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stargazer-balladeer · 3 years

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S/o’s birthday but locks themselves in their rooms because they don’t feel special [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Aether, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya & Venti.

Notes: Ayeeee! Since it’s my birthday today, why not make this? :))) I actually got carried away 🥲 this is around 3.5k words in total. Hope ya’ll like this!

Reader’s Gender: Neutral (tho i think there’s a slight implied female hehe…)

Warning: probably some swear words here and there knowing me- and mild suggestive themes in kaeya’s part

[albedo, scaramouche, xiao]

Aether remembers your birthday more than he knows his- like srsly, he’s the kind that remembers his s/o’s bday more than his. He’s also the kind that celebrates it privately unless you want to celebrate it with others, which he doesn’t mind. He might have a hard time deciding what kind of gift you want, but sooner or later, he already has one (or multiples bc he can’t decide-).

Imagine his confusion when your day finally arrives but he can’t find you anywhere, even Paimon, who was excited to celebrate your bday (“oohh~ I can’t wait to eat the cake!” - Paimon), seems confused. Probably the culprit in planting worry in the travellers head as she jumps to conclusion that you might’ve been kidnapped.

Luckily, he checked your house before he could report it to the knights of Favonius or the Qixing (like any normal person should do really-). When he received no reply, he takes out the spare key you gave him and entered your house, an invasion of privacy he knows but it's an emergency-

Knowing that you’re in your room when he can’t find you downstairs, he knocks on your bedroom door softly while calling your name. Imagine his (and Paimon’s) relief when the door cracked open. Immediately engulfing you into a hug, he lets out a sigh of relief. He then proceeds to ask you what you were doing inside your room when it’s your birthday. His heart literally broke when you stated your reason. Tightening his hold around your figure, he smiles bitterly, knowing that feeling all too well..

“That’s not true. None of that stuff is true. Everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday, most especially you. We’ve brought some food, and cake of course. Also some gifts from other people. If you want, do you want to celebrate it with just the two, or rather three, of us?”

You, who was a literal angel in his eyes deserve the world. He honestly wants to find whoever put that idea in your head but that was reserved for another moment. For now, his main priority is your happiness. Guiding you downstairs where Paimon was (she left when aether hugged you, knowing you two needed privacy. also the cAKE-), he watches as your eyes sparkle at the sight of the cake.

Grinning softly he made sure you had fun with your birthday. Even though it would be more fun with more people, it feels more special if it’s celebrated with just the two of you. Staring you with pure adoration as you laughed merrily at the sight of Paimon stuffing herself with food. He couldn’t help himself but lean forward to place a kiss on your forehead and then on your lips, leaning back with a smile on his face.

“Happy birthday, my love. May many more to come. Maybe next time, we can invite other people. Though I don’t mind if we’ll celebrate it with just the two of us only-” And Paimon! Don’t forget about Paimon!” “Yes yes. And Paimon.”

Similar to Aether, he would most definitely remember your birthday. After all, it holds a special place in his heart, alongside his family. And since this boi is rich af, he would most definitely try to spoil you on your birthday. Piles of expensive (or just cheap yet meaningful) gifts, reservation to a high-class restaurant in Liyue Harbor, and all that glamour.

Actually, he didn’t find it odd that he didn’t see you immediately, thinking that you overslept or just relaxing in your house. But he soon finds it weird when it’s already around 3 in the afternoon and no sign of your face in the crowd, something he raised a brow at but shrugged it off. It isn’t until it’s almost the time of the reservation he made when he finally realized what’s going on.

When he arrived at your house, dressed in a suit similar to Zhongli except it’s entirely black and white, waiting for you to come out. After a couple of minutes, he soon got concerned and decided to enter your bedroom through the window (pls do not do this at home). Startled at the sudden appearance of your handsome yet cheeky boyfriend, he stares at you with eyes asking the questions he didn’t dare to tell.

Knowing he will get his answer one way or another, you decided to tell him about your dilemma. After you finished explaining yourself, silence surrounds you, which is quite worrisome since your boyfriend is known for his rather talkative behavior. Blinking in surprise at the sudden embrace of the 11th Harbinger, his hug was rather tight but not too tight that it cuts your oxygen. Speaking in a low, faint voice, a surprising feat for him, you can make out what he said as clear as day.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve noticed it sooner. I was trying to be a perfect boyfriend for you but I guess I failed in that aspect. You know, if you feel like you aren’t special enough to celebrate your birthday, then what about me? Me who stained his hands with the red blood of his enemies, always engaging in a fight, clashing with other blades. Insecurity is really an asshole huh? Let me make it up to you now. Let’s not anymore go to that stupid high-class restaurant, c’mon, up you go. You better dressed comfortably when I come back or else…”

Leaving you quickly before coming back immediately, this time in more comfortable clothing rather than the stiff suit he wore earlier. This time as well, he entered your house normally through the door. In his arms, he was holding a bunch of stuff and proceeded to dump it on the living room table. It was different kinds of movies in different genres, you spotted some of your favorite movies in them (makes you also wonder where he got these from since you don’t remember seeing these in the room he stays-).

He would suggest making a pillow fort, and while making the pillow fort, he proceeded to smack you with one. Which ensued a pillow fight between you two. It successfully made the both of you a laughing mess by the end, filled with feathers. Childe then carries you bridal style to the incomplete pillow fort and starts the movie you chose. Placing you in his lap and placing his head either on your shoulder or head depending on your height, cuddling you from behind tightly with a contented smile on his face.

“You know what? This might not be how I envisioned how your birthday would go, but I’m not complaining. Happy birthday, comrade. My most adorable and most cutest and only love. I love you so much that you’ll be the very reason why I die so suddenly. So stop being so cute okay?”

(You two are living together in this one.)

Diluc has the probability of forgetting your birthday due to his busy schedule, especially if it’s starting to rise when your birthday draws near. He might neglect you for a couple of days, too engrossed in his work. When the day finally arrives, it completely leaves his mind. Like he’ll think of it as a completely ordinary working day. It isn’t until one of your friends told him to send you their birthday greetings that he remembered. And oh boy does he feel guilty, like srsly, he literally froze when he realizes what day it is today. And you know what that means? ✨Panicc✨

Honestly, I can see him buying the whole store XD. In the state of panic, his common sense just leaves him completely that he ends us buying practically the whole store. It would be sent to the Dawn Winery immediately as he buys some flowers from Flora, who also sent you her birthday greetings, which made him more guilty-

When Diluc steps foot inside the manor, he tries to search for you outside the gardens where he usually finds you but when he doesn't, he gets worried. Asking the head maid immediately about your whereabouts, and his concern and worry (and guilt) grew even more when he finds out that you haven’t gone out of your room. He quickly went to your shared room, with the flowers still in his hands, and knocked on your door. Calling your name softly and asking for permission to enter, when granted he entered the room as quickly as possible. But seeing the sight of you bundled up in your blanket made his heart crack.

Placing the flowers at the bedside table, he quickly made his way in front of you and kneeled down to meet your eye level. You can tell he was very worried about you with how frantic his eyes seem and the concern underlying it. With the way he was staring at you, you can’t help but spill your insecurity to him. The reason why you were hiding in his room rather than go out to celebrate your day of birth. Every word you spill made his heart break even more. Seeing tears started to leak from your eyes, he placed his two hands on your face wiping away the tears with his thumbs. Smiling at you gently and placing a kiss on your eyelids and on your nose.

“I completely understand, my love. Even I sometimes feel that way. Also to the point where I don’t want to celebrate my birthday even, but that won’t do my love. You are so special, you deserve your special day to be well special. If you want to simply lay here and sleep, then so be it. If you want to go out and do something, then I’ll happily oblige. Let’s obliterate those awful thoughts, and if those keep persisting, I’ll slice them up for you. I’ll keep picking you up when you fall. So, what is your command, my love?” (i'm so tempted for him to say master-)

Whatever your answer may be, one thing for sure, Diluc is seen smiling adoringly at you. Even the maids noted how soft the master is around you, particularly today. Whether curled up together in the bed, with him embracing you tightly to his chest and placing a kiss on top of your head. And if you listen carefully, you can hear him quietly humming a tune that his father (or mother) sang to him. Or you two outside in the garden, simply admiring the view with his hand around your waist.

Either way, at the end of the day, he would wake you up or make you go inside for dinner. You haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch yet so you’re probably hungry by now. If you don’t want to leave your room or want to return to your room, he would understand and make the maids bring the food to you. When the maid(s) finally arrives with the food, you notice the cake on the tray. Looking at him as he chuckles, taking the trays from the maids. Humming a light tune, he scoops a spoonful of cake and holds it to your mouth, with a slight smirk on his face, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Stop staring at me like that, did you really think I would let the day go by for you to not celebrate your birthday properly? From what I know, birthdays have cakes in them, whether a huge cake or a cupcake. Say ‘ahh’~... Happy birthday my love. May next year be more enjoyable than now.”

Kaeya remembers your birthday like the back of his hand, I think he’s even more excited than you really. Eagerly awaiting your birthday as he counts down the days, dropping hints and stuff to you birthday-related, and probably plans a birthday party for you. The knights immediately agreed on it, including a certain bard, traveler, and wine master (albeit more hesitantly). He made sure that this party would be successful, constantly checking on the plans and such. To the point that everyone was practically fed up with his constant questions. But they understand that he wants this to be a successful and enjoyable party for you. It got to the point where Diluc kicked him out of his Tavern after asking for the umpteenth time.

When your day finally arrives, he was practically beaming with joy and excitement. To the point where he can’t hide it behind the cool and suave facade he wears. He quickly made his way to you, going along with the plan of distracting you as they started to prepare for the party. In his total excitement, he didn’t notice the rather gloomy atmosphere around the house. But when he arrived at your door, that is when he noticed how quiet your house is.

Now albeit worried, his excited smile slipping from his face and now replaced with a worried frown, he knocked on your door, calling you in his usual teasing voice. When he didn’t hear your response, the bubble of anxiety appeared in his body. Twisting the knob and finding it unlocked, he quietly and carefully opened the door. Seeing your back immediately, seeing your side rise and fall making him sigh in relief that you were still alive. Closing the door gently but made a noise to alert you of his presence. Taking a seat behind you, he ran his cold fingers on your back, watching you arching at the sudden coldness of his fingers. Smiling slightly, he asked what’s wrong.

Turning around to face him, you buried your face on his chest, inhaling his strong masculine scent. Instinctively wrapping his arms around you, he played with your hair with one of his hands. Tapping on your head slightly, beckoning for you to answer his question. With no way out, you decided to come clean. You explain how you feel like you don’t feel like you deserve to be treated as special on your birthday and all that sort. His face was void of emotion as he stared at the ceiling with his unique pair of blue eyes. Outside he might seem emotionless. But inside, he was on the brink of insanity. Who dares to put such an idea on his s/o’s mind? Why would you think of that? Was this insecurity of yours also his fault?

