#d'artagnan and the gang

[seance]

THE MUSKETEERS 10TH ANNIVERSARY REWATCH / fave episodes [5/?] ↳ SEASON 2, EPISODE 5 / the return

[duckprintspress]

Time is Running Out to Back Our KS Campaign!

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Want 20 amazing stories and 19 awesome art pieces AND a 12-page comic, all super-duper LGBTQIA+, all made by fan authors and artists, all inspired by The Three Musketeers?

Want an anthology that feels like a fandom zine, except the fanworks are completely legal?

Want to support a queer-owned indie publisher run by fandom's own @unforth?

THEN HAVE WE HERE AT DUCK PRINTS PRESS GOT AN ANTHOLOGY FOR YOU!

The Kickstarter campaign to back Aim For The Heart: Queer Fanworks Inspired by Alexandre Dumas's "The Three Musketeers" ends on Saturday, July 15th, at 10:15 AM Eastern Time - as of the time I'm posting this, there's only 48 hours left to back!

For this collection, we recruited 20 authors and 16 artists who love Athos, Porthos, Aramis, d'Artagnan, Milady, Madame Bonacieux, and the whole gang from Dumas's wonderful historical melodrama. These creators' mission was simple: take this long-adored story and make it queer! The result is an amazing collection of works exploring the nuances of these characters, delving into issues of identity, gender, and sexuality—telling and retelling a story we all know and love. 

We've got a great book! We've got gorgeous merch! So come on over and check out our campaign, and get your book on!

[aragarna]

List your top 9 characters

tagged by @bebx, thank you!! <3 (Sorry it took me so long to play. Life, you know... )

Peter Burke (and Neal, and El, and Moz, and Diana... Sometimes I feel like the whole WC gang should fill the top.)

John Reese (and Harold, and Lionel, and all the ladies!)

Aziraphale (and Crowley, cause really, they're a team, a team of two)

Henry Morgan (not to sound too mono-maniac, I picked only one of Ioan Gruffudd's roles, but really, Horatio and Harrow aren't far behind. And let's not forget William Wilberforce!)

Diego de la Vega/Zorro (he's basically a superhero but with style)

D'Artagnan (the book version more than any real film version as none as ever really been satisfying to me. Though you know, Gabriel Byrne...)

Obiwan Kenobi (the only thing I like about Star Wars LOL)

Doug Ross (George Clooney, 20 years of fannish love)

Paul Weston (Speaking of Gabriel... In Treatment. That show that marks my descend into TV addiction)

tagging @silverfoxstole @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @amalthea9 @donfadrique @penna-nomen @thesymphonytrue @ascreamintothevoid-blog and whoever wants to play! I always love seeing other people's tops :)

[dragongutsixofficial]

Thoughts on episode 3 s1:

Another great episode !! Thoughts below:

Alexandre Dumas's dad had a TERRIBLE life and was born into slavery since his mother was a slave and his asshole of a sperm donor was her esclavagist. It's a nice attention to detail to see that Porthos' story mirrors that, since he was inspired by the dad.

The gang helps kill an esclavagist!!! Go gang 🔪

I don't know what's going on with Athos' little brother but it's proof book!Athos is so downright evil that we must make excuses for the modern Athos.

While i'm waiting to learn about the whole story, i'm still rooting for Milady. Stab him girl 🔪

D'ARTAGNAN STILL LACKS A MUSTACHE

I still need the lackeys. I love em and Athos saying he hates having servants (in French at least) would clash nicely with the fact that in the book he forbids his poor lackey Grimaud to even speak.

Actually if Grimaud exists he should team up with Milady and stab Athos.

I don't know how it's said in English but in French Porthos says that Aramis has "des doigts de fée" (the fingers of a fairy ----> very delicate and nimble fingers). Gay much ?????

Fellas, is it gay to rescue your brother in arm from his ex that's trying to burn him alive ?

[usagirln12003]

Steve Harrington: Hogwarts AU

Steve Harrington is a Pureblood (Lycanthrophy) wizard that was born on the 24th of April 1978 and started attending Hogwarts on the 1st of September 1989, being sorted into Hufflepuff House.

He has a Alder wand with a Unicorn Hair core.

His Patronus is Non-Corporeal.

His favorite subject is Flying and his least favorite subject is Herbology.

He was one of Hufflepuff's two Beaters from his fourth year onward.

While attending Hogwarts, Steve was initially the typical popular boy that; gained attention from everyone near him, though this caused him to fall out of favor with the lesser-known kids at school who labeled him as a "douchebag". Despite having a charming personality, he eventually fell into the wrong crowd of the snarkier popular kids, although his compassion lay underneath his superficiality.

When beginning to date Nancy Wheeler, Steve displayed his softer side and revealed himself to be hopelessly in love with her, though this in turn revealed his insecurities, as he instantly believed Nancy was sleeping with Jonathan Byers when seeing them together in the Ravenclaw Common Room, and soon caused him to vandalize property with graffiti featuring slurs of Nancy and Jonathan. It's not until Jonathan physically beats up Steve in rage that he realizes how awful his behavior was and immediately went to the Byers's home to apologize, only to be sucked into protecting them from a werewolf which is what led him to get bit. At Christmas, 1993, Steve and Nancy purchased Jonathan a new camera to replace the one he and Tommy broke.

Between his breakup with Nancy, getting disowned by his parents for being a werewolf, and Billy quickly taking over his status as "King Bee" and most popular boy, Steve was at a low point emotionally. While trying to make amends with Nancy, Dustin intercepted him and asked Steve to help catch D'Artagnan. The boys quickly bond, and Steve is shown to have a more parental or mentoring side as he gives Dustin relationship advice. Steve took on the role of 'babysitter' for the kids and was willing to put himself in danger to protect them. He had matured and became far more kind and responsible than he used to be.

In 1995, Steve was a shadow of what he once was. Aside from his sarcasm and recklessness, a lot of his traits that; he displayed in his Hogwarts years have disappeared. He was incredibly awkward and unsuccessful; with the girls he serves at Tendou Satori's Ice-Cream Parlour, and the only positive female relationship he seems to have is with his co-worker, Robin. His friendship; with Dustin is still strong, if not stronger and he seems to be on good terms; with the rest of the gang. Steve is also shown to be more kind-hearted and tolerant of things he used to poke fun of. Aside from engaging in nerd culture, he is also shed his homophobic views; which is shown when he still accepted Robin as a friend after she came out to him.

