#dannytypes

[shut-up-danny-kun]

TOS Kirk headcanons, some based on evidence and some completely made up:

He loooooves kids. He loves talking to them and playing with them and telling them space stories (changed to be less scary, of course). Whenever there's alien kids on an away mission he gets really excited and wants to talk to them - for the aforementioned reasons, but also to find out more about how the species thinks. Children are always big fans of the tribble incident.

He's absolutely awful at bowling, and the whole ship knows because he once gave it a go at the start of the mission. It's now an in-joke among the crew.

Total workaholic, yes, but unlike Spock or Bones, he never cuts back on sleep. This man is on a schedule and he *will* get his eight hours in no matter what - that's why it's mentioned he takes sleeping pills. His crew needs him well-rested and alert.

Speaking of pills - it's the Star Trek future, there's no way they don't have male birth control. Kirk is on it for the entirety of TOS because he needs it, and he knows it damn well. Bones sometimes jokes that half the galaxy would be alien-Kirk hybrids if not for the pill, but Kirk wouldn't allow that to happen even once.

I'm a fan of the theory that Gary Mitchell is his ex, though Kirk doesn't think about him very much. The only ex he actually misses is Edith Keeler. Once in a while, he closes his eyes and tries to remember her face, and each time, it gets fainter...

If you asked him what the worst part of his job is, he'd say it's the lack of natural sunlight and fresh air, but really it's all the disasters that have happened aboard the Enterprise weighing down on him. He knows all his crew members by name and writes to their relatives if they die.

Kirk never thinks of himself, never considers what it is that he truly wants. He's just going along with what he thinks is right.

[shut-up-danny-kun]

when I re-read it a month after posting and think “yep. that's good”

@ fic authors what do you personally consider a successful fic? What’s the bar?

[shut-up-danny-kun]

I've read hundreds of Star Trek TOS fics by now and it never ceases to amuse me how many different ways there are to fuck up Spock's characterization...now hold on just a minute - this post has a more interesting point than “fanfic writers stupid”, I promise you.

Every time, it's a spin on the massacre wheel. It's kind of amazing. Will he be overly emotional to the point where he's not himself anymore? Will he be so cold it's unpleasant and kind of hard to understand how he's lived to this point? Will he be extremely horny for no good reason? Will he speak in a way that sounds complety wrong?

I chuckle and shake my head. Of course, I KNOW what Spock is like, and MY interpretation of him is the most perfect and correct one. Obviously. He's just a very nuanced character, formed by many people in an unconventional way, with traits that seem to contradict each other at first but ultimately form a rich and unique character that so many people fell in love with specifically because he's so complicated...

Or...is he?

Let's entertain the idea that there isn't one correct interpretation of Spock, that all of these messy bits of characterization are not part of a bigger picture, but...just what they are: a product of many people with starkly different visions, working on a show that refuses to properly develop its characters. What then? Well, then Spock is a Rorschach test. Each viewer connects the random dots in their own way, and ignores the ones they don't like.

Let's use an example: me! In my interpretation of Spock (the most correct one, of course) he is, first of all, gay and on the asexual spectrum, reserved, largely uninterested in casual flirting or sex. When he is interested in the aforementioned things, he tends to be quite ashamed of it.

Makes sense, right? I can show you plenty of evidence for why that could be true. However, in the beginning of the first bloody season, Uhura sings a song about how Spock is actually kind of a heartthrob who likes to drive women insane with how hot he is, and Spock smiles. He smiles at her, as if agreeing and being very amused by all this! This interaction goes against pretty much everything I think about Spock. So what do I do? I explain it away in the most bizzare fucking way possible. See, Uhura and Spock are friends (there is no evidence for this), and Uhura knows everything I've just told you about him (through telepathy I guess? Not like he'd ever tell her!) and she's just trolling him (why would she do that? That is NOTHING like Uhura!). I need to do some Olympics-level mental gymnastics here, the opposite of Occam's razor.

“But Danny,” I hear you say, “it's just the start of the show! They hadn't figured out his character yet!”

To which I say: you can say that about anything! You can blame it all on a bad writer for that episode, and ignore virtually any scene that doesn't jive with your headcanons. It's there, and I can't ignore it.