“That must be the most stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re not special? Please. Don’t try to make me laugh with that joke ‘cause it’s not funny. You are a jewel, a star, a constellation. As rare as the gems, or rather visions. You can even rival the very sun with your smile. I know those demons in your head keep saying those words to you, the temptation is so tempting, right? Just succumbing to them to make them quiet. But that’s why I’m here, my dearest snowflake. I’m here for you. You’re so special to everyone, most especially to me. You mean the world to me. Anyway, enough of this tear-jerking stuff, we have a party to celebrate. And we can’t celebrate it without the birthday gal/guy now can we?”

Despite your protests, he lifted you effortlessly and carried you outside and into the dawn winery where the party was held. Placing you on the ground and pushing you forward where people from Mondstadt came and greeted you with happy birthdays. Smiling at the sight of you being overwhelmed at the warm greetings, and then chuckling at how bright your face became. Diluc nudges him to you, beckoning him to help you before returning to what he was previously doing (most likely trying to force a bard to not finish all the wines in the vicinity).

After a while in the party, Kaeya brings you to a secluded place with no people for air. Being in a party filled with people could be suffocating at times, especially if you’re not used to it. He intertwined his hands with yours and bends down to meet your eye level (or leans down if you have the same height as him-). He gives you a cheeky smile and proceeds to place a peck on your lips. Chuckling when you pouted and glared at him, wanting more kisses.

“My my, what a greedy vixen~ But it is indeed your birthday so I guess I have no choice but to oblige to whatever my birthday vixen wants me to do. Would you like me to strip as well? Haha. Kidding kidding. Happy birthday, princess/prince. May many more to come. Oh! I forgot. I heard from a certain birdie that you ordered for a personal performance from me~ would you like to get it now?”

Since we all know that Venti practically doesn’t do anything like every day, I would safely say that he would remember your birthday. Probably save some mora to buy you a gift for your birthday, even though it’s not as fancy as the people in Liyue (they all rich kids-), it’s still meaningful. He probably made a bracelet all by himself with the beads he either bought or also made by himself. Nevertheless, he was as excited as Kaeya for your birthday. Already prepared songs to sing for you when that day comes.

Venti immediately searches for you when the day finally arrives, but his excited and bright smile vanishes when he can’t find you in the crowd of people. Raising a brow at your sudden disappearance, he searched for you everywhere, the tavern, the church, the headquarters, everywhere but your house. So when he finally arrives at your house, he was filled with worry and concern. Entering your room through the window like usual, he sees your figure sitting on the floor while reading a book.

He pouted at the sight as he made his presence known by asking you why you were here and reading a book on your birthday. He watches as you jump from where you are and turns to look at him, sighing at the sight of him. He slowly made his way to you and sat next to you, his legs sprawled across the floor. He takes note of the food around you, which was non-birthday festive, it was just ordinary food. Not understanding why you’re sulking in your room, he asked you what’s wrong.

Venti’s eyes widened at your explanation, feeling the sadness leaking at the words you said. They weave themselves around his heart, squeezing it, making him have a hard time breathing. He shares your pain. He was your soulmate after all. He immediately engulfed you in a hug, stuffing his face on the crook of your neck. You were so vulnerable in his eyes. You were so fragile. He desperately wants to protect you from the pain. But looks like he can’t protect you from your own demons.

“Even though I promised myself to not say or do anything that’ll make you sad, I just need to get it off my chest. I’m sorry you had to suffer through that, those demons that a simple bard that weaves stories into songs can’t erase. Alright, no more feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to get out and spend the rest of the day enjoyable, perfect for my precious Cecilia.”

Without any warnings, he picked you up and jumped out of your window. Shrieking at the sudden fast pace, you instinctively wrapped your hands around him as he landed on the ground. Giving you a smug smile while saying “didn’t think i’d let you fall now?” Please slap him. Anyway, he laughed at your aggression and continued to run. Even if you ask where you’re going, he just says it's a secret. So might as well enjoy being in his arms as he continues to run (you swear you can feel the wind adding to his speed but that was just maybe your imagination-).

After a while, he placed you down and you realized where you are. It was Starsnatch Cliff, surrounding you were Cecilia flowers. Venti jumped on you, making you fall to the ground as he giggles. His hat flown back from the force of his sudden attack, he still has that stupid big smile on his face. Since his laughter is contagious, you couldn’t help but laugh alongside him. His eyes glistened with delight at the sight of your smile finally. Grabbing your hand and placing the bracelet he made, he pressed a kiss on your knuckle.

“This bracelet shall be a promise from me to you, a fellow bard to the fairest queen/king. I shall love you for eternity, this heart will only beat for you, and this body belongs to you. If you’re in dire need of assistance, don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll be there, forever and always. Happy birthday, my sweet flower.”

[x] Main Page || [x] Mondstadt Page || [x] Fatui Harbingers Page

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #aether #aether x reader #childe #childe x reader #diluc #diluc x reader #kaeya #kaeya x reader #venti #venti x reader #aether headcanons #childe headcanons #diluc headcanons #kaeya headcanons #venti headcanons

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generallynerdy · 4 years

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Maybe it does all add up to a single hush (Kanan Jarrus/Cal Kestis)

Summary: 15 years after the Fall, 10 years after the death of Caleb Dume, Kanan Jarrus and Cal Kestis find each other again.

Warnings: Jedi: Fallen Order Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, cursing, brief suicidal ideation/thoughts Word Count: 5,143

Author’s Note: the effort I had to put in not to make this another series...I had to stage an intervention for myself. Anyway, I love Cal and Kanan’s dynamic, whether as partners or as friends, and an Idea struck me that wouldn’t leave. Also, idk how old most people think Cal was when the war ended based on JFO clips, but I always just kind of went with him being the same age as Kanan at the end of the war bc I love them and I need them to know each other. The title is from the poem “So They Say— They Finally Nailed— The Proton’s Size— & Hope— Dies—” by Rosebud Ben-Oni.

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When the hard part is over, Cal returns to Bracca, his new lightsaber tucked under Cere’s old robe that still smells like the Temple, with the intention of burning Prauf’s body.

Caleb still had his own robe. He kept it in the deepest part of their shared closet, bringing it out only on the worst days. If Prauf saw it, he never mentioned it, and both boys were grateful for it. There was a lot he didn’t mention.

Cal thinks, sometimes, that Prauf knew who they were before. After all, it’s hard to look at two abandoned kids in the wake of the Clone Wars that can survive being riggers and not think of the thousands of Jedi younglings that died on Empire Day. It’s even harder to ignore two lightsabers and one ratty, brown robe.

Maybe Prauf wasn’t sure.

But he had to be, on that last day, when they found that fighter. When Cal caught him with the Force. He knew then, maybe before. But he still took care of them.

Maybe he knew when the Empire showed up, when Caleb heard the roar of a TIE Fighter and looked instantly to the redheaded boy beside him like he was about to die before his eyes. Maybe that was the moment he put it all together. Or was it his last moment? When the world began to go dark and both Cal and Caleb lashed out in fury at his killers with matching, bright blue blades—did he know? Did he know that he died for the children of an already dying Order?

Standing over the bonfire, Cal holds the Holocron in shaky hands.

Did Prauf know his sacrifice would save the life of every child just like them?

Cal moves away from the flames to the gap in the ground that they’d held Caleb over, his calloused hands clawing at the Ninth Sister, who clutched his throat.

Deep in Cal’s heart, he knows half the reason he beat her was for his best friend. He’d almost given in to rage but stopped himself at the memory of him. Revenge is not the way of the Jedi. But justice is. And so is survival, these days.

Caleb’s lightsaber fell long before he did. When he did fall, he went screaming bloody murder, the noise echoing in the silence that rang in Cal’s ears.

Standing at the edge now, Cal almost considers simply...stepping off.

He can survive it. He has before. And what’s to say that Caleb isn’t waiting at the bottom?

Caleb...used to like animals, he remembers. He preferred them to plants, which are unreadable if you don’t have practise with them. Animals, like people, are complex but tell you in simple terms what they want and what they don’t want. Cal has always been better with plants. They’re simple, grounding, natural. Caleb used to tease him for it.

The only plant he ever managed to grow on this place was a seedling in a boot filled with dirt he kept in their room. It had been making good progress in their last weeks, enough that he’d actually felt some semblance of hope.

And then...and then he’d lost everything. Again.

The Holocron burns in his hand, reminding him that there is more in store for him than an endless chasm. Hundreds of thousands of Force-sensitive children are depending on him now, him and the Mantis crew.

Cal lets out a shaky breath. “I couldn’t save you,” he whispers to the wind. “But maybe I can save them.”

On the way back to the Mantis, he turns around to go find the robe and the plant in its boot. The robe smells like blaster fire and the plant is wilting but both are comforting: one because it’s familiar and the other because it’s not quite gone yet.

Kanan changes his name.

It doesn’t feel right, hearing his given name from anyone that isn’t Cal or Prauf. The first and only time it happens, nausea sinks in and he quickly makes the change.

Some days, he wants to go back to Bracca. Some part of him still hopes Cal survived the Inquisitors, that he’s waiting for him back at what used to be home, but the logical part of him knows that he’s not. Kanan surviving was a miracle, a fluke, and those don’t happen twice. Sometimes he wishes it had never happened at all.

He managed to save his lightsaber, as broken to bits as it was. It and the necklace Cal gave him are all he has now.

Kanan doesn’t let himself grieve, as much as he knows he needs to. He hardly did it before, on Bracca, but now he won’t allow even a tear. Surviving is the only thing on his mind, though for what he doesn’t know.

When he almost loses that little piece of metal on a string, though, he breaks down sobbing.

It’s the stupidest thing, really. All those lessons on attachment are lost on him now, as he cries over the rusted symbol of the Jedi Order on a piece of scrap metal that Cal had put on a cord for him. He keeps it close to his heart, hanging off his neck every hour of every day if he can help it, and getting that close to losing it is the last straw.

He knows now, why he’s surviving. Because Cal would want him to.

Meeting Hera is a relief. She’s kind but curious, which is more of a bane than it should be.

(Painfully, he’s reminded of himself as a youngling. His Master always said his frequent questions were what drew her to him.)

She’s the first to know about his past, both as a Jedi and a rigger on Bracca. He doesn’t think to mention Caleb, doesn’t think it would matter to anyone, not until after a mission gone bad.

Hera is putting bacta on his wounds and graciously ignoring his constant wincing when she sees it.

She points to the cord after examining what hangs on it for a minute. “For someone who’s trying to be discreet, you wear a lot of Jedi stuff.”

Kanan snorts. “Yeah, well, I won’t get rid of this one.”

“It’s important to you,” she points out. “Can I ask why?”

He hesitates, swallowing roughly. “My best friend gave it to me...on Bracca, befo-before the Inquisitors caught up to us,” he admits. “He didn’t make it.”

Her eyes are full of empathy, something she never lacks. “What was his name?”

“Cal,” he says, voice quiet. “Cal Kestis.”

“If you remember his name,” she promises, “he’ll always be with you.”