In 1996, Steve began working at Semi-Semi's Music Store, with him finding it difficult to find a suitable girlfriend for himself and started developing romantic feelings towards Nancy again. He also helped Robin deal with her crush, Vickie, and advised her to pursue her as he wanted Robin to be happy. He became jealous of Eddie and Dustin's growing friendship as he felt Eddie was taking over his brotherly role. However, Steve later softened when Eddie told him Dustin was always talking about him and worshipped him. When formulating a plan to kill Vecna, Steve had a heart to heart about his dreams with Nancy, having five or six kids and traveling around as a a professional quidditch player and he later told Nancy the dream included her.

[rainbowcolored7]

Jak! Dearly beloved, I'm thrilled to see you on your Musketeers bullshit, you've reminded me how overdue I am for a rewatch. Would you happen to have any fic recs? 👀

Fleet my love! 🥰

*chants* rewatch rewatch rewatch!

I absolutely have recs! (they say as they check their bookmarks to find there is only one and the rest have fucking disappeared?!?! In my search to track them down again I may have missed some sorry...) My otp is Athos/d'Artagnan, Porthos/Aramis, and poly Athos/d'Artagnan/Porthos/Aramis (with Constance occasionally in the mix). I hope that's okay! And in an attempt to keep this list from being horrifically long I'm going to try and share one fic per author, but most have written several wonderful fics that are favs, so definitely check out their other works as well. (says this and immediately fails)

Une histoire de bleu by ceeturnalia (traveller) - This is my top favorite of all time for this fandom. I can't count how many times I've reread it, I have the dang thing nearly memorized lol. Rated E, D/s, Athos/d'Artagnan.

kairos & logos by ceeturnalia (traveller) - Rated E, soulmates and reincarnation, OT4. This fic lives rent free in my head nearly as much as Une histoire de bleu. It's not a coincidence they're both written by Cee, who is an incredible story teller.

Multiples of Three by Q__Q - Rated E, OT4. I'm a huge sucker for fics where d'Artagnan is unsure of where he stands with the rest of the gang until they all have to kiss about it.

Ye Heirs of Glory by Kyele - Rated E, a/b/o, Athos/d'Artagnan, Porthos/Aramis etc.. I will admit I never actually finished this one. If I remember correctly I got about halfway and was yanked into another hyperfixation and forgot all about it, but the world building is exquisite, and I have every intention of finishing it soon.

every time i see your face by cherryfeather - Rated E, OT5, just absolute sexy mouthwatering fivesome filth. Also highly recommend going through the rest of this author's works because they're amazing.

The Fruit of Knowledge by breathtaken - Rated E, Athos/d'Artagnan, undercover shenanigans that gets really real super quick. This is another I am constantly rereading because it's one, incredibly sweet, and two, spicy spicy spicy om nom. Also check out the rest of this author's works bc just wowza. The talent.

Forever (in Ink) by Isidore - Rated M, OT4, soulmates and soul marks. This fic is just a full course meal from start to end.

Pas de Quatre by zelda_zee - Rated E, OT4, incredibly written, clever, gorgeous, stunning, no notes.

Fate Will Bring Us Home by rthecynic - NR, OT4, soulmates and soulmarks in the form of flowers. So, so many flowers! The imagery of this one is just so delightful, and istg one day I'm going to draw them all.

[kattestrophe]

Alright, I've finished Season 3 of The Musketeers

It was... I have some questions. I may just be dumb. I may have missed things while getting a drink. I don't know. Maybe someone will be able to help. Anyway, I'll rant my thoughts into the void for a moment.

How exactly did they go on after the end of S2? Their last scene is literally "Yeah, we're going to go find Aramis and get the gang back together after five minutes apart!" and then they... Don't, apparently? They are surprised to see him at the monastery in S3E1, so they obviously did not know he was there. Did they catch up to him before he got there? Did they not find him? Did he actually turn them down when they asked him to come back or did they just not have that talk?! I feel like that should be mentioned? Feels relevant? Was it mentioned!?

Why is Grimaud so mad at Athos specifically? Why is it stated in the behind the scenes clips that Grimaud specifically gives Athos the heeby jeebies more than any other villain so far? Where did he get his money? How did he get his connections? Do I need to read the book to understand why the show named their villain who has never met Athos before after Athos' lackey??

The other villains didn't quite catch me either this season, idk what it was, they just didn't really do it for me.

Why would you basically put Athos in the Milady Memorial Suit, say as much in the behind the scenes, and then pretty much not use her at all in S3? "The Milady Story", "The writers felt like there was something left to tell", then why didn't they do it?!

Why does the Dauphin not talk?! Like?? He's supposed to be 6?? Give him another line or two and pay the child accordingly, it's kinda creepy how he barely makes any sound at all. Also: Why does he just walk along with anyone who grabs his arm, surely even a child would notice that the guy who just punched the lady he was supposed to stay with in the face is not a nice man?!

Well, maybe he gets his brains from his dad who, for some reason, thought spilling everything about his affair with Anne to Louis was a swell idea. "I know how a dying man acts", oh fuck off, for all you know you may have just turned his terrible inescapable marriage even worse for Anne. 17th century Queens have been exiled away from their kids for this type of shit, Aramis!

Speaking of which: What exactly did Louis do to keep Aramis away from Anne and his son after his death? Like? He says that, but?? Nothing happens?? At all?? No consequences?? He called her a spanish harlot in the episode before his death, it doesn't sound like he feels all that generous towards her??

That was another thing, the whole caricature-print-story started and ended so fast I barely caught up. That really only existed to have Athos yell "to hell with the law", right?

Was Sylvie expecting the people to just get how to read themselves from the flyers they were handing out? Like, they were explicitly handing them out, not using them for lessons.

Oh boy, Feron sure changed his mind about the whole treason thing fast. "I'll conspire against the crown!" "You're family, Philippe, I'm gifting you a grave 🥺" "Can't wait to fill that! Will die for you right away!"

Why do Aramis and d'Artagnan keep switching pauldrons in multiple episodes, I am BEGGING you to label your costumes, BBC!

And why do they only get their new uniforms in Episode 3

And why is Marcheaux's jacket glittery

And what's that added leather thing with the cross that Aramis wears like... Twice? Is it their fancy day uniform? Why does he wear it without anything else when he accompanies Louis? Why does he wear it to the bar battle?

the costumes were kind of hit or miss for me this season, some I loved, some were Marcheaux's jacket or Aramis's final outfit. Or the Dauphin's wigs.

it's also very funny to watch everyone in the behind the scenes say "Oh, the Red Guard is so much more elite now, scary Red Guard" when d'Artagnan throws his weapon away to kill Marcheaux and they're still mostly absolute dunces who get beaten to pulp every other episode and have their bare asses handed to them by Constance

Speaking of Constance: Handing the kid off to her sounds fine at first, but like... Wouldn't everyone know her around these parts? And know she doesn't have a child? If there are two women the people of the area would know it's Madame d'Artagnan of the Musketeers and Sylvie of The Group of Refugees We Hate Sometimes, people would notice them dragging an unknown child around.