So...how am I different from the people that want Spock to be thar heartthrob Uhura is singing about? That evidence is as much a part of canon as my favorite lines. Well, I'm not any different, that's the thing. And all those writers I complained about also have a point.

It's kind of a nihilistic take, I know, but maybe the reason Spock is such a cultural icon is because he is...whatever you want him to be: just concrete enough to spur on your imagination, yet vague and contradictory enough to let your brain fill in the gaps.

Don't get me wrong: I absolutely do not believe in this. In my mind, it just so happens that I'm one of the, like, 5 people ever who truly understood Spock (and one of them is Jim Kirk himself). But I still think it's something worth thinking about next time you're mad at a fic.

[shut-up-danny-kun]

Bones: results are in! Looks like you have a minor STD - nothing some modified antibodies can't fix. We'll have you good as new in a couple days.

Kirk: thank you, Bones. And I'm sorry to make you waste your time on me. I should be more careful.

Bones: mhm-mhm. It's a very common pathogen.

Kirk: oh?

Bones: yes. Doctor M'Benga tells me 42.36% of Vulcans have it. It lays dormant on their skin and is harmless to them, but causes disease when coming in contact with a human.

Kirk: ...

Bones: do you have something to tell me, Jim?

Kirk: ...

Bones: Jim?

[shut-up-danny-kun]

“Touch telepathy does not involve psi-waves. It is a direct connection of two nervous systems. The nerves in your hand are connected to those in mine despite a layer of skin and flesh separating them,” Spock continued, “The connection is made of what is known as “ghost neurons” - invisible and immaterial, but still firing tangible electromagnetic impulses, which our real nerves detect. The exact nature of ghost neurons remains to be discovered, but they appear to exist on a subatomic level.”

Jim trapped Spock's hand in his. 

“How lovely,” he said, smiling in childlike wonder, “A real scientific mystery. We must treasure them - there aren't many left.”

“It is illogical to treasure a lack of information,” answered Spock. His eyes betrayed him - he, too, was charmed.

“Perhaps. But mystery is what makes life interesting.”

Read the full fic 💙here💛.

[shut-up-danny-kun]

^^^ YEAHHH BABEYY THAT'S MEEE!!!

ITS TIMEEE!!! 💥🤠💦

check out my art i did for the @livelongandpinup event :D

AND check out the accompanying fic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60945127

[shut-up-danny-kun]

“There is a very simple way to make me “happy”. Free my crew, and allow us to beam back aboard the Enterprise.”

The sorceress sighed and rubbed her temples.

“You are so stubborn. Fine, how about this - I will show you what I can do. You must watch, just watch, and I will ask no more of you.”

Spock stood up. He was getting rather tired of these games. Why must powerful beings be so full of themselves? Did she not know that any scenario she might create for Spock would feel fake - because Spock hadn't earned it, hadn't worked towards it? Fine, he could watch and get it over with.

“Accepted. Let's begin immediately.”

Read the full fic 💛here💙.

[shut-up-danny-kun]

“I know already,” he said, “you can't touch yourself.”

Jim turned Spock's head all the way and kissed him in this awkward position. Then, he looked at Spock with his shiny hazel eyes and smirked.

“But that's just fine, you pretty thing, because this is for me, not you. Isn't that what you said?”

Spock raised his eyebrow.

“Mhm-mm. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you're in pon farr right now.”

“...affirmative.”

“Well then, no problem. I definitely don't need any more stimulation,” said Jim, settling back behind him, “Which means I'll be done with you and just...ahh, leave you to cool off for a while. Isn't that logical?”

Read the full fic 💛here💙(18+).

[shut-up-danny-kun]

“Operator, record this. This is my official report. Humans are highly emotional creatures. They are prone to acting irrationally because of that fact. Irrationality creates bias, inequality and inefficiency – I will not deny that. However, I have found that this emotional core also motivates them to take care of one another even when that care is one-sided, in other words, to fulfil the purpose of society.”

It seemed that he’d said everything he’d wanted, but his thesis rung shallow and incomplete. Something was missing, and Spock thought of what had enabled him to learn these facts. Every path in his mind that he followed inevitably flowed into one golden centre.