It’s not so much a Twi’lek belief as it is her own but it reminds Kanan of Grey more than anyone else. His buir. The clones subscribed to many Mandalorian beliefs, including the echoing of remembrances for the dead. Before the abrupt end of the war, little Caleb used to say his every morning with his Master and buir.

So, he decides to start again. It’s difficult, at first, to even get through the first names, his oldest names.

“Depa Billaba,” he says through tears in the quiet of pre-dawn, “Grey, Styles, Prauf...”

He stops.

It’s hard to think, even harder to say, but he knows he needs to. He needs to tell himself the truth, needs to accept the truth.

“Cal—”

He sobs, shaky and painful. His throat burns just like it did when he fell down the chasm on Bracca, screaming his head off, part out of fear for himself but mostly for fear of what was happening to Cal above him. It hurts to speak it into the world, into the Force and those marching on. Cal is among them now, he knows. He just...has to admit it.

“Cal Kestis,” he finally says, the admission wobbly and half-hearted.

He never loses the necklace again.

They’ve finally settled on Bogano, after wiping every trace of it from Imperial data servers. The Holocron is safely locked away in the Vault, guarded by their crew and the Binog, fondly called ‘the big guy,’ mostly by fault of Greez.

Though mostly self-sufficient, occasionally some of them will leave the planet for supplies they can’t make themselves. While off on supply runs, well, they can’t help it if some Imperials just look like easy pickings. Apparently, slavers get the same treatment because Merrin ends up a figure in some sort of oral tradition of a Tatooine family, which Cal finds hilarious. Cere is not so amused and grounds them—literally, in that they can’t leave Bogano—for over a month.

Cal spends most of it repairing old platforms and ziplines, not to mention entertaining the Boglings.

They’re fond of him, for some reason, and BD-1, who loves to run around with them while Cal works. One in particular, named Rabid by Merrin after she stole her entire plate of food, is especially loveable.

Cal snickers as he pulls Rabid off his shoulder. “I have to finish this, then I can play.”

Rabid is not pleased with his answer, nibbling at his trousers.

“Rabid,” he chides, ignoring her in favour of his work. He laughs again. “I used to know somebody who would’ve loved you, annoying as you are.”

BD, who has taken Rabid’s place, beeps curiously.

Cal’s face falls a little. He pauses in his work. “Oh. I guess I’ve never told you about Caleb, huh?”

The little droid shakes his head.

Cal never intended to talk about Caleb to anyone, really, but it all comes pouring out. He tells BD and Rabid all about his old best friend, his confidant. The story is a long one, reaching from the creche all the way to Bracca and its bitter end. By the time he’s finished, his voice is quiet and hesitant, his grief echoing through.

Rabid curls up in his lap, nudging his hand, while BD sits in front of them, tilting his head.

A little light on the side of his scope says that he’s recording. He does that a lot, Cal knows, for prosperity, just like he was programmed to. Cal doesn’t mind, really.

When he finishes, BD gets his attention by chirping.

“Huh? You have something to show me?”

BD’s projector whirrs to life and a blue image appears. It’s Cordova, again, but not a video this time. It’s only a holo, of him and another Jedi—Master Jocasta Nu, Cal realises. Master Cordova is dead asleep on her shoulder and she’s leaned over to kiss his brow.

“Oh,” Cal breathes out, something jarring in his chest.

BD-1 thinks that he and Caleb were—well, were like that.

“I—” he pauses. “I dunno, buddy. I never asked him if...but I think…”

Well. It’d be a stretch to say Cal loved him, but he certainly cared for him more than he ever did anyone else. When they were thirteen and stupid, he might’ve said he had a crush on him. After the Fall, on Bracca, he just...didn't think of it. Caleb was all he had and he clung but he never...thought about what it was, thought about what they were.

It hurts to think of now, all that he missed.

“I don’t know if I did,” Cal tells BD quietly. “But I think I- I think I could have.”

BD asks about Caleb a lot, after that. Maybe he can tell that talking about him makes Cal happy. The others know about the one he lost but they don’t ask. They all have their demons and Cal’s are just...just too great to pile on another person. BD, though, is a little easier. All he wants is to see Cal smile again.

“What’s this?”

Kanan doesn’t think to look up at whatever Ezra—the newest addition to the Ghost crew—has swiped from him, until he notices a weight missing from his neck. His head snaps up to where a cord hangs from Ezra’s hand.

“Give that back,” Kanan growls, not meaning to be so aggressive.

Ezra’s eyes widen. He holds it out immediately, dropping it into Kanan’s open hand. “Sorry,” he mutters, watching curiously as Kanan puts it back on.

Almost by instinct, Kanan tucks the piece of scrap metal back under his shirt and breathes out a sigh of relief. He goes back to his datapad. Then, a moment later, when he notices the entire room is still silent, he looks up. Sabine and Zeb have joined Ezra in staring incredulously.

“What?” Kanan asks, his voice back to normal.

“I’ve never seen you that mad before,” Sabine admits with a half-shrug, though her eyes betray her concern.

Zeb nods, arms crossed. “And I’ve never seen you without that thing on your neck.”

“Yeah, you even sleep with it!” Ezra adds. “What’s up with that?”

“I—” He goes to make an excuse but stops, his hand fidgeting with the necklace.

“You don’t have to…” Sabine starts to say, but he shakes his head.

He sighs. To be honest, he’s surprised Zeb and Sabine haven’t asked before. “My best friend gave it to me.”

Ezra immediately sits down across from him, eyes wide. “Another Jedi?”

Admittedly, the kid is a lot like he used to be: always asking questions, always pushing. It’s going to get him in trouble someday but for now, it just gets him more stories out of Kanan, stories about the Jedi.

“Yeah. Yeah, another Padawan. We grew up in the Temple together.” He smiles, a fickle and fleeting thing. “He was picked by a Master before me, so we were separated...at the end. But I found him again, on the planet he was last assigned. He gave me this.”

Ezra’s face is bright, curious. Sabine, on the other hand, looks prepared for a gut-punch.

“What happened to him?” she asks quietly.

Kanan exhales sharply, ruefully. “Inquisitors. After 5 years of nothing, they came out of nowhere. I never saw what happened to him. For all I know, they still have him.”

“Oh,” Ezra says, his face falling.

“You know, Zeb,” Kanan begins, not wanting to make things any sadder, “his Master was a Lasat.”

He scoffs. “No way.”

“He was, swear it on my life!” he claims, raising a hand. “First time I saw you, I thought Master Tapal came back to haunt me for being a bad influence.”

Zeb snickers. “Bad influence? You?”

“Eh, a nudge here and there. We were not good kids.”

He tells them a few stories before Sabine and Zeb are called away by Hera and Chopper, leaving Ezra and Kanan alone. Ezra makes to follow them but stops, his expression cautiously blank.

“What is it, Ezra?” Kanan asks, already knowing that he’s brimming with curiosity.

“You said he was...your best friend?”

He frowns. “Yeah, ever since we were kids. Why?”

“I dunno. The way you talked about him just reminded me of my parents,” Ezra admits hesitantly. “Sappy. Did you—?”

Kanan sighs, touching his necklace again.

He had always been more reckless than Cal, back then. He threw himself into everything, into every situation. No matter the problem or the person, he was all-in. No matter what. And that included Cal. Once he took that step, he was karked. Before he knew it, he was hanging onto the redhead’s every word.

Cal was...different. Kanan had known that for a long time but the war only brought it out.

Kanan had a stupid crush, that was all. But on Bracca, it was everything and more.

He’d known then, known for a long time. Cal had never seen it but he didn’t have to. Kanan was fine the way things were. It didn’t feel right, bringing things up after...well, after. So Cal never knew.

(Sure, he could see the past of things with a single touch of his hands but he’d always been pretty oblivious.)

“Love him?” Kanan asks, raising an eyebrow.

Ezra nods.

It’s without hesitation that he answers. “I did.”

When they go in search of Master Luminara, Kanan’s kids buy him a precious few minutes to search for a Cal Kestis in the prisoner logs. He’s not there, of course, but Kanan thinks he prefers that to a death certificate.

“Ho-oly shit,” Greez says over comms one day. “You guys better get up here.”

Cal shares a look with Cere, following her out of the workshop with BD on his shoulder. Merrin has already teleported to Greez’s side when they arrive, lightsabers in hand. Greez passes the young man—not so young anymore, Cere has commented teasingly as he desperately shaves away any trace of his age—a pair of electrobinoculars.

Squinting through the scope, he spies a trail of smoke on the horizon attached to a ship.

“Kriffing hells,” Cere says after she gets a look.

In all their 10 years here, no one has ever landed—or crashed, for that matter—on the planet. The few ships that have come into orbit were Imperial and always quickly dealt with before word could get out. This one, however, isn’t exactly your standard Imperial cruiser. And it’s wrecked.

“Looks like a modified VCX-100 light freighter to me,” Greez says. “It’s a nice ship.”

Merrin rolls her eyes. “Are we waiting for them to come to us?”

“Looks like we don’t have to,” Cere declares, still looking through the binocs. “They’re headed this way, six hostiles. Three humans, a Lasat, a Twi’lek, and a droid.”

Greez laughs. “A Lasat? We’re kriffed.”

“Says you,” Merrin snorts.

“I’m with her,” Cal agrees, a cocky smile on his face. “Merrin and I will take the Vault. Cere, Greez, take home. BD will lure the big ones our way.”

“You got it, kid.”

Cere puts a hand on his shoulder before he can follow Merrin—more or less, seeing as she just teleports everywhere. “Be careful.”

The worst part of intruders is that even the hypothetical good ones can’t know Bogano is here. They’ll have to knock them out hard enough for their memories to be spotty and dump them in a nearby system if they’re smart—and they are.

Cal slips on his robe, a gift from Cere, and flips the hood up, making for the Vault.

If these visitors think they can take the Holocron, they have another thing coming.

“Are you sure we can find help here?” Ezra asks for the third time as they approach the massive building in the distance. “It looks...deserted.”

Hera sighs for the third time. “Scanners said there were signs of life here in a higher concentration than the rest of the planet. It’s worth checking out.”

Sabine gestures through the mild fog. “There’s buildings up ahead.”

“Good, let’s head there,” Kanan says, a cautious hand on his lightsaber.

Hopping across platforms is a pain, but they all manage to make their way to what looks like a residential area. A small path digs into the ground, leading deeper inside the planet’s crust. With a look at her second in command, Hera starts toward it. However, she stops when Kanan freezes.

“Do you feel that?” he asks suddenly, squinting as he looks into the distance.

Something is...tugging at him. Something in the Force is insistent that he go...that way. The feeling of incompleteness settles inside his chest.

“No…” Ezra replies uneasily. “What is it?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know.” After a moment, he decides. “I think I should go this way. You guys go on ahead.”

Zeb scoffs. “I’ll go with you. We don’t know who lived here. Could be Inquisitors for all we know.”

“They generally prefer places with lava,” Ezra counters.