Speaking of Constance and kids, that was made to seem important for her and d'Artagnan and then never mentioned again. "Oh, we may never have kids..." "Oh, the kids Constance and I will have someday..." talk to each other!?!?

Aramis in the middle of S2: "Fighting is what I am meant to be doing!" Aramis at the end of S2: "Everything is going to shit, if I get out of this I'll radically turn my life around!"- okay, I get that. - Aramis at the beginning of S3: "The turning around part showed me that I am truly meant to be a musketeer!" - nice, he has grown in his understanding of himself, he knows his place in the world - Aramis at the end of S3: "So, about that-!" - oh come ON!

I didn't really dig the ending overall. We got a taste of Anne's and Aramis's combined diplomatic power in episode 8 and I dare say France is doomed.

Like, I'm glad they're together, making out in the middle of the park as if their relationship isn't still scandalous, raising their son, but A. that blue costume looked really weird on Aramis (is it just me? was something off about the cut?) and B. there must have been a better way. Honestly, the other people on the council who have been navigating politics for ages must be banging their heads on the table in agony whenever the current regent drags in yet another rando who's there for different reasons entirely!

Aramis will get bored and start shooting birds in the palace garden in three days time, I'm calling it

Continuing on about the ending, did Porthos and Elodie truly make such a connection in the cumulative week of knowing each other that they have to get married? Maybe if they had brought her back an episode earlier, but pulling her from a hat right before the end of the series felt a bit cheap...

Where are Athos and Sylvie going?? And why?? Don't the two of you have shit to do in Paris, help the poor, keep your community going?? Do they have a specific destination or are they just hoping to arrive somewhere nice enough with a midwife and a connection to food and water before Sylvie is so pregnant she can't ride anymore?!

Also, did Athos brush and tie up his hair for his final scene? That can't be him, it's his evil clone!

Constance and d'Artagnan are still cute and together, yay for that! Would have loved more conversations

Goodbye Scene in the garrison: Why no last "All for one, one for all"? Why must the last one for all be a note in a hat!?!? You're telling me this group of besties just kind of awkwardly walk away from each other!? Let Porthos and Aramis hug again!

I do love Milady's new paying position, good for my favourite murderous fashion icon. If only she had had like... a lot more proper scenes and interactions with the plot.

I heard that the actress couldn't film due to her being on maternity leave, but... come on, couldn't that have been handled better?

I really liked the show overall, but the third season felt a bit lackluster. Welp. I might still make that crack vid :'D

[wench-and-jezebel]

The Musketeers Reaction: Friends and Enemies

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

You sure you don’t need to rest buddy? You’re huffing pretty hard

[Also, they had the horseshoe upside down; no wonder shit goes wrong  (Spoiler: shit goes wrong)]

I wouldn’t know which is which  😀

Ah! Your boo!  [Ma'am, do you really think I'd adore a person who steals and kills peop- oh.]  …. Yes  [You know what-  Just watch the show, woman]

[Also, btw... "d'Artagnan" is not pronounced the way they pronounce it.  It's not "Dart-an-yun."  It's "Dart-en-yaw" ish.  Rough phonetics because idk but it's roughly that]  Well now neither of those look even remotely correct. Gah damn ancient times  🙂 [Edit: someone mentioned that this might be intentional? To show he comes from outside the "posh" part of town? idk if that's the case, but it's an interesting theory]

[Hold up… ad.]  Okay!  [Bruh these ads are so long]  😂😂😂  [BRUH IT CHANGED TO CSI  Hold up]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  CSI said you ain’t cheating on it with the musketeers  [lkjsaldakfjadsf]

Wait, Peter Capaldi?  [Yup!]  Sounds familiar  [12th doctor]

[This is Athos]  😱😱  I already said he favors Daryl… right?  [Yes.  I think.  But ‘tis true]

Sir  [I love him]  No need to be rude to the water  [alskdjf It was ice]  Oh ☠️

[And this be Porthos]  Oh shit!  So these are the three musketeers?  [No… Those are the two Musketeers and d'Artagnan.  The third Musketeer ain't been along yet]  Oooooh

[This is Aramis.  He’s the third.  (And yes… he’s "that stupid")]  Well damn ☠️😂

Damn I need a corset… these cheap ass bras can’t compare  ‘Tis trueeee

[Also, to be clear… He's having an affair with the mistress ot the Cardinal.  One of the most important people in France.  The King's main advisor.  Just to put that in perspective.  That’s why Athos said “Tell me he’s not that stupid”]  Oh. Well SHIT 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😂😂😂  [Also, that's Peter Capaldi]  Yeah I recognized him immediately

How he not see him?!

Ahh the gang’s all together!

Ahhh, love  [“Or lust”]  Ye, lol  ["Oh look: a man, pretending to acknowledge the difference" - Ten Inch Hero]

[I love Athos]  😂😂😂

“Any lice or crabs?” ☠️

Why am I getting Izzy vibes off the Doctor?  [I mean.  You should… I’m getting them too alskdjf]  😂😂😂  [It’s the Cardinal tho… Since I'm assuming you don't wanna spell Richelieu every time]  Ye! I don’t ☠️☠️☠️ it wouldn’t turn out nice

Oh is that The Milady?  [I say nothing]

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [Adele tipping her hand here]  

Ack  [Technically, she was "undressed" in the first scene… Corset + petticoat = scandalous]  

Wellll… Cannnnn you trust her?

Well damn… This show is just crazy

Pause!  ADDDDD  [Is it an ad for Scream?  Because we might have the same on- MATTHEW LILLARDDDDDDDD]  NO *sigh* 🙁 [How dare]  FOUR FUKCING ADDDDSS  [Yup]  CRIMINAL MINDSSSS  [RUDE]  THE NEW ONE  [I got Star Trek tho so… I win]

OH I SEE WHATS HAPPENING!  le gasp… Imposters

That ribbon around her neck is giving the girl with the green ribbon vibes  [I seeeee!  *has no clue what that means*]  You donttttt knowwww that boook? 😱  [Nope.  WATCH THE SHOW]

Buddy.  You.  Really.  Came out.  WITH A BLOODY KNIFE.  [alskfdj Yup.  I never said d'Art was smart.  Well, wise, but shh; the rhyme was important]

[Love herrrr]

Ooooop he ded  [Buddy's not doing too hot]

[Ma'am fingering her ring like it'll take away her Impure Thoughts about d'art.  It will not]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[Get ready for this Inigo Montoya-ass shit]  😂😂😂😂

“You killed my father. Prepare to die!”  

