fighting, soldier. Keep going. Your destiny is inside of u. I love u all. Message me if anything. Stay true stay u. Live u my warriors my angels xx----Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🖤🥀🖤🥀

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