The group splits, with Hera leading Sabine, Chopper, and Ezra into the abode. She and Sabine have their blasters raised, while Ezra keeps a hand on his lightsaber. Chopper is always ready to give someone a nasty shock.

“Anyone home?” Sabine calls.

There’s no answer.

They come across a small kitchen and dining room, where two chairs are pulled out. Over one hangs a small, ratty brown robe with multiple blaster burns.

Ezra plucks it off the back of the seat. “Woah, cool,” he breathes. “Very Jedi-like, huh?”

“Leave it, Ezra,” Hera chides fondly.

“You’d best,” says another voice.

All three of them jump as a lightsaber hums to life. Double-bladed, the weapon burns bright white throughout the room, illuminating its bearer, a woman with dark skin and hair, and her companion.

“Inquisitor!” Ezra cries, lighting his own.

The lightsaber wielder’s friend fires off a blaster right at Hera, who’s shoved out of the way by Sabine. Chopper shrieks, his head spinning.

“Look out!”

On the surface, Zeb follows Kanan to the edge of the platform. There, they find a zip line, which they intend to brave before a series of chirps stops them.

Zeb yelps and lifts his rifle when a droid appears, only stopped by Kanan’s raised hand.

It’s...a buddy droid.

“Hey, little guy,” Kanan greets cautiously. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

He beeps excitedly and backs away, indicating that they should follow. With a single leap, he attaches himself to the zipline and whirrs as he zooms all the way down.

“Don’t tell me we’re following the droid,” Zeb groans.

Kanan just smiles. “We’re following the droid.”

Using the Force to balance himself, he leaps atop the zipline and begins to tiptoe his way down. Behind him, Zeb sighs but reaches up to grab the line, following right after him. They land on a platform a good distance away, where a small slope is guarded by two statues; the beings depicted are of an unknown species, one lost to time.

“I don’t like this,” Zeb says as soon as he hops onto the grass. “It’s like the start of a bad horror holo.”

Kanan snorts. “If that were true, it would be raining tookas and massiffs.”

The buddy droid whirrs loudly to get their attention and bounces his way up the sloping path, on top of which sits a fluffy native creature. Kanan doesn’t know what they’re called, but this one is adorable. She chirps at them, much like the droid did.

“Oh, you’re a sweet little thing, aren’t you?” Kanan coos, moving to meet the creature and let her sniff his hand.

She makes a happy noise and nudges him.

“Ugh,” Zeb mutters, “more things.”

The droid and the creature lead them to the entrance of the massive, ancient building that had caught Kanan’s eye from the crash site. He steps in front of Zeb, placing his hand on the runes in the rock as the Force sings. This isn’t what’s calling him, but…

“Something is here,” Kanan whispers.

“I hope it’s not something that wants to eat us,” Zeb says long-sufferingly.

The slab of rock retreats into the space above, leaving an open tunnel of sorts.

“Karabast,” the Lasat curses, “I hate Jedi stuff.”

Kanan rolls his eyes. “C’mon.”

It’s a tight fit, but the two squeeze their way through, Kanan leading the way. They exit into a large cavern filled with a few inches of water, just enough to be annoying. Standing in the midst of the cave is a figure in a brown robe. The moment Kanan spots him, he draws his lightsaber and stands in front of Zeb until he can ready his rifle, too.

“You are not meant to be here.”

Kanan frowns. “The Force says otherwise. Who are you?”

“The guardian of this vault. You need to leave,” the figure says.

From underneath their robe, they draw a very familiar weapon. With a snap and a hiss, two blades of yellow light appear. Kanan lights his own lightsaber in response but it’s too little too late.

A green smoke encompasses Zeb, who yelps as he’s flung across the room by a pissed off Nightsister—which makes zero sense because they’re all supposed to be dead.

Kanan makes for his friend, interrupted only by the mysterious guardian rushing at him.

“Where did you get that lightsaber?” the faceless figure hisses.

And, well, Kanan doesn’t know how to answer that question except with another question. “Where did you get yours? ”

Back in the residential platform, Hera leaps in between Ezra and the lightsaber-wielder. “Wait!” she cries.

Both stop, staring at her like she’s crazy.

“That’s a healed kyber crystal, isn’t it?” Hera asks, pointing to her white blade. “You’re not an Inquisitor. You’re a Jedi.”

The woman lowers her lightsaber just slightly. “I was.”

“I’m one, too!” Ezra chirps, popping out from behind Hera. “Er. I’m training to be one!”

Her eyes widen. “A Padawan? Who’s your Master?”

Before he can answer, Hera speaks for him. “Kanan Jarrus. But his name used to be Caleb Dume.”

“Caleb?” she asks, her voice hushed in awe. “Depa Billaba’s Padawan?”

She nods.

Abruptly, the woman turns sharply on her heel, raising her comm unit to her lips and rushing out the door. “Cal, they’re non-hostiles, non-hostiles! Don’t hurt your boyfriend!”

“What!?” Ezra and Sabine cry at the same time, the former’s voice cracking.

Without another word, they follow her and her friend outside.

Merrin has the Lasat out of the Vault long before Cal gets his opponent to the entrance, admittedly. Lightsaber to lightsaber combat is significantly more balanced than Nightsister magick against a bo-rifle, poor guy.

Still, Cal pushes the intruder to the top of the Vault’s slope, the man just on the edge of slipping.

That’s when Cere’s voice crackles through the comms.

“Cal, they’re non-hostiles, non-hostiles! Don’t hurt your boyfriend!”

Hand grasping the intruder’s shirt, holding him above the edge, Cal freezes. He meets brown eyes and suddenly can’t breathe, gaze drifting to the cord around the taller man’s neck. His gloveless fingers just barely skim the material, Force signatures exploding in front of his eyes.

And suddenly, he can see it. He can see himself, painstakingly painting that symbol onto the metal and bartering for a cord. He sees an older Caleb sobbing in the quiet of an unfamiliar room, clutching that necklaces like a lifeline.

“Did you—?”

“Love him? I did.”

A shaky breath passes his lips.

“Caleb?” he asks, voice breaking on the name that’s so unfamiliar on his tongue.

The grip on his wrist loosens.

Kanan hears the woman’s voice, clear as day, but he almost doesn’t believe it at first. He almost doesn’t believe when he hears that whispered question. Caleb. It’s the name of a stranger and yet—yet when that robe’s hood slips off to reveal red hair and bright green eyes, he feels like he’s never known any other name.

“Cal?”

The Force wasn’t calling him to the Vault. It was calling him to its guardian.

Silence falls, the rest of the world fading away. All they’ve been through, all they’ve seen, and it all stops in this moment. It all adds up to this.

Cal lets go of his shirt, letting him balance precariously at the top of the muddy slope down from the Vault. Neither of them speaks—neither of them knows what to feel, except bright, unparalleled joy.

Cal doesn’t let himself flinch when Caleb reaches, his fingers just barely skimming his cheek.

He doesn’t get much further. Green smoke encompasses his body and before Cal knows it, his best friend is being flung from the Vault entrance to the platform beyond, screaming as he goes. The platform beyond, where the Oggdo used to reside, is covered in flowers. It was there that Cal planted his little sapling in a boot and there that the plant spread, covering almost every inch of land with budding blue and yellow flowers.

Cal whirls around to see Merrin, her eyes glowing green.

“Merrin, no!” he protests, eyes wide with desperation. “That’s Caleb!”

Merrin’s glowing fades as she glances at the nearby Lasat and her friend’s horrified face. “My mistake,” she says in that tone that says she knows exactly who he is.

(They were taking too long to speak, in her opinion.)

Cal huffs at her before getting a running start toward the entrance, using the Force to balance himself as he slides down that muddied slope, sailing right toward Caleb. Near the end, he leaps into the air, propelling himself a mere few feet from his collapsed companion.

“Caleb!” he cries, stumbling the last few steps and falling to his knees, where Caleb is face-down in the damp grass, his hair-tie mysteriously missing.

Caleb is—well, he’s okay. He’s just...wheezing with laughter.

He pushes himself up on his elbows and flips over just as Cal makes it to him, his chest heaving with the effort. And still, he laughs, a half-mad sound.

“Are you o—?” Cal is cut off by his own yelp when Caleb flings himself up from the ground and pulls Cal with him.

He embraces the redhead, dragging them both to their feet so he can swing Cal around. Cal shrieks and hitches his legs up on his hips, as difficult as that is with the man’s height—the bastard, he grew. He reaches desperately for Caleb’s shoulders to hold onto when they spin, completely unaware of Cere and the rest of Caleb’s group appearing on the platform.

Finally, Caleb stops, looking up at Cal with shining eyes and a smile that could kill a man. Cal leans forward, letting his forehead fall against his and breathing out a sigh of relief.

“I thought the Inquisitors had you,” Caleb whispers, a thousand more words in the back of his mind, too many to count.

Cal’s eyes well with tears. “I thought you were dead.”

Caleb has always been more reckless than Cal but the latter was the one to hear his words echo through that necklace, an admission years too late. It’s because of that little echo that Cal buries a hand in the hair that falls to his shoulders and pushes his head upward, meeting him in a searing kiss.

Out of shock, Caleb both squeaks—adorable, Cal thinks—and clutches the back of Cal’s shirt for a moment before dropping him. Luckily, his instinct has him landing on his feet.

The drop pulls him away and, looking up, he sees Caleb looking shell-shocked.

He just grins, grabs the taller man’s shirt, and pulls him in for another kiss, this one saying much more than the first. Caleb plants his feet and buries a hand in Cal’s hair for good measure.

They both ignore Greez cackling in the distance and Sabine’s whispered: “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck —”

Because in that moment, all is right with the galaxy. Cal’s flowers are fully grown and blossoming beneath their feet, Caleb’s robe is waiting for him in the other room, and they have each other again.

And that’s all they’ve ever really wanted, isn’t it?

River’s Tags: @hahaboop & @mystoragehatesme

Masterlist

#kanan jarrus x cal kestis #kanan jarrus #cal kestis #kanan jarrus/cal kestis #cal kestis x kanan jarrus #cal kestis/kanan jarrus #sw #star wars #sw fanfic #star wars fanfic #jedi fallen order #jfo #star wars rebels #sw: rebels #river #rivika #generallynerdy

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huckleberrytm-a2 · 4 years

Text

STUDY : JESSE MCCREE

BASICS.

IS YOUR MUSE TALL / SHORT / AVERAGE? jesse stands at 6′2 without his boots on. he was pretty average height for most of his life but had a huge growth spurt when he hit 16.

ARE THEY OKAY WITH THEIR HEIGHT? yeah, he doesn’t mind. briefly hates it as he sometimes smacks his head on doorframes, but other than that, he likes being tall.

WHAT’S THEIR HAIR LIKE? chestnut brown, it has slight waves to it and curls up at the ends. he has shaggy bangs and ofc his dumb middle part, and it’s a little less than shoulder length by the end of recall. he grows it out more as he gets older, eventually keeping it about mid back length ( almost like the van helsing hair ) . also often has a nasty case of hat hair cause uh. he has a hat on most of the time. sometimes when he’s alone he keeps it in a teeny weeny ponytail.