"We weren't going to kill him"  [*simultaneously* "We weren't going to kill him"  "Weren't we?"  "Next time let us know!"]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[The way Richelieu’s eyes widen on "murder" tho a;lkdsfj]

They were like oh shit they drug us into this  [They're kinda idiots tho.  What kind of criminal goes around like "oh, yeah, here's my name and rank!  Come arrest me!"]  EXACTLY

BRUH [Ruh roh]  

[Pause!  Ad]  I got one too lol  [I think it depends on time stamp for PlutoTV.  We'll probably line up perfectly for the most part.  Also… Jeremy Renner!]  Oh, I got Renner too!  [Mayor of whatever it is?]  Yes. [Countttt!]  Midpoint?  [Oh.  Okay!  I forgot those existed…  DO ITTTTT]  😂😂😂😂

– – –

Jezebel: We could not live in these times…  Our bad luck would get the whole family executed with these rules ☠️

Wench: aldskjf That's true!  The trials kinda.  Suck

Jezebel: Also idk why I didn’t automatically think the guy was an imposter at the beginning lol… I was like oooof!  Is this like… are his hands tied and he has to do this? Orrr??

Wench: Nope :)  Athos was too busy drinking and getting a hangover and half drowning himself to be robbing and murdering.  Not that he would do it anyway, it must be said.

Jezebel: Imma go on and make the prediction that the Doctor Cardinal had hired the imposters

Wench: :))) I say nothingggg!

Jezebel: Really, that’s all I can think of rn! But I’m enjoying it!

Wench: OIIIII!  THE CHARACTERS!  You must at least address Athos, please, I beg.  (But also.  I'd appreciate you discussing the main four laksdjf)

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂 I definitely understand why Athos is your favorite

Wench: My beloved!  And you haven't even seen much yet

Jezebel: Lol!! And the other two are hilarious! Especially the flirty one! ☠️☠️

Wench: Aramis?

Jezebel: Ye

Wench: alkdsjflaksdjf  So... this is a show based loosely around a book.  When we get to endpoint, I'm telling you some Things, but I want to let you get the impression of the show first

Jezebel: And d’Art(I’m not even trying) is clearly young. His common sense is lacking ☠️

Wench: Precisely… Wait 'til I tell you about the book :) 

Jezebel: 💀💀💀💀  Also… I feel like this picture pretty much sums up the king ☠️☠️

Wench: asdlkfj Accurate

Jezebel: And I love that Treville stands up for Athos! Instead of just believing he’s guilty

Wench: So, that's a thing... He’s kinda SPN Bobby.  And he’s basically father figure to the Three + d’Art (eventually known as Les Inseparables, or The Inseparables) and they are basically his kids.  (And I wanna say this is especially true for Athos, but I could be wrong with that bit)  So this is basically his son going off to be executed

Jezebel: Ahhh! 🙂 lol

Wench: Also… The music might sound familiar.  Not fully, but like in that haunting way where you think you've heard it before but can't place it?  That’s because the theme and (I think) some of the score was done by Murray Gold (aka the guy who did Doctor Who's score during the bits you've seen)

Jezebel: Both are BBC right?

Wench: Yes.  And you'll notice a lot of overlap.  You remember Mr. Blue Sky dude?  Elton?

Jezebel: Ack! Yes

Wench: He's a villain in a later season named Rochefort

Jezebel: Ahhh! I see 🙂  Also, I want to do the next episode like noon tomorrow if you can! So I’m not tired 😂😂 cause I’m enjoying this and I want to more consciously enjoy it lol!

Wench: Sounds good!

Jezebel: Ready?

Wench: Yup!

– – – 

Ooooop!  [Louis, panicking: "I am not panicking"]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[This mf]

Why would his body still be at the inn ☠️☠️☠️  [Why wouldn't it? lakdsjf]  B-because it’s an inn  [And?  Ya stick the dead bodies wherever there's space alkdsjf]  “Oh don’t mind the body… Scuffle this morning.  It’ll decompose in time.  All good.  Cheerio!”  [Basically!]

[Fun lil character scene!  And by fun I mean Trauma (™)]  Le gasp

The- He really left ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [alksdjflkdjf he did]

The womannnn!  Double crosssser

Oh shit.  They just all dead!  Tf?  [Yup!  Like I said: stick the bodies where ya can]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[btw... Musketeers = King's guard.  Red Guard = Cardinal's troops.  They're warring groups]  Ahhhhh! I see

Sir we know you’re in a massive library, so big there’s echo. But you don’t have to scream

Lol ☠️☠️☠️  [:))) I love Porthos and Aramis too!  It's not quiteeee to the same degree, but I adore them]  Yesss!  Flirt gives me Hook vibes. Just like he looks like him.  [Similar, yes.  There's some subtle difference or something (since I haven't hyperfixated on him) but yes]  😂😂😂

He turned into a dog

Oooop- [Constance, my beloved]  He’s been duped  [I really wanna know what happened to make her so friendly to Athos, ngl.  That was a really scandalous thing she just did]

Surprise is everything….  *two seconds later*  Surprise would have been everything

[Also, did I mention that Constance is badass?  Because she is]  No, you didn’t, but I love it

Get him d’Artinigo!  [... Ma’am]  That took so fucking long to type cause I couldn’t spell  Inigo. ☠️  [OH THAT'S- laksjdflkadsjf I thought it was just a typo]  😂😂😂

Well, shit

Ma’am! You were the one flirtinggggg and ring-twirling

[Heh heh heh.  You remember the formula for my faves?  Because um.  Heh.  Heh heh  Man be a bittttt uncaring about safety.]  *sigh*

Kid’s like yeahhhhh about before. Sorry  [He got an Athos Nod(™)]  🙂  [Athos Nod(™)s be important because man doesn't speak and he's gotta show respect somehow alskdjf]  That’s fair! ☠️☠️☠️ *sigh*

Ooooooof.  Well, damn, ma’am  [Yup]  DAMN  That’s dark af  [Yep]

Buddy… That’s your story now too

Ooooop- Bruh, he is just mordorring  [Makes you wonder why he needs Milady as an assassin]  Oh shit

Did he kill her with ol’ dude’s gun?  [I don't think so]

Oh shit  [Milady is such an interesting character, goodness]  I don’t .. are the priests allowed to say that ☠️  [They're not supposed to, but I guess they can] 

– – –

Jezebel: That shit was WILD! 😂😂😂  I really do like it tho!

Wench: GOOD

Jezebel: Poor Adele!

Wench: Yeah... She does get mentioned again, though.  It takes a bit, but she does.  She doesn't just get forgotten

Jezebel: My brain’s kinda all over the place… But poor Athos too!

Wench: You should go into more detail there :)  (Yes, I am going to try to sway you into Athos favoritism!  It's fine if you like the others more, but you need to know that this is happening.  My beloved!!!)