“…there is a logic to the way love functions in our world,” he continued, “One must possess a valuable quality to be loved for. On Earth, I have proven myself incompetent, impulsive, strange and selfish, and yet I…I have been loved, irrationally. Even if humans were less developed than ourselves, this quality alone would make them worth contacting. Over.”

Read the full fic 💙here💛.

[shut-up-danny-kun]

hey, that's me

♫ Dancing in the moon light ♫

My artwork for @thylabang 2024, The Shore Leave Reverse Bang! My thought behind the drawing was to depict an intimate moment between the two souls

To accompany my art, go read my partner's @shut-up-danny-kun (ao3) absolutly astonishing fic "Opera Fish" to find out how they got there!

Here's a close up <3

[shut-up-danny-kun]

today I bring you a chunk of a Spirk WIP that will probably never be finished. I thought someone might still enjoy it.

(Bones and Spock talking and both being extremely stubborn. Teen and up.)

* * *

It was strange, sitting at a table with Dr. McCoy and watching him sip from his cup of (frankly, disgusting) earl grey tea. Spock himself had opted for a traditional Vulcan blend of medicinal plants - his only source of vitamins for the past five days. The tea warmed his empty stomach, reducing the pain slightly.

“Well?” McCoy suddenly asked.

“Excuse me?”

“I've sat down and had your damn tea. Are you going to explain what's going on in that magnificent brain of yours?”

Spock put his half-empty mug on the table.

“You will, obviously, not disclose any of this information to anyone.”

“Of course, not unless it's required for your treatment.”

“Including the captain.”

The doctor sighed quietly and looked at Spock with a pained expression.

“No. I can't guarantee you that and I can't lie. But I can guarantee that I will try my best to make sure he doesn't have to know. Deal?”

A terrible predicament. The captain finding out lead either to the worst or the best outcome, and the odds leaned heavily towards the former. Still, Spock was going to have to trust the CMO's word.

“Deal.”

He took a deep breath, steadying himself, very aware of McCoy's gaze on him.

“You are correct in your assertion that I have not been eating for the past five days. I have also been unable to meditate or enter deep sleep for twelve days.”

McCoy sighed sadly.

“You know, Spock, I have to hand to you - for a man who hasn't slept in almost two weeks, you do a great job of pretending you're fine,” he remarked.

Indeed, Spock felt a surge of pride.

“Why, thank you, Doctor.”

“Any ideas on what's causing this?”

This was the delicate part: he needed to find a way to explain the problem while skirting around the root cause, and McCoy had just proved that his reasoning skills were above average.

“Extended mental strain.”

McCoy's eyebrows rose.

“Oh. Alright, that's something. See, now I'm going to have to talk to Jim so he'd reduce your workload...”

“No.”

“No?”

“The strain is not work-related. In fact, my research is one of the few things that distract me from it.”

Spock picked his cup back up and drained the rest of the tea in one big gulp. McCoy leaned towards him in his chair.

“As you are aware, Vulcans were once a deeply impulsive species. Though we have learned to retain control over our minds, some impulses still remain that must be...supressed.”

McCoy took a second to process before making an induction.

“So, you're supressing something powerful.”

Spock hated to be obvious, but somehow, he was relieved that McCoy said it for him. He nodded silently.

“What is it, then?”

“I'm afraid I cannot disclose that information.”

“It may be crucial!”

“If you can indeed treat me, you do not need to know. There are urges which cannot be acted upon.”

The doctor leaned back in his chair, thinking.

“Hmm... Give me a moment.”

A minute ticked by in silence as he finished his tea. Spock listened to the calming thrum of the warp engines, imperceptible to the human ear. Then, McCoy spoke again:

“Can you tell me this: does your condition possibly have anything to do with your recently broken bond to that woman, T'Pring? I know it happened months ago, but it's possible you're only feeling the effects now.“

Spock was once again astonished by the doctor's intuition, and found that his respect for the man was growing by the minute. Not that he'd ever admit that. He had not even considered the impact of a broken bond.

“That may be a contributing factor.”