DO THEY SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HAIR / GROOMING? not unless he has a reason to. when it’s just him by himself on the road, he really doesn’t care that much at all. if he needs to freshen up for a job or assignment of some kind then he will, or if he has a personal obligation to like a date or special occasion of some kind. that and his hair is kinda hard to style with the way it is in recall bc it’s at a pretty annoying length, but he’ll slick it back if he needs to or smth. as he grows it out he’ll braid it pretty often though, just cause.

DOES YOUR MUSE CARE ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE / WHAT OTHERS THINK? only if those people are people that he’s interested in romantically or physically in some way - he worries a lot about what his romantic partners think of his appearance just bc his self esteem is pretty meh and he wants to look good for them when he can. otherwise, though, he could care less what people think.

♡ PREFERENCES.

INDOORS OR OUTDOORS? outdoors

RAIN OR SUNSHINE? sunshine

FOREST OR BEACH? forest

PRECIOUS METALS OR GEMS? precious metals

FLOWERS OR PERFUMES? flowers

PERSONALITY OR APPEARANCE? personality

BEING ALONE OR BEING IN A CROWD? alone

ORDER OR ANARCHY? anarchy? though i guess anarchy to him is order ...

PAINFUL TRUTHS OR WHITE LIES? white lies

SCIENCE OR MAGIC? magic

PEACE OR CONFLICT? conflict

NIGHT OR DAY? night

DUSK OR DAWN? dusk

WARMTH OR COLD? warmth

MANY ACQUAINTANCES OR A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS? a few close friends

READING OR PLAYING A GAME? reading

♡ QUESTIONNAIRE.

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR MUSE’S BAD HABITS? he has a lot, the most pressing being his smoking and drinking. his drinking isn’t really out of control or anything, he just drinks a lot and frequently, and uses it as an emotional crutch to cope with things. smoking is the same deal for him, and he’s been doing it so long that his lungs are starting to feel the repercussions ( coughing fits, sometimes struggling to breathe when things get really intense, nicotine withdrawals when he doesn’t smoke for a few days )

jesse just doesn’t take great care of himself in general, just by the lifestyle that he lives. he struggles to talk about his issues and things that upset him, which usually ends up in him leaving the situation altogether ( walking away in the middle of an argument or in a situation that’s grating him ) or lashing out with anger. he is incredibly hesitant on creating lasting relationships with people because he is absolutely terrified he will lose them in one way or another.

he struggles a lot with his self worth and the fact that he matters.

HAS YOUR MUSE LOST ANYONE CLOSE TO THEM? HOW HAS IT AFFECTED THEM? he wasn’t at all close with his father, but jesse did love him despite how awfully his father treated him and his mother. he was his dad, after all - when he died of alcohol poisoning it left jesse with a lot, A LOT, of anger in regard to the lack of closure he got about why his father hated him so much. that anger caused most of his behavioral problems as a child, including the decision to run away, and it’s a burden that jesse still carries as an adult.

most of the important relationships in jesse’s life have ended with some sort of loss. he often laments how he and ashe parted ways and the way that their relationship has turned from family to rivalry, and the only person from the blackwatch team that he didn’t lose was genji ( who admitted he left blackwatch and never looked back anyway ) . the most profound losses though for him were ana and gabe; ana because jesse specifically was tasked with finding her but never could, and gabe bc jesse looked up to him so much like a mentor and a father figure. losing them was traumatizing to the point that he hesitates on returning to overwatch, for fear of it happening all over again.

he’s lost pretty much everyone, and as much as he likes to pretend he’s a social butterfly, its crippled him emotionally.

WHAT ARE SOME FOND MEMORIES YOUR MUSE HAS? he has a lot of fond memories with his mom and little sisters when he was very small, but those are fleeting and at this point he hardly remembers them - good memories after that were few and far between after his father’s death.

jesse has some fond memories with the gang, though most of them have been tainted by guilt over the years. most of the fond memories in his life came from blackwatch - playing cards with the crew, pranking gabe and jack just for the hell of it, his friendship with genji once he got him out of his shell ... he has a lot of fond memories with overwatch. he struggles to keep them pure.

IS IT EASY FOR YOUR MUSE TO KILL? yeah. he was desensitized to death from a very early age and you can tell; he literally kills for a living. if he believes someone needs to die, he will kill them. simple as that.

WHAT’S IT LIKE WHEN YOUR MUSE BREAKS DOWN? it’s incredibly rare and it takes a lot to push him to that point - he’s only had a real breakdown a couple times in his life ( those being losing ana, gabe, and when he lost his eye and his arm ) and it takes a lot of pushing to get to him to that point. he will usually, if not always, have panic attacks after nightmares and night terrors, but its rare that they ever push him this bad.

it usually starts with him being really vacant, to the point that he stares at walls or floors completely motionless for minutes or sometimes hours on end. he’ll cry, usually for a long time depending on what it is that even triggered this in the first place, and as that slowly dies out he’ll start drinking. again, depending on the trigger, he can easily get through a bottle or more of whiskey in a night. then he passes out and, unless he has some very pressing responsibilities to people that he cares about, will likely stay in bed for most if not all of the following day.

IS YOUR MUSE CAPABLE OF TRUSTING SOMEONE WITH THEIR LIFE? he is, but he doesn’t do it often. jesse has some pretty major trust issues as a result of his trauma so it takes a lot to get him to that point, but it’s certainly possible with the right people.

WHAT’S YOUR MUSE LIKE WHEN THEY’RE IN LOVE? jesse softens up, a lot, with someone he loves. he looks at that person with a sparkle in his eye, often hinting at his affection with sweet soft touches ( tucking their hair behind their ear or brushing it out of their face, a hand resting on their lower back in idle conversation, patting their shoulder as he laughs at something they said ) and he smiles a lot more. not quite the charming grin that he’s so known for, but something sweeter and more genuine. he also really ramps it up with the pet names ofc, the obligatory darlin, sweetheart, honey, and so on, but he also often has individualized nicknames for the person based on their name, some facet of their personality, something he associates w them, etc. he’ll sing soft songs under his breath in their presence and offer to take them places that are relevant to their interests - he could listen to them talk about the things theyre passionate about for hours.

all in all love makes jesse a better person. when he loves someone, he loves them hard, and its really hard for him to let that go.

♡ TAGGED BY : @adversitybloomed and @koeii thank u weenies ♡ TAGGING : u

#💥 𝐀𝐈𝐍'𝐓 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍' 𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐒 ― hc.#tw long post #q.

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hereticaloracles · 6 years

Text

Asteroid Files: Medusa

Helios on Medusa– Fuck it. We’re doing Medusa.

The Astronomy– 149 Medusa is a bright-colored, stony main-belt asteroid named after the Gorgon Medusa, a snake-haired monster in Greek mythology. When it was discovered, Medusa was by far the smallest asteroid found (although this was not known at that time). Since then, many thousands of smaller asteroids have been found. It was also the closest asteroid to the Sun discovered up to that point, beating the long-held record of 8 Flora. It remained the closest asteroid to the Sun until 433 Eros and 434 Hungaria were found, leading to the discovery of two new families of asteroids inward from the 4:1 Kirkwood gap which forms the boundary of the main belt.

Photometric observations of this asteroid gave a light curve with a rather long rotation period of 26.038 ± 0.002 hours and a brightness variation of 0.56 ± 0.03 in magnitude. It has an orbital period of 3.21 years or about 1171 days.

The Myth– In Greek mythology, Medusa (“guardian, protectress”) was a Gorgon, generally described as a winged human female with living venomous snakes in place of hair. Gazers upon her face would turn to stone. Most sources describe her as the daughter of Phorcys and Ceto, though the author Hyginus makes her the daughter of Gorgon and Ceto. Medusa was beheaded by the hero Perseus, who thereafter used her head, which retained its ability to turn onlookers to stone, as a weapon until he gave it to the goddess Athena to place on her shield. In classical antiquity, the image of the head of Medusa appeared in the evil-averting device known as the Gorgoneion.

The three Gorgon sisters—Medusa, Stheno, and Euryale—were all children of the ancient marine deities Phorcys and his sister Ceto, chthonic monsters from an archaic world. While ancient Greek vase-painters and relief carvers imagined Medusa and her sisters as beings born of monstrous form, sculptors and vase-painters of the fifth century began to envisage her as being beautiful as well as terrifying. In an ode written in 490 BC Pindar already speaks of “fair-cheeked Medusa”.

In a late version of the Medusa myth, related by the Roman poet Ovid (Metamorphoses 4.770), Medusa was originally a ravishingly beautiful maiden, “the jealous aspiration of many suitors,” but because Poseidon had raped her in Athena’s temple, the enraged Athena transformed Medusa’s beautiful hair to serpents and made her face so terrible to behold that the mere sight of it would turn onlookers to stone. In Ovid’s telling, Perseus describes Medusa’s punishment by Minerva (Athena) as just and well earned.

In most versions of the story, she was beheaded by the hero Perseus, who was sent to fetch her head by King Polydectes of Seriphus because Polydectes wanted to marry his mother. The gods were well aware of this, and Perseus received help. He received a mirrored shield from Athena, gold, winged sandals from Hermes, a sword from Hephaestus and Hades’s helm of invisibility. Since Medusa was the only one of the three Gorgons who was mortal, Perseus was able to slay her while looking at the reflection from the mirrored shield he received from Athena. During that time, Medusa was pregnant by Poseidon. When Perseus beheaded her, Pegasus, a winged horse, and Chrysaor, a giant wielding a golden sword, sprang from her body. Harrison’s translation states “the Gorgon was made out of the terror, not the terror out of the Gorgon.

A number of early classics scholars interpreted the myth of the Medusa as a quasi-historical – “based on or reconstructed from an event, custom, style, etc., in the past”, or “sublimated” memory of an actual invasion. According to Joseph Campbell:

The legend of Perseus beheading Medusa means, specifically, that “the Hellenes overran the goddess’s chief shrines” and “stripped her priestesses of their Gorgon masks”, the latter being apotropaic faces worn to frighten away the profane.

That is to say, there occurred in the early thirteenth century B.C. an actual historic rupture, a sort of sociological trauma, which has been registered in this myth, much as what Freud terms the latent content of a neurosis is registered in the manifest content of a dream: registered yet hidden, registered in the unconscious yet unknown or misconstrued by the conscious mind

In 1940, Sigmund Freud’s “Das Medusenhaupt (Medusa’s Head)” was published posthumously. In Freud’s interpretation: “To decapitate = to castrate. The terror of Medusa is thus a terror of castration that is linked to the sight of something. Numerous analyses have made us familiar with the occasion for this: it occurs when a boy, who has hitherto been unwilling to believe the threat of castration, catches sight of the female genitals, probably those of an adult, surrounded by hair, and essentially those of his mother.” In this perspective, the ‘ravishingly beautiful’ Medusa is the mother remembered in innocence; before the mythic truth of castration dawns on the subject. Classic Medusa, in contrast, is an Oedipal/libidinous symptom. Looking at forbidden mother (in her hair-covered genitals, so to speak) stiffens the subject in illicit desire and freezes him in terror of the Father’s retribution. There are no recorded instances of Medusa turning a woman to stone.