Jezebel: Loool!  Idk I really like Flirt!! 😂😂😂 but yeah I’ll probably fall for Athos before long 😂

Wench: Aramis?  THEN THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS LEARN HIS NAME

Jezebel: Flirt, Aramis, same name different font… and spelling, shush

Wench: But nah, tbh, you might well end up liking Aramis better.  Most people do, judging by what I've seen in the fandom, but I admit it's not a fully reliable poll

Jezebel: I like his and Porthos’s relationship. Also idk. I say personality but I haven’t seen MUCH of it yet. I just can tell from what I’ve see I’ll like him. If that makes sense 👀☠️

Wench: Yeah, I get it

Jezebel: Also, married gal and d’Art are cute. Even if she is married and he is googly-eyeing priest killer

Wench: Constance is awesome, I agree.  And, tbh, Milady is super cool, even if homicidal

Jezebel: Fair!  Also… The cardinal can go suck eggs in hell with Izzy. ☠️☠️  And the king. Is a child. Like most kings are

Wench: It gets worse

Jezebel: And… Honestly I can’t think of more so share away about the book

Wench: OKAY SO.  First off, I need to explain introductions of each of the characters.  They changed this for the show, and, as I said in this post (here), I appreciate the new version but also mourn the loss because.  d'Art, instead of trying to avenge his father, is actually going to Paris to become a Musketeer.  On the way, he stops at an inn and, while there, a dude disses his horse.  Despite the fact that no, actually, he doesn't much like his horse, and has been bemoaning being stuck with it since he started out, he now has to challenge dude to a duel. Then, he loses.

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Fast-forward to when he gets to the Garrison: he arrives just in time to hear Porthos/Aramis giving a report to Treville (which features the fact that Athos has gotten severely wounded in a fight, fun fact).  Fast-forward a little more, d'Art is mid-talking to Treville about possibly getting a job there when he sees the dude outside his window and is like... Damn this job interview; I must pursue the man who insulted the horse I insulted myself not two days ago.  (d'Art and his horse is a very "no one is mean to them but me" situation)

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Anyway, in the process of trying to track down this dude, he: a) literally runs head-first into Athos (aggravating his, did I mention, Severe wound in the process) and refuses to apologize, thus getting challenged to a noon duel; b) runs past Porthos and discovers something a bit embarrassing, and then proceeds to taunt Porthos about it for no reason, thus getting challenged to a one o’clock duel; and c) after losing the guy he was trying to hard to follow (AND.  LITERALLY WHILE HE IS TALKING ABOUT BEING LESS HOT-HEADED. Because he’s realized he just got duel challenges from two Musketeers.) he comes across Aramis, accidentally exposes the fact that he’s having an affair with a married woman (not Adele), and thus gets challenged to a two o’clock duel.  And all of this while running down a single stretch of road ☠️

Jezebel: My little clueless buddy… At least show!him is not quite THAT clueless

Wench: OH AND.  They're all each other's seconds, so they all show up to Athos' duel and are like.  Wait.  Wot.  Buddy got in a fight with all three of us?  And it swiftly becomes apparent that yes, he did.  Within the span of fifteen minutes.  AND.  This is all forgotten because then the Red Guard show up and are like "Oh, hold up, you're dueling?  That's against the rules!  Let us arrest you" and it turns into a duel.

Jezebel: 😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Anyway... the book follows a different plot from the show, but I'm not sure I can fully enumerate how.  The Athos/Milady backstory is pretty accurate, but her fate changes between the two.  (And across the other adaptations, which I also might make you watch, just btw.)  I think Constance existed in the book but Milady kills her?  If I recall correctly.  (Very different plotline from the show, I'll tell you that now.)  Aramis, btw — as hasn't been developed in-show yet, but is hilarious — is both a womanizer and deeply religiously devout.  He literally goes over to a woman's house to teach her Bible study

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂

Wench: And they study the Bible by studying God's gift of each other's bodies

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: And.  I think the final thing that I haven't yet said.  The author of this book?  (The Three Musketeers?)  Is the same dude who wrote The Count of Monte Cristo.  He's one of if not my favorite author.  I read The Man in the Iron Mask too (which is the sequel to this book), but I hatedddddd it.  Not because of the writing, which was impeccable as ever, but because of what he did to the characters 😭

Jezebel: I’ve seen the one with Leo DiCaprio

Wench: Yeah, that's....  That's a story.  That's a very happy story.  Relatively.  If I recall correctly.  Only one of them dies.  In the book.  One of them gets exiled.  And the others.  All.  Fucking.  Die.  I sat there on the couch reading it and sobbing my eyes out because my dude killed off Athos' son, and then had Athos die of grief-tinged-old-age afterward.  The fucking pain.

Jezebel: 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ACK

Wench: He had a vision about it before the messenger even arrived btw

Jezebel: Ooooof 🥺🥺

Wench: I cried.  So fucking hard.  I legit did not recover for too long.

Jezebel: Well damn!! 😦 ack

Wench: Basically, in the book version, Aramis plots to replace the king with his twin, as was done in the film, but instead of it being successful, the king gets let back out of prison and takes over the throne again.  Aramis and Porthos go on the run, but Porthos dies in the process and Aramis is then essentially in exile, and d'Art dies in battle at the very end.  And Athos, as I said, has the above fate.  Still love Dumas, but he betrayed me with that

Jezebel: 💔💔💔💔

Wench: Anyway... comparably, the show is much lighter.  Is the good news!  And I think that’s all the book ranting I have.

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂

Wench: Next episode tomorrow?

Jezebel: YES!

[the-family-fortune]

In love with the fact that EVERYONE i’ve seen put thought into the Galochio family has independently decided that there’s always one young Galochio who doesn’t fall into the same trap of anger and hatred that the family is known for.

Shoutout to Guillelmina, Spinoza, Inoue, Ezra, and D’Artagnan for being the rational ones in the family. 

[62-cents]

do you ever think in BBC Musketeers that the people of paris just. don't seem surprised at anything anymore after being put through frankly disturbing immersion therapy by the same four musketeers.

like they've seen so much shit through them.

when athos was "killed" by d'artagnan in season 1; man was bleeding out. there was crying. it was a duel. not a few days before had this same man been carousing drunk in the streets and getting involved with a woman out of nowhere and now he's dead.

but oh he's not. one street brawl later and he's walking around with the same three little assholes looking as alive and happy as can be.

the first episode of the reboot gives us a POV of the account of a parisan peasant having to deal with four musketeers through the day and just how the public has had enough and no longer pays attention to the gang running through the streets trying to gather chickens that they let loose to distract an enemy.

[aragarna]

My dear fellow musketeer mutual and comfort french person :D

We're looking forward to the arrival of our new family member and are currently debating on whether or not to give the little one, a musketeer name besides his already history heavy name of Salieri (ruled out Porthos) and Usnavii is nicknamed D'artagnan

Now Aramis or Athos, which one would you find more suiting?