A satisfied smile spread across McCoy's face.

“Well, Mister Spock, the good news is you don't have to tell me anything, because I think I know exactly what's going on here.”

Spock's heartbeat sped up. Surely, he couldn't...

“Three words: James Tiberius Kirk.”

His stomach dropped at the mention of his name, and all hope was lost. He knew, and Spock was nothing but an open book. Far away, a galaxy exploded.

He jumped to his legs to do something, stop this somehow, but what could he do? Erase McCoy's memory? It would be unacceptable even in such dire circumstances. So he stood there uselessly and stared at him, somewhere between enraged and scared.

The doctor, meanwhile, looked amused.

“You've given me all the puzzle pieces! “Please don't tell the captain”, said you're supressing an emotion - and wouldn't you know it, your marriage bond happens to be broken and unoccupied. Wouldn't you like Jim to move in?”

He chuckled.

“Look at you! A pointy-eared machine of a man, dying of lovesickness. Never thought I'd see the day.”

“You dissapoint me, doctor,” Spock said, his voice low and dark, “I had hoped you were performing your duties as a healer. I see now you are here merely to humiliate me.”

McCoy stood up also, and his smile faded.

“No! This is all to help you. I said I'd heal you and I will, one way or another.”

“Allow me to make a prediction. You suggest reporting to the captain himself.”

“Yes! Don't you think Jim deserves to know?”

“Quite the opposite. Informing him would put him in an extremely disadvantageous position. If he were to reject me, he might reason that he is to blame for my suffering.”

The doctor looked at him. There was something melancholic in his blue eyes, as if he was remembering some other story similar to Spock's.

“Did it ever occur to you that he might reciprocate?”

Spock's heart began to hammer, his mind soared. It was a beautiful thought.

“Unlikely.”

McCoy smirked and sat down again. He shook his head, more to himself than to Spock.

“You think you're so clever, and yet you know nothing.”

Spock stood there quietly, wrestling with his mental defenses.

“I'm no expert either, but you'd have to be blind to not notice that Jim's crazy about you! The whole damn ship knows already! He looks at you like you're some kind of supernova. All I hear from him in sickbay is “where's Spock?” and “how's Spock?”, and when he's singing the blues over a glass of whiskey, what does he tell me? Spock again. The doctor's orders are to go to his quarters right now and tell him exactly what you're feeling. Jim will provide you with all the treatment you need.”

How naïve, Spock thought.

“All is not as simple as you suggest.”

McCoy was obviously dead set on his answer.

“Well, do it your way. I don't know your courting rituals.”

“That is not the issue. For humans, relationships are a far more trivial concern. If I were to take Jim as a...partner,” Spock explained, struggling to form words, “It would have to be forever.”

McCoy's expression was incomprehensible. He thought for a beat, and then sighed.

“Because of the mental bond?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, I agree, that's a big commitment. But that's even more reason to talk to him about it.”

Spock trembled, struggling to keep his emotions leashed.

“I prefer to live in ignorance, Doctor.”

At least this way, the glimmer of hope kept his heart beating. He imagined Jim saying he couldn't agree to spend his whole life with one partner, saying he preffered a human, a woman, that he simply didn't love Spock. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth painfully. He doubted he would survive the rejection.

“Spock, are you alright?”

Do not let go. Do not let go. If he were to slip up, then...yes, now he knew what would happen. He would break down crying. He would be unworthy of calling himself a Vulcan. Blood drainined from his limbs, his body quaking, his head feeling like it was being crushed in a hydraulic press.

“Spock. Listen to me. Take a breath.”

He opened his mouth. The air filled his burning lungs.

“Good. Breathe out.”

He obeyed.

“Let's do that again. Breathe in slowly...breathe out. In, out, in, out...”

For a moment, he could let his brain rest and numbly listen to Dr. McCoy's voice. He breathed until his heartbeat slowed slightly, and opened his eyes.

McCoy was bent over Spock where he had collapsed on the chair, close, but not touching him. He could feel the doctor's compassion simply from the way he spoke.

“You've made your point. You need medical interference. Can you stand?”

Spock put his hands down on the chair and slowly pushed himself up.