Archetypal literary criticism continues to find psychoanalysis useful. Beth Seelig analyzes Medusa’s punishment from the aspect of the crime of having been raped rather than having willingly consented in Athena’s temple as an outcome of the goddess’ unresolved conflicts with her own father, Zeus.

Why She Matters– IT’S FUCKING MEDUSA. She is arguably the most enduring figure from the entire insane rogue’s gallery that is Greek Myth. Now, this asteroid has been picked apart by literally everyone, with just about all of them coming to the same results; Medusa means rape. Now I don’t necessarily disagree with my fellow astrologers on this topic (except Ami Manning, she can die in a hole for all I care) but let’s see if we can find something they might have missed, shall we?

Right so, one theme that echoes throughout the story (and is included in her name) is that Medusa is linked to the idea of protection. She was the guardian of the sacred in her role as priestess, and Campbell’s interpretation (along with Harrison) leans heavily into that without outright saying so- but what is she protecting? Well, I think Freud was onto something (*vomits off-screen* That was harder to admit than you guys know.); It doesn’t take a genius to recognize the similarity between the female genitalia and a snake-haired monster to the untrained eye, especially the child’s mind. If we put the pieces together we get a narrative: A lost snake cult of early Greece, before the Age of Heroes, where the women ruled and the mysteries of Life were the sacred secret. There are weird stories of Athens being ruled by snakes in the earliest dark days, and Mt. Olympus itself was originally owned by a giant snake before the Titan Kronos claimed it in his wrestling match. Medusa can be seen as a conduit to this deep past, and in the chart it will represent a point that is sacred, a secret you must defend and carry through your life- a sacred duty.

The real reason I did Medusa today of all days is due to her other connotation. I posit that Medusa does not necessarily represent rape by itself. Look, we know that there is real evil in the world, and 80% of it is evil that men do, especially to women. It happens and we would be fools to deny it. Just because its ugly doesn’t mean we should shrink from its terrifying reality. Today, while Venus is in Scorpio and we are in Libra season, a brave woman is testifying before a panel of men who don’t believe her about a sexual assault of a man who she has to sit mere feet from. She is speaking up to prevent him from being put in a position to affect millions of lives and take power from even more women. She has to relive her horror under the scrutiny of an entire nation. I put forward Medusa’s other function- The protectress of those who have been raped. Medusa defends women against men and the evil that they do- Remember that the only reason Perseus could defeat her was with the help of Athena. The abused need a monster to defend them from the other, scarier monsters that haunt them- and there’s no one more up to the task than Medusa.

To find out where she shows up in your chart, go to astro.com, put in your birth details and in the extended options, at the bottom of the next page, there will be a menu of additional objects. To the right of that is a blank space where you can enter the number 149, for Medusa. Once you have it entered, generate the chart! Where does Medusa affect your life? Let us know in the comments below!

Asteroid Files: Medusa was originally published on Heretical Oracles

#149 Medusa #65489 Ceto #asteroid astrology #asteroid medusa #astrology of rape #Ceto asteroid #donald trump astrology #Kavanaugh hearing #Kavanaugh hearing 2018 #Kavanaugh hearing astrology #Medusa in Astrology #Trump 2018 #Trump astrology #astrology #tarot #fuckstrology #bruja #brujeria

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littlecafe · 3 years

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my suband thoughts pt. 2

(me trying to make this post for the 3rd time now) i realized i wrote like a 10 page dissertation instead and i refuse to post all that so i’m just going to copy over a few and keep the rest in drafts for when i want to reference them later

i will include results and elimination spoilers in this post so if you want to avoid those then don’t read this one...i try to keep things spoiler free but i just. have things to say about the results specific to round 2 :-)

jtbc finally striking down accounts on twitter and instagram for posting suband content....i think tumblr is safe bc this website is dead so i’ll continue posting i guess??? they haven’t done anything to that one youtube that’s been posting all the performance videos too so who knows

should i start with more contestant based random thoughts first

i was scammed by jtbc teaser editor bc they used a clip of jeongho “singing” into the mic in their preview and i waited 2 whole episodes (his team performed last in round 2) for me to find out it was a autotuned mic and a vocoder HELP MEEEE SAKJFDSKF at that point literally i could only laugh

but he plays contrabass? he actually majored in contrabass? or maybe that was his old major, he’s still in school atm since wonsang said they go to the same one but he had educational training on it which is really cool

wait a minute......now that i think about it, that same teaser clip also spoiled the result of yeji winning bc they showed us that she was sitting in the waiting room during eliminations even though they haven’t performed yet (which means we knew her team won AND they already showed us all the matchups before so we also knew who she beat) WHO WAS EDITING THIS LMAO and it wasn’t even a accidental leak like she was sitting in the background, it was literally her reaction as the main focus and everything omg

hwang inkyu hello??? he’s movning’s bassist and he has a combined total of maybe 3 lines of airtime so far i wish he’d speak more bc i was so scared he’d get his ass kicked off the show bc he wouldn’t have been able to make a lasting impression but thank god hwanglin picked him up and seems like he’s going to be moving on with his team in the next round too (good for them the stage was so good i wanted to post it but haven’t yet..)

i used to really like movning’s music but their music direction went into a style i don’t listen to much so i haven’t checked into them recently, tbh i didn’t even know they auditioned until i looked at the full list of contestants later because their stage was cut out and only inkyu made it in

park dawool and hwang hyunjo both have galaxy brains and i would trust them with my life - yea i will not elaborate much because this post is already long even after i shortened it bc i talk too much but hyunjo making entire ppt slides? to present her theories and ideas? yea she’s absolutely ready for everything, for real she’s carrying her teams to victory

leenzy’s 2nd round team was so strong that i thought she got to pick really early (since they showed us all the team formations before airing the actual performances with the behinds for pickings and stuff) but she was actually the 2nd to last pair?? so all that’s left is her > the guy she chose to be her opponent, and then the poor guy that gets to pick from the remaining 6 or so and the final team of the ones unchosen

i was really shocked to find out no one wanted nakyung and ahkyung when i thought they were some of the best :-( i really still can’t tell if the mixing of male and female was a good idea esp since it was so skewed male in the first place ugh in round 2 it seems like the girls are getting shafted???

out of the 6 girls (that can be picked since 3 are frontmen!), 3 of them were not picked up until basically the very end when you don’t really have many choices left...nakyung (guitar), ahkyung (drums), and sujin (vocals)...and they’re all really good?? sujin ended up on the second to last team (basically the last team if we’re being honest since the actual last team is sadly the band of leftovers) and i just don’t understand why they weren’t picked up earlier...i can understand sometimes vocalists can get shafted because the show starts out with a loooot of vocalists so it’s hard to find a place for all of them but guitar? drums? u can definitely pick them...there’s literally only 7 or so drummers to begin with and one has been glued to crackshot the entire time

before the season started i was already terrified that the girls might get shafted because jtbc didn’t want girls auditioning in the first place but it was fine in the first round but now the second round made me think about that again.....it’s worse when they spin the whole “yes!! all girl band!! girl power!!!” when the reality was they weren’t picked up this whole time. annoying.

but this blame has to be shouldered by jtbc bc they wanted to keep it all boys but bc of public reactions (rightfully so) they decided to let female contestants audition but then it turned out that they barely pass any female contestants so it’s still terrible?!! i’ll just write this up that teams are still trying to figure themselves out and work with different people for now....maybe i’m just worried for nothing

not to absolutely curse myself but i think most of my favorites might make it at least to round 4 and i feel like a decent amount will make it to semis so haha /knock on wood but i really hope this stays true...i just need nokdu to continue taking care of hyunsang and make city pop bops together because the judges seem to like that so far

i’m just worried about demian....the judges keep saying he’s improved so much but why do i feel like they will cut him as soon as they need to eliminate more people.....i’m not as worried about round 3 (unless his team falls on their face) but round 4 is where i’m really scared...it’s the last round before the real deal and in season 1 the round 4 eliminations hurt so bad...they cut like 9 people or something

i mean he has his own career as a soloist so he doesn’t need a band like some of the other contestants but i think he really enjoys being in a team with others, honestly i don’t even know if his company would allow for him to be in a side band? even if he were to make it? like mone made it but all their members had solo careers and with the rose and woosung having problems it must be way they just decided to stop after the show unlike the other semis teams purple rain, lucy (they did have a vocalist change since joohyuk stayed with his current band gift), aftermoon (but i guess their dj dropped out i don’t know what happend with dpole??), and of course the winners hoppipolla all continued making music together under the same name

honestly if he makes it past the judges i don’t even know if the public would vote for him, atm his popularity with the public seems nonexistent? lol but to be fair, for most contestants it’s like that, but i do wish he’d become more popular

actually should i be more worried for haeun...she plays classic guitar and usually they don’t like classic leaning instruments but she showed she can sing so i hope she gets to stay

there’s danny too but i think i have given up on him making it until the end, the only way is if he manages to stay on teams that win so he’ll never be up for elimination but i feel like they’re out to get him TT_TT

but i’ve condensed my solid favorites to just demian, yeji, haeun, and jeongho...maybe i’ll pick a 5th eventually but i still like everyone i put in my first post! i really want hyunsang to make it far though bc the vibraphone brings me so much joy so he can be honorary 5th for now

about eliminations though, right now the judges have eliminated less than last season which is odd for jtbc because i feel they keep to their formats almost exactly so now i’m just ?????? if there’s still more people currently....what is going to happen? are they going to make the judges cut more during rounds 3 and 4? or they trying to equalize the semifinals teams since last year some teams had 4 people while others had 5? are they going to do the unthinkable and give us more rounds or semifinal teams? (i wish) anyways kinda scared to see what round 3 eliminations bring now...

the actual eliminations have been mostly as expected for me, still sad but i guess since i sensed it coming it became more a feeling of like “it couldn’t be helped” and also early eliminations hurt less in general because you had less time to get to know the contestants which is why i’d rather they just eliminate now than later if they were going to do it anyways like pls spare me the pain (but this is selfish and contestants probably want to stay as long as possible)

one surprising one was ludi??? he’s a dj but he’s literally done nothing wrong so far i was just wtf??!! when they eliminated him like it felt out of nowhere.....i feel like djs have so much potential on this show because of all the sounds they have access too but i guess the judges aren’t found of edm noise

also demian nation we rise at dawn, when he said “i’m not okay” like- this song really meant a lot to him too i hate thisssss

PLS I JUST WANT HIM TO WIN ONCE SO BADLY but next time, thanks to kfans detective work on the teaser, it looks like junseo (the smol piano child) picked him and jeongho to be on his team (maybe there’s a 4th member too??) and i am putting my faith into that team now pls help my winless boys

the fact that jeongho is winless is almost funny to me because it’s also obvious he’s a judges favorite but i mean that doesn’t translate to wins just i’m pretty sure he’ll make it to the end regardless (like bohoon the vocalist of purple rain lost all 3 /technically all 4/ rounds and still made it), he plays bass and no bassist has ever been eliminated on the show yet so cheers to that

round 4 was special since they switched over to a number format and no band versus band i don’t remember if the team with the top points were immune to elimination or not (or maybe just an unwritten rule bc why the heck would you do that to them after giving them the best score) but the rest of the teams were fair game - which is exactly why this elimination round is the scariest and not good for my heart especially after i had spent weeks watching them sing and have fun..........

ok now to complain about the judges AGAIN: why are the judges thoughts on what they want in a band so damn similar anyway?

i mentioned this in my first post already about how i dislike the judging atmosphere

but now i actually see it...in the numbers...like s1 there was a bit more taste diversity within the judges but now i feel like i’m seeing a lot of 4:1 or 5:0 scores so i went to see the breakdown out of the 15 stages we had so far

5:0 score - 6

4:1 score - 7

3:2 score - 2

compared to s1 (out of 14 only because they edited out one pair of battles completely so we never knew their score...)