(it's for a kitten btw not a human)

I'm glad you specified at the end it was for a kitten, I got worried here for a minute! 😅 great names for a pet, not easy to wear for a kid!

I'm biased, I like Athos better than Aramis, so that's the one I'd go for. But honestly they all sound great for pets!

I feel like you need to have four pets now, to make the whole gang 😉

[dragongutsixofficial]

THOUGHTS ON S1 EPISODES 9 AND 10, or: the season finale

Episode 9:

Do NOT trust Louis with alcohol. Dude how could you mess up that badly like I understand you were wasted but you can't just SAY that kind of things

Do NOT trust Richelieu with taking care of his wasted son especially when he's in his peak villainy era since his near-death experience from episode 7

"Do you want me to kill the Queen for you ? Because I'd totally kill the Queen for you"

Aramis and Anne fucked THE NIGHT HIS EX GOT FRIDGED

Richelieu I love you but that's going way too far. Not only for this whole plot but also for the way you're treating Milady

That head nun slayed

Starting to really see the appeal of Anne now that she has more time to develop

Just. This whole thing was batshit crazy

Glad to see Louis was happy to have his wife back but MY GOD LOUIS YOU STARTED THIS ALL

The royal couple obvs got a lot of trauma to work through

Episode 9:

Shit hits the fan in like the worst way possible for everyone involved

Milady my poor little meow meow

Richelieu you're still going too far my dude calm the fuck down, get anger management classes or something

You thought you could turn the polycule against each other ? WRONG

D'artagnan is more in love with Athos than he will ever be with you Milady i'm so sorry

I was so scared for Milady, especially since it's only after she loses Richelieu's protection that they murder her in the book

Constance you did your best =( slayed the best you could under the circumstances

That's rough Mr. Bonacieux

Anne legit slayed

Richelieu I hope this was your wake-up call to calm tf down

So uh. Aramis, Anne, anything to confess ?????? (In the books it's heavily implied Mazarin is Louis XIV's father)

Now that Richelieu's understood for the both of them he can fall back on his feet. Not good

I'm thinking, Anne's diamond necklace, which is probably a stand-in for the ferrets, hasn't been used yet. And although Richelieu gave Milady up (while she still worked for him then in the book), now that she's fleeing, if she goes to England that might be a good way to introduce Buckingham and Co

Love to see the gang not murdering a lone woman completely arbitrarily. TAKE THAT BOOK!GANG

All in all: great season with an amazing chaotic energy. STILL WISH THE LACKEYS WERE HERE

[oohlook-thevoid]

Alright, alright I have thoughts on Musketeers s2 and I will be sharing them now.

- 2x02 made me kinda like the King but then like he immediately decided to be a dick and blame the musketeers for his own actions like ????? And just, even after 2x06, where like half the plot was three astronomer dude screaming like 'whEn wiLl YOu lEarN tHat yoUr acTIoNs hAve ConSeQUenCes' he just... didn't learn.

- at the same time though, I suppose he is a product of circumstances. Like I think his dad died when he was young so he was King and then he had like the Cardinal being somewhat manipulative and then in s2 he has Rochefort being like super manipulative.

- Also mentioning the Cardinal, I was disappointed to see he died. With how s1 left off things with him seemed to have potential to get real interesting but ig Capaldi was filming Doctor Who instead? I mean idk for sure coz I don't watch dw, coz reasons, to know the timings of changes but seems right?

- 2x05 was a fucking good episode too, highkey reminded me of Merlin 1x10 with the whole like the gang help arm some peasants to fight off an entitled asshole sort of plot. Musketeers was better though because I like the whole further look at Athos' past thing and the way he gave the peasants the land.

- Also I liked Catherine in 2x05. I also liked the way she came back later on; I appreciate a show with coherent plot lines where actions in one episode come back in another.

- 2x06 was legit my favourite episode. And, yes, I am literally only saying that because of Aramis getting to finally hold the Dauphin because that's!!! his!!! son!!!!

- and then like 2x08. First of all phenomenal stuff with them stopping those assholes who'd kidnapped and tried to sell those girls. Second of all, Porthos! Like he found his father and the like stand off scene with him, his father and Treville. Him shooting his father and calling him out for the fake photo and his lies in general.

- Also similar note when Treville gave Porthos his sword in the last ep, like Treville may not be perfect but he's better to Porthos than Porthos' father.

- then like it gets to the last 2 eps which fucking stressful™

- I can't believe they killed the doctor

- I literally almost thought Constance was gonna die because when I was go ogling her the other day it immediately autofills with 'musketeers Constance death'

- but she lived! And then when she had the sword at theat Spanish dudes throat and when she shot someone back at the palace. Like, D'artagnan had taste, I'll say that much.

- Milady also fucking rocked. She is one of my faves overall and just everything about her was excellent with her helping the others out.

- but also when she was waiting at the carriage for Athos and then when he arrived too late. Absolutely awful stuff. I really hope she won't actually just stay in England coz I want to see her again.

- I feel so bad for Aramis. Like it was bad enough in the beginning of the season with his sad face whenever the Dauphin was around but then like I kinda hate how everyone's initially like mad/blameful that he slept with the queen. Like if I remember correctly his ex-fiance or whatever had just been killed and the Queen initiated it with him more than he did her. Like I know he's a slut but like idk man... He didn't really like go after her himself I guess is what I'm saying.

- Also I hate how the King was able to just publicly have Milady as a mistress but with the queen and Aramis it's treason. I know that's just history but man it sucked.

- I really appreciated how they all had their own storylines within the season tho, like they all had their own things going on within it all

- the queen really grew in me this season, like I already liked her from the end of s1 in particular but she's just such a good character

- Also her stabbing Rochefort in the eye, excellent stuff.

- On the Rochefort note, he gave her the necklace when she was 14 and he was her tutor and he's loved her since then?!???? Like idk how much older that her he is but with him being her tutor I'd guess significantly so, so like nasty creep.

- I am so glad they went after Aramis at the end because if he really became a monk and doesn't show up in s3 I'll lose it.

- final positive note though, D'artagnan and Constance are finally properly together! And they're married! Love that for them.

- wait actual real final note, can't say I'm sad Constance's husband got killed. Did think it was neat that when D'artagnan told her both their hands got covered in his blood. Like how he blamed them as he died, how they kinda blamed themselves. Poetic cinema.

[iliveinmyblanket]

Chapter one: I introduce you to my hoes

"fuck" I screamed, as I faked an orgasm for an Orangists in Holland. 