“Good. In ten minutes, I want you down in medbay for infrasound therapy. We will also discuss medications and give you some hypos with nutrients.”

“You will not tell the captain,” Spock whispered weakly.

“No, I won't. Swear on my badge.”

They stood in silence for a while, the weight of what had just transpired heavy on their shoulders.

“Thank you, doctor.”

“It's my job.”

[shut-up-danny-kun]

READ MY K/S FICS BOY

soliloquy in dits and dahs - T rated, 3K, finished. Spock gets to cry! Kirk helps. Angsty.

Mind, Blood and Metal - M rated, ???, not finished. It's my fucked up adoption plot. On hiatus for now as the mind desires simpler things, but will eventually be continued.

Awaken, Prince - T rated, 4K, finished. A play on Sleeping Beauty with canon-typical questions about identity and morality...but also omg Spock needs to give Kirk a kissy to save his life??? 😳😳😳

What does Spock want, anyway? - M rated, 2K, finished. An exploration of the titular question using canon-typical illusion aliens alla The Cage.

Deny, deny, deny - E rated, 3K, finished. Porn about Spock pretending he doesn't feel things (he bottoms). Features some very nice Vulcan sheath dick, if I do say so myself.

Slime - E rated, 8K, finished. Kirk and Spock hanging out after work, learning about telepathy and fucking. Sweet and funny. Weird hand stuff.

Opera Fish - M rated, 9K, finished. My fic for the 2024 T'hy'la Reverse Bang, based on an illustration by the incredible @snufk1nn. K & S being awkward angsty dorks who only get together because Bones is smart. Cool fish.

Where the Heart Is - E rated, 30k, finished. Written for Live Long and Pinup based on a drawing by @tchabretz. Angsty cowboy AU (but Spock is still a Vulcan!) with a surprising amount of plot.

[shut-up-danny-kun]

Hey. Hey, psst...

Image source

You like the Premise? You know, the ol' Kiwi and Spork? You know what I'm talkin' bout. Now...I betcha you wanna read somethin'. Somethin' you wouldn't want yer mama to see you reading. Somethin' so nasty it'll leave ya scrubbin' yer hands with gall soap...

Here, I got some. Click here ↓ to open my trenchcoat.

It's a Spirk fic. I AM SELLING YOU MY EXPLICIT SPIRK FIC 🔥🔥🔥 except I'm not selling it (that's illegal), just COME AND GET IT right here FOR FREE:

Two bonded lovers hanging out after work...I wonder what can happen?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT CAN HAPPEN:

Touch telepathy and hand kink explained with made-up sciencey terms;

A very impatient captain, and a first officer who is very amused by this;

Switching power dynamics,

A human mouth that cannot catch a break;

A Vulcan mind that's trying to get over its shame.

Sprinkled over with canon-typical transcendent love. I swear it's funny, too.

And thank you to @yaoibattlepass for approving the merchandise before publishing.

[shut-up-danny-kun]

Okay, lemme be a little narcissist for a second here - you guys are sleeping on my spirk fic. this one. hear me out: the classic “oh no spock has to rescue his captain from evil aliens” BUt...he needs to kiss him to do it (you know when in the Matrix Trinity kisses Neo to bring him back to life? Those vibes) It's 3.6k. there's slime. Bones brings a knife

[shut-up-danny-kun]

List of myths I just came up with

if you pour regular coffee and decaf together, they'll never mix because that would create a paradox, but of course you won't be able to tell because they're the same colour

those weird stick constructions you sometimes see floating by in your eye are the microorganisms that live in the fluid that's inside your eyeball

that tiny pocket in your jeans is made to accomodate a condom. This construction is a relic of a massively succesful safe sex promotion campaign by the world health organization in the 80's

flash drives are programmed to only be insertable on the second try, that is, the second time it gains contact with a USB port. This is a security measure installed to make a user think twice before plugging an unknown device into their PC

movie theatre popcorn doesn't actually taste different than regular popcorn, it's just that the hormones produced in the anticipation of seeing a movie alter people's perception of taste

airplane mode automatically makes your contacts available to the airplane's main computer to track down terrorists. This was only legalized after 9/11