5:0 score - 2

4:1 score - 6

3:2 score - 6

looking at that...it makes me feel sad....especially in the early 2 rounds it must be demoralizing to keep getting met with 5:0 loss and to be very honest and in s1 the number of 5:0 did increase in round 3 but that was when more teams started to figure themselves out so it makes sense that some would start pulling ahead

i’m really tired of listening to the judges agreeing with each other all the time, it makes it seem like the vision they have for the band was already set from day 1 unlike in s1 where everyone went in with no expectations because it was a brand new program, zero expectations, zero fans, just some kids wanting to make music and that’s what it should be like....music shouldn’t be limiting like this, the judges seem a little closed minded and now i’m 100% sure they have certain band styles in mind (i don’t know if it’s the judges only or if it’s jtbc producers too that’s causing this)

and i see other ifans saying this exact same thing on twitter now too so it’s not just me that picked up on this so safe to say we can’t all be extremely sensitive right

like the contradictory comments -

dongheon’s 2nd round team was told their original song was great and lovely but they brought nothing new to the table and that it was too standard, “just like any other rock/rock ballad song” when i thought the leenzy’s team (the one they went up against) also had a pretty standard? pop rock song? absolutely nothing wrong with it either, even the judges said that the song was not complicated at all but complimented them on their “band feel” so i guess as long as they enjoyed the vibe of the team and it suited the type of band style they have in mind it’s suddenly fine to make a simple song

i’m not saying her song was worse than his (i enjoyed both and seeing original songs performed make me very happy), i’m just a little confused at the judges comments for them both especially when one performed after the other, you really don’t see the bias in your words?

dawool was told his song composition in the first stage was a little too...nuanced(?) and that they wish he could just keep thing simpler even though he thought he toned down already and kept things simple, so round 2 he decided to just work with someone that makes mainstream music (davii) to fulfil what the judges want

seulong’s 2nd round team decided to go heavier on the instrumental side because they figured they didn’t want to go head to head with one of the favorite vocalists of the show (sorry yeji, ur my queen but ur also the judges’ queen too :---( ) but got criticized for a similar reason...yoo heeyeol saying that their composition was “fun for the brain” but if he were thinking about the general public he doesn’t think they would like this type of music, literally saying that the general public do not have the music knowledge or brain capacity to understand all the skill based playing going on musically and so won’t enjoy it because it wouldn’t appeal to their hearts................(ok sure call us dumb it’s true but won’t appeal to our hearts? music can sound intricate and fun? we can enjoy some funky strings guitar riffs without actually knowing all the details ya know)

they also kept telling them (seulong’s team) “oh i loved this” “i wish there was a band like this” “very cool” and gave them no votes??? if you wish a band like this exist then why? would? you? not? vote? for them??? like i can’t tell if those were consolation comments or what

man judges rant ended up being long asf and i’m usually not affected by them and what they say but i was already feeling an odd vibe from the beginning and now seeing 5:0 after 5:0 after 5:0 really did it for me

overall, a not very fun post to read through it’s just more ranting than anything....i’m dying for a big pop off performance so i can successfully gauge the public opinion so far but i’ll refrain from posting my guess until at least the end of round 3, also i believe the team vibe usually outweighs solo popularity but we don’t know any teams yet (at least i can’t guess anyone yet like i could in s1) so we will still have to see!!

i’m pretty sure only i would look and read through these long ass posts of mine lol but if anyone makes it this far i hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings and see you in my suband thoughts pt.3

#me: copy over a few / the read more in question: still 50 pages long WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #i will just blame the pictures to elongating this post sajkhdsf #abbreviating so this post hopefully won't be in anyone's tags i hate tumblr tagging system #this is literally just me ranting about the judges for half of the post #i'm usually indifferent towards judging panel but compared to s1 this year's is soooo off lmao i hate it actually #tea talks

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daddyconfessions · 5 years

Text

daddy’s journal 3/16/16

daddy’s journal 3/8

Thursday Mar 2nd Bubbles hit me up today around 9am and told me she couldn’t make it. She’d gone out with Piper and had stayed out too late. Her and Piper had been hanging out a lot. I guess that explained all the drunk texts she’d sent the other night. I couldn’t be bothered though. I was busy looking at job ads.

I had a lot on my mind. The more I looked at jobs the more I realized I desperately needed to get in with some recruiters if I wanted to improve my chances. I hit up Firecracker to let her know I was free. She told me she couldn’t make it and had plans to volunteer somewhere. About an hour later she asked if she could have extra money. Something about needing to buy a ticket for a trip with her friends. I told her it was cool. Then a couple of hours after that, she texted me again to tell me she was having a weird discharge and needed to go to the doc and get it checked out.

I asked if she had a STD. That didn’t go over well. We got into an argument, mostly her calling me out for thinking of her that way as well as her making it very clear no one was hitting the kitty uncovered. She stopped texting me suddenly. I figured she was mad so I left it alone. I had always used a condom so I wasn’t really too worried. Still she was acting weird af.

Napoleon came into my office not too long after that. We had a brief discussion about the next meeting with the Russian’s as well as the Board of Directors meeting next week. He seemed jovial with me, not at all like a guy who wanted me gone. Maybe I was just being paranoid about my job. Still when he left, I got up and cleaned my office some more. Tomorrow could be the big day.

Later that evening, I went home and spent about an hour with the family before I poured myself some Crown Royal and coke, grabbed a Cohiba and went out on the front porch. Nothing clears the mind like a little crown and coke and some of Cuba’s finest. I was feeling sporty after that. My mind was clear. FC was tripping. Bubbles cancelling left and right. What’s a SD to do? Time to get online.

I played around on CL for kicks. I didn’t expect much. Usually sugardaddy posts get deleted within the first hour of being posted. But I came up with a snazzy title that would pass cursory inspection and posted it. Then I got back on SA, paid for my membership. Then I logged into SD.com and looked around. I toyed with the idea of going to this bar known for being a sugarbabe hook up spot. But I needed to get a bit prepared for that so I passed. Truthfully, I can’t handle another SB but the way FC and Bubbles are going, it’ll be over soon.

While I was playing around, FC got back to me telling me she didn’t have any STDs and then launched into some long tirade about the doc saying her body was going through changes, hormonal and what not, and reacting to the weight gain she’d had as well as her period being out of sync. I apologized for insinuating she might’ve had something. She told me she needed a break to let things clear up. It all sounded suspicious to me. But in the absence of more info, I had to go along with it.

Friday Mar 4th The big day. My office is clean af. If I get sliced all I needed to do is grab some pics and a bag and I’m out.

10am. 11am. Noon. Nothing. 1pm. Still nothing.

I get text from FC saying her period finally started. I didn’t even respond. I’m starting feel like I’m in a chess game.

2pm. I realized my boss had gone home for the day. Guess I wasn’t getting fired after all. I get a text from Bubbles. Hadn’t thought much about our date that day. I took a Lamar Odom and an hour later I was heading out the door to meet her. Can’t believe I overreacted like that about my job. Guess my paranoia got the better of me. But Bubbles hadn’t cancelled again so not a bad end to the week. It dawned on me that I hadn’t had any kitty all week.

When I got to the restaurant Bubbles had already gotten the table/booth. I like that shit. Most SBs will be late. Or if they get there first they’ll stay in the car until you arrive or wait in the sitting area. No way their getting a table and you ain’t there. Not Bubbles. I liked her style. The way the booth was made it sat sideways so you could see the whole restaurant. We sat back and people watched while we sipped our drinks, ate and kissed. Bubbles doesn’t have any problem with PDA. We must have tongued each other down several times throughout the early dinner. Sharing the sweet taste of our drinks on each others lips and tongue. Several other tables kept looking over at us. It was kind of fun. Wild. Definitely a thrill. An elderly couple kept looking over too. Not in disgust more out of curiosity. Bubbles is a pretty girl. She’s skinny as a toothpick but she’s pretty af. The old heads were probably wondering why an old scrub like me was getting that young kitty….$$$$

Bubbles kept checking her phone. She apologized. Told me her son had a fever from some shots he’d just gotten and she was constantly checking on him. I honestly keep forgetting she has a 6 month old. You’d never know she had a newborn the way she looked. She doesn’t have a stretch mark on her body. Her stomach was flat as a board. I asked Bubbles about the other night with her girlfriend. She and Piper had gone out with some rich record exec. You’d probably know him or one of his artists if I mentioned them. Pipers the type that can’t handle her alcohol though so when she got drunk she started fighting with everyone including Bubbles. Bubbles was trying to calm her down and talk sense into her. Piper hadn’t backed down, got mad at Bubbles and took her phone and threw it across the room, shattering the screen. Some other stuff happened including Piper cursing out some of the security guards and other guys at the table. The big Exec told security to throw her out but they didn’t want Bubbles to go. They wanted her pretty little ass to stay. Bubbles couldn’t let her friend be outside, drunk, by herself so she went with her even though the entourage wanted her to say. They took uber to get there and hate to wait until another Uber to come which was almost an hour later.

I took the opportunity to bring up some serious concerns. “I’m don’t know if I can compete with your circle of friends,” I told her. “You’re hanging out with rich dudes. Famous and shit. Not to mention they know other famous people. Money aside, I couldn’t come close to that kind of lifestyle.” She touched my hand and pursed her lips. “Oh babe its not like that. Those guys aren’t my type. I’m not into the thugged out, gold chain wearing, baggy pants type of guys. These guys got tats everywhere and they treat girls like shit. Besides, just because they have money doesn’t mean they’re going to be doing anything for you. I keep telling Piper that. They just want some pussy and when their done with you you’re gone.”