My name is Valentine Du Lac and I have the attention span of a goldfish. I’m Queen Anne of Austria, the spanish queen of france’s personal but probably not favourite spy (everybody knows that it was Madame D’Artagnan), quite frankly because I am a right pain in her arse. But I’m still often the one she sends out on a missions - no one’s going to care if a prostitute from the Court of Miracles has gone missing. She’s never said that, but it’s implied with the job.

The Job:  I was here to be the orangist’s lover and listen in on his conversations or force myself to listen in. Believe it or not Traditionalists are the most boring people I've ever met, which is funny because I've had to spend hours listening to Lucy Walters who invented the word ditzy. 

I'm gonna just give you a summary of me and Orange dutchman conversation. I forgot his name so I've just been replying to him as "sir" because quite frankly I don't have the attention span to care about man who assassinated some himbo named Johan DeWitt and his brother something deWitt -forgot his name to. I remember Johan because I like the name Johan, oh it's cornelis - see that's why I didn't remember it -what kind of pretentious name is cornelis? 

Anyway my job here was to get information, there was none, mainly because he already assassinated someone so he could stage a coup.

not really anything important. which really pissed me off, Anne really got freaked out by orange dutchman who were assassinating people and also got tipped off that traditionalists were heading to france.

which is bull. 

which is good because I don't ever have to see Orange Dutchman again.

Orange Dutchman gripped my hair, sniffing my neck and whispered, "will I see you again?"

A gave him a soft but fake smile, "of course sir"

No you won't, if you do, I will give you the deWitt treatment.

I smiled, kissed his cheek, and fucked off.

As you can tell I'm not one for too much detail in regards to things I don't care about.

All I am going to say is this is the story of how I and  two other bosses - Dominique Treville and Marie-Cessette Du Vallon; basically saved europe with our strength, swords, witty banter and aided by two himbos named Xandre and Raoul. 

get ready for adventure because we make it look bitchin'.

While I was heading back home, Dominique Treville - the daughter of the captain of the musketeer was also heading over there very quickly after reading a rather scary letter. whilst Marie-Cessette du Vallon already there she too lived at my home but had returned from a meeting with one member of the royal family. she  was now at the tavern with her fellow musketeers - Raoul de la Fare and Alexandre-Olivier D'artagnan. Marie-Cessette was the first female musketeer and one of the best of them.

now technically the home I am talking about is Paris, but you have to look inside further. not at the shiny places, not at the places that appear lively. I mean the place that looks dark, that looks broken. Look into the place that appears to be to be lifeless, but when you turn off the lights at the places that are seen to outshine everything. The place that is broken lights up like the sun.

The Court of Miracles.

The Court of Miracles is said to be the slums, the dirtiest part of Paris. that's according to the richest of Parisians. the court of miracles is the most interesting place in france, full of people of different races, of different accents, different appearances.  the most welcoming place in europe. though the structures were unstable, the society is most happy, most beautiful. see you were never judged for your job, or who you are, or what you did outside - as long as you didn't bring too much of that inside.

My mother moved from england after the english civil war, I was 16 years old, she was a whore just as I am now - puritan england was no place for a prostitute and her  out-of-wedlock daughter. She died a year later of syphilis, leaving a poor daughter penniless. 

So what does a daughter of a prostitute do, when their mother dies.

Becomes a fucking prostitute.

As opposed to non-fucking prostitutes. Years later a dark haired woman, with a blue dress and a black hooded, guided me to the palace and introduced me to the benevolent queen of france. it was suggested that I become her spy as I had caught the eye of many religious and royal officials. a women can never escape the male gaze, so why not use that to your advantage.

Marie-Cessette, whom was was an adventurous, resourceful girl, with a temper, and the first female musketeer. she was opinionated and did speak up when she didn't  agree with the men in her life. it's surprising neither of us became executed for being witches, men do not like being told what to do even if they are being outrageously pathetic. This night, this less than fine night because the sky was fucking pissing itself, Marie-Cessette was leaving a tavern in the court, she wore a white linen shirt, a blue leather doublet with the musketeers symbol (a crown) and black linen breeches with blue boots, and probably something gay like "I am gay" or "if found please return to Anne-Marie D'Orleans" I wasn't there, I'm under the assumption she was wearing that, that night considering that is the musketeers uniform not the “I am gay” part although they should have that as the uniform. Marie-Cessette had brown curly hair (proper curly, not some movie bullshit curly) that was short and tied in a bun.

Her eyes are dark and watchful. she was leaving to go to her uncle Aramis (not by blood but by heart).

Her father is the Musketeer Porthos du Vallon, who grew up in the court. he joined the musketeers when he 16. that was his only good choice out of the thousand terrible options for those born into destitution. That's where he met Aramis and Athos, the three of them becoming inseparable. that's where he met D'Artagnan -Xan's father, actually no he met D'Artagnan when D'Artagnan decided to stir shit up and duel three musketeers in one day. but that's another story, literally another story, literally in another book.

her mother Puce is known as the queen of the court, that means basically giving those in the court food and shelter, kicking people out that are stirring up trouble.

Puce and Porthos never had a son so even though Marie was to inherit the court of miracles crown, she was trained as a musketeer because Porthos wanted to raise one. did Marie get a choice? no? is she happy beating up misogynists? hella.

This girl that fought better than the manliest of men (although I wouldn't actual call them manly) was heading to her uncle Aramis, why? so he could deliver a love letter to Marie-Cessette's lover - Anne-Marie D'Orleans, the king's cousin.

so yeah isn't that like superillegal? yeah, not the homo part, I mean it is a bit. but like not as vibe checking as bedding the king's cousin when she is female.

guys be fucking whoever they want, but girls ArE ToO FrAgIlE aNd HaVE a ROle.

Meanwhile we go back to Dominique.  now Dominique she has had some pretty fucking horrible news.

Dominique Treville was the brunette usually snarky daughter of Treville, the captain of the musketeers. now nothing is snarky, everything for her is humourless. this morning Dominique had received news that  Treville had been murdered by the musketeer Aramis.

which as you can see is definitely not the case, why the fuck would Aramis the himbo who invented the word "straight ally" kill someone who he sees as a father?

he wouldn't.

But a girl who lived in the country with no knowledge of Aramis doesn't know. you probably shouldn't tell her that when she's a holding a fucking knife.

"put down the knife or you lose your neck"

Dominique turned slightly, noticing the blade that sat on her shoulder and centimetres away from her neck, while Dominique was standing over the Aramis who was sleeping

"he killed my father, so I wouldn't be protecting the murderer" Dominique replied agitated, she was in layman's term is done. with. everyone's. shit.

Marie-cessette - who was the owner of the blade had no Idea Dominique had another knife

Dominique batted the rapier away with said knife and pointed it at Marie.