“Well I was just wanting to bring it up,” I said. Truth is I’m tired. In the old days a bloke could shell out some cash and have a good time with a girl. Spoil her to death and not worry about all the drama the sugarbowl has now. But now its mad drama and all this unnecessary competition. Not to mention all the games both SBs and SDs try to do to each other. Its enough to drive a man crazy. I told her what I was thinking and added, “I know hanging with Piper gets you into the inner circle and all that. But from my past experiences, its tiring competing with celebrities. Not to mention the lifestyle they have to offer. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.”

She shook her head. “No. Piper’s just a groupie. She’s my girl but I gotta be honest. Besides, since I’m not doing anything when we go out its getting harder and harder to hang with her. I’m like the 3rd wheel. And all of these guys don’t give a shit about her. They even hit on me in front of her and she just laughs it off. Honestly, I’m sort of getting tired of it but Piper’s my girl. And she knows people that knows people. If we ever needed to get into a club, backstage at a concert, all we have to do is ask her.”

“The benefits of being a groupie,” I said. We both laughed. She put her hand on my thigh and rubbed it. “But really babe, you don’t have anything to worry about. I already have my lover.” She lifted her glass and said, “To us.” I lifted mine and we clicked glasses. Then we kissed again, the sweet taste of the drinks on our lips made the kisses that much sweeter.

We talked a bit more about Piper, celebs and our situation. Suddenly, Bart was hard as a rock. The Lamar Odom’s had kicked in. I was ready to fuck.

From there we headed to the hotel. Lots of kissing and tonging before we moved to the bed. I couldn’t wait to lick the kitty. But she stopped me. Told me she was still spotting. Damn. Can a Daddy get a break this week? WTF? I couldn’t even hit it. She decided to just give me fellatio. I’d love to blog about how I licked the kitty. Sucked the clit. But no. No fun filled evening of me trying to get inside that tight kitty. She gave me brains, but I wasn’t that into it tbh. I wanted some kitty. “I’m sorry baby,” she said, stopping, my tip less than an inch from those pretty lips. “I’m not usually this bad of a fuck. Its just that I haven’t been that active…” Poor girl had to work hard to get ol Bart to cum. And when I came it was nothing spectacular. I can’t say she did ��a bad job…more like I was just wanting more that evening.

“I’m sorry. I promise I’m not this bad…” she kept saying. She said two more times and then, “I promise I’m not usually this lousy. I switched BC and its got my body all weird. That’s why I’m spotting.” For a minute I was thinking her and Firecracker were collaborating. “I’m sorry if I keep cancelling. It’s just hard with my work, my son and my friends.” The look on Bubbles face was of pure worry. I could tell she really felt like she was disappointing me. I told her to relax. I was patient. Low key I suspected a threesome was in my future. The thought alone of a 3 way was enough to make even the most impatient man wait. Then she promised things would be better tomorrow. But that would never happen….

Saturday Mar 5th By noon Bubbles cancelled again. Her son was still running a fever and she didn’t feel right leaving him again. It was cool. She was probably still spotting. I also had several messages from my CL ad and some hits of SA. I’d forgotten I had even been playing around on the sites.

No point in wasting a perfectly good Saturday afternoon : ) I poured myself some more Crown & Coke, sat down in my office and I spent the afternoon talking to some POTs. The stuff from CL was admittedly just garbage. Mostly girls looking to catch a date. The only hopeful one was this mid 40’s chick. She was kind of liking the fact that I was so young. Her last SD was in his mid 50s so she was interested in seeing how this would turn out. She was ready to meet to. Said she was going out with the girls and wondered if I could meet her at the bar. Old cougar. I call her Tigress. I declined to meet though. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to go that route. Old chicks be on something else. And, its been awhile since I was involved with someone over 30.

Sunday Mar 6th FC texted me and she felt like things were over. I took that as an indication she wanted to end things. She told me she felt guilty the last few weeks. That was right around the time I’d bought her a new Louis bag. I recalled she had been shocked I had bought it. She was happy too but I could see something in her eyes that something was wrong. Now it all made sense. She felt like she hadn’t deserved it. “I just don’t feel like I can give you everything you want,” she said.

The funny thing this all I ever really wanted was her. It was never something complicated.

But I was tired. Whatever was going on with her had taken its toll on me. I figured she had a new SD or a new fuckboy. Either way it was probably best to end things. I cared for Firecracker but I wouldn’t be a fool for her. Not with so much other kitty around me. She told me she wanted to remain friends and that if I wanted to have lunch or sex one day then to hit her up. We sort of ended it right there.

I was sad. I even posted this journal entry just to vent. She was my princess and now she was gone….

The week was off to a fucked up start.

#sugar tales #daddy's journals

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Golden Dawn Reviews New Drilling Outcomes Mac Mine

VANCOUVER, BC–(Marketwired – February 23, 2017) – Golden Sunrise Minerals Inc., (TSX Assignment: GOM) (FRANKFURT: 3G8A) (OTC Purple: GDMRF) (the “Company” or “Golden Sunrise”) broadcasts Effects from underground drilling underway at its a hundred% owned May additionally Mac mine in early 2017.

A complete of 1,320 meters has been completed in 10 underground diamond drill holes to this point this year. This is A complete of 2125 meters which include the nine underground drill holes drilled in late 2016. All the holes have been drilled in the May Mac mine to further take a look at the mineralized zones recognized at the Skomac vein and to test for parallel veins. All 19 holes intersected the target Skomac system vein, with the Consequences indicating the primary Skomac vein consists of silver-gold-lead-zinc mineralization that maintains from the #6 stage down to and below the No. 7 degree, and that parallel veins additionally comprise mineralization locally. The brand new Results consist of the very best gold and silver assays obtained thus far from the Stomach vein gadget.

Analytical Results have been obtained for precedence samples from the first 9 holes. Hole MU17-10 has no longer been completed yet however to this point intersected intermittent mineralized quartz veins from 185 meters to 260 meters. Samples from this Hole are currently being analyzed in the lab and Outcomes are anticipated quickly. Good sized Outcomes for precedence samples for the preliminary 9 holes from 2017 are presented in Table 1 beneath.

All of the holes (MU17-01 to 10) were drilled on a fan sample out to the northeast from drill station # three, the private of 3 drill stations excavated in 2016. Desk 2 offers the orientations and lengths of the holes.

These intercept Results suggest continuity of mineralization in the Stomach Vein gadget, parallel to and above and under the #7 adit. inclusive of Outcomes from 2016 surface drilling, the mineralization also extends as a minimum a hundred meters to the north-east on strike, beyond the termination of the #7 adit.

The Business enterprise will maintain underground diamond drilling on the May also Mac Mine to complete extra holes from drill station #3 before transferring to drill from stations #2 and #1. The Enterprise is also preparing additional information requested by means of the authorities to help its allow software to extend the May additionally Mac 7 level float to the northwest to facilitate additional diamond drilling and bulk sampling of up to ten,000 tons. A collection of samples became accrued for metallurgical testing to determine the requirements for processing within the Business enterprise’s Greenwood Mill, placed 15 km southeast of the May Mac Mine.

The Enterprise is also pursuing a surface exploration permit for diamond drilling (up to ten,000 meters) at the Golden Crown property, and is making plans floor investigations of the 70 showings including 29 historical mines of the recently bought Kettle River Sources Ltd. With its Greenwood residences.

Samples stated above have been collected under the supervision of Dr. Mathew Ball, P.Geo. And added to Activation Laboratories (Act-Labs) in Kamloops, B.C. Act-Labs is an unbiased business laboratory that is ISO 9001 licensed and ISO 17025 approved. Analyses for gold had been through the heart assay technique using 30-gram samples with an ICP-OES finish. Replica gold analyses were achieved on samples containing abundantly seen sulfide mineralization. Silver and other elements have been analyzed through ICP-OES using a near total, four acid digestion. Results above one hundred g/t silver were re-analyzed in Reproduction for ore grade concentrations by using the heart Assay approach the usage of a 30-gram pattern. Samples containing Great seen lead and zinc mineralization had been additionally analyzed by assay grade, Peroxide Fusion assay for Pb, Zn, and Cu. Great control changed into monitored the usage of reference and blank samples inserted into the sample series at durations.

Technical disclosure on this information release has been authorized through Dr. Mathew Ball, P.Geo., a Certified Individual as defined by way of Countrywide Instrument 43-101, and Chief Operating Officer of the Business enterprise.

Backup Your Mac to Hidden Location With Rsync

This last weekend I nearly lost all the pics. We’ve got four kids, and feature lots of pics. I had installation the user accounts on our Mac on an outside reflected power, linked by Firewire. This becomes generally correct, but this weekend all of the applications simply refused to attach due to a few kind of bizarre permissions difficulty. I went through all forms of stuff to get it running, however, at the crease of the day I just created a new account and copied all the documents over to internal power on the Mac, then modified possession of all of the documents, and thought I used to be appropriate to go.

That was until my spouse went to make a Christmas e-book for her grandmother. A number of the images had been missing, and all were blurry. The entire sized pix were gone. I ended up having to restore the entirety from Time System, which is right for the one’s styles of things, so the whole thing became out adequate. but I have continually been worried about what would appear if the Mac and the related drives have been stolen. I could use an online backup service… but I don’t like to do this. There needed to be a higher way.

I discovered that you may use the UNIX utility sync to create a little script that might lower back up every document to a far-flung sync server. I did now not have one of those, but I did have a USB drive linked to my domestic wireless router, so I figured I could set is up to copy the documents to that. No cross. Rsync does not paintings thoroughly connecting to a samba server on the other cease. I had to set up a real sync server.

There has been an old Pc within the basement that I had installation a copy of Ubuntu Linux on ultimate 12 months. Putting in Ubuntu is ridiculously smooth, particularly on a Laptop that is a few years vintage. just visit ubuntu.Com, download the modern replica, put it on a USB stick, and boot to it. It sets up the whole thing routinely.

As I researched this, I found out I may want to very without problems set up a Rsync server on the Linux container and duplicate over documents from the Mac, but it turned into too smooth. It becomes too easy because sync isn’t comfy. all of the files had been sent over my wireless unencrypted. I don’t like doing things unencrypted, no longer covered by way of passwords. When safety is so easy to feature into a machine, it’s far well worth taking some extra minutes to do matters properly.

What I discovered was that you could set up sync to operate over at ease shell (ssh), that’s encrypted. Moreover, there’s a function built into ssh that allows trusted computers to log in while not having to apply a username or password by the usage of public/private key encryption. So That is what I set up. there is a simple line script I put on the Mac that I set to run as soon as a week, and it copies over simply the modified files from the Mac to the Linux field hidden inside the basement. I’ve moved over to an 802.11n gadget, so the wireless runs quality and speedy, precise for shifting all the one’s gymnastics pictures and videos.

This isn’t always limited to backing up Mac’s. You could do the equal factor with Windows containers by using putting in Cygwin on the Home windows Machine and going thru a similar system. just create any other listing at the backup power, create a 2nd profile within the sync.Conf report that uses a different profile name and points to The new drive Region, and you are off and strolling.

If you do need to use your backup, You could use the other command to copy the files returned to the Mac. Optimistically you might not have to do that, even though! Something like this must paintings:

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