If you want to understand how much of a boss Marie is, well just understand if she were to ever do a DNA test, it would show she's a hundred percent that bitch.  She grabbed Dominique's knife and punched her in the gut, then kicked her in the shins, Marie-Cessette proceeded to pick up her Rapier, as she did so, Dominique ran at her with her knife.

Aramis shot up from his bed and grabbed his rapier, held it against Dominique's neck and then held her in a choke hold.

"cessy, what in the lord's name is going on?" He grumbled sleepily.

Marie-Cessette shrugged and rolled her eyes as if to say that she did not have time for this shit.

"she says ya killed her pa?" she replied, swinging her sword aimlessly around.

"oh he a criminal? let me guess? " Aramis started and turned Dominique around so he could analyse her. "gang?  organised crime. has to be, you are clearly not parisian. too muscly, not pale enough. if I killed your father, then it was for a good reason"

Dominique scowled, bawling her hands into a fist as her nails dug into her palms. her breath increased in a mix of anger and fear.

"what good reason do you have for killing the captain of the musketeers!" Dominique roared.

The outburst caused a wave of deep silence. Marie's eyes dropped, she dropped her rapier. Aramis let go of Dominique and fell onto his bed.

Marie ran to him, to hold him.

"Treville, he...can't" Aramis cried hyperventilating, "no..he..."

Marie grabbed his face, which was flooding with tears, "don't speak"

Dominique was now fighting a war, either this was rather well planned or Dominique had been tricked. But Dominique was smart, there was no fakery in those tears (it wasn’t a youtube apology video afterall). 

Dominique dropped down, kneeling at the bed looking up at the sobbing man.

"you didn't kill him?"

Aramis shook his head, "he was a father to me, a father to paris."

Dominique banged her fists against the floor, and started to scream.

"who the fuck killed him then!" she yelled and ran out of the housing unit.

Marie started to follow her.

"cessy?" Aramis piped up as she started to exit.

"yeah mon oncle?" She replied solemnly.

"keep her safe, it's the least we can do to honour his memory." He asked her, before lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

"I think she can handle safety on her own." she whispered.

"she can fight I'll admit." Aramis touched an etching on the wall, "but her recklessness will be a burden on her life."

Marie nodded and left the unit. She watched the girl with dusty hair. The daughter of treville was wearing a red corset, a dark, blue dress that fell to her knees, and black knee high boots, she wore a red tricorn hat. Dominique cut angrily up an apple with one of her knives.

"I want to help you!" Marie called.

Dominique rolled her eyes and launched a knife into a pole that was rather close to Marie's head. 

"thank you. " Marie sighed, grumpily. "I said I want to help you, not burden you. so stop being a bitch."

Dominique twiddled the other knife in her hand, "excuse me?"

Marie pulled the knife out of the pole, "you are the one throwing the knife at me. besides my mother, my father, your father helped build this citadel, are you sure you want to honour his memory by throwing blades into its foundations, and insult my family legacy." Marie shouted, despite not caring for family legacy.

"so what do you suppose I do then?" Dominique threw the apple off the balcony. "I'm back to square one."

"not if you let me help you" Marie replied, she flipped the knife and handed it to Dominique, "I'll take you to lieutenant D'artagnan, he can help us."

Dominique let out a deep exhale, and took the knife.

"I didn't get your name" Dominique said.

"Marie-Cessette Du Vallon" Marie held out her hand.

"Dominique Treville." Dominique took it and they shook.

"now let's get you to D'artagnan" Marie said, "oh and pick up that apple, rotten food is how sickness spreads, you heathen."

Dominique was rather sure that was not going to be the last time she was called a heathen.

Now it's for Xan and I's story. We a lot funkier.

[padmeamdala]

i recently reached 0.6k, so I’ve decided to celebrate with blogrates! i’ve been meaning to do this since i reached 500 followers, but i didn’t get around to post it. Thank you so much to all of you for following me !

rules:

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send me an ask with 1-2 of these (formats under the cut): 🍒 for a simple blograte 🍉 for a detailed blograte 🌸 for a blog compliment ⚡️ for a harry potter blograte 🐉 for a game of thrones blograte ⚓️ for a stranger things blograte

blacklist ‘denise celebrates’ if you don’t want to see

🍒 simple blograte:

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[midautumnnightdream]

Three Musketeers Chapter 8-11: Oh Boy Have I Flopped This One

Trust me to lose track just as the actual plot starts. Anyway!

Ch 8 In Which Everyone Is Broke

Our musketeers are well versed in the arts of swordsmanship, high drama and being.. idk, aristocratic, but basic budgeting seems to be well beyond them. Certainly it never occurred to d'Artagnan that he should be paying rent, any more than it did to Marius. Unlike Marius, he'd probably beat up his landlord if asked for money, so it's probably fortunate for everyone involved that M Bonacieux has a different kind of fish to fry.

And thus the plot thickens.

Ch 9 In Which We Get Our Exposition Dump Through Gossip

"Our queen is in love with an English aristocrat, this is less than ideal." "I mean, have you looked at Buckingham?" "...Fair." "Yeah, fair."

D'Artagnan responds to the prospect of Thrilling Mystery Intrigue as only a hotheaded lovechild of Gryffindor and Slytherin could: with an unholy combination of "Oooh adventure!" and "How can I use this to my advantage?" What's even more hilarious is how the musketeers just sorta shrug and go along with everything he says. What could possibly go wrong?

Various plotlines and dropped hints are already coming together with surprising clarity: we have the mystery man from Meung alongside the mystery lady, the queen and the duke of Buckingham, the king and the cardinal and now also monsieur Bonacieux and his kidnapped wife – not to mention our gang, all set to throw a major spanner in the works. As someone who wouldn't be able to write a coherent intrigue plotline if my life depended on it, I'm weeping with envy.

Ch 10 In Which Mme Bonacieux Is Having A Day

Y'know, I had totally forgotten that Mme Bonacieux just straight out escapes captivity in the most dramatic manner possible, sheet ropes through windows and all. No wonder d'Artagnan is smitten. Especially since he's given a chance to perform a dramatic rescue, to participate in An Intrigue and to perform the baby's first evidence forgery. Fun times!

Ch 11 Welp This Is Awkward

Oh god d'Artagnan why are you... so much. Admittedly, his awkward drama flailing is pretty funny and all the bantering with Mme Bonacieux is delightful (is this one of the instances where Dumas was paid by line?) In any case I'd prefer more of that and less of the 19th century dude author trying to explain How Women Are, thanks.

Which is not to say that d'Art being pushy and tiresome and obsessive isn't... well, pushy and tiresome and obsessive, but we do share his curiousity, if not the weird gross possessive jealousy. Oh and he gets rewarded in extreme embarrassment, which we also get to share. Thanks, d'Artagnan.